#honk honk that's the sound of me tooting my own horn

[postalninja]

There it is! Final chapter is posted! *not me eyeing my ao3 inbox in anticipation while cackling to myself*

[jungshookz]

smitten: jungkook's date is tonight but y/n's more stressed about it than he is

➺ pairing; jeon jungkook x reader

➺ genre; smitten!miniseries!! bff!kook & smitten!y/n!! university!au!! honk honk humour!! the boo hoo angsty wattpad-energy fic of your dreams!! unrequited love!! so much pining!! it hurts so bad but that's what makes it so good!! yoongi should really mind his own business!!

➺ wordcount; 6.5k

➺ summary; jungkook's dream date with ji-eun is tonight and y/n's going to do everything in her power to make sure everything goes perfectly.

➺ what to expect; "we've been planning and preparing for this date for the past week, jungkook. i'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that things go according to plan. your date is going to be perfect.”

➺ currently spinning on the record player; i wish [one direction]

➺ smitten: part one [the almost confession]; part two [the incriminating note]

»»————- ♥ ————-««

“pepperoni to garlic knot- pepperoni to garlic knot- come in- are you there?" 

the sound of the walkie talkie crackling to life makes you perk up and you reach behind to pull it out from your back pocket, pressing down on the side button with your thumb before bringing it up to your mouth

“garlic knot to pepperoni- i'm here." you bite back a grin at the silly nicknames jungkook insisted on using before speaking up again, "the last of the fairy lights have been strung up, by the way! over." 

“oh, sick!" jungkook gasps lightly, "okay, i need you to come down and help me because i've been trying to tie this tie for the last, like, half an hour and at this point i’m just going to have to wave a white flag and surrender. over.” 

"roger that. i'm coming down." you tuck the walkie talkie into your pocket again before letting out a sigh and looking around the rooftop setup with your hands on your hips 

you must admit it looks really good (as it should, because you've literally been setting everything up since this morning and it's about 5:30pm now)

the bubble tent's been blown up and you made it all comfy and cozy inside with fluffed up pillows and soft throw blankets 

you strung the fairy lights up on the clotheslines and you made sure to use fresh batteries for them so that they'll last all night 

and the little round table that jungkook and ji-eun will be eating dinner at was a little wobbly but that problem was easily fixed with some blu-tak 

the happy smile on your face twitches slightly when the realization that you spent the entire day setting up a date that you're not even a part of hits you

"…oh, you silly girl.” you can't help but snort as you shake your head and turn around to head towards the rooftop door so you can go to jungkook’s apartment, "you silly, silly girl-" 

all of this time

all of this effort

all of this everything for a boy you like who you know for sure doesn't like you back because if he liked you back he wouldn’t have asked someone else out

what exactly do you think the end result is here?

what exactly do you think you're gaining out of this?

literally nothing!!!!

so why are you doing all of this??

"because i'm a big ol' simp with no backbone, apparently-" you mutter under your breath as you open the door to jungkook's apartment, forcing the frown off your face and replacing it with an easygoing smile 

you may be a simp with no backbone but…

well, no

that’s it. there’s nothing else to say. 

"y/n? that you?" 

"yeah! sorry, probably should’ve knocked or something- also, not to toot my own horn or anything, but i did a fantastic job with the decorations! i could be a party planner or something if this whole school thing doesn’t work out-” you kick the door shut behind you before looking around for jungkook, "where are you?" 

"gimme a sec! i'm, like- i'm almost done, just wait-" 

you plop down on the couch and tilt your head back to look up at the ceiling before letting out another quiet sigh 

this is why you need to be constantly busy doing things, because if you get even a moment of peace, you start to think and think and think and you hate being alone with your thoughts because your brain starts to mock you and berate you and say things like hey, y/n? you have a paper due at midnight tonight that you're only halfway done with but instead you're prioritizing being a wingwoman to a boy who's head over heels in love with someone else-

"okay, hi!" you jolt in surprise at the sound of jungkook's voice from behind you and you're about to turn around when suddenly he speaks up again, "hold on! close your eyes until i tell you to open them."

"what? why?" you frown as you settle back against the couch again and shut your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest, “i already know what you’re going to wear, i’m the one that picked the outfit for you anyway-”

"i know, but surprises are fun-" you hear the shuffling of material and you resist the urge to turn around immediately as your impatience grows, "okay, i think that looks fine. turn around!" 

"i really don't know why you had to prepare me to see you in-" you twist your upper half around so you can finally look at jungkook and almost immediately you feel your heart skip a beat at the sight 

the crisp white button-up tucked into a pair of slacks are a stark contrast to the outfits you're so used to seeing jungkook in because most of the time he's drowning in a sweatshirt that's ten sizes too big for him and some slouchy cargo pants and a pair of chunky black stompers

but this? this is…

oh, wow.

"so?" jungkook's being uncharacteristically shy with you as he averts his gaze and reaches down to fiddle with one of the buttons on his shirt, "how… do i look?" 

"-handsome." you blurt out, shaking yourself out of your slight daze as you get up from the couch so you can go over to him, "you look- you look very handsome, jungkook. you- yeah, you look very handsome.” you press your lips together, unsure if you should say anything else because you’re not sure where the line is between being a supportive friend or just ogling your friend like he’s a piece of meat 

it's when you find yourself looking down at your own outfit (jeans and a t-shirt and socks with a hole on the right heel) that the little voice in the back of your head reminds you of the reality of the situation: that he's looking very handsome not for you, but for ji-eun, and in this moment you wish there was a way to just shut your brain off to cease all cruel thoughts 

jungkook looks very nice. just focus on one thing at a time. 

“oh my god-“ jungkook's nose immediately scrunches up before he lets out a little laugh, "you're totally hitting on me right now, you weirdo- you look very handsome, jungkook-” he mocks you in a higher voice and you can’t help but feel a little dejected that this is how he reacts to a genuine compliment from you 

if anything, it’s more confirmation you didn’t need that jungkook most definitely doesn’t feel the same way about you  

"well, i-" you stop yourself from walking any closer to him as you feel your entire face flush bright red, "i- well, i’m trying to be supportive here… you look nice, i’m not gonna be an asshole and say you look bad for this date-” you force out a nervous laugh as you reach up to rub the back of your neck, "whatever, you look fine-" 

“thank you, i just- i’m not used to compliments but anyway-” jungkook interrupts you (thankfully, otherwise you definitely would’ve continued to babble and babble and babble) to hold up a black tie, "you need to help me with this." 

"you know, i… i actually don't think you need the tie?" you tilt your head a little as you look over jungkook's outfit, "i think you'll look better without it on, and a tie seems a little too formal for the date- can i-" you shuffle forwards slightly before undoing a couple of buttons on jungkook's shirt and spreading the collar open a little, jungkook raising his head a bit so you can work your magic 

"you really think this looks better?” he asks quietly, and your eyes flicker up to meet his for a brief second before you quickly look back down at your fumbling fingers 

"yea,” you respond, pressing your lips together as you smooth out the collar before taking the tie from his hand, tossing it over your shoulder and stepping back to look at your work, "yeah. that's much better. okay, put the suit jacket on, lemme see the whole look-"

"dude, i've been, like- so nervous all day." jungkook lets out a breath as he pulls the suit jacket up off the back of the couch, "like- okay, obviously ji-eun and i get along really well in real life, but this is the first time we'll be in, like, a romantic setting, you know? like romantic on purpose.“ 

"it'll be fine. i mean, you already got through the hardest bit which was asking her out-" you shrug as you lean against the back of the couch and cross an ankle over the other, "and she said yes, so… obviously you're doing something right. you’re gonna be fine, you just have first date jitters! everyone gets the first date jitters.” 

"i know, but-" he smooths the sleeves of the suit jacket out before looking back over at you, "ah, i don't know. i just feel like i'm gonna screw up somehow, you know?" 

"you won’t,” you shake your head before offering him a smile, "just be yourself! don't put too much pressure on, like- on acting like how you think she wants you to act, you know what i mean? just be yourself. she likes you, jungkook. you're a total catch, so-" you cut yourself off before you wander into the ‘you’re a total catch which is actually the reason why i’m in love with you' portion of your pep-talk as you get up off the couch, "yeah! just- just relax. everything's going to go perfectly tonight. and like i was saying when i first walked in here, not to toot my own horn or anything but the rooftop looks immaculate.”  

“i’m sure it does! i can’t wait to see it-“ jungkook pauses all of a sudden, his eyes widening in realization, "oh, shit!"

you don't even get the chance to ask him what's wrong before he starts to spiral and you blink rapidly at the sudden change in behaviour 

"oh my god.” jungkook slaps his hand against his forehead, “i- fuck, i forgot to pick up the flowers and the- oh my god, i knew i forgot to do something today!" he gawks, pulling his phone out of his back pocket, "shit! shit, shit- damnit, i was gonna pick them up this morning and then i went to the gym and i forgot-" 

“i-" you’re slightly startled at how stressed he is over some flowers and you can’t help but chuckle, “there’s even a little sticky note on the fridge to remind you-”

"i know!” jungkook whines, “i know, i don't know, i guess it just slipped my mind because i've literally been thinking about this date all week-“ he sucks some air in through his teeth before shaking his head, “okay, i guess i can just head over there right now and then come back-”

"woah, woah-" you skid over and press a hand to jungkook's chest to keep him from bolting out the door, “what are you talking about? you can't leave now! it's- it's 5:45- and not to mention, it's literally rush hour so the highways are probably all clogged up right now and- ji-eun's going to be here in half an hour so you'll never make it back in time and your suit's going to get all wrinkled because you'll be all cramped up on the bus-" 

"y/n, the flowers and the teddy bear are two essential parts of the date,” jungkook looks at you with wide eyes, clearly desperate to leave the apartment, “i’m not gonna have anything to give her when she arrives, she can’t show up only for me to be empty handed-”

"hey, relax!” you snap, softening your tone when jungkook’s shoulders droop slightly, “listen, you are not going to leave the apartment because ji-eun is coming and i’m sure she’ll be disappointed if she finds me on the rooftop instead of you. this is what’s going to happen: you’re going to sit here and wait for ji-eun, i’m going to go and pick up the flowers and the teddy bear, and then you can give them to her after the date. it’s going to be fine, you are literally being so dramatic right now-”

"but-" 

"look, i'm sure ji-eun isn't going to throw a tantrum if you don't present her with a bouquet of flowers at the beginning of the date- if she did, that’d be kind of odd but that’s not the point- the point is, it'll be fine. you go on your date, i’ll pick them up." 

"yeah, but-!" 

"kook, i've got it, alright?" you back away from him slowly but you keep your arm extended to make sure he doesn't move, "i'll take care of everything, you know i can handle it- just- i'm gonna go now and then- i'll leave behind the rooftop door as soon as i get them, okay? and i'll text you so that you'll know they're there-" 

"y/n…" jungkook chews on the inside of his cheek anxiously, guilt swirling around in his eyes, "you've already done so much for me, i can't ask you to-"

"we've been planning and preparing for this date for the past week, jungkook. i'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that things go according to plan. your date is going to be perfect.”

“are you sure? i feel bad, i feel like you did so much and-”

“i’m sure, jungkook-" you interrupt him again before turning to grab your jacket off coat rack, “the only thing you have to think about tonight is how you’re going to charm ji-eun — and to be honest, you don’t even need to think about it because all you have to do is be yourself! now sit down and try to relax. and try not to wrinkle your shirt, i spent way too long ironing it earlier."

»»————- ♥ ————-««

your nose crinkles slightly as you look up at the sky, your brows knitting together in concern at the light grey clouds hanging in the air

the forecast did say it would be cloudy today (and it has been cool and cloudy all day) but you’re hoping it doesn’t rain because if it rains that’ll completely ruin the date and jungkook will probably be electrocuted by the fairy lights if he touched them 

of course, jungkook and ji-eun can take cover in that bubble tent if it starts to rain, but hopefully it doesn’t… (why are you so hellbent on making sure this date is going to go smoothly?! you might as well plan their wedding for them as well at this rate.) 

you perk up when you see the bus you’re supposed to take rounding the corner and you fumble in your purse for your bus card, stepping up to the stop eagerly

your phone buzzes in your pocket and you pull it out once you plop yourself down in a seat in the back  

from: jungkook (5:58pm) — Holy shit I’m acc so nervous 

from: jungkook (5:58pm) — What if this goes horribly 

you can’t help but roll your eyes at how panicky jungkook is being because he really has no reason to be nervous 

all he had to do was dress himself and make himself presentable because you were the one who did all the hard work of setting up (to be fair, you insisted on setting up alone because you like things done a certain way and jungkook seemed too jittery to focus) 

to: jungkook (5:58pm) — you’re literally going to be fine

to: jungkook (5:58pm) — it’s going to be fine 

to: jungkook (5:58pm) —  you already know she likes you 

to: jungkook (5:59pm)— just think of this as another one of your hangouts but you guys are dressed more fancy and you’re on a rooftop for some reason LOL 

from: jungkook (5:59pm) — Okay 

from: jungkook (5:59pm) — She says she’s almost here

from: jungkook (5:59pm) — Do you think I should’ve picked her up instead of her meeting me here 

to: jungkook (5:59pm) — …you rented out a rooftop for her i think she’ll survive 

you pause, setting your phone face down on your lap before letting out a yawn and leaning your head against the window

you got up far too early this morning and the gentle rumbling of the bus down the highway is very soothing

google maps said the journey to your stop was about 38 minutes which means you have approximately 35 minutes to take a quick nap and the remaining 3 minutes to wake yourself up so you won’t be too groggy after hopping off the bus 

you’ve worked hard today, so you deserve a little snooze! 

your right eye peels open when your phone buzzes again

from: jungkook (6:04pm) — Omg she’s here early 

from: jungkook (6:04pm) — Okay 

from: jungkook (6:04pm) — Wish me luck and also thank you for everything you are the best 

a smile twitches at the corner of your mouth and you can’t help but think to yourself that yes, i am kind of the best, aren’t i? 

to: jungkook (6:04pm) — yes yes 

to: jungkook (6:04pm) — good luck! 

to: jungkook (6:04pm)— :-) 

another yawn slips past your lips and you tuck your phone into your purse before leaning your head against the window again and shutting your eyes 

an additional benefit to getting some sleep on the bus is so that your brain won’t start to flood with reminders that jungkook doesn’t like you like that and that you are currently sitting on a bus going to get flowers for him to give to another girl- 

okay, that’s enough of that, your teeth grit together slightly and you clear your throat, crossing one leg over the other as you get settled into the stiff, itchy seats, a quick power nap and then the overthinking can begin again. 

»»————- ♥ ————-««

“excuse me-” 

your eyes open immediately at the feeling of someone shaking your shoulder and you sit up straight, clutching your purse tighter to your body as you look up to see the bus driver smiling down at you in mild concern 

“morning!” he jokes, raising an eyebrow before clicking his tongue and nodding towards the opened doors, “end of the line, miss. gonna have to ask you hop off.”

what? 

in your half-asleep state you can’t help but wonder what you’re doing on a bus and where you were meant to be going in the first place… is the date over? are you heading home? 

“end of the-“ your heart plummets to your stomach at the realization that you took more than just a little snooze because you are, in fact, at the end of the line when you were supposed to be at the flower shop and heading back to jungkook’s apartment now, “wait, end of the line?!”

“i’m guessing you missed your stop? happens a lot when people fall asleep on the bus.” 

“i- yes-“ you pull your phone out to check the time (and your heart nearly stops beating when you see that it’s 7:13), “i was supposed to get off at crown street, how far are we from crown street?” 

“not too far-“ the bus driver hums, “about fifteen-“

“minutes?” you get up from the seat, starting to make your way towards the door but still looking at the driver

“blocks.” he sucks some air in through his teeth, “fifteen blocks away. if you walk from here, it’ll probably take you about… twenty-ish minutes or so to get to the crown street stop-”

“twenty-ish minutes, twenty minutes is nothing, i can make it in ten if i sprint-“ you mutter to yourself, pulling your purse up over your shoulder and turning to smile at the bus driver before hopping off, “thank you, sir, enjoy the rest of your night-!” 

it’s only a second later that you find yourself sprinting down the sidewalk, your runners smacking loudly against the concrete as you keep your purse tucked tightly underneath your armpit

unbelievable! something just had to go wrong tonight, didn’t it?

and it certainly doesn’t help that it’s drizzling right now — you don’t even have an umbrella with you! 

“so stupid, shouldn’t have fallen asleep-“ you look up briefly when you hear a rumble of thunder, stopping at the crosswalk and slapping the button multiple times as if it’s going to make the walk sign appear faster, “c’mon, c’mon…”

you jolt when a flash of lightning lights up the sky before suddenly- 

“oh, come ON!” rain suddenly starts to pour down from the sky and you resist the urge to just fall to the ground and completely give up because it seems like the universe is actively trying to tell you that what you’re doing is clownish behaviour and you need to stand up 

of course, because one of your more prominent traits is your innate stubbornness, you pull your purse off your shoulder and raise it above your head as if it’s going to stop you from getting completely soaked 

rainwater starts to flood into your shoes as you jog across the street and the feeling of your socks increasingly getting wet sends a shiver up your spine 

you pull your purse back onto your shoulder and keep it tightly held under your armpit once your arms start to get sore — you’re already completely soaked so using your purse as an umbrella seems pretty redundant at this point 

“don’t know why i didn’t bring a stupid umbrella with me either!” you huff to yourself, wiping your hair away from your face as you cross another street after looking both ways (safety first), “fall asleep on the bus, gets caught in the rain- stupid, stupid-“ you grumble, reaching up to wipe under your eyes and pressing your lips together in frustration at the wet mascara ink staining your fingertips

wonderful 

just wonderful 

and now you probably look demonic as well 

you pick up in pace when you recognize the street the flower shop is on, speeding up even more when you notice someone standing in front of the doors with a set of keys in their hand looking very ready to close up shop for the night 

“woah, woah, wait! wait, please!” you call out and the person immediately stops, looking over at you and then taking a few steps back in what seems to be mild fear, “so sorry, i just need to pick a bouquet up, i know you’re closing but i really need this bouquet- and-“ 

“did you run here?” he asks, looking you up and down as he adjusts his grip on his umbrella, “…you do know it’s raining, right?” 

“yeah, i- woo, give me a second to catch my breath-“ you pant, bending over and putting both hands on your knees, wincing to yourself as your lungs constrict in your chest, “i don’t remember the last time i ran like this, jesus christ- i think i’m going to puke-“ you force yourself to stand up straight again, placing a hand on your hip as you continue to suck in puffs of air, “i need to pick up an order.” 

“oh, wait! you’re the girl who’s in love with her friend, now i remember who you are-“ his eyes light up briefly before the deadpan expression returns to his face, “sorry, champ. we close at 7:30.” 

“it’s 7:29,” you choose to ignore his first comment before holding your phone up to his face and he immediately deflates, “come on, yoongi- it’s yoongi, right? please. give me a break.” 

“i’m just tryna go home-“ 

“please, my friend’s date is tonight and he was supposed to pick up his flowers this morning but then he went to the gym so he forgot even though there was a sticky note on the fridge reminding him to-”

“wait, you’re picking up his flowers for him?!” yoongi asks, eyes widening again before he throws his head back in a laugh, “hah! oh my god, you- you’re actually kidding me, this has to be a joke-“

“i will give you five glowing stars on google reviews if you let me in-“ you pant, wiping strands of wet hair away from your forehead again, squinting slightly because the rainwater has now fully fucked up your vision and yoongi is starting to look like a dark blob, “even though your customer service skills suck because you’re clearly laughing at me and i really thought you’d have the decency to share your umbrella considering the fact that it’s pouring-“

“my customer service skills are fantastic, you should see the way i flirt with all the older ladies who come in-” yoongi jingles his keys in his hands before checking the time on his watch, “they always leave with $15 silk ribbons on their bouquets and a boost in their self-esteem-“

“we’re wasting time here, i’m supposed to be back at my friend’s place like, now-“ 

“alright, fine.” yoongi sighs, shoving the keys back into the lock before clicking his tongue, “but i’m only doing this because i feel like saying no to you is equivalent to, like, leaving a puppy out in the cold or something. or stealing candy from a baby and then shoving the baby off of its high chair. or, like, taking a chainsaw and destroying a nice old lady’s rosebush in front of her for no reason while she’s standing there with a pitcher of iced tea for you-”

“alright, i get it, you pity me, just let me into the store and give me my damn order.” 

“did you really run all the way here?” he asks, opening the door to let you in as he closes his umbrella and shakes the excess water off before shoving it into the holder

“i took the bus but i fell asleep and missed my stop. ended up at the end of the line and i thought running fifteen blocks would be faster than waiting for the next bus.” you breathe out, your shoes squeaking obnoxiously against the marble floors as you step into the shop and leave a generous trail of rainwater behind you 

yoongi deflates slightly at the mess you’re leaving behind you and he quickly reaches out to grab onto your elbow, “do not take another step. i literally mopped up before closing and you’re leaving a trail everywhere.”

“sorry, sorry…” you apologize sheepishly, taking a step back closer to the front door and looking down at the puddle growing around your feet 

you reach up to squeeze some water out of your air, freezing when you realize you’re just squeezing more water onto the ground for yoongi to mop up 

yoongi gives you an unimpressed, blank stare before shaking his head and flicking the lights on, “there is nobody in the world i would ever run in the rain for. hell, there’s nobody i would even ever run for in general.” 

“well, i’m sorry your heart is made out of literal ice and you don’t have the ability to feel love for another human being.” you respond sarcastically, yoongi turning around with raised eyebrows 

“hey, for someone with an icy cold heart, i didn’t have to let you in, i could very well kick you out right now because i already clocked out for the night-”

“okay, sorry, i’m sorry- just- if i could just pick up the order, i’ll get out of your hair, i’m sorry-“ 

“why are you doing this in the first place?” yoongi asks as he gets settled behind the front desk, switching the monitor back on, “also, i promise i’m not stalling because i also want to get out of here as soon as possible, i just need to check what your order number is-“

“because jungkook forgot to pick the order up this morning.” you respond as if it’s the most obvious answer in the entire world (because to you, it kind of is) 

“well, i get that, but you still didn’t answer the question.” yoongi hums, tapping on the keyboard and hitting the enter key obnoxiously 

“sure, i did.” you frown, “i answered your question. i’m here because jungkook forgot to pick up the order this morning. he’s on his date right now and i told him i could pick it up for him. he’s on a date.” 

“with another girl.” yoongi murmurs, propping his chin up on his palm, “you are picking up flowers for jungkook to give to another girl because…” 

“because i’m his friend.” you feel your eye twitch slightly out of a mixture of growing frustration and impatience, “you have that order number yet? i’m on a time crunch here.” 

“…okay, i think all the rainwater must’ve flushed the logic out of your head…” yoongi purses his lips as he gets up from the seat, offering you an overly polite customer service smile, “please wait here while i get your order from the back. i would offer you a glass of cucumber water and an apple rose whatever cinnamon pastry thing but we are technically closed, so you’re just going to have to stand here and wait.” 

“funny.” you raise an eyebrow, about to squeeze some water out of your top before stopping yourself (you’ll wait until yoongi disappears to the back and then you’ll do it) 

you’re picking up flowers for jungkook because you’re his friend

and on top of that, not only are you his friend, you’re a very good friend of his! 

he would do the same for you if the roles were reversed (well, if the roles were reversed, you would’ve never forgotten to pick up the flowers so jungkook would never have to run in the rain to pick them up for you) 

what does yoongi mean by why are you doing this? 

isn’t it obvious??

if anything, he’s the one with no logic in his head if he can’t grasp the simple answer to his simple question

you’re doing this because you’re jungkook’s friend, and this is what friends do when they care about each other 

“okay, one more time- what are you doing right now?” yoongi pops out from the back with a beautifully wrapped bouquet and an adorable little white teddy bear with a pink heart as its nose and you can’t help but pout sweetly at it 

you know you said the teddy bear would be a little much but looking at it now… you want one too! 

“picking up a bouquet and a teddy bear.” you point out, holding your hands out to take them from yoongi 

“picking up a bouquet and a teddy bear for…” 

“for my friend…” you trail off, making grabby hands at him only for him to pull back slightly

“for your friend jungkook because…” 

“why do you care so much about this? you don’t know me and what i do is none of your business, your job right now is to hand me a bouquet and that teddy bear and you’re not doing a super good job if i’m being honest-”

“you’re right, i don’t know you, but i’m nosy as hell and you seem nice even though you’re oblivious as hell- you’re so close to the answer, too! what are you doing right now and why are you doing what you’re doing?” 

“what are you doing right now? and why are you doing what you’re doing right now??” you snap, looking at the little clock sitting on the desk, “i’m running very late, just give me the damn flowers, man-“ 

“alright, fine.” yoongi deflates, handing you the bouquet and the little bear before shaking his head and turning around to grab the mop from the back, “guess you’ll figure out the answer on your own. by the way, let your friend know that if he wants to order another bouquet for you to pick up that we now have an online ordering form so he doesn’t even have to come in store anymore- by the way, i can lend you an umbrella if you didn’t wanna run in the rain again because like i said, our customer service is-” yoongi spins around and immediately clams up when the only indication that you were even here at all are the two dirty shoe marks staining the white marble floor and the puddle of water around them 

he shrugs to himself and clicks his tongue 

oh well 

…you still better give the store a five star review. 

»»————- ♥ ————-««

the journey back to jungkook’s apartment is a little less chaotic than the journey leaving his place, thankfully 

you managed to get to the bus stop right as the bus came, and if anything, you took that as a sign that the universe was now on your side 

it was rewarding you for being such a good friend! 

of course, you still got caught in the thunderstorm jogging back to jungkook’s building from the bus stop (according to the forecast, it’s supposed to rain all night long) and the bouquet is a little soggy and the little bear’s fur is kind of matted now, but you tried your best to keep them dry under your sopping wet jacket, “alright, kook, don’t worry, i’m coming-“ you mutter, going up the stairs two at a time and ignoring the fact that you’re leaving a wet trail behind you 

you can’t help but shiver at the feeling of cold, wet clothes clinging uncomfortably to your body, pausing when you accidentally use the bear as a makeshift towel to dry your face 

“shit, whoops-“ you pull the bear away instantly, relieved to see that you didn’t leave any streaks of makeup on it 

your legs slow down as you reach the steps leading up towards the door to the rooftop, and you pause at the top of the steps when you hear a melodic giggle from outside amongst the rhythmic pitter patter of chubby raindrops splashing against the cement

sucking your bottom lip in between your teeth as you slow your movements as to not make too much noise and ruin the moment, you press yourself against the side of the stairwell and crouch down on your hands and knees, placing the bouquet on the ground by the door and the little bear right next to it 

the only thing to do now is turn back and head home before you catch a cold from staying in your sopping wet clothes, but the sound of jungkook’s laugh makes your ears perk up and soon enough, you find yourself crawling up the additional three steps up so you can peek through the crack between the door and the frame and- 

kissing

almost instantly, your mouth goes dry and you feel a sharp pinch in your chest at the sight of jungkook and ji-eun kissing, their lips seeming to slot together perfectly as ji-eun curls up closer to jungkook and he reaches up to cup the side of her face, the two of them looking nice and warm (and dry) in the bubble tent as raindrops continue to bounce off the top of it 

your eyelids flutter slightly as your brain catches up to what you’re looking at, and just like that, everything hits you like a ton of bricks 

what the fuck am i doing?

you are crouched down in the stairwell like a creep, sopping wet from the heavy rain, still exhausted from sprinting fifteen blocks to get to the stupid flower shop before it closed, staring at the boy you love kissing someone else on a rooftop that you spent all day decorating and setting up  

you look down towards the bouquet and bear, swallowing the lump in your throat as your eyes begin to glaze over because oh my god, what are you doing? 

the bouquet of flowers is not for you 

the cute little bear is not for you 

the bubble tent and the fairy lights and the porcelain plates and fancy cutlery — all of it isn’t for you, it’s for someone else, it’s for ji-eun 

ji-eun is the one that’s kissing jungkook right now, not you 

in fact, it’ll never be you because jungkook doesn’t like you 

you turn around so you can sit on the steps properly, folding your arms over the tops of your knees and propping your chin up on top of them

jungkook does not like you back

you helped him plan this date and you helped him set up the rooftop for his romantic date with ji-eun and you ironed his shirt and you ran in the rain to get the bouquet and the bear not just because you’re a good friend — you did all of this because you are hopelessly, hopelessly in love with jungkook and you would pluck all the stars in the sky for him and put them in a jar if he’d asked 

“oh my god, y/n.” you breathe out, pinching the bridge of your nose as you shake your head in dejection, “what the fuck are you doing?”

you feel that all too familiar prickle in your nose as you get up onto your feet and head down the steps one by one, your heart heavy in your chest as you adjust the strap of your purse over your shoulder 

(and as you stare up at the ceiling when you’re in bed later that night after taking a nice, hot shower and shoving your cold, wet clothes into the hamper, you can’t help but wonder if perhaps you’ll be pining after jungkook for the rest of your life.) 

»»————- ♥ ————-««

from: jungkook (1:08am) — Thanks for getting the flowers and the bear for me you’re a lifesaver 

from: jungkook (1:08am) — Like actually the best

from: jungkook (1:08am) — So grateful to have a friend as good as you 

from: jungkook (1:09am) —The date went really well btw 

from: jungkook (1:09am) — Hope you’re sleeping well :) Will text you tomorrow 

🎙️ tell yoongi to mind his own business or console y/n (talk to my characters!)

📚 why not explore the rest of the library while you're here? (full fics!)

💫 or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles and mini series like smitten!)

🌟 or something even shorter? (teeny tidbits!)

[de-facto-slut]

Release Me Into Orbit

(Dark!Bucky x Black!Female Reader)

Summary: Bucky and the Reader are trying to heal from the trauma of their pasts.

A/N: Here we dive into the past. The true beginning to our characters stories. This story takes place both in the past and the present so get ready for that. I do plan on releasing the next Chapter of Invisible Chain soon! Stay tuned.

Warnings: Non-Con, Dub-Con, Violence, major character death, Manipulation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, eventual Kidnapping, Breeding Kink, and angst etc later in the story.

Honestly More tags will be added.

Ch 2: 2014

Longing.

It was hard for Bucky to see anything through the small opening in his cell door. He had lost count of how many years he had been locked up a long time ago. There were no windows that allowed him to even guess when it was night and when it was day. Inside his cage they made sure he had no human interaction; they left Bucky completely alone. As the years passed the only thing keeping him company was his own thoughts. Bucky would try his hardest to focus on his fragmented memories before the war. Those memories contained the few good things he could remember about being human. His first kiss behind Sal’s Diner. The smell of his mother’s home-made cherry pie. The scary thing was he couldn’t even remember his mother’s face, just the smell of her fragrant pie. To be honest he couldn’t remember any faces. They were all just blurs. When it came to his captors all he knew is that they had the same routine in place for him every day. They would feed him his one meal, then they would return to remove him from the cell. The strong ones would drag him through a maze of corridors until he reached a room filled with bright fluorescent lights. The lights illuminated the dreaded device they used for their experiments.

Rusted.

The experiments were the only time he interacted with anyone outside of his cell. Bucky could never see them properly as they always hid behind the bright lights. All he ever got to see were their shadows as they moved about speaking their foreign tongue. Nobody ever spoke to him unless they were reciting the very words that caused him great mental distress. Those words were a curse that was cast on him a long time ago after the war. One that followed him, captor to captor. They would often drug him, just enough so he’d be a little disorientated, but they made sure he’d still be able to feel and hear everything. Once drugged, that’s when they would begin torturing him. The only thing they would change in his routine is the method in which they tortured him. Each time they would try a new method to test the limits of his body and the limits of his mind. Unfortunately for Bucky, the day didn’t end until he physically and mentally could not take anymore. Eventually, they didn’t even need to use pain or the dreaded spell to get him to comply.

Seventeen.

It was a strange sensation to not be in control of one’s own body.  It was a sensation that Bucky should have grown used to, but he never could. It was as if his own consciousness was taking a back seat while someone else controlled him over and over, each driver just as brutal as the next. He was always vaguely aware of what atrocities they made him commit in the name of science, and that in itself was torture to live with. When they would return him to his cell, he could barely get a wink of sleep as the images would replay over and over in his mind. Their screams ringing in his ears. This was what they had reduced him to, he was just a tool to them. Eventually, he had to do everything in his power to keep himself from going completely mad and that just meant numbing himself to it all. The bright-eyed man from Brooklyn that was just trying to save the world was gone years ago. In his place was a murderer. A weapon. A monster. And that’s all he’d ever be.

Daybreak.

It was a day like any other, except it was storming outside. Bucky could tell by the sounds of the fierce winds howling against the facility that and he had finally been moved to a cell with a small window. Bucky had learned that he had been with these particular captors for several years. Honestly, everyone that ever ‘owned’ him was the same in his eyes, so it didn’t matter how long he was kept. Eventually, he’d just be handed off or kidnapped again by someone else that wanted him. Luckily for him, years of compliance and loyalty earned him an upgraded cell and some limited freedoms. Along with some of the smaller changes he was finally able to speak their tongue, just another language to add to his impressive portfolio. There weren't a lot of things Bucky could do to entertain himself. If he wasn’t on an active mission, he was pretty much tied to his room unless they allowed him a break from his cell. In his free time, all Bucky could do is entertain himself by working out. And that’s all he ever did.

Furnace.

He was face down as his palms supported his weight in a push-up position.

“Two hundred and Forty-Nine.”

“Two Hundred and Fif-”

Nine.

He suddenly paused looking towards the door of his cell. He could have sworn he had heard a voice. Bucky waited patiently, but there was only silence in return. Perhaps he had imagined it, or maybe he was truly going mad. He returned his gaze to the floor before he heard it again. It was a voice, it was faint, but it was definitely a voice.

Benign.  

“Hello?” it called out softly as if in a whisper.

Homecoming.

 The voice was suddenly followed by the sound of the metal slot on the door sliding to reveal two eyes peering at him. Bucky was unsure of how to respond, mainly because he was unsure what was going on. The men who came to retrieve him from his cell never spoke to him, and this person was clearly speaking English. English felt foreign to him now, he hadn’t heard it in so long. Bucky suddenly sat up watching the eyes on the other side of the door. Again, there was a moment of silence before they spoke again.

One.

“Can you understand me?”

It was a woman.

Freight car.

---

“Mom! Hurry, I’m going to miss my flight!”

You rushed down the stairs with your bags in your hands. Your shoes caught on the last step almost causing you to trip. A quiet curse left your lips as you attempted to stabilize yourself. Your father watched as he tried not to laugh at your misfortune. Carefully, you handed him your bags and he tossed them into the trunk of his truck.

“Fragile!” you shouted at him.

You crawled into the back of the car as you patiently waited for your parents to join you. Eventually, after what seemed like another 30 minutes gone by, they entered the car. “Do you have everything?” your father asked one last time.

 “Yes, now let’s get going!”

It felt like freshman year of college all over again. Instead, you were a graduating senior and you had just accepted an opportunity of a lifetime. A few months ago, your professor, Mr. Brigmova, had presented your class with an opportunity. The top five students in the program would be able to join him in a work-study program. You were still unsure how you beat out several other students, but you did. You felt extremely lucky to be able to partake in such a program. To be among the top 5 students in your area of study was everything you could have hoped for. It showed your parents that it wasn’t a waste of time or money to send you out of state for school.

 Ever since middle school, you had always wanted to study genetics and biology. When you reached high school, you learned about Bioinformatics and molecular genetics and you made up your mind on what you wanted to do. When you told your parents, they began immediately running numbers in their heads. Feeling guilty about your career choice and the school you chose to attend; you worked your ass off to get and keep a 4.0 GPA. In turn that promptly led you to the 3rd spot among the top 5 students. And not to toot your own horn, you were the only double major among them. Double the hard work, so deep down you felt as if you were #1 anyway.

As a result of all your hard work, you were flying across the world for the first time. You’ve never been so nervous before your professor had revealed the location, you had never heard of Sokovia. You wouldn’t have been able to locate it on a map either, it was such a small country. This was also the first time you had to travel without your parents, and you’d be away for them for five months. You would have no safety net out there. Before you knew it, you had arrived at the airport and you could feel the butterflies settling at the bottom of your stomach like a heavy rock. You felt like you had to use the bathroom, but you knew better than that. Your parents helped you remove your bags from the car as the other cars honked impatiently. You flipped the respective vehicle off before embracing your parents one last time. You exchanged your goodbyes before you disappeared behind the airport doors.

It was the longest flight you had ever been on. After getting off the plane, you were tempted to kiss the frozen ground, but you had seen enough cartoons to know what would happen. In Sokovia, the winters were harsh around this time, and thanks to your research beforehand you were prepared. Or at least you thought you were.  You exited the airport to be greeted by the harsh Sokovian winter.

The bitter cold of Sokovia nipped at your bare cheeks and the tip of your nose. Slowly it seeped into the pockets where you kept your gloved hands numbing your fingers slowly. The cold was nothing like you were used to back in the south. Immediately, regret settled right beside the nervousness as you realized you wished you had stayed behind the airport doors just a moment longer as you waited for your ride.

The streets were not as busy as google images made it seem. It was probably due to the fact that it was unbearably cold, and it was late.  You desperately wanted to return to the warmth of indoors, but you feared missing your shuttle. You moved about in hopes that it would warm you up while you waited for the shuttle as you watched it grow dark.  Not wanting to expose your hands to the cold you peeked at your pocket for the time before you left you made sure to adjust it for the time difference. The shuttle was running late and that worried you, you knew nothing of the language to get help if you ended up stranded.

Eventually, you took a seat on your suitcase, holding onto it tightly. The last thing you would want is to be robbed in a completely different country. You waited for what seemed like almost an hour in the cold before you saw the shuttle pull up in front of you. Slowly you stood on your two feet stretching as you watched the shuttle door slide open, only to reveal your professor. Mr. Brigmova was a tall man with an average build in his early forties. He had dirty blonde hair and striking gray eyes. If not for the slight wrinkles near his eyes, he could have easily been mistaken for his early thirties. He motioned you inside as he jumped out to grab your bags for you.  You did as you were told climbing into the vehicle as the warmth inside embraced you. You watched as Mr. Brigmova carefully placed your bags in the back seat of the shuttle. He flashed you a smile as he slid into the seat next to you. “It is good to see you, Y/N.” He greeted you. “It’s nice to see you too, Mr. Brigmova,” you replied.

“Please, call me Peter. We’re colleagues now.” He responded.  You noted it was just you, Your professor, and the Driver. Out of everyone you were the last from the program to make it in. Your professor turned towards the driver tapping the back of his seat, “My gotovy k rabote.” He mentioned in his native tongue. You weren’t completely sure what he had told the driver but the fact that the shuttle started moving probably was related. Peter turned to you noting how tense you were placing a hand on your knee and squeezing it lightly. His action surprised you, but he only flashed you a smile in return,

“Relax you’re in Sokovia now.”

[rancidmeat09]

i’m a clown, you’re a clown, we’re all clowns in one big fucking cesspool of a circus.

god. just kill me. fucking commit clown murder. hit me with your 1950s clown car and honk your dumbass clown car horn and listen to the sound of my pathetic little clown nose deflating as my clown friend toots a horn next to my mangled corpse in a descending ‘wah wah wahhhh’ fashion. after that you gotta hold a big circus funeral in my home in my name and my friend with the horn is going to have to lock pick my front door because the key in my pocket got crunched and mangled in the car wreck and inside my little polka-dot decorated house you find a cat wearing a clown suit mewing pitifully because i haven’t fed it in four days because i’ve kept forgetting to buy cat food because of my undiagnosed clown ADHD and undying apathy for anything and everything in the world around me including self care and caring for others. you find all this out through hundreds of empty bottles of clown prozac laying around my living room and there’s a polaroid photo thumbtacked above the fireplace of what it used to be, and it was a giant tower sculpture of empty pill bottles spelling out the word ‘MINECRAFT’ before a gas leak happened in my house to unstick the glue from itself. the circus of folks crowding my home speculate about whether the car accident was really an accident or not because of my deeply suicidal tendencies and one of the clowns in the posse steals my cat and pulls her into her own clown car and honks away into the sunset and my house spontaneously combusts, killing everyone inside. every single person in the circus who died all join the level of hell that i’m getting fucked and sucked in with satan and we spend the rest of our days honking away in hell while the clown girl who did me the service of hitting me with her car lives for eternity after my clown cat synthesizes a clown potion of immortality for the both of them.

[eldritchsurveys]

981.

5k Survey LXI

3101. Would it bother you if your priest, rabbi or other religious leader (teacher if you are not religious) started wearing a plain black mask all the time? If yes, why? >> What... what kind of mask? Because at this point in history, wearing a mask is just normal, lmao. But if it was, like, a balaclava or a Batman mask from the Halloween store, or something, that’d probably be unsettling. 3102. Where do you look for the answers? >> What answers? 3103. If you are driving and someone honks at you does it ruin your whole day? >> I don’t drive. 3104. If you are driving and you get angry at another driver do you yell at them through their and your closed window? open the window and yell at them? throw things at them? stop the car and start a fight with them? do something else? >> --- 3105. I'm in the right lane on the parkway. There is an exit only lane on my right. A car pulls out from behind the pack into the exit only lane. When that car gets to the exit he is right in front of me only one lane to the right of me. Instead of exiting the parkway he tries to creep back in in front of me. I get pissed and honk the horn. He (I keep saying he but I couldn't tell) throws up his hands as he slides in front of me. I think this is funny and toot again. He throws up his hands again. I do this about three more times and each time I toot he throws his hands in the air. Then my exit clomes up and I have to get off. From the time he got in front of me until I got off the parkway we drove approx. 20 feet. What you think about this situation? >> I think that’s a lot of unnecessary action, personally. He definitely should have been more aware of what lane he was in, but sometimes that shit happens. I see it all the time as a passenger, and being obnoxious about it doesn’t really get anyone anywhere. Also, I hate honking, period, so there’s that.

3106. Do you live in reality or in your 'own little world'? Which one is better? >> I live in both. Obviously I prefer Inworld, but I wouldn’t pick one at the expense of the other because I really don’t have to. 3107. Who's your favorite soprano? >> --- 3108. Why is there porn geared towards straight men, gay men, lesbians but none really geared towards straight woman? >> I’m pretty sure there is porn geared towards straight women. You’re just not going to find it on, say, your average page on PornHub. 3109. Is there more to being human than chemicles and impulses? If yes, what? >> I couldn’t say. I like to think there is, but I wouldn’t argue about it. 3110. What if all the boys in jail could get out now together? >> Huh? 3111. If your shoes could talk what would they say? >> --- 3112. How many windows are in your house? >> Not enough. 3113. Did you walk around your house and count them all? If not what did you do? >> Of course not. 3114. Do you think people store memories as pictures or words? >> Pictures, words, sounds, smells, emotional triggers, vague impressions, bodily sensations... 3115. If you got sent to jail who would your one phone call be to? >> --- 3116. Pick a movie you have seen: Give a 2 sentance review about it using the word 'go': >> No. 3117. Pick a song you like: Give a 2 sentance review of it useing the word 'come': >> --- 3118. Pick a person you like: Give a two sentance description of them useing the word 'lunchbox': >> --- 3119. What do these 3 words have in common: hippo, camp, us? >> Say them quickly and it’s a whole new word. 3120. If you could save time in a bottle, the first thing that you'd like to do is.. >> No. 3121. Who is the most powerful person in the world that you can think of? >> --- 3122. If you were designing a mini-golf hole what would it be like? >> --- 3123. Why do you think certain people become targets for teasing in school or exclusion at work? >> There are many reasons, none of which I feel like getting into right now. No matter what the reason, it’s poor behaviour. Period. 3124. Why, in essays, is the word 'I' not allowed to be used when it is our own PERSONAL thoughts being expressed? >> I don’t know the reason, although I do know that there is one. It’s just not something I care about remembering. 3125. What song would you like your doorbell to play? >> I hate doorbells. 3126. Would you rather watch MTV or play GO FISH? >> Neither. 3127. What is an itch? >> ??? 3128. Why did the holocost happen? >> Are you kidding me? 3129. Would you be capable of torturing another person? >> Probably. But just because I know I have the capacity for it doesn’t mean I’m particularly keen on taking that sizeable hit to my mental / spiritual well-being. 3130. How did Hitler's army do this and still believe they were good people? >> There’s been whole books written about this, man. 3131. Do you like poetry to rhyme? >> I don’t care eithe rway. 3132. Does 'jewish' describe a race or a religion? >> Ethnicity* or religion. In which case, the answer is “yes”. 3133. How tall are you? >> 5′5″. 3134. If Hitler was capable of such cruelty to others, and he is human, does that mean that all humans are capable of this cruelty?/ >> Are we still on this? Yes, that’s what it means. Can we move on now? 3135. How long have you ever gone without sleep? >> About four days. 3136. Is a mouse a miracle? >> Probably. I don’t really call anything a miracle so I don’t have an internal framework for that concept. 3137. there are alcoholics, chocoholics, shoppoholics, practically anything can be an 'oholic. What's your 'oholic? >> I’m not addicted to anything. 3138. Does heaven have a phone number? If it did would you call? Who would you ask to speak to? What would you say? >> All I thought about was that god phone at Burning Man. 3139. Fortune time!! 1,2, 3, or 4? if 1: 5, or 6? if 2: 7 or 8? if 3: 9 or 10? if 4 11 or 12? >> 3 --> 9.

Now pick a letter between A and G: if A: 13 or 14? if B: 15 or 16? if C or D: 17 or 18? if E or F: 19 or 20? if F: 21 or 22? if G: 22 or 23? >> D --> 18. --------- you should now have two numbers. look at both numbers below and combine the sayings to get a fortune. 5: you are a very loving person 6: you will become very rich 7: you are too hard on yourself 8: cats will bring you bad luck 9: gremlins will eat all your cheese 10: you are going on a trip 11: someone you don't know will be watching you 12: you will get what you want --- 13. and your life will be filled with romance 14. but you will fall in love with a babboon 15. and salt is lucky for you 16. or you will inherit a cough medicine factory 17. and you will not come back 18. and you will lose the remote 19. or your favorite team will win 20. and you were born under a lucky star 21. but the next person who leave you a note is attracted to you 22. and you will have a stalker soon 23. or your best friend will take you to a movie >> Gremlins will eat all your cheese and you will lose the remote. 3140. Do you vote? >> Yeah. 3141. Are you always honest with yourself? Were you honest when you answered that question? >> Unfortunately not. 3142. What kinds of diary names or entry titles make you specifically NOT want to read that diary? >> --- 3142. Is writing an online diary more about being honest about yourself or entertaining your readers? >> My actual diary entries are private, because they’re for me only. When I make posts on tumblr or wherever, then it’s mostly about expressing myself, and hopefully connecting with others by that expression. 3143. What are you the last of? >> --- 3144. Who do you really appreciate and what have you done lately to show that you appreciate them? >> Hm. 3145. When people do good deeds are they really doing them because they are a good person or because they want to feel like a good person? Or both? >> Wanting to feel like a good person is a perfectly reasonable reason to do good deeds. The feeling that one gets from doing the thing creates a feedback loop of doing more of those kinds of things, which is a net positive all around if you ask me. 3146. Somewhere far back in the survey I asked if Bill Gates or Mothe Thereasa was more successful. The most popular answer I have seen is 'it depends on how you define success'. Well, this survey is about YOU isn't it? So how do YOU define success? >> I don’t have a definition for it because it means nothing to me personally. 3147. Are people making up reality as they go along? >> I mean, more or less, if you think about how our senses and sensory processing works. 3148. You may need a calculator for this one. Think of your weight. Divide it by 2.2, multiply the answer by .8 What do you get? That is how many grams of protein you need to eat every day to stay healthy. Do you think you eat enough? >> This sounds so fake. 3149. What is your feeling about republicans? >> I don’t have any feelings about the general concept of Republicans. 3150. What do you need to do? What do you need to stop doing? >> Vacuum, eventually. I don’t know about the second question.

[artyrogue]

Blind Date Gaming: Pocket Densha

I knew this day would come. Sooner or later, I figured I'd be set up with a date I couldn't really understand. I'm talkin' about languages! While actual dates would be far more challenging without a shared language, such barriers are not enough to deter me from a new source of gaming entertainment. We will come to an understanding through fun, novel gameplay and exciting graphics! What do I have in store tonight?

Pocket Densha! Not sure what 'densha' means without googlin' it, but I can assume it's not something that typically fits in one's pocket. I am greeted with a little 8-bit train whistle and a logo that clacks on down some tracks. Fun fact, this game was written by a Japanese contingency of tropical fruit! Next time you're at their embassy, be sure to give them a thumbs up from me.

So right off the bat I get to pick between two trains. As I am not a Japanese speaker, I will be using the next-best highly intellectual means of choosing between these two options: color! Green looks much more exciting, so let's go with that! START GAME!

At this point, I was slapped across the face with sheer dumbfoundedness at what the heck I was trying to do. To start, the tracks my train is on are fading into the Shadow Realm, as are the arches. Hopefully my corporeal train will still function on such rails. In actuality, the graphics flicker like mad due to too many sprites being on the screen at once. If things look odd in the screenshots, that's why. Anyway, after pressing a ton of buttons and surely disappointing a lot of wayward spirit passengers, my time runs out and, I assume, I am fired with no chance for a severance check.

This probably translates to ‘why did we hire you?‘

After some mucking about, I finally figure things out. Essentially, you are controlling a train and must get to your destination in a given time period. Along the way, you must obey speed laws and other train rules, finally ending the round by bringing the train to a graceful stop at the station. You are graded on the distance you stop at from the end of the platform, the time taken to reach the end, and how well you obeyed the laws. Essentially, this is a training game for training people. By that, I mean like people who operate trains. Training training!

I am good at trains and my passengers love me

One thing I immediately realize, though, is that I am rubbish at operating locomotives. Like, I may have loco motives, but not like this. It took a lot of completely failed rounds before I actually started getting the hang of it. Your only control here is with the acceleration and braking of the train. Well, I guess you also can toot the horn, but that's usually pointless. There's really not much else besides watching flickering tracks and arches.

Since the internet is devoid of any walkthroughs of any kind for this game (at least in English!), I thought I'd make my very own walkthrough for the game. Y’know, in case anyone accomplishes the near-impossible in both stumbling upon this review and being interested enough to try this game. Luckily, most rounds are exactly the same, so you need only a few strategies to walk away a success. Read up and bypass what I assume are years of training and experience gathering on the rails of the proud nation of Japan!

Always speed up as fast as you can off the bat. Time is always tight, so you want as much as you can get for the final braking segment.

If an 'R' symbol appears, I think there's some law or something that requires you to brake. Slow down until the R stops flashing, then kick your speed back up immediately! Failure to do so gets you -5 points.

Braking too hard will give you -5 points. If the gameboy makes the sound of a soprano fax machine, you need to brake less.

There's what I think is a crossing sign symbol that you have to toot your horn at when it shows up. It could also be a poorly-drawn duck, which might explain why you need to honk at it.

You get to the station at 250 meters. You MUST have your speed at 50 km/hr or under when you reach 250 m or you get -5 points. The station part is the hardest segment of the game, so get ready!

Aww! Lookit all the little drink machines and benches!

In the station, try to stay around 40-45 km/hr until around 60 m left. Kick the brake up to 2 and match the distance left with your speed (i.e., 25 m left, 25 km/hr). You may need to make it higher or lower as you decelerate, but remember not to apply the brake too hard!

Lower speed is much slower than you expect. It’s also hard to build speed up again if you undershoot the target too much. You’ll get a feel after a few rounds, but don’t be afraid of kicking the brake up to 5 to quickly stop at lower speed (~20 km/hr)!

If you overshoot or undershoot within like 5 m, you don't get docked too many points, if any at all. Getting the train to land exactly on 0 gets you +10 points!

It's okay to rock out to the music. It's actually really catchy!

See? I can do it! Sort of! I mean, I got 10 whisker boxes added to my triangle-square-lines-cross counter, so that’s good I think?

A couple different events occurred to me at times during this epiphany of engineering. I think my train broke down a couple times, since the music got all creepy and I was forced to stop in the middle of the rails. No points were lost, though, so I guess it just happens? Maybe the people expect that kinda thing to happen. Kind of like Septa in Philly!

By far the most fun, though, was the handcar segment. I have no idea what triggered it, but you get to control two buff people in a race against time to land your car in the given area! Work those immaculately-sculpted biceps by mashing A and B! You brake with Select, too. Man, this caught me off guard after all the rather boring realistic train operation segments. You get up to +50 points for this as well, so that rocks! I mean, if points are even really important in this game?

If you look at those arms long enough, you can see a face with two duck lips at the bottom. Gross!

So, uhh...in short, this was an interesting game I did not expect. It's realistic (I guess?) and kind of monotonous, but it was charming for an hour or so. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd go back for a second date. Maybe train aficionados would get more of a kick out of it, but it was rather bland to me after a while. Regardless, you ought to take this Sprite of Passage. I know it's similar to the last one, but like...there were so few sprites in the game I had nothing else to choose from. Curl those guns and get ready for a new game soon!

the triangular radiation is what really does it, I think

[avengeultrons]

Title: The High School Newspaper (Reader x Peter Parker)

Summary: Principal Morite recruits Peter and the Reader for the school’s first newspaper.

Word Count: 1742

A/N: OK I love this and it’s very cute I mean I don’t mean to toot my own horn but *toot toot* I hope you enjoy! --

You were sitting in the uncomfortable chair opposite of Principal Morita’s large desk, waiting patiently for Peter Parker to join the two of you. He ran in breathlessly, his backpack hanging from his shoulder as he skirted to a stop and dropped himself in the chair next to you, “Sorry I’m late. You wanted to see me, well, us?” he looked over at you in surprise and smiled nervously, averting his eyes to the carpeted floor.

“I brought you two here because I have an idea,” your principal leaned back in his office chair, the type that swivels and rolls on wheels, “Y/N, you're a fantastic writer. All of your teachers speak highly of you. Peter, you're a wonderful photographer. I’ve seen your work.”

You glanced over at the boy sitting next to you, his face turning read from the compliment. You felt like you had an idea where this conversation was going, “I want to start a school newspaper, featuring our high school’s games, events and activities, things of that nature. I thought we could start with the two of you to see what we could do! Even just a page of the top stories to start, it could be great.” He stared at the two of you, excitement crinkling up the corners of his eyes.

“Well, I, I’m busy most days and I-,” Peter looked flustered at your side, his face turning a pink shade. Your heart fluttered and you sighed, biting your lip anxiously. The things you were about to go through for this boy, and you didn't even know yet.

You jumped forward and put a hand in front of him to cut him off, “We’ll get started right away,” you said. Principal Morita’s face lit up and he clapped his hands together gleefully, ushering the two of you to the door.

Peter followed you like a lost puppy as you trudged out, already pulling out a notebook to jot down ideas for your first piece. He stopped abruptly and you turned to face him, cocking your head to the side.

“We can't, well, I can't…” he trailed off, looking at the beat up sneakers on his feet. You sighed and continued to jot down notes for both himself and you.

You were always doing that, no matter the circumstances. The teachers always complimented your note taking, even, “We can and we will. Look, this will be great on college applications. Come over after school tomorrow and we can set up a plan before the football game? I’d better, uh, get going,” you sighed loudly and plastered a smile onto your red face.

You'd been one to observe the adorable Peter Parker from afar at lunch and in science class, during scholar bowl and pep rallies. Being as close as you were to him was practically making you break out in hives.

“Oh, okay. I'll see you around then? Y/N?” you nodded nervously and hurried off, biting back a smile. He said your name!

“So, I was thinking we could make up an outline of the things we want to capture at the game tonight. Just an idea of photos you'd want to take, interviews we might want, stuff like that,” you poured both you and Peter a glass of water, your notebook lying open in front of you. Being as pro-active as you were, you had already gathered a master plan of ideas.

Peter smiled nervously and looked at your list, “Wow, you're ahead of the game,” he said as he added a few of his own ideas to the list. You laughed and tapped your fingers along the kitchen countertop, “You're not even nervous about creating a school paper? We have no idea what we’re even doing.”

“Not really. No one really knows what they're doing, they just fake it until they figure it out,” Peter looked over at you with the most adoring face that it made you want to crawl into a hole, away from the eyes of Peter Parker, “Do you have a game plan?”

Peter blinked to bring himself back to reality and shrugged, “I-yeah, totally. My camera is in my-,” his phone started going off like crazy. He sighed and jumped to his feet, “Oh, shit. I have to, uh, go. I'll see you at the game?”

“Yeah, sure. Don't be late!” you shouted after him as he waved quickly and ran out of your apartment. A sigh escaped your lips as you watched him go, knowing full well that he had been late to plenty of school events and activities before. Hopefully the game wouldn't be one of them.

Oh, those Friday night lights. The cheering of the high school aged crowds, the anticipation of both the players and the people in the stands. You felt pretty important, being able to stand on the track with the rest of the ‘media’ with the shiny laminated press pass hanging from your neck. Peter’s was still resting in your hands, but he had time. He would be here, he had to.

“Hey, Y/N! Where's Peter? The game’s about to start,” Principal Morita jogged over to you with an excited smile, his suit jacket slung over one of his arms.

You heaved a sigh and plastered a smile onto your face, “He’s...he’s on his way! We’re very excited, thank you Principal Morita,” you grabbed your notebook and clicked a pen, “Mind if I ask you a few questions? You'll be the school paper’s first person interviewed!”

“Well, of course!” he smiled proudly, turning his attention to the field as your school’s football team ran out. The crowd went especially wild when Spider-Man swung from the goal post, “What is happening?” the mood changed immediately as a motorcycle weaved throughout the track, running over people in its path. You let out a scream, grabbing your phone to snap photos.

Spider-Man and a runaway motorcycle? You couldn't even ask for this great journalism! If only Peter was there to snap photos for you, but you were sure that you could recall the events tomorrow, “Look out!” you shouted at Principal Morita, who stood stunned in the middle of the track, looking around the field as he tried to figure out what to do. You pushed him out of the way in the nick of time, right before the criminal on the motorcycle ran through your side of the track.

The revving of the engine sent a shiver down your spine as you stared at the bright headlight plowing its own path through the crowds of people running to get out. Your eyes went wide and you snapped one last photo of the motorcycle with Spider-Man, before being tackled to the ground and pushed into the field by the masked hero himself.

You stared up at him, your heart fluttering a mile a minute. This superhero had just saved your life! You couldn't make this stuff up.

“You okay?” he scrambled off of you, lending a hand up as you stared up at him, utterly starstruck. You managed a nod somehow and got to your feet, “Oh, I've gotta, bye!”

You helped your principal up and he thanked you quietly, dusting himself off. The two of you stared out at the ruined field, people scrambling to get away, “Well, the game is postponed until further notice. You'd better head home, Y/N. Be safe,” Principal Morita ran off to find help.

A sigh escaped your lips as you collapsed onto the steps outside of the high school, waiting for your mom to pick you up. It wasn't fun being alone after all that had just happened. You were battered and bruised, both your ego and your elbows. Peter hadn't even shown up and you were even more upset than you thought you would be.

“What's going on?” you jumped up and held your breath, clutching your chest as you saw Peer sauntering towards you, the streetlights casting an eerie halo on him, “Sorry I’m late, why aren't you at the game?”

The cool autumn chill was getting to you now and you sat back down on the step. Peter joined you, an eyebrow raised as you crossed your arms across your chest, “It's cancelled until further notice. Some guy on a motorcycle ran through the field and Spider-Man basically saved me. It was...a lot. I wish you would have been there to see it.”

“I wish I would've been, I'm sorry,” he sighed and looked over at you nervously, “Saved by Spider-Man, huh? Are you okay?”

You rolled your eyes and unzipped your backpack, “Fine,” you said simply, “I have an interview with Principal Morita but I think since the night took such a drastic turn, we can have an even better first piece now! I even took picture so you're off the hook, for now.”

“Thank you?” he said, more as a question, “I am really sorry though, I should've been here, for it all. For you.” Peter sighed, the hood of his jacket hiding his face. He sounded distraught to say the least.

A glance over at him sent your heart fluttering, which was annoying. He was now your partner in crime, you couldn't be developing a crush on the photographer of your shared newspaper.

You shrugged, biting your lip as your stomach twisted into a bunch of tiny knots, “Next time,” you said with a small smile as you got to your feet, “That's my mom, I have to get going. Look, I understand that you're nervous about doing this, but I believe in you, okay? You're talented, I just-I hope you know that I know it and we all know it. I hope you'll be there next time?”

“Of course,” Peter said quietly, his face a dark shade of red. He was blushing, because of something you said! Oh, God. You had to keep it cool.

You smiled nervously and threw your backpack over your shoulders, “Maybe next time Spider-Man will show up and you can see him! Have you seen him?” you jumped when your mom honked the horn, a laugh escaping your lips, “I'll see you later.”

Peter laughed after you, a knot of guilt growing in his stomach. Saved by the honk of a car horn to say the least. At least he had an idea for a title. The first headline for your school newspaper? “Spider-Man wracked with Guilt over Growing White Lie.”

[anaslaarfaoui]

12 Things Most People Don't Think to Include in Their Travel Journal

12 Things  most of the people  Don't Think  to incorporate  in Their Travel Journal If you're keen on traveling as I do (obviously haha), then the likelihood is that you've got how to document the memories from your trips. If you are looking for how to try to  so, let me recommend a travel journal.

Every person journals differently. If you look around  Pinterest for inspiration,  you will see pages crammed with beautiful drawings. My travel journal is different from that. I can barely draw a  drawing  (no really. They always find yourself wonky with uneven arms and legs). So the maximum amount as I might like to be ready to draw exactly what I see and knowledge when traveling, I can't. But that hasn't stopped me from filling the pages of my journal until the spine looks like  it's getting to hand over and just explode.

If you would like some inspiration for what to incorporate in your travel journal (especially if you cannot draw), then you've come to the proper place. to not toot my very own horn, but I prefer to think my travel journal is pretty awesome... Okay. So maybe I'm tooting my very own horn a touch ... Anyway, let's get to the inspiration!!

The plane, Bus or train Tickets

an excellent memento of the route you to urge to all or any of the various places you visit!  i exploit  tape runners  to stay  them  in situ .

Postcards

Postcards are super cheap to shop available just about anywhere within the world and are an excellent depiction of the place you're visiting. I mean,  they're meant to send home to your family and friends to form them jealous... I mean...  allow them to know you're thinking of them and need to share the view

Stickers

I prefer to incorporate stickers from the places I visit in my journal. If I'm going to a restaurant or bakery I actually like and that they have a sticker, I definitely get one.

Coffee Sleeves

once I  travel I always make it a goal to prevent at an area cafe a number of the simplest coffee I've ever had has come from these little holes within the wall places. If the coffee I buy comes with a cardboard sleeve on the cup that has their logo or the name of the shop, I keep it to incorporate in my journal.  I exploit washi tape to carry them in situ  

Business Cards

once I  enter little shops, bakeries, etc I tend to grab business cards.  it is a  great (and free!) memento to feature to my journal. I mean, if I ever want to travel back,  I even have the address right there in my notes!

Pictures

is sensible, right? Include pictures of your favorite parts of your day. See a cool statue? Snap an image and put it in your journal with some decorative washi tape!

Stamps

Both postage and ink. Are you in a  foreign country? Grab a few postage stamps.  they are not expensive and they are different everywhere you go! Are you visiting a National or State Park? Most have an ink stamp with the date and place,  within the novelty shop that's liberal to use.

What you ate or drank

Every place has their own food and drinks. Why not write on them?  you'll never get the experience again.  you'll also include (clean) wrappers of candy, snacks or maybe teas in your journal.

Smell, weather, sounds, etc

One thing I always do once I  go someplace new, is stop, close my eyes and take it to beat  Is there a smell of wood burning in fireplaces?  or even damp leaves? Write it down.  is that the sun beating down? Is there a continuing drizzle of rain? Write it down. Are there constantly honking horns?  or even it is so quite that you simply can hear the animals scurrying across the bottom  Write it down. These are the items you're less likely to recollect down the road. But these are the items that structure new places.

People you met

I do know  I meet some amazing people once I  travel. I always include them when writing in my journal. I mean, I do not want to ditch them!

Foreign Coins

After your trip,  does one have pockets filled with random change? Add it to your journal. I mean you have already got it anyway, right?

Ticket Stubs

What better thanks to showing the tours you went on or the places you've gone to?

Whenever keeping a travel journal make certain to require the time to write down at the top of every day. If you do not it's extremely easy for the times to run together and to forget important details of your trip.

Most importantly, have fun. Write, draw, bullet, do whatever you would like .  it is your journal and documentation of your journey.

What does one include in your travel journal?

Disclosure: This blog post may contain affiliate links or endorsements that I'll receive compensation. Your purchase helps me still bring you tips and adventures. But as always, the views and opinions are my very own .

[flighty37-blog]

Managing 2

Summary: Thirteen years have passed. Both Dory and Michael are thirteen, and almost thirteen respectively. Dory’s birthday’s in a couple of months. School is hectic. The joys of raising teens. And then comes one more surprise for the household. How will they handle this? Are they too old?

Now onto the story:

Thirteen years passed so quickly, that it seemed like merely blinking had brought teens into existence at the red brick house with the white picket fence. As usual, with teens, the house was in chaos. “Phil?” Dan called out.

“Yeah?” Phil questioned.

“Where’s my hair straightener?” Dan asked.

“I thought you didn’t straighten your hair anymore?” Phil asked, as he and Dan almost collided in the hallway.

“Only for important meetings, and I’ve got a doozy today, our schedules are overflowing, and we’ve got kids to wake up,” Dan answered.

Phil sniffed the air,

“I think I know where the spare hair straightener ended up.” Phil went up the stairs, and went to where Michael’s room was at.

Michael was just about to turn thirteen in a few weeks and was showing his mischievousness. When Phil entered the room, he found the  straightener plugged into the wall, and a Barbie’s face smashed against the hot part.

“Michael Lester-Howell; how many times have we told you no setting things on fire in the house?” Phil yelped out.

“Too many times to count,” Michael grinned up at Phil.

“Unplug that, and give it to your Papa, and give the Barbie back to your sister,” Phil said, as the straightener dropped out of Michael’s hand and landed near his father’s trainer.

“Do Not set another pair of trainers on fire either,” Phil said, as he watched Michael unplug the instrument and hand it to him.

“Thank you,” Phil said, and went back down the stairs.

“That Was A Collector’s Edition BARBIE!!!!” A cry of anger rent the air, and Phil closed his eyes, and opened them, when he met Dan down in the foyer.

“Here you go,” Phil handed Dan, the hair straightener.

“Why’s there a chunk of plastic on here? Can’t I just use one of your straighteners?” Dan asked.

“Well, our son was being a sneaky-snek and he melted one of the Barbies’ faces. According to our daughter, she was a collectors’ item….IDK,” Phil shrugged his shoulders.

“And yeah, what’s mine is yours. Go ahead and use my straightener,” Phil said.  

Dory collected action figures, and little figurines along with her various Barbies from around the world. She had a Dutch one, a Spanish one, and a British one. Michael was into the consoles and games part of  his genetics makeup. Soon, he’d probably be vlogging and making videos of his own.

A little while later, Dory came down the stairs, a curtain of her strawberry red hair was hiding half her face, and her arms were crossed as she was looking at the ground.

“It was the Barbie I got for Christmas from Grandma Catherine,” Dory pouted, and she looked with tear filled brown eyes up at her two fathers.

“The vintage one?” Dan prompted. Dory nodded, and her shoulders slumped a little.

“C’mon, let’s get some breakfast in you. Your Papa Bear is going to an important meeting at the YouTube office, and we’re driving you to school. Like usual. But I get to be here, and pick you up from school,” Phil outlined the plan for the day, as he took Dory’s shoulders and guided her through to the kitchen.

She allowed herself to be seated, and put both of her elbows on the table. Phil, gently pushed them off. She put her hands in her lap instead.

“Dada!” She huffed. Whenever she was beyond angry that babyish word was uttered.

“I seem to remember a two year old of mine putting her Barbies’ faces near our scented candles. The sprinklers came on, and it was a right mess,” Phil started, and turned his head to face her.

“I know. But I was two! He’s thirteen,” Dory argued. She was the most laid back of them all.

The peacemaker. Michael was a bit hot headed, and yet he was always cracking jokes and things.

“He’s also full of testosterone. Unfortunately Dan’s predictions didn’t come true and he didn’t want to wear sparkly heels or a sparkling tutu,” Phil answered.

“Well at least he wasn’t forced to identify himself,” Dory nodded.

“You’ll still have time to figure yourself out. You can do whatever you want. Within reason and no going to jail,” Phil said, placing a plate in front of his daughter.

Michael sauntered in a few moments later. Dory glanced up and gave a slight glare at her sibling.

“Why did you destroy my priceless Barbie?” Dory bluntly asked, sounding a bit like Dan.

“It was there, and the straightener was there, so I experimented,” Michael answered, as he dug into his own breakfast.

“Stop teasing your sister,” Phil set down a third plate

. “Sorry,” Michael said.

“You’ll have to replace it you know,” Dan came in straightening his tie, and leaning down a little, and over to kiss Phil’s cheek.

“I will,” Michael said.

“What’s the important meeting about Papa Bear?” Dory asked.

Dan made a face, “Adult things.”

“Ewwww,” Phil sympathised.

“Well you’re lucky they only wanted to see me about my content. I dunno why. I don’t fuckin’ swear anymore. Which is a goddamned shame, because I’m pretty damned good at swearing. They’re dumb asses sometimes….Kids, don’t you ever repeat what I just said,” Dan wagged a finger at both of his and Phil’s children.

“Repeat what?” Michael innocently asked.

“I didn’t hear a thing,” Dory softly replied.

They finished their breakfasts, and hurried out the door.

“First things first, stay in school, eat the lunches, make friends, and no bullying,” Dan said as he white knuckled the steering wheel of their car, and tried to navigate London traffic.

“We could’ve taken the Tube,” Michael piped up.

“Do you want to be in a cramped space and having weirdoes try to strike up a conversation with you? And wonder why the seats are so damp? My answer is ‘no you don’t’,” Dan said, answering his own rhetorical question.

“Watch It Asshole! Learn How To Drive You Twat!” Dan yelled, his road rage rearing its ugly head.

“Calm down,” Phil tried to reassure his partner.

“Don’t Tell Me To Fuckin’ Calm Down….” Dan retorted.

“You know we could’ve hitched a ride with Uncle Martyn and Aunt Cornelia,” Michael interrupted again.

“They’re getting their flat ready for the new baby,” Phil said.

“Oh yeah, I can’t believe they adopted,” Dory answered.

“I’m gonna be the best uncle Ever!” Phil looked absolutely beatific, clasping his hands in front of him.

Meantime there was a Michael vs. Dory going on in the back seat.

“Watch it, I’m gonna cream you,” Michael said through gritted teeth, as he moved his game about.

“It’s gonna be my victory!” Dory responded and she gritted her own teeth.

“We’re neck and neck. I’m about to toot you,” Dory said.

“Don’t toot me, I’m nearly up your butt,” Michael responded.

“Please don’t use those words,” Phil pleaded.

“It’s bad enough that we used those words before,” Dan shook his head and honked at another car that was daring to come into their lane.

“I win!” Dory raised her hands in victory.

“Tomorrow you won’t be so lucky little sister,” Michael promised and punched her shoulder, in a playful way.

“Ouch!” Dory punched him back.

“Hey, hey, less being rough,” Phil intervened.

“And we’re at the school. Kiss-kiss, hug-hug. Stay in school. No being bullies, no being a smart-ass. Answer any questions the professors have for you….” Dan spouted as he unlocked the back door of the car, and the two put on their school backpacks.

“So much for my social life,” Michael muttered.

He disliked school. He was always bored.

“I didn’t know you had a social life,” Phil ‘innocently’ said.

“What’s a social life?” Dan asked.

“Bye kids!” Phil made the two give him a hug, and then their parents were gone.

“Shit,” Michael muttered.

“Don’t say that,” Dory went off to find her nerdy-geeky friends. Michael went to find his own group of friends.

Later that afternoon….

As the tweens waited for Phil to pick them up, Dory felt a bit uncomfortable, and sticky. Why? She hopped off the concrete step, and went into some bushes. Michael, who was playing video games,  didn’t even see her go.

She felt her trousers, which thank goodness, were black so they didn’t show anything. She drew her fingers towards her face, and gasped. She was bleeding. She was just about to go back to waiting when their car pulled up and Phil honked the horn. She hurried out of the bushes, and slunk into the backseat. She took out her phone and messaged someone:

“Text me back! Emergency! Dory.” She put her phone back in her pocket, and started answering her dad’s questions about school.

“How was it today? Anything exciting happen?” Phil asked.

“Not really,” Michael answered.

“No,” Dory responded, which was unusual because she was usually a lot happier about being in school.

“Are you okay Dory?” Phil asked, a worried frown on his face.

“I’m fine. I think. I….” She looked out the window not finishing her sentence.

“You’re not coming down with anything are you? I’ll take your temperature when we get to our house,” Phil continued.

“Dada,” Dory sighed, and crossed her arms.

“Alright I won’t pry anymore,” Phil promised.

Luckily when they got to the house, Dan had gotten a ride home and was waiting for them, wearing his usual black attire and his hair was in waves again.

“Hi Papa,” both children gave Dan a hug, whilst Phil kissed Dan’s cheek, and hugged him tightly.

“I’ve got to go to my room,” Dory nearly fled the scene.

“What’s up with her?” Dan asked.

Their usually semi-social daughter was not acting like herself. Presently a few rapid knocks and a ringing of their doorbell sounded. Phil went to open it, and came face to face with Cornelia and Louise.

“Where’s Dorothy Cate?” Louise asked. She had always called Dory, Dorothy Cate.

“In her room?” Phil gave his almost sister in law and best friend a confused look after ushering them inside.

“Great! Cornelia? You got the stuff?” Louise asked.

“Right here. We’ll see ourselves through,” Cornelia said.

“Alright….” Phil’s voice trailed off. “I’m not….Are you? What’s going on?” Phil trailed behind the other two most important women in his life.

Nobody would ever replace Catherine.

“It’s personal and I don’t think you’d fully understand it,” Cornelia answered and lovingly pinched Phil’s cheek.

“Ow,” Phil rubbed his cheek still looking confused. The two knocked simultaneously on the door.

“Dorothy Cate?” Louise asked.

“We’re here Sweetie,” Cornelia’s soft voice penetrated the wooden door.

It opened a crack and a brown eye peeked out.

“Aunty Nikki, Louie? Come on inside,” She opened it wider for the two women.

“We’ve got the things, and Louise promised to help me teach you,” Cornelia said, as she shut the door in Phil’s face.

“What is going on?” Phil knocked on the door, and jiggled the knob, but it was locked.

“Come on you can tell me,” Phil pleaded.

Cornelia stuck her head out and gave Phil an epically sisterly glare. “Unless you know anything about the female body, up to and including what we have to go through every month, then I’ll let you in. Until then, go find your partner,” Cornelia pointed towards the lounge.

“Is she? Are you here because she….she’s….Oh….Oh...Ohhhhh!!!!” Phil put two hands to his mouth and then backtracked and went into the lounge.

“Well so much for not telling him,” Louise sighed as the two turned their attention back to Dory.

“Honey….” Cornelia wrapped her niece into a tight hug. Louise went about taking the sheets off the bed.

“Will it hurt any less as I grow up?” Dory asked through tear filled eyes.

“No,” Louise bluntly said.

“Unless you get pregnant, and then it goes away for a while,” Louise amended.

“Like when Darcy was a baby?” Dory gulped.

“Well in a way,” Louise nodded.

“Now you’ll have to do something for us. Can you get to the big bathroom? We’ve added instructions on the lid of the box,” Cornelia handed Dory a bright blue box.

“I’ll try. What are these?” Dory asked, as she inspected the box.

“Tampons,” the ladies said in unison.

“I’ll come with you. I’ll guard the bathroom, so no pesky boy will get near you,” Cornelia said in a decisive voice.

“Besides you’ve got to collect the clothes Corey,” Louise added.

“I’ll need a new outfit?” Dory asked.

“Yes indeed. Pick out your favorite item of clothing to wear and new pants,” Louise instructed.

“And a towel, you’ll need a shower, or a bath if you prefer,” Cornelia said, taking her niece’s hand and kissing the top of her head.

“Come on then. Louise have you got it from here?” Cornelia asked as she led Dory out of the door. “Of course I do. I’ll even make the others toe the line,” Louise promised. “See that you do,” Cornelia’s parting words were almost swallowed by the closing of the door.

They were met by three silent males. All watching hers and Dory’s movements.

“We need to talk Nikki,” Dan said, his mouth in a firm straight line.

“In a moment. I’m a bit busy,” Cornelia nudged Dory inside the bathroom.

Just then Louise bustled through with the linens. “Out of the way boys!” Louise barrelled right through the threesome.

“What’s all the fuss about?” Dan asked.

“Philly didn’t tell you?” Cornelia was guarding the door to the bathroom now, daring any of the males to approach.

“Um Auntie Nikki?” A tentative voice made Cornelia’s head swivel towards the door.

“Yes my Sweet?” Cornelia answered.

“I-Is there supposed to be a string attached to this thing?” the young girl’s voice held a wobble.

“Yes,” Cornelia said.

“String? Attached to what?” Dan said, as Phil nudged him excitedly and still covering his mouth.

“And it’s supposed to be wedged where?!” The horrified voice raised an octave.

“OH MY GOD!” Dan blurted out as he too covered his face.

“I said as much!” Phil answered Dan’s unspoken thought.

“She’s Too Young!” Dan said, and walked away.

“She’s old enough,” Cornelia grumbled.

There were now sounds of a bath being run, and Cornelia sighed with relief when the door opened again, and a tiny hand gave her a bundle of clothes.

“You’ve got your towel, your pants, and your outfit?” Cornelia asked.

“Yes,” the small voice answered again.

“Then get cleaned up and Louise and I’ll see to you properly,”

Cornelia instructed, as she went to the laundry room and met up with Louise. Once in the laundry room she spoke to Louise,

“She’s running a bath now.”

“Good. Poor darling. I know both of those boys got pregnant, but they’re still boys and ignorant of the ways of the period,” Louise shook her head.

“Male understanding goes so far. Even if you’re a drag queen or whatever,” Cornelia said.

“Heaven help us,” Louise looked up to the sky for help.

“Well, let’s make sure the boys are okay and they’re not weeping into ice cream or something,” Cornelia said in  a decided voice.

The two women exited the room, and they found themselves in the kitchen. Dan and Phil were tapping away on their keyboards, and Michael was playing the ‘ancient X-Box’.

“There you see? All is right with the world,” Cornelia said.

“Do you two even have any ice cream?” Louise was pawing through the freezer.

The two men simultaneously looked up from what they were doing, and they nodded in unison.

“That’s so creepy,” Louise humphed.

“Something right out of ‘The Shining’,” Cornelia added in.

“Look we’ll exchange ice cream for news,” Dan wheedled.

“And we’ll throw in the spoon and bowl for free,” Phil added.

“That didn’t make any sense,” Dan eyed Phil speculatively.

“Your daughter is going through a tough time right now. She’s experiencing cramps, bloating and bleeding….And if you’ve not caught on by now, I give up!” Louise threw her hands into the air.

“We know. We just wanted to see how far you’d get into your explanation before you’d give up,” Phil grinned cheekily at one of his best girl mates.

“You’re a cheeky one aren’t you?” Cornelia pinched Phil’s cheek again.

Phil rolled his eyes and rubbed at it.

Meantime….

Huddled in a corner of her room, a onesie on, Dory was contemplating life. She was shaken out of her reverie by an unsure knock on the door. Her father.

“Dada?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s me,” Phil answered just as quietly.

She opened the door and Phil came inside. He found her in the Totoro onesie and he hugged her tightly against him.

“How are you feeling?” Phil asked.

“Crummy,” Dory admitted.

He lifted her chin so that she was looking directly at him. To him, she would always be two years old. But the pain in her eyes wasn’t something he could just kiss away this time. As a parent even he had limits.

“What you must be going through, I can’t imagine. But I’m here,” Phil tried.

“I know you are,” Her voice wobbled ever so slightly.

“And when it happens again, we’ll be prepared next time,” Phil promised, and she hugged him this time, squeezing him. Not letting him go, and she started sobbing. Usually Dory wasn’t one for sobbing uncontrollably, but Phil understood.

Even though he didn’t have a biological sister, Cornelia had enlightened him, and there was that one biology class he’d been forced to take.

“You have it much harder than I do; I’ll admit that, but you’re strong. You’ve got both the Howell genes and the Lester genes,” Phil said.

“I know Daddy. I know. But it hurts so bad,” Dory said.

“Oh Sweet Pea...Let’s get some tea into you, and then we’ll order pizza. Any kind. How’s that sound? And I’ll scrounge up some chocolate for you. Or at least some hot cocoa,” Phil said, taking her hand in his, as if she were a toddler again.

“Sounds good. Can we have pineapple on the top? You know half pineapple half pepperoni?” Dory asked.

“Yeah,” Phil said. When they entered the dining room, Dory headed for Dan’s now open arms.

“Papa Bear may we order some pizza?” Dory asked. “Of course we can,” Dan easily replied. She outlined what she wanted and Dan nodded. He went to the laptop and he put his order in.

A week later:

An impromptu dance session was going on in the kitchen. The laptop was blaring McFly’s ‘Love Is Easy’.

“If this is love, then love completes me….” Dan stood at the cooker and he hummed under his breath, as his whole body swayed.

“It’s so simple, feels so natural to me,” Phil sang, as he tossed the spices at Dan who, miraculously, caught them in mid air, and added the spices to the skillet.

“If this is love, love, love, it’s the easiest thing to do,” Phil continued and squeezed Dan’s shoulder.

“Careful Philly, it’s hot!” Dan smiled up at Phil, who neatly dodged the spatula.

“A simple equation, and no complication to leave me confused,” Dan picked up the song. They sang it in bits and pieces, their smiles getting bigger and bigger, and then Phil took Dan’s hand and they danced about the kitchen.

“Today I”m laughin’ the clouds away,” Dan started.

“I hear what the flowers say, and drink every drop of rain,” Phil continued.

“My side of the grass is green,” Dan grinned, and then he took Phil by the waist and pulled him closer. They were starting to kiss, when the teens walked in.

“Get a room!” Michael started.

“Actually we have several rooms. Some of which haven’t been christened in a while,” Dan wryly answered, looking over Phil’s shoulder.

“Stop kissing?” Michael asked.

“Never,” Dan retorted.

“We’ll just let you two get on with it,” Dory pulled Michael out of the kitchen.

“I am so turned on right now,” Dan whispered in Phil’s ear.

“Forget dinner?” Phil asked.

“For us. But we have two responsibilities,” Dan wavered.

“They’re thirteen. They can fend for themselves,” Phil suggested and raised an eyebrow.

“What the hell…” Dan turned off the cooker and yelled down the hall,

“FEND FOR YOURSELVES!!!! And Do Not Come Find Me Or Your Dad, At Least Not For A While!”

“C’mon Daniel,” Phil dragged Dan to their master bedroom.

“After all, I am a bottom,” Dan said.

“No you’re not, that’s something you fabricated one night, and you were slightly intoxicated,” Phil replied, as he opened the door, and pulled Dan inside.

“God, I’ve missed you,” Dan said.

“I’ve been sleeping with you for fifteen years, you nutter,” Phil said, as they started kissing again.

“Shut Up!” Dan said, and they started to take each others’ clothes off, and then Dan guided Phil to their bed, as they tripped over air, they refused to stop their makeout session.

“You’re so hot!” Phil breathed.

“Did I say you could talk?” Dan asked.

“Nope,” Phil acknowledged.

“Then do as you’re told for once!” Dan was mock exasperated.

“Yes your majesty,” Phil grinned up at him. They started kissing with fervor.

Meantime in Dory’s room:

“They’re so gross!” Michael was cross legged on the ground face in his palm, arm on his leg.

“It shows they’ve got a healthy relationship,” Dory said, as she turned on her laptop and perused Facebook. Adrian, who had come out of hiding and had a few followers of his own was almost always online. Much to Dan’s chagrin, for Dan was very protective of his side of the family.

Phil’s side didn’t mind.

In fact, Martyn and Cornelia were thrilled to have followers as well. Even, nowadays, Catherine shared recipes on her Facebook account. Dory went to Skype.

Adrian was on, and she rang him via video.  “Hey Squirts,” Adrian waved at the camera.

“Hey Uncle Adrian,” Dory greeted.

“Hi Uncle Adrian,” Michael also greeted.

“So what are you two up to?” Adrian asked, as he took a sip of water.

“Nothing much. We’re in sort of lock down,” Michael said.

“What? Why?” Adrian asked.

“Our dads….” Dory’s voice trailed off.

“Oh. Ugh! I don’t want that image in my head!” Adrian made a disgusted face.

“Without them there’d be no us,” Dory smiled.

“That’s just not something I want to think about my brother doing,” Adrian wrinkled his nose some more.

“Same,” Michael nodded.

“So besides escaping your parents, what’s been going on?” Adrian asked, as he leaned forward to better conversate with his niece and nephew.

“Oh nothing much. Just can’t wait until I’m old enough to leave,” Michael shrugged.

“He’s being modest! Dad and Papa put him in a gifted class. He’s less bored there,” Dory chimed in.

“Dorothy!” Michael said, and blushed.

“Well if you aren’t going to tell him I am,” Dory crossed her arms, and looked like Phil for just a moment.

“She’s told you,” Adrian laughed.

“She tells me off all the time,” Michael grumped.

Dory rolled her eyes.

She was usually the more talkative of the two.

\

Most of the time. Michael was more withdrawn, he would talk, and he wouldn’t totally abandon his friends and make them talk. He was more of the silent observant type until he got to know a person, and then he would talk. A bit.

“I just can’t believe at their age they’re still ‘going at it’,” Michael said. “When it’s true love, it can’t be stopped,” Adrian shrugged.

“Like you and Matilda?” Dory asked. “Exactly! She’s a great woman, and frankly, I’d most probably be lost without her,” Adrian shrugged. The trio talked for a long while.

A few weeks later:

“BLURGH!” Dan was in the bathroom again.

“There’s nothing left to sick up,” Phil was at his side, and he caught a side glare from Dan.

“Don’t you think I know that by now? I’ve been dry heaving for hours. This is ridiculous,” Dan huffed, and back down his head went.

“If you’d just take another test, I’m pretty sure it’d be solved,” Phil wheedled.

“If you don’t want a smack round the head, I suggest you finish whatever you’re doing and leave. And wake up Dory and Michael,” Dan said.

“Besides it’s just the flu,” he tried to convince himself.

“It’s not the flu,” Phil said, though he was gone to check on the kids.

He roused them, and went back to his and Dan’s adjoining bathroom.

“So did you take it yet? I left it on the counter,” Phil was leaned up against the door front, his feet crossed and his arms crossed, looking quite sternly at his life partner.

Dan was sat on top of the toilet’s seat. “Yes,” Dan softly answered.

“What? I can’t hear you,” Phil smiled.

“I said yes,” Dan said, and he looked up with a troubled expression.

“And?” Phil dodged and caught the test that Dan grumpily threw at him. He gave a half-smile and looked back at Dan.

“Do you want to keep it?” Phil asked. Dan bit his lip, and looked back down at his hands.

“We’ve got two teens,” Dan started.

“Yeah and they’re old enough to help us out,” Phil argued for keeping the baby.

“But two teens are already eating us out of house and home,” Dan started again.

“They don’t eat that much,” Phil argued again.

“They eat enough,” Dan said. “Daniel, and I’m only gonna call you this once, Sweetheart, remember we’ve got money. We’ve invested. We’ve been clever with our savings. We’re not running out. We can afford three kids. If you want to that is. She, er I mean, it, this tiny person will be loved by all. Not just by me, but I’m pretty sure by everyone,” Phil determinedly said.

“Spoiled rotten most likely,” Dan was softening.

“It’s been ages since we’ve had a little one about the house, and perk, it’ll only be one this time. Not two,” Phil pointed out.

“That’ll be nice. Two were just…” Dan heaved a sigh, which retracted his stomach and he gasped for air.

Phil steadied him and guided him to the bedroom.

“I’ll be the most supportive partner I can be,” Phil said.

“I know you will. It’s just…” Dan put on his thinking face.

“It’s been a long while, possibly since you were twenty-five, that you’ve had an existential crisis; I wouldn’t blame you if one happened now. Take all the time you need, I’ll talk to Doctor Taran and make an appointment,” Phil outlined, and kissed Dan’s temple.

“Okay,” Dan whispered.

\

“It won’t be so bad,” Phil said, as he pulled out his mobile.

“Having kids is actually sort of rewarding in the long run,” Dan amended.

”They’re not eighteen yet,” Phil smiled.

“That’s true. When they do turn eighteen we’ll throw a big party,” Dan said.

“After naptime,” Phil answered.

“Right, because of the little one,” Dan put a protective hand over his stomach.

Phil followed suit, and kissed his significant other’s hand.

“It’ll be fine. You should know by now that I won’t leave you in the lurch. You’re stuck with me,” Phil said, as Dan gave him a grateful smile.

He arranged for an ‘emergency sonogram’, and found his way back to Dan.

“How d’you feel now?” Phil asked.

“A bit better I reckon,” Dan answered and slid closer next to Phil. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan, and put his head on the crook of Dan’s neck, between where the shoulder blade met the head.

“It’ll be fine,” Phil reassured again.

“How are we gonna tell Dory and Michael?” Dan asked.

“The same way we do with every big event that happens in our lives. An open and frank family meeting,” Phil answered.

“Then we’d better do it right now, before I need to go back into that room adjoining ours, and make a right mess of things,” Dan said.

“Wot; now?” Phil asked, as his Northern accent escaped.

“Yeah. Now,” Dan gave him raised eyebrows, which meant he meant business.

“Alright then,” Phil then went to find the kids. Dan was pacing, thinking about the supposed future outcome. They were almost in their forties, and by the time the kid reached eighteen, they’d be fifty-eight, and fifty-four respectively.

Once the teens arrived Dan and Phil motioned for the two to sit. “Make yourselves comfortable,” Dan started and paced about the room.

“We have some big news,” Dan continued.

“This is it,” Michael mumbled.

“You’re getting a divorce?” Dory put her hands over her mouth.

“We’re not even legally married,” Dan stopped his pacing.

“And besides I’d kick his butt if he tried to leave me,” Phil put in, a smirk on his face.

“It’s not official, and not yet confirmed….But, we think there’s going to be another addition to the household,” Dan started.

“I think it’ll be great,” Phil was all smiles.

“Says the one who’s not carrying this time,” Dan huffed at him.

“But we won’t know until tomorrow, with Doctor Taran,” Phil added.

“Great talk. Go do whatever it was you were doing before you got called in here,” Dan shooed them out.

“If you have any questions….” Phil started, but the two were already out the door.

“I have a valid question, how the hell did we end up getting pregnant not once but three times?” Dan raised an ironic hand.

“Lucky,” Phil said.

“I don’t feel lucky. I feel like the universe’s out to get me,” Dan said. “It’s out to get us both,” Phil affirmed. “Moreso me than you,” Dan said.

The Next Day...Sonogram Time:

“You know the drill, get up onto the table,” Doctor Taran directed with her pencil in one hand and her clipboard in the other. Besides having grown older by thirteen years, she was still the same. Same sensible bun, same scrubs.

She was just used to the men before her, by now.

“So what’s the gender this time?” She looked at Phil for confirmation.

“I’m not telling,” Phil held up his hands in a self defence motion.

“Alright then, Daniel, lift up your shirt,” Doctor Taran directed. Dan sighed, rolled his eyes and did as he was told.

“Wow! Whatever sort of power you wield, I want it,” Phil cracked.

“Sit down beside him you nutter,” Doctor Taran rolled her eyes.

“She’s told you,” Dan put in.

“Shut it you,” Doctor Taran spread the goop, and then the screen came to life.

“Oh there we go. You were right,” Doctor Taran nodded and jotted something down on her clipboard.

“Third time’s the charm?” Phil guessed.

“What? You’re saying our older two aren’t valid human beings?” Dan groused.

“Hey Mr. Grumpy, I didn’t say anything of the kind,” Phil countered.

“Oh look at you. Always with the domestic arguments,” Doctor Taran nodded.

“Look at her! Even as a blob she’s a cutie,” Phil breathed out, as he put both of his hands to his mouth, palms open.

“Spoilers!!” Dan complained.

“I’m sorry! I have this inane gift that I automatically know the genders. It’s not my fault!” Phil answered.

“It is. You know how I am about spoilers. I thought for once that I could be surprised,” Dan frowned.

“I mean, I said ‘she’, I was probably assigning genders again. That was my fault,” Phil backtracked.

“That’s a bit better,” Dan acquiesced, and they kissed quickly.

“You two….Daniel wipe yourself off, and get the heck out of my office. Go on. Shoo!” Doctor Taran broke up their little tiny argument.

The guys did as they were told. They took the Tube back home, and once at their place, they decided to have another family meeting.

In the Family Meeting and afterwards:

“Yes we’re having another kid. But you’re not going to know the gender, your dad knows; but he’s sworn to secrecy,” Dan said, and looked Phil up and down with squinted eyes, and a ‘V’ going from his eyes to Phil and back again.

“My lips are sealed. No amount of torture will ever get me to reveal it. Not even tickling!” Phil declared.

“Another kid. That’s just great, that’s all we need around here,” Michael murmured, his arms crossed.

“I think it’ll be nice. I’ll be an older sister. I can mold their mind, and teach them the ways of being a younger sibling,” Dory breathed out. Phil clapped her on the back.

“Parents’ pet,” Michael said.

“Well now that that’s out of the way…. You two go and do your homework,” Phil prompted.

“Let your papa rest,” Phil continued. Dan was looking as pale as Phil with a hint of green around the edges.

“I do feel a bit funny,” Dan put a hand to his mouth.

“Alright to the bathroom you go,” Phil said, as the kids left the room.

Dan just waved him off as he disappeared back to the porcelain shrine. Phil followed and knelt beside him.

“I’d pull back your hair, but that’s a futile effort…” Phil decided to sit on the bathtub instead, becoming moral support. Dan raised a certain finger in the air, aimed at his significant other.

 “Thank you,” Phil said in an unfazed tone.

“Asshole,” Dan muttered, as he finally stood and wiped his mouth off with a piece of toilet roll.

He also proceeded to brush his teeth, and popped in a mint.

“Ugh! How could you stand the morning sickness with Dory? I feel woozy, and my stomach is swirling about….” Dan managed to make it back to the bed, and was lying on his side.

“I dealt with it, and had to remind myself who I was carrying. Some days I had to remind myself that I loved her very much,” Phil responded, lying on his own side and facing Dan; his hands under one cheek, and smiling encouragingly at him.

“I know about morning sickness. So I’ll help you in any way I can,” Phil said.

Two months later:

“Two and a half months, and I’m still not showing. Where’s my pudge?” Dan poked at his stomach.

“Some babies develop differently. Don’t poke too much, you’ll give yourself a stomachache,” Phil said, handing Dan some ginger ale.

“Thanks,” Dan sipped it from a straw.

“Want some savoury biscuits?” Phil asked.

“D’you know that in America they’re called ‘crackers’?” Dan bit off a corner.

“I did not know that,” Phil looked thoughtful.

“Well now you do. Are we doing solo videos this week or together ones?” Dan asked, his hands poised above the keyboard, he was in his usual crease, hunched over the laptop ever so slightly. So what if everything was holograms now? Sometimes laptops were the best pieces of equipment.

Try and drag him out of the early to later ‘00s so quickly. Let him have his habits.

“Pretty soon you’ll have something to rest your ancient laptop on. Just be thankful that we haven’t announced our newest bundle of joy yet,” Phil said.

“Then there’d be questions, haters, and people who are so creepy that you just want to crawl under the covers and hide,” Dan mused again, as he started typing.

“Solo ones, but then at the end of the week, we’ll collaborate as usual. They want to see Dory and Michael,” Phil nodded, as he leaned over and kissed Dan’s cheek.

“Alright then. Who’s first?  We’ve still got the one recording camera. Why don’t we just splurge for a new one?” Dan asked.

“Because they’re becoming rare and expensive,” Phil was all about being frugal. Eight pounds was too much for him to spend, while Dan had sort of expensive tastes.

Top Man was his favorite online store.

“It’s Thursday. I said I’d do one on Sunday, but Dory had her dance recital,” Phil said.

“And of course Michael is in drama class. Do you have a feeling they’re pretty much the carbon copies of us when we were younger?” Dan asked.

“In Michael? Yeah. But I envy Dory’s grace when she dances. I look like a hunchback when I dance, and I make weird faces,” Phil sighed and shrugged.

“Let’s just get the announcement out of the way,” Dan suggested.

“Look who’s the non-procrastinator now,” Phil smiled indulgently at Dan.

“Yeah-yeah,” Dan waved him off.

“Want to do it now?” Phil asked.

“Let’s wait a couple of weeks. I want to see if the baby will get longer. I want to wait until I’m showing just a bit,” Dan decided.

“Alright whatever you want. I’m going to go record. Need any snacks whilst I’m up?” Phil asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“I’ve got savories, I’ve got ginger ale. I’m fine. Leave the bottle out. I’ll probably pour some more into the glass,” Dan answered.

“Okay,” Phil nodded and he went out of the room. They still did private videos. Except they stayed out of their room until the other was finished. Even Michael and Dory knew not to interrupt. “Hey Guys!” Phil waved excitedly at the camera.

Two and a half weeks later:

“There we go, it’s a tiny pocket….I feel feet….OMG! I’m going to cry,” Dan said, and wiped a tear from his eye.

“Well it looks as if they’re finally longer. Ready for the big A?” Phil asked.

“Big A? Are you talking about my ass?” Dan looked behind him as far as he could.

“The big Announcement,” Phil said in an excited tone, he was practically jumping up and down on the sofa cushion.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Dan sighed.

“Here we go….” Phil turned on YouNow. They both took a deep breath.

“Hey Guys! Hello,” Dan and Phil said at the same time.

“If you haven’t read the title, then you’ll be pleased to know we have….Drum roll please….Good News!” Phil said, as he put his fists to his mouth smiling broadly.

“Michael and Dory already know,” Dan answered.

“The reason they’re not here is because they’re still in school,” Phil answered a question.

“So we’ve got baby number three on the way,” Dan plunged right in.

“Way to take the surprise right out of it. I was going to tease them for a bit,” Phil pouted.

“We can do that for the next surprise, tease the hell out of them,” Dan answered, patting Phil’s knee.

“Phil’s the only one who knows the gender, but he’s under strict orders not to give it up. On Pain of Death!” Dan glared over at Phil, who held up his hands in a surrender gesture.

“My lips are sealed. Until sh...the baby’s born!” Phil squeaked out.

Dan reached over and slapped his shoulder. Hard. “I told you to shut up,” Dan said in a semi-joking way.

“Alright. Alright. Moving on. Top fan is….” Phil read the top fans off. “You win a gold sticker. You win a puppy….You win mismatched socks….” Phil was giving out weird gifts again.

“An octopus,” Dan decided.

“Oh good one!” Phil smiled.

An hour later…. “Well guys we have to feed Michael and Dory. See you later!” Dan said.

“Bye Guys!” Phil said, covering the camera with his hands. They signed out.

“Oh god….I’m breathless….Whew!” Dan breathed out.

“Too much? I knew we shouldn’t have stressed you out,” Phil worried.

“I’m okay Phil. It’s just nerve wracking as usual, but adding the pregnancy into the mix makes it doubly hard,” Dan tried to sound reassuring.

“Anyway we’ve done it, you rest up. I’ll go putter for a bit,” Phil decided.

“Okay,” Dan went to the bedroom.

That’s how Phil knew he wasn’t feeling well when he was submissive.

“I hope the little one doesn’t come too early. We don’t need stress right now,” Phil said under his breath. He made dinner, fed Michael and Dory, and then he brought in a plate for Dan.

A few weeks later another doctor’s appointment:

“Well the baby’s developing normally. Heartbeat’s regular, and any new developments?” Doctor Taran looked down at her clipboard, seeming to tick off boxes.

“I’ve got massive morning sickness. It’s moved to the afternoon,” Dan frowned.

“That’s normal,” Doctor Taran nodded.

“I had it last time, now it’s his turn,” Phil nearly gloated.

“Don’t gloat,” Doctor Taran and Dan said at the same time.

“Alright, things are good to go,” Doctor Taran decided, and handed Dan some tissues.

“Go on then. Get out of my sight,” Doctor Taran shooed them out.

“Any hint on gender?” Doctor Taran whispered to Phil. Phil rolled his eyes.

“I’ll hit him if he tells,” Dan said.

“Why do you always seem to be able to hear my private convos with Doctor Taran?” Phil cheekily asked.

“Because I’m a nosey twit,” Dan replied, as he pulled on his ‘Naruto’ jacket. Phil rolled his eyes and they drove home.

Third month:

“If I puke any more, I’ll go insane,” Dan said.

“I’m worried. You should be over it by now,” Phil said.

“Well, you’re the one who said that, ‘babies develop differently’. What if  I’m carrying the devil’s spawn and it’s all your fault?” Dan questioned. He questioned everything in life.

“Why would the devil impregnate you? You’re a lowly YouTuber,” Phil tried to lighten the mood, and ended up ducking the shower gel that flew at his head.

“I’m pretty sure you made a midnight deal with Satan,” Dan said.

“That was ages ago!” Phil protested, as he put the shower gel out of reach.

“Damn you and your rituals,” Dan said, as he made his way to the sink and brushed his teeth.

“Sorry, I’ve learnt my lesson,” Phil said.

“I hope to whatever, that I’m over this soon. Have you made any headway on the nursery? We’re keeping it yellow, but I want it changed up a bit. And it needs to be repainted,” Dan outlined his plan for the space.

“I’ll repaint it later this week, you can supervise,” Phil promised.

“I like supervising. Do we need to build the wardrobe?” Dan asked.

“No, I’m not letting you near a wardrobe, you’d probably, sick up something on it,” Phil said.

Dan gave him a hard glare. “I’m not a delicate fainting maiden,” Dan said, quoting something from one of their gaming videos.

“I didn’t say you were. I just don’t think you should move about too much until you’re past the morning sickness stage. If you ever get past it. Some people never get past that stag….” He was interrupted by a hand over his mouth.

“Yeah. Thank you, I’m pretty sure I’ll get past it at some point,” Dan said, as Phil mumbled against his hand.

Dan removed the hand, and they resumed their ideas on the space.

“You know Doctor Taran says there’s a procedure that will stop us from having kids,” Phil ventured.

“I know. But it’s risky,” Dan said.

“She’s performed it before,” Phil said.

“As much as I trust her, and I do trust her….I don’t know,” Dan said.

“Because maybe this is the end, and maybe our bodies will just know and shut ‘it’ off?” Phil ventured again.

“Let me think about it. You know I’ll have to be cut open again. Although the scars are fabulous, and worth it, I just don’t want to have to keep getting cut open. But for now, let us get through this….” Dan gestured.

Month 4:

“Finally I can eat toast again,” Dan had found a nice recipe for French Toast, and though Phil didn’t really like the egg mixture, he had added the cinnamon into it for a ‘dash of flavour’, he had to admit that french toast wasn’t so bad.

“Syrup or that fancy sugar, not the granulated kind but the other kind,” Dan said, as he finished.

“Yeah, it’s a filling breakfast,” Phil conceded.

“Isn’t though? The berries top it off just so,” Dan said.

“Definitely,” Phil replied. The teens weren’t awake just yet, as it was Saturday and they were allowed to sleep in.

“You know we haven’t played Sims-4 in a while,” Phil commented.

“Right, and since Dil’s had the baby, its mystical powers have been unequalled,” Dan answered.

“Well Evan and Dab bonded over it,” Phil said.

“And I think it gave them a wealth of knowledge,” Dan said.

“Well Dab stopped needing to do homework. Glad you convinced me to keep it,” Phil smiled.

“Like you convinced me with this one?” Dan indicated with an eyebrow raise.

“I did no such thing,” Phil looked mock offended.

“Anyway, to answer your weird train of thought, we’ll play Sims4,” Dan said. “Yay,” Phil grinned.

Video wrapped and in the midst of being edited:

“Looking back on the saga of Dil, Tabs, Dab, and the Pancakes, this has been a pretty fun series.

“Nobody’s died, alien abductions have been  a rare occurrence. Dil’s still a bit of a flop sometimes,” Phil nodded.

“And we’re still getting enjoyment out of being, ‘masters of a universe,” Dan replied.

“I mean raising kids is like raising Sims,” Phil nodded.

“Said nobody ever,” Dan retorted.

“Think about it for a minute, follow my train of thought. They have their own languages, their own way to dress, they’re sentient yes, but we have to guide them through their lives. And when they’re old enough, we send them off to University and hope for the best, but they always come back home. At least for a visit. And they fall in love, they get married, and the cycle of life continues,” Phil started.

“You thought really long and hard about this statement didn’t you?” Dan raised an eyebrow at Phil.

“I guess so. But that’s just how my brain works,” Phil lightly responded.

“You’ve got a strange mind my friend,” Dan said.

“In a way so do you,” Phil was unapologetic.

“Being around you has made me extra weird,” Dan shrugged.

“And?” Phil asked.

“There’s nothing to add,” Dan said. Phil pursed his lips and shook his head, then it was fully silent, as they slow kissed each other, and held onto each other. Then the teens showed up from school….

Month 5:

“Oof!” Dan righted himself as he hobbled towards the adjoining bathroom.

“Baby, you’d better be worth it,” Dan muttered to himself.  

“This kicking me in the bladder isn’t gonna go any easier on me for the next four months is it?” Dan asked, as he did what he was supposed to do, and his stomach started rumbling.

“Great, more bladder hockey, and now you want me to feed you? I reckon,” Dan mumbled.

He sauntered out into the kitchen.

“Fuck,” Dan hissed under his breath.

It was only nine in the morning. Not even Phil was awake this early. Usually they met in the kitchen around midday, except when it was a school day. Which it was not.

“It’s not even a school day,” Dan sighed, but he adhered to the rumblings and went in for some cereal.

“I actually have some cereal?” Dan peered into the box.

“I made me some toast and orange marmalade. I think. I dreamt I made it. I might’ve made it earlier then dreamt that I made it again. I don’t know, I wasn’t nearly awake this morning,” Phil tripped into the kitchen and poured some coffee into his mug.

“What time?” Dan asked, as he swallowed another spoonful of cereal.

“I think it was four,” Phil replied. “Huh. Okay. Your brain’s weird,” Dan said.  “Just like the rest of me,” Phil conceded. Dan finished his bowl, and he padded to the lounge. Time for some social media.

Month six:

“Time is...Ticking away, tick tick ticking away….” Dan hummed under his breath; he was resting his laptop on his protruding stomach and trying to read the screen.

“If this is love love love,” another voice said from beside him.

“That’s not even the same song,” Dan huffed out.

“I think it goes well,” Phil said, and put a hand on Dan’s stomach.

“Don’t! You’ll upset it,” Dan said.

“What’ll I upset? The baby or the laptop?” His boyfriend looked genuinely confused.

“Yes,” Dan said.

“Oh,” Phil put his hand on Dan’s knee.

“Thank you, important business,” Dan said, and settled against the mountain of pillows behind him.

“Stomach’s rumbling. What time is it?” Dan looked at his laptop’s screen again.

“One forty-five,” he nodded.

“Food time?” Phil was sat up again.

“Food time,” Dan answered.

“I’ll get one of the slaves….er one of the kids to whip something up,” Phil said.

“Or ask them,” Dan suggested

. “Alright then,” Phil said, and exited the room. In an hour and a half, Dan was feasting on sandwiches, crisps, and some Ribena, and water.

“Gotta stay hydrated,” Three voices said as they presented him with the sumptuous array of food. Dan looked at his little family.

Times like these, he was actually happy to have them all milling about. He was happy that Michael and Dory were becoming well adjusted adults, and curious about his and Phil’s ‘family business’. Michael especially seemed keen on learning about editing and making videos. Dory seemed to be a more of  the ‘behind the scenes’ person, but was also learning how to make quality video content and editing whenever necessary.

“Thanks,” Dan addressed the family and took a few bites.

They left him to it. He opened his laptop and perused the media.

“We’re lucky,” Dan said more to himself and the duvet then to anything outside of those perimeters.

“Yeah we are pretty lucky,” the bed dipped as Phil sat on the foot of it.

“How’d you hear me?” Dan asked.

“I’m stealthy. Like a ninja,” Phil said.

“Oh yeah. Totally like a ninja, you surprise your enemies, and scare the hell out of your ‘nearly-husband’ and children,” Dan retorted.

“This one’s going to be our last,” Dan continued in a decisive tone.

“Does that mean surgery for the both of us? Doctor Taran said it was a risky procedure,” Phil looked worried behind his glasses.

He had forgotten to get more contacts, plus he was due for an eye exam anyway. So he just whacked on his glasses. To be honest he looked hell’a cute in his glasses. Dan licked his lips and pushed the laptop slightly out of the way.

“We haven’t had proper sex in a while, and I’m feeling, well I’ve got that feeling,” Dan tried to sound sensual and ended up sounding like a Grade A flop.

“Hormones,” Phil tried to look annoyed as he looked up at the ceiling.

“Damn right. Take your glasses off, lock the door, and let’s make the bed all messy….I wanna do it….Sims style,” Dan answered.

“If I take my glasses off first, I’ll be too blind to see the lock on the door,” Phil said, but he had gotten off the bed, and locked it.

“No interruptions,” Phil said.

“Good. Get your ass over here,” Dan had deposited the laptop a safe distance away.

Phil fell on top of Dan and the two feverishly made out, the clothes mysteriously disappeared, and soon, the duvet was moved down all the way to the foot of the bed. Phil had put his glasses on top of the laptop, so they wouldn’t get crushed.

“God I love you,” Dan breathed out.

“I love you too,” Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s body, admiring the bump.

“You’re just the right amount,” Dan breathed out again.

“Whatever that means….” Phil’s voice trailed off.

“Shut up,” Dan ordered. And so it happened….

Afterwards….

Both were wrapped in a tight embrace, quite moist, but neither were complaining about it.

Though they couldn’t get too close, but it was fine. They had explored every inch of their bodies. Each admiring every scar, every new bruise, every cut that had happened. The romance was still certainly alive, underneath the bantering, the pseudo arguing, and the few times they’d actually gotten angry or tired of each other. As it happened, even ‘long dating’ couples needed their space.

But it was a rare occurrence for them. They barely argued, and when they did it wasn’t for very long. They’d always end up Skyping, or Facetiming. They were never far apart. Had never been. Ever since Dan had confessed, and Phil had been shocked, but he too had admitted to it. They had made sure that they were ready. They hadn’t rushed into it.

Being best friends first, they’d had to plan everything out. And it’d worked.

“Twenty-one years, you’d think we’d get tired of having this,” Phil muttered.

“You’d think so, but every time we do this, I find something new and exciting,” Dan answered, kissing the little dip in Phil’s neck.

Phil gave him a half smile and pushed Dan’s curls back.

“Same,” Phil simply answered.

“Stop playing with the hair, it’s too moist,” Dan shook his head, and a few beads of moisture landed on Phil’s neck. Phil made a face and took a tissue from the bedside table and wiped his neck off.

“Sorry,” Dan said, and kissed Phil’s nape.

Phil returned the favour, nibbling on Dan’s earlobe. They went back to just making out.

The baby decided at this moment to give a gentle kick, when they had no distance between them.

“Ohhh, the baby wants us to acknowledge its presence,” Phil said, and put a soft hand on Dan’s stomach.

“Jealous little twat,” Dan smiled, and also looked at his stomach, slowly they made eye contact with each other.

“Spoiled is the word I think you’re looking for,” Phil corrected.

“And loved. Exceptionally loved. I have a feeling that Dory and Michael will be the surrogate parents, especially Dory, I have a feeling she’ll take on the ‘mum’ role. I mean I won’t assign her to it. I don’t know. I just….Have this feeling. You know?” Dan said.

“I always know what you’re saying, or trying to say,” Phil nodded, and smiled, as they both looked deeply into each other’s eyes.

Month 7:

“UGH!” Dan flopped his head back onto the pillows mounted behind his back and head. He gritted his teeth. “I can’t Move!” He pushed himself up onto his elbows and tried to maneuver a bit.

“Heh, hah, eee….Nope! Phil?” Dan reached over and shook Phil’s shoulder.

“What is it?” Phil asked.

“I need to move, and I can’t,” Dan said.

“Why do you want to move?” Phil sleepily asked.

“Because I need to wee,” Dan said, and punched Phil’s shoulder to wake him up some more.

“Oh,” Phil stood and then went to Dan’s side of the of the bed and held out his hand, which Dan took and they headed to the loo.

“How many more months? Sixteen?” Dan groused.

“Two,” Phil yawned.

“Only two? I feel like I’ve been pregnant for twelve years,” Dan sighed, and then he looked at his joggers and back at Phil.

“Well?” Dan said.

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Phil helped Dan remove his trousers.

“Thank you,” Dan said, and Phil turned his back, and waited.

A few hours later….

“SHIT! FUCK! DAMN! PHIIILLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Dan called out.

“WHAT?! I’m in the same room as you. Maybe I should get you a bell to ring,” Phil mused, as he walked over to Dan’s side of the bed.

“A bell? You’d really let me ring a bell?” Dan looked pleased with the prospect.

“Hell no,” Phil wrinkled his nose.

“Fine, I need to wee again, and then you can help me into my Browsing Position,” Dan emphasised the last two words.

“Of course ‘Winnie’,” Phil said, and they went towards the loo again.

“One day I won’t be so fat,” Dan said.

“You’re not fat. You’re carrying a kid. There’s a big difference,” Phil said, and rubbed Dan’s shoulder.

“Help me?” Dan asked, and he sounded plaintive, almost younger.

“You’re slipping back into your eighteen year old voice.

“Well I’m sorry, it’s been thirteen and a half years since I was pregnant. It’s hard,” Dan muttered.

“I know, and it’s hard seeing you like this. But trust me, the end result is well worth it,” Phil tried to soothe.

“Shut up,” Dan sighed.

“Sorry Babe,” Phil said, and turned his back for Dan to have privacy.

“Shit, I can’t even stand,” Dan squatted.

“Ew,” Phil said. “No comments from the peanut gallery,” Dan ordered.

“Sorry,” Phil sighed, and he zipped his lips. Finally they climbed back into bed.

Then….

“We’re Late! Open Up!” There was frantic knocking on the door.

“Shit!” Dan yelped.

“OMG!” Phil covered his mouth with his palms. “Shoot, shoot, shoot, I’m coming, I’m comin….OUCH!” Phil tripped over trying to put on his jeans.

“Are you okay?!” Dan said.

“I’m fine….I’m almost ready!” Phil answered Dan’s question, and tried to appease the two teens outside their door.

“Okay, get me the keys and we’re off,” Phil said to the door again.

He leaned over and kissed Dan, and then the baby bump.

“I’ll be back in a bit!” Phil called over his shoulder and then he was gone. Dan sighed and reached for the laptop that was always in reach.

He opened it up to Word, and typed: “I Can Not Wait For This Kid To Come Out!”

Month 8:

“I’m a blimp! I waddle! I hate LIFE!” Dan gritted his teeth and tried to stand up away from the sofa, he wobbled, and then futilely grasped for the sofa arm, and fell to his knees. “PHILIP MICHAEL LESTERRRR!!!!”

“Daniel James Howell, almost Lester!! I told you to Stay Put! Which part didn’t you understand? I said I’d make a light lunch, and then come back and get you,” Phil sighed, and pulled Dan up with minimal effort.

“Ow! For fuck’s sake,” Dan muttered.

“Stop mumbling,” Phil implored, and ducked a slap to his head.

“Hey now!” Phil gently led him to the dining room.

“I am not weak!” Dan gritted out.

“Of course you’re not weak. You’re the strongest human being I know,” Phil soothed.

“I will so crack this pepper pot over your hench head!” Dan gritted his teeth.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Phil wryly said.

“Try me,” Dan answered in kind and picked up the pepper pot.

“Hey!” Phil put up a palm in surrender.

“Okay, Okay, I won’t rescue you anymore. You just try and stand by yourself. You try and go to the loo solo. I’m just going to stand idly by and raise our teens by myself,” Phil cracked.

“Just because I’m bigger than London itself does not mean you can make me feel bad about being an absentee parent. I’m incubating life here!” Dan put down the pot, and pointed at his protruding stomach.

“Ninny,” Phil said.

“I’m not even going to acknowledge what you just said about me,” Dan said.

“Well here’s lunch. Enjoy,” Phil tried to make an effort.

“How many more months?” Dan asked.

“One and a half, give or take a few weeks,” Phil was starting to have flashbacks to when he was pregnant with Dory and she was overdue by a month and a half.

“I just hope you go into labour on your due date and aren’t late,” Phil muttered.

“I hope so too,” Dan answered, and patted Phil’s hand encouragingly.

“You’re a nutter,” Phil said.

“I know, but you kinda made me this way,” Dan answered.

“You’re also my number one stalker,” Phil said.

“I am Number One Phil Trash !” Dan said, and put a pointer finger to the air.

“You’re incorrigible. It’s a good job you’re cute,” Phil said.

“I’m handsome. You’re the cute one,” Dan answered.

“Actually I’m still the ‘ball of sunshine’,” Phil said and tucked in.

“Ass,” Dan smiled.

“Mmmm only to you,” Phil said.

Month 9:

Middle of the day:

Dan was puttering about the kitchen. The kids were in school, and Phil had to go to a meeting. He’d been worried about leaving Dan, but it was an important meeting. One that had to be handled that day. “I’ll be fine,” he’d said.

Phil had crinkled his brows in a worried way. “If you’re sure? You call me the minute you go into labour,” Phil instructed, kissing him on the way out.

“I’ll be fine,” Dan answered to Phil’s disappearing back.

“I’m just fine. We’re just fine; aren’t we little one?” Dan asked to his stomach.

Then when he’d felt the kick, he smiled and had scrounged up something to eat. But something wasn’t right. And then he felt it. He rang Phil’s mobile. It went directly to voicemail.

He texted, ‘999’ then he forcefully slammed the phone on the table and doubled over. He made his way to a chair and panted hard. This wasn’t good. He tried to do some breathing exercises.

“Okay lamaze class that I went to one time, come and refresh my brain particles….Brain particles? What the actual fuck did I just say? Whatever just refresh my memory. Breathe out and then in? Or the other way round? I don’t fuckin’ know! Jesus fruckin’ poop on fookin poop shit,” He bit out.

“I’m fine! I’m good. This is nor….Mal!” Just then there were pounding footsteps and Phil was by his side.

“I cut the meeting short! Is it finally time?” Phil caught his breath as Dan feebly nodded.

“Thought so. I called the ambulance, I hope they get here fast,” Phil’s words rushed out in a torrent. “I hope so tooooo….FUCKIN’ ASSHOLE OF A STOMACH! GET ME SOMEWHERE COMFY!” Dan painfully yelled.

Phil led him to the sofa. “I called Susan and my mum,” Phil spoke softly.

“What for?” Dan asked.

“To pick up Dory and Michael,” Phil answered.

“Oh. Yeah,” Dan ground his teeth.

“Your dentist’s gonna be so angry at you,” Phil worried.

“Forget my fuckin’ dentist!” Dan said, just as the ambulance arrived.

They arrived at the hospital in record time. This time Dan didn’t mind the pain, didn’t get squeamish when he was opened up like a side of beef again. He knew it would be worth it. “Do you want to know the gender now?” Doctor Taran asked.

“Sure,” Dan said through hazy pain.

“Let me present your daughter,” Doctor Taran answered and laid the baby down on Dan’s chest.

“Cut the cord Lester,” Doctor Taran commanded.

“Yep,” Phil said, and did as was required.

“She’s….Beautiful,” Dan whispered. The baby had red and brown hair mixed, making natural highlights in her hair.

“Wouldn’t it be really remarkable if she had one tri-coloured eye and one brown eye? It’s hereditary. But it only happens in the females on my side of the family,” Phil mused, as he stroked the baby’s head.

She opened her eyes and blinked up at the two men in her life.

“Welcome to the world Baby,” Dan whispered as he kissed her cheek.

She cooed and then, when she realized where she was, she let out a cry.

“Oh good her lungs are working. Let’s get her cleaned up shall we?” Doctor Taran said, taking the baby.

“We’ll just stay here and hash out names,” Phil said, turning to Dan, after they’d sewn him back up.

“I’m stuck for names,” Dan protested.

“I was thinking, and I’ve had nine plus months to think about it. Plus I saw it on a baby website, and if you agree, then I think it’d be just the name for her,” Phil said.

“Well? Go on,” Dan prodded.

“Fiona Blyss. Blyss because she’ll really make us happier just by adding her little soul to the world, and doing god knows what, and Fiona. Not only for Shrek, but because it’s like a warrior’s name. If she’d been a boy I would’ve wanted to call her Thor Philip,” Phil answered.

“It’s fuckin’ lucky she turned out not to be a Thor. Although I’m not against Diana for Wonder Woman,” Dan answered.

“Thor Philip Lester-Howell. Think about it,” Phil said.

“We’ll call our dog Thor. If we ever get one,” Dan said.

“Yay!” Phil said. Dan rolled his eyes and puckered his lips. They shared a celebratory kiss, and then the swaddled baby somehow ended up in Phil’s arms whilst they rolled Dan to a recovery room.

“I love her so much,” Dan said through the drug filled haze he was now overcome with.

“We all love her,” Phil reminded him.

“I know, but….Now my tummy’s still pudgy but empty, and I don’t know what to do now,” Dan yawned.

“Try and sleep,” Phil suggested.

“Make sure she doesn’t get abducted,” Dan yawned again.

“I’ll defend her from everything, even malicious aliens,” Phil promised.

“Thanks Phil,” Dan answered and fell asleep.

“Well Kiddo, guess it’s just you and me,” Phil said, and bounced her a bit.

“You’re now stuck with us. For life,” Phil clarified. Fiona just blinked at him and yawned.

“I guess it has been a big day for you,” Phil conceded and put her in the plastic cot next to Dan. Phil leaned his head against the top of the chair and dozed off, until it was time to tell the birth certificate person all the details. Then they put Fiona’s footprints on the end of the certificate. And it was official. The Lester-Howell clan was complete.

A week later….

Dan was fully recovered and had scheduled his ‘other surgery’ five months ahead. He wanted to be fully healed, and besides Phil had cleared their diaries. The nurse wheeled him to the entrance of the hospital, and Phil pulled up in their van. He got out and jogged to the entrance, helping the nurse push the wheelchair. Dan was still stiff, and Phil helped him inside.

When he was buckled in, Dan looked in the rearview mirror. “They all came?” Dan asked, as he looked at Dory who gave him a smile and blew him a kiss.

Michael, who just waved and went back to his film, and little Fiona who was sound asleep.

“She’s been cranky,” Phil admitted.

“We didn’t really have much time to bond. It took me a few more days than last time to recover from the C-Section,” Dan answered.

“I know, but Dory and Michael have been helping out quite a lot. And you were right. Dory’s been fussing over her like a tiny mum. It’s so cute to watch,” Phil said.

“I had an inkling,” Dan answered as they headed for home.

“And the bed’s been big and empty. I couldn’t sleep without you, which is lucky because the baby’s been up all night too. I don’t mind. She likes it when I sing random songs to her,” Phil kept the chatter up, and Dan nodded and answered at every pause.

It was nice to be going home, back to a routine. Introducing little Ona to the world. He’d decided on her nickname.

“I was thinking of a nickname for the baby,” Dan said as Phil seemed to pause for a few breaths.

“Yeah? Me too,” Phil replied.

“On the count of three….” Dan started.

“Fi!” Phil said, just as Dan said, “Ona!”

“Both are really cool nicknames,” Phil conceded.

“Well you can call her ‘Fi’ and I’ll call her ‘Ona’,” Dan said.

“Thanks Dan for not saying my name for her was stupid,” Phil said.

“Cos it isn’t,” Dan said, as they pulled into the driveway.

They settled the baby back into her cot, and the older ones disappeared upstairs and into the library. Dan and Phil were alone.

“Internet! How I’ve missed thee,” Dan said and hugged his laptop, just as Phil came in with his ancient device.

“Oh, I see how it is. You didn’t miss me at all?” Phil sat beside him, and plugged in to a socket.

They turned on the devices and soon Dan was announcing the baby’s arrival and statistics onto Twitter. Phil added in his congratulations and of course the Phandom went wild with Congratulations and happy vibes.

“We need to do a collab, A.S.A.P,” Phil said, turning to Dan.

“I know, we will,” Dan promised. “Good,” Phil nodded in turn. There was a cry. “You’re on ‘Daddy Duty’, “ Dan winked at Phil. “Thanks,” But Phil was secretly happy that he took charge.

Five years later:

Two men of nearly equal height were trying, desperately trying, to decorate a cake, while a little five year old girl with streaks of red and brown, curly, long hair, and one blue eye, and one brown eye, ran about their legs waving a wand, and wearing a sparkling jumper and equally sparkling tutu.

“Go find Thor!” Dan said, as he caught the back of the child’s jumper and her limbs flailed in the air the ribbon on the star shaped wand flitting here and there, as she giggled up at her Papa.

“Otay Mumma,” She gave him a somewhat slobbery kiss on the cheek.

“Hi Daddy! She waved with a noodly hand in Phil’s direction.

“Mumma?” Dan asked.

“Yes! Because you is Mumma, and he is Daddy,” She answered, and showed a gap-toothed smile.

“Just go get your dog, and go outside, so we can bring the cake out, you little nutter,” Dan said, and gently set the child down.

She giggled, and then hugged their legs.

“Thor-Bor!” She yelled and a little beagle answered her call.

“Thor-Bor!” She said, and picked the little dog up. She marched outside and joined the rest of her party.

“Whew!” Phil said as he put the last of his icing on the cake.

“Almost. Done,” Dan’s tongue peeked out and with a flourish the cake was finished.

“Let’s present the cake,” Dan said, and the two carried it out to the party table.

It was decorated quite nicely with balloons hanging on the end.

“C’mon Ona! Time to blow the candles out,” Dan said, as the little girl ran up to the table just in time.

She sat at the head of the table.

“Make a wish,” Phil encouraged. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, and grinned big.

“Fwoosh!” she blew out the candles.

She looked around her, there was Dory, and Michael, and Louise, and Cornelia….Martyn, Susan, Adrian, Catherine, Nigel and everyone else she’d ever met. She waved with her wand.

“I, Princess Fiona Banana Fanna NiNona, grant you all to be at my Birfday Party!” She said.

“Thank you Princess,” was the greeting.

“Happy Birthday Fiona,” Dory said, and blew her baby sister a kiss. Fiona giggled and ‘caught it’.

Michael thrust a present at her.

“Oh Tank you Mikey,” She said and eagerly tore into the package.

“Ooooo A camera!” She said, and Dan took it from her.

“I’ll teach you how to use it,” Dan whispered in her ear.

“We both will,” Phil whispered in her other ear, making her giggle. The rest of the day went by very happily.

Fiona Blyss Lester-Howell was five, and had the rest of the world laid out before her. She was able to do anything and everything she set her mind to. She would do great things with her life. Much like Michael, and Dory. This tale is now able to end.

The End.

[esquimaltnanaimo]

Royal Rescue Ch.1: Island Morning

It was a spectacular February morning in Nanaimo. The engines of the E&N were all warmed up and ready to roll for the day's work, just poking their fronts out of their shop bays. Abigail's engine burbled, Chloe's air compressor thumped and Jordan's turbocharger whined as the trio awaited the morning work meeting with their yardmaster.

A set of footsteps signaled her approach. "'Morning, engines!" she sang cheerfully, stopping in front of the shop doors. "All set for today?" In turn, the three engines sounded their whistles as an enthusiastic "yes", all smiles. "Alrighty," began the yardmaster. "Abbie, you're on the refinery road-switcher job today. Jordan, you're on the barge run, and Chloe, you're on Comox supplies. Big shipment today, they've got a new log truck on one of the flatcars out there. Plus the usual stuff for the logging camp, of course." "I can handle it!" chimed the blue Geep cheerfully, revving her engine. "I know you can," said the yardmaster with a smile. "That's all, off you go!"

 One after the other, the three diesels set about their work. Within five minutes, Abigail was gone south to the refinery, whistling for the crossings through town, and Jordan and Chloe were fetching their respective trains from the yard. Chloe's was twelve cars of mixed freight, destined for the logging camp in Comox. Her load was was quite substantial compared to Jordan's train, which was nothing but eight empty boxcars for the rail ferry. The big SD40 rolled away with them without a care in the world, just as Chloe coupled up to her train.

Suddenly, a portal appeared to the Geep's right, and out rolled a bright blue EMD switcher. Chloe was just about to get her train rolling, and faltered out of surprise with a yelp, her wheels slipping on the rails before she could calm her engine down. She recovered and looked to her right, and smiled with surprise. ”Oh, hey, Ellie!" she said, happy to see her cousin. "What brings you here?" The little switcher responded with a cheerful "Hello!" and a cute smile. "Just wanted to stop by and see if you need any help!" "Well, you have perfect timing," giggled Chloe. "I was just about to get rolling," she went on, looking back along her train. "Ooh! Can I help?" "'Course! C'mon and couple on, you can lead us to Courtenay!" said Chloe, shoving her train back a good twenty feet so Ellie could clear the switches. The little switcher trundled forward, changing to the proper track, then backed down in front of her cousin and coupled on. Her engineer, Duncan, climbed down and coupled the two engines' air hoses together, exchanging greetings with Chloe as he did so. Afterwards, he climbed back up into Ellie's cab and pulled out his guitar, leaning back in his seat. "I'm excited!" giggled Ellie. "I've never led a train on this line before!" "Hey, me too!" said Chloe. "I almost never get to run the supply train, and here I've got my cousin helping me out. Best day ever, you ask me!" "Any day's the best day if I get to help my friends out!" sang Ellie, giggling. "Well, if you're ready, I'm ready. Let's get a move on!" said Chloe, giving her big five-chime whistle a toot. Ellie replied with a honk of her own British-style two-tone horns, and the two cousins revved their engines and got the heavy supply train rolling northwards.

The train passed through town, the two cousins gently pulling it out of the yard. Their Electro-Motive engines sang together as they throttled up, accelerating the train onto the mainline. "So, anything new around here?" asked Ellie, once they passed the first level crossing. "Not really!" replied Chloe, a smile in her voice. "Just business as usual! But Felicia's been saying she's trying to get us more work, and the regular stuff's picking up again, which is great." "That's awesome, yeah!" agreed Ellie, smiling as she led the way. She honked her horns twice and revved her engine, wanting to pick up speed a bit more, and Chloe responded with two honks of her own before opening her throttle. Ellie backed off shortly after, eliciting a giggle from her bigger cousin. "It's forty-five mile-an-hour track here, Ellie! You can open us up more, if you want!" "I know, but this is good for now!" "Well, you're the boss!" "Not really—well, OK, maybe I am this time." Chloe laughed.

The train rocked and rolled along the E&N mainline, scampering north out of Nanaimo along the gorgeous eastern shore of Vancouver Island. Ellie led the train into a loose right-hand curve, and a sign reading "PARKSVILLE" played across her vision. Chloe saw it, too. "Parksville coming up!" she sang. Sure enough, up ahead a small station came into view, and the trees thinned on each side of the tracks as the train rolled into town. The ocean was over to the right, sparkling blue, with the mainland's mountains visible across the Strait of Georgia. Ellie blew her horns for a level crossing up ahead, smiling at the passengers on the Parksville station's platform. Chloe smiled too, whistling a cheerful hello to the ones waving as they passed.

After clearing the station, the train rolled through a large, open area covered in track ballast. A single passing track headed left off the mainline, with a pair of switches leading into a small two-track engine shed, and another single track making a sweeping curve to the west – but just at the edge of the ballasted area, the tracks were fenced over, barbed wire and all. Ellie was curious, looking over as they rolled by. "What's over that way?" "That's the old line to Port Alberni," said Chloe. "We're not allowed to go that way anymore… it's abandoned." "Oh…" replied Ellie. "It'd be cool to check it out sometime with portals! Hey, Duncan?" Duncan leaned forward in her  cab. "It's all fenced off, Ellie… jail wouldn't be worth it." Chloe laughed. "It's not illegal! The tracks are just really old, they can't support engines." Ellie perked up. "Then we could go in as humans!" "Oh, good idea! We could!" Duncan's magic had given the two cousins the ability to change form temporarily – both of them had taken a liking to a human-like form, though Chloe had not had the chance to experiment with it aside from first learning how to assume it. Ellie, on the other hand, was quite experienced with it.

The train rolled out of Parksville, still heading northwards. "Chloe, how far are we going?" asked Ellie. "End of the line!" chimed her cousin, smiling. "We're taking this train to the Crown engines up in Courtenay, that's as far north as the tracks go."

The rest of the run, through Qualicum Beach and past Denman and Hornby Island, was uneventful, but beautiful. The train entered the Courtenay yard limit, and the two cousins braked gently, slowing the train. They broke through the treeline, rolling through the sleepy town of Courtenay and into the yard proper, which barely even qualified as a yard. There were only five tracks, and two of them had short cuts of empty freight cars in them. As Ellie lead the train in, she saw a familiar shape through an open boxcar's door, coloured bright orange and white, much like Abigail back in Nanaimo. Chloe saw, too. "Oh, the Crown engine's here already! Awesome, they're probably waiting to take the supplies."

Bringing the train to a perfect passenger-train stop at the far end of the yard, Ellie uncoupled herself from Chloe, pulling ahead to loosen her air hose from her cousin's. "Did I do OK?" she asked, worried. Chloe smiled. "You did perfect! Nice work, cous." Ellie smiled as Chloe went on. "You can go turn on the wye and get ready to head back… I'll shunt the empty cars for us to take with us," said the Geep, uncoupling herself from the train. Ellie trundled off to the end of the yard, finding a wye track. She made her turn, and rolled back through the yard facing south. Chloe was already busy shunting the empty train together, so she pulled to a stop out of the way at the other end of the yard.

A familiar engine sound approached her from the side, accompanied by a ringing bell. It was the orange and white shape from before, rolling backwards along the track beside where Ellie sat. They were an engine almost identical to Ellie, in size and shape. "Hey," they said simply, "I'm sorry to just appear and start talking to you, but your voice sounds really familiar—" they began, coming to a stop in front of Ellie on the next track over, completely losing their train of thought as they saw her. They were an SW7, just like Ellie – complete with freckles. The blue switcher blinked. "…I'm… familiar? I don't know, I can't remember a lot… But my name is Ellie." The orange switcher did a double-take. "Ell… Ellie??" they said, their face lighting up. "Like, ELLIE Ellie? Oh my gosh, I haven't seen you in years!!" Ellie looked overwhelmed for a moment. "Oh my gosh, please tell me you remember me! Kelly, from Atlantic Coast! Your sister!!" Ellie blinked. "I… I have a sister?" Kelly's expression fell. "…You don't remember?" She was too excited to hear Ellie the first time. "I'm sorry that I don't. I really wish I did…" Duncan exited Ellie's cab, going onto her side walkway to talk to Kelly. "Don't be too upset," he said. "From what I heard, Ellie was still a baby when she was Atlantic Coast." "Oh, well…" said Kelly, "that's OK. It's been years, anyway." Ellie grinned from headlight to pilot. "I have a sister!" Kelly smiled. "You have lots of sisters, El'!" "I mean… I know there's, like, more SW7s," said Ellie, "but I mean ones who knew me back then. Did I really say 'honk' instead of honking?" "Yeah! And it was the most adorable thing. You never grew out of it, even after me and the others did," Kelly said, smiling in memory. "I'm just gonna stop you for a sec before you go on though, and say I'm really happy you're OK." Ellie looked confused. "Well… when you got sold off to that rail services place, we kinda freaked out. We didn't know if you were gonna get resold, or… worse." Ellie laughed a bit. "Oh, well… They didn't want me after a while, so I got adopted by a preservation railway." "Preservation railway? Wow, lucky you. Which one?" "The Forest Valley. I'm Number 2 on the roster there." "That's so cool… You're better off than me, I'm stuck logging!" said Kelly with a laugh. "These people at Crown are gonna run me into the ground, I swear." Ellie looked worried. "Oh, no… I'm sorry to hear that." "Hey, though, it's all good," said Kelly with a smile. "They keep us in working order, at least." "That's good," said Duncan, leaning on Ellie's handrail. "It's good to be running hard all day, anyway," continued Kelly. "Keeps the oil flowing, after all," she said, with a wink. Ellie smiled. "Duncan checks me over every morning… then he kisses all my freckles," she said, giggling. Duncan smiled. Kelly looked back and forth between her sister and the human for a moment. "So… wait, you're in a relationship with your engineer?" "Yes, since last August." said Duncan, still smiling. "Oh, that's so cool! Congrats!" said Kelly, smiling in return. "Thanks!" sang Ellie.

After a short silence watching Chloe switch the train together, Kelly looked at Ellie. "So, sis, how's the preservation life, anyway?" "Oh, it's great! And I know someone really, really, really important! I mean… besides Duncan." replied Ellie. Kelly looked interested. "Well, she's known around here as the Queen Anne, but I know her as Tillie Senpai. She's so pretty and smart, and nice… and without her I probably, well… I wouldn't be here." "Well… wow. I don't actually know who that is, but that's awesome," said Kelly. "Oh! Duncan, show Kelly a picture of Tillie!" said Ellie excitedly. Duncan did so, pulling out his smartphone and walking over to Kelly, climbing up on her pilot to show her. "Oh, she's a… steam engine. Neat."

Before Ellie could tell her long-lost sister more about her Senpai, another engine sound approached. "Oh my god, is that Baby Ellie?!" said an unfamiliar, deep voice. "Oh, hey Bob! When'd you get here?" said Kelly. "Just did," said the other engine, rolling to a stop in front of Ellie on her track. He was an older model of switcher, an NW-2, painted in the same colours as Kelly. He looked a lot worse for wear, but he was just fine with that. Ellie looked confused. "Baby Ellie…?" Bob gave her a look, then his expression softened. "…You don't remember, do you?" Kelly cut in. "Hey, don't sweat it, B. She doesn't remember me either, and I'm her sister!" Bob laughed. "It's alright. Maybe she can make it up to us by honking." he said, looking at Ellie hopefully. Kelly's expression brightened. "Ooh, yeah, like on ACL! C'mon, say 'honk'. For old times' sake!" "…Alright. You wouldn't want to hear my actual horn, anyway…" said Ellie, trailing off. "Hey, why not? Could be fun to compare horns, see who's got what all this time later!" "It's not right to pester, Kell—" "HONK!" yelled Ellie, interrupting, startling her sister and cousin. Bob recovered, laughing. "There's our Ellie!" "Yes, oh my gosh!" said Kelly, laughing as well. "You even sound almost the same still, that's awesome…" "Ding ding ding!" Ellie sang loudly, giggling with her family's laughter.

Chloe rolled by on one of the other tracks at that moment, tugging a cut of boxcars behind her. "Ellie, what in LaGrange are you doing?" she asked, laughing a bit. Kelly looked over. "Chloe! Oh my gosh, stop for a sec!" she said enthusiastically. Chloe braked, looking over. "She's doing what she did when she was still a brand-new diesel," said Bob. "Heck, she's barely aged." Chloe uncoupled from the boxcars. "Brand-new diesel?" she asked, approaching. "What do you mean, brand-new diesel?" Kelly was all but jumping off the rails with excitement. "Chloe, you won't believe this. Ellie's my sister!!" "Wait, seriously?" asked Chloe, surprised. "Mm hmm!" giggled Ellie, smiling cutely. "Yeah!" said Kelly, excited. "We were part of the same EMD order, like… YEARS ago!" "That's right," added Bob. "She's Atlantic Coast, same as us. Well, former." Chloe looked at Ellie, then Kelly and Bob. "You're kidding… that's awesome!" Kelly started to laugh in agreement, but stopped almost immediately. "Wait. It just occurred to me." "Huh?" said Chloe. Kelly looked to the older switcher to her left. "Bob, you were built at LaGrange, right? Back before GM bought Electro-Motive?" "Guess I was, yeah." "And I know Chloe was, and I was, and Ellie was, too… So this is, like, a family reunion!" Ellie honked her horns cheerfully, smiling wide. "…Wow, that's new," said Bob, surprised. "Oh my gosh, that's so cute! Where'd you get that horn?" asked Kelly. "That's, like… British, isn't it?" "Mm hmm!" chimed Ellie. "At our railway you have to be really kid-friendly and non-threatening… This was a hand-me-down from an engine in Britain. Another shunter, a Class 04." "Huh… no way," said Kelly. "I'd ring my bell, too, but…" "But what? …It's not broken, is it?" asked Kelly, worried. "…Duncan accessed my records," said Ellie. "Apparently I liked to ring it too much, so they cut the power to it…" Chloe went wide-eyed. "…Rails above, and you were leading on the way here. We broke CROR." Duncan was shocked. "Wait, your bell is actually broken? We didn't get it fixed??" "Yeah… why else wouldn't I ring it?" "Excuse me," said Duncan, casting a portal open next to him and pulling an electrician's tool kit from it. Kelly and Bob watched, incredulous. The tall Scot quickly climbed onto Ellie's hood, approaching her bell and opening the metal panel close to it. "…Wait, shit," he said suddenly. "…What is it?" asked Ellie, looking up. "Your bell is air powered… It's not electrical," he said, looking around at the other three engines. "Does anyone here know how to fix a cut air line?" Chloe moved forward a bit. "The shop guys in Nanaimo can fix it!" Duncan was serious. "I need to help my girlfriend. Like, now." Kelly chimed in, choosing to not ask questions about the portal. "Oh, the machine shop in Comox! I can take you there with the supply train, they can fix your bell!" "Wait," said Chloe, "aren't the rails on your branch line super light? I thought only switchers can… wait. Ellie is a switcher." Kelly and Bob shared a laugh.

Meanwhile, Ellie was panicking. "Oh no… Oh no, I broke the law! I broke the rules… I'm gonna go to train jail!" Bob looked at her. "…Ellie, there's no such thing as train jail." "Yeah, it's no biggie! We just gotta get you fixed up, sis," said Kelly, laughing a bit. "But your boyfriend up there might end up paying a fine." said Bob. "Fuck," said Duncan simply. Chloe cut in. "Hey now, that's only if we got caught! And I don't think there's any RAC inspectors on Vancouver Island this week," she said, with a cheeky smile. "We're gonna be fine, so long as it's working by day's end." "…Okay," said Ellie, calming down. "Thanks, guys…" said Duncan. "No worries, friend!" chimed Kelly, smiling. "Nobody's going to jail, yay!" said Ellie cutely, drawing a giggle from her sister.

Bob lead the way to the front of the supply train. "Right then, little Ellie, let's go get your bell fixed," he said. "Then you won't have to say 'ding ding' like the old days." Ellie smiled, following her older cousin. Chloe honked her horn behind her. "Hang on a sec, Ellie!" Ellie stopped, looking back as Chloe rolled to a stop beside her. "Oh, yeah, Chloe?" "I'm gonna get the empties back to Nanaimo, since they have to go on the ferry soon… You gonna be OK to run back on your own later?" "Yeah," said Ellie, "I'll be OK!" "OK, awesome. See you in Nanaimo!"

After a short run down the branchline and what seemed like no time at all in the shop, Ellie's bell was repaired. The shop crew at the Comox logging camp had installed a brand new air line and cleaned out the motor, and now the little switcher's old steel bell rang with a bright, steady rhythm, good as new. After a cheerful send-off from her Atlantic Coast family, she departed south, heading back down the eastern shore of Vancouver Island as light engine.

When she arrived in Nanaimo, she couldn't see Chloe anywhere, but Jordan the big SD40 and Abigail the RS3 were idling on the shop leads. Jordan looked like he'd seen a ghost, and Abigail wore an expression of pure worry. "Oh no… something's wrong." thought Ellie, hurrying over to the shop tracks. "Jordan! Jordan, what's wrong?" she called, concerned as she rolled to a stop before the other two engines. They looked up, the older ALCo surprised to see her. "Ellie…? When did you get here…?" she asked. "Earlier, before Chloe left," replied Ellie. "I re-met Bob and Kelly!" "Oh… the logging switchers, yes… you know them?" asked Abigail, gaining a bit of a smile. "They knew me when I was a baby," said Ellie happily. "Oh, and they fixed my bell!" she went on, giving her bell a few rings. Abigail smiled. "Oh, that's wonderful—" she began, before the bigger diesel to her left cut her off. "Abigail, we have more pressing matters than Ellie's little trip down the Memory Subdivision here," he barked. "Oh… goodness, right, I'm sorry…" apologized Abigail. "Sorry… Okay, what's wrong?" asked Ellie, looking at Jordan. Now that she was closer, she could see the unfolded letter on his pilot. Jordan looked grim. "It's… Fuck. It's Gloria. Over on the mainland,” he said, looking down at the paper. Ellie looked worried. "…What's going on?" she asked. "The steam engine I worked with at Expo, the last working Royal Hudson, they're…" "They're gonna scrap her??" assumed Ellie, looking shocked. "Ellie, don't assume," said Duncan quietly. Abigail sensed that Jordan had just trailed off. "Well… you're half-right, Ellie…" she said, expression falling. "They're going to decommission her.”

~

[ntrending]

Why our devices make the sounds they make

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/why-our-devices-make-the-sounds-they-make/

Why our devices make the sounds they make

Brian Eno was in a rut. The English artist had built a career producing legendary acts like David Bowie, The Talking Heads, and U2. But in the early 1990s, “I was completely bereft of ideas,” he told the San Francisco Chronicle. “I’d been working on my own music for a while and was quite lost, actually.”

Then Microsoft called.

At that time, the Redmond, Washington-based technology company was preparing to launch Windows 95, it’s most user-friendly operating system to date. And they need a startup song, for the moments between a user pressing the “on” button and the computer actually being ready to use.

“The thing from the agency said, ‘We want a piece of music that is inspiring, universal, blah- blah, da-da-da, optimistic, futuristic, sentimental, emotional,’ this whole list of adjectives, and then at the bottom it said ‘and it must be 3 1/4 seconds long,’” Eno told the Chronicle. “In fact, I made 84 pieces. I got completely into this world of tiny, tiny little pieces of music.”

The instantly-iconic end result clocked in at 6 seconds long and had a vaguely Mr. Rogers-ish sensibility. By December 1995, it was playing for a staggering 100 million Windows 95 users.

The project, which Eno says liberated him from his creative block, marked an important moment in the increasingly close relationship between our devices and our ears. While we rarely reflect on the sounds our laptops, cell phones, and tablets make—and few today play “piece[s] of music” quite like Eno’s Windows 95 composition—every click, clack, and whoosh is crafted crafted. Across platforms, software engineers, user experience designers, and sound branding experts share a common goal: to help us make sense of our technology, and keep us coming back for more.

Age of the earcon

Companies have use sounds to subtly reinforce their brand’s message for almost a century. Early examples include the NBC chimes, which received the first trademark for sound alone from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, and MGM’s lions, which first roared in 1928.

But the field really rose to prominence in the 1990s, alongside the rapid development of new consumer technology. Phone companies may have all offered the same service, but they wanted to stand out from their competitors, and hopefully draw more customers in the process.

“There’s a huge element of branding with sound,” says Karen Kaushansky, a user experience designer with more than 20 years of experience. “When you’re building a product for a certain company, what is the meaning we want to put into that sound? And does the brand itself have some audio characteristics or components that can go into the sound?”

In the late 1980s, Apple was faced with its own sonic branding problem. Every time Macintosh computers rebooted, they played called “the devil’s interval.” “It’s any two tones that are three whole steps apart and played at the same time, like middle C plus the F# above it,” the authors of The Sonic Boom: How Sound Transforms the Way We Think, Feel, and Buy explained. “It’s disconcerting, provoking a feeling of agitation and anxiety.”

So Jim Reekes, one of Apple’s engineers, decided to change it. “I thought, I gotta have this meditative sound,” Reekes told The Sonic Boom authors Joel Beckerman with Tyler Gray. “I used to joke about it being a palate cleanser for the ears.” He found what he was looking for in a fading C-major chord in stereo. Company executives were opposed to the “earcon” (a word that means, roughly, “sound icon”), but Reekes managed to sneak his calming chord onto the Macintosh Quadra 700 computer, which debuted in 1991, anyway. Just as Reekes anticipated, the sound was a hit with users.

Attention-seeking design

Sound has proven a natural fit in a UX designer’s attention-grabbing toolkit. Bright colors and lights keep our eyeballs hooked, and variable content means our brain’s itch is never totally scratched. It’s even easier to attract our ears. “The specific range, where a baby cries—a lot of devices are tuned to that frequency,” says Amber Case, a user experience designer and author of the forthcoming book, Designing Products with Sound: Principles and Patterns for Mixed Environments with Aaron Day.

The Marimba ringtone is just one example of sound design capitalizing on our sensitivity to these frequencies. In the 1950s, Bell Labs, which grew out of telephone inventor Alexander Graham Bell’s research facilities, was hard at work studying ringers. They tested sounds of all stripes, from musical trills to buzzers. They found that sounds in the range of human hearing that pulsed from near-silence to full sound over a period of 3 to 5 seconds were most successful at capturing our attention.

The Marimba meets all of these criteria, which is why it became one of iPhone’s most successful ringtones. “The sound is unique enough that the human brain could easily detect the sound even when layered in a crowded soundscape,” sound consultant Brian Rommelle wrote in a short history of the tone. “It is as annoying perhaps to us today as the original [B]ell telephone ringers were to our grandparents, but in the end, that’s the point.”

Sounds of the future

Sound design is also important in guiding a user through a potentially complicated interface. When an iPhone user types, for example, they hear a click-clack sound like the keys on a keyboard or typewriter. “You need to have these metaphors,” says Cliff Kuang, author of the forthcoming book “User Friendly: How the Hidden Rules of Design are Changing the Way We Live, Work, and Play” with Robert Fabricant. “This is how new experiences get introduced.”

The keyboard sound, and others like it, are examples of skeuomorphism, a common device that builds associations by mimicking an action’s real life counterpart. It’s the same principle behind the crumpling sound you hear when you put a document (that looks like a paper file) in a waste bin (that looks like a real garbage can, loaded with already crumpled papers) on a Macbook.

“The most famous examples among UX designers is the actual sound of the lock screen on an iPhone,” Kuang says. “It was an association between, ‘Oh, yeah, I can feel that lock snapping because I heard that sound.’ There was a sort of synesthesia to it.” Of course, brand still matters—every platform has their own sound dictionary, with slightly different dings and pings—but usability is at the core of this practice. “A whoosh is a whoosh is a whoosh, but everybody designs that swooping sound slightly differently,” Kuang says.

In recent years, some UX designers have begun to question whether sticking with the familiar skeuomorphic approach still works, or if it’s time make more useful and intuitive sounds from scratch. For her part, Kaushansky is currently hard at work on designing sonic experiences for robots and autonomous vehicles. When asked if driverless cars will mimic sounds in current cars, for nostalgia’s sake or the comfort of passengers and pedestrians, she’s skeptical.

“Horns are kind of dumb. There’s no meaning in the horn you hear. You hear a honk and look around, like, was that for me? There’s no way to know right now,” she says. “We could be doing a lot better job between a ‘toot toot’—a ‘thanks’—versus and ‘errr’—a ‘get out of the way!’”

By disentangling emerging technology from ineffectual practices of the past, Kaushansky thinks “we could make our roads safer, or better, or even more interesting.”

As certain chirps become familiar, tastes change, or design theory moves in a new direction, many sounds are eventually retired. Microsoft stopped supporting Windows 95 in 2001. And Apple phased out startup sounds for Macbooks in 2016. But the best earcons live on, in countless YouTube clips and the memories of old school users. And if designers and engineers have their way, the sounds currently under development for autonomous vehicles, robots, or revamped social media platforms will have the same effect on users of the future.

Written By Eleanor Cummins

[xottzot]

2018-04(APR)-15th--Sunday Midday and early afternoon at this hellhole area.

2018-04(APR)-15th--Sunday Midday and early afternoon at this hellhole area.

I'm sorry, I apologise for the last of my entries, they were entitled Sunday 13th when they should have been Sunday 15th.

I am under intense daily pressures and daily anguish.

Robert just a short while ago VERY violentally verbally abused me.

All I asked him was a simple question as whether he would be home in a day or two because I had to go to an appointment and he at first totally ignored me words to him. I repeated them and he VERY ANGRILY replied, "Of course I will be at home!!"

I calmly replied that I needed to know for genuine reasons of security. (which ANY normal person can ask any other person, but NOT Robert......he gets suddenly viciously violent for no reason at all. And it can (and HAS) lead i teh oast to vicious physical attacks upon people and to myself.

Did this ever happen to dear Fliss? --- NOBODY WILL TELL ME. And Fliss refused to ever say anything about anything like that to me.

Robert is STILL VERY LOUDLY whispering to himself as I am typing this, just as he has been ALL morning since I have been awake.

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Sown at the Koongamia School Oval there has been some sort of football? mtahc going on. The carpark is full of cars. And there has been inane vocal crap coming from the place as if there's some sort of primitives fighting over a football again.

Can you see why the criminals and thugs of all ages hang about this hellhole area and try to live here by any means?

As I type this, there is AGAIN, as always so many time, the high-pitched whine of an elctricial engine nearby as somebody cuts up metal.......it sounds to my like the SAME place that alwasy does it, is again cutting up pieces of metal scavenged from all about which is then taken off to scrap metal places to make money. This has been going on for many many years and was occuring when dear Fliss was here but did NOT exist beforehand.

The machine-cutting noise stops and starts. It's not constant. But it's loud and pervasive.

Dear Fliss and I alwasy thought it was builders at one of the 'new houses' in Bellevue (through the criminals pedstrian walkway, which used to be sheep paddocks long ago), Fliss and I always thought that the noise was coming from somewhere over there......but as the houses all about this hellhole are so packed in so tightly and the suburb region borders are so nebulous and fluid with regards to authority and services etc., NOTHING is ever certain.

Right now as I am typing this....there are car horns tooting & honking......why? - Because not only is doing so illegal, but also because those who have been at the football? match at the Koongamia oval next to the school are all leaving in drips and drabs.

Earlier the old guy who stands by his front gate all day etc., he was there.

And when a group of young thugs wandered past walking ON THE ROAD he vocalised something to them. He then of course turned about and walked away to the interior of his front yard or into his house.

The young thugs consisted of aboriginal chidlren, non-aboriginals children, youths and very small kids....about 11 of them I think there was in number. A right little 'gang'.......

An aboriginal kid tore away from them on a small pushbike, whether it's his or not makes no difference to him, and he rode of course without any bicycle helmet. Helmets are the law but never for the constant criminals it seems. That one on a pushbikle rode along the road, went through the intersection and went to ? whilst the others all slowly walked ON the road and not on any footpath and slowly followed. I didn't want to be noticed by them at all.

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Oh! - Typing all that in JUST reminded me of that which occurred with the POLICE vehicle on Saturday afternoon........did THAT involve the old guy as well?

In any event, the group of thugs and shitheads, 11 of them today, was certainly on Sunday. And once more they were clogging the road and almost stopping traffic from going past them all.

And once again as usual was aboriginals from the aboriginal households of Kalara Way, but also there was older youths from ? and non-aboriginals all amongst them. That is how things usually go. The young criminal aboriginals usually are attracted to groups of youths andor adults to see what they can find out/steal/whatever.

The old guy at his gate today was standing there very imperiously, leaning into the corner of his driveway area and watching all that was going on. From his deliberate chosen vantage point, the old guy can visually survey the entire Koongamia grocery store area, and the entire length of Kalara Road, and along Jinda Road, and across to other houses too. He does this sometimes even at night such as last night (Saturday night), especially as so many people wander about on foot, or tear about in cars.

I don't think he's a violent man at all. But he has a constant need to visually watch what the hell is going on all around. And I don't blame him for that at all. Really I don't. I've never really met him but we see each other quite often from our own vantage positions of our own homes. I've always thought of him as just another poor dear man a victim of this hellhole area. When dear Fliss was here she thought him a busybody, or what I don't know. - For her sake and mine we naturally always kept ourselves to ourselves in any case, nothing to do with the old guy whatsoever. But we were alwasy friendly to him nonetheless whenever we met....AND to his dear wife.

Fliss told me herself in person one day years ago that the old guy was 'related' to the aboriginals of Kalara Way. She never elaborated. I always thought Fliss meant distant cousins or something.

But one thing I DO know is that the old guy claimed that his son was in the Police force. He told Fliss and I that at the time when that prime-mover and it's huge trailer smashed into the power pole and PRACTICALLY SNAPPED IT OFF at it's base at the corner of Kalara Road and Kalara Way a year when Fliss was living happily with me here. Whether the old guy told us the truth of his son being in the Police force is anyone's guess. And I never faulted him for that or anything like that.

The power pole was removed, then repaired, but the actual broken power pole itself was laid down on the street verge next door and it lay there for YEARS AND YEARS. It became a sitting bench for all manner of wandering shitheads and idiots that flowed about this hellhole area. Fliss saw all this herself. (it wasn't until MANY years later that the power pole was removed and taken away when it was seeen by a wandering power pole repair crew truck. - REALLY!)

IMPOSSIBLE THINGS THAT NOBODY BELIEVES ME WHEN I TELL THEM, YET IT IS ALL TRUE. THE SAME WITH DEAR FLISS. I ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH YET NEVER GET BELIEVED FOR TELLING THE TRUTH!

Another tiny example.....I just looked outside to see what is happening....AND......the old guy looks to be out standing there watching from his position......AND......a blonde headed short-cut youth was wheeling a pushbike along Kalara Way ON the road. - Why?

I'd suggest that Police had pullled him over earlier elsewehere for not wearing a bicyle helmet (his tyres were NOT flat) and so he was wheeling his pushbike along ON the roads. As soon as he got around the corner and near the old guys place, suddenly he got ON his pushbike and began pedalling away on the footpath AND on the road. -- DON'T TRY TO FIGURE ANY OF THIS OUT. - THIS IS NOW WHAT GOES ON AROUND HERE ALL THE TIME. - CRAZY THINGS. INSANE THINGS. CRIMINAL THINGS. POLICE LEVEL THINGS. IT'S RARE WHEN THINGS DO NOT GO ON AROUND THIS HELLHOLE AREA THESE DAYS.

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As I write this at this moment, Robert is lurking about the inside of this house doing things acording to his own timetables and loud whisperings. He has been playing video games all day and cooking in the kitchen at the same time and swearing and talking to himself all day.

For myself, I'm slowly getting tired enough to sleep. But I KNOW it never will be restful sleep or much of it at all for me. Poor dear Sam & dear Max have been sleeping next to Fliss's empty chair in the living room which is their location today that they associate with dear innocent Fliss.

I'm getting tears in my eyes from remembering all the happy years/decade of it all and becoming upset that I am not with dear Fliss which she promised me and promised to dear Sam & to dear Max and promised to herself.

It's getting COLD inside this hovel of a house.

When I'm dead I'll be cold forever but I have felt being so very very cold and chilled in my life countless times and none of it was good. My tears feel hot about my eyes and down my cheeks as I type this.

NOW...Robert is whispering VERY loud now that he knows I'm awake, not that he cares whether I'm awake or not or alive or dead. He is so utterly self-centered and utterly selfish and self-posessed all the time now. But please don't blame him for being bad.....because he is also a victim. And I'm a victim. And dearest Fliss is a victim.......

I'm going to take dear Sma & dear Max outside for their last-chance ablutions before the darkness of night falls.

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Please do not think that I am rambling all about for the sake of talking about nothing. - But I am alone. Abandoned. Through no fault of my own. I bear nobody illwill, least of all dearest Fliss who had so many terrible demons in her mind and memories which she was always afraid to tell anyone about (even her parents) and only let me know a very few of them at all. - We were going to get married. I WANTED to marry dear Fliss. BUT she kept putting ot off saying, "But we'll do it when things get better....when we can afford to get married......."......but that day never ever came........no matter what happened.......

So many tragedies happened when dearest Fliss and I were together, people getting ill (or old) and dying, our dear very much-loved pets being terribly suddenly killed, poor dear Fliss forever getting maligned and demaned by others all the time (but NEVER EVER by me!), dear Fliss constantly getting deceived by others she thought of as 'friends' only to have them use or deamean or try to use her for their own shitty ends, and THOSE people actually prospered...and THAT was another factor in dear Fliss's terrible state of mind and how she crashed seeing how bad people did whatever the hell they wanted and not only got away with it all the time but prospered over any and EVERY one else and STILL carried on exactly as they did so whilst good, kind, gentle people like Fliss and myself, never got anywhere no matter how much we earnestly tried. - God will know when I am dead that I always told the truth in all of this and to dear Fliss. I'm crying right now. - I'm sorry. - It's cold. I'm feeling the cold temperature. Hours ago I have eaten a little and given dear Sam & dear Max some. I'm aching. - Dogs outside are barking madly and angrily. RIGHT when I was going to take dear Sam & Max outside too......it will upset them. - I'm getting VERY cold now. I have to get into bed. Sam & Max will join me on top to keep warm themselves. - I have to get to bed early-ish...before all the criminals make getting to sleep impossible......again......they are already lurking about outside in the streets it sounds like.......and loud overpowered cars are roaring in the streets........a typical hellhole night........no wonder many people have been all moving out today in the fine rain-less weather. (no mention by me of specifics for security, theirs and mine)

Poor dear Cath in Queensland.......I think of you as the dear sister I never had in real life and I love you like that. Fliss also loves you BETTER than if you were her sister. Please always have dear memories of dear Fliss and myself in your large Queensland home with you on those months years ago and us all happy and full of life. I STILL have that gift of that candy tin behind me that you gave us at that time. I keep it for those happy memories and more.....

And STILL Robert loudly whispers LOUDLY and clucks his tongue as he plays his endless video games endlessly......

I love you dearest Fliss and want to be with YOU. - I want the world to know that and to remember. We are good people you and I dear Fliss and I want to be with YOU Fliss. - But nobody cares......

I must end this entry before my tears stop me from being able to see again.........

To any and everyone else reading this, please do not be sad. Be well. Be friendly to others. Be kind and gentle and thoughtful and giving. Do not be afraid. - I'm sorry for giving you all a 'sermon'. You have your own lives to live and it is not my place to meddle in anything. I'm sorry. -- To much noise outside!

I love you dearest Fliss and want to be with YOU.

[jungshookz]

teeny tidbits: jin's trying to teach y/n how to slice an apple properly and she's having none of it

➺ pairing; kim seokjin x reader

➺ genre; culinarystudent!seokjinniverse!! honk honk humour!! smerhaps smut!! y/n's a moron in the kitchen but jin likes to take care of her so it's okay!!

➺ wordcount; 1.4k

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"what... are you doing?"

there are a lot of reasons as to why jin doesn't want you to wander off into his kitchen without his strict supervision

first of all, you're very messy: you leave paper towels everywhere, you place knives on the edge of the counter so that the handles are hanging off and just waiting to be knocked over, and there was that one time you spilled a whole pot of tomato sauce when the two of you were making homemade pizza together

second of all, you don't like to play by the rules (as seen by your ramen can be cooked in a coffee pot and bacon can be fried with an iron! mentality) — but when it comes to the kitchen, jin really, really needs you to play by the rules because you could end up hurting yourself somehow if you start goofing around!

and what you're doing right now is most definitely not playing by the rules, which is why he needs to step in and do something straight away before you lose a limb

"slicing up apples. duh." you jump when the knife slides off the smooth surface of the apple and you nearly catch the tip of your finger

whoops

you look up to frown at jin before jabbing the knife accusatorially in his direction, "see? you're distracting me!"

"you're using a butterknife to slice apples?" jin asks incredulously before shaking his head and hurrying over to you, "no, no- you are not using a butterknife to cut up anything in my kitchen-"

"what's wrong with using a butterknife??" you tsk, "it's a knife, it can slice into things- as long as it gets the job done, i don't care-"

"but i do!" jin interrupts, gently plucking the butterknife from your fist before placing it into the sink, "why can't you just eat an apple whole?"

"well, i wanna make apple sauce!" you gesture to the array of ingredients that you pulled out from jin's pantry (you tend to take advantage of all of the goodies he has whenever you come over because duh, why not?), "actually, it's not really apple sauce. i want to make apple pie filling and just eat it like apple sauce."

"oh my god, okay-" jin pulls a knife out of the wooden block with a swift shing! before placing it on the chopping board in front of you, "in that case, you're going to have to cut your apples up into decently sized chunks with a proper knife."

"fine, but you are making such a big deal out of this-"

jin's eyes widen in panic when you pick up the knife only to suddenly raise your arm and whack it down against the poor apple like some sort of a mallet

"well, how the tables have turned-" you raise the knife to show him the apple that's now stuck on the sharp blade, "your fancy chef's knife doesn't work."

"okay, it looks like i'm going to have to jump in here-" jin moves over so that he's standing behind you before wrapping his arms around you and placing his hands over yours, "let's put this poor apple out of its misery first-" he hums, guiding your hand over and helping you pull the apple off the blade

"i can do this myself, seokjin-"

"you absolutely cannot do this yourself, y/n-" jin snorts, leaning down to prop his chin upon your shoulder so he can get a better view of the chopping board, "do you want a chunky apple pie filling?"

"ooh, yeah!" you nod enthusiastically, jin immediately sliding his fingers in between yours to keep your hand from moving when you suddenly reach for the apple, "i want, like- i want the chunks to be in, like, cute little cubes-"

"okay, darling- no bouncing like that with a knife in your hand, please-"

"sorry." you immediately stop bouncing on the balls of your feet and you look down at the apple, "okay, chef. show me your ways."

"when it comes to cubing apples, i like to take the top and the bottom off first- and we'll use what's called a santoku knife to do that-" jin places your hand securely atop the apple that's now laying down on its side (while making sure your buttery fingers aren't in the way) before his other hand forces yours down in one swift movement, the top of the apple plopping down on the board

he spins the apple around to the other side and you slice the butt end off as well

(you don't want to toot your own horn or anything but you think you're doing a fantastic job so far)

"-and then we're going to use our paring knife to peel the skin..." jin murmurs, moving your hand and making you set the san...tofu(?) knife down, "hold on, this might work better if you place your hands over mine. that way, you'll know how your hand is supposed to move-"

"okay... so the paring knife..." you place your hands over jin's as he picks up the smaller knife and you watch as he digs the tip around the stem before curling his wrist

"there's still a bit of the stem here and you wanna get rid of it since you obviously won't be eating that..."

unsurprisingly, it doesn't take you very long to lose focus on the apple, your eyes now wandering to your boyfriend's very pretty hands

you could spend hours just looking at them

one of the reasons why you like spending time in the kitchen with jin is not only because he lets you taste-test most of the yummy things he makes but also because you get a chance to watch his hands move... from the way his knuckles tighten when he grips around the handle of a knife... to the way his fingers delicately pluck at the ingredients...

you suck your bottom lip in between your teeth as you trail a finger along the prominent veins at the top of his hands and you're suddenly very aware of the fact that jin's basically got you pressed right up against the kitchen counter

"-and then you're going to go around the apple carefully while keeping your thumb right under for more control..."

jin's voice starts to fade out in the background as the little voice in the back of your head reminds you of what else jin's hands could be doing right now instead of peeling an apple

...

"and now you-" jin pauses when you suddenly pull your hands off of his before twisting around, your arms now hanging loosely around his neck as you lean up to press a warm kiss against his jaw, "you... have successfully peeled an apple."

he immediately bites back a knowing grin as he sets the paring knife down, and he's about to ask you what you think you're doing when he decides that acting as though he has no idea what you're doing might be a better idea

"-eating the core is unpleasant, so we're going to cut around the core instead of slicing the apple directly in half," jin swallows thickly when your hands slide down to pull his hips towards yours, his cheeks flushing slightly when he feels himself twitch in his sweatpants, "the- the key here is a good, sharp knife-"

he really thought he had the upper hand here but his body is betraying him!

"seokjin..."

jin mouths a silent 'oh, god' to himself at the sound of the pitiful little whine slipping past your lips

he loves it when you get needy like this

"i'm- i'm trying to teach you a lesson here, sweetheart-" he clears his throat as he stares down at the apple, suddenly blanking on what his next step should be

how the hell did he forget how to properly slice up an apple?!

"-and i'm trying to tell you that i prefer doing my learning in the bedroom."

...

you hear jin set the knife down with a clatter and it's only a second later that you feel your feet leaving the ground

you can't help but let out a squeal of delight as jin bounces you slightly to adjust your legs around his waist

"you're a real handful, you know that?" jin teases, squeezing under your thighs before letting out a laugh, "god, you drive me crazy-"

"i know-" you manage to swoop your arm down to grab the naked apple before jin starts walking and you bring it up to your mouth to take a bite, "you luhv it, fho-"

🎙️help me help you make your wishes come true (send me a request!)

✨why don’t you explore the rest of the library while you’re here? (full fics!)

💫or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles! mini series!)

🌟or something even shorter? (teeny tidbits like this one!)

[surveysonfleek]

556.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 33

3101. Would it bother you if your priest, rabbii or other religious leader (teacher if you are not religious) started wearing a plain black mask all the time? If yes, why? i’d wonder why they were doing that but it wouldn’t bother me. 3102. Where do you look for the answers? google most of the time. 3103. If you are driving and someone honks at you does it ruin your whole day? no. 3104. If you are driving and you get angry at another driver do you yell at them through their and your closed window? open the window and yell at them? throw things at them? stop the car and start a fight with them? do something else? if it’s really bad i’ll just do a long honk.

3105. I’m in the right lane on the parkway. There is an exit only lane on my right. A car pulls out from behind the pack into the exit only lane. When that car gets to the exit he is right in front of me only one lane to the right of me. Instead of exiting the parkway he tries to creep back in in front of me. I get pissed and honk the horn. He (I keep saying he but I couldn’t tell) throws up his hands as he slides in front of me. I think this is funny and toot again. He throws up his hands again. I do this about three more times and each time I toot he throws his hands in the air. Then my exit clomes up and I have to get off. From the time he got in front of me until I got off the parkway we drove approx. 20 feet. What you think about this situation? i’m getting confused coz we drive on the other side of the road but whatever. i kinda lost interest halfway through anyway lol. 3106. Do you live in reality or in your ‘own little world’? Which one is better? i believe i live in reality which could also be my own little world but meh. i don’t see one as being better. i just go with the flow. 3107. Who’s your favorite soprano? i think beyonce is one. 3108. Why is there porn geared towards straight men, gay men, lesbians but none really geared towards straight woman? i feel like there is? 3109. Is there more to being human than chemicles and impulses? If yes, what? life. experiences. memories. 3110. What if all the boys in jail could get out now together? depends what their intentions are. 3111. If your shoes could talk what would they say? replace me. 3112. How many windows are in your house? too many to count. 3113. Did you walk around your house and count them all? hell no. If not what did you do? sit here and answered lol. 3114. Do you think people store memories as pictures or words? i’m sure there are people that do both. 3115. If you got sent to jail who would your one phone call be to? my mum. 3116. Pick a movie you have seen: i haven’t seen one in awhile. Give a 2 sentence review about it using the word 'go’: 3117. Pick a song you like: no. Give a 2 sentance review of it useing the word 'come’: 3118. Pick a person you like: no. Give a two sentance description of them useing the word 'lunchbox’: 3119. What do these 3 words have in common: hippo, camp, us? they are words lol. 3120. If you could save time in a bottle, the first thing that you’d like to do is.. save every good memory i have. 3121. Who is the most powerful person in the world that you can think of? not sure… different people are obviously more powerful in different countries. maybe the queen? idk. 3122. If you were designing a mini-golf hole what would it be like? a lot of hills lol. 3123. Why do you think certain people become targets for teasing in school or exclusion at work? idk. some people are just bullies. 3124. Why, in essays, is the word 'I’ not allowed to be used when it is our own PERSONAL thoughts being expressed? i guess it’s more formal to not speak in first person idk. 3125. What song would you like your doorbell to play? something funky. 3126. Would you rather watch MTV or play GO FISH? haha depends what’s on mtv i guess. 3127. What is an itch? the urge to scratch something. 3128. Why did the holocaust happen? tbh i don’t know. i should read up on it. 3129. Would you be capable of torturing another person? no way. unless they did something that bad to me or people i love. 3130. How did Hitler’s army do this and still believe they were good people? i’m sure they were either fearful, brainwashed or promised a better life. 3131. Do you like poetry to rhyme? sometimes. 3132. Does 'jewish’ describe a race or a religion? both. 3133. How tall are you? 5′4″. 3134. If Hitler was capable of such cruelty to others, and he is human, does that mean that all humans are capable of this cruelty? not all, some humans definitely have more goodness in their hearts. 3135. How long have you ever gone without sleep? over 24 hours easily. 3136. Is a mouse a miracle? sure. 3137. there are alcoholics, chocoholics, shoppoholics, practically anything can be an 'oholic. What’s your 'oholic? sleep. 3138. Does heaven have a phone number? probably not. If it did would you call? Who would you ask to speak to? What would you say? 3139. Fortune time!! 1,2, 3, or 4? 3. if 1: 5, or 6? if 2: 7 or 8? if 3: 9 or 10? 9. if 4 11 or 12? Now pick a letter between A and G: if A: 13 or 14? if B: 15 or 16? if C or D: 17 or 18? if E or F: 19 or 20? 20. if F: 21 or 22? if G: 22 or 23? ——— you should now have two numbers. look at both numbers below and combine the sayings to get a fortune. 5: you are a very loving person 6: you will become very rich 7: you are too hard on yourself 8: cats will bring you bad luck 9: gremlins will eat all your cheese 10: you are going on a trip 11: someone you don’t know will be watching you 12: you will get what you want — 13. and your life will be filled with romance 14. but you will fall in love with a babboon 15. and salt is lucky for you 16. or you will inherit a cough medicine factory 17. and you will not come back 18. and you will lose the remote 19. or your favorite team will win 20. and you were born under a lucky star 21. but the next person who leave you a note is attracted to you 22. and you will have a stalker soon 23. or your best friend will take you to a movie 3140. Do you vote? yes. we have to here. you get a fine if you don’t vote. 3141. Are you always honest with yourself? sure. Were you honest when you answered that question? i guess. 3142. What kinds of diary names or entry titles make you specifically NOT want to read that diary? no. 3142. Is writing an online diary more about being honest about yourself or entertaining your readers? idk. 3143. What are you the last of? the last person to come into my room lol. 3144. Who do you really appreciate and what have you done lately to show that you appreciate them? my boyfriend. i guess we both take care of each other. 3145. When people do good deeds are they really doing them because they are a good person or because they want to feel like a good person? Or both? both. 3146. Somewhere far back in the survey I asked if Bill Gates or Mother Theresa was more successful. The most popular answer I have seen is 'it depends on how you define success’. Well, this survey is about YOU isn’t it? So how do YOU define success? i’m pretty sure this question has already been asked. 3147. Are people making up reality as they go along? idk. 3148. You may need a calculator for this one. Think of your weight. Divide it by 2.2 multiply the answer by .8 What do you get? That is how many grams of protein you need to eat every day to stay healthy. Do you think you eat enough? 3149. What is your feeling about republicans? idk. we don’t have republicans here. either liberals or democrats. 3150. What do you need to do? clean my room. What do you need to stop doing? lazing around. 3151. If you were to start a club, what club would you start? board game club lol. 3152. Are your hands and feet always cold? no. Maybe you have bad circulation. 3153. Have you ever been prank called? probably in high school. If yes, what was the situation? i forgot. 3154. Have you ever prank called someone? not in like over 10 years. If yes, what was the prank? i forgot. 3155. Have you ever gotten into a conversation with someone when they or you have dialled a wrong number? not really. 3156. Have you ever just sat alone with no distractions for a whole hour and thought about things? before i go to sleep, yes. If yes, does the universe open up when you do this? not sure. 3157. Are you a genius? i wish. 3158. If you were going to design the PERFECT signifigant other…what flaws would you give them? i would never want to design a ‘perfect’ person. 3159. If you answered NO to 3157, why do you doubt yourself? i didn’t exactly lol. 3160. RARRRR!!! Scared ya, didn’t I? yep. 3161. Do feelings and ideas come from inside the mind or outside in the culture? both. 3162. When you have a feeling or an idea: do you trust it? usually. Even when people are telling you that you are wrong? i’ll still think about it. Even when people are laughing at you for it? yep. 3163. WHAT IS YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME? (YOUR MIDDLE NAME BECOMES YOUR FIRST NAME AND YOUR LAST NAME IS THE NAME OF THE STREET OF THE HOUSE YOU GREW UP IN): hahaha i’d rather not. 3164. What is the differance between spirituality and religion? i don’t knowwww. 3165. What is the speediest way you know of to get over a cold or flu? rest, meds, fluids. 3166. Who is your favorite comedian? i don’t have one. 3167. What do you think of Winona Ryder’s court case? this must be super old. 3168. What was your last nightmare about? i forgot. 3169. Who are the people in your neighborhood? they’re all from different walks of life. 3170. During what decade was popular music the most emotional? 90s. During what decade was popular music the best? each decade have good hits i guess. 3171. How did Frederick Douglas, escape slavery against all odds? idk them. There were thousands and thousands of slaves around him, why did only he manage to learn to read and write? idk. 3172. Do you download porn? (be honest!) nope. 3173. Why is 'go suck an egg’ or 'your grandma sucks eggs!’ an insult? it wouldn’t insult me, sounds stupid. 3174. Life is: beautiful. I am: alive. I am not: doing anything. But I want to be: more motivated. And I wish I could: be motivated lol. 3175. What is the highest achivement anyone could ever achieve in this department? spiritual: physical: emotional: with their humanity: honestly by who’s standards? anyone can reach the highest achievement according to how they perceive it. 3176. Can you give step by step instructioons on how to think deeply? no lol. it’s different for everyone. 3177. Did you ever see the Wizard of Oz with the sound all the way down while listening to pink Floyd’s The Wall? nope. If yes, did you see what everyone says goes on when you do that? 3178. Let’s say you were writing an application for potential new friends. What three questions would you ask (and what would you want the answers to be)? i would never ask for friends lol. 3179. Which two words of the following words goes together the best and why: mullet, brocollii, community, blue, phosphor, hammer, ocean, hand blue ocean. it just works. 3180. Are you dyslexic? no. 3182. Are you overwhelmed? no. By what? 3183. 'My natural elasticity was crushed.’ What does that mean? idk. 3184. What is humanity evolving towards, do you think? technology. 3185. Are you good at cracking codes? ,t y dsud yp Ftoml upit ,o;l I’ll give you a hint. Y really means T. idk. 3186. How many holes do you have in your body (ex. mouth)? ten i think? 3187. Now there are ads on taxi cab hubcaps. Is there ANY free space LEFT to put more ads onto taxis??? all over the windows. 3188. What’s the worst place to have a scab? ass. 3189. Do you pick your scabs? yeah sometimes. 3190. Who’s goin’ chicken huntin’? not me. 3191. post 'it’ note what does 'it’ stand for? anything! 3192. What is a tragedy? idk. 3193. Where is guam? in the pacific i think? idk but i’m pretty sure we have the same timezone. 3194. Are you bubbly? not anymore. Do you drink bubbly? no, i hate it. 3195. Do you have caller ID? yes. If you do then do you only answer the phone after looking at it? yes. 3196. Bewitched or Jeannie? bewitched. 3197. When will you be able to just do what you want to? i do that now. 3198. How do people live with the fact that their time is short and priceless yet they get paid too little to waste too much of it? it’s all about the grind. 3199. OOGA! Make your best cave-pperson sound! no. 3200. Who tells better gossip, your best friend or your answering machine? best friend lol.

[mountainju-blog1]

India, Nepal and the best day of my life.

Often when people are asked when the best day of their life was, they will answer with a significant birth (daughter/sons, niece/nephews) or the day they got married, which are answers you cannot doubt nor deny. For those who aren’t quite up to such life stages, they tend to think about the question for awhile. What would sound good? What would others say? Maybe dabble a few options like the day they bought their car or their trip to Europe in general.   It isn’t usually a day people think about in the off chance they ever get asked. For me, the 10th of August, 2016. There are times that I treasure with the full capacity of my heart and mind but never have I experienced another moment where everything going on inside seized and I literally thought to myself “holy moly, this is the real deal”.  And I have no doubts that my answer may change with age but a part of me wonders if that pause in time and the captured acknowledgement will happen again.  As a lover of all things cultural, I travelled to Zimbabwe independently following trips with my sister to Bali and Fiji after finishing high school. Despite coming home feeling rich with experience and infected with infatuation for Africa, there remained the personal quest for different. 21 was coming up and the most contrasting location I could think of for a special trip away was India. I predicted chaos, over-population and full use of all 5 senses. In the popular areas of Bali, a western front is presented to please tourists. Aside from the unique gratitude exhibited by those who are less fortunate, my favourite part of Bali was the flowers placed at door entries and up and down each street for the Gods each morning. Rain, hail or shine. As a country very much, if not fully dominated by its own kind, I envisioned India to be almost 100% authentic; exactly what I was after. And boy, oh boy, was I right. Wrong is anyone who thinks they’re going to find a western-style toilet made for tourists (excluding in hotels) pretty much anywhere besides the Taj Mahal, or a Maccas with ‘normal’ McChicken’s for the desperate bogan cuisine - no chance. I found a small-group tour that was affordable, provides a glimpse into rural as well as the advertised India, but it also included a week in Nepal which was the icing on the cake.  There wasn’t much thought or research done. I threw myself into the deep end and that became overwhelmingly evident when my family was in the car waiting for me, to head to the airport. I felt the strongest urge to nervous-poo, vomit and pee all at the same time and was considering pulling the plug on a $4000 venture.  I got to Delhi a day before the tour started, stayed in my hotel room and cried non-stop. There was no wifi, I was too upset to go try and get a meal so it was just me and my thoughts making promises to never, ever travel anywhere ever again. I think I even wrote it in my phone so that I could remind myself of the feeling next time I considered travelling.  After what felt like a year (but was actually a little over 24 hours) the group all met for dinner and it was there that I publicly declared myself as the one-who-gets-sick so I was on a naan bread and white rice diet for the next few weeks. Prevention is better than cure right?! The group was wonderful and quickly became a family. A couple in their early 20′s from the UK - Emma and Jim, a recently married couple from the UK - Ashleigh and Kyle, an elder couple (but crazy-in-love) - Suzi & Dave who were also from the UK, and a family of 5 who live between Qatar and England - Del, Lisa, Ella, Lucia, Oscar. In addition, an elderly lady from Canada, myself and our tour leader, CP.  If I could use one word to describe India, it would be loud. The roads are shared between cars, buses, tuktuks, bikes, pedestrians, goats, pigs and plenty of cows which naturally creates a loud atmosphere but it is topped by the fact their indicating blinkers are not used. Horns are. For every (non-existent) lane change, overtake, turn, basically every move in general, there is a toot, beep, honk. Round-a-bout rules are.. mmm to put it simply: there are no rules. You just go. Any direction.. Whenever seems fit. Or even when it doesn’t.  Locals often asked for pictures and I’m pleased to say that as a solo young girl, it never felt unsafe although our guide may have contributed to that as he was well respected in each town we visited. My side curls from the humidity were the biggest pest of all.  My 21st birthday landed on the day we met Varanasi - India’s Holiest city and the most popular spot to visit the Ganges. Unfortunately it was high tide so we were unable to get onto a boat but it was still beautiful to witness people physically immerse themselves into a river that they believe is worthy of receiving deceased bodies and ashes. Mum was worried that I would see floating arms or legs, or heads, but I left without seeing anything too strange.  Our guide surprised me with a gorgeous balloon set up in my hotel room and each member of our new family crouched down awaiting my entry before singing happy birthday. In the evening, a perfect group dinner with a cake.  Just before leaving India and heading across to Nepal, we spent a night in a rural town called Orrcha. Coincidently, a significant ceremony was in Orrcha that evening so people were flooding in via foot due to transport restrictions put in place. Unlike places such as Delhi and Agra where people frequently visit to see world-famous attractions, Orrcha had people who were seeing foreigners for the first time ever. It was quite surreal. You couldn’t help but notice the way you were looked at and inquisitively wondered what they thought.  I’m not sure if it was a privilege that we should have declined but our guide treated us to a climb to the top of a temple to see a 360 view of the entire town. Entry was permitted after a bribe and a few men had to hold back a crowd of desperate worshipers physically pushing to enter the tiny rock door that was being unlocked for us. We urgently hurried in as the door was locked behind and started climbing stone stairwells that were suitably sized for primary school kids. There was so much adrenalin after the intense entry but we made it to the top (with sore necks, backs and dusty every-things) and were truly taken back by what we saw. After a week on our toes trying to keep up with the rush of India, everything was suddenly calm as we watched the sun set against a flourishing green town with a river through the centre, and passionate believers filling the temple surroundings we were hundreds of metres above.  Exhausted but still excited, we crossed the border the next day. Lots of rain meant our trips to sacred Buddhist locations were impacted but we got through everything on the to-do list in due time. Our first day in Nepal was wrapped up early in the afternoon and as we were driven to our hotel, I remember feeling a sense of relief. Bright coloured houses against a beautiful mountain backdrop. There was just something about Nepal. I felt that from the minute I saw women in the street with their open arms warmly inviting their children who had just finished school to run for a big warm hug. Maybe it was just something India lacked but it seemed special again.  Throughout the trip we were left guessing whether the hotel each night would have wifi, warm water (no - they never did), air con or fans, etc. Although they were luxuries we all secretly hoped for, our home-stay was well explained so we knew what we were in for - basics. “There’s no wifi or aircon for two nights but you will have your own shower, toilet and beds built in your little hut”, we were told. As any conscious person travelling to a 3rd world country would, we were more than content with anything that less-fortunate people could provide for us. Grateful.  We arrived early in the morning and were greeted with blessings on our foreheads and a list of the cold drinks they have ready to order from their small but impressive bar. All I remember well is how ridiculously beautiful one of the girls was - Pocahontis resemblance. Long black hair, flawless olive skin, thin, tall and radiated naturally. Emma and I ended up telling her how much we admired her while she was trying to style my hair the same as hers.  After lunch and a shower, we all met at the end of our row of huts and invited some children down for a game of volleyball. We played in a 5m2 patch of grass that had bindys, was up to our knees and had who knows what else within, but nevertheless, it was very much fun. Some of us were certainly less-talented than others (myself included!). That went on for an hour or two. Some of the older kids would randomly run away and come back with additional friends who gladly joined in.   Following this, the family that was looking after us for our stay offered a village walk or bike ride to entertain us for the next few hours. Majority of our group opted the bike ride - not imagining that it would be the highlight of our trip.  We hopped onto our bikes and started the journey when a group of young boys quickly caught up and introduced themselves whilst trying to avoid the muddy water filled holes along the light dirt path. As we peddled slowly, taking in everything around us, we noticed families coming out of their homes with their children to wave and welcome us, elderly individuals would stop and smile, the incredible scenery and freedom was breathtaking, the birds chirped in the background and the weather made it so peaceful. Riding past houses built from materials earth provided, parents who obviously didn’t have a lot of money but were wealthy in the time they had to play with their children, not one person ignored our presence and the simplicity of one tiny corner store and a market a few kilometres away each weekend being enough to survive was humbling. It was during these few hours that I felt happier than I had ever been before.  The kids who joined our journey were limited with their English but brief conversation was still possible. The giggling was contagious. Myself and two of the boys eventually decided to hold back from the group and race! The finish line was back with the group. Eager to win and not stopping for anything, we all ended up with mud in our hair, all over our clothes, legs, arms, face. I had white bonds undies on that day and they were far from white after rinsing them in the shower that evening. We raced a few times and the smiles made an un-saveable outfit completely worthwhile.  The bike riders and the walkers ended up meeting together at a lake for sunset. The sand was brown. Water calm. The sun was dimming between glorious mountains - Nepal’s strongest asset. We were told to look out for Rhino’s but thankfully we had the area to ourselves for the duration. My group and I split amongst the children, playing games, exchanging English and Nepalese words and chatting away. I remember looking over at the group of the Nepali men who had lead us to where we were, smiling, almost suggesting they were as thankful for us as we were for them.  From the energy and conversation at dinner that evening, it became obvious that the experience touched everyone.  I suppose it was a combination of components that made the day as meaningful as it was. The reminder of who we are and what we have when you minus the materialistic costume, the warmth between different people, from varying walks of life who were genuinely happy to be on the earth with each other, the pride in making children laugh and smile, and the gratitude for the opportunity to be somewhere so incredible.  Moving on from the Chitwan region, we hopped back onto our bus and made our way to Pokhara. We were warned: the drive should take around 6 hours but may end up taking over 15.. It didn’t take long until we understood why.  The drive is along a double lane road that is the only route between two significant locations, curving up and down steep mountains with corners that some sized trucks cannot physically fit around causing lengthy hold ups and generally being disastrous to fix. It could have been worse but we ended up being in a minor hold up - delaying our trip by about 2 hours. Stopped on the road, the doors opened and CP said “let’s go!”. Clueless around what was happening, we all go out - each of us mentally and physically tired of the squishiness of the bus and cramped leg positioning. CP started walking up the hill and we followed. Each vehicle had its doors open with a driver that was sleeping or eating, the road side accommodated small set ups for rural families selling chips and stale soft drinks and there was plenty of music blasting. Eventually we got to a huge walking bridge - roughly 200 metres long, that swung on top of a river. We strolled across and took some pictures. The views were stunning!  On the way back a few of us needed to go to the loo - a task that is much easier for males when travelling a 3rd world country and in particular, a rural area of a 3rd world country. CP pointed to a concrete something. I don’t know what word could accurately describe it. Maybe 2 metres square, roughly the same dimensions as a port-a-loo. The boys were quick to go in and out and didn’t seem to phased so I walked over. I opened the door and it was quite literally an empty thing that had a dip in the concrete along the edge and a hole cut out in the corner. Basically you just need to pee and aim for it to stream down the side and out onto the grass. The gender aspect became apparent after using toilet paper from the role in my side bag and realising there was no where to dispose of it. Men just shake it off - no toilet paper needed.  The days flew and home time was suddenly at our doorstep. Our little family had become very close so goodbyes turned out to be quite emotional. Our farewell dinner was filled with memories leaving a bittersweet feeling. Each day at breakfast the group would describe and compare their poo, how their tummy is holding up - no holding back on descriptive lingual, and our evenings would end with non-stop laughter and joy despite the Delhi-bellies, exhaustion, bugs, bites, etc. We each cared for each others wellbeing as much as our own and that’s an extremely important attribute for any group travelling India and Nepal to have. Most of the girls cried whilst giving tight hugs, there were big thank you’s amongst everyone for their unique contributions to the experience, and a genuine hope to see each other somewhere in the world again one day.  With one of the earliest flights the next morning, I was first to leave the group and was picked up by the airport transfer car with teary eyes and an overwhelming feeling towards all that had been. I felt like I needed more time to get to know Nepal because there was this connection I didn’t and still can’t fully comprehend. Nepal had moved me from the beginning and continued to do so until departure. There was a male driver and a female in his company wearing a business shirt. She asked lots of questions which I originally assumed was just to avoid awkward silence. The drive was around 45 minutes and within that time this complete stranger opened up to me about her abusive parents and fleeing her home with her brothers, spending time in India and overcoming being a lone woman there and other topics that I sense she had kept to herself for a very long time. We arrived at the airport and she got out to assist with my luggage and walked with me to the gates. I remembered having Nepalese money in my wallet that was obviously not needed from then onwards so I gave what I had to her. She gave me a business card and asked me to contact her the next time I’m in Nepal. She mentioned the corporate side of being able to help with transport but it was as if her emotions took over as she asked if she could hug me and began to cry. I sat at the airport completely confused but thankful to have crossed paths with her. I have an undying urge to return to Nepal and hope that when I do, the pieces of the puzzle all fall into place.