#however writing takes much more of an effort from me but I'm slowly adding stuff little by little to that draft! 💕

[rozinaaa]

Thinking About Improving The Curation Front

Following on from my last post, I mentioned that I would improve my side project (the Digital Art Database), by potentially turning it into a side hustle (but somehow doing it in a healthy and sustainable way to prevent burnout), mainly so that I can have some accountability and incentive to continue to add to it and expand on it, as well as seeing if it's something that's actually going to benefit others, so although this sounds shallow, having some validation towards my idea (and what I've got so far) will help me, since I'll know whether I'm alone in doing this, because I can only go so far by doing the same few things all the time.

However, this wasn't always the plan, since in my Career Manual from last year, I mentioned that I wouldn't monetise this, and that I'd keep it as low tech as possible, as well as keeping it as just a hobby, although I've now started to change my mind as I realise that my side project has actual potential, and is something that could potentially be in demand by other people who have similar interests, so I won't know about this unless I actually take the time and effort to expand the project.

I know I can keep plowing away at it by writing all the HTML by hand, but to be honest, I'm tired of doing that, and it's slowly starting to become ineffective and inefficient as I keep on adding to it, not to mention that the list seems really inaccessible and overwhelming to someone who might view the site for the first time, simply because they're greeted with a terminal style list of things in alphabetical order, which can be hard to read, and also because they're forced to scroll if they want to find a specific item on that list, which essentially contains thousands of items.

Additionally, I also want to focus on using a no-code solution (ideally cloud based, which makes it more accessible for me), so that I can free up real estate in my mind to focus more on the UX and UI Design of the site, as well as on the marketing/promotion and content creation aspects of it as well, because there's not really much point in having an informative site such as the one I curate if no one else is really aware of the fact that it exists, although this is mainly due to the fact that I simply don't have any analytics or stats on the site to tell me how many people have viewed the site.

I could always try mimicking what I do at my job (by creating the UI in Figma, and using the built in Dev Tools to translate it into code), but that's just what I'm doing now with extra steps, so I don't think it would be that effective, although I could always create mockups and sketches of how the site would look and behave with Figma.

I've also found out that I can now get the domain that ends in .com, which I would get (and this important, because it wasn't available when I first created the site), since that ending is a lot more universal, and gives a better impression, in the sense that it's more of a commercial thing/business rather than just a non-profit that's operating at a loss.

Additionally, I'd also change the domain, simply because when I had no choice but to change providers, I somehow accidentally messed up the process, which has resulted in me trying to wrangle with the back end server side stuff (which I simply do not understand at all, let alone really having that much interest in that area) for months now, so at this point, it's easier for me to create a brand new site (using a cloud-based no code solution (I'm thinking about using Webflow, since I can have as much creative freedom that I'd get if I was coding, without having to actually write any, so I'd get the best of both worlds), even if I do end up paying for that solution, but I'd essentially pay for freeing up cognitive load to focus on what actually matters to me) with a brand new domain instead of trying to wrestle with lots of technical things that take me away from what I actually want to do with the site and the project itself.

I realise that this won't necessarily be as low tech as I'd like (especially if I'm planning on using Webflow, which seems very high tech, although their code is surprisingly very easy to read, compared to other high end sites), so I'd probably have to make a compromise, and accept the fact that I'd rather use a site with a decent and professional UI and UX (especially considering the fact that I'm doing that type of work anyway, so I might as well expand on that), over one which is harder to navigate, where not all of the relevant information is easily accessible, with this being something that I found frustrating as I gathered different sites together, which often made things take longer.

On top of that, I'm thinking about putting things into categories, so it's easier to get what you're looking for, without having to scroll through the entire list, although I would still use an alphabetical list within all of the categories themselves, so that I get the best of both worlds, and so that the site becomes easier to navigate.

The main reason why I want to monetise it now (after making a vow that I would never do such a thing) is because I want to actually take this seriously, as well as actually being able to invest fully into the site itself and being able to have the means to do more research and development beyond using just the internet, along with simply having another source of income (as shallow as it sounds, but that's also important), so that I have a safety net just in case my day job gets thrown under the bus for whatever reason, although all of this makes me sound like a capitalist, and I don't really know how I feel about that.

I know that theorising about this is all well and good (especially since I've done it a few times now), but I need to make this actually happen, so that I can move on and do other things, so to make it easier, I'd probably make a very basic TODO list, mainly to avoid getting overwhelmed by everything, but not knowing where to start.

[writingbeary]

I really need to finish that drafted chapter but this week (it's actually the whole month) I've been so swamped with papers that I have to finish that by the time I get some free time, my wrist is screaming at me 😬

I cannot promise that I will be able to update this week but I will sure try because I'd feel bad for everyone who is reading Minyoung's story. 🥺

So, apologies in advance 😭

Thank you and I hope to see you around! 💕

-Mimi (@hello-kumamimi / @writingbeary )

[levisgirll]

Hi, I'm really enjoying your Levi writings, especially post ch 139. My1st req, I've been thinking about post war Levi, mainly healed from any injuries but sometimes his old wounds flare up. Back, legs, ect. Would like a modern AU hc of a night where it's bad, what's he do? Bath, heating pad, meds, ect? (Would he hate meds?) Would he ask for help? What if his s/o were there, or particularly his unspoken attraction? Say he's stuck in position from pain and they sit/lay behind him so he can rest.

𝐀𝐎𝐓 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 - 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 (𝟑)

𝙃𝙚𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣 ♡♡

note: A lot of really cute fluff that I’m sure will warm your heart- don’t miss this out!

Thanks for the questions!

I am so glad that you are enjoying them 🥺 it means a lot to me ♡♡ (I combined this both as a discussion and adding some headcanon ideas as you did mention them both<3 but if you want a fanfic then let me know!)

This is a very interesting topic and I always wanted to share my thoughts and ideas about this! Post war Levi would finally for once in his life feel relaxed, ease up and he won’t have to be worried or overthink anymore for 24/7 (about titans, and especially his s/o living another day or not). His life becomes even much better when he lives with his s/o, and it feels just too good for him how they would still be there, alive and by his side all day long and he would usually think he’s stuck in a dream because living with s/o had always been one of his goals and wish. 

Levi just loves how his s/o would always wake up every morning to go get him tea and while they are at it, they would go get warm towels to apply and put it on his shoulders as usually when he wakes up it would be stiff, and his s/o knows him too well that they got that prepared for him. Levi would actually love it when Y/N gives him warm towels or applies for him the heating pads for his back, places he couldn’t reach, and this would help improve his damaged muscles and his back stiffness. He adores you too much and while you are doing it, Levi would would just sit on the edge of the bed, shirtless, just staring at you and when you glance at him, Levi always has a look of admiration in his eyes when he looks at you, his facial expression says it all and after you are done he would lean in to kiss you softly and then whisper “Thank you, my love.” so faintly and you would only be able to hear that if the room was pitch quiet, and if you missed hearing it, Levi would not repeat it as this man is quite shy sometimes. Speaking about that, post war Levi would start to stutter, blush and be shy way more when he tries to be more romantic with you <3

Although, when he thinks about doing some romantic stuff with you when you both are alone, he would hesitate and might end up not doing them. That’s because, I find Levi the type who would maybe struggle with his new looks (the scares on his face) and becomes a bit insecure. As he is quite emotional, this side of him would show a lot and whenever he looks at the mirror and sees that long scar on his face, his eye being damaged, he would think and wonder “Do they still even love me while I look like this? Half of my face is injured.” He would then realize that he would have a lot of scars on his upper abdomen, chest and shoulder and Levi would stop going shirtless during nights when you both sleep. Y/N starts to pick up on that and when they mention about it, Levi would just brush it off and say he would be cold later the evening (which is a lie, the man is burning up everytime he touches your body or looks at you, especially when you are both sleeping on the same bed where he holds you so closely)

When Y/N offers they want to help him with treating his wounds, I don’t find Levi the type who would reject their offer, in fact he would feel grateful how they are willing to help him and it makes him feel a bit loved to be honest, he would be very calm about it and pass you the bandages silently with a slight nod, indicating that he is fine with you treating him. And you are the ONLY one that Levi allows you to treat him. However, I think this would only go on a bit in the beginning, later on he would hesitate and try to treat his scars and wounds himself whenever you are not in the bedroom. That’s not because he does not want you to treat him, but because I think Levi would start to feel maybe a bit insecure with the scars he has on his body and feels like he would have to hide them. He wants to recover and his wounds/scars to heal FAST so that he can start to feel comfortable and show you even more love, he would start to overthink too and probably think that you mighttt find him ugly! He never wants to ask you that because he is scared to find out the truth.

There was a night though, where his old wounds would flare/open up, and he would feel extreme pain that night. He would slowly get off the bed and let you go (as he was hugging your waist while you were sleeping) and try to go to the bathroom to get some painkillers to ease the pain. The pain would come from his back muscles, and then he would groan and wince from the pain as he struggles to get the muscle deep pain reliving cream. Y/N would then notice the other side of the bed being empty and cold (as Levi is not warming them up anymore with his hug) and wake up, they then notice he is in the bathroom and head there. “Levi? Dear, are you okay?” They would say as they approach Levi. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Levi turned quickly, and holding his s/o’s hands, showing them that he is alright. Levi would probably try to hide his pain later on, because he does not want to show you his ‘weak side’ as he would think and not be a burden to you. You are quick to read the atmosphere and knew something was up, “I asked you a question first, are you okay?”. Y/N would sound like an angel to Levi, his eyes would soften and wonder how did he actually end up with an amazing person by his side who actually loves him and cares about him. He would then give in, not hiding it anymore and letting them know that his wound from his back muscle started to flare up.

Y/N would take Levi to their bed, let him rest and lay on his chest while they would gently caress his back with the pain relief cream and massage him. Oh, how amazing he felt that night, he felt even more in love with you and his love kept on growing. Just with your touch, and your gentle hands as they massage his back would help him so much, his pain would be easily gone, and he would close his eyes softly and finally relax as you massaged him. As you were massaging him, you started to admire how amazing his back muscles, biceps and triceps were and that his scars made him look even more attractive and it was a sign showing how strong and amazing ‘Y/N’s man’ was. “Wow, Look at my man. You are so handsome.” Y/N would say in a amazed tone and smile at him while his face would go super red, “R-Really...If I am like that to you in your eyes....That only matters to me.” With your help and words to Levi that night, his insecurities slowly drifted away and he started to appreciate his scars now, and also see it as a reminder and a sign/indication that he served his duty for all his fallen comrades and he would not have to have any more regrets as Y/N would say, and that helped him so so much. He really cherishes and admired you, you have no idea <3  Levi would also give you that unspoken attraction, asking for another back massage session, would do it for you too for your shoulder after you massaged him behind you as you are making tea for him and then he would hug your waist from behind, putting his face in your shoulder and breathing in your beautiful scent and start giving you a trail of kisses on your shoulders and up to your neck, the room would then be filled with giggles from Y/N and that warms Levi’s heart <3

Levi would probably hate to take some medicines if they tasted bad and he would try to avoid it, but Y/N would definitely help him out and try to help him take it with his food which he found was a good idea and it slowly helped him take the meds, he would only do this if you were with him and then you noticed how Levi would actually act like a teenage kid sometimes. “Y/N, I told you, I only take them if you are with me, and if its your food that I am eating.” Levi would say as you sighed, after asking him when getting back from the store if he took his meds or not. He loved your food so much and he would be the type not to eat food from outside if it wasn’t yours. He thinks everything you do or make is amazing and he loves it if you did anything just for him, his love for you was strong and whenever he thanks you, he would give you a smile that would warm your heart. “Tell me, is there something else you want?” You would say with a big smile, and Levi would come and approach you, then say while he brings his hands to caress your cheeks gently, “Yea...I want you.” You both spend a long afternoon with cuddles and kisses and Levi was not planning to let you go, post war Levi would be a clingy man to Y/N! Y/N would then give him ‘marks’ instead on his neck if they had a heated makeout session and they would say “I’ll give you a mark instead.” Oh how now he really admires that so much and would always crave for that now <3 you made him feel amazing and he made you feel special. It was a mutual love, putting effort into the relationship and Levi loved that as he is the type who would usually depend on emotional attraction instead.

I find Levi the type of guy who might feel guilty/ashamed or feel a bit bad whenever he asks for help from Y/N, he wants to be the man to be there for you and helping you 24/7 instead. For example, when he is finding it a bit difficult to get up from his chair as his wounds and pain start to flare up, and he would struggle to ask for your help and even hesitate to call you out. But as soon as he gives Y/N that look, the unspoken attraction that they have for each other lets them know that he is needing some help. This is when both of them realized, they actually have a special and unique relationship bond, understanding one another so well without even saying it makes Levi feel so lucky and special instead of feeling bad and even though he hates it when this happens, he feels so loved after that and he would then talk so highly of Y/N and his relationship to the others.

Y/N would sometimes get the bath ready and done for Levi and this man would appreciate it so much whenever you do that, he would get lowkey happy and would ask you to join him <3 and after the bath, you would let him rest on your lap and softly caress his hair while he relaxes there and rests. He loves moments like these so much and then he would look up to you, with his eyes filled with love and lust whenever he is looking at your face, your eyes as they sparkle and with the reflection he can clearly see your beautiful shade eye color, and he would reach out to gently pull you closer to his face and give you a passionate kiss.

Finally, definitely post war Levi and Y/N would have unspoken attraction. I feel like this would be more common with Levi, that it is clear he has a strong attraction towards them and he really adores his Y/N a lot but won’t probably say it aloud. It is clear with his actions and when he is close to Y/N, he would hold their hand gently and caress his thumb on Y/N’s hand, indicating that he wants them to stay a bit longer, holding their hand, just to feel their presence. His signs of upspoken mutual attraction would be so strong, he would definitely tease Y/N and enjoy that, smile more when around them and especially when they are treating his wounds. Both would anticipate each other’s needs and wants and Levi and Y/N would feel the chemistry between each other more while Y/N is treating them, Levi would engage in a lot of mutual eye contact. He would do this to indicate that he wants to feel more closer to you (after Y/N would touch his chest and arms) while treating him, and he would go near your lips just to steal a small kiss from you and that would leave you a blushing mess <3 Post war Levi would be a clingy man, and he would open up with you more, finding it easier to talk with you about his wounds/scars as you apply some heating pads on him, and then after everytime you help him out, Levi would always look for excuses to want to help you instead, to make up for it.

I hope this answered your question and this is what I would guess! Anyways, I really loved answering this as this warmed my heart. Levi really deserves this after everything he went through and I lowkey think he would really crave for that! He would hug you everytime and thank you for always being there for him and it would be sincere and wholehearted. Please feel free to send another question or anyone out there who has one! I hope you and everyone else has a good day and let me know if you liked this by leaving a message anywhere, like or a reblog 🥺 ♡ ♡

[noctuascion]

I'm gonna make 2 requests, because I'm greedy and a little Cryptage starved right now. Also, you write so good and you have this way of turning a phrase that makes me super jealous so here goes. 1) FAKE DATING! Just... always with the fake dating. 2) Not sure how the lore works on your au but if it's applicable, either vamp crypto accidentally exposing wolf mirage to silver or wolf mirage exposing vamp crypto to sunlight.

;; Be as greedy as you want, sweetums. I love writing your prompts and also love you so it works out. uwu

Also, anything to keep me from falling asleep lol

I'll write your second request in a different post, but it'll be a bit. I write kinda slowly chjdjw ;;

--

Elliott Witt has had a lot of things happen to him. He's had first loves, first kisses, first everythings. He's done a lot in his life, but, in all his years of living and loving, he didn't think fake dating his rival would ever make the list. It did, though, as much as both of them resented it.

One of the promotional managers had called them in for a quick meeting. Basically, he laid down that they were to start appearing in public more and that they were doing it together. At first, Elliott had been on board. Having more time in the limelight sounded amazing, but then came in Park, who was now going to be his boyfriend.

Now, he's not saying Park's disgusting or revolting or that he isn't comfortable enough with his sexuality to be able to freely hug and tell his buddies he loves them (because, well, his only friends are a lesbian and a drug addict for the most part), but he's straight, a ladies man! Sure, the kid's pretty and everything, but he's not feminine either. He has his own special type of charm that's not entirely easy to put into words. (He has nice legs, though. Elliott will give him that much.)

He's glad, though, that he's not the only one entirely against this. Park managed to miss a lot of meet 'n greets, forgoing seeing his fans and opting out of photo shoots. He's rarely seen in public, and, if he is, he looks about as shady as a drug dealer—hiding his face, oversized clothing, etc. He hates the spotlight, Elliott quickly figured out, and that was his only real issue with this whole ordeal.

And when Elliott pointed out that he seemed to be perfectly fine with dating him, he called him what he assumes are curse words and insults in his native tongue before telling him he'd sooner date Nox.

However, their word was final, and the two were now a "couple" in the eyes of the public. Their fellow competitors were allowed insight on their little "agreement," and they did what any supportive friends would do: they laughed and wished the new couple a happy life.

Today was their first official "date" as a couple, so Elliott intended for it to be at least somewhat decent for them. He was aware Park hated public places, but they wanted them to be seen in public together. He couldn't please both parties, so he decided a small, family restaurant would be their destination. There wasn't a lot of people that normally visited, but Elliott was a personal fan of the food served there. The atmosphere was warm and friendly and he's sure Park would appreciate that much.

Why am I trying so hard again…?

Shrugging, he pulled on his second nicest jacket—a nice yellow shade that went well with his white shirt and blue jeans. His hair was done up in its usual style, though he lacked the goggles he normally wore, so his hair fell in his eyes a bit. He was sure Park wasn't going to try too hard, so he didn't either. It was a casual outing, after all; no need for either to wear anything extravagant.

Well, Elliott was wrong when Park met up with him wearing a white turtleneck, a nice black blazer, and matching slacks. He suspects a turtleneck because he's at least trying to hide his cybernetic implantations without being too obvious and still looking like effort was put in. There was such a stark color difference, though—he felt like the sun next to the moon.

"Oh, h-hey, you look…" Elliott trailed off, unsure if he should give a genuine compliment or play it off like a joke—but he's already stuttered, so he may as well commit, "… good—you dress up nice."

"Paquette and Wraith helped." He huffed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I wouldn't have put in so much effort otherwise."

"Such a heartbreaker, Kim."

Elliott chuckled before reaching out and opening the door, gesturing for him to hop inside his car. The hacker rolled his eyes before slipping inside, the trickster shutting it before hurrying to the other side.

"Where are we going?" Park asked once Elliott was inside, turning the engine on and beginning to leave the complex.

"I know you don't like public places, and a movie is a terrible first date, so I picked out a small family restaurant that has some of the best lemon cakes I've tasted. Not to mention some people will see us, together, so it'll make the higher-ups happy, y'know?"

"Hm. You're smarter than I thought you were."

"I'm full of surprises, sugar."

"Don't push your luck with this 'dating' thing, Witt."

"Oh! That reminds me—we should probably establish some boundaries." Elliott took a right, keeping his eyes on the road but focus elsewhere. "Personally, I don't really care. So long as we don't have sex, I think I'm good otherwise. How about you?"

"No kissing, holding hands, touching in general, stupid pet names, or sex."

"… Well, you've eliminated every possible way of showing we're 'dating.' Anymore you wanna ban there, kid?" Elliott sighed, stopping at a red light and looking over to where Park was seated, glaring out the window. "This is definitely more like a friendly outing, if anything, but no one's gonna talk about us if we just seem like friends. Higher-ups will have our necks."

"I take back what I said earlier. You're an idiot if you think I care about whether or not they're happy with what I do."

"All right, fair point. Can we at least hold hands? That shouldn't be too much to ask."

Park sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and sinking into his seat. "Fine. If it'll get them out of our business, we can do that. But only for a few seconds."

"Gotcha. Man, whoever dated you in the past must've been as touch-adv—avd—ad—ad… adverse as you."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Holy shit—you've never dated anybody."

"Shut up."

"No, no, that just makes this whole thing worse!" Elliott began driving again once the red light changed to green. His eyes returned to the road as well, though he was no less focused on the topic at hand. "You're experiencing a date for the first time with someone you don't even like, a-and that's not fair!"

"I—"

"No, y'know what? No, you're getting a date. Getting everything! You're getting the ol' Mirage charm, gonna get swept right off your feet."

"Witt—"

"No buts! You're being dragged out of your cave and getting screwed out of a first date with someone you're actually interested in. The least I can do is be as good to you as possible."

Park only stared at him, silent, before an amused breath left him, letting himself smile. "Okay."

—;;

Park wasn't a conversationalist, Elliott quickly found out. He was very quiet and reserved, which didn't help much either. He was, however, a great listener, and Elliott loved to talk, so, in a way, it worked out for the better.

The small restaurant they were seated in was relatively quiet, but they could hear hushed whispers about them being together, seated in a secluded booth that helped alleviate any anxiety Park might have with being seen by a bunch of people.

The holographic expert had ordered himself a steak, medium rare, with a salad on the side. He opted out for any alcohol, since he was the driver and he had no idea if Park was comfortable dealing with someone drunk, so all he ordered was some tea. Park, though, only asked for steak fries and a soda.

"Y'know," Elliott said after taking a sip of his tea, "you should get more meat in your diet. Helps build muscle, gets some meat on your bones."

"Hm…"

"C'mon! You also never join us for dinner. Or lunch—or, actually, I don't… see you eat. You eat, right?"

"Yes."

Elliott hummed in suspicion, a hand smoothing down his beard, though Park's stoic gaze didn't relent any. "All right… What do you normally eat?"

"Usually from whatever takeout menu is closer."

"… How are you even standing right now?" Elliott looked sad for a moment before shaking his head. "Let's make a quick deal here—"

"We've already made a deal."

"Let's make another. If you agree to come out of your cave for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I'll agree to do whatever you want. Anything. Well, except really bad stuff. Like, I won't kill someone. Too far."

It was Park's turn to hum, taking a sip from his straw, before placing the glass on the table. "I benefit from this more than you do."

"I get the benefit of helping my sweet sugar plum get better, even if it's just a little bit."

Park raised a brow. "What did I say about pushing luck?"

"Ya love me. You wouldn't leave me on our date like this… Well, I hope not."

Park wanted to roll his eyes, say "I would and I will," but he didn't. He kept silent, giving Elliott a look, who seemingly took the hint and changed subject.

"So, have you ever been asked out before?"

"Isn't that a bad topic for dates?"

"Just curious. Feel free to not say. Besides, it's not a real date."

"Don't let them hear you say that." Park stirred his drink with his straw absentmindedly, watching it fizz up at his ministrations. "No, no one's ever asked me out."

"Really?"

"You sound surprised."

Elliott laughed in disbelief. "Well, yeah! I mean, you're…"

"What?"

"I dunno—gorgeous, beautiful, cool and mysterious! You'd think girls would be all over you."

"I'm not exactly pleasant to be around, Witt. I'd think you'd have figured that out by now."

The trickster waved a hand, like he was denying Park's claim. "You're rough around the edges, but you're not horrible." He shrugged, taking another sip from his drink. "I'm sure someone out there's just dying to wanna date you! Or maybe you haven't met them yet. Who knows!"

Park let another faint smile curl his lips, looking into his drink. "Who knows, indeed."

—;;

Day two of their time as a couple was during a duos match (of course it was just them), and Elliott had counted this as possibly his most unlucky match.

They had landed at Epicenter and Park landed on top of the tower, alone, and Elliott landed on the ground with two other squads, one consisting of Nox and Octavio and the other being Natalie and Ajay. Nox had trained his sights on him immediately and began chasing him down (the sadistic bastard), and he had to rush to find a gun. All he could find was a P2020, and it wasn't exactly a fair match against the scientist's Spitfire.

Neither of them had any shields, but just a couple of shots from the toxic trapper's gun was enough to down him, slipping on ice and colliding with the hard ground.

"Oh—fuck!" the trickster cursed, trying to crawl away from the man towering over him. "C-C'mon, Caustic, don't you have anyone else to shoot at?"

"No."

"That's a lie and you know it."

However, before Nox could kill him off, the sound of a Sentinel going off, following by Nox quickly being down, sent a wave of relief through his system, looking over onto the cliff to see Park perched atop it, the bolt-action sniper in his hands.

No scope. That's kinda hot.

The hacker had shot off a few more rounds, and Elliott could hear Octavio shout in pain, before he began sliding down the hill, swapping out his sniper for a Wingman. The revolver was shot off twice before Nox's death box suddenly popped up in front of him, signaling the end of that squad.

However, they still had Natalie and Ajay, though they'd been injured by Octavio. They were clinging to D.O.C.'s healing up until Park tosses a grenade where they were healing. Natalie hadn't escaped fast enough, and she ended up downed, whereas Ajay was only injured.

She put up a fight, firing off her Alternator with frightening precision, and, had Park not hit his shots, he would've been killed off.

However, the man calmly approaching his fallen teammate was enough of an indicator that he won that battle, only a few wounds and scratches indicating his prior struggle.

"Kid, if I didn't know better," he said, pausing to let out a grunt at the syringe being plunged into his chest, "I'd think you're trying to show off and steal my heart."

For a moment, Park was silent, helping Elliott back to his feet, before a smirk crossed those dashing fractures, looking up at the other with a faint sense of mirth dancing in his eyes.

"Did it work?"

For once in his life, Elliott was left stunned, mouth open, unable to formulate a response, before the surveillance expert left to loot.

He regained his senses after a moment, blinking himself back into reality, and shutting his mouth.

Kid's full of surprises.

—;;

Their third date wasn't for the public. Their third date wasn't even suggested by Elliott. Park had just grabbed Elliott by the arm, dragged him out to god-knows-where, late at night, and laid down on a small hill. He didn't say anything, didn't give any explanation, and, honestly, Elliott didn't expect anything less. He just laid down beside the other, looked up at the stars, and let out a breath.

However, as Park's own mind was clear, hands resting on his stomach and a leg bent at the knee, Elliott's own was filled with thoughts of confusion, his hands behind his head, acting as a pillow.

Park was such a strange guy. One day, he acts like he's the bane of his existence, and, the next, he's smiling and making quips that make Elliott's heart race. Elliott's been with a lot of people, and he's learned a lot from his time with them, but there's never been a time where they've made him feel like… this.

They never badger him about his gross, smelly hair spray, they never playfully banter with him, they never push him off of exploding trains, and they certainly never made him speechless, never made him feel like he lost the ability to function. They never treated him like a person. They always just treated him like… Mirage.

"Hyeon?"

"Hm?"

"I don't think I'm straight."

"Mm. What makes you say that?"

"Because I think I'm in love with you."

Park smiled, letting out a quiet laugh. "You don't even know how I feel about you."

"I don't. You're weird, and you're never forward w-with how you feel, but… I just… thought you should, y'know, know, since we're doing this whole… thing."

"Mm. The fake dating thing?"

"The fake dating thing, yeah."

"… Do you want it to be fake anymore?"

Elliott turned into his side, Park own head moving to meet his gaze. "No."

"Mm. Good." Park's head turned back to the stars, shutting his eyes. "Neither did I."

[justsomewhump]

Prompt: Killian having some troubles after coming back from the underworld, it could be dreams, hallucinations, anything tbh. I feel like the show really glossed over it for other storylines. Because in the show it was like he was fine after going through so much torture, even though I'm sure he wouldn't be.

Hi, anon. I’m sorry it took so long to write this one. I was a little hesitant at first, because I have zero experience with dealing with a traumatized person. (And I’m pretty sure that’s the same for the writers, since they seem to completely dismiss all the emotional baggage Killian would have after all of his horrible experiences, but let’s not go there)

When I saw your prompt I thought about re-writing all of the episodes from 5.15 onward, by adding all the details on how Killian’s (and Emma’s, tbh) traumas would affect him and the people around him. But that would take a ton of effort and research and I’m pretty sure it would not depict the situation as realistically as I want. And I’m not willing to sit and do all that research just for a fanfic that some may rightfully find unrealistic and even offensive.

However, about a month ago I witnessed my sister’s severe panic attack (she’s fine now). It happened once and it was just from accumulated job stress. And, well, it was definitely not a “just breathe and let me hug you and everything will be fine” thing. She was terrified, we ran to the hospital, they gave her medicine to calm her down, she couldn’t walk, she could barely talk, she threw up three times… and that’s just the surface and what I saw. Only she knows how it felt for her.

All that said, I think I can touch a little on Killian and Emma’s life after he comes back and you can be the judge…

AO3FFnet

He woke up shaking and choking, with cold sweat covering his forehead and neck. It could have been a nightmare, it could have not, it didn’t really matter. It had been going on for several weeks, so Emma knew to simply take him to the hospital, to Dr. Morlock’s quiet office - she always made sure to check all the doctors’ schedules every week so that they could reach the same as often as possible - where they gave him an oxygen mask and a light sedative.

Emma thanked the doctor, relieved that once again they’d avoided the mess that had occurred the first time Killian had been rushed to the hospital with a panic attack, where by the next day everyone had known. He’d been so upset over the attack that he couldn’t even be angry at her.

This time was no different than the other, relatively “calmer” days. After he threw up once, she transported them back to their bed. He wasn’t saying anything, he was too worn out and affected by the sedative to speak. That night cold flashes were making their appearance, so Emma reached for one of the many blankets lying around and threw it over his shoulders.

Various cupboards in all rooms of the house had turned into first-aid compartments, if anything because Killian wasn’t the only one prone to panic attacks, so it wasn’t that hard to find an emergency blanket even in the middle of July. His shivering kept on even with the blanket on his shoulders that made Emma’s arms sweat wherever she touched it.

She was still alert but a yawn tried to make its way out of her mouth. She stifled it and held him close, watching as he slowly started to calm down, his rhythmic breaths forming mist on the inside of his mask. His eyes were closed and he was wearily leaning on her, the fingers of his hand slack on the second vomit bag of the night, unused by now.

She allowed herself to be reassured by the feeling of his stable heartbeat that reached her arm as it went around his back. He heaved forward once, preparing the bag with his hand but nothing happened. He sighed and leaned back on her.

The first few weeks Emma had been terrified by the way he looked after a severe attack. He always looked so small, unprotected and fragile and Emma felt too weak to help him, as if nothing she could do would help. She’d eventually fallen into a schedule, doing what she should do to help him without thinking about it much, especially when the attacks happened during the night or when they lasted for less than ten minutes.

But that time something had hit her and she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. She watched and watched as the mask filled with mist and cleared, she wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and rubbed his arm in an effort to make him feel warmer. He made weak, short sounds from time to time and Emma worried if any part of him hurt.

She longed to stroke his hair. Long ago he had admitted how he loved it when she did that, but after the Underworld he couldn’t stand it. One time she’d forgotten it and it triggered a flashback which he never shared. She didn’t know what had happened, she wanted to know but she knew it was too hard for him. So she simply avoided it and tried to find other ways to comfort him, ones that didn’t upset him at all. Living with all his trauma was enough and she couldn’t spend more energy on flashbacks she herself triggered - those she had enough of her own.

He opened his eyes weakly, noticing the mask on his mouth.

“What happened?” he murmured.

“Panic attack. I found Dr. Morlock and he gave you some sedative. Does anything hurt?”

“My head… a little.”

She had to fight the instinct to reach out and rub soft circles on his scalp with her fingers.

“You okay?” he said.

“Mm-hmm.”

“I’m cold.” The shivering in his voice emphasized his words.

“I know,” she said and rubbed a little faster. “It’s cold flashes this time. They will pass soon.”

She knew that his continual drinking was contributing to some of the symptoms - but then, alcohol abuse was a symptom on its own. And she wasn’t always holding back from the stuff, either. Despite their mutual agreement to keep on with therapy sessions and try to eat and sleep as healthily as possible, this one they were having a hard time refraining from, especially Killian.

“Just a little more. Does your chest hurt?”

It took him some time to answer. “Not anymore.”

“Good. Tell me if there’s something else, okay?”

Emma was thanking her now lucky stars that her family was helping. Her mother was overwhelming at times but still they all provided support for everything. By now everyone knew how to treat a flashback or a panic attack, even Henry. Both Killian and Emma were feeling terribly guilty this was the case, but when their minds were being attacked they literally had no other choice but to let him help them. They’d never admitted it to each other, but they knew.

If it weren’t for them she didn’t know if she could handle it. Killian’s case was undoubtedly worse than hers, but still there were times she felt so helpless to do anything for herself, let alone the man she loved. It all terrified her and turned into a vicious circle of panic that she sometimes felt she would never get over.

And Killian at first had been depending on her only. It had taken some convincing and some understanding - by the both of them - for him to start trusting her family. It was great he already had established a trust with her father - though it was all a “catch me when I fall” kind of trust. He very seldom talked about his pain and his flashbacks, as did she. They were trusting each other and when things got too much they had to open their trust to others.

She sighed. Panic attacks were only part of a very big problem for both of them.

“I wanna lie down,” he said softly.

“Do you mind keeping the mask? It may be a little early to take it off.”

“Okay.”

She helped him lie on his side. She’d found that way it was easier for him to assume a fetal position when he needed to and also reassured her he wouldn’t choke if he vomited.

It also helped him when she held him close from behind, he’d admitted once.

Sometimes it scared her, how rarely they admitted to each other about what things helped. But that was how things were. They knew it was going to be hard and there were going to be days they would believe they couldn’t handle anything. They would just have to keep on somehow.

She allowed a tear for her morbid thoughts, then lay down next to him and brought her arm around him. He took her hand in his and softly pushed it against his chest right above where his heart was beating steadily.

[hunkkeiths-blog]

So I just scrolled 20000 years back on your blog like the creep I am and I saw you mention schizophrenic Keith headcanons but never actually saw schizo Keith headcanons and I'm 👀👀👀

once again thank you so much for sending this! i really really love this au but i never talk about it bc i feel like no one cares and this makes me sooo happy!

also sorry again for answering late i just wanted to be able to type everything relatively quickly and use a readmore

(i added links that lead to wiki pages to explain what certain stuff is, you don’t need to click them or anything)

ok so here goes

[Food mentions and slight emeto for this part]

Keith has a lot of trouble with food, both bc of sensory issues and paranoia

when its sensory, its mostly if the texture is too different to whats hes used to, or if theres too much taste and theres anything else (a sound, some lights flashing, whatever) hell get overwhelmed really easily. so he tries to stick to relatively tasteless stuff

Keith also gets a lot of persecutory delusions and some of the most recurring ones is that his food has been poisoned, having relatively tasteless food helps with not being as convinced of that

On good days (well as good a day as you can have when you think your food has been poisoned anyway), he can sort of just power through it and eat enough to not be starving.

On bad days, he either doesn’t eat at all, or if he only realises it after having eaten he becomes sick/makes himself sick.

Back on Earth, especially during his year alone, he had 3-4 “trusted foods/brands” and he almost exclusively only ate those

Once on the ship, things get very complicated, because from the start, he doesn’t trust the altean food goo (he still doesn’t if he’s entirely honest, but they’ve all been eating it and none of them are dead yet so if it is poisoned its slow acting enough) so he mostly only eats when hes absolutely starving for the first month or so before he slowly starts to eat more of the altean meals

He does however trust what Hunk cooks partly because he trusts Hunk, partly because Hunk eats it too, and (taste+texture of the food goo aside) hes always more comfortable when Hunk cooks.

[Warning ended]

While developing and after when he had it (which was 2 or 3 years before he entered the Garrison), Keith ended up almost entirely isolated from people, in part because he would willingly withdraw from others, in part because the people who took care of him after his father left/died (foster families i guess? i dont really know how the system works and i cant imagine how much worse it must be for a schizophrenic kid so) didn’t really know what to do with him because he had really bad emotional blunting

Because he was mostly left alone, he started focusing alot on the delusions he had at the time, the main one of which was that he just wasnt human (which yes turned out to be somewhat true, but it’s still a delusion). that led him to thinking of going to space because of a feeling that something would happen there. which led him to the garrison which is how he ended up there.

At the Garrison, he was amazing at flying and mediocre at best in all his other classes.

This is partly because outside of doing stuff that could actually directly get him to space, he wasnt able to get any motivation to do anything else. (even if he gets kicked out, he can just steal a rocket or something right?)

he also didnt really have any friends because he didnt approach anyone and more or less actively avoided anyone trying to get close to him.

the way he just was; never showing any emotion, barely speaking, the weird things he sometimes did, etc; sort of drove ppl away on its own

(this is also sort of the reason he didnt remember him and lances “rivalry” in s1ep1. he never actually noticed lance thought of him as a rival, he just thought lance was sort of loud)

Shiro ended up like being a mentor or something to Keith, and Keith wasnt able to really avoid him

They start off sort of rocky, because Keith hates interacting with other people, due to paranoid thoughts (”he can read my mind”, “he wants to hurt me”, and so on) that, while they werent nearly as bad as off meds, were still present even with medication.

Slowly though, Keith warms up to Shiro and starts trusting him (though shiro is never really sure because Keith doesnt show it at all)

Keith starts doing better in all his classes, because he’s interpreted that shiro will be extremely disappointed in him if he ends up getting kicked out because of poor grades, and hes terrified of disappointing literally the only person in the world he trusts

It also leads to Keith putting a minimum of effort into becoming at least somewhat expressive 

When the kerberos mission fails, keith is destroyed. all his grades almost instantly drop and he barely shows up to class because losing the only person he trusts essentially makes him totally apathetic, and go back to having alot of paranoid thoughts/delusions (mostly surrounding the garrison staging the entire thing, sort of fake moon landing style but with actual murder to make people back off on exploring space because of Something), and feeling like he’s being stalked by people (not entirely untrue tbh), and deal with anhedonia. and thats how he gets kicked out/how he drops out 

Living entirely alone (as in without any supervision) was hell for Keith.

Moving to the shack after dropping out messed with his entire routine, and without a relatively strict routine, he ends up forgetting his meds

Off medication, he had really really really horrible episodes that almost always ended with him getting hurt in some way

Off-meds, he starts his garrison/shiro conspiracy wall

He also found the blue lions cave during an episode

After a while (keith never tries to find out how much time he spent without his meds because he forgot about them), he ends up taking his antipsychotics again, and almost destroys the wall, except theres a feeling he still has that he rememebers he had during an episode.

He ends up going to the cave again, and “Holy shit that was real??” so he restarts his wall while being a bit more down to Earth.

The day shiro crashes on earth is one of the best days of his life bc, well, shiro, but also because he was actually right for once.

Overall, Keith’s pretty good at organising his thoughts and not speaking incoherently, but if hes at all stressed, hell go through a lot of thought blocking

It’s really annoying because Keith hates not being understood and not finishing his points, but often, even if the person hes talking to reminds him what he was talking about, he cant remember what he was going to say after

He also used to think that the thought blocking was aliens and/or the government stealing away all his thoughts to study humans (or, before the garrison: not entirely human entities)

His thoughts are alot more disorganised than his speech shows (under normal circumstances, there are occasions where he does get mostly incoherent). He’s learned to think of what hes going to say step by step before saying it

What he says often still comes off as not entirely thought out, rude, etc because thinking about what order words are going to come out of his mouth doesnt fix not understanding how to interact with others

And here’s a bunch of stuff i couldn’t really make long enough to warrant a separate section:

Keith stims mostly when hes nervous or bored, and he stims by scratching his nails against things, because he likes the sounds it makes.

[self harm (sort of)] at some point, the team notices that when theres nothing for him to scratch (like a wall or something), hell scratch at his own skin, because scratching fabric feels/sounds horrible, often until he scratches part of it off. so they make him these little squares of material to scratch at

Keith does a lot of magical thinking (i cant find an easy link for this but in this case its like seeing signs in things that are seemingly unrelated if that makes sense) where he’ll see a ‘sign’ and feel like he has to do something (what something is varies from something very specific to just “something”)

since he obviously cant always do what hes supposed to do after seeing the signs, hes started writing down everything so he can do it later (lance’s idea). it helps a lot.

Keith hates places with background noises that arent constant (like they stop and start, stop and start), even if they arent particularly loud, because he loses his entire train of thought whenever it stops or starts

Ok! that’s all I can think of right now, I hope this answered what you were looking for! 

I lost my entire train of thought at least 5 times while typing this so I’ll probably add more things in my tag later on when I think of them again!

I’m also writing an actual story with this, it should come out around the end of June if you’re interested!