#i am big spoon in case it wasn't obvious

[curtsbigspoon]

mota as things my friend and i have said to each other: part two (i think we're the funniests mfs on the planet, i'm so sorry)

➸ @johnslittlespoon for pt.1 (or follow link below) ♡

pt.1, pt.2

[yuurivoice]

Welcome to the YuuriVoice Tumblr!

A relic of a time long past, with echoes that remain ever present, you stand on the precipice of ground zero. This is where it all began. What was once a Yuri on Ice audio blog evolved into this wild thing we find ourselves strapped to.

Welcome! I'm Yuuri, a voice actor, writer, director, and maker of questionable noises. I'm part ASMRtist, part storyteller, part Vtuber, part smut peddler. I wear many hats, and to my shock they're not as ill fitting as I expected.

This blog is a wasteland of uncategorized shenanigans and information. I have not had the spoons to organize and maintain it in any other way than a vehicle for promotion and answering questions from the community that makes its home here on Tumblr.

You can find me and my work here:

YouTube for all narrative & SFW audios.

Patreon for behind the scenes updates + NSFW audios.

Twitter for more consistent nonsense updates.

Merch and other goodies here.

And basically every other platform you can think of @ yuurivoice.

How The YV Tumblr Functions

In general, you can send me questions through the Ask Box, and you'll spot me posting in the #yuurivoice tag plus additional tags for specific characters and series. That's about the most organization you're gonna get because my brain is capable of just about that much before I'll forget something and miscategorize things.

That also being said, be wary of various triggers. For anything big and obvious, I'll try and tag, but I won't be getting super granular in that regard. This also relates to my brain, because if someone asks "hey can you tag (specific thing)" I promise you I will end up forgetting then the person I said I'd look out for gets smacked in the face. So it's less about "idgaf" and more that in cases where I feel I cannot personally protect an individual, I'd rather them protect themselves and just know my big dumb ass will fail them.

Some general notes, boundaries, etc:

I'm literally just a guy checking his app at 3am on the shitter, there will be typos, I will forget things, if someone makes me uncomfortable I'll tell them

My tone may not always be clear, no I will not consistently use indicators, the best you're getting out of me is a lol or an emoji

My humor is dry, and my tolerance for nonsense is thin

Despite the above, I have had 99.9% positive experiences around here, most folks find me palatable, you may not and that's okay

Do NOT come to me slandering my peers, I have a zero tolerance policy for this

Do NOT press me for content of your specific blorbo

The list goes on, but genuinely if you are just chill there's never gonna be any issue, I am just a guy and you can treat me as such

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Who is your favorite character to voice? A: Depends at the time you ask me, in general I enjoy them all a great deal because I wouldn't do it if I didn't enjoy it. But in truth, Alphonse (and Charlie) are probably the easiest for me to slide right into and that makes doing the work easy. Not sure if that's a "favorite" but ease of work matters significantly to me because ADHD.

Q: When will you do a (insert character) audio? A: Bold of you to assume I know when I'm doing anything at all. I am always contemplating when the next audio for a character will be, but my interests come and go in waves. If you ask me kindly on any given day, I'll probably give you a genuine answer. If you ask this in relation to content getting posted that wasn't that character, I will tell you to go fuck yourself. It's all about time and place. lol

Q: When will the next (insert series) video be out? A: Again, bold of you to assume I know, but also the answer is always changing for every series. BitterSweet and its associated projects are the most committed and consistent I've been with any artist pursuit in my entire life. Again, if you just ask me how a project is going on any given day, I'll likely give you an update. Just know that I heap an immense amount of pressure onto myself, so ask gently otherwise I'll feel guilty and cry about it. Not really, but also, don't test me.

Q: Are you taking commissions? A: Nope, haven't taken commissions in a loooooong time, and don't foresee it happening again, with a few exceptions for fundraisers and giveaways.

Q: I have this headcanon that (insert character fact). A: Don't ask me to confirm your headcanons, I will forget what anonymous message a Tumblr user asked me one day out of the blue and what my answer was. I avoid giving factoids, granular details, etc. because I'll just absolutely forget it the moment I hit post. I encourage you to use your imagination and don't bother seeking me for validation, you should just have fun playing pretend because that's exactly what got us here in the first place! <3

Q: Did (insert character) do this because (insert idea)? A: Any question like this that specifically asks for deliberate information that would lead to a spoiler, character revelation, etc. is not worth asking. While I appreciate that you might be asking the correct question, the whole reason I wrote the plot to make you ask that question is that you'd get that answer in the content itself, not from some asshole on the internet on a Tumblr blog (aka me).

Q: Why did you start making audios/YT videos/etc? A: In 2016, the anime Yuri!!! on Ice was a phenomenon that took the internet, and my life, by storm. I started this blog to make audios for the protagonist Yuuri Katsuki, as a hobby and way to participate in the fandom. Eventually, people wanted to commission me. Then, other characters and voices, specifically Guzma (Pokemon), Sidon (LoZ Breath of the Wild), and Aizawa (My Hero Academia) exploded in popularity and increased my following. When the Tumblr apocalypse happened and NSFW content was getting nuked, I pivoted to YouTube. I began to create original characters to fulfill standard Boyfriend Experience and Erotic audios, and slowly a connective narrative started to take shape, eventually becoming BitterSweet.

Q: What inspired you to make BitterSweet? A: Alphonse was originally inspired by my Stardew Valley character, which also inspired the setting of his audios. Seth was created to be a rival to Alphonse, with a visual novel style branching path for listeners to enjoy if they wanted Seth. However, as I began to write, I discovered a much deeper story between the two characters and I chose to follow that thread over the standard moment to moment experience style scenario. Several episodes later, it became clear that this was a narrative series that wasn't quite like my past work. The themes and ideas largely spawn from my own lived experiences, wrapped up in two pretty boys and their listener as they experience the healing magic of love in all of its forms!

Q: Is the BitterSweet Trio polyamorous? A: During the course of BitterSweet, Alphonse and Boo share their unconditional love with Seth, hoping to nurture the parts of him that have weathered away with time and trauma. This love is explicitly undefined, so that listeners can interpret the relationship dynamic as best suits them, as the trio represents no one specific type of love, but rather the healing of unconditional love. For some that may be best experienced romantically, and others may prefer it to be platonically, or even familially.

The beauty of it is that there is no incorrect interpretation, and every possibility is equally valid. This medium of self insert audio content allows for a collaborative fantasy between creator and listener, and is a strength unto itself.

Q: I need clarity on this specific plot point/lore thing! A: I'm typically happy to answer non-spoilery questions, but also I am actively working on a Wiki that should help folks who need a quick reference for any particular character or story!

Q: Can I make fanart/fanfic/cosplay of your characters? Is it okay if it's NSFW? A: Yes, you can do as you please! I'm a big believer in not having a ton of control and say in what people do with my art once it's in the world. We've reached the point where they're not just my little OCs, but whole ass characters and stories that people engage with, and I believe in letting y'all do what you want without my approval!

Q: How do you feel about generative AI/character AI/etc.? A: I would appreciate all of my works being as far away from AI anything as possible, whether it's visual, audio, or written. This is the one thing where my "it's y'alls business" approach doesn't apply, and I'd appreciate the extra consideration.

[oodlyenough]

oblig dual destinies post

i finished the base game of dual destinies today, as in, everything but the dlc case. but the dlc case i assume is kind of a, er, side adventure that won't change much about my opinion of the main narrative, so here we go. spoilers for the first 5 cases

well that wasn't very good was it

things i did like

number one top spot MVP honourable mention goes to aura blackquill. aura is a great character, extremely my type of character, and her story was pretty interesting. every time aura was on screen i was having a good time. i cannot believe they hid the best, canon ace attorney toxic yuri in its worst game (that i've played so far). obviously wish we saw more of aura, more of aurametis, and more of aura with athena, but what we did get was honestly pretty good and much, much more explicit than i ever expected this franchise to get. i am a dog being tricked into taking a pill because it was hidden in a spoon of peanut butter.

i also liked athena. i was predisposed to like her because all the major female characters in this franchise start with a buff for me, but i did think her over the top exuberant competitive go-getter attitude coupled with the PTSD flashback sprites were a pretty good combo. i think she was unequivocally the star of this game, and i think we should have played her for a lot more of it. her power is goofy as all hell and mood matrix isn't a great minigame, but, well, uh, it's dual destinies i have to adjust my expectations somewhere.

i like that phoenix got his badge back. i can critique all the ways it played out, because you can critique just about everything in this game to the moon(rock) and back, but like. fundamentally. i like this choice and i'm glad it happened. i also like that we got to see edgeworth and pearl and got a letter from maya. it seems obvious this is the franchise trying to course correct after a rough reception to aa4, but frankly i don't really care, because i do think aa4 fucked up there. i liked aa4 and i think it was a better game than this; i also think it's quite a bummer of a game and in many places a middle finger to fans of the trilogy, so, i'll take the olive branches DD is offering me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

fullbright started off annoying to me but i did warm to him. there's one bit in case 3 where he and athena just cheer "in justice we trust!!!" back and forth that made me laugh. i thought the idea of the big bad being the friendly cop was pretty good. more on that later.

turnabout academy was dumb as hell (affectionate) and i liked it and the npcs were mostly really fun and/or funny. i love you aa5 klavier you hot washed up mess. somehow dual destinies made me more invested in klavier than aa4 did.

things i did not like

where do i start

jk, actually, the first place to start is Why The Hell Can't I Play This Game. writing and characterization and everything aside, this game is SO disinterested in being a game. i can't click stuff. characters autonomously solve puzzles on my behalf without even giving me a second to think of them. the minigames are reduced. investigation days are dull because i can't click anything. it weakens the characterization of the player and the companion character because you don't get their inane chatter. characters don't react to evidence being presented in interesting ways.

the attention to detail and love that went in to so many facets of the trilogy that made it so beloved are just not present here. i don't know what the issue was, rushed dev time or what was going on, but the wrong corners were cut. i made a separate post aout this example because it's so galling: in 1-4 if you try to present the photo of gregory's body to edgeworth, you get custom dialogue where maya intervenes and tells phoenix off for trying to show miles his dead dad. in 5-5 if you present photos of aura's murder to athena she reacts with the same generic disinterest dialogue she gives every other piece of evidence.

the characterization of the returning characters, ie not the ones new to dual destinies like athena and co, is at best watered down and one-note, and at worst out of character. i said i was happy to see edgeworth, and i stand by that overall; but his behaviour in the trial in 5-5 is like madlib edgeworth dialogue, half-hearted fanfic rather than anything to convince you it's a character who lived through the trilogy. phoenix is dumbed down and it's particularly noticeable coming off of aa4, where NPC phoenix was a fucking galaxybrained 5D chess puppeteer who was always one step ahead of everyone, and now he's like, incapable of making basic deductions. all dual destinies phoenix knows is eat hot chip be bisexual and bluff. boring, weak writing. he barely even reacts to trucy being kidnapped. perhaps because trucy is no longer a character and instead is just one extended "teen girl says the word panties" joke.

apollo... lmao... i hate to say it but i don't think apollo should've been in this game. i think his fans would be right to say that he deserved a sequel and that was what was set up by aa4, but all he does in this game is compete for the spotlight with athena, and lose. athena's story is the main story of this game and it is hindered by the detours DD has to take to include apollo; apollo, meanwhile, doesn't even really get anything of substance. we see him mourn a friend we never met and go off on a sidequest we don't partake in. the rift between the WAA would be really interesting if they... wrote it better, or let it sit longer, or let any character react to it for longer than ten seconds.

which gets to the most frustrating thing about this game: there are a lot of pretty good ideas here, hidden under layers of uninteractive "gameplay" and clunky writing that misses its emotional beats. the dark age of the law is a hilarious term but the justice system in AA IS super mega fucked up and that's a fine subject for the game to tackle, until they start pretending it's somehow *new* and that for some reason a prosecutor being convicted of murder was the final straw (ignore all the OTHER prosecutors who were convicted of murder in the golden age). the finale case you can practically FEEL capcom breathing down its shoulder, desperate to right the ship of the IP, scrambling to put together pieces that worked in the past.

but despite athena's backstory being probably the most compelling part of the game, it's hard to shake the feeling that we're getting a remix of turnabout goodbyes, except, well, worse. and that feeling is exacerbated by phoenix and edgeworth, who lived that case, never having or expressing any feelings to suggest they ... lived that case. on paper, edgeworth prosecuting a child who killed a parent by mistake is really interesting! but DD doesn't do anything with it. i actually really like fullbright being the phantom, and if i hadn't been spoiled by fandom, i think i would've been surprised. but that twist is undermined by the reveal that actually the character we knew was ... um... an amorphous shapeshifting blob with no independent identity, there's no sense of real betrayal between him and blackquill bc he's not a real person and blackquill was lying about trusting him so like ... who cares...

in conclusion

i see a lot of the shared DNA with investigations 1, and i have a lot of the same complaints. fun new characters, albeit underwritten; disappointing characterization from returning characters; in aai i found the puzzles frustrating, whereas here they felt nonexistent. at least aai1 had really cute pixel art and let me click stuff, though. shrek meme they don't even have investigating.

i am saying aai1, because i haven't played aai2 yet, and fandom swears up and down it's way better. but i have to be honest. what are the odds that of the four ace attorney games this guy wrote, three of them suck and one is a banger... i guess i'll find out in september when the port comes out :P or maybe when i play SOJ next i'll love it too. stay tuned

[androgynousblackbox]

10 Things I Hate About You. 3 [Appleradio, Radioapple]

I hate that we never talk

After five months since their surprise marriage, Lucifer thought they had finally found a pretty good rythm. If things could continue just as they had, then maybe things go alright for the both of them.

For one, he had learned to start having a newspaper ready at the chair that Alastor had chosen for himself for the sinner to take whenever he wanted to. Having the man going through the pages while he could freely enjoy his own on his side could be his own form of content.

"Morning. How did you sleep?"

"Perfectly, your Majesty. And you?"

"No issue here either!"

Was that the most riveting kind of conversation that any two beings ever had in the history of creation? Maybe not, but it was fine. It felt familiar and comfortable already, two things that Lucifer was very much a fan of and therefore a big proponent that it wasn't necessary to change it at all.

"Mmm" Lucifer chewed on the spoon in his mouth. In his hand he twirls his pen. "A word that is like metal, but has to include an X near the end."

He wasn't really expecting Alastor to answer. It would be fine if he just concentrated on his own thoughts. But his voice came out after he blew the fire that wrapped around his coffee mug.

"It's wrong," said the deer demon without looking up. "What hint gave you an X?"

Lucifer got his spoon back on his cup of tea as he looked at the past line. He read it outloud, along with the answer that seemed obvious to him. Alastor didn't waste a second, frowning slightly.

"That word doesn't have an X."

"Yes, it does" Lucifer directed an eyebrow raised to the demon, who had stopped his hand in the way to pick a piece of bacon from his plate. "I can speak every language known to man. I know what that word sounds like."

Alastor sighed, picking up a handful of bacon from the table put in front of him and eating it whole in one bite before continuing.

"Sounds like it is different from how it's written, your Majesty."

"I know what I am talking about." At least Lucifer was 86% sure about it.

"If that is the case, you won't mind proving me wrong?" Alastor casually snapped his fingers, conjuring a dictionary that Lucifer recognized as part of his library. With a simple hand gesture, he made the book float towards Lucifer as he took another sip of coffee. "I am sure you won't have any trouble with that."

"Of course not," Lucifer huffed and looked into the heavy book. There was a section of the same page he was using that just as easily could give him the right answer, but that was cheating and Alastor had been the one to bring the dictionary so it was only fair the dictionary would be his undoing. Lucifer made an easy spell looking for the right definitions and the pages moved quickly in front of him, highlighting the one word he needed in golden. "There we go," Lucifer cleared his throat and read.

He got stuck in that same position for a couple of seconds until Alastor, barely containing a chuckle, straightened up in his chair.

"Well?" prompted, rolling the word with gusto.

"You know, English is such a stupid language anyway." Lucifer closed the book and sent it back to the library, avoiding looking at the sinner. He wanted to pretend like he didn't hear the snort coming out of Alastor as he erased his previous word with magic. "Bunch of nonsense sounds that mean nothing," added, desperately grabbing his own dignity despite the blush he knew was on his face.

Now Alastor chuckled.

"Maybe you should read that dictionary on its own some time, your Majesty. Freshen up the written language in your memory could be useful."

"And respect the memory of all the colonizers that invented those rules? No, thank you" insisted Lucifer and he had to admit, it did feel good when Alastor laughed. At least that was a laugh he was intending for.

"Ah, so we are forgoing grammar in honor of all those fallen victims, I see. What a noble sacrifice, sire."

"Thank you for noticing." Lucifer fixed the front of his suit, ignoring the way that Alastor rolled his eyes at him.

They didn't have many interactions like that in those three months, but when they did it was fun, even if sometimes it felt like Alastor was intentionally poking him with a stick to see how he would react to it. If he managed to turn it around until Alastor was laughing with him or leaving the issue altogether, then he considered that a major victory and took it as a not a small boost for his mood.

In general, if they could talk to each other for more than 10 minutes without any major issues, that was enough for Lucifer to feel good the rest of the day. He could almost convince himself that everything was normal. Just normal conversations that two normal adults could freely have with each other in normal circumstances. Like most people probably had on a daily basis outside of the palace. Not that Lucifer would know what people did or did not do outside of his palace by first hand, though. But he could still enjoy the idea of them doing it too.

"Well, besides sticking it to colonizers of the past by desecrating the very language you speak of, what else is on the royal agenda of today?"

Until Alastor asked that type of thing and Lucifer got a trillion ideas at once. Did he ask because he actually cared? Because he didn't and was just trying to make conversation? Because he hoped to hear some juicy royal gossip? Because he wanted to know exactly how much of a useless fuck up he had become as a king? Because he was hoping to get some intel in order to try to get whatever the fuck he thought he could get out of their marriage? Because he was just polite? And he himself couldn't ask, of course, because if he started questioning out loud every single thing that came out of Alastor's mouth, he might decide it was best not to open it up at all and that this, whatever this thing was, was not worth the trouble and then he would ask for their divorce, to be free to leave and never come back. Among other less coherent thoughts, all equally filled with similar levels of dread and wariness that were not comfortable at all.

So Lucifer found it easier to just dodge it, even if he legitimately had actually nothing for the day. Small white lies never harmed anyone.

"Oh, not much, just boring administrative paper stuff. Honestly I may fall asleep just talking about it. How about you? What is on the table for a radio demon today?" asked instead.

If Alastor was disappointed, upset or catching on to how frequently he avoided the same topic, he didn't show it.

"Mmm, well, I had planned to cause a little slaughter at a bar that I know has been rather rude about a friend not paying her bills. I understand business is business, but what are friends if not bringers of destruction and chaos when you need them to?"

"What a lucky friend you have" Lucifer wasn't even being ironic with that comment, at least not entirely. As violent as it was, he could see that Alastor was being caring, on his fucked up own way. Even though he probably just enjoyed having an excuse to cause a slaughter rather than helping out a friend. But as long the result was the same, it didn't really matter. Not in Hell.

Alastor perked up at his words, appreciating there was enough sincerity there to feel flattered by.

"Oh, it cost me nothing and a little bloodshed is always an excellent way to start any day" replied with a dismissive hand wave. "Later, I was thinking of looking into getting a new piano. Maybe your Majesty could show me a good place?"

Showing him had an entirely different meaning than just telling him. An invitation to go outside. Together, which probably was a good sign that it came from Alastor. At least he didn't agonize entirely at the idea of them spending time side by side. But it was still outside, which was not good at all considering who he was. That was just inviting a disaster straight to the demon's face.

"Ah! Sorry, I can't really think of any place like that. But I can just make you a new one if you want" offered Lucifer, with his fingers ready to snap up in the air. "As long as I have an idea of what you want, I can make it."

Alastor did not manage to hide the little crinkle at the side of his nose before he ironed it out. It couldn't have been there for more than a second, but Lucifer still felt the stab all the same. That wasn't the kind of answer he was expecting, clearly.

"I am sure you can, sir" said Alastor, accomodation on his seat. "I prefer to have a handfeel of what I am choosing, however. I was hoping you would have some recommendation."

"Sorry" Lucifer shrugged. He couldn't really think of anyone who could have any idea either.

"Well, it was worth the try." Alastor gave a little sigh and let the issue be.

Neither of them kept talking as they finished their meals. Lucifer, like usual, stood up first.

"I better get going! All those boring papers aren't going to read themselves!" said, imprinting some enthusiasm he did not have at all and probably could be obvious enough. All the better, it made the lie more believable. "Have a nice day, Alastor."

"Likewise, your Majesty. I will be going too" Alastor nodded, standing up.

Just as his shape dissolved in black, Lucifer teleported back to his studio and let himself fall on the nearest couch, face against the seat. He inflated his chest just to exhale all out as he rolled on himself, grabbing the first pillow he could feel to squeeze against his chest.

Welp. It wasn't ideal, but it was something, right? He had heard so many horror stories about terrible marriage all throughout the years. A part of him even searched for them just to feel better about never being married before. Who wanted all that hassle? All the betrayal, tears, screaming, revenge and scorn? So what if there was little else beyond some mildly pleasant conversations? It could be a lot worse. That is what he said to himself in the regular anyway.

He didn't know how much time he was there, staring at his ceiling, when suddenly his duckie phone rang on the table. Accommodating the pillow behind his back, Lucifer brought it over with magic and put it against his ear. Only his closest friends had access to that number.

"Hey" greeted, appreciating any kind of distraction.

"Luci, honey, how are you?" came out the voice of Asmodeus instantly. "How is married life treating you? Is the little sinner being nice to you?"

"Oh, you know, it's fine," Lucifer sighed, sitting upright. "He is uh… kinda of a dick sometimes, but besides that, I think we are good. I had seen a lot worse anyway."

"Wait, hold on. How is he a dick? Because that is kinda an important thing to know, Luci. As in, dick in the won't let you kiss him after sucking him off way? Dick as in not cuddling after sex? Dick as won't stop talking about his ex? There are levels to dickish behavior you don't want to encourage, Luci. Gimme some details here."

Lucifer rubbed his face, wondering himself why would he ever be surprised that is where the mind of Asmodeus went in the first place.

"None of that. It's more like sometimes he just says things to be petulant, that is all. But like I said, I had worse so it's not like oh, I can't live with you because of this kind of thing. Most of the time it is just fine, you know?"

"Ah, so he just has a rotten but mostly tolerable personality. Gotcha." Asmodeus sighed as Lucifer could hear the ruffled fabric around him. If Lucifer closed his eyes, he could see clearly the sin of Lust laying on his opulent gigantic bed, probably with a robe on, lovers already gone, playing with the cord lazily. "Those are usually the most selfish lovers or the most demanding ones when they finally let go. Which one is he?"

Lucifer sighed.

"I have no idea," said, conjuring his sketchbook to make some doodles as he spoke. "We haven't done anything like that. I don't think we ever will, actually. Something tells me he is not the type to care about that."

Although he couldn't be totally sure about that either. It could also just be that Alastor was one of the few sinners that actually bothered to keep it in the bedroom, where Lucifer was not invited to go in. He could ask, sure, but that felt like… an ugly thing to do and it could imply all manners of things that Lucifer prefered to leave in the draft. If Alastor was not going to speak about it, he wasn't going to be the one to bring it up.

"Yeah, okay, some folks are like that. As long as you are both happy. How about everything else? Is he affectionate at least? That is still important in any relationship, you know."

Oh, for fuck's sake. Since when was Asmodeus his counselor in romantic matters?

"I have dated before, you know," reminded him Lucifer.

"Hmm. Remind me again how you ended up married in the first place."

"First of all, ouch. Second of all, my point still stands. This is not my first rodeo."

"Every rodeo is different, honey, that is the thing," said Asmodeus. "You need to treat each one as it's whole separate event because your bulls are never going to be the same, you know what I mean?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Lucifer groaned, rubbing his temple. "Whatever. He is… fine. We are fine. I don't think he completely hates the idea of being here so, hey, that is good, right?"

"I mean, sure. I would say that is the bare minimum at least. But not hating each other is not really the most solid foundation for a long term relationship, Luci. Preferably you would actually like each other, more than you like other people. That is kinda the point of being in a relationship?"

"I beg to disagree." Lucifer shrugged, twisting the yellow cord in his fingers. "A relationship is an agreement, as always. He agrees to be here, I agree to have him. As long as that doesn't cause any of us any distress, then there we have it. The relationship can continue. The moment this causes us distress then it will be done and then he will move out."

"Luci" Asmodeus let out a long sigh. "Please, tell me that at least you have kissed. I will even take hand holding. Some folks like to take it slow, that is fine. But tell me something."

"Ozzie."

"Luci, it has been five months. Are you telling me that you haven't even touched in five months? Nothing?"

"I have a calendar too, I know how time works" Lucifer groaned at his pathetic reply. Why was he even talking about this? "Okay, no, we haven't. But it's fine! We can both exist in the same space and talk! That is good, isn't it?"

"Luci…"

Something about his tone made him twitch, brushed against his nerves like a scratching over glass that only he could hear.

He didn't need or want his pity.

"Listen, it's not like I gave this guy many options when I literally dragged him to the palace to get married to a literal stranger. The first day after being here, he was talking about cutting his own limbs to see where the ring would appear next. That is how much he hated it. So if all we ever have are conversations over our meals and those can stay in the realm of friendliness, you know what? I will take that, that sounds pretty neat to me. That is still miles better than us despising each other with nothing else going. If this becomes bad for any of us, it will be done. Why can't that be enough?"

Asmodeus did not waste any time in pointing out the issue that Lucifer was hoping to avoid.

"Why is your first thought that you will despise each other? Why is love not even an option here?"

"Because! Things are complicated enough as it is without adding more bullshit on top!" Lucifer grunted, squeezing the space between his eyebrows. He needed a second to manage to talk again calmly. "Ozzie, I am going to hang out."

"I was just trying to help." Asmodeus sighed at the other side. "You deserve to be happy too, Luci. I hope you know that."

"I am" said Lucifer, digging his own claw on his palm. A droplet of golden blood started to accumulate there and he forced himself to open up his hand, letting the tiny wound heal. "You don't need to worry about me. If we are doing bad, I will let you know. For now, this is enough, okay?"

For a moment Asmodeus stayed in silence as if masticating another reply than the one he ended up giving.

"If you say so." Asmodeus knew already there was no point in arguing further. "I love you, buddy. Have a good day."

"You too. Both things" added.

Asmodeus chuckled.

"I know. Bye."

Lucifer put the phone back on its place and let himself on the couch on his side. Whatever. What did Asmodeus know anyway? It's not like the embodiment of Lust had been in any long term relationships in a long time. Having a bunch of people passing through his bed hardly counted to make anyone an expert on such matters. The sin could have his opinion.

Asmodeus wasn't aware of how much worse it could be. He had no idea what it was to have a partner with which everything started wonderfully, laughing at the same jokes, liking the same stuff, for whom it was so easy and effortless to fall for. Someone he thought was a safe presence to trust, that he could share with some of his struggles, that could understand. Only for them to turn around and say they couldn't take it anymore. That he was draining and exhausting to deal with, that he was the last kind of person that they wanted to spend their eternity in Hell with. They needed to go and so they went.

Asmodeus, nor any of the sins for that matter, never knew about the engagement ring that he threw at the nearest volcano of Hell. A ring that he himself had forged with his own hands, barely using magic. Right before coming down to Bee's part to drink a barrel full of whiskey. Then another and another and another, until finally, gratefully, Lucifer could feel himself becoming numb, unable to care anymore. A drunk Lucifer was fun, that is what people told him at least. That Lucifer just wanted the party to keep going and not talk about being dumped, again, or the fact that maybe father was right for kicking him out and that his destiny was being a lonely king of a kingdom he could barely tolerate watching. That he never deserved anything else and he was a fool for letting himself think otherwise.

No, that Lucifer just cared about fun. The hangover of the next day had been legendary, but it was worth it because for a few good hours he was too busy feeling bad physically to even remember tje breakup. That would come back later, along with all the reasons listed for why he sucked, but not the other things. Like how apparently he was still fixated on the idea of marriage, enough to condemn some soul to be at his side as long they were the worst kind of sinner he could think of at the moment.

For Asmodeus, what he did was just some embarrassing funny mistake that he could take care of on his own. Lucifer was not going to be the one to correct that perception for him. He could keep believing that until the end of days as far as the devil was concerned with.

The worst was, if he wanted, he could see the method to madness.

A soul that had consumed so many others would be a special kind of repulsive sinner. Someone with that level of cruelty and thirst for control was never going to mean any risk in terms of developing feelings for one another. At his drunkest, most entertaining, singlest self, Lucifer had intentionally written a miserable future for himself because he didn't think he could ever get anything better. It was a suitable punishment to apply to himself. All without even thinking about the other person he would be dragging into it and dressing it up like a good thing all along.

Of course, since then his mind had changed in some ways. He had learned already that sinners could do to each other all manners of horrible things without ever consuming other's souls. That wasn't a fool proof measure of someone's evil levels. Alastor didn't intend to consume that many souls either, it was an accident on his part too.

But even if it wasn't, and Alastor truly was that despicable as a result, Lucifer still had no right either to drag him into an unwanted situation like that. Regardless of what agenda he was pursuing, if Alastor did not hold some piece of resentment over what happened, however small, Lucifer would be shocked.

So if they could get past all of that and still be able to hang out together, no matter for how short of a moment? That was already so much better than what Lucifer ever projected for this situation. If that was all they were going to have, then he was ready to accept it.

Though, the call of Asmodeus had given him a new idea that now it wouldn't leave him alone. He realized how much when an imp servant came knocking on his door to inform him lunch was ready, and he had barely done anything to the duckie he had in front of him. Instead he had been turning the potential escenario around in his head and trying to convince himself it was a good idea.

As he sat down in his usual chair, the imp servant was telling him about the menu. He nodded and smiled politely, not listening to a single thing, until Alastor appeared in the door and he knocked his knee in his hurry to stand up.

"Hey!" greeted, before realizing he didn't need to do that. He never stood up to receive him before. That made the occasion way too formal. He let himself fall back on his chair to try to fight off his own embarrassment. It was almost impressive how quickly he could fail at the smallest things. Good job, me. "Hey" tried again as Alastor arched an eyebrow, taking his usual seat. "Good day slaughtering people today?"

"Any day I get to do that is a good one, sir," commented Alastor with a smirk. "Hope you don't mind, today I felt a little peckish and decided to have my own meal served."

"Cannibal meat?" Lucifer haven't seen the sinner take it until now. "Wasn't that supposed to be for special occasions?" For a second there he panicked. Was there a special occasion and he didn't know about it? The birthday of the sinner? His day of death? What did sinners even celebrated during their existence in Hell?

"Or when one has the craving, your Majesty," clarified Alastor calmly. "I had them today so that is what I went for. I marked it very clearly as to not mix up with your own food."

Lucifer relaxed a little bit. That was fine. Alastor seemed to be in a good enough mood and if he ate his favorite meal, he was going to be in a better one. Lucifer could tell him then.

"Oh, great. Thanks for that," commented.

"I have to warn you, your Highness, I won't share a bite even if you asked me to," added the man, spreading a sharp smile.

It became suddenly evident he had been looking forward to that lunch. Even if Lucifer was interested in that kind of dish, he wasn't going to take it away from him. What the hell, he had been a good sport until now, all things considered. He deserved to enjoy his treat.

"That is alright. I will find the will to survive somehow," joked lightly, hearing the door to the kitchen open up behind him and he straightened up automatically.

"Appreciated."

Alastor nodded and smiled brighter when the cart stopped near him. Lucifer didn't even see what was put in front of him, staring at that monstrosity. An entire torso of some cow sinner, opened up over a large metal tray. No garnishes, no cooking. The only preparation someone had done in that thing was to let it bleed, but that had been enough as it was still drowning in its own red pool. The arms, legs and part of the waist were entirely gone, which allowed all the guts to spill outside. But the head was hanging from the tray and knocked in the tail with a faint thud, shaved off any hair, with their eyes and mouth full open.

Either Alastor or his butcher had to have killed that sinner recently. Like merely an hour before they ended up there. It smelled like it too, the intense aroma almost making Lucifer gag. He cleared his throat as he covered up his mouth dainty with a handkerchief, cutting down his own sense of smell for the time being with some magic. That was going to make it difficult to taste his own food, but fuck it.

Alastor did warn him. He did give him permission to do just that. It was way too late now to complain and present a problem. He wanted a receptive Alastor. If that is what it took to have one, fuck it all, he could make a sacrifice.

In the back of his head, though, I couldn't help wondering over and over if it would kill him again to at least cook the damn thing properly. To make it look like an actual dish instead of… roadkill.

"Wow, that is a lot," let out before stopping himself.

Alastor chuckled good naturedly. He started to wrap a bit of intestines on his form like it was spaguetti.

"Oh, I admit it could be a little much, but what can I say? Sometimes the body wants what the body wants." The man shrugged before giving his first bite, humming with delight that extended to the static around him, a pleasant white noise background. "I haven't had this in months. I had forgotten how good it is" said as if to himself, enjoying the next bite, taking bigger and bigger chunks to his mouth.

Lucifer tries to swallow, but finds it difficult to pass through his dry throat. Did he mean since coming to the palace or in general? Was being in the palace such an awful experience that he didn't feel like indulging himself and today was just the final straw to try to give himself something he actually liked? He took a long drink of water to try to shoo those ideas away. That bullshit was not going to help him.

He ate a little bit of his plate, giving himself some time. The food was insipid without one of his senses, but he wasn't going to be able to eat much with that smell anyway. Eventually Alastor finished with the most easy to grab portions of the torso and shoved his arm up to the elbow inside of the cow sinner. When his hand came out with more unidentifiable parts, he ate them directly from his hands without bothering with the utensils. He had kept himself relatively clean until, but now the blood was smeared across his face and it was staining the napkin around his neck.

On one hand, Alastor looked obviously happy and that was good. On the other hand, Lucifer was glad that the cannibal meat was going to be more of a rarity than a norm in his kitchen.

"I have been thinking," started out, cleaning up his mouth even though there was no need, since he couldn't do it with the mess Alastor had made of himself, "I should probably have clarified a thing about our arrangement before."

Alastor sucked into his mouth something that Lucifer was almost sure was part of the heart. While chewing on it, the radio demon licked his own claws while regarding him with a curious look. He could almost look innocent.

"Oh? What could that be?" As soon as he finished his question, Alastor dug in again for another handful.

"Well, just to make it doubly clear that we are both on the same page here" said, trying to ignore the squelching noises. "You are not like… tied here. I said I could nullify this whole thing with one signature, and I can, but what should I have also clarified is that you can too. If you ever want to, you know, get married to someone else or just cut this out entirely, you just have to give my lawyers a call and they will do it for you. No questions asked or anything. They won't charge you either. Or you can have your lawyers telling them, but the result will be the same."

Lucifer produced a card on his hand and slipped it over the table, close enough for Alastor to grab it. He told the drum of his heart to calm down, but it was useless. His palm was shaking before he hid it under the table on his lap. There was no turning back now. The words were out there for Alastor to grab and decide what he wanted to do about them.

Even if that decision included asking loudly why he didn't mention that before, then that should be only fair. If that included Alastor deciding, right there and then, to exercise that right of his to put an end to everything Lucifer had no other option but to take it. They had a good run. Five pacific months living under the same roof was plenty more of what he got in the last century. He could be content with that. They gave it their best, but some things were not meant to last. It would be okay.

He could learn to not have anyone to talk to in the palace that wasn't directly an employee again. He had done it for so long before Alastor arrived. It would be fine. Just fine. Coming back to his old routine was going to be so easy because it barely changed at all anyway. He was so lucky that they never even got to share a bedroom, actually, and kept their distance. It would be so much less painful to say goodbye that way. How fortunate.

Alastor pulled out his hand from the torso, empty, and licked the blood off one finger at a time.

"I see," said, tilting his head. His eyes looked at the card over the table without picking it up, like it was some kind of wild animal that could lash out if not treated correctly. "Is that how unions are usually handled for royalty?"

"Not really, but I am the king so who the fuck is going to argue with me about it, you know" Lucifer chuckled despite himself, shrugging. "I just… wanted you to know that you have a say here and not all depend on me to keep this going. Again, just one phone call will be enough. You don't have to justify it either."

Whatever he had put through his mouth weighed heavily in his stomach and twisted in the seconds that passed, until the card was swallowed up by what he had to assume was one of Alastor's shadows. Alastor had to save it somewhere on himself as he looked up.

"Very well, sir," said with a slight nod. "I will keep it in mind."

Lucifer had no idea what kind of expression the sinner was making. But he wasn't running to the nearest phone to make the call nor reprimanding him for not giving out that information earlier. Just for that, Lucifer decided to take it as a good sign that things were okay between them.

A lot more calm for finally doing that task, Lucifer got back to his meal, still tasting nothing but appreciating the texture at least.

At the back of the Emporioum of the leader of the cannibal in Hell, Rosie was singing to herself until she reached her living room and stopped at Alastor already sitting on her couch.

"Well, hello there" said, frowning slightly with a hand over her waist. Alastor usually bothered to enter the main doors if he wanted to talk. Unless he didn't want to spread around the fact that he was visiting her. Some cannibal came in the back when they needed advice on more private, sentimental matters. The fact that now Alastor had done it peaked her curiosity. "I wasn't expecting you back so soon, dearie. How did you find the cow meat I got for you?"

"It was delightful, exactly as I imagined." Alastor smiled brightly up to her, but there was a soft kind of tension on his jaw. "I ended up keeping some of the brain matter as a snack for later."

"Eat them with a pinch of salt, it tastes better that way" recommended Rosie, sitting down on the couch near Alastor. She crossed a leg over another, kicking softly in the air as she held her knees with one hand. As Alastor was apparently in no rush to speak why the hell he was there, she cleared her throat. "So, Alastor, sweetheart, what can I do for you?"

Alastor tapped his fingers over his microphone staff. His eyes turned to a side, as if constructing whatever narrative he wanted to feed her. Rosie waited patiently drinking a cup of her own rose tea. The longer Alastor was taking, the more interested she became.

"I am facing a particular kind of issue" said the radio demon finally. His hand gripped on his staff, as if it bothered to even have to pronounce those words.

"Can you make it any more vague, dearie? I feel like you are sharing too much and it's borderline indecent now" couldn't help to say, earning herself a tired sneer from Alastor. "Alright, alright," she said, putting the cup down and sitting upright again. "What kind of issue?"

"Of the… interpersonal kind."

She fucking knew it.

"Oh? That is a new one coming from you. If you have a problem with someone you are usually pretty good at dealing with on your own, regardless if they end up dead or not" said, resting her hand on her chin. "Tell me everything. I am all ears."

"It's not of the variety you are used to dealing with" said Alastor, turning his head away.

"Again with the vagueness, sweetie. I can't help you if I don't know what you need. I need details."

Alastor grunted, glaring at her ceiling as if reprimanding it for putting him in that position. He took a breath and let it go.

"There is this demon," said finally. Rosie's ear perked up, reclining forward. So an actual demon had managed to catch the attention of the radio demon? That indeed it made it worth not point out she didn't appreciate people appearing in her house uninvited. "We have a sort of partnership going on. One that for the time being I would like it to keep going, until I get everything I need from it."

Rosie's mind immediately went over any potential demons that it could be, going over his faces and who could be the one to cause such a reaction in her friend. But nothing was coming out that could mark a clear culprit. The word that Alastor was using, though, almost made her laugh out loud. Only Alastor would think to describe a relationship like that.

Not for a second she thought it was a purely business endeavor. He wouldn't have come as he did if that was the case and looked so out of his depth while talking about it.

"I see," said encouraging, making a cup of burning coffee for Alastor. The man seemed to relax somewhat when he got it in his hand. "What is the issue then? Do you fear that maybe this demon could be looking into creating another partnership with someone else?"

"Oh, no. If anything I already took care of that this morning. A small little annoyance that had been around him for far too long, trying to call his attention. I don't even think he ever learned what their name was. But a preventive death never harmed anyone."

"Of course." Rosie took another sip, after giving a nod.

"No, the issue I face is the possibility that this demon might undue our partnership permanently" said Alastor, now tapping his index on the corner of the mug he was holding. "He went out of his way to let me know today that, if I ever wanted to, doing so would be as easy as just making a phone call. Just like that, what I have been working towards could be dissolved into nothingness. Oh, but only if I wanted to, it was my choice. He kept saying he wanted me to have a say on it, as if I don't have it already." He scoffed at the utter arrogance. "If he expected me to tell him some thank you, I hope he was thoroughly disappointed."

"I am surprised you would take that," commented Rosie sincerely.

"There are two factors here I haven't mentioned yet." Alastor sighed. He put the mug on the small table in front of him and joined his hand together, his ears lowering on his head. His voice went almost into a whisper, as if revealing some kind of secret only Rosie could know. "One is that this demon is physically stronger than I am. I can't beat him in battle or try to kill him without signing my own death sentence. He knows that too so any attempt to dominate him through there is pointless from the start. Mentally, though, he is kind of an idiot and I can get the advantage I need through that."

"Mmm, but?" prompted Rosie.

"The issue is he won't give me any entry." The sneer returned to Alastor's face, looking down. "We have reunions regularly to eat. Through those, no matter what topic of conversation I present him with, I know he keeps me at arm's length all the time. Never gets too personal and turns anything I asked him about back to me. I thought since he was clearly some kind of a pathetic loner with barely any social awareness he would be desperate to have someone to talk to, but it's usually me just talking about my day to him. I can't ask him too much about anything either because I don't know where his buttons are or what he would do if I press any of them. It's like talking to a polite wall that could fall on top of you at any moment.."

"Maybe that is enough for him, just having someone to talk to," suggested Rosie, thinking of some old, rusty powerful demon who would be glad just to hear Alastor talk and her heart swelled a little in sympathy.

"I was thinking that as well until he told me about the phone call. Why would you even say that to someone unless you wanted to dangle over their heads that this arrangement is not permanent? And making it seem as if it would be my choice to end it, to add more insult." He stomped his cane in the ground. "If I didn't throw his stupid card back to his face and made him eat it, it was only because I was in too good of a mood."

"Besides the whole he can actually kill you bit" added Rosie.

Alastor emitted a grunt as he reclined on the couch, arms crossed his chest as his staff got absorbed into the shadows.

"In any case, that is the problem," said, flickering his wrist. The one with the black glove that now seemed to be a fixated part of his attire. "For the time being, I need this partnership to work and I don't think now that just small talk during lunch is going to cut it long term. I need to make a stronger foundation, but that idiot just won't let me get close enough for it."

"Mmm" Rosie hummed pensatively as she finished off her tea. She almost let out a chuckle when she could see the ears of Alastor twitching while the rest of him remained still, not willing to show his impatience outside of what he couldn't control anyway. "Well, if he is not willing to let you in directly, then maybe you should take a more roundabout approach."

"What do you mean?" Alastor turned to her now, following his ears.

"Show an interest in what interests him. Get involved in the same activities and circles he is in. Everyone lowers their guard when they have a good time doing what makes them happy. Find out what he likes and use it to create that bridge you need to your foundation. I am sure that a demon with your stealth skills can figure how to find that out without raising his alarms."

[keira-incognita]

Transgender Day of Visibility is coming up this Friday, and I've been thinking about what that means for me. I'm not very visible right now. I'm only out to a few people, and most of them follow this blog. I think I even inadvertently came out to a couple friends who I did not expect to actually follow me back on this account but did so nonetheless. I'm sure they've figured it out long before now because, if you know guy me in real life, it's kind of obvious from what I post here who I am. But most of my friends aren't on Tumblr at all, and the ones that do follow me that I haven't formally come out to are people I know will fully support and accept me.

But what about the rest of my friends, family and loved ones? Well, anyone I've known since moving to my current residence are all people I'm not worried about how they'll react. I'm sure most will be surprised, but that's it. No, it's everyone I know from back home that worries me, most of all my parents and my partner. Those are the big ones.

My partner, well, that could go either way. I think even if it ended the relationship it would be an amicable split. Though that could still lead to me having to find a new place to live and/or a roommate.

But my family? They have a tendency to shun other members of the family, talk shit about them, and cutoff communication entirely. Best case scenario is they give me grief about not picking a Greek name. In the end, they might accept me, but they'll never understand me. It's probably a good thing I don't have much contact with them these days anyway.

So the question remains: do I make myself more visible this Friday, or anytime after that, really. I'm still not sure on the answer. I probably should do something since it is one of several sources of stress in my life and the one I have a little more direct control over.

I nearly had a nervous breakdown this past Friday. Other than the whole trans thing, there's a lot of other stuff weighing on me right now, much of it dealing with my job. This led to me having a full on panic attack and breaking down crying in the kitchen. It's almost funny how it happened. If you're familiar with spoon theory, you might also be familiar with its counterpart fork theory. In short, fork theory is you can only handle so many stressors (forks) of varying size before it overwhelms you. I was done in by a literal fork. Attempting to make some dinner, while shaking excessively and feeling that anxiety building up, I tried to get a fork from the silverware drawer but kept pulling out the small forks instead of a full size one. I was already on the edge, and that somehow sent me over. I just broke down into a sobbing mess. I very nearly told my partner that night, but left it as something vague that I wasn't ready to talk about yet.

So yeah. Between this, my job, and everything else happening, something has to give. My life may just depend on it.

[catzula]

(Don't) Let me be the judge of that

a/n: enemies to lovers w Osamu. Nothing more to say.

genre: mostly fluff, enemies to lovers au, fem!reader

warnings: Osamu being an ass in the beginning, swearing, mentions of social anxiety, 5.6k

《Synopsis: Osamu Miya is too judgemental for his own good, never accepting he's simply wrong. You're here to change that.》

Osamu Miya had a habit of judging people. It would take him one look and a few seconds to decide whether he liked someone or not, the answer often being the latter. But the worst part was just how stubborn and maybe a bit self-centered Osamu was. He trusted himself a little too much, and it was impossible to change his opinion of someone after he had made up his mind, and if he didn't like someone, that was it, he would never grow to like them.

Or so everyone -including Osamu himself- thought until you entered his life.

~

You weren't surprised to feel the brown pair of eyes looking your way when your professor announced the project was in pairs. "Decide on your partners until the end of the hour and give me a list of the groups." He told the class and leaned back in his chair.

"Y/N!" You heard him before you saw him, a mop of bleached blond hair coming into your view right after. "Hi, Atsumu." You offered him a smile as you pocketed your phone, tilting your head when he frowned in response. "I already told you, Y/N, it's 'Tsumu to you!"

"Why?" You sighed annoyedly. Having had the conversation once before, you knew damn well he wouldn't stop until you did what he wanted, but you still chose to resist.

"Because," the boy whined, "it's a sign of our friendship. Only my friends and 'Samu call me that, and I want you to call me by my nickname, too." You chose not to talk about how he excluded his twin from his friends, knowing that would only lead to another argument. 

"Who even came up with this stupid name? It doesn't make any sense, it's only one syllable shorter, and it's even harder to say!" Atsumu's warm-brown eyes narrowed. "It's not stupid!" He protested, pouting until you gave up.

"Okay, okay, whatever. 'Tsumu-kun. There, happy?"

"Tsumu." The blond corrected with a grin.

"Kun." You added (to rile him up)

"Only Tsumu, goddammit! We're close enough."

"Are we, though? We only know each other for... what? A week?"

"A month!" Atsumu gasped as he corrected you. "And it doesn't matter how long we know each other, okay? It's a matter of how well we connect." His frown got deeper when you made a face, muttering something about him being cheesy, so he decided to switch strategies.

"But you always call me by my name when we're alone, Y/N-chan." Words spoken as flirtatiously as possible, Atsumu never missed the chance to tease you.

"A-atsumu, what the fuck, don't make it sound weird!" You exclaimed, already aware of the murmurs starting to spread around the room and the eyes turning on you both.

"There we go," Atsumu grinned when he heard his name falling from your lips, "wasn't that hard, was it?"

"You just had to be a little shit." You sighed, and his grin only spread wider. "I am a little shit, aren't I? Thank god I'm handsome. Anyway, I'm writing our names down." 

"It feels like we're getting married, seeing our names standing next to each other like this." He sighed, wiping the nonexistent tears from the corner of his eyes as he handed the paper to the person sitting behind you. You heard someone gasp at his words, and you never wanted to hit someone with a chair this much in your life.

"Shut the hell up!" You whisper-yelled, only feeling your anger growing when he sent you an innocent look. "What? I'm just saying-"

"I swear to god," You flared, "I'll tell everyone that one time you ran out of the library screaming when you saw a cockroach if you don't shut up." His grin disappeared as soon as you spoke the words, eyes widening and mouth shutting.

"You promised to never talk about it!" You had to admit that it did feel powerful to see him so panicked, face flushed, the sleazy look that was almost always in his eyes nonexistent and replaced with something similar to fear.

"It's up to you wether I talk about it or not." You shrugged.

~~~

"Woah, you look tired." You heard a familiar voice say as he plopped right next to you on the bench, holding a homemade bento in his hands, wrapped too neatly to be made by him.

"And whose fault is that?" You muttered, trying to conceal your murderous intent towards him. Even just thinking about your day gave you headaches. You groaned when he shrugged, focusing on unwrapping the bento box. "Yours, idiot!" 

"What did I d-" You winced when he spoke after taking a big spoon of rice and showing you everything that was in his mouth. 

"Your fans wont let me be! Ever since we started hanging out, it's almost like I'm being harassed."

"That's not necesarrily my fault." Atsumu shrugged, proceeding with another bite of his food. 

"It is, actually. I know you like to tease me, but if you keep saying shit like 'oh look our names together, feels like we're getting married' or that fucking 'you call me by my name when we're alone' you make it worse! You know how many people came up to me and asked if we were sleeping? One even asked me if we were engaged! We've known each other for two weeks, for god's sake!"

"A month." Atsumu corrected, shutting up when you sent him a look. "That's not even the worst part. Whenever I don't give an answer, or the answer they want to hear from me, people start to-" 

They started to get mean. Some even insulted you without batting an eye, speaking of how you weren't even pretty, that you had to be sleeping with Atsumu to be near him, and many fucking more.

"What?" He asked. "People started to what?" You knew he could sense how tense you were starting to get, but you always started to fight with him whenever he asked if people were bothering you, never answering his question, despite the answer being obvious. 

"Nothing, its just frustrating." You shrugged, taking a bite out of your meal to stop yourself from talking -or crying-. 

"Look, I can guess what's going on." Atsumu sighed, "and the only reason I can think of of you not telling me what's happening is that you don't want me to interfere, but you should tell them to piss off, already." He advised you the same stupid sentence he had been advising the past few days, ever since he noticed how his fans acted towards you. 

"Yeah, thanks for the advice, jackass. It would be easier if you stopped being so extra." You muttered into your cup full of coffee, feeling a tinge of guilt, putting the whole blame on him and not admitting you probably should tell people to mind their business already.

But you just weren't the type of person that was comfortable with talking to people you didn't know or know well enough, and you certainly weren't going to tell people to 'piss off' so comfortably.

You gulped when he sighed. "Okay, sorry, you're right, and I went overboard. But I gotta go to training now. It'll end around 5 p.m, so come to my place at 6?" He raised to his feet as he took one last sip of his drink when he finished his food.

"And if anyone asks you if we're married again, you have my permission to say yes." He grinned, patting your hair twice before you rolled your eyes, but couldn't stop a giggle from escaping your lips. "Oh, thank you, gracious lord." You cried out dramatically, scoffing when he pinched your cheek. "Exactly."

~~~

"I'm going into shower." Atsumu announced as Osamu shuffled through the fridge. 

"And?" The grey-haired twin asked from the fridge without pulling back, locating the eggs, and taking some out. "Do you want my help or something?

He expected an equally sarcastic comment from his brother, lifting his head as he closed the door of the fridge. "Cook for 3 today, a friend's coming over." He heard him say instead.

"A friend?" Osamu quirked his brow, ready to laugh given the punchline, but it never came.

"Yep." His twin answered instead, popping the p like some idiot middle schooler. "She's nice, you'll like her." He grinned, and Samu was already sure that wouldn't be the case. "Is this the girl ya can't stop talking about?"

Osamu couldn't say he wasn't interested since it was rare to see his brother drawn to anything but himself and volleyball, especially not to a girl. And judging by how Atsumu spoke about you, it was evident he had a particular liking to you.

The smug grin on Atsumu's face gave Osamu his answer, to which he grimaced. "don't wanna hear a fucking sound."

"She's coming over to study, you pervert! We have a project together."

"Yeah, whatever, I said what I said." Osamu shrugged, turning his back to Atsumu and started to chop the vegetables, unable to shake off the unlucky feeling pooling in his stomach.

~~~

"Oi, shit-head, does yer friend have any allergies or somethin'?" Osamu knocked on the bathroom door that had steam coming from the gap beneath it. He waited as Atsumu closed the water. "Eh, I'm not sure." 

"Yer not sure? How long do you even know her?"

"A month." Atsumu answered, turning the water back on. A month? It wasn't like Atsumu didn't get close to a girl he knew for such a short time, but Osamu had never, ever seen Atsumu bring a girl home.

"Hurry up, already, what the hell are you even doing in there?!" Osamu shouted, knocking on the bathroom door and holding back an urge to kick down the door when he heard the happy humms of his brothers.

"Oi, idiot, I'm telling you- goddammit." He clenched his teeth when he heard the doorbell. 

"Hurry up or you're not eating." Osamu knocked one last time before he rushed to the door to let you in. 

He opened the door without thinking of opening the lights as well, and since it was well after the sun had set, he couldn't see what you looked like, but he knew he wasn't expecting- well, you.

You were bent forward, trying to undo the messy knot your shoelaces had formed when the door opened. Sending a glance at the silhouette standing at the door, you turned your attention back to untying the mess your shoes were. 

"Hey, Atsumu." You muttered without taking another look, assuming it was Atsumu who had greeted you. You didn't see how Osamu's face soured, dark-grey eyes narrowing at your form with some hostility he couldn't help.

In your defense, the light wasn't on, and you hadn't taken a good look at the boy standing before you, so it wasn't exactly your fault for not realizing it was Osamu, right?

No.

Strike one.

Osamu hated when people mixed him with Atsumu. Did they not see the bright platinum gray hair, clearly different from his twins piss colored one? Osamu hadn't dyed his hair for the sake of looking nice, and he certainly hadn't sat in the hairdresser for hours long just to get mixed up with his twin again.

You had noticed your mistake as soon as you stood up and looked at the tall figure staring at you, leaning on the door frame and his arms tied on his chest almost defensively. "O-oh," Osamu heard you mutter softly, not sure as to why your voice sent goosebumps down his arms. "You're not Atsumu."

The somewhat disappointed tone of your voice made him furrow his brows. The smile you had on your lips dropped as soon as you locked eyes with the grey ones, familiar yet strange, and Osamu could feel himself getting more irked by the second.

The truth was, you weren't exactly disappointed, mostly embarrassed and a little surprised, although the unsatisfied look his eyes held kept making you even more nervous. He waited as your eyes wandered over his face, over the scowl resting on his lips, looking so mean and hostile, you found yourself taking a defensive step away from him.

"I- uh," Osamu's scowl didn't move an inch when you forced a smile at him, and you checked the time on your phone to break the eye contact. "Atsumu told me to come by at 6, and... is he- is he home?"

"Yeah," The boy talked for the first time, and you noticed how his voice was deeper than his twin's. It was nicer, too, you thought. "He's in the shower, though he should be-"

"Y/N, you're here!" You heard the twin you were familiar with speak your name, standing in the entrance, hair still wet and dripping with excess water. 

"Don't get cocky, I'm here for the project." You rolled your eyes with fake annoyance, unsuccessful at hiding your smile. Osamu felt something in him shift as he watched the change in your demeanor, feeling- what, jealous? 

"You met 'Samu?" Atsumu approached you, not missing the tension hanging in the air. "Y/N, this is the inferior twin, 'Samu, as you can also tell. And 'Samu, this' Y/N." He introduced you, making you laugh awkwardly, but Osamu kept his glower. 

"Don't mind him, he can be an asshole sometimes." Atsumu whispered at you, which anyone even passing by outside the house could hear. "Look at who's talking." You told him with a snarky quirk of a brow, making Atsumu frown. "Mean."

The blond pulled you towards the living room, making you settle on the couch and plopping next to you. Osamu caught the glance you sent his way when he didn't sit, leaning against the wall that was across you, instead, and you found he still had that frown that seemed to be imprinted on his face.

Osamu's frown was deepening on his lips at how comfortable you looked next to Atsumu, the friendly banter you had the exact opposite of how uncomfortable you looked next to Osamu. Maybe it was the natural competitiveness that came with having a twin, but Osamu hated this feeling. Why couldn't you smile at him like that, too? Yeah, maybe he was acting like a dick, but wasn't Atsumu also?

"Go dry your hair, idiot, you'll get sick!" Osamu heard you tell his twin, watching you hit him with the nearest pillow. "Hm?" Atsumu turned to you with a grin, leaning towards you for easy access to his hair. "I thought ya could do it for me?"

Osamu watched you with interest as you glared at his twin with annoyance. "I hope you get sick." You narrowed your eyes at him. "If you keep this attitude around other people, I'll kick you."

"Alright, alright, I won't flirt with ya when other people are around." Atsumu grinned, and Osamu felt his appetite vanishing. "I'll just leave." He muttered to himself, closing the door behind him just after hearing your answer to his twin.

"Don't flirt with me, ever?" 

You had spoken it with such genuine annoyance that if you had listened closely, you could hear Osamu laughing from the other side of the door.

~

So, the meeting with his twin was anything but successful.

Osamu was very blunt with how much he hadn't liked you, his glare reminding you of the ones Atsumu had whenever his fans approached him, cold and cruel.

Grey was clearly the superior choice, though, that you found yourself thinking as you gazed at the blond. "What? Lost in my handsomeness?" Atsumu teased you when he noticed you weren't paying attention to the project. You had to hold yourself back physically before you said something along the lines of how his twin was hotter, but you knew he wouldn't talk to you ever again, so you shut your mouth and took the teasing. 

Luckily, Osamu was barging through the door before Atsumu could continue, bored-looking eyes finding you two where he had left you. "Dinner's ready." He told you and left the room.

"Food," Atsumu salivated, jumping on his feet the moment he heard his brother, ready to sprint to the kitchen. You shuffled awkwardly in your place when you felt his warm-brown gaze on you, expecting you to stand up, as well, and eat.

"I- uh," you muttered. "I'm not really hungry, and I ate before I came here." Lies. "Can't we just finish this project instead?"

Strike two.

Just as he started to think you weren't horrible, Osamu gasped from the other side of the wall when he heard you (the walls were thin), his teeth clenching in annoyance. Really? Did you prefer doing a fucking project over his food? The food he had cooked?

Osamu was never a forgiving person, but this- this was something he could never forgive, he decided on the spot.

"Oh, come on, stop bein' a baby." Atsumu told you, pulling you by your hand on your legs, he knew you well to understand you were hesitating to go there because of his brother. Or more as he was making you nervous and you would rather not eat than go in his presence. "Osamu's the best cook around, you'll see." He joked so you could relax a little, making you giggle nervously.

Strikeout.

Osamu flinched at the words, eyes narrowing on you as you entered the kitchen. Did you doubt his abilities? 

You thanked the boy as he placed your plate in front of you, steaming hot food, smelling so good that you wanted to bury your face in it, but the grey gaze hovering over you was making you so nervous that it made it impossible for you to take even a small bite.

"Do ya like it?" Atsumu asked you, noticing how you were nudging the food with your fork without eating. You flinched in your place, your friends' voice pulling you out of your thoughts and back to reality, to which you mustered a smile and nodded. "Yeah! Yeah, it's- it's delicious. Thank you." You turned back to Osamu, who scoffed at your words, causing you to frown. 

You could tell he didn't like you one bit, even though you weren't sure as to why, but you discarded the thought. He was free to like or dislike you, which, in this case, was the latter, though it stung a little since you thought he seemed nice when- well, when he didn't frown at you.

He seemed like the type you would either get along or hate mutually.

He had obviously chosen the latter, and both Atsumu and you could feel the almost hateful air coming from Osamu as he glanced at you with a disinterested, blank face. "Did ya have a bad day or something, 'Samu?" Atsumu broke the silence, and you felt like you could finally take a breath. "You look like someone kicked ya in the nuts."

"Fuck off, 'Tsumu." 

"Nah, you've been acting like a dick all day. What's with ya today?"

"I said fuck off!" Osamu warned his twin another time, this time successfully silencing the blonde. 

"Thank you," You broke the awful silence that followed Osamu's voice. "The food was delicious." You told him after you finished your food. You could still feel his gaze over you as you placed your plate in the sink and retreated to the living room. 

"Your brother didn't like me very much, did he?" Osamu heard you mutter to his brother after he had left, too, feeling a fracture of guilt in his chest as he caught the disappointment in your voice.

"It's just... 'Samu. Don't worry about it." Atsumu told you, closing the door behind you.

~

Osamu was hesitant to knock on the living room door.

It had been about two hours since you had gone in, and knowing his brother- he couldn't be sure as of what's to happening.

"Oi, 'Tsumu!" He barged in the room, discarding the thoughts before he gave up. 

"Shut up." Atsumu whispered, eyes lifting from his phone screen for a second and glancing at you. You, who was lying on the sofa and- sleeping?

"She fell asleep." Atsumu grinned at his brother's questioning gaze. "I'll carry her back to the car. Can you drive her home?"

Osamu didn't hold back his snicker when Atsumu's voice dropped volume as he asked the favor from his brother, still not able to admit to himself the defeat.

"Your hair is still wet, idiot," Osamu mumbled, his eyes wandering over your figure. "And I will not take care of you if you go out and get sick."

"What?" Atsumu grinned mockingly. "Are you gonna carry her then? Be a hero for the girl you've been acting like an ass all day? What the fuck was up with you today?"

"I don't like her." Osamu shrugged.

"She's not the kind of girl you think of her as." Atsumu quickly responded, already aware of what his twin had decided about you. Atsumu knew Osamu too well, his stubbornness even more, so he wasn't exactly surprised when he shrugged. 

"Let me be the judge of that, and I don't have to like her."

"Whatever, you do you. But you know, you don't have to dislike her just because she's my friend, too."

Osamu stood silent, eyes falling back on you. He knew Atsumu was partly right, but he had his reasons not to like you, right? Osamu pocketed his car keys, nodding at his twin and lifting you off the couch.

Atsumu grinned at the audible gulp his twin took when you shifted uncomfortably in Osamu's arms, snuggling your body closer to him, your hand fisting his shirt unconsciously. 

You woke up with Osamu hovering over you, and it took you a second or two to notice you were in a car and he was tying your seatbelt. He was so close, yet so careful not to touch you, his smell -a different perfume than his brother's- filling your newly awakened senses with him, him, him. Your eyes met his when he tied it and pulled back, a brow quirking up as his frown settled on his lips. 

"Did I wake you up?" He muttered as he retreated to his seat, running his fingers through his hair as he fixed his mirror, pushing back the few stray strands back from his face. Osamu turned back to you when you stood quiet, a sarcastic smile quirking his lips upwards, but it fell as soon as you talked.

"Wh- uh, where's Atsumu?"

Osamu clenched his teeth, not knowing why it angered it so much that his twin was the first thing that came to your mind as soon as you woke up.

"Home." Osamu gritted through his teeth. "I'm dropping you home, 'Tsumu gave me the address."

He glanced at you when you stood silent. "He doesn't have a license." Osamu couldn't help but add, a feeling stirring in him when you laughed at that. "So he failed the exam and you passed? That must've been a blow on his ego."

"Oh, you have no idea." Osamu found himself laughing with you.

Silence. He could feel your growing anxiety, and you could tell he was nervous as well, the taps of his fingers on the stirring wheel echoing in the car. His hair reflecting the colors coming from the road, yellow, red, and green, the features of his face illuminated, you thought he looked too handsome to be true.

"Why are you friends with him?" Osamu blurted out after a few seconds of silence, but the question didn't seem to surprise you. "Why is anyone friends with anyone?" You teased.

"Atsumu isn't exactly the type people wanna be friends with." 

"Hm," he heard you humm thoughtfully, not answering the question. "If we're asking questions, well, here's one. Why don't you like me?"

He could feel your light gaze on him as he kept his eyes on the road. It wasn't if he liked you or not, but you asked him why. He found himself wondering where that annoying meak girl he had met inside went. "And you don't like me."

"No," you answered honestly, which he found amusing. "You're mean."

"And 'Tsumu isn't?"

He turned to you when you shrugged. "Well, Atsumu is, too. But there is a difference, you know."

"And what is that?"

"He's a naturally mean person." You explained as if it made perfect sense. "He's just mean, he doesn't try to be meaner or nicer. You, on the other hand," you looked at him. "I don't think you're naturally mean, not as much as him, at least. I think you're purposefully being mean, and thats why I don't like you."

You met his eyes when Osamu turned his eyes from the road to you when the car stopped at the red light, grey eyes glistening with reds and yellows from the road. Your eyes followed the small smile that appeared on his lips, and you couldn't help yourself from thinking how soft they looked. How much more handsome he looked with a smile, even with one as cruel as he had now.

"I just don't like you." He told you with as much spite as possible, not sure why he was deliberately trying to hurt you. His brows furrowed when you laughed at his answer, instead.

"You certainly aren't the first." 

"What does that mean?" He asked without missing a beat, the tension now almost solidifying in the air. His heart was hammering in his chest, eyes watching your smiling lips as he waited for your next words, your chest heaving in sync with his, and you were so close, so close that if he leaned even just a little-

"You only met me today, Osamu-kun." He felt goosebumps climbing his back as he heard his name from your lips for the first time. "You know me for what, a few hours at most, and here you are telling me you just don't like me." The cynical tone of your voice made him send you a glare, his hands working over the gear when the red illuminating the car turned green.

"People like you do this a lot, you know. Judge people by one or two mistakes they do, not even anything major, but things you don't like, and deem them unworthy of your time. And how much I hate it when they boast about it, too. What, do you think you're so perfect? Don't you ever make any mistake?"

"People like me?" Osamu repeated, uncharasterically silent after all those words you had spat. "Yeah, shallow people." You answered, but you weren't looking at him anymore as you tapped the window instead. "We're here." 

You were silent as he stopped the car, pulling to the side, and watched you open the door. "You know," he finally spoke, rolling down his window before you were too far. "You say I judge people so quickly, but you did a full-blown analysis just now, and you say I'm the one to judge quick?"

"Tell me, Osamu." You bent forward a little, leveling your face with his. "If you can promise me that you didn't think, ah, I know this type of girl, even once tonight, I'll take it all back and apologize to you."

You smiled when he stood quiet. 

"Goodnight, Osamu. Thank you for the ride." You told him before walking back to your house.

~

"Ya know, with the amount of time you spend here, you may as well move in." Osamu told you gruffly, eyeing you from his side of the couch. Your eyes followed him as he took a bite out of his food, adam's apple bobbing up and down.  

"I'll move in as soon as you leave." You answered with a fake smile, turning your eyes away from his as soon as you realized you were staring, hoping he hadn't noticed, but he had. 

"Yer sure ya want me to leave?" He quirked a brow at you, making you grimace. "Never been more sure." 

It had been about a month since you met Osamu, and it was like this ever since. Osamu never missed the chance to take a jab at you, or he couldn't sleep. You never backed down from it either, the fights going back and forth until either Atsumu got bored and pulled you away or one of their friends called you out.

You didn't enjoy it like they thought you did. In fact, it was getting tiring and annoying, but you couldn't stop yourself from taking a jab at Osamu whenever he shot you a remark.

He looked at you when you sighed, brows quirking up in a silent question. "When's Atsumu gonna be here?"

Atsumu had told you to come to his place that day, telling you he would be there in a few minutes after you and he had something to do, but as always, he was late at least an hour, and you were now stuck with his brother. 

"I'll just go home and meet you up later." You had told the blonde, but he had insisted you stay. 

"Have you ever seen 'Tsumu come somewhere not at least two hours late? I bet he won't be here for at least an hour more." Osamu chuckled. "I'm hungry." He added right after, eyes finding yours.

"And? You need me to cook?" You snickered, not expecting him to stay silent, looking at you for a few more seconds and rolling his eyes as he turned around and went to the kitchen. 

Your brows furrowed in confusion at the antic. Surely Osamu wasn't- he wasn't asking you if you wanted something, was he?

"At least open a movie or something as we wait." Osamu muttered from the kitchen. 

"Do you have something on mind?" You asked, feeling weird at how soft he suddenly was acting. "No, pick one."

"Okay," you muttered to yourself, emphasizing the 'o'. You thought of opening a volleyball match, Atsumu always liked it when you did, and maybe he would- no, why were you even thinking of what he would like? He told you to open whatever, hadn't he?

Still, despite reasoning with yourself, you were jittery as you opened a random comedy show from Netflix. Trying to focus your thoughts on the show playing, you did your best not to think about the silver-haired boy inside, failing miserably by how your mind wandered to him and the odd way he was acting today.

"Say, ya never gave me an answer as to why yer friends with 'Tsumu." He entered the room, carrying a tray with two plates and forks inside. The crooked smile on his lips was making your heart beat twice as fast, even though you didn't want to admit it, and the way he focused on holding the tray on balance, the slight crease between his furrowed brows. Osamu Miya was too handsome for his own good.

"Thanks," you muttered half-heartedly as you took the plate from him, not even aware it was an olive branch he was sticking out. Osamu's face fell when you didn't spare him or his food another look. "You never gave me an answer of why you don't like me, so I guess we're even." You laughed, smile wavering when he didn't laugh along.

He sighed, eyes glancing at you and then back at his hands. It made you antsy, making you feel like something was wrong.

"You chose this to watch?" He turned back to the not answering you. He shifted in his place when you hummed, "I can change it i fyou want." The way he hadn't made fun of your choice of the movie yet, was too uncharacteristic of him.

"No, its okay." He answered instead, ending the conversation -if you could even call this one. You ate in silence, tv playing in the background, though neither of you cared of it, your gaze meeting now and then until you couldn't take it.

"What is wrong with you?" You couldn't help but blurt out, turning the TV off and facing him. You watched him as he quirked his brow up, looking at you questioningly even though he knew what you meant.

"What is wrong with me?" He repeated.

"Why are you being nice?"

He turned back to face the tv after a beat of silence, looking somewhat... shy? What the-

"Wh-what was that?" You asked when he mumbled something, the answer so silent that it was inaudible. "I said," Osamu repeated, eyes still focused on his plate. "You told me you didn't like me because I- uh, I was rude."

His voice was still uncharacteristically quiet, but this time you heard him loud and clear. That didn't mean you understood it, though.

"What do you mean?" He heard you ask, your voice laced with something resembling suspicion, you scoffed when he stood quiet, standing up to your legs and picking your plate off from the table. "If you're trying to tell me you want me to like you, I'm not buying it."

"You're not buying it?" He repeated, mirroring your movements and standing up, making you realize how much taller he was than you. The way he was looking at you- what was it, hurt? No, it couldn't be. Anger would be more like it. 

"Is there no way of winning with you?" He asked, following you to the kitchen and placing his plate a little too roughly on the counter. "You say you don't like me because I'm rude. I try to be nice and you fucking ask me what's wrong with me? What do you want me to do, disappear?"

Now, there was no denying that Osamu was, indeed, hurt, as his face soured when you stood quiet, staring at him blankly at his question. "So you hate me this much." He muttered to himself, running his fingers through his hair. 

"I don't know why you expected me to like someone who has been nothing but rude to me since the moment we met." You shrugged, but a part of you wanted to tell him it was a lie, and despite everything that you- well, you liked him. 

The glare he sent your way was enough to make you choke on the breath you took, taking a step forward to you, close enough for you to feel dizzy with his scent.

"Well, that concludes it, I guess. This was stupid, anyway." Osamu muttered, but he was so close- so close that you could almost feel the heat radiating from him, your eyes fixated on his lips, and if you just leaned forward- a few millimeters was all there was.

"What was- what was stupid?" You whispered, noticing his gaze was also wandering on your lips. Your heart suddenly started thundering in your chest, and you couldn't even ask yourself what's happening? What are you doing?

"This," Osamu breathed against your lips, his gaze so intense over you that it sent chills down your spine. He finally leaned forward, doing what you wanted but couldn't do, the word "apologizing," being the last thing you hear before you felt his lips on yours.

It was a soft kiss, nothing similar to how you thought Osamu would kiss -not that you had thought on it, or so you told yourself-, this kiss was deeper, irrational, amazing. 

"Do you always apologize to people by kissing them?" You asked when he pulled back, smirking at the way your chest heave, feeling a tinge of pride at how breathless he had left you.

"Hm?" He hummed, not wiping that damn smirk off of his face, it even grew wider when he noticed you pressing your fingers on your lips, still in shock, "I don't apologize to people." 

It was true. 

No one had ever seen Osamu Miya change his opinion about something, about someone. He would never admit he was wrong yet apologize.

But here he was, standing before you -just as breathless as you were- apologizing. 

"Maybe you should apologize more." You told him with a sly smile, to which he happily complied.

~

"I wanted to make peace." He told you, sitting on the couch right beside you, refusing to look at you, though. "I've been trying to act nice for a while now, but you seem to- you don't like that."

"A while?" You repeat. "You were never nice to me!"

"I was trying." His brows furrowed at your protest. "But you always had something snarky to say, and I couldn't just stay silent, could I now?"

"But- what? You were always the one who started them!" 

"Was I?" He asked, giving you the time to think, watching your face in disbelief fall into a look of 'fuck, he's right.'

It was you who started the fights, despite thinking it was him all this time. Upon recognizing that, you started to see the times he actually was nice to you, which you had always discarded or turned a blind eye.

Biting your lip guiltily, your turned to him. "I might... owe you an apology." You muttered, very aware of how his eyes glinted, gaze falling back on your lips. "Well," he told you, smiling. "I can't disagree."

[hiatusidk]

I was holding out and hoping to God that this wasn't the route that Eren would take. He should not be seen as the hero. If this is a case in where the main character remains around long enough to become the villain and ironically commits the same atrocity the eldians got blamed for in the first place, then there needs to be consequences. Eren can't go through with this and be portrayed as the hero or savior. The story has shown many horrible things, parallels to horrific things that happened in real life and has thus gained a nasty controversy. Where many of the fans have been defending the story is that never thus far has the story portrayed such acts as being "in the right". Just that they have happened and the characters must choose what they must do to make things right, and their internal moral struggle. The story has reoccurring themes of "what's the truth", "who is innocent", "The fight for humanity", "who are the true monsters?", "why must we pay for the sins or our ancestors?"

I don't believe avoiding morally grey areas in media is always a good thing. For a more mature audience, right and wrong don't need to be spoon-fed to us. That being said, there are STILL obvious things that the narrative should not ultimately show favor for or pass as acceptable. If Eren goes through with this and is seen as a hero even by the narrative standpoint, then I will be very upset and will no longer be able to support it.

However, if there are consequences of his actions or it's addressed that this action was not "the right choice" (another reoccurring theme especially with Levi's character development, later learned by Eren) then the story can hopefully have a grim lesson about how faulty humans can and will be when it comes to their personal ideals.

My theory:

I am wondering if there will absolutely be a bitter irony about how Eren ended up doing the same thing that Ymir did after making her deal with the devil. Stomping out their enemies in a massacre so bad that the Marleans had to subdue them and ship them to Paradis. If there is a reoccurring time loop, then Eren could be directly responsible for his people ending up behind walls in the first place, as was his driving motivation at the very start.

"I was having a weird dream. It seemed to last forever..."

TL;DR : Isayama PLEASE don't let Eren get away with this like as if what he's doing is actually a good thing. PLEASE let there be be big consequences for the blood that's about to be on his hands.

Chapter 123

Soooooo

For the past few months I've always said that I missed Levi and Hanji, but I was glad they were far away from the battlefield, so I could wait. I've always thought it was fine as long as they were alive, but seeing them in this chapter made me realise really how much I missed them. Seeing them was so beautiful T.T Even if it's just a flashback, having them in a chapter is so great, I'm so happy❤❤❤

Hanji saying 'hey' to the car was so cute and Levi saving the boy made me cry. They're such amazing people I can't believe I was able to resist 8 months without them. BUT NOW THEY'RE HERE! And everything about them in this chapter was absolutely perfect. Also they were happy! (Well at least before that reunion where they called them devil, but I will get to that later) In a manga like snk seeing them so serene was beautiful. Their problems aren't solved at all, but the situation was still kinda joyful and I really enjoyed reading it (of course not only for them but for the children too)

Also, the moment where they discover the teens gave me some great parents vibes ahahhahah. Levihan+Onyakopon are officially the teens parents/gang of children, as that clown said 😂

They were also pretty important in the falshbacck, so maybe we'll see them soon in the present.

Ok now let's come to the Eren part, that will most likely upset a lot of people😅 (if you are a Eren stan, read this at your own risk, my opinions are probably different than yours. If you want to hear them anyway and maybe discuss them in a civil manner, that's great! Otherwise just ignore my post)

So we finally saw how the situation went. Apparently the people outside the world didn't want to give any chance to people in paradise and I assume that's why Eren decided to take drastic measurements. This gives some sort of sense to what he did (still not a reason to not tell anything to his friends etc), but at least now we know that they did try some diplomacy.

Does this justify his behaviour? No. In my opinion Eren does not have the right to destroy all the world. He will never have the right to commit genocide. And, before you ask, no I don't have other solutions, but that doesn't mean what Eren is doing is ok. Even if the situation is desperate he doesn't have the right to decide to kill so many people. Even if there are a lot of people that are against them, there are also others that are innocent. Nicolo, Onyakopon, the boy of this flashback and all those nice people they drunk with. What does give Eren the right to decide over these lives? What does give him the right to kill innocent people, even if it's only a minority? I do understand that it seems like there are no other solutions, but a genocide!? Of the entire world!? That's simply not justifiable in any way. It doesn't matter how bad he feels while doing it.

Other considerations: I don't understand if the people in the wall are actually in the paths or Eren is just talking to them. Also that dinosaur thing was really cool and I think I spotted Historia, not on a rocking chair!