#i also don't wanna burden anyone in particular with this stuff so i just scream into the void that is my tumblr blog lol

[littleoddwriter]

It honestly feels so unfair that (most) bullies just get on with their lives like nothing ever happened once they're done bullying you. And the victim is left picking up the pieces of who they once were for many years to come, never able to fully reconstruct what was broken by those people, and having to learn to live with that pain and with feeling like something was irreversibly taken from them.

Having been excluded, harassed, verbally abused, and physically assaulted throughout my entire life has left me with so much damage that I'm still not able to simply be. I can't just live my life. I have to put in a lot of work and effort with therapy to even get to a point where I could possibly work, let alone go to university. There are more reasons for that than the bullying, but it's the biggest cause for my current state. It's my most intense trigger. It's why I have complex-PTSD and why I can't have a single day of peace. Because I've been stuck in survival mode since I can think.

And it just doesn't feel fair to me, and I'm not going to pretend like I'm not bitter about that. I'm not going to pretend like it doesn't upset me and make me angry. I'm not going to pretend like I didn't wish every day that it had been different. I'm not going to pretend like my dreams for my life and future feel unattainable now because of the bullying I had to endure.