#how the fuck didn't i realise i was trans sooner i will never know kdjfhgdfg

[sherlock-is-ace]

i just realised something huge about myself thanks to my doctor who rewatch... last time i saw this show, particularly the early seasons (so 9, 10 and 11's eras) back in 2013 or around there, i thought i was a lesbian.

I was going through a very deep internal crisis trying to figure out so many things about gender and sexuality, holding to dear life to the lesbian label that did not fit me in the slightest. But the point is, I was focusing all of my teenage obsession on the doctor while also ignoring a big part of my own thoughts: he is hot.

I just came to this realisation cause I was trying to figure out how did i manage to keep it together when I saw 10 with his suit and convers combo and long coat, messing up his own hair and wearing glasses sometimes. And also 11 with his tweed jacket, suspenders and bowtie outfit (you'd think it's less attractive but i was a weird kid lol). The reason I just couldn't accept finding that hot was because I was very conflicted in my feeling that those aspects of my sexuality felt gay at a time I thought I was a girl. And I could not live with that feeling dkjgdfg