#hulk does hawk's whole thing ten times better

[wanderingmind867]

It's an intriguing concept, but Dove is always better than Hawk. I see all of my negative aspects in Hawk. My temper, proclivity for snapping at people, etc. But it's all taken to extremes, which i blame on steve ditko never seeming to understand nuanced morality. Dove is adorable and sad and charming. Hawk looks like someone who'd bully me. And their politics embody this too: one reads like a violent, anti-communist warhawk who hates anything that isn't conservative and law and order. While the other is a pacifist who fights, but only when he has to. They can't make Don Hall not come off like the best kid ever here. He's just...who can hate that face? He's perfect.

[just-random-obsessions]

Funny Moments In Avengers 1 (this time with gifs!)

Find Thor 1 here

Find Thor 2 here

In hindsight, I probably shoulda done this either before or right after Thor 1 but I’m horrible at planning so. This post is going to be listing the humor in Avengers 1 and then giving some thoughts afterwards. Post starts underneath the tag list. If you want to be added/removed from the tag list, let me know.

Tag List: @fyrecrafted​ @lokijiro​ @nikkoliferous​ @miskiett​ @icyxmischief​ @iamanartichoke​ @juliabohemian​ @Official-and-unstable-satan @darthxerik​ @melodylnoelle​  @just-another-human-2019​ @fandomsfanfictions @mentallydatingahotcelebrity​ @cateyes315​ @burningarbiterheart​ @imnotacreepijustlikeyou​ @usedtobegoodfriend96​ @alexakeyloveloki​

Also, side note but I find it kinda interesting how the humor doesn’t start till several minutes after the film starts when the arms dealer guy is interrogating Natasha.

~ Arms dealer: “you listen carefully” Coulson: *bitch you listen carefully*

~ “I’m working! This idiot is giving me everything” “I don’t give her everything”

~ “Let me put you on hold” *Coulson waiting very quietly as he listens to Natasha’s hold music which consists of bones breaking*

~ “Oh I’ve got Stark. You get the big guy” *Natasha DEFINITELY saying “fuck” in a different language*

~ “Should’ve got paid up front Banner”

~ “Doctor we’re facing a potential global catastrophe” “oh no those I try to actively avoid”

~ “What does Fury want me to do [with the Tesseract]? Swallow it?”

~ “Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract? “You should’ve left it in the ocean

~ “Ten bucks says you’re wrong [about being surprised by new things]” *Steve later giving Fury $10*

~ “How does it look?” “Like Christmas but with more me”

~ “Give yourself some credit please. Give yourself 12% of the credit.” “12%?! Of my baby?!” “An argument could be made for 15”

~ “You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave a message”

~ “Phil! Come in!” “Um his first name is Agent”

~ *I know nothing about the Avengers initiative but I do know that my boyfriend is a dick sometimes*

~ *Pepper saying something racy in Tony’s ear*

~ *Both of the men’s faces*

~ “The guy’s like a Stephen Hawking.” *?????* “He’s like a smart person”

~ “I watched you while you were sleeping” *wow I should’ve stayed in the ice cause this convo went sideways real quick*

~ *Loki straight up sassing the asshole who tortured him like the Queen he is*

~ “Did he ask you to sign his captain America trading cards yet?” Trading cards?” “They’re vintage. He’s very proud”

~ “Really? They want me in a submerged pressurized metal container”

~ “Oh no this is much worse”

~ “I mean, if it’s not too much trouble” “no no it’s fine”

~ *Loki bitch-slapping the guard in the face with the scepter*

~ *cap punches Loki and Loki’s bitch really face”

~ “Kneel!” “Not today!”

~ “Make a move Reindeer Games”

~ “Rock of Ages giving up so easy?”

~ “What’s the matter? Scared of a little lightning?” “I’m not overly fond of what follows?” *?????*

~ “Now there’s that guy”

~ “We need a plan of attack!” “I have a plan. Attack”

~ “You think yourself above them?” “Well yes dumbass”

~ “You listen well brother” “I’m listening”

~ “Doth mother know, you weareth her drapes?”

~ *Loki calmly watching them fight*

~ “Power at 400% capacity” “How bout that?”

~ “Let me know if ‘real power’ wants a magazine or something”

~ “He really grows on you doesn’t he?”

~ “An army. From outer space” *should’ve stayed in the ice cube*

~ “He killed 80 people in 2 days” “He’s adopted”

~ “No hard feelings Point Breaks, you got a mean swing”

~ “That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn’t notice but we did!” *they later show the guy playing Galaga*

~ “How does Fury see these?” “He turns.” “Sounds exhausting”

~ “When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?” “Last night”

~ *Tony and Bruce geeking out over science*

~ “Are you nuts?” “Jury’s out”

~ “Is everything a joke to you?” “Funny thing”

~ *Tony supporting Bruce by offering blueberries*

~ “The Stark tower? That big ugly-” *Tony’s face* “building in the sky?”

~ “Followings not really my style?” “And you’re all about style?” “Of the people in this room who is 1) wear a spangly outfit and 2) not of use?”

~ *Ancient powerful deity trying to describe what a Bilgesnipe is to a mortal*

~ “How is this now about me?” “I’m sorry isn’t everything”

~ “Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off and what are you?” “Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist”

~ *Tony and Steve arguing* “Put on the suit” “I’m not afraid to hit an old man”

~ *SHIELD gets attacked* “Put on the suit” “Yep”

~ “Is the sun coming up? Then put it on the left dumbass”

~ “It seems to work on some form of electricity” *I should’ve stayed in the ice*

~ *Tony speaking Science TM* “Speak English!”

~ “Target angry! TARGET ANGRY!!!!!!”

~ “Are you ever not going to fall for that?”

~ *After blasting Loki* “So that’s what it does”

~ *Master assassins who bite each other*

~ *Thor vs Windows episode 2*

~ “Cap hit the lever” “I need a minute here!” “LEVER!!! NOW!!!”

~ “Uh oh I’m fucked”

~ “Are you an alien?” “No” “Well then son, you’ve got a condition”

~ “Hey you guys aren’t authorized to be in he-” “Son, just don’t”

~ “Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity” “Actually I’m planning on threatening”

~ *Tony very calmly “threatening” Loki*

~ “I have an army” “We have a Hulk”

~ “This usually works” “Well performance issues. It’s not uncommon 1 out of 5-” YEET

~ “And there one other person you pissed off. His name is Phil”

~ “Right. Army”

~ *Steve trying to stay safe in the jet as it falls to the ground* *I SHOULD’VE STAYED IN THE FUCKING ICE*

~ “Stark are you seeing this?” “Seeing. Still working on believing”

~ “You think you can hold them off?” “Captain, it would be my genuine pleasure”

~ “Just like Budapest all over again” “You and I remember Budapest very differently”

~ “Why the hell should I take orders from you?” *Cause I’m a fucking badass that why*

~ “Welp. We got his attention. What the hell is step 2?”

~ “So. This all seems horrible”

~ “I’m bringing the party to you” “I don’t see how that’s a party”

~ “That’s my secret cap. I’m always angry” *honestly tho Mood TM*

~ “Better clench up Legolas”

~ “And Hulk. Smash”

~ *Hawkeye not looking where he’s shooting and still hitting his mark*

~ “Well Thor’s taking down a squadron on 6th” “And he didn’t invite me”

~ *Hulk punching Thor out of the frame*

~ *Steve hiding his whole body behind his shield*

~ “I recognize that the council has made a decision but given that it’s a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

~ “Nat what the fuck are you doing?”

~ *Loki catches the arrow like a Badass TM but it still blows up in his face anyways cause Hawkeye is also a Badass TM*

~ “I am a god you dull creature and I will not be bullied by a-“ *gets smacked around like a rag doll*

~ “Puny god”

~ *Moans* (NOT LIKE THAT GET Y’ALL’S HEADS OUTTA THE GUTTER!!)

~ “Jarvis. You ever hear the tale of Jonah?” “I wouldn’t consider him a role model”

~ *ITS SHWARMA!!!! In the back ground!*

~ “You ready for another bout?” “What you gettin sleepy?”

~ *Hulk roaring to wake up Tony* “What the hell?”

~ “What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me!”

~ “Lets just not come in tomorrow. Let’s just take a day. You ever tried shwarma? There’s a shwarma place three blocks away. I don’t know what it is but I wanna try it.”

~ “If it’s all the same to you, I’ll have that drink now” *Tony smirking*

~ “Superhero’s in New York? Give me a break!”

~ *The Shwarma scene*

~ *Tony realizing he was scared back to life by the man on his left*

~ *Steve nodding off like the senior citizen he is*

~ *Thor eating literally everything on his plate*

~ *Clint and Natasha taking up each others personal space*

Alright some side thoughts. First of all, there’s no humor in the opening scene when Loki is stealing the Tesseract. I find this interesting as I see no reason for there not to be humor. Not complaining, just wondering.

Also, just like with Thor 1 & 2, there’s little to no humor when Thor and Loki are arguing. Whether it’s wen Thor breaks Loki out fo the jet after Stuttgart or when Thor and Loki are fighting on the Stark Tower, there’s barely any humor, if there’s even any humor at all.

[strangcrdoctor]

∞Okay last one for the night because I am really tired and very ready for bed but I’ve gotta get in my Avengers commentary because I have to start off tomorrow on a clean slate and ready to go. Thus, here we are.

1. In lieu of only post Infinity War MCU canon, Loki’s rhetoric at the very beginning of The Avengers sounds a fucking lot like Maw’s. In the initial scenes when he’s fresh off the Tesseract Express his words and way of speaking sound nothing like his own. Even comparing his speeches at the outset of the movie versus the one he makes in Stuttgart, the tones and focuses of them are very different. (IE the first speech focuses on the “powers at be” versus the Stuttgart speech focusing on Loki’s personal opinions of humanity which are more and more developed throughout the film.) But it struck me that these first scenes are precisely on-cue for someone tortured and brainwashed by, say, The Black Order. 2. Given I literally just watched the first Captain America yesterday, I find Cap’s “old fashioned” comment about the stars and stripes on his uniform to be both sad and interesting. Especially given the context that comparatively Cap hasn’t been “up” for very long, one particular comment made to him by Schmidt literally moments before he went into the ice stands out. Schmidt says that through the Tesseract he glimpsed the future, and that there were no flags. In the America and world Steve wakes up to, compared to the world of the 1940s that claim of Schmidt’s could very suddenly appear to be true, which would be understandably uncomfortable for someone like Steve who is usually determined and quick on his feet but at such a staggering disadvantage because of the gap between his mindset and that of his contemporaries which are more varied than he necessarily knows how to quantify right at the outset. Watching his progress throughout the MCU in light of that is interesting, but that one moment of introspection about the utility of the “stars and stripes” is a uniquely postmodern comment coming from a pre-modern/modern man. 3. Okay so this intrigues me now that we have the Guardians and pretty much the entire universe in play in the MCU, but what “greater worlds,” exactly, was the Tesseract supposed to unveil? True the Tesseract is the space stone and verifiably can open portals to everywhere and anywhere in the universe, but Loki specifically makes the claim that the Tesseract can open up access to “greater worlds,” and I’m honestly still not entirely sure what precise reference this was supposed to be making. Because Thanos barely might have arguably needed the Tesseract to get to the planet the Soul Stone was on, but even so that’s a connection that still somehow feels like a stretch. So my question is, what if they meaning the Black Order or Thanos or possibly even Loki needed the Tesseract to get at something else? Somewhere else? Then again, this particular slip might just be Whedon’s doing and not necessarily be reflective of the culmination of the MCU up to this point so IDK. 4. I’m not going to lie, I’ve found it fascinating from day one that The Avengers very openly plays with godhood, to the point that I’m genuinely not sure if they’re reifying it in the MCU or tinkering with it. I mean obviously in the later movies this theme is less stressed because the tinkering patently takes precedence, but it’s still cool to me that there are both scripted and visual imagery that tie in multicultural interpretations of godhood. Fury mentions the burial rites of the Pharaohs within the first ten minutes of the film, Loki commits a human sacrifice on a Babylonian bull altar straight from Gilgamesh era in Stuttgart, Cap makes a comment about how his singular god does and does not dress after Natasha herself labels Thor and Loki as gods, and Fury unashamedly labels Thor as a god when they release the Tesseract to his custody. And while a bit ham-fisted, the correlation between theism and the bleeding-edge demand to acknowledge the reality of the universe is still pretty neat guys. 5. The old man in Stuttgart because no FUCK. If any of y’all think that my Germanist ass won’t get misty-eyed and choked-up during this scene, you’re wrong. 6. Okay so I’ll premise this by saying that I haven’t cross-checked the official script because frankly... yeah frankly I don’t want to be wrong and I really can’t hear anything but what I believe to be my interpretation of the line even though I know what the other fan alternatives have been. But when Thor and Loki are arguing on the mountaintop, when Loki says that he, “Was and should be ---,” my hearing of it instead of having been “Was and should be king,” is “Was and should be killed.” And while I’ll bow to whatever official record claims otherwise, I like my hearing better so there. (Also... there’s zero hint of Hiddleston’s palate producing a “g” sound in that sentence but I’ll put my inner linguist away and leave it at that.) 7. In light of that scene, though, when Loki and Thor are arguing is one of the first moments when Loki actually sounds like himself after the Stuttgart scene? Prior to that point the only times we see Loki is when he’s marshaling his human troops and getting policed by those lording over him. In all of those initial scenes Loki feels... very un-Loki to me. Not because Loki isn’t a bastard (hint: he is), but because his motivations and justifications are vague and not seemingly personally motivated, which is what Loki is to a fault. Post-Stuttgart, however, and the personal element seems to return for him because of some reason or another. (IE I have theories but you can read your own into it.) 8. Let it never be said that Thor is a dull bulb. Yeah it’s still sort of unclear how Thor got to Earth (though nothing is unclear about why Thor is pissed), but Thor does walk in with more than enough information to be frankly a little surprising. Bless Heimdall and all that, but seriously the fact that Thor knows about the Chitauri but doesn’t know other things casts an interesting focus on what he was told by Odin and Heimdall before going. Most importantly, though, even from conversing with Loki for a few minutes, Thor is attentive enough to pick up on some of what Loki isn’t saying. Such as, just who showed Loki how to use the Tesseract and all the things Loki claims to be motivated by. Equally interestingly, Loki specifically refuses to answer that question. 9. I feel bad for Fury for sleeping in a den of vipers for so long - though I do like the build-up from the first Avengers into the following issues with HYDRA corruption - but in ways more important to the immediate issue in the first Avengers, Fury might be a shady bitch but he is not an idiot. Because while everyone else was having pissing contests and not trusting one another, Fury was not trusting the person that deserved to be trusted the least, which isn’t just good leadership, but is good spycraft. 10. As established later in the MCU, it’s exceedingly clever that even in the first Avengers there are scenes when even without a “wielder” present, the Mind Stone - as-yet unidentified as such in the MCU - can be seen manipulating those in its vicinity such as in the lab where the biggest catfight in the history of the MCU breaks out. I mean. Until CA:CW... 11. Steve Rogers, poor cinnamon roll, unexpectedly served at dinner instead of breakfast, who cracks jokes about technology he really isn’t that bad at as “seeming to run on some kind of electricity.” Bless. Though really that internal console, while doing complicated shit, is definitely not any more or less visually complicated than the interior of a radio relay which Steve definitely dealt with in his day but kudos for the humor bb, A+. 12. Still one of the strongest and most harrowing lines ever said in the MCU in my opinion: “We are NOT soldiers.” Know why? Because they aren’t. Hell, the only ones among them that are soldiers - and some by slim and emergency-driven margins - are Steve, Bucky, Rhodey, and Sam. The rest of them are brilliant, gifted, and tortured civilians trying to do the right thing. And to Tony Stark above all else, that means something. That means that they didn’t get training to deal with this shit. They didn’t choose for this to be their lives, necessarily. And above all, they don’t deserve to die. And even though Tony knows Coulson is a SHIELD agent, Tony still considers him a person before a disposable “soldier.” 13. Mother-fucking Marvel give me an entire series devoted to my Hawk Guy I need him. You have so much to work with and yet you’re so good at squandering him. I hate it. 14. In light of how bad NYC got fucked up, it’s honestly no wonder Jessica Jones has a drinking problem because I would too even without the personal loss, experimentation, and emotional maladjustment. 15. IN WHAT FUCKING POST-9/11 WORLD DO BUSINESS BUILDINGS NOT HAVE VERY STRICT EVACUATION PLANS. SERIOUSLY. I am a little mad that there are morons ogling out of office building windows when frankly that shit wouldn’t fly. Even on fucking 9/11 that shit didn’t fly and if you think NYC is less paranoid because 9/11 was a decade prior to this movie coming out, you’re wrong. Everyone remembers, and city evacuation ordinances will sure as hell never forget either. Come on Marvel. 16. As a point of interest my grandmother - who also went to see The Avengers with me when it was in theaters but not at the midnight showing like my mom - was 84 at the time and still sat through the whole thing with a bucket full of popcorn to herself, and her favorite moment to this day is when the Hulk tosses Loki around like a rag doll. She’s 90 now, and the Hulk is still her favorite character. 17. Mother-Fuckin Nick Fury will cock-block your nuclear strike with a bazooka because he thinks you’re that dumb. Do not test Nick Fury’s willingness to be Extra (TM) . You will lose. 18. Real talk, though, I’m really curious about whether the Chitauri actually are a hive mind race or, is it their technology that runs of a hive mind link? Because the armor at least on the giant toothy space whale monstrosities does not look organic - it looks implanted. The Chitauri foot soldiers also seem to have a unique biologically based interface with their weapons, armor, and technology in general, which begs the question of whether their biometric matrix is just somehow more inclined toward shared-existence technologies, or whether they self-engineered themselves into a corner by relying on said technologies too much. Seriously guys I have questions and why won’t Marvel give me answers. 19. As a final send-off, this is the first time Tony has ever driven an Acura in the MCU and I refuse to believe it’s not because of the Avengers “A” aesthetic. Tony is canonically an Audi man. Fight me on this.

Okay I’m seriously done for now it’s 1 AM and I need to sleep I have 4 more movies to get through tomorrow. I’ll be up and around and at my shit again in the morn.∞