#i accepted that i won't ever get good grades when i was in fucking preschool
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omg! the reason why I was so shit at learning every language I tried to learn before is catching up to me! who would've thought!
#i can literally spend as much time as I can on memorizing new words and I won't remember them#i just won't#i spent so much time doing a portion of new Chinese words (nearly) every day and I spent over 10 hrs yesterday on revising#AND YOU KNOW WHAT?#I REMEMBER NOTHING#ZERO#NULL#NADA#AND YES THAT'S WHY I COULDN'T LEARN SPANISH OR GERMAN PAST A CERTAIN POINT#my memory is better now and I'm really interested in Chinese so I was able to keep up for a bit longer#but it's still horrible. it's awful. i started to cry during the exam.#yet again I'm doing 120% and falling behind as per fucking usual#something might not add up in your brain you might go “but Piórko you're quite fluent in Engligs”#see that's because I've been learning English since I was 3 years old#and I still struggled with English for most of my life and it used to be THE hardest class for me#i accepted that i won't ever get good grades when i was in fucking preschool#it changed when i reached a point where i could watch and read stuff in english#and then my English improved really quickly#but you have to learn a lot to reach that point#i mean it took me 12 years for a reason#i feel like such a failure#learning Chiense is like my top priority#everything matters less#during Chrismas I was cutting time with my family to focus in Chinese#AND WHAT? AND NOTHING YOU STUPID BITCH#WHY WOULD ANYTHING CHANGE#god i feel so horrible
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