#how much could I do to fuck with the landlord before they'd kick me out?

[cheeseknives]

Got suggested today to "tape picture of your blorbo on the ceiling above your bed so you have reason open your eyes next morning" and for a good second I thought it was actually a very good idea

[bucky-h0e]

Yes, I used Lilo and Stitch to quote the family that Bucky makes in this fanfic. Honestly, I think it just fits them so well.

There is a taglist, just respond if you'd like to be added! These are headcannons and scenarios revolving around Bucky and Human! Alpine. I'll be used she/her pronouns for the character and there will be a vague description of her in some scenarios.

Enjoy the series!

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How Bucky Met Alpine

It all started when Steve went back to Peggy. Steve was Bucky's family and now he was on his own.

He and Sam worked together sure, but that didn't mean there wasn't any tension there.

They definitely weren't on the level of living together, so Bucky found a place in Brooklyn after he got is pardon.

Quiet, the landlord didn't ask a lot of questions, cheap. It was perfect.

Almost perfect.

There was one neighbour that seemed to annoy him, though they'd never really talked before hand.

They lived opposite each other, so it was a surprise they hadn't seen each other before when Bucky was viewing the place

He'd seen a glimpse of her on moving day, lugging boxes onto his floor and dumping them inside the open door of the apartment.

On his second, maybe third run up from Sam's car - not that there was actually that much to move in - the lift had been occupied so instead he went up the stairs.

He was a super soldier, it's not like it would tire him out too bad.

Walking through he door, he caught a glimpse of his neighbour.

A young woman, maybe 21? 22? Long hair, wearing an all white outfit

In New York? That was brave.

She kicked the door closed behind her before he got a better look at her but he didn't care, he was more annoyed at the fact he had a young neighbour.

he didn't know if he'd be able to handle loud music and parties every night

he was stereotyping of course he knew that but he couldn't help it

a young girl living on her own with absolutely no parental watch, you just know there's going to be some sort of rebellious action

little did he know, his neighbour was a social recluse

and very

VERY

nosey

so nosey in fact that whenever she hears Bucky's door go, she's up and looking through her peephole wondering what the fuck is going on

she's bored and this is her only form of entertainment because how does this man function

she never sees a lot of groceries, never sees any takeout's delivered to his place, and only ever sees him with his friend or with Yori

and yes, of course she knows Yori

they gossip together on the weekends when they do their laundry at the local laundromat

but she knew who he was, knew who James Barnes used to be, what he used to do, who he lost

she knew he was on his own

like her

so, why couldn't they be on their own together?

she had watched him adapt his life from war to peace, and felt bad that he had no one to talk to about it

yeah she was a kid but she wanted to help her neighbour

she just couldn't figure out how to interact with him

not like she could just knock on his door and say "hey you have trauma and I have trauma lets bond over trauma together"

that would just be way too mentions of trauma

she could say "hey I've been watching you for a couple of weeks and you seem just as depressed as me lets be best friends"

but that would more than likely end up with a door slammed in her face and a restraining order

luck was on her side when one day, her pizza was delivered to the wrong address

she'd been waiting for an hour, normally she wouldn't have even gotten it delivered, she would have gone out to get it herself but the poor baby has a cold

fuck going out

she heard the knocking on the door and couldn't help but get to her feet and look out the peephole at the two people in the hallway

she may be on deaths door but she'll be damned if she doesn't know what on earth is happening right outside her door

"Yeah this ain't mine"

"bro c'mon just pay for the pizza, my boss will kill me if I get this delivery wrong"

"it's not mine, i'm not paying for it."

opening the door she grins because finally

her pizza is here

and she can interact with the Bucky Barnes

"it's mine"

she tried to seem cool

really she did but there's only so much you can do when your face is all red, snot dripping down her nose and her hair in a greasy messed up bun at the top of her head

the pair looked at her and she handed the delivery boy the money, sniffing hard as he left

"...."

"...."

neither of them had closed their door, neither of them had spoken

somehow they had gotten into a staring competition

it's really no wonder because we know Bucky loves those

but Alpine was STUGGLING

"Why are you staring"

"...."

"Dude seriously"

"...."

"Okay you're making me sweat, can you stop?"

she starts panicking and opens her pizza box to stuff her face, not taking her eyes of him

"See what you're making me do? Stress eat. this is all you, i can't stop staring- will you just blink?!"

she felt like she was in an interrogation

like all her deepest darkest secrets would come out

and some of them did

"OH MY GOD FINE I STOLE THE COUPONS FROM MRS GALWAY'S MAILBOX BUT SHE DOESNT EVEN EAT SHREDDIES SO IT DOESNT MATTER"

what

the fuck

bucky can't help the quirk upwards his mouth does, a small chuckle leaving his mouth before he can stop it

"This is really uncool of you man, why are you laughing at my MISFORTUNE"

"you steal coupons i don't think you can really talk about being 'uncool' kid"

This girl all but choked on the pizza slice she'd been stress eating

Bucky Barnes just called her uncool

the

audacity

"I am the coolest person in this building"

"you just confessed to to theft"

"so?"

"i didn't even say anything to you"

silence

braincells hard at work trying to reply

"....I-..... shut up"

"What's your name kid?"

"You called me uncool, you don't get to know my name"

she turns and closes the door, Bucky laughs and does the same

they managed to somehow bump into each other even more after that, with Bucky asking if she stole anymore coupons and Alpine challenging him (and losing) to staring contests

it always ends with her telling him to fuck off and closing the door annoyed that he wins

does he get paid to stare or something

she practices in the mirror because god dammit she will win one of these days

she loses to her reflection

how is it's even possible she doesn't know

but she swears at that mirror every day for a week after

he still asks for her name, she still doesn't give it

annoyed that he called her uncool and hasn't even apologised for it

or taken it back

"Seiously, I can't keep calling you kid, you gotta have a name"

"I'm not telling you my name, you'll just have to guess."

too much effort

with a frown he shrugs

"Fine, I guess I'll just call you.... Alpine"

"You just named me like I was your pet, shocking behaviour Sarge."

That was when he realised she knew who he was

she knew who he was

and still talked to him

he can't help but keep his distance after that

but, she keeps watching him nonetheless, making sure he's looking after himself

he still doesn't eat properly, she thinks

and it annoys her

if he starves to death before she wins a staring competition

she will kill him

it all came to a boiling point when he came home, mumbling angrily about his therapy session and about having no food in the fridge because he was too annoyed to go to the store after the session

his door slammed close and she stopped for a minute

she'd never seen him that angry

so, with all the determination a 21 year old can muster to care for a 106 year old

she cooked him dinner

it was simple, she'd say if he asked

she'd cooked to much

that old cliche

but in reality, she had no idea what she was doing

in the end she made some sort of chicken fried rice

it wasn't much but it would do

when Bucky heard the knocking on his door he contemplated not even answering

probably a lost delivery boy

when it happened again

and again

and again

until

"OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING DEAD?!"

a genuinely panicked screech from the hallway

groaning he opened the door and stared at the girl, catching her hand before she could bang on the door again

"You're very persistent"

"YOU'RE ALIVE THANK GOD"

she nearly went to hug him, but he stopped her by putting a hand on her forehead, keeping her at a distance

"You're a weird kid"

"Shut up and come eat dinner with me, I made too much"

and he would have said no

but she looked genuinely upset at the fact she thought he was dead, a hand resting on her heart

"..."

"i'm taking silence as a yes."

with that she grabs his arm and drags him to her apartment, barely letting him close the door

Whilst she went about sorting out their dinner, serving it up and getting them some drinks

in the meantime, Bucky took a look around, awkwardly, as you do

it was a normal apartment for someone living in their 20s. Not too clean but not too messy, nothing indecent thrown around the place. a few empty cans but that was it

mail on the counter in the hall

Bucky took a chance and glanced at it, maybe he could get her name if he just looked

Alpine

what the fuck

"What are you doing?"

man drops the letter and looks like a deer caught in headlights for about three seconds, looking at the grinning girl

wait- grinning?

"You're a bit late sarge, I looked at your mail the first day you moved in."

what

the

fuck

"You looked at my mail?"

"You can't exactly talk now can you? now come on, foods up."

they sat and ate the dinner she cooked together, talking and getting to know each other, teasing about the fact she thought he was dead

it was nice

it felt like... he had Steve back

he had a family

but he couldn't help his curiosity

"You aren't... scared of me?"

she shrugs

"You could have broken my whole damn arm when i tried to hug you earlier, you're not a monster Sargent Barnes. I trust you"

there it was, the words he'd always needed to hear

you are not a monster

he nods silently, looking up at her as she takes their dishes to put in the sink

"Hey kid?"

"yeah old man?"

"You're pretty cool, y'know that"

"..."

"Nice try, I'm sticking with Alpine"

"Damn it"