#i always think masculinity and femininity shoulders equal to being a man or woman

[jasontoddisrightfuckyou]

okay this is something that's been bothering me for a very long time but I've struggled to put words to it. Until just now.

I hate how often sexualisation of men, or male sexiness or male sexuality is often just sexualised male feminisation.

Now obviously femine and masculine is different and not the same as being a woman or being a man, but for the sake of this post I'll go by the common definition of masculinity vs feminity which is as following:

Feminity: feminity usually refers to the stereotypical physical or cultural traits and expectations of a cis woman

Masculinity: masculinity usually refers to the stereotypical physical and cultural traits and expectations of a cis man

Now, personally I think feminity/masculinity refers more to a aesthetic and certain way of being than it does gender, but it is still undeniably contacted to gender. Which makes the fact that Male Sexiness often involving or equaling male feminisation even more disturbing. its not just a common fetish. it's heteronormative. it's misogynistic. it's misandric. I will elaborate on why bellow.

Feminisation being equalled to sexualisation and male sexiness involving or being equalled to feminisation is something I specifically see within mlm content. In fact, the only time I see masculinity consistently being sexualised is in m/f (and often straight) media.

it's often in mlm content you see men dressed up in lingerie with feminine design, in heels, or "maid outfits". its in mlm content you see men bekng out in feminine clothing or traditionally female roles, as a way to portray them as sexy. In both fanfiction or original writing, a man's attraction to another man is often about his ass (which is not necessarily a feminine trait) or his hips. his slim waist. his large pectorals (which are often referred to as tits or boobs or breasts)

Very rarely do I see physical attraction towards men talking about anything stereotypically masculine outside of musculature. Why is it never about someone's broad shoulders, their hairyness, the bulge in their pants, their largeness.

At most, I see mentions of their large muscles and washboard abs. Which is a ridiculous beauty and bosy standard put upon men, but that's a different discussion.

That a men is only considered sexy to the point of sexualisation within mlm or queer media is not only a problem, but indicates deeper issues. Like I said heteronormativity. misogyny and misandry.

and here I'll explain why, in case it is not clear.

Heteronormative: It pushes masculine and feminine, male and female roles and dynamics onto a mlm couple, forcing them into a falsisfied and fake heterosexual dynamic

Misogyny: oversexualising of feminine traits or roles. Equaling and resucing feminity and anything stereotypically female to sexiness

Misandry: Equaling and reducing sexiness to feminity and anything stereotypically female. Implies and pushes the idea than masculinity cannot be or isn't sexy.

As a transmasc agender person it fills me with great dysphoria to see men's pectorals always being referred to as tits or boobs or breasts. The focus, fascination or sexualisation of big and lushus pectorals have never bothered me, but the trend of calling them tits or boobs do. Same when people cat like they function like boobs. Like a push up bra creating cleavage, or muscular pectorals requiring a bra to support them. Neither of which is true. Pectorals enlarged due to fat, aka Man-boobs (commonly referred to as moobs) are different, and could both require a bra to help support the extra weight on the chest, and as they consist of fat, not hard muscle, they could be pushed up by a push-up bras. Yet they do not get referred to as tits, boobs, nor do people talk about moobs in bras. This is also an example of fat phobia and the ridiculous body and beauty standards for men, but I'm getting of topic. My point about moobs is that in cases where a bra would be physically possible or serve a practical purpose, they are not included. But when it comes to large pecs being of muscle they will be used as to enhance the sexiness, through feminising the person and the body part. Meaning the bra - and the subsequent feminisation - is only attarctive and wanted when it can be used to sexualise.

And I am. so tired of this trend. I am all for men or masc presenting people wearing skirts, heels, make up, or lingere. but when they wear them, why not let them remain masculine. Let men and masculine people wear a skirt in a masculine way. (Have you seen Scots in kilts?? it's definitely possible for a man or masc person to look both sexy and masculine in skirt like clothing) Or why not try removing any stereotypical feminine stuff altogether? Sexualised rugged (non-washboard ab'd with cut muscles) men with chest hair and hairy arms and legs, stubble and a visible bulge. Talk about mlm physical attraction regarding a bulky torso and thick thighs. a visible bulge and a hot ass. Emphasise those broad shoulders, narrow hips and square jaw

let men be sexy for being masculine. let masculinity be sexy.

don't equal sexiness to femininity. dont equal feminity to sexiness. it's time we sexualise masculinity

edit: this is not to say that the feminisation of med or sexualisation of feminity in men is inherently bad or forbidden. I'm not trying to demonise anyone or what they are into. Explore what you like, create what you're into. I'm just trying to bring up an issue I've seen become more normal and want to bring it up to talk about it and discuss it. if you are a femboy, are into femboys or just like them please know this is not an attack on you. I am just bringing up my own experience and how I wish masculinity was more celebrated and sexualised for being masculine, as well as wishing for more content of men and masc people wearing traditional feminine stuff and STILL be masculine, or even wear it in a masculine way. or just men and masc people wearing traditional feminine things without it being sexualised

[jaskierswolf]

written for @thewitchertransweek

Day 5: Found Familly

Ship: Background Geraskier and Lambden

Rating: T

Summary: Ciri learns about the wider variety of gender at Kaer Morhen

_

Ciri had always expected to live her life in Cintra, after all she was the heir to the throne, the Lioncub of Cintra. At the very least she’d assumed that she might move to Skellige, with Eist’s ties to the Isles, and her grandmother’s dedication to the union between the two kingdoms, Ciri was sure she was bound to end up betrothed to one of the Jarl’s children.

Nilfgaard had changed everything.

Even with the rumours about her Destiny, and murmurs of the White Wolf. Ciri had never expected to find her new family in a ruined keep in the Blue Mountains during the dead of winter, but Destiny was a mysterious force that worked in equally mysterious ways. She still mourned her blood, but the family she had found in the witcher’s keep was invaluable, more than she could have ever asked for. Not only could they give her the skills to defend herself and survive in the cruel war-torn land they now lived in, they were also the most peculiar ragtag group of people Ciri had ever met.

When she’d first seen Geralt bathing on the way up to Kaer Morhen, she hadn’t questioned the uniform scars on his chest. He was a witcher and witchers had scars, that was just a fact, but when Eskel had pulled his shirt up one day to reveal matching scars… she began to get suspicious and the questions had started. She had been shocked to learn that both witchers had been born girls… or something like that. She was still trying to understand the language they used, assigned female, if she remembered correctly.

Jaskier had been absolutely thrilled when he’d learned Ciri was asking questions about gender, perking up from his favourite spot in Geralt’s lap to announce that he didn’t give a shit about gender or pronouns and people could refer to him however they felt most comfortable. Ciri tended to use ‘he’ out of habit, but she’d heard Geralt and the others refer to Jaskier as ‘they’ or ‘she’ at times as well.

And then there was Aiden, Lambert’s partner, who was very much neither a man nor a woman. They often used make-up to change the shape of their face, almost like magic, looking more masculine or feminine depending on their mood. It was incredible…

And Ciri wanted it.

She’d always hated being treated like a girl, being seen as less because she was a girl. She enjoyed wearing boy clothes just as much as her pretty dresses, sometimes even more, but she’d just assumed that all girls felt like that. Most of her friends at the castle had been boys after all.

But… Did that mean she was a they?

Could she be not a girl and still refer to herself as ‘she’?

It was all very confusing and it was giving her a headache.

“Alright, cub?” Aiden asked, leaning against the doorframe to the library. Their long dark hair loose for a change, damp and curly as it rested on the towel slung around their shoulders.

“Just thinking,” Ciri hummed, pressing her fingers to her forehead in the way she had often seen Geralt do when he was exasperated with Jaskier.

“About?”

“What if I’m not a girl?” she whined, falling backward onto the wolfskin rug in front of the hearth, staring up at the ceiling with a heavy sigh. “I didn’t even realise that was possible until coming here.”

“And now you’re not sure?” Aiden pressed, coming to sit next to her, pulling her head into their lap so they could card their fingers through her hair.

“No,” she pouted.

“Well, that’s alright. We’re older than we look, you know. It’s taken us years to work it out, and you’re just a kid,” Aiden reassured her, a low purr started to rumble in their chest, “and if you never figure it out, that’s alright too.”

���What if I change my mind?”

“Little lion cub, nothing in life is constant, change is inevitable,” Aiden laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Lambert is still trying to figure out whether he’s a man who likes dresses or something else, and he’s old enough to be your grandfather.”

Ciri giggled and snuggled up closer to the cat witcher. Geralt might be her Destiny, but these people were all her family, and she couldn’t be more content.

_

@geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde, @comfyswitcherblanketfort, @fontegagrilledcheese, @dani-dandelino, @dapandapod @unyielding-as-the-sea @officerjennie @feraljaskier @geralt-of-riviass @kueble @gilberik @llamasdumpsterfire

[itsclydebitches]

Hi Clyde! I know this might be a bit late to the conversation but I just wanted to ask if you think M&K are writing Yang through a male lens? Not in the sense she's hyper-sexualised, but in the sense she lashes out at her allies without consequences (Fiona), has little empathy for female survivors of abuse (Salem and Blake) and gives her loved ones the cold shoulder when she doesn't agree with them rather than trying to reach an understanding (Blake and Ren).

Hi there, anon! No one is ever late to the conversation around here, not when I'm forever answering months-old asks lol

On the whole I would say no, simply because - as many others have pointed out in regards to other posts - this behavior is by no means seen solely in Yang. Ruby is out there lashing out in Volume 6, Jaune was giving Ren the same cold shoulder, no one else has expressed any empathy for the abuse survivors lately (though Yang might actually have a point in her favor there, given her talk with Weiss in Volume 5, when she learns about her mom's drinking). My point being, pretty much everyone is written with this classic masculine lens right now, where being angry, violent, and dismissive are framed as the correct way to approach problems, whether we're talking about Weiss shoving her weapon in Whitley's face, or Nora coolly brushing aside Ren's concerns. The exceptions being, to my mind, Ren - who learned this season that considering a kinder, more strategic approach is wrong - and Oscar who is embodying the archetype of the innocent child so fully that it allows him to forgive/grant absolution outside of the bounds of the story's internal logic and gendered expectations. Him reaching out to Hazel, Emerald, and even Ozpin is less a commentary on gender and more an extreme upholding of his status as the youngest and, comparatively, most innocent (which, as said previously, bumps up against Ruby's same, former status). Think Harry Potter, destroying evil with the love in his skin as an 11yo by merely touching Quirrel's face, not an older teenager hurling a dark curse at Malfoy while overflowing with rage. Oscar is still very much in that initial stage of being the young, baby-faced character who is not yet jaded and is thus able to overcome evil purely by wishing it so. Yet everyone else, including Yang, gets by on lies, secrets, violence, and anger - no matter how much the story wants to dress it up as heroics. So Yang is by no means alone in that.

What does interest me regarding Yang characterization right now is not, strictly speaking, about Yang. Rather, it’s about the presumed relationship with Blake and how changes to Blake’s character have reflected back on Yang. I won’t go into a full, eight season analysis of it here, but suffice to say, Blake’s personality has taken a sharp dive lately, most notably in the most recent volume. She used to be an opinionated, outspoken woman, the kind of person who marched up to Weiss in the middle of the street to denounce her family’s slavery, fighting for her people with as much intensity in a conversation as she gave on the battlefield. This is the woman who stormed off in anger at Weiss’ racism, demanded a solemn oath from Yang if she was going to believe her about the Mercury fight, rallied an army to defend Haven, set her own house on fire to defend her parents... I could go on. Blake used to only be quiet when it came to settling down with a good book. Now she’s far more meek and submissive. She’s been reduced to blushing prettily at Yang’s praise, begging Ruby to save her, going along with Yang’s plans for betrayal because she’s scared about killing again, clasping Ruby’s hands to assure her that she’ll save them all, etc. I use the term “reduced” intentionally because, on their own, there’s nothing wrong with any of these traits. If anything, Blake should be a more well-rounded character for being able to collapse crying over Adam, or go tongue-tied at a compliment. The problem lies in replacing her original personality with this new one: softer, less confrontational, less skilled, no longer as determined, no longer as angry, keeping to the background to play at comic relief or the damsel in distress. I bring all this up because - within the comparatively slim queer rep we’ve gotten in media - there’s a long history of writing them so that one is clearly the “man” in the relationship and the other is clearly the “woman.” This extends from visual markers like dividing them between assumed masculine and feminine clothing preferences - who wears dresses and who can pass for a boy in a baseball hat and sweats? - to caching in on equally assumed personality traits - who is the calm and compassionate individual; who has the temper and is constantly itching for a fight? To use two examples, think of couples like Sapphire and Ruby, or Kurt and Blaine. One is a cool blue in flowy dresses, always working to be sensible, while the other is an angry red in a sensible shirt and pants, easily pissed off. One is practicing a version of Beyoncé's “Single Ladies” in a sequined leotard, framed as the lady, whereas the other sings “Teenage Dream” in a suit at the piano, a song meant to appeal to the teenage girls watching, no matter the character’s sexuality. I’m simplifying a LOT here, including the context for the times (Glee) and the ways in which this divide is sometimes flipped (Ruby and Sapphire’s wedding), but my point is that whether authors realize it or not, they often force their queer characters into the gender binary, even while they’re supposedly meant to be challenging those norms. Blake and Yang, to get to a long-winded point, are becoming a part of that trend, wherein the closer they get to becoming a canonical couple, the more classically feminized Blake becomes. That, in turn, positions Yang as the “man” of the relationship. Already embodying some of those assumptions with her tough personality and brawl fight style, Blake’s regression into someone in need of rescue, someone less likely to speak up, someone who is visually positioned as less confident and in need of emotional care (think of her drooped ears and inability to make eye contact in “Ultimatum)” only increases that reading, especially given arcs like Yang’s insistence that she doesn’t need anyone protecting her, morphing into her becoming Blake’s protector instead. Yes, the dialogue states that they protect each other, but we all know RWBY struggles to show what the characters claim. Scenes like Yang arriving on a badass motorcycle to fight the majority of the battle against Adam, ending with her cradling a sobbing Blake who promises to never leave her side, or confidently taking Blake’s cheek in hand to comfort her after their not-fight, a moment of confidence and (unneeded) forgiveness... this all speaks volumes of something RWBY doesn’t think is there. So I don’t believe it’s intentional and, as said, there are a lot of complexities to take into account here, but I nevertheless don’t think it’s a coincidence that we’ve lost so much of Blake’s original personality right around the time the show got more serious about their relationship. As a presumed queer couple, there’s an instinctual desire to figure out which is the “guy” and which is the “girl” in the relationship, with Yang being positioned as the former the more Blake changes to fit the latter. 

[lethimrunsonia]

Gender HC’s for @democracydiesindarkness and I’d Poly!Losers AU. Also gonna tag @ull-float-too

1. Richie is non-binary, and for him that means he is just Richie. He likes to blend feminine and masculine because it matches his need to hurt people with his fashion choices. He likes to dress in bright and blaring Hawaiian shirts, but he also likes appearing in the kitchen in ugly patterned short skirts and equally awful tights, and he LOvES make up (because your face can be an art canvass!) (also Richie wants to be pretty but he doesn’t think he is :( ) and now that his hair is the longest except for Bev, he likes to have Bev or Stan play with it and give him updos. Uses he/him pronouns but doesn’t mind other pronouns.

2. Bev is cisgender, but she struggled with her womanhood for a while, because it was so weaponized against her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t a woman, it was just it was scary and dangerous to be one. Once she understood this, she ran at it face first and embraced it. The others never made fun of her for doing “girly things” like make up, hell, she’s done all of their makeups at one point or another. They’ve all helped her do her hair, especially Richie and Stan, and she and Stan have always bonded over fashion and making designs. They’ve never treated her “feminine interests” as something stupid, or lesser, in fact, all the Losers have taken interest in her activities. Bev uses she/her pronouns.

3. Ben is cisgender, but has always been “accused” of not being a man because he likes a softer approach to things, feelings, writing, and art. The fact that’s he likes to be pretty, like art, and build pretty things, sometimes makes him think he isn’t a man, after all. But the others support him, and tell him he’s whatever he wants to be, and Ben knows how he is a man is his brand of masculinity, and he owns that. Besides, when the guys at work give him shit he just smirks, becaus their fear and projection doesn’t scare him. He has his family who understands him, and loves him. Ben uses he/him pronouns.

4. Eddie is cisgender, though he is the epitome of soft boy, and is constantly belittled and looked down on about it. Eddie is short, like 5’4, and slim, but he’s never felt more like a man than when he’s with his friends. He likes fashion, he likes looking cute and aesthetic, and he looks like he could be snapped in half, but at the same time, he’s the most ready to throw fists, Stan right behind him in that regard. After the Bowers gang really hurts Bill in high school, the three of them, Richie, Eddie, and Stan have a huge fight with them. Everyone at school stops saying shit, not only about Eddie, but about the rest of his family. They even stop saying homophobic shit around any of them, after the rumors of how Eddie gave Bowers two black eyes and a broken nose start to circulate. Soft is tough, and Eddie is both. Eddie uses he/him pronouns.

5. Bill is genderqueer, though at first he viewed himself in a similar way to Eddie. He can be very feminine, he likes to be pretty, he likes dressing up, and having Bev do his makeup, but it’s not until Richie accidentally calls Bill “baby girl” that he figures out that he might not always be a boy. The Losers are just like “yeah, of course you can be a girl? Are you a girl all the time? Should we call you something different?” And that is A LOT and Bill panics. Eventually, Bill realizes a lot of the time he’s just Bill, and gender isn’t important to him, sometimes he’s more masculine and feels very much like a he, but other times he’s Bill but he’s a girl. He wants to be called those titles and seen as that, but he also likes his name. He likes how his partners say his name, how much love there is for him in that name. so he doesn’t see a reason for another. Baby girl is good enough. Bill uses he/him and she/her pronouns, is okay with they/them.

6. Mike is cisgender, and he is the epitome of a cute farmer man holding a lamb with a cat on his shoulder with a big grin. Mike has to deal with the racism of Derry, and the fact that people viewed him as a broken man because he was black and pansexual, that he was not good at being a man because of his blackness and queerness. But Mike is positive masulinity. He is protective, and honest, open, hard working, and compassionate. Everyone should want to be like Mike Hanlon, a man of the might of the mind. (He becomes a professor and teaches history!) Mike sees his Losers’ expression of gender and just sees a truer expression of them, of his loves. Mike uses he/him pronouns.

7. Stan is agender. He uses masculine pronouns most often because his experience is kind of based on my experience where I am agender and I usually use she/her, but really like them/they pronouns. Stan likes to dress up, in skirts/dresses/suits, always tries to look professional and way hotter than anyone else except his Losers. Stan watches Richie and Bill figure out their genders, and how they want to express it, and realizes he relates, but he also doesn’t. He doesn’t feel attached to masculinity or femininity, he just sees Stan. Bill and Mike research for a while, and come to Stan with this label, and Stan cries because, oh, Stan isn’t broken. Stan is home. Stan uses they/them and he/him pronouns.

[metalotaku-da]

GREATEST SHOWMAN VOLTRON

Keith is from a rich upbringing, his parents lotor and axca are of the upper class during the civil war in nyc.shiro is his childhood friend. Shiro’s father did various labor for keith’s family. After shiro’s father dies, he goes off to join the railroad. He meets up with keith whenever he can. Confessing his love to him in an abandoned house as he spins tales to entertain him like he did in their youth. However, Keith's parents try to forbid him from seeing him. Keith finally decided after a harsh evening of words that he has had enough. And runs away from home to be with shiro. The two move into together in the slums. Where they meet two young orphans shortly after named nadia and silvio. They take them in like their own children. When shiro loses his job and banks everything on an ill gotten loan for hsi oddities museum. Keith and th4 kids throw everything they have into helping him make it a success.

From the idea he got from the kids, shiro went to recruit the local conjoined twins matt and pidge holt. It took a lot of persuasion. Next he meets Allura, an albino freed slave and her friend and former master's daughter, Corana, a bearded and mustache red headed woman at the wash house. Then shiro and keith hold open auditions at the museum. 

One of the first acts they sign are lance also more often known as lucrecia and their sister veronica as trapeze artists. They are escaped former slaves from cuba. Lance/lucrecia and veronica tell their story to shiro and Keith over drinks. The two are twins and they choose to take their chances at escape after their former master sold off their other family members.  Lance disguised themself as a woman in their escape to America, and found that most days they prefered to be seen as a woman and choose the name lucrecia when dressed as a woman. Shiro and Keith respond with kindness and acceptance as do the rest of their troupe. Keith even asks Lance/Lucrecia how they’d like to be addressed. And they responded with a  shrug and a “i guess whatever i am perceived as, but i don’t think i care much really either way. I am used to being called many things, especially when people find out.” and Shiro and Keith respond with the others to do their best respect whatever choice lance makes with his appearance. And in front of the audience they will never be misgendered. 

They are also joined at the auditions by the very large and strongman Hunk. Who is a recently emancipated slave. He and Lance/Lucrecia hit it right off the bat, becoming quick friends. He is the first of the new acts they confide in. 

A troupe of four women also joined them, Zenthrid, a giant strong woman, Ezor the tumblist and fire eater, and Narti a blind fortune teller. 

Along with many others. 

After their first big windfall after the show opens shiro buys his family a huge new house. And enrolls Nadia in ballerina school like she has always wanted. Through the new experience of high society parties, keith introduces him to jame’s family. A rich upper class family who back the north and the abolitionists. James has returned recently with a friend from europe. A famous playwright, whose works are the talk of Europe and america. Many of the guests are shocked when they discover the man they thought to be his servant to be the famous playwright, a black man named Ryan kinkaide. James is drunk and over eager to introduce Ryan to more friendly faces at the party. In a bid to tease keith about his newly reclaimed status by a string or highwire. He drags Ryan over for introduction and eagerly throws him to shiro and keith when neither blanche nor snubs his friend. Speaking to him as equals. Though with a bit more politeness and manners from Keith than the other had been shooting james. Shiro asks the two to meet keith and him at a local bar later.

Once there they discuss the two of them joining their circus. With Ryan helping to right acts and shows. And James helping with behind the scenes things. With the upper class. It takes some haggling and James chooses to enter a business venture as a silent partner. but would like to look around the show before any papers are signed. Who knows he might change his mind after seeing the behind the scenes. 

The act performing when they arrive is the trapeze. And Ryan finds himself captivated by one of the twins in a pink wig he comes face to face with. “Who is that?” Ryan asks, still staring out the balcony he had come face to face with them in. Shiro gives a wicked grin knowing he has Ryan there. Keiht gives him a warning glance before he answers the playwright. “Lucrecia. One of our trapeze twins from the exotic cuban plantations of the southernmost ocean to touch this country.”

“Their act is truly captivating isn’t it?” Keith says with a smile. 

“Yes, she is.” Ryan responds, eyes still glued till the act is complete. James and Ryan sign on, splitting a 10 percent take. Ryan and James quickly work themselves into the group. The two are later on introduced to lance on day during the week. When he joins them at lunch. Learning he is Veronica's brother. “And lucrecia’s? Will she be joining us today too?” Ryan asked hopefully. Keith looked to the other quickly at Ryan's words. Lance responds with a sad smile. “Afraid not. Just me today. She had other things to do. Maybe another time.”

“Yes, maybe another time. It’s a pleasure to meet you lance. I’m sorry we haven't had a chance to be introduced yet. Hopefully we can get to know each more as we work together.”

“Maybe.” lance responds with a slightly more genuine smile. Taking his lunch to sit by veronica and hunk. The holts check James's shoulder as the other squints in judgment of lance as he sits. The two joining the others. 

“Why would you say that?” Keith asked Lance later. The other still dressed as a male. “They are part of the crew now. He’s going to figure it out eventually.”

Lance shrugged headed to his changing area. “Gives me sometime to see if he’s safe. Or if both are. It just gives me some time. When he figures it out it will show how he really feels about lucrecia. Helps to find out if he’s feelings are for me or for the act.”

“You are lucrecia. You are lance. They are the same person because they are you.” Shiro says kindly joining the two. A hand on Keith's shoulder in support. 

“The show is the act. Not you.” Keith says strongly. They give him a thankful smile before going behind the screen to change to more feminine clothing. Once again joining the others as Lucrecia. 

James and Ryan join the others a few days later with news. They got a response to their letter from the queen of England and they had been granted an audience with the queen. Lucrecia asks if it’s for all of them. James gives a nervous smile, but Ryan is quick to state it’s all of them or none. 

When they are leaving via ship Ryan asks where lance is having not seen him board. Lucrecia is quick to tell him not to worry. He is around. It leaves a pleasant smile on her lips as he excuses himself to other tasks. Lance makes a few appearances here or there on the trip. However once again is nowhere to be seen once they reach the shores of england. Which finally starts setting up questions in ryan and james. As they start to notice the two might just be one. 

At court they meet the queen and after a small flub that is quickly saved all goes well for the group. James introduces Shiro and Keith to Adam the swedish nightingale. A singer also there to see the queen who is known throughout europe for his amazing singing voice. Shiro is quick to make an offer for an american tour. Not even lying to Adam's question if he had ever heard him sing. 

Ryan introduces some of his royal court acquaintances to his friends in the circus. Lucrecia and Corana are quick to leave after some comments about their masculine features. That Ryan chooses not to address more than looking away. Veronica and Allura leave shortly after noticing their missing family.

Back in the states, Ryan James and Shiro work hard on the show for adam. 

Adam’s show in new york goes well. However Ryan's still budding feelings for Lucrecia cause a bit of anguish at the show as he chooses to hold Lucrecia's hand during the performance, but drops his hold once he is given a disapproving look from James and his parents from the audience. Who James had told his suspicions on Lance/Lucrecia to. She tries to keep her tears in check for the rest of the evening. Keith’s parents show up to the after party having been to see the show. Lotor and Axca finally meet Nadia and Silvio. Axca seems happy to see them but Lotor and Shiro get into an argument where Lotor before he throws them out. When shiro tries to block them from the after party leaving them in the back once more, sans Ryan, the rest of the group decides they are tired of being treated as background act only to be seen in a tent as an attraction only and not people. Crashing the party despites Shiro's words. After facing the upper class in their own party the group leaves the stares, headed back to the circus. The trip forced them to face an angry mob of protestors on the way. But they perform their evening show without a hitch to a sold out crowd cheering them. Lucrecia uses the opening act to throw shade at ryan. Doing the trapeze number as lance. 

 Shiro is quick to choose to leave with Adam to do more shows around the states. Which is confusing to James and ryan. As he didn’t consult either on the elaborate plan and the payout is poultry if any as it’s a very risky business venture. James even offers to go on tour in his stead Since he is the one without a family to be away from. His parents worry the least about his travel with the war going on. Where Shiro was leaving behind Keith and the kids. Keith was protesting loudly the choice when he was informed only a day before shiro was to leave But shiro was adamant that it needed to be him to go. Getting more into the day to day shows for when shiro left. Nadia and Silvio chase after the carriage carrying him and Adam as they leave.

Just before shiro left he did a favor for ryan leaving two tickets at the theatre for lucrecia and ryan. Telling lance as he got ready for practice he left one under the name lucrecia. Ryan in his excitement tells the others all about it. Which is good since he needed to be reminded as he was almost late to go meet her. 

Lucrecia is confused when the ticket master presents her with two tickets. At first thinking it was a mistake. But is surprised when Ryan shows up. Asking for her to go with him to the play. And he wasn’t sure if she’d have said yes had he asked her directly. Lucrecia is nervous at first, but when Ryan presents his hand, she does take it. He loops her hand in his arm and escorts her up the stairs through the coloreds only entrance. Commenting on always wanting to see the theatre and excitement to do so. As they ascend they run into James and his parents climbing the stairs next to them through the white entrance. Ryan is quick to introduce lucrecia to James's parents. Who snubs her, refusing to address her and ask Ryan if he has any shame. Being seen with something like that. Lucrecia is quick to excuse herself and run off back to the circus. Ryan stays behind to defend lucrecia. Telling James and his family they don’t even know her, before leaving to go after her. James follows grabbing his arm at the bottom of the stairs countering quickly, “do you even know her? Does she even exist? no matter who they are, they have been lying to us. To you this whole time ryan.”

“Lucrecia will tell me when they are ready to tell me.” he states pulling back his own arm. 

“And yet, you only keep your eyes for lucrecia. What will you do when they confirm they have been lying to you? Can you bring yourself to choose both if they are truly one in the same or will you choose to only care for them as lucrecia?” Ryan doesn’t respond but leaves James behind to return to the circus. 

He finds lucrecia there changed from her evening out wear to her practice outfit. Hair lightly pulled back but down. Ryan is quick to apologize, and says they are small minded people. He will drag James in himself to apologize for his rudeness. But she shouldn’t care what they think of her. And asks why she does. They don’t know her. Lucrecia is quick to inform him it’s not just James or his parents. It is from others too. Everyone outside these walls looks at them the same way. 

“They give me dirty looks too. I’ve learned to ignore them.” Ryan states bring himself closer to her.

“We may get the same looks for being of darker complexion ryan, but it’s not the look i’m talking about, and you know it. You're a rich black man from across the ocean who has never been a slave. Before you came here did anyone even look down on you? Treat you as less than an animal? As a freak in need of beating the devil from?” Lucrecia walks away from him to undo the ropes for her practice. “I didn’t think so.”

Ryan chooses to open himself up and lay out his heart. “You know I want you. It’s not a secret I try to hide. I know you want me.” The two go back and forth while lucrecia and him fight over the equipment and she still gets some practice in. Ryan even shows how much attention he has paid to the act, keeping up a little bit with her. 

“It doesn’t matter how we feel Ryan because it can not be. You are in love with an act not with me. I can not give you what you want.” lucrecia says in frustration. 

“How can you say that? While I stand before you telling you how my heart feels for you Lucrecia?” Ryan pleads, holding her close by the arms.

She jerks back away from him. Frustrated tears clinging to her eyes. As she wipes furiously at her face with her arm, and pulls off her wig in a dramatic fling. “Because Lucrecia is an act! And your heart is only for Lucrecia. You barely have words for me as Lance lest it is to ask of Lucrecia. As Lucrecia I can’t give you a family, a future.'' Lance's chest is heaving at his declaration and reveal. Taking in Ryan's shocked face and silence. “I can’t have you as Lance, I will not have you as Lucrecia.” with those parting words lance turned on his heels and left Ryan alone on the stage. 

Keith and the kids try to keep things normal while Shiro is gone. But his absence is noticeable at every recital and around the circus and their large empty house. The rest of the cast members notice and try to step up as much as they can.

On tour with Adam, Shiro is enjoying himself grandly. The same bright smile graces his face at each performance of adams. The two grow close as the tour continues. At around the 30th performance, Shiro gets a little more introspective. Feeling a bit of guilt at the gentle and casual touches between him and adam. Missing Keith and his kids. He tries to set up Adam to continue the tour alone. Bring it up to him in his room. Adam is taken aback and angry. Thinking the feelings he was acting on flirting with Shiro were mutual. Shiro apologizes for the misunderstanding, but shares that he deeply loves keith. Misses him and his kids. But he has everything taken care of for Adam to finish the tour alone without him as a distraction. Adam becomes even more angry at the words. Refusing to continue the tour. Shiro tells him he has ot. To not would ruin him. Adams informs him he ruined himself by playing with others like pawns. He did perform the show that was due to go in mere hours after their argument leaving shiro to think all is well.

Adams' performance is affected greatly by his emotional argument with Shiro prior. But Shiro still takes the stage with him for the final bow. Where Adam sneaks a kiss to his mouth for the camera’s to shiro’s horror. Adam tells him it’s his parting gift before saying goodbye. Leaving shiro to face the fallout alone.

Shiro returns home and  Nadia and Silvio come running down the stairs at the sight of him. Throwing their arms around him and asking why he came back early.  He tells them because he missed them. He asks them to come with him to see how the circus is doing.

The circus is facing a growing number of protestors. A few buy tickets to the show and stay after the closing act to address them. Led by a local man named sendak. The men throw insults and slurs at them demanding they leave town. James and Ryan confront them together and ask them to leave. James asks them to leave nicely one more time. When sendak throws the first punch zenthrid charges, followed by the others in the circus and the rest of sendak's gang. A fire is started by a brawler intentionally knocking over a lamp and smashing into a store of animal feed.

Once he reaches town they learn the circus is on fire. Shiro wastes no time jumping from the carriage to check on his friends. The fire department works as best they can. Ryarn and James are looking over everyone checking in when shiro joins them. And he asks about the animals looking around at the performers. Hunk informs him they let them out. It was all they could do. Ryan’s eyes go wide at the words. “Where’s lance? Where is lucrecia?” hunk looks back at the burning building. They had been the most adamant about getting all the animals. Without an answer Ryan runs back in the building. Veronica tries to follow but hunk and shiro hold her back. Right after Ryan enters the building Lance runs up from the alley beside the building having been chasing the animals away from the fire and trying to get them to circle back around. Just as Keith and kids break into the crowd. He is told Ryan went in after him and James and Veronica grab him next as he screams. Shiro looks at hias family before running off towards the burning building.

The building collapses with shiro and ryan inside. The crowd is in despair thinking they lost just as shiro comes out carrying an unconscious ryan. Ryan is taken by the paramedics to the hospital. Lance and James follow after them to stay by his side for his stay.

Shiro shows up to the burned circus the next day to see if anything could be salvaged. He is met on the steps by his newspaper critic iverson. They have a little chat. He shares first that the thugs who did this were arrested, and Iverson tells him he hopes he rebuilds. Even if he doesn’t personally enjoy it, he knows others do. And during these times where this very nation is fighting and many of their statesman dying trying to define for the future who is and not worthy of being seen as people and equals, that in this moment in history what shiro is doing portraying all of those performers as people and equals is important for the future. He says well at least we can borrow off the profits from Adam's tour. Iverson cringes, you haven’t heard? Heard what? Iverson shows him the day's paper. Front page is a picture of him and Adam kissing. The story is how Adam nor Shiro appeared at any of the other scheduled show stops. Shiro takes off running for home at the sight. Knowing Keith will have seen it.

Shiro runs into the house to see people removing items from the house. And Keith walked out with the kids in tow to a waiting carriage packed with their personal belongings. Shiro tries to stop them. Keith, wiat, please, just wait. Nothing happened. I swear to you. “Nothing happened shiro! We’ve hidden away our true relationship and you are on the cover of the newspaper kissing that man! For the whole world to see!” “ He set me up for that in a jealous rage. Nothing happened. i don’t love him keith! I love you!” “no shiro, you don’t. You only love yourself and your new found fame.” “please just tell me where you are going?” “home shiro. I’m taking the kids and going home.” “this is our home.” That's when Keith informs him he knows about the risky loan and the bank sent eviction papers over already. They already lost the house. And he was done listening to his excuse and lies. He never had to lie to him. Then he leaves Shiro standing on the stoop alone. 

Corana and the holts lead the others to Shiro's favorite bar. Where they find the man drunk and depressed laying half across it. Matt is the first to speak when shiro ignores their entrance. “Should’ve figured we’d find you here feeling sorry for yourself.” Shiro doesn’t even look at them as the others settle around him. Tell them he can’t pay them all the money's gone. They are over. Pidge is next telling him to shut up and taking his drink away. The others take the time to explain what shiro did for them with his show and how much the show means to them. How it didn't feel like work but a family. Family some of them never had the pleasure of having before the circus. He can’t give up because they all want their home back and that includes him and his family too. After a little more pep talk Shiro smiles at them before taking off to Keith's parents house to win the love of his life back.

Shiro is greeted by Lotor at the door, who refuses to give shiro information on his son’s whereabouts. But the kids make it down the stairs and are happy to see him when asked where Keith is. They happily tell him Keith is at the beach. Shiro smiles brightly at his kids, thanking them and takes off towards the beach. Where he apologizes to Keith and fesses up to his mistakes. Telling him he just wanted to do more for them and go bigger and bigger he didn’t mean to let it get to his head or to get so out of control. He loves him, he loves the kids. He loves the family they made with the circus crew. They all miss him  and the kids. Keith tells him he will give him another chance. That he always loved him. He didn’t need all the bells and whistles he just wanted shiro. 

Ryan wakes up to the sight of lance with his head draped across his chest half asleep and James passed out in a chair at the foot of the bed. His groaning wakes the two as rayn brings a hand up to the back of Lance's head. The other throws his arms around Ryan's neck in tears of joy at the sight of seeing him awake. He goes to pull back at the looks the nurses were giving him but is instead pulled forward by Ryan to meet him in a deep kiss. James just laughs and grabs his friend's leg, his own happy tears falling down his cheeks as Lance melts into ryans kiss easily with his own.

They all meet up at the steps of the circus. Shiro informs everyone that the bank wouldn’t give him a new loan. Nor any in the nearby towns. And he probably couldn't swindle any other banks in the world to give him a loan. He is sorry to disappoint everyone. Matt is quick to inform him not to worry. Pidge adds on that he was always a disappointment. Shiros gives a sarcastic thanks for that. Lucrecia, Ryan and James join them after being released from the hospital. The others have worked together to get them some clothes to be able to return to presenting as a woman when they so choose to do so. Having lost their own in the fire. James is quick to inform him he had once had an inheritance and connections that could have helped them but now all he had was his friendship with all of them. Oh and his and Ryan's 10 percent share of the door. Which he was smart enough to collect every week to prevent Shiro from causing a disaster with it and Ryan also stated he had some modest savings from his plays. As they were still doing well in Europe. 

Shiro tried to protest. Saying he couldn’t let them risk all they had left on him. Corana protesting loudly for him to not turn sensible on them now. James counters with asking them all three to be equal partners. With equal say in everything as they move forward. Shiro quickly agrees to their terms. They discuss logistics as even with their bit of funding they can’t afford to repair the building. Instead they get a tent and some cheap land on the outskirts of town by the docks. One big enough for their entire extended family to safely call home. The group salvaged all they could from the rubble together before leaving it behind. The tent gives them more room to bigger and better shows and bring in even more acts. 

[katedrakeohd]

Personal Shopper

A Choices : Save the Date Fanfiction

Pairing: MC Stella Jennings and Martin Mercado (Justin)

Rated: PG for language.

Word count: approx. 2800

Context: Martin calls Stella and asks for a favor.

Author's note: Stella's personal thoughts appear in italics

Tagging:

@dailydoseofchoices @sanvivrma @samihatuli @gardeningourmet @lovealexhunt @princess-geek @loveofafangirl @storyofmychoices @msjpuddleduck @perriewinklenerdie @thepotatobleh @shrinkthisviolet @griselda1121 @iamnotjesha @desiree-0816

*************

I'm standing in the bridal boutique with Lindsay finalizing our plans to attend the Wedding convention in Niagara Falls, when my phone starts ringing. Without looking at the caller ID I answer, “Hello, Jennings Wedding Planners. We make weddings spectacular, how may I help you?”

After the words leave my lips there's a pause, giving me just enough time to feel awkward about using the word ‘spectacular' .

“Stella, Hi. It's Martin.”

It's been a while since we've spoken, and I can't help but feel a tingle of excitement at hearing his voice. When I don't say anything he continues,

“Nora's wedding is coming up soon, and I was wondering if I could ask a favor?”

Oh so now he needs me for something. Is this a test?

“What kind of favor?”, I ask.

“Well as wedding planner I value your opinion on what to wear, and as Best Man I need a tuxedo. Could you help me pick one out?”

Well I've already overseen the picking out of wedding dresses. And this would give me another chance to show Martin that I can be professional and take my job seriously. So why not?

“Ok Martin, are we picking something out of your closet or are we going shopping?”

I can hear the smile in his voice when he answers, “I want something fresh and new for Nora's wedding, so let's go shopping. Are you free this evening?”

When he's not mad at me for something his voice does carry a certain charm. I wish it didn't affect me so much.

“I'm free, where are we going?”

“I'll text you the address. Meet me there at 7?”

I can't help but smile, “It’s a date.”

I hear him laugh on the other end, “Don't be late.”

As I look out the window of my taxi I can't help but shake my head. Given that the address Martin gave me borders on the south end of Central Park, it couldn't have said more “fancy rich guy” if it tried. When the taxi stops outside of the Ritz-Carlton hotel, I see Martin standing talking to the doorman. When the doorman steps over to get my door, Martin waves him off and opens it for me.

“Wow, aren't we being a gentleman?” I tease as I climb out of the taxi.

“Well you're here to do me a favor, so it's only right.”

Martin knocks on the passenger window and the driver rolls it down to accept his credit card.

I stand on the sidewalk and wait. The Ritz-Carlton doorman tips his hat to me in greeting and I blush. As the taxi drives away Martin comes back over to me.

“So this is a hotel. I thought we were going shopping?” I ask, eyeing Martin warily.

Martin's usual stern facade shifts and he smiles, “Oh we are, the store isn't far from here. So I figured we could walk.”

I shrug, falling in step beside him as we join the flow of pedestrians. “Don't tell me you're taking me to shop on 5th Avenue.” I joke.

Martin glances at me all serious, “Well yes, I always shop on 5th Avenue.

Of course you do.

As we walk by the other hotels on the street the crowd on the sidewalk gets more dense, and it's tough not to bump into people. A group of people come at us from the other direction and I have to step closer to Martin to avoid being trampled. Without warning I feel him take my hand, he leans in close to whisper. “Don't worry, I've got you.”

I give his hand a grateful squeeze, “Thanks, remind me again why walking is better than taking a taxi?”

As he guides me around a woman pushing a stroller, he smiles. “I like walking with you Stella. Remember how I walked you home after Nora's bridal shower?”

“I remember wanting to learn more about the real Martin that hides behind the façade of CEO event planner guy.”

We navigate the maze of cross walks and find ourselves on 5th Avenue.

“Well consider this as an another insight into who I am. I love this city, I live this city. The excitement, the people, the living breathing organism that is the exchange of commerce and business. I feel so energized to be a part of it.”

As I look down at his expensive shoes and the designer clothes he's wearing it reminds me of the divide between our economic classes. We might live on the same island, but he's all high-rise Penthouse and I'm Hell's Kitchen. I don’t belong in his social scene at all, yet here I am planning his sister's wedding and holding his hand. It's terrifying and exciting at the same time, like I'm on a carousel ride and if I dare let go it will all disappear and be just a dream.

He holds the door open for me as we enter the men's wear store at Bergdorf Goodman and as we step inside he looks like he's right at home. I feel like an ugly duckling in my basic cotton dress and sandals. He leads the way to the escalator and we go up to the second floor formal wear department.

The mannequins are all sharply dressed in suits of various colors and designer brands. As the only feminine thing in the whole room it feels very intense, almost erotic to be surrounded by such powerful masculinity.

The way that Martin just casually walks by the expensive price tags on display is mindboggling. But then this is his world, and money is no object. As we approach the clerk behind the counter the man smiles at us and greets Martin like an old friend.

“Martin! Back so soon! And with a pretty girl on your arm. How can I help you two today?”

Martin smiles back, “Good evening, Eric. My sister's getting married next month and I need a tux.”

Eric eyes me appraisingly as if I'm Martin's date. He seems to approve, but I don't know for sure because he quickly averts his attention back to Martin.

“Nora, right? Well tell her congrats for me. So for this extra special occasion are we going for something equally as special? Perhaps a tail coat this time?”

Martin shrugs and then looks at me, “That's not quite what I had in mind as Best Man, but let's ask the wedding planner. What do you think Stella?”

I hold my hand up, needing to clarify something first, “Hang on, I'm still trying to get over the fact that the staff know you by name. Just how many suits have you bought here?”

Martin grins at Eric, “Well this will be the fifth. There was Prom, two award shows, and of course Sam and Ali's wedding. I like shopping here because they carry the styles and brands that I like. Plus they have my size and measurements on file which helps.”

Eric laughs and smacks Martin on the arm, “Besides Martin and I go way back because we used to work here together.”

“So you weren't always part of your Dad's event planning business?” I ask, trying to imagine Martin working behind the counter at a clothing store.

“I was in highschool and Eric was in college. We worked in the backroom more so than directly with customers. It was my first taste of the business world at the ground level.”

Eric smiles, “One of the best, most down-to-earth guys I’ve ever worked with.”

Wait, what? Bossy pants, rich guy Martin is actually a nice guy under all of that expensive cologne? I knew it.

“Stop it Eric, you’re going to ruin the hard ass millionaire persona I’ve been trying so hard to uphold,” Martin jokes.

The air between us gets a little more awkward as Martin looks at me and smiles. What game are you playing Mister? You like me, then hate me, then you look at me like that and my knees go weak. Stop teasing me.

Eric claps his hands to dispell the moment and bring me back to reality, “Ok then, enough reminiscing, let’s get you a tux.”

He leads us to the racks and starts pulling things. “Let’s try this, and…this, oh and this one.”

Eric’s confidence as he chooses designer looks just at a glance is so different to Lindsay’s timid nature at the bridal boutique. He knows his niche market so well and obviously excels at it. I wish I could get the two of them in the same room, and just maybe some of his confident optimism would rub off on her.

He hands Martin a bunch of hangers as he leads us to a changing room, “I’m sure you two will be just fine with these, I’ll check back on you later.”

I feel a sudden panic take over at the idea of being left alone with Martin in a changing room. “Wait, you’re not going to help advise him about fit and stuff like that?”

Eric smiles, “I think in this matter that Martin would value your opinion more than mine. I’ll give you some privacy.”

Did he just wink at Martin before he left?

I suddenly feel hot all over when Martin hands me the hangers and then starts to unbutton his shirt, This is so not in my job description. What is going on?

I feel myself blush and look away, “Um, Martin should I wait outside?”

As he unbuttons the cuffs on his sleeves he looks down briefly as he slips off his shoes. “Only if you really want to Stella, I’m not too shy to ask for your help if I need you.”

If he needs me? What if I want to help now?

My eyes are drawn to the open neck of his shirt and the little bit of chest he’s revealed. I hang up the suits I’m holding and step toward him. “Let me help you with that.”

Martin doesn’t argue as I gently lay my hands on his chest, smoothing the fabric under my palms and running my thumb up over the buttons. His hands hang at his sides as he watches mine work to undo the buttons. I can feel his warm breath on my neck, and I boldly let my thumb graze against his skin as I reach the bottom button. Biting my lip I tug the shirt up out of his waistband. As I undo the last button I look up and meet the dark intensity of his eyes with my own. Our lips are only inches apart and I see him gasp as I run my hands up his bare chest and slide the shirt off of his shoulders and then it drops to the floor.

“Stella,” he whispers, catching my hands in his. “That's enough, thanks for the help.”

I step back and let my eyes wander down his toned and muscled arms and chest, ending at his abs, trying not to focus on anything below the belt. He clears his throat and then I look back up at his eyes.

“Are you sure you don't need help with anything else?” I ask, bending down to pick up his shirt. It's still warm and smells like him.

He pushes his shoes off to the side, and undoes his belt. I can't help but watch his hands.

“Yes Stella, I think I can manage the rest from here. I'm quite capable of dressing and undressing myself.”

I feel warm all over as I back out of the changing room, “I..I understand. I'll be outside if you need me.”

I lean against the wall and try to catch my breath. My mind, nerves and sexual desire are buzzing in overdrive.

Holy hell what the heck was that? He had no reservations about taking his shirt off in front of me. What the fuck is this twisted game he's playing? Was he just testing me to see if the attraction is mutual? Because it definitely is.

My eyes are closed, when I hear the door open.

“Okay, what do you think?”

My head snaps round to the sound of his voice. Damn he looks good in black. The crisp white of his shirt pops against the caramel color of his skin, and the bowtie draws attention to his handsome face and brilliant smile.

“Wow, Martin. Just wow.” I can't hide my smile of admiration.

“I know right? Eric really knows what looks good on me.”

He certainly does.

“You bet I do!” Eric says, grinning from ear to ear with pride.

After a quick visual assessment Eric nods. “And it's a perfect fit.”

Martin catches me staring and makes a show of adjusting his shirt cuffs and smoothing the lapels of his jacket. I can feel myself blush when he lays a smoldering look on me. He knows he looks good and that I'm checking him out. He undoes the button on the jacket and casually stuffs his hands in the pockets of the trousers as if he already owns them.

“Great then. I'll get changed and then you can ring me up.”

Eric smirks at me when Martin disappears to go change, “You like him don't you? You know you're just his type. Please tell me that you two are a thing.”

I'm caught off guard by his observation, but I can't help but tell him the truth.

“Not yet, but I'm working on it.”

Eric laughs, “I knew it! The two of you have been setting off serious sparks ever since you walked in.”

Well whatever is going on it's seriously something volatile.

“You're his friend, any advice for me?” I ask nervously.

I can't believe I'm really asking someone how to pursue a relationship with Martin.

“Be patient, he knows what he's got going on, but under it all he has a good heart and a good head.”

“And a good face.”

He grins and points at me, “You, Stella. I like you. Got spunk for days.”

Martin comes back out, “What are you two grinning about?”

“Oh nothing. Stella and I were just talking about cute boys that's all.”

He laughs, “I bet your husband wouldn't like that.”

Eric laughs, “Nah he'd just be jealous about missing out on the details.”

I blush and look down at my shoes, praying for the floor to open me up and swallow me whole. “Um, can we go now?”

Eric winks and collects the tuxedo and accessories from Martin, “But of course Madame et Monsieur, right this way.”

Standing next to Martin at the counter I try not to peek at the price of everything as Eric rings them up. Martin hands over his black Visa card. “So I'm assuming the hemming of the trousers to the proper inseam is included. And that everything will be delivered to my address?”

Eric smiles and nods as he makes a note on the receipt. “Yes Mr. Mercado, and as always it's been a pleasure doing business with you.”

“Thanks Eric, we'll be back.”

We? What's this we all of a sudden?

“Nice to meet you Stella.” Eric says as we turn to go.

I smile and wave and then Martin leads me back out of the store. Out on the street I turn on him.

“Ok Martin, out with it. Why did you really invite me out to go shopping with you?”

Martin runs his hand over the side of his face, and looks down at his shoes with a sigh. “Honestly?”

I fold my arms across my chest, “I'd like the truth, yes.”

Martin looks up and the expression on his face is open and sincere. “The truth is…that..that I like you Stella. I was looking for an excuse to see you again.”

Well holy shit. I don't know what to say.

“Stella?” he says, as he catches me staring at him again. “Say something.”

I blink and then look down and reach for his hand. When I look back up at him again he's smiling. “I think I'd like that Mr. Mercado.”

He steps closer, “And what exactly would you like Stella?”

“For you to find more excuses to see me. Because I like spending time with you too.”

He brings his hand up to brush the hair back from my face, his thumb grazes my cheek and sends a thrilling sensation traveling down my neck. He leans in close and my eyes drop down to focus on his lips, now just a breath away from touching mine. I suck in a breath in anticipation and then he draws himself back.

With a sigh he steps back from me. “Can I call you sometime?”

I feel like all the air has been squeezed out of my lungs so I just nod.

“Yes, anytime.” I manage to whisper.

"Okay good, but for now let me call you a cab."

[mageniskala]

SEVENTEEN: Zodiac’s Reading of This Month #1

Merry meet and Namaste...

Hello, welcome back to ACE OF DIAMONDS. Okay, without further talking, i'll share my reading right down below.

04/01/2020 Decks: The Wildwood Tarot and Rider Waite Tarot Topic: Zodiac's reading for this month .

1). S.coups: Leo

Pile: Knight of Pentacles, 7 of Sword, 3 of Wands, Queen of Stones, Page of Stones, 3 of Stones.

This month is busy month for Leo. He got many responsiblities to handle, things to get done. He almost can't handle it, but in the end he fulfills his duties. Leo needs to prioritise his loved ones the most, families, friends, SEVENTEEN, and Carats, instead of paying attention to hate-speeches and negative comments on SNS. Take no shit of what antis said. Haters gonna hate. Leo also has to know that rooting to his creativity is way more important in this matter.

2). Jeonghan: Libra

Pile: 3 of Swords, The Magician, King of Wands, 3 of Arrows, 8 of Arrows, Page of Arrows.

I sense a lot of mind/tought energy. Likely this month will be tough moment of Libra, because there are two 3 of Swords (Arrows) coming out, and it even get worse with 8 of Arrows that associates with strugle. Libra will be strugling from physical (dizziness, cold, low blood-pressure) and mental illness (red: anxiety disorder). In other hand, Libra has The Magicians which means the power within and trick to handle all these chaos. Libra doesn't speak it loud, he keeps it for himself, he tells a lie that 'he's okay'. Good news, he has such a big spirit to get better and better, this big and pure intention will help him get out of the dark place.

3). Joshua and Seungkwan: Capricorn

i). Joshua - The Sun, The High Priestess, The Moon, The Forest Lovers, The Moon on Water, The Guardian

Well, it is interesting. There are two card of The Moon, which tells us about something unsure and confusion, and moment of stillness. So, i can tell that Joshua has big doubt about something. From the card of 'The Forest Lovers', i can see that what he doubts to is the bond, the relationship between him and a person. I also see femine energy, big one. Oh ya, noted it, feminine doesn't have to be a girl or woman, it can be boy or man, because femine isn't gender, it's aspect of energy inside human being. So, i come to a conclusion that the person with feminine energy is Joshua himself. And the other person is with masculine energy, because there is 'The Sun' which is masculine. Joshua needs time to dive deep down to his soul to seek the truth behind his confusion.

ii). Seungkwan - 10 of Pentacles, Judgement, The Moon, The Wheel, The Hooded Man, Page of Bows

Seungkwan misses his home and his family. He misses some memorable moments with them. His feelings up and down, he becomes so sensitive and melancholic. He calls his family with hopes it'll help to release his home-sick. He can't spend much time with them during christmas, becuase he has to work and make his dreams come to manifest. He trys to conceal his feeling from others and act playful, cheerful, and passionate like usual.

4). Jun and Hoshi: Gemini

i). Jun - The Magician, The Hanged Man, Page of Pentacles, 6 of Bows, The Stag, King of Stones.

Jun's skill get blooming. He developes his vocal and dancing skill. This month will be a steppingstone for upgrading his level in this industry. And, i feel by the sixth month he will be bestowed with abundance in the form of projects. In the same time, there will be some toxic comments about him, but he's kinda immune with it, because he always follows the lead of his heart and intuition. By the end of 2020, he will be in the moment of stillness where he worries nothing, doubts nothing. He's fully surrendered himself to Universe/Time to show what will it be in the future.

ii). Hoshi - Page of Swords, The Tower, King of Swords, 6 of Bows, 10 of Bows, King of Bows.

Soon or later Hoshi, our tiger, will face 'The Tower Moment'. It is moment where his life start to change in sudden. Some unexpected events take place in his life. It changes how he thinks and see about life and others. He steps on new path and new journey to live. He will heal his wound (bad experience and memories) from past and relese them, so he can be the new version of Hoshi. He also got many responsibilities to carry on his shoulders. Maybe it will make him exaushted physically and mentally. But, no matter what he promises that will live his life gratefully, happily, and heartfully. And what will he get? Of course, abundance. The results never betray the efforts.

5). Wonwoo: Cancer

Pile: 8 of Wands, Temparance, The High Priestess, 8 of Vessels, The Wood Ward, 2 of Vessels.

OMG, i personally like it, and bit shocked. I sense big feminine energy, it associates with intuition, compassion, and caring and nurturing. Two of Vessels represents attraction, love, relationship, and harmony. And this card is empowered by Temparance, so i'm quite sure that Wonwoo has been balancing the aspect within him; cold-warm, ignore-care. He's no longer the 'tsundere' one, at least around this month. His affection to the one has been spreading until he concerns that could no longer be held back. IDK the one realises Wonwoo's feeling or not, but he's totally aware with Wonwoo's change by seeing him become more caring and soft. But you know, actually loving and caring, soft and warm  hearted are Wonwoo's nature that always there, never not. So, i can say, he doesn't change at all. I guess i know the one, but no, i'm not gonna tell it.

6). Woozi and The8: Scorpio

i). Woozi - The Moon, Knight of Pentacles, Page of Wands, The wheel, 4 of Arrows, 8 of Arrows.

I can feel hoe exausted Woozi is. He has worked hard, now he needs rest and leave his bussiness for awhile. It's good idea if he comunes with nature, either going to see beach or lake. It will heal him if he go somewhere with amount of water. I'm pretty sure he knew it and ready for it. But before going, he needs to get done his works and arrange the schedule.

ii). The8 - 9 of Cups, The Hermit, 4 of Swords, 10 of Stones, Knight of Arrows, Page of Wren.

Just like Woozi, The8 too needs some rest, but i sense that he no needs to go anywhere. What he needs is, to have some times with his mind by himself indoor, it could be either dorm or home. Basically, The8 is man of wide insight, so clearly he will spend time by reading some books that can improve his personality, awareness, and spiritual consiousness. And also, recalling all memories, good memories, about him achieving severel of his dreams and passions.

7). Mingyu: Aries

Pile: 2 of Cups, The Hierophant, Temperance, The Ancestor, The Sun of Life, The Stag.

WOW! It's sweet. Like i said in Wonwoo's reading, Two of Cups (Vessels) is about relationship, love, caring, nurturing, and harmony. And Mingyu's reading, Temperance also came out to be empowerment of Two of Cups. Meaning, the relationship is going balance; loving and caring each other, eventhough both keep it low-key and undercover, they tend to be not so obvious. By this, Mingyu has been going through new journey and new experience of life. He made decision by listening his heart, not what people say. I can see this beautiful love, but when i look deeply into their soul, they are connected by karmic debt. So, this relationship is part of karmic scenario. For Mingyu himself, if he can accept and embrace who he is, he will be awaken spiritually, if not even i myself don't know. Because i only see what i have to see.

8). Dk, Vernon, and Dino: Aquarius

i). DK - 2 of Swords, Page of Pentacles, 3 of Pentacles, 4 of Stones, Knight of Bows, Ace of Arrows.

DK will get two offers, which both of them are equally good. He will be so confused which one should he pick. Page of Pentacles is sign that whatever he will pick, it will be new source of money and popurality, which is projects or collaborations. If you DK's stan, please encourage him. DK is pure and innocent person, he really needs protection from others, because i sense an evil eye in the future. Maybe he will get scammed and used just because he's purely good person. He needs someone with very logic and realistic mind to always remind him to be careful.

ii). Vernon - 7 of Swords, 9 of Pentacles, The Devil, 4 of Arrows, 2 of Stones, Page of Stones.

Vernon is about to face new challenge and in this matter he's very newbie. He has no any significant experience with it. So he's very aware and careful doing this. Vernon's nature is abitious, passionate, and competitive. He like challenge and try something new. There are severel difficulties and obstacles. If he can conquer the difficulties and obstacles, he will bloom and show his new charm, of course everyone will be stunned.

iii). Dino - 10 of Swords, King of Cups, The Moon, The Journey, 7 of Bows, 9 of Stones.

Someone is about to pass away. I can't feel who he/she is, i guess it could be one of Dino's relative, and it makes him has to come home to attend the funerial ceremony. I see 13 and 9, i assume it as September, 13th. Deep down, i hope it's not true and not gonna happen. And here, Dino will be overheat, he has pushed himself too hard. His perfectionist sometime ends up like this, but he just enjoys the moment where he can't do anything, because at that time he can see himself so crystal clear and evaluate all that done. Dino likely is gonna have massive emotional turbulance and mood swing, but he's gonna bring them into possitive way. Many romantic songs/raps and sexy dances will be born out of it.

.

Huffttt... it's so exausted. FYI, i spent for about 5 hours to do this reading. So, i really really thank you for coming here and read my readings. Please kindly share to Carat friends or family. Love you!

[kumkaniudaku]

The Dream

Written By: @justanotherloveaffair

Warnings: SMUT! (18 + Content)

Word Count

Chadwick woke up next to you with a gasp.

You stirred in your sleep at the sound to find your husband sitting upright, his upper body heaving with each breath in and out. Each one sounding like a strained gasp for air.

Concerned, you placed your hand on his arm. “Aaron?”

He turned towards you in the dark. “Co,” he sighed. A warm hand – no, a sweaty hand covered yours and squeezed slightly. “Co…”

Something about the tone of his voice shook off your sleepiness and you began to sit up, noticing the feverish sheen of sweat all over him. Your hand immediately went to his forehead. He was burning up.

“Baby, what is it?” Alarm stirred in you the longer he took to answer.

As he tried to master his breathing, you noticed his expression of pure euphoria. The kind you saw after mindblowing sex. You also noticed his dick was rock hard.

You quickly began to put two and two together.

Chadwick’s fingers entwined with yours in the dark. When he spoke, the awe in his voice was so strong in emotion it made your breath catch in your throat.

“I just had a dream that… was so real…” he let a giddy sound slip, “I have never… Tasha, it was…. oh my God. It was you and I and…”

Chadwick was an articulate and composed man but this was something else altogether. Though you were impatient for details, you were also drawn in by his dizzying energy.

He was still trying to piece his mind together so you rubbed his arms and hands, both of you now facing each other upright. “Shhh baby, relax,” you soothed. Meanwhile, your eyes were distracted by the distinct shape in his lap, where his excitement was most telling.

“I don’t wanna forget… need to write this down…”

“Can’t you just tell me?” You were wide awake, wide-eyed and not sure you could handle another second of anticipation for what had gotten Chadwick in this state.

He rubbed his forehead, your question reaching him through a thick fog.

“Yes…. Yes.”

“Start at the beginning… tell me everything,” you whispered, tendrils of excitement curling up your spine.

He breathed out and leaned against the headboard, opening his lap up even more for your inspection. His proud dick jutting upwards, now impossible to ignore.

“I will baby, I will... but… can you help me take care of this first?”

Biting back a smile, you barely waited for him to ask before swinging your thigh over his lap, sliding your hands over his erection and pressing your lips into the stubble at his jaw, purring as you nipped at him, “I think I can do that for you if you promise to start talking after….”

~ ~ ~

Chadwick described a room of white. White sheets on a large bed, the only furniture in the room. Bright sunshine behind gauzy white curtains. The details were so vivid, he could recall a breeze making the fabric shift with delicate grace.

And on the bed, there were three figures. Chadwick, you, and… another.

A woman.

There was a current of nerves in the air, of anticipation and excitement. She was shy…. watching you at a distance, from the edge of the bed where she lay on her side, her head propped on an elbow watching you both with a sweet, alluring smile.

She seemed to be waiting. Content only to watch for now.

On the other side of the bed, Chadwick caressed his hands up and down your body in a moment of intimacy that was, for now, only between husband and wife. His fingertips dragged slowly, leaving goosebumps on your skin. His long body pressed into yours from behind as his hands swept and cupped you everywhere.

A sea of white sheets separated your bodies from hers, one that would be crossed only when he was sure you knew how cherished you were.

After some time, a hand reached out across the divide and hers unfurled from beneath her to take it. She touched your fingers and returned your smile.

Hello. You heard a musical voice.

The woman was beautiful. Her heart-shaped face was sweet and feminine, with a shy innocence in her rich brown eyes. The curves hugging her bronze, glowing body were mesmerizing. Any man or woman with a pulse would fall to their knees at her full hips and ample thighs, tapering at a small waist below the soft rise of her breasts. Though you had never been with a woman, this goddess would be the one to tempt you.

And you were curious.

She was the first to move, shifting slowly towards you while Chadwick’s hands continued to warm your skin. The woman’s approach was tentative and you squeezed her hand. What would it be like to touch her? Kiss her?

Then she was close enough to touch, and you didn’t have to wonder anymore.

Everything seemed to stop when her lips touched yours.

The wind making the curtains swirl vanished as the air left the room. You closed your eyes and focused on the feeling as time seemed to stop. She was so soft. As you greeted your new lover, your hand brushed up and down over the swell of her hip, up to her waist and down again.

Being used to Chadwick’s rough stubble, the sensation of pillowy softness against yours was entirely new. In this moment of discovery, you almost forgot he was behind you.

Almost.

~ ~ ~

You lifted your head from the crook of Chadwick’s shoulder where you were laying in post-orgasmic bliss, listening to his highly detailed retelling of the dream like a dirty bedtime story.

“So I’m just making out with this random woman right in front of you? Damn Aaron, am I always this freaky in your dreams?”

“Oh this ain’t even the half of it – this is just the start,” he smiled. “And it wasn’t freaky like you think. This was some beautiful shit, like softcore porn filmed with a soft-focus lens – you know what I’m talkin’ bout.”

You settled back on him, staring at the ceiling in the dark, your mind’s eye filled with intriguing images from his descriptions. “Babe, this is hot. Tell me what happens next.”

~ ~ ~

Who is she… you thought as the unknown beauty left plump, soft kisses on your jaw and down your neck.

She’s here for us, for your pleasure… and mine. Chadwick’s voice materialized in your head, intangible as a shadow.

You accepted the explanation for this ethereal new lover whose mouth had never left your skin. Either she or Chadwick had shifted you on your back, presenting your body for her. Every touch she left was gentle as a breath. You were captivated watching her descend between the valley of your breasts, slowly rising and falling with your breathing.

To your right was the equally beautiful form of your husband, his nude, masculine body stretched out close at your side. Looking between the two, you were overwhelmed already by the many gifts this moment was giving you.

Chadwick’s hand turned your face until your glazed over eyes were on his. Does her mouth feel good on you, baby?

You couldn’t respond with anything but a moan and you closed your eyes as teeth captured your nipple and released, only to be pulled in to her mouth with a warm suck. Your gasp was stopped by a set of lips you knew very, very well. Chadwick covered your mouth, his hand caressing the side of your face as he kissed you slowly, swallowing your little sounds.

The contrast of him and her at once was sending you into heaven. His rigid tongue flicking inside your mouth, rough stubble piercing your skin, the coarse pads of his fingers keeping you still all in such stark contrast to the soft, wet ministrations of her mouth.

You heard the melodic, slightly husky voice of the woman, her accent one you couldn’t place.

You taste wonderful, may I have more?

Surprised by the beautiful and feminine sound in your head, without parting from Chadwick’s intense kiss you responded privately, in a mental connection that existed only between you and her,

Yes, please, you’re incredible…

A sound something between a mischievous giggle and a sigh came in response from the woman who was igniting fire with every kiss down your stomach. Your hand crept onto Chadwick’s bicep, your grip sharpening suddenly as a wet kiss was placed right between your legs. You tore from Chadwick’s mouth with a heaving gasp, both of you looking down to take in the sight of her flicking her tongue against the surface of your pussy.

Relax… came the woman’s voice in your mind, followed by her magical laugh that was both girlish and captivating. Enjoy, but focus on him. He needs your touch.

It seemed an impossible task as she bathed you with her tongue. The inside of your mind was whirling, overstimulated. Sensing this through some mysterious connection, the woman eased off of you, instead grazing her fingers and her lips over your upper thighs as you gathered your focus.

You turned to face Chadwick, your gaze smoldering over him, everywhere you looked sparking excitement in you. His body was a chiseled figure of masculinity in every way. Strong enough to lift you off your feet in a heartbeat, thick enough to make you praise the heavens when he entered you. Even his scent, a mix of shea butter and sandalwood, made desire pool in your belly when you were near enough to breathe him in.

You reached down to the hairs on his chest, your light tickle there turning his attention away from watching the woman still kissing between your legs. Your warm palm left goosebumps wherever you touched him. He hadn’t realized how much he was aching for it and released a lungful of air with a sigh when your fingers teased down his abdomen and scratched teasingly in the short hairs at the base of his dick.

Touch me…

His begging words became a moan as you did just that, your fingers moving along his towering length. You curled them into a half circle around him and Chadwick immediately moved with you, his hips jutting forward, pushing himself into your hand. The scene unfolding around him having such an obvious effect, he was whimpering at just the lightest touch.

Your lover needs our attention…. Should we give it to him?

Her playful voice in your head made you look down, and you answered with a sly smile that matched hers.

She placed a slow, sensual kiss over your folds, closing her eyes as she did. We’ll come back to you, love. I promise.

~ ~ ~

“So wait, we really just dropped our shit to focus on you when I haven’t even cum yet?” You gestured your hands animatedly into the air. “Come on!”

A hearty laugh bubbled from deep in Chadwick’s chest and you whacked him with the back of your hand, acting playfully annoyed mostly to cover up how aroused you were.

He rolled over, teasing you with his breath in your ear as his strong arm crossed over your abdomen. “Don’t worry, we get to you later…”

~ ~ ~

Both you and the woman moved with synchronized grace, prowling on hands and knees to occupy space on either side of Chadwick’s lower half. His heart pounded visibly in his chest as he looked between you both.

Look at him… look how beautiful he is.

Her words prompted you to slow down and take in the sight, from the short curls on his head, to his expressive brown eyes with brows drawn in tight with desire, his sinfully full lips parted to let out his short breaths.  

You are both so lucky to have each other.

You quietly agreed as your vision raked down his chest and settled on his tempting length, the source of so much of what you craved, and so much of your pleasure. On either side of his hips, his fingers curled into the bed as he shuddered with excitement for your touch.

He watched through a thick haze of lust as you lowered your mouth and kissed the warm skin at the base of his shaft. You licked up slowly towards the tip, leaving a trail of saliva and found his thick, smooth head, taking it past your lips and gathering up his saltiness with wide swirls. His low moan echoed in every corner of your mind. Encouraged, you kept taking him into your mouth until you couldn’t fit another inch in your throat, and tears stung your eyes.

Your desire to please left your throat raw, saliva dribbling down your chin as you carefully slipped him in and out, finally letting him go with a messy pop to gasp for breath.

Another mouth was ready for him. She kissed along his lubricated shaft and, inspired, you leaned in to join her, letting instinct dictate your movements as you worked up and down, together. Her eyes were open with delight at the wild sounds coming from Chadwick, booming cries that filled the room as two sets of lips and tongues brought him unimaginable pleasure.

Come here T…he whimpered, the atoms of his body so scattered apart he could barely speak.

His weakened fingers gripped your shoulder and tugged. You glanced at your companion who winked at you just as her lips descended down his shaft, another of Chadwick’s moans rocking the room in response.

You responded to his weak little grasps on your body, crawling up to a soundtrack of wet sucking sounds and him repeating your name. Co, Co, please… please…

You didn’t know what he so ardently needed until the strength returned to his fingers and he grasped around your thighs, jerking you so hard towards his mouth you nearly stumbled over him. He caught you and held you firmly as his lips went straight to your nectar, his tongue and vibrating moans sending tremors through your body.

He ate you with the need of a man starving, encouraging you to grind down and keeping you stable with his powerful grip around your thighs. You rocked against his tongue, the decadent feel of its wet silkiness swirling around your pussy making you cry out. Looking down, you could barely comprehend the sight of yourself planted on his flawless face as he devoured you, eyes partly closed in concentration as he tried to focus while experiencing his own nirvana.

Having to split his attention between the two of you was the only thing holding him back from draining himself down the beautiful woman’s talented throat.

I need you Co. I need more.

Chadwick’s rough pleading filled your mind as he continued to suck you into his mouth, holding your hips as you circled.

Give it to me.

You moaned, sweat trickling down your face and Chadwick’s hands doubled their efforts to hold you still as a rush of pleasure tightened in your stomach. Give me everything, come on my mouth, good girl….

Your cries became noiseless gasps as you were rocked with white-hot pleasure, the intensity making your thighs shiver. Crowding your splintered mind were Chadwick’s moans along with yours as he drank down your essence. Good girl… the room was spinning as you swayed away from his mouth, sagging back on him weakly.

Mmmm, so beautiful to watch, the corners of your mind bloomed with her sultry voice. Looking back, you saw that she had released him, and was smiling up at you both, watching with adoration. You’re amazing together, both you and Chadwick heard, and you couldn’t help but lock eyes and grin at each other.

~ ~ ~

“I’m beginning to feel bad for this woman,” you caressed Chadwick’s chest thoughtfully, your mind so stimulated and engaged in the imagery that your whole lower half was throbbing.

You shifted over so you were half laying on Chadwick’s chest to look up at him, and in doing so, brushed against his almost full arousal.

“All she’s done so far is give us both oral, seems kinda unfair for her,” you frowned.

Chadwick laughed, enjoying your investment in his dream. “And here I thought you’d be happy you finally got to cum.” His large hands grazed down your back, making you shiver, the pebbles of your nipples hardening against his solid chest.

“Let me finish,” he whispered, picking up on the heat building between your bodies. “I think you’ll find this dream has a happy ending for everyone.”

~ ~ ~

There was a quiet moment of pause as each of you collected yourselves, content to listen to each other breathe and relish the soothing breeze in the room, cooling the sweat on your bodies.

With the fireworks of your orgasm still dissipating, you were capable of not much more than laying at Chadwick’s side, limbs sapped of energy.

By contrast, Chadwick’s body was still tense, pulsing from being taken so far but not all of the way.

The woman beguiled you. She had given so much and taken so little, her patience seemingly infinite. Her shapely figure was curled between Chadwick’s legs, content as a purring cat. Her brown eyes watching you both with feline laziness. Relaxed and waiting.

You touched your hand to Chadwick’s chest, the muscles flexing in reaction. Keeping your steady gaze on her watching orbs, you trailed your hand down Chadwick’s body, both of you noticing him squirm.

You want him?

Smiling, her expressive eyes blinked slowly at your question.

Yes. I want you both.

Your hand reached its destination, the treasure at the end of the trail you grazed down his abdomen. You closed your fingers around his shaft, a whimper leaving his lips.

I think he wants you too.

Keeping him in your palm, you lowered down to his ear where you kissed and nibbled on his lobe, your teasing making him moan so he almost didn’t hear when you whispered, I want to watch you fuck her.

His eyes flickered open and he searched your face, one hand coming to your cheek as he sought out your confirmation. You nodded.

The motion next to you was so natural and smooth it seemed choreographed. He rolled up onto his knees, his shaft bobbing temptingly. Reacting to a command just for her, she shifted with a dancer’s grace beneath him, laying her voluptuous body next to you.

Both of you watched your husband crawl between her legs, lust darkening her eyes and yours at the masculine display as he confidently gripped her just below her knees, spreading them to either side of his tautly muscled thighs. You sensed her appreciation of how beautiful he was, and the tense excitement of her anticipation as she sucked in her breath.

When he spread his tip around her opening to gather her lubrication, you heard their shared moans at the contact. Chadwick palmed her essence up and down himself and even though you were just watching, you braced along with her for what came next.

Moving with instinct, your hands went to the warm skin of her stomach, rubbing around to soothe her as she whimpered at the sensation of Chadwick entering her.

Oh… he’s so big…

You smiled, knowing just how she felt, how you ached with the intensity of his stretch whenever he first penetrated you. You almost felt him yourself as you watched her head fall back, her voice shattering into gasps. Your hand continued gliding over her soft belly as Chadwick sank deeper inside. It was addicting to fill your hands with her soft skin and hear her gasps as your husband took over her body. It was unlike anything you’d ever known.

A heavy heartbeat thudded in your lower body, the arousal dripping down your thighs a tribute to the scene unfolding before you that you had the privilege to observe. You shifted closer to her side, so close you could kiss the swell of her breast, the skin firm and yet yielding, impossibly soft to touch.

Your hand crept down her stomach and pelvis to where her mound was pressed firmly against Chadwick’s pelvis, the two of them joined as close as could be. You imagined you could almost feel the shape of him deep inside her, where your hand rested, and you shuddered at the thought. Fascinated, you watched him emerge slowly and return inside her to a chorus of moans that you were adding to without realizing it. You could almost feel him yourself, through her. She gripped your arm as he did it again, beginning to set a slow pace.

It was magic to watch them. Both so beautiful and full of grace as they moved passionately together, their thrusts against each other coming faster now. You rubbed your thighs and shifted your hips against the bed, looking for relief at the aching inside, while you kissed at her addicting skin, admiring the bounce of her breasts where you left an occasional kiss on your exploration of her torso.

As you did, you felt the touch of a finger between your legs, seeking entrance and you heard Chadwick’s sultry command in your head.

I need to touch you baby. Open up for me.

Surprised, you opened your thighs and Chadwick shifted to lean down over the both of you, where his hand could comfortably reach his favorite spot.

With his chest pressed down over hers, he continued to fuck her slowly, their faces now intimate and close. Their lips came together in steamy passion, all while Chadwick’s fingers fondled your sweet spot and you greedily thrust against them.

Oh god

Fuck

Aaron…

All three of your moans mingled together into one sound. The woman’s head fell back as her upper body arched, pressing her breasts into Chadwick’s chest while worked her slowly, his hips rocking into her.

Kiss me, he growled to you and you shifted up, eager to feel him anywhere you could have him. His fingers abandoned your heat to crush you towards him in a fiery kiss. You felt the sweat and effort in his heavy breathing, the heat of his desperate passion burning you down.

He could only sustain it for so long before breaking away, and immediately you bent down to the woman, greedily pulling her face up towards you so you could sink your hungry lips onto hers. She leaned into your kiss as if you were air. The salty taste of sweat mixing with her natural sweetness making you plunder her mouth with your tongue as if you’d never kissed before. You wondered if this madness to dominate her soft, pliable mouth was what Chadwick felt when he kissed you.

Her moans of pleasure were breathtaking as her whole body rocked up the bed, each thrust coming faster and harder. One arm hooked around Chadwick’s back while the other held your face against hers, ensuring you didn’t slip away.

Her eyes fluttered open, her lips falling away from your kiss.

He’s incredible… but he wants you. Her glazed over eyes reflected the warmth from her smile. I want to watch you with him now.

On some silent signal from her, Chadwick’s movements stalled, and he rubbed your hip as the action next to you continued to slow until their bodies shifted with lazy momentum.

Your turn now, my love.

A bolt of excitement made your heart pound at Chadwick’s words. The two were already untangling to make room for you, the woman about to take your place at your side.

Stop. Stay there, you requested before she could move off of her back. Her striking face was glowing with sweat, a seductive smile spreading as you crawled onto your hands and knees in the space in front of her.

Chadwick gathered what you were craving as you pushed your round ass high, deepening the arch of your back. His excitement resonating in your mind as he moaned Oh, Co…. yes, his hands already squeezing and massaging your cheeks.

This was his favorite way to take you.

You shared a private smile with the woman, feeling a connection with her that went beyond space and time. Her ample thighs spread before you, she was a feminine goddess worthy of a monument, and you were going to worship her.

You bent to press a single kiss on the smooth skin above her pussy while Chadwick continued to tease you from behind, first with his hands and then the head of his dick. You concentrated on placing slow kisses on her mound, each one descending further until warmth and heat surrounded you along with her sweet scent.

She held her breath at the tentative touch of your lips on her most sensitive spot. Behind you, Chadwick had gone still too. Watching.

You feel so good, she murmured just to you. You’re an amazing woman, CoCo.

With a groan you opened your mouth and closed over her, taking a long swipe that fully covered her surface and her voice broke into gasps. She shivered under you and you gripped her thighs, returning to her with firm licks that took away her ability to speak. You weren’t thinking of anything but making her more of a mess. She was divine in every way. The way she moved, sighed, and shook from your touch as if there was nothing in the world but you.

Co… are you ready for me?

You released her and squeezed your eyes shut, preparing to have your resolve to please both of them at once tested.

Yes, baby, please…

A firm squeeze on your cheek preceded the gentle push of his thick head at your entrance, your tight resistance lessened by your dripping arousal. As he slowly took you, all awareness of a world beyond the place your bodies connected ceased to exist. There was only him.

You wanted as much as he could give. Impatient, you wiggled your hips back and were rewarded by his fingertips gripping you tight, a deep groan in your ear as his hands pulled your hips back until you’d taken all of him.

Co.....

Ah….Aaron..

You moaned with him, your cheek pressed into the woman’s thigh, painting the delicate skin with your hot breath as you tried to control yourself. You needed a moment to appreciate how incredible he felt, how deep and thick he stretched you as if he occupied more than your body, but your heart and soul.

When you felt capable, you brushed your lips along her thighs, determined to return to the kisses that caused her such intoxicating moans before. As your mouth rejoined with her center, you had to brace yourself against being knocked forward as Chadwick began to move, the enthusiasm of his first few thrusts making you bounce.

Chadwick honey, slower, slower…you ordered, earning you a half smile and a sorry as he slowed his excited hips, finding a gentle groove that made you nearly melt into the woman. The pace allowed you to focus on her, while you rolled your hips around, matching Chadwick’s luxurious motions beat for beat.

Mmm, just like that baby, you encouraged, without pausing your exploration of her hidden folds. Pleasuring her was so different, and yet it felt natural. You recalled the very same things that Chadwick did to make you crazy and used them to make her squeal while adapting to her pace and following the clues of her sounds to discover what she liked.

While stroking your tongue between her folds, your upper lip just grazing her pearl, you felt her clutch you with excitement. She unleashed a torrent of gasps and moans, and even though you were being fucked with glorious skill by Chadwick, you were determined to drive her to the crest of her wave, no matter how long it took.

You focused on sustaining that perfect alchemy of pace and pressure as she grinded against you, becoming more undone each second until finally her thighs tightened around you and as she shook, you smiled with pride at the beautiful reaction you’d unleashed with nothing more than your mouth.

Yet you had little time to relish in her release. Watching your lover come at the hands of his wife propelled Chadwick to new heights of excitement. He growled, and with a sudden squeal, you clutched the sheets as he began drilling into you. He shifted higher on the bed, lifting up on one knee to half-bend over you, the position allowing him to draw all his strength to pound you with everything that he had.

While you cried out, soaking the sheets beneath you in sweat, you registered a soft, female touch on your back. Her smaller fingers leaving whisper-soft touches everywhere she could reach, soothing you as you had done to her.

I bet it feels good being fucked so hard.

It was the first time you heard the voice in your head swear, and you couldn’t string more than a few broken sounds together in response.

You felt her touch move underneath you, near where you and Chadwick were joined. Her fingers curled and rubbed against your sensitive button. You gasped out, turning your cheek sideways to observe her beautiful features trained on you both, her hands both engaged in bringing the most pleasure to your bodies.

Chadwick couldn’t handle the expert touch of her fingers on his tightened balls and nearly stumbled forward with overstimulation as he squeezed his eyes shut, unable to sputter even a warning before he slammed you one last time. Sparks flew behind your eyelids at the woman’s firm pressure on your clit and you and Chadwick came together, making glorious, passionate sounds in your shared ecstasy. He rode you for all you were worth, the divine feeling of your tight pussy milking his dick sending him into oblivion.

Hot, sweaty, and dripping with both of your come mingling in a river down your thighs, you wearily slumped down to the bed where Chadwick already lay trying to catch his breath. You breathed out in a small delirious laugh at how good and used you felt. Satiated. Happy.

God I love you Co. C’mere.

Wearily, you dragged yourself into his open arms, but something stopped you from relaxing into him.

A third presence was missing. You blinked as you looked around.

She was gone.

But you heard her voice, like a song wafting through the open window, as intangible as the breeze rustling the pale curtains that billowed towards the bed you now shared only with Chadwick.

Thank you.

~ ~ ~

Several seconds passed after he finished talking, followed by silence.

“Hmmmm.” Your voice trailed off in a contented sound.

A pause. “Hmm?” Chadwick imitated, his stomach muscles behind you tensing as he began sitting up. “I tell you the hottest shit my brain has ever come up with and all you have to say is hmmm?”

“Well I didn’t mean it like, hmm,” you defended, mimicking the flippant way he had imitated you. “I meant it like, hmmmmmmmmmm,” you took a deep breath and sighed out, drawing out the word in a long note of pleasure.

“Hmmmmm.” He responded, settling back against the pillows, smiling as his hands returned to your soft breasts, long fingers almost covering them entirely. “I get it now,” he kissed your neck, making sure the slight rumble of his baritone was felt right in your ear. “My dream turned you on, huh Co?”

“Hmmmmmm,” you responded playfully, stroking and scratching at his arms. “Maybe a little.”

Throughout his telling, there was no denying the effect the images from his words had on you. You failed to hide your little moans at certain details, the way you brushed yourself against his midsection at every opportunity, and the most telltale sign of all, the dampness coating your thighs, which Chadwick discovered as his hands roamed all over you, his own excitement difficult to conceal.

It wasn’t a question of if you were going to fuck again, but when. And you didn’t have to wait long to find out.

And when you finally fell asleep, you dreamt of white billowing curtains, with a soft voice on the wind….

Hello again.

                                  _____________

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[irrelevantwriter]

Relaxation Is Key

Pairing: John Winchester x OFC

Rating: Explicit, NSFW

Warnings/Tags: Language, smut, unprotected sex, mention of bodily fluids, daddy kink 

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: Cat is eager to spoil her boyfriend after he’s been away on a hunt. 

A/N: I got inspired by all the new John Winchester content being released and decided to write this piece. It was random and took a different turn, as my writing often does. Hope you guys enjoy! And I’ve tagged those I thought might be interested. Let me know if you’d like to be removed. Thanks, and happy reading!

 _____________________________________________________________________

Cat could hear the muffled voice of her boyfriend in the bedroom as she put the finishing touches on her surprise. The infamous John Winchester lay in her bed just a few feet away, no doubt talking to his sons who were away on a hunt. The man had just gotten home himself from an excursion that had kept him from her for three weeks. It was one of the longest stretches of time they’d gone without seeing each other and it had affected her more than she realized. 

It felt like the more he went away, the more difficult it became. And the harder she fell for him. He and his sons had become a huge part of her life within the last two years and she didn’t see her feelings dwindling any time soon. Instead, they only seemed to magnify. And tonight, she wanted to show him just how much.

She fiddled with the hem of the red lace negligée she’d bought last week. She’d bought it on a whim, not entirely sure she would indulge herself and even wear it. But here she was. Dolled up and wearing next to nothing. But as she looked herself over in the mirror, she felt butterflies in her stomach and a warmth seep into her body. She felt sexy. And she knew John would think so too. He’d expressed to her on several occasions how much he loved her in bright colors. He always said it brought out the color in her tan skin. Looking at herself now…she had to agree with him.

 Her long, dark hair was laying in thick waves down her back. The hair held a natural curl so she didn’t have to waste the time fussing with it. Her dark eyes were flanked by equally dark lashes, already dipped in mascara from her morning application. She’d done some touch-ups to her face, but overall, she kept it minimal. The only added flare was the coat of deep red to her full lips. The lipstick was expensive and not one she wore often, but it was the best at staying put. And that quality was going to be needed for what she had planned.

 She could hear the conversation starting to wind down on John’s part, so she hurriedly reset her breasts in the cups so that they were practically greeting the room and sprayed a delicate perfume on her neck…one she knew John loved.

 “The boys say hi.” John called through the closed bathroom door.

 Cat adjusted the lace panties underneath the nightie as she replied. “They almost done with the hunt in Washington?”

 She could hear the bed shift and John give a slight groan. He was getting himself comfortable.

 “Yeah, Dean said they’re wrapping things up. Should be getting back to town in two days.” He explained with a heaviness to his tone that let Cat know he was tired.

 The moment he’d walked in the door that evening she could see the weariness seeping from his pores. His eyes showcased his relief and elation at finally being back home with her, but his body was protesting at the beating he’d put it through. John had opened up to her recently about retiring and she was liking the idea more and more. The man was not getting any younger, and his body seemed to be reminding him of that fact.

 “They’re gonna be staying, right? I can get the guest rooms ready.” She suggested, hoping she’d get the chance to offer the boys a few home cooked meals and warm beds before they were off chasing the next ghoul. They may have been grown men, but they were in dire need of a woman’s touch. It was what John had needed too. And she’d been happy to fill that void.

 “You know they won’t turn down your cooking.”

 The comment made her smile at her reflection. Any time someone complimented her cooking she instantly thought of her mother. The woman had been amazing in the kitchen and it was one of the skills she’d passed on to Cat. She was thankful for it. John and the boys were thankful for the food, but unhappy with the added weight.

 “I’ll get to the store tomorrow.” She said, finally ready to make her appearance. She turned to open the door as John began to speak to her again.

 “You spoil those boys.”

 Cat smiled as she pulled the door open. He’d said that to her many times before and each time she waved him off. He sounded displeased, but she knew better. He loved that she cared for them the way she did…that she took care of them. She loved doing it. And she was happy they even let her do it.

 Sam and Dean had been reluctant of hers and John’s relationship at first. The age difference was a point of contention in the beginning. Cat wasn’t much older than Dean. And she wasn’t directly involved in the business of hunting monsters. She and John had met by pure chance and happenstance out in the real world, and not under the cloak of the supernatural. Over the years, the boys had grown to accept her and they were witness to the kind of love each held for the other. It was a love neither son wanted to rob their father of. And Cat was grateful for that.

 “Not as much as I spoil you.” Cat stepped into the bedroom, leaning against the wall as John became aware of her presence. His reaction did not disappoint.

 “Goddamn…” He breathed out, his voice suddenly an octave lower and laced with grit. It sent shivers up her spine, along with the view he provided. He sat up with his back against the headboard, his chest naked and solid. He wore a pair of navy plaid pajama pants, his legs thrown out in front of him. He was a sizeable man and took up a good portion of the bed. Luckily, she’d splurged for a king. He hadn’t shaved in a few days and the stubble was apparent. It was peppered with gray, the visible sign of his age only making her more attracted to him.

 The sight of him looking so relaxed and obviously turned on by her appearance made a slickness start to form in her panties.

 “Surprise…” Cat’s already raspy voice sounded husky and filled with lust. John always had a strong effect on her and her body. He knew it too. But the same could be said for him.

 He made a move to get up, but Cat held her hand out to stop him.

 “Don’t get up...” She started to walk towards him, her bare feet silent on the wood floors. “I’m gonna do all the work tonight, baby.”

 He audibly groaned and his hips shifted on the bed, no doubt trying to alleviate the throbbing in his pants. The sight made Cat smirk, her nipples hardening in arousal.

 “Is that right?” His lips formed a smirk to mimic her own, his eyes drinking her in as if she were the last sight he’d ever see. He licked his lips and the action sent a jolt straight to her core.

 Cat nodded, lifting herself to straddle his lap. John’s hands, as if on instinct, immediately clung to her rounded hips. They started to stray, as they often did when he came into contact with her body. The rough callouses of his fingers and palms glided over her thighs and under the red lace with ease. She squeezed his body between her legs and leaned forward, her hands doing some exploring of their own.

 “You look fucking beautiful, baby…” He growled into her neck, his stubble rubbing against her skin deliciously.

 Cat’s hand roamed his broad chest, loving the feel of his warmth and masculinity beneath her fingertips. It made her feel innately feminine.

“You like it?” She purred, purposely moving her hips so that she brushed against his very erect dick.

 “I fucking do.” He accentuated his statement with a thrust of his hips into her panty covered pussy. The action made the fire inside her accelerate, the flames getting hotter with each passing moment.

 “What’s the occasion?” He questioned, pulling back so he could look into her eyes. Cat moved her hands to his shoulders and started to slowly massage the muscles there. He groaned loudly, not at all hiding the fact that his body ached with years of abuse.

 “Not one. Just wanted to do something special for you…something to help you relax.” She explained, loving the way he was coming undone under her touch.

 His hands gripped her hips harder at the soothing sensations, his eyes drifting closed for a moment before popping open again. Cat loved to stare into his eyes. They were expressive and multi-dimensional, the light always revealing new hints of greens or yellows in the chocolate orbs. He claimed hers were just as dramatic. Claimed that although they were nearly black, they captivated him like a starless night sky. John Winchester was apparently a closet poet.

 “That your way of saying I look like shit?”

John’s voice brought her back to the moment and she laughed at his joke. “Hardly. You get more handsome every day.” She playfully teased, though she wasn’t altogether kidding.

 “Bullshit.” He retorted, his hands now grabbing at her ass. His fingers dug into the flesh, kneading and massaging with expert precision.

 “I can prove it.” Cat baited.

 An eyebrow rose in question and he chuckled. “How?”

 She didn’t answer. She simply reached for one of his hands and lead it to the junction of her thighs. She encouraged him to pull the red lace aside and feel the evidence of her desire for him. He didn’t even have to insert a finger to feel how wet she’d become. The moisture had started to collect outside her lips; the lace now sodden with arousal.

 “Fuck me…” John groaned once he made contact. Cat bit her lip, slowly inching herself down onto his thick finger.

 “That’s the idea.”

 John tried to insert another finger, but she stopped him. She didn’t need foreplay. Tonight was about him and she’d been away from him too long to need any kind of prepping. She pulled his hand from her panties and shifted down his legs so she could reach the waistband of his pants. He helped her pull the offending garment down and off his legs, throwing the fabric to the floor. He was naked underneath like she knew he’d be. He was hard, his cock curving against is stomach as a dot of white liquid touched the tip. Cat couldn’t help it…she licked her lips in anticipation. John caught the action and gripped the blanket beneath him, his body stiff with untamed lust.

 Cat wasted no time in lowering her mouth to him, greedily taking all of him in the first go. His hands tangled in her hair, gripping the strands so that he could clearly see her take his cock down her throat. One of her hands held the base of him while the other teased his sack. He was well-endowed and in the beginning of their relationship Cat had to learn how to accommodate his size and girth.

 “Holy shit, baby…”

 John’s strangled words made her suck harder, her tongue dancing in the hole at the tip while her hands continued to work in tandem with her mouth. Saliva coated him and gathered around her lips in an obscene manner. She didn’t see any streaks of red on his skin and she thanked the gods of lipstick that hers was lasting.

 “Cat, you have to stop…it’s been too long.”

 That was the closest anyone could get John Winchester to beg and Cat reveled in that fact. She had the power in her hands and it was currently turning an angry shade of red as it threatened to spill over.

 “What do you want, baby?” She asked as she continued to slowly jerk him off. He tried to reach for her, but she was just out of his grasp.

 “Let me touch you.”

 Cat complied. She sat astride his lap again and let him have full reign of her body. He pulled her in to a deep kiss, tasting himself on her tongue. His hands then cradled her heaving breasts, pushing them together and nipping at the exposed cleavage. Her hands gripped his hair, nails scratching at his scalp as he pulled a red cup down and hungrily sucked at her nipple.

 “Oh…” She moaned as he moved to the other one, sucking as if he was a newborn with an appetite. His hips rutted up against her pussy, still seeking release. Cat moved above him, moving her panties to the side to feel his skin against hers.

 “Christ…” John growled, caught off guard by the direct contact. His hands shifted the nightie up her curvy form and she caught on to his thoughts quickly. She helped him remove the red lace, revealing her naked breasts to him. He resumed nipping and sucking at her chest, marking her in places that once held his claim but had since faded.

“You feel so good.” Cat whimpered, continuing to slide against him. The first tingling of an orgasm began to take shape. His heavy cock was catching her clit in the most tantalizing way and it was sending her into a haze of pleasure.

 “God, I’ve missed you.” He replied, mouth finding hers. Their tongues tangled and twisted, the action just as erotic as what the lower portion of their bodies were doing.

 The sounds of their bodies shallowly coupling filled the room. Cat could feel herself getting close. Being without John for three weeks meant her threshold for pleasure was much lower than it usually was. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders as he nibbled and sucked at her chest and neck. One of his hand was massaging her breast while the other palmed her ass, aiding her movements on his now soaked cock. She felt the first flutter of her walls and she knew there was no stopping the oncoming swell.

 “John…”

 “You gonna cum?” He asked somewhat startled and in awe. She nodded, not able to voice it as he moved a thick finger to her clit.

 That was all it took. She came against his hand and his cock still nestled between her lips. Her hips moved of their own accord as fireworks went off behind her tightly shut lids. Her fingers were pulling at John’s hair, urging him closer but knowing it was impossible. Her body shook and then moved to tremors as she came down from her high.

 “You okay?”

 There was a chuckle within those words and Cat smiled up at him as his hands traveled up and down her naked back. She nodded and reached up to kiss him. He met her half way. Even though her body was still sensitive from her first orgasm, she couldn’t help but to move against him again. Her hips shifted and opened to invite him in.

 “Help me get rid of these.” She gestured to the pair of panties she still wore. She went to move them down her hips when a ripping sound filled the room instead. Looking down, she could see the lace detach from itself and fall away from her body.

 “Not what I had in mind.” Cat teased, throwing the now ruined pair of underwear across the room.

 “I’m an impatient man. You know that.” His smile was cocky and full of mirth. It was the way she often liked to think of John. Youthful and full of life, despite what the world had decided to throw at him.

 Instead of answering him, she took him in her hand and slowly started to sink down onto his cock. His breathing quickened, his hands back on her hips. She watched his face closely as she took her time, feeling every inch of him slide against her walls. She could feel his impatience in the way he tried to thrust up and move her hips.

 “Cat…” He warned, but she didn’t increase her speed. His jaw tightened and his grip was now blissfully painful.

 “Catarina…”

 Her full name fell from his lips like a psalm and it warmed her from the inside out. She loved hearing John use her full name. It was an aphrodisiac she wasn’t even aware she enjoyed. And she had a feeling he’d figured it out long before she did.

 Cat sank down hard and took him all the way in before lifting her hips and repeating the action. She quickened her pace, taking cues from John’s touches and noises. He slid inside her easily, but she could still feel the stretch of her walls from his prolonged absence.

 “Fuck…ride me just like that, baby.”

 His words made Cat increase her efforts, eager to have him fill her up. She never felt as complete as she did when John’s cum was coating her walls and seeping from her pussy. It was an addicting sensation and one that was hard to duplicate.

 She could feel John tense beneath her, but he didn’t allow himself to cum yet. He was prolonging their ends and she was grateful because she had more planned.

 “I wanna try something different.” Cat gasped as he hit a particularly sensitive spot deep inside her. She slowed her movements, aware that he was clenching his jaw at her sudden change in pace. But his eyes bore into her and reflected the newfound interest she’d sparked in him.

 “Yeah?” He questioned, a boyish grin now clearly present on his face.

 “You just lean back and enjoy…Daddy.”

 The word had the desired effect. John’s eyes turned nearly black and his face hardened, the lust taking on a different tone now. Cat raised herself on her knees and let his cock slip from inside her. Their combined juices left a mess between them, but neither cared. She began to shift herself so that she now faced away from him in reverse cowgirl. 

“Shit,” John breathed as she resituated herself in his lap and started to take him back inside her. Cat leaned forward between his spread legs to give him the perfect view of her pussy swallowing his cock. He loved it. And she knew that because she felt him twitch inside her as his hands spread her ass cheeks further apart.

 “You look fucking perfect like this.”  

 A large hand came down hard on her ass and she moaned, instantly fluttering her walls at the sensation. His hand smoothed over the now heated flesh before he did it again with the same result. Her body felt like every nerve ending was immersed in pleasure and that it was going to explode at any moment. The thought of John being so turned on seemed to kick her arousal into overdrive.

 “Fuck…your pussy takes my cock so good, baby girl.”

 His words incited a hunger in her that begged to be satisfied. Cat wanted to, no, needed to feel him empty himself deep within her. Needed to feel how much he missed her; how much he loved her. Her hips moved sensually above him, ensuring he felt every pulse and tightening of her pussy around him. The sounds of their bodies meeting were loud and crude, the noises only spurring her on further.

 “I’m gonna cum.”

 The phrase was said through gritted teeth and she doubled her efforts. She felt him start to tense beneath her as his hands gripped her ass roughly. She rubbed at her clit and could feel the familiar tingles shoot through her limbs again. She moved until she felt that first rope of white heat enter up into her. The action caused her body to spasm around him, accepting and taking as much as he could give. Her eyes closed and she became hyper-focused on the sensations filling her body. Her orgasm washed over her like an aggressive wave on the ocean. It pulled her under and refused to let her surface.

 She remained unmoving as John coated her walls and released grunts and groans that sounded so primal they threatened to make her cum again. His body went lax as his breathing started to slow, his cock only softening somewhat after the release. Cat looked over her shoulder to see John’s eyes hooded and heavy from residual desire and exhaustion. She bit her lip and slowly began to lift her hips.

 “Open those eyes, baby…I wanna show you something.” She softly demanded, enjoying the way he obeyed without question.

 Her pussy slowly released him from her channel, the appendage landing with a heavy thud against his lower stomach. His cum leaked from her lips instantly and dripped down their sweat coated bodies. He’d cum a lot…and it showed.

 “Jesus…” John said huskily, a touch of awe present in his voice.

 Cat felt his finger trace her sensitive lips. The action caused her to flinch and whimper, the sensation almost unbearable. She shifted her hips back down to his, rubbing herself sensuously along his semi-soft cock. Their mixed fluids aided her movements and she slowly took the head of him back inside her.

 “You’re gonna fucking kill me, Catarina.”

 She giggled lazily, amused by his overstimulated brain and body. “I could think of worse ways to go.”

 “Fuck,” He drawled as he watched her start to take his cock again, his cum coating them both. “You’re lucky I love you.” He said with a groan that sounded like agony but Cat knew to be euphoria.

 “Mmm…love you too.” She said between a hum and a gasp, her body not skipping a beat as it resumed its glorious torture on the man below her.

 John Winchester’s latest homecoming was enough to consider another three-week stint. 

[feministagenda2019]

why I need feminism

-Because women are at the bottom of every social class.

-Because young girls are sexualized in school for showing shoulders or a bra strap.

-Because women are expected to move out of the way of a man.

-Because when a man isn’t ridiculously masculine, he gets called gay or a fag because he is considered to be more feminine than normal.

-Because body hair on men is seen as normal while body hair on women is seen as dirty and ugly.

-Because I still see men feeling emasculated and uncomfortable when a woman is physically stronger than average.

-Because no man will move out of my way when I’m walking on my side of the side walk, but I am expected to move out of a man’s way when he is taking up the whole side walk.

-Because women are often insulted or even attacked for turning down male advances.

-Because there are still men who think that women should take their harassment as a compliment to their attractiveness.

-Because 1 in 5 women will be raped in their lifetime while 1 in 71 men will get raped in theirs.

-Because men often are too afraid to show normal human emotion for fear of being ridiculed for acting like an emotional woman, which results in loads of emotional issues for individual men.

-Because the media shows women that their bodies should look a certain way or else they are not attractive.

-Because a woman with a lot of sexual partners is considered a slut while a guy with a lot of sexual partners is considered a successful player.

-Because I see women who think that feminism means that they can insult their male colleagues when in reality it means that they both should show respect for each other.

-Because I still condescendingly get asked if I’m on my period just because I am upset over something.

-Because guys and older men will come into my work to flirt with me simply because I’m required to show nice customer service to them.

-Because if I say no to sexual intercourse, my partner should not take that as a challenge to change my mind.

·-Because no does not mean yes. No always means no.

-Because rape and sexual abuse victims are still getting blamed for their abuse by saying, “they were asking for it.”

-Because women still make less money than men in the workplace.

-Because a guy skipped me in line for fries at lunch and didn’t even say sorry about it!

-Because women and girls in third world countries who have been affected by globalization are forced to overwork themselves in sweat shops for barely enough money to care for their families.

-Because women have been expected to stay home and take care of their families while their male partner is expected to go out and work all the time to provide for the family.

-Because the majority of the individuals involved in the American government is old white men who decide the fate of minorities in this country.

-Because it is not okay for women to breast feed openly in public but it is ok for the media to portray breasts in sexualized ways in public advertisements.

-Because all individual genders, races, and sexualities deserve respect and equality.

[lay4decolonisation-blog]

She-Ra: Princesses of Power (2018) and the Representation that I Want

 **CONTENT WARNING:  ABUSE, VIOLENCE**

When I heard She-Ra was back and GAY, I had to jump straight or not so straight into it. The amazing characterisation and themes of the show fit the modern audience perfectly. She-Ra: Princesses of Power (SPOP) did what Voltron: Legendary Defender wish it did. RIP. 

The SPOP series was written by Noelle Stevenson, and produced by Dreamworks. Season 1 aired on the 13th November 2018 via Netflix. 

There’s two things I want to discuss, so I’ll split this up into sections: visual character design & complex characterisation.

Visual Character Design

80’s She-Ra         

 2018 She-Ra

 She-Ra is the hero alter ego of Princess Adora, who transforms when she calls forth “For the Honour of Grayskull!” with The Sword of Protection. 

When I saw the visuals for the series and the new outfit for She-Ra I nearly screamed. It was perfect. I will always prefer Marvel cinematic movie adaptations on the basis that women wear full body armour, and not a skirt. So it was natural for me to fall in love with the shorts, flowy skirt, useful boots and 80’s influenced shoulder flares on She-Ra’s new threads. 

She looked PRACTICAL, and totally badass. I see no male gaze in the update. She-Ra isn’t wearing heels, or red lipstick, her dress doesn’t look like it’s about to give her a nip slip, and her hair still flows like golden threads in the wind! 

Notice how I just used the ‘Male Gaze’. The Male Gaze is essentially a patriarchal control of representation of women and/or other genders in media, and can be applicable to historical documentation (Mulvey 1989). Ponterotto (2016) describes it expands on the media’s control of feminine bodies as: 

“The invisibility of women has been accompanied in an extraordinarily inversely proportionate manner by the visual display of her physical appearance, of her body as material object, to be observed, judged, valued, appreciated, rejected, modified and essentially commodified, for socially-constructed purposes. From a feminist point of view, this purpose can be claimed to be essentially male pleasure, concomitant social benchmarking and commercial profit.” (134)

From the ‘controversy’ from predominantly male audiences on the release of She-Ra’s costume it’s obvious that it’s doing its job (Lenton 2018); with men reacting with things like: 

“The character designs for this show are god awful. She-Ra looks too much like a man.” MECCA_Studios @ twitter

“if you're trying to make your girls look like boys for your show then you are not actually fighting for equality you're proving that men is the superior gender and taken more seriously than a beautiful women, you're only helping sexism not fighting it” - iamconsumer @ twitter

I wanna acknowledge this was mainly white, cishet males reacting to a show that is predominantly AIMED AT YOUNG GIRLS. SPOP’s visual design of She-Ra was so key in getting this show right. She is a woman icon for young girls growing up and seeing her on screen wearing a non-sexual costume whilst being feminine, strong and beautiful will mean something for them growing up. Women/Feminine peoples can look at the screen and say “I’m She-Ra!” and not have to feel like they have to look good for male gaze to do that.  

People Of Colour (POC) Representation

Bow, Mermista, Frosta, Netossa and Catra’s - along with ethnically ambiguous characters - redesign was kind of glossed over with the amount of objections about the Queer and Feminist arguments going around. 

So here’s some of my babies:

Bow 80s 

                                                            Bow 2018

Mermista 80s

                                                            Mermista 2018

Catra 80s                                                  

Catra 2018

Frosta 80s

                                  Frosta 2018

Bow stood out to me alot because I empathize alot for my dark skinned brother’s who don’t have any or many examples of good representation on screen that explores queer identity, gender performativity, body image and positive masculinity that is casual and fun. (I speak of course from an Indigenous background, but a lot of my community look at the African-American community on TV for dark bodies representation.) Imagine a young dark skinned boy watching Bow being fun loving, supportive, gentle, obsessed with crop tops, hanging out with girls and embodying positive masculinity, then using as a mold to treat their sisters, mums and cousins. Incredible. 

 SPOP centers ethnic looking characters amazingly with their characterisation. Having POC on screens breaks out of normalizing whiteness, and de-centers it as the default way of being (Scharrer & Ramasubramanian 2015). People might argue that fantasy worlds don’t overlap with real worlds because race mightn’t exist in the fantasy world, but when you’re a ethnic kid growing up watching/ reading white bodies being superheroes and warriors and People of Colour don’t exist you have no representation, or worse POC are negatively stereotyped. Representation is IMPORTANT. Representation is the ability to control the way the world perceives a group of people, or yourself - white people often struggle understanding this because whiteness as an identity is invisible by normalization (hooks 1992, Dyer 1997). It can be compared to men as ungendered compared to women, or non-cis and queer people with heteronormativity. So it can only be visible when colour is involved, and depending on whether it’s good or bad POC representation it can create racial stereotypes (Brigham 1971, Nosek 2007). 

LGBTQIA+ Visual Representation

I feel like you can find a lot of this, but not any by me! 

I will start with Scorpia cause she’s such a dear. 

JUST LOOK AT HER. 

Everyone is screaming ‘butch lesbian’ little to know that she is a total femme (anyone can fight me on this). Her open attraction towards Catra was loud, unapologetic and was super ultra normal. Despite her giant crab claws, I just want her to hold me gently. I think it’s another good example of different body types. Like it’s not just an exterior what makes a woman a woman or a good person a good person. Before I die of thirst, let’s move on to my Bow’s dads. 

OH MY GAWD. Bow resembles Lance and George so much. Like the perfect little mix between their two personalities UGH. Both very different individuals who share a common obsession with history. Two gay Black dudes just be out here owning the biggest collection of ancient artifacts, studying the classics and raising 13 kids like wojefdikewajfaij

Lance out here rocking dreads and the glasses with sandals *bathump* and George with his little moustache and fancy hair. They go on like a normal couple picking on one another and knowing each other’s personalities, caring about their son and reflecting on their parenting when they realize they messed up instead of blaming their kid for not understanding them okmfoerngfa

Sorry, my heart nearly went into cardiac arrest thinking about them. 

I won’t miss the exceptional drop of them telling Bow their disappointed that he had to hide a part of himself because he was afraid of what they’d think of him or do. I remember that feeling….*glances at my physical wooden closet*

SPINNERELLA AND NETOSSA.

Netossa is the only character (I’m pretty sure) who was originally dark skinned in the 80s She Ra - she also had no powers. 

Now rocking up with powers and gf, she is out here living her best life. Look at them. Just look at my babies. They swapped chokers, like wow, what a lesbian power move. Plus sized, buff queer women rocking their femininity being loyal and totally badass. Their actual appearances on screen are limited but impactful as they are seen as people seem to question more what the heck they do in the Rebellion rather than their queer relationship. 

Complex Characterisation

Let’s start with Shadow Weaver’s relationship with Catra and Adora. 

Starting off at Mystacor as Light Spinner, she a teacher and getting one of her students, Micah, to perform a spell that conjured evil magic - The Spell of Obtainment - ultimately decided her path as Shadow Weaver. She became an abusive, manipulative and self righteous authoritative figure to Catra and Adora. 

Shadow Weaver is an abuser. Abuse works differently in each situation but is defined by White Ribbon Australia in categories of:  Physical, Financial, Emotional, Verbal, Social, Sexual, Stalking, Spiritual, Image based, Dowry and Elderly Abuse. 

The emotional, verbal, social and I’m going to add economical (instead for Financial) abuse she inflicted on Adora and Catra made them stick together as companions through the hardships. Adora upon realizing the Horde’s actions and motives rejects and calls out Shadow Weaver’s abuse. Catra, on the other hand, looks for something like approval from Shadow Weaver. Catra grew up neglected and constantly compared to Adora in her duties to the Horde by Shadow Weaver, so when Adora left a shift happened in Catra. Adora was her main source of comfort and sense of safety in Shadow Weaver’s irract attitude towards her. Adora was her constant feeling of affection and comfort, when she went against the very codes that kept them together their entire lives - Catra was betrayed. Finally, maybe she could get the parental approval she was seeking from Shadow Weaver she never got when Adora was around. Also looking for validation of her moral that has been cause her actions other than rage and sadness that Adora had left her alone. Catra sort out her Abuser’s approval because that’s the only way she knew how to get validity and self assurance of her identity as a member of the Horde - all she ever knew. 

Catra feels alone and like she can’t depend on anyone, and because she knows how that feels she was also able to emotionally manipulate Entrapta into join the Horde. It’s a consistent cycle of isolation that stemmed from one person’s influence. 

The thing that differs Adora and Catra, was more Adora being given opportunities to lead and step up where Catra was always on the side. Adora gained leadership skills and an emotional capacity where she was able to trust others and trust herself. This ultimately allowed her to do the right thing and join the Rebellion. Catra on the other hand had to quickly use her head and be more aware of things other than herself which made her falter in the leadership role of Shadow Weaver, but that is her coping mechanism of isolating herself and having to immerse herself with other people and the world to take action. 

Adora’s culture shock between the way the Princesses live and the way it was in the Horde only shows how she’s been manipulated through learning the knowledge and behaviours that were enforced on her in the Horde. Princesses aren’t evil. The Horde is evil.

Adora’s role of She Ra has put a lot of pressure on her, and she is fighting her own self. 

What happened with Adora was she was specifically chosen because she’s had the experiences she’s had. She knows what it's like in the Horde. How their systems work. What type of people and kids are there. She knows all of that to use to win the war. She’s not gonna break into it, but out of it. 

When Adora breaks out of the Horde’s learning, and the truth telling begins the walls will crumble and there will be internal upset. There’s a good and evil battle going on inside of each character. Adora wants to protect her friends and do the right thing, but sometimes those two things aren’t the same thing. 

Another character I wanna bring up is Glimmer. Glimmer has been fighting to fight. She’s having to fight a struggle in her internal kingdoms. She’s been trying to tell the truth to the other Kingdoms and unite the Kingdoms so they can beat the Horde and save everything they love. She needed to stand up to her mother, the other Princesses, and herself. She is so damn strong and I love her so much omg. 

When Bow went to the ball with Perfuma and she was upset, this was because she was afraid Bow would leave her. She’s been isolated also by her mother into doing Princess things that don’t actually have a big impact, but Bow has been consistent in her life and training to be a leader. When he left her side, she was scared that she was going to be isolated again. She knew it was irrational, but that kind of stuff just happens. Sometimes our feelings don’t always make sense to us at first, and we have to look somewhere else to understand what we’re feeling right then and there. But the besties will prevail. 

The other thing I didn’t touch on earlier, but will now is age. The Princesses age from around 11-18 (?). The thing about having young people saving the world is really where we’re at. Kids are rioting in the streets trying to get big corporations led by greedy bastards who want resources and exploit people to stop, and save their entire world - yeah, you know I’m talking about situations like the climate strike. We will learn from our elders mistakes and do it right. 

We shouldn’t give up because our parents did. We will be the ones to win, just like Glimmer, Adora, Bow and the gang.

Representation isn’t a debate - it’s a necessity.  

Thanks for reading babes. 

Reference List

Dyer, Richard. (1997) ‘The Matter of Whiteness’ in White, London: Routledge.

Brigham, John C. "Ethnic stereotypes." Psychological bulletin76.1 (1971): 15.

Nosek, Brian A., et al. "Pervasiveness and correlates of implicit attitudes and stereotypes." European Review of Social Psychology 18.1 (2007): 36-88.

Bell, Hooks. "The oppositional Gaze: Black Female Spectators." Black Looks: Race and Representation (1992): 115-131.

Mulvey, L. (1989). Visual pleasure and narrative cinema. In Visual and other pleasures (pp. 14-26). Palgrave Macmillan, London.

Ponterotto, D. (2016). Resisting the male gaze: feminist responses to the" normatization" of the female body in Western culture. Journal of International Women's Studies, 17(1), 133-151.

Scharrer, E., & Ramasubramanian, S. (2015). Intervening in the media's influence on stereotypes of race and ethnicity: The role of media literacy education. Journal of Social Issues, 71(1), 171-185.

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/types-of-abuse/

[pablyvieira]

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

So you want to know how to make your ‘bf' miss you? Use this easy technique with a guy and you'll have him missing you like crazy (and love you all the more) (and loving you all the more).

Who doesn't want to feel missed by a man? Whether you're pining on a new guy, in a relationship with one, or considering getting back together with an ex, it's always ideal to have him miss you.

There's a delicate line between being your most charming self and getting caught in mind-games. One method to assist differentiate which side of that line you're on is whether or not you feel like you're being yourself. If you find yourself reverting to tactics that don't feel authentic to you, it's a warning flag. Even if you do manage to catch the object of your passion, are you really going to want to keep up these techniques during the relationship?

https://sites.google.com/view/howtomakeyourexmissyou/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

How Do You Make Him Miss You Like Crazy?

Who doesn't want to feel missed by a man? Whether you're pining on a new guy, in a relationship with one, or considering getting back together with an ex, it's always ideal to have him miss you.

There's a delicate line between being your most charming self and getting caught in mind-games. One method to assist differentiate which side of that line you're on is whether or not you feel like you're being yourself. If you find yourself reverting to tactics that don't feel authentic to you, it's a warning flag. Even if you do end up with a person you fancy, are you going to maintain using these techniques to impress them while in a relationship?

We should avoid playing tricks on others as well as falling victim to them. You are not getting into a relationship if it means losing yourself to please a guy.

After saying all of that, it is perfectly OK to work the angles and pursue a goal. To best optimize your success, try the strategies and tools outlined below. For better or worse, these stages will get you to a successful life, regardless of whether you end up with your significant other.

Take the opportunity during the No Contact period to strengthen your relationship with yourself and understand the long-term goals you have. (exbackexpertise.com)

https://ellebosemanduke.tumblr.com/post/661194519626366977/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

Is It Ok To Not Text A Guy Everyday?

When you love someone, you want them to miss you! When it comes to a relationship, there is nothing better than making your ex (or someone new, for that matter) miss you.

He may be a current partner you do not see much, a former lover you desire to rekindle things with, or a buddy you have got romantic feelings for. There are several methods to ensure that he misses you, if that is what you desire. A few small mental games will get a man to think about you when you are gone.

https://pablyvieira.tumblr.com/post/661194558507548673/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

To be successful in your mission, you must first grasp the psychology behind why men miss you. What are the things that you feel strongly about and which influence you to think about someone you miss? It is that person's absence. Is this why you are putting him through "the cold shoulder"? Actually, it is incorrect.

How Do You Make Him Miss You Over Text?

To become an independent woman who is well regarded, you must find a way to succeed.

Do Guys Like When You Text Them First?

You have to take drastic measures by practicing random acts of kindness and then surprising yourself and everyone else by demonstrating you are a woman who is worth fighting for. (exbackexpertise.com)

Is It Ok To Ignore His Texts?

You'll notice if you've been talking too much. After all, nothing brings out a man's attention more than quiet when he takes you for granted or when he's lost interest in you. Silence is very powerful because it makes people re-evaluate their behavior and so causes them to fear any kind of loss.

Your immediate message to his contact tells him that you are expecting to hear from him.

The emotional connection is tightened since you both dip into your adrenaline stores when you are excited.

https://sites.google.com/view/howtomakeyourexmissyou/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

What Is The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart?

The No Contact Rule is a method that's very effective at helping you to win back an ex or to gain a new relationship.

How to Use the No Contact Rule to Bring Your Ex Back After a divorce, my greatest pet peeve is seeing people begging.

Getting with him immediately in an emergency shows him that he stands at the top of your list of priorities.

You do not need to share every detail of your five-year plan, but if you do not have something to aim for in life, others could view you as unambitious and childish. After all, 15.)

Does Silence Make A Man Miss You?

You may make him miss you just by being yourself. (bunchofwisdom.com)

Am I important to him?

They claim that the absence of someone you care about makes that person much more precious to you. By making a guy miss you, you may quickly shift the balance of power in your favor and cause the depth of his affections for you to deepen faster. If you put a lot of effort into making sure you two have a wonderful time together and genuinely enjoy each other's company, he will remember you even when you are not with him.

https://1218am.tumblr.com/post/661194537977446400/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

How Can I Win A Man's Heart?

He will truly want to be a part of it all if you let him know you are having fun without him. He will notice if you take the night to go out with the girls or if you go a walk with your friends. (luvze.com)

It is exhausting to have a sexual relationship with the same person for a long time. You must avoid the temptation to display to him that you are a total emotional mess.

Will He Miss Me If I Stop Texting?

When you are totally crazy for someone, you need to put your own life in order first.

Self-esteem is quite important in this regard.

When a woman is confident and takes interest in a man, he will adore her for it.

If you are not already confident in yourself, then you need to put in the effort to improve.

To reiterate, giving the silent treatment or "blocking or ignoring" a man solely to attract attention is why this kind of passive-aggressive behavior is frowned upon.

Getting him to miss you will really be a big help in this situation.

What Is The Weakness Of A Man?

You boyfriend may have an extra lengthy trip in mind because of the long-distance nature of your relationship. He could travel on short notice to see you in person! 11.

It is all about making those moments that will stay with you and fulfill your dreams. Whether you are looking to win over a boy you know has a crush on you, or to get back into a romantic relationship you have already been in, or to rekindle a boy's feelings for you after he broke up with you, the method to get them to like you is to make them miss you.

Listen, I've got something to tell you.

Because they are not engaging in much of their lives, most guys are insecure. They are expecting a relationship to solve their problems on its own.

Women are, in fact, equally capable of this at times.

How You Look Get Him to Your Door: That's How You Get Him Let me be straightforward with you: a man's attraction to others depends mostly on his appearance.

How Do You Make Him Crazy About You?

While you meet a man and you are trying to find out whether he is really into you, do not fall for the attraction that men are not obsessed with their appearance when looking for a romantic partner since you will be wasting your time with a man who is not at all drawn to you physically.

How can a guy fall short?

Despite sounding outrageous, a heterosexual man's innate vulnerability is his sexual attraction to the feminine form. In our society, women may easily attract men, which is why femme fatales have become infamous. The term homme fatale is only the opposite of another masculine term; he exists just to be that opposite. Although women can have the Adonis, he is not “fatal” to them. He helps women, truly.

When a romantic relationship makes you miss time with your friends, reach out to those whom you have fallen out of touch with and enjoy your time with them.

https://1218am.tumblr.com/post/661194537977446400/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

What Does Silence Do To A Man?

In general, if you have been broken up with, you should wait about 30 days before sending texts to your ex.

Follow these tips to ensure that even if “he” is an a**hole, he'll still think about you while he's missing you.

Men being visual creatures is not surprising. It is to your advantage to be particularly committed to what you are doing if you know you are going to see him. You can accommodate to his peculiar tastes, should you understand what he prefers. I saw this look once, and some guys were going nuts over red lipstick and a ponytail. Others like to have long, natural-looking hair with lots of volume. Even if you do know what he likes, it is OK to go with his desires. If he is aware that you are intentionally doing this and teasing him, this takes on a more intimate tone.

https://ellebosemanduke.tumblr.com/post/661194519626366977/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

How Do You Know A Man Is Missing You?

These types of messages will make him think about you all day long, even if he is busy.

It is been three years since I have been blogging, and I have two million readers of my relationship advise.

It is vital to create a strong relationship, and one aspect of this is communication, so do not ignore it.

https://pablyvieira.tumblr.com/post/661194558507548673/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

Topics:

relationship, times, lives, women, friends, message, contact, night, posts, perfume, healthy relationship, attraction, connection, emotional connection, social life, independent woman, post pictures, Contact rule, Acts Of Kindness, rule of thumb, sure fire way, relationship advice, solid relationship, action in life, Awesome Life, happy life, physical attraction, deep connection, period of time, mutual friends, fun with friends, attitude, positive attitude, list, emotional wreck, fake ground, real solution, silent treatment, Charice Chen, Charice, exbackexpertise, exbackexpertise.com ex back expertise, get ex back, visual creatures, Cosmopolitan relationship experts, long distance relationship, long term relationships, loving relationship, monogamous relationship, entire life, cherished woman, common mistakes women, emotional attraction, laws of attraction, social media posts, quality time, romantic text messages, sweet messages, bed at night, hockey nights, favorite perfume, sweet smelling perfume, bucket list, list of priorities, favorite meals, cheese sandwiches, cold shoulder, cute reminders, donations for cancer, Eye candy, golden ticket, soul to soul connection, Contact phase, feminine attitude,

[1218am]

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

So you want to know how to make your ‘bf' miss you? Use this easy technique with a guy and you'll have him missing you like crazy (and love you all the more) (and loving you all the more).

Who doesn't want to feel missed by a man? Whether you're pining on a new guy, in a relationship with one, or considering getting back together with an ex, it's always ideal to have him miss you.

There's a delicate line between being your most charming self and getting caught in mind-games. One method to assist differentiate which side of that line you're on is whether or not you feel like you're being yourself. If you find yourself reverting to tactics that don't feel authentic to you, it's a warning flag. Even if you do manage to catch the object of your passion, are you really going to want to keep up these techniques during the relationship?

https://youtu.be/tUczUZp-lLE

How Do You Make Him Miss You Like Crazy?

Who doesn't want to feel missed by a man? Whether you're pining on a new guy, in a relationship with one, or considering getting back together with an ex, it's always ideal to have him miss you.

There's a delicate line between being your most charming self and getting caught in mind-games. One method to assist differentiate which side of that line you're on is whether or not you feel like you're being yourself. If you find yourself reverting to tactics that don't feel authentic to you, it's a warning flag. Even if you do end up with a person you fancy, are you going to maintain using these techniques to impress them while in a relationship?

We should avoid playing tricks on others as well as falling victim to them. You are not getting into a relationship if it means losing yourself to please a guy.

After saying all of that, it is perfectly OK to work the angles and pursue a goal. To best optimize your success, try the strategies and tools outlined below. For better or worse, these stages will get you to a successful life, regardless of whether you end up with your significant other.

Take the opportunity during the No Contact period to strengthen your relationship with yourself and understand the long-term goals you have. (exbackexpertise.com)

https://ellebosemanduke.tumblr.com/post/661194519626366977/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

Is It Ok To Not Text A Guy Everyday?

When you love someone, you want them to miss you! When it comes to a relationship, there is nothing better than making your ex (or someone new, for that matter) miss you.

He may be a current partner you do not see much, a former lover you desire to rekindle things with, or a buddy you have got romantic feelings for. There are several methods to ensure that he misses you, if that is what you desire. A few small mental games will get a man to think about you when you are gone.

https://pablyvieira.tumblr.com/post/661194558507548673/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

To be successful in your mission, you must first grasp the psychology behind why men miss you. What are the things that you feel strongly about and which influence you to think about someone you miss? It is that person's absence. Is this why you are putting him through "the cold shoulder"? Actually, it is incorrect.

How Do You Make Him Miss You Over Text?

To become an independent woman who is well regarded, you must find a way to succeed.

Do Guys Like When You Text Them First?

You have to take drastic measures by practicing random acts of kindness and then surprising yourself and everyone else by demonstrating you are a woman who is worth fighting for. (exbackexpertise.com)

Is It Ok To Ignore His Texts?

You'll notice if you've been talking too much. After all, nothing brings out a man's attention more than quiet when he takes you for granted or when he's lost interest in you. Silence is very powerful because it makes people re-evaluate their behavior and so causes them to fear any kind of loss.

Your immediate message to his contact tells him that you are expecting to hear from him.

The emotional connection is tightened since you both dip into your adrenaline stores when you are excited.

What Is The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart?

The No Contact Rule is a method that's very effective at helping you to win back an ex or to gain a new relationship.

How to Use the No Contact Rule to Bring Your Ex Back After a divorce, my greatest pet peeve is seeing people begging.

Getting with him immediately in an emergency shows him that he stands at the top of your list of priorities.

You do not need to share every detail of your five-year plan, but if you do not have something to aim for in life, others could view you as unambitious and childish. After all, 15.)

Does Silence Make A Man Miss You?

You may make him miss you just by being yourself. (bunchofwisdom.com)

Am I important to him?

They claim that the absence of someone you care about makes that person much more precious to you. By making a guy miss you, you may quickly shift the balance of power in your favor and cause the depth of his affections for you to deepen faster. If you put a lot of effort into making sure you two have a wonderful time together and genuinely enjoy each other's company, he will remember you even when you are not with him.

https://1218am.tumblr.com/post/661194537977446400/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

How Can I Win A Man's Heart?

He will truly want to be a part of it all if you let him know you are having fun without him. He will notice if you take the night to go out with the girls or if you go a walk with your friends. (luvze.com)

It is exhausting to have a sexual relationship with the same person for a long time. You must avoid the temptation to display to him that you are a total emotional mess.

Will He Miss Me If I Stop Texting?

When you are totally crazy for someone, you need to put your own life in order first.

Self-esteem is quite important in this regard.

When a woman is confident and takes interest in a man, he will adore her for it.

If you are not already confident in yourself, then you need to put in the effort to improve.

To reiterate, giving the silent treatment or "blocking or ignoring" a man solely to attract attention is why this kind of passive-aggressive behavior is frowned upon.

Getting him to miss you will really be a big help in this situation.

What Is The Weakness Of A Man?

You boyfriend may have an extra lengthy trip in mind because of the long-distance nature of your relationship. He could travel on short notice to see you in person! 11.

It is all about making those moments that will stay with you and fulfill your dreams. Whether you are looking to win over a boy you know has a crush on you, or to get back into a romantic relationship you have already been in, or to rekindle a boy's feelings for you after he broke up with you, the method to get them to like you is to make them miss you.

Listen, I've got something to tell you.

Because they are not engaging in much of their lives, most guys are insecure. They are expecting a relationship to solve their problems on its own.

Women are, in fact, equally capable of this at times.

https://youtu.be/tUczUZp-lLE

How You Look Get Him to Your Door: That's How You Get Him Let me be straightforward with you: a man's attraction to others depends mostly on his appearance.

How Do You Make Him Crazy About You?

While you meet a man and you are trying to find out whether he is really into you, do not fall for the attraction that men are not obsessed with their appearance when looking for a romantic partner since you will be wasting your time with a man who is not at all drawn to you physically.

How can a guy fall short?

Despite sounding outrageous, a heterosexual man's innate vulnerability is his sexual attraction to the feminine form. In our society, women may easily attract men, which is why femme fatales have become infamous. The term homme fatale is only the opposite of another masculine term; he exists just to be that opposite. Although women can have the Adonis, he is not “fatal” to them. He helps women, truly.

When a romantic relationship makes you miss time with your friends, reach out to those whom you have fallen out of touch with and enjoy your time with them.

https://1218am.tumblr.com/post/661194537977446400/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

What Does Silence Do To A Man?

In general, if you have been broken up with, you should wait about 30 days before sending texts to your ex.

Follow these tips to ensure that even if “he” is an a**hole, he'll still think about you while he's missing you.

Men being visual creatures is not surprising. It is to your advantage to be particularly committed to what you are doing if you know you are going to see him. You can accommodate to his peculiar tastes, should you understand what he prefers. I saw this look once, and some guys were going nuts over red lipstick and a ponytail. Others like to have long, natural-looking hair with lots of volume. Even if you do know what he likes, it is OK to go with his desires. If he is aware that you are intentionally doing this and teasing him, this takes on a more intimate tone.

https://ellebosemanduke.tumblr.com/post/661194519626366977/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

How Do You Know A Man Is Missing You?

These types of messages will make him think about you all day long, even if he is busy.

It is been three years since I have been blogging, and I have two million readers of my relationship advise.

It is vital to create a strong relationship, and one aspect of this is communication, so do not ignore it.

https://pablyvieira.tumblr.com/post/661194558507548673/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

Topics:

relationship, times, lives, women, friends, message, contact, night, posts, perfume, healthy relationship, attraction, connection, emotional connection, social life, independent woman, post pictures, Contact rule, Acts Of Kindness, rule of thumb, sure fire way, relationship advice, solid relationship, action in life, Awesome Life, happy life, physical attraction, deep connection, period of time, mutual friends, fun with friends, attitude, positive attitude, list, emotional wreck, fake ground, real solution, silent treatment, Charice Chen, Charice, exbackexpertise, exbackexpertise.com ex back expertise, get ex back, visual creatures, Cosmopolitan relationship experts, long distance relationship, long term relationships, loving relationship, monogamous relationship, entire life, cherished woman, common mistakes women, emotional attraction, laws of attraction, social media posts, quality time, romantic text messages, sweet messages, bed at night, hockey nights, favorite perfume, sweet smelling perfume, bucket list, list of priorities, favorite meals, cheese sandwiches, cold shoulder, cute reminders, donations for cancer, Eye candy, golden ticket, soul to soul connection, Contact phase, feminine attitude,

[ellebosemanduke]

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

How Can I Make Him Miss Me Badly

So you want to know how to make your ‘bf' miss you? Use this easy technique with a guy and you'll have him missing you like crazy (and love you all the more) (and loving you all the more).

Who doesn't want to feel missed by a man? Whether you're pining on a new guy, in a relationship with one, or considering getting back together with an ex, it's always ideal to have him miss you.

There's a delicate line between being your most charming self and getting caught in mind-games. One method to assist differentiate which side of that line you're on is whether or not you feel like you're being yourself. If you find yourself reverting to tactics that don't feel authentic to you, it's a warning flag. Even if you do manage to catch the object of your passion, are you really going to want to keep up these techniques during the relationship?

https://ex-back-expertise.blogspot.com/2021/08/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly.html

How Do You Make Him Miss You Like Crazy?

Who doesn't want to feel missed by a man? Whether you're pining on a new guy, in a relationship with one, or considering getting back together with an ex, it's always ideal to have him miss you.

There's a delicate line between being your most charming self and getting caught in mind-games. One method to assist differentiate which side of that line you're on is whether or not you feel like you're being yourself. If you find yourself reverting to tactics that don't feel authentic to you, it's a warning flag. Even if you do end up with a person you fancy, are you going to maintain using these techniques to impress them while in a relationship?

We should avoid playing tricks on others as well as falling victim to them. You are not getting into a relationship if it means losing yourself to please a guy.

After saying all of that, it is perfectly OK to work the angles and pursue a goal. To best optimize your success, try the strategies and tools outlined below. For better or worse, these stages will get you to a successful life, regardless of whether you end up with your significant other.

Take the opportunity during the No Contact period to strengthen your relationship with yourself and understand the long-term goals you have. (exbackexpertise.com)

https://ellebosemanduke.tumblr.com/post/661194519626366977/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

Is It Ok To Not Text A Guy Everyday?

When you love someone, you want them to miss you! When it comes to a relationship, there is nothing better than making your ex (or someone new, for that matter) miss you.

He may be a current partner you do not see much, a former lover you desire to rekindle things with, or a buddy you have got romantic feelings for. There are several methods to ensure that he misses you, if that is what you desire. A few small mental games will get a man to think about you when you are gone.

https://pablyvieira.tumblr.com/post/661194558507548673/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

To be successful in your mission, you must first grasp the psychology behind why men miss you. What are the things that you feel strongly about and which influence you to think about someone you miss? It is that person's absence. Is this why you are putting him through "the cold shoulder"? Actually, it is incorrect.

How Do You Make Him Miss You Over Text?

To become an independent woman who is well regarded, you must find a way to succeed. 

Do Guys Like When You Text Them First?

You have to take drastic measures by practicing random acts of kindness and then surprising yourself and everyone else by demonstrating you are a woman who is worth fighting for. (exbackexpertise.com)

Is It Ok To Ignore His Texts?

You'll notice if you've been talking too much. After all, nothing brings out a man's attention more than quiet when he takes you for granted or when he's lost interest in you. Silence is very powerful because it makes people re-evaluate their behavior and so causes them to fear any kind of loss.

Your immediate message to his contact tells him that you are expecting to hear from him.

The emotional connection is tightened since you both dip into your adrenaline stores when you are excited. 

What Is The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart?

The No Contact Rule is a method that's very effective at helping you to win back an ex or to gain a new relationship.

How to Use the No Contact Rule to Bring Your Ex Back After a divorce, my greatest pet peeve is seeing people begging.

Getting with him immediately in an emergency shows him that he stands at the top of your list of priorities.

You do not need to share every detail of your five-year plan, but if you do not have something to aim for in life, others could view you as unambitious and childish. After all, 15.)

Does Silence Make A Man Miss You?

You may make him miss you just by being yourself. (bunchofwisdom.com)

Am I important to him?

They claim that the absence of someone you care about makes that person much more precious to you. By making a guy miss you, you may quickly shift the balance of power in your favor and cause the depth of his affections for you to deepen faster. If you put a lot of effort into making sure you two have a wonderful time together and genuinely enjoy each other's company, he will remember you even when you are not with him.

https://1218am.tumblr.com/post/661194537977446400/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

How Can I Win A Man's Heart?

He will truly want to be a part of it all if you let him know you are having fun without him. He will notice if you take the night to go out with the girls or if you go a walk with your friends. (luvze.com)

It is exhausting to have a sexual relationship with the same person for a long time. You must avoid the temptation to display to him that you are a total emotional mess.

Will He Miss Me If I Stop Texting?

When you are totally crazy for someone, you need to put your own life in order first.

Self-esteem is quite important in this regard.

When a woman is confident and takes interest in a man, he will adore her for it.

If you are not already confident in yourself, then you need to put in the effort to improve.

To reiterate, giving the silent treatment or "blocking or ignoring" a man solely to attract attention is why this kind of passive-aggressive behavior is frowned upon.

Getting him to miss you will really be a big help in this situation.

What Is The Weakness Of A Man?

You boyfriend may have an extra lengthy trip in mind because of the long-distance nature of your relationship. He could travel on short notice to see you in person! 11.

It is all about making those moments that will stay with you and fulfill your dreams. Whether you are looking to win over a boy you know has a crush on you, or to get back into a romantic relationship you have already been in, or to rekindle a boy's feelings for you after he broke up with you, the method to get them to like you is to make them miss you.

Listen, I've got something to tell you.

Because they are not engaging in much of their lives, most guys are insecure. They are expecting a relationship to solve their problems on its own.

Women are, in fact, equally capable of this at times.

How You Look Get Him to Your Door: That's How You Get Him Let me be straightforward with you: a man's attraction to others depends mostly on his appearance.

How Do You Make Him Crazy About You?

While you meet a man and you are trying to find out whether he is really into you, do not fall for the attraction that men are not obsessed with their appearance when looking for a romantic partner since you will be wasting your time with a man who is not at all drawn to you physically.

How can a guy fall short?

Despite sounding outrageous, a heterosexual man's innate vulnerability is his sexual attraction to the feminine form. In our society, women may easily attract men, which is why femme fatales have become infamous. The term homme fatale is only the opposite of another masculine term; he exists just to be that opposite. Although women can have the Adonis, he is not “fatal” to them. He helps women, truly.

https://ex-back-expertise.blogspot.com/2021/08/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly.html

When a romantic relationship makes you miss time with your friends, reach out to those whom you have fallen out of touch with and enjoy your time with them.

https://1218am.tumblr.com/post/661194537977446400/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

What Does Silence Do To A Man?

In general, if you have been broken up with, you should wait about 30 days before sending texts to your ex.

Follow these tips to ensure that even if “he” is an a**hole, he'll still think about you while he's missing you.

Men being visual creatures is not surprising. It is to your advantage to be particularly committed to what you are doing if you know you are going to see him. You can accommodate to his peculiar tastes, should you understand what he prefers. I saw this look once, and some guys were going nuts over red lipstick and a ponytail. Others like to have long, natural-looking hair with lots of volume. Even if you do know what he likes, it is OK to go with his desires. If he is aware that you are intentionally doing this and teasing him, this takes on a more intimate tone.

https://ellebosemanduke.tumblr.com/post/661194519626366977/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

How Do You Know A Man Is Missing You?

These types of messages will make him think about you all day long, even if he is busy.

It is been three years since I have been blogging, and I have two million readers of my relationship advise.

It is vital to create a strong relationship, and one aspect of this is communication, so do not ignore it.

https://pablyvieira.tumblr.com/post/661194558507548673/how-can-i-make-him-miss-me-badly

Topics: 

relationship, times, lives, women, friends, message, contact, night, posts, perfume, healthy relationship, attraction, connection, emotional connection, social life, independent woman, post pictures, Contact rule, Acts Of Kindness, rule of thumb, sure fire way, relationship advice, solid relationship, action in life, Awesome Life, happy life, physical attraction, deep connection, period of time, mutual friends, fun with friends, attitude, positive attitude, list, emotional wreck, fake ground, real solution, silent treatment, Charice Chen, Charice, exbackexpertise, exbackexpertise.com ex back expertise, get ex back, visual creatures, Cosmopolitan relationship experts, long distance relationship, long term relationships, loving relationship, monogamous relationship, entire life, cherished woman, common mistakes women, emotional attraction, laws of attraction, social media posts, quality time, romantic text messages, sweet messages, bed at night, hockey nights, favorite perfume, sweet smelling perfume, bucket list, list of priorities, favorite meals, cheese sandwiches, cold shoulder, cute reminders, donations for cancer, Eye candy, golden ticket, soul to soul connection, Contact phase, feminine attitude,

[speckledkingsnake]

A rusted, bent cigar case

Amidst the darkness of a trance, the first thing you feel is pain, a dull, radiating pain on your gut. A voice, masculine and old, the sort that has begun to become more a rumble, calls, “Get up, little hatchling!” And you feel your legs move to acquiesce as you wrap your arms around your midsection. The Adder banner behind you flaps in the wind, and the same wind brings a chill to your soaked form. Sweat. A broad, rough hand, huge when compared to your infantile form, grabs you by the back of your Adder yellow shirt, moving you upright with ease.  The face that greets you is smiling, with a none-too-comforting sense of weariness. A tall man, broad, taller than most of those sharp-eared Elezen you’ve met, he’s got white hair like yours, “Have you been eating?” Your stomach hurts, and you feel it contract, hear the sounds in your ears, muffled within you. He laughs, not sharp-eared, but sharp of hearing, always has, you haven’t snuck by him yet, though you have many others, your feet never make sound. This close, you can smell him, you pick up something ozone, and metal, but it all pales to the smell of tobacco. ”If you don’t eat, you’ll never catch up to me.” He laughs, and the force of his patting to your back is nearly enough to make you stumble. “Come on, again. Arms up.” His knees bend and your arms move up, his movements easy and yours stiff - his feet don’t make any sound either, there is only the wind and the calls of passing birds. Another blow follows, an ill-advised dodge, your stumbling legs, and his fist finds your temple, and this time, things go dark. Something soft rests against your shoulder, and you don’t bother opening your eyes - you’re nearly asleep. “You didn’t have to do that.” Low and almost shy, feminine. She never talks like that, you haven’t known her to be shy, so you know well enough that this isn’t her being demure, it’s her being resentful. It’s dark, and cold, as you both rest against a tree, the sound of a rushing river overwhelming the call of nearby animals and the steps of predators, even if your ears strain to stay alert. You say nothing to her words. Your knuckles feel sore and sometimes sting with passing breezes, the skin between your fingers sticks, stained with crimson. ”I could’ve handled it.” Again, she speaks, and you mutter something noncommittal, you know she could, but you wanted to. Her smell mingles with that of the Shroud, of wet, soft earth and clorophyll, but you haven’t confused the two yet. Her head shifts, her hair pressing against your throat. “You’re such a bitch.” It’s said with fondness. Sleep claims you, comforting, the rustling of grass beneath you as you adjust. A mess of colors and smells swirls, robbing you of sense, any sound replaced by a sharp, shrill tone. When things realign, a foggy, red filter fills your vision, the visor of a helmet that sits muggy and uncomfortably heavy on your head. Two lines of armored men, chitin-like plates that broaden the shoulders and cover their faces, you stand among the third, and further on, a taller officer, clad in similar steel. He looks at you, and you know it despite the red visor of his own helmet, similar to yours. You know it by the prickling at your spine and the rising of the hair at the back of your neck, the way your muscles bind tight under skin. Your ears pop, and despite the way it shakes you, you don’t move from your attentive stance. Sound filters in, and the first thing you hear is an odd, gushing crackle. Beside him is a pike, weirdly shaped. Another crackle, a gurgle, choking on water. The pike moves, or the man impaled by it does. He twitches, groans, garbled near-words, and the wood within him creaks as it strains with weight and the struggle through organ and bone. The smell. Ozone, sweat, your own breath fogging up the helmet, iron and rust and something close to bile - what seeps from the man has begun to pool at the bottom of the pike and spread outward. You feel its warmth against your boot despite it all, or perhaps you imagine it, but you can certainly smell it. The sky above is a particularly bright shade of green beyond your visor. No coherent thought crosses you, and all your will is poured into maintaining your postured, bunched and bound muscle at your back, a pulsing soreness to your knees. You feel as if your head is floating, as if you’re faint, but you stay and watch until the creaking and twitching stops, and the only sound remaining is a steady dripping from the body, and the only smell you can pick up on is copper and bile. Tears sting at your eyes, warm, and you close them tight.

You wake, groggy, confused, in an office. It is warm brown hues and dark red carpets. Bookshelves filled with more folders and documents than proper books, a large table that suddenly feels smaller as you sit up, the chair the same, smooth leather that sinks under your weight. It used to be bigger. Atop it are files, an extensive amount, spread, disorganized, your lips feel dry and your eyes heavy. Speckled Kingsnake - a title written on a profile of sorts, your face is on it, your qualifications. You’ve yet to sign it. Your gaze moves to the document beside it, a similar profile by the same title, nameless beyond it, a white-haired man. You haven’t written the date of his death yet. The place smells of tobacco, but you haven’t found his stash of it either. You groan, rubbing at your face.

When you open your eyes again, you stare at a ceiling, woodframe against brightly dyed cloth, the feel of sleep still making your head heavy. The steady sound of breathing, your own and others, slow and easy, and a warmth that seems to press down on you, envelop. Your arm shifts, tingling as sensation flows back into it, as the woman that sleeps closest to you among the many others shifts and allows bloodflow to resume while remaining in your hold. Her horns dig uncomfortably against your chest. Cedar and burnt wood and sweat. You tighten your hold, and she shifts closer. She’s never this friendly awake, and neither are you. You close your eyes.

The smell fades, and the heat of fire follows, stinging at the nose, hot and cloying in your lungs. You blink and your vision comes, through some form of machinery - you zoom forward, to watch as Xaela women and men, some too small to be adults, run from their homes, bright orange lighting up the Steppe and screams filling the usually quiet nights. Chitin-armored men push in, brandishing guns and blades. Screams are cut short. None of you brought cages or ropes to bind them with, to take them with you. You no longer sweat and tremble, your feet feel sure on the ground and your grip doesn’t tighten on the binoculars. You know one left earlier. You know she isn’t coming back. You blink, and your body droops, weighted down by the same chitin plates. They clang in your ear as you fumble with the straps and buckles. You’re bleeding, you know by how cold it feels against your left side, how the undershirt clings to skin uncomfortably. Small taps against your helmet sound in your ears as sand is blown against you. There are distant explosions, the ground shakes after you hear the crumbling of buildings. Adder yellow is spotted ahead, orange under the red visor. This is it. “This is it.” The first coherent words. Vivid, in your voice. You stop fumbling with the buckles, they haven’t noticed you yet, your steps don’t make a sound, haven’t. There are aches and sharp stings all over you, of familiar lances that pierced flesh, but none of it truly registers anymore beyond a dull knowledge that you are wounded. There is no bunching of your muscles, or soreness to your knees. Your lungs burn, and you’ve been walking for long. It could end here. Struck down, faceless beneath chitin, nameless beyond an alias no one important will recognize.

Further on, a tent. Your nose picks up grass and earth, or your head makes you think you do. Regardless, tinted by red, she stands amidst the wounded. You grunt, the sound rumbling in your throat, and your hands move on their own. You tug your helmet off, toss it aside. No other choice. You owe her. The sand sticks to your cheeks and neck, prickling when you move. You blink as they blow against your face, and the landscape changes.

A dark apartment, filled with the scent of old paper and tobacco, thick and heavy. A woman, sharp-jawed and broad-shouldered, laughs against your ear, the soft mattress beneath creaking as she shifts to grow closer, large form curling around you, all strong muscle and sharp edges. Sleep claims you, not despite these characteristics, but because of them.

Rain soaks you to the bone, cloth and leather heavy against your form. Beyond, the imposing, dark shape of a Castrum, and behind, a woman, clad in smooth plate, equally as dark and equally as intimidating. She bares teeth at you, knives in her grip, similar to the ones that weight at your hips. “I should’ve known.” She snarls, a golden gaze, much like yours, tracking you. “Garlean scum!” The words are a bark that precedes a chase. Your chest clenches, but your face doesn’t change, you stare back. Her voice is shrill, it hasn’t been that way before.

She charges you, and your hands shake as they haven’t in years. You take a steadying breath - and the ground melts beneath you, darkness once more enveloping you. A large Roegadyn pats your back, rough hands, familiar, she smiles at you, Ul’dah merchants calling their wares nearby. She leans to murmur something in your ear, something unimportant, and her hand finds your side, fingers curling, easily pulling you closer. Sweat and sand and sharp steel, she smells of it, and of warmth and sleep. 

You run through the Shroud, your body burning and bleeding, a thick, gauntlet-clad hand gripping yours, keeping you upright as your legs refuse to stop stumbling. Your vision is sharp despite the pulses of pain that wrack over you with each forced movement over uneven earth and stone. A smug smile sticks to your mind, a blade, and the smell of roots and wet earth belonging not to the forest, but to someone. Vex looks at you, sharp-jawed but soft in expression, “Hey! Stay awake!” She urges, as she stops you, “Come on, you got it?” Her voice distorts, and your vision melds, forming again, elsewhere.

The same Roegadyn snarls at your ear, thick arms wrapped protective against you, pressure against your shoulders and your midsection. She doesn’t crush you, but there is a dull sort of sting, as your wounds beneath haven’t healed, a particularly bad one on your shoulder. “Next time, I’ll shield you.” She says, a near-whine, “Let me do it.” You can’t reply, things shift and bend. A couch beneath you yields comfortably to your weight, but a lump has begun to form in your throat. A man beside you, tall and sharp-eared, or is he? He stares at you, all the same, friendliness gone from his features.

He says something, but his voice comes a garbled mess to your ear, one you push aside, and your legs will you to stand, to gain distance. Chitin-plate suits him, you realize, and he smells of tobacco and of alcohol, to mask the lingering, natural scent beneath - or maybe, your mind plays tricks again. You smell ozone, you smell rust, and bile. Your blood rushes loud in your ears. The door becomes your sole focus, an exit. Your eyes sting with warm tears.

[chequerootlurks]

What Is "Pretty Privilege" & How Does It Affect Trans Women?

[written by JUNO ROCHE

I didn't encounter the words "feminized" or "feminization" until I started transitioning. Yet currently, both words occupy quite a few media inches, in reference to those who have had feminizing surgeries and, by omission, those who haven't. It's a trans concern, but one that ripples way out.

When I first engaged in talking therapy to try and resolve my issues around gender, people (professionals and friends) would ask me what I was going to do to become more feminine, what surgeries might I have done to erase the masculine features created by testosterone. Would I consider having my face shape changed, my brow line, my hairline, my chin, my nose, my lips? Bigger breasts, smaller shoulders, pretty hair? I would stand in front of the mirror and quite literally tug, pull, push, and attempt to non-surgically change my face from what now felt almost Neanderthal into Disney. My internal aim was to look like Kate Moss — ridiculous, I know — but I often spent days hating my face and wishing for her perfect, symmetrical elfin beauty. I felt like I had to be dainty in order to fit in. I had to be soft and smooth.

All around me people talked about the parts of me that made me stand out: my voice too deep, my shoulders too wide, my eyes too heavy-set, my chin too square... the list is eternal. This felt strange because, before transitioning, I had spent my whole life being told I was too feminine for my own good: I walked like a girl, talked like a girl, sat like a girl, read like a girl, played sports like a girl. These were pejorative, nasty, spiteful insults — which, ironically, I adored. But apparently, the instant I started to transition, I resembled Cro-Magnon Man.

I felt elated at the start of my transition, proud of my courage to be open and honest about who I felt I was. But the process of becoming me was draining. The need to fit a stereotypical binary model of femininity was utterly dispiriting. For years I felt that I was not good enough, that I was clumsy, unattractive, that if I didn't have bangs or soft, razor-edged hair I would seem masculine.

Hanging over me the whole time was the knowledge that I could change my face and body by undergoing feminization surgeries and training. I could sell my house to pay for it — my house which I had struggled as a teacher to buy and hold onto through the years when I could barely pay the mortgage.

My first act of womanhood was a commitment to my economic security. I held onto my house and realized that I couldn't afford the surgeries that may alleviate the dysphoria which at that point I saw as mine to own, not as society’s problem, as I do now. I spent lots of time coming to terms with my body and face and realized that the surgeries we trans folk can have may offer safety and success, but they might not be progressing the rights of all trans people. I wanted to linger, politically and personally, and occupy trans as a destination. The longer I have transitioned, the less important it is for me to be seen simply as a woman. The authenticity of trans, masculine features and all, is so often derided by our rush to pass through it and get to a place where we are perceived to be just like every other woman.

I'm not like every other woman: I'm fabulously and creatively transgender. There, I said it — and the sky hasn't fallen in.

The other day I read something like: "She had facial feminization surgery and the work flooded in." Our community should celebrate any trans person getting success — and I do — but the context in which our success is celebrated and our careers advanced is far too often still packaged in cis society’s desire to see the trans in us disappear. We are celebrated when we shake off our trans-ness.

The implication is that being suitably feminine is rewarded with work. The brilliant Janet Mock has been one of the few to shine a light on the presence of "pretty privilege" in the trans community. In an interview with Nylon magazine, Mock talked about how, after embarking on her medical transition at 15 years old, she saw her body change; she began "passing" as a cis girl, and with it, the reactions to her body changed. “With my gender nonconformity seemingly fading away,” Mock said, “I began to attract the attention of 18-to-24-year-old cis guys who began stopping to inform me that I was pretty.” She explains that she was suddenly accepted, yet “did nothing to earn the attention my prettiness granted me.”

I know writing this will make me unpopular. I know that the transphobes out there who attack us every day might think this article is for them. It's not. I am not criticizing any trans person who wishes to blend — fuck that. I want to blend: It means I get work, it means I'm safe(r) in this shitty #MeToo world of ours. But the entry point for success, aspiration, and affirmation is walking slap bang into sexist structures that reward smooth, youthful beauty. We need to be able to check that; it's privilege that is creating a two-tier system which leaves trans behind as the ugly, clumsy sibling.

This isn't new, women on television not being entitled to age, having to erase any signs of life from their faces and reducing their reactions, their facial responses, their fun, their joy, their anger, their laughter, to an ever-present, part-frozen, Botox-regulated grin. I have beautiful friends in their 20s who are already having Botox to ward off lines, to stave off aging. Lines, natural lines, are seen as unattractive, not viable for careers.

Age happens to us all, so let's not think that these cultural norms we are creating (beautiful trans folk equal success; aging in anyone equals very bad) don't apply to us. I know it's spectacularly easy to think we can demarcate young and old, and I know many will view me as old — perhaps the word "bitter" will appear on my timeline — but I assure you this is about politics and cultural submissiveness, which I witness becoming norms.

Botox will not prevent you, me, us, from aging and eventually dying. We all age, we are all temporary, but the important things are always deeper; we should be able to look in the mirror and celebrate who we are, bare-faced and naked. That's the kind of politicized equality I want to work towards: one where all trans people have the same opportunity for economic and personal success and safety, one where women are allowed to age and not be shamed into feeling that they are letting themselves go if they don't paralyze their expressions into porcelain smoothness. I want to reside in my trans-ness and celebrate my trans identity. I think I may just define myself as simply being trans from now on, because I do trans very well. Trans is my success point.

[source: https://apple.news/AV5AFxzHBTviwHnXl7xfgjg ]