#hopefully the read more works lmao
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I want so desperately to finish this one, but life has other plans for me this month. I learned a ton while working on it, so fingers crossed I can pick the momentum back up in the future
sakura, from my fic series the slug & the stars
#haruno sakura#madasaku#naruto#my art#to those interested: my (estranged) father is in the hospital and he has essentially no one else to take charge of things while hes there#if you've been following me for a bit you may know that my mom and a grandmother are also both very ill. they're doing better but it's still#i also work full time on top of it all and its the busiest time of year for my field too#anyways ive spent my spare time reading a fuckkkk ton and when inspiration strikes its been easier to write#painting is still super tricky for me and it requires this intense focus that just leaves me so drained afterwards#and i also pay less attention to my posture when im painting and i get so sore lmao 30 has been wild so far#all of that to say. uhhhh ill hopefully spend more of my free time in the next few weeks writing instead of reading and painting
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A WORLD OF NOISE: THE ZABAJABA JUNGLE
ZABA by Glass Animals is 10 YEARS OLD TODAY.
A poem/stream of consciousness I wrote about ZABA on a rainy September night in 2022, one month after seeing Glass Animals live. ZABA was the album by which I found Glass Animals in 2018, and its abstract yet visceral nature continues to fascinate me. The more I listened, the more I felt I could understand the imagery drawn across its 11 tracks.
Essentially, I believe ZABA can be understood as a Queer reading and apologue of Plato’s allegory of the cave. There are many lines that allude to a (Queer) awakening from perceived societal constraints such as in Walla Walla (“it’s a ruse, all these creatures are a lie” & “i clap my hand and they’re gone into the night”), likely referencing the shadows projected by the puppet showmen in Plato’s allegory. Thus, the anguish expressed in songs predating ZABA’s release such as in Golden Antlers and in Exxus are symptomatic of a speaker trapped in a cave, unable to escape a deeper feeling of unease because they are only seeing the reality projected to them by a cisheteronormative system. It is only when the speaker escapes this metaphorical cave in Flip, the opening track of ZABA, (“I’m gonna shake my fetters / I’m breaking loose”), that they finally enter the confusing, overwhelming, but beautiful and fluid “world of noise” mentioned in Pools (and sonically created in Intruxx). Over the course of ZABA, the speaker wrestles with their preconceived notions of reality (Walla Walla uses a ton of imagery from The Matrix), relationships, gender, and sexuality, while simultaneously feeling betrayed by their family and society (Hazey and Toes).
The B-Side of ZABA dips into existential dread, as the speaker mourns the time they lost to the incomplete reality they had accepted in the cave, and the effects it had on their mental health (Wyrd), climaxing in Cocoa Hooves, as the speaker (or someone else), confronts them(selves) and the changes they have undergone in the ZABAJABA jungle. The speaker must choose if they wish to stay in the confusing yet euphoric jungle, or self-destruct (“set [their] wings on fire”) and return to the cave after flying too close to the sun and after indulging too deeply in their primal instinct. However, just as the freed prisoner in Plato’s allegory, the speaker runs the risk of never being able to live in blissful ignorance again, as their eyes may never re-adjust to the incomplete, crafted reality of the cave.
The last track of the album, JDNT, presents a conclusion as ambiguous as the title Dave refuses to explain. It is possible the speaker is accepting their doomed fate as prophecized to them by the antagonist in Wyrd, or radically accepting their outcast status, enjoying the “life untamed.” And perhaps, in the end, they triumph over their internal turmoil by recognizing it only has power over them if they allow it to, as it cannot “breathe without [them].” And thus, they return to the Earth, unfettered and born anew.
#if you read all that thank you i would love to hear your thoughts#also some lines in the poem are straight up just lyrics but#i wonder if anyone can piece together which portions reference which specific song#i have literally been working on this since last year#i can’t believe the poem itself is finally seeing the light of day#hopefully someone enjoys these rambles because i have 50 more pages from where this is from LMAO#my masterdoc is crazy#anyways this is all just my interpretation mixed with projection but i am very proud regardless#i could ramble about this for hours#anyways i hope u guys enjoy :) i’m so happy i finally finished this#glass animals#zaba#collage#my art
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back from my annual months long disappearance for REAL this time i think <3
#hopefully won't fuck off into the ether again right after this lmao. been doing BAD but i'm working on it#as life updates go i've been job hunting and have a job coach rn. still in physical therapy. i finished conscript and it was really good#i've gotten into d20 a bit more. i'm almost finished replaying tw3. and i'm teaching my mom how to read tarot#so in conclusion i could be doing worse but i wanna be doing better#len speaks
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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art
#my mental health is starting to improve a bit#took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me#ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while#like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit#so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected#diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier#i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome#just learning how to enjoy things again overall#one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post#and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on#even when I wasn’t actively practicing#just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles#i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors#i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao#i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again#for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments#i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all#that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully#starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing#so who knooowwwsss#rambles#funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL#i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first#anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over
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so what i'm putting together from osmosis and the wonderful livebloggers and the incredible arkanis english updates account is something like this
Prefeito Jota: Hello, I'd like to hire you to investigate what happened in my city/island(?)!
Bagi, who was previously "invited" to a mysterious island/city by its elected official, subsequently trapped on the mysterious island/city, investigated the deep mysterious history of the island/city, came to no conclusions, found her brother after years of searching, was separated once again from her brother, gained and lost an adopted daughter (possibly to being kidnapped by the island government, which was evil), gained and lost a demon fiancée (possibly to being dragged back to hell, so there's no way to find her), gained and lost a close demon friend to dubious circumstance (did he die for his children? is he with skeppy in the gas station?), and has had an unknown amount of time to process and/or suppress all of this: Sure! :D
#ah shit now i gotta tag this#arkanis#qsmp#qsmp bagi#q!bagi#long tags#hopefully that covers it for people who don't care abt the lore tie-ins; i think they'll be able to filter this post#this is mostly a qsmp post so i hope you are able to filter it at your leisure :)#i try very hard not to bug have a good week :D#shut up vic#block game brainrot#is valigma an island or a city i'm unclear on this#or is it a city that's on an island#is there an island??? there's not. there is. where were they travelling. there was a boat i know that#fe//lps crashed the boat there's gotta be a port somehwere close by#but it could just be a port city.... is it an island??#brother i'm cooked i don't speak portuguese and i work during the streams.... cognates save me....... save me cognates.........#the name of my tiktok collection for qsmp is 'context clues only' bc i was determined to follow its story through only osmosis.#i was wrong about that one but. welcome back context clues only.#idk anyway hopefully this post can be filtered by people in either fandom who don't care abt crossover lollll 😭#look q!bagi has every reason to distrust elected officials that try to invite her places#last time it happened it was a bona fide second location.#it's kinda wild she was willing to do it again lmao#do you think she got the request and idly wondered how long she was gonna be stuck this time#we kinda had to skim over that aspect of q!bagi's arrival bc of the weird meta parts of the presidential invitation#but iirc the qsmp president inviting her was canon. which is WILD lmfaooo#and also how she was fiancées with tina (a demon) and friends with bad (a demon) and coparents with mouse (a demon)#and then she gets invited and comes to valigma and she's probably already got insane déjà vu and then BOOM. matt.#like i'm not cc!bagi so i don't know but i didn't read q!bagi as someone who just. moved on.#i don't think she would process the events of quesadilla island i think it's more likely she suppressed it. really really well.
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Today's marker practice #4
Today I worked on an Ayumu I've been refining for awhile. I think a huge bottleneck for my marker practise is taking the time to draw and line the art cleanly so I've begun creating a single lined design, and then tracing it onto other shikishi. Kind of accelerates the learning process. (So I've actually coloured this exact Ayumu like 3-4 times and each one is unique in its own way (mostly they have different mistakes 😂).
It's pretty tough working on watercolour paper with markers by the way. Everything bleeds... The markers bleed as well as the fineliner. So I had to be super careful with working on it. It's leagues better than working on cheap Daiso paper though. The ink would absorb instantly and I wouldn't be able to blend any of the colours.
I've also purchased Copic Marker Shikishi. Theoretically, these should be perfect for my needs, but they're pretty hard to get a hold of though for a reasonable price... I think I have to proxy them from Japan. For now, I'll be using these water colour shikishi.
The watercolor shikishi are also quite fragile. Overworking the paper/ using a regular eraser can damage it. I've started using a kneadable eraser which damages it a bit less. It makes my kneadable eraser fluffy instantly though, which probably cuts the lifespan of the eraser 😅
I've also purchased Copic white ink that's useful for patching up mistakes like things bleeding beyond edges. However the paper is actually off-white so if you look closely you'll be able to see the copic white ink.
But yeah, learning copics have been really fun! I haven't posted much recently and it's because I've just been iteratively working on my marker skills. 💪
#myon's marker training arc#love live#love live nijigasaki#ayumu uehara#nijigaku#copic markers#there's a huge jump since the last marker piece i posted LMAO#it took me a long while to figure out colours#commentary in the read more cus i realised i can talk about my experiment process for 200 years#i do have a comic being worked on in the bg but ive been practising markers really often#bc i plan to sell shikishi at an upcoming con!#hopefully i can get to a level that im happy to sell 😊#my art
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how i'm spending my evening
#i'm not scared ur scared#the knocking in the album happened right when the knocking in the book happened and oh my god i could've died from the fright lmao#been checking out this book every couple months to work on reading it a little more cause 1. it's long and obtuse and 2. triggers the schiz#so i gotta be careful#but i haven't been able to like stop thinking about it.....#hopefully i can make good progress this round!#slowly but surely lol one day i will finish it#god bless the public library#books and reading#music#house of leaves#mark danielewski#kavari#Spotify
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hi there, I love your fics 🥺 any kennderland content soon?
I hope so!
At my 'new' (as if it hasn't been half a year already) job I literally cannot have my phone on me while I work so any of the little downtime I've had I can't write on my phone........
........so I've been hand writing it when I get the chance (featuring censor lizard)
[ edit: video and end of post below cut ]
The problem now is I have to sit down and write this up digitally which I just... haven't done it yet.
Thank you to those of you who have recently left kudos and comments! I do see them and it makes me happy and pushes me to try and get more stuff written.
#work was super busy for the last three months and ive been learning on the fly and its been like drinking through a firehose#just normal industry capitalism problems of not enough people and not enough time for a big fucking project#so it was down to either giving the new inexperienced person (me) the really fucking hard thing to do or no one does it lol#i do like the work wayyy more than my old job but its been A Lot#im fortunate enough to have a good manager and way more experienced people helping me get through it#anyway that dumb dumpster fire is basically done now (hopefully) so i'll (hopefully) not be using all my braincells as much#im also so bad and rotating additional blorbos and have ideas for that stuff rn that if incorporated into PE as is would be a big time skip#and a lot of 'ok just trust me this is how this is working'#anyway thats all my excuses lmao#if you are one of the people out there that can still read cursive and/or my handwriting you can spoil yourself#asks#ramblings#kennderland#STEM is all well and good until you get into it and realize how many things are holding on by a thread#thats a wholeeee other rant that i dont need to get started on lol
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some scribs based on things i saw at kawaiikon 2023 last week, i had a lot of fun! (in which i use minato + my squidkid as stand-ins for myself)
bonus comic + some thoughts about the con under the cut!
gotta love when u think it’d be cool to cosplay but then completely forget to get anything for the cosplay (i forgot to go to look for yellow fabric for a ryoji scarf)!! so u just go as just some guy (my wardrobe has a few items that remind me of my faves).
ANYWAYS for the con itself, i had a lot of fun! something about it was very humanizing, just knowing that there were other people in hawaii who also like persona (and the other things that i am into). i got to pull out my beloved minato nui/plushie and share him with other people which was. fun!!
the cosplayers were super cool too! the femc cosplayer was super sweet and they had!! a p3 protag itabag and it was so ?? heartwarming and cool for me to see that?? and the akechi + kokichi cosplayers being in the same proximity was also very cool to me (idk i feel like they’re just both interesting characters).
and of course the artists were very lovely... i was very surprised 2 see so much persona 3 (thank you p3p for being put on modern consoles) there, haha. i paid the minato tax™ aka that’s what happens when your favorite character is like. the protag. i have so much beautiful minato art in my home now. i am so happy and normal about this. my heart is sold to him. he has such incomprehensible boy swag that transcends the universe. but anyway.
this is very rambly but um idk im just! grateful and appreciative! that other people are out there that enjoy media that i like especially since they were so scarce and far between (other fandoms showed up more frequently). would i go again? dunno, depends on what im into by the time next year rolls around. but i’m glad that i went this year, for sure 💙
#persona 3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#hamuko arisato#minako arisato#mariko kusumi#how do i tag marie p4g when splatoon marie exists. help girlie#goro akechi#kokichi ouma#splatoon#splatoon oc#minatoast#lizzy does art#put the con reflections under the cut bc it was too long for tags for my liking but!! tl;dr i had fun i love knowing that other ppl-#have been captivated and touched by the same media that i have been affected by (yes i know i say this a lot but i just feel very strongly)#also working on this has reminded me of how much i love to draw minato. so hopefully i can draw more of him soon bc he sparks joy for me!!#had 2 get these kkon related arts out of my system b4 working on some other stuff! some of these are scuffed but it's w/e#sometimes i like to draw just so that i have an excuse to talk in the tags / keep reading. LMAO. but dont tell anyone i said that... lol/s
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[cw vent: chronic illness, general world politics mention w no detail)
"man. i'm so tired. i feel like i can't do anything selfship related. is it because my energy's been sapped from family visiting and everyone wanting to do ~summer activities~ nonstop? am i so in my head about "getting ren's story right without stepping over any lines" that i've backed myself into a perfectionist corner? is the world just going to shit so hard that i can't have one (1) minute of escape on this blog before going back to working through the political hellscape we're in? god even trying to make this plushie pattern is killing me even though i want to hold my guy So Badly AUGH."
/finishes the plushie pattern after trying multiple body bases and literally buying a japanese ebook about plushie face and hair design/
"actually what if i lived forever and spent all of that time making an army of these fuckers to swim in? what then?"
#obviously tagging this as#vent -#lol. lmao. anyway.#when i say i spent all day on this... jumping from base to base trying to find one that worked well for what i wanted#and had the right face shape and the easiest way to map a face onto it and know it'll look Right when embroidered...#and then i just caved and bought a book i'd been looking at since i started making mini ren lol#(by p.iyo p.icco -- their y.outube videos influenced mini ren's design and i plan to give that credit once i post final pics#along with the person who made the 10cm doll base i used.)#and it took so much effort and i kept thinking about how Fucking Tired i am and how frustrating it is that playing cards w family#means i have to spend 2 days recovering bc sitting up + in a chair w no good support + mental games + being social = negative battery.#and then i keep going in circles about ren's backstory and the whole 'this is a story about conditions i have but for anyone#who doesn't know me it DEFINITELY reads like a gross story about a stigmatized condition i DON'T have so i have to tread#very carefully when writing about it... but i don't practice writing like i practice art so i'm simply not at the skill level#to navigate that and it makes me feel like i can't post any of that until i figure it out' Thing...#but i DID finish my plushie pattern. and i will start on it sometime this week? depending on Factors? and if i reeeeally like how it#turns out i might buy The Plushie Making Fabric™... i checked at a craft store and buying 1/4yd of both fabrics won't break the bank...#and then i could make all of his AU selves w different expressions 😏#anyway. recovery officially starts in a few days (doc appts and pest control coming over this week + dogsitting in a few days.#not great for recovery lol lmao.) so hopefully i'll be more Around here by this weekend. idk. don't hold me to that kjsndkjn#i might get sucked into plushie making again and disappear for 3 days straight kjsdnfkjsdnf ;;;#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]
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I've just spent the time ever so slightly tweaking my uhhh, very extensive masterlist for those who haven't seen it yet/wasn't aware it existed!!
#when i say 'very extensive': if i had to hazard a guess i probably have 200+ full fics on there lmao#i added a key to it to try making it a bit easier to read/make more sense#so hopefully that's worked!!#but yeah go check it out if you like :)
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🤧 man. I’m gonna figure out the right order of words and punctuations for this thing I’m still working on writing and then it’ll be over. For. Probably me. LMAO.
#and then. and then !!!!! I’ll delay posting even longer while I chew on more details and things I want to include in it until it’s#been beaten to death in my mind and I no longer want anything to do with it (hopefully this does not happen)#feelin so frustrated tho I banged out a pretty good dialogue and read the whole thing in context today#and it doesn’t work AT all I gotta write a different dialogue. toss the baby and the bath water.#which is annoying because I felt like I was finally reaching the end of the tunnel lmao. ah well. back to ruminating and rotating.
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noping out li k e
#in other news i just realised that i do not have any clean bgs for lxl’s lesson room from honeypre and i. just. lolllll#i have like a million screenshots of literally every other place in honeypre b u t lxl’s lesson room. that’s just. lmaoooooo#ueueueurhdhchjdsjs w h a t e v e r no one’s gonna care about every single screen transition in ny aizo anyway#(as though anyone would even read it lol)#anyway. um. the chlorpheniramine isn’t working and my nose is still running from my allergies#soooo ig i’ll try to get chapter 1 of ny aizo done while i’m still unable to sleep lol. i really need to buy more antihistamines……….#or maybe i should just splurge on a vacuum cleaner to succcccc up all the dust so that i won’t have to buy allergy meds again…#y ea h that sounds like a plan. go me im so smart omg#i should totally get the one that looks like a bazooka… but hopefully i won’t get too lazy to use it lol#hm. anyway. i should get back to ny aizo. lmao.#染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—
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This feels like the stupidest conversation I've ever written.
It makes me laugh, though, so I guess it's staying! ^_^
(The context is that Mario just found out Bowser had a crush on Luigi about 10-ish minutes after Mario left Luigi to hang out with Bowser for reasons detailed in this fic I wrote a while ago)
#listen i needed a reason why Mario doesn't immediately go back to get Luigi out of brotherly over-protectiveness#because otherwise the OG fic would break and that would be sad (the events have to line up!)#but also i love the idea of Peach having silly commentary and knowledge about Bowser#because she (mostly unwillingly) knows him so well after getting kidnapped by him so many times (also she read his diary)#idk i feel like i give Bowser and Peach an interesting relationship in my fics hopefully i can poke at that some more in the future haha#anyway in other news i'm working on Egg Fic No. 2 and it's going great as you can see!!!! \^o^/#hopefully i can finish the bulk of it before smrpg comes out lmao#i've just got the last third of the last chapter to go!#mlv.txt
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I’ve seen so many people complaining about Kirk saying “I’m from space” because no “He’s from Iowa. He only works in outer space.” *rolls eyes*
ignoring the fact he’s just trying to be funny with Gillian in TVH, pre-TMP Kirk spent most of his life in space, he lived there, so encountering something he wouldn’t encounter on a space ship making him say “I’m from space” tracks imho
Whereas by TVH, Kirk only worked in space occasionally. For the past 10 years he had a desk job, and Generations even said he had retired from Starfleet (pre-TWOK) - he bought a house, had a dog, and had a girlfriend. He didn’t spend much time in space at all.
Therefore “I only work in outer space” makes sense when he’s 52yo.
#also there's no guarantee that that kirk is actually prime kirk. he's wearing captain stripes - could be time travel could be alternate#universe. who even knows without watching it lol#but it still tracks#and also if he and la'an time travel to the past then it makes even more sense for him to just be like 'i'm from space' to la'an#snw nonsense#tos nonsense#But also like people change. Why would you want him to parrot lines.#anyway in this house we respect snw kirk#< hopefully i won't regret this LMAO#but i'm very good with making stuff work for me lol#people: snw and disco don't fit with tos#me: i'll make it fit :D#it's not like i don't have to do it with tos itself#because i don't care about visuals or the universe as a whole. i mostly care about characters and their development#(i should not be allowed reading other people's opinions and complaints lol)#jim kirk
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The world isn't ready for all my amazing and wonderful takes on media but maybe my OCs will make them understand...
#I have a whole Thing where just#I get misunderstood a lot there's only a handful of people who get me and even still there's this air of mystery#which tbf idk how my brain even works sometimes it just has a mind of it's own#anyway I do want people to be able to understand me PURELY bcuz the people who misunderstand me are like#actively annoying about it or straight up malicious and I mean I don't expect them to really ever understand#cuz most of them aren't open to it or are too stubborn to change their mind or just past experiences cause for them to feel a certain way#or we are simply too different as people for them to get it sometimes people just aren't compatible#I just wish people didn't make it /my/ problem when /they/ don't understand me lmao#I'm simply built different 👊😌#in general I enjoy a different perspective on things and I wish other people would also view things in that way#like you don't have to understand just accept it like people Exist and they are simply like that sometime#you might never be able to fully grasp the confines of another person's brain but you can make an effort to just accept them#or at least accept that That is the way they are etc etc cuz like of someone is different than you and it's nothing bad like#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I dunno what the fuss would be about they are simply different than you#...which is normal since everyone is unique in their own way#anyway I give some of my OCs aspects of myself that people tend to not understand so I can dive into that more#and hopefully come to soms sort of understanding or at the very least see what kinda messed up stuff people have to say abt it lmao#like if anyone does some sort of analysis abt my OCs and is just like This person is the devil in secret read between the lines#then like I know exactly how that person is and how they would act towards me as well LMAO life hax#obviously that is an exaggeration but it's prolly safe to say we would not get along#I also try to have my OCs having traits that I see very commonly in other people to see how many people can relate to that stuff#like there's a lot to it lmao I would enjoy seeing the effects of characters#like I don't just do it for other people I also do it for myself in an attempt to understand how other people work#cuz just there's some common stuff I see in people that I lack and don't have that issue#makes it hard to understand or comfort those people especially when idk what specifically they would want in that moment#I'm more of a distraction vs a comforter and all my comfort is logic based in order to ground people#bcuz idk how the person feels in that moment since it's an issue I don't have#anyway that's another reason I try and make characters like that cuz I wanna be able to better understand that stuff
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