#honestly this is kinda censored because I have some writings and they're dark

[victorcross]

VN REVIEW! Particles of Obsession

obviously have to do my first review with the game that basically inspired my vn marathon and is part of my blog theme. also I know the creator has a tumblr if you see this hiiiii

the basics: you're monika viotto, a college student working at a cafe. school sucks, life kinda sucks, you've gone through a lot and are just trying to make the most of it now. buuut unfortunately, you're not allowed to have a happy ending. you do at least have 5ish love interests though who make you suffer and/or suffer with you though?

available on steam and itch.io, full game is $30, alexander route dlc is $5, free demo

contains 18+ scenes, options to censor; sexual content scenes/cgs, dubious consent scenes/cgs, and descriptions of violence

MANY endings, extra content, and a walkthrough for each character

I'm not good at summaries but while avoiding any spoilers, all the above and the fact this game has a billion trigger warnings attached to it and on every character's page is all you really need to know. if you can handle a lot of extreme dark themes (listed on the game's page) I recommend trying out the free demo at least and seeing if it's for you!

and with that out of the way: actual review portion! spoilers abound

immediately must put it straight I Love this game and admire the clear passion and love (tough love. to be more fitting) put into this.

if you're really just looking for a straight up yandere experience your mileage will vary because you get that plenty out of sebastian and unfortunately brandon, while julian is like 3/4ths there and quinn is simply too normal for that (I can't speak for alexander since I haven't bought his dlc I would assume he's also like 3/4ths there). if you're also fairly interested in the purely narrative portions and can give our mc a fair shot, you'll probably enjoy it more

in general without getting really into specifics of the story or characters, it is an extremely dark story with a lot of triggering elements but I feel there's a lot of grace and tact towards all the subject matter that stops it from being unnecessarily disturbing or like it's purely for shock and I applaud that considering the darkness of the game is like part of the selling point. I love the writing and pacing, and it doesn't take itself too seriously or too silly it knows the right time and place for everything and the characters all have some level of charm to them. even characters with little presence generally feel like they really do have personality and life to them

I feel like this game really is worth the price, it honestly has so much packed in I feel like I have been spoiled because I play other vns and I'm like sigh....... I miss particles of reality. like there's so many endings with wildly different outcomes, your choices are spaced out well and can HEAVILY change the events, there's very few that are purely for like random minor dialogue differences and otherwise pointless. genuinely is a Your Choice Matters game even if you can only like die or suffer for the rest of your life but you're told that in the tagline basically

also the extensive trigger warnings are really good they're not something I personally need but I absolutely appreciate the fact they're there and how thorough they are as well as the censorship options

the only thing that has bothered me really has been that some of the ui is kinda plain but that's the artist in me I don't think people care that much

good game. anyways story and characters. tw for incest on brandon

so firstly I have to acknowledge the worldbuilding. there is actually a supernatural element to all this which IS mentioned in the game description but I am illiterate and only look at pretty pictures so it caught me off guard. basically there are these meta guardians who oversee reality and I'm not very into this aspect of the game so I'm blurry on the specifics but basically all the timelines are canonical, alternate universe are also canonical, and all have something to do with monika who as far as they can tell is just a regular human but they abruptly end when she either meets a horrible fate or dies, and reality is breaking. it's not understood why by anyone (even by the end of the game) and there's some shady shit going on in the guardian hierarchy.

again hasn't really piqued my interest so I won't get really into it or anything, but it is like a whole side to everything I feel like I have to address it. it isn't a detriment to the game, it adds an interesting layer of mystery and explains the whole existence of the vn which I find endearing. fun mystery to learn more of in the sequel! (I need to play the demo for it.....) the guardians investigating this also pop up to comment on the routes on occasion which may be annoying to some people but I think it's cute and they are funny sometimes. it's also not a frequent occurrence, mostly only happens at the beginning of each route and the separate sections with them only last a couple of minutes so they don't overstay their welcome or anything

moving on, our mc monika! I actually replaced her name at the beginning with mine and couldn't reset it so I was like wtf was it again.... thank you brandon's character profile. anyways

basically. I love her I find when mcs of media like this to be completely healthy people with normal happy lives/childhoods it can sometimes be really annoying so I think she is delightful and perfect for the kind of story this is. I think she's very realistic and well written for her background and personality and as someone who has fortunately not been in the mafia but has my fair share of troubles and history with unhealthy relationships I can relate to her and see why she does the things she(/you. I guess) does and her logic behind it. idk it was crazy to me that people in reviews found her annoying or stupid I don't think she does anything atrociously dumb there's always a clear line of thought or reason she chooses to do something or why she acts the way she does

there is a fair amount of focus on her character and background which is extremely sad but it may be a bother if you don't really care about her as a character and just want to get in the guys' pants but I LIKE HER!!!! I think she wraps everything up in a nice depressing bow. also she's funny sometimes

speaking of getting into pants though. love interest thoughts. you can play them in any order (aside from one) but the order they're listed in seems to be the intended way which is also how I'm going through them

first we have sebastian the poster child. he also has the most endings and general just appearances/presence of all the guys so if you like him you will have a fucking ball and if you don't like him it'll be a nightmare his presence is not limited to his own route at all despite the fact that outside of his route you are complete strangers he's just a really dedicated stalker. I think it is so so funny.

he started pursuing monika when he was 14 and she was 10 which is not the type of creepy weird inappropriate behavior I accept I do/did like him outside of that but with that knowledge I'm like oughhh.... he was never a good person anyways but that singlehandedly made him unsexy

about his character though it makes sense he is the poster boy because he lives and breathes the obsession theme he is delusional and wants to do everything he can to be the perfect boyfriend in your eyes and do things right by you but at the same time his selfish desire to have you overtakes him and all good will he has towards you. he literally cannot live in a world without you and you're the only thing he wants

I find he oddly has the least backstory or explanation to why he is the way he is compared to all the other characters/love interests? we know he is from an enemy mafia family that was shockingly a kind of healthy environment as far as a mafia family can be I suppose and we actually can play their meeting via brandon's route and I have found like 0 reason why sebastian becomes INSTANTLY fixated and obsessed with monika it's just love at first sight and he says as much. which is pretty flimsy and nonsensical that it's taken to the degree it is especially when the other love interests do have a clear reason why they love her and aren't obsessed to that degree

that's like my only real complaint about his writing otherwise he's very fun and the obsessiveness is such a ride, I found his routes really enjoyable and Eventful I can't recall other thoughts on him anymore because I did literally all of his endings and extras before doing the other characters so they've just left the building

also this is the funniest thing he ever says in my opinion yes it's around the same time as the last quote I showed.

my favorite ending with him was "not the one" it was the most unique to me both in what happened and how sebastian reacted and broke, it was really interesting

julian oh julian....

I have to premise that I DO like him he is very cute and endearing to me but I don't like his route as a love interest I basically only like him as monika's coworker friend with an unrequited crush. like there's a number of things that make him not really work for me

1. the dragon thing. like I do put my best effort to take everything presented sincerely as such but I simply cannot do it for the dragon thing I'm so so sorry I like the thought though. 2. ash he's convinced he has DID and ash is another personality but actually ash is just some demon or something possessing him and when julian dies ash will just possess another person and I honestly cannot understand it... why doesn't he just actually have DID? like if ash comes back in the next game remembrance I guess I can understand that more but otherwise I don't get why that isn't the case besides to either avoid doing the whole evil murder alter thing (which functionally is still what is happening) or demonizing DID in general

beyond that I think it's just a matter of preference I LOVE his personality and his backstory I simply am not into the serial killer aspect nor want him as my boyfriend. I want him as my friend he's cool. yay ❤️

my favorite ending of his was until you're mine

Brandon. is your brother so he's certainly not MY love interest because I'm not into that but I do think he is a really interesting and compelling character

his route is more of a backstory route than a brandon dating sim but brandon is like the only person in monika's like before going to college so it's like. what you would expect. very depraved. there's copious amounts of NSFW scenes between them moreso than any other character which is insane. I do ultimately understand why he developed an attraction and attachment to monika just due to the isolation and having no other person he feels emotionally close with so I feel like it makes sense he turned out the way he did and I do have some sort of empathy for him. he's very human and a horrible person. I didn't enjoy the sex scenes at all for obvious reasons but I can't objectively say they were like distasteful to write in at all

(also this is completely irrelevant but the fact he's into anime is so fucking funny I can't stand it imagine arguing with a guy on an anime forum and he's actually a member of the mafia with like a billion people in his kill count. I know this guy wants to try sprinkling japanese in his conversations like a middle schooler and has to hold it back for professionalism)

ouhhhh my baby darling quinn. I love quinn so dearly and their endings all suck so bad I'm so sorry

he feels like the most human of all the characters, they are very grounded and also the most normal and empathetic (which I will expand on in a bit) their route when you go with them to visit their family, feels the most emotionally intimate to me. like he feels like a person I would actually meet and could love in real life. I love them a lot!

being sane and grounded in this game is kind of a death sentence though so that's how I'd sum up quinn's routes they almost all end with monika and quinn being killed/kidnapped/etc by OTHER CHARACTERS so like I don't even have a favorite ending for him. because quinn almost never does anything to cause these bad endings they're a saint as much as they can be unlike with the other characters so it's not as fun as being kidnapped by sebastian when it is Quinn's route and quinn did nothing to earn the fate he got

I still loved playing through his endings but I was like damn can't quinn kill me this time instead!!! they try that actually in one but nonetheless

my true favorite ending is the extra what-if scenario where he's a yandere which honestly would have been really interesting to see me more of but you know. I am biased.

secret guy jumpscare pretend there's a picture of him here I do not have the motivation to grab one

as you may be able to tell by my url. I like victor. from the get go I thought he was the hottest guy so I was very eager to play his route

unfortunately his is extremely short and is a linear story where he's just killing your ass the whole time because he retains memories from all the timelines and he is utterly sick of you but I enjoyed it thoroughly even with his short time he is full of a lot of character and considering everyone likes you so badly it's very fun to throw in a guy that not only hates you but is fully aware of what's happening

he does make extremely short appearances in other routes (I think he only speaks in one of them?) too which is cute and also makes it funnier to me knowing that he's actually seething the entire time. the detail of his eyes always being open in the menu (unlike the other characters who have them closed until you hover on them) is also a little plus. I want to see more of him I miss him so bad

ANDDD that's everyone/everything.

when you finish the game you get character interviews and they're so cute good fuel. I may buy alexander dlc sometime and if I do I'll give it its own mini post I also want to play the remembrance demo...

this game says there is no happy ending except there is exactly one and it's the one scenario where monika is an only child and she gets with her bodyguard after throwing julian and sebastian out I'm so happy for you queen

[thetwstwildcard]

To start you off with angst Lizz. Anything for Emiliano and Catrina? Or is there another relationship that's toxic that you have?

Oh no. I have two relationships with heavy dynamics. Emiliano Posada and Catrina Maravilla, and Illeana Bianchi and Lucien Donadieu.

All about them will be under the cut but consent was nonexistent in these relationships. A lot of it was forced, things got physical. Catrina is my female victim in hers while Lucien is my male victim as it happens to people regardless of gender.

Warnings: Abuse, nonconsentual, "selling off", gas lighting, putting under the influence and more

Catrina was the one who married into it. Emiliano was the "perfect gentleman" when they were dating but as soon as they were married he turned. He was violent on the night of their wedding, but sadly things would only get worse. He also cut her off from her family and in her mind she ruined her other relationships (friendship with Sara and her "dad" mozus). Catrina started to use alcohol as an escape after Emiliano made her drink at a party and whenever he wanted things to be "easy" he'd force her to drink.

He left a lot of marks on her, cuts, bruises, bites, etc. But he had maids who could heal who would help her physically so there would only be mental scars. So even if Catrina talked about it to others there would be no marks, no one would believe her. She got pregnant two separate times, and with Emiliano's treatment of her it was a surprise that her first child (Ari) even survived. But as soon as he was born he was a prop to Emiliano. He could show off the boy and put a "father" angle on his publicity.

Meanwhile at home he raped and abused his wife while also cheating of her when she'd go through a mental breakdown. He also never cared/handled his son when cameras weren't on him. It was only publicity.

Lucien was kicked out of the church when he was 19. While he was devoted to his religion this was an attack onto him and so he looked for a new "god" to worship. In it he found Illeana. She was fond of the beautiful child and had her way with him. As an orphan Lucien had no one who he connected with but Illeana swore she loved him, even with the decades of years between them of age (Illeana was 39 when they met)

She was the owner of a cirque which she had Lucien join. As she knew the boy was beautiful she forced him to sleep around with people one could steal from or use for financial gain. She didn't want to "dirty her own body" so she used Lucien. He would charm whoever she told him to, sleep with them and then steal from them like she wanted.

Illeana would occasionally claim that Lucien was cheating on her/didnt love her so he'd desepreately show his devotion to her in whatever humiliating way she wanted. Even being forced to sleep with others in front of her as the "submissive" to prove his devotion to her and how far he'd go for her.

Catrina was terrified of men when she first started teaching. Always jumpy that she'd see Emiliano and be assaulted again in the shadows. Hes a famous singer and she's "just a nobody" so in her mind no one will believe her. But she's also protective of her kids, trying to not have them hear things about their father. She wants them to have no connection to him at all.

Lucien is still a "charmer". The man is "forever acting" and acts of genuine affection from others shock him. He is willing to sacrifice it all for his loved one but expects nothing in return. He is willing to go too far to show his devotion, as far as harming himself.

Both of them were 19 when they met their abusers.

[owlf45]

I am very curious of your book recommendations, could you share some with us, please? 👀

iwfewj okay!! uhm i havent done as much reading as id have liked as of recent so a chunk of my recommendations are going to be from when i was younger and, yknow, nostalgia and all, just to be warned

The Invisible Library: its a series of four books, they're pretty fun and i ate them up. they're not perfect, there are times where it drags; but if youre not too critical a reader you probably wouldnt notice it. basically there's this huge interdimensional library where 'librarians' cross through worlds, and irene, a librarian, is assigned a newbie (read: dragon fellow) in industrial revolution era london, where she has to protect something or another. smart dialogue, interesting systems and fight scenes and mysteries. characters are fleshed out enough, though sometimes come across as too sexy-brilliant-perfection. you get one talk about how irene is plain bc she's got brown hair but she's a pretty strong female character, and it's not all too bad a scene when she's comparing herself to a literal dude with dragon blood. ending of the last book was kinda weird but the books are very addictive reads

Ender's Game: author's an asshole, the book is incredible. sci-fi, child soldiers preparing for space battle, im sure youve heard of it, just give it a read. i literally read it in like, a day or two. its fascinating, and horribly, horribly, amazing. writing style is impeccable. didn't read the sequel but the first book ends just fine on its own. (just pirate a copy if possible so you dont give the author more money than he deserves)

The Tales of Desperaux: a classic. absolutely adore the book. the writing is pretty digestible. it gets pretty fuckin dark for a kids book, and in recollection its actually pretty haunting at times and it creeps me out thinking about it. but i still love it to death. great book, great story, love the themes. very emotional for Little Me(tm)

Theodosia: it's another series of four books. tbh i dont remember much about this but i just remember reading all four of the books in the span of a few weeks. very fun, i think its aimed at younger children but its still a good read. its basically about this young girl (id say nine ish?) who studies Egyptian mythology and is fine-tuned to mysteries surrounding artifacts and their hidden languages. her parents are archeologists and she sleeps in a sarcophagus in her family's museum and guards all the mummies. i love her, honestly. she has this seemingly-magical cat that follows her around and she doesnt take no for an answer, literally outsmarting/beating up grown men with an arm popped out of her socket as a preteen. she doesnt suffer so much from 'trying to make girl character Strong And Capable And Sexy Because Feminism" like the invis. library sometimes is guilty of

Serafina: another more childish series, but i loved it. its basically about this girl who's part human and part something else cat-like, and she lives in the basement of the rockerfeller mansion because her father works with the boilers to hide her from harm. she ends up in a kidnapping mystery and becomes friends with the rich owners' son. their friendship was adorable. very fun. loved the first book. the second one was alright though i dont really remember much of it; the third one was an addictive read but tbh i think the first one is the most worthwhile read. apparently there's a fourth book, though i havent read it yet.

Master and the Margarita: i was hesitant to suggest this book because there are times where it drags out so much and it got boring for me at occasions, but its also so fuckin nonsensical and hilarious at times. there's an incredible audiobook for free on youtube. the voice acting is great. basically it looks into an atheistic russia after the revolution during times where much of literature is censored. it sort of guides the author's themes in his book. basically, satan appears in moscow along with his little demon fellows and they get up to no good, fool around and cause a lot of shit to happen. oh, and also, there are two lovers named master and margarita, and they manage to reunite them.

Dracula: another so-called classic; it dragged on at times but i think overall it was a pretty interesting read. i think for anyone interested in vampirism it's cool to see how cultural phenomena have adapted and shifted what vampires actually mean and what their powers are. stoker's dracula was pretty intimidating, though his female characters were lackluster and blatantly misogynistic at times. this one also has an audiobook but it isnt as good.

Tuesdays at the Castle: another book aimed towards younger audiences. i think this is a series of five books, and the latter two books weren't my favorite. BUT they were all very very very fun reads. i think i read most of them within a day. the first book is basically about how celie, the youngest princess of the royal family, is the favorite of the castle—and that's meant literally. the castle is magical and moves its corridors and rooms around and locks people in places when theyre distrustful and does all this crazy shit. after celie's parents die, a group of people eyeing the throne try to take it from celie's older brother, roland, through complex politics and taking advantage of the siblings' young ages. celie and roland (and the older sister who i dont remember the name of bc she was obnoxious) basically go through tons of terrible shit, and its power of family. i love it dearly. the second book was also good, it included griffins, which, what's not to like about that?? those two were my favorites in the series of 5

Wings of Fire: *slaps* READ IT! the first five books surrounds the group of five main dragons, each of the main type, who were prophesized to take down something something the sand queen and decide among the three sisters who would get to rule the kingdom of the sandy-dragon type whatever (since war broke out among all the dragons after that question of succession arose), and its just great. dragons. very much fleshed out characters. lots of fun worldbuilding. highly entertaining. there's tons of books after and i don't know exactly where the plot goes after the first five books but everyone i know says its good. so. there you have it. its one of my favorites.

The Cinder Series: great sci-fi series, though the author more considers themselves a romance writer (which is quite obvious in their writing). clever writing, neat style, and very interesting stories. each of the four books takes from the perspective of a very distant version of different princesses/girls (cinderella, red riding hood, rapunzel, snow white) and very cleverly references them throughout the story. the stakes are pretty high, the overarching themes and plot are decent enough. they make for pretty good reads, though there are some cultural inaccuracies that have been criticized. sometimes the romance was a little much for me, but yknow. im obviously not one to talk. but the characters i loved. especially cinder and red.

Illuminae: LOVED this fucking series to death. god. it was incredible. i cried like a bajillion times. like the cinder series, its sci-fi and romance, but this series leans more heavily into the sci-fi elements. you got corrupt corporations attacking small populations on illegal planets, you got crazy bioengineered diseases that create monsters out of people, you got glitching AI systems who qualify the issues of human morality and go off the fuckin rails, you got crazy parasitic eels the size of people, you got warped time space continuity, you got incredible characterization and realistic looks at human integrity and truth, its just batshit. the writing is phenomenal. what i wouldnt do to experience it again. the best part is that the entire series is written in nothing but documentation and drawings and logs and ugh it is so good. they made diagrams and floorplans for all the ships and you just get pages of faces and names of people who'd died in x, y, z; it's haunting. i literally cried over a dude when i was literally begging for him to die ten pages earlier because i hated him so much. the romance cliches sometimes get a little under the skin but overall its such a good series. i dont think a single sentence is wasted in those books. that whole series is so fundamental to my writing style i literally cannot recommend (at the very least the first book) enough.

The Poisoner's Handbook: i'm actually working on this book right now. its nonfiction but its very entertaining (and take that from someone who hates nonfiction for the most part). each chapter discusses a different type of poison and how it's involved in different New York murders/killings in early 1900s, all the while interweaving the stories and backgrounds of Charles Norris and Alexander Gettler as they pioneered the institutionalization of forensic chemistry. the two are hilarious and charismatic characters, and, combined with the mystery of each murder case (and also a background of the effects and history of each poison), it makes for a pretty fascinating read. it also goes a little into the corruption and conditions of the medical systems during this time period, as well as how legislature (such as Prohibition) affected how poisons became popularized or more prevalent. it might be a bit difficult to understand if you dont have any chemistry or biology knowledge, but the book does a pretty good job of trying to explain all the information you need. i particularly like the book because it does a good job of keeping my attention; it hops around from case to case to subject and doesn't drag on for too long.

The Last Lecture: a bit of a turn but it's basically about a professor who's dying from severe cancer, and the book takes a more in-depth look into what he called 'his last lecture'; basically, it answered the question, "what would you do if you knew you could only lecture one last time before you died, and what advice would you give?" it was pretty emotional, a very short and good read. if you don't want to read the book id probably watch the lecture itself, its only an hour or two and i think its on youtube. but the advice he gives, i thought at least, was solid and rang pretty true for me

Outliers - The Story for Success: to be honest, this dragged on for me, but i think it had a lot of good points and i think if i read it now compared to two years ago id have a better tolerance for 'boring' nonfiction. it has a lot of interesting analysis on what makes success, who has a predisposition to success, and how opportunity in the framework of our institutions often snowball from small changes to large effects—resulting in 'geniuses' or large figures who are 'outliers' of their generation when in reality, its opportunity which drives their path to success

Confessions of an Opium Eater: its pretty short, only 80 or so pages, but the man's cracked. Very intelligent. I don't understand half of what he's saying at times because he's so well read that he references some obscure shit every other sentence but he's got an incredible writing style and a very,, 'incredible' lifestyle, so to speak. it makes for a very uhhh rhythmic writing style, very fascinating to read and something i want to tinker with myself. gives it a bit of a whimsical vibe. anyway, its basically 'confessions' from the author who talks about all sorts of shit and about his life as an opioid addict, which is one of the first written accounts in british literature. quite scandalous, very popular. tbh i havent finished it yet but i think reading some of his passages are informative and inspiring.

The Things They Carried: again, kinda dragged on at points, so its not my favorite but i still enjoyed it and i probably wouldve liked it more if i wasnt being forced to read it. basically a slightly fictitious-based-on-author's-real-time-in-war story that bounces from topic to topic about what happens in and out of war. like confessions ^, i mostly really like it for its style as a writer myself. the topics and themes and emotional weight was palpable, and it also had a lot of influence on my writing style (a lot of safe space and frame of reference emulates this writing). the book itself was also alright, interesting enough, but it was particularly the style that really hit it home for me. it really captured the art of human suffering long after the events have occurred.

Other obvious ones like The Book Thief, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Outsiders, and a few other series like The Beastly Dreadfuls, Dragon Slippers, The Land of Stories, Magnus Chase, A Series of Unfortunate Events; they're all pretty good too

Unfortunately I haven't been reading as many of the really good series that ive been hearing about for ages. this summer ill be reading Dune, Eragon, Shadow and Bone, Shatter Me, Mistborn, The Way of Kings, Red Rising—all those good series that are 'hot shit' right now. ill let you know how i feel about all those series when im done with them lol