#hope you're keeping your head above water anon. thanks for shooting a message my way.

[quietroadkill]

Hey, I've been reading your posts. I'm sorry you're hurting. I hope one day the world will be kind to you and you'll be at peace. ����

thank you. I'll start tagging it "#hurtposting" so folks can filter my babbling nonsense out.

-> I forget that people look at my blog at all, I'm used to yelling into a void. I follow people and am genuinely confused when they follow me back. very isolated mindset, comes with the territory (mental illness) I guess. I spent most of my life not really being acknowledged and never adjusted to I Do Exist Actually, so I tend to post erratic stuff to clear my head & sort out my own thoughts.

I am hoping you yourself are well, or at least treading water. I know things suck right now. sometimes all you can do is try to find little things to propel you forward. it's like rock climbing, just look for the next grip, then the next. I hope you're at least surviving, if you can't thrive right now. I hope this doesn't sound too saccharine and fraudulent. it's all I have.

(original response:)

thank you. sorry you had to read my weird spiralling. my life has been very rough & it takes a toll on a person to live like that. and I kept it bottled for a long time because nobody intervened and helped me; so I eventually just checked out of my own life to survive. but now I'm living with the aftermath of it all.

I don't think anything will ever improve for me. I think it's impossible, maybe I am cursed or just not human. but I am hopeful for other people and I dearly wish them all well. other people find pockets of happiness or comfort so it must be real for real people. I've accepted it, that unobtainable state of being others seem to find, but grief isn't a neat cycle you finish and are done with - the anger comes back, the depression comes back, the bargaining comes back, 🔁🔁🔁

I know the world is a very cruel & often inexplicable place to live in. any slice anyone can carve out to live in... they deserve to have. and I hope it finds people, that semblance of peace.

I think at least I'll be at peace some day, as rest comes for us all. I just wish there was something other than waiting for the pain to be over. something to justify the pain? -> something to have made surviving it at all worth it. you know? I don't know. whatever. I'm tired. I've always been tired. I want to rest. I'm always resting. 🔁🔁🔁