#i admit that wasn't easy to write as these are rather unpleasant memories yet i wanted to do so

[goldie90]

Because it seems like it needs to be said...

First, this is going to be quite long, so my apologies in advance, but I think it is important to address and explain these things and there is simply no way to make it shorter.

Since over the past week, the same person who has been bad mouthing me since february 2023 (as already mentioned here: Goldie — In relation to this post: I know I've already...), apparently felt the need to dig up things from the past again (including old screenshots which funny enough have never been a secret to begin with), I feel like I might should elaborate a few things.

First things first: As already mentioned before, the whole thing started back in february 2023. At this time me and this person used to be mutuals and although we didn't interact much (just a few asks here and there etc.) the few interactions we had have always been positive.

Now some of you maybe know that around this time a certain pc game named Hogwarts Legacy was released and some people were posting about it, sharing their first impressions of the game, sharing screenshots etc. And for me who has been a fan of the Harry Potter franchise since childhood, those were interesting news - not because I wanted to buy or play said game, I'm not playing video games except for sometimes The Sims when I feel like it, but simply for the nostalgia it gave me. You know, I read the first HP book back when it came out in 1998, I was 8 years old at this time and I didn't like to read, I didn't like it at all. But then I read this book and it changed little me's opinion about books forever because I truly enjoyed it, so of course when the following books of the series came out, I read them as well, just like I watched all the movies (which back then was especially fun because just like everyone my age, I had the benefit of being the same age as the characters). So yeah, I think you can see why seeing the screenshots of the game felt nice and so it happened that I reblogged some of them, simply for the nostalgia. I didn't know back then that the author of HP (Joanne K. Rowling) was (and still is) engaging in very discriminatory behavior towards trans people, as I have never been on twitter (which as I learned later is apparently her number 1 platform to spread her harmful opinions) and I'm also not someone who keeps up to date with celebrity gossip, because that's simply not something I'm interested in.

So I had no idea and because of this I was very surprised and confused when shortly after reblogging the Hogwarts Legacy pictures, I received a very rude ask in which someone was demanding that I tag posts related to this game, claiming that it was "transphobic" and "antisemitic", as well as some insults directed at the author of HP. This ask was on anon, it was not signed in any way, nothing. Therefore I had no idea who sent it. All I knew was that this situation (receiving a rude anon like this) brought back bad memories because only a few months before I had a similar thing happening when an anti sent me an anon ask, demanding a nsfw tag for a slightly suggestive selfship post of mine and how me responding to it back then, resulted in being harassed for 5 days straight by antis. I didn't want something like this to happen again, so instead of answering the ask, I deleted it and made a short info post for my followers in which I asked them to please don't send me asks demanding specific tags for my posts/reblogs, and that if someone doesn't like the content on my blog, they could just unfollow and/or block me.

The next day when I logged into tumblr, I was basically greeted with a bitchy post from said mutual on my dash, complaining about me not answering their ask as well as about the info post I made instead, which was how I even found out that it was them who sent me the ask. Apparently they didn't thought I would see their post since back then, their selfship blog was a sideblog and so while they apparently blocked me on their main after reading my post, they forgot to block me on their sideblog as well and their bitch-post about me showed up on my dash. And now I made a stupid mistake, annoyed by their behavior, the rude ask, the public complaining about me, I reblogged their post and commented it with "Oh okay, now I know who the idiot in my inbox was" That was unnecessary and I shouldn't have done this, but right in this moment I wasn't thinking much of it, especially since I already wasn't in the best state of mind at this time due to other reasons (the situation with the antis mentioned above, a fallout with my best friend, as well as my late grandfather's death of cancer only two months before). Short: I wasn't doing well at all and I guess that's why I simply didn't have the patience for something like this on top of everything else. Of course that's not an excuse, but that's how it was and I won't pretend otherwise.

Either way, this little incident between me and this person would have been nothing more than exactly this - a little incident - if it was up to me. You know, something that might annoys you for a little moment, but then you shrug it off and move on. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of a much bigger issue. This user spent the rest of this day with making multiple bitch posts about me, freaking out way more than what would have been reasonable for this kind of situation and then a few days later they started their slander campaign against me, spreading rumors about me being a "transphobe" and "ableist" (the latter apparently because during our disagreement I said that if they freak out like this because of a picture of a castle and some landscapes, they probably got some bigger issues to work on), which resulted in people harassing and attacking me repeatedly, anons flooding my ask box with insults, calling me a "transphobe", a "terf", a "bitch" a "cunt", telling me I deserve to die, that I should kill myself etc. Let me tell you, it was no fun.

But I gotta be honest, I didn't made it better because since they kept bringing up HP / JK, acting like enjoying the franchise I grew up with was suddenly a crime - all of this without ever showing me any proof of their accusations against the author - I simply decided to react in a spiteful way by purposefully reblogging posts about not only Harry Potter, but also the author, fully convinced that she - the person who created this amazing story - would never engage in the kind of behavior those people were accusing her of. After all it goes against everything she wrote in her books....

So for the next weeks it kept going on like this - for every hate anon I received, I would reblog more posts about her, kinda as a big "F*ck you" towards the people harassing me. Then one day when I reblogged another post from a person expressing their support for JK, it happened that the op started to follow me and after a few interactions I followed back. A couple more interactions and he DM'ed me, started a conversation with me and for the first time since my fallout with my ex friend (more to this later), the thought of someone new trying to become friends with me didn't felt scaring to me. There was something about him I can't quite explain but it made me feel safe and comforted and so me and him became friends rather quickly and although I saw the red flags (they were hard to miss ngl) I ignored them, grateful to finally have someone around on this website again who was nice to me, someone who was there for me through this situation and who protected me, or so he said....

He started to openly attack people who would give me trouble or say something bad about me, which of course only made things worse and I asked him repeatedly not to do this, to just let it be but it always resulted in him either ignoring my words, or agreeing just to go right back to it 1 - 2 days later, always emphasizing that he was just "trying to protect me" which put me in a situation where I felt like I owed him something, so I started to make open excuses for his behavior, backing him up no matter what he said or did and just displaying my loyality to him since I knew that's what he expected from me. During this time, he would also target the ex mutual who had started the rumors that caused the whole mess in the first place a few times and because of the trouble I had to endure thanks to this person in the past, I was more than happy to join in, viewing it as some kind of "payback". I'm not proud of this, yet it happened and I would never deny it.

Things got really bad and of course our behavior only provoked the previous harassment I had to endure to escalate even more and at some point someone even made a whole blog about us, screenshoting our posts etc. This went on until one day my friend decided to write a public apology to the people he attacked during this time, to end this whole mess and make people leave the two of us alone.

From there on things finally improved, we parted ways one month later and another month later my ex friend @moss-selfship who couldn't be more different from him came back into my life and it was also him who, when I asked him about it, showed me actual proof for JK's harmful behavior, which was a very shocking and disappointing thing for me to see and of course, it led to me deleting everything I ever reblogged about her, as I'm not willing to support this woman in any way and I feel stupid and ashamed for ever doing so.😦 I also deleted every interaction with this former friend, as well as every other memory of this time, not to hide anything (as the ex mutual mentioned above was accusing me of lately) but simply because I don't want to have these things on my blog, since they were part of a very bad chapter of my life I don't want to have anything to do with anymore. Yet I never tried to pretend it didn't happen and I never would. The blog which was screenshoting all these things back then does still exist until this day and as you will see here, it was also where this person took the screenshots from when they tried to call me out about these old things a few days ago:

Just like they also decided to bring up the old fight between me and @moss-selfship to make distasteful comments about it, although this is something that's not only between us but also something we fixed and left behind us long ago

(Details can be found here: Goldie — As my friend already said (and as you can see here...)

As you already know, I did apologize to this person months ago, with help from my dear friend @moss-selfship who was the one who reached out to them and back then they promised to them that they would stop messaging people to as they like to call it "warn" them of me, but they didn't. From february 2023 when me and them had this "tag disagreement" until this day they kept slandering me and yes it is slandering since the "Goldie is a transphobe" lie they keep clinging to, has never been true at all. Same goes for the accusation of me being ableist, as well as some other things they said.

I spent the whole past year trying to make up for my previous mistakes and working on myself, trying to be a better person but thanks to this person it never stopped being very hard to just having fun on here and enjoying interactions etc. as they would always keep seeking out people I was interacting with to badmouth me, but you already know this from the post linked at the very top of this post here, so there is no need to elaborate this any further.

The only thing I wanted to make clear here is that:

The things they tried to present as something new, are things that happened long ago.

They have never been a secret to begin with, as the "phantom blog" has always been there, freely accessible for everyone.

I never tried to deny them in any way and I never would.

And this is all I have to say about this matter. If you read till there, thank you for taking the time and again, my apologies for it being so long. If you have any more questions about the things showed here, be it the old screenshots you can find on this blog or anything else, please do not hesitate to DM me and I will happily answer your questions.

Have a nice day.💖