#hormones don't do anythign exercise doesn't do anything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cielosuerte · 3 days ago

Text

tbh i dont think my dysphoria's ever been as intense as it has being on hrt mostly bc now it feels like "i dont look like a guy" has the scary component of "the hrt isnt doing anything" now. like before it was like well duh im not on t. but now i am and nothing's ever happened. i've been misgendered more on hrt than when i wasn't on it. it's really frustrating because i think my brain looks for the logical why and it goes well. i'm too curvy to look like a guy no matter what i do. which is a great way to feel. is this like complete defeatism almost of i'm always going to look like this & i probably can't get top surgery because i'm too big for it to do anything. like man i'm never gonna look like a guy huh. well that sucks lmao

#fatphobia #i know this is an internalized problem. hence why i stopped talking about it to people #i don't even really want any input i just feel like i'm gonna explode if i don't put this down for a little while #this is such a deeply held Upsetness for me that it's just better for me & everyone that i don't talk about it #bc it'll just frustrate both of us yk #i wish i could lose weight but i can't even do that right or stick with anything and nothing ever changes #it is. maddening. to be so stuck in a body. nothing i do changes anything #hormones don't do anythign exercise doesn't do anything #all i've done is become an ugly girl so i can't even just give up on it all and look how i'm apparently destined to be #slamming my head into a table until my skull cracks brb #txt #vent #negative #body img //#whatever i'll delete this later i just don't understand how i've been on testosterone for a year and a half and #nothing. fucking Nothing has changed at All.#like what is the point. of it all #what's the point of binding what's the point of a little bit of facial hair #what's the point of an imperceptibly deeper voice #fuck!!!!!#i don't have a uterus anymore there's no reason i'm still the exact fucking same #except that i'm just i guess immune to ever looking different i could kms over this i fucking swear

8 notes · View notes