#honestly I've never thought that James and Lily would stay together if they survived the war

[aithusarosekiller]

A year or two after the war ends, James and Lily make the joint decision to split up. To the general public, who only knew them as the perfect little family that somehow survived Voldemort's attack, it's a shock, but to their close friends it was an obvious decision. They had come right out of school and into a war, they hadn't had any time to explore themselves or the world before they were married and then parents and then locked up under threat of death. They'd been rushed so quickly through their lives that they felt they hadn't really had the chance to live them. So they decided to separate and remain friends and if they came back to each other, so be it, if they didn't, that was okay too.

It was strange at first, not being constantly around each other after spending so much time in hiding together, but they made it past the first couple of weeks they settled into it. Lily moves up north to stay with some of her friends and starts working at a little apothecary Dorcas owns. At first she tells herself that she is mostly focused on enjoying life as a single woman and providing Harry with ad many good opportunities as she can, but when she starts to get closer to Dorcas, she decides not to fight it. She'd wanted to live her life and make new memories so who was she to fight against the feelings she had for her old friend? They begin to go on dates, but take it slowly this time, savouring every little moment. They have no need to rush anymore. A few months in, Dorcas starts to buy her flowers once a week; she leaves them on the doorstep and Lily has to try to contain her blush every time she had Harry and he asks about them.

When they make it official, she panics a little. She doesn't want to make the same mistakes she did before, but they talk it through and Dorcas understands and they agree that they aren't rushing at all. They are happy and Lily gets to live out the rest of her life with the freedom and care she didn't get in her early adulthood.

James stays closer to the city. He finds it much more difficult to move away and start over so he chooses to distract himself and help the ministry clear up the aftermath of the war. He works to help track down potential death eaters so they can face trial and along the way ends up working closely to none other than Regulus Black- unknown war hero who was now secretly giving the names of all the death eaters he remembered in exchange for...nothing? James is intrigued and chooses to invite him out for drinks to get to know more. He finds Regulus truly fascinating and after that night, realises that he had finally forgotten about Lily and the war for more than an hour. He walks Regulus back to his house and they awkwardly agree to meet up again. When Lily next comes down to drop Harry off, he tells her, and she says she is happy for him. She tells him about Dorcas and he is shocked when he feels more happy for her than disappointed that she had moved on.

They continue to meet and keep dodging around each other for an embarrassingly long time until regulus caves and kisses him at one of their meet-ups. James freaks out and struggles to understand what he should do or how he should feel but ultimately decides that this is what he wants and they begin to see each other. They move considerably faster than Lily and Dorcas but that's okay, James likes it that way. He never did think he'd be able to experience that kind of sweet, awkward love again after the war had interrupted it the first time but he did. And now he had a beautiful husband, well-loved son, and a life full of hope, along with a life-long bond with Lily and Dorcas. And really, they couldn't be any happier.

[the-young-and-forgotten]

Happiness

| evermore masterlist |

A/N: this is my first fic for the collab with @just-a-belgian-girl! I hope you enjoy it! This honestly took too long to write lol

Honey, when I'm above the trees

I see this for what it is

But now I'm right down in it

All the years I've given

Is just shit we're dividing up

Showed you all of my hiding spots

I was dancing when the music stopped

And in the disbelief

I can't face reinvention

I haven't met the new me yet

It was a chilly Autumn night, Sirius was yet to return home from his latest mission, so you were stuck eating dinner alone… again.

You had come out of Hogwarts a year and a half ago. You were now living with your boyfriend. You were happy as one could be when your relationship starts feeling forced.

In all honesty, one side of you knew that he had fallen out of love. But your naive side won out whispering ‘it’ll be okay’ ‘he still loves you’ ‘his work is just taking a toll on him’ into your ear, preventing you from seeing the truth. So you continued on, stuck in the same routine as always.

Tears slid down your face as you stood to put your dishes away. Of course this happened to you. Nothing ever won out in your favour.

Hearing a knock on the door, you startle and drop the plate into the sink. You plaster on the smile you have been practicing for the past year.

There'll be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you

Both of these things can be true

There is happiness

Past the blood and bruise

Past the curses and cries

Beyond the terror in the nightfall

Haunted by the look in my eyes

That would've loved you for a lifetime

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

You hadn’t noticed it was raining until you opened the door wide to let Sirius in. He was soaked through, looking like a drowned rat.

He shrugged off his cloak and threw it over the coat rack, tracking the water indoors. He bends down and kisses your cheek, lacking the warmth it used to have. He murmurs a hello before continuing to the kitchen.

“Dinner’s on the table” you pointlessly mutter, following him through. “I’m just gonna go to bed...” He barely acknowledges what you said, too busy helping himself to the food. You wrap your arms around your aching torso and go upstairs, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

You close the door behind you, enclosing yourself in the dark. You flop down onto the bed, tears flowing freely. What had happened to the beautiful romance the two of you used to have? Oh, how you miss it. Everything was so much simpler back then.

You curl in on yourself, as if trying to protect yourself from the hurtful truth. After a while, Sirius sneaks in, bending over to give you a goodnight kiss. If he notices your puffy eyes, he doesn’t say anything.

Tell me, when did your winning smile

Begin to look like a smirk?

When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?

I hope she'll be a beautiful fool

Who takes my spot next to you

No, I didn't mean that

Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury

You haven't met the new me yet

The sun isn’t even up by the time you both get out of bed. It’s quiet, something totally out of character for Sirius.

He was sitting at the table, head in his hands. You walk behind him and hug him from behind, sliding your hands down his chest. “What’s wrong beautiful?” He shrugs off your hands and stands up, chair cluttering down behind him.

“I’m just- I’m just not feeling the greatest right now.” He leans on the table, hair in his face. He was clearly exhausted. You place a tentative hand on his shoulder, slightly nervous to be touching him in this state. “Sirius if you want I can-” “Just stop.” He flings you hand off once more, turning to face you.

You blink owlishly up at him “What” “I just-” he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes “I need to be alone right now”

‘I need to be alone right now’

The words echo in your mind. For six months you have been hearing that one repeat. You were sick of it.

Barely registering what you were doing, you slap the top of the table in anger. “No.” He lowers his hand and stares at you incredulously. “No?” It comes in a whisper. The calm before the storm.

You nod feverishly “No. I have had it up to here with your excuses as to why you can’t hang out with me anymore. I didn’t come into this relationship only to be second guessing whether or not my boyfriend loves me.” He goes to interrupt but you plow on, refusing his input.

“Time and time again I have pushed down my anger and hurt saying ‘he’s just going through something’ but you’re not, you’re not. Just.. tell me what I’m doing wrong!”

The room feels more crowded as he moves toward you, eyes spitting fury. “What’s wrong?” He gestures to the two of you. “We are wrong. We can never agree, constant nit-picking at each other and so much anger!”

You throw your hands up in rage “I’m only angry because you neglect me! You slouch inside the house every. Single. Evening. So mopey and goddamn tired either demanding food or sleep and I can’t handle it! You are NOT the Sirius Black of Hogwarts.”

He freezes in anger stone cold. Impassive. Then, he erupts. “Open your eyes Y/n! THIS ISN’T HOGWARTS ANYMORE. We can’t run around like the kings and queens of the world anymore! You don’t think I want to go back? You don’t think-” he chokes, angrily wiping away tears. “You don’t think I want everything as it was?” His voice drops at this, letting the tears fall.

“I can’t take this new world! It’s big! It’s cold! It’s dog eat dog constantly. Someone like me can’t survive out here! I need life, love, I need warmth. But day in and day out I sit here slowly freezing from the inside out.”

He wraps his arms around his torso and bends over, screaming with so much hurt and anger that you start to cry as much as him.

“I’m sorry Y/n, I just can’t do this anymore.”

He walks away from you, fingers working at his hair. He stomps outside, front door slamming shut causing the whole house to shake.

There'll be happiness after me

But there was happiness because of me

Both of these things I believe

There is happiness

In our history

Across our great divide

There is a glorious sunrise

Dappled with the flickers of light

From the dress I wore at midnight

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

You hear the roar of his motorbike before you see him leave. You knew this was a long time coming. In a way you were sort of relieved. But damn you forgot how much it stung.

He was gonna come back soon. You just knew it. But he wasn’t going to stay.

This was the end.

The end of you and him. Him and you. Forever.

‘Oh well’ you think, but the tears in your eyes say otherwise. It just started really sinking in now.

You rub your eyes and stifle a yawn. It was way too early for this shit. You finally get up to make yourself a cup of coffee and go sit on your porch.

The sun was starting to rise but you had little appreciation for it. Content to sip your coffee and overthink. It wasn’t until the warm, golden rays of the early morning hit your face did you really start to appreciate it. Hell, you hadn’t seen the sun rise in forever. You slowly place the cup down and rest your arms upon your legs, leaning in. You close your eyes and feel the soft sun upon your face. For the first time in ages you feel whole again.

I can't make it go away by making you a villain

I guess it's the price I pay for seven years in heaven

And I pulled your body into mine every goddamn night now I get fake niceties

No one teaches you what to do

When a good man hurts you

And you know you hurt him too

He comes back near nighttime, significantly calmer than hours before. You were sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch and reading your book. “Did you come back to get your stuff?” You ask, idly flipping over the page. The only response was the sound of a suitcase being dragged across the floor.

He dragged it all the way to the front door, pausing. You stand up from your position, a little confused. “So are you gonna go or-?”

“I never meant for this to happen..” Sirius whispered, so quietly you had to strain to hear him. He turned around to face you, tear tracks staining his cheeks. “I thought we would last forever like James and Lily.”

Sighing you walk over to him resting a hand on his arm “James and Lily are one of a kind. We just weren’t meant for this type of long time relationship.” You smile gently at him, feeling unreasonably calm. “You said it yourself back in 5th year. Honestly we tried too hard didn’t we.” You feel your own eyes start to well up. Fuck, you had thought you were done with tears.

He drops his suitcase and pulls you in for a hug, resting his head on yours. In that hug you feel all the memories you shared and the countless deeds you had committed together pass through. All of those memories were now sitting in an old castle, shut away and partially forgotten.

The two of you pull away and you wave him off. The night quickly swallows him up, leaving where he was going to himself and the night only. The cold air bites at you but you can’t bring yourself to go in just yet, so you sit down and wait. Waiting for what, you don’t know. Finally you force yourself to go in, the house more quiet than you had ever heard it.

Honey, when I'm above the trees

I see it for what it is

But now my eyes leak acid rain

On the pillow where you used to lay your head

After giving you the best I had

Tell me what to give after that

All you want from me now

Is the green light of forgiveness

You haven't met the new me yet

And I think she'll give you that

If someone had told you that in 2 years time that Sirius would break up with you and you were gonna be sleeping alone you would've laughed in their face. But it wasn’t all that funny anymore.

Your body fluids must have gone down to 20% due to the amount of tears you were shedding. Did they ever end? Everytime you wiped your face, your hand came back damp with tears.

It was one of those nights where everything felt lonely. The house had been eerily quiet for days now and...deserted. You shift onto your side, unable to sleep. The left side of the bed remained untouched and cold. You reach over and lay your hand on the pillow. You can almost feel him there. But of course, it’s empty.

You throw yourself out of bed, stomping out to the front.

In the lamplight you see a young couple twirling their way along the sidewalk, their laughter rings around the street, so carefree and drunk on love. You smile softly at them, hoping to god that their relationship lasts.

But like everything in life, they pass by. Leaving the night silent and judging as before. You sigh and open your mouth feeling the need to vent your problems to the night.

“I know our relationship is done, and we won't ever get back together again. But god, I regret forcing it to work. Maybe if we had just let it be…we would’ve lasted longer.” You rest your cheek in your hand and close your eyes. “But that's just wishful thinking.”

There'll be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you too

Both of these things can be true

There is happiness

In our history

Across our great divide

There is a glorious sunrise

Dappled with the flickers of light

From the dress I wore at midnight

Leave it all behind

Oh, leave it all behind

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

For the next few weeks your mind is surprisingly clear. You sell your old house and move into a little town on the edge of a forest. You explore the little village you landed yourself in, feeling more free than ever.

You walk back along the dirt path towards your house. You feel warmth on your hair and tilt it towards the setting sun, smiling softly for the first time in weeks.

Oh how you could stay here forever. And you will.