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haleviyah · 3 years

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A Hispanic/ Latino Perspective: Border Clarification

This is one of the rare times I’m going to get somewhat political here, but these comments spread by the media are hitting to way close to home for me, so here I go.

Before you pounce on me, let me explain this: I am a moderate. I favor no sides, I don’t treat people by their titles but rather I prefer to judge by character even though I am not the best at it, admittedly. I favour and respect those who keep their word and own their mistakes. In short, if you do what you promise to do, you have my approval whereas if not, you will bear the brunt of my blunt rebukes and sarcastic remarks.

I am also from South Texas, specifically the Rio Grande Valley, and am a descendent of two humble Mexican families who since the Mexican Border War have made Texas their great escape and home.

Bit of a geographical reference, if you don’t know here where the Rio Grande Valley is. Look at the state of Texas, there is a bulge of state going in each direction that makes it look like a fat, lower-case ”t” : El Paso is the most West of the state, the Panhandle (Amarillo) the Northmost, Texarkana the most Eastward followed by Houston, and WAAAAAAY at the bottom is Brownsville and the Southernmost tip of Texas.

And for those of you too lazy to Google or "DuckDuckGo" the map yourself I've attached it:

The four counties: Hidalgo, Cameron, Starr and Willacy county make up the Rio Grande Valley. This is the region I grew up, the place where I experienced the best of a community and the worst of politics and failed promises.

For a bit of background: I have a parent working on the Border and they have been for many years (since I was a kid). Pretty much worked from a security officer to trooper within the span of a decade which is quite impressive and rare considering they never took bribes or anything to get where they were currently. They have told me off and on what their job is like. It’s crazy and boring some days, but also they have admitted somethings that may be fascinating. One of which is, yes, they do own horses and the reason why is so the Troopers can maneuver around tough terrain vehicles cannot go through (such as high water or narrow foot paths in brush). HOWEVER, they DO NOT OWN WHIPS. They don’t even own lassos, according to my Border Agent parent.

The only weapons agents on horse back have is a Glock, ammo, a taser, cuffs, and sometimes shot guns (but they prefer to carry light for the horses and themselves to be more flexible). They mainly carry items that would slow a person down or prevent them from hurting other people, officer or civilian; not for killing. So a whip is absolutely redundant or even absurd to have.

Those long ropes the Troopers are holding are called reins, and they are designed for steering a horse (horses cannot move opposite of the direction of their head; where their head is pointed they move in that direction). They are not made for whipping people, but rather made to get the horse’s attention. That’s it.

I took the liberty of highlighting the reins in red for you all as well as their arms and legs in blue and yellow in contrast to the reins and saddle.

It's clear from a Texan's or horse-riders perspective this Trooper almost fell off catching the other fellow and was holding onto the left rein for dear life hence why the horse looked distressed and its cheek was pulled back.

I'm not joking, you fucking try it if you're so damn horse-smart.

Now, let's look at a more relaxed position.

In short, if you haven't ridden a horse, I advise to keep your comments to yourself on this part. I have and it's way harder than it looks (horses can get cocky).

Second thing, the migrants.

Personally, I don’t know why they were so squirrelly that day. Perhaps they were spooked because they’ve never expected horse back riders to show up, maybe they had some bad experiences back home.

I don’t know!

But it’s clear there appears to be a lack of communication. Perhaps it’s the language barrier given that these guys came from Haiti, African countries and Brazil. English they probably know, but they probably don’t speak a lick of Spanish (Which both languages are mandatory for the Border Patrol).

(Again, I don't know...)

So the reasons why they started running circles around the Troopers’ horses is not for me to speculate, it’s not for YOU to defend blindly, nor is it up for the media to interpret and evangelize.

That should be left to the people to explain. No one else.

(Update: September 29th. I received a tip from a source that the Haitian immigrants (mainly) are not running from anything, they aren’t seeking asylum nor were in poverty as the media claims. They have admitted upon interview they were what we consider middle-low class and had no issues finding jobs before they decided to migrate northward. They’re just coming because they were told to come by “you-know-who”… that’s all. I know, I’m taken aback and scratching my head, too… but anyway. I digress, but do take note.)

Now, another bit of feedback I want to share: When it comes to dealing with Troopers (again, must I remind you this is a Border Patrol agent’s kid speaking), big rule:

DO NOT RUN nor MAKE THREATENING MOVEMENTS. Be calm.

It’s a simple rule, if you’re cool with the Troopers they’ll be cool with you. That’s it. Please respectfully keep in mind, these guys are trained to be safe rather than sorry. So patience and understanding with them is a must. Trust me, I’ve met my parent’s co-workers, they may look stoic and scary or condescending, but they can not let personal emotions interfere their work otherwise they risk safety.

They’re not “paranoid” or “harsh” they just have a job they cannot afford to fuck up otherwise the whole region is FUCKED. They’re the front line of defense, and do keep that in mind.

(Another footnote: I have seen Border Patrol offices, and without giving away how they function it’s not like CIA or Langley level of clean or fancy, so don’t think their offices are high tech and have marble floors with comfy lounges that cost a lot of money. Upon first glance you won’t expect the building to be an office. Border Patrol work with what they have available which isn’t a lot thanks to the ’00, ’04, ’08, ’12 and current administrations. That’s all I can give out.)

I’m going to come clean here and say the citizens in the Rio Grande Valley and the rest of Texas DO NOT FEEL SAFE with a border this wide open and no regulation is applied. Especially the Hispanic/Latino communities. So the pressure is on - and I mean REALLY on! Despite these guys working the Border are overwhelmed, they keep those emotions and opinions on lockdown when on the field. Like I said: If they fuck up, the region is fucked.

Bit of a history lesson: the Border issues on the Rio Grande are not new. Matter of factly, this problem has been happening for decades (The popular peak was during the 80s when cocaine was being distributed), but it was more than just cocaine and pot: Kids were going missing, people getting killed, women were used as mules and sold for sex, etc.

If you watched “Narcos” or “Sicario” you have a brief, dramatized taste of how the cartels function and what life is like for us Latinos. However, coming from someone who grew up there, the parts of watching your back, the abductions and even the gruesome murders are legit. To this day I remember seeing local news coverage (not CNN or MSNBC, our own stations down in the McAllen/Brownsville area) of beheadings, child murders and bodies being found in pieces… It’s something I hope my children won’t have to grow up hearing almost weekly like I did. Now it’s daily… and no one cares. And that hurts.

In the grand scheme of things, at least know this: South Texas has been part of the Cartel battle grounds and it’s obvious we’ve seen shit. Constantly being ignored is the payment we get for being front lines in the Drug War. So don’t blame us for being jumpy, or skeptical, nor even try convince us that the current surplus of immigrants is a good thing.

You can’t argue with our own experiences and history. The way things work down here is simple: You fight along side us, we fight along side you.

It’s called building trust, practicing faith. But we’ve been forgotten and lied to too many times by celebrities and politicians and social movements alike. And those who actually were going to help us are either shut down or unfortunately killed.

We just can’t trust anyone anymore. We are resorting to fending for ourselves basically, speaking up for ourselves… and so far it’s making progress in the mean time.

This level of “doing things on your own” bleeds into why our Troopers are trained they way they are trained - to expect the worst case scenario. To prepare themselves for the corpses, when a criminal pounces, the drugs being hid, for when they find a child with an adult they don’t know, or even a woman who was violated. They just genuinely don’t want to take chances and you just read why. Even my in-laws up in the Northern Midwest are disturbed.

So, considering the case of what happened a few days ago in Del Rio, Texas (as of writing this on September 25th 2021): If you run from a Trooper the first thing they are going to think is either two things:

You did something bad upon coming in to the country or

You don’t want your former government to find you because you did crimes in your home country or the country you were hiding in.

This is protocol, not biased opinions.

If, however, a Trooper commits any form of irresponsibility (such as abusing their power, unreasonable search and seizures etc.) it’s “kiss your badge good-bye” and DEMOTED or FIRED. The stakes of keeping your job in the Border Patrol are HIGH, so they are trained not to act out of line. Even a minor slip up in paper work from being fatigued gets you in SEVERE trouble with the Higher Ups and the County (Yes, that does happen and has happened). But you have to KNOW Border Patrol standards before you accuse them of anything.

With that being said, what’s floating around is not a constructive argument; it’s a distraction. How the public is demanding the trooper in the photo to be fired, tells us Latinos loud and clear that - once again - no one cares about our livelihood; no one is willing to brave enough to face the real hell going on. We are ignored or low-key demonized for simply defending ourselves.

(Now, you guys are seeing why I relate to my Jewish husband and the Israeli’ citizens - Arab and Jew - more; we’re pretty much in the same boat in the case of being ignored. But I digress.)

Before I come to a conclusion, here are other demographic facts to keep in mind that way it’ll help draw conclusions:

86.6% of the Border Patrol is HISPANIC/LATINO in the State of Texas alone.

A majority of children stolen from their families or molested are HISPANIC/LATINO.

A majority of the women violated immigrants on the border are mainly HISPANIC/LATINO.

Latin America collectively (Mexico down to Colombia and Venezuela) has the highest rates of femicide in the world.

So for you or anyone to get angry at Border Patrol agents in an unjust manner, not only are you getting mad at Hispanics and Latinos in UNIFORM for fighting to keep their communities safe, but you are actively contributing to the hell our families go through every day.

When you protest in demand for our cops or even troopers to be defunded, and fired for petty things, YOU are actively contributing to the problem of human trafficking, rape, kidnappings and murder that happens on the border. You are contributing to the Hispanic and Latino communities being dismantled and disintegrated by people who potentially want to kill us or hate us for money’s sake.

Take all of that into consideration before you get angry at anyone here.

In short:

I’ll only consider the accusations if you yourselves have been there and know the burdens we bear.

I’ll only consider your judgement if you genuinely are in law enforcement and know how to ride a horse and try to stop someone from running while riding the beast.

I’ll only consider your feedback if you don’t rely heavily on news like CNN, Telemundo and Tumblr for your information.

Until you grab a gun and fight the cartel yourself, and figure out a way to end this war on human trafficking, don’t come to us Latinos and express that you care and appreciate us.

Because frankly if you GENUINELY did, you’d bring to light what I just said and be slamming the desks at D.C. and DEMANDING the Border to be CLOSED by now.

Regardless of your political and personal beliefs, this is what is REALLY going on, and we’re going to keep fighting. Like the Israeli’s we don’t give a fuck if you hate us. We’re not radicals, we’re not blood-thirsty heathens, we’re not white supremacists (80+% of our population is of Latino Mexican descent) we’re just fed up with running away and being taken advantage of or taken for granted by people who value money over the lives of our neighbors.

If this were California, fine! Rail all you want, cuss us out as much as you want; hold us to those to California standards you keep yourself. But we’re not California.

We’re not D.C., nor Chicago, nor L.A., or New York, Florida, Canada, Mexico or whatever. We are SOUTH TEXAS so treat us as SOUTH TEXAS.

Honor us for who we are and hold us to the standards of what is SOUTH TEXAS, what is The United States Constitution, and the Texas Constitution; nothing more and nothing less. Don’t tear us down for what we’re not nor hold us accountable to an opinion or law we never agreed to nor knew existed.

That’s all I ask: If you’re not willing to honour our community and help us while holding us to our standards on a cultural, State or Federal level, back the fuck off. Generations we’ve dealt with the pressure from both the cartel and corrupt government from both the U.S. and Mexico, and the last thing we need is pampered kids living in the high rises or going to university on loans from school or your parents' paychecks, telling us how to deal with our issues.

You are FAR from a place to tell us how to function and resolve our war.

I’m not trying nor want to start a fight or otherwise, but I’m simply, humbly asking: when did we ever genuinely ask you “social justice advocates” to be our hero?

When did we ever ask you to fight for us or talk about what you think is wrong with us? Because last I checked we don’t want to drag anyone into our battles.

Also, we only know one messiah, but we never asked you to be him nor for him to act like you.

Did you start throwing punches because you wanted to find something to excuse your anger and outbursts, or is your good intentions married with ignorance?

Either case… it’s extremely unhealthy of you, and please just stop before another person gets hurt. We don’t want that. This is no different from the Crusades our ancestors took part in, and it will only end in more carnage than already sown.

So, just please, stop and take a step back for a moment. We don’t need anymore vehement evangelical-like people who just think with their ideals and not take a moment to have a healthy discussion with the One who created us, or let alone divorce their lust for a fight for ten seconds.

To close this off, even though I haven’t been home in a while, I know the spirit and the struggles the Rio Grande Valley goes through. I have met people on the run from the cartel first hand, and I have met people who may have ties with the cartel. I have seen some creepy shit, I have grown frustrated over the Protestant Baptist church doing nothing, and I have even been feeling the pressure my parent goes through with these apathetic riots threatening their job as a Border Patrol agent.

But aside from the pain, I am tremendously blessed that people and my family are still very optimistic despite the craziness and how bleak things are.

The family-oriented culture of the Rio Grande Valley is what is keeping it together… not trends, not clout and neither these guys in D.C. or Hollywood who are playing G-d.

It's the family-oriented connection. Our faith, that's keeping us going.

And even though I may not be the best voice of that region to speak up, I am blessed to have been there and I do plan on coming back soon.

I am planning on giving a more fun journal featuring the culture of the Rio Grande Valley in the future to finish this month off, but for the sake of this “Hispanic Heritage Month” I wanted to share our REAL issues we deal with rather than the made up ones that media likes to mainstream for money and clout.

In a way, I hope this offers clarity and a level of empathy. Again, I’m not sharing this to start fights or get sympathy - we don’t want it. We just want to know if our fights are not ignored, we just want to know we are heard.

That’s all.

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vfenrirsv · 3 years

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You can fit everything you know

In a bottle for you to show

Pick your brain apart and put it in

And build it again with needles and pins

For too long I haven’t been making myself a priority and I have been drowning, badly. I just feel heavy, like I have the weight of this entire relationship on my shoulders, like I am the only one worrying about if we are okay or good or if we’re even getting along. When was the last time we even had a conversation that was more than a hello or goodbye as we pass each other in the living room? I feel like I have to be the happy one, the responsible one, the adult in this partnership. And I am so very, very, tired. You haven’t even noticed, have you? There are so many things that I want to do in this life, and there are no many places that I want to see, new music I want to hear, new food I want to taste. I used to think that you would be right there beside me while I chased my dreams and followed what I feel is best in me and what satisfies my soul; but now, with the comments you make and the things you decide not to do, and the flagrant disregard for things that I consider important, I am not so sure.

Everything you have earned is a ship

With blue waves crashing into it

But nothing can touch your happy thoughts anymore

With your glass ceiling, walls, and floor

I don’t want to live in this state anymore. I don’t even know why I thought that moving out here would be good for me in the long run, but it has swiftly become obvious that I am not interested in anything out here. What is there to explore? The desert stone canyons to the West, far enough away to be Colorado? How about the hot springs to the South East, so far away as to be Arkansas? I need to live in a place that brings me joy by simply being a place where I can get out into nature and breathe a sigh of relief on days when my brain is moving too fast for my body. I want to live in Washington, Oregon, Montana, Nevada, Arizona, or Florida. The Midwest does nothing for me. These farmlands and flat prairies feel open and empty and lonesome. I need the ocean or the desert or the wild woods to soothe my soul. I’m not finding that here, and you don’t seem to care. I do.

Sailing on a ship in a bottle

Anchor all your thoughts to the bottom

Pulling ropes and pulling your head back

To see what is breaking the foremast

I want to pursue a job in my field. I want to be able to gather evidence, test samples, and work with a department lab. I have studied for years to get a job in my field and I am going for it. I have the brains and the drive, why should I say no? If I get offered a job out of state I am going to take it. I am going and you cannot stop me and I don’t even care anymore what you think or want or feel. You say that you are family oriented and want to stay near your parents and brothers and all of your hundreds of extended family members – but I think you’ve forgotten that you are supposed to be my family as well. My familial needs matter. It’s not all about you and I am so tired of you using your family as an excuse as to why you would never consider following me out of state in support of me. Not once when I have brought up moving out of state to find a job in my field have I asked to you abandon or cut your family out of your life; but that is how you act. You act as if moving out of the county we live in is tantamount to you being ripped from your family and being forced into solitude. It’s dramatic and childish and selfish. You’re not the only one with family. It’s not all about what you want.

You set sail alone there is no crew

No one on the deck who can help you

This is all your own battle to win

This is your ship and you are the captain

I don’t want this house. I don’t want these dogs. I don’t want his furniture. I don’t want this stuff. I should have been more firm with you in my expectations and opinions about what I wanted and needed out of this relationship. There are so many things that I have compromised on in order to make you happy and help you achieve your dreams that I have gone ahead and compromised myself into a noose. I am flagrantly unhappy here with all of this clutter and mess and dysfunction that I cannot seem to keep a handle on by myself. I expected you to help me keep everything under control and in order and pleasant; but you’ve made it blatantly obvious that you have no intention of starting any time soon. You don’t keep things clean, you don’t vacuum or treat the carpets, you won’t go thru your belongings in the garage, you won’t hand wash dishes; I could go on and on: you don’t do what you say you’re going to do. And I’m over it. I’m over you.

Oh, captain, let's make a deal

Where we both say the things that we both really feel

I feel scared and I'm starting to sink

And I only sink deeper the deeper I think

Oh, captain, Oh, captain, deal, Oh, captain, deal, Oh woah~

I don’t want to be with someone who won’t be intimate with me. I don’t want to be with someone who spends more time on their phone, or watching telly, or playing video games than they do talking to me about their day, their dreams, their wants or needs. I don’t want to be with someone who won’t explore the world with me. I don’t want to be with someone who refuses to engage in confrontational or uncomfortable conversation about things that matter, things that partners should face and conquer together. I don’t want to be with someone who won’t support me with all of their heart the way I do for them. I don’t want to be with someone who won’t keep their word, doesn’t follow up or follow thru. I don’t want to be with someone who won’t take care of themselves. I don’t want to be with someone who continually says “these things take time” when I talk about building our lives together. We’re in our life. Right now. I shouldn’t have to needlessly wait to build memories, build a home, or build a family with the person I fucking married. I don’t want to be with someone who sees the loneliness and sadness in me and says nothing at all.

There are red spots under your eyes

From when you cry into the sky

Ocean waters rising above your neck, mmm

You feel the glass start to crack

I don’t want to be a prisoner in my own life anymore. I feel trapped in this relationship. I feel guilty about wanting to leave and follow my heart and mind, to go and live my life, because I do love you – I do – but I feel like love just isn’t enough anymore. I am not being fulfilled on any level, so what I thought we were building together is tarnishing. When was the last time you called me your wife? When was the last time you treated me like a new girlfriend? When was the last time you spoke to me like a friend? We are stars passing in the night, roommates who happen to live in a house they bought together, strangers wearing the face of people we thought we loved. I am done not being treated like I matter. I want to go out and have some real friends and actually live my life outside of work, home, grocery store, the gas station, and the occasional coffee shop. I want to go out to bars and grab a drink. I want to dress up and dress down and walk the town and see the lights and I am tired of everything we do being centered on you or your family or your friends or your interests. Why do I have to go and do things on my own? You tell me that you are willing to experience things with me, but don’t go with me when I hike or explore or go into the city.

Sailing on a ship in a bottle

Water's leaking through holes in the bottom

Flying flags of ships that have long since

Sat at the floor of the sea, but in defense

People often say “you have one life to live, so live it to the fullest,” or “in life you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.” This is something I am slowly but surely coming to realize. Often there are times where I question whether something makes me seem like this or like that; if I’m being too bitchy or needy or distant or assertive. I think about what other people will think of me, which is normal because no one inherently wants to portray themselves as something they aren’t. But, ultimately, those opinions and judgments are irrelevant. I can't live my life day by day and question what people will say or do. I am not responsible for how other people interpret their exchanges with me. I am not responsible for their opinion of me based on piecemeal interactions. I have to live my life for myself. I haven’t lived my life for myself in so long I almost don’t even know if I can anymore. I have been so tied up in someone else for so long that I am not even sure how to become myself again without pain, and struggle, and heartbreak. But I’m ready to do it.

You set sail alone there is no crew

No one on the deck who can help you

This is all your own battle to win

This is your ship and you are the captain

I’m ready to love myself, challenge myself, and be a priority for myself; and right now all I feel is like all you’re doing is dragging me down. I come home and you are a thunder-cloud who is satisfied with not living your life. It is not my responsibility to fix your problems, soothe your depression, or enhance your diet and health; and you may think that’s cruel, but all I have done for the past year is try and try and try to make everything clean and functional and okay in our relationship, in our lives, and in our home. I want you to be happy, sure; but I want me to be happy more. I love you, sure; but I love the idea of not loving you more. Now is the time for me to make myself the priority. Now is the time for me to be selfish and ego-centric and self-centered. I need to do what I want, feel how I want, eat and drink what I want, go where I want, and just be who I want to be. I am the captain of my own ship, and now it’s time for me to deal.

Oh, captain, let's make a deal

Where we both say the things that we both really feel

I feel scared and I'm starting to sink

And I only sink deeper the deeper I think

Oh, captain, make up your mind

Before the salt burns your eyes and you run out of time

'Cause you're popping the cork, you get lost in your brain

And you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane

Oh, captain, Oh, captain, deal, Oh, captain, deal, Oh woah~

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Ship In A Bottle, by Steffan Argus

My Priority: Don’t Drown, by Vann Fenrirs Volchitsa

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