#hopefully tonight's ep kicks me into gear

[dontwanderoff]

im so despo to write newsreader fanfiction again but i haven't had a proper idea in absolute ages

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x01 Review

New Year’s Eve was a great way to return to HSMTMTS especially after such a long gap. Let’s dig in!

Vladimir Lenin once said that, ‘’ there are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen". It’s been almost a year and half since S1 ended but this past week has seen revelation after revelation as the fandom has resurrected itself and promotion for S2 kicked into high gear: Joshua Bassett came out, Frankie and Joe confirmed that they are a real life couple, Larry seemingly confirmed that S2 will only have 11 eps rather than the 12 initially ordered, and perhaps most importantly Olivia revealed that she and the main cast are under contract for 4 seasons and made clear that she’s leaving the show as soon as her contract is up.

I really enjoyed this premiere, it felt like picking up right back where we left off. I’m guessing that S2 was originally supposed to premiere around Christmas or New Year’s but the holiday decorations and real Utah snow add a charming aesthetic to the ep. Tim Federle deserves credit for giving HSMTMTS more of an ensemble feel which is no easy feat with a cast as large as this show has. It likely won’t last due to covid restrictions  but at least for tonight we got to see all the characters hanging out together acting like a real group of friends.

The dialogue tonight really reminded me of Glee and I think I mean that as a compliment. Miss Jenn in particular seems to be doing her best April Rhodes impression minus the alcoholism. 

The rini scenes tonight were lovely. Perfect gift was a great song and I loved the rini duet during the music in me as the world faded around them leaving just the two of them. The Harry Styles reference is funny in light of Josh’s coming out interview. Of course, it’s hard now to separate Nini and Ricky and Olivia and Josh. Their chemistry shines through as 2x01, 2x02, and possibly parts of 2x03 were filmed pre Jolivia breakup which seems to have happened around summer 2020. Whether they can keep that same chemistry later on in S2, not to mention future seasons, remains to be seen.

A major theme tonight was communication and clearly Rini need to work on theirs. Poor Ricky had to learn that Nini’s moving to Denver the night before she leaves town which has to remind of him of his mom effectively abandoning him. Ricky saying that he’s never gonna breakup with Nini ever again sure sounds like foreshadowing for a disaster though the odds that this time Nini initiates the breakup are pretty good. 

I’m glad that the show is continuing to delve in the Bowen’s divorce story with their house being sold and Ricky and his dad having to move into an apartment. Divorce is expensive and the division of assets typically leave people less well off. Mike Bowen needs to work on his communication skills but he’s rocking that beard; it takes him from depressed divorced dad to depressed divorced daddy.

Seblos was cute and in a nice change of pace Disney doesn’t seem to be cynically teasing them then cutting their scenes. It was refreshing to see them just being a couple and to hear Carlos casually refer to himself as gay. In that regard tonight’s ep didn’t seem like it was a Disney show at all and it’s major progress that there are now two main gay characters on HSMTMTS. We learn that Carlos is rich which seems likely to be a source of conflict with Seb who comes from a large farming family.

Bet on It was really fun and I liked that Ricky apparently couldn’t stop singing it. The medley of HSM 2 songs was fun but I’ll be real with you wildcats, I never thought HSM 2 or 3 were nearly as good as the first movie so I’m not sad that they’re doing something else this year.

Wild that Big Red’s mom also calls him Big Red. Salt Lake Slices seems poised to be a big part of S2 both as hangout spot and work location for some of the characters. Redlyn are sweet together but sometimes Big Red comes off as a closeted gay guy which isn’t ideal for a het pairing that is supposedly a big part of S2.

Nice to see Gina so excited to have sleepovers with Ashlyn. We know from 2x03 that Gina contends with being single on Valentine’s day and from her glances at Ricky tonight she’s clearly not over him. Tim’s playing with fire and I can only hope he knows what he’s doing. I liked the little detail of Kourtney having AOC on her vision board, it feels true to the character (hopefully AOC gets elected president one day if the USA doesn’t collapse into a fascist dictatorship or civil war before then). EJ’s beard has got to go but I like that he seems committed to being a better version of himself; very doubtful his plan to go straight to Duke like his forefathers doesn’t change by the end of the season. 

Derek Hough did a good job of playing Zach as a subtly condescending man who managed to swiftly undermine Miss Jenn’s confidence, we’ll see what he and North High bring to the table.

Looking Ahead:

Next week are auditions for Beauty and the Beast, we know Ashlyn gets the role of Belle and EJ has conveniently removed himself from the running for Beast which presumably clears the path for Ricky to take the lead. There’s been some controversy over the casting choices and I’ll save my comments about it for the 2x02 review.

We get to see Lily who looks like a meaner version of season 1 Gina, we’ll see how much depth she actually ends up getting. Howie is introduced in 2x03 and Antoine likely shows up later on. Jack likely shows up towards the end of the season.

Howie seems to have a connection with Kourtney though the character synopsis does say he gets close to a wildcat or two which certainly leaves room to slide him into Gina’s plot. We know Antoine is into Ashlyn so that’s another love triangle to look forward to. Jack was described as having wanderlust and most of the cast seems not to have filmed with him so I think it’s likely that he plays a role in convincing EJ to take a gap year rather than head straight to Duke. 

A translation leak on TikTok reveals that in 2x03 Gina is sad that she’s only gotten a Valentine’s Day gift from her mom. A brief clip from the promo shows up her on her porch at night holding a heart shaped box of chocolates. If that’s supposed to be from a secret or semi-secret admirer than it has to be from either EJ, Ricky, or Howie. If it’s a platonic gift then it could be from anyone, we’ll see what Tim has up his sleeves.

Nini moving back to SLC is a question of when not if. It’s going to be very difficult to bring her back in a way that’s justified and also doesn’t leave the time she spends in Denver looking like a total waste. Frankly, I’d rather the show just bite the bullet and bring her back with as little fuss as possible.

We’re possibly around a quarter way through HSMTMTS given that the mains have 4 season contracts and presuming that the show is not cancelled earlier. At the very least the show will be radically different after S4 if they try to continue it as Olivia has made very clear that she’s going to leave asap to pursue her burgeoning music career full time (notably she’s only done the bare minimum of promo for S2). 

Looming over the remaining seasons of HSMTMTS is what the professional relationship between Olivia and Josh looks like especially since in many ways the show is built around Ricky and Nini. Off screen relationships have often caused on screen problems and dating a co-worker is rarely a good idea since even clean breakups leave lingering resentments. Obviously the Jolivia breakup was not clean, Driver’s License, Deja Vu, and Good 4 U (which is a certified bop) were clearly written from a place of hurt and in some ways were written to hurt. It’s no surprise that Joshua has dropped his duet with Sabrina Carpenter from his EP; someone on his team at least is trying to stop the damage to his reputation. There’s a decent chance that Olivia’s songs becoming such hits has irreparably damaged Joshua Bassett’s reputation among the same pool of largely young women that he’s targeting his music towards thereby cutting off his music career at the knees. If nothing else this behind the scenes drama should keep things entertaining for a while.

Until next week Wildcats 

[queenjunoking]

Wolf Taming Ep 30

CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay - Drugs - Kidnapping  - Manipulation

Jude

This was the most annoying mare I’ve ever had to deal with and she wasn’t even awake yet. She was a giant, none of our usual gear fit her. Some of the stablehands took her measurements but we didn’t know what to do with most of them yet. We could have several of the items ordered fairly quickly, many of the shops we ordered from would have something in stock that could be altered. Some kept unusual sized clothing on hand for extravagant prices. I had Mimi call several of the nearby shops to see if we could get lucky, Mistress Eos was always willing to pay the price for whatever she wanted as long as she could get it right away.

Mistress Eos had particular tastes. Her newest mare would probably be used as a racehorse, she had the body for it. After her first week of breaking she’d probably be moved into the program to learn to run in her new gear. It took time to learn to run in the hoof-heels with your arms bound behind your back.

She had strong legs which was good, apparently she was an athlete before she was captured. Her bust was rather unimpressive. Good for a racehorse. But if Mistress Eos went on the workhorse route she’d probably receive a low dose of the hucow enhancer. Which meant until she made a decision we couldn’t get her a uniform to cover her top.

The main question came down to her stamina. Each pony had their customary first marathon on their first day. It was simple. A 25 mile treadmill course. It wasn’t so bad. Some portions would alter the treadmill’s angle. Some required certain speeds to be either reached or maintained. It really wasn’t that difficult but the ponies always seemed to have a problem with it. Most collapsed before the end. Which was fine, we’d just chain them up until they dragged their feet across the finish line one step at a time. It didn’t matter if it took all night, most of the newcomers weren’t even allowed sleep on their first night. 

The recipe for breaking them was simple. A painful exhausting marathon followed by not being allowed rest followed by another day of running. It helped weed out the useless ones. Those ones got moved into the cow barn if they had the body type for it. If they didn’t… well there were much less pleasant positions to be in. That new filly turned out to be useless. She barely made it 10 miles before she collapsed. Even threats couldn’t get her to move again. She didn’t have the body to be a cow. She might have been a good maid, but Eos only allowed demotions, not promotions. Once you were in the barn you never got to leave.

That particular filly was being designated a stress-relief pony for the stallions. She’d get her first injection of Succubus tonight. She’d get to learn first hand the modifications done to stallions and hopefully she could accommodate those modifications. Stallions were kind of a funny thing, they weren’t really ponies exactly. It was window dressing. They were rarely used for work. They came here to stay fit while they underwent their modifications. Once they were done here they were mostly installed in places to train slaves how to pleasure people or for medical testing.

That filly should count herself lucky. If she had been less lucky she would have ended up as a “thing.” Something reserved for only the most worthless of slaves. A table. A chair. A urinal.

God I hope this stupid thing would become a urinal. The thought of getting to piss down the throat of Z’s stupid emotion support pet was delicous to think about.

I don’t know what Z saw in this thing but nothing made me feel happier than thinking about what she must be going through right now. Z was volatile, I’m honestly surprised she didn’t try to attack Eos. I could only imagine it would get much worse now that she didn’t have her little pet to invest her attention into. I knew enough about that bitch. She crumbled if left on her own with nothing to do. She needed to have something to preoccupy her or she'd get lost in the dark place in her head. I still remember the day she attacked another master because she was allowed 3 days off as a breaker. The fragile filly couldn’t live with the downtime and pulled a knife on someone who bothered her. Unfortunately Briar bought them off. If she hadn’t Z might have gotten kicked out and Mistress Eos could have bought her.

She was the source of the only black mark on my record. I dreamt of whipping her while she begged for forgiveness. The memories of the dream alone made me wish I was allowed to touch myself.

But if Z loved this stupid horse I would do everything I could to sabotage it's progress. I wanted Callidora to be reduced to a worthless object. I wanted Z to see what she became. I was sure it was going to be the thing to crack that ice queen exterior and expose what a worthless bitch she really was.

“You two!” I snapped at one of the stablehands. They stood at attention, scared to be the object of my attention.

“Y-yes Stablemaster Jude?” They both stammered at the same time. They had learned since last time.

“One of you go get an enema bag, we have to get her prepared. The other go get a half level of the hucow formula and the microchip. It’s good we get her prepped in case Eos wants to continue down that path. If she does the results will happen faster. If she doesn’t then the effects will go away after a few days.”

“Yes Stablemaster Jude!” They started to walk off to go get the supplies. Not fast enough for my taste.

“Now!” They squealed and ran off, one slipping and falling into the mud. Her uniform was all dirty now and she’d be paying for that tonight. Clumsy bitches don’t need to sleep. Two days should teach her a lesson. “Bunch of worthless slaves…”

“Stablemaster Jude?” I turned around to see the pink monstrosity hobbling into the barn. Even after all this time she could barely walk unassisted, let alone walk on the uneven ground outside.

“Did you finally finish the simple task I asked you to do an hour ago Mimi?” I hated Mimi, Eos always dotted over her. But she was the only person here aside from me who could use the phone, every other slave she owned was conditioned to get violently ill from hearing various sounds phones made. It made sure they couldn’t call for help. 

“I’m sorry Stablemaster Jude. I have located one shop that has hoof-heels in Callidora’s size. The purchase has been approved and they will be here within the hour. There were no hoof-mitts available but Mistress Eos has said she wishes for Callidora to be placed in an armbinder harness. Arms bent.”

“Dismissed Mimi.” She awkwardly made a curtsy and slowly made her way back to the house.

I sat back for a few minutes and watched as one of them finally returned with the enema. I heard Callidora make some noises as she filled but she unfortunately was still asleep. I watched them shove a plug in her as the other returned with 7 needles, three for each breast and the chip. I injected them one by one, getting little reaction from the unconscious mare aside from some disgruntled noises. There wouldn’t be any noticable effects yet aside from some soreness. I looked for the squishiest part of her neck and chipped her. I was stunned to find out she didn’t already have one. Z thought this horse was a dog. There was only one reason Callidora wasn’t chipped and it brought a smile to my face.

Z was running low on money.

We waited ten minutes before one of the stablehands removed the plug. Several others started to clean the floors. It was standard procedure for new ponies. Soon they would be on Ambrosia and this would never be a problem again.

There was nothing to do but wait for the idiot to show up with the canner’s new gear. I may as well have some fun. 

“You three!” I pointed to three random stablehands.

They stood at attention. “Yes Stablemaster Jude?” I smiled. This is what Z didn’t understand. I saw the footage of Callidora. She was sloppy. She was out of control. Callidora was going to get to learn about the importance of efficiency and control.

“Her.” I pointed at the stablehand that had fallen in the mud. “Strip her. Put her in the whipping brace. She can wait there for a few hours before I have some extra time, she’ll be getting 10 lashes and a day in the hole.

“No, no please. Please Stablemaster Jude please I’m so sorry I can do better. Please have mercy on me. A different punishment at least I beg you. My body is weak, I won’t be able to keep helping out in the stable after that many lashes.” She fell to her knees in front of me. 

I kicked her in the chest and sent her sliding backwards. “No? Did you just fucking say no to me you worthless bitch? 20 lashes. 3 days in the hole. If you can’t fucking work in the stables after that it’s not my problem. Broken overflow is sold to Lady Flora.”

Her eyes went wide as the three grabbed her and dragged her off, doing the best they could to silence her screaming and begging. Such a lovely sight. I never liked her anyway. I’m sure she’d enjoy being a statue.

I was supervising the clean up as a meek man approached the barn. "Greetings Stablemaster. We came as fast as we could. We had a bridle hood with binds, a harness and hoof-heels in her si-" I walked up to him and just took them from him. "-oh! Ok. Well try them on and make sure they fit. Otherwise we can make some adjustments.”

"Flip her!" A couple of stablehands carefully turned Callidora off of her stomach and onto her back, letting her legs drape off the table.

I slid the boots into her feet. They fit well enough. The angle was fine. She’d get used to wearing them like every pony did. I tried the bridle, another perfect fit. It took some struggle from myself and a few stablehands but we managed to get her harness on. It was the only thing we left on. Her arms were loosely chained behind her back, didn't want her to be free and hurt herself.

"It fits. Please go to the house to finalize your payment." I waved the man off. Billing wasn't my area, Mistress Eos had people for that. I would be money that despite how long ago Mimi had left the barn the man would get to the house before she did. Such a pathetic creature.

"Put her in her stall. Alert me the second she wakes up." Four stablehands awkwardly lifted her and awkwardly carried her into her stall in the stable.

Stalls weren't roomy. They were mostly meant to stand in and wait. They may as well be long closets. A regular sized mare might be able to lay down but Callidora was much too big to ever do that. But ponies didn't get special accommodations. That was her new home. Well, for now. I was going to make it my duty to be sure she would fall as fast and as hard as possible. She wasn’t worth a place in Mistress Eos’s stable. But for now this is where she’d stay until I could get her a place in a hucow crate or in a urinal.

I looked up at the plaque above her locked stall door.

Stall 27.

Callidora.

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 9: “If you’re not on top, you’re on the bottom & getting played” - Maddison

Maddison

I made the merge!!! Let’s gooo baby!

Aimee

I cannot believe me the oldest person made it to merge! I’m still shaking a little bit to be honest. Haha I always see those reality tv shows where the oldest person is the first boot. Haha and I know there are other 30 year olds but this feels special to me. 

Yay merge! This lady is gonna kick it into high gear, hopefully the alliances I made and the friendships I have started help me to get far but we will see what the future brings 🌅

Olivia A.

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Grae G

We do be merging.... OG maola is in mini Priya so I will be spending every spare moment working my ass off to try and make as many OG Hanuha bonds as possible... 

Najwah

While I'm happy to have made it to merge, I'm actually really sad about James. I've never been this sad about losing anyone in this game before. We started off never having had a one on one chat but we just had each others backs from day one. Stuck it out. Fought together. We spoke on a video call earlier and it was the most easiest conversation ever. He was genuine and kind and I wish him everything of the best in this life. He deserves so many good things. My heart is sore. I didn't want to be here with Amy. She's unresponsive and I don't really trust her. But she told me she had a steal a vote and she wanted to give it to me before tribal because it could be used post merge. And then, she changed her mind like 15 minutes before tribal she was like no this game is a distraction for me and I want to use it tonight. And it was either going to be James or me. She was in a position of power. I think she chose to vote James out coz she has previously stated that he is good at challenges. She wants to have a secret alliance with me. I agreed to it just so that I could be. Kept in the game by her I guess. I have no intention to betray other people I am in an alliance with. Idk. I'm just still shocked. I actually cried about it on a call with Cody earlier. Cody also told me that since day 1 Ben and Zack have been bitching about me voting James out and turning on James and weakening Hanúha Tribe alliance. Like? What? I'm so annoyed. Not once have I even considered voting out James. We had a good thing going. He's just one of the best people in this game and I honestly wish he was. Here. I'm not in the mood for these two faced assholes who only care about themselves. 

Pedro A

im scared ..this can change the whole game

Sarah

AHHH, it’s Merge time! I’m so excited that I, along with most of my alliance, made it to Merge. Definitely sad about James being voted out at the last vote since he was one of my closest allies in the game but thanks for giving me coins and helping me get the idol James! 😊 Maybe Amy has put a target on her back after playing steal a vote and can be an “easy” first vote for the majority of people on our new tribe. Well, there was definitely a lot to catch up on in a week and I talked with Cody for quite awhile last night and he filled me in. He let me know that Ben confided in him and said he didn’t trust Zack fully either. Cody of course hasn’t completely trusted Zack this whole game so at some point, I’m sure everyone will vote out Zack. But for now, our alliance and former Hanuha tribe is staying strong. Like I’ve said, I feel like Cody and I are in one of the best positions in the game because of our connections with so many others. Aimee feels close to me, Najwah feels close to Cody, and Ben and Zack feel close to us. I have also had some communication with Grae and feel like I can talk with her. I do think there is an alliance between Grae, Maddison, Olivia, and maybe Amy though. This next challenge and tribal will be interesting for sure with a 6/6 tribe split. 

Olivia A

At the moment it feels like we’re in the minority (with Pedro still mad abt the John vote) but with this idol and the plan to get everyone to target Pedro I feel like we can get in a good place again. And then convincing people to turn on Zack will hopefully not be too hard.

Maddison

It seems like the boys from original Hanuha are coming after me... and there is nothing I hate more than men chasing me. Time to bring down the hammer. :) I found an idol today thanks to the help of my lovely Rox the Sox alliance. I’m happy to have it in my possession but I’m also ready to use it for whomever in my alliance may need it. I wouldn’t have found it without them anyways. 

Amy A

Made the merge 🎉🎉🎉🎉. Can’t say it has been an easy road. Almost voted out last night. Even though that was not even remotely gonna happen cos ‘Steal-a-vote’. So, definitely happy to be here but sad that I lost my advantage. Also, my alliance with Najwah seems pretty solid. I hope she isn’t just saying stuff to me just to gain my trust and then break it. I absolutely trust her. Even beyond the game. I feel like I can actually talk to her. Let’s go merge!!! Amy A. So, lies. I feel like this should be my little confessional to keep track of my lies cos 😂😂😂😂😂😂 it’s so damn hilarious to ME. I don’t even have a cat but I feel like people seem you as more trustworthy when you have a pet. I also think Grae believes I’m not aligned with Najwah cos I told her I had a mini bond w James instead. This is really entertaining. 

Zack M

"well, i got it." - valerie cherish, the comeback and by it i mean the merge. i'm here. i've accomplished what i wanted to do. now my goal is to make it to top 10. baby steps. but i feel like i'm going to be the first person voted out tbh. something is off with my tribe. the only person i feel like i can actually trust at the moment is najwah. we had like a 2 hour video call last night and compared notes. apparently cody also tried to buy the necklace with her. i'm like 89% positive that him and sarah have the idol. i really wanted to go to final two with him but 1. i don't see me making 2. if i do, i don't think i can fully trust him. it's obvious he is running around talking to everyone and it's starting to get messy. anyways, i think i will be voted out first because it's clear the maola girls are working together. maddison, grae, olivia, amy, kalle all need someone to vote out. why not the guy who was the "tribe leader" at the swap. there may be some hope IF pedro stays loyal and votes with the hanuha tribe but that would also mean that aimee and sarah have to stay with us. aimee apparently told pedro she's been on the bottom which isn't a lie but like why aimee? *face palm* if hanuha stays strong and pedro votes with us then it will be 7 /5 and i should be safe. i would like to pretend to vote amy out (#Justice4James) because i feel like alan may have gave her the idol, if they actually had one like rumor suggests. she plays the idol ... we flush it ... and take out maddison or grae. that would be dream scenario. but who knows what is going to happen with this auction coming up. stay tuned. 

Olivia A

At the moment it feels like we’re in the minority (with Pedro still mad abt the John vote) but with this idol and the plan to get everyone to target Pedro I feel like we can get in a good place again. And then convincing people to turn on Zack will hopefully not be too hard.

Pedro A

OKay so kalle basically said...."I've been on the bottom since the John vote lol....I just don't know who I can try to connect or reconnect with at this point"...so she doesnt trust them anymore....which is nice...and i kinda believe her..considering they didnt pick her to be in the swap tribe...which honestly was a mistake......Grae and Maddison..im coming for you...karma is a bitch

Pedro A

im talking with najwah...i kinda wanna know about her relationship with amy...cause amy is a snake gURL...But i feel like its too early on to ask that...but im watching you GURL

Pedro A

lets just hope we dont self destruct...cause then we will be devoured by the habuha. tribe

Olivia A

Checked in with Aimee and she’s seeming iffy about the original Hanuha people and is still interested in working with me! This is very good news :) If we get Pedro our next and Aimee sticks w us then we’ll have the numbers 6-5.

Kalle N

This first tribal is going to be a gigantic mess. Pedro now says he trusts me and asked me really nicely to not lie to him bc he's sick of being lied to, and it just made me feel really bad. I think rox the sox is still planning on voting Pedro but if I feel like I genuinely have him on my side, I could maybe try to get our alliance to vote for someone else like Zack or Ben. Ben really wants to take out Maddison or Grae but idk how much I want to rely on Ben.

Pedro 

i honestly feel like i noone is being truthfull to me

Pedro A

Honestly im scared...at this point..i just want to make it into the top 10

Pedro A

one step at a time

Olivia A.

For this challenge I’m paired with Cody. I’m not really excited about it. I don’t have anything against him but I’ve never interacted w this man before and I don’t want to help him get immunity! He seems rly nice and funny I just feel like it’s gonna be awkward and also I have 0 ideas. Doesn’t rly matter though bc we’re not planning on targeting him so if he does get immunity it’s whatever. 🤷🤷

Pedro A

Is this  a jokkeeee..I'm with graeeeee .....I'm so unlucky...I'm honestly doneeee..like wtf...what did I do to deserve this ass...gods please help..

Kalle N

I don't know if you're familiar with the show New Girl or not, but it's my favorite show of all time and I'm going to use an example from it to explain how I feel. In New Girl, Nick Miller once said "I'm so sick of the lying... and the manipulating ..  and the out-manipulating". I'm lying and holding so much different info from different people and groups of people that my brain is going to explode. Can't wait to see what Aimee will be like but oof this is getting crazy

Olivia A

I take back what I said Cody’s vibes are immaculate 🤠

Aimee

Haha I’m an idiot. I just sat there at the auction staring at the void. I think I’m still so shook I made it to merge that I just stare into the blankness instead of doing anything. Dang, I wish I would of gotten that envelope. I need that extra vote man. I don’t want that extra going to the Suite life of Zack and Cody. I feel like they are still a big threat to my game even if we are being friendly right now. I don’t necessarily believe in this old Hanuha strong alliance. I’m skeptical, the game of survivor is so complex and I don’t want to play this simple, it has burned me before. With this immunity challenge for me Kalle would be a simple vote to get out now. But now I have to work with her to get immunity. Damn. We will see how this goes. Your lady is gonna to try her best no matter what. No throwing challenges here , in this house. 

Zack M

literally fml. i didn't get anything the auction which i don't care about tbh. but now it's our first INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE but we have to work in pairs. individual immunity challenge .... in pairs. i know. seems like kindergarten knowledge that we would work alone but like whatever. i'm partners with amy. she fucked over najwah and james. i hear she doesn't respond and she didn't even complete the last challenge. i guess i will be doing this alone. flashback to high school when i did all the group projects. this is kind of mean. amy could be a sweetheart of a person. she's been nothing but nice to me. and i did reach out to her this morning because her facial expressions during tribal do crack me up. so if you read this amy, know that my frustration isn't with you personally ... it's how you've played the game so far from what i've been able to see. + that our first individual immunity challenge isn't individual at all. whatever. 

Sarah

AHHH, it’s Merge time! I’m so excited that I, along with most of my alliance, made it to Merge. Definitely sad about James being voted out at the last vote since he was one of my closest allies in the game but thanks for giving me coins and helping me get the idol James! 😊 Maybe Amy has put a target on her back after playing steal a vote and can be an “easy” first vote for the majority of people on our new tribe. Well, there was definitely a lot to catch up on in a week and I talked with Cody for quite awhile last night and he filled me in. He let me know that Ben confided in him and said he didn’t trust Zack fully either. Cody of course hasn’t completely trusted Zack this whole game so at some point, I’m sure everyone will vote out Zack. But for now, our alliance and former Hanuha tribe is staying strong. Like I’ve said, I feel like Cody and I are in one of the best positions in the game because of our connections with so many others. Aimee feels close to me, Najwah feels close to Cody, and Ben and Zack feel close to us. I have also had some communication with Grae and feel like I can talk with her. I do think there is an alliance between Grae, Maddison, Olivia, and maybe Amy though. This next challenge and tribal will be interesting for sure with a 6/6 tribe split. Olivia A.For this challenge I’m paired with Cody. I’m not really excited about it. I don’t have anything against him but I’ve never interacted w this man before and I don’t want to help him get immunity! He seems rly nice and funny I just feel like it’s gonna be awkward and also I have 0 ideas. Doesn’t rly matter though bc we’re not planning on targeting him so if he does get immunity it’s whatever. 🤷🤷

Sarah

FUCCKK. I didn’t buy anything in the auction except for a ticket with the VL (which I’m honestly thrilled about that). I definitely thought there would be 10 items, I learned my Survivor auction lesson.... So much has happened in the past hour I- Cody got an extra vote which he told me and then we discussed whether we should tell the whole group or not. I encouraged him to share it because it would keep our Hanuha tribe from getting paranoid at this first vote if they knew we had that advantage. We don’t want Zack to get paranoid and flip... So. Zack messaged Cody about Najwah sharing with him about what the necklace meant. Zack said that the necklace had to be used with an idol and would be like a super idol that can be played after the votes are read. But if Naj holds on to it, she gets a 5% disadvantage each week. Najwah didn’t message Cody about it and he was hurt and didn’t know if he could trust her. Cody asked Najwah and at first she said it was just a cursed necklace with a disadvantage and then later shared with him about using it with an idol. So we have no idea what is the truth and if Zack and Naj are closer than we think... but Zack literally wanted to vote Naj out so I have NO idea what to think anymore. I’m also worried that James shared with Naj he had shared 5 coins with me because they got close and now she may think I have an idol.... asdfghjkl. Cody also wants to start a group of 3 with Ben, him, and I but we don’t know if that will expose Cody and I and if Ben would share that with Zack. Sooo much uncertainty. Merge is CRAZY. 

Grae G

Pedros my partner which sucks for him bc of my disadvantage :///

Najwah

 I'm so happy about having Sarah as a partner in this challenge. Also awesome that I'm able to give people a 10% advantage. So Amy and I are secretly chatting. Initially I was ready to just blindside her and get her out but she's giving me the tea from the inside lmao and we are sharing ideas and hyping each other up and I love that. Pedro started talking to me too and we kinda connected. I told Amy the 10% in giving is for her and Zack and I'm telling Zack it's because I don't want to give Maddison, Grae or Olivia an advantage so Ben and Cody don't benefit from my advantage either. Aimee, Sarah, Zack, Amy and I do however and these are all people I'm willing to work with in the future. I have to play this very carefully. I THINK people trust me right now, but I suspect they're extremely weary. I don't want to be messy so I am sticking to Hanúha, Amy African Queen alliance and I'll listen and entertain Pedro if he wants to talk. He just needed to vent and I really think he's a genuine person. Not sure what he's going to be like now that he's working with someone he "Hates" and is "dead to him" yep my guy is hella dramatic. I feel for him though, I do. It's a game of survivor yes but the constant lying and betrayal affects one psychologically. It's important to still treat each other like humans and be kind. I feel okay right now. I think I'm in an okay position right now. 

Olivia A

I take back what I said Cody’s vibes are immaculate 🤠

Sarah

Cody, Ben, and I formed a three person alliance tonight and I honestly feel really good about it. Cody and I were worried that it might expose Cody and I’s closeness but we both really trust Ben and want to talk through things and work with him. Ben brought up the point of causing chaos at the first tribal so the former Maola tribe can play advantages/idols and we can flush some of them out. I think that will be a good plan. We will get more information tomorrow and then make a decision when we go to tribal. I still haven’t told Ben about my idol yet and I feel like I may but I just want to make sure sure sure that he wouldn’t tell anyone else... After talking with Ben, Cody and I called for another hour and seriously, our friendship goes beyond this game. It’s so crazy how someone can become your best friend in a couple weeks. We obviously want to get to final three/two together and don’t care about voting each other out (if there was a million dollars up for grabs yeah I would want to vote Cody out 😂). We want to go down as the best dynamic duo. 

Pedro A

really GRAE an disadvantge??????....CHILLLLEEEEE....my luck...im literally so unlucky.....anyways lets try to win either way Im so not confidente about this challenge and about the next tribal jeez...this will be a long ride

Cody A

https://youtu.be/cAF4L9RNlHg

Pedro A

me and grae did fine.....i really liked our ideia....i hope the judges like it too......IM SO NERVOUS...after this challenge chilllee...IT WILL be a mess

Olivia A

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Olivia A

Working with Cody on this challenge was a lot of fun!! We’re not in the same alliance but if I’m in a position where I do need to strategically work with him later on I’m confident that won’t be too difficult. Also I love what we made lol. 

Grae g

Amy got immunity which is very sexy Zack not so much but you know he’s not an active target ((yet))

Kalle N

Ok I literally had to make a chart to keep track of which lies I'm telling to which people bc this is getting WILD. Basically, Ben and I are trying to organize a Grae blindside without Grae knowing anything. If all goes according to plan, we have the numbers to make it happen without me even having to vote for Grae, which will make Maddison and Olivia still trust me. We're also trying to get Maddison to play her idol so we're pretending that her name is being thrown out. In order for this to work we NEED Aimee so tomorrow we're trying to pit her against Grae and make her think that Grae is just using her as a number and wants to get rid of her. I also have to keep talking to Pedro and just make sure he doesn't spread any info or find anything out. Bc he could topple this whole thing. I've also told everyone that I have a fake idol when it's actually real, and Grae is the only one who knows it's real. So if we vote them out and they haven't told anyone else, then that secret dies with them and I'm golden. Even Ben thinks my idol is fake. I'M OUT HERE PLAYING 11TH DIMENSIONAL CHESS rn

Zack M

to quote the great philosopher t-pain, "all i do is win win win...." dude. what?! i won the first "individual" immunity challenge?! this is so wild to me. najwah and sarah's was so cute. i want the little bead man najwah made of me. she really called me an #EMOGAY ... love to see it. back to my work though ... look ... was amy my first choice? no. literally no offense to you amy because you were actually a delight to work with because you allowed me to do what i wanted to do. the secret to a relationship with me is to let me have my way. you did and LOOK AT GOD you're safe. i know i'm a threat in this game and the second i don't win i will be in the mouths of everyone ... im including my alliances in that statement. like why would you want to keep me in this game with my track record? i guess for a shield? seems risky to me. i would 100% blindside me. i would like to take a second and talk to one of the judges from this challenge: dear raffy, lord where do i even start. this is an online game of survivor that's happening while everyone is also living real life. i'm not sure what you expected from people but like damn dude ... you were really acting like you were a guest judge on america's got talent or something. make way for TRYra banks. he called himself "a moment" in his bio. let me tell you that no people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. i can't. lol. you literally gave me a 6 for appeal but gave a computer generated buzzfeed quiz a 9. these judges should really have to explain their scores live in my opinion. ALSO JUDGES SHOULD NOT BE PEOPLE WHO ARE DRAFTING PLAYERS!!! now, i'm not saying they are cheating. (please do not edit this out because i just learned that was a thing from najwah. i will share whatever is missing from my confessions on twitter or somewhere if it isn't here when posted.) it seems a lot of this game is "in the family" and i don't like that. it's hard to be unbiased. but back to raffy ... you said i should have included the entire tribe or created a whole deck. sir ... 1. this is an INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE that i already had the displeasure of working on with someone else. it should have just been me on that card tbh. i'm tired of having everything comeback to a tribe. this isn't pre-merge. 2. create a whole deck? this was not some copy and paste art project. i did EVERYTHING including writing out the text on the cards instead of typing it out. now that that's out of my system .. jesus .. i don't even know where to begin with the vote. ben and i have decided to start floating maddison and olivia's names around. this will hopefully scare maddison into using whatever her MAYBE advantage from the auction is. let's flush that out. BUT the target i believe is going to be grae. we're not going to share that until later because we don't know if they're are any moles in the group. omg i just thought, what if her advantage is to steal immunity away from a player at tribal. i don't think that's ever been a thing but like maybe on this fucked up online version it could be. you just never know what to expect. hopefully everything goes according to plan and i just get to chill and see where everyone stands in the game .... and then i win again next time. 

Pedro A

I dont like that Amy came to talk to me.....seems suspicious...expecially because amy and najwah for sure have an allience...LOL.....i dont even know what to say..........i think im going tonight...maybe im just being paranoid....But i have this feeling....and hey its my 3rd tribal....3 times its a charm LOL

Amy A

So my little alliance with Najwah is brewing 😂. We’re super close and tell each other everything and I think this is the best move I’ve made since the game started. Also, I won immunity 🎉. Najwah’s advantage really helped. Cos that’s what boosted us. Unless no one tells me she’s the vote, she’s NOT going home tonight. I feel really great for tonight’s tribal and can’t wait to see what’s next.

Pedro A

but im 95% sure najwah..and amy are working a together...like amy came to talk to me...while najwah was online....and it seemed like shes was comparing notes ..to what i said to najwah lol

Pedro A

it feel like Najwah came to supervise me and to get me to throw out a name...LIKE GURLLLL...you think im stoopid?....I HAVE A BAD FEELING...i think its me tonight...chilleeee...which is dumb tbh....cause theres bigger fish...

Pedro A

I feel like najwah...doesnt trust me........like shes always...suspicous of me ...i dont like that....like im paranoid...but she is AN INVESTIGATOR 

Pedro A

IM going homeeee FUCKKK

Pedro A

Theory confirmed...CHILLEE...kalle told me....and Grae, Maddison, or Olivia, are planning to vote my ass out...like gurl....and apparently the other tribe was also considering voting my ass out also...wtffff...IM AT ROCK BOTTOM...and im not even playing both sides...i just want grae maddison and olivia out LOL

Pedro A

Grae´s ass better leave...i worked so mf hard on that challenge...and got a disadvantge from them ...and now they are trynna vote me out...LIKE chillleee wtf

Maddison

I! Still! Want! Pedro! Gone! Also hi Zack you’re the clear ringleader but you’ll be knocked out soon enough my guy

Olivia A

Hiii so it’s looking like we’re going for Pedro. I think we have a solid 6 and hopefully 7 if we can get Aimee to get Sarah in with us. This vote feels really important bc it’s gonna establish who has the majority. Although, anyone could flip at any time. WHO KNOWS!! 

Kalle N

So last night I was stressing and now I've actually decided to just pass away. This is getting insane. I told Pedro about the Grae vote and he's in, I just have to babysit him and make sure that he doesn't say a word about it to anyone. We also NEED Cody to use his extra vote. I need to throw away my vote on someone that Amy could vote for bc I'm gonna have to throw blame on her after this if this actually works out. The lying is really getting on top of me bc I have to say different things to different people but here we are. Very big tribal tonight

Maddison

I wish some people would realize that if you’re not on top, you’re on the bottom & getting played. 

Amy A

The votes are a MESS lemme tell you! The names are Pedro and Grae. We’re tryna use Cody as our decoy vote. The actual mess is in who we’re gonna involve and everyone tryna downplay their closeness to people on the other side. OG Maola tea-time seems to be working well together and have all agreed on Pedro. Maddison has taken a step back from the aggressive role cos I think she has seen that it’d make her a target. I honestly wouldn’t mind voting her out someday because she’s GOOD. I just want us all to get through this tribal and see where the lines fall. 

Amy A

Najwah is an actual rockstar 😂😂😂. She and I are basically a tag team at this point. Our private messages are actually lit. Nothing is off topic and literally everything I hear, I tell her. The best part is always blaming the things I know from her from our Palena swap tribe on James. I always say ‘James told me ...’ and it’s HILARIOUS. People may have doubted at the beginning but I think that now, no one even thinks we work together. We nicknames Zack and Pedro ‘Dynamic Dúo’ and I basically love her. She’s my spirit animal. 

Olivia A

Hiii so it’s looking like we’re going for Pedro. I think we have a solid 6 and hopefully 7 if we can get Aimee to get Sarah in with us. This vote feels really important bc it’s gonna establish who has the majority. Although, anyone could flip at any time. WHO KNOWS!! 

Olivia A

The vote is still Pedro but our fake-out vote is Cody. I completely trust the people I’m working with but I’m getting a gut feeling that this isn’t going to work out in our favor. Just bc the numbers aren’t quite secure yet. But I’ll just stick w the plan and stay hopeful :/

Kalle N.

kinda bummed we didn't get to pull off the Grae blindside tonight and give Pedro the idol that no one knows about :( But I'm more bummed that Zack was treating anyone the way he did so good riddance I guess. The PB & K alliance is hopefully going to be the undercover move making force that we need to keep our momentum going forward. Unfortunately I do have to work with Ben for right now since I'm definitely on the bottom of my other alliances. It'll be interesting to see what happens next

Pedro A

SOOO this was a mess....i was going homeee tonight.........this wholee situation saved my damn lifeeee.....lets hope this was only a situational thing....and next round is someone different....i doubt it...but still......im so shocked about zack...also can i say that my nº1s change every elimination ..like now its kalle and ben ...i trust them..they had my best interest in mind....im sorry to whoever is reading this...i dont like making long texts in english..and im not good with essays.. SORRY

Aimee

I’m not sure where I left off in my last confessional lol so I’ll start here It was a lot of fun working with Kalle on the coloring and poem projects. I really liked her haiku and her originality of it. I hope she becomes more confident in her creative writing. I’m happy that we got 3rd overall. This morning I heard Grae’s name get thrown around. Haha I literally almost cried when I heard that. I’m not normally an emotional person but I feel like Grae and I have such a special connection and I don’t want to lose it so soon. They are a joy to talk with everyday and I might honestly have a little crush forming. ☺️😅 Their energy matches no other that I talk to in this game. 🤩 It was so nice getting reached out to by Grae and Maddison on how they wanted to vote Pedro out. It was such a relief to finally get included in a vote. I am working closely with Ben in this game. Our main thing is that no one can know we are working together so that we can hear information from all sides of the game. He is someone that I can spill my guts to about ANYTHING game related and I know that he is in it with me for the long haul. There’s so much we know about  each other that it’s almost impossible to betray each other without burning each other to the ground! Not that I would want to! He is such a sweetheart and I love him to bits! Haha it’s hard to keep track of the days at this point. We video chat a lot and I really enjoy his company! I’m happy we both made it to merge and together we can turn this game upside down. Sarah and I call ourselves Team Casanova! The flash game queens! 👑 I love talking with her about outside of the game stuff. It’s was so great having her on Maola with me and now merge. We have built such a strong relationship and I really think she is someone I can trust through the end!!!! I really enjoy Maddison too. She seems so down to earth and easy to talk to. I’m glad she sees me as an ally and am excited to see how far she is willing to work with me. Shout out to my girl Najwah! I had no idea what all she was going through and I’m so happy that the emotional threat to her well being is out of this game. She is such a gem and I hope we get to work together more in the future. I’m honestly happy Zack is out of the game. I don’t enjoy hearing what all he was saying about contestants and the host. This game is meant for fun. I hope with him being out the game will be less stressful for us all. I’m just so sorry to hear about what people on my old Hanuha chat had to go through, it sounds even worse than how I felt about things. It breaks my heart and I’m relieved for this reset in the game where we can all air things out and come together. I love everyone here and I’m so happy Jay has decided to recruit me. These friendships I have made and continue to make have been such a joy this summer. Your lady is strong and I will keep fighting for that immunity. ✌️

Najwah

these past 24 hours have been the craziest ever and I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions, all while forgetting to eat, barely sleeping ans having not got out of bed today. Let me start from the beginning, hopefully I remember it all. Let me grab some snacks too. So it started with our first reward challenge. The auction. zack immediately asked me what I got and everyone else were sharing their bid items in the old hanuha group chat so in a panic, I told him. In retrospect, I should have lied. Anyway, zack made me doubt my trust in Cody so i decided not to tell Cody the truth about the necklace, i would learn that zack had told cody about my necklace almost immediately. But more on that later. Anyway, in a panic, i told ben too. lmao. Why? who knows? But i suppose it was an opening and Ben and i Could talk for the first time. Why am i writing this at 12 am on like2 hours sleep? who knows? Okay so then the reward challenge comes up and I am paired with Sarah. I end up having the best day ever. I had so much fun creating and chatting to sarah. We just spoke about life, absolutely nothing game related. For the first time in this entire game, I felt as though we could actually WIN and for the first time, I was having THE BEST DAY. I gave each of my 8bit survivor characters little haikus. It was funny, if i say so myself. Me? I love my silly humour. Okay this page is cutting me off I will write these in parts. 

Najwah

Before the challenge due date yesterday, Cody messages me and of course I am pleasantly surprised as I have felt like things were a bit off between Cody and I since merge happened. He said he wants to call and it ends up being one of the most emotional calls i have had in a while, even in real life. Through our call, we realised that we have basically had the same gut feelings about zack and his behaviour for a while now and we spoke about how zack has been trying to pit us against each other, how controlling and jealous and manipulative he is. We basically realised that the reason we have been so mentally exhausted was BECAUSE of Zack's paranoia. zack spoke so much game. we were constantly being bombarded and had our trust and loyalty questioned and he thought nothing about throwing My or Cody's names out. All of this just validated and reaffirmed our feelings towards Zack and we decided there and then that we would vote Zack out ASAP. As we were talking, the reultsof the challenge were released and lmao what are the chances that FRIGGEN ZACK WINS IMMUNITY URGGGHHHH. We were reeling and i so much wanted to decompress with Cody but then I had my meeting with the VL draft people so I had to reframe my mindset. Bare in mind that this is all happening at 4am and im under the blankets, with a warm bean bag because it is freezing out. NajwahI actually loved my conference call with Ellie, Raffy and Tim. What awesome people. I wish i wasn't as distracted or could articulate better because I feel as though my mind was all over the place but i also took the opportunity to ask for their advice and guidance post my call of revelations with Cody. It was still fresh in my mind and they gave me some GOOD pointers. They also told me how I should approach the game moving forward. I loved how they all had such different approaches. Raffy made me laugh so much. They told me how to deal with Zack too. So some other ish went down after this call. 

Najwah

Cody calls me and is like "lets get on a three way call with Sarah" After gushing about how much we love each other and how we have been on the same page for such a long time, Sarah throws an idea out that sticks. WHY NOT VOTE PEDRO OUT TO ISOLATE ZACK SINCE WE CANNOT VOTE ZACK. And we spent a lot of time freaking out and laughing about how we are going to do that. Cody was frustrated that everyone just assumed he and Zack were a duo and I said its because "Zack and Cody" to which Cody replied "Well this definitely aint the sweet life." Later I suggested that we call the group Mr Moseby and Cody said it was perfect as Zack was the bane of Mr Mosebys existance. Everytime i think about it I laugh. We spoke until my battery died, which was around 6am. I didnt sleep much because I was tasked to get a name out of pedro. I think i was messy there because Pedro accused me of being acting "like a supervisor and demanding a name from him like he is a ring leader" and honestly, it made me laugh so much. He is so dramatic I can't deal. Anyway, he knew what I was trying to do and he called me out and I apologised and honestly felt bad about the whole thing. In the end, I am happy we didn't vote him out. He has loose lips but he is very honest and I like that.

Najwah

So i feel as though there are so many things that happened simultaneously today. Amy L and I are working together on the side, she gives me all the ex maola tea. She told me Maddison has an idol. I haven't used this information yet and I won't now because it will raise questions. I told her that some of us are willing to vote Zack. The funny thing about our chats is that Amy keeps saying we need to share this tea with the VL. Any bit of information I have ever given her, she tells her tribemates she got from James lmao. And whenever I talk about her, I use James and Ryan too. Our alliance is so low key and its such a safe, unpretentious space. We have the best chats and we just spill tea for information's sake. Neither of us are going to use any of the tea. It's great having an in. 

Najwah

So all day Zack has been bitching about jay and Raffy and the judges and honestly, I can't even remember what else. It was as though he got a kick out of being verbally abusive. I think he watches too much trashy reality TV, there is a difference between sassy and just plain rude. I also felt that many of his comments were borderline misogynistic. also, whatever information I have given him, he used against Jay. Today was a blur and also intense and also exhausting. I went with Cody to a mall, to visit his friend at a military base, drove around with him, chatted in his room while he was drinking a whole bottle of frozen coke. Like we spoke so much and it was just Zack's constant bitching and paranoia getting to us? Like? How does one person make so many people feel uncomfortable. Cody got on a call with Ben and told him that we had been trying to vote Pedro out and ben went ballistic and said that i am being manipulated by ex moala, he didn't know that we all wanted Pedro out. It made me mad so I called Ben too and asked him why he keeps thinking I want to flip? But he gave me his word and I guess that should mean something. Today was especially exhausting because I had to pretend and entertain Zack until we voted him out. I hated every minute because usually if i find out people talk shit about me, I either talk it out or just not talk to the person at all. I couldnt do that with him. I needed him tio feel safe with me in order for us to pull of the pedro blindside. I wanted to see the look on his face when he realised wtf had just happened. Am i sad that I didn't get that satisfaction? yep. 

Najwah

Do I feel Zack should have been removed? Honestly no. I don't agree with it. I think we should have worked with everyone else and voted him out. I genuinely don't think he is a horrible person. In all honesty, I wish we could have met outside this game. I feel as though the game wasn't good for him. Not that i'm trying to justify his actions but I feel as though he got too invested and was too emotionally unstable. Most of us are here to have fun. Sure, it would be nice to win but at the end of the day it's not real life and I would much rather preserve the friendships and connections I've made in this game than win. Winning is nice but it isn't everything. Am i worried about Zack and wonder whether he will have a setback of some sort? Definitely. He has spoken about his crippling anxiety numerous times, which he has also projected time and time again. 

Najwah

So Cody feels bad and blames himself for all of this. I don't blame him. I feel bad too. I thought I would feel some sort of relief with zack gone, but it is just guilt. I mean the messages were still sent in confidence and I feel bad for violating his privacy. I also feel bad for entertaining him because of the game. I don't want to be playing so hard that I go against my values. It just feels weird with zack removed. Like he wont be on the jury. I can't stop wondering whether he is okay, as a human to another human. My husband says that the Russel Hantz of Tierra del fuego got removed. It made me laugh a little. He is a survivor super fan too so he is very invested in all of this. Sigh. I may have left some stuff out because its so late and just A LOT has happened but I will keep confessing as I think of things or remember things. Oh lol Ben said he would voted Zack out in a heart beat, Basically we all felt the exact same from the beginning, no one wanted to speak out in fear of being targeted.

Olivia A

The vote is still Pedro but our fake-out vote is Cody. I completely trust the people I’m working with but I’m getting a gut feeling that this isn’t going to work out in our favor. Just bc the numbers aren’t quite secure yet. But I’ll just stick w the plan and stay hopeful :/

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Ben Kessler

Today was eventful, so I will skip to the end. Situationally, I believe I am not in a good spot at all. There are 11 people left, Pedro will receive votes next tribal, but I would like him to stay. My former tribe it seems as though everyone is closer with others than they are with me, except possibly Aimee but that's a stretch. Today could potentially crash my game. So, what do I do? Hope is not strategy. Tomorrow, I talk to others. I ensure everybody knows how close people are. I play double agent. I make sure I am at least in important conversations to merely be there. I let people know I want to be with them in a group setting. I re-establish that I am here to have a good time. At the end of the day, this both is and isn't monopoly. Strategy is involved, but the rules aren't as specific. You don't know how much money or property people are holding. Situationally, though, it is the same. You work with the hand you are dealt and I intend to make the absolute best of this hand. People will do what they want for a variety of reasons, so I need to let things roll off my shoulders, read, and react. To end this long confessional, I am not hoping for anything. I will be doing things to affect change. If I see it doesn't work, I lay low. Read and react.

Maddison

the pink house has become my safe haven. i shall inhabit her until i can no longer. thank you, pink house, for the many blessings of coins that you have given myself and my allies.

Pedro A

Okay...so i think grae maddison and olivia are voting me....and everyone else is voting maddison (if maddison doesnt use her ring)...and im voting olivia and using kalles idol....idk at this point 2 hours till tribal..and anything can change

Sarah

Plans keep changing every minute but as of right now going into this first Merge tribal, the plan is to vote out Maddison because it seems like Maddison, Grae, and Olivia want to vote Pedro so if they vote Pedro and the rest of us vote Maddison we may could blindside her and we could get an idol out of the game. If she plays an idol, then Pedro still goes home and original Hanuha is saved... but if Pedro wins immunity, of course we will have to rework everything. We may be able to do 4 for Olivia and 4 for Maddison .

Aimee

https://elysiankardia.tumblr.com/post/625017490490179584

Is this really happening? Am I going to vote for who I ACTUALLY want to vote for for once, as a treat? And I getting what I want...and controlling the vote?! Am I in the twilight zone? The name of the game now is to get all of my potential final allies to get along with each other and play nice. My hand is in so many cookie jars I have to be careful, all my relationships trust each other. I already have an army ready to strike if anyone tries to turn on me, and I was forming those relationships genuinely and BEFORE I needed them to come through for me, not last minute where trust would be harder to earn. I literally am running this vote off of Grae and Maddison and onto a different target. Hanuha is so deadest in getting one of the “core three” out and this is the best I can do to protect those two but also not flip on people who I trust from my original tribe. For DAYS they have been so afraid of Grae and Maddison and I’m put in massive work to divert that away from them. My plan is something right down the middle, where I get to have my cake and eat it too. I love the best of both worlds; I’m Hannah Montana!

Maddison

Tonight is going to be a big one. I’ve heard my name and I really don’t want to go home with an idol in my pocket. Better safe than sorry? Olivia AI really hope this vote works out I’m NERVOUS!! Also, I worked really hard on this challenge so getting the disadvantage when I had 2 puzzles left was shitty but I don’t really need the immunity anyway. Still felt really good to finish it out regardless of if I win. :)

Sarah

Plans keep changing every minute but as of right now going into this first Merge tribal, the plan is to vote out Maddison because it seems like Maddison, Grae, and Olivia want to vote Pedro so if they vote Pedro and the rest of us vote Maddison we may could blindside her and we could get an idol out of the game. If she plays an idol, then Pedro still goes home and original Hanuha is saved... but if Pedro wins immunity, of course we will have to rework everything. We may be able to do 4 for Olivia and 4 for Maddison . 

Amy A

Tribal again and with it, ALLLLLL the drama. So I have made a ‘vote four’ alliance w Kalle, Ben and Pedro which is supposed to be secret. Which makes it two secret alliances I’m a part of 😂😂😂😂😂😂. The alliance w Najwah is definitely the one I’m most loyal to but Pedro and co seem like a really solid group I can work with. I didn’t think I’d win immunity so there’s that. About tonight’s vote, the new ‘core four’ is aiming for Grae but in order to keep the alliance a secret, only Pedro will vote for her. It’s all exciting stuff and I KNOW tonight’s tribal is going to be THE ONE. Cannot wait. 

Olivia A

I really hope this vote works out I’m NERVOUS!! Also, I worked really hard on this challenge so getting the disadvantage when I had 2 puzzles left was shitty but I don’t really need the immunity anyway. Still felt really good to finish it out regardless of if I win. :)

Aimee

Nooooo I didn’t need Olivia to win immunity. That way she is one of the “core 3 Maola” out. Oh man I don’t think I can save my game and Maddison at the same time. I got the target off Grae after merge happened. I worked so hard for that so this all wasn’t for nothing. There’s like fifteen minutes before tribal and I’m still not entirely sure what is going to happen.

[girlsbtrs]

Featured Artist: Meet Me At The Altar

A pop punk act that started with members meeting via YouTube, Meet Me At The Altar is ready to take the scene by storm. With an EP, Changing States having been released earlier this year, MMATA has hit the ground running since. Girls Behind The Rock Show sat down with these lovely ladies and chatted about women in the music industry and how to get kick started in the industry. See what they have to say below and be sure to keep up with MMATA on Twitter!

----------------------------------------------------------

Please introduce yourselves

Tea: My name is Téa Campbell and I play guitar and bass in Meet Me At The Altar

Ada: My name's Ada Juarez and I'm the drummer of MMATA

Edith: My name is Edith and I’m the singer of MMATA

How did MMATA form across different states?

Ada: It started back in June of 2015 when Tea came across one of my YouTube videos and contacted me. We got along really well and very quickly and the band kind of just started off from there through texting and occasional FaceTime calls and then the more the band grew the more members we came across and eventually we re-contacted Edith (after knowing her from our first ever audition process we did) and here we are now.

What does it mean to you to see more women involved the industry?

Ada: To me personally, it means a lot to see more women in the industry because I grew up not seeing very many women in the alternative scene and it was very demotivating and it almost felt like I didn't belong and that I was an outcast, or something. I just really want to see more young girls engaging and getting into this scene and hopefully being able to grow up with more role models like them.

Tea: Women being involved in the music industry is so important to us. Specifically the alternative scene being dominated by mainly white men, there's a stigma that women don't really belong in the scene which is quite ridiculous. We didn't really grow up seeing women like us in the rock scene, so we hope to be the representation for girls that we didn't have.

Edith: Seeing more women in the industry (especially this scene) makes me even more proud to be a woman! It makes me feel empowered, loved, and accepted. I grew up not seeing very many woman in the bands I loved. So now, whenever I see other young women in this scene it makes me feel like I am a part of something; that I belong.

What was the writing process like for your EP, Changing States?

Tea: For Changing States, the process was actually mixed. The first few songs we wrote, I would come up with a guitar riff and Edith and I would be on the phone coming up with melody and lyrics for the songs. In our song 'Changing States', Edith said the lyric "you put me in a toxic state of mind" and I finished it with "I'm Changing States this time" literally right away. Edith and I write so well together, it's kinda crazy. The last few songs we wrote for the EP, we actually wrote in person while Ada and Edith were here in Florida for one of our shows

Edith: Our writing process is a lot different than many other bands writing process. Since we all live in different states, it was a matter of using technology and sending each-other ideas and stuff. Tea is so talented writing Changing states seemed like one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. Tea would come up with a sick guitar part, send it to me, and we’d both do melodies and lyrics. When you put talented people together it’s amazing what you can get done

Are there any women that you’ve been listening to that inspire you?

Edith: My number one inspiration as a young woman and a vocalist has been Hayley Williams from Paramore for pretty much most of my teen years. I am also very inspired by Jenna McDougall from Tonight Alive, and Lynn Gunn from PVRIS. All of those bands in general inspire me every day.

Ada: Paramore has been a huuuge influence for me ever since I was in Elementary School. Hayley Williams was basically one of the first girls I ever saw in an alternative band and it helped me open my eyes and say "I can do it too", you know? As I got older I came across a lot of other bands like Courage My Love, Tonight Alive, PVRIS, and We Are The In Crowd which continued to push me forward.

Tea: I know we're all gonna say it, but Hayley Williams has been one of the most influential women in the scene to me. Very few people have that much raw talent and seeing Paramore live in 2014 is actually what made me realize that I wanted to perform for the rest of my life. Other bands that inspire me (that don't have females in them) are Capstan, they're from Orlando are incredibly sick musically and lyrically, and Knuckle Puck which I get a lot of inspiration for guitar parts from. The new music we've been working on has been heavily influenced by Belmont as well, and each of our influences are meshing together to solidify our own sound.

Any advice for young women wanting to get involved in the music industry?

Tea: Do it even if the odds are against you. You will get 1 yes for every 100 no's. People will put you down and underestimate you, but you have to go at it with all you've got and prove them wrong. What we're learning as a band is that we have to make our own place in this industry, it won't be made for us. That can be discouraging to a lot of women, but we have to push through all the bull and continue to shock people with our talent. Life is too short to not try based on fear of rejection from others.

Ada: Just get out there and do it. Don't let anybody stop you and try to always be confident with what you do and what you want to show.

Edith: NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF EVEN THOUGH YOU WILL BE CONSTANTLY SURROUNDED BY A LOT OF TESTOSTERONE (ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE TRYING TO GET INTO THE POP PUNK SCENE) No but in all seriousness we are just as strong and determined as these men, we can be just as good or even better as them as well. Girl power is often an underrated term. Even if you look a little bit different as the other people that are dominating the area you want to succeed in, YOU CAN DO IT!! Never underestimate yourself! You cannot live in fear of rejection from others. Many people might doubt you, but as long as your heart is in it, that negativity won’t keep you from being successful.

Any local bands you want to shout out?

Edith: Well for Atlanta, I want to shout out Revenge Season ( a hardcore band with a front woman who is BADASS she inspires me everyday ) also I wanna shout out Turf Wars because they are really cool dudes.

Tea: Even though they're not from Orlando, I want to shout out our boys in Glazed from Jacksonville. They're absolutely sick and such great guys.

Ada: For NJ I'll shout out Silent Culture (who are on a slight break right now actually) who have been really tight with us and have offered to help us with shows or gear/equipment that we may need whenever we're in the area. They're great dudes!

- interview conducted by Aliyah English

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 4: “Wow my team is shit!!!” - Lysandre

Joey G

So I’ve had a really busy few days, but luckily my connection with Felix not only scored me a spot on my OG tribe’s majority alliance, but I also ended up with him on the swap tribe and leveraged his connections to join a new majority alliance with Lysandre and Raul. Now that work seems to be slowing down a bit, I have to kick it into high gear to secure my position on the tribe as well as make bonds that can help me come merge time.

Charlie

I feel very confident about my vote this tribal, pretty sure I won't be blindsided either

Apollo

You wanted some tea sis? Well here you go! The bruschetta alliance is probably really weak as in power sense but I think we’re strong as in our connections with each other. A tribe swapped occurred and thank god I bonded with Felix and the rest of the bruschetta alliance did as well. We all ended up on his tribe and I’m grateful to be on the safe tribe this round. The tea is? I really like Felix but I kind of want to vote him out at the first chance possible. He’s really good at challenges (and yes I’m completely basing this off of a puzzle score) and his charisma is far too high and he’s really likeable. He’s a fucking threat. And yes I do Iike him a lot but I want to be the prom king not the runner up.

Lysandre

Hi this iis Lysandre the Lion and the lier coming at you live from the WHAT THE FUCK IM ON MEA NOW.

Lysandre

Ok so there was no swap and we are back on our OG tribes until MERGE and that makes me feel so bad because It makes my chances of using the idol go up by a bunch! and PLUS THE NEW CHALLENGE IS A SCAVENGER HUNT, aka my least favorite challenge ever.

Felix

"Alright so big things have happened since my last confessional. First off, I can't believe Jay pulled that Twistos twist on us! I was so ready to move on with my alliance with Raul, Lysandre, and Joey. Plus, I was also ready to create an alliance with Apollo with whomever he deemed worthy. Oh, well. At least that means I do not have to betray anyone yet. Plus, it means that I get back with Tuai Quad LLC which means Cassie cannot use her advantage on me. Overall, this twist didn't hurt me, but I would've liked more time to establish bonds. Oh well. At least this means I have like 3 alliances at merge if all of those people make it to the merge.

Joey says that we should keep the Golden Alliance between us. I guess that's fine. I mean if it ever comes to light then I do have an excuse ready. Though I don't know how well it would work. Plus, it makes him think we have this hared secret together and that we are this Final 2 duo. It'll be good to keep up a good reputation with him.

Cassie says she wants to target Marie at merge. That could be a risky and game-changing move on her part if it succeeds. She sees Marie as the head of the Mea tribe, so it'd be good to get rid of her. To be honest, it wouldn't be such a bad thing for Cassie to target Marie. After all, it would put the target on her back and not mine if the move goes through or not. Depending on my decision to side with either Tuai or Mea, it could put me in the best position in the game. I'd definitely be playing the middle in that case. Though I should not forget that Sumi also exists. They are probably the underdogs of this season, but I can't let hem go unnoticed. As long as I can keep playing the middle, I'll be golden. Hopefully, we can vote out someone irrelevant on the first tribal at merge to keep the two sides butting heads.

I don't know how well I will do in this challenge though. The Scavenger Hunt is always hit or miss for me. However, even if we do go to tribal, it'll definitely be Charlie who will get voted out. I think of Charlie as wildcard in this scenario. I cannot have him get to merge because I basically don't talk to him. He could easily flip on me and Tuai. Let's see how this goes."

Zest

woah jay! you really got me thinking I made the merge. Anyways, hyped for this scavenger hunt.

Brianna

Kind of. Really wish. We didn’t have to go back to our original tribes. Ugh. It’s a scavenger hunt competition and we had to sit one person out. No one was saying anything so I got randomly picked to sit out. I mean. I was fine with it. But we are less than 24 hours away from the challenge being finished and we have zero points. I can’t count on anyone on sumi. And if I end up getting voted out because of this I will throw a fit.

Marie

Wow, my closest ally left the game. I hope everything is ok! And I’m hoping lys Raul and I can stick together

Apollo

"Nobody: ...

Jay: it wasn’t a real swap! Go back to your old tribes until merge!

Me: https://68.media.tumblr.com/6f9f874d5d67596a06b123e372d682ee/tumblr_inline_og1vygJXEY1usj39c_500.gif"

Apollo

Anyways in all seriousness, I’m pretty shook that we’re staying in these tribes until merge if the merge is at f11. If it’s at f13 then no big deal. Borris and I have majority with Zest and Bradley and Brianna think they’re sitting pretty until we lose anyways and Zest knows about the foursome made without him so ideally I’m in a good spot with Borris. I would like to keep us all as long as possible but I’m very much not going to be upset if we lose Brianna and Bradley. Fuck it might even be good to be perceived as the weaker tribe going into merge. If we’re the “strongest” tribe then people are going to want to pick us off at the start and I’m not here for that.......Maybe....maybe we need to lose a challenge or two

Flint

This weeks immunity challenge is a blast but also a little more difficult then I had expected. Felix Cassie and I are doing our best and I hope it keeps Tuai out of trouble for one more round!

Flint

There has been a little whispering of idol talk and it’s kinda got me nervous. A few tribe mates have said they gone out hunting but also mentioned they believe someone already found it. I suspect that it’s Joey because he’s been a bit quiet so maybe he feels comfortable sitting back a bit with an idol in his pocket.

Felix

Kathleen quitting is kind of a shame. That means I can't work with her in the future, and I was already laying down the groundwork for it. Oh, well. At least now the pact I made with her and Raul can't be spread around or broken. I hope we don't go to tribal. I really don't have the mental energy for it. Plus, I didn't do that well in the challenge so maybe they'll just send me home. Who knows? All I know is that Charlie is getting my vote if we go to tribal.

Felix

I'm kind of sad that Mea is going to tribal again. They are the ones that I bonded with the most during the One World, and it is a shame to see such active people go home one by one. I hope it's Raul who goes because he's the least talkative out of Marie and Lysandre. Plus, I've talked to the other two extensively and have built strong bonds with them. We'll see what happens, but this is such a shame. Plus, if Marie stays then Cassie will still be able to target her still.

Zest

"what a fun scavenger hunt challenge. I am so grateful for my tribe. I also am really enjoying having an alliance. I hope to find something on an idol hunt soon. This competition is really starting to AMP UP!"

Lysandre

Wow my team is shit!!! Also I'm going to miss Steph- I mean Kathleen! So the challenge went terribly. Marie submitted like 6 items and Raul really carried the team with his 0 items what a legend. We are going to tribal as a tribe of 3 which is... new and I'm literally so pressd.

Cassie

I guess you could say I went a bit all out for this particular challenge. It was super fun to go around looking for stuff. Our tribe is doing really well still and we're anticipating a merge soon. We still have the numbers and I hope we can stick around to the final 5. Go Tuai!

Lysandre

I'm thinking of something iconic to say as an episode title but the flopness of my tribe keeps alerting Jay of Tribal Council.

Flint

Tuai lives to see another day! Watching Mea dwindle to 2 players after tonight is crazy to think about. I feel lucky to be apart of such a strong tribe and hope we stay aligned once we hit the merge, but I have a gut feeling someone from Tuai will flip and join the other players

Brianna

"Heheh it’s okay we won"

Marie

Wow, I think we’re the worst tribe in online survivor history

Felix

I can't believe that Apollo had a "Leaders Alliance" with Cassie and Marie. How shookening is that? He runs his mouth about starting an alliance with me, but already has one with people he considers the "leaders" of his tribe? Nah nah nah. He's way smarter than he lets on. He may think I'm a pawn and a good personality, but I am going to go after him at merge. Marie doesn't matter since she has no numbers and no tribe to fall back on. Apollo has been slowly building alliances with probably Zest, Boris, and/or Brianna. They're probably really tight at this point, so we need to be very careful of how we tread with Apollo. He needs to go. I think how it should go at merge would be (Random Non-Tuai Person) -> Marie (for Cassie's good side) -> Apollo (a big threat and we'd have the numbers if Tuai would work together) -> Cassie (cause she'd be a threat too). Tbh, I want everyone in that Leaders Alliance gone because if they think they're the top dogs then they got to go. They'd be too much of a threat as the numbers close down. And I want their blood all over my hands.

Felix

"I cannot just passively play this game lol. I'm currently trying to plant seeds in Flint's and Cassie's heads about Sumi's potential threat. They scare me the most going into merge because they are a big unknown factor. They have just as many  people on their tribe as us, and we barely know anything about them or their play style. Cassie seems on board to keeping Marie around for a little bit, but we need to start taking care of Sumi's numbers. If Boris is right, then they all shouldn't be too inactive so it'll be easy to convince people to take out inactive people. I just hope we can convince Marie and Lysandre to take out Sumi as well.

One good thing to take away from all this is that I am not seen as a leader, just very active. It paints a target on Cassie's back and not my own. They'll be going after her first. I'll just have to play along with this narrative until I stab her in the back. "

Charlie

I feel like ill be up for elimination this week because I sat out of the challenge. Its making me really nervous tbh

Marie

3 person tribes are very hard to navigate. You feel on top but on the bottom at the same time! It’s really weird because raul thinks it’s lys, but lys and I voted for raul. But I don’t know if lys actually voted for raul???? What if they voted for me?

Joey

we went back to our original tribes, so i’m now reunited with the majority alliance. i didn’t have to do the challenge, i don’t have to go to tribal, and we still have charlie as someone on the outs if we ever lose a challenge. my path to merge is set!

Marie

This is the most silent I’ve seen our tribe and it’s scary

Apollo

Ummmm Fuck Mea’s drag? I guess

Marie

Wow this game makes me feel like a horrible person. I thought I’d get through this with no regrets but having to comfort the person you voted for and telling them they aren’t going home sucks

Raul

I'm probably going home unless I pull off the impossible like this is gonna be a mess I really hope, I don't leave cause that would be a shame , I really really hope I convinced Marie to vote out lys and lys doesn't want Marie here it could be a 1-1-1 vote wouldn't that be cute

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Outlannis #3 | Book Outlining

Daylight savings is currently murdering my sleep schedule.

Anyway.

Just basically started my day (at 6PM...) after a GREAT start.

(I GOT ED SHEERAN TICKETS FOR JULY, AND I’M SO STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKED)

(I ALSO GOT ANOTHER ED SHEERAN SHIRT AT HOT TOPIC [ACCORDING TO MY BEST FRIEND, THE ONLY PLACE THAT’LL HIRE ME])

(I ALSO GOT THE NEW PAPERBACK OF 13 REASONS WHY JUST BECAUSE DYLAN’S ON THE FRONT COVER :)))

What a day.

Started the day of at 9AM, hung out for a bit, bought some Sheeran tickets, went out to Best Buy, did some laptop stuff for @sarahkelsiwrites, went to the mall, got the Dylan book and the Sheeran shirts, then went to Swiss Chalet with the parents for lunch, then went to Value Village because Value Village is life, and now I’m home, sitting on my bed, staring at this whiteboard with my outline on it.

My view right now:

(Yes I did take the time to take this photo, send it to myself, upload it to Photoshop, toggle around with adjustment layers, then export it, and import it here. What is wrong with me I need to be outlining.)

5:55 PM

Having a good time not outlining and listening to the Darkest Minds audiobook because it’s sooo goooooood and they casted Clancyyyyyyyyy. yesssssssss.

Okay getting to work now. *sigh*

I'M DISAPPOINTED playlist is on shuffle and you'd think I'd have a different playlist for this book since it's a completely different genre but I've run out of music I need new band recs. Learned Ed’s new album in one day (WHYYYY), and only have one more Strokes album and an EP, and then I’m clean out of music.

(I excel at listening to the same music for a year straight. Just a fact about ya girl.)

(Why did I say that. *facepalm*)

(I can’t even facepalm on the internet what am I doing.)

6:15

Very frustrated at Past Rachel for creating this mess without letting Future Rachel know what the hell’s going on... Argggghhhhhhh.

6:52

Took a bit of a break, very disappointed with myself lol what are you doing Rachel come and bro.

6:56

Do you ever want to yell at yourself for screwing your future self over because that’s me right now... GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

6:58

lol nvm all the self-hatred, I just read it wrong

lol

lol

lol

(I’m so toast)

(I just spent an hour frustrated at myself because of this issue.)

(What an idiot)

8:30 PM

Just finished writing out 2000 words of detailed scene notes for chapter two which is actually top notch... Might split chapter two into two chapters...

9:13PM

Just got out of the shower, and am pretty much ready to tackle this outline with everything I’ve got, lol. That last burst of inspiration for that idea realllllllly kicked my ass into gear. Seriously, I’ve been so shitty at working, and it’s really bothering me. Come on Rachel get your head in the game bro.

(I have an MRI scheduled for tomorrow at like 7AM, so I have to sleep early. There probably won’t be a Doing the Write Thing update since I’m focusing on this godforsaken outline. :/ I mean, it’s not godforsaken--I’m enjoying this, it’s just a bit of a slowwww process. Hope to have a post up on this soon though.)

11:10 PM

Just finished tonight’s new episode of Bates Motel. Freddie kills it every time. Back at it again with outlining which is fun.

Okay on to the update.

When It Started: 5:55 PM

Finished: 11:18 PM

Chapters outlined: Uhhh, I’m not totally sure since I was really only focusing really fleshing out previous chapters.

Music: Oh, so much music. It was mostly the I’M DISAPPOINTED playlist, so a lot of Paramore and The Strokes. I’d list it out for you, but since I was outlining for 5 hours, I rather not give you a grocery list of music.

Song title to describe outlining session and why: Brick By Boring Brick, Paramore (Brand New Eyes) because ohhhh my... So little progress, so much time, very slow, painful work.

Romeo and Juliet quote to describe outlining session:

Wisely and slow. They stumble that run fast. (Act 2, scene 3)

I’m the people who stumble that run fast.

WHICH WAY RAN HE.

Quote from The Strokes In Transit to describe outlining session:

Fab, why are you wasting all that film, man?

Favourite chapter outlined as of now and why:

CHAPTER TWO. I basically wrote the bones of it today, and it was SO fun. I loved the voice and the dialogue ahhhh. Chapter two is definitely a highlight.

Okay, that’s it for now! I have to wake up at 6AM, and I’m still not asleep. *sigh* Ahh well. Hope you enjoyed this update! Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have another update for this and for Doing the Write Thing.

Thanks for reading. :)

--Rachel

[viralnewstime]

Yungblud is hellbent on being the rockstar of the 2020 generation. But rather than aspiring for the sex, drugs and destruction trope of a rock god who lords over his fans, the 22-year-old wants to share the throne with them.  

Known as the Black Hearts Club, the Yungblud community is made up of self-proclaimed misfits who’ve bonded over the Doncaster local’s no bullshit philosophy for life. In a nutshell, the hyperactive punk rocker is known for donning pink socks and creepers while he kicks convention in the teeth.

His latest EP, the underrated youth, is no exception. Over 6 tracks, Yungblud takes an unapologetic lyrical approach to mental health and politics while giving a massive middle finger to the naysayers. Although he’s a punk-pop lover at heart, Yungblud doesn’t box himself in by one genre on the EP either. We’ve seen this in the last year as he collaborated with everyone from Blink 182’s Travis Barker and Imagine Dragon’s Dan Reynolds to Machine Gun Kelly, Halsey and Mashmello. 

To take out the end of 2019 in a blaze of glory, Yungblud is returning down under this month for Falls Festival as well as the Twisted Tales of the Ritalin Club sideshows in Sydney and Melbourne. 

We had a chat to Yungblud about converting new fans at Falls Festival, his New Year’s Eve plans with Lewis Capaldi and the new coming-of-age record. 

Music Feeds: Let’s talk about Falls Festival. How excited are you for that? 

Yungblud: Dude, I can’t fucking wait to come back to Australia. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to since I left. I fucking love your country but I’m never there long enough, which just sucks. I’m just so buzzin’ to come back, man. It’s like Falls Festival. What a lineup. I can’t bloody wait. 

MF: You’re good mates with Lewis Capaldi who is also on the lineup, so hopefully you two can get up to some mischief together while you’re down here.

YB: Oh, absolutely! I think we’re going to be together on New Year’s Eve so naturally, that will just be carnage. I mean the Scottish drink like fishes. 

MF: Um, oh my god. Can I come? You’ll need an Australian in your ranks. 

YB: Exactly! We will (laughs). It’s going to be insane. Brits, the Scottish and Aussies can all drink. It’s just a recipe for disaster, innit? 

MF: So, for those who haven’t seen you live yet, what can Falls Festival expect from a Yungblud show? 

YB: I just think energy, man. You’re gonna laugh because we’re pretty cheeky. You’re gonna jump and move around because of the energy and you’re probably going to cry because it just feels like a sense of unity between us all. Especially between me and my fans. I love playing festivals because I love when people kinda get converted. You can see it on their faces. 

MF: You’re also doing the Twisted Tales of the Ritalin Club sideshows, do you approach festival shows and more intimate gigs differently?  

YB: I think probably not. I’m just gonna allow this mental, happy, energetic, yet slightly schizophrenic person that I am. I think being on stage is being on stage, y’know?

It’ll just be madness. (At Falls) I want people to go wanna go back to sleep. I want people after they see the show to be like “Fuck, I can’t see the late show tonight because I’m knackered” (laughs). 

MF: You released ‘lonely together: a short film about belonging’ over the weekend. Can you tell me how that came about and the people that were involved? 

YB: Absolutely, man! Vevo wanted to do something together for a while and I was really excited to work with them and I’ve seen some of their videos in the past and knew I had the power to do what I wanted. So I sat down with them and I was like, “I have an idea that I wanna do. I want to do a short film about my fan base.” Because that’s what Yungblud is, Yungblud isn’t me. Yungbud is us. I am 50% of what this is and I wanted to amplify that in this video. 

I wanted it to be theatrical because I pride myself and built my character off people like the Joker and a lot of DC Comic Books. That was my visual intent but I wanted it to be this sense of unity that isn’t necessarily about me. This whole thing isn’t about me, it’s about us. 

MF: It’s really powerful because although the stories that you and your fans are sharing are different, the desire to belong is common in each one.  

YB: Oh, absolutely. That’s the thing about it, there’s such a change in culture right now where people just want to be accepted for exactly who they are. There’s a movement in punk and youth culture. It’s very similar to the grunge movement in the ’90s. People have been fed so much bullshit for years and years in terms of politics, music and fashion. We just want to be told the fucking truth. 

MF: You wear your heart on your sleeve in your songwriting but how was it being so vulnerable in the short film? Was it difficult at all? 

YB: Absolutely not. I think I can finally feel like I can be who I am because of my fan base and my family. For the first time in my life, I can express who I am. I can fucking say to the world: This is me, these are my flaws, this is what I look like, this is what I sound like and this is what I talk like. And if you don’t like it, you’re just not meant to be in my life and that’s cool. 

MF: And you’ve found your people in the Black Hearts Club. You could really see that in the scenes where you were all sitting in a circle, sharing your stories. 

YB: That’s what I mean, I am one of them. I wanted it to be like we were in an AA meeting. That’s what it’s about. It’s not about me being fuckin’ above them or a fucking popstar. Fuck that. I’ll leave being a popstar to the popstars. I’m not arsed about that. I never got into this to do that. I got into it because I felt so lonely and so isolated that I was almost suicidal. So I wanted to find people who were similar to me. 

MF: And isn’t that what every person wants at the end of the day? 

YB: Yeah, legitimately. That’s it. We just want to be accepted for who we are in an era of Kardashian fucking mentality. And now it’s so much cooler to be yourself. 

MF: In an interview with NME, you said you wanted to be the rockstar of 2020. What does that look like for you? 

YB: Rock ‘n’ roll to me isn’t bashing the shit out of instruments or acting like a dickhead. Rock ‘n’n roll to me is about freedom and liberation. I think that’s what rock means in this day and age. 

MF: You released the underrated youth EP a few months ago. How do you feel about the response to it now that you’ve had some time to take it all in? 

YB: It’s been crazy. This whole EP just made me reach so many new people. It’s just mental. It made me find so many new fans and people and family that I would’ve never had normally found. 

Now I’m getting ready to release another record. I’m just not stopping. There are so many people out there who feel like it’s ok to be who they are and I want them to know about us and if they choose to come to us, they are so welcome. Everyone feels liberated in this community and that makes me so happy. 

MF: What can we expect from the new record? 

YB: Something that you can’t expect! (laughs). Typical Yungblud. Typical me. I’m just trying to push the boundaries with new sounds and new topics. It’s a coming of age record. It’s a record about the experiences that I’ve had. I’ve grown up five years this year. I’ve been through so much. After everything, all the bullshit, I’ve just figured out that it’s just a weird time in my life and that it’s all going to be OK. 

MF: You collaborated with some massive artists including Travis Barker and Dan Reynolds this year. Do you have any collabs on the album? 

YB: There is a mental one coming at the start of next year. I can’t say who it is yet but he is such a visionary artist. So fucking sick and he is a bridge between hip hop and rock and roll. I’ll give you a clue, the first time that I heard about him and the first time that I saw that he was such a clear bridge between hip hop and rock n roll was in an Australian press outlet. The Aussies liked him. 

MF: Oh my god, I’m so curious! Is it Post Malone?

YB: I can’t say but I’m glad you’re curious (laughs). You’ll have to wait til 2020. 

MF: And what else is on the cards in 2020 for Yungblud? 

YB: If 2019 was in third gear, 2020 is in fifth gear. I can’t wait to announce the tour and for people to hear the album. 

–

Yungblud will play Falls Festival 2019/2020 as well as two sideshows in Sydney and Melbourne. 

The post Yungblud: “We Just Want To Be Told The Fucking Truth” appeared first on Music Feeds.

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[chorusfm]

Liner Notes (December 21st, 2018)

This is the second to last Liner Notes before the end of 2018. This year has been impossibly long while flying by at a record pace. It makes absolutely no sense. I hope everyone is gearing up for a nice weekend and preparing to spend the holidays in whatever way makes you happiest. I plan to spend some time offline, reading, and enjoying the company of family. As a little holiday gift, I’m making this version of Liner Notes, which are usually exclusive to supporters, free for all. This week’s roundup includes my ranking of All Time Low albums. After discovering these “do teens know 2000’s pop-punk” videos on YouTube (and immediately feeling old as hell), I got on a pop-punk kick and ended up listening to their catalog all week. I also share my thoughts after spending a week with Apple Music on the Amazon Echo, ten songs I loved this week, and, of course, my weekly media diet. The supporter Q&A post can be found here. Five Things * This week I did a deep dive on the All Time Low discography, and I’m ready to do some ranking! * Future Hearts: My re-listens solidified it for me that this is my favorite album from the band. It combined a variety of aspects I think they do well, while also playing around with their sound enough to keep it fresh. From “Cinderblock Garden” to “Runaways” to “The Edge of Tonight,” this is just a giant batch of songs I enjoy from top to bottom. I think it combines their pop-punk/rock leanings with just the right amount of a more modern pop styling. I also think Alex sounds as good as ever on this record. * Don’t Panic: This feels like the slightly more “rock” version of Future Hearts to me. A lot of the same sounds are there, they lean into the rock side a little bit more on a bit more of the songs, and therefore it has a little more bite to it. Some great stuff here like “Backseat Serenade” and my favorite, “Outlines.” I’m surprised by how many little moments this album has that elevates it. That little clap like sound on “The Reckless and the Brave,” or the Green Day-like opening to “For Baltimore.” This is pop-punk that doesn’t feel like it’s leaning too hard on nostalgia; almost feels like what Blink-182 were trying to do on California, but didn’t quite get all the way there. (I’d be down for a Mike Green produced Blink-182 song.) * Last Young Renegade: I’m surprised how much this album has stayed in my rotation over the past year. I knew I liked it when it came out, but I didn’t think I’d still be playing it. I’d venture a guess this moves up my ranking list as time goes on. “Dirty Laundry” and “Afterglow” really show the band’s songwriting growth. I hope they continue to play with this direction and don’t abandon it too quickly. It suits them as they move into a new stage of their career. * Nothing Personal: What hit me the most about this album, released almost ten years ago, is how modern it sounds. The songwriting, structure, production, isn’t nearly as dated as I was expecting. The lyrics … well, they’re a little rough in places, but songs like “Lost in Stereo” and “Walls” hold up quite well. * So Wrong, It’s Right: This album always felt to me like it was trying to be too much like the pop-punk classics that came before it. It wanted to be a Blink/NFG album. I guess, with time, it’s now become a classic of its own. It’s still not my favorite, there are too many songs that don’t work for me, but there are some certified greats on here. “Dear Maria” and “Six Feet Under the Stars” are great (although, I prefer the acoustic version of the later). * Dirty Work: Listening to this now, it’s … not as bad as I remembered. There are some huge sequencing issues, and if you cut some songs, and play around with the track listing, I think there’s a semblance of something better here. I still don’t think the album lives up to what came before or after, but there’s a few songs I’ll remember to come back to more frequently than I have in the past. I may even flirt around with cutting together something I could listen to front to back. I can’t get over how bad “That Girl” is. * Put Up or Shut Up: This was a rough listen. It’s the band trying to make their best Fall Out Boy-esque impression, in lyrics, vocals, and style … and it is tough to get through. * The Party Scene: I didn’t like it in 2005. I still don’t. * Conclusion: This band went from one I enjoyed a few songs from, to one I saw a lot of potential in, to one I thought missed their chance, to one that’s released three incredibly solid albums (that I genuinely like) in a row. They’re a band that’s found a sound I could say is very much their own, while being influenced by all the bands I grew up loving. They have a lengthy discography, it’s full of good to great songs, and they seem only to be getting better. I hope they keep making music and I hope they keep walking down this path they started on their last two albums as songwriters. They’re a fun band that’s impressed me with their longevity and maturation into a band I’m legit excited to see where they go next. * I liked this write-up from Craig Manning about Bruce Springsteen. I’ve never loved Bruce to the level that Craig (and Thomas Nassiff) love Bruce, but I will always love reading about artists someone is passionate about. * The post about the glitter bomb vs. package thief was exceptionally popular on the website this week. In an otherwise slow news week, I found that funny. Also what an incredible contraption. * We are finalizing our contributor end of the year list, and we’ll begin writing blurbs and putting the entire feature together over the next two weeks. I really like my final list; some years I’m more tepid, but this year, this year feels good. I like how everything is shaking out, and I can’t wait to read everyone else’s picks and find stuff I slept on. * I spent the week playing around with Apple Music on the Amazon Echo. It’s nice. I enjoy being able to play most songs by saying yelling them out into the air. I’ve used it to play my Best of 2018 and Holiday Music playlists, and it works great. The big missing feature is adding iCloud Music Library to the collection. Right now I can’t play songs that aren’t in the Apple Music library but are in my personal collection. So, for example, I can’t ask it to play the new Copeland album even though the files are in my library and I can play them on the Apple TV, iPhone, iPad, and my computer. Hopefully, that feature gets added in the future. The other flaw I’ve found is that the shuffle kind of sucks. My “paired down to favorites” Holiday Playlist has 150 songs on it. I’ve played it three or four times this week. Put it on shuffle each time. And I heard mostly the same batch of songs. Something’s not quite right there. (Some Googling showed this being an issue for Amazon Music and Spotify listeners as well.) Music Thoughts * Beside doing a full All Time Low discography deep dive, I didn’t listen to much else this week. I spun my playlist of favorites from 2018 a few times, to see if I wanted to tweak any ranking of albums, and also played quite a bit of holiday music around the house. I tried to get caught up on some podcasts, but that’s sort of failing. * The A Very Spidey Christmas EP that was released today is quite a bit of fun. * I also really like the Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse original score. (I also found this tweet thread about it fascinating.) Entertainment Thoughts * I enjoyed The Myth of the American Sleepover. In some respects, it’s a lesser Dazed and Confused, but it’s still the kind of movie I enjoy watching and have always had a thing for. A little slice of life in a group of teenagers lives, when done well, is one of my favorite genres. * First Man was quite good. It’s probably my least favorite Damien Chazelle movie at the same time. I thought it was well shot, well acted, well scored, and the sound design was fantastic. It wasn’t as gripping as I expected, it didn’t quite get as deep into what drove Armstrong as I would have liked, and even though the movie was long, I would have loved some more history/story. Even with all that, this was a great watch, and I’ll see it again. * Dumplin’ on Netflix was endearing. A great little film to watch during the holidays when you just want your heart to grow three sizes and enjoy a nice night of entertainment. * It’s been a long time since I’ve watched Home Alone front to back. It was everything I wanted it to be. I remembered the entire movie and loved every second of it. I still remember my cousin seeing this movie before me and telling me in detail every single beat. I begged my parents to take me to see it the next day and laughed and laughed. It then became a tradition to watch it every Christmas. I’m going to have to make sure to bring it back out and get it into the rotation with A Christmas Story and other holiday classics. And never forget: Fuller not only wets the bed, HE LIKES WETTING THE BED, that little monster is excited about the opportunity. * I was pleasantly surprised with Bad Times at the El Royale. It’s a little too long, wears the influences a little too much on the sleeves, but it was very entertaining. I’d say I was pleasantly surprised and came away enjoying it way more than expected. Now, I must know: Is there a clause in Chris Hemsworth’s contract that says he has to be shirtless in each movie? Because that’s just genius. That dude’s body is ridiculous. Either way, this was a good way to spend an evening, and it kept me guessing through most of the movie. And those god damn abs … seriously. * Office Christmas Party is a very bad movie that for some reason we put on while wrapping Christmas presents last night. It’s totally not good, and yet it’s oddly perfect to watch, and chuckle at while doing something else. I think that comes down to the likability of Jason Bateman and Olivia Munn. * The Good Place is still one of my favorite shows. Episode nine of season three, “Janet(s),” was just incredible. * I am unreasonably excited for Titans tonight. Ok, the preview shows Batman, so it’s not unreasonable, it’s just tickling the Batman part of my brain, and that means I don’t want to do anything else — I just want this damn show to download so I can watch it. Without having seen the final episode, I’d say this season ended up being quite good. I enjoyed it for what it was more than I expected and like all the characters and can’t wait to see where it goes from here. Dick Grayson has been played so well I actually would love to see him in movies. He’s been great. * We’re two episodes into Marvelous Mrs. Maisel season two. It’s everything I wanted it to be. Can’t wait to get back into this world and really have the season settle in. I hope to binge more of this over the weekend and early next week. * We don’t talk enough about how Ross has a monkey in Friends. Seriously, that’s the pet … that’s the storyline for multiple episodes … his monkey. And he’s the one everyone I knew wanted to be like; dress like; act like. The nineties were wild. * I’m up to issue #797 of Amazing Spider-Man. I hope to crank through the rest of Dan Slott’s run over the weekend. After that, I’m going to get caught up on Spider-Gwen and as much Scarlet Spider as possible (who stars as my current iPad lock-screen wallpaper). Random and Personal Stuff * My weight dropped more than I would like this week, so I’m adding a few more calories. I’ve sort of slipped into the bad habit of being ok with going over my set limit by 100 or so each day because my weight was right where I wanted it to be, if not a bit lower, and I need to be better about figuring out the right calorie goal instead. It is nice to not stress as much about these things, however. Last night I had some gummy candies, and an extra beer, and woke up this morning and being .8 lbs under my goal weight. That’s a welcome change. The holiday week will be a test to make sure I don’t get carried away. Lots of family meals out which are hard to track correctly. * For the past three years Hannah and I have had a tradition where we get each other a Christmas ornament. We write the date on it and add it to the tree. It’s a fun little way of remembering our life together. This year she got me a Batman and Spider-Man set. Because of course. I bought a few glass bulbs on Amazon and then printed out the little write-up/speech I used when I asked her to marry me. I cut the speech up into long slices, curled them up, and put those in the bulbs with some red and green ribbons, along with some printouts of the date we got engaged. I thought they came out pretty well. That’s an idea you can steal. * I’ve been keeping the Q&A thread updated with my thoughts as I build out the new “thread ignore” system on the website. I should have that completed right after the holidays wrap up. It’s a good, useful, feature, but I’m most excited about fixing up some of the design stuff and using the new thread view tweaks to add even more new features in the future. Like, I get why this is needed, but adding features to the website that everyone will be able to use and get value from, versus one that’s built around hiding things from the site, are always more fun. I think some optimization/bug fixes will be what I work on right after finishing this up. I’ve noticed some stuff, while coding this, that I want to go back and clean up a little. * Holiday get together with my dad tonight, holiday happy-hour/visiting The Grotto over the weekend with Hannah’s parents. And then we plan to order Chinese food and play board games on Christmas Eve before spending the day with Hannah’s family, and the evening with mine, on Christmas itself. That … that’s going to be a day. (Hannah read last week’s Liner Notes and didn’t believe me about how awkward some parts of my family can be. Then she went to the event. Now she knows.) Ten Songs Here are ten songs that I listened to and loved this week. Some may be new, some may be old, but they all found their way into my life during the past seven days. * King Neptune – Terrify Me * All Time Low – Outlines * Sunflower (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse) * Daniel Pemberton – Security Guard * Shameik Moore – Joy to the World * William Ryan Key – Downtown (Up North) * All Time Low – Dirty Laundry * John Mayer – Home Life * Cat Stevens – Father and Son * The Blue Nile – From a Late Night Train The playlists are also available on Spotify and Apple Music. Well, that became a whole lot longer than I expected. I wrote so much after breakfast that now I need to get lunch. I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas if you celebrate it, and happy holidays as well. I hope the next week is filled with only good things, and if there are any struggles, that you can find the strength to push through. And, with that, I leave you with some Calvin and Hobbes: Previous editions of this roundup can be found here. --- Please consider supporting us so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/features/articles/liner-notes-december-21st-2018/

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 11: “I Can Either Have Fun and Lose or be boring and lose” - MJ

guess i got stoned

I know I haven't made a confessional is what's probably around two weeks, but there are some things you just don't want to remember and shouldn't bother saying in this heat of the moment so from tomorrow on, we're starting fresh. Or as fresh as you can be when you're 10 feet into a giant hole you dug yourself. 

Dang – my first vote against in the entire game so far, and it was more of the "You rock but I have to vote SOMEONE" variety. Seems like I always get those. Or the avalanche of blindside votes. Not much in between.

Anyway, despite being generally pretty messy as far as tribal councils go, both of mine went as planned/expected. I'd have really liked to save Matt if I could, but MJ was being overbearingly pushy on saving Jake and nobody seemed intent on upsetting the apple cart. Not much you can do when nobody else will follow. Wes and I were pretty much on an island and, with tribe sizes still being this big, it didn't make sense to fracture the tribe. Not when there are still reasonable targets before myself.

Caspian, though, came as a surprise. Wow. Owen was saved from being double-clocked and Logan (!!!) lost a life. Unexpected as hell. But they don't seem too torn up about it, which is excellent. Doubly so because it's the music video challenge.

So why am I in a good spot on this one? Well, for one, I'm pretty good at editing video. For two, I've got Jack/Steffen on Andaman and Logan/Jake/Ruthie on Kabru who can devote all their energy to the one tribe. I can imagine having too many people spread too thin could be an issue, so I'm glad we have a good balance.

Now, why am I in a bad spot? I worry I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I'm responsible for editing two videos and filming myself lip-syncing to them, too. That could be an issue. I really can't procrastinate on it. I'm at work til 4, so I'm spending my day with Victorious (our shape-inspired tune) and The Galaxy is Ours (space, whaddup!) on loop. Hopefully I'll know the lyrics by tonight. And in the meantime I've also started gathering some stock video footage that I think could look badass in the right circumstances.

On the Kabru side, Logan (all-star that they are) has already sent their video my way, and it's absolutely awesome. After the HvV2 video, I'm totally not surprised. They go all out on these comps, and there are probably a very usable 2:15 out of the 3:00 video. If everyone on both my tribes approaches the video with this kind of enthusiasm and commitment, I have a hard time seeing either one lose.

Nobody has yet sent in on Andaman, but it's still super early. Lydia and Jack both sent pictures of their makeup last night (Jack in Skype, Lydia via Snapchat) and they both also knocked it out of the park. Steffen said he'd get on it after class, and I suspect Kait will follow suit. But I know she's also filming two videos so I don't want her getting overwhelmed, either.

As far as my videos, I've got a fairly basic idea for the space video. I might even be able to do a Bowie homage with a red lightning bolt on my face while air-playing my guitar?? Idea just came to me, but it could work. I'd need to do that video after my Kabru video though, otherwise the makeup might leave a mark that I can't immediately get off. I also had an idea involving a lightbulb, but I'll keep that one under wraps for now. Much more fun to see the end result.

As far as the Victorious vid goes... gosh, I really don't know. High energy, high impact, lots of aggression is the guidelines we set for ourselves. I've got some workout gear in the basement – maybe a high-intensity type workout vid? Getting in shape fits the theme too, right? Just spitballing at this point. I won't even be able to put much work in until after work, so I'll be caught up in my head in the meantime.

But.... AAAAGH, I love these comps. Forcing the creative side out usually ends pretty well, especially when others are around to do some of the heavy lifting. Steffen was great in offering ideas last night for the music video. We didn't end up using them because they just didn't fit QUITE right... but it's not an easy thing to be willing to throw out ideas like he did. He's down on himself for not being able to contribute much, but from my perspective he was the only one trying to provide concrete ideas. That gets him some brownie points in my eyes. Four brownie points, to be exact. Four for you, Steffen Coco. You go, Steffen Coco.

Okay, I'm brain-spewing all over the confessional page again. I'mma wrap this up. But I'm ridiculously excited to see what we can come up with here.

Phew. Everyone has been killing it today. Since the last confessional, we got stuff from Kait, Lydia and Jack on the Andaman side, with myself and Steffen still to go. On the Kabru side... less content. But Logan's still a star, and they sent me the intro that's going to kick so much ass paired with the video.

I'm in the hero or goat position right now on both tribes, I think. Andaman has been absolutely crushing it. The only way I see us losing is if I don't pull through on this video. And to do that, we still need a few shots that I'm planning on doing. But I've already gone through the content I've got and made notes on where the best segments are. Should speed my job up tonight a little bit.

As for NuNuKabru (which, it just occurred to me, has the same syllables and cadence as goo goo g'joob) I'm not exceptionally worried. It would be nice to have video from others, but I think Logan and myself alone could make a great video if we have to. Everything else is just a bonus. And fortunately, I know Ruthie's planning on sending something. Pretty sure Jakey is, too. The more, the merrier, and the better content we'll have to make a video we can be proud of.

The music video is horrible and I will never forgive myself if we lose this challenge. THIS IS MY CHALLENGE I HATE IT. Thank god I took over the album creation because my tribe would have been toast.

ummmmm so MJ and Logan went to rocks for me which I'm really grateful for. I know Ryan and Ari and Jenna all really love them and say they're an ANGEL CHILD and I was always like "ya logan is rlly nice" but now like NOW. NOW. NOW THAT LOGAN AND I HAVE TALKED MORE AND LIKE..... THEY DID THAT FOR ME JUST. WOW. I love them so much and I understand why they are so well-liked, because they really did do that selflessly for me and I dfskajhksdj oh wow. MJ idk about. Apparently he had to "flip a coin" in order to decide. And like... He went and told Kait that Jenn had told me that Kait wanted me out, but Jenn thought that I had told Kait and was like "I'm sorry but I can't switch my vote, I don't know what you told Kait but I'm done" or something along those lines and I.... whew. So MJ like.... I don't get it. He could've flipped on me, in which case yeah.... I would've revealed everything he had told me. I have it all written down, and if he crosses me somehow, then without a doubt I'm blowing up the things he said. 

At this point, I need to give up any inkling of confidence or control I might have had some point earlier in this game (which honestly was never that much). Now, it's all about survival. I am literally hanging on like.... by my teeth or whatever the phrase is. I'm terrified. If we lose this immunity (which by the way fuck all of you for making us do this when I had strep and also when I'm on a tribe that needs to win and is dysfunctional af), then I could very well be screwed because Logan drew the rock and Steven, Jenn, and Jimmy all just voted on the same side...twice.

I've been working on building a relationship with Steven. I do genuinely like talking with him, and if anyone is gonna maybe flip to help me, it COULD be him... Especially if Steffen talks to him about the whole Kait/Jenn/Jimmy thing. But idk

MY LAST CONFESSIONAL SUBMITTED WIHTOUT ME BEING DONE SORRY

anyways... STeven. Idk why he'd go against people who just went to rocks for him. And then... Maybe I could try to turn the three of them AGAINST MJ, but I seriously doubt it. And if MJ is INTENDING to stay loyal to me, then I could end up burning the one connection I have.

And theeeen there's Jenn. Idk if there was ever any hope of her switching her vote last time. Maybe she never planned on it. But we talked for nearly an hour before she thought I told Kait something.

I waited a couple of days before talking to her again, and I just kind of told her that I didn't want to ruin anything personal between her and Kait or her and I. I still like both Kait and Jenn as people, and I don't want there to be any hard feelings about anything that happens in the game. That has always been my philosophy. I'm a little bit hurt that Kait completely lied to me for honestly no reason... She didn't HAVE to come to me and say she was "so upset" like.... If she wanted me to be dead meat, and I'm already not on a tribe with her, and she ISN'T talking to me now, why did she have to be fake in the first place? Idk. I guess I'll find out after the season ends. I won't hold a grudge over it though, I'm sure she thought she had to or something. oh well :~) All it did was take the very little trust I had left in her after the not voting Jimmy and not submitting her immunity thing and...completely destroy it!!! Whew. Like I am justified now in any action I can possibly make against her (not like that time will ever come).

I don't know if I could reach out to Jenn if we end up going to tribal. Regardless, I may have options. Very few options, but options nonetheless.

I mentioned in a prior confessional that I wanted to see the Malaysia trio CHOKE kfdshfdj in the game, and yeah... That's still true. I don't want any of them to make it far at this point (if they do, good on them). But I want to make myself very clear in saying that that is on a game level only. Personally, I enjoy all three of them, and I think they're great people, and I don't wish them any harm. But they've all wronged me in this game way more than I've wronged them. If I can get one of them to trust me again, that could be ideal (like Jenn...) but unfortunately, it seems hella impossible.

Please let us somehow, by some miracle, win immunity. I will praise the all star gods that be if I can just get SOME SORT of break here. I NEED it.

im getting a really awkward vibe from people on kabru.

at least im safe on andaman i guess, but im so paranoid that even pat bit my head off so! who knows i might be going but i just gotta hope.

im willing to flip the game, if other people are.

i cant believe challenge results ruined my entire day. time to die.

Steven said he'd talk to me tomorrow which is good. The problem is like... MJ has hardly talked to me since the vote tied initially. I don't get it. He went to rocks for me and like legitimately risked his alliance with Kait and Jenn in order to protect me and....idk. He HAS been going back to school though, so I don't blame him and idk. He's probably as tired of this as we ALL ARE.

If MJ sticks with me and I can somehow flip Steven, that'll be good.

Otherwise... I go to Jenn. And try my damnedest. 

jessy, i said id work with jake. lets see if this works.

if me, ruthie, and mj vote together we can take control of this tribe? but idk about mj. mj's insane and is playing a gr8 game everyone loves him. but. lets hope he tries to mix SOMETHING up.

Well, one out of two ain't bad. 

I feel pretty bad about the terrible video quality on the Kabru video. With more time, I could have salvaged it. But we were pressed right up against the time limit. I got the video in with one minute to spare. Remind me never to sign up to edit two videos again.

I'm glad we killed on Andaman, though. Everyone kicked ass (except Carson, who did nothing because it "wasn't a good time for him." Sorry, dude, but we're all busy.) I feel like Andaman would've been an easy vote for that reason, but I'm glad we didn't need to go there. I'm especially impressed with Jack for the booklet and the trading cards. He went to infinity and beyond. (See what I did there?!) But everyone who participated really carried their weight, and that was a hard-earned win.

On Kabru, I take a lot of responsibility for the way that went. My video was not the best quality, and it was hard to edit a cohesive video with such mediocre content from myself. Ruthie had some usable clips that improved the video, and Logan, as mentioned in my previous confessionals, thoroughly killed it. IMO, they carried a lot of that video.

Where we lost the points was adherence to the theme, which... ehh. I thought we did a good job of outside the box thinking, but I guess the judges disagreed. C'est la vie. (Oh, and @Jenn Tramkellan @Justin, YOU try memorizing lyrics to two completely new songs in less than a day!!!)

Anyway, I think Jenn's comments about this tribe being full of clowns isn't entirely wrong. It would've been so much better to have more people contributing to the video. Out of seven people, we had three contribute to arguably the most visible part. Credit to MJ and Wes, the cover art was beautiful and the execution was fantastic. But some more support from a video perspective would've been appreciated. I was expecting more footage than we got, and had to use a lot of stock footage as a result. Had I known what we were getting, I might've tried to incorporate more.

Anyway, no sense looking in the past. This tribal is looking more or less straightforward. I think most of us are on board with taking out someone who didn't contribute on this challenge. MJ might object on this tribe, given his links to Carson and Jake, but I'm not playing MJ's game. I'm playing my own.

He's probably going to target Ruthie, but I'm not writing her name down this round. For one, she's taken enough hits recently, and two, she was a key contributor to the video. 

With a merge incoming, the thought of taking out a competitor is crossing my mind. I haven't made it a secret that I want Jake out, and this round is no different... but a part of me would feel bad taking him out now, given his circumstances. I hope his friend gets better. 

It sounds like Carson might have stuff going on in his life, too? But literally the only thing he said was "I'm so sorry for not helping that much but this is just not a challenge good for me at this time". And... it wasn't exactly a great time for me to put in five straight hours of recording and editing, either. But that's the name of the game, right? 

Anyway, I'm going to push Jake a little bit if the opportunity arises, but I already get the sense that Carson's name will get a lot more traction. And this is prime 'anybody-but-me' territory, especially with a presumed merge looming.

Anyway, this game has gotten past the super stressful portion. I'm doing better than I expected already. Since this round started, I've just been having a ball. This is the most fun I've had in a game since early October when I was still delusionally happy in Crusade.

Yikes I gave up on these. Literally had heart palpitations over the revote and all that jazz and luckily the rock draw worked in my favour but honestly now I'm starting to develop some personal dilemmas. Owen has been talking to me a lot more now and I know it's because we're both on deaths door waiting for someone to take our last lives. Kinda puts me in a predicament though if I were to work with him. I feel I may have revealed too much so he may #expose me but meh tbh LOL. He has good motives tbh. He brought up about us outsiders trying to band together if we can all survive....which all tea all shade I really want to do, especially with my tea time queens Ruthie & Steffen if they make it. I'm not sure what tribe Ruthie is even on though so if they were to boot her and I made a move I'd be down one. However Lydia has told me she feels kinda lost in her group, obviously. Only thing is every time she talks to me she disappears after 2 messages like hun. I need a convo not a passing hi. Anyways I know she likes Owen cuz of things and I know we have our past experience together, both good and bad but we could work something. I just feel with every group I go to I'd be thrust to the bottom. I think the Malaysia 3 want me as a number should a splinter in the two lifer group happen, which it will have to eventually. I just don't know what to do. It would really hurt my personal character to boot Jenn or Jimmy. I would vote MJ, if Owen would to survive. However that means flipping the Malaysia pair which may not happen because they probably don't want so many people left with 1 life b/c of them. I need to be careful not to put my eggs in too many baskets because knowing my luck a fucking elephant would stop over all of them. 

mmmmmmmmmmmm im trying to be quiet this round idk. just hoping for the best for tribal tonight. not much has really been happening on my end bc ive been busy, but yesterday i mostly just tried to do some light damage control w the malaysia ppl.

im the only person going to both tribals this round which makes me v nervous. jake is getting targeted on our tribe and the only way i can save him is if he, ruthie, carson, and i all vote for logan (blindside). which would suck bc i like logan a lot.

the issue w that is that im gonna be alienating pat and wes and theyre really gonna feel like they cant trust me after that if that's what i decide to do. the only like, thing that like...idk. im just thinking like, its still early in the game (f15!), are they really gonna hold a grudge against me for the rest of the game, especially with a merge literally right around the corner? but ugh. its just v messy. i hate being the middle man and having to make decisions like this. i feel like ppl (pat and wes) will be intimidated by me if i go thru with this logan thing. it just really sucks. idk. voting out logan would make kait suspicious of me too its just all a big mess.

i really dont want jake to leave tonight because i think that would be really boring and tbh i dont think he deserves to go pre merge? like he already lost his closest all early in the game like... that sucks. nobody gave him a chance to play and he was just constantly given a bad hand. obvs him blowing up when he got voted out of A didnt help v much but like........ whatever. jake staying in is good for my game. its better for my game than for anyone else's. this is gonna seem v selfish of me but ive played selflessly in all of my other seasons, helping GROUPS of people as well as helping myself, and that's only gotten me the win ONCE. so clearly i need to play it differently here. i should benefit myself more than others.

additionally like.....its already v unlikely ppl will let me get to the end so i might as well try to make this season interesting and keep ppl on their toes so they play harder. i can either have fun and lose or be boring and lose, so obvs im gonna take the fun route at this point.

i need to talk to carson to get him on board with this and hope for the best. jake leaving would be a p bad hit to my game anyways.

I can't wait to be idoled out tonight. Please god, Ryan, Jules, Ari and Jessica make the merge be after this tribal council. I can deal with the disadvantage myself but I'm sick of these tribes. 

AHHHH

stuff is actually happening in this game

im willing to make a move with jake because i feel like im on the bottom and i owe jessy and jake.

however, while jake and co are not certain about if not mj will flip, i think ruthie might flip because shes pretty much saying that she'll flip on jake.

while others might not see ruthie as a threat, like i havent, i definitely see her as one now.

BUT, if we can pull thsi flip off with me mj jake and ruthie, and get out logan, thatll be PERFECT, because something will actually happen in this game. im nto too worried about repercussions because... fuck that. im playing for fun

soooooo I've made a lot of progress with Steven today. He said nobody had really talked to him yet fsdkjdfshj so it's a good thing I did. Last round, Jenn so kindly emphasized to me the fact that she's worried that I'm going to form some sort of super counter-alliance with Steffen, Ruthie, Jake, Lydia, myself, and Steven and some others... Which was not true before. But now? Thanks for the idea, Jenn!!! hehehehehe :~)

I went to Steven and said basically like... There's a big group of people running things, look at who has two lives and at who has one and it's pretty clear. And I appealed to the part of him that has been just trying to survive these last few votes and told him if we joined forces with people like Steffen and Ruthie (who I knew he likes) then we had a chance to be making a change and making moves instead of being used!!!! And he said he agreed :~) He said he was morally concerned bc Jenn and Jimmy went to rocks for him but... I dont' think he'd have any reason to lie to me. And we talked for a loooooong time about all the group dynamics and how something needs to be done. I genuinely like the guy and I think he feels the same about me and if he isn't lying to me then damn I have a CHANCE in this game again.

I told MJ to go and talk to Steven and Steven was gonna talk to MJ and... If they can just decide on a damn name then whew. whew. whew. whew. whew. Pleaseeeeee Lady Gaga and other goddesses above let me have this one more chance. I need to make it a little further. 

I've always talked about how I have a lot to prove and I CANNOT fathom coming in a place that is DOUBLE DIGITS again after FUCKING OLYMPICS. I'm DONE with that! Awful horrible scary time. I need to make the merge at least or jury or something, hot DAMN

I might not be dead yet

coup ko͞o/ noun 1.a sudden, violent, and illegal seizure of power from a government.

Get ready, bitches. A coup is coming.

#SURVIVORNOTFRIENDVIVOR lets get this hashtag trending!  A possible alliance with MJ, Carson and Jakey?  SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!  It sucks because I love Logan and Pat (Wes I could care less about tbh because I feel that he hates me :/)  I'm just ready for big moves and for the game to really start. I have no idea of what we're doing but I'm so ready for this, bring on the fireworks <3

ok but also i'm probably screwed anyways rip

im nervous now bc even if ONE thing goes wrong, this plan is ruined.

if even ONE person rats, this might blow up in my face.

guess thats the problem with big moves, huh? 

we'll see what happens i guess

oh wow im a flop with confessionals huh... anyway just when u think im down and out i keep on kicking! I will not DIE in this game, @jenn remember sarawak?? u should know by now never to count me out!! mj and carson and voting with ruthie and i to blindside.... basically everyone in the game LJFLJKFKLJ. IM LITERALLY SHOOOOOK THAT I GOT CARSON TO DO THIS LIKE I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD... cause hes such a "idw rock the boat D:" type of player. but i literally sucked his ass these past two days to get his vote like im literally exhausted LKJHF.. mj wouldnt go to carson about it so i had to convince carson of it so carson goes to mj and im just shook that happened..

its funny bc logan is mesaging me like "sorry ur going :(" LKJHFLKJHF

me: omg its okay i knew it would happen :( i hope u do well!

KLJFHKLJF GODDDD... sucks bc i like logan WAY more than wes and pat but they have way too many ties and they only have one life left so we need to get them out NOW because if they make it to merge/swap theyre literally SET to WIN this game. no fucking joke. sorry logan if ur seeing this bc you were the nicest to me this whole time on this tribe but i have no other means of survival.

i cant wait for everyone to literally be shook it will truly be something. theres a chance carson is lying to mj/me/ruthie but that would be so stupid of him?? i hope he has enough intelligence to pull this off! i have faith in humanity! yeah, wish pat had one life kljfh

WHY! Why do I get so attached to people? Literally the last few days I've been talking to Owen a lot and I feel he's a strong potential ally but I've had to play fake because despite Owen's suggestions MJ hasn't seemed to bite Owen's idea so I also can't have it even just as an option. Ideally I would like to vote off MJ because out of everyone on this tribe he's extremely connected and he has no relevance to my game, nor me his. It leaves me yet again with a dilemma. I'm half tempted before tribal to send Owen my fake idol which seems kinda legit and say I'd play it on him if he voted MJ. Only thing is I'd have to get Jenn or Jimmy to also switch to MJ and when it's proven the idol is fake by not being played I've pretty much lied to everyone so I'm like? I don't think I could do that much for someone who so staunchly wanted me out only a week ago. It's hard because I like his motives further down the line, and he's also connected to those I'd like to hook in with. I don't know. I know I've had to play the liar tonight and I really don't like it. It's not me and it's not kind. False hope is worse than knowing you're leaving, and boy do I know how it feels. 

Why does everyone I get attached to leave as soon as it happens? If I somehow magically leave tonight then damn, but in all fairness I have no connections anyway? The Malay 3 is a nice group to be attached to, because I know they're carrying me a long, but I don't think people are attuned to the extent we're aligned, or how prepared I would be to chop ties. 

Steven's been quiet for the past hour. I think I'm gonna take that aaaas he's voting me out. So if this is it, peace out, it's been a little bit fun and mostly hell.

History sure does repeat itself, huh! Last TS season I was in: hosted by Ryan, 25 people, small ass tribes, and me getting screwed over by a group who were already friends.

sounds a lot like this game

So hey felicia, AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH RUTHIE THROWING HERSELF UNDER TO, even to the point to save my game in the future which is great, but like that still means I lose an ally, which is annoying, and honestly, had I not been skating by with 1 life, I would've been a lot more aggressive.....or I would've still been crying in a corner, which one is more realistic tbh.

But anyways, we now got a couple of days to do the music industry challenge, which is like the general lip sync comps that I LERV, but with a bunch of this extra shiva, so Im rolling in pain here, but here my team comes in clutch, Pat and Jack win us immunity and I MADE DAY 29 OFFICIALLY, IM AT DAY 100 I CAME AND I DID WHAT I NEEDED TO DO!!!!!!!! But now I need to continue whatever the heck I'm doing and if this is not merge, WHICH WOULD BE EVIL YA BUMS, I will literally die cause this is 10 people left in each game, like what freaking else am I going to be able to do. Especially with freaking someone having an idol, and yes someone (probably Carson) has an idol, cause Owen got the clue from Alex, but someone got it at the volcano which is dumb as heck, or not really dumb but now Im skating on eggshells again cause this aint gucci at all.

So as we won immunity, we got to go to the adventure again, and UNFORTUNATELY, I made Lydia waste 2 of her lives on mercury cause I can't figure that out, but APPARENTLY, I figured out the way to safely get through Jupiter, but I couldn't beat the flash game so now Im sitting here without the ability, so now Im here trying to get Pat to do it too, and turns out THIS FLASHGAME IS HIS JAM, but I'm also sitting here with a Danny Devito picture and a crying Pat and rn this just feels weird.....BUT IM ROLLING WITH IT.

So now Im waiting for tribal to happen, waiting to see what hell is raised and hoping for merge real quick but who even knows at this point, Owen feels dead and Steven ain't telling me anything but Im also here predicting immunity results

On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > I stay safe in game a On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > how about you stay safe in game b remember when I quoted the future

that was in a pm with Jimmy

Like back off Raven cause Steffen is in town, *hair flips*, anyways gonna die like a bum, so lets see what the announcement will be tonight.

and that's how owen died

I hope MJ gets blown up somehow. He's playing the best game wihtout a doubt.

I didn't expect it to hurt this much but I think it's because I know if I would've survive this then I could've gone to merge and jury. I would've been okay with just...making it to that point. I'm really upset now though and idk what to do. I'm sure it'll be fine. I just wanted a lot of things very badly and idk anymore kdfsjhdsfkjfhdskj

I'm a little upset with Kait for not ever messaging me at all like....even now? Nothing? Idk. I don't know if I'll feel upset at these people for a long time or what. I think I just need to take some time away.

Thank you hosts for a great game and a great twist. A lot of things didn't go my way and I really really really really wish they would have :(