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weasleydream · 4 years

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The girl of the 12, Grimmauld Place

Hey guys! Here is a Fred imagine!

I have to say I’m quite proud of this one, it’s a bit longer than what I’m used to but I really like it. Plus I’ve discovered I’m a sucker for Wolfstar in the role of the protective fathers and it gave me another idea. I don’t know yet if it will be a series or just very long but I can ensure you our dear Sirius and Remus will be there! (and it will be angsty but you don’t need to know it right now)

I guess I can say there’s a light mention of sex but really nothing shocking.

Anyway as usual feel free to give me feedbacks, and I hope you’ll enjoy!

Masterlist

(gif not mine)

The night was cold for a June night. The skin of my arm was bare but the occasional goosebumps were nothing compared to my tremors of fear. I was holding firmly my wand, in fact, I held it as if my life depended on it. Which was truer than ever.

A few hours earlier, my life was totally normal. Well, as normal as it could be for the daughter of two members of the American part of the Order of the Phoenix obsessed with revenge. My parents were both locked in an office arranged especially for whatever concerned the former Death Eaters, probably mumbling incoherent things they were the only ones to understand, and I was in my room, staring into emptiness while daydreaming about futile things when everything had begun. I didn’t know when the Death Eaters had intruded our house, nor did I know how they had managed to do it, but I had understood something was wrong the moment my father had screamed. I had quickly grabbed my wand and made my way downstairs, having good sense enough to stay hidden despite my fear. The four men hadn’t had any difficulty to kill both my parents, and I had heard one of them shouting the others to come upstairs find me. My heartbeat had increased at an incredibly speed and I had done the first thing I had thought about: getting out by the window. With a wave of my wand, I had freed the tiny bird my parents kept in a little cage in case of emergency (“It will know where to go if something bad happens.” My father had assured me.)

And now, I was walking at a constant speed, always glancing above my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t followed and cursing because I was unable to apparate. I had been raised like a soldier, yet my parents had never thought it would be useful for me to be able to apparate. I groaned and turned in another empty street of the neighborhood without history of the suburbs around New-York. The neighbors would gossip for sure.

A cat ran between my legs and I jumped, ready to cast a spell. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what the bird would do, and I didn’t know what the Death Eaters would do. It was a lot of unknown. Suddenly, I heard a pretty melody. Looking up, I saw the red bird I had freed half an hour earlier. It landed on my shoulder, repeating once more its song, and vanished as quickly as it had came. Roughly three seconds later, I heard a soft pop and Remus Lupin was standing in front of me.

Remus was the only British I knew. My parents had been close to him and his friends - the Marauders, if I remembered correctly - one of them being my mother’s half brother. It was her favourite tragic story to tell, how her beloved Peter along with James and Lily Potter had been betrayed by this awful Sirius Black. Remus was the only one who had bothered to come in America to see my parents and me, and I had seen him a few times in my life. He had always seemed quite sick and tired, but it was nothing compared to what he looked like tonight. I glanced at the sky - yes, almost the full moon. I knew about Remus’ secret, he had told me about it when I had asked him why he had scars when I was seven. I had never been afraid of him, he was the only one I could consider like a friend.

“Y/N, what happened?”

His voice was quiet, and he grabbed my arm.

“My parents are dead. Death Eaters. How is it possible?”

Remus groaned. In a few words, he managed to explain me what had happened in England the day before. It looked like the 24th of June would stay in the world’s memory as the day He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had returned.

A few hours passed - the time for Remus to summon a Portkey and contact Albus Dumbledore with a bird like the tiny red one. I was now in front of the safest place for me, in Remus’ words.

“Welcome to the Order Headquarters, Y/N.”

The 12, Grimmauld Place was quite a strange house. Its facade was completely run-down and the windows were dirty. I had imagined a lot of things for the Order of the Phoenix, but not this. Remus had told me about the Secret Keeper, that it was protected with strong spells, but after entering, I was pretty sure it was useless. Who would approach these giant cobwebs and this awful portrait screaming whereas I had just hit the umbrella stand?

I followed Remus in a long corridor and he gently pushed me into a big living-room. Three persons were here, but I only recognized one: Sirius Black. I groaned and narrowed my eyes. My mother had told me a lot about him, how he was the biggest git at school, how is family was the typical pure-blood-and-proud-to-be family, how is own brother had been a Death Eater. I had learnt to hate him just because my parents did. He had massacred Peter and was the very first one to breakout from Azkaban.

“Y/N, we have a lot to explain you.” murmured Remus. He was looking carefully at me, maybe he feared I would explode or worse - cry in front of them. “But I guess it can wait if you want.”

“No, I want to know everything.” My voice was secure, without an ounce of sadness. It obviously surprised him. “You know I had never been really close to them.”

Remus nodded.

“In a first time, let me introduce you to Alastor Moody,” a scary man with a magical eye nodded abruptly, “Nymphadora Tonks -”

“Just Tonks.” She had bright pink hair and smiled softly at me.

“And Sirius Black. No, he’s not a murderer.” Remus added quickly. “As I said, we have a lot to explain.”

Long story short, Peter was the git of the story. He had betrayed James and Lily Potter, condemning them to death, before fleeing. Sirius had tried to kill him, yes, but he had failed, and the coward had faked his own death. He was the one to help He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, it was because of him he was back, and probably because of him my parents were dead. Quite ironical, wasn’t it? Then he had processed to explain what had happened during the Triwizard Tournament, and now, Remus had finished his story, and I felt four pairs of eyes on me.

“That doesn’t explain why they have killed my parents.” I said.

“I guess they haven’t been as discreet as they thought. Now that You-know-who is back, maybe his followers will feel free to attack everyone who’s against them.” suggested Remus.

“Anyway, you’re safe here, Y/N.” said Sirius. I nodded and yawned. “Let me show you your room.”

I followed him without a word. He gestured me to stay silent in the corridor, obviously not wanting to wake the portrait up. We climbed the stairs, ran into an ugly house elf and finally reached a room I could actually sleep in.

“I guess your parents have only told you what an abominable man I am.”

I nodded.

“You know, Y/N, back at Hogwarts, I really liked your parents.” Sirius’ voice was strangely emotional. “I remember when they had announced they would be parents. Yes, I’ve seen you when you were just a baby. In fact, I have seen you regularly during two years, until… Their death.” His eyes darkened. “I won’t tell you I’m sorry, I know what you’re feeling. I’ve never really liked my family, you know. I’m nothing like them. I just wanted you to know it.”

Sirius turned his heels. I decided I trusted him.

“Sirius?” He turned toward me, clearly surprised. “One day, do you think you and Remus could tell me some stories about your Hogwarts years? It seems pretty fun.”

He smiled, and for a brief moment, I saw a younger man. A man whose life hadn’t been destroyed unfairly.

Thinking my life in England would be more entertaining than it was in America was undoubtedly a big mistake. Indeed, the next morning, I was eating some eggs when Alastor Moody arrived while muttering. It seemed to be his only way to communicate, and I was almost surprised to hear a true sentence.

“Look at that.”

He threw a newspaper on the table in front of me. A photography occupied the front page. It showed a girl that looked vaguely like me, but her hair were longer than mine, her face was rounder and her teeth - God, it was horrible. Above the photo, a title in bold caught my eyes: Y/N Y/L/N, a dangerous murderer. Underneath that was written Reward for whoever give us her localisation. It was ridiculous. I quickly scanned the article. Killer. Muggles and children. Psychopath.

“What the hell is that?”

Remus was behind me, his eyes fixed on the photo.

“I think it’s the proof we were looking for.” answered Moody. In front of my interrogative look, he added: “We know for sure the Ministry is infiltrated.”

I had spent my first week here hidden in a room, only joining the others when I was hungry or when someone dragged my downstairs. I was in the same boat as Sirius now, wanted for something I had never done and forced to stay in this horrible house. I was pretty sure I would kill someone if I heard once more the portrait of Sirius’ mother screaming me insults.

I was currently in the same room as Buckbeak, a beautiful hippogriff, when my stomach started to rumble. I decided to sneak into the kitchen, hoping I wouldn’t run into Kreacher, the ugly house elf. I tried my best to be quiet and I was on the verge of entering the kitchen when I heard my name in a conversation.

“Sirius, have you seen Y/N today?” It was Remus. He had been really worried about me since my arrival, and he didn’t like me being alone all the time. I guessed he didn’t want to force me, maybe he thought I needed time. It wasn’t totally a lie.

“Who is Y/N?” I didn’t know the woman who had spoke.

“The Y/L/N’s daughter.” answered Sirius. “They are dead.”

The woman gasped.

“The poor girl! And you let her alone?”

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t need anyone to worry about me, thanks. I showed myself, passing in front of a plump woman with ginger hair. I ignored everyone, grabbed some sandwiches on the table and left without a word. I thought I could join Buck’s room without seeing anyone, and I groaned loudly when I came face to face with three boys and a girl, all of them having the same ginger hair as the woman in the kitchen. Two of them were twins.

“Look who’s also in this fantastic house!” It was one of the twins. “Why is a cutie like you here?”

His face when I forced my way between him and his twin without answering was priceless. I quickly gained Buckbeak’s room and enjoyed the silence. Two hours later, the door opened and Sirius sat next to me.

“Our guests are quite offended,” he laughed. “Fred wants you to think he’s blubbering right now. If you want my opinion, he wants your attention.”

“How long are they gonna stay?”

“Until September.”

I groaned, and Sirius chuckled. He patted my shoulder, telling me diner would be ready soon, and left. I sighed, I knew I didn’t have the choice. I left the room and came downstairs. The kitchen was way more animated than usual. The woman I had seen earlier was there, preparing something that smelled really good, along with her children. Sirius was talking with Remus and Mad-Eye Moody while Nymphadora Tonks - who wanted to be called just Tonks - was listening to a man with ginger hair - again? I caught a glimpse of the twins standing in the corner of the kitchen. It looked like they didn’t want anyone to interrupt, so I walked straight toward them.

“I thought you were crying like a baby because of me.”

One of the twins smirked. He was slightly smaller than his brother, and I was pretty sure he was Fred.

“Why, love, were you worried?”

“No, darling, I just wanted to tell you that you look cute when you’re offended.”

He laughed frankly, and a sparkle appeared in his eyes. I had to admit he was quite cute when he laughed too.

“I’m Fred, and this is George.”

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

Fred and George exchanged a surprised look.

“Don’t ask: yes, I’m a dangerous murderer and yes, if you bother me, I’ll kill you.”

I turned the heels and sat next to Remus without hearing Fred mumbling “I like her.”

The next day, the woman with ginger hair, Molly Weasley, came in my room and woke me up.

“Hello dear, how did you sleep?”

“Well, thank you Mrs Weasley.” She scoffed, not wanting me to call her that. I had understood that quite well after the fiftieth time she had told me so the previous day, but what do you want, old habits die hard.

“Sirius wanted me to tell you he needs to see you.”

I nodded in agreement and quickly put on a jumper, it was an unusually cold morning. I followed her downstairs and ran into Fred and George. They were arguing with their father.

“Why can’t we stay? We’re adults now!” protested George.

“Because your mother thinks you’re still too young. Don’t argue, George, you neither, Fred, and go to your room!”

They sighed a bit too loud for it to be natural and finally left the living-room where the meeting would take place. Fred winked at me and followed his brother. When I entered the room, I came face to face with a man I had never seen before. He was wearing a black robe and had oily black hair, but what I saw first was his big crooked nose. We looked at each other a few seconds and I looked away only when Sirius coughed. He put an arm around my shoulder and dragged me away, not without glaring at the man. I couldn’t help but notice two things: first, a true hatred had arisen from the man as soon as Sirius had arrived, second, Sirius had stood straighter and lifted his chin.

“It’s Severus Snape.” he murmured me. “A total creep.”

“Why aren’t you besties then?” I smirked.

“I’m afraid my hair will become like his if I stay next to him for too long.”

I rolled my eyes. However, my smile faded when I saw how worried Remus looked. He was frowning and his grin seemed a bit too forced when he saw me.

“Y/N, how are you?” His tone was too cheerful. Yep, something was wrong.

“I could ask you the same question.” I eyed him suspiciously. He promptly looked away.

I asked Sirius what was happening and he shrugged. Now that I thought about it, Molly had seemed worried too, but she was nowhere to be seen. A regular noise indicated me Mad-Eye was approaching.

“Y/L/N, can I talk to you for a minute?” I nodded. “Soon we will send you back to America for a mission. You don’t have to know the details for now. I will talk to you about it later.”

Even if a lump was forming in my throat, I nodded once more and hurriedly headed toward the door to leave the living-room. No one followed me; the meeting had probably begun and that meant I wasn’t needed anymore. I was on the verge of running upstairs when I stop dead in my tracks. You’re going crazy my dear Y/N. An ear was floating in the air. I saw it rising, my mouth wide open, when I heard muffled voices from upstairs. Sighing and rolling my eyes - it was another of my bad habits - I dragged myself to my room. I stopped when I heard Fred’s voice.

“Y/N has the right to stay for the meetings,” he mumbled. “I wonder why she can and not us.”

“Because her parents didn’t forbid her to.” I had never heard this voice. Maybe it was from the twins’ brother.

“Have you seen them? Her parents?” It was a girl voice, probably their sister.

“No, you’re right. You know what, maybe we can ask her to tell us what happens in the meetings?”

“Yes, Ron, obviously no one has told her not to tell anything.” It was George.

“I’m sure we can make her talk.” Fred’s voice was now cheerful. “I’m sure with a little Tickling Charm -”

I decided to open the door. Clearly surprised, the four siblings turned simultaneously their heads toward me. Their mouths were slightly opened, they looked like fishes. Stupid fishes, might I add.

“It wouldn’t work Fred, I hate tickles.”

“What a shame.” he replied. “Are you here to tell us everything you know?”

“No way.” I saw the boy who had to be Ron frowning. “I’m here to tell you to be more careful when you try to spy on the meetings. I’ve seen the ear.”

“I told you it wasn’t a good idea!” hissed the girl.

“Don’t worry, I’m the only one.” I add. I winked at Fred, quite happy to see him smile at me, and I left.

“Wait!”

I let the door of my room open and sat on my bed, looking curiously at Fred. He passed an hand in his hair, ruffling it a bit, and joined me.

“You seem upset.”

It wasn’t a question, and I didn’t deny. Of course I was upset. I didn’t want to go back to America. I hated this country and I hated the memories I had there.

“Why do you think I’m upset?”

“Your eyes seem darker, and your smile isn’t the same either.”

It was scary, how well he could understand me. It was the very first time someone saw through my armor, and I wasn’t sure how I had to react.

“You can trust me.” Fred added softly.

“They want me to go back to America for a mission but…”

“You don’t want to, right?”

I nodded. Fred slowly put an arm around my shoulder and, seeing I didn’t push him away, he pulled me against him. I enjoyed this embrace and after a few moments, I put my arms around him. None of us talked or moved, we were just melting in this hug.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” He murmured in my ear. I sighed sadly.

“I don’t have the choice.”

“Or you murder everyone.” His tone was playful and when I raised an eyebrow at him, he pretended to be deadly serious. “No one could force to go anywhere.”

“That means I would have to murder you too, right?”

“You wouldn’t do that.” He seemed pretty confident.

“And why?”

“I bet you’re a little angel behind this facade of sarcasm.”

After this day, I grew closer to the Weasley siblings, but I had something way more special with Fred. He just seemed to know me perfectly even though we knew each other for barely two weeks. Molly was lovely with me, but I wasn’t sure it was because of my friendship with her children. She acted like a mother to me, and I had to admit it was new for me. My own mother had never been particularly tender or loving with me, neither had been my father. Our interaction consisted in homeschooling and training with plenty of spells, along with the history of the Order and of course, the life of Peter Pettigrew. That was it. I had never really left the house I had grown in, and the only person other than my parents I knew back there was Remus.

That’s why having a family as loud and joyous as the Weasley family was strange, but I couldn’t say it displeased me. The only thing bothering me in this new life was the Weasley siblings’ obsession with what happened during the meetings. I hadn’t had news about my mission yet, but I had to stay to describe the surroundings of my house and how was the American part of the Order.

However, I never assisted to the meetings until their ends, and when I had to leave the living-room, I usually joined Fred, George, Ginny and Ron in the twins’ room. Today was no exception: Molly had hurriedly gestured me toward the door - she didn’t like at all my implication in the meetings - and I quickly climbed the stairs. When I opened the door, I immediately felt Fred’s look on me.

“It was an important meeting today, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was, and no, you won’t know anything.”

He sighed and I mimicked him. He was cute and kind, and very funny, but he was also irritating as fuck when he wanted to.

“Why won’t you say anything?” It was George. “We need to know.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” I replied. “And your mother would kill me if I even told you on which chair Moody sits.”

“We don’t care about Mum!” Ginny lost her temper. “This is too important, we need to know everything Y/N! Why can’t you understand this?”

“Why can’t you understand Molly wants to protect you?” I felt my blood boiling in my veins, not a good sign. “She loves you. You can’t blame her for loving you, you don’t have the right!” I had screamed the last words and the four ginger heads in front of me stared at me in shock. I didn’t know why, but I felt like the next article about me in the Daily Prophet would be perfectly justified. “Why do you want so badly to know?” My voice was quieter. “These people I see during the meetings, each member of the Order, everyone is threatened. You know what happened to my parents, right?” Their guilty looks gave me my answer. “As soon as the war will start, we will be on the front line, maybe all of us will die. Why would you want to be a part of this? Trust me, you should run away, not rush into the battle. At least I would know you’re normal.”

A silence followed my last words, and I caught myself hoping they were convinced. Note to self: never think Fred can be serious if the situation isn’t immediately life-threatening.

“We’re quite proud to say we’re not normal.” He had a big grin.

“Idiot.” I muttered.

He stood up and walked toward me. I knew I was supposed to be angry at him, but when he opened his arms in front of me, I couldn’t help but throw my arms around his neck. It felt too good to be here, it felt right.

“I promise we won’t bother you with that anymore.” His voice was muffled by my hair. I heard the floorboards creaking and the door softly closing. We were alone. “Can I ask you something, Y/N?” I nodded. “Were you close to your parents?”

“I think you know the answer.”

He sighed, and I reluctantly looked him in the eyes. I didn’t want to see the pity I always saw in Remus’ eyes, or in Molly’s. To my surprise, it wasn’t the case. Fred had the same look in his eyes as Sirius, which I saw like a it’s-sad-to-know-you-weren’t-close-to-them-but-I-swear-I-won’t-bother-you-to-death-with-that-and-I’ll-try-to-make-you-forget-that look.

Our faces were only inches apart, and not really knowing why I did that, I grabbed his face and kissed him. His lips were softer than I had imagined. My hands slowly made their way to his neck and to his hair. Our lips were moving in sync and muffled groans escaped our mouths. I felt my heartbeat increasing and way too soon, I ran out of breath. We reluctantly broke the kiss, keeping our foreheads pressed against each other, and I couldn’t help but smile brightly.

“You’re a good kisser, Fred.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, Y/N.”

I was quite happy Sirius hadn’t the same way to make me forget, it would have been awkward.

I was really comfortable with the new kind of relationship I had with Fred, but I didn’t know how to tell Remus. The guy had always acted like a father to me, even back in America where he would bring me chocolate each time he visited us. And I had a feeling he wouldn’t be overjoyed by what I had to tell him. Fred understood perfectly my state of mind, obviously not really wanting everyone to know either. We had never spoken a word about it, yet we had both kind of agreed we would hide our relationship, for a little while anyway. That resulted in us sneaking into every room of the house and snogging as long as we could, until one of us was needed and our name echoed in the corridors.

George had been the first one to become suspicious, and he figured it out approximately two hours after our first kiss. From this point - and after a pretty convincing threat from Fred and I - he had promised not to tell everyone and to help us keeping the secret. He usually lied well and was able to cover us long enough for us to appear reasonably presentable. Unfortunately, swollen lips were difficult to hide. I guess that’s why Ginny soon understood what was happening, and Ron couldn’t stay oblivious when his sister was constantly joking about a certain leech unable to let me alone. Molly had become quite suspicious too, but the incredible thing was that Remus hadn’t any clue of what was happening. Sirius had begun teasing me the day the Weasleys had arrived, it had never really changed.

Fred and I both wanted to keep this a secret, but that didn’t prevent us from touching each other. We were always sitting next to each other during the diner, and when we couldn’t hold hands, we just made our knees or our elbows enter in contact. Fred winked at me approximately a dozen of times per day, and each second we could spend alone was used very wisely. However, a sort of tension was building itself between us. It wasn’t the bad kind of tension, it was the intimate kind. When we were alone and kissing, our hands moved more and more, and our bodies were closer and closer. I discovered a new kind of need, the one that was felt deep inside me, I needed to feel him closer to me. And I could tell that Fred was thinking exactly the same.

I was sitting in front of my opened window. The fresh air of the night was slightly caressing my face as I was thinking about Fred. Again. God, what had he done to me? I was unable to get him out of my head. I groaned and sat on the floor, the back resting against the wall. I was simply unable to sleep, and unfortunately, the sparkle in Fred’s eyes and his soft hair weren’t the only thing preventing me from sleeping. Mad-Eye had told me, a few hours ago, that I would soon receive the details about my mission in America. I wouldn’t admit it, never - I had a reputation of murderer to preserve, after all - but I was terrified. I wanted nothing more than forget about this part of my life. It wasn’t perfect right now either, I was locked up all day in this house, but I had parental figures that loved me - Remus, Molly and even Sirius, I had friends and I had a wonderful boyfriend. It was closer to perfection that it had never been.

I knew I wouldn’t sleep, and I decided to be a bit selfish. Fred and I almost hadn’t seen each other this day and I missed him. I got out of my room, tiptoeing to avoid this creepy house elf and I made my way to the twins’ room. They weren’t sleeping, I could hear their muffled voices. I slowly opened the door and, after the second of shock, they both smiled at me and Fred extended an arm. I sat on his lap, snuggling up with him and vaguely listening to them.

Eventually, George yawned and announced us he would go to sleep.

“Don’t do anything nasty while I’m here.” He winked.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find another room for tonight.” Answered Fred.

I smiled and grabbed his hand, leading him out. We barely heard George’s comment (“Try not to wake everyone up!”) and I was going to join my room when Fred stopped me.

“No, love, follow me.”

We climbed the stairs and I noticed he had two pillows and blankets under his arm. We choose one of the room of the top floor and sneaked in. With a wave of his wand, Fred lighted a fire in the chimney and he put the blankets on the floor, one laid out and the others stashed next to the first one, in front of the now burning fire. Then he turned toward me and put his hands around my waist. He slowly leaned in and kissed me.

“Are you sure you want to do it?” His voice was a whisper.

I nodded, I didn’t want anything more than to feel him against me in the most intimate way possible. We shared another kiss, and another, and we slowly undressed each other. We laid on the blanket without breaking the kiss, both naked and discovering our bodies in a new way. This night was full of love and full of trust, Fred and I weren’t just two young adults hiding and snogging, we were now two lovers.

My head was resting against his torso, and his heartbeat slowly becoming normal again was the sweetest melody to me. We were still naked and laying on the blanket, Fred’s head resting on the pillows. His arms were around me and I was literally laying on him. A comfortable silence took place, only disturbed by the crackling sounds of the fire. A shiver ran down my spine. Fred grabbed a blanket and covered me.

“Better?” he whispered.

“Perfect.”

He chuckled, and the vibration in his chest seemed to echo in mine.

“Fred, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, love.”

“Promise you won’t laugh.”

Without seeing him, I could tell he was raising an eyebrow and a smirk was on his lips.

“I will try, but I can’t promise.”

I sighed, knowing my question would seem quite strange, but I was imagining a perfect life and I needed him to help me.

“What is it like to go to school?”

Much to my surprise, Fred didn’t laugh. He didn’t let out a sarcastic or incredulous comment, he just tightened his grip on me and kissed my hair.

“You’ve never been to school?”

I shook my head. He sighed sadly, probably imagining a little girl locked up in a cold house, her parents only teaching her the strict necessary, an unhappy girl only dreaming to have friends and be normal. He wasn’t really wrong.

“Whatever we say, going to school is incredible,” he started. “especially if you go to Hogwarts. That’s where I go. You live with your friends, you can do everything with them. Eating your breakfast, playing Quidditch, sneaking into the kitchen for the parties -”

“Is it even allowed?” I laughed.

“Well, you’re missing the point.” He chuckled. “And as cliche as it sounds, it’s the most magical way to learn. Sometimes, you miss your house and your parents, along with your siblings if they aren’t with you, but your friends in there, they are your second family. You would do anything for them, and they would do anything for you, even going to detention. And even detentions are fun if you’re with the good persons. And you can explore each corner of the school and live wonderful adventures.”

Fred stopped, obviously feeling my tears on his bare skin. He murmures apologies and stroke my hair.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I shouldn’t have -”

“No Fred, thank you. Now I can imagine my perfect life.” I murmured.

“Am I a part of it?”

“Of course you are.”

And I fell asleep.

The castle towers were illuminated by the sunset. The sky had taken a bright red tone, and a sweet breeze ruffled our hair. Fred was in front of me, running slow enough for me to follow and holding my hand. We were in a park, surrounded by huge trees. The air was fresher here, and the grass underneath my bare feet was soft. Some birds were still up there and singing for us. It was truly perfect.

Suddenly Fred stopped and turned toward me. His eyes were shining, he had this sparkle that showed every time he was happy.

“Ready for our adventure, my love?”

I opened my mouth, eager to tell him I would follow him everywhere, but it wasn’t clearly not my voice that echoed in the peaceful atmosphere of the forest.

“What the -”

A sudden airstream made me shiver and I snuggled closer to Fred. I didn’t want to open my eyes, my dream was too beautiful. Maybe if I could go back to sleep right now -

“Good job, Mum. You might want to close the door now, no?”

I heard the door closing and I sighed in contentment. I felt myself falling asleep again when two loud sounds made me jump. The door had been slammed open and a loud gasp echoed in the room. Instinctively, I tried to get up but Fred pulled me against him.

“Don’t think you want to get up right now.” he murmured with his husky voice in my ear.

I turned my head, ready to scold whoever had disturbed my peaceful dream when I saw him. Remus was on the threshold, his face as white as the hairs of Kreacher’s ears. I was sure mine was dark red by now, and I caught George’s look behind him, silently telling he was sorry. Finally, this little bastard pulled Remus backwards and closed the door, not without dodging the pillow I had thrown him for daring wiggling his eyebrows.

“I’m going to die…” I murmured.

“So am I.” answered Fred. “At least we’ll be together.”

“What a consolation.” I muttered.

“Oi! You didn’t think that a few hours earlier.” He winked at me and grabbed my arse.

“Not now, love, I promise in ten minutes you’ll wish you’re facing a banshee and not an angry Remus.”

Once dressed - and Fred’s giggle gone after he had seen the hickeys I had in the neck - we finally got downstairs. We entered the living-room, not really knowing what was going to follow. I wanted to tell Fred to let go of my hand, but it felt too right. I didn’t say anything.

Remus was pacing in the room, groaning at Sirius who was laughing. They were alone in there. When he heard us, Remus looked up and Fred shifted next to me.

“Where’s your courage, my dear Fred?” I whispered.

“Shut up.”

I wanted to chuckle but in front of an angry werewolf it wasn’t a good idea.

“Y/N, in the kitchen, please.”

I bolted, surprised by his tone. It wasn’t sweet but it wasn’t harsh either. I barely heard Fred groaning (“Courage my ass.”) before running face to face with Molly. She was probably as red as me, and I remembered George’s voice a bit earlier.

“I’m sorry Mrs -”

“Molly, dear. You don’t have nothing to be sorry about.”

She smiled and I let out a sigh of relief, one I didn’t even know I was holding. However, my smile turned into a grimace when I heard a scream in the living-room. Molly and I immediately ran behind the door and listened closely.

“I’m sorry, Professor… Mister… err…”

I chuckled, mentally promising myself I would tease Fred as soon as I could. Molly rolled her eyes.

“She’s fragile right now!” I snorted. “She doesn’t know how to feel and you just take advantage of her situation!”

I furiously shook my head to reassure Molly, whose eyes were wide open. I was ready to barge in and calm Remus’ ass down when Fred spoke up.

“I didn’t take advantage of her Remus! She’s an adult, she can make her own decisions whether you like it or not!”

“Maybe she wanted it but how can I know you -”

“Because fell for her! I love her!”

Fred’s voice was clear as crystal, and so was the love in it. I gasped, and realized I was feeling exactly the same. I loved him. I loved Fred Weasley. This time, I barged in the living-room, yes, but I ran toward Fred and kissed him. He gladly melted into the kiss, pulling me harder against him. We quickly interrupt, not wanting to shock poor Remus more than he already was.

“I love her, Remus, and I know what she went through. I would never, never, to that to her, I swear to you and everyone here.”

Fred’s voice was sweeter now that he didn’t feel threatened anymore. His arm was around my waist and he didn’t loosen his grip when Remus sent him a harsh look.

“I think the boy is sincere,” softly said Sirius. “Maybe you don’t have to murder him right now.”

Remus groaned, looked at me and left in the kitchen. Catching the message, I pecked Fred’s lips - doing it in front of everyone was so strange - and I followed Remus.

“How long has it been?”

“Three weeks.”

“And when did you… you know… for the first time?”

“Yesterday.”

My voice was quiet. Among everyone who was in this house, Remus was the only one I couldn’t bear to disappoint. He was like my father since I was seven, and I knew he wanted nothing more than to protect me. God, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. What if I saw anger, and disappointment? A shaky sigh escaped my lips.

“Hey, Y/N, look at me.”

He lifted my chin and I saw a small smile on his lips.

“You don’t have to be sorry, I am the one owing you apologies. It’s just that… You know, I know you since you’re a baby, and I saw you growing up into a beautiful woman, and when you send this bird to me, I swore I would protect you. And I will protect you, from everything you need to be protected from, even if it’s a boy.”

“You don’t have to protect me from Fred, Remus…”

“I know that. But I hope he’s scared enough to know what will happen if he hurts you.”

“I bet his pants will remember for him.” I chuckled.

And Remus did something he had never done before, something no one had never done before: he hugged me, and I felt the love of a father enveloping me like a protective cocoon. I even felt a tear rolling down my cheek.

Later this day, I learnt that Mad-Eye was on his way to the 12, Grimmauld Place when Molly had been looking for me. Not finding me in my room, she had wanted to ask Fred if he had seen me, only to find out he was missing too. She had understood that we were together, and George, who had been roughly woken up by his mother, had panicked and had been unable to say anything.

Mad-Eye wanted to explain me my mission, which happened to be less difficult than I thought: I had to go back to my former house, find an highly important file and come back. Fred had refused to let me go alone and, an hour later, we had taken a Portkey. Finding the file hadn’t lasted more than half an hour during which Fred had never let go of my hand, and we came back with the same Portkey after I had cast a spell for it to bring us back to London.

Fred leaving for Hogwarts had kind of broken my heart, I wasn’t ready to spend moths without him, but he had promised me to send me a letter each day. He kept his promise, and while reading it, I had the impression I was with him.

I was still locked up in this awful house, but I was with Remus and Sirius. And I loved Fred, and he loved me, and I had friends.

My life was closer to perfection than it had never been.

#harry potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter imagines #fred weasley #fred x reader #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley x you #remus lupin

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queenofallwitches · 3 years

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Why I hate people who spend their adult life arguing online;

1. Well it’s juvenile , I personally prefer to leave any and all pseudo intellectual social discourse in my 6th grade debating class...

2. You aren’t anyone important and not saying novel things, you are using people who have put information that is novel and trying to spin it into your own agenda.

3. Waste of time, fools will be foolish, and if you enjoy the discourse, toastmasters or academic debating would be more productive uses of time

4. You lack self insight

5. You are self aware and doing it due to your own egotistical, sadistic, cunning desires. (Trolls, deep fakes)

Why I never take anyone who loves to argue on menial topics seriously: (spiritually or mentally)

I am high iq and high eq. I am also “attractive by the conventional measures of society” I deal with the most pathetic and malicious idiots who cannot understand a woman who has aesthetic appeal, that can also hold a stimulating and intelligent conversation.

I don’t argue. I problem solve. Arguing online was faded out when I was 14 years old.

But people who are almost 40, ar still out there pretending that they are the most unique and authoritative source of blogging bullshit. When the world media and journalism is where we are today. The academic literature speaks a plethora more than an adult in the hamster wheel, unable to see they are playing checkers in a left vs right, design by social engineering and the think tanks of Tavistock, you play the part they put you to be.

A dialectic of irrational and repetitive arguments is never productive.

It lacks a solution or a higher order of resolution, why are you behaving to destroy when you are claiming to want to create a world better?

So unconscious and unexplained lack of self awareness in adults who are obviously insecure and ignorant becomes old quick.

I comprehend why it’s important but the level of the argument is basic, and been recycled 1000000 times.

Why am I writing this? Free speech is not free. If you can discourse over the same shit and never find a solution you are part of the same fucking problem.

How I know?

Life experience. Learning.

Love of learning and living and devouring the higher level of what if, how can we, let’s move into a better solution.

I have many years of experience that is beyond the understanding of most people and I have gone through things nobody understands.

One time I was a young teen, but was already too smart, too sassy, too aware and that left my life a wreck after I went too far.

I DID get expelled in the 11th grade. I’m no idiot, I am actually genius, by measures of conventional iq.

So I was academically talented without effort, not to boast, because I hated being smart.

But I did get the internet social discourse I needed to say; on things that we should be all knowing are social engineering in a designed dichotomy to divide and conquer.

I was in a program in high school called cum laude. I cannot recall the meaning. But we were advanced academics, not only skilled at learning but sports, extra curricular things like musicals, choir, crusade survivor camps (duke of Edinburgh), debating, tutoring/mentoring younger students & more. I won many awards without trying. Mostly for geography (social science), design tech, visual art & creative writing. I was learning university level things in year 8. And examining and analysis to debate in scholarly discourse about topics that were familiar when I was in 1-2 year of my bachelor degree. An example is philosophy, as this was mandated in the GT program. Smart is my sense of knowing how to balance the logical and the emotional. This is ONE percent of my life but one I did not follow through on and as a result I walk this path now, and I put up with the educated and intelligent “idiots” (like conformity, bullying, bitching kids in the same class) and refuse to stoop to low iq, low eq and low level idiots.

You waste time. I am not saying I am only exclusive to educated or academic professionals, that is not what this is about. This is about me being underestimated and undermined and never taken seriously because I get the most inhuman torment if I do start to speak my truth.

Lucky I found comfort in solitary rebellion. So. Let’s see what I am that is always going to be a work in progress but what my enemies forget all the time.

To remind you:

I am a born, intuitive empath, psychic and ancestral lineages of many esoteric paths play into my natural ability. I used to hate feeling, knowing and perceiving things that I could see happening, in my dreams, visions and “gnosis” before they happened. I felt powerless.

But now I know how to harness it, things change.

And yet still I have to sit back and observe, as I did for years in school, and then in the fucking shithole employment situation that was my consequence of 2 expulsions from schools. (They value conformity over fucking intelligence) I had a gang of kids in my last high school sign a petition to have me expelled and that is one example of how people in my life come to attack, hate, misunderstand and spit venom for no reason.

I never push that energy myself. But I call things as I see them. I am real , and my perception is primed to pierce the veil on those who lack authenticity, who are bullies, cunning, cruel, conformists, deep fakes, fraudulent, following orders for the sake of fear, or just narcissistic or psychopathic “organic portals” who carry out the agenda for the black lodge.

I have no issue if these people want to live a life away from me and what I protect. But when my sphere is crossed into on a repeated basis, I will study the situation in silence. I won’t speak of what I see, without objective and subjective factors weighed in a careful, cautious but not closed minded, way. See you and I are probably not the same because I’m the kind of human who always gives people the benefit of the doubt and believes that people are better, that is my detriment and my strength. I see the good and hope that others carry a genuine heart and soul. But my experience shows me that I am not wrong when I feel off, or intuitive feelings are ignored due to my “dismissal”.

When I find the truth, I always say, I knew I needed to listen to my heart and head.

That’s why I can never be broken, or betrayed, or backstabbed worse than before. It is always a learning lesson I am open to growing from.

I am always open to being wrong, or told how to be better, my flaws are on open display and I am not scared of that. I want to be more helpful to grow and nourish the people and places I interact with.

In my world, arguing online was a dying medium by my 18th birthday. For many reasons. But the enemy is a sucker for this divide and conquer, drama bred social and political bullshit that’s all just opinion and speculation. It creates a negative tone and teaches nothing of novelty or wisdom. It just shows how weak, insecure, paranoid, and self obsessed people who are too old for the high school bullshit, by miles, are. my enemies could even spit out the first longing to follow the death cult of the black lodge, I was already aware of what 95 % of you found out in 2020. I don’t mean to be pretentious or pompous, I’m not. I’m actually the most passionate, loving and open minded human I know. But the people who come into my spaces to play to prey. Imposters and the immoral, A siphoning sickness in a role to ruin, how could anyone do that but someone who is a soul-devoid parasite? That’s real fucking discourse. Let’s talk about morality, moral principles and how they are applied and actualised into the metacogition of your own microcosm.

Suggestions and solutions?

How about discourse on the metaphysics of mystic, magick, the mind and the method to mend the mundane world into a manifestation where a symbiotic system of mutually beneficial prosperity, peace, collaboration, creation & harmony can be lived on a daily basis?

How about solutions and sitting with your own shadow in the darkness to see your flaws.

how they only give me a free pass to watch the shit show. when push comes to shove and patterns that are seen in your behaviour, cyclically, are the key that unlocks the truth of anyone’s hidden motivation.

Why is deception and destruction never noted by the deceived, unless someone like me comes to break the wall of ignorance to say “hey this is the truth and it hurts and looks vile but fucking wake up”. No I don’t like the ripple impact this has but at the same time I am aw woman of strength. I will stand up for the real, authentic and genuine truth and speak my mind.

I don’t sugar coat this bullshit.

Nor will I indulge it.

Let alone be a person who lets it seep it’s tendrils into my life and what I love.

Not ever. Never.

As someone wise once said “despair ends, tactics begin”

You cannot claim any authentic path without putting your soul, blood and spirit to the test of facing your demons, slaying the darkness. I am not sure that comes with what I and others see these action and behaviour presenting to be.

I rarely write things like this, and only want to address this because i walk on a path of “rose and thorn”. My thorn will eventually slay whatever is a threat, a charlatan or a sheep in wolves clothing. By accident. Because what you are lacking is always looking to attack, I am always having to protect and defend my life from the evil.

I see you. I know the hidden hand x64. I am always open to forgiving people if they are sincere but will play reflection of the adverse if passive people are coming to what to me, is a beautiful and amazing thing, and to be acting as agents of sabotage? Shame on your lack of soul, and it’s lack of seeking to steal, stain and shit all over the things of substance, spirituality and sincerity will always be seen when I am the seer seeing the undertones.

So where is the moral compass?

Find yourself, and then you can find something real that is yours to be into and love. Maybe even this. But to fuck with what is real, while being fake, and following orders, is by far, fence sitting and fraudulent, insidious & infantile activity. Why not spend time looking inside to see why you are following this order from who for what? What is your genuine purpose? Soul mission? Higher self ? Or are you all still stuck in the love is the law is the law love under the will of the guy who wrote a book last century.

Fucking even Crowley lived his great work, and he has flaws and did things many would dispute to be “evil”. But he didn’t copy another clone from 100 years prior, following the mantra that someone else made up. That’s the stupid thing, the whole “do what thou wilt” was not do what you want but that is not a strong point for the sheep of the worst. I know as I see both sides, and as a child in the 90s I saw the dark, evil and insidious. To see that again, here, 3 decades later, playing coy but really carrying rancid intent.. is my call to commune what many will never see, because you all are complicit, and tell these fucking lies and divert productive progress by your stupid discourse. These people LOVE senseless debating. Semantics. Solutions, self awareness or seek a soul inside the empty cavern that the black lodge will set inside your sadistic serpentine, slimy soul.

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looongcat · 4 years

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Nightshade Thoughts

Alright take 2! This is not spoiler free!

Goemon

I am a sucker for nice guys. Like stealing from the rich? Heart of gold? Sign me tf up! It comes as no surprise that I really liked the beginning of his route. However I hated the ending. I very clearly knew that he was faking it, but I think it upsets me that he can betray/torture enju if he has to, not so much that he did. Like it would be less hurt if he actually just betrayed enju and didn’t care about her all along. But since I knew, he loved enju, and that he could still hurt her, I was not happy! I am also not a huge fan of flirts, so there’s that. I thought I would really like him but he ended up being like my 2nd least favourite route.

Hanzo

I am also... a sucker for cold guys who are warm to you. Emphasis on a cold guy, i do not like rude guys! I think there is a difference between someone calling you useless/an idiot versus someone saying you’re inexperienced, even thought they both make you feel useless. Anyways, Hanzo’s route did not disappoint! I obviously did not like how his route started, but by the time he was whipped for enju, I was totally enthralled. I did have some issues when his route, specifically his age. He mentions that he was around your mother’s age, and in someone’s else's route they mention the age difference between chojiro, goemon and hanzo, and if you put everything together you can kinda guess how much older he is than enju, and friendly reminder girl is 16. That aside, I really enjoyed how he actually let enju fight, or that enju was willing to fight since she only runs away in all the other routes. Hanzo is probably my favourite route.

Kuroyuki

The only age appropriate LI! Maybe that’s why I kinda like him LOL. I am also a sucker for childhood friends to lovers (which means I enjoyed Gekkamaru’s route too which more on that later!) I actually did like his route, even though he’s deceiving enju the whole time. I think the difference is that he made enju feel safe, whereas goemon definitely did not! Idk how to explain it, just that I’m okay with what he did lol. The story is quite predictable so I suspected that Kuroyuki was the killer when I was playing Goemon’s route. Cause yknow guy who’s been gone for 8 years is probably not so innocent. There is something to be said about how Kuroyuki & Enju might not actually love each other, which the game does bring up. I don’t have like big thoughts on it. Personally I thought their ending was kinda cute, so I think they did love each other, even if it was like out of like.... dependence? Like they depend on each other to survive, and is that really so wrong?

Chojiro

Yknow what I’m not a sucker for LOL. I know in some cultures it’s normal but I just could not get over the fact that this guy is both your cousin and your teacher. Especially since they would not stop bringing it up T_T. No sir I cannot see you as a man, cause you are my cousin and you should stay that way! Anyways this route is quite plot heavy, and most of the romance is just crammed into the end. If i’m being honest, I did not enjoy the story. Cause if you think about, the emperor faked his death, framed you for it, and then had all your friends hunt you down and die for essentially nothing. Cause in the good end, you and chojiro just run away, and thus the emperor still stays the emperor, like at least in Gekkamaru’s route the emperor dies and there’s a hint that there’s some change that will happen (but even that is unsatisfying). But like in Chojiro’s route literally nothing has changed, all your friends really are dead for nothing! Plus, they’re probably gonna have to continue running away if the emperor decides to continue sending people after them. So yeah, chojiro was my least favourite route and least favourite guy. I did however think the bad ending was kinda cute lol.

Gekkamaru

Gekkamaru is probably my favourite guy. As previously mentioned I love a guy who’s kind and I love childhood friends to lover romances. I don’t quite know how I feel about him being under a spell to protect you. It does make it seem like, his actions towards enju might be disingenuous, but I feel like enju was a kind character from the start, and that throughout the last 16 years I’m sure their friendship meant something to Gekkamaru, such that his actions when the story started are genuine. At least that’s what I want to believe. I thought they were super cute together, and I did like how he did things with her best interest in mind, such as saying that they were partners on a mission and not like a bodyguard/master situation. Again, I didn’t love the plot, so this route wasn’t my favourite. Idk where it really stands, but I did like the romance in the route, so like higher than chojiro/goemon and probably a close tie w/ kuroyuki.

Overall thoughts

The plot of the story is so linear and predictable it did take out some of the fun for me. Like by the time I got to chojiro’s route, I thought the story would be the same and so then I ended up skipping through the parts that were actually different. BUT DONT WORRY, i got a chance to read all the things I missed in Gekkamaru’s route. Idk if the game has a feature that stops skipping when you get to new material, but... i definitely did not have that feature on. I would say I did not like how linear the stories are, I think what I like about other otome games is that each route tends to be quite different w/ some similar plot points, but overall you are getting a different story. I felt like I was just reading the same story like 5 times. Like even once I got to chojiro’s route and I was like oh.. this is different, I still was like i bet all your friends are gonna die, and then yknow they did.

I also hated how the difference between the bad end and the good end is like... a few lines, and that all of them are the same. In all the bad ends you die, and although I actually didn’t mind that. In fact I kinda liked some of the bad ends, it still... fell short b/c it was like... basically the good end but like... instead of surviving you die. It really wasn’t any different. It didn’t really feel like the story split off into something different, it’s just you die and that’s the end.

I didn’t ended up buying the DLC, but someone posted them on youtube and I wish they would have been like epilogues of like your romance w/ each LI, after the main story. Instead they were all just like... side stories to the main story, which meant it wouldn’t be as romantic as I would have wanted. Again, Hanzo’s was my favourite if I had to pick

TLDR: I wouldn’t say I don’t recommend this, but if you do play I would recommend you play in order, since in each route you tend to learn more and more about the plot. Otherwise the story is pretty predictable, its super linear, it feels like you're reading the same story 5x. The story itself wasn’t that bad, and the romances aren’t the worst so like... 3/5 maybe.

#personal #nightshade #nightshade spoiilers #long post #if anyone cares I believe hanzo is like 16 years older than enju if I mathed correctly lol #i thought about it a little more and i think its actually 17 years older

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portfolio- · 7 years

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Thoughts about Ruler: Master of the Mask, Part 10

(Note: This entry is going to be longer than the usual incoherent or coherent posts I've had. I'm still digesting all the feelings I have for this episode because wow, RMOTM actually had the potential to raise the bar.)

I must be a sadist. I watched The Throne last Tuesday, then I watched today's episode. I've mourned Yoo Ah In's Sado, now I mourn for Yoo Seung Ho's Lee Seon (albeit for a short period of time).

The episode last night depicted a good picture of the main theme of this show imo, power, which fits just right as we move headfirst to the climax of the story.

(I’ll be a decent person for once and put this expand post thing here because this entry has more spoilers than I think should be spilled).

Dae Mok proved to be the best villain out of all in the show as he nitpicked on all his enemies. In one swoop, with the fake King's help, he managed to get absolute power within the court and in extension, Joseon. He loves (with whatever is left of his blackened heart) his granddaughter, as we've seen throughout the series, but will not waver in the name of his organization. He tortured the true king with his lover and his most loyal friend, knowing that beneath the regality, he is simply a man who protects the people he care about. I could already feel the satisfaction of seeing him dead when this series ends, in whatever form it will reach him. Props to Heo Jun Ho for being very, very effective on his role.

I feel bad for the queen dowager, but then again, the better villain always prevails. I will miss her being at the top of her game. Kim Sun Kyung is becoming one of my favorite actresses to watch in her generation, second to Jeon Mi Sun.

Hwa Goon actually gained my sympathy this time as her grandfather forced her to bend to his will. I liked the interaction she had with her father, that the latter's love always prevails. They gained my sympathy because beneath all the bullshit they experienced from the head of their family, they never lost the ability to care for each other. I still dislike her for forcing herself to the true king (especially at this episode), but actually felt sad at the idea that she would surrender everything to him. I'll discuss more on the true king later. For now, it will suffice to say that had the true king held hands with Pyunsoo Group by marrying Hwa Goon, it will only ruin them both. I hate her for slapping Ga Eun because the latter has no idea (again, who’s fault is this?) because she had no fucking right. Who set the ball ralling in the first place? Huh? (slaps Hwa Goon because you need to wake up too girl!!) But what takes the cake for me was when Gon lied to Hwa Goon for her sake! And how it breaks Gon to betray his master. Why did the writers fucking threw their pairing aside?! (screams) And when Hwa Goon actually pressed the sword on Gon's neck with the latter remaining steady on his resolve! What a parallel with our main leads. Had the writers went this way, I would have liked Hwa Goon more (even just a smidge of it). Anyway, thumbs up to Kim Seo Kyung for portraying Gon this way, worming in my heart after that fucking Hyun Suk betrayed us all. In the case of Yoon So Hee, she has her moments, but she still feels exhausted to me when she gets angry (except for that scene with Gon). I would have wanted an extra oomph from her, because Hwa Good could have been more likable on my part had she brought the same degree on intensity as the other leads.

The one receiving my ire once more (Actually, not just ire. I want so bad to slap him. I want to inflict physical character on him fucking asshole.) is the fake king. YOU FUCKING POSER GET OFF YOUR FUCKING HIGH HORSE AND FIGHT ME!!!!! (screams) He became a corrupted, guiltless puppet whose selfish intentions ruined the lives of those who actually care for him. FUCK YOU FAKE KING. Just when we thought he was in the right position to help the true king and his lover, jealousy takes over. AIN'T GONNA TAKE MY BABY GIRL'S HEART BASTARD. I hate him so much right now I want to run a sword through him, harakiri style. He fails to see how he would never win Ga Eun's heart. He actually had the nerve to console her after telling her of the true king's "death". FUCK YOU UGH DIE!!!!! In terms of acting, Kim Myung Soo actually played his role fine. While not to the level of his true counterpart (discussed later), he actually managed to bring about this rage within me (for his character).

(Pauses to take a deep breath)

Now, let's go to my babies because HOW DARE YOU WRITER-NIM HURTING THEM GAAAAAAAAAAAH (slaps left and right).

Let's start with our beloved Chung Woon. It's about damn time he confessed to Ga Eun that she was the one to behead her father. (I want to slap the true king for prolonging everyone's agony, but I'll let it slip this time because because because!!! You'll see later.) Can you see how understanding Ga Eun would have been had the truth been told to her all this time? (glares at writer-nim) The fact that she actually comes with Chung Woon proves that. Also, his bromance shone again in this episode, when Dae Mok used him as another bait for the true king to join Pyunsoo Group. WHY DID YOU DO THAT AHHHHHH WHY DID YOU BLIND MY CHUNG WOON! But maybe it is fitting for his guard career to end like this, his blindness as the price he paid for going with the late king's orders. But goodness, who will save the day now?

Another good thing in this episode was how Woo Bo bounced back to his usefulness being a true king's man. The subtle communication he had with the fake king provided him with the answers he needed, and I'm so damn excited for him to execute a plan of action versus Pyunsoo Group. By being fired, so to speak, Woo Bo was placed in the right position to sequester the loyal followers of the true king during his time as the chief peddler. Remember what the true king/chief peddler asks in return, the loyalty of the people he aided as he trained to become who he has been right now? This is the perfect time to call on them. And thank you, Park Chul Min, for being our endearing drunkard. I look forward to your "mental" battle with Dae Mok.

And now. MY BABIES. (hugs YSH and KSH)

I'll start with the true king because damn Yoo Seung Ho, you're giving me a run for my money. This time, we see the true king fight Pyunsoo Group not as a leader, but as a lover. Do I hate him for it, for letting his emotions get the best of him? At first thought, I would have. That's reckless. That's insane. That's not worth it. (This is me speaking with my mind over matter perspective.) But then, watching the entire episode, facing Pyunsoo Group is some sort of rite of passage not just for him, but for Ga Eun as well. I like how dignified he carried himself at the beginning, and how Dae Mok broke him little by little until he was left with no other choice but to relent. He was a gentleman to Hwa Goon through it all, and his standing by his principles and his heart only made him shine all the more. He wouldn't take Hwa Goon because he was a decent person who wouldn't bring about that sort of pain even to his worst enemy. He wouldn't take power that was stolen or taken by spilled by blood. He would not be seduced by power, especially when it stemmed from evil. He would not ascend at the expense of other people, and that's what makes him a good person. I think that is what makes Hwa Goon not appeal to him, because at the core of her kindness towards him is the selfishness that would always be a step away from topping over the edge. We could hate him for his decisions, but we couldn't fault him for wanting what's best for those around him.

And when Dae Mok blinded Chung Woon and he suddenly screamed "Master Dae Mok!" Oh my gosh. I love watching the true king break down. So in character, so true of his vow as the leader of his people.

As a lover, he demanded respect for Ga Eun when she was unceremoniously dragged by Dae Mok's men because in his eyes, she is the rightful queen to his king. He would put her safety first, whether or not he knows that the odds are against him. He would risk his neck if that meant she would not be involved anymore. He took the poison to save Ga Eun, which was his initial intention. At this point, if it were any other actor/person, I would be screaming at how stupid he had been, but YOO SEUNG HO DAMN. He made us feel the depth of his love for the woman who always had his heart, and like any sucker for undying first loves, I succumbed to the storm of emotions brewing within me and cried my heart out.

And Han Ga Eun, the most powerful pawn in the show. The bait to both Lee Suns. The subject of hate and jealousy of Hwa Goon. This episode is another revelation to her, an extension of the trauma-inducing exchange with the true king. Finally, she asked the truth about her father's death to the right person. Finally, she held her own to Hwa Goon face to face (When she was slapped, I was like "Oh no you didn't!" Then when she stopped the latter from slapping her again, I was like "Yeah show her!"). Seriously, Hwa Good had no right after all her actions. Gets Ga Eun's father killed now this? Ha! Going back, I hate the fake king continued to appeal to her by using their old friendship. (One of these days, someone should hand me that asshole's ass.) Now that she would be concubine to the fake king, she would be in the perfect position to make things work for the good. Even if she thinks the true king dead (saving the best for last), I really, really hope they make the best use of her, as the last piece standing. Come to think of it, the queen is the most powerful chess piece right? I shouldn't but I am anticipating some showdown with her on the lead. She is the only hope of the "light" side with everyone thinking the true king dead. From what I could see, she is the best bet of the inner court with Mae Chang and the Chief Eunuch as her guide.

And lastly. Gosh. I know the mourning is short lived, but oh my gosh, did Kim So Hyun and Yoo Seung Ho make me cry like a baby. On the verge of taking the poppy wine, Ga Eun tried to prevent the true king from drinking the poison. The way she told him she would not forgive him for wasting her father's death, then the way she called him His Majesty and telling him that she already knows the truth (I really hate the writers right now for this torture, but I'll take what I can get.) Her desperate cries. Lee Sun calling her "Ga Eun-ah". The moment it hits him that she knows the truth.

The small smile he gave her before drinking the poppy wine (thinking about this scene makes me teary-eyed ugh come on). That small smile reminds me of that scene in Goblin wherein Kim Shin finally defeated the ghost of his enemy and realized that Eun Tak will be safe even at the cost of his immortal life. Here we have two men realizing that they finally get to do something good/save the women they love.

The way Lee Sun fell. The way Ga Eun held the sword to push it out of her way to hold Lee Sun. And that heartbreakingly sad confession. "From the first time I saw you, with all my heart, I loved you." His hand fell. Silence. That look of disbelief in Ga Eun's face. Then her cry. While Lee Sun's body was being carried away, the desperate way she tried to go after him.

WHY OH WHY IS THIS SCENE TORTURING ME

(Also, wow YSH and KSH. WOW. With Dae Mok clapping, you'd think he's clapping for the performance of the two rather than his victory.)

And her disbelief when the fake king confirmed (!!!!!!) that the true king is dead. "I still have so many things to tell him!" Reminds me of that scene in Moon Embracing the Sun when the court members stopped Yeo Jin Goo from running after Kim Yoo Jung as she was banished from the palace when she was cursed upon the request of the Queen Dowager. KSH gutted me.

I cried a lot. I'm so, so exhausted.

Anyway, to close this unbelievably long post, I think what appeals to me about RMOTM is the fine line power creates between good and evil. That the characters who are naturally good remain incorruptible makes me root for them all the more, good writing or not. RMOTM showed us the extremes these characters are willing to take to achieve their ultimate goals.

So to you who reached the end of this post, congratulations. I hope you don't feel as tired as I am composing this.

#spoilers #thoughts #ruler master of the mask #ruler: master of the mask #yoo seung ho #lee sun #han ga eun #kim so hyun #kim myung soo #kim hwa goon #yoon so hee #BREAK MY HEART COME ON

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