#honestly just pick whichever album u think looks pretty and go from there. they do have…8 albums though and a shit ton of eps alskdkd

[eldritchsurveys]

420 (ayyyy).

Hello :) Do you like to use a lot of smiley faces online? >> Not a lot, but I do use some.

Which instant messaging service do you use, if any? >> Discord. Tumblr also has an IM feature, but it’s not very good IMO. I hate that tiny little window.

What are your opinions on Justin Bieber? >> I don’t have any opinions on him. He rarely crosses my radar.

On December 21st 2012, if the world starts to go down, what will you do? >> I don’t remember what I was doing. I was in Colorado at that time, and that’s really all I remember.

Do you Facebook creep / Myspace stalk? >> No.

Is there a celebrity you're obsessed with? Who? >> Not really. There are celebrities I like looking at and ones I like watching in movies and such, but I’m not obsessed, just interested.

Do you look at yourself in any reflective surface you pass? >> Usually.

What theme is your calendar? >> I don’t use calendars. 

Is there anyone famous born on your birthday? Who? >> Most certainly, but I don’t know who.

Do you have a background on your cell phone? Of what? >> My lock screen is this Gunship album cover because it looks so fucking cool, and my home screen is a shot of Quentin Oliver Lee as the Phantom of the Opera.

Have you ever watched the clock tick a full minute? >> Yeah.

Is there anyone you know who kind of looks like you? >> No.

Do you wish you had a twin? If you do, do you wish you didn't? >> No.

Which lollipop flavor is your favorite? >> ---

Do you still enjoy coloring with crayons? >> I never enjoyed colouring with crayons.

If someone came up and randomly hugged you, what would you do? >> Flip my shit and probably hurt them.

Are we really getting lazier with all the technology advances these days? >> Possibly. But I can’t be bothered to care about that.

What was the last movie you saw in 3D? >> Probably a Marvel movie, I don’t remember now.

1-ply 2-ply or 3-ply bathroom tissue? Or does it matter? >> 2-ply seems sufficient. I hate the really soft stuff (it leaves particles behind, for one, and it’s bad for the plumbing, for another) but 1-ply is a little too spartan.

Have you ever tried out products at a kiosk at the mall when they ask you? >> No. I avoid those kiosks with the ruthlessness of someone who’s lived in a big city and knows how to avoid canvassers and panhandlers and everyone else who wants my attention (and money).

Do you ever wish you got more actual letters in the mail? >> I don’t really care. If I wanted to get letters that badly, I’d find a penpal and start sending some.

Have you ever knocked/rang the doorbell, then ran? >> No.

Do you take the bus often? >> Not often, because I don’t go out often, but I usually take it whenever I go out by myself.

Do you like serious people or ones with a sense of humor? >> I like people who can do both.

When you read a happy scene in a book, do you find yourself smiling? >> I mean, sometimes, probably.

Have you ever went to the movie theatres by yourself? >> I often do.

Is one of your main reasons for going to the beach to check people out? >> No.

What food do you absolutely despise? >> Bananas.

What is your favorite genre of music? >> I don’t have one.

Do you shave? >> No. I trim occasionally, but that’s all.

What is your opinion on the Twilight saga? >> I think people should feel free to enjoy it without being ridiculed by people with superiority complexes. Also, lay off the fucking author already.

Which celebrity will you always think is good looking? >> I don’t know, tastes are always liable to change.

Do you use twitter? Do you twitstalk a lot of celebrities? >> No.

Have you ever taped your fingers together? Doesn't it feel weird? >> No.

Do you like the squishy feeling of clay or mud beneath your feet? >> No.

What is one habit you wish you could cut? >> Picking at my lips. I’ve tried so hard to stop but nothing works.

When was the last time you used the bathroom? >> About an hour ago.

Do you have an accent? >> To someone, I’m sure.

Do you clean your house? >> I clean part of it.

How many tabs do you have open right now? >> Four.

Is wearing a lot of makeup being pretty or cakefaced? >> ...

Do you care about the Olympics? >> I don’t.

Do you ever wear headphones but then don't listen to anything? >> Yeah, when I’m using them to block out environmental noise.

Do you have a Youtube account? >> I have a Google account, which automatically is a Youtube account.

Do you know anyone who collects pins? >> No.

Do you enjoy taking pictures? >> Not as a hobby.

Do you ever video chat with people? >> No.

Have you ever tried Chatroulette or Omegle? >> I think I tried them once, but it didn’t interest me.

Are you a sports fan? If so, what sport(s)? >> No.

When did you stop trick-or-treating? Or do you still go? >> I’ve never done it.

Can you bake a good cake from scratch? >> I’ve never tried.

Can you bowl? Good? >> No.

Do you wish your life was like a movie sometimes? >> No, because that really wouldn’t make any sense.

Do you just smile or make silly faces/poses in pictures? >> Most of the time I don’t do anything, unless I specifically feel like making some sort of pose.

Do/did you ever like the books you have/had to read in high school? >> I only liked one -- Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Do you live in a small town or a big city? >> I’m not sure what Grand Rapids qualifies as. It definitely ain’t a big city, though.

What is your cell phone carrier? >> Boost Mobile.

Do you have any stuffed toys? >> Yeah, a lot of them.

What was your favorite childhood toy? Do you still have it? >> I don’t think I had one.

What song fits your mood right now? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever had a pet fish? >> No.

What internet browser are you using? >> Chrome.

Do you have a lot of bookmarks (internet)? >> Not a lot, but I have a good number.

Are you doing anything fun this weekend? >> I don’t know yet. Probably not.

Do you have any big plans for the upcoming summer? >> Winter is what’s upcoming, and no.

What did you do last New Years Eve? >> I don’t remember.

Plaid, stripes, checkers, or polka dots? >> Plaid.

Do you join a lot of fanpages on Facebook? >> No.

Can you curl your tongue? How about in a clover shape? >> No.

Is there any TV show that you get extremely excited about? >> Yeah, a few. I’m excited about The Good Place and Superstore coming back for their fall seasons.

What kind of lotion do you use? >> Aveeno.

Have you ever squeezed a zit and popped its nastiness everywhere? >> No, I hate the very idea of zit-popping.

Have you ever bit your cheek, and then bit it again in the same place? >> Yes, and god it’s awful.

Have you ever had a bath with a sibling/cousin when you were little? >> ---

Would you rather not eat or not sleep for 24 hours? >> Not sleep.

Do you ever actually take cold showers during the summer? >> No.

When was the last time you played on a playground? >> I don’t remember. At least a few years ago.

Do you like the really spinny rides at amusement parks? >> Not really.

What's your opinion on facial hair? >> I don’t have an opinion about that.

Have you ever gambled at a casino? >> No. I’m pretty sure just stepping inside a casino would send me into instant sensory overload.

What's your favorite thing to shop for? >> ---

Duz it bothar U wen Pplz tYPe Lyyk th!s ?!!one?!!?? >> People don’t really type like that anymore, so.

Do you know someone really thin who eats a lot (and doesn't puke it up)? >> No...?

Do you make a wish at 11:11? >> No.

What was the last present you bought for someone? >> I bought a couple of small things at Vault of Midnight (a comics/games store) that I thought would be good as stocking stuffers. I have a hard time with stocking stuffers so I figured I’d start early and collect things over time.

Aren't pad and tampon commercials just ridiculous? >> Most commercials are ridiculous, honestly.

Do you use a wallet or just put money in your pockets? >> I use a little zip pouch as a wallet.

Do you like your ID picture (whichever ID you have)? >> Not really, but it’s not a big deal.

Do you do online gaming? >> Yeah.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth? >> A toothbrush.

Who were the last people you hung out with? >> Some people from the West Michigan Geeks meetup group.

On a scale of 1-10, how attractive do you think you are? Honestly? >> No.

Do you think you have a good sense of humor? >> I mean, it works great for me.

Lmfao, Lmao, Rofl, Rotfl, Lol, Haha, Hehe, other? >> I use lmao a lot.

Have you ever tried to count grains of sand in your hand? >> No.

What does your ideal partner look like? >> ---

Do you ever have to write your name on food to keep it from getting eaten? >> No.

Do you have a friend you still hang with even though they're annoying? >> No.

What is one thing you've always wanted to do? >> *shrug*

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: week 32

brief reviews of the songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 the weeks of 16 august 1997, 18 august 2007, and 19 august 2017

8.16.1997

6) "2 Become 1," by Spice Girls

This is just a '90s R&B song! This song doesn't even have the courtesy to be kitschy! This is completely indistinguishable from the rest of the '90s R&B, breathy whispered vocals about sex. There's no -- "Be a little bit wiser, baby/Put it on/Put it on" -- okay. OKAY. Sure. I guess that's something. If your song has no other value, might as well throw quality actionable advice in there. I hope the next song is some milquetoast R&B beat while people sing lines like "Your stomach takes a while to tell your brain it's full/Don't have that third slice of the ‘za, baby."

51) "All I Want," by 702

Oh hell yeah, I love this. I love that this is a Missy Elliott track, and I also love that this group did the titular song for Pootie Tang. I am way into this. This is a breezy summer jam that hits all the Good '90s R&B buttons.

54) "To Make You Feel My Love," by Billy Joel

this sounds exactly like you think it would sound and is as pleasant to listen to as you think it would be and i'm just gonna bounce after 30 seconds because i get it, i see what he's trying to do here and don't want to stick around to see if he pulls it off

55) "Big Bad Mama," by Foxy Brown ft./Dru Hill

I don't disagree with this! I can't find any way to hook onto this, but I already called one thing a breezy summer jam because I didn't feel like thinking too hard about it, so I'm in a bit of a predicament here. Like, this song is OK. It has a memorable bass line, Foxy Brown's pretty great at her thing, and whichever member of Dru Hill showed up sure did the most singing of anyone in 1997!, but like I can see why we've left this behind. It's fine. No one needed this one unearthed, though. We've found some buried treasures, y'know? This is like finding a buried booklet of commemorative state quarters. Like, neat! But also, not even $15.

83) "Far from Yours," by O.C. ft./Yvette Michele

"I be the Chosen One/Beyond the Moet and Cristal/A son of King and a Queen/Therefore ability/For song run in my genetics/I gave ideas to L. Ron Hubbard to write books on Dianetics" ...Setting aside the major issues I have with this man's rhyme schemes, IS HE TAKING CREDIT FOR SCIENTOLOGY. IS THI -- IS HE SAYING THAT HE IS THE INSPIRATION FOR SCIENTOLOGY. What the fuck kind of boast. He's saying his raps are so powerful they inspired a crazy man to write books about bad science. I am flummoxed by this song. This would have been just another okay song by a rapper who honestly just seems like a normal-ass dude who somehow wandered into a recoriding studio, but HE'S TAKING CREDIT FOR L. RON HUBBARD'S IDEAS. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF LUNATIC IS THIS MAN.

89) "Tide Is High," by Angelina

Someone went to the store and said, "OH BOY! Another new verson of 'Tide Is High!' I gotta pick up this new interpretation of this song, which is of course someone's favorite song ever because it's MY favorite song ever!" Also none of the back-up dancers in the video looked like they were trying their absolute best. They knew where they were. They knew it didn't matter. They took a few plays off and got that check. I have so much respect for those backup dancers. ROCK TO THE BEAT ROCK ROCK TO THE BEAT, ROCK TO THE BEAT ROCK ROCK TO THE BEAT and so forth

92) "Relax & Party," by Ivory

So I've been sick the past couple days, which is why this post is going up on Wednesday and why there's no Thing Journal for last week (SUNDAY DOUBLE) and real talk why this has been a weak edition of YAS so far, ‘cuz I'll be honest, I'm still in the doldrums. My back hurts, which is a fun side effect of getting sick in your late 20s, I've found. So I'm not. In a mood? Conducive to caring about this song. I'm sure this is OK, but honestly, right now, in this moment in which we find ourselves, me and this song, sharing the same space on this planet, I could not care less about the things it wants to bring to my life. It's a stupid song and doesn't do anything. It just goes on for four minutes. Great. Great! Hey, just release an album of that fucking bass line for fifty minutes, honestly, it's probably your best bet if you want me to at least respect you.

95) "Dancehall Queen," by Beenie Man ft./Chevelle Franklyn

So there are two different versions of the song "Dancehall Queen" that I could find. There is this one, but there is also one released more recently with Lady Sovereign as the featured artist. So I have a few questions about our beautiful ever-expanding dying universe: 1) What did Chevelle Franklyn do to get deposed? 2) Does Chevelle FRanklyn give input into the decisions Lady Sovreign makes? 3) Who gave Beenie Man the powers of coronation? As far as I can tell, he does not proclaim himself the Dancehall King. 4) How often does the Dancehall Queen title change hands? 5) Is there a library that has data on the Dancehall Queen history which I can look up? 6) What are some books on the Dancehall Queen succession which you would recommend? Let me know in the comments! Hit that follow button and LIKE THIS POST!

8.18.2007

28) "Me Love," Sean Kingston

This is like a song you enjoy if you've never enjoyed a song before. If you're someone who appreciates music and attends symphonies and has opinions on concertos, and you're approached with this song, you'll probably use snooty music language to say, "This is a delightful confection!" Or like, if your musical diet consists entirely of Gary Jules' cover of Mad World and songs of that ilk, if the only songs you've been allowed to enjoy in this life are Gary Jules' "Mad World" cover and other songs which could have been selected for the Donnie Darko soundtrack, and you hear this song for the first time, this is probably the most amazing thing you've ever heard. This would sound so revolutionary. But if you've even heard one other fun pop song, you know this is useless.

89) "Free and Easy (Down the Road I Go)," Dierks Bentley

it is good when things are nice! at last, a song that says what none of us are brave to say out loud

90) "All My Friends Say," Luke Bryan

I think a couple months ago I tabbed this as a semi-iconic Luke Bryan song, in the sense that it's a song I hear and immediately attribute to Luke Bryan, which is something I can't do for any Blake Shelton song. But like, this is the song that establishes Luke Bryan's persona -- he's a free-wheelin' sumbitch who's gonna drink too much and try not to drunk-dial any ex-girls. There's personality in this song, a hack and shitty personality, but hey at least he hacked up and/or shitted out an identifiable character. All Blake Shelton's songs are about a man who wishes things would either be better or remain the same, depending on how good they presently are. The song is garbage and Luke Bryan only ever got worse, sure, but it is undeniably a product of Luke Bryan’s particular brand of dunderheaded twanging.

100) "Can U Believe," Robin Thicke

There is a long list of things I need to do with my life. Near the top are items like "only wear a suit at your little sister's wedding," "learn the lttp any% nmg speedrun," and "write a whole good thing," you know, standard stuff, standard life goals, and then there's a million pages of things I will never accomplish. Nowhere on that list was "listen to Robin Thicke tell you that I don't know when someone's watching." I did not need to hear Robin Thicke tell me he was stalking me before I died. I could have learned the Blind script with this time. Maybe this is about God? But it's not even vaguley Christian, he just randomly starts saying you never know when someone's watching, which is only something anyone says WHEN THEY ARE PRESENTLY LOOKING AT YOU THROUGH A TWO-WAY MIRROR. Been a decade of garbage with this man, my gosh.

8.19.2017

(38) "You Da Baddest," by Future ft./Nicki Minaj

Beach Future is such a weird thing to consider. I'm on the record as being pro-Beach Future in general, it's not as random a pivot as the time Lil Wayne picked up the electric guitar and said "OH YEAH! THIS IS A THING!" but it's still hard to get the brain around the idea of Beach Future after, what, three years and roughly 20 albums of morose, despondent Future? All of the Future songs I know are about the nightmare of being Famous and codeine, and now he's dropped two songs that are just, "Yeah, man, chillax! Life's pretty breezy, friends, pull up a chair, let's just enjoy a sunset together!" I'm into it? But it feels like the world is imbalanced right now. Beach Future has completely thrown off my equilibrium and I am Scared.

(68) "Unforgettable," by Thomas Rhett

Ah. Balance! After making a surprisingly hot '80s jam earlier this year, Thomas Rhett just sort of bleats over an acoustic guitar for two and a half bland minutes. This song tries to turn the word "mangorita" into a stirring kick-off to its chorus, and while I recognize the enormity of the task it placed upon itself, that doesn't mean it didn't fail to accomplish its goals. "From your blue jeans to your shoes/Girl, the night was just like you/Unforgettable." I'D NEVER SEEN JEANS JUST THAT BLUE BEFORE. I NEVER EVEN KNEW THEY MADE BLUE JEANS IN THAT PARTICULAR SHADE OF BLUE. WHY, THEY WERE... DARE I SAY? TURQUOISE! ALL HISTORY'S SCULPTORS DEVOTED THEIR LIVES TRYING TO MOLD YOU

(85) "When it Rains it Pours," by Luke Combs

A lot of the reason I don’t mind Rascal Flatts and Keith Urban when we run through 2007 is because, when I was growing up, my mom would only listen to country music, and those artists are the ones I minded the least when we were on the half-hour rides to and from church. I forged deep and lasting connections with the dudes I minded the least of anyone else. This song is definitely "best song on the ride to church" quality. It has a Toby Keith-y sense of humor which is more or less agreeable -- I can't imagine any scenario that a waitress at Hooters is impressed enough by any customer at Hooters to leave their number, but here I am, complaining that my suspension of disbelief in a country song was interrupted -- and it's unique, I haven't heard a lot of "fuck her, she's outta my hair!" songs from dude country artists this year. It’s not “I’m Gonna Miss Her,” but what is? Once again, Luke Combs has made a song that's unique enough that I can appreciate its charm, but not so intriguing that I'm gonna seek him out on my own. I'll give his next album a spin, see if he takes the right lessons to heart, but the one he’s got out now, I think I’m good!

(87) "They Don't Know," by Jason Aldean

"Just another field/Just another farm/No, it's the place we grew up on." Jason Aldean is a multi-millionaire who owns several hundred acres of land in a major metropolitan area nad has the chutzpah to speak for the common man. Fuck this dude and fuck him for this Trump-vote of a song.

(88) "Honest," by The Chainsmokers

hey guys the chainsmokers made a song about how they're sensitive boys who're sad about breakup, wow what a fascinating new look for these cats, truly evolving as artists before our very eyes. see, this is the one where they go "whoa-oh." i don't think they've gone "woah-oh" in a song yet. this is a pony certainly capable of developing a second trick!

(89) "The Weekend," by SZA

"What kind of deal is two days?/I need me at least 'bout for of 'em" is one of the single-saddest lyrics 2017 has produced. This song is so good. SZA in general is so good, but I never had to deal with how good this song is, given how much there is to parse with Ctrl. When's the last time we heard from a side piece's perspective, y'know? When's the last time we heard how a booty call felt about being a booty call? We heard "Booty Call," which was about the act of engaging in a booty call, but we don't know anything about the booty call's wants and desires outside of that moment. I enjoy hearing this perspective on the events, hearing from the girl the '90s R&B dude has to apologize for seeing, because that's a person, too, that's a person who's alive and lives a life of their own. It took us until 2017 to get the side piece's take on things. What were the rest of us doing?

(90) "New Rules," by Dua Lipa

This is really enjoyable. Nothing terribly complex, just a "don't fuck your ex" jam, but it's confidently delivered (I get the sense that Dua Lipa is a much better singer than the current musical trends are going to let her be), and I love the subtle horn drop. Evidently, the producer of this song was also involved with "Bad Liar" and "Now and Later," so I'm getting on the Ian Kirkpatrick train. I approve! Great work, all.

(93) "I Wish I Knew You," by The Revivalists

oh wow fuck everything about this. where did this come from? why am i listening to this? did 13 reasons why drop another season? who wanted this. who wanted another indie band biting the hell out of franz ferdinand. they're not even biting franz ferdinand, they're biting all those bands that were biting from franz ferdinand a few years ago, except they're doing so nakedly, "the revivalists" is code for "we have no original ideas." way to revive 2013, yeah dude, it was so long since i heard the neighbourhood, i'm so happy you're reviving four years ago. also this willy wonka-ass muthafucka's hat is stupid. i'm honestly not sure i'm reacting to the song as much as i am the stupid goddamn hat in the music video. (also: i'm not into this song, despite the presence of a saxophone. i have limits. i'm not gonna go home with just any brass instrument, you guys.) white men ruin everything.

(94) "Every Little Thing," by Carly Pearce

Well, number one, it's a country music song with actual drums, so it's automatically starting with 95 points out of a possible 100. This is dope. "They say time is the only healer/God, I hope that isn't right/'Cause right now I'd die to not remember." Fuck, man. That is heavy. And this is a solidly-produced song, too, there's enough going on that the song feels rich and lived-in, but not so much so that it's distracting, it's definitely in the backseat wearing a seatbelt so the lyrics and what might be the saddest fucking voice in 2017 country music can drive in peace. More from this woman, and more from other women, look how good you are when you let women do things, country music!

(97) "Learn to Let Go," by Kesha

I think this is fine. I'm not as into EDM-lite Kesha as I am Kesha declaring her womanhood backed by a million beautiful horns, but this is fine! Three songs. Three songs is enough distance to start delivering back-handed not-criticisms. But no, like, I wouldn't mind this as the opening track to the album, this sets a tone and opens up the possibility for cooler things to come, but on its own, hey! It's just alright, and that's fine! I'm just glad Kesha's making music, y'know?

(98) "All the Pretty Girls," by Kenny Chesney

this song wasn't even released in 2016, what is it doing here, what, why would, i don't, how did we end up here? what do we hope to accomplish while we're here? did he just say "don't blow my cover on freedom night?" what is freedom night? i don't -- you know what country radio, you batted .400 this week. that's ted williams hype, right there. .400 is better than any of us ever could have anticipated, and i can appreciate that you got things as right as you ever possibly could. please tell me what freedom night is, though.

(99) "For Her," by Chris Lane

...adjust that number down to .333. i'm sorry. i saw the haircut and assumed edm, which you'll agree is a fair assumption to make. this dude sucks. he is trying his best with that falsetto but, and i hate to repeat myself, you can't make your own outsized ambition an excuse for your failure. know your limits. i'm sorry i was ever lukewarm about any kesha song. i kinda feel bad for saying those things about the revivalists' hat. this was a good week apart from the bro country! "For her I would walk a straight line/Wear out the soles of my shoes for her." WOAH! SLOW DOWN, BUDDY! LET'S NOT MAKE ANY PROMISES WE CAN'T KEEP, NOW! Careful! Girls remember things you say to them! Imagine how disappointed she'll be when every day she spends with you your shoes still shine as bright as they did the day she met you.

Who won the week?

Well, 2007′s best song was a Luke Bryan joint, so that’s out. Think we gotta give it to 2017. Four shitty country songs, yeah, but 1997 countered with Spice Girls and a Billy Joel cover of a Bob Dylan song, so those cancel out, and the cream of 2017 was much better than the best 1997 gave us this week. I’m still thinking about that Carly Pearce joint, that was really cool, and it anchors an earned win for 2017. THE STANDINGS: 2017: 12 1997: 11 2007: 9 Next week: keep your heart, Three Stacks.