#hqtplnk's tog fanfics

[hellevank]

☆彡 i hate u, i love u

khun aguero agnis x reader songfic

song: “i hate u, i love u” by gnash ft. olivia o’brien

perspective: khun ; reader

reader warnings: angst, mild nsfw (?), some cursing

(a/n): thanks for reading! i don’t see a lot of tower of god fanfics out there, so i’m making some. please understand that i’m new to this platform (but i’ve had this account for a while, just never used it), and i’m trying to adjust. requests are open!

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Feeling used

But I'm still missing you

And I can't see the end of this

Just wanna feel your kiss

Against my lips

I’m sitting in my room, looking out the window. I touch my lips, missing the tingling sensation whenever Khun and I made out. His silvery blue hair, his cobalt blue eyes, his electrifying touch. I missed the times he would close the gap, kissing me fervently, feeling like all of my problems were solved by one simple sign of affection from the man I hoped to have “forever” with.

And now all this time

Is passing by

But I still can't seem to tell you why

It hurts me every time I see you

Realize how much I need you

Every time I had errands to run, it was always Khun who appointed me to my duties. It didn’t help that Khun and I were in the same apartment complex, along with other students. I still wasn’t able to look him straight into his eyes, not after his scheming. His expressions were unreadable, I was unsure of his thoughts. Was I just this naive?

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her

After finding out that Khun has only used me to make his crush jealous, I felt heartbroken. Even though everyone was saying that Khun was a total heartthrob and that he jumped from girl to girl after he felt “bored”, I still couldn't ignore the feeling of helplessness and hurt, missing the times he's by my side when no one else was.

I miss you when I can't sleep

Or right after coffee

Or right when I can't eat

I miss you in my front seat

Still got sand in my sweaters

From nights we don't remember

For some time I had to make it believable that (y/n) and I were dating. I moved into her apartment, I pleased her, whispered sweet things, told her that I loved her, all to make Shilial jealous. Why is it that it hurts every time I see her in the complex? Every time I see her talk to a boy? Every time she laughed with her friends, why could I not do those things to her instead? Now that Shilial and I are dating, it felt different. (y/n) was something else. With her, I felt happier, more vibrant.

Do you miss me like I miss you?

Fucked around and got attached to you

Friends can break your heart too

And I'm always tired but never of you

The first time I saw (y/n) was when she walked in the room of our Computer Science class. Her pink hair cascaded down her shoulders and onto her hips. She had a petite frame, but had an authorative aura around her. Shilial and I were still single at this time, so in order to catch her attention I needed someone who equaled her fieriness, and (y/n) was just that. I watched her movements in the classroom, how she spoke to our peers, how she answered our teacher’s questions. She was perfect for my plan. It came together when our teacher assigned a coding project, and she happened to be my partner. She turned around from her seat and studied me. I could never forget those eyes, those reddish-orange eyes. Something about them made me both shiver in fear and admire them. I was stunned, until she smiled and held out her hand, introducing herself. We had found out that we lived in the same building, so we went to catch some coffee at the local cafe. We chatted for who knew how long, and the next thing I knew we were inseparable. More into the friendship and I realized that she and I had fallen for each other. I tried to keep things above the waters, my eyes still on Shilial. I was unsure if this plan with (y/n) was of regret or success, but I long for her.

If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit

I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit

I type a text but then I never mind that shit

I got these feelings but you never mind that shit

Every time I see (y/n) in our complex, she avoids my gaze. I tried to talk to her, starting with appointing her with grocery duties, but it was no use. It was even worse when Shilial and I broke up weeks after we started dating. She was stubborn, she wouldn’t look at me in the eye, and it hurts to see her this way. 

Oh, oh

Keep it on the low

You're still in love with me but your friends don't know

If you wanted me you would just say so

And if I were you, I would never let me go

I knew the look in her eyes, those of hurt and brokenness. I wanted to hold her so bad, to tell her that it was my fault for letting things go this way. She changed my perspective, she changed me. Everyone saw that, how I was nicer, humbler, and happier when I was “dating” you. But because of my selfishness, I broke her. She was still as smart, beautiful, and kind, but she was a lot more stoic and suppressed herself more, and I couldn’t help but feel angry at myself. It was me who did that, it was my fault. Her friends didn’t, but I knew, deep down, that she still loved me, but why is she not saying anything? Shilial and I had already broken up, she left me for some other guy.

I don't mean no harm

I just miss you on my arm

Wedding bells were just alarms

Caution tape around my heart

(y/n), come back. Let me hug you, kiss you, moan your name for the last time. I will fix this, we will fix this. I hate to see her this way. Please, I know my mistakes. Let me correct them.

You ever wonder what we could have been?

You said you wouldn't and you fucking did

Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix

Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed

I saw (y/n) on the rooftop once, admiring the scenery below her. It was Valentine’s Day, and I could feel the bittersweet resentment. I sat down beside her, gulping my beer as I looked over to her, silently wiping her eyes. Before she got up, I grabbed her wrist to prevent her from leaving. She looked at me, full of hatred, rage, and sadness. I asked if she ever wondered how things would have been like if we were still together. (y/n) spat, telling me she didn’t and that we should forget about it, but her eyes tell me otherwise. She was weeping under the moonlight, missing the moments we had together. The times I held her in my arms, the times I made love with her. She knew, but lied. Why can’t we fix this? Can’t she give me another chance?

Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing

Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance

I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing

But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings

I let go of Khun’s grasp, his eyes softened, looking away. He gulped down the last of his bottle, until I turned and exited the rooftop. I shut the door behind me as I entered the room, and started sobbing. I knew that in order to move on, I should stop thinking about the times he made me feel loved, but I couldn’t. I miss it too much, I want to go back into his arms, to apologize to him for snobbing him, for acting so childish instead of fixing this problem we both created. I cried my heart out, remembering what my dad told me when I cried to him about Khun.

“You can’t ignore those feelings. If your heart yearns for him, go for him. Do what your heart tells you to do. Who knows what the outcome will be? What’s important is that you communicate, fix your problems, and let go, if needed. Stay strong, sweetheart.”

When love and trust are gone

I guess this is moving on

Everyone I do right does me wrong

So every lonely night I sing this song

Months have passed since the event on the rooftop. She’s created her distance from me, and I did, too. She looks happier without me, the way she brightens up when she and her friends joke around, or when she’s sighing in content when she figures out how to fix a sequence from her coding. I guess this is her way of saying, “It was nice while it lasted,” though I still can’t help but reminisce of the times we show affection to each other. Is this it? Is this the end of our relationship?

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you

All alone I watch you watch her

Like she's the only girl you've ever seen

You don't care you never did

You don't give a damn about me

The times I see him watch her boils up anger in me, but of course, it’s not like he cared. It was torture to watch him drool over her, when her red pigtails shimmied its way down her dress. Can’t he see she was using him, just like he used me? But then again, he did use me, so my opinion wouldn’t matter.

Yeah, all alone I watch you watch her

She is the only thing you ever see

How is it you never notice

That you are slowly killing me?

Before Khun and Shilial broke up, I would sometimes catch myself staring at the two. He looked so smitten, heads over heels for her. He knew I was staring, longing for the similar gaze, but ignored me for it. Doesn’t he see how much it hurts? It was killing me, but he wouldn’t care. He got what he wanted.

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you

Months after Valentine’s, I felt a bit more refreshed. I got my priorities straight, and didn’t waste any more time sulking on Khun. It felt good, for a change. I distanced myself from him, and he did, too. I didn’t bother looking for him anymore. As much as I wanted to hate him, I wanted to thank him for those times. It may not have ended the way I wished for it to, but in the end, I learned a few things from him, and intended to apply those solutions to the next relationship I can get myself into.

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her

If Khun were to ever know my thoughts, I wish him the best. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have matured. I learned a whole lot of things from our “relationship”, and I was glad that he was the man I lost my virginity to, fake relationship or not. We may have had a rocky end, but there’s always a light in the end of the tunnel. So Khun, thank you. Thank you for making me feel loved, thank you for the sweet nothings, for the times you held my hand in the cafe, for that time you hugged me when we saw our grade for our coding project, for those times you imprinted me to let the world know I was yours, for those times you explored every inch of me, knowing where I hit the spot, for making me moan your name, for the small kisses, telling me how perfect I was, for trusting me with your heart, even for a short while. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

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