#honestly considering making a pin saying ‘I’m not fasting for medical reasons please stop asking’ for this year

[nope-body]

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[littlelovelymemes]

✰  —  —  —  EVEN MORE POPULAR TEXT POSTS STARTERS

‘  let me just make one thing clear... i have no clue what’s going on, ever, at any moment, at any point in time. who knows what’s going on? not me. not ever.  ’ ‘  i would just like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i am doing  ’ ‘  we came from the same star and we will come together again in the end  ’ ‘  i have a ‘why am i like this’ moment at least five times a day  ’ ‘  did i need it? no. did i buy it? yes.  ’ ‘  the most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning  ’ ‘  petition for stars in the day time please???  ’ ‘  i love it when i wake up and stretch and something cracks. makes me feel like a glo-stick  ’ ‘  drop whatever you’re doing right now and climb a tree  ’ ‘  the most fucked up part of adult life is how you can just decide to do things  ’ ‘  i’m a person who wants to do lots of things trapped inside a body that wants to SLEEP at all times  ’ ‘  i’m so tired but i’ll probably be awake until 3 am for no reason  ’ ‘  time to kick my own ass. bitch had it coming for too long  ’ ‘  honestly ‘thanks i hate it’ is one of the funniest phrases in the english language  ’ ‘  do you ever wonder how many people have loved you and never told you?  ’ ‘  the internets one true talent is making me sick of things i’ve never seen or read or heard  ’ ‘  i’m permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, i’m chill  ’ ‘  all cracker barrels are dimensionally linked. you could walk into a cracker barrel in georgia and walk out of one in arkansas and feel nothing  ’ ‘  ‘you look different with makeup’????? you think i’m buying shit for hundreds of dollars to just keep looking like my ugly self ... ok  ’ ‘  why did the fray go off so hard in ‘how to save a life’?  ’ ‘  anyone else bummed they have 2 sleep alone tonight and uh not in some1s arms  ’ ‘  not to be too controversial but i like it when people are nice   ’ ‘  the sun has no business tapping out at the tender hour of 5pm bitch i have depression  ’ ‘  i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm  ’ ‘  what time do you need me? i am unavailable whenever that time is  ’ ‘  look i may have made a few typos and committed a few murders but nobody’s perfect okay  ’ ‘  i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself  ’ ‘  i’m aiming for the “she’s a badass and cute as hell but i wouldn’t touch her without asking” look  ’ ‘  haha if you’re bored you could kiss me idk just sayin  ’ ‘  i see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. why is that.  ’ ‘  80s music wont solve all my life’s problems but it certainly distracts me from them  ’ ‘  i cant believe what walkie talkies are called  ’ ‘  some people think life is like a rollercoaster but my life is more like one of those rides that spin really fast so you’re pinned to the wall and can’t do anything about it  ’ ‘  hey girl do you want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe  ’ ‘  all these fuckboys but who is the fuckfather  ’ ‘  i love drunk me but i don’t trust her  ’ ‘  do you have those people that you’d go anywhere with unconditionally, like they could say “lets go check out that dumpster” and you’d be like “im in”  ’ ‘  nah sorry i cant go out tonight, i have plans to spiral into uncontrollable anxiety starting in the early evening and ending at roughly 3 am  ’ ‘  me: queen of having had enough  ’ ‘  she needs a hug (i’m she)  ’ ‘  is it acceptable to start an essay with “listen here you little shit”? 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kiss me on the lips dude  ’ ‘  too many songs about love. not enough songs about sword fights  ’ ‘  don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again  ’ ‘  i just did a tarot reading... it said ur a bitch  ’ ‘  a good substitute for love and fulfillment? a crunchwrap supreme from taco bell  ’ ‘  i fucked up? idk what you’re referring to but probably  ’ ‘  *in a high-pitched mocking voice* "are you okay?" what the fuck.  ’ ‘  how do u just..... not believe in aliens  ’ ‘  a coffee pot can be a coffee mug if you just don’t fucking care  ’ ‘  “you’re up early!” jokes on you i didn’t sleep at all and am in between energized and dying  ’ ‘  dont wanna sound like a slut but i really need a hug right now  ’ ‘  casual fan? no sorry i only know how to invest my whole livelihood into something and spend every waking moment thinking about said thing  ’ ‘  i have a dozen hearts swirling around my head irl like that isnt a filter its permanent  ’ ‘  i worry about you even when you say you’re fine  ’ ‘  i will never hurt you. i will always stick by your side. i will always try to make you smile  ’ ‘  true love: having to hold back your adorable, violent girlfriend to keep her from straight up murdering a dude  ’ ‘  cute date idea: be nice to me  ’ ‘  im so jealous of people who know what they want to do with their future i dont even know what t.v show to watch next  ’ ‘  me? clingy? yes please don’t leave me  ’ ‘  hey….,.,.. no offense but,,. i want someone to love and cherish me  ’ ‘  i need someone to lay in bed with me for hours  ’ ‘  dark hannah montana..... show me the worst of both worlds  ’ ‘  someone has to say it: come on eileen is a fucking banger like that shit snaps,, a bop for the century  ’ ‘  roses are red, i’m going to bed  ’ ‘  bless netflix for creating the skip intro button honestly  ’ ‘  they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because i keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it  ’ ‘  i wanna burry my face in someone’s chest right now til i fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later just to find i’m still in their arms  ’ ‘  the internet has ruined me honestly i’m numb to everything. it could be the end of the world and i’d be like “tag urself i’m the acid rain”  ’ ‘  lately i have been…….dying to be in love…,..and that’s the mood sadly  ’ ‘  not to be ns fw but i’d cry if someone kissed me on the cheek  ’ ‘  sexting? nah. i’m into spexting. spooky texting. ever seen a ghost? hmu.  ’ ‘  not to sound cocky as shit but i’m a fucking good person with a big heart and i deserve a lot more than the shitty hand life has dealt me this far  ’ ‘  i say i love you a lot because i do  ’ ‘  i’m sorry. i can’t come to the phone right now? why? oh. cause i hate talking on the phone please text me instead.  ’ ‘  low on self esteem, so u run on mac & cheese  ’ ‘  who’s gonna come lay with me in bed and let me wrap my legs and arms around u like a small bear  ’ ‘  youre a coward if youre not on the way to my house right now to give me a kiss  ’ ‘  my personality is like 90% the song i’m currently listening to  ’ ‘  the first step to any murder is to have fun and be yourself  ’ ‘  no offense @ life but can i have a breath.. a break... some slack...  ’ ‘  the best kind of alcohol is a lot  ’ ‘  911 i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again  ’ ‘  having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch  ’

[metafoxxfire]

Spirit Keeping FAQ

This post is a compilation of questions that I have heard most often since I opened up my shop in 2015.  I wanted to cover my bases with it, and get the basic information out there.  There is so much to learn, so if I missed anything, please let me know!

WHY SHOULD I CONSIDER SPIRIT KEEPING?

Well, there are many reasons that people keep spirits.  Some do it for companionship, others for protection, and yet more for spiritual uplifting and learning.  Whatever the reason, it's something that feels right for you.  If you feel like you are ready to take on the responsibility and work involved, go for it!  If you don't, then you probably aren't ready on some level for it.  However, do consider your reasons before you start!  Sure, it would be an absolutely awesome thing to have friends that can do what your physical friends cannot.

However, spirit keeping is a LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT.  It's not something that you can shrug off after it's not 'cool' anymore, and it is not a fad. That said, it is a very rewarding experience.  You gain a lot of knowledge from spirit-keeping, and often, you grow yourself and learn a lot of insight on others' perspectives and views of the world.  Yes, you have an obligation to work with these spirits and coexist with them, but when it comes down to it, there is mutual benefit involved!  It's also a lot of fun, and I can't even think of how difficult things were for me before I started to take in companions.  The community is ever-growing, and although a fringe practice, I have met many of my best friends in the spirit keeping community.  You'll be surprised at how much taking in a companion can change your life!

BEFORE I START, WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?

There's not very much preparation to be done, really.  This is a practice where you can read every book there is, but what you've read simply doesn't work when you're confronted with the spirit itself.  However, there are a few things you can do to prepare yourself.  I definitely suggest learning how to meditate or do a little energy work to learn how to connect with that higher, astral self.  I would also suggest getting together some of the offerings or getting at least a system down for whatever spirit you're bringing in.  What preparations would you do?  You would get your living space as warm and welcoming as possible!  You also need to think of how long this spirit family will be with you - the rest of your life is a long time!  Make sure you think about that, because it can be a bit overwhelming at first!  Your living area will also be theirs while they are in this realm, so definitely try to think of ways to welcome them and coexist with them. Also, it may be a good idea to learn some cleansing techniques for your space and set up some warding and protection before they arrive so that you can get them familiar with your warding. WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW AND CONSIDER?

As stated several times, this is a LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT.  That being said, when you're looking at companions, make sure you do your research.  Look at the race descriptions provided by conjurers, use google and Wikipedia, and when all else fails, ASK THE CONJURER!  They will have insight that they don't always post on the race description, especially if it's an exclusive race.  This goes for everything regarding your new family member - ask the questions, see their powers and capabilities, determine if you would task them or not (and if so, how).  A reputable conjurer should be able to give you solid advice on the spirit and how they can benefit you, while also figuring out who will actually be helpful for you or a great start.  Also, you need to consider the conjurer themselves - your conjurer is providing a service of making sure your companion is safe to work with, and if you're not sure what to think, talk to customers who have taken home companions from them and ask around for genuine experiences with the conjurer or the spirits from that conjurer.  Reviews on a third party location or talking to other practitioners can also be very telling! Definitely don't make fast decisions when it comes to your first, though. It is something that you need to take your time with.

CAN A COMPANION ACTUALLY HELP ME WITH MY HEALTH PROBLEMS?

Yes. Somewhat. They are no replacement for medical aid, and you should not stop the treatments you are receiving when you take a spirit into your home. They aren't necessarily able to completely cure mundane illnesses, but they can ease the pain or help you calm yourself energetically and mentally. Always take their capabilities and how they would react with your condition into account, because there are sometimes bad combinations of energy that can negatively affect you and how you live.

I always suggest bringing up any conditions with your conjurer, because they may have a better recommendation of what spirits would be better fits based on different conditions (fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression, epilepsy, etc.) and what would probably not work too well with you. Always take their opinions into account in these cases because they do have a deeper understanding of the races they work with than you do. True, this is part of doing research, but it is a very important part.

HOW DO I KNOW WHAT COMPANION TO TAKE HOME?

There is no clear way to really know, honestly. You can do all the research in the world and still take home the wrong companion. However, if it doesn't feel right, chances are that it isn't. You have to trust yourself and your conjurer, honestly. Take everything into account carefully when making your decisions. Also, if this is your first time taking in a companion, make sure you read EVERYTHING about their policies, shipping, bindings, and ask questions so that you can understand everything about it. Any reputable conjurer should happily answer questions with professionalism. Also, when considering which companion to bring home, read everything you can. If you still can't determine the best way to go, explain your situation to the conjurer you're interested in! They may suggest a reverse adoption, which is where instead of you picking a spirit, a spirit picks you.

HELP!  I THINK A SPIRIT IS CALLING ME!  HOW DO I KNOW FOR SURE?

There are many different types of callings, so pinning down exactly how it feels is difficult.  Look at the timing of what you believe to be a calling.  From experience, I can say that not being able to get thoughts of a spirit from your mind, seeing hints of that spirit (specific animals or symbols of that spirit), shadow play, head buzzing, specific music (shufflemancy), winking phone screens, and many other signs can all be callings.  Anything that constantly returns your attention to that spirit can definitely be a calling, and if they are trying hard enough, you won't be able to stop thinking about them.  Last but not least, it will feel right to bring them home, and once they arrive home with you, it will feel wrong to not have them in your life.  You have to trust your feelings and instincts in most cases, and if the timing isn't right (not enough money, have to practice secretly, etc.), perhaps it's something that you can revisit later.

I MISSED OUT ON A SPIRIT I FELT CALLED TO.  CAN I TRUST MY INSTINCTS FOR IF I'M ACTUALLY BEING CALLED?

Oh yes, definitely.  Spirits will often send out several different calls to different people for a better chance of finding a home, while others don't really send out callings but their energy compliments yours so well that reaching out proves to you that your energy will intertwine pleasantly.  There are also cases where you may not be called to a certain spirit, but another member of that race is calling you through the spirit that was brought to your attention previously.  If you've missed out on a spirit, you can always ask the conjurer if they are able to bring forth another spirit of that race, because more often than not, it will be the spirit that you were originally feeling the calling from.

It's also important to realize that things do happen for a reason.  If you missed a companion, perhaps you were fated to not meet them, but another in their place.  Your attention was drawn to that particular race or spirit for a reason, after all.  Perhaps it is a message that there is someone for you in that shop, realm, or race that wants to come forth and help.  Don't despair for missing one potential companion, for they were meant to be with someone else.

WHY ARE SPIRIT COMPANION SHOPS SO EXPENSIVE?  YOU DON'T OWN THAT ENTITY, AND THE VESSEL CAN'T BE THAT EXPENSIVE, SO WHAT AM I ACTUALLY PAYING FOR?

We don't charge for the entity itself, but for the work we do.  The first step of conjuring is to open the portal and pull the spirit / entity forward, then we have to make sure the companion is safe to work with.  This is the most important part of being a conjurer - making sure all parties (spirit, keeper, and conjurer) are safe.  We vet the spirits, spending the time necessary with them to learn what we can before we pass them on to the keeper where the bond is formed.  Some spirits are more work to pull through and take more energy (and thus, more time) to work with, which is why prices are different.  Others may need a more complex binding to make sure that things are even on all sides and no one has more power than the other.

In short, you're not buying the spirit, but the work that the conjurer has put into the binding.

I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE THE MONEY FOR A COMPANION FROM A SHOP.  IS THERE A WAY TO GET AROUND THIS OR A WAY FOR ME TO CONJURE MY OWN COMPANION?

Most shops are actually very willing to work with others where possible!  Personally speaking, I have accepted services from others as payment, or done some free services when it came down to an emergency situation.  However, you need to take a certain approach when you're talking to conjurers (or any practitioners, really) about a free service, because it is not an obligation for anyone to do any work for you, and you should be grateful should you receive the help.  Conjuring can be, quite frankly, a thankless job and there are always people who feel entitled.  But I digress, if you're talking to a conjurer about the possibility of a free service, make sure you stay polite and explain the situation fully as to why you can't manage to financially afford the service you're asking for!

As for conjuring on your own, I advise against it.  No, it's not to make more money (as others would accuse, I know from experience) off of you, but to make sure you are safe.  If you have not conjured before and don't have any companions, it is very hard to be certain that you can vet a spirit, especially when considering whether or not your senses will be able to pick up on said spirit that you've brought through.  When you pay a conjurer or receive a service from one, you are paying for the safety net it provides you, and the knowledge that, should trouble arise, there is someone experienced that can handle it and remove whatever is causing the problems.  Also, if you want to look into conjuring, it is best to speak with a conjurer and see if they're open to teaching their method because trying to learn alone is far more dangerous of an option.

SHOULD I DO A VESSEL OR DIRECT BINDING?  IS ONE BETTER THAN THE OTHER?

Both sides have their pros and cons, and truthfully, it's all a matter of preference.  I personally use individual vessels, master vessels, and direct bindings with certain spirits that help me and protect me on a day-to-day basis. Vessel bindings are the energy link to your companion.  They offer the chance of having an easier time picking up on the energy, because there is a way to channel that energy by using direct contact with the vessel and you can learn how it feels to have their energy and not have it.  However, there are often times that a vessel goes missing, which can be a bit stressful and I've seen many newer keepers worry that the spirit is mad at them for misplacing it.  Not to mention, others in your home may find the vessels to be cool trinkets or mess with them.

Direct bindings are a direct link from your energy to that of the spirit.  It makes it so that your companion's energy bridge is ever-present, and you won't have to handle carrying around the many vessels of your spirit companions.  However, though you won't have the issues of the vessel, you may find it harder to work with spirits one on one or lock onto a particular energy due to the circumstances of that link being ever-present.  It's also sometimes more overwhelming if you're energy-sensitive, especially if you take on several companions at a time.

I do want to touch on master vessels as well, which is the nicer alternative to the vessel bindings without having to wear 20 vessels.  Essentially, you can take all of the energy connections and duplicate (or transfer) them to one central piece where you can attach all of your spirits for a single vessel that you can use to contact your entire keep at once when you're out and about.

I HAVE A COMPANION!  HOW DO I BOND WITH THEM?

There are a lot of things you can do!  Whether your senses have picked up on them or not, take some time to invite them to join you on your conquests - be it watching TV, going to work, taking a walk, etc.  You can also take time to give offerings as a good bonding time, or meditation.  Most importantly, TALK TO THEM.  Even if you can't hear or interpret the responses, tell them about your day, what bothers you, how you feel, what you ate - anything you can think of to say.  They are your friends, your companions, and you definitely want to treat them as such and become closer.  Do what you would do with your physical friends!  In the end, it will pay off.

HOW DO I LEARN TO SEE MY COMPANION?

I wouldn't use the word 'see'.  Your astral senses are very different from your physical ones, and it's very rare to see the full picture all at once.  I personally find myself seeing one feature at a time - hair, eyes, skin tone, colors, etc. - and then piecing them together later when fed other information. It's almost like a puzzle, really. Past that point, their manifestations will be easier to sense and your mind's eye will fill in the blanks. It takes a lot of practice and work, honestly, but is well worth it when you get the results you're looking for. Please keep in mind that spirits won't always manifest and fully developed senses won't always pick up on them if they aren't actively manifesting.

HOW CAN I COMMUNICATE WITH MY COMPANION IF I CAN'T SEE THEM?

I am a big advocate of mediums! Tarot, pendulum, and shufflemancy are three very popular methods that are very unique in practice.  I do want to make sure, though, that you are being careful about doing any form of medium work and you set up protection so that you know for sure that you are speaking to the spirit you have called as opposed to a trickster or more malignant entity. You can read more about safety here.

Tarot is extremely popular, and many people can use a phone app instead of a physical deck if they have to be secretive.  This method tests your ability to interpret your cards and mix meanings together for messages from your family.  If you're intuitive with your cards, it makes for a really fun reading sometimes, and definitely keeps you in practice with your deck!  Of course, it can also be a little more confusing if you aren't so intuitive with your deck, but you will be able to learn how to interpret your cards as you continue on.

Pendulum is definitely one that gets used often too, as it's used easily with yes/no questions and even pendulum boards with letters (though you want to be more careful with these because the letters can be harder to pin down and interpret as well).  As you get more used to the pendulum, it isn't quite as awkward.  Especially with pendulum work, though, make sure you cleanse after each session and spirit called, and also take a break so that you are at your peak health and you aren't having issues later on down the road, spiritually or physically.

Shufflemancy is, by far, my personal favorite way to get an introduction from a spirit.  The jist of it is, you ask them a question, then put your shufflemancy-dedicated playlist on shuffle and learn the answers with each song that comes through.  You can sometimes use two and three songs to confirm the message.  It's a very fun way to get in contact with your spirits, and I simply love hearing what song comes next when I ask a question.

I THINK MY VESSEL IS EMPTY!  THERE'S NO SIGN OF MY COMPANION ANYWHERE!

Have patience!  Especially if you're new to spirit work, it's very hard to pick up on manifestations or signs that they're actually around.  A shy spirit can be hard to work with as well.  Give it a solid two months before you actually claim that the vessel is empty, especially if you're talking to anyone other than that conjurer.  And always contact the conjurer first - let them know your concerns, and ask if there's anything you can do to speed the bonding process along with the spirit in question.  Every spirit is different, after all.

SOMEONE TOLD ME MY VESSEL WAS EMPTY!

Okay, let me stop you there.  A lot of conjurers place protections on their bindings to prevent others from seeing or messing with the bindings.  Personally speaking, I cloak the bindings so that only the keeper and spirit can actually feel the binding out, but adjustments can't be made unless I do it to protect both the keeper and the spirit's best interests.  Not to mention, oftentimes as soon as someone pokes into the binding or vessel to see the binding itself or the spirit, the binding will break and the spirit will return to the conjurer to prevent tampering.  If you feel like your vessel is empty or someone tells you it is, TALK TO THE ORIGINAL CONJURER.  Otherwise, you'll be pulled into a bunch of drama and lose a companion for it.  Do empty vessels get sent out?  Yes.  Yes, they do.  But it's not a common occurrence, and most times, it's an accident.

SOMEONE LOOKED AT MY BINDING AND SAID SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH IT!  HOW DO I FIX IT?

There are certain bindings that will cause trouble.  Don't depend on others to tell you something is wrong, though, because spirits will disguise themselves from others that aren't you as a defense mechanism.  If someone says something about your binding being too tight or badly done, go back to the original conjurer and raise your concerns with them.  People tampering with your bindings can either have the spirit default back to the original conjurer or cause a lot of trouble for the spirit itself and actually make the binding uncomfortable.  Not to mention, the binding itself is disguised and will appear differently to others outside of your relationship.  Use your own sense about whether or not there is truly a problem, and if you feel like there is one (extremely difficult to bond with your spirits or sense them, not feeling any energy from the link, etc.), consult the conjurer to see what's going on. You can read more about this here. HOW DO OFFERINGS WORK?

Offerings are a form of bonding!  You give your spirits gifts, essentially, of what they like.  This can range from snacks and food to hair, blood, ribbons, cloth, gemstones, and any number of small presents you feel they would enjoy.  These should be stored separately from your own items, and I always suggest an offering jar if you make frequent offerings or at least labeling what belongs to who when you set up an altar or store the items.  I personally like to take out all of the offerings when I give a new one so that they can take the energy from and survey everything all at once.

CAN I EAT A FOOD OFFERING INSTEAD OF WASTING IT?

Food offerings are primarily so they can take the energy from the food, rather than consuming the food itself.  Always check with your companion first, but there's a good chance that they'll be okay with you leaving the food out for a set time (my rule of thumb is an hour) and then eating it or discarding it for outside animals.  I have also, in the past, burned offerings in a fire pit (but that's mostly for deities and immortals, as personal preference).

I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO WORK WITH MY COMPANIONS LATELY!  DO THEY HATE ME?

No, not at all! Spirits travel the realms, so they go between their realm and ours. They understand that things come up and your physical life is very important too! So long as you make the effort to reconnect when things are a bit better for you, they won't hesitate to bond with you like they did before. Time passes differently in other worlds, so it may even be that they didn't feel the time without you like you felt. Always talk to them, and in my case, I find that apologizing sincerely is acceptable and we move on from there. We're not perfect, after all.

I LOST MY VESSEL!  WHAT DO I DO?

Deep breath! Losing your vessel is a common problem, whether it's your spirit trying to mess with you or convey a message (wanting a new vessel, not wanting to bond that day, etc), or a bit of careless placement, it's easily remedied. Go to the conjurer and ask them what the process is for transmuting the binding to a new vessel.  A lot of times, conjurers will either do it themselves or teach you an easy way to do it.  It's an easy problem to fix and you don't need to feel embarrassed!

MY VESSEL BROKE!  IS MY SPIRIT OKAY?

Yes! Your spirit is not physically tied to or trapped within the vessel. The vessel houses an energy bridge for safe and easy passage to and from this realm. They can still use the bridge this vessel has, or you can (again) talk to the original conjurer about transmuting them to a new vessel for aesthetics and ease.

I AM A CLOSETED WITCH AND CAN'T DO OFFERINGS OR RITUALS VERY OFTEN.  IS THIS OKAY?

Yes, it's perfectly alright!  I used to have to be very careful about my practice (and to a degree I still do), and there are so many tips and tricks to being a subtle spirit keeper. I will make a separate post about this in particular, as there's so much information on subtle witching and subtle keeping, but spirits generally understand that there are powers and presences that govern our actions and lifestyles. Explain this to them when you welcome them home and when you find the time, do what you'd like to do!

I REALLY WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO, BUT I DON'T WANT TO PUT THIS OUT THERE IN MY HOMETOWN OR FAMILY... There are a lot of online communities, including MetaSpirit, the Chaos in Pandora's Box Spirit Keeping Forum, FaceBook Groups (many shops host these groups), and a plethora of others that I'm not a member of!  There are also Skype and Discord chats available to those seeking spirit keeper friends and advice!  Definitely check out these online avenues if you want to share your stories and hear about others' experiences too!

[ssteezyy]

Ask the Cat Behaviorist with Mikel Delgado: Cat Constantly Begging for Food, Two Cats Don’t Get Along Anymore, and More

Welcome to our regular “Ask the Cat Behaviorist with Mikel Delgado” segment. Once a month, we’ll post a reminder for you to post your questions for Mikel. She’ll answer as many of them as she can each time, and I’ll publish her answers in a subsequent post.

Mikel is a Certified Cat Behavior Consultant at Feline Minds, offering on-site consultations for cat guardians, shelters, and pet-related businesses in the San Francisco Bay Area, and remote consultations around the world. She obtained her PhD in Psychology at UC Berkeley, where she studied animal behavior and human-pet relationships. Mikel is co-author of Jackson Galaxy’s forthcoming book, Total Cat Mojo: The Ultimate Guide to Life with Your Cat.

Does my cat not like our other cat because she doesn’t have a tail?

I have 4 cats and 3 dogs all together. My 1 1/2 year old Maine Coon Mix does not like my 4 month old Calico Bobtail Mix at all but she gets along with the other two cats and the dogs. I was wondering if my Maine Coon Mix could not be liking my Calico Bobtail Mix because she doesn’t have a tail. Does my Maine Coon Mix know that the Calico Bobtail is a cat? I’m just trying to figure out why my 1 1/2 year old cat absolutely despised the kitten. Please help!! She attacks and chases the kitten constantly. (Jennifer Falbo)

Hello Jennifer,

Much to my chagrin, there’s no way to really know what our cats are thinking. 🙂 Since we are so visual, we think that vision is the most important thing to how other animals perceive the world, but that is probably not the case. We know that for cats, other things are important, such as olfactory signals.

Now cats with stubby or missing tails are not able to display one important signal between cats – the “tail up” – that tail held high with a question mark at the top. That is a classic sign of “I come in peace” – a cat who is sending a friendly signal to another. So while I don’t think this missing signal would make or break a relationship, it could be just one more thing working against your Maine Coon Mix liking the kitten.

I wish it were guaranteed that just because a cat likes some animals, they would like all of them. But similarly, do you like every new person you meet? Probably not. A lot could depend on how the animals were introduced, as well as individual personalities and energy levels.

What I can say with some certainty is that you should start over and reintroduce the kitten and your Maine Coon Mix, controlling their interactions and building positive associations. Ongoing fighting and chasing is a sign of stress and of two cats that need some help!

Cat vomits after eating too fast

Hi Mikel,

Our baby boy is 6 years old and his name is Smokey. He seems to vomit very randomly and sometimes its consecutive for a few days at a time. We asked our vet about it about 6 months or so ago and he said, Smokey is gorging his food at times and that’s why he’s vomiting. Or it could also be hairballs? He is a healthy and happy cat otherwise. I just thought I’d get your take on the situation because I don’t want something to happen later on down the road, when he could have an illness. He eats both wet (fancy feast gravy) and dry (Purina indoor cat chow), and I feed him twice a day. He also loves temptation and Sheba chicken sticks treats. We try not to overdo it with the treats too! Once or twice a day we give him a few pieces at a time. Appreciate your feedback! We love our boy so much and hate seeing him get sick like this. (Tracey S.)

Tracey,

I’m not a veterinarian, but I do believe that the current thinking about vomiting in cats has changed – and we no longer consider it “normal” cat behavior. If Smokey is indeed gorging on his food, then food puzzles may be helpful! They can slow down his eating and keep him mentally stimulated and occupied. There are puzzles you can use with both dry and wet food – just check out foodpuzzlesforcats.com for suggestions! Cats who eat wet food too fast can also be slowed down if you spread the wet food very thinly over the surface of the bowl or plate (“frost” the plate with the food).

However, if the vomiting continues, I would recommend seeking a second opinion from a veterinarian, perhaps an internal medicine specialist, who can help you pin down any potential medical issues, such as allergies or digestive problems, that are causing the vomiting.

Indoor/outdoor cat stopped coming inside

Hi Mikel,

4.5 years ago I adopted a two year old female cat from the local shelter (ACC). I met her at Petfood Express, the summer I visited about once/ week for a “kitten fix.” I sat on the floor with the kittens and Rosie, who was good with them and so allowed out of her cage while they were playing. She came and sat near me. She didn’t want to be petted more than a stroke or two, she definitely did not want lap time. She’s so beautiful, I kept thinking, she will soon be adopted. (I already had two senior cats at home and was not looking to adopt another.)

But 2 months went by, and she was sent back to the shelter because no one had adopted her. Another month went by, while I checked the website every Monday hoping to see she had been adopted over the week end. Didn’t happen. I finally couldn’t stand her being in jail any longer and went to get her out. I learned Rosie had been living in a feral colony and was brought into the shelter by a volunteer who was feeding the colony and TNRing the cats. At the shelter, people thought she was friendly enough to get adopted. She was friendly. But when I got her home and spent more time with her I understood why she had spent so long in the shelter. She had feral traits which most people wouldn’t have patience with for long. She did NOT want to be picked up and would make that Known immediately. She has never decided she wants to be in a lap or even petted much. But some. On her terms. I had spent a year making friends with a feral cat who then moved in with me, so I wasn’t put off by Rosie’s behavior.

She easily made friends with the two male cats already living with us. She obviously liked other cats.

She went outdoors thru the catflap in the back door. It’s a safe outdoor area, and she insisted she absolutely had to go outdoors. For 4 years, she came and went as she pleased (except for the few days she had a vet appointment). She came in to eat and sleep, occasionally playing with a toy. When she wanted canned food, she would come in and come to me to tell me. She made friends with the male cat the same age who lives on the first floor in the apartment under ours on the 3rd. The two of them play and travel together. Often, if we call one, both come.

Last summer, Rosie stopped coming indoors to eat and sleep. I take food outdoors to her. She will still, sometimes, come upstairs with me on the indoor stairway. But when she comes into the apartment, she goes directly to the back door to go out the cat flap. I’ve tried a few times to keep her in for a little while, thinking perhaps if she sees that nothing “bad” will happen to her, she’ll get comfortable indoors again. Nope. She stays right by the back door and cries until I let her out again. One evening recently, her best friend came up with her. Xing Xing has been in and out of our home since he was very young, and he was comfortable — ate, played, napped while Rosie continued to sit by the door crying off and on until I let them go out again.

I don’t know what happened to cause Rosie to move outdoors. I don’t know how to get her comfortable coming indoors again. It’s raining now, I thought the rain would bring her in. Not happening. I think she’s sheltering in the cave like space under one of the buildings in our apartments block.

I understand this is long. Perhaps, Mikel, you would like me to make an appointment with you? I’m in San Francisco, and I think you’re in the SF Bay Area? (Cheri Collins)

Hi Cheri,

I’m sorry to hear about Rosie’s change in behavior; likely something happened last summer that tipped the scales for her, but regardless, we have to deal with the behavior she is currently showing.

Unfortunately, it sounds like Rosie got more attached to her outdoor territory before she developed much of a relationship with you. We know that cats form attachments to territory FIRST, and subsequently to whomever or whatever is in that territory. For whatever reason, be it her feral background (certainly a likely contributor) or being let outside perhaps a bit too early, she has decided home is outdoors.

Giving her food outside only reinforces that there’s not much of interest for her inside your house. Can you start luring her back inside to eat? Gradually place the food closer and closer to the door, then prop the cat flap open and feed her just inside, etc., until you are back to feeding her indoors. The more delicious the food, the better. You may also want to try providing her with a shelter (feral box) close to the home at least so you know she has a safe place to be, and then eventually move that indoors as well. The idea is to give her some reason to come indoors, since human attention dos not seem to be a primary motivator for her.

Honestly, if you want her to come indoors, you may have to make the hard decision to go cold turkey and keep her indoors ONLY and work on re-socializing and building a relationship with her. This will probably not go over well with Rosie at first, since Pandora’s Box has been opened, so to speak. Once cats have a taste of the outdoors, it can be hard to go back. My experience is that moving to a new location makes it easier to convert a cat to indoors only, because the cues that indicate “I go outside” have changed. That said, I’ve seen plenty of formerly indoor-outdoor cats convert to indoors only, with patience and enrichment.

If you’d like to discuss this problem further, and you’re interested in a consultation, I’d be happy to schedule something with you (you can find us at felineminds.com), or you can always find a qualified (and certified) consultant at iaabc.org.

Cat is constantly begging for food

I have an 8 year old Torti (Ginger Diana) and I’m desperately trying to get her to lose weight. I’ve got her down to 11 lbs but I’d like to get her down to at least 9 as she is a runt. The problem is whenever I am home, she is constantly begging for food. When I say no she gets upset, scratches on the walls, bites wires and bites me. I don’t want to give in to her but I don’t want to see her gain the weight back (she was 16 lbs) and I don’t want her to get destructive and then I have to answer to my landlord or see her do something that could end her life like biting through wires. (Arleen Fackina)

Arleen,

First of all, congratulations on the weight you have already gotten off Ginger Diana! Getting weight down with overweight cats can be challenging. I hope you are working with a veterinarian to figure out her ideal weight, what diet would be most helpful, and how much you should be feeding her. There a few ways to encourage weight loss – one is to reduce caloric intake, and another is to increase exercise. I love food puzzles for “food obsessed” cats, because they can slow down eating while giving the cat more physical activity. Cats who eat a little more slowly may feel satiated before they’ve wolfed down all their food.

I’d also think about how often you’re feeding Ginger Diana. Cats naturally eat somewhere between 8 to 15+ small meals per day. They are designed to eat several small meals (aka “mice”) each day, throughout the day. For some cats I’m a fan of much stricter meal feeding, but you may find it more effective to feed Ginger Diana several very tiny meals throughout the day, if you are around. If you aren’t around, again, several food puzzles would be great. The puzzles should be challenging enough to slow her down without her becoming frustrated. The website foodpuzzlesforcats.com has several examples of food puzzles that can be used for wet or dry food, and gives plenty of options based on the cat’s skill level! Can you tell I’m a fan of food puzzles????

As she continues to lose weight, she’ll hopefully feel more like playing – so try to engage her with interactive toys a few times a day. Play sessions can be brief, but be sure to make them part of your daily routine. Anytime she’s playing with a toy is a time she is not going to be begging for food!

Finally, it’s important to not reward Ginger Diana’s destructive attempts to get you to feed her. Unsafe situations should be managed (cord covers for wires) so she cannot hurt herself. You may find that once she is able to nibble small amounts through the day, she is less likely to bother you for food. You can also use clicker training to reward her with small amounts of food (you can use small bits of her regular ration) for GOOD behavior, like sitting, scratching her scratching post, or for cute parlor tricks.

Cat bites and attacks pillows, blankets and stuffed animals

Hi, I’m hoping you might have some advice for me. About 3 months ago I adopted a sphynx from a shelter. He’s estimated to be about a yr old & he’s neutered. He has a tendency to bite/attack pillows, blankets & stuffed animals and he’s starting to put holes in everything. I have been trying to keep stuff picked up but I have 3 small kids. He also likes to cuddle with me under blankets at night & will be very calm & then nip me in the leg outta nowhere. I’m not sure if these cuddling nips are just hard love bites or he wants me to move over or what. I’ve generally found if I put my hand in between my leg & his mouth it usually stops him. For now the nipping isn’t major (no broken skin yet) but I don’t want it to turn any to anything more aggressive either.

I have “catified” as much as I can afford currently & play with him (using fishing pole style toy) for 30 minutes to an hour every evening. I try to keep the game going til he loses interest & walks off. As far as “catification” goes he has his own cat tree, two litter boxes (scooped daily, emptied weekly), multiple scratching posts, a pop up tent & tunnel, solo toys (mice, balls), a turbo scratcher, a couple food puzzles, a few wall mounted shelves (which he doesn’t really use), and I also feed birds in my yard so he can watch them.

I’m not really sure how I should correct him when I see destructive behavior…for now I’ve been telling him “no” gently but firmly then picking him up & moving him to an appropriate toy or scratcher.

The shelter couldn’t give me much history on him but they said the lady who surrendered him claimed he had been repossessed by his breeder after the breeder learned he was being kept in an outdoor cage which violated his adoption agreement. The breeder then gave him to this lady to re-home; she surrendered him to the shelter where he lived in a foster home for about a month. His foster mom told me she thought he was “gross” and admitted to locking him up frequently. He also had sores on his feet which I imagine came from spending too much time in the wire cage in his foster’s living room. If his backstory is true prior to arriving at the shelter it seems he moved around quite a bit the first 9 months of his life…so not much stability til now.

Any suggestions on how I can help him are greatly appreciated. Thanks! (Kayleigh)

Kayleigh,

Thank you for giving this guy a loving and patient home! It sounds like he definitely didn’t have the best start to his life. It sounds like you are providing him with lots of activity and enrichment which is fantastic. From what you wrote, there are two major concerns: the biting of fabrics and pillows, and the nighttime nipping. Let’s start with his bad habit of putting holes in your pillows and blankets.

My first question is whether he is just chewing, or actually ingesting fabric (a condition called pica). Chewing can be for attention or can stem from boredom and frustration. One way to tell if the behavior is for attention is considering whether it happens when you are gone. If it does, then typically we are looking at frustration and stress. If it happens ONLY when you are around, then attention is likely the PRIME motivator (although frustration and stress can also be factors). We typically address this by using (clicker) training to teach the cat ways to get attention and other rewards by doing “good” behaviors. The hows and whys of training are more detail that I can go over in this column, but there are plenty of good resources available out there, both printed books and websites!

If your cat does have pica, then I would recommend working with your veterinarian or another behavior professional to discuss this issue. Pica can be dangerous, and if he is at risk of an intestinal obstruction due to his chewing behavior, then he may need an anti-anxiety medication as an adjunct to behavior modification.

Because the sphynx kitties need a little help staying warm, it’s not surprising he likes to snuggle under the covers at night. You may find the best way to discourage the nipping of your legs while you sleep is to encourage him to sleep elsewhere – by providing him with a heated bed (perhaps one that is only turned on at night). It can be on or near your bed if you like him being nearby at night (and since he is used to sleeping with you). I also recommend an evening play session followed by a meal or snack at your bedtime to encourage him to sleep more soundly through the night.

Cat suddenly started to scream at other cats in the household and chase them

I have a cat named Thomas who recently came to my house through a family member. He is a five-year-old cat that was used to being in a one cat household and indoors. Now in the two months he is been with us he has become part of a family of 3 other cats and in the beginning they all got along famously and Thomas did venture outside at times. Out of the blue last week Thomas started reacting in extreme duress toward the other cats by screaming (sounded like a woman screaming) either crouched down or chasing the other cats out of the house… there is not one trigger to start this behavior, it has been multiple things and we never know when he will do it again. We separate Thomas from the other when it happens for up to twelve hours to calm him down when he comes out everyone is fine until something triggers another reaction. I now have Thomas separated again and plan to leave him apart for another 3 days. When I go visit Thomas he is a different cat so calm and loving and sits in my lap so contentedly…he never comes close to us and lets us pet him just a little when he is out around the other cats. Why the sudden change after 2 months of seemingly being a part of this clowder of cats? This has stressed us all out and the other cats avoid him more and more. My brother has agreed to take Thomas to put him in a one person and him only as pet home if we cannot work this out. Thanks for any advice and insight. (Susan Lunday)

Hello Susan!

It’s not unusual for cats to “seem fine” at first, and then as a newcomer becomes more comfortable in the territory, tensions arise. I’d first be curious as to just how much a part of the clowder Thomas really was – did you see him co-grooming with the other cats, sleeping with them, and playing (not fighting) together? Sometimes we assume that the absence of overt fighting means everything is peachy-keen, but we also need to look for the presence of POSITIVE interactions. If those positive interactions were missing, I’d be less certain about how strong that relationship ever was.

His extreme reaction and the lack of clear triggers for his outbursts is troublesome. I would need more information to rule out redirected aggression. Has Thomas been examined by a veterinarian? Sometimes pain (such as dental pain or digestive troubles) can be sporadic, but intense; they can also be “blamed” on whoever is nearby, such as other cats.

In some cases, increasing resources (litter boxes, feeding stations, bedding, vertical space, scratching posts, etc.) can help diffuse tension and at the very least allow cats to co-exist peacefully. However, I think you will also have to work on a much slower, more controlled re-introduction based on positive interactions – the current system of just going back and forth between with the cats and then separated when there are outbursts isn’t working. In some cases, as much as we love all the cats, some of them might be happier living as an only cat. I would certainly give a re-introduction a good go, but it should be a systematic process, not just throwing them together until something bad happens!

Cat hissing and spitting

Hello, we have an almost 3 yr Tortie with much attitude. She is a “fight” in lieu of “flight” cat. She has become an indoor/outdoor cat and loves going outside. Has her own play area, cat tree, numerous scratching posts, balls, wands, etc. Get plenty of attention and play time, she is very spoiled and shows us that she runs the house. We have had numerous hissing/spitting, chasing while hissing occurrences which is what let to suggestion from the Vet to let her outside which has helped the issue. I am just looking for any other suggestions and I am uncomfortable with the behavior but my husband handles it very well. (B)

Hello B,

I’m not sure that I completely understand the nature of the problem you are having with your kitty. I assume that your cat is only displaying the hissing toward you and your husband? Is she biting and scratching or just hissing? Sometimes hissing is just a warning “I’m not comfortable” in which case I’d want to know more about what elicits the hissing. Is it when you pet her, approach her, ignore her, etc.?

In general, I’m a big fan of letting the cat control the interactions; some cats enjoy handling and petting and the like more than others. It’s kind of like the Henny Youngman joke about the doctor; “Doctor it hurts when I do this…the doctor says, “don’t do that.”

If your cat predictably hisses when you try to pet her, stop petting her. Let her come to you for petting, and find other “hands off” ways to interact – especially interactive play where you move the wand toys for her to chase. This is a good way to build a bond and have fun together, plus we know that exercise has stress-reducing properties… and tired cats are less likely to bite and scratch! If she is being affectionate, give her treats and praise so she knows you like that behavior. I also recommend giving cats breaks from petting regularly if they are prone to overstimulation, even if they seem interested in handling. Some cats aren’t so good at saying no, even if they are worked up!

That said, I do like clicker training with cats who have tendencies to have issues with being handled. This is because it allows you to reinforce behaviors you like, and behaviors that get reinforced are more likely to be repeated in the future. It’s also a great way to train a cat to accept certain types of handling while they are young. Far too many cats don’t get the medical treatment they need because they bite or scratch when handled. It’s good planning for her future to address some of those issues now.

Finally, if anyone is roughhousing, wrestling, playing chase games, or otherwise encouraging your cat to see humans as a toy, I highly recommend giving up those bad habits. Even if your cat engages in that type of play, she can be redirected toward a toy. Allowing her to “play rough” is giving a green light to be aggressive.

Two rescue cats no longer get along

Hello! I have two rescue cats (I got them at 8 and 10 weeks respectively) that do not like each other. They are 3 years old, Zazzles is older by 6 months than Mercedes. Zazzles is my shy, skittish girl, Mercedes is bold, assertive and outgoing girl. They are two prides of one instead of a pride of two.

At first, they seemed to get on just fine. They slept together, groomed each other and teamed up against the dog. Now Mercedes seems to pick on Zazzles. She pounces on her when Zazzles seems to least expect it. There is some hissing and growling on Zazzles part then they go their separate ways; that’s as serious as it gets. They usually keep to different parts if the house. They have separate food, water and litter. My husband says they only fight when I’m home, and usually it’s near me.

Is there hope for my cats? I am not interested in rehoming either of them, they deserve forever homes and I love them both. Thank you, Beth Audet

Beth,

It is not uncommon to see cat relationships change at adulthood. When cats reach social maturity, there may be more struggles over access to preferred resources, and sometimes one cat just wants to play less than the other.

What I find most interesting is that your cats only fight when you are home – do you feel this is true, or do you feel that your husband tolerates more squabbles than you do (or are both the case)?

One thing that is encouraging is that aside from some pouncing, hissing, and growling, things don’t sound like a situation where I’d say someone definitely has to be rehomed. But do you ever see positive signs between your cats, such as sleeping near each other and playing together? What are they doing all day when you’re not home? Are you seeing other behavior problems, such as litter box avoidance, or signs of withdrawal? If not, I’d say that you can work on this situation, if not getting the cats back to BFFs, to at least decrease the tension between them.

It’s great that you are providing your girls with separate resources, such as food, water, and litter. I would also look at other important resources, such as vertical space, sun spots, scratching posts, and the like. Having more resources in the key rooms of the house can make it easier for them to share those spaces, rather than spending time in opposite sides of the house to avoid each other. Also be sure to give each cat some one-on-one private time with you each day, because YOU are also an important resource.

More exercise and mental stimulation is always a stress-reducer for cats. It sounds like Mercedes especially needs more to keep her occupied. You can also work on actively creating positive associations between your cats by having what I like to call a “treat summit” – each day, the two cats should get their absolute favorite thing in the world…but only when they are together. With repetition, your cats will associate these special treats with each other.

Do you have a question for Mikel? Leave it in a comment, and she’ll answer it next month!

The post Ask the Cat Behaviorist with Mikel Delgado: Cat Constantly Begging for Food, Two Cats Don’t Get Along Anymore, and More appeared first on The Conscious Cat.