#i am a mag'har orc jaina

[skymagpie]

I love doing that little quest when Khadgar calls the council to tell them they will be working with the Horde against the Legion because

Khadgar waiting for you outside and behind the Violet Citadel like a nervous kid because he knows what is about to happen when he steps inside.

He is nice enough to let you know that this will be Bad and he knows ahead of time it will suck for you.

Jaina full caps "NEVER" followed by calling you vermin to your face (ouch)

Khadgar having none of it and pushing the vote anyway, aggressively

You having to deal with Ansirem who is still around and voted "Nay" to your face like okay we are all pretending this didn't happen

[thetirisfaltheatretroupe]

[Script Archive] Hellsequel: Right to Remain Stupid

“Hellsequel, Right to Remain Stupid” <<The following is a play that has been retired from the Tirisfal Theatre’s library, and will only reoccur for private events for the foreseeable future. This script has been placed here so that those who enjoyed the play or wish to perform it themselves may do so. Credit for this comedic performance goes to the Tirisfal Theatre Troupe>>

<Scroll to the bottom for trivia about this play, as well as our original poster!>

<CAST: Garrosh Hellscream, Taran Zhu, Warchief Vol’jin, Jaina Proudmoore, Sylvanas Windrunner, Baine Bloodhoof, Kairozdormu, Lor’themar Theron, Thrall> <The scene opens following the narration. We begin at the beginning of the trial, following Thrall’s narration. Note: If the performance venue is large enough, Thrall enters from behind the audience, turning their attention towards him. He does not acknowledge the trial, rather, he is speaking purely to the audience.>

[Thrall]: O-Oh! Throm'ka everyone, I did not  see you  at first! You see, I am on my way to play my role in Garrosh Hellscream's trial you all...must be here for that as well. The ruling for this is quite obvious 

<Stage whisper> He's guilty. Garrosh Hellscream...

<He rubs the back of his neck looking off a moment>

He had his successes. Many tales followed after that at what good he did..even when things were not. That he was...courageous, a true orc's orc. But the reality of his story is a very dark one indeed. 

Especially to those that trusted him... You would think, that the great Grommash Hellscreams child , who – yes...his history is not the same in everyone’s eyes but in the end Grommash did what was right. 

He saved our people. Garrosh...Garrosh only took half of that history and continued with the wrong side. A path of...violence, hatred, and ignorance.

It hurts my heart. It hurts my heart to it's deepest core that this was the outcome to what could have been a great leader who would have been a leader of legend. But instead he turned into one of the biggest embarrassments to orcs everywhere, especially the Mag'har who trusted him.

Oh- I think I know where I am going...listen. Everyone. Let this evening be an entertaining one as we look at a dark part of our history. 

When the clouds are gloomy and the rivers rise with rain, it is laughter that can turn those rains into a healthy shower..and then revealing the sun once more. Stare down these times with the confidence that humor gives us. 

Who knows what will happen at this trial! Will justice previal? Or will Hellscream somehow get out of it all with his own stupid luck? So everyone please enjoy “Hellsequel: Right to Remain Stupid!”

<he bows and exits stage right. The trial begins. Zhu stands at the far middle of stage right. Hellscream is in the center, facing Zhu and kneeling. Baine stands right behind him, positioned towards the backdrop. Jaina, Sylvanas, and Vol’jin stand in a row behind them.> [Zhu]: It appears all things are in order, minus the absence of Varian Wrynn. Something about needing a chin graft, I don’t know. . Now begins the trial of the war criminal, Garrosh Hellscream, usurped leader of the Horde.

Representing him will be Baine Bloodhoof. For what reason… <He stares Baine down and shakes his head> I honestly cannot comprehend. [Baine]: <salutes> Your honor, I assure you that representing Hellscream is something I do entirely to ensure he receives a fair and just trial and answers fully for his crimes, and is in no way done due to a promise for a lifetime supply of Cherry Grog. [Garrosh]: <grumbles> Sure, Beef, why not tell them your shoe size while you’re at it…

[Baine]: <turns to Hellscream> But…I don’t wear shoes. [Garrosh]: …wait, then what are those things on your feet? [Baine]: <blinks> You mean my hooves? [Garrosh]: THAT’S what those are?! I always thought those were tiny circular shoes! [Baine]: <turns to Zhu> I’d like to make the first statement in his defense early and get it out of the way. Your honor, as you can see, my client is a Thoking idiot. [Garrosh]: <roars> YOUR FACE IS A THOKING IDIOT! [Sylvanas]: <rolls her eyes> Yes, tauren, I think we all knew that. Let’s hurry this along. I’ve got places to blight, people to raise.

[Thrall]: <he folds his arms over his chest, exhaling.> Let’s just get this over with..

Jaina’s has that... ‘drown the Horde’ look in her eye again and I am NOT going to clean this one up again. Probably. Maybe. We'll see. [Jaina]: <eyes twitch> Horde…too many…one place…nrrrgh…kill the Horde! K-- [Vol’jin]: WHOA dere, Proudmoore! Calm de calamity that be yo’ mammaries! Hea’, eat a Giggles. Jo’ just not jo’ when jo’ hungry! <hands her a Giggles bar> [Jaina]: DON’T TRY TO DISTRACT ME WITH DELICIOUS PRODUCT PLACEMENT, WARCHIEF! <does a double take and then takes the bar, turning away from the audience and then devouring it with loud smacking noises> [Zhu]: Everyone, sit down and shut up with your faces! You are in MY court, and you will adhere by MY rules! [Garrosh]: But! …will we adTHERE by your rules too? Eh? EH? [Zhu]: I will sentence you to death immediately if you make another bad joke like that. [Garrosh]: <grumbles incoherently> [Baine]: <nudges Garrosh> Between you and me…I laughed. [Garrosh]: Shut up.

[Zhu]: IN THE CASE… of Garrosh Hellscream, Mister Hellscream, how do you plead? [Garrosh]: <use Moros’ polishing Indecent, your honor! [Baine]: Yes. <does a double take> Wait, what? This isn’t what we agreed to. <Vol’jin, Sylvans, and Jaina all laugh at Baine> WHAT? I told him to plead guilty and I’d work to reduce his sentence! [Zhu]: ORDER! Order in the court! Hellscream, your attorney does not know of your decision to plead innocent. Do you intend to proceed with a plea of innocence? [Garrosh]: <flashes a big toothy grin> Does this look like the face of insincerity to you? [Vol’jin]: Ugh. De face only a mudda could love. [Zhu]: Very well. You stand before accusations of war, torture, kidnapping, twelve counts of assault with a dark herring, being downright ugly, failing to signal at a left turn at the Kodo Stop, biting, clawing, cheating, filing your taxes late… ...,stealing candy from babies, drawing phallic symbols on battlefields with the blood of the fallen, clogging fifty outhouses without telling anyone, animal abuse, spousal abuse, substance abuse, child abuse-- [Garrosh]: THAT WRYNN KID WAS ASKING FOR IT! [Zhu]: ...laundering money, laundering laundry money, conspiring to devour the entire world’s supply of raspberry pies, dancing lewdly in front of the August Celestials, telling horrible jokes, and last but not least, rapping like a grade A sucker. [Garrosh]: …hey, I only did twenty two of those things! [Zhu]: That last one was added after you got served in the last play. Deal with it, sucka’. Now then, do you stand before this court and say that you did none of this, even though you quite clearly confessed just now to doing twenty two of the twenty three crimes anyway? [Garrosh]: <turns to Baine> I got this, Beefcake. [Baine]: <grumbles and walks away> Sure you do…I better still get my Grog, though. Didn’t get any last time... [Garrosh]: Your honor, I would like to make my first defense. [Zhu]: Very well. Have you subpoenaed a witness? [Garrosh]: What? I should hope not! You’re a pervert for even asking such a thing out of me! <turns to Baine> What does ‘sub peenee’ mean? [Baine]: <smirks> It means you’re toast if you don’t have a witness. [Garrosh]: Dammit, and I’m all out of jam and butter! [Baine]: …I have to speak as literally as I am capable of with you, don’t I? [Garrosh]: Your honor, I would like to call to the stands my witness…uh…Notthere…Mc…Doesn’texistenhansonshire. The second. [Zhu]: …and where is this witness? [Garrosh]: Oh uh. He said he’d be late, so uh…you’ll just have to take my word for it that he really was there and saw everything, your honor! [Sylvanas]: OBJECTION! I swore NotthereMcDoesntexistenhansonshire II into the Forsaken army and know for a FACT that he does not know this gnoll brained barbarian.

[Zhu]: Garrosh, if you cannot provide a proper witness, then we will be forced to proceed to your opposition instead. Now sit down, shut up, and take your lumps. I call to the stand a Miss Jaina Proudmoore! <Proudemore stands at the plaintiffs’ stand> [Zhu]: Lady Proudmoore, how do you know the defendant? [Jaina]: <spits> He’s the scum that slaughtered my people in Theramore. I could never forgive him for what he did. GARROSH: OBJECTION ON THE GROUNDS THAT THIS WOMAN IS HARBORING AN OLD GOD IN HER HOOHAA! [Zhu]: A rather bold and... borderline sexist claim? Also, how do you know this? [Garrosh]: Because she smells like a dragon’s sweaty taint! [Jaina]: <her expression becomes borderline psychopathic and she crackles with energy> IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL TO HAVE AN INTER-SPECIES RELATIONSHIP, YOU THUG!

[Sylvanas]: Well that’s an image I’ll need to scrape out of my brain later on. Quite literally, even...

[Zhu]: ORDER! ORDER! Sit down and shut up, Hellscream. Now then, Miss Proudmoore, we are aware in the court of the terrible things Hellscream did to the port town of Theramore. But can you tell us any crimes he did that will not result in a pissing match between you two?

[Jaina]: <calms in bewilderment> Wh…what? [Zhu]: <gestures to the audience>  We have a limited run-time, and this trial is just now under way. If you and Garrosh get into it now, I'm pretty sure it will eat up all the time we have what with the grievances between you both. [Jaina]: <her eyes crackle and she storms off the stand> New…objective…must…kill…fat judge… [Zhu]: Next, we call the stand Warchief Vol’jin! <Vol’jin approaches the witness stand> [Vol’jin]: How can old Vol’jin help ya? [Garrosh]: Wait a second, I thought I had him killed! [Baine]: …are you serious? He spoke already and you’re just now noticing he’s here? [Garrosh]: Oh. Wait, did I order him killed before he spoke or after?

[Baine]: This scenario is hopeless, isn’t it? [Zhu]: Tell us what grief this criminal buffoon has brought upon you, Warchief. [Vol’jin]: Ah yas, well, I was mindin’ mah own business, ya know? Doin’ a scout mission fo’ da bastard back when he be Warchief insteada’ me. I find out he be lookin’ for darkest of magics ta be creatin’ an unstoppable army fo’ himself. So I speak up about it, and his assassin stab me trough da neck. He admits he gonna do dat anyway unda’ Garrosh’s ordas. [Garrosh]: Wait, then how the hell is he still alive? [Baine]: He can regenerate. I mean, come on, you’re asking this stuff now? [Garrosh]: Uh…yeah? I mean, what does being a degenerate have to do with surviving a stab wound in the Thoking neck? [Vol’jin]: He be wantin’ ta take control o’ da entire Horde! Thas why I led de assault on him. [Garrosh]: OBJECTION! He didn’t go anywhere NEAR me with the salt shaker! [Baine]: I’m just not even going to touch that one. [Zhu]: You are a brave troll for stepping up, Warchief. May the trial avenge you for the grievances caused. You may sit now. <Vol’jin nods and returns to his seat> [Garrosh]: <whispers to Baine, but loudly so all can hear> So uh, don’t look now, but I think Vol’jin is alive! [Baine]: <turns away and chants> I’m doing it for the Grog, I’m doing it for the Grog, I’m doing it for the Grog… [Zhu]: Sylvanas Windrunner, please come to the witness stand. <While this happens, Thrall and Jaina run back, Thrall is putting his armor back on as he's running back and Jaina is fixing his dress. Not much should be said, just confused glances from the rest of the Leaders.>

<Sylvanas approaches the stand> [Zhu]:  Lady Windrunner, you have filed charges against Garrosh for various grievances against you and your people. When did these problems begin? [Sylvanas]: <scoffs> Begin? That assumes he wasn’t an ignorant oaf from the beginning.

[Garrosh]: OBJECTION! I acted out of self-pity! She friend zoned me!

[Sylvanas]: No, I shot down your sexual harassment like so many ravens in a sky of black arrows. [Garrosh]: <flirts> You can shoot my raven any day. You uh...wanna see my prison tats? [Baine]: I want to see them! <everyone gasps at Baine> <Baine shrugs> What? I’m actually curious!

[Zhu]: Ignoring both of these morons. It says here he disallowed the use of a forbidden chemical military bioweapon called the…Blight?

<he looks at the scroll (/read)>

So wait, he was trying to do something admirable? [Sylvanas]: W-what? No, no, nonsense, he didn’t take away our Blight, he was uhm…he was taking away our flight! Yes, that’s right! Without our bat riders, we could not hope to achieve victory in Gilneas and would have been overrun, so he effectively doomed my people! [Garrosh]: Hey! That's a lie! If I had my own perfect world, NOBODY would be able to fly unless they passed a long, dumb, arduous series of tasks meant to wear out their spirits and crush their interest in fighting! Only THEN would I allow them their flying licenses! Ah, what a perfect world that would be! <he cackles> [Zhu]: Hrm. Very well, must have been a typo. And other grievances? [Sylvanas]: Yes. <points to Garrosh> He wreaks of odors that make death itself ill. I’d like for his punishment to include a scrubdown if possible, even if you have to rob him of his skin to accomplish it. [Garrosh]: HAH! I KNEW you wanted to see me naked! [Zhu]: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU NAKED! You may return to your seat, Windrunner. Next up… <he groans> Thrall. [Thrall]: Your honor, I’ll make this brief and to the point. Years ago, the Horde needed a leader. Garrosh was seen as a war hero for his work in Northrend, even though the heavy lifting was mostly done by Varok Saurfang.

[Garrosh]: OBJECTION! [Zhu]: DID I NOT TELL YOU TO STOP SAYING THAT?! On what grounds?! [Garrosh]: On the grounds that Saurfang did the heavy lifting! I can bench TWICE what that old codger could! [Thrall]: Yeah..welll! He once spat through the Dark Portal and killed the Pit Commander on the other side!  You try and spit roast a pit lord and call me when you're on Saurfang's level.

[Vol’jin]: Oh my...

[Garrosh]: Oh, this coming from the guy who tried to set me up with the murder weapon. [Thrall]: What MURDER weapon?! [Garrosh]: Yeah, you tried to get me to trade my sweet hammer for your ruddy axe! <NOTE: Equip ‘doomhammer’ prop> <Garrosh waves Doomhammer around> I would never trade this awesome hammer for anything, especially a weapon that can trace me back to the various horrors and crimes of my own regime! <hugs his mace> [Thrall]: What?! By my BALLS, you’re an idiot! the Doomhammer is right where it belongs! Right h--- <he draws Gorehowl> ...WHAT THE HELL?! [Garrosh]: SCREAM!

[Thrall]: Look-

<he sighs reels back and just THROWS the Gorehowl back to Garrosh. He then kneels down to pick up the Doomhammer and runs back to his spot, securing the Doomhammer to his side.> Look..your honor, as you can see, it was CLEARLY a mistake to put him in charge. I THOUGHT he would wise up a bit, but I was not so lucky. None of us were. Then was like a bad itch. Things kept coming up and I... couldn’t resolve the Horde’s plight until it was too late. And I- [Garrosh]: OBJECTION! [Zhu]: <turns to Garrosh and shakes his gavel in his face> If you say that word one more damn time, I will shove this gavel so far up your ass the Sha of Sodomy won’t be able to find it!

[Thrall]: Hah... Sha of Sodomy. 

[Zhu]: <turns to Thrall> Don’t get smug! Again, your poor foresight led to this moment. However, it would be unfair to condemn you as if you knew this would happen. Hellscream is unpredictable. The jury understands. [Thrall]: Wait..., you’re judge AND jury? [Zhu]: And executioner, yes. Should see a Friday night trial, I’m also the entertainment. [Garrosh]: OOooh! OOOH! I WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED! [Zhu]: NO! Now, Thrall. Have you anything more to say? [Thrall]: Yes. ..

< He turns to the audience, scanning them and puts a hand up as he speaks so he can deliver say what he needs to.>

Garrosh was given the mantle of Warchief in good faith that the wants of my people would drive him to do what was not only best...But what was -right.- Some would say that making Garrosh leader was the single worst decision I have ever made, and I should feel remorse for it.

It’s taken me a long, long time to come to terms with the fact that I may have very well been one of the catalysts that led to his rise. It was a mistake, One that I am honestly , truly,  sor- <Thrall suddenly gets wisked offstage by the elements> AAAAGH! [Zhu]: …convenient. Next witness to the stand…Lor’themar! <Lor’themar approaches the ‘stand’> [Jaina]: More Horde? Piss off, pretty boy! [Lor’themar]: <chuckles> My dearest Lady Proudmoore, while I realize you must be terribly distressed by the presence of one of your moral AND tactical betters, I did not single handedly bring down twenty Mogu warlords on the Isle of Thunder whilst bravely making my way here, challenged by danger at every turn, JUST to be stopped by a pretty petty face. [Jaina]: Oh really? Well why did yours stop you from taking action when Garrosh bombed Theramore? [Lor’themar]: I don’t know, but I’d wager it was for the same reason yours compelled you to attempt drowning an entire civilization in return. Because that’s entirely what a level headed leader would do, eye for an eye and the whole world is blind. [Vol’jin]: Ehhhh, he gotcha good, mon. I mean, ya did kinda go off de deep end. Literally. [Baine]: I mean, to be fair, maybe she just wanted her point to make some waves.

[Jaina]: And THERE it goes! Nope, I’m done! Do with him what you will, but I DRAW the line and puns! <she storms towards the edge of the stage in a huff and leans against a pillar > [Lor’themar]: <shoots the audience an award winning smile> It seems the good lady and I had a…mis-punderstanding. [Everyone Except Garrosh]: BOOOOOOOO! <throw rotten fruit at him via toy> [Lor’themar]: Everyone is just…such a critic anymore! [Zhu]: Reagent Lord, you are the next witness to testify against him on this day. Your words will help dictate the conclusion of this conflict, and dispatch justice for the entire world.

[Sylvanas]: So don’t choke on the pressure, pretty boy. [Lor’themar]: Oh please, Garrosh is as good as hung. [Garrosh]: Well I mean, it’s not THAT big… I mean, no, yes it is! It’s HUGE! [Lor’themar]: <glares at Garrosh and turns back to Sylvanas> I am going to enjoy this far, far more than any civilized man should. <Lor’themar clears his voice, a light shining down on him dramatically> We have all suffered much under the misguided, arrogant, ignorant, horrific, and feeble minded actions of the orc before you! He stands as the worst example of his people, one who seeks only power and conquest. A megalomaniac of the most corrupt caliber, who walked among us in a position of power. <he gestures to Garrosh> Is he guilty of all he’s been accused of? Perhaps. Maybe. Definitely. Yes. Yes he is. He sent my people on a tyrant’s crusade, spilled blood unprovoked, and threatened to unleash ancient and dark powers upon us all. We were all there, so we all know. The judge, he also knows. Yet, should we allow his sentence to stall simply to get a confession out of him, we will wait forever. Do not expect the truth to come out of his mouth anytime in the near future. [Garrosh]: <face swells with anger> You…want the truth? <he stands up and slams his hand on the table> I CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH! [Baine]: That went way out of context, and off topic as well. [Lor’themar]: <pauses in silence for a moment then turns again to the judge> Your honor, I rest my case. <he bows and leaves the court toom> Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a bottle of shampoo. [Zhu]: As eloquent as his speech was, it…kind of skirted around the issue at hand. [Garrosh]: But I wore my tutu for this one…

[Zhu]: And now we call upon the final witness to Garrosh's crimes...

[Baine]: My father's tormented spirit?!?

[Sylvanas]: Anyone with two eyes and a brain?

[Jaina]: The obliterated remains of my people?!

[Lor’themar]: <calling from off-stage> The wrongfully incarcerated elves of Quel'thel--oh, sorry, that was Lady Proudmore's crime.

[Garrosh]: Baine's father's tormented spirit?!?

[Baine]: ...I'm done being your defense attorney.

[Garrosh]: Oh come on, Beefy boy! We're all thinking it!

[Zhu]: The legendary Hozen hero...

[Garrosh]: Ooooooh my old gods, not him!

[Zhu]: Riko!

[Garrosh]: OH COME ON! I DECLARE A MISTRIAL!

[Riko]: <enters the stage and takes the plaintiff’s stand> Riko declare your ookin' face a mistrial! [Vol’jin]: Eh look, a monkey testifyin’ against a monkey! Innin dat what de humans parliament like? [Baine]: Nah, there’s a little less stupid. …more stupid. Less…um…what was the question? [Riko]: <clears his throat> Riko remember like was only yesterday that Garrymosh was wicked wicket with baaaaad ookin’ dookin’ about! [Jaina]: Can anyone legitimately understand him? [Riko]: He block hozen trade routes, make us Grookin’ Hill dookers have to ook in our own ookin’ hork of a dookin’ dooker dook. [Zhu]: <gasps as if this is some sort of a capital offense> That is…absolutely terrible! [Riko]: Riko know, right? Anyway, wikkets was under big Garry’s jabbers, makin’ them spook the ook’ into the dookers of hozen-kind while we was playing flerkin’ drink drink boogalo – hozen’s favorite game next to slap the slickie! [Zhu]: Blasphemous! How dare he exude such ignorant disdain for another people’s culture! [Sylvanas]: Does anyone else feel like we’re missing some context? Subtitles would also be nice. [Riko]: So Riko gather up his best jab-jabs and slickies and took Garry in hand to hand Dookin’! Garry cheat. He threw dook in Riko’s face, seen as act of blikk-jeekin’ dikkety dook-manker, and highest bleekin’ insult in all of hozen world!

<everyone turns slowly to Garrosh> [Garrosh]: <shrugs> What? WHAT? I left Gorehowl on the stove on my way out of the house that morning, I had to throw SOMETHING at him! [Zhu]: I see. Terrible. Simply terrible. You are very brave to stand up here today and testify, Riko. You do your people proud. [Riko]: Riko just doin’ it for all the greekin’ lil’ mankers back home. <takes out a tissue and blows his nose> They just grow faster than an ikken jibbet. [Zhu]: Watch your profanity in the court, sir. You may step down. I, Taran Zhu, will now decide the fate of this madman. [Riko]: <bows and leaves the stage, spitting on Garrosh on the way out> [Garrosh]: <angrily> Dammit…that monkey totally spanked me with that testimony! [Baine]: Well considering if it were the other way around, you’d…nevermind. [Zhu]: Garrosh Hellscream, you may make your final testimony now. [Garrosh]: I guess if Bainey boy won’t do it… <stands up before Zhu, then faces the audience> People of this court. Did I do everything they said I did? Well, yes! But I also DIDN’T! You see, my entire life, I have been raised under the pretense of war. I have fought, I have killed, I have led others into battle! It was GLORIOUS! But it also made me unfit for Azeroth’s ways of ‘diplomacy’ and stuff. That is why, people of the court, I am claiming myself unable to be held responsible for my actions due to my orcish upbringing! ORCFLUENZA! [Zhu]: OVERRULED! [Garrosh]: THOK YOU, I had to put my brain into overdrive to come up with that one! [Zhu]: Sit down, you little shit, while we probe the jury for the final verdict! <Garrosh, muttering, sits back down, as Zhu comes to the center of the stage and faces the audience, bowing> [Zhu]: Honorable jury of this court. <points at the audience> It is now time for your judgement of Hellscream. Is he innocent? Or is he guilty? You may now decide. <give the audience some time to yell out verdicts - have fun with this part> <Zhu returns to the stand> [Zhu]: The people of this court have spoken! Garrosh Hellscream, for your crimes against the world, you will be sentenced to…

…a big bleeding with leeches to cast the evil out of him, a spanking from ten thousand hozen…then death! [Garrosh]: BUT I PAID OFF THE LAST OF MY DEBT! I was in good standing with the Gadgetzan Credit Bureau! [Baine]: No, you idiot. It means you’re going to die. [Sylvanas]: And for the record, I won’t be resurrecting you. [Jaina]: I can’t wait to piss on your lifeless corpse… [Vol’jin]: I can’t wait ta be pissin’ on Jaina pissin’ on yo’ lifeless corpse. [Baine]: …seriously, Vol’jin? NOW of all times? [Vol’jin]: Eh, what can I say, mon? The verdict came up… <puts on Rhinestone sunglasses> golden! [Lor’themar]: <from off-stage> YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! [Jaina]: You’re all a bunch of animals… [Garrosh]: <gets incredibly angry and throws a fit on stage> Arrgh! I LOSE? No! YOU lose! All of you lose! Every last one of you will sink in the mud, be bathed in the blood of your own loved ones! I will cut off all your limbs and use them to build my throne, carve my name in the smoldering ruins of all your cities!

<everyone except Garrosh takes ‘deepstone oil’> You will weep! You will beg for mercy! You will—wait, are any of you even listening!? <suddenly, from off-stage> [Kairoz]: They can’t hear you, buffoon. [Garrosh]: Wait...did you...take away their hearing? <gasps> Are you…the Angel of Deaf?! [Kairoz]: …what? [Garrosh]: I KNEW IT! Hold on, let me get my herring aid! <Garrosh takes out a fish pet (Note: Name it Herring Aid)> [Kairoz]: Wh—no! I’m here to offer you a job. [Garrosh]: Well…I dunno. See, I’m pretty comfy with my Warchief gig, and I’m pretty sure at this point if I ask nicely, I’ll get it back. [Kairoz]: <gestures at the angry time-frozen faces around him> I highly doubt you can convince all these angry people to allow you that chance. [Garrosh]: Well, not with THAT attitude! [Kairoz]: Look, what if I told you…I could give you the power to change your people’s entire history! GARROSH: …go on. KAIROZ: <creates a sphere of sand in his hand> I have found a way to create timelines that do not even exist. Together, we can build an army, capable of defeating the Burning Legion, who will soon bare their fangs to us. [Garrosh]: …go on. [Kairoz]: You, Hellscream, have been chosen to rally the orcs of old Draenor, in a time before they were corrupted. You will lead them as a prophet and a hero, and arm them for war. Do you accept this task, bestowed upon you by me? [Garrosh]: …go on. [Kairoz]: N-no, you need to give me an answer. [Garrosh]:  …go on. [Kairoz]: <rolls his eyes> Just…come with me. <pauses> Don’t you dare say go on!

 [Garrosh]:  … on go? [Kairoz]: Just…pack your shit and get ready to go on a wild trip, okay? [Garrosh]: Why, where are we going? <gasp> Are we going on a treasure hunt?! [Kairoz]: No. [Garrosh]: Why noooooot? [Kairoz]: Because shut up. Now, through the realms of time and space we travel… [Garrosh]: And…where are we going? [Kairoz]: Why… to a world of your design, Hellscream! A world of iron and bloodshed! A world of strength and honor, of blood and thunder! A world… <looks at the audience> …that has perfected the... craft of war. Or something. [Garrosh]: …go onnnnn? [Kairoz]: <sighs> Yes. <gestures to the audience> We will see you all in the thrilling conclusion! [Garrosh]: <faces the same way as Kairoz> Aw yeah, I’m gettin’ a trilogy, bitches! <Kairoz says nothing and uses his freaky time magikz to teleport them both away>

<Thrall suddenly returns to the courtroom, unfrozen in time, and out of breath>

<Yell this right after Kairoz leaves.>

Thrall: Oh...Oh almost there. Nope wrong way. Ok....this wa- No. Hm AHA. 

FINALLY...

Whew, I need a moment... 

<he catches his breath and pops his back and sighs loudly>

What did I....*huff* what did I miss....-?

<he looks around and realizes everyone is frozen in time> Oh no..

-OH NO.-

OOOOOOH NO, not again! NOPE. The last time something like this happened, I got jumped by a group of...black and white. Time traveling..dragons...? And then people were there and took all the items off of them, like thieves! Ohhh..it's ..it's all coming back.

Then I had major SHIT to deal with with Blackmoore and m-my best friend! OOH no, I am not GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN. AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT -THIS- IS.

I AIN'T HAVIN' THIS SHIT. NOPE. THE END. GOOD BYE. GO HOME. I'll see you all in Hellthreequeal! I need to go buy some anti-time travel socks from Grifta before this gets worse... THE END!! THE END!! IT'S OVER! Or is it just beginning? 

NOPE, IT’S OVER!

<Thrall leaves the stage>

<END>

TRIVIA

Hellsequel was originally going to cover the events on Draenor as well as Garrosh’s trial. However, in the original script, the courtroom scene was far too short, and we had way too many jokes we wanted to do with it. On top of that, the Draenor jokes were aplenty as well, and as such, we decided to split it into two separate plays. 

Hellsequel is the only full production we have ever made that does not contain any scene transitions or changes at all.

We had fun combing through famous court scenes in movies and shows for this one, but Atos’s personal favorite scene to write was the reference to Jim Carrey’s “Liar Liar”, when Zhu lists off an obscenely long list of offenses Garrosh committed without pause. This was a reference to the scene where Jim Carrey’s character is asked by a cop if he knows what he pulled him over for and he asks “It depends on how long you were following me”, resulting in him confessing to every offense both minor and major he’d done and gotten away with.

This script has gone through the most changes over the years due to different actors and actresses playing the roles, or being unavailable for others. As such, so many of the lines in this play are an amalgam of improvisations done after the first performance onward. This resulted in a lot of confusion when certain improvised lines remained in the script that had context-specific lines to precede it - it was a particularly difficult mess to clean.

Despite the chaotic nature of the script, it remains Atos’s personal favorite of the trilogy.

This play marked the point where the philosophies on how we wrote plays about IC events was solidified. The idea was, since our writer was not around to see these events, he would ICly piece them together from second hand accounts, or even third parties, to create a messy quilt of cause and effect that resulted in something completely absurd passed off as historical accuracy. That is why despite this TECHNICALLY covering ‘war crimes’, nearly nothing is correct.

Tyrande was set to be a character in this play as well, but due to our cast size at the time, she was ultimately cut. Varian Wrynn would also make an appearance, as would Anduin. Our cast size dictated a lot of how we did things in the past, and to a good degree, it dictates that now.

Our poster was commissioned from @shamanofthewilds. He updated it over our old poster for the play, and he even did the poster for the third play.