#hopefully i've made my point eloquently enough

[serandipity]

I gotta be honest here, those anons are not trying to do anything "therapist" related. I really doubt any of those anons knew that the cause was traumatic or how traumatic. It's unreasonable to expect them to know that when they just expressed that they were concerned. They were just trying to be supportive and offer a kindness. Your comments, and the comments left by the others on that ask, did nothing but prove that anon right in their fears, and is probably why they were on anon to BEGIN with. They probably didn't want their name attached to it out of fear that they would be treated that way and it just never go away.

I get that you're irritated, but I really doubt all those anons had bad intentions. They didn't understand the details and were hoping for nice things for Benji in the future. Attacking them and using phrases like holy fuck like they had just insulted Benji and sent some disgusting anon hate is exactly how you get people traumatized to not want to interact with other people in the rpc. Upsetting someone for not understanding something that you guys had not been public with is not the answer. Nobody even mentioned a word about how that last anon was leaving kind words and just expressing worry.

You know what it's like to have been badgered and chased out and stressed and anxious. Why would you do that to someone else? Because they're on anon? So there's no name attached to whoever is on the receiving end of how people just reacted to them trying to be nice? They weren't scolding anyone, and your reactions and all those reactions on those replies just proved that anon's point that they should be expecting the worst out of people, because that's exactly what they got for trying to hope better for someone.

This isn't anon hate. I just don't think it's acceptable to treat someone that way just because you don't know who it is. This is not how you get sympathy and understanding for your own trauma or your friend's. It's how you inflict it on other people while shielding yourself from criticism under the blanket of your own trauma. You just explained that you guys had people who treated you a certain way because they could get their backup on you. You know what those replies in that ask look like? A bunch of backup trying to chase that anon and the other ones out. Your trauma is valid, but so is theirs. Now their trauma has been completely justified by the same people who will talk badly about the people who hurt you guys.

Sorry this is long, and I'm sure you're going to be pissed off about it, but it needed to be said, because none of what just happened to that human being just because they used anon is ok. I'm sorry that stuff happened to you guys. I'm also sorry that whole thing just happened to that anon over something that could have been easily resolved with kind words and understanding.

So, I'm not going to delete this and make some vague post about coming to me off anon. I am going to dissect this and respond to this because I'm not Benji. We already have a pretty good idea of who this may potentially be, but it matters not. I'm going to do my best to eloquently explain why people got as upset as they did. I'm not going to call anyone names or be "rude" or "mean". You did your best to type out your opinions and I'm going to respond to it.

I gotta be honest here, those anons are not trying to do anything "therapist" related. I really doubt any of those anons knew that the cause was traumatic or how traumatic. It's unreasonable to expect them to know that when they just expressed that they were concerned. They were just trying to be supportive and offer a kindness. Your comments, and the comments left by the others on that ask, did nothing but prove that anon right in their fears, and is probably why they were on anon to BEGIN with. They probably didn't want their name attached to it out of fear that they would be treated that way and it just never go away.

No one is out here literally claiming you were acting like a therapist. The tone may not be conveyed, but it's hyperbole. What the anon was doing was giving unsolicited advice on a meme that was meant for well wishes for the New Year. Unsolicited advice in general is seen as a social faux pax of sorts. Benji knows she has an issue with DM's. It's something she's been actively working on. She's been very open about it. Hell, I've been open about how we had a bad experience and if you followed me you likely would have seen some posts referencing it? But okay, let's just assume you never saw anything about: why is it your place to offer advice to a person you barely know? I saw the comments there. No one was even as remotely mean as they could have been. Most were expressing confusion over why the anon felt the need to give Benji long unsolicited advice about how she just needed to get over something she was having trouble with. If the anon was so afraid of having their name attached to it, then maybe they should have rethought sending it in the first place? What happened to "if you can't say it to someone's face don't say it at all?" Even if there wasn't trauma associated with it, that's still not an acceptable thing to do? Benji has been very open about having social anxiety. She's reiterated it constantly. All you've essentially done is tell someone to get over their "social anxiety" in that instance. That's not okay. Well intentioned bad advice is still bad advice.

I get that you're irritated, but I really doubt all those anons had bad intentions. They didn't understand the details and were hoping for nice things for Benji in the future. Attacking them and using phrases like holy fuck like they had just insulted Benji and sent some disgusting anon hate is exactly how you get people traumatized to not want to interact with other people in the rpc. Upsetting someone for not understanding something that you guys had not been public with is not the answer. Nobody even mentioned a word about how that last anon was leaving kind words and just expressing worry.

If the anon is that upset by the phrase "holy fuck" then that's their problem not mine. I've made no secret I swear like a sailor. All this reads like is tone policing someone for being angry their partner was driven to tears by someone's "concern". Have you ever heard the phrase "hell is paved with good intentions"? Yeah, apt here. Intention doesn't matter when your advice was poorly timed and tone deaf. I don't care how much you claim to have "cared or felt concern" for Benji. Just because you feel concern for someone doesn't mean you cannot cause harm. That's the thing though: we have been public. I made a post not even two weeks ago that the issue had come up again? Like we've been very public about the issues we had with our last rpc. But even if we hadn't been, does that give this person the right to give unsolicited advice Benji was not asking for that was tantamount to just "I understand how you feel but you need to just get over it you'll have a better experience if you do. Well wishes for 2025 though!" Do you seriously hear yourself right now?

This isn't anon hate. I just don't think it's acceptable to treat someone that way just because you don't know who it is. This is not how you get sympathy and understanding for your own trauma or your friend's. It's how you inflict it on other people while shielding yourself from criticism under the blanket of your own trauma. You just explained that you guys had people who treated you a certain way because they could get their backup on you. You know what those replies in that ask look like? A bunch of backup trying to chase that anon and the other ones out. Your trauma is valid, but so is theirs. Now their trauma has been completely justified by the same people who will talk badly about the people who hurt you guys.

I don't think this is anon hate, but rather I think you're defending someone who you're probably friends with and they were probably made upset that people thought their "good intentions" were misplaced and unwarranted. Several people sent Benji messages about her issues with DM's and all it comes across is someone badgering Benji about her trauma. She knows she has an issue. She doesn't need people on anon reminding her over and over that she is not healing fast enough from an issue that has caused her no source of frustration and pain. And again, assume the only thing you knew about Benji was that DM's terrified her. That still would not give you the right to go on anon and say "Hey you just need to get over this because you'll have a better experience" because has that kind of advice ever helped anyone? Ever?

You cannot cry "but the anon's trauma" when the anon was the one who didn't stop for two seconds to think that perhaps Benji's aversion to DM's is not normal and the result of a long standing mental health issue. That and the follow up anon that Benji received were centering the anon's feelings and not Benji's (and arguably her feelings should be centered because its her own god damn inbox). I don't go into other people's inbox, leave them vaguely critical messages and when people don't respond to it in the way they want cry "BUT I HAVE TRAUMA". That's not how this works and that's why that follow up anon was a super bad apology. It reaked of centering their own upset and how they felt unsafe over the fact that they drove Benji to tears. "A bunch of back-ups literally going to drive that person out". Not a single one of those replies come even close to badgering a person and driving them out. If you're that thin-skinned then you shouldn't be offering people advice in the first place. No one directed anything at the anon. They were giving support to Benji as friends are allowed to do when their friend is upset. Of course, people are going to comfort someone when they're upset and not the anon who upset them?

And may I reiterate:

They can walk away from it and not face any repercussions. If they chose to come off anon to talk to Benji, Benji would not have dragged them through the mud on the dash, and you wanna know how I know that? Because she still refuses to name the people who put her through hell six months ago. We're not children. We're adults, but when someone comes to us, refuses to talk to either of us off anon about some advice that no one asked for and upset Benji, like?

Sorry this is long, and I'm sure you're going to be pissed off about it, but it needed to be said, because none of what just happened to that human being just because they used anon is ok. I'm sorry that stuff happened to you guys. I'm also sorry that whole thing just happened to that anon over something that could have been easily resolved with kind words and understanding.

Here's the thing: you are probably friends with that anon, and that anon was probably upset their advice was not well received and may feel upset and humiliated about it.

However, that does not mean what they did was okay.

Well intentioned or not, if this person was so concerned about Benji's wellbeing and her inability to handle DM's, you know what they could have done? They could have come to me privately and offered advice I could have passed on to Benji. Hiding thinly veiled criticism behind well wishes and then getting upset when people do not like what is being said means they should probably be taking a long hard look at themselves before offering anyone else advice.

That follow up anon especially could have been a "sorry I kind of overstepped my bounds by offering advice without really understanding the specific set of circumstances that led you to this point" instead of an entire essay about how people were "rude" to them and made them feel unsafe. Because that's expecting the person they upset to center their feelings when the anon was the one who upset Benji. You don't get to upset someone and then expect them to center your feelings. That makes for a really poor apology.

The offer to come talk to us OFF anon privately is still there and we will gladly keep any names out of it as we have ALWAYS done.

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

Hey hon, I know I posted an answer to your ask, but I wanted to tell you how much I'm thinking about you right now. I sat down to start writing on a Doctor Strange piece and had to pause when I mentioned him thinking about the reader being beautiful. It made me think about you and how happy your ask made me earlier. I wish I could find the words to express my gratitude completely, but there would be much too long of a paragraph left in your inbox for you to read. I think about you daily and pray for your safety and happiness, just as you do for me. I really consider you a huge inspiration in my life and one of my most treasured friends, whom I know I could turn to if I ever needed support for any reason. I only wish we could speak outside of here so that the shadow ban would not be in our way. Seriously Tumblr, what the hell? I was out on Monday, looking for place mats for my dining room table for the holiday and I paused when I saw a mug sitting on a shelf. It's a yellow, white speckled mug, big enough to fit in both of my hands and usually that wouldn't make me pause, as I'm not usually a big coffee drinker. But when I saw the words on it - those three simple words - I began to cry. It was a message, I knew, and I felt in my heart it was from you.

"So Very Blessed." It sounded like your name, and I immediately said, "Oh my god, Beauty." I grabbed that mug off of the shelf so quickly that I think I scared the woman that was down the aisle from me. Hopefully she's okay haha! Now that cup sits here beside me, steaming full of tea and warming me both heart and soul as I write about our shared muse. I don't believe in coincidences, so I knew that this mug was meant for me and I had to tell you. Thank you, V.

I'm so humbled by this, and have marveled over it for days, dumbfounded for a reply eloquent enough to suit your lovely thoughts and stellar opinion! Honestly, I don't think I've done anything special--except perhaps as the gift of internet anonymity frees us to be our best selves if we dare, I've let my heart and better angels lead me (when in the 'real world' I falter daily!). I can't imagine being anyone's 'inspiration', but I do my best to give comfort where it's needed--yet the kindness and understanding you've shown me outshines all, especially at this challenging, at times demoralizing, point of my life. You have a deep heart and you love without hesitation, and even though you've suffered pain and loss, you will continue to. That takes courage and the ability to hope, which I admire greatly, my friend!

The Mug- have to say I heartily believe that the Universe gives us affirmations when our eyes and hearts are open to accept them. I've had many such experiences (again, many since I've been made homeless and am working to find my way back to equilibrium). I will treasure your story and your friendship, and because of these and more, know that I too, am

So Very Blessed🥰

[de-sire-blog]

I'll definitely let you know when I've read some of your other works! I always find myself a bit embarrassed to comment on fics on ao3 because I never feel like I'm eloquent enough to do such lovely pieces of art justice! It's so difficult to capture how much they've made me feel but i know that's just me overthinking things,, i want authors to get feedback and recognition for the wonderful things they do so I'm trying to work on it through anons at least! I already know I'll want to reread BA at some point so hopefully by the time I do, I'll have the courage to properly comment on it! :) <3

Oh, I promise you, authors on AO3 don't expect you to write a full-on review! Even though it's incredible when sometimes people do that. Honestly, we'll be happy with whatever, so don't be shy :))

But my anon ask box is always open for you, of course <3

Thank you so much!