#i almost made this too long cause i wanted to talk about tara and amber's first kiss but i talk A Lot lmfao

[lionydoorin]

On the train and wanted to give you some blorbo time. When do you think Tara realized she wasn’t straight? (Also, unrelated: do I really have to say that “Songs About Death” by The Wonder Years is Carpenter sisters-coded?)

(i loved songs about death and i agree it is very carpenter sisters coded <3)

i like this idea i've seen before here on tumblr of woodsboro being a small, religious town. tara's parents getting married for convention right before they graduated high school, as soon as sam was born, and, with it, the carpenters being the kind to try to look like your perfect american family. this would make the impact of sam and tara's dad leaving even harder, because this dream in particular was ruined and the façade fell and shtuff. but anyway-

i believe queerness wasn't something they spoke about, at all. it was only the whole "women are meant to be with men" and "men are meant to be with women" and that's it.

as a child, tara didn't have much of a reference. she only had her bedtime stories about princes and princesses, male and female toys to make husbands and wives and the little dollhouses. she never thought much of it.

sometimes, when she was on her own, she did mix up and make different pairings, such as putting two female barbies to sleep on the same bed. she thought to herself that it was simply because she had less ken's to play around, but she never treated any of them as males and kept them as couples.

when her dad left, of course, her mother decided to not give a shit about anything and sam changed, so tara was left to discover who she was all on her own, leaning onto her friends for support as they all navigated growing up together.

tara and amber, in particular, had always been inseparable. you know, the whole childhood best friends thing: both were super clingy and amber was totally possessive and overprotective of tara, her best friend, and would push any kids that tried to bully her from the playgrounds.

they were the kind to always walk holding hands, the kind to share lunch and sit together and have almost daily sleepovers that they didn't even need permission to, because their parents wouldn't notice nor mind them missing.

tara always loved her; something childish and pure, an innocent love that she had never even thought about.

but puberty came, and talks about who's cute and who's not, and first kisses, and first dates and boyfriends and girlfriends became a natural thing in her group. tara was never unsure of her attraction to men. she knew she could see herself dating one or getting married to one – but women were always a tricky subject, one she could recognize, but chose not to tackle.

everyone felt a little bit jealous of her best friend starting to get attention, right?

amber was always more of an extrovert between the two of them; with that, it was natural that she had made a lot of new friends, and, of course, people would fall for her charm pretty easily. and it bothered tara endlessly.

she thought it was natural to feel her chest tighten at the sight of amber laughing at something bethany from her film club said. to not want to share her best friend's attention with jimmy from chem lab, who everyone knew had the biggest crush on amber, because she was afraid she'd want to hang out with him instead of her.

she'd ignore the way her heart would be crushed at the mere thought of amber liking him back, of her having her first kiss with him, of her ever actually dating him.

(not because she wanted amber, but because she was her best friend, and she didn't want to lose her, of course. she didn't like girls. not like that.)

until mindy came out, and tara was vehemently supportive. they were at the meeks household, and mindy started talking about her experience, about how she had butterflies in her stomach whenever a pretty girl smiled at her, how her cheeks flushed whenever she thought about kissing one, and holding one, and calling someone their girlfriend.

it all felt way too familiar for tara's liking.

she became more self aware after that; of how she loved playing with amber's soft, dark hair, how she felt so safe cuddling with her whenever they watched something, how she'd blush when amber gave her a compliment and called her pretty.

how she thought amber was the prettiest girl she had ever seen.

[thingwithfeathers]

tag 9 people to learn more about their interests

tagged by: @enniomorricone :)

MUSIC

fave genre? indie/alternative rock, and pop but not really current pop more like 80s/90s.

fave artist? bastille, twenty one pilots, fleetwood mac, the clash, the smiths, abba, probably a lot more i can’t think of right now.

fave song? my joint favourite songs are ‘with or without you — u2′ and ‘landslide — fleetwood mac’

most listened song recently? 'song for zula — phosphorescent’ it’s become one of my favoure songs ever.

song currently stuck in your head?  any abba song because i was listening to them a lot earlier.

5 fave lyrics?

“It’s a hell of a long way to fall just to learn to get up” — the mess, the naked and famous.

“But now it’s just another show / and you leave them laughing when you go / and if you care, don’t let them know / don’t give yourself away / i’ve looked at love from both sides now / from give and take and still somehow / it’s loves illusions that i recall / i really don’t know love at all.” — both sides now, joni mitchell (this entire song though! really hard to choose lyrically because it’s a masterpiece).

“See, honey, i saw love / you see it came to me / it put it’s face up to my face so i could see / yeah then i saw love, disfugure me / into something i am not recognising / see the cage, it called, i said come on in / i will not open myself up this way again / but my heart is wild and my bones are steel / and i could kill you with my bare hands if i was free.” — song for zula, phosphorescent.

"Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? / can the child within my heart rise above? / can i sail through the changing ocean tides? / can i handle the seasons of my life? / well, i’ve been afraid of changing / ‘cause i’ve built my life around you / but time makes you bolder / even children get older / and i’m getting older too.” — landslide, fleetwood mac.

“And then you put your hand in mine / and pulled me back from things divine / stop looking up for heaven / waiting to be buried / and all their words for glory / they always sounded empty / when we’re looking up for heaven.” — bastille, glory.

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie (depends!) | loud or silent volume in-between! I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on.

BOOKS

fav book genre? just fiction in general. i’ve kind of grown out of young adult so i don’t really read a lot of that, and have been reading classics lately. just any books that make you really think and are written so beautifully that you can highlight quote after quote. i’ve also been reading a lot of non fiction spiritual books lately.

fav writer? recently, taylor jenkins reid. i’ve read two of her books and they’re incredibly gripping. love the simplicity and warmth of benjamin alire saenz as well, the care that ari & dante was written with. and also emily dickinson, especially her letters in particular to susan are just gorgeous.

fav book? aristotle & dante discover the secrets of the universe, wuthering heights, little women, a little life, and recently the seven husbands of evelyn hugo.

fav book series? i don’t really read book series, so the only thing coming to mind is harry potter which i only read for the first time about five years ago now.

comfort book? little women and aristotle & dante.

perfect book to read on a rainy day? any easy read, probably several i listed above.

fave characters? aristotle & dante, jo & beth march (little women), mina murray (dracula).

5 quotes from your fave books that you know by heart?

“You teach me now how cruel you’ve been — cruel and false. why did you despise me? why did you betray your own heart, cathy? i have not one word of comfort. you deserve this. you have killed yourself. yes, you may kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kisses and tears: they’ll blight you — they’ll damn you. you loved me — what right had you to leave me? what right — answer me — for the poor fancy you felt for linton? because misery and degradation, and death, and nothing that god or satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of your own will did it. i have not broken your heart — you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. so much the worse for me that i am strong. do i want to live? what kind of living will it be when you — oh god! would you like to live with your soul in the grave?”  — wuthering heights, emily bronte (i could choose so many from this book but this is the most underrated one in my opinion and deserves more recognition).

“I will love you forever, whatever happens. ‘til i die and after i die, and when i find my way out of the land of the dead i’ll drift about forever, all my atoms, ‘till i find you again. i’ll be looking for you, will, every moment, evert single moment. and when we do find each other again we’ll cling together so tight that nothing and no one’ll ever tear us apart. every atom of me and every atom of you... we’ll live in the birds and the flowers, and the dragonflies and pine trees, and in the clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams... and when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me, we’ll be joined so tight...” — his dark materials (amber spyglass), philip pullman. (don’t talk to me, this quote makes me actually ache)

“I wanted to tell them that i’d never had a friend, not ever, not a real one. until dante. i wanted to tell them that i never knew that people like dante existed in the world, people who looked at the stars, and knew the mysteries of water, and knew enough to know that birds belonged to the heavens and weren’t meant to be shot down from their graceful flights by mean and stupid boys. i wanted to tell them that he had changed my life and that i would never be the same, not ever. and that somehow it felt like it was dante who had saved my life and not the other way around. i wanted to tell them that he was the first human being aside from my mother who had ever made me want to talk about the things that scared me. i wanted to tell them so many things and yet i didn’t have the words. so, i just stupidly repeated myself, “dante’s my friend.”” — aristotle & dante discover the secrets of the universe, benjamin alire saenz.

“There are many beths in the world, shy and quiet, sitting in corners till needed, and living for others so cheerfully that no one sees the sacrifices till the little cricket on the hearth stops chirping, and the sweet, sunshiny presence vanishes, leaving silence and shadow behind.”— little women, louisa may alcott.

“And so i try to be kind to everything i see and in everything i see, i see him.”— a little life, hanya yanagihara.

hardcover or paperback (paperback for general reading and hardback for special editions!) | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature (i love nature and want to be able to read outside but i cannot be in nature without being hypervigilent of bugs so wouldn’t be able to concentrate) | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending (i also used to read the last line of a book first for a long time but i started to piss myself off when it wasn’t vague enough) | reliable or unreliable narrator  | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary (i can’t help it, i love pretty covers) | rereading or reading just once.

TV AND MOVIES

fave tv/movie genre? disaster/post apocalyptic, drama, sci-fi, documentary, occasional fantasy. i’m pretty on board with most things, other than horror but even that has some exceptions.

fave movie? titanic, shaun of the dead, little women (1994), eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, wuthering heights (2009 tv movie), portrait of a lady on fire, practical magic, the greatest showman, finding nemo, the grinch (2000).

comfort movie? finding nemo, little women (1994), shaun of the dead, all my favourite christmas movies which are too many to list.

fave tv show? friends, charmed, golden girls, gilmore girls, the walking dead, new girl. currently: 911.

most rewatched tv show? friends. i watch it almost every day and it would be impossible for me to count just how many times i’ve watched it from start to finish.

5 fave characters? all the friends on friends, piper halliwell (charmed), tara chambler (twd), glenn rhee (twd), maddie buckley (911).

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging (i’m conflicted because i miss the event of catching a show every week but at the same time once you binge watch you can’t go back) | one season or multiple seasons (but shows need to know when to stop) | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes (depends on my mood) | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once.

tagging: @bettyhofstadtdraper / @kubrickking / @koningen / @urispatty / @marmaladepotion / @mixye + anyone else that wants to do this, feel free to tag me to read :) !

[okimargarvez]

NECRONIMUS- Day of All Saints

Original title: Necronimus.

Prompt: vìspera de todos los santos, Halloween, cemetery visit.

Warning: none.

Genre: romantic, comedy, family, frienship.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, Roxy, BAU team, OC.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: 2 oneshot.

Legend: 😘🔦🐶🎈.

Song mentioned: none.

Necronimus- Masterlist

GARVEZ STORIES

1 November 2018

Day of All Saints

Things had changed a lot, after that night and paradoxically, for better, even if Garcia didn't remember anything except for some flashes of the last film they had seen and some caresses. The next morning, she saw the dog next to her and she was pleasantly surprised. Going into the living room she had caught the colleague who was still asleep and couldn't help admiring his beauty. She had sensed that something must have happened, but the fact that the man was there, instead of between her sheets, made her understand that he had certainly not taken advantage of her. And he would never have done it, she had been aware of it for much longer than she was willing to admit.

He had told her that Tara's friend (Jason, that ugly guy, do you remember? She, with pain of the man, had nodded), had tried to get her drunk and that luckily, they had managed to stop his plans from be successful. Penelope couldn't avoid asking him why he so much concern for her and he, spontaneously, without too many words, he had told her Because I love you, Garcia. And I will continue to love you even if you don't believe me and if you never will. In this way he had managed to embarrass her, make her blush, move her with his sweetness that she had previously had the opportunity to sense and finally he was making her feel guilty, because he accused her once again of being cold and distant only with him and he had right. Even if that night of Halloween she had behaved much more amicably with the Newbie and this certainly he couldn't forget it. She had even taken his hand two times!

After this statement she had been speechless for a while, but in the end, she had managed to say it. Thank you. He had shrugged his shoulders, as if to say that it wasn’t to receive her thanks that he acted like that, diminishing his gesture, without which she would probably now be complaining to have pains everywhere, even in areas that it is better not to mention, from alone in her own bed, while recovering from the hangover.

No, Luke, really, thank you. I know I haven’t been a great colleague and friend for you. I don’t worth your worries. In order to be one whose body was still trying to dispose of the excess alcohol, she reasoned great. The man shook his head, violently, that melancholy expression that she wouldn’t forget for a long time. That's not true, you deserve all the best in the world. You are an exceptional person, just see what you did for the others yesterday. How children were happy, Reid even more to watch those movies. They had laughed together. It's not your fault, I've come to the wrong place at the wrong time. I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t succeed even if I tried. The woman had sighed, unable to conceive what he was saying and read his love between the lines, or perhaps too scared to try. You should hate me, she realized she was still wearing the black dress from the night before. Surely, he couldn’t undress her and put her pajamas! She had shuddered at the idea. I could never hate you, Penelope. He had stroked her cheek and she had blocked his hand with her own, leaving him however to weave his amber fingers to hers pale. So, she was ended against his chest and burst into tears. But she had never wanted to give the reason to him. And after talking a little more about other things and taking a walk with Roxy, he had been forced to return to earth. I have to go to the mass of the saints, otherwise my mother will not speak to me until next year! He had tried to play jokingly, but the attempt had failed. It was clear that he didn’t want to leave, just as she didn’t want to be alone. Do you want to come with me? He had found the courage to ask her, first of all, amazing himself. But Penelope had made a sign of denial and had limited herself to seeing him disappear with the dog.

But things from that evening and from that morning were precisely changed. Instead of that shyness or further coldness of having exposed each other too much, this whole story had brought them close enough to take on a different attitude even at work. Every morning he went to say hello and she no longer feared to smile when their eyes met each other during the cases. She then got into the habit of calling Luke when she had updates to be communicated to the team, a bit like she did with Derek, but at the same time differently. He certainly didn’t call her babygirl and she didn’t use already tested nicknames. For the first time she discovered that being only Penelope wasn’t so bad.

The colleagues also realized the changes. But the general attitude of the two was more like a sweet friendship, than a secret love story, consequently, especially the girls, they had come to the conclusion that they were wrong: maybe Luke and Penelope weren’t made one for the other as they had thought in turn, a short time after meeting him. They were still happy to have a less tense atmosphere, even if their bickering occasionally made their absence felt.

He has become her best friend in all respects, but this doesn’t stop him from loving her. She still seems unaware of the feelings that unleash in man, as much as their own. The fact of behaving like a sort of big brother, very protective, doesn’t prevent that there are moments of tension (properly erotic, often), in which they are in the balance and it would be enough to fall. One of these takes place an exact year after the famous Halloween evening. Fate wants everyone to have commitments and therefore the anniversary will skip. Penelope thinks she can take advantage of it to rest for a while, but she didn’t plan it right.

The man enters boldly in her office and announces his appearance by placing a hand on her shoulder, making her jump with fright. When she turns around, even though she already knows it is the Latin, she can’t avoid taking another shot at the sight of the ghostly mask he wears. And that doesn’t cover his laughs in the slightest. -Trick or treat?- he whispers in her ear, causing her the usual chills that she is so skilled to ignore.

-Luke, are you crazy?- she puts a hand on her heart, feeling the beat faster. But is it really only because of the surprise? The man continues to giggle, removes the mask and puts a kiss on her cheek.

-I think you prefer the treat, but I'm out of candy.- he justifies himself. She feels the skin burning at that point. But she decides to take it easy. -So, are you ready?- he then asks, coming back serious.

Garcia glances at the main screen that is turning off. -Ready for what?- she asks absently, not looking at him. He forces her to do just that, turning the whole chair in his direction.

-You forgot. I can’t believe it!- he pretends to be upset. -The vigil of the saints. You promised me if I had come to your pagan festival- he says imitates her tone -you would have come with me next year, that is today, on my Catholic day.- he is pleased, too satisfied with himself and that he has win. She would gladly take that little smile away from him...

-Damn!- she exclaims, revealing the defeat. -What time is it?- simultaneously she curses with the Garcia of the past. If she had a time machine...

-In two hours. You just have time to get ready, chica.- this is the only nickname that he is allowed to use, perhaps because it was the first and only. He immediately realizes his confusion.

-But... but... I don’t even know what I have to wear! I've never gone to such a thing. I'll make you a fool of yourself!- she tries everything, even the devious way. -And Roxy? Who will keep you Roxy if I come too?- but her hopes are destined to fade soon. She understands it immediately from the way he smiles.

-It's nothing like that, you'll see it. It is enough to be long below the knee, not unglued. The only skin that must be visible is that of the face.- he bursts out laughing once more before her face. She is too agitated to give him her opinion. She will take revenge later.

- But I have only one dress that is right... and you gave it to me!- she adds, giving him a push to get away from her. -You did it on purpose, you knew I couldn’t break the promise. You... are... I can’t say bad words, I'm about to enter a sacred place!- with a last laugh, he helps her by taking her bag and they leaving the BAU.

The next morning Penelope wakes up feeling something strange at the end of the bed. Without opening her eyes she understands that it is a couple of feet more than hers. Much larger and rougher. It's still dark outside, but not enough for her to see the shape of a dark man with his head in her direction and his arms outstretched as if he wanted to grab her. She also manages to distinguish a kind of ball of yarn on the mattress, right at the bottom, which justifies the fact that the legs of man have ended up invading her space. She is not sorry. Sleeping with Luke, with her best friend, has become another of those ambiguous habits that almost nobody could understand, maybe not even Morgan, certainly not their team.

Also because that is limited to: sleep, share the same bed and the same heat... and that's it. Should she add an unfortunately? She can’t say. She had a year to think about her feelings but was able to avoid the problem until today. This time she understands that she can’t go on like this anymore. Because the first thing she thought when she realized she wasn’t alone was much closer to the thought of a lover (a person who loves) than a friend.

She mumbles in her sleep and tries to change position, rousing Roxy who immediately realizing that there are active people, decides to give the good day to her way, or washing her face completely and then doing the same with his master. -Roxy, come on, stop! I still have to do it, the shower!- then he laughs as if someone was tickling him. In fact, the rough tongue of the dog can also have that effect. So, he manages to free himself and turning around, she is the first thing he sees. -Good morning.- he smiles happy, still too much in the dream world to control more himself. He touches her cheek with his thumb and then puts a kiss on her forehead. -Sleep well?- he asks, expecting an affirmative answer, as in the most classic cliché. But she shakes her head, a little.

-In fact no.- Penelope notices immediately that he thinks that it is related to his presence. -I had a bad dream- Luke listens to her with extreme care. -I dreamed the day of the accident, the one in which my parents died...- there was a reason if she didn’t want to tell him, even if he didn’t insist on blow the whistle. She knew she would end up crying like the whiner that she always shows. But he doesn’t hate the salty drops that come down from her pupils to follow her face, and from the chin fall into the crook of the breast, to areas and issues that he decided to consider forbidden to preserve the friendship of Penelope, the most precious thing he has never had. If anything, he could hate the reasons that make her feel bad. He immediately pulls her against his chest, listening to the irregular rhythm of her sobs, stroking her back until she calms down. -I miss them...- she whispers, hoping not to be heard but at the same time that he has the appropriate equipment to capture the slightest signal. -I miss them so much...- and indeed it is.

-I know, baby, I know. But they are always with you, in your heart. And watch from above. They are your guardian angels.- she lifts her face to look at him attentively as he speaks to her. -Do you remember what the priest said yesterday?- after a moment she nods. -So you know that they will never leave you, because the people we have loved remain forever here.- he brushes her heart, without really touching her, aware that underneath the minimum layer of pajama fabric it hid her breast over the cardiac organ and also the scar that had almost led her to find her parents. -When was the last time you visit them?- he allows her to fit her head between his shoulder and his arm.

-Last year.- he has to say the other part.

-Did you go alone?- she just nods.

-Yes, it's not that strange. I always go there alone.- she continues to not look at him, then forced herself to break away from his embrace. -You are late for mass, if you don’t hurry.- yes, among the reasons why he loves this woman there is certainly the fact that she doesn’t live in conflict with his faith; on the contrary, she has integrated it and has almost become something of her own, just think in the last few months how many times she has accompanied him to the ordinary Sunday ceremony. As he has absorbed so much of what she is, especially not eating death, as defined by the blonde. Not that it never happened to get caught up in the interests of his friends, but not at this level.

-No, I decided that for once I can skip.- she is completely shocked by this statement.

-But your mom...- he shakes his head.

-She will understand.- he seems extremely quiet; but she can’t be, not after having met in person the dreadful lady Alvez, who had proved to be a determined woman, just but also nice and happy to meet her. She was the only one of his colleagues for her son that she had encountered, so the elderly had finally glimpsed the possibility of having grandchildren, but at the Ninito she hadn’t said anything. -Rather...- he hesitates, the first time since they woke up. -...aren’t you going to visit them this time?- there's something suspicious about his request.

But she is too invaded by melancholy, to try to understand why. -No. Don’t judge me, I know it's one of your ten main commandments, in fact, two together, but I can’t, to stay there alone, as always. I can’t do it.- Luke lifts her chin and forces her to look at him. He is smiling. She can’t understand why.

-And if you weren’t alone?- her eyes widen.

-What would you like to do, book two tickets now for San Francisco and...- the man grabs the bag next to the nightstand and takes out two pieces of paper full of writing and with a magnetic stripe. -But how...?- it is just one-way tickets to her homeland, where her parents are remarried. She can’t understand how he discovered this data. Despite being her best friend, it is not a topic she has ever touched willingly.

-You're not the only one who can use a computer, Penelope.- he simply explains, always that smile on his face, this time with softer nuances. He squeezes her cheek, trying to force her to return it.

-Ouch! Sometimes I forget it.- and she gets what he wants. She takes another look at the tickets. -We have only an hour to leave.- she gets out of bed in a hurry, grabbing heavy clothes from the closet. Even a pair of pants. -It's not very hot, if you didn’t know it.- then srhe disappears into the bathroom, leaving him the chance to change into his room. The man also calls a number in his address book.

-Jenny? Yes, can we move on to leave her at your house? Thank you, you're a friend.- a friend in the correct sense of the term, however, not like Penelope. She is so much more, she has always been.

Less than half an hour later they passed the check in. Fortunately, profilers never go around without a suitcase ready for emergencies. He holds her hand throughout the flight, not because she is afraid of the high, but because it is the first time since she breathes on this earth that she is not alone on this journey. Gradually she puts her head on the man's shoulder and then collapses.

Sleep, little Penelope, I'll take care of you and I will not let anyone else hurt you. If I could bring your parents back to life, I would do it, I would do anything to always see you happy. If I could kill Battle, stop him from shooting you, hurting you mostly for making you believe he likes you... for taking advantage of your vulnerability, I would kill him, I wish I killed him, not JJ. I had to go to church to confess this sin and now I will have to do it again. It is not a Christian thought, but I can’t imagine that there is someone who wants to hurt you. I wish you could only smile but I don’t deny any of the tears you have shed. I love you and even if I can never tell you, I will live forever to protect you from evil.

After landing they take a taxi that takes them to the gates of the cemetery. It is like all the others, the gravestones aligned in an anonymous way, without preference. The emblem of democracy. -Do you know that in Europe they have tombs different from each other?- she nods.

-Yes, I was in Italy with... Kevin.- after having made the sign of the cross they return to take each other's hands. She leads him to her parents' burial site. -Mom, Daddy, I'll introduce Luke. He is a dear friend of mine. I told you about him.- for many it would be a strange thing to see a person converse quietly with dead people. But not for a spiritualist, Catholic, also raised close to Mexican families who take the dia de los muertos very seriously, like him. He fills with joy and emotion, feeling like a friend is labeled, but even dear and then discovering that she has already told him about her. She really loves him. Because he needed proof, to be sure!

Luke contemplates the photographs of those who might one day become his in-laws. Two good people swept away in a moment. He walks away as she bends over to remove the old flowers, giving her time to stand alone with them for a moment. He reaches the watering area and takes one. His gaze is attracted by a warning, hanging on the wall. Calmly he returns to the woman who has finished arranging the new vases, which they bought in a shop next to the cemetery.

-I found that in an hour there will be a commissioning of the dead.- he decides simply to say, without going to get entangled in subterfuge to make them accept. -Do you want to stay?- Penelope turns and peers for a moment.

-Yes.- she nods, taking from his hands the watering can to make sure they survive at least until the old caretaker, paid for this special service, will not be able to deal with it. The man is almost surprised by the ease with which he obtained two birds with one stone, to be with the woman he loves and to fulfill his duties as a Christian, with his mother's consent.

-So, I'm going to move the car to a free parking lot.- he announces. She continues to give him her back, then turns and gestures to him that she has understood.

-I’ll be right here.- she replies in a softer tone than she would have liked. But she can’t avoid it. It's his fault, he's too thoughtful, caring, kind, since she allowed him to be.

She hears some shuffling steps on the pebbles behind her. -I don’t want to look like the usual old nosey, but your boyfriend is really cute, lady.- who talks is an old lady with a nice air. It immediately reminds her of the fact that not even her grandparents have been there for much longer. She lost the last one a year before the accident. She must go and find them too.

She turns out to smile. -Yes, Luke is fantastic, nice both inside and out...- no lie in this. Then she sighs. -But he is not my boyfriend. We are just friends.- unfortunately, unfortunately, unfortunately. That word echoes in her head.

-Really?- the woman is seriously affected. -I never would have said it. From the way he looks at you...- another lady arrives, much taller and more solid than the first, probably a friend of hers.

She takes her by the arm. -Ophelia, come on, leave this poor girl alone.- she says to her in a low voice, then turns to Penelope. -Excuse me, you look a lot like her niece.- she explains, obviously embarrassed by the figure she thinks her friend has done. It is clear that it is certainly not the first time that something similar happens.

-Don’t worry.- she smiles again, a pure smile, spontaneous and sincere enough to convince the most imposing old woman of the goodness of the young woman who stands before. Meanwhile, Ophelia staggered towards the watering cans. Glance at the tombstones. She is the daughter of the Karlsen! She was one of her last students before she retired. But surely the young woman can’t remember it. It's been too long.

However, she decides to trust her instincts. -She died last year.- she explains, referring to Ophelia's nephew. The blonde opens her eyes, genuinely pained.

-Oh... I... I'm sorry.- she sees that she feels the inadequacy of that expression, but also knows that there are no words suitable to express such condolences. The old woman nods.

-She is convinced to see her in all the people we meet.- she explains, shrugging.

-I understands. Much more than you can imagine.-Penelope sighs. Now that she hasn’t near Luke, she feels all the coldness of the 10 degrees of San Francisco. She would like to have brought something heavier with him.

-Who have you lost?- the question catches her off guard. Yet she doesn’t hesitate to answer. There is something in this elderly lady who is familiar to her. Possible that she met her before?

-My parents.- another sigh, to get strength. Then words that come out automatically, as if she were talking about a fact that doesn’t really concern her. -Car accident. I was almost eighteen.- the other nods, sympathetically. Then she glances behind her. She can see two neighboring silhouettes, but at her age the view is not at its best.

-You think, miss...- if she only try a minimum, that name would come to her mind. She is buried in one of the many drawers of her shabby memory like the rest.

-Penelope.- she says. -You can call me so; the formalisms embarrass me!- it's exactly as she remembered her. Smiling, polite and sweet. And this senses her for five minutes of conversation.

-Okay, Penelope. Only if you call me Cynthia.- she smiles at her, not fearing to show the denture she still doesn’t know to wear, unable to accept that she has aged up to that point. -I wanted to tell you- the silhouettes come closer and closer and now she can clearly distinguish them, this is the guy Penelope called Luke and her friend Ophelia, clinging to the man's arm. Yes, heck, these two must be together! Possible that they have not yet understood? -to reflect on what Ophelia told you.- the youngest swallows, clearly frightened by the idea, giving confirmation of her suspicions. Friends! Pfui! -Your friend really looks at you in a particular way. As a precious thing. I know it's none of my business, but I could have sworn that you were together.- every word that she adds helps to confuse her. -There is that confidence between you two, that mutual trust in the other that are the basis of a solid love.- Penelope nods. Cynthia is right. -And I add that it will be up to you to move. It is no longer like my time! Now the women have to make the first move!- she laughs, a laugh that in the cemetery, on the day of the saints, sounds really strange. -He surely will not. He is too respectful. You see.- she nods again and moves to look better behind the woman's shoulders.

She watches his best friend, the way he walks slowly so as not to tire his companion and then their glances meet and he gives her that same sweet smile that immediately warms her up, no longer makes her feel neither cold nor loneliness. -I'll think, Cynthia. I promise you.-

TAGS: @theshamelessmanatee @itsdawnashlie   @arses21434 @jarmin @kathy5654 @martinab26 @reidskitty13 @jenf42 @gracieeelizabeth27 @silviajajaja @smalliemichelle99 @charchampagne14 @thinitta  @skisun  @myhollyhanna23 @thenorthernlytes @garvezz @mercedes-maldonado

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic

I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.

Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.

For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.

Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.

I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.

btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.

EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)

Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.

i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.

Notice the middle name? Subtle.

I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.

My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.

Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.

They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!

Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.

Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.

I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.

I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.

I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!

Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.

I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.

I mean… you just moved in with them.

My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s too ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.

That could have something to do with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!

God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.

Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.

My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.

I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.

I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!

I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.

Something like… bad writing?

The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.

It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.

Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.

So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.

As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.

I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.

This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school. 

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)

So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.

In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.

In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”

Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.

It was the hawt pale guy!

Dun dun dunnnn!

Next chapter