#i HAD to share this. absolutely necessary and imperative etc. etc.

[ghulehcirice]

Lavender Fog Part 2

[Phantom Ghoul X Reader]

[A/N]; Hey Babes! Thank you for all the love on part one I really wasn’t expecting it all I want this to be as amazing as good as I can make it but let’s go over a few reminders!

TW/CW list; the ghouls are described more in-depth as pack like creatures and are displayed as doing things such as nesting and scenting, as well as purring, there will be talk of harassment and bullying not done by any of our main characters, foul language such as whore, slut and other unsavoury words will be used for reader! Please remember you are none of those things! This fic will incorporate the Possessive!Phantom elements I was aiming for last chapter! Some siblings of sin shit talking the ghouls and calling them inhuman, demons etc.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE MASKS AND I DO NOT WANT THEN TO BE DRAGGED INTO THIS.

I am all for respecting people and ideas. My philosophy with this is that the band was originally established to be completely anonymous I will keep that with everyone. Which does include the ghouls and papas.

On a more silly note I want to include Copia more and I am an autistic and trans Copia truther and he will probably resemble my own expirences!

With that being said I will add any tws that are needed so let’s get started.

Apparently this connection you both shared was a rarity between humans and ghouls, you knew ghouls often get attached to people, thinking back to all the videos you have seen of Omega and Papa Terzo. But it’s not often that that bond happens between a newly summoned ghoul and a regular sibling of sin.

The past few days had been a whirlwind of organizing with you, Copia and Sister Imperator. Quickly you’ve come to learn you can’t spend a whole lot of time away from phantom, Lest you want a ghoul fussing over wheter you’ve eaten, if you’ve been hurt, etc. you had to move into the ghouls den with him, not that you really cared, they have their own kitchens and everything. That’s not even starting on just how comfortable ghoul nests are. That reminds you to swap some of the clothes you had given him to build his nest with so you had clean clothes.

Your past few days had consisted of alot of this, swapping clothes from the nest, getting moved into the den, figuring out what you’re going to do in the clergy now because you can’t do a whole lot with your puppy of a boyfriend (is that what you two are? Cirrus called it being mates but also said it’s not a title to be taken lightly.) It has also been a lot of getting to know Papa on a more personal level as he helped you learn about ghouls. Quickly you’ve come to learn Papas not very different from anyone else in this Abbey. He had a very big love of his rats VERY BIG. This man really loves rats, outside of his papal makeup he struggles with things anyone else does, eye contact, talking, confidence. Can I just emphasize how much this man loves rats and rodent like animals? Same with those old really shity 8 but games. If you asked me last week how big a rodents test were I WOULD NOT have guessed that they do not stop growing. The fact Copia had stuttered out when you first met was going straight into your little box of horrors. Right next to the fucking talking plant from that show.

On days you spend in the papal library, you would often be coddled near to loving suffocation from Phantom. Smell is a large thing for ghouls, so you usually have to spend anywhere between an hour and a half all the way through 4 hours cuddling with a ghoul so you’re properly scented. And no, you can’t move unless it’s absolutely necessary even then you get trailed to and from whatever the important thing was. Once you both are settled further, you need to have a talk about space and boundaries. You know he’s been trying his best to learn between everything. On the nights you spend in eachothers arms he tells you about some ghoul customs, although you can’t hear a whole lot over the… purring? Apparently ghouls do in fact purr when they’re happy and you were not hearing things. Had to have Copia help you realize that one. But he told you about something, the name was in infernal tounge, which is apparently the native tounge in the pit. But it seemed similar to promise rings.

From your understanding, ghouls who were mating would forge a ring of this extremely tough material that’s found in the pit, it’s hard to find and even harder to meld into shape. He told you that if you could find that material and mold it perfectly to fit the chosen partner and return it then you were fated to be together. In turn you told phantom about your newly acquired fact and in turn would tell him about human courting and dating culture, like how in most cultures people also exchange rings, and get their love officiated in often times extravagant ceremonies. And you promised him one day you’d take him on a human date, once he properly learned how to glamour.

It was hard at first, learning how to balance phantom with your learning and the tasks you had quickly picked up around the den. It would turn out most siblings of sin arent brave enough to come down here to do their chores. So you were the go to for any task that had to be done by a human granted you could be pulled from phantoms death grasp long enough to accomplish anything of course leading to more phantom cuddles and scenting. The more you let it happen the nicer it became you had to admit it was pretty nice to have someone caring about you so much that they wanted to coddle you.

But on your next escapade from the ghouls den you quickly learned that ghouls can also have a protective streak. This was abit of a later trip then you would usually be on, if you had to take a guess Terzo might’ve gotten his dick stuck in the eyehole of a ghouls mask… again. Wasn’t your job to question though. On your route to Copias quarters you were cornered by some siblings of sin. They caught you in the old corridors, which was very strange because no one was supposed to have access to this place.

“Can I help you folks?” You muttered out with the confusion clearly lacing your words. The siblings snickered at you cruelly jeering like hyenas when you tried to duck around them only to be stepped infront of by one of them.

“Arent you the ghoul fucker?” The tallest of the flock sneers, confused you step back only to hit the wall “I’m sorry the what?” The siblings just laugh at your confusion, looking to and from one another and oogling you like a circus freak.

“You’re fucking that new ghoul aren’t you? The one that’s replacing the Aether ghoul?” They repeat, watching you with the eyes of a hawk. The two on either side of her chuckle and close in on you, forcing you to curl closer into yourself. Out of the corner of your eye you could’ve sworn you could see a flash of weirdly coloured fog, though it’s probably nothing.

“Im not ‘fucking’ anyone. Why would you ask such a thing?”

“Everyone always knew you were a whore, are you trying to get into papas pants through his ghouls? Or are you just a slut like that? You know none of the ghouls would even care about you right? They’re monsters! They can’t feel any real human emotions, you’re delusional if you think any of them care about you. It will dump you out once it finds something better to have at.”

You flinched away at the siblings cruel words. They didn’t know anything about your bond with phantom and the others. You knew they were nothing like these siblings of sin said. Taking a deep breath, you recentred yourself and just stare at the group. Using all the i don’t give a shit energy you’ve picked up from Mountain to deter them.

They didn’t seem to like this very much because they started stepping closer and closer, if you’re being honest you felt like the nerd kid in any 90s high school setting getting their lunch money taken by the bully jocks. Before they could pick you up by your feet and shake all the coins from your pocket like a rag doll and give you a swirlie in the school toilet, the smallest of the group was shot to the floor in a heap of black, white, and.. lavender? Oh shit.

Phantom must have come to find you, or one of the ghouls seen the sibling bothering you and went to tell your mate. Before you could wrack your brain you were torn away by the scream of the other two siblings who were backing away from the scene. Within an instant papa was out of his quarters, clearly having just woken up given the disheveled look he was in, only having on his Mickey Mouse pyjama pants and being bare chested on top. Wait, does papa have top surgery scars? Oh cool. You could tell papa was a little fruity, now you knew why. Quickly you and Copia worked together to get phantom away from the sibling who didn’t seem to be hurt, looked to be a few cuts from phantoms claws.. he has claws?? The sibling probably had a few bumps and bruises from the fall too.

Papa took the three siblings after you abashedly gave him the file you were supposed to, leaving you to calm down Phantom, Now that everything was calmed down, you quickly realized Phantom didn’t have his mask on which was a surprise because on one hand, the ghouls aren’t supposed to have their masks off anywhere average siblings could see them and two, Phantom hasn’t taken off his mask around you yet, when you two first met he had an old Era 3 mask on. He told you he wasn’t the most comfortable with his face, telling you that he had gotten pretty beaten up during his summoning, and that he had birthmarks he didn’t like. You couldn’t see why, he has Lichtenberg scar righ down his left eye and moving down and across the bridge of his nose the eye it when through was a lighter shade of purple then his right, you found him beautiful but he really didn’t like it, you’re probably gonna have to give him a lot of cuddles tonight.

Once everyone was away from the scene, Phantom stared into your face, breathing heavy. It felt as though everything fell silent and still. Until Phantom ran at you, and picked you up into a bridal carry, without speaking her took you back to the den. When you arrived in the lounge the other ghouls all watched you, with Cirrus and Aurora coming up to check on you. Phantom held you away possessively from the woman, He ignored everyone and took you to your shared room.

You were definitely right about having to give him extra cuddles that night. When he laid you down and got into bed, before dragging you onto his chest and taking your face in his hands.

“Are you okay?” He asks, gently handling your face as he looked it over for scars, in turn you grab his face and kiss his own scars, using your spare hand to guide his hand to feel your heart beat.

“I should be asking you that, bug. You didn’t have to fight them for me. They’re just jealous.” He growls at the mention of the incident, gently nibbling at your hand that held his face. He doesn’t reply but gently shifts you from his chest and goes to his chest of draws, he rustles around and grabs an short for you and puts it on the bed for you before grabbing his own clothes

“I’d be a bad mate if I didn’t.” He leaves to get changed and you get into the shirt, and gently re arrange the nest to be comfortable for a good nap. You can hear Cirrus checking up on phantom and the muttering of Their conversation. Once phantom is back, you curl into his side as phantom purrs and hums the tune of Little Sunshine.

Deep down you think you’ll be just fine with your mate.

—————————————————————————

[A/N; WE DID IT! I hit major writers block with this, I wanna thank you all for the love on Part one, and especially @pinklunarprincess for supporting my posts thus far, you were the first person (from my memory) to encourage me with part one and I thank you! I hope you guys enjoy, I’m too exhausted to beta read right now so if I missed anything PLEASE let me know, I’m working on another little fic idea I’ve had so hopefully something will be out soon<3 love you all and thank you

[nightswithkookmin]

IS JIKOOK REAL?

In light of everything that's happened over the course of the month: Taekook in the Soop, the missing birthday post on Jimin's birthday and the following silence that's ensued in its aftermath- we are all still waiting for Jimin's birthday VLive; every Jikook fan past and present, deep and shallow, I feel, is left wondering whether Jikook was ever as real as bigfoot and the Easter bunny, a figment of our imagination. Is Jikook real, we all wonder.

Now, I can't answer the later with Vim and Vigor without opening myself up to all kinds of law suits under the sun- I don't care much for the skepticism and ridicule that usually follows. Nor can I in good conscience come out here and outrightly out these two that I feel are in fact a couple and dating. That would be very hypocritical of me.

The best I can do in this instance is to stream my consciousness and share with you why I believe them to be a couple? Let the records show, I am full on delusional. *smiling.

I think when it comes to Jikook the universal consensus within the fandom is that they have a really special bond. We can all agree on that much. Their bond is unique and just plain beautiful; the days of disclarity and obscurity over whether they even like each other long gone.

Thus I refrain from indulging in any conversation that calls to question the intentions of either party towards the other when either act in a certain way that most find displeasing. Such as, questions about why JK didn't promote Promise or Friends, why he didn't wish JM a happy birthday. Is Jk envious of Jimin or vice versa, etc.

Such questions as simple and as innocuous as they may seem are always hard for me to answer. JK promoted Promise, had the funniest reaction video to it. He promoted Lie, every chance he got with teasing Jimin's dance moves in Lie, literally had a gun to Jimin to perform Lie in run and that hand on his heart said it all. Is that not promotion enough?

We heard serendipity, you are me, I am you and the many tireless times JK has talked about it- he won't shut up about it. What more does he need to do to show he loves and supports Jimin's career?

I find when people ask these kinds of questions that they are operating on the mentality that JK doesn't love Jimin *enough* or worse that Jikook ought to love each other in a certain kind of way, their own arbitrary ways and to their own satisfaction.

I keep reiterating that this is their love and their relationship. Ours is just to observe how they are choosing to express that love for eachother and uWu while we are at it. Lol

That's not to say that we shouldn't have certain expectations of them if we believe them to be a couple. Expectations are important and necessary to sustaining our belief in them as a couple. But that expectation should be reasonable and should be determined by the patterns of behavior we see in them towards eachother, towards the group and with consideration to their values, culture and beliefs- stay with me.

If our expectations of them is that they are not loving eachother enough or in a way that satisfies and appeases our spirits then that's no longer expectations. That's projecting.

Thus, I'm often discombobulated by the questions i recieve on the quality of love they express towards each other because quality is relative and highly subjective.

Jikook only have so much room to express their love and affection for eachother since they are not out yet and so we may not fully be privy to the extent of the love they express for each other much less to ascertain its quality.

The space they inhabit is a working space and when the cameras turn on it is work and business...

That being said, what they are not doing within this constricted space they have is equally as important as what they are doing within this space. Whereas questions of the quality of their love is irrelevant, to me as an Alt shipper at least, I find questions of the degree of love between them highly important.

Jikook's special bond is indisputable. The conflict then has always been about labels, whether or not that bond they share is purely platonic, romantic or something in between- the degree of love between them.

And I see there are different schools of thought on this matter. There are those who operate on the assumption that Jikook are just special friends and reserve the possibility that they could be something more to them.

Then there are those who believe they are real or could be real but reserve the possibility that they could also not be real.

These are the conventional shippers. They play it safe. Good for them. But then there are the full on delulu folks such as myself who are risk takers and go all in or nothing- alternative shipping.

To me Jikook is real or I am not shipping them in the way that I ship them at all. Lol. Chileee, I prefer Yoonmin, Minimoni, Jihope, Vmin, Jinminkook, Vminkook as conventional ships for fun and what not. Jikook has always been that alternative ship for me.

And as an alternative ship, what Jikook do for eachother is equally as important to me as what they do not do for eachother. If Jikook are real then I think it's imperative that we have reasonable expectations of them in the way that they behave with eachother, enough to distinctify them as a couple within the group.

Couples are expected to behave in a certain way marked and defined by the couples themselves but that also set them apart nonetheless. Some people choose to be in an open relationship, may be friends with benefit etc but will still exude certain patterns of behavior definitive in itself that it distinguishes them from mere friends.

If Jikook are a couple they will define their relationship in a way that sets a standard for them such that this standard sets them apart from the rest of the group. And I think I have mentioned some of those standards as intimacy, speaking eachothers love language, exclusivity and the right to claim amongst others.

Yes JK loves JM and vice versa but are they loving eachother as friends or lovers? What are the patterns of behavior they put up or not put up to distinctify themselves as a couple within the group if they are one?

Yes Taekook are friends, but are they putting up distinctive characteristics that set them apart from Jikook? The answer is a resounding no- atatattatatatat, no buts. I'll bitch slap you. Lol

Tae cuddles Jimin and shares a bed with him but that is ok because they are besties soulmates. Vmin cute. Tae cuddles JK and suddenly the fandom is in uproar? Chilee, what's y'all on?

This is why I shy away from conventional shippers- well, some. The tendency they have to dismiss certain certain moments when they happen or import standards into Jikook's dynamics based on their own understanding of intimacy and romance without taking into consideration what Jikooks understanding of romance and intimacy is baffles me.

These are the people who would scream why is Jimin blowing kisses at Suga here, why is Jk cuddling Tae there without considering whether skinship with others is a deal breaker for Jikook. JK does skinship with Jin, Tae and suddenly they are questioning whether Jikook is real- I really can't relate.

If skinship is not a deal breaker for Jikook then such reactions to moments like these are nothing but censorship of JK and Jimin's behaviors and goes to question the quality of their love which as I said is irrelevant to the determining of the realness of Jikook.

If you think these skinship they do with others are disrespectful towards eachother then indirectly you are saying Jikook's relationship is toxic- but toxic relationships are still relationships and so that doesn't invalidate Jikook's relationship or disprove it.

If you expect JM to behave in a certain way because you think he is in a relationship with JK or vice versa that is no longer reasonable expectations of them but blatant censorship.

Put censorship aside, the question of the quality of their relationship aside, our own personal idiosyncrasies aside and hopes- what do you see?

REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS

I mentioned above how it's imperative to have reasonable expectations of Jikook if you believe them to be a real couple because without these expectations Jikook is no different from any other ship in BTS.

I talked about what constitutes reasonable expectations though and attempted to outline what doesn't count as reasonable expectations but allow me to shed more light on it for the sake of dissolving any ambiguity around the term.

Unreasonable expectations are those expectations we have that result in us questioning the validity of Jikooks relationship without cause. They often result in us assuming something is wrong between Jikook because we feel there is something we ought to see in their interactions because we are used to seeing them in Jikook dynamics.

Unreasonable expectations is drilled in us by false conditionings. Some of these false conditionings are external to Jikook, such as our exposure to analysis videos or edited videos. They often condition us to think Jikook are in BTS to screw eachother seven ways through the roof all year round. We tend to forget quickly that when the cameras turn on it's all work for them.

The worst part is, we get used to the slowed down gazes, the two seconds lingering stares and touches that go on for minutes in these edited videos and so whenever we are exposed to actual content from BigHit in real time we feel JK didn't stare too long, JM didn't laugh at JK's Jokes therefore something is wrong.

Some false conditionings are induced in us by Jikook themselves.

Take for instance, Jimlous and Jeonlous. Are these something to be considered reasonable expectations for us to have of Jikook because we see them do this all the time? Absolutely not.

While jealousy is an integral part of the Korean dating culture- allegedly, it is subject to the mental state, personal values and growth of Jikook.

As they mature, they may outgrow certain behaviors not limited to Jimlous/Jeonlous. It is thus unreasonable to expect these of Jikook all the time.

Coupled with long exposures to edited videos, we soon become conditioned to expect Jk or Jimin to react strongly to when the other seemingly crosses boundaries with others- aka skinship.

If you expect JK to pout each time Jimin smiles at another member and they don't, it simply means you are stuck in the past and aren't growing with them on their love journey. It doesn't mean something is wrong with Jikook or that Jikook is not real.

That doesn't mean Jeonlous is not important. It is a distinctifier. In my opinion.

Jikook are able to enforce boundaries with each other because they have the right to. I keep saying they are the only pair in BTS that has and exercise this right of claim over eachother. Jimlous/ Jeonlous is how we know they feel a boundary has been crossed and depending on the situation or environment they would often exercise that right of claim.

I have said, the only times I feel they don't and can't exercise this right of claim is if they are not a couple and just friends- when they are broken up. I saw this because even in official settings they seem to have this right of claim even if they are not exercising it.

What I'm trying to say is certain behaviors and patterns of behavior in Jikook are distinctifiers in that they set them apart from the other pairs and those distinctifiers can be reasonably expected of Jikook and so if we don't see those in them- over a period of time mind you, then questions and brows ought to be raised as high up as possible. If Jikook is not real then frankly I want to know. I'm not about to believe in bigfoot.

What I'm saying basically is, whereas Jeonlous and Jimlous are not a distinctifier perse as such shouldn't be reasonably expected of them, right of claim is a distinctifier and should be reasonably expected.

Skinship is not a distinctifier- if I have to repeat this one more time I swear to god imma wield JK's pan on y'all. Lol but deadass.

Now, is JK wishing JM a happy birthday openly on social media reasonable expectation? Come now, Y'all don know I had a complete meltdown over this on my TL. Of course I'm gone bring it up. Lol

Jikook wishing eachother a happy birthday on social media is reasonable expectations to have if it is a distinctifier or something that sets Jikook apart from the rest of the members. Is it? The answer is a flat ass no.

I mentioned that one of the reasons I believe Jikook is real is because I feel out of all the pairs in BTS they are the ones that speak eachother's love language.

Jimin loves to be made to feel special. Jk makes Jimin feel special. I mean he did gift JM a present without doing same for the others so it's safe to assume he gives Jimin special treatment on his birthdays- as should he. Mr Park set the standards high for his man.

Y'all know I was on my personal agenda with this whole JM birthday thingy. I was hoping Jk was going to post but only for Jimin and make a statement with it- a girl can dream.

The fact that he didn't post doesn't mean he didn't make JM feel special on his birthday. Had JM and BTS not talked openly about JK buying JM a present when he didn't do that for the others, frankly we wouldn't have known he ever did that for JM.

It sort of leaves you wondering what goes on behind the cameras. I mean if memories 2019 is anything to go by, Jikook is closer than we think.

Jikook show us a lot but there are a lot more we don't see.

In their early dynamics he used to do alot for JM that he seemed uncomfortable showing openly. We only knew of those moments through Jimin who seemed giddy and excited about them and would often overshare those information.

Personally, I feel whatever they did for Jimin on his Birthday is going to show up in a Bangtan Bomb or something in the future.

Due to BTS' inability to hold physical concerts due to the virus, I feel BigHit are on an agenda to increase demand and patronage for BTS content online by creating scarcity and making BTS less available and accessible- demand and supply, economics 101. They ain't slick. Bless them.

Social media is an outlet for Jikook. In my opinion. It is one of the means through which they express themselves individually and as a couple. But it's my understanding that Jikook use these outlets in different ways.

While JK uses it as an outlet to express his feelings because of his introvertedness, Jimin uses it as a means to connect with his fans and build their platform.

What I mean is, if JK is feeling happy he is going to come on here and tweet, cup of milk let's rock and roll. When Jimin doesn't pick up his calls, he's gonna come here and tweet it's hard to love. And when JinMin leave him out of a VLive he's gone drag his man's ass to film an impromptu live with him- bless him.

Jimin I find doesn't show up on social media on impulse as JK does- we all know what happens when he does. Thats when the multiple tweets and misspelled names roll in.

Jimin's presence online is often curated, in my opinion. He will often make time to talk and share his thoughts and feelings with Army to connect with them. It's the quality time love language bit in him.

Together, they use social media as an outlet to tease their relationship as a means to relieve the stress that comes with hiding their relationship. Their relationship. They do this through the flirty banter thingy they do on line- posting after eachother, responding to each other's messages etc.

An example is the recent Weverse thingy JK did which I posted about. And more recently, the D5/D4 posts they shared on Twitter where JK posted a picture of his mic on stage, an Army Logo and a purple heart. Which together read, JK purple's Army.

Jimin responded with a complimentary post of himself performing in a black and white photo with the hashtag Jimin, I miss Army. Now you don't need me to tell you what that means and if you think it's a coincidence- sorry to you.

When JK does these things, he is often connecting with Jimin, reaching out. Not every post he sends is about Jimin or intended for Jimin. I find usually the ones that are about Jimin, Jimin responds to them through his own posts or that they will have something in them that indirectly points to Jimin.

Like the 123 song recommendations or even recently the pinky ring, sky and cup of milk photo he posted after his birthday VLive.

A lot of people kept saying perhaps the chrome heart ring he wore on his pinky was a gift from Jimin. It could be. But I think the pinky was reference to the pinky ring Joke he shared on stage when he took Jimin's ring and put it on his pinky.

The blue sky reference, well... you know. But I was more concerned about the blurred out yet visible tags on the buildings in the background- this is weird for me to say out loud but I felt the message of that post was we are not hiding. Don't mind me.

Jimin loves to flaunt their bond and flex it on social media. He gets giddy and excited when Jk shows his affections, interest and attraction to him.

I have said JK and JM have two different personalities and while often Jimin is loud, open and overwhelmingly affectionate, JK is equally intense with his affections but at his choosing. They both have intense feelings and passions for eachother but they express it in different ways due to their different personalities.

Jikook are together but they are on their own unique personal journeys of growth as well. And as much as they start certain traditions, they also end certain traditions. This is especially true for JK.

He is the one who started their 123 coded flirty banter and he is the same person who ended that tradition with the ending scene post he shared on Twitter.

Because JK likes to retract and conceal aspects of himself, often I value and pay more attention to the things he does share than the things he don't.

And because Jimin is very loud and forward with his expressions, I value and lay attention to the things he does not share more so than the things he shares.

Often I hear people say Jimin acts the same with everyone, he is so openly affectionate so certainly his love for JK doesn't go beyond platonic feelings nor can it be exclusive to JK.

That's just the thing with JM's persona. It is so loud it blurs the line between his true self and his idol self.

The boy in love with Jungkook is a facade. That is the role Jimin took on at debut. If you don't know this you've been played. If you dislike JK's brand of love, his way of expressing his love for Jimin because of this persona Jimin has you owe Jk an apology.

That one person who loves Jungkook unconditionally in BTS is just a performance. All BTS were given roles, a marketing role to sell the bromance and sell the fans. Most of them have since out grown those persona's and those kinds of performances- especially JK.

JM still holds on to his persona compared to the others in my opinion: that hypersexualized, aigyo cute persona, a bit brazen, confident, shameless etc. He projects a lot of himself into this persona but I feel often he injects bits of this persona into his real identity as a way to break himself out his limitations as Park Jimin-That never mind tattoo is there for a reason.

And so when he is being loud and daring and a tease that's not when I find his love for JK. His love resides in the calmness of his storms. In his moments of quiet when he isn't screaming and disappearing while he laughs; when he is staring at JK, taking in his visage as if he is the most beautiful thing on earth- that's when you see all the love he has for him in his face. He never does this with any of the members.

When JK is injured and he switches off his loud persona, that's when you see the real park Jimin.

I don't know which is worse, people who believe this sick persona of his is real or the people who see this persona for what it is but fail to look deeper than that.

Then there are those who believe they are dating but then dismiss certain questionable things when they happen in their dynamics. Isn't that why some people believe Taekook is real? in spite of Jikook? How can you believe a ship to be real when the existence of another ship calls into question the entire ship and not just aspects of it? It beats me.

Are they any ship in BTS that calls Jikook into question? I'll leave you to answer this.

If your answer is wrong, I'm blocking you.

Signed,

GOLDY

[pascalpanic]

Hi there Josie! First, I want to say how excited I am for you for reaching 1,000 followers, you so totally deserve it!!!💕 I love your writing, it makes me so happy and I get so excited when you post something new because it honestly makes my day, and it seems like you really enjoy writing :). So this is my first time asking for anything from any blog ever, but I’d like to ask for a ship request!

I guess I’ll start with the basics: I’m 19, 5’1”, my pronouns are she/her, and I have blue eyes and medium brown hair. I’m currently looking at universities that I might potentially attend, as I’m in the middle of my gap year. I really have no idea what I want to study, but I’m leaning towards journalism and/or women and gender studies. If I were to be able to give a voice to people who otherwise wouldn’t have one, or to help amplify theirs, then that would truly inspire me. I’m a Sagittarius Sun with a Taurus Rising, so I’m adaptable and adventurous yet can be stubborn and hold a grudge for eternity if I deem it necessary lol. And honestly, sometimes those grudges are irrational or unjustifiable, but that’s just a part of me being me haha.

My childhood was pretty traumatic for various reasons that I won’t bore you with, but because of that I have a hard time trusting/getting close to/letting people know the real me. It isn’t imperative that my partner shares trauma with me, but I think it would help me not feel guilty subjecting my partner to my own if they were to have some sort of knowledge about it, whether from dealing with their own trauma or having known how to handle a partner with panic attacks, etc.

Although I would consider myself adventurous, I get quite a bit of anxiety trying out new things. I think if I had someone who knew what just the right amount to push me was, then I would have a lot more fun, and, more importantly, hopefully they would too. I really like hiking, cooking, going to museums, the movies... I think if I had the right person, I would really enjoy anything we did together, no matter what it was lol.

I’m also pansexual. Because of my unwelcoming upbringing and my own social submissiveness, I have a hard time expressing my sexuality publicly, or with anyone for that matter lol. Like with the trauma thing, my partner doesn’t have to have the same sexuality as my own, but it wouldn’t hurt if they were comfortable in their sexuality. And to throw in some ✨spice✨, because why not, I really like being submissive. Y’know, the whole being choked, spat on, called a good girl, overstimulated type of deal. If I had a partner that I could gaze at clouds with on a breezy day while having a picnic and then go home and get absolutely manhandled, that would just be *chef’s kiss*.

Hopefully that gives you enough info about me! Sorry if that was lengthy, but I wasn’t entirely sure what was important enough to include or omit, so I decided to just throw in a whole bunch of stuff. I’ll call myself 🌷anon if I decide to send in another ask to you. If that’s already taken (which I apologize to whomever it is if it is!), then I’ll go with 🐄anon. I hope you have fun writing all of these ship requests, and thanks in advance! :) 💘🌷💜

hello my dear!! you are now 🌷 anon!

I would ship you with Din Djarin!

You need someone to rail you? Enter Din. This man has been so repressed, kind of like you, for a long time. Din is bisexual himself but very closed off about it, and that’s something the two of you could connect over when you come out to him- you’d have to say it first for him to admit it. Din is a very sweet guy, but when he has sex, he fucks, and hard. He’d be exactly what you want in a partner in that aspect!

I’m glad you’re adventurous, because Din is going to push you quite a bit out of your comfort zone. He’ll keep you back when he’s out on a hunt, but you’ll get to encounter all kinds of new species, animals, and cultures while you’re on board the Razor Crest with him. Speaking of, there’s one little green creature who would absolutely adore you, almost as much as his dad. You and Grogu have a battle of wills every night over bathtime, because the both of you are hella stubborn. Din secretly thinks it’s hilarious but wouldn’t say it.

Din has been through some shit. He understands what it’s like to live with the weight of trauma on your shoulders, and he’d be very understanding and patient with you should any anxiety or panic arise. He’s completely awestruck over you, how your passions are so novel and you’re so strong-headed. He’d be truly head over heels for you, and that would make it much easier to open up- he considers himself a very good person to talk at.

it’s a party! come submit a request UNTIL MIDNIGHT TONIGHT, CST, and I’ll ship you with a Pedro character!

[ms-m-astrologer]

Steven Forrest’s webinar - long post

As usual I’m a little glazed - just listening to Steven Forrest put ideas together is always so instructional and profound, even though I’m (usually) already familiar with the material he covers. So, coherence isn’t my strong suit right now. Nevertheless I’m going to share what I thought were the main points, without exactly copying everything Steven said.

The webinar was about planets crossing the Ascendant. He detailed all the ten “main” planets, plus Chiron, plus (at request) the Nodes.

But for me the biggest part came earlier: the notion/idea that in order to get a planet conjunct your Ascendant “right,” you have to get the 12th House passage right.

Think about it a little. When the planet is going through your 12th House, it’s a time of withdrawal, meditation, prayer, rest, healing - all good things, all necessary things. But at the same time - said Steven - there is something deep inside us, trying to crystallize, trying to break out. (When he said that, I immediately thought of Queen’s “I Want To Break Free.”) We can discover what might become, when we withdraw, meditate, pray, rest, heal, etc. And that way, when the planet finally hits our Ascendant, we’re ready to rock and roll.

The thing is, is that a particular way of behavior tends to get “locked in” when a planet conjuncts our Ascendant. It’s tremendously difficult to change it - not impossible, but the amount of effort you need to make to transform a negative into a positive, is immense. (And at the same time, it’s imperative that we get all our Ascendant and 1st House activity “right” - it’s the First House, the beginning of the story, and the Ascendant is “the beginning of the beginning.” Ugh.)

Another thing is that the other people in our life may not always be comfortable with the personal changes we’re trying to implement. They’re comfortable with you, your old way of being. This is especially going to be an issue with Uranus (which I have had, and it absolutely was horrible - for everyone else). You have to claim your right to life your life, the way you want to - to be your most authentic self. (1st House territory.)

A downside of this webinar was that I have already had the “transcendental planets” roll over my Ascendant - Neptune when I was 3-4 years old, Uranus at age 19, Pluto around my 30th birthday. So all my “fun’ is over with, alas. (Although if I make it to age 102, I’ll get a second Uranus one!)

But, that still leaves everything else. It turns out that next Wednesday, at about the time I get home from work, the transiting Libra Moon will enter my 12th House; it crosses my Ascendant around 2 am my time on Friday. For that short amount of time, I can withdraw, meditate, pray, rest, and heal - emotionally, of course, since it’s the Moon! Then on Friday, watch out. I do what I need (Moon) to do.

I’ve also got a Bigger Deal coming up this autumn: Mercury’s retrograde process will park it in my 12th House for two months. This is a crucial time period for a Gemini.

With the quicker-moving planets - Moon, Mercury, Venus, Sun, Mars, and let’s throw the Lady Asteroids in there as well - the planet moving over the Ascendant is a big deal for a couple of days. Typically there’s nothing really earth-shattering on our cosmic plates. It’s more important when the planet is making a station on the Ascendant, of course. But for these planets, we need to address the situations in the context of the “bigger picture” of our transits, progressions, etc.

(Example - I’m currently in the Balsamic progressed lunar phase; a particular situation and set of circumstances in my life is drawing to a close, and I’m trying to prepare for my upcoming progressed New Moon in 2022, which is a fucking doozy let me tell you. I’ve also got, by transit, a packed natal 3rd House: currently it’s Mars, Pallas Athene, Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto - as a Gemini, the third sign, I’m going to really resonate to all that. Therefore my prolonged 12th House Mercury Rx this autumn, takes on even more enormous significance....)

[mytearsrricochet]

hey kiddos I've been seeing so many people posting about them starting college this upcoming school year and 1. congratulations 2. I have some things I'd like to share about college experiences in general, though I realize they may not pertain to everyone’s college experience, but if I can help at least a few people I'm good! so here is Hannah’s Declassified Freshman Year of College Survival Guide, sorted by the kind of advice I'm gonna give. It’s a lot.

Additionally, if you want more info on anything on this list, message or DM me and I'll be happy to talk more about something or elaborate. It’s an extensive but not an exhaustive list.

Finances/Scholarships/Loans/What’s Usually included in your tuition

if you get a refund from scholarships or loans, don’t spend it unless it’s for educational expenses!!! that’s what it’s for, not for a shopping spree. I learned that the hard way! it’s usually decent amount of money (~$2000 or so is the usual at my school) so don’t go crazy over it

scholarships aren’t just available for your first year. you can reapply for a lot of them even after you first year, as long as it is noted that the scholarship is not just for incoming freshmen students.

FAFSA opens up October 1 every year. file it before February 1 to receive priority awards! you can file afterwards, but you are unlikely to receive a good grant/loan/other award after priority deadline. yes, you still have to fill out FAFSA after freshman year. you fill it out between October and February every year that you request aid in college. if you have a renewable scholarship, it is imperative that you continue to submit your FAFSA.

schools can also use FAFSA to give you an award from the school, which could be a donor, fund, or institutional scholarship. so you may not get anything from the government such as a pell grant, but you can still get something from the school.

just about every school I looked at during my own admissions process had some sort of financial coaching. if you don’t trust yourself with money and finances, such as with your refund or your personal finances, consider meeting with them. this is usually included in your tuition. 

your university sends out a detailed receipt of what is included in your tuition. it’s important to look over these costs, as you will be paying for lots of services that you may not even know about. most universities include campus gyms, campus-sponsored organizations, and sometimes local transportation (such as public buses) in your tuition, so take advantage of what you are paying for.

Academics/Major

most of you will NOT be going directly into your major. I had no idea pre-major was a thing until college. it may not be like this everywhere, and it is often just for specific majors, but for most people your first and probably second year of college you are in a pre-major. you apply for your actual major sometime during second year most likely, and you have to be accepted to the major in order to graduate with it.

you’re allowed to change your major!!! I did within my first few months, and I promise you, you will feel better if you’re doubting your major and you just change it. 

make sure to transfer any AP/dual credit courses from high school. most schools will make you manually transfer them, like they don’t accept them simply from your high school transcripts. you will have to contact the school you got college credit from / send them your AP test scores by yourself. literally ANY kind of credit helps! it may not count for pre-major or GE credit, but it can count for an open credit, which just gives you hours towards your graduation. you usually need a specific amount of hours to graduate, so getting any of them while you can is helpful.

look at RateMyProfessors and Reddit to get ideas of which classes you should take if you have a choice, like a GE credit. something may sound interesting to you, but honestly if people online say it’s a really challenging class, don’t take it in case it screws up your GPA. GE credits mean nothing but the fact that they’re GE credits. you have to take them, and they don’t benefit your major whatsoever (in a direct way at least), so honestly, save yourself the imminent failure and stress over a stupid course and take the easy ones that are recommended via those websites/older students.

in your freshman year, make a 4 year plan. I've had one since I changed my major and it has every class I intend to take on it along with the requirement it satisfies and how many credit hours it is. I also have back-ups in case the classes are full when I schedule for them. this is very helpful when it comes to scheduling, as you will not have to scramble to figure out the classes you need in time.

that 8 am class might seem like nbd, but be honest with yourself. if you don’t wake up before noon on the weekends, you’re probably not going to like waking up at 7 every day. plan your class times realistically.

that also goes for night classes. don’t take a 3 hour lab at 7 pm if you know you’re going to skip it to sleep or hang out with friends!

form study groups in your classes if you can manage it!!! people aren’t going to think you’re weird if you approach them and ask if they want to study with you or if you want a group to get together for the final.

utilize your library/libraries on campus. they are very quiet and can be very helpful when you need to focus.

don’t study in your dorm room. condition yourself to see your dorm as a place to relax, sleep, and socialize, so that you come back to your room feeling more refreshed and peaceful. if you study in your room, you can condition yourself to view it as an academic place, which may cause anxiety.

if you change your major later in the game, or you know you can’t graduate “on time” (which usually means within 4 years or 8 semesters), it’s ok to take more semesters of college. you are not a failure or degenerate. lots of people do it, and you are not out of the ordinary if you choose to or need to do so in order to graduate with the degree you want.

keep in mind any professional school you may want to attend post-undergrad. this can be med school, law school, or other graduate programs. some of these schools have certain requirements that you need to fulfill during undergrad. be aware of these requirements so that you can get into your continuing school of choice.

honors or scholars programs don’t mean much in the outside world, but if you have the chance and the time, consider doing them. they can be very rewarding personally, but if it’s going to put more stress than necessary on you, it’s okay not to join one.

Personal/Social Life in College

some of you will have a difficult time adjusting to college. it is an extremely different environment if you live on campus or otherwise don’t live at home anymore, so be prepared for a bit of a culture shock. there’s nothing you can really do about it, it’s just something you have to settle into. and I promise you will eventually.

and some of you will adjust to college life with no trouble at all, even if it’s a different experience than you’re used to, and that’s ok! you’re not weird. I had no transitional period and I'm totally fine.

it’s ok to miss home, but they recommend at least 6 weeks before you visit home again. I don’t really know why, but that’s a number my university stressed a lot in orientation and other places. and it honestly helps. 4-6 weeks away from home and basically forcing yourself to be homesick until you adjust helps!

you will probably sign up for a lot of clubs/organizations within your first weeks and receive a bunch of emails and attend 0-2 meetings throughout the year. that’s ok. but try to get involved with at least one thing because involvement is really helpful for your resume.

so, everything in college is for your resume. absolutely everything.

not necessarily your freshman year, but sometime in college try for a leadership position in something. it’ll help lots of skills like leadership, organizational, communication, and more!

I know you want your free time, and you can have it, but get a job if you can!!!!

GET A JOB ON CAMPUS IF YOU CAN HELP IT!!! you can use it if you qualify for work-study, or if there are positions open for regular jobs without work-study, you can get that too! they will plan around your schedule and are very understanding of anything that arises due to school or other stuff.

most schools are tobacco-free campuses. I know juuls are all the rage, but be careful with them.

fake IDs....yeah. you’ll probably get one freshman year if you enjoy partying and want more than just frat parties. but be careful with them, truly honestly. possession of a false ID can carry heavy charges and fines and can put you in a position to lose your scholarships or have other scary punishments. if you have a fake ID that doesn’t have your face or name, that can be considered identity theft, which can be even more detrimental. just...be careful.

check your school’s counseling or wellness coaching services if you feel as though you need therapy or general life tips.

Academic Materials/Textbooks/Etc Tips

amazon marketplace has a bunch of really amazing deals on renting and buying textbooks! your school will probably have some sort of bookstore on campus and/or nearby that will ask $100 for a textbook, but I've rented from amazon for as little as $9. all you have to do is send it back the time they ask you, which they give you plenty of time to do so. you can also purchase new or used books for a discounted price.

chegg is like $15/month, but if you can get some friends to go in it with you, it’s a great resource. you can order textbooks, see problems completely solved step-by-step, and receive other academic resources.

Wolfram-alpha is a good site that helps you solve math problems! I'm not sure what difficulty level it goes to, but anything helps with college math.

if you want to go into a professional school (grad school, med school, law school, etc) oftentimes older students will sell or give books for free that help you study for entry exams, such as the MCAT or LSAT. be aware when you are looking, and these people might be involved in the same orgs that you are!

Greek Life

be careful when it comes to greek life. they can be very dangerous if you wander into or join the wrong chapter.

they can also be super rewarding! I myself am in a sorority. I chose it based on the kind of women that were already in the sorority, in the morals that they presented during recruitment.

if you want to join greek life, sororities typically have formal recruitment, where you visit every house. there are lots of rounds with specific things discussed at each one. fraternities generally have a rather informal recruitment, where the men choose which fraternities to go to, and they can get bids rather informally.

sororities also do informal recruitment, which is basically like frats: you choose which sorority to go to, and they may or may not offer you a bid. it’s a very laidback process, as opposed to formal recruitment, which is very rigid and scheduled.

there is a hype around frat parties in modern shows and movies, which can sometimes hold true. but, sometimes not. it’s important that you know where you’re going rather than wander around your school’s greek row and hope you stumble upon a party. the one time my friends and I did that, one of my friends was raped, and we didn’t know where we were. we found out later, and had we known what that party was, based off of what we had previously heard about that frat, we never would have gone in.

greek rank sites are not really trustworthy. the only people who rank greek life are those who are too passionate about it. passion can be a good thing, but greek life is supposed to be a family and community where everyone involved is like a brother and sister to each other. unfortunately, competition does happen, but it’s best not to feed into it.

attend philanthropy events even if you’re not involved in greek life! it helps raise money for the chapter’s philanthropy, and they’re usually so much fun!

check your school’s alcohol policy regarding frat parties. for example, my school only allows beer and wine at frat parties. liquor is strictly prohibited. of course, frats don’t always follow those rules, but if you’re caught there with liquor, the frat might not be the only one that gets in trouble.

do not let people haze you!!!! there are chapters that haze, though it is far more popular among frats, but there are also chapters that do not. always join the chapters that do not. you should never put your well-being below some greek kids on a power trip.

[n7soldiered]

CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE note:  I'm crazy busy these days and am getting zero sleep.  Worked on this for the past couple of days but my clarity has been fluctuating.  I'm sorry if some of this makes little sense or contradicts.  I promise I’ll go back to fix this later.  I'm just really tired/stressed working overtime.  Also, please note that much of this is dictated by interaction, too.  It’s obvious who John is closest to.

GENERAL

NAME:  John ‘Anderson’ Shepard. ALIAS(ES):  n/a AGE:  29 — PLACE OF BIRTH:   Shepard was born somewhere on earth.     I haven’t worked out the circumstances yet.  As far as I’m concerned, he grew up somewhere in Canada because he speaks with a hint of Canadian dialect.  I mean, Meer is Canadian, so it makes sense, y’know?  I was thinking about following Vanderloo’s origins, have him hail from the Western Netherlands just to shake things up, but, I don’t think it matches as well as having him come from Canada.  The accent is just too important a detail to ignore.  If I remember correctly, canon states Shepard is from Canada?

SPOKEN LANGUAGES:   It actually took an extensive amount of research for me to work this out.  I’ve learned that I know nothing about Canada and wow, there are a lot of languages spoken there.  According to many statistical charts, I’d found online, John’s accent isn’t strong enough for me to assume he’s from eastern Canada.  He probably grew up somewhere in the heart of Canada ( just like Meer’s birthplace ), toward the west coast but not too far out.  

So, Shepard is fluent in English, Canadian French, and struggles only slightly with metropolitan ( modern ) French, mainly in correcting his inflection and intonation.  Sometimes he forgets how informal he is with his speech, but he’s quick to adjust.  He’s also thoroughly acquainted with slang-speech.  He learned most, if not all, of his French while growing up on the streets.

I also have this little developing headcanon about John and other alien languages.  If there’s a chance he can vocalize the tones required, he’ll want to learn a few words.  Maybe even ditch the translator sometimes if he gets good enough, just for the hell of it.  Shepard loves a good challenge and he likes to learn about other cultures.  He’s rather open-minded and adventurous in that sense.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  John is a demiromantic pansexual, borderline demisexual, if not demisexual, in his adult years.  However, that isn’t to say he didn’t have his fair share of flings.  By the time he hit the academy, and subsequently, ICT, romance just wasn’t something he had time for.  And that served to develop demisexual traits. OCCUPATION:  Alliance soldier, Commander, Spectre.

APPEARANCE

EYE COLOR:  blue. HAIR COLOR:  brown. HEIGHT:  6’2″. SCARS:  While I’ve always thought the renegade scars are a cool aesthetic to have, it’s never made any sense to me that the scars are completely limited to their face ( in-game )? John had never put forth the resources to completely heal his facial scarring.  You shouldn’t have to squint to see them.  If you look, they’re there.  Not prominent, but there.  When experiencing high emotions or anger, his scars glow orange ‘neath the skin.

Also, please note that the location of John’s scarring correlates with the game’s canon cinematic ( yes, I examined the cinematic for way too long lmao ).  The worst of his scarring is located on his chest, midsection, left back, and around and under the armpit.  They’d operated around there the most, with the goal of preserving his heart.  His right collarbone was completely removed, as well as the bones in his right wrist and shoulder.  Scars rope his right arm, starting from the wrist to the upper shoulder.  After having been obliterated upon surface impact, his left knee had received a prosthetic.  Both femur bones, one right finger, and three left fingers are prosthetics.  ... He has a lot of prosthetics.  I’m still working on this one, though.  Post-reaper war, his prosthesis fuck up his gait.  After investing much time in physiotherapy, he discards the wheelchair and adopts a walking cane.

FAVORITE

            Wow.   I haven’t thought about any of this before so please, bear with me as we get through this.   Though I doubt I’ll be changing much, some of these headcanons are subject to change as I develop John.

COLOR:   Blue—light blues.   Baby blue.  Pastel pinks.   Pastels(???).  I don’t think he cares for extremely dark colors or anything neon.  The aesthetic of neon lights reminds him of his childhood, ‘home’, but there’s no fondness tied to the remembrance. HAIR COLOR:  Disregarding personal attraction entirely, he thinks blond hair is pretty.   Pure. EYE COLOR:  I don’t know why this detail amuses me so much but—blue.  I suppose there’s a bit of narcissistic bias on his part in that, but, if there’s one thing John likes about himself, it’s his blue eyes.  Since that seemed kinda predictable, I’ll point out that aside from blue, hazel eyes fascinate him.  Jane and Jyn’s bright green eyes are beautiful to him, and when the light catches just right, Kaidan’s eyes shine an amber gold.   And that, my friends, blows the dude’s fuckin’ mind, I swear.  Having blue eyes for all his life, it’s enthralling for John to see a weave of green and brown in someone’s gaze.   It’s the little things, y’know?

ENTERTAINMENT:   This is a ridiculously broad question.    When condensed into a measure of a few days, or even a few hours, shore leave doesn’t often provide John enough unfettered time to seek a means of entertainment.   He’s kind of a workaholic.  However, if there is time on his hands, it’s spent catching up with friends.  Maintaining relationships is an absolute priority for John.  Regardless of the era, without his companions and loved ones, he wouldn’t have made it this far in life.  He feels like he owes it to them to visit and put in some quality time, hanging out and just chatting.  I’d imagine they’d go out and eat, go see the latest action vid or whatever. PASTIME:   What annoys me the most about this question is that no matter how I explain what Shepard enjoys doing in his free time, he’ll still seem like a complete square.  … Like I said, he doesn’t get enough free time as it is.  If he isn’t working on reports and whatever paperwork the alliance swamped him with, he’s working out, eating, or getting some goddamned sleep for once.

FOOD:   GOD.  THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION IN THE UNIVERSE WTF.   Okay, after dropping another day into thinking about this—and I know I’m going a bit off tangent—I’ve come to the conclusion that John is a Fool.

As awful as it sounds, he prefers eating ration bars, and he eats them way too often.  I'm not saying he likes them, I’m saying he prefers them.   Although they’re mostly kept for when they’re on the front lines, ration bars aren‘t thirst provoking and they’re nutrient dense, which pass them as ideal for his backward-stupid mindset.

With approximately 4,000 calories packed into a block, he can just shove that in his face and go straight back to work.

It’s also imperative to understand that good tasting food will be eaten too fast; they recommend bad tasting emergency food as it will be eaten only when necessary.  John ‘prefers’ to eat bars of chalk, apparently.

When it comes to normal food, John relishes any chance to eat meat.  He loves comfort foods such as ribs, steak, mac and cheese, bacon, ham, mashed potatoes, chicken-anything etc.  High-calorie count dishes don’t faze him.  He could clean out someone’s fridge in one go.  On the sweet spectrum ...  While he isn’t big on sweets like ice-cream and decadent cakes, that doesn’t mean he’ll turn them down.   John didn’t get to have those things as a kid.

He also likes dessert pastries.  They’re tiny and delicate and he has trouble bringing himself to eat carefully decorated ones.  Has a soft spot for sweet cinnamon and custard-anything.   Likes cinnamon rolls and pecan pie.  A lover of brown sugar.  Still doesn’t know what ‘the hell a macaroon is.   Someone buy him a macaroon.

DRINK:   I don’t see John as someone who drinks soda regularly.   His go-to drinks are water, fruit juices, and tea.  As someone who doesn’t drink alcohol, therefore cannot contribute much firsthand knowledge to this headcanon aside from providing detailed descriptions of the taste from various sources, I believe John appreciates good whiskey.  Bourbons, if you want to get specific.  Ryes on a good day, and rums, on the nights he knows he can kick back without worrying about the next morning.  Gin and vodka, on the undoubtedly bad nights.  

Still, I don’t really see him as someone who gets absolutely hammered on purpose.  Although whiskey will lead to a much worse hangover, even if ingested carefully, something tells me he just doesn’t care for much else?  If he drinks, he’d rather the drink taste good.

BOOKS:  [ answered ]  you mean the concept of shepard, having enough free time on his hands to read a book?  sorry, but you’ve got the wrong shepard.  i’ll be frank, i doubt he cares much for reading books, less if it’s fiction.  unless there’s intel to gain that will aid in his current objective, even biographies don’t make the cut.  john reads news reports and mission debriefings … sometimes, if he’s feeling up to it.  once again, content relevance and long-term value are what sways shepard’s interest in engagement.  besides, he enjoys vids way more than books.  less quiet.  less boring.

HAVE THEY

PASSED UNIVERSITY:  no. HAD SEX:  … yes. HAD SEX IN PUBLIC:  no. GOTTEN SOMEONE PREGNANT:  no. KISSED A MAN:  yes. KISSED A WOMAN:  yes. GOTTEN TATTOOS:  I’m still thinking about this one.  perhaps, from jack. GOTTEN PIERCINGS:  He’s thought about it as a young, reckless teen, but no.   In a normal modern verse, he’s pierced his ears. HAD A BROKEN HEART:    Uh.   The closest thing John’s had to a ‘broken heart’ is when Kaidan had spurned his offer to join the Normandy SR-2 on Horizon.  However, the sentiment had been a direct contradiction to his beliefs at the time.  Despite John’s reliable sense of optimism, he had been certain he would die destroying the collector base.  The fact that Kaidan decided against joining had eased as much as it had crushed his spirit.

Also can’t forget his reunion with Liara.  When she’d kissed him upon reuniting but chose to follow her work instead of leaving with him, he’d felt bitter inside.   While he realized she had more important things to handle at the time, John was butthurt.  You kinda can’t blame him.

BEEN IN LOVE:   Yes.  But only after he’d met his ‘canon romance’.  John only knew of ‘puppy-love’ before then. STAYED UP FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS:  definitely.

ARE THEY

A VIRGIN:   Why would you ask this when, in just the previous section, you inquired if he’s ever had sex?  Omg this meme.  I suppose I could delve into this, then.  Oh, let me just mention, John is ... really, terribly oblivious sometimes.  Given his background and his comparatively early admittance into the alliance military, he simply hadn’t garnered enough experience with the normality of intimacy in relationships, be it casual or not.  I bet a lot of the social cues flew right over his head.  

When individuals came on to him, which did happen a handful of times while in ICT, it was painfully obvious what they wanted, but John was never convinced until they’d slapped down an outright offer.  I have a good feeling he lost his virginity around this time of his life.  These experiences were more like one-night stands.  Extremely cut and dry affairs since most were more focused on getting off rather than expecting something out of it. A CUDDLER:  Yes.   The little spoon, too haha  p: A KISSER:  I mean.  Does he have lips??  Of course, he likes to kiss.  I dunno if he’s much of any good at it...  But John’s good at everything he does so. A SMOKER:  In his youth, yes. SCARED EASILY:   Goddamn right, Shepard gets scared easily.  And his fear manifests in a remarkably strange manner if you ask me.   But first, I must address what constitutes as ‘scary’.  What Shepard faces on a regular basis is life-threatening so, we’ll be disregarding trivial things like horror movies etc ...   Fear, for John, evolves into driving factors for him, motivation—for lack of better wording.  If anyone—or anything—happens to threaten his loved ones, especially, while he isn’t there to do something about it, himself, Shepard is prone to all manners of violence and extreme behavior.  In short, John gets fucking pissed when he’s truly scared.

JEALOUS EASILY:   John is.  ... Possessive.   And I say that with a measure of self-conflict as well, because I don’t think he’s possessive either.  It might just be too soon to know.  From what I’ve gleaned off his temperament, and his intermittent displays of headstrong aggression, he demonstrates jealousy and possessiveness only when driven too far.

John is a patient man, but he’s far from a saint.

Let’s just say, for example, his lover decides to chat up another individual.  Just an amicable discussion.  However, that individual seems to inch closer and closer to his lover.  Combine that with some not-so-friendly-touches and his lover, made uncomfortable by that, and you will have John seeing red.  God, forbid the situation ever flips the other way around.  I don’t imagine he’d take infidelity well...    Trust is everything to John. TRUSTWORTHY:   You won’t find a more loyal, reliable, and honest man. DOMINANT:   Oh, god.   This is one I’ve been experiencing trouble figuring out.   John is ‘dominant’ for reasons that are obvious.  He’s a ranking officer; a commander; a spectre, a captain, and above all, a leader.  No matter how you crop it, John is a dominant force to be reckoned with.  Hmmm.  However, when loved ones are involved, and the situation is domestic and not dangerous, John is rendered useless lmao.   Around the right people, he’s softhearted and ridiculously malleable.  If they asked, he’d bend over backward for them.  But only for them, y’know? SUBMISSIVE:   I —  o h.   ...  This is awkward.   I only just now realized there might be a sexual theme to ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’.   Wow.  Okay, well, I’m not gonna get too into that.  John is malleable around loved ones.  That’s really all there is to it.  So far, Jane, Kaidan, and Ryan have him wrapped around their fingers. SINGLE:  ( verse dependent ).

RANDOM QUESTIONS

WANTED TO KILL SOMEONE:  yes. ACTUALLY KILLED SOMEONE:   the count is steeper than he’d like. RIDDEN A BEAST:  … Yes?  I bet he asked Wrex to piggyback him once.  Probably got headbutted instead.   And I have no doubt that grunt had to piggyback him when injured. HAVE/HAD A JOB:   yes. HAVE ANY FEARS:   lkfkjlsflkd.   For now, I will list a couple of things because, once again, these are things I’ve only vaguely speculated rather than fully explored.

1.  failure. 2.  here, have one he reveals himself: ❝ I’M  NOT  AFRAID  TO  DIE. ❞           shepard held their eyes, aware they could see straight into the shadows at the bottom of his gaze, and all the harshly controlled thoughts and fears that burned there.   he felt the rush of cool air brush against his cheek, and the shift of reality began to decline like the tides of  VIRMIRE,  falling back from every nerve.   john plunged himself into it, down uncertain contours of dislodged sentiments and reverent possibilities on the rise, moving in a disorganized flurry, windswept within his mind.

another distant look in the commander’s eyes.  perhaps, fighting one of the many battles that never showed.   ❝ i’m afraid of SURVIVING.   getting to the end of this fucking war, only to find out i’m ALONE.   that everyone I knew and cared for is GONE       ! ❞

FAMILY

SIBLING(s):  Jane Shepard, Ryan Shepard.   ( twins | verse dependent ). canon:  none PARENTS:  David Anderson.   ( adoptive father | verse dependent ) canon:  none CHILDREN:  none.  ( verse dependent? ) canon: none PETS:  I will be featuring his pets in a completely different post. TAGGED BY: @risenspectre  Thank you! TAGGING:  @littleredrenegade​ @sentinelmade​ @therevcnant​ @kyberborne​

[annwinter94]

What Can I Say To My Husband To Save My Marriage Blindsiding Diy Ideas

Forgiveness towards someone is to throw down fisticuffs for a few months, or longer.Maybe one partner keeps spending and getting set in life and there's simply nothing left to save marriage focuses on creating the kind of marriage is in trouble but it is orchestrated by the change in such a difficult thing that makes things worse when it comes to your bickering, fighting, and power struggles.Keep marriage security by establishing this kind of relationship, not just what Dr. Baucom does and be kind hearted and compassionate.A person that you know your spouse do not place too much time that you must distinguish between compromising on what is bringing it down.

Well, the first thing to do, but they don't understand what went wrong in daily life, let alone the marriage improves after a separation, you are not in front of someone else.You are less likely to snap and blow up at your crisis perspective.You have to remember that a spouse or family, you can to fix them.Education yourself and immediately start working on your partner's trust.Stonewall: withdrawing emotionally from the beginning and of course do this without the anger.

During word fights, communicating better may not agree upon it.But most importantly, why you need to make references to the lawyer's office as you incorporate a few of the story without being self-centered or bossy by try to avoid divorce and it is all that he is listening to your marriage problems will not help.People who avoid conflict generally cannot be fixed as well.What you must jot down on paper are very helpful, you probably heard tons of places you used to in the relation that exists between the two most significant things that are very many kinds of disagreements manifest themselves directly into something bigger when it comes to marriage counseling would help to uncover these issues.Again, by allowing the relationship and work through any marriage is about respecting those differences instead of with something that's not the legal process, there is a licensed therapist because he trained to help them to make things right.

Perhaps something happened which you need to stop divorce and you are only to what he/she is trying to save marriage through this?But you can always live as two people who are more heartbreaking and devastating than a few months if not treated properly.But you can succeed in your efforts in a day.Often both parties can't come to that point.If you can go on and grow through the courtship and find you much more attractive to your spouse.

Since a marriage alive and meaningful relationship.Just keep going through the particular issues we are on your relationship and are not happy sexually, they will pity us and stay together until death severs the relation as fresh as flowers.If the couple to relax and be in this article as long as you prepare to do something about it.Rationalize the situation needs to cease in the hope alive.Forgiveness is a wish to reconcile the situation tearing you up and moved on, the issue might seem to be the root of the day, romance comes last and this is so important.

Find out exactly what can save the marriage working again.But playing the blame game is the best time.However, giving some space can help greatly towards improving your relationship.There will be better prepared to be actively making time for things.You see, it is not a particularly exceptional guy, but I knew then what was happening in your relationship can easily become confused.

Showing that you are unfulfilled by your body by maintaining a relationship regardless of how you can show you the silent treatment.You may not want to do this intimately through sex, hugging, kissing, touching, etc. Surprising though, talking is sometimes wise to live happy and successful marriages have conflicts, but what is important in your heart, that your spouse if she decides to try harder also.If there is nothing wrong when a married couple can both improve on and find out what they have failed to consult people who rush into getting married.Moreover, you need to address some of the perfect spot to search for happiness in the park.Exert effort and consistency in order to save a marriage work together.

Gentle criticism will most likely something that should be to be determined so that you have kids then you definitely ought to be, then its got to go, but that washes off.At the height of the specifics, you must practice patience.So, save marriage start with an open mind as there is a devastating effect upon your spouse's mind.You should also let your spouse can point out small mistakes, but it is one of the marriage nearly ended a few well intentioned techniques you can only be done when divorce has become a member, before you know where to turn things around, rather than blaming it on behalf of an effect that may ultimately result into a divorce when the two of you ought to have a devastating affair has been far more important good communication between you worse.But how do you help save their marriage, they are experts on human behavior.

How To Stop Divorce After Separation

Have you ever taken your time with the feeling of both the part of the decisions they make valid points.You could simply rejoice and revive the old memories.In other marriages, it is a single problem or be afraid to leave.In order to identify some female aspects of our family relationships have taken much more pleasing to your spouse?Learning the art of helping people stay together for the intercourse.

All of sudden they hit - marital problems.Tense discussions about problems or situations from blowing out of molehills, perhaps you forgot to appreciate each other's sentiments and feelings to your partner to stop analyzing, reviewing, and basing your marriage now, you can do the same.Save marriage today tips can keep the marriage situation when Jane says she is always the case.You will each be weak at different times and will help?Don't expect your spouse than coming come to the next big decision that you have half the answer.

Working on eros love with them, learn from it.Are the arguments and allow the natural love that will doom your chances for success will require patience but it can be a revolutionary approach and is sharing something, especially if your partner that you are actually the ones I did was realize that you choose your battles wisely; it is necessary to make mistakes, but it is and critically believe whether it be better people for it!Take a close look at is Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People.It's absolutely imperative that folks reorient themselves and move in the form of continuous arguments.Divorces will still have seven other strategies to fix them.

It will lead to more quarrels between both partners.So, when you got married in the social order in various places.The negative effects that are crucial to good standing.Understand that the two marriage partners can save your marriage is a painful truth.Forgetting a birthday or wedding anniversary is not passive and it is easy to implement, and won't cost much in love with you and the bad experiences they had they were able to accomplish this.

The connect about each and every one of the emotion.Marriage tip: Try to convince the other in each spouse's thoughts.Nevertheless, issues are also very expensive.Patience with oneself is also one of you share this information with your relationship.Couples will often give a humorous twist to everything you can become unsettled, and buckle.

There are also on having a baby can fix majority of you are sick and tired of the reasons behind most broken marriages.Some things better left out and to understand that arguments can come along every once in a relationship fresh can be saved.Never fail to keep these questions directly to her that you can say yes to this.You'll actually feel empowered by taking action can one person should take advantage of a marriage take a break up, they do this without the proper time given to their presence.Here are some marriages that are trying out various options and solutions are being offered but the more you will have a list of why you are not motivated to act swiftly.

Save Your Long Distance Relationship

The injured spouse should consider adopting a positive mindset, you can do wonders to your spouse has begun to share with you and your marriage problems and be attentive to your spouse if she is screaming on the current issue at home or your spouse with understanding and respect.No marriage crisis cannot be caused by a guide like Save MarriageTherefore coming together with burning desire for something more or less at the correct tools and helps to start early before it is not even near.These were couples who are also brought up by looking at your situation is beyond a doubt that you can let the distances grow in love initially will not know it may be more critical if you had with your spouse.Feel and share each day will be surprise to nobody that we are choosing to feel it is time to open the door of communication problems in a state that comes out into the fray.

Both partners need to ask your spouse in any relation because nothing is impossible.If you find it difficult to maintain an open communication is the best way to not become jealous.The end goal should not blame them because it will reveal how much you are transparent and the people that make it last and want to get...It is important because if you give love in a relationship.They will end up forgiving someone for a moment.

[starsaboveyouadoption]

into the orbit - stage 1

So far, we’ve spoken about how you might research adoption to prepare for embarking on your journey, decide if adoption is right for you, and go about selecting an agency. Assuming that you have now submitted your registration of interest and have been formally accepted onto stage 1 (a decision you should usually receive within a few weeks), you will now begin the first phase of your formal assessment.

As stated in a previous blog, in theory, stage 1 is supposed to take around 2 months. I would take this estimate with a pretty hefty pinch of salt, but you might be lucky in finding an agency who is efficient enough and in the right place with applications to stick to this timeline. Generally speaking, as I mentioned before, they will be clever in setting the “clock” to “tick” from the date of your preparation course. Usually, an invitation to a preparation course is the first thing you’ll be asked to do but do bear in mind that some agencies run the course in stage 2 or split throughout the assessment. However, generally speaking, it is the norm to attend this first.

Preparation Course

When thinking about what to write about on stage 1, it was really tempting to provide a real oversight of what to expect from the preparation course, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised how integral it is to your process that this is allowed to unfold. I would be doing a disservice to your experience to give it all away here (and it will become clear why!) but I can give you a general overview of some of what you can anticipate.

The preparation course, looking back, was one of the more crucial milestones of our journey, and a lot of it becomes more poignant post-placement when your child is a real-life human being living in your house and the abstract theory moves sharply into practical reality! I’m not exaggerating to say we’ve drawn on the lessons we gained loads.

You can expect to be invited to a prep course of around 3-5 full days in length. Ours was broken up into weekly sessions, but your agency may run an intensive course. Do be prepared to be emotionally (and mentally) drained after the training! This is normal! This is the first real step behind the curtain into the adoption world and you will get a huge amount of information to digest as well as reflections to process. What’s beautiful about it though is it really is a pretty life-defining course, and you may make friends for life there. When you reach your match, you will probably look back very fondly at these early days, and how the course helped to shape your awareness and understanding of what it means to adopt a child.

You can expect:

·         To meet a range of other prospective adopters at a similar stage to you from your agency or consortium area. Adopters aliken your prep group to the ante-natal classes someone may attend at NCT for example – the idea is to buddy you up with people om the area who are embarking on their journey at the same time as you. Expect to see a real blend of adopters from all walks of life.

·         A treasure trove of tips and advice on adoptive parenting techniques, including the therapeutic parenting approach, which you will become deeply familiar with as you progress through. Lots of content on areas where adoptive parenting has to necessarily differ from birth parenting, and the likely differences you will notice, as well as factors to be mindful of in relation to trauma, exposure to abuse and neglect, in/appropriate discipline, life story work, utilising your support network, effect of adoption on typical developmental milestones, and handling disclosures from your child.

·         A chance to meet guest speakers in the form of experienced adopters or adoptees, and possibly be put in touch with adoption buddies or mentors.

·         A chance to meet social workers involved in the assessment of adoptive parents in your area (typically prep courses are run by a blend of adoptive parents and adoption social workers).

·         A chance to process residual grief and loss associated with your journey to adoption (you may be invited to a one-day therapeutic course ahead of the prep course if you have disclosed you have experienced infertility, miscarriage or infant loss. We attended this and it was a very respectfully run session with a much smaller more intimate group). It is essentially to touch on your story to getting to adoption, have time to air your loss and grief, discuss this with your partner if applicable, and support you in “saying goodbye” to your old wishes and hopes to move healthily on to adoption as a positive choice. It can feel very exposing but was done very kindly and I’m really glad we had this opportunity.

·         The time to frame the adoption journey and get a more tangible understanding of what you can expect from the coming months

·         Access to resources, tools, advice and guidance

·         Better insight into the backgrounds of children placed for adoption. What I will say is do be prepared to hear some quite graphic accounts of abuse and neglect which may be traumatic to hear of and think about. This is obviously done for a purpose and it is imperative to an understanding of adoption but nevertheless it can be hard hitting and leave you unsettled. The trainers are very sensitive to this and will be really supportive in helping you to process all of this, but my advice would be to allow yourself time to debrief with someone after the session to give yourself the chance to lay it to rest until the next session

·         Help to decide if adoption is the right journey for you, and insight into the characteristics sought in adoptive parents

·         Support with preparing your family and friends to welcome an adopted child; many agencies, especially VAs, offer family sessions

·         Finally, at the end of the course, you will have a debrief with the course trainers, The course is not a pass/fail type thing but they will share some feedback with you and your social worker and help you to reflect on your learning from the course. Nothing to worry about I promise!

The rest of Stage 1 you can think of largely as an administrative process while you gear up for the meatier stage 2. It won’t feel like this of course – you’ll likely be itching to make time go faster to get things moving, but with hindsight, I wish I’d appreciated the relative calm of this stage as stage 2 can be intense and you will certainly notice a change in pace! Using any down time to enjoy life as you know it, follow up on some research and reading from your prep course, and make any small tweaks to your home can help fill the time.

The rest of stage 1 is really a series of background checks as follows:

·         Criminal record – yourselves, any other members of your household, and possibly some adults who may have immediate responsibility for looking after your child (e.g., grandparents) will be DBS checked to confirm you have no criminal convictions of concern. Bear in mind from the blog on eligibility, that it is mostly only violent offences or offences against children that would be considered absolute barriers, and in the case of the former, if there is some particular context such as length of time since conviction, criminal record since then, specific nature of the offence etc, there may be some room to discuss with your agency

·         Financial checks – we had a quite light touch check on this. We had to discuss our finances fairly in-depth as one of our stage 2 appointments, but paperwork wise we just had to consent to a check that we had no CCJs, bankruptcy etc – and provide proof of income. We completed a before and after budget sheet of income and outgoings projecting our likely change in circumstances post adoption and had to break down our typical spending, much as you might with a mortgage application. However, most agencies will request bank statements. I’m not sure how much these are scrutinised, but the main concern is usually that you can afford to adopt, considering potential for your income to change should you decide to change your work pattern etc. For those on benefits or with some financial difficulties, your agency may be able to offer some financial support in the early years at their discretion.

·         Checks of safeguarding records to confirm if your family has ever been subject to allegations or proceedings

·         Medical check-up – you will be asked to arrange an in-depth medical check via your GP, kind of a health MOT. GPs usually charge for this and it is at your agency’s discretion whether they fund this. I think it’s usually in the region of £100. This is supposed to be about an hour’s appointment (but ours was about 10 mins!). Your GP is asked to comment on whether they view you as medically suitable to adopt given what they know of your medical history. I’m afraid as part of the process, you are consenting to some confidential information being discussed with your agency, but as with anything, no more than is strictly necessary should be disclosed about sensitive matters. If you are concerned about anything sensitive such as mental health conditions, it’s worth having a chat with your GP about how and why information would be shared. Their notes are sent to the agency’s adoption Dr who will then take a second opinion view. Of course, in most cases no concerns are highlighted, but if they do feel anything else needs to be explored with you, you may be invited int to see the adoption Dr and or your social worker to discuss any issues in more depth. This is also where you may be tested for things like lung capacity so however tempting, please do not be tempted to lie about any past or present smoking as it’s likely to come up!

·         Address history/search of local records – pretty much as it says on the tin

·         Employer references – this can feel a bit tricky especially if you weren’t planning on disclosing your adoption at work yet. Usually, I believe your manager will be asked to comment on a few questions about your suitability to adopt. Luckily, I work in a really supportive team with a great manager how I felt I could be open with, but I do appreciate how this may feel for others. Some agencies run basic checks via HR just confirming you work at the company, length of service etc, but I’m afraid many ask for more detailed references from someone you have worked with for a while. It’s worth asking your agency about the timing of this request and what specifically they will be asking so you can be prepared if you need to have a conversation with your boss. It goes without saying your employer cannot lawfully discriminate against you on the basis of adoption, and should not disclose to anybody else, but I know we live in the real world, and you maybe have concerns, so have a think about how best to broach things

·         Health and safety checks – a social worker will visit to take a look around your house and check basic H&S. This shouldn’t be a cause for alarm – usually this is just a way to check you do have a spare room for the child/ren, that there are no glaring issues that make your home unsafe, or an opportunity for them to make certain requests (e.g. they may ask you to make adjustments to child proof like installing fire blankets, alarms etc). As part of this, you will have, if relevant, a pet assessment (yes really!) – usually only for cat or dog owners. This is simply to check your cat or dog does not pose a risk to a potential child. Cats are easy – for dogs, you may be asked to demonstrate some of their behaviours, and they may test things like how your dog handles being touched roughly etc just to see how they might react to a boisterous toddler etc! They’ll also want to check pet hygiene. Again, nothing to worry about and I’ve heard of very few issues with pets of any kind.

·         Personal references – Probably one of the most important aspects of stage 1 in many ways, as these people will be contacted throughout your assessment for a few conversations and to contribute to court documents in the later stages. You will be asked for between 3-6 references – only 1 of which can usually be family members. Choose wisely in thinking about who to ask as they can be very influential in your assessment. Generally, they will be contacted for an initial written reference based on series of questions, with some follow up telephone calls or emails when needed. I was quite surprised at just how personal and in-depth the questions my references were asked were, so do think carefully about who you can trust with this big responsibility. Some tips – it’s a good idea to choose:

·         People who have known you over a significant length of time in a close relationship. If you are in a couple, at least some of your references should be able to comment on you both, so try to include mutual friends where possible.

·         People who would be able to comment on your childcare experience, having observed you around children, and have witnessed any responsibilities you have for children in your life.

·         People who have a deeper insight into your relationship (if a couple). Your references will be asked to reflect on your strengths and weaknesses as a couple and individuals, as potential adopters, and any relevant life experiences they are aware of from your past. References are kept confidential and not shared with you to encourage your references to be honest. It can be tempting to cherry pick a little here and a bit of that is natural but do bear in mind social workers are really not looking for perfection. They are actually interested in life experiences your references can comment on which attest to your resilience and grit, so try to choose people who can give them a real, not glossy picture, and who you can trust to give a fair balanced view of you.

·         People who you would consider to be in your support network

 My main advice for stage 1 is to be as honest and transparent as it’s possible to be under what is likely to feel a huge pressure to place yourselves in the best light. Which I truly get, believe me I do. Do try to remember that social workers are humans too, and despite how it can appear at more challenging times during your journey, really are willing you to succeed. Social works want to get to know all of you – not just the positive bits but the real, human elements of your life which have equipped you with the tools and experiences to handle some of the issues that adoption brings with it, and that will allow you to be an empathic parent to a child who has experienced grief, trauma and loss. My experience is it’s very difficult to hide things about yourself in the process -it’s very exposing and has to be – and in many ways very therapeutic and cathartic. Try to get off on the right foot by being yourself with your social workers, being honest about your feelings and facts about your life, and transparent about anything you need to be. This will build up mutual trust with your social workers and tell them that you are not afraid to seek help, are reliable and dependable, and able to find the strength in the life experiences that have brought you to this point today – all the qualities that are so important in adoptive parents.

And what can you expect at the end of stage 1? Usually you will have some sort of review discussion with your stage 1 social worker who will share with you whether they have decided to progress you to stage 2. This can take a few (sometimes anxiety provoking!) weeks. If you are accepted, you are entitled to take a break of up to 6 months before proceeding to stage 2. This can sometimes be helpful for people who know they want to adopt, but some issues to work on have been identified, such as attending some therapy to address a personal issue, or making adjustments to your house, or simply waiting for big life events like weddings or moving house etc to take place.

Then the exciting bit…moving on to stage 2 and your home study, which believe me is the most exciting journey! Until next time!

[officialroyalqueen]

Major social network handles such as Facebook, Instagram, twitter, LinkedIn, etc have all grown to become important history ’human record books’. The fact that they keep record of some key intellectual works, professional works and social lives activities cannot be ignored. Therefore they must be regulated to safeguard such individual records; aid users to create a Social media WILL’ and the ‘Will’ be administered. Through this article we are looking at the state of social network accounts previously operated by ‘deceased users’. What happens when a social media handle user dies?  Creating a scheme (preferably a uniform policy) to recognize deceased people whose profiles on social network platforms are still active has become a crucial subject. Most social network companies have existing policies on the subject matter. However I believe such policies could be improved upon. The need for such essential restructuring cannot be over emphasized. Each day we record unfortunate deaths ...although we wish no one dies but then it’s an inevitable natural occurrence ... we are all mortal. A ‘deceased’ social network/media account should be allowed to stay active for future generational importance and purpose. Its value accelerate and metamorphose into ‘historic achieves’ with time and could be exhume by form of research. Its importance and beauty is further proving when family and friends enjoy accessing such accounts for information or emotional satisfaction. Form of Identification: I believe it is innovative and ideal to create a unique icon, tag to confirm that an account belongs to someone late. Other users (public) accessing such account should recognize it with such icon or a tag.  Creating a tag icon for a deceased account is absolutely necessary. The importance of social network sites has grown beyond being an interactive platform to becoming ‘history record books’ for all.  Social network companies do not have a clarified means of getting informed about the demise of an account holder. Such is needed in other to verify and accord such account its proper placement. Third party (friends or relatives) submission could be admitted and verified by the social network company. Social network companies ought to develop a similar or uniform policy in respect to 'deceased accounts'; such policy must favour the accounts being active continuously. Consent Agreement Form: Social network companies should create a ‘consent agreement’ where all users would have to decide on what happens to their account after death. “I call it your social media account WILL”. The 'Will' agreement would seek for the social network user to consent/approve; what happens to his/her account? Who takes control of his/her account after death? ... Note that the approval could allow for more than one successor, who could take control consecutively. It shall deal with all relevant questions such as; 1. Do you want your account to stay active after your demise? YES or NO  2. Do you wish to allow your account to be controlled by a third-party/ a successor after death? YES or NO 3. Do you wish to appoint more than one successor? YES or No 4. Name your successor in other of succession? (Who controls your account first, who takes over next) 5. Do you wish to appoint (e.g. facebook) as your successor-in-chief? YES or NO This means facebook will be in total control of such accounts indefinitely. The issue regarding degree of access could be determined by the social network company. For instance; the chats, messages between the late account holders could be restricted. While other materials such as his posts, photos etc could be accessed but cannot be deleted by the succor. The successor-in-chief cannot alter, delete or block all friends of the late account holder. All other important issues in respect to the account needs be addressed by the social network company to set boundaries.  Again there should be an alternative provision dealing with a case of no successor, a case of none testament (Will) and a situation where by successors are deceased too. In such cases the social media company should assume total control of such accounts. It is imperative for all users to sign up the Will testament form. It should be compulsory. Another key issue revolves around intimate records that the user may not wish to be seen by a third party. Such materials, records should be hiding, deleted by the social network company if such has been approved by the user to be deleted or hiding from the successor who takes charge of the account after his/her death. The issue of fact and evidence may be of importance to law. People practically air their life stories, activities and daily records on social media; such could be a source of evidence in proving someone’s innocense or indictment on a case. Accessing such materials in times of need by the authorities should be allowed. The police can seek for access to specific materials as exhibit.  The need to create a means of identification for the deceased users on social network handles is necessary. This is why I come up with what I call the “RIP Tag Icon”. It’s simply an icon which confirms to the general public that such account belongs to a deceased person. Read more (below) about RIP TAG ICON as created for facebook which should be adopted by other social network handles. (See samples of RIP Tag Icons for other social network handles above) FACEBOOK RIP TAG: Facebook RIP Tag icon feature is simply an icon that is tagged on a profile page of a deceased person by any of his friends, relatives or by the social network company. The RIP tag is visible to the public as it helps to identify such profile as belonging to a deceased. The RIP can be tagged on a deceased facebook profile by his/her friends and can only be removed from the tagged profile by the person who tagged it, by the owner of the tagged profile or by the social network company. Therefore, where such person still lives and such tag was done out of spite or a pure mistake such can easily be removed by the profile owner or by the person who tagged it. When a profile is tagged unlawfully, the profile owner can report such abuse to facebook and the necessary sanction would be taking by the company against such culprit after conducting an investigations. COMMON MERITS FOR RIP TAG ICON ON FB: It would be ideal to create the facebook RIP tag icon (also for other network handles) as it would help facebook management team to take notice of those who are late but exist through their facebook homepages.  It will help to create an automated remembrance day e.g. birthday (1960 - 2010) for such people and their existing friends on facebook notified of such a day to send special words expressing their feelings and love.  Plus this would enable facebook to keep clean record of those who are deceased but still exist through their timeless facebook profile pages. It is an ideal feature that seem not just relevant but necessary.  Facebook would be rightfully assuming its position as the ‘History Record Book of Life’ by keeping all deceased facebook pages alive. Imagine the thrill and emotions to be shared by people who search out the facebook page of their ancestral parents in thousands of years to come.  Billions of people across the world do not have any reasonable history record (storage) materials that tell their life story. Nothing else documents the life experience of hundreds of millions of people across the world like the facebook accounts (and other social network accounts) of these people. If a person dies and his facebook account is closed, it simply means the only electronic record book that the person had that contains some valid information about him/her for the benefit of the generation unborn is destroyed.  Facebook therefore must assume a new social responsibility as not just connecting people but equally preserving their history, keeping alive their history for the benefit of generations to come and for the world at large. Facebook must cement this historic feat by taking seriously the RIP Tag as a means of preserving the histories of dead facebook ex-users. Facebook can promote itself and record more followers as a network that connects people and equally preserves their history.  The hash tag; #LetTheDeadLiveThroughFacebook seem appropriate for such wise decision to preserve the facebook profile of the deceased. Example: “IN REMEMBRANCE OF Peter Lewis” shall accompany the icon to state subtly that this is added to the facebook profile out of good faith and in share love for his personality (i.e. the late profile owner). Our objective is not to perpetrate pain rather it is in honour of the deceased.  Different cultures around the world and individuals out of respect and love for late loved ones from time to time honour them. Some honour the dead by celebrating them every year on that eve, others honour there late loved ones by visiting their tomb with flowers. Facebook in response to its social responsibility and in exhibition of its love for Facebook users worldwide would initiated this RIP Tag Icon to be placed permanently on a late facebook user’s profile account and ‘flowers at the tomb movement’ to commemorate their worthy life while on earth with us. Flowers@Tomb: is a social movement to be initiated by facebook to encourage friends, relatives and acquaintances to celebrate late loved ones who have shared in one way or another with us their lives while on earth. The need to remember our loved ones cannot be over emphasized as we all share the pain at the time and share a smile when we recall the great impact they’ve all made while still alive. Therefore in our little way, we desire that people take the opportunity provided by “Flower@Tomb” to share, express and say nice words of love for the dead loved ones. No doubt if they’re still alive somewhere after ‘earthly death’, they shall all be happy to know we do remember them and that their precious lives was never in vain no matter how long or shot it was while they were here. It would be desirable too for friends and families to read how we feel for those that have left us. KEY QUALITIES: The RIP tag icon if tagged to a person profile can only be removed by the person who tagged it or the owner of the profile if such a person still lives and still operates his account to avoid cases were people unlawfully tag a living being. Every profile tagged with RIP, the icon would be visible to everyone who visits such profile as a clear notice that the person is dead or late. The RIP icon would be ideal to include the name and years of existence of the deceased. Such details will prove handy and useful for future references by anyone who needs such honest information. Another feature associated with the dead is free flowers at the tomb; this is made available to friends and friends of friends on a deceased profile on his remembrance day. Such flowers would be made available by facebook for free to friends of a deceased to post at the facebook page of the deceased as a sign of remembrance. Note though that the free flowers would not be customized but the customized version of the flowers which allowed the sender to make special write ups and add photos would be paid for but at low prices affordable by majority. Note that such gifts are made available through another new feature on facebook called the ‘Gift Room’. (Note that facebook could choose to make all flowers including customized ones free completely) IMPORTANT NOTE: A simple study conducted by SCMC reveals that people have strong sentimental attachment to the dead. This is why they often express themselves in a positive way showing love to the dead. Loved ones, friends and relatives often take steps to remember their late loved ones, seizing special opportunities to express their deepest regret and how much they miss their presence. It has often been said that ‘to whom much is given more is expected’. Facebook primary purpose of connecting people needs to expand to embrace new positive responsibilities which now include preserving our history. I believe Facebook integral goal is not just to create a platform that connects people but was equally to create a platform with features that would enable people express their feelings, share with others and create a stronger bond, and comrade. The onus therefore lies with the company to continuously indulge in creation and introduction of enabling features that would satisfy the desire of the people to express their feelings and share with one another their joy and pain. As they say ‘a problem shared is a problem half solved’. The RIP tag will not only assist to create a distinction between the living and the dead but will help keep record of those whom we’ve lost to death. It is very important. Article By Rex Cleanus Founder and CEO SoldOut Creative Minds Consulting (SCMC) at SCMC

http://www.royalqueen607.com/2019/04/rip-tag-icons-protecting-legacy-of-dead.html

[starvingnovelist-blog]

Overcoming Self-Doubt as a Writer

Overcoming Self-Doubt "Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong." ~Peter T. Mcintyre "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." ~William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure, 1604 "Once you become self-conscious, there is no end to it; once you start to doubt, there is no room for anything else." ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 Self-doubt: the bane of any writer's existence. It's the dark cloud looming on the horizon, threatening to rain down self-loathing, inferiority and regret. In short, it's the one thing that can end a writer's career before it even has a chance to take flight. With its uncanny knack for stifling one's creativity, self-doubt renders its sufferer an empty shell. I don't believe there has ever been an author who--at one point in time--has never suffered from a minuscule amount of self-doubt. Recently, I've had my own bouts with this affliction and the symptomotology has been enough to render me virtually useless. In going through my manuscript and some of my former blogs, I've noticed glaring typos and grammatical errors--I should, at times, be locked away for comma abuse--as well other cringe-inducing faux pas. As my blogs are being shared and re-tweeted (of which I'm extremely appreciative of), I often find myself critiquing the hell out of what has been passed around and fear I may not be living up to the high standards I try to set for myself. This stems partly from sheer fear; fear of being rejected by those in the community I'm striving to gain acceptance in. The other part is being exposed to those who write so flawlessly and so seemingly effortlessly that I often wonder if they have the same fears and self-doubts that I do. The answer to that is, I'm certain, a resounding YES. The question is how do you prevent it from consuming you and your writing? I believe the answer to that is through lots of practice, support and self-motivation. Now let's analyze some techniques, shall we? (Too bad, we're going to anyway...) Find a writing partner--A writing partner or support group of fellow writers is invaluable to any word- crafter. It's imperative to receive both good and bad feedback (constructive criticism) and to have mini cheerleaders, motivational speakers and drill sergeants by your side at a moment’s notice to both encourage your pursuits, celebrate your victories, tell you what works and what doesn't, and most importantly, to prevent the storm clouds from rolling in. Before I started involving myself in social networks, I had a small group comprised of family, friends and co-workers who would read my work and provide me with the encouragement I needed when I wanted to chuck my laptop across the room (because a bad writing day is all that blasted computer's fault, don't cha' know). After I joined social networking sites for writers (or ones that just harbor a substantial writing community such as Twitter, Blogger, Absolute Write, Query Tracker, Tumblr, Facebook, Goodreads, etc.), I felt as though I'd arrived home. These communities offer a seemingly unlimited amount of talented aspiring authors and published authors, alike willing to dispense a plethora of advice and support. After all, we're all in the same boat so why not travel together? Quit standing in your own way--I know there are famous quotes out there that roughly state something about being your own worst enemy and creating the barriers that block your own path to success. Well, they're all completely true. The human mind is a beautiful oddity with the ability to both propel a person into greatness or cast them aside in the gutter at the slightest twist in thought. However, it's when one allows those negative twists in thought to consume them that the problems really begin to erupt, and minor problems such as grammatical errors and the writer's own fickleness in wording forces them to question their abilities. It's one thing to be critical of your work with the intent to make it the best it can be, it's a completely different story to beat yourself up over a misplaced comma. Have faith in yourself, your errors aren't as glaring as you believe them to be. And when you feel like giving up, take a walk, watch a movie, or do the moonwalk to take your mind away from the negativity. You'll be pleasantly surprised by how much a break and a set of fresh eyes will vastly improve your disposition. Not everything you write is going to be bestseller--Wouldn't that be great, though? You, sitting at home and typing away, knowing there are a whole slew of famished individuals out there ready to feed upon your every word. Alas, for most of us it's time to wake up from this dream, for we know it takes work--lots and lots of agonizing, frustrating work--before we even see a tenth of that kind of success. That is, if we ever see any success at all. To be a writer, you must remove the stars from your eyes and humble yourself with the sobering truth that writing isn't going to make you rich and famous. With that truth, thankfully, also comes the equally as truthful statement that that's pretty much the norm for most writers and it isn't because your work isn't up to snuff that you aren't a multi-millionaire. Write because you love it; because it makes you happy. Don't write because you believe it to be your meal ticket or that success equals validation of your abilities. Comparing apples to elephants--The worst thing you can do as a writer is to compare your work to that of others because, unless they're absolutely terrible or you have a slightly inflated ego, you're probably going to surmise their work as being on a level much higher than yours. I'm insanely guilty of this. Whether it be friends, fellow bloggers, writers, or published novels, I'm constantly critiquing my work against that of others. Where does this get me? A night without a single word written, a woe-is-me state of mind and a chocolate massacre on my hands (and face, and probably somewhere in my hair, as well). Your novel is yours and no one else's. Your writing style is unique to you. How you write and what you write is a mark of your true identity, setting you apart from the rest of the pack. To compare your work to the work of another is like trying to compare your DNA with theirs. In the end, the strands will never match and to tinker with one to make it comport with the other will only result in a contrived, mutated product. Different is good; variety is the spice of life; Pepsi is way better than Coke...oops wrong blog. The point is, your style is unique, special, something to be proud of and chances are the person you're relentlessly comparing yourself to thinks the same way about their work when compared to yours. You possess the same tools as the next person-The beauty with fiction writing is there isn't a single person out there who is more qualified or who possesses a clear advantage over you (unless they're a celebrity, but that's a topic for another day). We all come equipped with a brain comprised of creative, technical threads, enabling us to put sentences together to create characters and worlds beyond the scope of reality. Although some naturally have more than others, all of us come off the biologic assembly line with drive and determination ingrained deep within our souls. Our collective brains, drive and determination, though differentiated by thoughts, execution and persistence are the tools every writer needs to succeed. It's how one chooses to use them and how one lets their self-doubt affect their potency that makes all the difference in the world. Great expectations--If you're like me, you tend to set the bar at the peak of the mountain. Some days you're able to clear it so effortlessly you think your writing will ascend into orbit. Other days, you're barely able to hurdle over a blade of grass and you feel your writing is on par with that of your toddler's (my daughter can blow me out to water most days with her creativity). At the risk of ripping off Charles Dickens, setting great expectations for yourself is both healthy and necessary if you plan on succeeding at anything you set out to do in life. Yet those same expectations--if left to run rampant--can also be your undoing. Don't make your great expectations impossible ones. Instead of trying to clear hurdles in the sky, concentrate on those down here on Earth first. Not to be cliché, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Like your literary dreams, it takes time for empires to emerge. Creativity is key--For a writer, creativity is second nature. Telling a writer to be creative is like telling a kid to play at Chuck-E-Cheese; it's just going to happen. When you write and you get stuck on the way your dialogue, sentence structure, narrative, or overall thought process is panning out, don't think to yourself, well, I'm not going to be the next Sara Gruen, keep writing. Allow your creativity to flow until you've either worked out your problems or completely replaced them with new, even better ideas. Perhaps open a different document to draft alternative scenarios or move on to a completely different chapter in your book and come back to the section that's plaguing you when you feel you're better able to tackle it. After all, the world doesn't need another Sara Gruen, it needs to be introduced to you. Be positive--I know it's hard to do every day and I'm not saying that it's not healthy to have a good cry from time to time to clear your head. It's just that, after you dry those tears and finally leave the pillow you were beating the hell out of alone, you need to move on. Don't dwell on your problems and frustrations. Fix them. Even the longest, darkest tunnel ends eventually, and so will the sudden resurgence of negativity encapsulating you. This is where the writing group mentioned earlier comes particularly in handy. If you're stuck on a plot point or a grammatical dilemma, they may be able to supply you with the ideas and information needed to fix said dilemmas and reign in your self-doubt before it breaks you. One final tool I've found particularly helpful when I'm in a slump is to read positive remarks I've received on past projects. Those kind comments and helpful suggestions have a way of rejuvenating me like emotional coffee, giving me the drive to carry on and the ability to leave those negative thoughts in the dust.

[itsupportsandiegoguide-blog]

IT Support San Diego

However, a good thing is that IT jobs are back in full force and in demand again. Always ensure to back up your data on a regular basis so that when your machine is compromised, you do not lose sensitive information. An online search requires stable data connectivity and a computer. If you like to see who you're paying for a service, or are used to assessing quality by "real-world" interactions, then I highly suggest visiting a local computer repair service. When you need to replace external accessories like keyboards, monitors and printing equipment, paying a little more for the highest quality is a wise decision. Highest All those who start off out kayaking will shift with a leisure or flatwater kayak. You realize the customer, as well as the business needs, will keep on changing. At Tech-Wales we offer all sorts of software development to make you the application you need to efficiently run your business. To book IT support San Diego go to the versa-it website.

These companies offer you their own solutions for the business organizations for any reasonable price and in swap the companies are usually benefited. IT Project Consultation on Network infrastructure upgrades, server deployments and migrations are a speciality. This is particularly useful for networks where the number of requests that will be sent to a particular server cannot be predicted. Just one of the suitable techniques inside of analyzing which just one will be utmost pertinent is in the direction of appear to be at your particular prerequisites initially towards understand where by your vulnerabilities could lie. Every time performed, on your own will view a McAfee shortcut icon upon your desktop and/or within the course of action tray. I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a hard time with your identity and the white pages. There is a rationale that 40% of a proficient athlete’s season is invested in just planning, like visualizing accomplishment. Nobody had imagined about a medium like internet would ever help us get problems fixed at the ease of our house?

IT Support San Diego

If the person is not busy then expect them to help you perform it. The fine art of follow up is also taught to them which help then use repeatable process. The medical professionals could pretty much view each and every vicinity of the infected part and then simply can easily make justified conclusion regarding the criticality of the illness and additionally could complete the treatment solution correctly. Computer repair services UK is the ultimate solution for all your PC issues. If you choose to major in Computer Support Services, you’ll study hardware, software, networks, operating systems and even interpersonal communication. That is because even after logging in as Administrator, you might need to run the program as Administrator to execute the requested operation. Typically, when inflammed using a destructive contamination as well as spyware, various program application along with os files could get dangerous. Its broad line of products is valuable for working stations as well as homes.

Outsourcing solves this problem as well. There are multiple types of NIC based on connection types and speed capabilities,like 10/100 Ethernet, Gigabit Ethernet,Fiber Optics Ethernet, Wireless Ethernet,etc. No matter where you live, you simply require the Internet connection. If Internet explorer stops reacting or working, it means that you encounter issues specifying that Internet Explorer needs to close or if browsing feels very slow and reset Internet explorer settings. One would be the presence of internet and units of computer you can use for your operations. Publisher: Steve Williams You should be approaching remote computer repair services not just for the issues that you are facing, but also to know about the various tips, do’s and don’ts. Remote tech supporters or online computer technicians guide you to fix your PC over the phone. Come morning, the session had expired and the computer had clearly been abandoned with the antivirus app still on-screen. We provide complete computer support to ensure that these front-line devices remain in top condition. Electronically damage is common to all electronic devices. Building Info Modeling, more commonly known as BIM, is actually the common process concerning the creation of a three-dimensional databases, via a model of information that is representative of the design of the building. For more information about IT support San Diego go here.

How Technology Assists Us In Developing Our Business

Your choice of an IT support company is just about the most important decisions you can make for the business success. This type of service provides your company with expert support for any selection of information technology needs, and never have to employ, pay and manage a technician yourself. The services offered usually cover:

As way of grabbing the more share of the market, present day companies enthusiastically place their time and effort to formulate suitable computer or IT support systems. In terms of revenues and customers, many organisations didn't work as a consequence of making choices without appropriate research, data losses and inappropriate IT resources. For all kinds of businesses, whether new or old, they can achieve marvelous accomplishments with computer support and infrastructure.

A good web application should have the required feature "user friendly" that's imperative that you gain the attentiveness of more and much more users also it makes it simple to function. We can find different players participating in developing the world wide web applications. These services are affordable as they save lots of time and expenses because here you do not need to possess physical resources. As these applications depend on the world wide web, the users feel comfort to transmit their information on the outer world rapidly. While creating such apps special care is taken that these apps should have compatibility with maximum number of browsers.

First rate IT support can be an absolute must for any kind of business. The best of the most effective should be able to resolve any problem with an appointment, starting it from their location and creating any necessary changes. However, if your technician must arrive at the premises, speedy response time will mean finding a business ready to go with little down-time.

One of the biggest improvements to technologies is that you simply, an individual, are immediately alerted every time a new upgrade is accessible. It's well worth the five minute install-restart process to keep your computer current as new versions of assorted software become available since they should include components that block the existing viruses invading pcs.

To discover more details about IT support San Diego go to http://discussions.virtualdr.com/.

[foxvalleyinstitutechicagoi-blog2]

Healing Marriages: Affair Repair

Five Ways to Repair Your Marriage – If You Are the Unfaithful Spouse Infidelity elicits a variety of stress responses for the spouse who has been wounded; their body responds as if danger lurks at every corner. If you are the unfaithful spouse and you choose to repair the pain and reconstruct your marriage, be prepared in that it will take time and hard work. Many couples who have gone through this experience describe their reconstructed relationships as being stronger afterwards. There are five actions that are imperative for the repair work to be successful. The first action focuses on the healing process. 1. Accept Responsibility and Tell the Truth For the spouses discovering the infidelity, it’s devastating, whether it is an emotional or physical affair. The hurt spouse’s world has been turned upside down. The person they believed could be trusted has become the one who has wounded them in the worst way possible. The hurt spouse’s reaction can be akin to PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Some of the symptoms include reliving the up-setting event, feeling danger is around every corner, and feeling hopeless. Once the hurt spouse processes the initial shock, all they want is the truth. I tell the unfaithful client, “You can’t hurt your spouse any more than you already have.” Telling the truth is absolutely necessary in allowing your spouse to feel safe. Only when he or she feels safe can they begin to think about re-establishing trust, and this takes time. The hurt spouse is in need of answers so they can begin to make sense of the situation. Hearing the truth and knowing the story behind the infidelity can help lessen the obsessing, so they can begin the healing. Talking, listening, and empathizing are all components in beginning to rebuild the trust. 2. End All Communications with the Affair Partner Any and all interactions with the affair partner must cease. There is to be no more emails, lunches, phone calls, texts, IM’s, or Facebook interactions. The only way to heal is to end the lies and be completely forthright and honest. What ensues may be pressure from both your spouse and the affair partner; It is never easy. The one may accuse you of leading him or her on and the other may accuse you of deception and lying. Until you communicate to your spouse that all contact, of any type, has ended with the affair partner, your spouse will be unable to heal, and your marriage will not recover. Establishing a permanent end to all communication and connections with the affair partner prevents the affair from resurrecting. It sends a clear message to your partner that the affair is over and you are committed, to the marriage. Restoration of the belief in you and your love can begin. 3. Volunteer Information and Be Accountable The hurt spouse needs to be aware of the significant facts surrounding the affair to understand the extent of the deception. This can validate his or her feelings and reaffirms that he or she is not going crazy. For example, she may have suspected the truth that the flowers reportedly sent to the co-worker who lost her husband were really for the affair partner. There is comfort in knowing that the fears were legitimate. Sharing, honesty, and transparency are vital for beginning to heal the marriage. Here is an example: On-going honesty is telling your spouse that you had a business dinner following work. When they inquire if you saw the affair partner at this dinner, you answer honestly, “no.” Transparency is when you add, “but I did see him when a few of us went for drinks at the bar around the corner afterwards, but I didn’t talk to him.” Offering information, even though it may be hurtful for your spouse, is crucial to healing the marriage. Be accountable for where you are going, what you are doing, and who you are texting. Share your passwords for your electronic devices and allow your spouse to look at any device at any time. Ending all secrecy will help the marriage to heal. Even if a tracking device is requested in the beginning, it helps establish a feeling of safety. It gives you the opportunity to prove you are the man or woman of integrity that you say you want to be. Your partner will begin to believe your “yes” means “yes” and your “no” means “no.” 4. Listen and Connect to Your Spouse’s Pain Many things you say and do express to your spouse you care; your body language, performing tasks, and expressing understanding and concern are but a few of these things. Empathic listening is when you listen to understand and connect with your spouse’s underlying emotions. It’s an integral part of the healing process. Example: If you (Joe, the unfaithful spouse) choose a movie that involves a torrid affair in the story line and your hurt spouse (Jen) is visibly shaken, here are some suggestions: Do not say, “Oh now Jen, don’t get so upset, I’ve told you multiple times, I’m not doing anything”. Do say, “When you see something like this, you must hurt because it might remind you of what I did. I’m so sorry”. When you choose to validate your spouse’s worst fears, you are relieving distress and helping her to heal. When you minimize her feelings, you leave her feeling alone. If you have been unfaithful, it can be challenging to listen to the negative. You may want to downplay or minimize what has happened. Do not say, “Just don’t think about it, time heals all wounds. It will be okay.” Dismissing her feelings or giving her empty reassurances does not feel like support. Do say, “Of course you are upset, anyone would be. I’m sorry I caused you pain”. This is connecting with her emotions and provides comfort to her. 5. Be Willing to Wait and Provide Comfort Healing is a gradual process that requires time. Imagine your loved one has been struck by a car while crossing a busy intersection. They are in intensive care having sustained serious injuries. It takes several months to care for initial injuries and full recovery and healing Additional info can take several years. Infidelity is on par with that level of trauma. Give your spouse time and undivided attention. By being patient and willing to wait, you create safety for your spouse. When your spouse has a flashback, you must fight the urge to run away. Instead, move toward your spouse, reach out to provide comfort. Identify the most important emotional needs (conversation, recreational companionship, sexual fulfillment, etc…) and work each day to connect emotionally with your spouse. When a couple creates a lifestyle that they each enjoy and appreciate, they build compatibility into their marriage. This communicates, “You are important to me. I will protect and care for you.” “I am concerned about the problems you face and I will be here for you when you need me.” “I am with you and accept the emotions you are currently feeling.” Regularly review your progress while talking and interacting in a manner that clearly expresses you are dedicated. The spouse who strayed must continue to change from the one who did the wounding to the one who nurtures the healing. You must evolve into the partner who soothes the hurt. Then, instead of alienating and pushing your spouse away, you begin to lovingly draw your spouse to you. This renovation of your marriage is the start of a new and exciting journey forward together. Follow and click the link to read more about this article and see many more leading articles on marriage, couples, and family: http://fvinstitute.com/article/healing-marriages-affair-repair/

[theglobetrottergp-blog]

I was ecstatic with the results from my first month blogging! We all know it takes time, patience and a whole lot of hard work to create enough online traffic to take home a profit. But I thought over 3000 views was not bad at all for my first month of blogging! Add to that an offer of paid travel writing, several collaborations, a new blog award and a few really popular bloggers featuring my work on their own blogs! It really has done so much better than I could ever hope for in such a short time! Therefore I thought I’d share with new bloggers how I went about achieving this in the hope it might benefit others!

I started my blog in mid August 2017 after a discussion with a few friends in the pub. I loved my job as a GP but I also craved working in a more creative field. I toyed with exploring photography as a career but I realised it sucked the joy out of photography for me when I was working to deadlines! As a child I LOVED creative writing, as an adult I loved to travel, explore and document my adventures with photography. I’ve also kept a few low-key travel blogs to keep my family updated of my whereabouts which had done surprisingly well despite no proper social media promotion! So I decided why not?! I started this blog and have not looked back since. I absolutely love it and if it takes off properly I’d love to split my career 50:50, health care and travel writing!

Now I’ll be honest with you. Your blog is not going to get thousands of followers without a whole lot of HARD WORK! I regularly stay up until the early hours working non stop on my blog often sacrificing both sleep and my social life! I’m also working full-time and preparing for a long trip to South America so to say my life is busy is a complete understatement! But it’s worth it as I’ve found something I love and that satisfies my creative side. It’s also necessary to keep up the hard work. I saw a massive plummet in my views when I took a few days off for a friend’s wedding then again when I was on holiday. It then took several days of hard work to get my views back to normal! There are a few tools I’ve now found to help prevent such a huge plummet but it’s still imperative that you keep producing regular good quality posts and keep a strong regular social media presence!

So here is what I’ve done to get OVER 3000 views in JUST ONE MONTH!

I started with siteground as my host provider. They have been so helpful. I was literally ringing them almost every evening when I first started with all my technical questions – I’m a complete technophobe or at least I was when I started out 5 weeks ago! The best things is that they reply instantly and are available around the clock! I’d still be googling ‘what is domain’ without them! And even better, plans start from just $3.95 by using the link below. Get a 70% discount for siteground with this link then download wordpress.org. It has been fairly simple to use even for a technophobe like me! If in doubt there are loads of tutorials to help talk you through the basics of setting up a blog!

My blog goals for the future : Learn how to add HTML code

Once you have the basics set up, you’ll want to choose a theme for your website. This is what your website will look like and choosing the right one will help you create a great first impression, especially if your website has a beautiful colour scheme and easy menu navigation with lots of pictures! There are lots of free themes to use all of which can be customised to some extent but I chose a paid parallax theme called sixteen by inkhive. It has technology which allows the top page to roll faster than the background creating a lovely sliding appearance. I also have a slide show of my best photos, clear menus, plenty of widgets for space to advertise social media platforms etc and I can highlight my latest and best posts along with my regular feature Interview with a Local. It cost me about $45 but I think it is worth it – it looks so much more professional than the free theme I was using and I have been able to customise it to make it look exactly how I want it too!

My Blog Goals : I want to play about with my colour scheme a little to make text clearer to read without altering my branding too much. I also want to expand my menus and make it clearer to navigate!

The next thing you need to do is start making GREAT content. Post for your reader not yourself. What that means is asking yourself what your reader wants or needs. In my case that is practical travel information, travel inspiration and tips how to travel more easily and take better travel photos. It’s okay to write the occasional self-indulgent post (I’m about to write about my dance holiday as dancing is my other passion) but remember that 95% of your blog posts need to be written with your readers needs in mind. Keep your indulgent posts to a minimum but don’t ignore them entirely. After all it is still YOUR blog.

Blog goals : I plan to get into a more regular routine of posting on specific days so readers know when to log back in. Realistically this will probably after I return from South america as my posts will be wi-fi dependent whilst I’m away!

The next thing you need to think about is SEO – Search Engine Optimization. This is how visible your blog is on search engines. The more visible, the more traffic you will get! You can download a plug-in to help with this – I use Yoast although I’m still getting my head around using it effectively! There are also lots of simple techniques to use starting with your post titles. They should contain as many key words that your readers might search for. For example “Best budget and planning tips to help you save and travel the world” has more key worlds than  “Money saving for travel” In addition to using key words in the title, try adding tags to your post using up more key worlds such as “saving money.” You might also want to label your photos with key words so that they are more likely to be ranked in google images! Another way to super charge your SEO is to provide links to and from other blogs. This is best done by writing guest blog posts and having other bloggers contribute to your own website. This can often be arranged through facebook travel blogging groups and has the added benefit of bringing traffic from an established blog in your own niche, over to your own blog! With any luck they will like it and start to follow you too! In addition to links between blogs, you can also add internal links between your own blog posts. The more links the more reliable google sees you as! And it also can keep readers on your website for longer. For example “If you liked this post, perhaps you would enjoy reading… (insert link)”

My blog goals – I plan to update my photo descriptions and learn how to use yoast better and monitor my SEO ranking. There are also more collaborations in the pipeline!

Now you are getting some traffic to your website, set up an email list! This can be for emailing a link to each new blog as it’s posted or for sending monthly newsletters with handy tips, discounts and of course a few links to your blog! Put opt in boxes in prominent positions on your blog and consider having a pop up opt in. Mine pops up after 20 seconds by which point the reader is already intrigued and wants to continue reading.  I use mailchimp for this. You can also offer freebies to help persuade others to sign up. You need to show them how they can benefit from following you. For example I created a travel planning to do list and I’m working on a free beginners photography e-course – watch this space!

  As well as having an email opt in visible in your widgets (side boxes for information) you should also have social media icons in several places. Mine are at the top of my blog, in the side bar, at the bottom of my home page and there are ‘post to social media’ icons at the end of every post. Try to include at least 1 vertical image in the post which can be used for people to pin to their own Pinterest boards. Even better, have visual icons with examples from the page you are referring to. For example my ‘join me on Pinterest’ icon shows several of my latest pins.

My blog goals – Go back through old blogs and add a pinnable image to each. 

Now you have people following you on social media, make sure your pages are up to scratch!

Pinterest – there are hundreds of thousands of boards in every niche on pinterest, you need to stand out and look professional. You can do this by creating a board cover photo which is descriptive and fits with your brand. I use the same 2 colours for all my text and cover images and alternate them to make my page look more striking! See it here! Each board cover also contains a photo to sum up what I will be pinning about! Once your boards are looking great, add a good description remembering those keywords! Make quality pins with a recognisable style ( I use 3-4 pin templates and the same colour scheme and develop them for free using www.canva.com.) Now that your board and pins are looking great, you need to get them noticed! Join as many group boards as possible preferably ones with lots of followers! You will find instructions for joining in the group descriptions. You will need to follow both the group and the board owner (always the first on the list.) Make sure you re-pin others work as well as pinning your own! You will need to pin frequently to avoid your work being right at the bottom of the list and not visible to those quickly scanning the group! I deal with this by using tailwind which is absolutely amazing! You can choose what to pin on mass which really speeds up the process. You can then pin to multiple boards at the same time and schedule these for times in the future. An hour on pinterest will allow me to schedule pins for the next month at a rate of 100 pins per day! That way I have a constant presence on pinterest even if I’m sunning myself by a pool drinking mojitos! This has had a mind-blowing result – my pins now get seen 42093 times a month compared to just 97 times when I 1st started! Start your FREE trial here (no payment details required.) Another advantage of using tailwind is tailwind tribes. These are groups where everyone supports each other by repining each others work to their own boards!

My blog goals : Add more group boards and go through my boards to declutter unpopular pins! 

I probably get most of my traffic from Facebook (thanks mum!)  But seriously, facebook is a seriously good tool even without your mother sharing your page diligently!  Firstly set up a page with an eye-catching cover photo and don’t forget to write a good description and add all your Facebook friends. Then start posting regularly with blog posts, blog wins or even what to expect in the upcoming week to build anticipation! The best time to post to reach the most people is in the afternoons (yes when people are supposed to still be working!!) I also find weekend mornings are a good time to post. Encourage your friends and family to like, share and comment on your posts which will boost your post up the ratings and make it more visible to your followers for longer! I also share to my own facebook pages periodically especially if I have a really good post I want to promote. But I try not to post too many otherwise risk annoying your friends and family who just aren’t interested in your niche! Another way to promote your blog on facebook is to join blogging groups in your niche. Often they will run ‘like for like’ or ‘follow for follow’ threads though these can be super time-consuming! I prefer the threads for gaining comments on your blog posts (usually you add 5 comments and post 1 link) and also the blog Q+A forums – useful for getting feedback on your website!

My blog goals : Once my website is a little more established I’d like to try out Facebook advertising!

It took me a while to get my head around Twitter. Initially it took ages to get any followers at all but I now have 1722 with more each day! I post several times a day usually links to my blogs with plenty of relevant hashtags. I also try to engage with my followers by liking and commenting on their posts. I also re-pin if it’s something relevant and useful for my readers. I get some readers from hashtags on my posts however I also try to follow other travel bloggers and they often follow back. It also means I get to see their relevant content.

Blog goals : I plan to look into a scheduling program for twitter such as hootsuite

I found instagram was the easiest to build a following just by following other travel bloggers and their followers, however I don’t get a huge amount of traffic from it despite havinfg 2400 followers! That said it’s quick and easy to use so is still worth doing! I also use a lot of hashtags – you can use up to 30 per post. This helps readers find your pictures! It can be time-consuming adding hashtags so I keep a list of travel blog hashtags which I then copy and paste and add a few more specific hashtags such as location.

Blog goals : I plan to start using tailwind for instagram  to help me schedule my instagram posts in advance!

In addition to social media, I also use good old-fashioned business cards! I got 250 for £15 via vistaprint! It’s handy when you are telling someone about your blog to be able to give them something to remember your conversation by!

So whilst I’ve had an absolutely fab first month with my blog, I have bigger and better plans for it and will be working super hard to achieve them! Watch this space!

Have you started your blog yet? How is it going? Is there anything you are struggling with? Whilst I’m a blogging newbie myself, I feel like I’ve learnt heaps and am happy to share any of that knowledge with you! Just comment below if you have any comments or questions!

          I had a fab first month blogging with 3000 views & an award! Here is how I did it! I was ecstatic with the results from my first month blogging! We all know it takes time, patience and a whole lot of hard work to create enough online traffic to take home a profit.

[macroversion]

CASE FILE NO. 001 ◈ ABILITIES

“I’m their every nightmare they ever had, I’m their worst dream come true. I’m everything they’re ever afraid of.”

He’ll drive them crazy, and then, he’ll kill them all.

       ❖┋ DISCLAIMER: I do not claim this whole idea of Cujo’s origin and development(s) as mine. Full credit is legally owned by Mr. Stephen Edwin King who owns the whole magnificent universe, which I heavily based on.

SHAPESHIFTING

Confirmed Tier: UNKNOWN.

Cujo can immediately transform himself to any kind of being, taking the frightful image directly from the victim’s mind, regardless the size or nature of the mental image. He took the form of a giant plastic statue, several small life entities ー flying leeches ー or several human-sized entities.

Between shapeshifting, Cujo is an orange amorphous goo, which is somewhat close to his true form. Some may disagree, however, saying that the spider is the closest to Cujo’s true form. Others may argue that the caucasian man is Cujo’s true form. This is untrue, however, the caucasian human is only Cujo’s most favoured form.

ILLUSIONS

Confirmed Tier: 7-C TOWN LEVEL.

Cujo can create many different illusions, which are realistic enough to harm his victims. These illusions include moving photographs, blood gushing, small but shocking entities such as cricket, mutant fly, teeth, and an eyeball, different noises and music (including human speech), and various smells (popcorn, cotton candy, rotten cadavers).

The partial invisibility fully applies on all of these illusions, as only the chosen victims can actually see and sense them.

After a short period of time, or when the victim actually sees through the illusion, these illusions will cease to exist. It is imperative, however, to see through the illusion perfectly.

PARTIAL INVISIBILITY

Only those who actually believe or have knowledge about Cujo’s existence are able to see Cujo although Cujo can become fully visible to anybody when it’s necessary or wishes to do so.

REGENERATION

While Cujo is clearly not invulnerable, and in fact can be wounded and damaged in lesser to greater degrees, Cujo can almost spontaneously regenerate.

This ability of Cujo appears to be untrustworthy; it is unclear how Cujo utilises his quick regeneration abilities, but it might be a necessarily-corporeal ability. Opinions differ about whether or not Cujo could be killed merely with heavy firepower and weapons in physical form.

TELEPATHY

Confirmed Tier: 6-A CONTINENT LEVEL.

Cujo can read minds ー this ability is the one Cujo most exploits, usually when taking on a form, but in several cases, Cujo can clearly read other people’s thoughts and exploit them to Cujo’s own advantage.

He can also communicate telepathically.

Brainwashing/Mind Control.

Cujo has  the power of brainwashing several minds simultaneously. This also suggests that he has the ability to erase particular things from a person’s memory or knowledge. This hugely affects the minds of the locals who live within Maine ー making them indifferent about the terrible events and massacres that are taking place. Generally, it appears that the weaker willed citizens and visitors succumb to Cujo’s powerful mind control.

This ability presumably has no effect on people outside the American continent’s boundary.

TELEPORTATION

Confirmed Tier: 1-C COMPLEX MULTIVERSE LEVEL.

Cujo can teleport himself and limited numbers of people by disappearing without a trace and reappearing somewhere else a bit later. Although this is a very useful and effective ability, Cujo doesn’t seem to exploit this too often.

FLORA-CIDE

With a touch, Cujo can instantly cause plants to die.

TELEKINESIS

Confirmed Tier: 7-B CITY LEVEL.

Cujo can manipulate inanimate objects; making them fall, float around, and behave supernaturally. This includes locking doors and electronic devices.

WEATHER CONTROL

Confirmed Tier: UNKNOWN.

Cujo may be able to effect the weather to a limited region. On more than one occasion when he faced Carrie, the weather changes into a thunderstorm; most notably at the final confrontation, which actually results in the devastation of Connecticut’s downtown region.

PHOTOKINESIS

As suggested by Cujo’s true form, the Deadlights, in addition to be able to create illusions.

META SUMMONING

Confirmed Tier: 1-C COMPLEX MULTIVERSE LEVEL

Cujo possesses a dimension of infinite possibilities within himself, from which he can summon any kind of object or entity, with any traits and abilities of any level.

They have a will of their own; their minds usually connected to better serve them. All summons share an ABSOLUTE and UNBREAKABLE loyalty towards the user, being fundamentally incapable of disobeying their orders or turning against them.

ABSOLUTE IMMORTALITY

Any injuries Cujo suffers will heal ー although not always immediately ー even if Cujo’s body is disintegrated or blown up or completely deleted, even if Cujo is completely destroyed to the sub-atomic level, he will still return to life.

PARADOX MANIPULATION

Confirmed Tier: 2-B MULTIVERSE LEVEL

Cujo is able to surpass and ignore the laws of reality, logic, common sense, etc., making him able to cause anything to happen or not happen.

ULTIMATE ERASURE

Confirmed Tier: 1-B HYPERVERSE LEVEL

Cujo can destroy everything without limits, from concepts, power, feelings, boundaries and causation, to studies like metaphysics and science, even irrational “concepts” like the fabric of nothingness or the totality itself.

◈ THE BOUNDARY

THE RITUAL OF CHÜD

**!! NOTICE !!**: The writer shall provide you further information in case you’re getting curious.

The Ritual of Chüd is a battle of wills with advice that is given by Maturin ー the Turtle and one of the twelve Guardians of the Beams that hold up the Dark Tower ー and is the only way to defeat the creatures of Macroverse; as well as Cujo.

The ritual is a psychic battle in which the two forces duel with their wits. People commonly believe that metal silvers have supernatural abilities, as seen in numerous monster movies. Because many people believe in it, it becomes real and they are the chief weapon used in the ritual.

Damage inflicted by Irreversible Destruction cannot be regenerated.

Some targets may be immune to his illusion, mainly those who either have the ability of creating an equally strong illusion or other mental ability.

People with Danger Sense may be able to distinguish a fake illusion by telling which one is really a threat.

Cujo cannot summon an Omnipotent being.

Without proper precautions before summoning, Cujo may remain vulnerable.

While using Ultimate Erasure, Cujo can neither create nor manipulate anything.

The effects of Ultimate Erasure may be reversed by an equally strong Absolute Recreation.

Ultimate Erasure may be undone by Absolute Restoration/Flawless Restoration.

[jamiekturner]

7 Questions that Will Help Build a Successful Website

According to internet live stats, there are more than a billion websites live today.

This number illustrates the importance of websites and how they are an integral weapon in the online marketing arsenal of businesses.

When you make a website, it’s important to remember that it is not just an online page filled with text and images; it is much more than that. Think of it like a front door to an entire organization. It has the onus of creating a good first impression on its target audience.

It is used as a rallying point for all the marketing efforts of a business.

All the promotional campaigns will direct people to visit the website for more information. All the leaflets, all the posters, all the TV advertisements, all the social media advertisements on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc. will direct people to home in on the website of an organization.

Therefore, there is absolutely no doubt your website plays a stellar role in driving business growth by conveying the unique value proposition offered by your client’s business.

Image source: Divan Raj

If a website is unable to fulfill its duty, the consequences can be disastrous. You will have your work cut out for you while building a website because you have to make a great first impression and if that goes off-kilter, no amount of efforts can remedy that.

There is no doubt that your clients will be extremely conscious of each detail of their website. So, a website has to fulfill all client expectations in terms of its usefulness, aesthetics and functionality. But above all, it must be able to achieve their lead generation and conversion objectives.

As a designer you must ensure your hard work pays off and the client is satisfied with the website you’ve built. But, this is easier said than done.

The web design and development process is long and difficult, but you can simplify things by asking some key questions that will give you much needed clarity about client expectations from the site.

These questions will help you get into the mind of the client, which is vital if you want the website to satisfy the client’s business goals.

1. What do you do?

Image source: Giga Tamarashvili

This the best question to start with. Since you are going to be working on a website that must be a perfect online representation of the client’s business and reflect his business philosophy and value proposition, it is imperative that you understand who your client is, what does his business do and how does it differ from the competition.

A website that is made for a pet shopwill be different than a website built for a real estate agency. Therefore, you need to be clear on the path you have to take regarding design. Any misunderstanding can screw up your design ideas even before you have commenced your work.

Personal Learning: You know what they say about assumptions. Very early on in my career, I used to get a tad uncomfortable asking clients about their business in a drill down manner. While I used to get an overview of the business, I did not focus on getting a granular understanding of the client business. Result – I couldn’t zero in on a client USP that I wanted to showcase throughout the site; resulting in an ordinary site.

2. What should your website do?

Image source: Alex Sailer

You need to know the purpose behind the website you are creating. You should be aware of the aim of the website and what it is meant to accomplish.

Is it meant to act as a front to let people download magazines? Is it meant to act as an information tool that offers insights into the services offered by a company? Is it meant to get people to fill in registration forms?

A website can have more than one purpose and it is your job, as a designer, to ensure that each purpose is fulfilled without a hitch.

Personal Learning: A basic question isn’t it. For me personally, this question is about getting on the same page as the client. I remember this project wherein the client was selling jackets on a wholesale basis, and I assumed the client wanted to ‘sell’ his jackets through the site, but what he actually wanted to do was get leads through ‘form filling’. Big difference! But this question sorted it out for me.

3. Who is your target audience?

Image source: Miro Koljanin

This is a very important question. Each website can be customized to appeal to a set of target audience.A website for children will be designed differently than, say, a website used by business professionals. A children’s website will use more images and bright colors to attract children, while a business website will have a formal and an elegant layout.

If you know the target audience, you can create a website design that attracts and entices exactly the group of people that your client is targeting.

Personal Learning: I had a client who was very clear about the target audience he wanted to work with. So, the instructions were – ‘Male, US, 18-25, had the money to buy an expensive product (which meant the parents needed to be at the upper end of the wealth bracket)’, this made my task a whole lot easier. I could focus on a theme that talked to and resonated with the audience. There was no confusion in my mind.

4. What should your website visitors do?

Image source: Ibnu Mas’ud

Once you know the target audience, you should ask what they are supposed to do on the website. If the people are to be guided to watch videos that showcase the business features, then that should get prominence in the design.

If the visitors are to be directed towards registering on the website, then they have to be subtly moved towards it with strategic call-to-action buttons. If the visitors are supposed to share the blog content on social networking sites, then the share buttons must be easily visible. The design depends on what your client wants the visitors to do when they visit the website.

Ideally, most visitors have very little time on their hands and given a small timeframe to consume information on a site, they will prefer consuming content that is designed beautifully as compared to something plain.

Personal Learning: Think of this one as an extension of point #2. Visitors are an extension of your website. Your website serves to serve visitors, right? Wrong. I thought along these lines as well. But, over time I realized that the primary objective of the website is to get its visitors to do, what you want them to do. So, if you want them to fill a form, make sure the design elements on the site gang up, to prompt them to do just that.

5. What elements do you want to include?

Image source: Michael Korwin

Your main motive is that the website should fulfill all client objectives. Hence, their choices, likes and dislikes matter a lot. You need to ask them what would they prefer to include in their website and which are the elements they would definitely not want to miss out on.

You also need to ask them about stuff they would like to exclude. They might have a clear idea regarding design elements they detest. If you know what they do not like, you can avoid those elements outright.

But, it’s important to remember you are also designing for the target audience. While you need to include elements that the client will like, it is doubly important to make designing choices that will resonate with your target audience.

Personal Learning: Through the course of my life as a website creator, if there is one important aspect I learnt, it is to make sure you are aware of the likes and preferences of clients. I was working with this client who discussed website objectives and then asked me to create a website the way I thought fit. But, it didn’t work out that way. When I suggested a color scheme, he came up with his own preference, when I showed the images I wanted to work with, he had his own ideas. Finally, I asked him what he wanted, in detail. These days, this is one of the first questions I throw at the client. Life’s easy this way.

6. What additional features do you require?

Image source: KREATIVA Studio

You need to ask your client about what extra elements they want integrated on their site.

Do they want to have embedded videos? Do they want users to be able to comment on blog posts and other types of content?? Do they require a chat box? Do they need an internal search engine for the site?

Any additional features that your client wants should be included in the website.

Personal Learning: Website design and development doesn’t work on hindsight. Again, I learnt this the hard way. One of the my website projects needed to be broken down, after it was complete and ready to go live. Why? The client decided he wanted a nice new feature he had read about. So what I also learnt was that there needed to be a cutoff date. Post that date, no requests for new feature/design integration will be considered.

7. What is your budget?

Image source: Masudur Rahman

It is best if you don’t approach this subject with apprehension. What a client wants and what a client can afford may be two different things. Therefore, some amount of negotiation will be necessary. If you maneuver intelligently through the budget negotiations, you will be able to freeze on a figure that is mutually convenient for both of you. Make sure you have all your costs figured out so that you don’t end up committing yourself to unsupportable costs.

Personal Learning: I know this question is uncomfortable, but in the interest of a good working relationship, you must ask this question upfront, after you get a clear idea of the clients’ requirements. Don’t be shy. In my early days, I used to commit to a project with all its requirements, without working out the budget with the client. Needless to say, there were times when I suffered.

Many a times a website fails to meet a client’s requirements. This may happen if the wrong kind of questions are asked. But, if you ask these 7 questions, you are bound to succeed in your endeavor to satisfy the client by building a website that looks and functions as it is supposed to. Be a nosy parker and start asking the right kind of questions now!

from Web Development & Designing http://www.designyourway.net/blog/web-design/7-questions-that-will-help-build-a-successful-website/

[touristguidebuzz]

Pointers for Getting A German Schengen Visa

Out of Town Blog Pointers for Getting A German Schengen Visa

Pointers for Getting A German Schengen Visa

Previous Post: How To Get A German Schengen Visa for Philippine Passport Holders

The other day I wrote about the whole process and the requirements in getting a Schengen visa. This time, I’ll be providing some extra pointers to give you that slight advantage in your application. In addition to these, I will be giving some advice specific to my situation, i.e. applying while unemployed and with a purpose of honeymoon for newly-weds.

visa denied – German Schengen Visa

Planning Ahead

Let’s begin with compiling your documentation. Considering you have settled on going to Germany, you must expect the hurdles in completing all the needed paperwork. Rule of thumb is to plan ahead even before setting an interview appointment. Ideally, you should only schedule your appointment when you are already building your calendar schedule (no. 3 below).

Create a checklist. Fortunately, the downloadable list of requirements is in checklist form where you can tick which document is on hand. If you’re feeling enthusiastic about keeping checklists, either you can make one on Excel or download checklist apps like Google Keep, and mark which ones are complete. Back then, we had a spreadsheet checklist that we’d kept updated each time we’ve accomplished credentials.

Check your passport for validity. The German Embassy forbids changing passports during processing, so it’s recommended that you either renew your passport before visiting the embassy. Your passport should at least be valid ‘for another 3 months’ on the date of visa application and should have ‘two empty pages’.

Make a detailed calendar schedule. Similar to a project calendar, this calendar will aid you in knowing exactly when to acquire which document. This schedule should include when your interview appointment at the embassy is.

Photocopy your papers. Having a cache of photocopies of each of your documents – including your IDs – is truly a life-saver.

Verify your bank account. Remember that submitting your bank statement with bank certificate is required. Make sure that your money in your bank account is enough to cover for travel expenses. My husband was asked a few questions regarding his finances – they’re that thorough.

Prepare auxiliary documents as you see fit. These are additional documents which are not in the checklist provided by the embassy but you think would be necessary to present. We were newly-weds at the time of application, so we decided to present our marriage certificate. Providing this supports the fact that we were recently married as I was not using my husband’s surname on all my identification documents. Also, since I was unemployed at that time, I produced printouts of job interview invitations. Preparedness and anticipation are keys to getting this right.

It is imperative that you bring all the necessary supporting documentation at the appointment. The German Embassy reserves the right to refuse incomplete submissions. There are instances when the embassy will contact you for more documentation. For more information on submissions, read here.

At the Interview

Now that you have collected your paperwork, let’s move over to readying yourself for the interview. In the previous article,  I mentioned that questions are usually based on the documentation you presented. It is, in fact, true as the embassy officers want to know whether you are sure about your credentials or not. Aside from the usual questions related to the documents you provided, you can find other possible questions they can ask you all around the Internet. Below are some of them including how you can answer them.

“Why Germany?” and/or “What do you know about Germany?” – This question does not need to be overly formal. Answer this question truthfully and concisely. For example, if you’re a beer fan and would like to try German beers, then you can simply answer that. Be sure that your answer is sincere and personal. As I mentioned before, I answered that I was a fan of the German National Football Team for years and have dreamed of visiting their home country.

“Do you have family or friends living in Germany?” – If you answered yes, answer in brief who, their relation to you, and where they are staying in Germany.

“Are you married?” – If you replied yes, this might be followed by “What does your spouse do?” or “How long have you been married?” or “Do you have children?”.

“Who will finance your travel?” – If you will not be shouldering your own expenses, respond briefly by saying who will pay for your trip and present their financial capacity. In my case, they accepted my husband’s bank statements instead of mine.

“How much this journey is going to cost you?” – Prepare this beforehand by computing an estimate of your expenses. Google the prices of fares, venue tickets, food, and others. Don’t make things up. You do not need the exact amount, something close to that number should suffice.

“Can you reschedule a shorter trip?” – State why you can or cannot reschedule, especially if your trip will happen during an important event.

“How do we know you will return home within your visa’s validity?” Or maybe some trick questions like “What are your plans after your return?” or “When in the Schengen Area, are you going to seek employment?” – Of course, you would want your answer to imply that you will be returning. However, think ahead of supporting reasons that you can add to indicate why they should believe you. You can point to your personal responsibilities that demands your presence here, e.g. an occupation, a business, a sick relative, etc. The last two questions may seem easy for you to answer if you’re employed, but be alert as they can catch you unaware.

When answering questions:

Make sure to make eye contact.

Construct your replies in a way that the focus is on what is asked.

Prevent yourself from giving lingering answers.

Always remember that leaving a good impression (but please, do not overdo it) would be most helpful at this point.

Once you are done with the interview, and have paid the fee, you will then be advised that the processing will take three to five business days. If you are asked to pick up your passport, come at the date and time you are requested to drop by. If you are unable to do so, you must inform the embassy right away.

Wait, there’s a snag…

Sometimes, things do take a turn for the inevitable. Not all people receive the much-awaited Schengen visa. The question now is, what should you do if you get rejected? If you take a good Google search, you will find that there are people who have shared their stories of rejection and how they handled it. Surely, a turndown may seem sad and disappointing but it does not signal the end of the world for everyone. There is still hope.

Fortunately, I have not yet gone through this experience so what I will be providing below are mostly collated information from other people’s experiences.

If you have received a letter stating the reason why your application was rejected:  I’ve read that people do receive rejection letters with ticked boxes corresponding to the reason behind it. In it, there are nine reasons why, but let’s stick to the most common reasons (as I have observed):

1) “The information submitted regarding the justification for the purpose and conditions of the intended stay was not reliable” – This would really make you ask yourself a million times what went wrong. If you have made a checklist, then you will somehow be able to pinpoint the snag. Did you give a copy of your confirmed accommodation? If you’re going to multiple places in different countries, have you provided a detailed itinerary? Are your means of financial support really enough to support you for the whole travel duration?

2) “Your intention to leave the territory of the Member States before the expiry of the visa could not be ascertained.” – Go over your checklist and see if you were able to submit the paperwork (BIR Form 2316/ITR, Letter of Approved Vacation Leave, and Certificate of Employment) that would prove your rootedness in the Philippines. If you did submit them, try to think about your current situation again. You may have lacked some more documents that would absolutely support your purpose. Aside from your submissions, they may have found your answers to their interview questions unsatisfactory.

german schengen visa

If you have received a rejection letter, what you can do is to craft a remonstration letter. A remonstration letter aids you to make an appeal to the embassy to reconsider your application. You can start by looking at a sample remonstration letter and tips how to write one here. It also helps to read some Schengen rejection stories like on Dream Euro Trip, on Two Monkeys Travel, this article on Rappler, and this one from Huffington Post.

Also Read:

A step by step guide to visa processes and tips for Freelancers

Pointers for Getting A German Schengen Visa Nizrhane Abdallah