#i am a big sentimental baby and i shall forever see the best in things (whatever the fuck was wrong with them)

[lesbianfakir]

⏳🗡🩰⚙️ -goldkrone-struggle-tweets

Hi Heron!!

⏳ How long have you been a fan/how did it happen?

I've had Tutu on my radar for ages and I watched the first 3 or so episodes in highschool and just never got into it. I would try to give it a rewatch every so often but I never made it to episode 4. Finally I watched a youtube essay where the youtuber said if you love utena you have to watch princess tutu and i finally said fuck it, skipped the fiest few episodes, and binged the whole thing. That was December 2021 I believe and ive been obsessed ever since.

🗡 Unpopular opinions that might get you killed?

Ruetho is really sweet actually, listen. Listen. Does it have its flaws? absolutely. Is the execution bad? Undoubtedly. There are tons of things I would change BUT. Every time I see the scene where Mytho decides that for once in his life he wants something and he wants to love Rue I go awww that's so sweet. They've both lived their lives under impossible standards and come out the other end flawed but undoubtedly human. They're deeply traumatized and they have a lot of work to do but--and this is the part where you all disagree with me--I think they can do it. Ruetho is really interesting and heavily underexplored but it can be so good actually

🩰 Who has the best character design?

Feels like such a cop out but it has to be princess tutu shes gorgeous. She's just so cute and ethereal and the whole design comes together really well. I like Duck too I think she's fun with lots of personality! Anyone who says her hair is ugly is WRONG it's adorable. Also special shoutout to Paulamoni she's hot as fuck, 10 out of lesbian 10s

⚙️ How would you feel about a remake/reboot?

Now undoubtedly I would hate it but I'm so desperate for more tutu content I want it soooo bad. I just want to see my fav dance scenes with higher quality animation. If tokyo mew mew can get a reboot so can Tutu PLEASE

[picassho-18]

Go Puck Yourself

(Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader) 

Along with Your Best Friend (Y/BF/N) x Loki

Hockey Players AU

Warnings: hinting and references to sexual behavior, slight angst, fluff overload, SEXY BUCKY ;)

Word Count: 7,590

Summary: The Bucky x Reader version of a modern day Romeo and Juliet where two best friends deal with their boyfriends, Bucky and Loki, who are on rival hockey teams with the rivalry game coming up. (Read the Loki x Reader (best friend’s pov) version from @gingerwritess)

A/N: To celebrate the last day of 12 Days of Christmas, and Christmas day, you peeps are getting my longest, hardest fic I have ever written. I’ve poured my heart and soul into it for months so please please please leave feedback!!! And moodboard done by meeeeee ;)

You really only thought he was a cute hockey player. But oh boy did he cause you a lot more trouble than the normal person. The moment you laid eyes on him, he drew you in, with how graceful he was on the ice, the smile on his face evident, even through his helmet.  Your heart skipped a beat when somehow, he made eye contact with you, and held it. He didn’t pull away, he just stopped skating in the middle of the rink as the rest of his team warmed up around him. All he did was smile, and stare, his icy blue eyes peering deep into you. Even with the coldness of the rink settling into your bone, you felt your cheeks heat up. With a pounding heart, and not able to think of anything else, you had mouthed “good luck” to him. You could tell he knew what you said, due to how big his smile got, as he mouthed “thank you” back. With that he skated away, getting his head back into the game.

The next game, the second you walked into the rink, he saw you and did a little wave with his padded hand. You hid a small giggle, and waved back, mouthing “good luck” again.

The third, he skated up to you, and you yelled out a goodluck across the plexiglass the separates the two of you. He smiled big, and blew you a kiss this time, and skated back.

And this continued, for games, until somehow, he asked you out, and eventually you ended up in a very complex Romeo and Juliet situation but in a way that could never have been expected.

****** Two Days Before Rivalry Game

“Babe, it will be fine!” you said, as you buttoned Bucky’s vest, giving it a little pat before pulling away.

“I know, Y/N, but the game is in just a couple of days!” he groaned, ruffling his long hair in frustration, “Loki, a.k.a. the asshole will be so obnoxious, remember they won last year!”

“Buck, this is my best friend I’m talking about. You can be civil for just a couple hours so we can go on this date, right? Plus, Y/BF/N has been planning this forever!”

“How did I manage to find the love of my life, only to find out she is best friends with a Frost Giant’s girlfriend?”

“Bucky…” you warned.

“I’ll try… But I can’t promise anything. And I’m most definitely not being anywhere near pleasant when we get on that ice together next week.”

“I won’t expect anything else for the big rivalry game. Just right now, you’re gonna have to put up with him. Loki is Y/BF/N’s boyfriend, and that’s not going to change anytime soon with how in love they are, so you two are gonna have to find a way to be civil tonight.”

Loki and Bucky were captains of rival hockey teams, the Frost Giants, and the White Wolves. And even though their girlfriends were best friends, that did not  mean at all they would be civil. The only way Bucky was going to play nice would be if you gave him an incentive.

You pulled him close to you, cupping his cheeks with your palms. “Me and Y/BF/N are only asking for one night. One. You can manage that, right, big boy?”

“I can manage it” as he growled lowly, pulling you closer, and nipped at your ear, rumbling darkly, sending shivers through your body.

“And,” you whispered into his ear, “if you behave, I might just draw you a bath. You know what that means don’t ya? It’s just you and me, naked, in hot water, as I slowly work my hands all over your body, giving you my famous massage.”

You could feel his breath catch in his throat, causing you to chuckle, as he buried his scruffy chin into your neck, peppering it with kisses.

You melted into him slightly, before pushing yourself away, “Woah, now sorry to tempt you but we have a date in an hour, we have to leave soon!”

He chuckled, “Oh, I can make time.” swiftly grabbing your wrist, and yanking you onto his lap. With a slight shriek, you realized your legs were straddling his. You peered up to him through your eyelashes, blinking  a couple times, before realizing you didn’t actually want to leave just yet.

“Fine, but make it quick.” And with that, you crashed your lips to his.

*****  An Hour Later

“I’m soooo sorry we’re late!” you said, as you rushed into the restaurant with Bucky in tow behind you. “I had some things to do.”

Without hesitation, Bucky added, “And by things, she means me.”

You sighed, rolling your eyes along with Y/BF/N, as Loki gave a high five to Bucky.

“Glad to see you two getting along, even at my own expense,” you sighed, hoping this would settle any nerves between the two.

But sadly, Loki responded, “Relax, I’m just glad to know that my friend is able to score, Gods know he can’t once he is in the rink.” and any hopes of reconciliation were dashed, flying way out the window, as you watched as his smirk grew wider, and felt Bucky tense up besides you, a low growl coming from his throat.

My god, this is not going to work is it? you thought, sighing and shaking your head at Y/BF/N. Those two will be fighting each other on the ice in no time.

Bucky sneered, a thought coming to his mind, and no sensor of his filtering it out, “Ooh, tough guy, huh? That’s a lotta talk, comin’ from a guy who’s hair is longer than his dick.”

Loki froze at his comment, before a sneer came to his face, “A lovely sentiment, truly. Well spoken, James, Y/BF/N, would you care to explain just how wrong he is?” he said, turning to her.

“Shut up,” she giggled, trying to hide her face in embarrassment, but you just shot her a look, knowing exactly what she was feeling.

Loki clapped his hands together triumphantly. “Need I say more?”

With a round of chuckles around the table, the boys settled down temporarily, talking about each of their hockey teams, while you and Y/BF/N started to talk amongst yourselves.

“So,” you asked, curiously,  “how’ve you two been? Everything going well?”

Immediately, Y/BF/N got a smile on her face, explaining, “We’re doing amazing. I’m gonna marry him. I hate him, he’s a little annoying shit, but I’m going to marry him.”

It always made you heart happy to know your best friend was happy. When Loki became such a big part of her life, you saw the change in her. She became such a happier person, and it was the sweetest thing to witness.

“And you? You and Bucky doing good?”

“Yes… I couldn’t ask for anyone better. He’s a real gentleman, Y/BF/N, he really is.” a smile springing to your face as well as you begun to think about your sweet Bucky, holding his hand slightly tighter, as he absent mindedly rubbed his thumb over your knuckles.

You both tuned back into the conversation, just in time to overhear Bucky say he would knock out some of Loki’s perfect teeth in the rivalry match.

You snorted at the coincidence of the timing, and Y/BF/N turned to you, saying “A true gentleman, definitely” laughing along with you.

If only it could have stayed that peaceful… and sober. But someone had taken the pleasure of ordering a round of shots for the table. And the sobriety fell swiftly away with the two boys.

“Only on for me, and only one for you.” you said sternly, as Bucky handed you a shot glass. “You’re way too heavy for me to haul your drunk ass into bed.”

All Bucky did was grin, before sliding up his sleeve to reveal his bicep, flexing at the table. “It’s all these muscles. What can I say?”

With a huff, you rolled your eyes, trying your best to hide the smile that crept up on your face whenever Bucky flaunted like this. You could say you were a proud girlfriend of your beefcake boyfriend.

As discreetly as possible, you softly touched his arm, and leaned into his ear whispering, “Well then, I’d say you should use all those muscles tonight then.” Before pulling away, leaving him slightly flustered with a newly found light in his eye.

He cleared his throat, and adjusted himself, before the two of you turned your attention back to Loki, who had raised his shot glass, “Shall we?”

As the rest followed suit, he continued, “To the Frost Giants never ending reign of victory- HEY!” he paused suddenly, almost dropping his shot, “Bucky kicked me!”

Bucky looked smug, as he swallowed his shot glass in one graceful motion, but you smacked his arm as he clicked the glass back down on the table.

“One decent dinner. You promised me!”

“Sorry, baby. I couldn’t resist, he’s just got one of those faces…” he shrugged indifferently, but you could tell he was enjoying himself immensely, “Makes you just want to kick him.”

Quickly, Y/BF/N interrupted, “Boys, boys, let’s all stay calm!” She put a hand on Loki’s arm, to calm him.

But he threw a retort back, “Am I supposed to be intimidated?” before proceeding to flag down a waiter.

“How can I help you?”

“Bring us two more rounds.”

You stared helpless, as Y/BF/N tried to stop him, “Loki, no…”

But even she couldn’t, he just smirked, staring down Bucky, “Sorry darling. I just really feel like winning at something tonight.” he slid an arm behind Y/BF/N, airing confidence, “What do you say, James? A friendly competition before I murder you on the ice?”

Bucky immediately accepted the challenge, clinking a glass with Loki before they threw back their second shots. After another round was brought over, Y/BF/N slid out from her boyfriends arms, and sat next to you.

“They’re so, so stupid. Complete idiots!” you whispered to Y/BF/N, as the boys stared at each other, before downing another shot, counting out loud each number. “I hate that I’m hoping Bucky wins.”

Hours later, and many many shots later, an extremely drunk Bucky had his head on your lap as you played with his hair, while Y/BF/N was comforting an equally if not more drunk Loki.

“Ah, Buck!” you yelped, as his cold finger slipped up your shirt. “Why do you get so handsy when your drunk?!”

He giggled, as you pulled his hands off your skin, and held them in your own. “Because, my love. This gives me” a hiccup interrupted him, before he continued, “an excuse to touch your perfect skin all I want”

He looked up at you, his blue eyes shining, whether it was from the alcohol or with love, you didn’t know. But when Loki said something about Bucky cheating, he jerked up, grabbing a butter knife from the table, and pointing it threatening to a swaying Loki who also had a knife pointed back.

They continued to argue like little boys, until Loki smiled like he realized something, and shouted, “I challenge you to a duel, good sir!” lifting up his knife.

Bucky’s eyes widened before looking over to you, his eyes pleading for you to say it was okay.

Sighing, you simply shook your head no.

“Sorry, my girlfriend said no.” he said sadly, laying down his knife.

Loki snapped back, “Well, then your girlfriend is a coward.”

“No, she isn’t. She’s… she’s perfect.” His eyes started to glaze over, his thoughts taken over by you. “I have the best girlfriend. I mean… just look at her.” he hiccupped again, his words slurring slightly more. “Her smile, her lips… I love her lips. So… so… so kissable.”

Loki seemed disinterested as Bucky continued his love rant before interrupting, “She’s a wonderful girl, I’m sure. But not the best girlfriend. I have the best.”

Slamming a cup to the table, Bucky raised his voice, “NO! I do! My girlfriend is the most supportive, cutest lil’ doll to ever walk the earth.”

Oh shit, you thought, sitting back and deciding on not interfering with Y/BF/N.

She leaned over, whispering, “This ought to be good.”

Bucky had continued, ranting about the sparkle in your eye, when Loki had enough, interrupting Bucky yet again.

“OH, shut up!” he pulled himself up, leaning against the table to look bigger. “My girlfriend. She is a goddess. The sun hides its face in shame when she smiles, not worthy of shining down on her.”

At Loki’s new height, Bucky tried to match it, struggling to get off the chair, especially with you pulling him down by the arm. All he did was shake it off, whispering to you “No, no, I have to assert my dominance,”  before finally standing tall, but thought still swaying slightly.

Flatly, you shook your head, “You are an idiot, James.”

He smiled big in return, “Thank you, ma’am.” nodding politely to you, before turning back to Loki, gathering his thought.

You turned to Y/BF/N, a tired sigh leaving you, “This drunk fucker…” you groaned.

“As I was saying, sir, my girlfriend is better ‘cause with her, there’s not one minute where you won’t be smiling. Ever. She’s so sweet, so funny, and- and makes the cutest face when she gets worried. Her face goes-” as he tried to replicate the face, scrunching his eyebrows together, and pursing his lips. You burst out laughing at the adorable face, it was so cute on such a large drunk man.

He stopped and looked at you, like you were the moon, when he heard you laughing, a star struck look on his face when he realized he made you laugh himself.

Yes, all this bickering was slightly annoying, but drunk Bucky was one of your favorite Bucky's.

Before he could continue, Loki banged his head against the table dramatically. “Please. I don’t want to hear anything more about your gIrLfRiEnD…”

Bucky hiccupped again, louder this time. “You’re just… You’re just jealous! Y/BF/N is lame and you wish you had a girlfriend like mine.”

Loki’s face went white with anger, before he threw some bunched up napkins at Bucky, “HEY! That’s my WIFE you’re talking about!!”

You giggled as Y/BF/N had to explain to him that they weren’t married, that they only were dating. During that time, Bucky stopped paying attention, and was now drifting off in your lap. His eyes struggling to stay open.

When Loki responded with “Well, that’s ridiculous. Oh, I know. We’re just not married yet…” you actually snorted. Both the boys were completely gone by now.

Then Loki made a weird blinking face, until Y/BF/N asked, “Loki Laufeyson, did you just wink at me with both eyes?”

He giggled and nodded, while she threw her hands up. “That’s it. We’re going home.”

You looked down, and saw the heaping body of your sleeping boyfriend on your lap, and realized how hard this was going to be.

******  Morning of Rivalry Game

“Bucky!” you called out from the bathroom, hoping he could hear you from the bedroom.

“Yes doll?” his throat rumbled, still rough from sleep. You could hear his feet padding their way to the door frame where they stopped suddenly.

“Damn Y/N, you really know how to wake a man up.” he chuckled, admiring your body as you were leaning over the bathtub, in other a rather short bathrobe, your legs on full display, and your butt just creeping out.

Looking behind you, a smile came to your face as you saw Bucky’s hair, wild and crumbled from bed, “Look what I did!” you gestured to the bath, which was candle lit, with bubbles almost overflowing out of the tub, “I added epsom salt and oils for your game tonight!”

All he could do was look at you with love, his eyes conveying the gratitude he felt for you, “I love you so goddamn much.”

“And as I promised for your decent behavior on the date, which by the way, is most certainly debatable, you have earned a world famous massage from the one and the only Y/N!” you said with a wink, as you slipped the bathrobe off, and stepped into the tub, sitting to the side.

You relaxed as Bucky started to take off his T shirt, and sweats, but when he got to his boxers, he looked up and smirked, “Enjoying the little strip show, I see?”

Nodding enthusiastically, all he did was chuckle as he slipped the last article of clothing off, and stepped into the bath, laying down next to you.

An audible moan came from Bucky, his muscles were visibly becoming looser, less tense as his body hit the hot water. As soon as your fingertips touched his back, he slumped over and let you take control. Your hands went to work, finding little muscle knots all over his back, and neck, using your thumbs to slowly massage them away. Delicately, with your soft hands, you kneaded his muscles, humming unrecognizable tunes, as Bucky just swayed in the water, his hand caressing your leg, his finger tracing circles on it.

Even in steaming hot water, it caused a little shiver to rake your body. Bucky noticed, and smile, glad to know he still had such an affect on you.

By now, you had stopped massaging and was just lightly brushing your fingers over his skin.

“Babe” you mumbled, now giving his back little kisses, “I just want you to know I appreciate you immensely. I know I give you a hard time about behaving with Loki, but I see you trying and it means the world to me.”

He shifted slightly, turning his neck to see you fully. A grin was adorning his face, wrinkles forming at the creases of his blue eyes. “I’d do anything for you.” Bucky said simply.

The statement caused your heart to warm, and seeing the way the candlelight bounce off his features, the way the water droplets were sliding down his face, made you want to stay in this moment forever.

“I love you James Buchanan Barnes.”

Tilting his face down until his lips slightly brushed yours, he mumbled, “I love you too” and closed the distance, his lips molding to yours softly, and slowly.

Somehow, after hours of sitting, talking, listening to music in the bathtub, long after the water had gone cold, you dragged yourself away from Bucky, and told him to hurry and get dressed, that you would make in a real big winner's breakfast.

You were in your bathrobe and slippers as you were flipping the sizzling bacon as Bucky came in behind you, wrapping his warm arms around your stomach.

He hummed, constantly, nuzzling his face into your still wet hair, “That bacon smells so good, babe” just as his belly rumbled, causing you both the giggle at the timing.

Creating two plates of food, one big one for you, and a heaping, stacked plate for Bucky, you two settled on the couch to eat.

Usually, and this was no different, it let to small scale food fights, that resulted in you have bits of hash browns in your hair as you laughed against Bucky's chest, him holding you tight on top of him.

It was these moments that Bucky treasured. The calmness he knew could only originate from your soul. The only person known to him that a single touch could settle any nerves of his.

Laying on top of him, the food forgotten, you rested your chin on his chest, looking upward, admiring Bucky's face.

“Buck, are you nervous?” You asked, seeing the set of his jawline, indicating his pregame jitters, that would only come out on the most important games. They were always hardly noticeable, he aired himself in such a confident mood, but you were always able to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling and when.

“Aren't hiding it, well am I?” he chuckled, albeit nervously.

“Not to me,” you joked, “but this year it seems a little worse. What's got you so worked up?” as you slowly ran your fingers around his neck.

“Don't worry. It's just the game. Worried about losing again is all.” he answered, trying to cover how completely nervous he was with a reassuring smile. Only it wasn't the game that had Bucky's stomach in a ball of knots.

You arched an eyebrow, before nodding “Okay babe.” knowing that wasn't the extent, but knowing Bucky would tell you when he needed. “I know you'll do great today.”

With a peck on the lips, you pulled yourself off of him, slapping his chest lightly, “Now, Mr. Muscles, get your ass up and moving  so you won't be late for rivalry game.”

****** Couple Hours Later

A couple hours later, you found yourself in you seat, with Y/BF/N right next to you, watching the Frost Giants, and White Wolves warm up in the ice. Both of you had warm cups of hot chocolate between your gloved hands, sipping ever so often.

“Did Loki seem more nervous today compared to past games?”

Y/BF/N thought for a second, taking a sip, before responding, “Yeah he was, come to think of it. He was acting weird, hardly slept last night, then he said this game would change his life.” She chuckled a bit, as if she remembered something, “I know he’s an overall dramatic guy, but really? I mean won last year, so I don’t think this “life changing” game will be any different.”

You arched an eyebrow at her statement, “Hey now, don’t assume your man’s gonna win… my man will kick his butt” adding a wink to let her know it was all in fun and games.

You both giggled lightly, but looked up to see that Bucky had checked Loki lightly while they were still warming up, pushing him up against the glass with his elbow.

Y/BF/N turned to you, “Well, I don’t think our boys will be civil about it like us.”

“Nope. Not at all.” you said, as you prepared yourself for the next two hours of worrying. Bucky playing always had you on the edge of your seat, hockey was a dangerous sport, but this rivalry game always had more fights, more injuries. You were just hoping Bucky wouldn’t forget his mouthguard.

Finally the warm up period had ended, meaning the game would start soon. You shook your arms out, trying to shake off all the nervous vibes you had going on. All Y/BF/N did was laugh softly at you, getting ready for the puck to be dropped.

You were very happy with your seats. They were right smack dab in the center of the seating stadium, in between and above the two teams bench areas. They gave you both perfect views of you boys on the ice and on the bench.

Loki and Bucky both skated to the center both prepping for the puck to be dropped by the dropped.

With a throw of his hand, the referee let the puck drop to the ice, and in a mad rush of limb and wood, Bucky and Loki fought over control until Loki prevailed, gaining possession and quickly skating to forward.

Next to you, Y/BF/N cheered, “YES! Let’s go Loki!!” she shouted, pumping her fist in the air, proud of her boyfriend already.

A grin grew on your face, before you started to clap, “It’s okay boy, you can get it back! Let’s go, right here!”

So far, the teams looked extremely evenly matched. All the players had looked good from your point of view. Mostly though you just had your eyes on Bucky. Whenever he was on the ice, he grabbed all attention from you. It was in the way he skated so effortlessly, like it was second nature to him. How such a bulky, huge guy, could have such grace and precision on ice like that always amazed you.

There had been a couple shots at the net already, and every time, whether it was your net, or the Giants’, you held your breath, clenching the edge of your seat with your gloved hands.

After what seemed like 10 minutes of the Frost Giant’s on the offensive, getting shots at the net, the White Wolves goalie caught the puck.

You let out the breath you were holding, turning to Y/BF/N, “Oh man, this game already has my stomach in knots!”

“Yeah, same here,” she nodded, before tilting her head, “The amount of shots the Frost Giants have taken on your net  is insane. How have they not scored yet?!”

You giggled, before nodded you head toward the ice, where Bucky had just gained possession of the puck, “I don’t know, but let’s just see what Bucky is gonna do, shall we?” adding a wink, before turning back to the game, giving it your full attention.

Then you heard it. Two rows behind you someone was shit talking Loki. Glancing over at Y/BF/N, you saw her jaw was tight, like she was restraining herself. She most definitely heard it. And barely containing herself.

Turning around in your seat, before Y/BF/N would start throwing hands, you figured out who was talking, just some old guy who probably didn’t know shit, locked eyes with him.

With a glare you cleared your throat, gaining his attention, “Mister, how about you don’t talk about things you don’t know anything about.”

He looked surprised from the fact you called him out on his bullshit, but mostly was confused by your attire.

““Well-you-uh... why are you defending Laufeyson when you’re wearing a Barnes jersey? White Wolves can’t even get themselves any loyal fans, huh?””

Y/BF/N giggled next to you, realizing what the man had just said, and proceed to get himself into.

With a big smile, she said, “You know, being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.” His face grew in horror, before you continued the verbal assault.

All you did was smile wickedly, before clapping a hand on Y/BF/N’s shoulder. “Well, mister, you’re speaking with Bucky Barnes’s girlfriend, and this cutie right here is Loki Laufeyson girl. And if we can handle those two, we can sure as hell shove your overinflated heads back up your asses.!”

A look of horror appeared on the man’s face when he saw the Laufeyson jersey on Y/BF/N, before he nodded and looked away.

You settled back down in your seat, Y/BF/N just chuckling, “Good one Y/N. Way to scared the bejesus out of him. Thanks for jumping in there. I think I would have actually attacked them if you hadn’t.””

“You absolutely would have-”  you trailed off as fight broke off on the rink, drawing your attention back to the game. Thankfully, neither Bucky or Loki was a part of it, but you full on snorted when they both went for each other for their hugging buddy.

After years of watching all levels of hockey games, the hugging system would still get you laughing. Just the fact that the players not in the fight would partner up with the other team (to not accidentally gang up on someone in a group fight) by side hugging was hilarious.

So now, you and Y/BF/N were blessed to see Loki and Bucky side hugging as they watched their teammates fight.

Not able to hear, but you could see they were talking and smiling, probably jokes and banter, but it still warms your heart. They’re was still hope they may become better then enemies one day.

A couple minutes later, Y/BF/N blurts out, “I can’t believe what they were saying! Sorry, I don’t mean to bring it up again, but-but… UGH! Who could think something so rude? I mean, just look at him!” she continued, a look coming over her face, “Oof… just look at him… God damn, he’s a fine man.”

You snorted out loud, the look of her face hilariously lovestruck, “My goodness, you have it bad! Like when are you guys finally gonna get married?!” you joked about, a huge smile on your face, enjoying the moment.

“Oh, I don’t know… but i’m definitely ready. Just waiting on him, but if he’s not ready I can wait. I love him enough.” she said, a smile shining in her eyes.

You wiped a fake tear from your eye, “Wow, beautiful. What couple goals.”

“Ha!” she laughed, “Says the one who gives her boyfriend massages after every game. I couldn’t imagine, my hands would fall off from all that work!”

You both snickered, before returning back to the game.

Soon the time had run out, the loud bell ringing, signaling the end of the first period. Someone from Loki's team, all the way across the rink, hit the puck in one final shot, but the Wolves goalie caught it with ease, and all the players began to skate off of the ice.

Bucky, instead went the long way, skating a quick lap around the rink, to slid by you two real quick. Whipping his helmet off real quick, and a shake of his hair, he gave you his bright smile, sending a kiss to your way, and a wink to Y/BF/N before skating off laughing, when Y/BF/N sent a playful middle finger back.

After the break had ended, which was consumed by yours and Y/BF/N's mad dash to get new cups of hot cocoa, you were barely back in your seats when the puck was dropped again, beginning the second period.

Immediately you noticed a change in both teams. They had gotten antsy with neither team scoring and you could see it in their changes of attitude. Already there was more shoving and the amount of posturing you saw was crazy. Not even a minute in, and a fight had broken out. It was two other players, not Loki or Bucky, and you were thankful. If they had gotten this far without fighting, hopefully they could hold out longer.

There were a lot of more shots at the goal. Both goalies were working overtime, each having their share of close calls before just barely blocking or catching it.

The White Wolves had been on the side of the Frost Giants for a while now. They had been very aggressive and on the offensive. Suddenly Bucky had the puck and had a shot in line.

You screamed out “Take it Buck!” And with a sweeping motion, he swept his stick back and with a powerful thrust, hit the puck and sent it flying to the goal. It seemed to almost make it in before the goalie stuck an arm out blocking it from entry.

The puck fell to the floor before the goalie could gain a safe possession of it, and Rogers, a White Wolves player saw the opportunity and with a quick dunk of his stick, hit the puck in behind behind goalies leg.

You stood up, whooping and hollering as the White Wolves fans around you started to cheer as well. Y/BF/N clapped next to you, a smile on her face, albeit it was directed at Loki who had a pissed expression on his face. Bucky had raised his stick in the air before colliding with Rogers in a tight hug.

The Frost Giants all looked extremely angry, and when the game resumed you could tell. The players were getting even feistier, even more aggressive, and was putting the White Wolves on the defensive.

Even from your position you could tell players were starting to shit talk. At one point, it looked like Bucky said something to the Giant’s goalie, some Odinson guy, which knowing Bucky was some smart ass comment, and caused Loki to slid in front of Bucky, blocking his view of the goalie. He got all up in his personal space, posturing, and said something, before pushing him away.

Bucky just laughed and skate backwards, his ‘I don’t give a fuck’ energy radiating, and skated back to his side of the rink.

When some distance was between them, you let out the breath you were holding.

“Oh thank goodness they didn’t get into it!” you said, leaning over to Y/BF/N, who was just as tense as you were.

“Yeah, that could have been pretty bad!”

After the tense little moment was over, you noticed that Bucky and Loki were continuing to give little shoves and hits throughout the game. At one point Loki had slammed Bucky up against the wall in an attempt to gain possession of the puck away from Bucky. It was really getting heated between the two and set you legal shaking with nerves as the time started to run out for this period.

When there was about 15 seconds left in the 2nd period, Loki had stuck his stick out in front of Bucky causing him to slip and fall forward. Quickly he got up, and at the sight of him throwing off his helmet you knew that they were gonna fight. Really fight.

With Bucky getting up, Loki threw his hands up, “Finally! I was beginning to think you were scared of me”

“Let's fucking go, punk!” as he threw his stick to the side and skated forward throwing the first punch.

Both you and Y/BF/N tensed up, leaning forward with worried hands covering your faces in surprise. Bucky had knocked off Loki’s helmet with a flying fist, who face showing a shocked expression. Immediately he retaliated, pushing bucky backwards who had to scramble on his skates to not fall over. They continued to throw punches, both catching fists with their jaws.

You noticed how the rest of the teams all paired up, no one wanting to interfere with the unusually violent fight.

You hadn’t taken a breath since the fight had started, your eyes not straying from Bucky’s figure as he was throwing and receiving punches, you barely even registered the loud bell signaling the period had ended. The players slowly went to their team rooms, still watching the fight as the referees tried to break it up.

A gasp left you as Loki threw a undercut, that caught Bucky right in the chin that caused him to fall backward. Loki relented, and left him on the ice, as a he skated away, smirking proudly at his defeated opponent, watching the referee help Bucky up, his skates wobbly, and his face white in a grimace, but anger still completely evident. The ref helped him to the teamroom, Bucky having to draw support to not fall over.

As soon as he left your sight, you let out a small “oh my god”

Turning to Y/BF/N, you saw the same scared look in her face.

Before you could see anything else, Steve appeared on the ice, and came to your part of the rink.

He shouted over the plexiglass, “Y/N, Bucky’s hurt. He wants to see you, can you come to the team room?”

Wordlessly, you nodded, standing up. Turning to Y/BF/N, expressionlessly, you whispered, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

You made the trip to the team room door with toxic thoughts filling your head.

What if he injured himself so bad he can’t play anymore??

What if he got a concussion??

Shaking slightly, you took a settling breath, ready to put a reassuring smile on for Bucky, then opened the door to the team room.

The door crepted open as you slowly walked into the room. Immediately, you knew something was off, the entire White Wolves team was standing in a line, all looking forward, starring directed at you. Steve huge smile on his face, standing in the middle. And then, you saw Loki.

What the everloving fuck is he doing here?

He stood next to Steve with a his big classic smirk on his face. Slowly the two parted, revealing a kneeling Bucky behind them.

Still in his skates, he was on one knee, flashing his bright smile.

You gasped at his position, thoughts racing through your head.

“Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. My love. My light. My everything.” A hand flew to your mouth in shock as small tears started to shine in his eyes.

“Since the moment we met, or should I say since the moment we had eye sex in the rink, I knew that you were the one meant for me. I fell in love with the way your lips shaped the ‘good lucks’ I got from you across the plexiglass. I fell love with the way you always had a cup of hot chocolate in your hand. I fell in love with your positivity, I could take the hardest fall and I knew you'd be right there for me cheering me on, shouting ‘get your ass up’. I fell in love with the way you would hold me like I was your world, the after game massages would relieve any stress from my shoulders instantly. I fell in love with the way you made me feel. I truly believe that you've made me a better hockey player, a better man. My life has changed…” he paused, emotions overcoming him before he cleared his throat and continued, “changed for the better with you in it, and I don't want don't spend another second of it without you. So Y/N Y/L/N, would you do me the greatest honor, and marry me? When he spoke those last words he pulled a black velvet box out of his pocket, and opened it you reveal a small golden band.

A sob came from your mouth, tears streaming down your face, but you still had the biggest smile ever. Shaking your head up and down, violently, you ran forward until you collided with him, holding him tightly.

“Yes, Bucky. Yes, I'll marry you!”

Cheers erupted from the team, Loki's clapping the loudest of them all.

Bucky swiftly pulled you to him, kissing you deeply stealing the engagement. Pulling away, he slowly slid off your glove from your hand. Delicately, and with his calloused fingers, he slid the plain gold band, onto your ring finger.

Slowly, he lowered his lips to your hand, softly kissing your ring and finger intimately. You both started into each other's eyes, wide smiles shining between the two.

“Wait, hold on just one second!” You exclaimed, “Was that fight fake or real?”

Loki laughed before interjecting “Your dear fiancé had planned the whole thing. We would get into a fake fight at the end of the period to get you reason to get in here so Bucky could do his thing.”

“Yup, and it worked out perfect” Bucky smiled, giving your cheeks another peck from his soft lips. “Just perfectly.” he whispered, staring at you in awe.

“Now, my dear fiance, the first thing we need to do as an engaged couple is help Loki propose to Y/BF/N.”

You squealed out with delight, looking between Loki and Bucky, wondering when they ever had gotten this close to do something like this, “I would be honored to!”

“Okay, then” he smirked excitedly, glancing up at Rogers and Laufeyson, “Here’s the plan…”

*****

Breathlessly, you rushed back to your seat, trying to tame the bright smile on your face.

“Hi!” you said to Y/BF/N as you fell into your seat.

“How is he?! Is he okay?” she asked, concern clear on her face.

“Oh, Bucky? He’s completely fine! Um, yeah, he’s good enough to play for the final period.”

“Oh that’s good! I’m so glad, I got really worried for him.” visibly relaxing, then added with a joking smile, “plus, I sent Loki an angry text saying he shouldn’t have done that.”

“Yeah, yeah he’s totally fine. He was just being a little baby about it!” you fibbed, excitement of what was to come coursing through you.

When the teams skated back onto the ice, you cheered, for both Bucky and Loki. And when they resumed playing, you could now see the playfulness that was between them. What you thought was aggression was playfulness, and what you thought was teasing was only jokes. Thankfully, for the rest of the period the two didn’t ‘fake’ fight again, but sadly Buck had to go check someone with his stick, shoving a Frost Giant player with both hands.

At the whistle, you knew that the ref saw it, and it a loud sound signaled that it was a penalty and that Bucky would have to go into the penalty box for a whole 2 minutes.

The thing was, the penalty box was just under you two seats, so when he entered it, he looked up to you, wiggling his eyebrows.

You mouthed the words, “Seriously? A foul?”

He grinned his perfect crooked grin, before mouthing back, “Yeah, I missed you!”

You giggled, blowing him a kiss, after making a little heart with your hands. He dramatically grabbed the blowed kiss from the air and clutched it to his chest.

You shook your head at his childlike manner, still grinning like an idiot, before you pointed to the rink, giving him a fake sternly look telling him to pay attention to his game.

He nodded, giving you one last wink before turning around and watching the game, counting down the seconds he still had in the box.

Now with the Frost Giants in a power play, where the White Wolves were down a player (due to Bucky’s foul) they had become a lot more aggressive, really pushing their offense. After a couple attempts at the goal, Loki had a perfect shot lined up. With a quick swing of his stick, he shot the puck into the upper left corner, getting it past the goalie with ease.

The crowd erupted with cheers, you clapping sadly, but Y/BF/N went crazy, standing up and whooping and hollering, yelling out Loki’s name.

Bucky looked back up to you, an embarrassed look on his face, knowing his penalty had helped the Frost Giants. You shook your head at him, right before his timer went off and he quickly skated back onto the ice.

Now with the game being tied up, the teams became defensive again. No one was letting anyone score. Both goalies were catching pucks like crazy. With the seconds dwindling down, the tension was rising exponentially.

With only about 10 second left of the tied game, the Frost Giants had possession of the puck, and Loki took a shot at the goal, but the goalie blocked it. Quickly, Wilson, a Wolves player swept the puck up and slide it over to the Wolves possession. In a blink of the eye, he passed it to Barnes and with a couple of powerful thrusts, Bucky skated down the rink charging the goalie one on one. In one of the luckiest shots you’ve ever seen, and with only 2 seconds left, Bucky hit the puck with all his might, and launched it past the goalie, the puck hitting the back of the net with a satisfying thunk.

The crowd all roared, the rink filling with noise as the bell rang, the game ending with a White Wolves victory. The team surrounded Bucky as he threw his hands up in triumph.

After the moment had ended, the stadium started to empty out.

Y/BF/N got up to follow the rest of the people, but you held her hand, pulling her back into the seat, “Wait, Y/BF/N. Bucky said he wanted me to stay here, and the boys would bring us to the team room so we could avoid all the people and traffic driving out of here.”

“Oh, okay?” she responded, sort of confused about the change in plans, but thankfully she didn’t question it any further.

After a few minutes, the boys appeared in the stadium, now out of their skates, an arm slung around each other, laughing about something. It made the two of you give a little awe. As they lead you to an opening in the gate, they led you into the team room.

You and Bucky pulled away from Y/BF/N and Loki, as he asked her if she wanted to skate for a little bit. After some hesitation, she nodded, and grabbed a pair of extra skates that Loki would always bring, slowly tying them up.

Bucky leaned over to you whispering, “Did she question it at all?”

“Nope, she was a tad confused but stayed.”

“Then good job, my sweet fiance. Now let’s give them their moment shall we?” he asked.

Glancing up at him through your eyelashes, a seductively smile flashed across your face, “And whatever shall we do in the meantime?” slowly you slid a hand up across his chest, your fingers creeping up to his bare neck, “I mean, you did just score the final point, right? I think I could let you score something else” you added, biting your lip slightly.

Bucky pulled you tight against him quickly, causing you to stumble lightly, before pressing your body flush against him. Eyes bright with happiness, he whispered in his deep rough voice, “Oh, I already scored the best fiance. I don’t need anything else.”

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[demes-tumbled-sims]

The Avyan Immortal Dynasty, Chapter 7: All This Feelings Junk

Index

<- Previous

So, the wedding had another little story, right? The sun is setting slowly over the party. Miko wants to socialize, I’m taking care of the bar. It’s been a perfect wedding. And up walks Gino, a little slower than usual.

“I got my notice today,” he said with a little sigh. “Time to get the ol’ affairs in order.” Now, I could ask the reasonable question, which is whether he was just going to take that lying down. But I’d wreck my whole gig.

“That’s rough. Anything I can do with that?”

“Probably not. I’ve been enjoying the liveliness! I’ve been enjoying the company… All the company, if you understand me. I’ve got a little boy, you know. Julian.”

“Congrats!” So, this glass for my sympathetic bartender shtick has gotten really, really clean in the time I spent waiting for him to say anything more. “What’s your drink, Gino? I’ll make you a double.”

“I don’t think you can make a double of a Sour Punch, but sure! I’ll give it a shot!” This gets a smile out of the old guy, at least.

“If someone told you that, they’re just afraid to try. If it’s double the liquor, it counts. Break out a taller glass.” I start mixing it up as he settles back down and says, into the silence:

“Have you ever really wondered about what it means to get your affairs in order?”

“I refuse.”

“Fair enough, little missus,” he shakes his head. “What I mean is… Let’s say you love someone. Like you’ve never loved anyone.”

“Like you love Mila,” because there’s no such thing as a real hypothetical anymore. Also, because I just got married, so, you know.

“She’s a wonderful lady! A hard worker! A sweet woman. And it’s...it’s real fun. Just being around her.” The promised drink arrives at his seat. “Maybe I’m just being sentimental, on account of your wedding. Sweet wedding… But there are things I’d like to say to a woman like that… But then I’d leave her a widow, just like that! That seem fair to you? Is it settling my affairs to go all in -- or to keep things settled?”

“I think you asked me because you know what you want -- and if you didn’t want to do it, you wouldn’t even need to be asking this question. If she won’t be happy, she’ll say no. If that’s fine with her, she’ll say yes. Go get her, tiger.”

I won’t ask why he was in PJs. I think he might have slept through the start of the party.

“Oh, yeah! No moving her in!” I shout after him.

“Mila! I’m glad you came!”

“It’s always a delight. And a fine sartorial choice you’ve made, dear.”

“Every party can be a pajama party if you want it to be! Besides, it’s a perk of being an old guy.”

“I’ll have to try it sometime.”

“ I want to ask you something. It’s important.” He takes a deep breath, holds it a while. “We both know we -- there’s just not enough room for us to ever live together.”

She nods, sadly.

“But all the same: you’re a beautiful, excitin’ part of my life. And I want everyone to know it. I want you to know it, now and forever, from the bottom of my heart.”

“So I’m asking you to marry me.”

“Oh!”

“Oh?” A little waver in his voice tells its own story. But then the ring is swept up onto her finger, dazzling.

“Don’t worry! Yes, of course I’ll marry you!”

“Arright! Off we go to the arch!”

“Right now?”

“Life is short! Up you go!”

“Gino!” She says it like a scolding, but then the lift throws her head back; her laughter throws her head back, her braid draped over his arms. “Hahahaha! You stallion! This can’t be good for your back.”

“...No,” he admitted, in a slightly strained voice. “Not really.”

“I can walk there just fine.”

“We’ll run, then,” he said, swinging her back down.

And so they end up running; when Mila runs by I can hear her making a noise somewhere between a pant and a laugh, outpaced by a man a whole life stage ahead of her.

“I -- I didn’t think of myself as the marrying kind. I’ve got to admit, I don’t know what to say.”

“Except that I love you. And I didn’t think my heart would be settled, not if you weren’t sure of that. I’ve seen the sea in a million moods, I’ve fought fish the size of me! But I feel like this, right here -- you, right here --  is the most thrilling, amazing thing I’m going to find, and my… Well. My biggest catch.”

“I think that’s just right. I’m honestly very surprised. I’ve thought of myself as, oh, splendidly lucky; lucky to have loved someone once, and with him having a wonderful family. If that was all the love allotted to me, I’d have been happy.” She guides his hand into hers. The dusk between them is bridged. There’s an outside world, sure, but it was miles away.  “You’ve given me far, far more than my share. No matter how long it lasts, I’m so happy to share my love with you, to share a family with you.”

“As long as we both shall live,” Gino said, his voice breaking huskily over the sentiment, like water over river rocks. “...And as long as you care to remember.” “As long as you’ll have us,” she answers.

“I now pronounce us man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

And Gino Levin and Mila Munch marry alone in the dusk; I think they liked the privacy, a little moment -- a series of moments -- carved out just for the two of them, like the sudden elopement of young lovers.

When the night’s gone very still and dark, and the party’s dispersed, Gino goes out fishing again.

And maybe the fish sense something; maybe there’s something a little faster to the twitch of his fishing rod, a lightness to his step that doesn’t drive away the fish. How should I know?

But apparently, a newlywed can catch a lot of fish when he’s happy; he fills out his first aquarium’s worth of angelfish.

I can just tend my bar in the night, and I’ve got to laugh. I’m in such a sappy mood. All this feelings junk. It’s really alright.

Mila probably understands just how short time is running there. Sure, active might add a little extra. It might not. But this is probably why, the next day, they go out to celebrate, and spend a little time together. And I came, too.

Oh, and Zest is here with a pretty thing. He has embraced this philosophy of bad humor and fairly white-bread debauchery.

Me? Miko’s at work. So I’m just here for the pictures of experimental food! 

Don’t know if I’ll keep the experimental food pictures as a museum thing. They’re not worth a whole lot. But hey! It’s an idea for now.

The actual happy couple gets their own table, away from this whole business. As they deserve, and can talk about this and that -- more sailing stories, Mila’s first three kids: little Julian, too. “Of course, I do intend to make his food. I think it’s an important touch, even when you’re just considering baby food.” “That boy’s going to be spoiled rotten! I need to come see him.” “...You do.”

Before we leave,  Johnny tells me he picked up some Lilies and Snapdragons. How good!

Just after dinner, because when you’ve resigned yourself to the so-called “fact,” like you’re just going to take what’s given to you even when that’s losing, you know, existing, you’ve got to gamble on when the last time is, she invites Gino to the chateau.

Well... I can’t think there’s anything wrong with making every second count.

and I’m there, too, because I hate being left behind when people are out and about. Gets me behind on all the good gossip. Besides, my wife gets to come join when she’s done working. I’ve got seconds to make count, too.

And we can enjoy some time together. Just me, her…

“And the tickle monster!” “Ahahaha~ Ow, my sides! Ahahahah Hey, that’s not -- Miko!”

I’ll have to get payback!

And a powerful smooching, to close out the night peacefully.

Little did I know, the true horror that awaited me in the morning…

“Akira Kibo, what is that?” Whatever it is, it’s going in the blackmail folder. “Casual friday?” “Too casual. Put it back.”

I can get another turn closer -- yeah, that’s right, another mixology level. They certainly fly by… This is a solid 7: nothing to worry about but hitting the career branch for this level.

Later that day, Gino stops by our dear neighbor’s to see his son.

“Hey there, little man. Hey there… Look at you. How tiny! You’ve got to grow up big and strong, alright? And be good for your mom, OK? What else… Oh. Yeah.” He bounces the boy up once more, and holds him as tight as he can. “I love you. Remember that.”

Julian probably would never remember this moment. It’s all kind of unfair, isn’t it? Well, that’s why I’m getting out.

Miko’s giving stuff some thought. Because she heard about that, and she let out the biggest, goopiest “Awwwww” you’ve ever heard.

I know it looks like she’s mopping, but that is a zone right there, and she is in it. “Alright! Bathroom’s washed! Dishers are in the dishwasher! Teapot’s clean! I am doing my best thinking, I am living my best life! ...What do I want?”

She takes a deep breath, and she smiles a big, bright smile.

“Keeestraaal~ Are you ready?” “I think we’re ready. Soo… The marriage bed’s still pretty new. We might still need to… Try it out.” “And try for a bit more than that, teehee.”

That’s right. We think the days off are getting decent; the pay’s getting manageable.

“Yes!” We’re going to have a baby!

[dontshootmespence]

Small Creatures

Part 5

After leaving our apartment to clear my head, I texted Dev and Nami and asked where they were and what they were up to.

D: At Nami’s place while I mourn the loss of yet another relationship.

N: Guys suck.

A: Excuse you.

N: Except you.

A: Better. Mind if I come over? I’m having issues and I need some big sisterly advice.

D: Relationship troubles? You and Spencer okay? Please tell me you are. You’re my only hope for love.

A: No pressure, Dev. We are okay…it’s really complicated. I’ll be there in a few.

Four years older than I was, at the age of 33, both Dev and Nami were single. Nami was bisexual and had recently gotten out of a relationship; she was intent on spending time by herself before moving on. Dev was also single, apparently. She tended to fall for the worst kind of guys; either ones that didn’t deserve her, or the traditional kind like my father was – and she couldn’t deal with that either.

As I entered the apartment, I said nothing; I just embraced my sisters. They always gave great hugs and I really fucking needed one right now. “What happened?” Dev asked. 

I sat down on the barstool in front of Nami’s kitchen counter. She was making a quick pot of pasta, so she pulled out three bowls so we could eat. “Where do I even start?”

“I would suggest the beginning.” Nami winked.

I huffed and cut my eyes at her. “You were always were a smartass. Both of you were.”

“Still are,” Dev laughed. “Now spill.”

“Okay, I’m going to ramble. Kind of like Spencer, so here it goes. Spencer and I had not been able to spend a ton of time together, so the other day, we snuck down into the file room at work for a little kissing. A little kissing turned into some heavy making out and Morgan walked in on us.”

“Oh no!” Nami exclaimed. She interrupted my stride. “Is he threatening to tell everyone at work?”

Waving my finger in front of her lips, I said no. “Worse. It turns out that Morgan, my best friend, is bisexual and has been in love with my boyfriend since before I even started at the BAU.”

My sisters’ mouths dropped open. “Yea. Exactly.”

“Did you and Spencer have a fight?” Dev asked.

I shook my head and inhaled hard. “No, Spence and I are fine-ish. Right now, it’s more Morgan and I that I’m worried about. He’s been my best friend forever and he’s in love with the man I want to marry…like…what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

Apparently, I had never expressed wanting to marry Spencer in front of my sisters before, so I had to get them to stop freaking out about the fact that their baby brother was going to be the first of three of them to get married. “Have you talked to Morgan?” Nami asked, placing pasta in three separate bowls and passing them out to us. “What did he say?”

“He said he still wants to be friends but that he wanted me to leave his apartment before because he needed to think. He also almost slipped and said he hated me.” A tear stung at the corner of my eye. I can’t believe Morgan hated me, or that he even thought he could. It killed me. “And then I asked Spencer whether he ever had feelings for Morgan, and he said he did.”

“Had, though?” Dev wondered. “Not anymore.”

“No. He said that he used to, but that he loves me. But what if he decides that he wants to explore things with Morgan and leaves me?”

Nami and Dev came right up behind me and smacked the back of my head. “Ow! What the fuck!? Older sisters suck.”

“Did you listen to your boyfriend?” Nami yelled. “He says he loves you. You’re a fucking profiler. Was he lying when he said that?”

“No, but feelings change.” The tears welled up and then started streaming downward as I stared off into the distance. All went silent. Even more than profilers, family knew when something was wrong. My sisters knew what I was thinking.

Dev put her bowl of pasta down and came around toward the side to the side of the counter I was sitting on to wrap her arms around me. “You thinking about Dad?”

“How could I not be? Dad was proud of me until he found out I was gay. Even once he started to think it, he hated me. Feelings change. Maybe Spencer will come to resent me because he never got the chance to see how things would work with Morgan. Maybe Morgan will decide that he can’t be my friend anymore because he’s head over heels in love with the man I love. I have no idea, and that scares the shit out of me. You know I’ve always been comfortable with who I am, but who I am caused my father to hate me, and now I’m afraid that the man in love with Spencer, who I am, is going to cause Morgan to leave me too.”

Sobs crept up into my throat, barely choked back as I cried into Dev’s shoulder. Nami came around by me too to place her hand on my back. They had overheard the same conversation I had heard all those years ago; they knew how he was, and what it did to me despite the brave face that I put on 99 percent of the time.

“It’s not natural!” My father bellowed at the room across from my mother with no knowledge that I was hiding just behind the wall of my parent’s bedroom and not outside playing with my sisters. “Boys are not supposed to look at other boys the way Atim looks at Divit! It’s disgusting and I won’t have it!” Divit was my best friend; I’d always liked him. I wanted to hold his hand. I wanted to be around him all the time. Dad hadn’t ever really loved me, but hearing him call me disgusting stung. Why did it matter if I thought Divit was beautiful?

In all my ten years, Mama never raised her voice to father, but I heard her cross the floor. “He is your son! Who cares if he likes boys? First of all, he’s only ten years old – nothing is going to happen, girl or boy, for years. Second, why does it matter to you who your son, or the girls for that matter, bed in the future? They are your children!” Her voice was shrill; it was so unlike her. Mama’s voice was warm and syrupy.

Father got in close to her. I could tell because I moved from the wall behind their bedroom into the slightly open doorway. Through the crack in the door, I could see him right up in her face. “Devalekha and Namita will marry good Indian boys when they get older, and Atim will be married to a girl if I have anything to do about it. Do you know what people will say? What people will think if they see Atim doing those disgusting things with a man? I won’t have it.”

Mama’s eyes were full of fire. Again, it was like nothing I had ever seen in my 10 years on this earth. “No. You won’t.” She spoke calmly, evenly, in direct contrast to the inferno in her eyes. “You won’t have it at all.” She smiled. I think I would remember that smile.

Spinning around on her heels, she walked toward her dresser and started grabbing some of her jewelry; it was the good kind, the sentimental stuff she’d inherited from her family. My mama and father had fought many times before, normally about me, but this time something was different. “Where are you going?” My father asked. “What are you doing?”

“I’m doing what I should have done the second I saw the disgust in your eyes when he held that boy’s hand in his kindergarten class. You won’t have to deal with any of that, because you will be dealing without me, your daughters, and your son. I’m taking the children and leaving,” she spat.

Father laughed. “Where will you go with three children to take care of?”

“I’ll take them to the United States. Start over. Away from you and your hatred. They don’t deserve to grow up with someone like you.”

He smiled again. I think I’d remember that one too. “You may have a higher degree here, but that won’t do you any good over there.”

“I’ll work my way up. I’ll do whatever I have to do, because Dev, Nami and Atim are the only people that matter to me anymore. You are nothing more than a speck of dirt under my shoe.” Father attempted to step toward Mama. I was afraid he was going to hit her, but she picked up a hairpiece that had a sharp edge and held it out toward his neck. “Touch me or the children and you will be sorry, Rajas.”

Father must’ve have been too stunned to say anything because he froze in place, much like I did back at my place near the wall outside their room while Mama stormed out and grabbed bags to pack up.

My father hated me because I liked a boy. Mama left him because I liked a boy. Why did it matter?

From the time we left India to come to the United States, Mama told me that you couldn’t help who you loved, so I’d always put on a brave face and been proud of who I was. It still hurt though. Knowing that my father hated me because I liked men. That knowledge still hurt me if I allowed myself to think about it.

And now Morgan couldn’t look at me for who I was. Not being gay, thank the gods, but because of the man I loved. Once again, I could lose someone close to me because of who I was, and that thought crushed me.

After I cried for who knows how long, Dev grabbed the sides of my face and pinched my cheeks like she used to; I kind of wanted to kill her for that. “I understand you’re scared of losing Morgan and Spencer, but there is a very big difference between them and father.”

“What’s that?”

“Father was always and forever shall be an asshole,” she said with a laugh. “Father only ever cared about what people thought of him. He never cared about me, or Nami, or you, or Mama; he cared about what we could do for his image. Morgan and Spencer have been good men from the start.”

I was starting to feel a bit sick to my stomach and Nami could tell. Apparently, I must’ve looked a little green, which made sense considering I hadn’t eaten much today. I shoved the rest of the pasta into my face while I tried to compose myself. “Look,” Nami said softly. “When it comes to Spencer, you need to think of it this way. Has he ever given you a reason to distrust him?”

Never. I shook my head. “Then when he says he loves you and not Morgan, you need to trust him if you want this relationship to work. I truly believe that he loves you and wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Frankly, I wish I’d found him before you.”

“Too bad,” I laughed. “He’s mine.”

Dev smacked me on the back and kissed my temple. “When it comes to Morgan, you need to give him space. This can’t be easy for him. I’m assuming he never said anything to Spencer because of how you two grew up. The area we lived in?”

“Yea. He was afraid of what people would say. He claimed he never had my courage – to be who he was.”

Both my sisters cursed the ignorance and stupidity of people who gave two craps who someone else slept with. “But this can’t be easy for him, so talk to him one more time. Tell him that you understand where he’s coming from and that you and Spencer will give him the space he needs to work through whatever he needs to work through. Let him know you don’t want to lose him, and that considering you all work together, things will remain professional. From there, you have to hope for the best. Morgan’s a good man though. I think he just needs time.”

“I guess you’re right. Why do you two always have to be right?”

“Because we’re the older sisters,” Nami said. “Duh.”

“No one says ‘duh’ anymore, Nami.”

“Don’t care.”

After finishing up our pasta, the three of us split a couple pints of Ben and Jerry’s straight out of the containers while we caught up on the rest of our lives. Dev’s most recent boyfriend decided to say now that he never wanted to get married or have kids, something Dev wanted for herself, so that was the end of that. Nami on the other hand was ready to put herself out there again after three months solo. “Text us and let us know how it goes, okay?”

“Duh,” I chuckled.

On the way back home, I called Spencer and put the phone on speaker. “Hey babe. How are you?”

“I’m as okay as can be expected, I guess. How are Dev and Nami?”

“Good, single but good. I’ll explain later. I’m on my way home now. I just wanted to let you know that I trust you when you say that you love me and you don’t want to be with Morgan. I love you too much not to trust you.”

“I love you, too. We’re going to figure this out. Somehow. I don’t want to lose Morgan either.”

They were best friends. Their lives had literally been in each other’s hands many times before I joined the BAU. “I know you don’t. Let’s talk when I get home.”

“Sounds good. Love you, Ati.” He only called me that when he was feeling especially vulnerable 

“I love you too…somehow, some fucking way, we’re going to figure the rest of this out.”

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