#i am aware that this isn't the best set of gifs in the world HOWEVER

[undescribed1mage]

Adrienne Balducci (neé Storrs) as Buttons Davenport in King of New York from Marriott Theater's Newsies! (2017)

[j2hoes]

Just Not Enough. (Spencer White x Reader)

Summary: Y/N isn't good enough until it's too late.

Word Count: 1.2k

Gif Not Mine. Requests Are Open!

Warnings: Mature language, hint of suicide (maybe), allusions to cheating

A/N: Testing the waters with a short Spider fic, beware it's an angsty one. Would love to write some more for Heartbreak High so do send your requests!

“Y/N please, the building is on fire!” I hear Spider’s voice shouting at me from down the hallway, though I make no effort to stop. Marching as far away from him as I can, with no clear destination in mind. All I know is that I need to be away from him.

Throwing the classroom door open with more force than necessary, I flinch ever so slightly when it slams against the wall. Unaware of how much strength I had truly used until that moment. The footsteps behind me have fallen silent, though I’m acutely aware of the presence behind me. As much as I can pretend it isn’t there.

“Seriously Y/N, we need to leave! This isn’t safe!” Spider shouts once again, however his voice isn’t raised in anger, purely concern. I wish I couldn’t hear the worry in his voice but it’s something that just can’t be ignored.

Fixing my gaze out of the window, I focus on the row of classrooms on the other side of the quad. Staring at one of the doors so intensely, in the hopes that I can block everything out.

I can feel my heart pulsing at what feels like one million miles per hour, my breaths quick and shaky, hands trembling despite how tight I’m clenching my fists in a futile attempt to calm myself down. The pain inside of me feels like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. As though the bottle inside of me has finally burst, shattering into thousands of pieces and flooding my body with all the anguish and hurt I had so carefully tucked away.

“Y/N come on we need-” 

“Why am I always your second option?”

Before I can stop myself, I’m interrupting the boy. Spinning around to face him so quickly that I almost trip over my own feet. My eyebrows are raised as I glare up at him, waiting anxiously for him to answer the question. Knowing that whatever he says next could make or break me. I can tell he wasn’t anticipating the question, face displaying his evident guilt and a hint of confusion. Eyes unable to reach mine.

“You’re not, that’s not-”

“Why am I not good enough?”

 Despite my best efforts, the muscles around my mouth tug the corners of my lips down, forcing a frown. With that, the dam bursts, tears seep out of my eyes silently as I hurry to wipe them away with the back of my hand. Not wanting to show Spider just how much he’s hurting me. 

Cautiously the boy takes a step towards me, as though testing the water as to how close he can get before I snap. His perfectly ironed suit is now slightly disheveled from all the sprinting through the hallways, and yet the worst part is that he still manages to make it look good. It’s infuriating.

“I told you not to get too close to me.” Spider sighs, his hand hesitantly reaching out to grab mine. As our fingers brush against one another, I shake my head. A new wave of rage washes over me.

“Nah, don’t do that.” I state, swiftly pulling my hand away from his. “Don’t play the bad guy card because that isn’t you. I know you, I know you’re better than that.”

“From the day we met, I knew I’d hurt you eventually.” Spider states running a hand through his blonde locks, tugging at them slightly out of frustration. “You’re so innocent and pure, Y/N you’re an angel. You’re too good for this world.”

Spider brushes his knuckles against my cheek. The cold of his rings a stark contrast to the flaming heat radiating from my cheeks. His thumb gently wipes away the tears that continue to fall and for a moment I forget everything that has happened.

“I wish I could be a better person.”

It’s those eight little words that break me from his trance. My eyes locking with his as a scowl sets on my face. Giving the boy no time to react, I use everything in me to shove him backwards, sending him sprawling to the floor. Yanking the material of my dress up I straddle his stomach, sending punch after punch to his chest and face.

“Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.” Repeating the phrase over and over again, I find myself getting so caught up in my emotions that my actions become weaker, allowing Spider to catch my wrists in his hands. Holding them so tight, I wouldn’t be surprised if bruises formed.

My body collapses, falling into a heap beside the much taller boy. His hands still hold my wrists, as I let out pained wails. Unable to stop myself from breaking down. Gripping the pink fabric of his shirt, my fingers turn white at how hard I’m clutching on to him. I shouldn’t allow myself to be in his embrace. The person who caused me this pain, shouldn’t be the one comforting me and yet here he is. He’s not a bad person, no matter how much he pretends to be. I just know it.

“I wish that I never met you.” I bawled, feeling the headache beginning to radiate through my head due to how hard I am crying.

“You should have walked away when you had the chance.” Spider whispers, before pressing a delicate kiss to the top of my head, allowing me to sob into his shirt.

The overwhelming stench on smoke begins to grow stronger, accompanied by the sounds of sirens outside. Yet, I’m too tired to move. Worn out from the events of tonight and the emotional distress that I have endured.

“You mean everything to me, but I was only something to you.” I croak out, watching the smoke slowly creep underneath the door. There’s something so beautiful in the way it rises and I can’t take my eyes off it.

“I do care about you Y/N.” 

“Just not enough.”

The images of her in his arms flash through my mind. How he kissed her so gently, how he held her the way he is holding me now. How she isn’t kept a secret. How she is the first choice. She’s always been the first choice.

I can feel myself struggling to breathe, eyes barely keeping themselves open. Flashing lights illuminate the room from outside, making Spider look angelic. His features are so soft under the bright lights. 

“The fire brigade is here, Y/N, we have to get out.” 

Spider’s words cause me to glance up at him, cupping his face with the palm of my hand. My breathing is shallow and my touch light. His arms hold me tighter and I notice his eyes are watering as I gaze up at him.

“Is it okay if I give up?”

“What? Give up what? Y/N?” Spider’s voice is panicked and all I can bring myself to do is press a gentle kiss to his lips as I allow myself to shut my eyes.

“Y/N, Y/N. No, come on, I’ll get you out of here I promise.” 

As I begin to drift out of consciousness, I can feel Spider doing his best to haul me up and drag me out of the burning school. “Wake up! Y/N please, I’m begging you, wake up! I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for everything, please, just wake up.”

[the-unspeakable-tsar]

Chapter 2 - X-Manson by Doctor Benway - Annotated By Tsar.

Many of you are familiar with Hank "The Tank" McCoy and his works. my college @brw is the formost McCoy Scholar. But as you'll see here this AU's version of Hank takes many cues from his Age of Apocalypse self. But he lacks any kind of the fuzzy goodness of your average Hank McCoy.

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[Shot of a very large man in an expensive suit in a lushly appointed office, possibly that of an investment banker but possibly that of a professor who is very good at getting grants. The man is wearing rimless high-fashion European glasses and a look of extreme urgency. Plainly, this interview is keeping him from something very important. He also has unusually large hands.]

[Caption: Henry McCoy, Trofim Lysenko Professor of Genetics at Northwestern University, Chicago IL]

*I didn't catch this on my first read through, but Trofim Lysenko is a soviet pseudo-scientist who rejected the idea of Medelivian genetics. He was primarily focused on hybridizing crops by grafting them together. It's frankly bizarre that an american institution in a post-soviet world would have such a position, but it's a weird world, isn't it?

HM: I was at the School For Gifted Youngsters for three of the best years of my life.

Int: You chose to attend?

HM: I had a rough time at my first high school, very rough. It was in the Midwest, where any deformities would make one the object of the most vicious ridicule. At the School, I set myself on the path to understanding that which had made me different.

Int: You worked with Charles Xavier on his genetic experiments?

HM: Charles Xavier had a profound intellect. Everything I am today I owe to him. His breakdown and demise were most unfortunate.

Int: You are aware of the controversy surrounding his background?

HM: Overblown, completely overblown. Xavier had a remarkable mind, one that transcended the petty certifications that we so often use to indicate the size of a mind.

Int: Such as your PhD from Princeton?

HM: Such as that, yes. I am certain that Charles Xavier could have easily attained all that I learned at Princeton in a much shorter time, had he not known it already. He was a most remarkable teacher, and I am but a humble fool by comparison.

*Simp.

Int: Were you close to the other students?

HM: As close as my studies would allow. My program of study was quite intensive, and I spent little time with them. I found their company pleasant, when I had time to indulge in it.

Int: Were they happy at the School?

HM: So far as I knew.

Int: What do you think happened to Robert Drake?

HM: I have no idea. He was still there when I left the School and went up to Princeton.

Int: Didn't you stay in touch with the others?

HM: I had limited contact with the Professor. Otherwise, I lost touch with them. I certainly wish I had not, knowing now what happened. If only I had known, I might have been able to prevent it.

[Shot of a much less well-appointed office with no windows but plenty of steam pipes. The place is in a state of almost pure chaos, with books and papers piled on every free surface. A middle aged man who obviously runs marathons is staring a little too keenly into the camera.]

[Caption: Sir Bernard Quatermass, RA Fisher Professor of Eugenics at the London School of Hygiene]

*Bernard Quartermass is another cross-media reference. He is derived from a 1955 british sci-fi serial called "The Quartermass Experiment. Quartermass is however not a Professor of Eugenics but an Aerospace Engineer.

**The London School of Hygiene is somewhat real, The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine has had a few reports of eugenicist attitutes and white supremacy stances, though that can be expected from an institution that was founded as Britain was colonizing the world.

BQ: McCoy would sell his own mother to the gypsies to get the Nobel. For that matter, he missed his mother's funeral on account of some experiment he was involved in. Disgusting man. No one with any sense of honour will work with him.

*The only reason why B.Q isn't seen as a monster is because he is being placed in comparrison with this AU's Hank McCoy.

Int: Why is that?

BQ: His early career consisted almost entirely of publishing work weeks or even days ahead of others who had been working on their ideas for decades.

Int: So he had no ideas of his own?

BQ: Oh no, no, no. He did have some very good ideas, completely original ones as far as anyone could tell. He developed the anti-retrovirals that cured that awful venereal disease that the Africans caught from monkeys and that infected all those pederasts in California twenty years back. He has a better understanding of mutant genetics than almost anyone in the field. Of course, he would have, given his connections.

*evil Hank McCoy cured AIDS.

Int: How do you mean?

BQ: His work, and indeed all of our work, depends upon getting large quantities of genetic material in a fresh condition. He's always had and still has the best supplies of it.

Int: This material, it comes from cadavers?

BQ: Cadavers and those on their way to becoming them. It may be something as simple and harmlessly taken as blood, it might be a pituitary gland torn from a technically still-living brain. Brain, kidney, and liver tissue in particular can't be taken ethically until the source has died, and Henry always has had an unusually good supply of brains and kidneys.

*i think Bernard is jealous because he wants to get in on some illegal organ harvesting.

Int: You're suggesting that he may have gotten these by illegal means?

BQ: All I'm saying is, he always had tissue, whenever he needed it. If you want a subject for another documentary, try looking at how much cable traffic there is from his lab to China every time they have one of their anti-corruption campaigns.

[Shot of Dwight Hammer]

DH: The autopsy report on Robert Drake showed that he was missing several organs.

Int: Which ones?

DH: Brain, both kidneys, liver. Maybe more, he was down in that muck over ten years, but the coroner was sure that those ones were missing.

Int: Were any of the other bodies found in the lake missing organs?

DH: Some of them. Usually brains. Only one of the bodies was fully intact, the one that they call the Lady of the Lake. Some of the live ones we arrested were missing parts. Summers was missing a kidney and both eyes.

*two victims in the lake now, six remaining:

Robert Drake

Rogue

Int: What do you think happened to them?

DH: We know what happened to Summer's eyes, but we don't know what happened to his kidney. Maybe they ate it. Just assumed it was some sort of mutant thing.

*i think they took Summers' eyes as a means of keeping him powerless to stop them.

Int: Did you vote for the Kelly Amendment?

DH: Way I see it, the founding fathers set everything up assuming we were all equal. There's no call to make some more equal than others.

Int: So you don't feel that mutants need extra protection?

DH: Hell, no. Some of my best friends are mutants, and they never complained.

[honeybadger-the-pop-witch]

Fallen Confessional #1: A Girl and her Dæmon Have an Issue with Daniel the Blondie

Elmar and I are reading the first book of the Fallen series, Fallen. I have to say, I am highly enjoying myself for a bit of a trashy teen romance. Elmar is less than thrilled with the choice, preferring to try and finish Mindhunter. However we are both in agreement, Team Cam for the win.

What people seem to overlook when reading Fallen is that while it's set up to be a romance between Luce and Daniel—it's a tragedy. One Elmar and I cannot look away from.

Luce, a girl probably suffering from a form of survivor's guilt, is drawn over and over again to a boy named Daniel. Daniel is an ass to her essentially—actually, not essentially, he just is an ass. But it's implied from the preface that they're connected through some form of reincarnation.

However, Luce also finds herself feeling comfortable with, and having feelings for, this guy named Cam. This is going on the same time she finds herself drawn to Daniel. She has feelings for both guys and she's confused by it. Once even saying the following:

"[It] didn’t make sense, because a gorgeous and friendly guy was standing right behind her, asking her what she’d like to drink. The other gorgeous, infinitely less friendly guy sitting across from her should not be the one she couldn’t stop looking at."

Chapter Five, "The Inner Circle", pg.77 Fallen by Lauren Kate

Luce is self-aware about how screwed up this is.

She knows something isn't right.

But Daniel keeps trying to say she's insane for thinking that they have a connection, which would be a fair point considering the setting of Sword and Cross school. Well, would is the operative word. She would have let it go, and think she really was certifiable—if he didn't start spouting out facts that he knows about her that he shouldn't if they've never met before!

I mean there's an entire chapter dedicated to a swim meet that Luce was supposed to win. She didn't because Daniel and this girl named Gabbe threw her off her game by her assuming Daniel was with Gabbe. She was angry at the both of them and it broke her concentration. Then she lost, and when Daniel asked her how she did, and she said she failed, he replied by starting to say, "But you were always..." before cutting himself off (Kate, pg 90).

And you know how he tries to fix it? By saying that the new kids were always meant to win. By brushing off the electric shock when their hands met as her being crazy. By doubling down that they'd never met before.

Luce internalizes these consistent inconsistencies and points out on numerous occasions how messed up it is. But she's still drawn to him, and the question is why.

So, that's why, a little over a third of the way through the book, I am vehemently anti-Daniel. (I.e. that jerk in the gif above.) And my dæmon, Elmar, agrees. He's very big on the equal respect among partners and valuing yourself. But the question is why are we, Elmar and I, very pro-Team Cam?

Here's why, take everything we just said about Daniel and throw it out. He doesn't try to make Luce look crazy. He isn't an ass to her. He offers her to use his telephone time so she could continue talking to her best friend Callie.

(Callie, by the way, is a queen and a half because she is a constant reminder to Luce that the men in her life must respect her before anything else.)

On top of that, Cam never makes Luce feel unwanted—whether it be during a party he's hosting, like in chapter five, or where I am at currently in chapter seven. Chapter seven at this point is basically a date between Cam and Luce where they learn a little bit about each other, and Cam uses his kitchen-help-time to make sure Luce actually eats because of how late she is to class. They goof around, guessing how each person in the cemetery died. They almost kissed even!

And through it all, he almost always asked for her permission when initiating contact, smuggled in coffee for her, and made her feel comfortable.

Since the moment we met him, Cam genuinely cared for Luce. Even when Cam didn't like her one friend, he didn't complain or prevent her from hanging out with her. He let them go and bond because he respects Luce. And Luce genuinely likes him—but then she's drawn to Daniel like a moth to a flame. There's always this foreboding sense of a cruel twisted star-crossed fate when Daniel appears because of what was implied in the preface.

Fallen is a beautiful tragedy, not a romance.

Fallen is about a girl who gets taken from her home because she was involved with a death of a boy and she can't even explain how. This girl, stripped from everyone she loved and the place she called home, struggles to find acceptance in a new environment and makes some pretty kick ass friends. Fallen is about a girl who likes a boy, one who is genuinely kind and cares for her. One who, above all, respects her and her choices—even after the world stripped almost all of that away from her. Fallen is about this girl and boy as they fall for each other slowly and adorably... only for the girl to be drawn to a boy who seemingly can't stand her all because of an implied twist of fate. Fallen is a beautiful, masterful tragedy.

If I can tell that from only reading about six and a half chapters, why can't anyone else see it that way? Why was it treated like some Twilight knock off when the ideas—intended or not—hold so much more emotional weight and impact? I am genuinely confused.

Yes, the writing is a bit cringe, but at least Luce has some personality. She's even a bit relatable. And the side characters that we actually spend some time with are amazing. Even Daniel, simply for the fact that we hate him so much right now.

So what do you think? Is Fallen a tragedy or a romance? Or is it both?

[leviackermansbrat]

Sacrifices (LevixOC) Chapter One

Utopia District: Year 847

Only my younger sister Layla survived the fall of Wall Maria. I was horribly mistaken to believe once I escorted them to the safety boats in Shiganshina that they would be okay. Before Armin and his grandfather arrived, a riot broke out over who would be allowed on the boats first. Unfortunately my family was caught in the crossfire. My father, a gentle and kind man, stood no chance against the angry and violent civilians who were fighting for their survival. He was trampled to death before he could step foot on the boat. My mother and brother were thrown overboard and left to drown. The only person who survived was Layla. In the end my efforts to keep my family safe were in vain. It wasn't the fault of the titans that my parents and brother were killed, it was humans who forced their fate. Humanity is ugly. But even so, I fight. I fight because I want to live in a world where the weak are not trampled by the strong. I fight to live in a gentle world. Because in this world, humans are just as dangerous as titans.

Jade tied her hair up in a high ponytail and made her way down to the fields where the cadets were patiently waiting for her arrival. She wore a black sports bra and green sweatpants with the Wings of Freedom badge sewn onto the left back pocket.

The blonde woman was never one for uniforms and seeing as she was now a squad leader and interim trainer for the cadet corps, she was allowed to follow her own dress code unless commander Erwin or Shadis stated otherwise.

"And you are?" Jade asked, looking at the new recruit with a buzz-cut.

Unlike the head instructor of the military corps Keith Shadis, Jade was not one to intimidate the new incoming recruits. She served as a nurturing and approachable figure in direct contrast to Keith's fear inducing presence.

This isn't to say that Jade couldn't be intimidating, that was far from the truth. However like her brother Kyo, Jade was a lover and not a fighter. This was very ironic for people who joined the Survey Corps whose sole purpose is to fight for humanity.

"Franz Kefka, miss Tojo!" the boy shouted, saluting to Jade.

Instead of intimidating the boy like Shadis would do, Jade gave him a smile.

"Nice to meet you cadet! I hope our next three years together will be lovely," she responded, making the young boy blush.

Jade, aware of her effect on people, always used it to her advantage. Her beauty was something that most people marveled at. Her long blonde hair that was normally tied in a ponytail was a direct contrast to her brother Kyo's short and loose brown hair. In fact, Kyo took after their father along with Layla, while Kai and Jade took after their mother with her blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

Most wondered if Kyo and Jade were actually siblings, but their personalities cleared everything up. Both were kind and gentle but at the same time fierce and strong. A few differences were spotted, like the fact that Jade is more wild and carefree while Kyo is more protective and reserved, but the two were inseparable.

"M-me too!" Franz responded, averting his eyes from Jade's.

Jade simply chuckled at how uptight Franz was and moved on to the next cadet in the row.

Eren watched Jade as she maneuvered from cadet to cadet, bright smiles lifting their spirits and making them think that despite Keith's looming presence, the next three years wouldn't turn out to be actual hell.

The young brown-haired boy had admired Jade since the day she saved him and Mikasa from the titan following Hannes as he carried them. She was like a beacon of hope in his dull world. After his mom died Eren was angry, depressed, and miserable. Not even Mikasa could manage to make Eren feel better, but Jade managed just fine.

Once Mikasa and Eren retreated into Wall Rose, Jade visited them and offered them a place to stay within the Trost district. Although Jade became an older sister figure to Mikasa, Eren ended up developing a 'minor' crush on the young blonde.

Mikasa was slightly upset while Armin was absolutely mortified that his best friend had a crush on his older cousin. It was especially mortifying because of how close Armin was with Jade. After his grandpa died on the mission to take Wall Maria, Jade came around to spend as much time as she could with the blonde boy whenever she was given time off. Kyo accompanied her on these visits and eventually Kyo and Jade became like older siblings to the younger trio. Eren especially took a liking to Kyo and admired the boy more than he could say.

Eren was brought out of his thoughts as Jade passed him, not bothering to inquire about his reason for joining the military. It ticked Eren off, seeing the smirk on her face as she ignored him. If it was one thing Eren hated, it was being ignored by the person he had fallen in love with.

"Your name cadet!" Jade demanded from the bald kid.

The bald boy saluted incorrectly but was too busy to correct himself due to the hearts in his eyes after looking at Jade.

"Connie Springer! I am from the Ragako town miss Tojo!" Connie responded proudly.

Jade snickered at his incorrect salute and adjusted his arms so that he was saluting the right way. Connie blushed and apologized to Jade, which she shrugged off.

"We all make mistakes kid, but I implore you not to make that mistake around instructor Shadis. He will in fact have your head on a platter as a midnight snack. I don't want that for you cadet, so get it right," Jade scolded lightly.

Connie nodded sheepishly while Jade walked away to find her next victim.

One shared potato, a few injuries, and several hours later, Jade dismissed everyone to go eat. While she watched the cadets scramble to dinner, she sent Eren, Mikasa, and Armin a smile and waved them off once she saw Hange, Kyo, and Moblit approaching her.

"What brings you guys here?" Jade asks as Hange wraps her arm around her shoulder.

The young blonde welcomes the affectionate touch of her best friend and leans in to savor the moment. It doesn't last long as Kyo gets jealous and snatches Jade away from Hange in order to capture Jade in a hug of his own.

"Kyo you're suffocating me!" Jade whined, attempting to pull away from Kyo's hold.

Jade was unsuccessful and the brown-haired boy cries hysterically in his sister's embrace.

"I haven't see you in so long and that's all you have to say to me?" Kyo wails. "You're so mean to me Jade! I missed you so much and you left your big brother all alone to take care of your squad full of hooligans!" Kyo continues, crying onto Jade's shoulder.

Jade only rolls her eyes and pats Kyo's back. When Shadis requested an interim instructor to take the burden of training the cadets off him, Jade leaped at the chance knowing that she would see three of her favorite kids. However she didn't anticipate Kyo acting like a little baby at her departure.

"There there you big baby," Jade emptily consoles her brother.

Kyo glares and pouts at Jade which makes her laugh.

Hange cleared her throat in amusement in order to interrupt the two, and Jade happily skipped back over to hug Hange's torso.

Jade and Hange have been inseparable for years, only being four years apart. Wherever Hange was, Jade was soon to follow and vice versa.

"Why are you guys here though? Don't you have paperwork you should be doing?" Jade teased Hange knowing the older woman hated the mere mention of paperwork.

"We actually came to relay some news," Hange started, her demeanor becoming serious.

This immediately alarmed Jade because Hange was never serious unless it was absolutely required.

"Erwin has fallen gravely ill. I have scouts and medics monitoring his condition around the clock but it isn't looking too good. There is no known cure within the walls, except for the underground. Moblit and I came to inform you about this, and Kyo will be your replacement since you and Levi will be setting out to look for the cure. Levi has knowledge about where to find the cure in the underground, and I need you to back him up. You guys are the best soldiers humanity has to offer-"

"Wow Hange I'm right here," Kyo retorted, making Jade snort.

"Anyways, we need you two to find the cure, if there even is one. You won't be leaving immediately, we still have a few things to prepare before you can go, so you'll still be training the cadets for a day or two more. I just hope Erwin can hang on," Hange finishes.

Jade looks at Hange with a sad smile and nods her head.

"I know he will. He has to."

[buddha-in-disguise]

This is how it's done

Episode 5.15 at last.

While the emphasis has been on Nia's story in this episode, the synopsis made it clear Alex, Kelly and J'onn had a secondary storyline running as well. So again we were eager to watch knowing they were finally getting more than a token few minutes together.

Did it deliver?

Oh hell yes.

You just have to look on Twitter to see the praise being heaped on it by fans.

But first let's get the elephant in the room out of the way. William.

The opening sequence as Kara is fighting with Nia, and Nia has to be the one reminding Kara she has a date? Already covered by me and others, but to reiterate: that does not give a vibe of someone excited to be going on a first date. You can't even use the excuse of her mind was on the fight, because so was Nia's.

As to Kara at her apartment with Alex prior to the date?

Those words, "Cancel it for me."

Lets say (for arguments sake) it is nerves again speaking. Maybe it is, but that she is even having those thoughts? That she completely forgot about the 1st date, and needed reminding? If Kara can't get invested in the date, how are the audience expected to become invested?

As for the date itself. Kara arrives.... having been told by Alex to wear the blue top because .... well reasons .... and she is wearing the purple? So, not wanting to go with the best look then?

I didn't mind the date per se, although I did wonder if Kara was simply trying to not show pool skills, because I can't believe for a second, with Alex as a sister, and the control Kara now has on her powers (worry over lack of control would be the only other reason for her hesitation that I can think of), Kara hasn't been pulled into playing many times.

Did I get a date vibe? No. I felt more bonding yes (like why has it taken until now to even vaguely have that much), but date? Nope. Still not feeling it. If any of the above was a one off instance, you could shrug it off. But all of them? Sorry but as I say, if Kara isn't that invested in a first date, then we can't be expected to be as invested. However, that isn't to say that William annoyed me. In truth having him more on the sidelines was a relief as it finally allowed others to get some much needed screen time.

The Nia storyline.

This is obviously one extremely close to me, as my husband is transgender, and we have other family who are also transgender.

Nicole's input was definitely felt. Some of the lines she spoke were ones we have said ourselves almost word for word.

This is a topic that is one I've been extremely vocal about, and one in particular I have spoken about (in the William and Kara at CatCo scene) is the figures for transgender people killed in the last year alone in the USA, but more importantly that this number is likely not a true representation as many who die are misgendered after death.

It was so important to show just how bad for the transgender community it is. And no, it wouldn't necessarily be a fact Kara would know. Even those in the LGBTQ community aren't always aware of these figures. As for William being the one stating the figures back to Kara, again in the context I had no qualms about it. In fact having a CIS straight man write the piece and be a supportive ally is an important message in it's own right. I was worried that wouldn't come across, but I felt it did.

If ever there was a line that spoke volumes in this weeks Supergirl episode it was this:

"They want us to be invisible because of their own fears, they want to erase us so...... we need to shine even brighter." - Nia Nal

And shine Nicole Maines (and Roxy Wood, because the additional line about being a Black transgender woman - take my heart, stomp over it, then expect me to function), did. Both deserve so much praise on the way they delivered their performances.

I genuinely cried at some of this weeks episode, because the experiences have been ones we have faced as a transgender household. Being white does afford us a privilege that Black transgender people (especially the women) don't have. But as I say, it has been something I've been vocal about for a long time.

Lastly Kara and Nia on the balcony. Holy mother of god (or goddess), tears. Again. Nicole and Melissa once again were so good it felt like a punch to the gut. Kara wiping that tear off Nia's cheek. Big ugly sobbing from me. Gah! Just ....

Now Alex and Kelly. While I'm still craving a nice intimate atmosphere at home with them, having had so little of Dansen (and Kelly) it was a relief that for once Kelly wasn't given diminished screentime. Not only that, she was instrumental in helping Alex navigate through the VR world.

Alex having that PTSD flashback to being in the tank. Whoa, finally acknowledging it affected her and obviously still does. I loved how Kelly is so good at helping Alex maintain her equilibrium. You could tell it wasn't just because of her training or profession, but as a girlfriend who knows and understands how to communicate to Alex in that moment of stress, much like Alex was able to realise Malefic was manifesting as Kelly in the earlier part of the season, simply because she knew her girlfriend well enough.

Watching Alex train to get used to the Martian weapon, felt very reminiscent of S1 where Alex was training Kara early on. It was good to see her off balance for once in her training, as she has always shown a confidence in her ability until now. For those who complain she brought up wanting to be back at the DEO, as someone who has heavy military presence in our family (for at least 4 generations on my maternal side), I can safely say, going from military (and remember the DEO is recognised and spoken about in canon as being a military operation), and suddenly and unexpectedly thrown back into civilian life is one heck of an adjustment. It's an adjustment for most even when they know it's coming. To be so abrupt, so unexpected? Alex is going to want that structure back, and have that support around her. It is absolutely not unrealistic for her to feel this way or to talk about it. I would've been more surprised if she hadn't.

"And this is my gun."

Alex giving no crap. The whole rescue sequence was a joy to watch.

If I had a complaint, as I mentioned, I would've loved just a moment of real quiet intimacy between Kelly and Alex. We've barely seen anything of that sort. I hope we get something next episode (which also looks amazing from the trailer).

I could go through the episode and pick up so many times on how good it was. It was so much, I know I will have forgotten something I wanted to say. But I'm exhausted (almost no sleep will do that to you, damn being in the UK and these stupid o'clock viewing times), and it was so much to unpack.

Brainy, was barely in the episode but damn, so lovely (& heartbreaking) to see him give the information to the NCPD to help against transphobic attacks.

Onto a side plot, but finally we have more about Leviathan.

Leviathan have those bodies suspended.

What if William dies in 5.19 and becomes one of those suspended bodies for 5.20 or was supposed to, as Nicole mentioned on her Instagram story they still had scenes to film, and a couple were pretty amazing? With Staz back, would it have involved him, possibly as a sleeper agent? I've touted this idea before. While I would prefer that a MOC isn't cast into being a bad guy again, or killed off, I would more than happily see him simply go back to London and The Times. But I guess we wait to see what happens there.

But if, like Russell in 5a, he becomes an unwitting agent of Leviathan & a bad guy, cue fight scene, possibly in a VR setting? Maybe? Who knows.

Last but by no means least - they killed off Jeremiah. Since we're not entirely sure if Cadmus operated in the same way on Earth Prime as they did on Earth 38, we don't yet know the circumstances behind his death.

Will we get more explanation about it? Honestly I'm not overly bothered unless it helps serve a current storyline. Merely because episode numbers are running out, and it does at least bring us closure on his character one way or another. Something a lot of us have questioned for so long now.

As for complaints, the only ones expressing any real disappointment have been fans who have either regularly attacked other fans (especially those of in the SC or Dansen fandoms), or the outright transphobic users (I won't call them fans), who as the episode makes clear, are everywhere. The transphobes come out in force everytime with Nicole, so it isn't a surprise to see them again. As Nia says, it what transgender people face on a daily basis.

Plus with no Lena in the episode, it helps show that fans didn't need a Lena/Kara centric episode for this to garner such positive reactions, particularly from the LGBTQ fans. In some ways, as many have been saying (yes even SC fans), this Lena drama has long since gone by its sell by date and not having Lena once more stuck in her laboratory wasn't missed. And god, I say this as a huge Lena fan. I still want her on screen of course, but we need progression on what is happening with her. Both Lex and Lena have felt stale of late, and while I know it changes as we get into the last few episodes, I can truly say neither was missed this time. And before anyone jumps in, no this isn't bashing SC (I still ship both Dansen and SC, as well as Brainia), or saying SC shouldn't happen, or Lena is evil, or not needed. I don't think that at all. I merely am getting tired of a merry-go-round on Lena in her laboratory that we've had of late, & the only interaction has been with Lex. Time to break her out of that cell!

I don’t know what they were putting in the water in Vancouver when they did the Batwoman and Supergirl episodes this week, but they both had me simultaneously laughing & crying! It looked ugly for a minute there.

Both were outstanding episodes.

As much as I've had my criticism over some of this season, when Supergirl get it right like they did here, they soar! This was one of my top episodes for the entire series.

And despite all the news in the world right now, Supergirl trended on Twitter again.

Gif courtesy of @ Daily_danvers on Twitter.