#i also like the idea that meyer's just pretty good at accepting what can't be changed and then handles literally everything else

[hacash]

for the word meme: Meyer and Charlie with Ayurnamat?

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Ayurnamat - The philosophy that there is no point in worrying about events that cannot be changed.

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It’s fucking hard to breathe here. He thinks it’s the Florida heat, close and sticky and as far from the streets of Grodno as it’s possible to get. Then he thinks it’s the smoke - sometimes it gets hard to take a draw, tightness to the lungs, God knows, they say some crazy shit, these doctors… But it’s not. It’s none of that. It’s the empty space across the shitty hotel room, where Charlie should be.

(You develop a reputation around the old neighbourhood as a steady thinker, a steady hand at the card tables, as cool a head as you could hope to find. ‘That Meier,’ the old men say, ‘he moves slow, but he thinks he’s going places fast.’ You ignore them.

You ignore people a lot, in the early days. You let them think you’re ignoring them, at any rate.)

He has to admit, he’d thought the ultimatum would be enough to make Charlie back down. Listen to reason. He’d forgotten: all those years playing poker alongside A.R’s cronies, Charlie never had the patience to back down before a bluff.

He pours a drink, slow. (You’ve seen too many gangsters succumb to the same stuff they peddle; it makes for clumsy hands.) Takes a long swig. It’s the first time in over ten years, he realises with a queasy lurch, that he doesn’t know what Charlie Luciano is going to do next.

That’s a problem.

(You come back from school that first day with a bloody nose, eyes so swollen you can barely see straight. Jake curses. Luckily your mother’s not around; it’s only your father, who dabs at your bruises with arnica and ruffles your hair ineffectually.

“Some older boys. Their leader said he’d beat me if I didn’t give them my money; so I didn’t.”

Your father smiles, that gentle milk-and-water smile. You want to slap it from his face, and you’re ten years old. “Well. You’ll go back to school tomorrow, yes? And they’ll have had their fill, they won’t come after you again.”

He likes to see the best in things, your mother tells you. That’s something to admire. You want to point out, what’s best in leaking roofs and mould on the walls and landlords that snigger when you say you can’t afford repairs. What’s best in jokes about blood, money, the same tired old shtik that was supposed to have been left behind in Poland, like a pair of forgotten shoes. What’s best in five dollars a day to break your back for someone who spits your name like it’s too much effort to keep it on their tongue. What’s best about living they way they want you to live, crouched out of sight in the shadows they make?

You shake your head. “No. He’ll be back tomorrow.”)

He wonders, coolly detached and lighting his second cigarette in so many minutes, if it might not be worth warning Petrochelli that some dumb two-bit low-life meshuggeneh (alright…maybe you are angrier than you let on) might come around and try to blow his head in. On balance, likely not. That sort of thing doesn’t make for mutual trust amongst business partners. Petrochelli’s a grown man, after all.

Besides, Nucky wouldn’t like it. Best to keep him sweet. He can handle Nucky.

“I was surprised to hear your partner dropped out so soon after coming all the way down here,” Atlantic City’s former treasurer remarks the next day, when everyone else has cleared out. “It’s not like popping round to Park Avenue for you boys, after all.”

“You know Charlie. He does what he wants, when he wants.” He slips silk into his voice.

“Funny,” Nucky says, the little avuncular twinkle in his eye. The frightening thing is, he really thinks the old bastard means it. Personally, Nucky Thompson is the world’s friend: a hundred dollars slipped to the frightened widow, a cheeky aside to the bellboys in his hotels, paternal advice to every down-and-out and hoodlum who passes his door. Personally, Nucky Thompson loves them all. But when it comes down to brass tacks… “Always thought the two of you were joined at the hip. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.”

He doesn’t know – or care – who they’re supposed to be. “Gotta move with the times, Mister Thompson. Nucky.”

Petrochelli is still alive by the time he leaves Florida. You’ve got to look on the bright side.

(You’ve known all along: you and Charlie, there ‘til the end.

It’s not as if you haven’t heard what people say – frocio, pillow-biter – and they don’t measure up. It’s not like there haven’t been women – haven’t been men, to be honest – but at the end of the day, it’s you and Charlie. It’s never bothered you. You’ve never tried to define it; it is what it is.

The thought of that no longer being the case frightens you. You used to tell yourself you weren’t easily frightened.)

Petrochelli isn’t the problem, not really. Neither is the deal. He can handle those. Business is business, and at the end of the day business is easy.

What’s not easy is the flash in Charlie’s eyes as he gets to his feet, the way his hands twitch as if aching for the feel of a gun. The bile in his voice as he speaks, spitting out poison. You sly little -

He already has a list of people he means to kill, and people who speak like that to him are top of that list.

(You don’t worry about the future, because you know, know, how it’s going to pan out. No point in worrying about things that won’t change. Some things just have to come to pass. Massaria’s smug face split asunder, his mouth that so easily spills insults now filled with blood. Eli Thompson’s hands, that once so readily held a gun to your head as he barked – dig –now shaking when he sees his son.

Nucky’s knees, creaking – getting on in years now, yes? they all get old, and they don’t expect to, they don’t plan for the future like they should – as he kneels in the dirt. Stares up at you. Blinks. Pleads.

No point in worrying. Some things are just meant to be.)

On the train back to New York he takes himself through it, the list of things that are beyond his power. Life, death, the forces of the law and government. The powers of New York and Atlantic City bearing over him. And Charlie Luciano. He can’t do a damn thing about Charlie Luciano.

Despite everything, he finds himself repressing a hint of a smile. These seem like good odds to him.

(You’ve always been sure of yourself, in a way that unsettles people who don’t know you better. Short, unassuming, Jewish, foreign. You ought to be tripping over your own feet just to beg for the privilege of waiting at the table, let alone taking a place at it. You ought to be frantic with desperation, eagerness to please. And the fact that you’re not…it scares people.

That Meier. Moves slow, but you watch him. He gets places fast.) 

Can’t worry about things that can’t be changed, he tells himself as the train slowly, surely eases him back towards home.

(Send me a word prompt!)

[rage-against-the-meyer]

Breaking Dawn (2008)

So, I've reviewed the other Twilight Saga books already, but I promiss you, this is gonna be the worst one yet. I must admit, as a 13-year-old girl this was my favorite book (don't kill me yet). I was growing up in a Dutch small Christian town that had had a big infuence on my views. In my mind, it was perfectly logical that the story ends with a child against all odd. As a grown-up Biomedical scientist, this does not go anymore. As such, I now view Breaking Dawm as the absolute worst one yet and here, I will tell you exactly why.

Breaking Dawn is a big fat book that consists of three different books. I will discuss the books seperately in fear that it might be too much otherwise.

Part I from Bella's point of view

It's no surprise that I actually do like this book. We get 6 chapters of sheer happiness and joy. Very much Edward/Bella intimacy and they finally have sex (woohoo). So what can I bitch about?

Well, actually not too much. I loved the wedding, the secret goodbyes (yes, I cried). I just believe that after the first 6 chapters Bella should have struggled with the decission to change instead of the pregnancy. Yes, Chapter 7 is the cursed chapter for me. It's the onset of all pending misery. Also, it is the first time that menstruations are mentioned and the weak excuse SM gave to explain the never-having-killed-her-due-to-smelling-period-blood on Edwards part is just that, weak. So, all-in-all, I hated this chapter but what comes after is exceedingly worse.

Part II from Jacob's point of view

I hate Jacob. That much hasn't changed. I hated the cold Jacob that is so prominent here very very much. Personal sun my ass. I have always loathed this POV but it offers us some interesting views on the wolves and the Quileute people. It was good to see the communication between the wolves, but it was also nonsense. The big difference between you can't hide what you think and thinking in directed full sentences became a blurry line that never really made sense to me. What was good about it, is that we saw how pure Seth's mind is and how deeply hurt and actually good Leah is. Seth, a mere teenager, is objectively one of the purest characters I have ever read and that's on that. The faint influence of the coming Gen Z was shimmering through in his defiance of made boundaries in communication: Seth saw the good in the Cullens and defied his tribes prejudice. Good for him. Leah, of course, is one of the most denied characters in the series. Such a fierce young woman that has suffered so much is the only character that does not get redemption. It is absolutely outrageous and I agree with many that it shows SMs prejudice against women of colour. She gets literally nothing. She stands on her own in a group of men that mock her for her guard as she has to suffer through knowing her ex's love for his new love. Then, of course, she cannot have children and she gets no love interests. To through all these (in SMs mind) limitations only at one of the few POC is not great. I do like the fact that Leah and Jacob become closer and that Leah cares most for Seth. It's not enough, though. Leah should have gotten the trip to go to college somewhere far away, paid for by the Cullens out of sheer gratitude. She should have everything and all but through Bella's (read: SMs) mind she is still depicted as sad, lonely and bitter. To show a woman's anger like that is straight up misogynistic. Great start.

Jacob's story skips so many valuable parts of Bella's story, which we have been focussing on until now, and it makes so little sense that Jacob would be there for all the important interactions.

In Jacob's part, some shocking facts become clear. As a biomedical scientist, I have been holding back the outrageousness of this one: the chromosomes.

Vampires are frozen in time; after the change, their bodies don't change anymore. They also don't grow new or longer hairs, new teeth, anything. They are frozen in time. Curiously, they still have a need to feed (blood) and their consumption influences four things: their thirst, the colour of their eyes, their strength and their behaviour. I will tell you why this makes absolutely no sense. In humans, we feed for much the same reasons: we don't get hungry, we stay alive, become stronger and we are nicer when we aren'r hungry. This influence is exerted by the distribution of food molecules throughout the body; to the brain, to the muscles, the organs, you name it. Vampires don't have blood, their distribution of food molecules would be so slow that it would take days if not weeks for the molecules to get to the eyes or the brain. We know vampires aren't mushy inside to increase the distribution so how does it work? It eludes me, I'll tell you. Also, every part of the vampire body is supposed to be solid. Where does the liqud from the blood go? A human averagely holds 5 litres of blood. That is a lot. And since the body doesn't change, where does the liquid go? Aside from the distribution, it makes even less sense that any of these factors should be influenced by anything at all. It is likely that vampires still have cells, their bodies still need to create impulses, movements, talk etc. But their bodies don't changes anymore, so after the change the cells stop producing hair molecules? Why don't the hairs drop anymore? It is so dumb that SM suggested a certain balance between the actiond that continue and actions that don't. We still move the muscles but they can't grow anymore but the cells in the muscle stay active?? This brings me to the chromosomes.

So, Carlisle has tested human, vampire and werewolf (without consent) blood. He found that vampires have 25 chromosome pairs, werewolves 24 and humans 23 chromosome pairs. His findings and his tone suggest that he attributes all the vampire qualities to the 2 extra chromosomes. Now, with everything that I have just explained, I see no possiblity behind that. The venom of a vampire just adds two pairs of chromosomes to your cells? One from your mother and one from your dad? And then, these chromosomes are able to pinpoint exactly with genes to silence and which to activate and that is enough to make your skin hard as granite? No way. The body makes strong pieces, but still the strongest is the teeth. Strong but not as strong as SM thinks.

All-in-all this science is straight up the biggest fucking bullshit I have ever seen. There is just no logic behind the logic SM gave. It doesn't stop here, though. No. I am 100% convinced that SM has not had any sex talk ever in her life. She started with Edward's 100-year-old sperm being vital enough to produce a baby. This sperm is saved at approxomately the temperature of a rock/as cold as ice. This is far far far too high a temperature to preserve sperm cells for long, let alone a 100 years. So, No. No, again. Then, Edward's dick is magically able to get hard without any liquids in the body? No. And THEN, his human sperm cells (human but also vampire?) are able to make a zygote with Bella's egg cell??? A zygote with 24 (!!!) chromosome pairs???? So, it's one of each of Bella's, one of each of Edward's and then just one of the two vampire pairs?????? No. Nah-ah.

I haven't been this vocal about any of my other issues, including racism and other forms of discrimination. Somehow, I have accepted that these concepts come from very well-preserved ideas and I can plainly discuss this matter. However, the pain Stephenie Meyer has put me through as a scientist is still very unknown to me and it annoys me to the core.

I suppose, while I'm on the matter, I should address the elephant in the room. Resumé. Renesue is the embodiment of everything Bella didn't need. The book should have ended before the pregnancy. A story of a woman that found a love in a vampire and she needed nothing else in her life but him. This was the story we were promissed. And then, SM takes her turn to make the last non-conservative woman in the book a mother (her being a mother will come later).

In conclusion, this part stretched every nerve in my body and made me cringe so hard I felt sick.

Part III from Bella's point of view

I'm not gonna lie, I have been pretty dark about the last part. But I LOVE Bella as a vampire. The tranquil chapters where she learns everything about being a vampire made me confident I wanted to be one. I loved Bella more confident and comfortable. I loved the new ease between Bella and Edward. Tranquil, as I said.

Of course, these chapters are overshadowed in part by Rususme. I don't mind the child. It seems nice enough - SM made it pure. But Bella is not a very caring mother. She meets her daugther and then, both Edward and her really don't mind her. They have no urge to be with her and have no trouble letting her go. They go have sex the whole night instead of looking at Relsume's dreams. Then, there is the fact that all tense and loaden discussions are held in the presence of the exceptionally perceiving child. Edward can SEE that she understands tensions. It's so fucking dumb. It really bothered me the last time I read it, maybe because I've matured or maybe because I didn't really care the first time.

When it comes to the final battle approaching, I enjoyed that. I loved Alice's plan. I like the Volturi and their grand dramatic scheming and such. I loved the new characters very much. I think they added a whole new demension to the story. I would have been there for Edward and Bella traveling around the world meeting these people with the oncoming thread of genocide for a child as well though. Of course, the racism is back. The Amazonian and Egyptian vampires are so blatantly racistly described. In that aspect, the movie deserves way more credit for giving us the straight up prettiest actors ever to cover this.

Wrongness continues as Jacob imprints (as the second wolf) in an infant. I know some people see no issue with this. SM tried to make it clear that it was just about her happiness by letting Edward see that Jacob wasn't thinking sexually about his equivalent-of-a-three-year-old child. I mean. Looking at this logically, it's disgusting and there is no changing my mind. Personally, I feel Jacob could have imprinted on any other female character (with the exception of Leah). For all I care it was a 35-year-old woman. But, reversed pedophilia (Jacob was still underage) isn't fun for SM so she sticks with what she knows.

I think I have adressed my most important issues. Please inform me if I've missed any. As usual, I urge you to inform yourself on the Quileut Tribe as it is and donate to them for SM has wronged and exploited them.

The Quileute Tribe

Information:

Donation:

TLDR: I curse Stephenie Meyer for creating that incredibly stupid child as a way to project Jacob's love to something of Bella. Please inform yourself on the Quileute Tribe and donate to them via the links above; SM has wronged them.

As a final note, I am a biomedical scientist at heart. I am always interested in a challenging topic, so fire away.