#how are wyll and minthara romancers 'insane' for wanting their romances to be complete and unbroken??????

[eustasszoros]

as an as/tarion fucker i can say with 100000% certainty as/tarion fuckers are the worst this fandom has to offer

[dw-flagler]

Great to see a bg3/worm combo fan like myself. Which party members do you think are the undersider’s favorites?

bit of a tough question for me. See, your problem is that you should have asked someone smart or perhaps literate. Long, boring, and almost completely incorrect Post below. Don't read this.

Let's say all the undersiders are playing the video game baldur's gate 3. Who's their favorite companion?

-Taylor's is likely Wyll, since he is pretty similar to her, with his highly self-sacrificing nature and focus on Doing Good. Everything wyll wants to do in-game or does in his backstory is pretty much what she would have done in his place. I think she wouldn't really dislike any of the companions except for Astarion, just because they're supposed to be likeable. She would be ambivalent about shadowheart. She would dislike minthara but she never realizes you can recruit her.

-Rachel would not play Baldur's Gate 3. Straight up, you couldn't make her. Even if you somehow did, she would quit before the prologue ended.

-Brian would like... Lae'zel? We know how much he loves women that beat the shit out of people. Lae'zel does in fact beat the shit out of people. I don't feel he would particularly like most of the party in bg3. He's normal. He's so normal guys. All the companions have quirks or something silly just be normal. Brian wouldn't really care a ton about the story, I don't think. He'd follow the greater plot beats of what's happening, but like he would not follow or care about Lenore's story, for instance. He would enjoy the turn based combat though, I think.

Lisa would probably like Jaheira the most? I'm mainly guessing here (see above). as a video game, she would likely only ever see it as a video game, and wouldn't really be able to look past its writing. Lisa would probably just see a mess of dialogue triggers and path outcomes, and never really see it as more than the sum of its parts. I would wonder what she does for fun after she gets her powers but i somehow doubt Lisa does things for fun anymore. She might enjoy doing exploits to do like a million damage, but I can't imagine her liking a video game much. Anyway she'd probably like some of jaheira's jokes.

Alec. I, um. I'm gonna be honest. I have no idea. I feel like he'd probably find Astarion's quips funny (though not super funny). I don't think he'd like karlach much, because I think he'd see that the game clearly writes her to be likeable and he would find that annoying, in a don't tell me what to do sort of way? He probably wouldn't care much about the story, and he wouldn't really care for the gameplay? He doesn't particularly strike me as a Turn Based Strategy fan. Alec probably plays the game for like 5 hours, gets bored, realizes he can't refund it, uninstalls it, and then plays something else.

Aisha. I am in a similar position with Aisha as I am with Alec. The characters I understand the least (and I don't understand the others very well to begin with). I think she'd romance Astarion but Ironically. I don't think she'd like him but she'd romance him because he's popular and then she would kick him in the nuts in a complex gambit for postmodern ironicism. As for the video game, she'd probably enjoy the combat in a "makes overpowered multiclass combos" sort of way.

Let's say all the undersiders are in the video game baldur's gate 3, as in they are tav. Who's their favorite companion then?

Taylor's opinions turn right around, probably. Shadowheart goes from a mildly annoying but helpful cleric to a dangerous follower of an evil god. Astarion becomes a shifty dangerous rogue (not that she ever likes him much). She immediately dislikes and distrusts wyll, and says a bunch of insane shit about his pact with a devil. probably compares it to a drug addiction at least once. Once he explains, if he explains, she'd probably come around to him, but it's a big if. Taylor's paranoid. She can't trust any of these people. Her party would probably end up being gale, wyll (because he's at least better than the others), and karlach, just because she can't/won't trust any of the others, not enough to watch her (non insect covered in this reality!) back.

Brian would dislike everyone in the party significantly more. Lae'zel would still be his favorite member, but he would very much disapprove of a lot of her decisions. Like guys, can't we do all this important stuff about vlaakith or shar or whatever after we stop the parasites from eating our brains? It's kind of important.

Lisa would probably have an aneurism. You basically have to talk every member of the party off a ledge at some point in the game. She would not like Gale because he does insinuate that the player is dumb a few times and she hates being called dumb. She takes one (1) look at karlach and her eyes start bleeding.

Rachel hates all these people, with the exception of Karlach, who is straightforward and--I don't want to say "simple" because that implies things about her intelligence and karlach isn't stupid. But karlach is simple! she's not lying about anything, she never hides her opinions, she's never coy. She tells em how she sees em, full stop. Rachel would appreciate that. She would probably begrudgingly respect Wyll because of how he's so consistently fucked over by a smug fast-talking asshole. On the other side, she'd hate Gale. Even though he's genuine pretty often, he's very much the smug type. She would tolerate him, though. She again begrudgingly tolerates Shadowheart. Lae'zel is straightforward but also calls you stupid and fights you several times. If Rachel romances any of the companions it's probably lae'zel. She kills Astarion. Note: by endgame she probably likes all the companions significantly more.

My gut feeling is that Alec wouldn't like most of the companions. He'd sympathize with Astarion if nothing else. Similar backstory squad. I feel like Astarion would secretly resent Alec for "having it easier" because alec is significantly younger than Astarion.

Aisha's opinion of Astarion would probably turn around if he was real to her. She would actually like him, though she definitely wouldn't date him.

How would the undersiders react to some of the major moral choices in the game? (provided that they were actually in the game and not playing it)

Taylor would do all the "good" choices, because for the most part there aren't hard moral choices in BG3 (that don't have some secret third "good" option). The main thing is that she'd probably encourage wyll to sign his soul away to save duke ravenguard. Similarly with Shadowheart and her parents. A little self sacrifice never hurt anyone (that taylor doesn't want to suffer). She becomes a mind flayer to beat the netherbrain. Duh.

Brian is an interesting case here. He would not care one lick about the plight of the tieflings or the grove, he would just want the parasite out by any means possible. Oddly, I think Brian would probably be the "evilest" potential replacement for tav. Like, he would want nothing more than to get the parasite out and then just leave. He skips almost all the side quests in acts 1 and 2 because he literally just wants to go home. He probably skips a lot of the ones in act 3. He's got a goal and he's sticking to it. Who gives a shit about the necromancy of thay? While he'd vastly prefer to just let the emperor do it, He might be forced into freeing orpheus just to appease lae'zel. In which case he's not turning into a mindflayer. He spent weeks (tendays i mean) specifically avoiding this, he's not gonna do it now.

Lisa would play both sides every time. Like. She'd start the raid on the druid grove but switch sides at the last minute. I do think she'd ultimately do the "good" choices (because there's not a lot of moral depth to BG3's plot) in the end, but she would be absolutely inscrutable literally 24/7. Betraying people just for sheer love of the game. (she gets a kick out of seemingly siding with gortash, and then destroying all the steel watchers). I cannot imagine her becoming a mindflayer. She probably would free orpheus and make him do it though. She would not appreciate the emperor taking the form of like her dead brother or something. If we say she's a wizard (see below), then I could see maybe a 50/50 shot on her becoming a god with the crown of karsus (is that even possible? I mean, is gale the only one that can do that or can a player-character also do it if they're a wizard? I didn't play a wizard because we already have gale).

Rachel is a little similar to Brian, maybe. She's not the kind to do stuff out of compassion for her fellow man. She might side with the druids in act 1, just because the goblins of act 1 abuse animals pretty regularly. I mean, worm rachel is only really compassionate for specifically dogs though, and worgs are kind of like wolves. I don't think she'd ever actively side with the goblins, though. They're dickheads. She would definitely kill that woman who abused the dogs at the mail carrier in rivington, though. Probably take all the dogs herself. Torch the building. She would not save orpheus, would just let the emperor take care of it, and would destroy the netherbrain. (she might save orpheus if she romances lae'zel. Though if she went to the creche she would get the whole party killed).

Canonically, in Worm, Alec found the person he believed to have the strongest moral compass and basically just said "yeah that sounds cool" to like her every decision. An autistic woman is speaking, listen and learn. He might try something similar here. Hey, Shadowheart. You seem like you know what morality is. You're in charge now. (much like canonical worm, he chose poorly (still better than taylor though))

I'm not sure what aisha would do. Game aisha would be easy. She'd just do whatever was the funniest option every time. Blow up the monastery, let the gondian hostages all trip and die, fuck and then kill minthara. But if it was real to her? She's hard to pin down, I think. She might just stick around for the ride, without any strong feelings one way or the other? I mean, she wouldn't become a mindflayer, but the other stuff? She'd probably do mostly good stuff, with the occasional exception, because, again, BG3 is pretty black-and-white. Do you do the good thing or the bad thing? etcetera.

And a final little bonus: what DND class best represents each Undersider? Just for a little hit of the lamest nerd shit anyone could ever do.

Taylor, I would probably say is a bladesinging wizard? I might also say necromancer. My reasoning is primarily that taylor is the most bookish of the undersiders, the most studious, and she's the most versatile. Wizard is the most versatile magic class in Dungeon Dragon. I said bladesinging wizard, because a big thing about taylor in any fight is that the taylor within the swarm is also dangerous. She uses her baton to great effect, cloaking herself within the swarm for surprise attacks. Bladesinging wizard is the only wizard subclass that even can use melee weapons. (it also helps that by all accounts wizards shouldn't do melee combat, they're supposed to be bad at it, but randomly a bladesinging wizard isn't, and that's taylor being The One Master Cape that actually fistfights people) Of course, this runs into a minor problem which is that a big thing about taylor's power is that it's offputting. Unsettling. she's extremely good at scaring people, to the point she often does it practically by accident. This might be why necromancer might be better, since necromancy is seen as disgusting or offputting. But then you lose the taylor within the swarm part. So i guess it's a matter of which you think is more important to her as a character. There's also swarmkeeper ranger, but ranger kind of sucks, and plus taylor barely ever uses her gun, to the point i don't think she even reloads a gun during the course of the entire book.

Lisa is a tough one. Nothing fits her well, but a lot of things fit her kind of well. Here's 2 options, each with advantages and disadvantages. (Lore bard is also a possibility, but I think it is a bad one)

Inquisitive Rogue. You may think Mastermind rogue, since she's a mastermind cape, but mastermind rogue focuses more on the lying than the detecting lies, so inquisitive. It fits pretty well mechanically, especially that inquisitive rogues can just immediately detect illusions or shapeshifters, but the thing that I don't like about it is that rogues primarily use dexterity, with intelligence being secondary, and charisma usually being a dump stat. Additionally, rogues focus heavily on combat with weapons, which is not lisa's Thing. She does have her gun, but she doesn't really use it that often, preferring her words instead.

Divination Wizard. For one thing, (most) wizards are terrible in melee combat and have low health, which is a better fit for lisa "i work best not fistfighting glory girl but end up doing it half the time anyway" wilbourn. Additionally, wizards have intelligence as their primary stat, which is better for lisa. The large variety of spells does allow Lisa a much less limited amount of perception, though the "sees the future" thing is not her power. Whatever. Look, it's not too far off. This is the best I have, okay?

Rachel is pretty simple. you might be tempted to say she's a beastmaster ranger, though I don't think it's a good fit. For one thing, rangers kind of suck. The beastmaster also has the problem of only having one beast to master, as opposed to rachel's many many beasts. Additionally, rachel does not usually fight people directly, usually using her dogs instead (since that's her power). I think a shepherd druid could be a better fit for her. It gives her the innate ability to basically speak with animals, druids tend not to really interact with or like people, and she can summon and empower many more creatures than a beastmaster's 1. Of course, this has problems of its own. Rachel lindt is not capable of turning into a bear in the web novel Worm. She also can't do that in Ward.

Brian is probably the easiest. shadow monk. He's a hand-to-hand fighter who loves doing crazy ass stunts in service of cold clocking 12 year olds, who also has abilities that work very well to aid him in stealth or surprise attacks. Within the lore, shadow monks also often work as mercenaries. It's Literally Him. Also as a little fun fact, Shadow monks have an ability that is literally exactly his echidna clone's power (teleporting through shadows). They are also immune to the effects of radiation*, which also is a thing Brian can do. This is the only slam dunk conversion for any of these little bastards, to be honest. He's a shadow monk. We're done here.

Alec is probably a great old one warlock, since that's the class focused the most on controlling others, with a greater focus on incapacitation as opposed to mind control. It's closer to his shaker-like power. (to my knowledge there is no spell that allows you to straight up control somebody forever in dungeons and dragons). You could make a case for enchantment wizard, but there's too many wizards here already. You can also link a warlock power thematically to his connection to his father, something that doesn't really care about him very much but he draws power from (even if he resents it). great old one warlocks also have resistance to psychic damage, and like that's one of his major characteristics, what with him being highly resistant to emotional master powers and all.

Aisha is hard. Nothing fits aisha. Her ability to make people forget about her existence is hard to replicate. The closest thing I know of is that enchantment wizards get an ability to make people forget they were charmed by said wizard's magic, but that's, like, it. I was hoping that somewhere there existed a subclass I didn't know about that was like all about making people forget stuff, but tough shit I guess. thief rogue(the best one for sneaking). fuck you, gary gygax.

Bonus:

Sabah could be a creation bard, since creation bards can animate objects and use them to like hit people and stuff. But this is much more limited than her power, and it's not quite the powerful summons that I was hoping for. That being said, i've lowered my standards significantly because nothing works ever.

Lily could be a fighter but none of the fighter subclasses let you make a random object invulnerable. It's a real problem. About as close as I can get is the arcane archer, which allows the fighter to imbue projectiles with a power, but not the "instantly kills anything and pierces any defense" power, for some reason. Strange. And none of this covers her other powers.

Extra bonus:

Amy is a divine soul sorcerer. She only ever uses healing spells (or sometimes buff spells) even though she's got a level six disintegrate just like sitting in the chamber. Mocking her.