#honestly im surprised i got any drawing done at all after all yesterday's work

[compressednerve]

i couldnt decide which higgs sketch i liked more and then it was bedtime >w<

when i was sketching higgs it reminded me of an OC i made back in 2020, who has a lot of incidental similarities to higgs that made me pog so. i will probably be drawing Llewellyn more often, possibly even posting these arts.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Two for One

Fandom: Marvel (Professor AU/College AU)

Pairing: Stucky x F!Reader

Summary: Ever since you became the TA for Professor Romanoff, you’ve been seeing a lot of Professors Rogers and Barnes. They seem to be attracted to you, but you have a hard time deciding between the two. What do you do?

Warning: smut - bjs, threesome, semi-public…just a whole lot of naughty mk?

A/N: based off of this post and my tags in it. also, word count is about 4.1k. so yall better appreciate this and the struggle i went through to write this (i’m looking at you @chloerinebarnes )

Steve was sure that if Bucky bit his lip any further, he’d draw blood. He nudged his boyfriend with his elbow, gaining his attention back, “Cool it with the staring and lip biting. You’ll scare her off.”

Bucky groaned, “She’s killin’ me with those jeans, babe.”

Steve snorted, “Tell me about it,” he murmured as his eyes went back to across the lounge. You were standing off to the side, speaking with Professor Romanoff, the teacher you were a TA for. You were nodding to everything that she was listing off for you to do. After handing you a stack of papers, you saw yourself out of the lounge. Bucky and Steve’s shoulders sagged in disappointment. 

Ever since you became Professor Romanoff, aka Natasha’s, TA, Steve and Bucky have been seeing you more and more. Not that they minded. You were beautiful, funny, and smart. Honestly, you were the missing puzzle piece in their life. 

Don’t get it wrong, Steve and Bucky were completely devoted to each other. But for the past few years, they’ve been feeling like they were missing something. And they believe that something is you. 

But how does one go about proposing a polyamorous relationship? You don’t. It’s not a very common thing and it’s not accepted in a lot of places. Nonetheless, Steve and Bucky adored you from the moment they met you. 

So, they hatched a plan. They would worm their way into your heart individually and when it came to the point where you “have to choose”, they’ll give you the other option: a two for one deal. 

_________________________

You’re in the school cafe, a pile of papers off to the side that you’re making your way through. You suddenly feel a presence looming over you and you look up to see Professor Barnes. 

You give him a polite smile, “Hey there, professor! How’s it going?”

“Monday mornings were never my thing hence,” he gestured to his large coffee cup.

You snorted, “Tell me about it,” you pointed to your own, “This is my third one already.”

“Mind if I sit?” he points to the seat across from you.

You shook your head, “Not at all!” you move your things around to give him a little bit more space, “Enjoy your weekend?”

He shrugged, “Just stayed home, watched some Netflix, graded papers. The usual.”

You nodded, “That’s become my usual now too. Although, yesterday my friends Pietro and Wanda dragged me out of the apartment to go to a bar. Gonna be honest, had a bit too much.”

“That explains the coffee and you still grading papers that are probably due today.”

You sighed, “Yeeeaahhh. Never listening to the twins again,” you said with a snort. 

“I wish I could help. Russian Literature was my minor. But I’m sure if Nat found out, she’d have both our heads.”

“Definitely. Romanoff’s great, but, damn, does she terrify me!”

Barnes snorted, “Same here.” he stood up and grabbed his coffee, “Well, I’ll let you get to it. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Professor Barnes!”

He smiled down at you, and with a wink, he said, “Call me Bucky,” and he waltzed out of the cafe like it was nothing. And you hated to admit that that little gesture made your cheeks heat up and make your panties slightly damp.

___________________

You were struggling with holding the pile of graded papers in your arms and trying to get your notebook out for Romanoff’s class. Just when you thought you had it, all the papers tumbled forward onto the ground. You groaned and hung your head back, staring up at the sky asking, “Why me?”

You bent down and began to collect the papers, and then another pair of hands came into view. You tried to object, “It’s okay! I got-” when you looked up, staring back at you was he striking blue eyes of Professor Rogers, “I-I got it, Professor Rogers,” you stammered as you quickly collected the essays.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind helping,” he said with a shy smile, grabbing the leftover papers and handing them to you. You both stood up and awkwardly stood there, “So, uh, headed to Nat’s-I mean, Romanoff’s office?”

You nodded, “Yeah. Gotta turn in all these papers I graded.” you gestured to the pile that was back in your hands. 

“Oh, well, my office is in the same direction. I’ll accompany you.”

You two walked together, towards the Literature and History building, “So, uh, how was your weekend?”

“Oh, uh, pretty bland, honestly. Just hanging out and grading papers. What about you? Did you spend your weekend grading all of these?” he points to your pile.

“Sorta,” you answered, “I got most of them done. Then I went out last night. Got drunk and never finished the rest. I just finished up in the cafe. Professor Barnes was actually there too. Surprised you weren’t with him. You two are usually attached to the hip,” you say teasingly.

Rogers snorted, “Please, I couldn’t shake ‘im even if I tried. We actually live together. We see a lot of each other and you would think we’d get sick of each other. But we don’t.”

“That’s good. I love Pietro and Wanda, but, God, I don’t think I can spend every second of the day with them.”

He chuckled, “Guess you just gotta find the right people that’ll make you want to see them all the time.”

Soon enough, you were in the building, standing in front of Professor Romanoff’s office, “Well, here’s my stop,” you say.

“Yeah. Anyway, I hope you have a good rest of your day, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Professor Rogers. You too!”

“Please, call me, Steve,” he says with a grin and then turns around, heading for his office in the other direction.

___________________

Bucky is eating lunch in Steve’s office. Steve is typing away at his computer, occasionally pausing when Bucky feeds him a forkful of penne pasta into his mouth. 

“So, progress?” Bucky asks, his own mouth full of pasta. 

Steve chews a few more times before swallowing. He takes off his glasses and sets them onto his desk, “Told her to call me Steve after I helped pick up her papers that she dropped and accompanied her on the way to Nat’s office. She said she came from the cafe and you were there?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah. Grabbed some coffee, sat with her and chatted a little bit. When I left, I told her to call me Bucky. You still think we should do this?”

“I really like her, Buck. I just-don’t you feel it? That spark with her?” when Bucky nodded, Steve continued, “Then can you imagine how it would be if all of us were together?”

“It’d be like nothing we’ve ever felt before,” Bucky murmured.

“Exactly. We gotta try, but we can’t be too overbearing. She’s gotta be the one.”

Bucky set down his tupperware of pasta and rest his hand on Steve’s, “She’s out missing puzzle piece.”

___________________

You sat in the lounge next to Professor Romanoff, or Nat, as she’s allowed you to call her. You’re both going over test grades and that’s when you hear the screeching of wood against the floor and then you look up to see Bucky and Steve settling across the table from you.

Your eyes brighten and a smile appears on your face, “Hey, Bucky! Hey, Steve!”

Big grins appear on their faces when you acknowledge, “Hey, doll,” Bucky says, and you feel your cheeks heating up. 

You duck your head down, biting your lip and continuing to grade papers. You hoped that Nat ignored that interaction, but she didn’t. While you continued to grade papers, Nat gave questioning looks to the professors across from her. Both gave her shrugs and pulled out their own work that needed to be done. 

Words started to blur as your eyes skimmed through another test, your red pen marking wrong answers. You could feel yourself getting a headache so you groaned and fell back into your seat, “I need a break. I’m gonna walk to the cafe. Do you guys want anything?” Nat and Bucky shook their head but Steve stood up.

“I’ll go with you. I think I need to stretch my legs anyway.” he turns to Bucky and gives him a nod, and then follows you out of the lounge. After you both leave, Nat turns to Bucky.

“What the hell are you guys up to?”

“Steve and I both like Y/N, so we’re trying to ease our way into her heart and possibly propose a poly relationship.”

Nat groaned, “Jesus Christ. You know what happened the last time you tried that. You and Steve ended up heartbroken and nearly broke up because of it.”

“Dot wasn’t right for us,” Bucky said with a shake of his head, “But Y/N’s different. You know she is, Nat.”

“Maybe so, but then again, you hardly know her.”

“And that’s why we’re trying to spend as much time as we can to get to know her.”

Nat shook her head, “You’re playing a dangerous game. She’s a student.”

“She’s graduating this year. Once she’s graduated, then Steve and I will ask. Trust us, Nat. We learned from the last time and we know what we’re doing now.”

____________________

“So, the semester is half way over and you’ll be graduating soon. Have any plans on what to do?” Steve asked, his hands curled up in his pockets. 

“Travel. Find a job. Maybe find some love on the way. I don’t know.”

“Not looking for love right now?” he asked with a teasing smirk. 

You shrugged, “Oh trust me, I’ve been looking. Just haven’t found anyone that clicks with me, ya know? Someone funny, smart, compassionate, independent. Oh and knows how to cook. It’s surprising how many people here barely know how to cook.”

Steve snorted, “Bucky loves to cook. He cooks our meals all the time. I know how to cook too, but for Bucky, it’s his stress reliever. He’s in his element when he cooks, plus everything is delicious when he makes it.”

“I’d love to try something other than ramen and burgers.”

“I’ll bring you some tomorrow. Buck loves to cook for other people so it won’t be a problem.”

You shook your head, “I can’t ask you guys to do that. You don’t have-”

“You’re not askin’, sweetheart. Plus, we want to do this. Trust me.”

You sighed, “Fine.”

Steve was beaming right then and there, “Great. Do you have any food preferences?”

“Surprise me.”

_____________________

It became a regular thing after that. You and Nat would be in the lounge going over lecture notes or grading papers. Steve and Bucky would appear and slide over some tupperware for lunch that Bucky had prepared for you. At one point, they started bringing some food for Nat too since she complained about them not bringing food for her. Plus, they didn’t want to seem too suspicious. 

As the semester progressed, you found yourself in the company of Steve and Bucky often. Sometimes it was both of them, sometimes it was one or the other. You’d have lunch with them, walk with them to class or the office building. Relax under some trees while you graded papers. You also ended up getting both of their numbers and all three of you would be in a group chat texting away or texting to either men individually. 

You were around them a lot and you couldn’t help the feelings you were starting to develop for both them. It was conflicting. Very much so. You were a student and they were professors. 

It was a month before the semester ended, before you graduated, and you’d had enough. Enough of the feelings and the confusion. It had to stop!

So you burst into Bucky’s office where you knew both men would be. As soon as you step into the room, you freeze. There right before was Steve and Bucky, but they were tangled up in each other, making out. 

“I’m so confused,” you murmured as they stared at you wide-eyed. 

“Doll, I-we-”

“I-I should go. Sorry. I didn’t-I’m gonna-” 

You turn to leave but Steve cried outs, “Y/N, wait!” and you stop. You look at them and they’re staring at you with pleading eyes, “Sweetheart, please, don’t leave. Just-Just close the door and we’ll explain everything.”

Slowly, you move back inside, closing the door behind you. You sit at the chair across from Bucky’s desk. Bucky sits back down into his seat and Steve stands off to the side, running his hand through his disheveled hair. 

“Are-Are you guys together?” you ask apprehensively. When both men nod, you let out a shaky breath, “I-I don’t understand. Both of you made it seem like you were interested in me. Were you just toying with me? Is that it?!”

“No!” both said unison. 

Steve cleared his throat, “It’s nothin’ like that, Y/N. We swear. We-Bucky and I, we’ve been together for a long time. We love each other a lot, but-”

Bucky interjected, “But we feel like we’ve been missing something. And we think that something is you.”

You became even more confused, “But you’re together already. How would that even work?”

“A polyamorous relationship. The three of us can be together. Bucky and I have strong feelings for you, Y/N.”

You shook your head, “This can’t happen,” and suddenly, it felt like Bucky and Steve’s hearts were breaking all over again, but then you continued, “I’m still a student and you’re professors. If this got out, I’d be expelled and you two would be fired. I-” you take a moment to let out a deep breath, “It’s funny. I was coming here to tell you that I can’t choose between you two. I have feelings for both of you, so I was just-I don’t know-take myself out of the equation.”

“But you don’t have to, doll,” Bucky says with a hopeful gaze.

Steve rest his hand on Bucky’s shoulder to prevent him from getting ahead of yourself, “But we understand your reasoning why you don’t want to be with us.”

“I didn’t say I don’t want to be with you. I said I can’t right now.” that made both men’s ears perk, “I’m graduating next month. We can put all of this on hold for now and once I’m outta here then...”

“We can wait!” Bucky said all too enthusiastically, which made Steve chuckle.

Steve’s hand moved from Bucky’s shoulder, down his arm and to his hand where they laced fingers, “We’re willing to wait for you, sweetheart. You’re worth it.”

You moved around the desk and to the two men, grabbing each of their hands in yours, “Thank you. You guys mean a lot to me,” you leaned in and pecked the cheeks of each men, “I’ll see you guys soon,” and then you were out of Bucky’s office. The end of next month couldn’t come any sooner. 

__________________

“Y/N L/N!” your name was called as you walked across the stage, shaking the dean’s hand, and accepting your diploma. Cheers from your loved ones and peers brought a huge smile to your face. You walked down the steps dancing on your way back to your seat, your classmates buzzing all around you. 

After everyone’s name was called, the dean stood up the podium to give final remarks and the changing of the tassels, “Now, everyone, I present to you the Class of 2020!” everyone cheered as caps went flying into the air. You hugged the people around you, and waited for your family and friends to meet you on the field. In the meantime..

“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Bucky cried out as he gave you a big ol’ hug. Steve stood behind him, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. 

“Congrats, Y/N,” Steve gave you a hug, nothing to make anyone suspicious.

You were beaming at them, “Thanks you guys. I can’t believe it. I graduated!”

Bucky was ready to ask you out right then and there, but stopped when he saw your family approaching. He and Steve stepped aside to allow you some time with your loved ones. They mouthed, “See you later,” and both walked away to congratulate other students. 

You watched as they departed. A part of you wanted to chase after them and kiss them both then and there, but that would stir something up and you didn’t want any trouble on this momentous day. Soon, Y/N. Soon. 

The day after graduation was when you were to pick up your official diploma. You knew from the group chat that Steve and Bucky would be on campus, due to finishing up finals. And after you picked up your diploma, you wanted to go see them. 

With diploma in hand, you approached the office building, sending off texts to the men:

You: whatcha up to?

Bucky: grading finals in Steve’s office

You: can I stop by?

Steve: of course ;)

Bucky: BRING COFFEE!

You giggled, knowing how predictable Bucky was, two cups of coffee with you already. You approached Steve’s office, knocking on the slightly ajar door, “May I enter?”

The door swung wide open, and Bucky immediately pulled you inside, closing and locking the door behind you. You snorted, “Wow, eager mu-mmf!” you couldn’t finish the teasing retory as a pair of lips matched up with yours, hands cupping your face. 

You heard a chuckle from behind you, “Buck, careful, you’re gonna make her spill the coffee she got for us.” He went over and grabbed the coffee tray from your hands.

You pulled away, mumbling, “Thank you,” to him and then looking back at Bucky who sported a dopey grin on his face, “How long were you waiting to do that?”

“So fucking long,” he mumbled, pressing his lips to yours once more, but it was brief since you pulled away.

“Hey now, two kisses and Steve hasn’t even gotten any from me yet. You’re starting to get greedy, mister.”

Bucky’s cheeks flushed and he ducked his head down shyly, “Sorry, doll,” he then moved aside for Steve. 

Steve pulled you in, wrapping an arm around you and slowly leaning in. His lips were hovering over yours and right as you were about to tell him to hurry up, his lips met yours in a passionate kiss. His fingers dug into your skin as he held onto you for dear life. For so long him and Bucky have wanted you like this and he feels like if he lets go, if he pulls away, it’ll all be a dream. 

Steve began to walk you backwards until your backside hit the edge of his desk. You pulled away to look at the two men, whose soft gazes faded and turned into lustful ones. 

You smirked, “I’ve always fantasized about being fucked on a desk.”

Both men growled as they started to undo their pants. Steve pressed you up against the desk, kissing you heatedly, while Bucky began to remove things from the surface. You hopped onto it after receiving the okay from Bucky. Steve worked on getting your jeans off while Bucky pulled of your shirt. Clothes flew around the room with no care where they landed. 

“Ah fuck, baby doll. You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Bucky moaned, his hand slowly pumping his cock and the other kneading your breast. 

You laid across the surface, opening your mouth, welcoming Bucky’s length. You both moaned when his dick entered your mouth. Bucky thrust his hips back and forth, loving how you looked taking his cock. 

Meanwhile, Steve was paying special attention to your pussy. He licked a strip up your slit, tongue circling around your clit. When you moaned a little too loud, Steve pulled away, “Quiet now, honey. Someone might here your pretty little noises and those are for our ears only.”

Bucky pulled out of your mouth for you to reply, “Sorry, Steve.”

“How wet is she, Stevie?” Bucky asked through his panting.

Steve licked his lips, “So fucking wet and she’s so sweet,” he murmured before slurping up some of your juices. 

Bucky whined, “Lemme taste.” Steve then stood up and leaned over the desk, pulling Bucky towards him, Lips smashing against lips. You wished you could’ve seen the two men swapping your taste, but the view was blocked by Bucky’s body leaning over yours. 

When they pulled away Steve cleared his throat, looking from you to Bucky, “So, how’s this gonna go: i fuck her pussy while you get her mouth, or vice versa?”

You shook your head, “No, I wanna feel you both at the same time.”

Both men moaned at the thought of both of their cocks filling you up to the brim. Steve nodded, “Very well. Bucky, on the table. Sweetheart, straddle Bucky.” Both you and Bucky did as you were told while Steve pulled out a bottle of lube from a drawer. 

You gave him a questioning look and Bucky chuckled, “This isn’t the first time we’ve fucked in this office, doll.” And just the image of Bucky and Steve fucking in this office made you even more wet than before. 

Steve, with his cock lubed up, knelt behind you and in-between Bucky’s legs, “You ready for us, babygirl?”

“I’ve literally been waiting all semester for this, Steve. Now hurry up and fuck me.”

Both men snickered at your haste, “Gotta give our girl what she wants,” Bucky mumbled as he lined himself up with you and you lowered yourself onto him. Steve was right behind you, pushing you forward and slowly easing himself into not wanting to hurt you. Moments pass they’re both inside you and, holy shit, this is something you’ve never felt before.

Both men stay still as they let you set the pace. You rock your body back and forth, allowing both cocks to drag themselves in and out of you. Seriously, the feeling was something unworldly. What made it ever better was Bucky’s lips on your chest and Steve’s hand working your clit. These men both knew what they were doing. 

“So fucking sexy, sweetheart, taking our cocks at the same time,” Steve murmured into your neck, “You love this, don’t you? Love being filled to the brim.”

Bucky bit at your skin, making you hiss, to which he mumbled, “Answer him, babydoll.”

“Yes, Steve. Love your cocks filling me whole,” you gasped when Bucky’s cock just hit that spot that made you shudder. With the way things were going, you knew you were gonna be cumming soon. 

“Wanna make a mess outta you, sweetheart,” Bucky whispered, lips still wandering over your neck and chest, “Wanna fill you with our cum, paint you with it. Mark you as ours.”

“I’m yours,” you panted out, “I’m all yours,” you moved your body faster, desperate for your release. 

“Go ahead, baby, cum on our cocks. We wanna feel ya,” Steve mumbled in your ear, his hand working faster on your clit. You dug your nails into Bucky’s chest, a pain he happily welcomed. 

“Come on, baby. Give it us. You can do it,” Bucky encouraged you, slapping your ass and kneading the flesh. 

“Fuck, fuck,” you said through gritted teeth. A powerful wave of pleasure washed over you as leaned down, resting your head against Bucky’s while you came.

“So pretty when you cum,” he whispered.

“Such a good girl,” Steve murmured, kissing your back and shoulders. You moved a bit and felt something wet. You sat up and looked down to see that you just squirted all over you and Bucky.

“Oh shit. I’ve never done that before,” you murmured.

Bucky snickered, “First time for everything,” he said with a wink. 

You then moved off his lap, “Well, lemme clean this up for you since it is my mess.” Both men hissed when your hands wrapped around both their lengths, your mouth gliding over Bucky’s stomach and pelvis, collecting your own juices. 

“Oh my God, you’re perfect,” he moaned, his hand grabbing your head and trying to push it towards his cock.

You slapped his hand away, “I already sucked you off, babe. Now it’s Steve’s turn,” you said with a smirk. You gave a wink to the blonde as your mouth lowered onto his dick. Bucky was right, you are perfect. And you’re theirs. All theirs.

[stormcrawler75]

A Stitch a Day Keeps The Bad Thoughts Away Part 4/Final Part

Summary: Virgil has given his gifts to the Light Sides at last. There’s just one more person he has to give a gift to.

Warnings: Self-deprecating thoughts

Virgil fidgeted with his hands nervously. He stood in the Common’s kitchen area and was internally debating if his plan was actually a good idea. The weight in his pocket seemed to grow heavier with each second he stalled. He could do this, he knew he could do this. He reached back and put his hand in his back pocket, rubbing at the yarn in an attempt to find some courage.

Things had improved in the weeks since the Side’s family meeting.

Patton, Roman, and Logan had divvied up the box full of Virgil’s gifts with Virgil there to point out which gift was meant for which Side. He couldn’t believe just how much he had knitted over the years. 

Virgil had felt like sinking in the subconscious and never coming back when Patton pulled out the blue, snot and tear covered scarf that Virgil had knitted before he had been accepted. But Patton had just given Virgil a sad and shaky smile and patted his cheek. 

“Don’t worry, kiddo. It just needs to be popped in the washer and it’ll be good as new.” He had promised. “The worst thing that could happen is that it needs to be hand washed. It’s not ruined though.”

Things had gone back to normal, well, as normal as their little ragtag family could be. With the notable exception that the other’s outfit now usually included something that Virgil had knitted. 

Virgil still could hardly believe how much they really liked the gifts. He had almost cried when Logan had walked downstairs a few mornings after the meeting wearing the dark blue knitted tie that Virgil had knitted for him when Thomas was twenty. He had started crying when Roman came downstairs after him with his usual red sash replaced with his new bright golden one.

The others had tried to comfort him but Virgil had just waved them off grinning. “I’m not sad. Just, I guess they’re happy tears.” Logan had been confused at the notion of “happy tears” but Patton had understood and pulled Virgil into a tight hug.

Patton had approached him about a week afterwards with a pair of knitting needles and asked if Virgil could teach him how to knit. Virgil had been floored and asked Patton if he was sure. Patton had been adamant and insisted that he wanted to learn from Virgil.

“Besides, can you imagine if I get good enough!?” Patton had gushed. “The two of us can knit a quilt big enough that all four of us can cuddle under it!”  Virgil had hidden a smile behind a hand and agreed.

Roman had led him aside one day and gave him a box, about the size of the one that had all of the gifts Virgil had knitted in it. When he had opened the box, Virgil had found about a hundred or so different colour balls of yarn.

“I thought that you might want some new colours.” Roman had explained, a mix of embarrassed and pleased. “I made sure that there’s a bunch of different shades in there. And there’s even a few balls that have a whole bunch of different colours in them! So, you can knit more stuff, if you want to of course!” Roman probably had a lot more to say but Virgil had interrupted him by dropping the box and diving into Roman’s arms for a hug.

That had been two weeks ago. And in those two weeks, Virgil had been working on a special project.

He had worked hard on it. He had spent time researching the pattern he had wanted to use by going looking at the gifts he had given the others and spent the same amount of time choosing the right different colours of yarn he wanted to use. 

Virgil had asked Logan if he could knit this project in his room instead of his own. He didn’t want to fall into the same trap he had before. Logan had agreed and asked if, in return, he could watch. Virgil had accepted and had come into Logan’s room every day for two days and spent about an hour knitting his special project as Logan sat on the bed with him and watched curiously, asking questions every so often.

And now he was done. Virgil was done with his special project and was wondering if this was actually something he should do. What if he didn’t like it? It was pretty stupid after all. Maybe he should just go back up to his room and forget all about it.

Virgil shook his head and gripped the object in his back pocket. He had worked on this and had gone over it critically. There were no mistakes, the colours were nice, not any of Virgil’s favourites but still nice, and it was the right size. Logan had looked over the gift and assured Virgil that the receiver was going to love the gift.

He had shown Patton and Roman too just to make sure. Roman had gushed over the stitching and colours. Patton had gathered Virgil in a hug and said that he was so proud of him for not giving up on knitting and that the person he was going to give the gift to was going to love it.

He could do this. He could do this.

Virgil straightened his back just like Roman did before he left on dangerous quests and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Both Patton and Thomas sat on the Commons’ couch. Thomas was waving his hands around animatedly, obviously telling a story. Patton was leaning against the arm of the couch with a content smile on his face. 

Patton glanced up and grinned when he saw Virgil standing there. He raised his eyebrow questioningly and practically beamed when Virgil gave a short and tense nod. He placed a hand on Thomas’ arm.

“I need to go upstairs for just a sec. I’ll be back in a bit.” He promised. Thomas nodded and relaxed back into the couch. Patton stood up and bounced out of the room, shooting Virgil a thumbs up on the way.

Virgil took a deep breath and made his way over to Thomas. He kept repeating over and over in his head, ‘He’ll like it, he won’t be mad. He’ll like it, he won’t be mad.’

Thomas was hitting his hands on his thighs to some unheard rhythm and did a double take when he caught sight of Virgil. “Hey!” He turned in his seat and beamed at Virgil. “Where have you been all day? I haven’t seen you since yesterday!”

Virgil joined Thomas on the couch. “Been busy.” He said nonchalantly. The object in his project seemed even heavier now that he was closer to the person it was meant for. “I’ve been working on a project.”

Thomas leant forward and bumped Virgil’s shoulder with his own. “Does this have anything to do with all the new knitted stuff the others have been wearing?” He smiled gently when Virgil blanched. Had someone told Thomas what he had been planning? “Yeah, Patton told me what happened. I’m glad that things are all cleared up.” He grabbed Virgil’s arm and squeezed it comfortingly. “How are you doing?”

Virgil smiled and shrugged. “Pretty alright. It’s, nice, to know that they like my stuff.” He ducked his head. “I honestly feel pretty stupid though. For making it such a big deal.”

Thomas shook Virgil’s arm gently. “C’mon, none of that.” He chided. “It was a big deal and something that you guys needed to talk about. Don’t feel stupid.” Thomas leant down and caught Virgil’s eyes. Two small grins appeared on both of their faces.

Virgil huffed out a laugh and pulled away from Thomas. Butterflies were flying around in his stomach. But, they were the good type of butterflies. He was nervous and scared (what if Thomas didn’t like it?) but also excited (what if Thomas liked it?).

He pushed his bangs back and moved his gaze up to the ceiling. “Speaking of gifts.” He glanced back down at Thomas and managed to catch the sight of the grin growing and an excited gleam shine in his eyes.

“Virgil,” Thomas said, drawing out Virgil’s name. “Did you knit me something?”

Virgil smirked and shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, you won’t be able to wear it outside the Mindscape so I guess it’s sorta useless but I thought you might like it.” He reached inside his back pocket and pulled out what he had been working on and tossed it at Thomas’ chest.

Thomas caught it, barely, and held it up to his face. It was a red and yellow striped beanie. Virgil had got the idea from Joan’s beanie which Thomas liked to admire from time to time. 

Virgil looked away. The butterflies in his gut were going crazy now. What if Thomas didn’t like it? “I wanted to knit something for you like I did the others. Should’ve asked you to buy some yarn in the real world so you could actually wear it outside the Mindscape but then you would’ve known and I wanted it to be a surprise.” He waved his hands nervously. “So, yeah. Knitted this for you and you can’t wear it anywhere. Sor-”

Virgil yelped and tensed when Thomas pulled him into a hug. “What are you sorry for?! I love it!” Thomas cried. Virgil blinked and slowly brought his arms up to hug Thomas back. 

“You, you do?”

Thomas nodded. He was bouncing up and down excitedly on the couch, making Virgil bounce with him. “Are you kidding?” He pulled back and plopped the beanie on his head. He adjusted it and tucked his hair back into it. When he was finished, Thomas spread his hands. “I love it! What do you think? Does it look good on me?”

The red and yellow of the beanie clashed terribly against the purple of Thomas’ hair that poked out. It was also a little too big on hung down a little too low in the back. Virgil grinned and laughed.

“It looks amazing on you.” He said truthfully. Thomas laughed and ran his hands over the beanie lovingly. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to lose his words halfway through. He pulled Virgil back into a hug, tucking Virgil underneath his chin. 

Virgil relaxed and let loose a little sigh. Thomas cuddled Virgil closer to him and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Thank you, Virgil.” He whispered. He hesitated before adding “I love you so much. You know that, right Virge?”

Virgil snorted and nodded. “Course I do, Moron. Love you too.”

taglist

@punsterterry

@iris-sanders-athena

@heck-im-lost

@sanders-trash-4ever

@tiredfluid

@sevenatee

@i-really-dig-the-purple

@detroit-become-pan

@shadowjag

@phlying-squirrel

@ab-artist

@lil-storm-cloud

@dr-gloom

@grape-soda-city-kid

@karmels-stuff

[jess-oh]

Reflection

ahhhhhhhhhhhh. i forgot to bring my Bible down so now I can’t do my QT here :( i do hope i find the willpower to prepare a smoothie for tomorrow morning, do the dishes, take a shower, and do my QT before i decide to sleep. this probably isn’t a good idea working so much when i have work tomorrow but im in that productive kind of mood! and yes, it’s my fault that i started so late but it’s okay! bc im here now and i at least want to work on it a lil more. i already got some ideas i actually like rolling into my portfolio, i started drawing more thumbnails, i got my 3 typography examples done, i started drawing my didot thumbnails but ended up getting sidetracked. but i did draw a bunch of boxes for it which is good! i do want to do a few more quick sketches for typography and then focus on my research papers tomorrow along with the design for graphic design. actually, i probably wont have time tomorrow since im hanging out with my roommates and going out to dinner with james, moon-hee, and others from downtown. and i know i could just skip out on that but i do want to do it. and then on saturday we’re checking out a couple different apartments and i so badly wish i could just stay home and rest and work all day on graphic design and typography but unfortunately, i cant. im definitely going to be staying up late the next few days as a result to make for the lack of time. 

but here’s what i really want to talk about. i had a really good conversation with shar today and i was open about my depression and how i’ve actually been feeling so bad about myself recently but then im so conflicted bc i want to share what ive been struggling through w/ others but i just dont think they’d understand. and it’s been such an unbelievable blessing to be able to talk to shar about everything thats been going on and my worries and concerns and dreams and hopes for the future and even though she cant fully understand, she does listen and does genuinely care and want to be here. i can see it in her heart. and i also know that just bc of who shes surrounded by, sometimes she can become corrupted but at the end of the day, she really is a good person and is really trying and i can see that whenever she does have some unhealthy habits like gossiping, it’s coming from a place of love and care. and i do really appreciate that and i do want to make more of an effort in sharing and being open and knowing that i am allowed to rely on God and other people and I don’t want to fight this losing battle alone. Because I won’t lose without the help of others. I don’t want to keep killing myself over this any longer. It is honestly so hard. It is. And it’s so terrible to feel so alone and so bad about myself. But if we’re being attacked this hard, it means we’re doing something wrong. And we are. Sharlene and I have been keeping each other accountable and being more open about our faith and we started a conversation with Mulan, Claire, and Dana. And I’ve been making conscious efforts in really investing into the freshmen at Lakeview and I don’t always feel like I can be open about myself to them bc I want to be their spiritually leaders but Sharlene did remind me that I really admired P. Billy and P. Daisy for being so honest about what was really going on in their lives. And that just made them better leaders in my eyes. And I do want to adopt that mindset too. i know that it is still so incredibly intimidating and scary to be so open about my faith at a school as liberal as Columbia but yknow what? It’s college. No one really knows what theyre doing. They just know that theyre searching and Sharlene was right, we’re planting so many seeds even in just discussing our relationship with God out in public, even if we don’t see it. There was someone that was having a bad day and felt encouraged by our passion for the Lord. There was someone that was wrestling with the Devil and won bc of something we said. And I know that I’m still having a really hard time letting myself cry and really let go and let myself be affected in front of Shar right now but it is something I’m working on. And I do notice how often I’m laughing during dark or heavy situations in an effort to lighten the mood and avoid feeling so bad but I do want to be able to just let myself go and not be able to distract myself with my laptop or phone or thoughts or anything. I just want to come before the Lord and give it up. I just want to pray. 

I just imagined praying really hard for Dana and I do want to do that for her soon. Whether it’s at the retreat or when she leaves or before or whenever. But i just want to let her know that God loves her so much. And every time he sees her making an effort to come out to church or reach out to Him or share about her experience w/ the church, He sees that and the biggest grin grows on His face in excitement for his daughter that is on her way to coming home. He sees her. And he wants nothing more than to just embrace her in His open arms. My main goal for this coming semester and just for this whole year has been making sure Dana has a solid foundation and faith with Christ before heading out to Korea. So even when she is alone and struggling, she will know who God is in her life and just really be able to let go and give it all up to Him. I’m human and imperfect but He is a God that does not judge but rather, loves unconditionally. And despite all her sins and drinking and dating and everything in between, He still loves her and is just waiting so patiently for her to come home with open arms. I do truly believe that. And I really hope she can make it to the lock-in. I don’t know what it will be like but I do want to pray for her. 

But yeah, it was just so nice talking to Shar today. But onto my day:

This morning I woke up at 7:45am by my weirdly very quiet alarm and reset the power in my room. Then I headed off to typography and had a pretty good time with Sara and this new girl I just met today and my stomach was having some issues for the most part, it was just a nice and pleasant experience. I had a good first day and good end to the week. Then I finally got my pizza bagel and the cashier was kind enough to save one for me yesterday, just in case :’) Oh yeah, I also asked a bunch of people last night for my defining characteristics and I got some pretty interesting responses. For one, I found out that Andrew wasn’t mad at me and instead, just lazy. And maybe also depressed but that’s just speculation. Now we’re talking again and I’m happy. But he actually wrote me a very kind letter which I was not expecting. I thought everyone would just give me a list, haha. So I was pretty surprised when people like Andrew and Jeanne actually gave me words of affirmation instead. Jeanne is always so supportive of me T v T

I am so cold down here, omona. But I’m listening to my Christian music still and even started to sing along and it just felt very normal and natural. This is who I am. A person that really loves and believes in God and wants to serve Him with their entirety. I do. 

But after eating my pizza bagel, I headed up to work and stayed there for a while and it was a pretty good shift! I enjoyed talking with Ari and Tess and briefly Michaela. Michaela even brought me fries :’) Cleaning and everything was pretty nice and fun though! It was a long shift but I got to finish my annotations  and everything else went pretty smoothly. I might actually draw my thumbnails at work tomorrow so I��ll have something to do. And then...I will work on graphic design, hehehe. 

I’m really bad at reaching out for help and even just praying about it lately and confessing it to God. I think I just need to be ready and willing to let go and take that jump and risk everything for Him. I know that I felt like that before and even though my heart is filled with so much fear right now, I know that it will be so much better once I give everything up to Him. I felt that joy before and there’s nothing like it.