#hya's always been a they and can also use they/he. s doesn't care. s feels like s doesn't mean anything so she is the default? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deepest-chambers-of-the-heart · 10 months ago

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shouting into the void here but since i had EMDR therapy uncover things, start and then stop just as suddenly without recovery or good coping I literally cannot think about things too hard or my head starts to get fuzzy and something literally grabs my brain matter and says "you don't need this" and now functioning is like. Way Harder.

it's like the archives of my brain got rearranged and then pages were ripped out of certain books and now i can't remember things i used to recall easily. it also revealed the fragility of my identity?? the moment we started doing it my brain started to split apart. i didn't like it and still don't like it when we drag out the feeling to analyze it. what did that mean. what did you do therapist.

#it's def harder now and the guys in my brain are alll like ????#i dunno nothin no more. she says i don't have DID and i believe her but also there's. a weirdness in my head nowadays #like are they tulpas? are they alters? what are you and why do you have your own feelings about things what do you mean #i know i've never had a solid sense of identity but soon after EMDR i couldn;t look in the mirror and reconize me?#cpulnd't put a name to the face that was reflecting back at the body. hya is always who you are talking to and seeing but S is there.#S is tiny and small and hardly inputs anything hya responds to her name because hya is. like. we. i. me? hya is wearing S's body.#but hya and s aren't interchangable. i feel a very string feeling in my chest when someone uses the wrong pronouns for hya.#hya's always been a they and can also use they/he. s doesn't care. s feels like s doesn't mean anything so she is the default?#head hurts to think about it so i vibe. we do use we sometimes. dunno why. been doing that forever.

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