#i also started exercising bc my knees hurt for basically no reason and last time i had random pains it was bc my back was too weak

[flamagenitus]

I've been exercising more this week bc of exam stress and I've found that 1) I cannot do a full push-up and 2) even trying to do pushups has led to pain in muscles I didn't know I had

[asterekmess]

S3A - E4

Alrighty, here we go. Maybe I’ll get a little less fired up this time.

Be Kind, Read More’s (I’m bad at puns or jokes.)

Thoughts:

So, I get that they’re trying to amp up Scott becoming an Alpha or whatever, but I just really hate the concept of dogs needing to know “who the alpha is.” It’s a really harmful myth that leads to a lot of frustration for owners and a lot of fear for their dogs. I actually recommend anyone with a dog, or thinking of getting a dog to look at this video to understand how huge a myth that whole Dominance thing is. He explains it better than I ever could. That also doesn’t work in the show, since we know that all werewolves have sway over dogs. Derek does it like a fucking pro in S1 (Yeah, he scares the dogs, but it’s entirely controlled. The dog didn’t freak until he wanted it to.)

Woooow, Scott actually working at his job? That’s new!

Deaton, mistletoe is poisonous to anyone. Wtf are you on about “to the dog, and you too.” literally everyone is poisoned by mistletoe.

Is this a reference to a movie or something? IT’s so fucking creepy and gross, him sticking his hand under the dumpster and getting bit. And what’s with the whispering??? JENNIFER did you bite someone? WTF? Also, he literally can’t get any closer, dumbass. He’s on his knees right up against the dumpster.

I hate this woman. This show I think has a lot of issues with actual foreshadowing and making villains appear earlier in the show. Like, they knew Jennifer was going to be the villain. So what was all this extra shit? All the random clips of her grading papers and getting spooked walking down the halls of the school. She’s literally committing murder every single night and is far scarier than even werewolves, even without the extra powers. Showing us this stuff directly contradicts her being the villain. I can’t tell if they thought we as an audience were too smart and we’d figure out she was the villain, so they had to cover their tracks extra hard bc we all know that plot twists should only ever happen when it makes no sense, or if they thought we were too dumb to notice that they didn’t put any effort into her character until she starts being actively creepy.

I hate this. I hate all of it. I’m disgusted and nauseous just fucking watching this, knowing that Derek isn’t fucking choosing to do any of this. He’s literally under a spell that’s making him worry about her, because she wants an Alpha guard dog.

I’m also gonna point out that since the show hadn’t told us that Derek was being controlled yet, they were trying to show Derek being interested in Jennifer and trying to make Jennifer someone Derek would be interested in. In order to do that, they made her jumpy, suspicious, anxious, and over-talkative. And crazy smart. With brown hair. Just saying.

The Crucible? Dude, you started the class on The Heart of Darkness literally last Wednesday. Chapters 1-3 weren’t due till last Friday. Why can’t this show fucking make up its mind?

Aannnnd here we go. Love watching Scott laugh about something that he knows Stiles is absolutely terrified by, seeing as Heather DIED. God, if you want Scott to look funny, can you not make him make jokes about something that’s getting people killed and traumatizing his best friend? Jesus.

I...I feel the need to point out that Stiles jumped exactly the same way Jennifer did like two seconds ago....just saying.

Honestly, I like that this Danny did this, not just to fuck with Stiles (in a non-sexy way) but also to try and subtly point out that he can hear them talking about virgin sacrifices. Maybe keep it down boys?

As much as I hate this shaky camera, slow-mo to fast-mo stuff, it’s still so much better than the CGI/Green Screen. Just, so much.

Boys, stop sticking your tongues out while running, you’re gonna bite them off and that shit doesn’t grow back. Also, I wanna give Isaac props here for managing to keep up with Alphas. Speedy Boi. AND, did you notice the look on his face before he ran after them? TOTALLY different from the look on his face before he attacked Cora in the woods. Not play time, kill time.

Those are...those are also not wolf sounds. At least I know Cora wasn’t a sexist thing? Seriously, wolves sound terrifying enough on their own, no need to add in the lion--wait didn’t I read that they don’t use lions roars most of the time, they use tigers instead? Whatever. NO need for the cat noises. I get it for the actual roaring stuff, but the snarls can be wolfy, can’t they?

How long did they have to stand there waiting for the cops to arrive? THe whole class is just standing around in a crowd? You know, I’d believe it, honestly I don’t think Finstock would think to make them go back to the school. He’s not great at the adulting thing.

How--How did Kyle’s girlfriend know? She’s not on the track team, is she?

I hate this whole “He’s got a point” thing. Stiles admitted that he agreed the Alphas were connected somehow but his reasoning is perfectly sound. Are you seriously telling me that Scott didn’t talk to Deaton about this? We can assume he did, because it’s Scott and he tells Deaton Everything. But that means Deaton DIDN’T tell him what he knew, openly lying to him. And none of that should matter anyway, because Stiles is Scott’s best friend. It is not too much to ask for him to just believe Stiles. In fact, it’s pretty fucking basic friendship stuff.

ALSO I hate that Isaac appears to give zero fucks about Erica. “They killed that kid, they killed the girl that saved me” But no mention of Erica? Or of how they imprisoned erica and boyd for four months? No mention of his own pack members? Seriously?

Hi cora. Hi derek. I really really wish you were going to be a reprieve from the bullshit of the rest of the episode so far, but instead you’re going to break my heart by refusing to give me even the slightest hint at Derek and Cora giving any kind of fucks about each other and finding out that the sibling they thought was dead is not dead. Nothing. We get absolutely Nothing. I don’t even get to see where the FUCK Cora got the exercise clothes from? Did they go shopping? did they go find her bag of clothes that got left in a building somewhere when she was taken? Huh? SOMETHING?

I’m just so...disappointed, and it’s definitely not directed at Derek.

Also, Derek, your alarm sucks ass if it only tells you that someone’s at your place once they’re outside the door.

I’m gonna be honest, Derek does need to work on his ranged combat. He’s all about the up close and personal, our boy needs a quarterstaff or something. Maybe a bat?

Sup duke? I hate your guts.

Sup Harris? I hate your guts too.

I don’t--I don’t even wanna talk about this scene with the twins. I just...what the absolute fuck? Those kids need so much therapy. I just feel ill. Also stop with the making werewolves masochists for some reason! Stop it! It’s boring and dumb!

I literally refuse to believe any of that had plot relevance. I think the twins are just being assholes for the fun of it. That is so convoluted in so many ways.

Other than the really really overdone British villain trope thing, I literally have nothing to say about this scene. Other than, you know, the part where Derek outright refuses to kill his pack even with a fucking PIPE through his CHEST, yet somehow we’re meant to believe that he wanted to kill them on the full moon even when he had no proof that they’d hurt anyone? Love that logic. Yah. Uh huh. Side note: why do I even like this show? Side Side note: It’s cus’ Derek and Stiles and Cora and Isaac and Boyd and Erica and Lydia are all fucking awesome. Honestly, Allison too. And Danny. And Jackson. And Kira when she comes in. Even Malia has potential

Isaac, honey, you have claustrophobia and that’s a legitimate medical concern that Harris would need to make adjustments for.

HI BOYD. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD. Thanks for stabbing me in the heart with that friend comment. My everything hurts now. I love you. Also, bye, cus’ you don’t come back for the entire rest of the episode. awesome.

Is it even remotely okay for the school to make students handle chemicals and fuck with the janitor’s stuff/do custodial work? Like, detention is detention and the school/Harris has no business using the students for free labor.

Fucking pathetic. I hate this stupid Alpha command thing. I hate this whole plotline and no I’m NOT going to stop complaining about it any time soon. It’s stupid as fuck.

Stiles how do you expect Lydia to know about this shit when no one fucking talks to her except you??? SEE? YOU SEE? THAT is how you use humor in a tense situation!

Lydia, Stiles is human.

Please stop with the sexual tension, it’s pissing me off. Allison fired over a dozen arrows into Erica and Boyd, then help her grandfather kidnap and torture them and sliced Isaac to ribbons. I’m not done being mad at her, and Isaac Damn Well shouldn’t be either.

Okay WHAT? Since when is English the last class of the day? It was their first class an episode ago! What the fuck are you talking about? and WHY are you writing “Great Expectations” on the board!!???? Even if The Crucible was for a different class you’re STILL ON HEART OF DARKNESS.

I just-I get that they’re teenagers, but that’s seriously the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen and even though Allison’s still pretty high on my shit list at the mo, she’s way too smart not to know that this is stupid as fuck. Just because the Alphas are being stupid doesn’t mean you PISS THEM OFF. Nothing you just did HELPED at ALL. You didn’t Hinder them or Weaken them or ANYTHING. You just played a stupid ass prank???

So...Stiles has a free period in the last period of the day? When no one else does? Yet somehow he’s in all their classes AND we SAW him AND LYDIA in Scott and Allison’s English class? ALSO the twins are Miraculously now in the English class as well, even though they weren’t there on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL??? WHat the FUCK This is a show about HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS and you can’t be fucked to actually get their stupid fucking Schedule right? The same with the full moon. The two things that should always be consistent are the FULL MOONS for the WEREWOLVES and the SCHOOL SCHEDULE for the STUDENTS. You spend hours of episode planning time on making outfits and references to horror movies, but you can’t get A SIMPLE FUCKING TIMELINE right?

I know Stiles hasn’t talked to Deaton all that much so far in the show, but this is a really weirdly long introduction to him asking Deaton for info, when I honestly expected him to just push in and say, “HEY, so how about those human sacrifices, huh? You keeping something from us again?”

I hate them cutting up these scenes so much. Derek’s effectively been pinned to the ground for an entire school day at this point.

Actually, this little speech of Duke’s is where I got a huge headcanon for the show about how truly monstrous Duke and the rest of the Alphas are. He says he didn’t know that killing your own Beta adds their power to yours. But, shouldn’t that be like a really well known thing in this werewolf world of horrific murders and “Rite of passage, into his pack” mentality that the show seems insistent on showing us? Instead, I think that Duke is actually like he says he is. The Demon Wolf. He’s a fucking demon and all werewolves know it, because he and his pack are disgusting and twisted enough to kill their own pack. I firmly believe, beyond all reason because fuck this show, that Alphas have a biological imperative to protect their pack, to keep them safe and happy and provide for them. That the reason no Alphas really knew about what happens when you kill your own Beta is because no one ever would. It’s the most taboo, horrific thing a werewolf can do, harming their own pack. Their own family.

STOP TOUCHING PEOPLE’s FACES. ESPECIALLY DEREK’S.

I love Derek’s line so much. “You’re a fanatic.” Like. Yes. Completely shutting him down. That was so good.

Also, Duke. you literally just said “You’ll get to know me.” and now you’re mad because “Know me? You’ve never seen anything like me.” I wish someone would just pick him up by the scruff and toss him out a window.

What’s with the sudden lightning? and why is the thunder happening at the same time?

I have literally had the fifteen minute rule held over my head so many times. We once got locked outside our orchestra room for fifteen-minutes and one of the secretaries from the front office had to let us in, and then they had to send us a sub teacher because ours was sick but even though she called in, they’d hadn’t bothered to call the sub yet. the fifteen minute rule doesn’t exist, and I wish so fucking badly that it did. PLUS. I thought School was OVER????

Stiles, you should know better. The Celts were accused of human sacrifice by the Romans, who were trying to demonize them and take over their land. (which is pointless, since the Romans participated in tons of human sacrifice, even if they didn’t explicitly call it that. Anybody heard of the fucking Colosseum?) Plus, there isn’t any actual evidence that isn’t from extremely biased Latin texts that indicates the Celts performing human sacrifices as religious rites. You’re right though, cus’ the show does pull a lot from the concept of Celtic Druids. It just does it horrifically badly and completely misconstrues them by using the modern myth of the druids rather than the historical reality of them. I was a classics major, with an obsession on Druidic practices. Fight me about it.

Thank you Stiles, for calling Deaton out. Also, what does Deaton mean ten years? He was the Hale emissary six years ago. Jesus christ, this isn’t hard.

I hate to say it, but that is correct, Deaton. Druids were philosphers and scholars. That’s because Druid was a SOCIAL CLASS not a JOB. They didn’t believe they were “keeping the world in balance’ but they believed the world was MADE UP of balances. The Celts didn’t believe in letting people die for the sake of “maintaining the balance.” Their social structure was based on equality between the sexes and community ownership (a bit like socialism, it’s actually why the Romans hated them so much, they represented the exact opposite of Roman Ideals of hierarchy and private ownership with the male head of family in charge) But I digress. My bad.

Cue the dropbox ad

So what’s with the chanting? There wasn’t chanting when Heather was taken? Or Emily? Is the method of abduction supposed to be different for every group?

Ooooh, Dell school computers. Did they lose their Mac contract?

Oh Look! It’s the consequences of your actions!

They have so much time to react and do something to keep the boys from merging while they’re busy taking their dumb shirts off.

For the record, Druid is not the gaelic word for “wise oak”. It’s generally accepted to mean “oaken knowledge” or, less literally, “the one whose knowledge is great” (since oak was considered to signify greatness). But those are just semantics and I’m not as bothered by it. I’m MORE bothered by the use of the word “Darach” which does NOT mean Dark oak. “ach” is an Irish suffix meaning “Belonging to” and Darach is an NAME, as in like Emily or Janice, it’s a Name not a title. One that means “belonging to the oak” (actually, it’s masculine, so it would mean “Son of oak”). Scottish Gaelic and Irish are still real languages and you mistranslating things and taking words from their already incredibly oppressed and abused culture is really fucking annoying. So, uh. yeah. Listen, this is one of my few areas where I know anything so I had to complain about it. I get that it’s just a show. I really do. But it’s my post, so meh. Also, you bet your ass I have opinions on the concept of a Nemeton as well. But that’s not for now.

I find it kinda hilarious that none of the names on those papers had last names. Tom. Terry. Tim P. almost has a last name.

and now we break my fucking heart. Actually, first I wanna give this show some props for once. The music they use for this season is very drum based, very repetitive, and it really helps with the ritualistic vibe they seem to be going for. The chanting, etc. I worry about what they pulled that stuff from, cus’ if it’s from actual religions that’s fucking dicey, but the atmosphere is good.

NOW we break my fucking heart. Fucking fuck. It hurts, especially knowing that Isaac already had one flashback today. And then they have to go and add anger to my turmoil by having him go to SCOTT. Fuck scott. I fucking hate this.

Bye Harris. No, wait, I have questions. So Harris helped Jennifer somehow. By...what, helping her fake her identity? Was he her reference for getting the job at the school? Or did he help her with the killings, by finding her students/teachers who fit the bill? When he says “They’ll figure you out” is he talking about the cops or the wolves? Does he know about the supernatural? If he does, does that mean that he knew who Kate was when she found him in that bar? Bye Harris.

Last Thoughts: I’ll give this episode props. It had sunlight in it. Uh...I honestly can’t think of anything else I enjoyed. This shit, this shit is why people write fanfiction. These mistakes with the timeline and the schedule and the character’s whose personalities flip back and forth at random? The refusal to acknowledge trauma and deal with it appropriately? I honestly don’t even know how to feel about the show selling this Derek/Jennifer romance to us and then revealing at the end that he was under a literal spell the whole time. That he had sex with her while under the influence of her magic. That these oh so brief moments where we actually get to see Derek smiling and joking and see a hint at his personality and his intelligence and maybe even his past, they’re all forced on him. It’s all a trick. He has sex with her while he’s incapable of giving consent. It’s fucking rape, shown on-screen. And the show portrayed this as romantic, for the sake of their stupid fucking plot twist. We were encouraged to like this relationship because we didn’t know he was being Controlled. Ugh. Bleh. Plus there’s the whole thing where once again Stiles is being ignored and Lydia has no clue what’s going on, and Deaton is hiding things from everyone and Boyd is barely a character. And Allison’s behavior is never dealt with, and Scott is just...Scott. This is why I make changes.

[newenglandpups]

So I’ve been kinda MIA

And the reason for that is because my depression has reared its ugly ass head again and I can’t seem to find the motivation to do anything aside from the bare minimum to just get through the day. 

I’m also finally making an appointment to go see my doctor and figure out wtf is up with my body. 

For those of you who don’t know or don’t remember, my dad had an operation not long ago to remove a thyroid duct cyst and during the surgery they found a mass on his thyroid gland. The whole gland ended up being removed just in case and after a biopsy of the mass, we found out it was in fact cancerous. However, they luckily caught it before it spread anywhere so he doesn’t need any further treatment aside from taking synthroid for the rest of his life since he no longer has a thyroid gland. 

* this ended up being a super ranty long post that’s super personal so if you wanna read the rest of it, it’s under the cut *

My mom has always been suspicious that I (and now my sister) have something up with our thyroids but when I went to my doctor about it when I was 19, she brushed me off. I’ve always been kind of on the heavier side despite the fact that I eat well and am an active person. When I started college I started going to the gym on campus with my friends a few times a week and got serious about what I was eating (until that point I’d eat.... okay... but not great). I even went completely vegan for a few months. But didn’t see any changes at all. After almost a year of constantly going to the gym, eating well, cutting out alcohol and soda, I had lost a whopping 5 pounds. Which is so negligible that like wtf is even 5 lbs come on now. 

So I went to my doctor and explained this and she asked me about what kind of exercise I was doing and what I was eating. At the time, I was going the gym and running on the elliptical, since I can’t actually run IRL on like on a treadmill bc my shitty ass knees can’t handle the impact, for an hour 3-4 times a week. I was also eating far too little per day for how active I was (aside from the gym I also worked in a kitchen part time and was still horseback riding at the time). So she told me to up my caloric intake and switch to doing more resistance/strength training instead of strictly cardio. 

And I followed her advice to a fucking T girl. After six months.... nothing. Like no fucking change at all. So I went back to the doctor and explained this to her. At this point, I was feeling so defeated and was hoping for some support. What did she tell me? That I must be lying about something. She basically didn’t believe me when I told her how & what I was eating and how much I was exercising. I asked her to please run a thyroid test and she said there was no reason to think that was necessary, but she did take some blood to check my blood sugar levels, because obviously if you’re a thicker girl then clearly you have diabetes. Except I didn’t. My cholesterol was great and so was my blood sugar. She said that I must just be stress from being a busy college student and suggested upping my anti-anxiety meds. 

I never called her back or stepped a toe back into that office. Since then, it’s been a fucking battle with my body and over the past year, I’ve definitely gained a lot of weight and am the heaviest I’ve ever been. 

Except I’m getting married in the summer and girl I wanna look good for that and for my honeymoon. So I’ve been working out again regularly AND with my new jobs, I’m on my feet more than I ever have been. Like okay here’s a regular day for me: 

-Go see dog walking clients; that can be 1-3 hours of walking around (mostly uphill bc hey it’s hilly here) depending on how many clients I have to see that day - Go home and walk my own dogs for 40 minutes to an hour - Then I either go to private consults where I’m moving around and playing tug with dogs and running around with dogs, or I’m teaching classes where I’m also constantly running around and squatting down to deal with this dog and then playing tug and dah dah dah dah - Go home and either do yoga or hit the gym and do some weights depending on the day

Like.... before Scarlett chewed my FitBit to death (RIP baby), my average steps per day was between 15-20,000. So like..... you’d think I’d see SOME kinda change. Especially because I got a better meal plan figured out and have been eating right and just... nothing. No change at all. 

My body feels physically exhausted all the time- mostly because another big problem is I can’t fucking sleep like a normal human being; my hair refuses to grow and gets thinner and finer every day; and now I wonder if the random depressive episodes I get into are purely just because my hormones are all out of whack. My therapist always seemed confused by the weird depression I have because it comes completely out of nowhere. Like, given the shit I’ve been through in my life yeah having depression would be understandable, but I’ve worked through all of that shit and I keep working through it and I’ve dealt with it and moved the fuck on and out from it. He had also been telling me I should go to the doctor and get shit checked out because yeah I have an anxiety disorder, that makes sense, but the depression is always so random. I’ve been on Seasonale for like... 6 years now I think? And I really wonder if the reason my problems aren’t more severe is because that keeps a large portion of my hormones extremely regulated. That was one of the reasons I started taking Seasonale in the first place- because I was so hormonal and was experiencing these crazy mood swings. And yeah it definitely got wayyyy better after I started the Seasonale (not to mention my periods are gone so no more crazy heavy bleeding and clotting and immense pain) but I’ve always wondered.........

One of the reasons I haven’t gone to my new doctor about all this is because I’m scared. I’m scared she’s going to be like my old doctor and not believe me, I’m scared that what if it isn’t my thyroid and what if nothing’s wrong with me... then I’m just stuck like this? Ugh, girl no. Plus medical stuff is a huge trigger for my anxiety anyway. I’ve always had bad experiences. Your knee hurts? Well girl, get ready for three surgeries, multiple full leg braces, and have arthritis at 24 years old. Weirdness in your ear? Oooooh girl you gotta go get a CAT scan NOW because it might be a blood clot and you could stroke out and DIE. That last one led to one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had and is the main reason I’m so scared to go to the doctor now. That feeling of knowing that something might be seriously wrong with you, that something could potentially kill you at any moment, was utterly terrifying. 

So anyway this has been super longwinded and personal and not dog related in any way whatsoever but if you care the huas are good and we’ve been working on some foundational stuff for agility again, which I’m hoping to get them back into soon. 

Also planning weddings, even our non-wedding-wedding, is the actual worst thing on this earth and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemies.