#homophobia does not exist in my fics bc i am queer and it makes me sad

[rollercoasterwords]

i just want to say thank you so much for your post about even loving parents (and people) being homophobic bc this fandom lately is so so reductive towards those kinds of realistic portrayals, acting as if their creators are “wrong” when in actuality a majority of us live through these experiences and can find comfort in fiction that works thru them! as someone who grew up religious i ADORED your atyd sirius pov for exploring internalized homophobia so honestly. it made me feel seen and struck such a chord of truth. like yeah they’re wizards but also voldemort’s whole thing is hating people for things they have no control over so acting like inequality that doesn’t exist in the wizard world either is not the end-all solution some people think it is. anyway love you. ❤️

anon!!! thank u so much 💓

i think that parents post struck more of a chord than i was expecting it 2 strike lol like. i will say i think the majority of people in the fandom are like. normal abt letting fic writers write what they want etc but! it does suck that there is like. this small and annoyingly vocal portion of people who are just....really weird about homophobia in fanfiction lol.

like my post was specifically abt portrayals of parents but there does seem to be a vocal minority (although mostly not on tumblr thank god) who act as if choosing to write about homophobia when u could choose instead to write a fantasy world where it doesn't exist is like...morally depraved bc it's "unnecessary"

and i definitely got like. a lot of that sentiment when i was writing atydsp!! which is obviously just my personal interpretation of the character and not meant to be taken as anything more than that, but like--i'd always read sirius as a deeply closeted gay man with intense internalized homophobia in atyd, and that's part of why i wanted to write abt his character in the first place. for me it was incredibly meaningful to explore the story of a character raised in a homophobic environment by homophobic family, who struggles with internalized homophobia in ways that are messy and sometimes even hurt the people close to him. and it was honestly really disheartening to get so many comments along the lines of "ugh sirius is being so stupid and annoying" bc i was just like....this is all very real to me. and largely based on personal experience. and it sucks seeing people brush it off and go "but they're wizards why can't u just make him accept that he's gay!!!"

and it's also like. i understand why someone might not want to read about homophobia, and that's totally fine! u can seek out fics where queerness is totally accepted and filter out homophobia and do what's best for ur own mental health, y'know? but for me, personally, i actually tend to avoid stories where homophobia is just magically erased. and again, that's down to personal preference (i am by no means saying one type of story is better than the other; i think they are both equally valid + i'm glad both types exist in all their variety on ao3) but even if i'm reading about magical made-up universes, i think that like.....for me, so much of my experience as a queer person has been shaped by the homophobia of the world around me. and i'm not saying i think that's all that being queer is (of course it's not!!) and i'm not saying every queer person will feel the same (and like....if ur a queer person who's never really experienced homophobia in ur personal life then that's awesome!! happy 4 u!!), but that struggle has been such a fundamental part of my queer experience that i really have a hard time relating to characters who don't share it. reading about characters who never experience internalized homophobia and whose family + friends are totally accepting honestly just makes me feel worse bc it's so far removed from my own experience, whereas reading about characters who do have homophobic family/friends/environments/etc is actually something i'm able to find comfort in.

anyway this turned into a whole essay but!! i'm happy 2 hear that my post (+ my portrayal of sirius) resonated w u 💕 and i do think the majority of the fandom understands + is supportive of people exploring homophobia however they want in their fics; sometimes we just need 2 bitch a little bit on tumblr abt the annoying people who aren't lol

[selchwife]

rant about het shit under the cut ig

part of me wants to stop being SUCH a hater about these fics ive read btw like. im beginning to realize a lot of this is ocd, but when something gets me irritated or angry it's difficult for me to leave it alone in that like, if i don't continue to engage with it (effectively doomscroll 90% of the time) i experience this mounting anxiety until i satisfy the compulsion to Continue Looking At It. i could not really tell you why i feel this way. but it sucks. bc i get stuck in these loops of like staring at writing that makes me mad or authors' social media that makes me mad and it's like, Why am i doing this this is deranged and weird (the compulsions is why).

i think part of why it gets to me so much is like. maybe this sounds silly but bc so many of the people i interact with are also queer and very conscious about heteronormativity i am very comfortable a lot of the time. and i've had decent luck in being involved in hobby activities and fandoms that are similar; selfshippers are overwhelmingly lgbt, FL as a source material is very queer-positive and thus so are many fans, etc etc.

so like. getting back into ffxiv and encountering this kind of very very intense heteronormativity and like, implicit homophobia, i was kind of shocked? it's not that i'm not conscious it doesn't exist, like, i grew up in the fucking midwest, of course i've had to deal with homophobia. more that like, it was such a big thing in a space where i'd kind of expected to feel safe on that front, especially in terms of fandom for emet specifically given that as i've said he's very obviously gender-nonconforming in appearance and mannerism and dress beyond the dictates of genre convention (even if part of that is homophobic queercoding).

like it's one thing to encounter homophobia in your workplace when everyone there is a 40+ year old conservative from a town where there are frequent commercials for agricultural pesticides on television. like yeah, of course you're homophobic, you live here in this cornfield-blasted hellhole, so i get it. but like. From a bunch of fellow video game dorks who like the same flamer as i do? that one kind of stings. and especially when you feel like because you're gay your input is kind of unwanted or regarded as sort of a damper on all the fun within that space. idk. it just is rough. i've never fit in in Real Life and have long made my peace with it because i just don't live in the right location for someone like me, but it sucks to seek out like-minded people and still get left out, i guess.

and for a long time i'd never really thought about how homophobia has affected me. like with a lot of things i just kind of ignored it or bottled it up or minimized it because i thought "well that's just the price of entry! haha it doesn't get to me! fuck those losers!" and like. idk. being in this space all of a sudden where such a high value is put on like, how much more legitimate it is to be straight, it hurts. like that's how i feel when people make emet more masculine or when they import these really highly gendered narratives and ideas into the story and create these characters who are so effortlessly and perfectly feminine and then acting like the value and legitimacy of the relationship rests on how well emet and wol perform cishet ideas of manhood and womanhood respectively, and that anything otherwise is just unconscionable and gross, like. man! it really opened the floodgates and made me realize i've been dealing with a lifetime of fucking baggage about all this and it actually does hurt a lot to be viewed as disgusting and less than legitimate and this shit is 100% why i grew up ashamed of liking boys and thinking it was something wrong that i'd done.

so like it's hard for me to look away from it and put it down and not keep picking at the scab bc like. idk. i'm at the point with all this where i feel like if i just keep picking this stuff up and turning it all around one day something will click in my head and i'll stop wanting people like this to make provisions for me or stop being disgusted by me. like i am very frustrated that i still want this sort of approval, to be seen as legitimate by society or even just by the subsection of ffxiv fandom that writes like this. i know i'll never get it and that people this married to such conceptions of gender are never in their lives going to stop being grossed out by me or my interest in other men. it's just like, fuck! idk!

i think sometimes about how like, when i was a kid my dad used to think it was funny to insult people by saying they were gay or just outright calling them fags and faggots, and like, how uncomfortable and scared it used to make me when i was figuring out i wasn't cis and straight (there were a lot of labels, the specifics aren't important). it really sucked, it was awful and scary because he was such a violent capricious jerk. i think about having to grow up seeing the wbc protests and "GOD HATES FAGS" on tv all the time, and other kids talking about how if they found out their friend was gay they'd beat the shit out of him in high school. actively, "i am demeaning gay people in front of you in class" level homophobic teachers. i used to cringe at fag and faggot every time i read them and feel my stomach drop like i was being punched. emet being so like, loudly and admirably GNC and out there and me feeling like he would use those words as a point of pride helped me overcome all that and make it way less painful and make me feel way more comfortable with myself.

people in this fandom only like emet if they can make him as conventionally masculine as possible. all that stuff that helped me feel better about myself is so ugly and gross to them that they have to erase it entirely in order to enjoy him. it really feels like the worst kind of slap in the face, to me. so i guess that's part of why i can't let it go, too.

[ddaenggtan]

about ddaenggtan

✧ WHADDUP my name’s bette (not really), i’m 24, and i never fucking learned how to read write ✧

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｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ me  ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

✧ bette. she/her, but i don’t mind they/them.

✧ i’m in est, and i live in the mid-south usa

✧ 24. libra. year of the pig. (pisces moon and gemini rising, if ur curious)

✧ the gayest bisexual you’ll ever meet, except when it comes to bts

✧ engayged and i talk about her a LOT

✧ i write fic and whine about how bts exists and yet i’m not their friend

✧ ot7 biased

✧ adhd + anxiety + depression + chronic pain ftw

✧ i don’t do tag lists bc i can barely remember to link my ao3 in those posts

✧ i’m a kinky bitch and i am not afraid to be horny on main on this sideblog

✧ if you find my main rip you i’ve had it since 2008 and it’s a clusterfuck 

✧ bts is the only kpop group i stan, but i listen to several others casually. i also really fucking love hozier.

✧ i really fucking love space. like,,,,,,it’s a little alarming. i love it so much tho.

✧ i play a ridiculous amount of video games, and run a D&D campaign for fun

✧ i collect clue games. like. the board game. because i’m weird and a nerd.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ things to know  ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

✧ i’m very politically opinionated and i tend to keep it off this blog and strictly on my main, but you’re definitely gonna hear me bitch about the president at least a little

✧ you’re also gonna get some Moral Lessons in my fic because it’s basically impossible for me not to preach about how people deserve to live without justifying their existence in the world, and also how people should be treated with respect

✧ i don’t do any kind of non-con, because that’s just straight up sexual assault and i literally do a charity every year to bring attention to how much of a fucking problem that already is in the world today. 

✧ i might occasionally tag something as dub-con, but i can guarantee you that it isn’t actually dub-con, because consent that isn’t given freely and enthusiastically is not consent uwu

✧ i firmly believe that teenagers have the right to read and even write erotic/smutty material because for a lot of people, that’s the only chance they have to explore their sexuality and what it means to them. that said, please do not interact with me if you are not of age (preferably at least twenty tbh) because you all are fantastic and lovely and i cannot wait to see what you do in the world, but i am not comfortable talking to minors on a blog where i write smut

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ things to avoid  ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

✧ homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, ace/aro-phobia (ace/aro people are part of the lgbt community and i will not debate that with you, and will in fact unfollow if you start doing any kind of discourse about that fact). i’m literally one of the biggest supporters of my queer siblings and i will fight for them. 

✧ racism, of any kind, be it anti-semitism, xenophobia, anti-blackness, any of it. i make a lot of jokes about white people because i am a white girl, and we’re ridiculously privileged, and also jokes about white people are funny as shit. 

✧ fetishization of anyone, particularly of wlw, mlm, and non-white people. queer people aren’t your kink, and poc are not ‘exotic’       ✧ on that note, do not follow if you support whitewashing, because it’s gross       ✧ also FUCK h*adl*ner and fuck  m*m*btsgh*st and fuck all sasaengs

✧ don’t follow if you actually ship real people together, it’s not cute, it’s fetishization and it’s gross, and i remember the 1d days too well for that shit. i may occasionally write mxm fics, but that’s doubtful, and even if i do, i can guarantee you i do not ship them in any real way together and instead essentially use them as a storytelling medium. 

✧ any kind of body-non-positivity, because it is a FACT that ugly does not exist except in personalities. seriously, i’m literally a fat girl, if you come on here trying to talk shit about fat people, you’re gonna get destroyed. and don’t come here saying anything about thinner people either, because that’s not alright, and i will shut you down just the same. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ tl;dr be respectful and we’re chill  ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

[breeeliss]

P1- I absolutely support ships of all kinds, however, I think Tumblr has introduced an environment where we forget how many people are straight. Tumblr has a fantastic LGBTQ+ community, but the reality is that a lot of people identify as straight. Undoubtedly the majority of people in this day of age. That's why you see so many more straight shows and media. The target audience is very large. Does that mean we shouldn't introduce more media that is targeted toward non-straight audiences?-

Nope. We should totally show every relationship we can. But, it has a lot to do with projection. LGTBQ+ and straight people both like ships of their orientation because, well, it’s easier to relate to. It’s human condition with a bit of society mixed in. Spreading awareness of lack of variety in ships or the toxicity might help, but I don’t think people mean much harm by it (there are exceptions). It’s just marketing doing marketing, and it’s getting better at it. Needs work, but better.

mm i’m gonna have to seriously disagree with you there my friend. i don’t think it’s a projection issue. i think it’s possible that people ship through projection, but i don’t think that’s why queer ships are unpopular in the ML fandom. it’s not a matter of fandom statistics, it’s a matter of what kind of characters are in the show. 

first of all, let me point you to fandoms like voltron: legendary defender that are mostly comprised of straight women where the main ships are almost all m/m ships. these women have no problems shipping pairings despite not being gay and despite not being men. why is this? because voltron and other fandoms similar to it are prime examples of what the fetishization of gay men look like. the popularity of very specific m/m characters (i.e. ones that fit certain tropes and certain dynamics, rivals are a HUGE one if the popularity of the keith x lance ship wasn’t making that obvious to you) often leads to art and fanfiction that mischaracterize the cast in order to continue common m/m and yaoi tropes. that’s not a projection issue. that’s a fetishization issue. that happens without fail in fandoms where the source material is male dominated. 

and hey there are also fandoms where f/f ships are very popular. they usually don’t end up having such huge fandoms/followers and usually only get popular when they’re either or canon or hinted at severely through subtext and/or queerbaiting, but they exist. adventure time is one off the top of my head i can think of where bubblegum x marceline was huge. that’s because the show hinted at their relationship so strongly. and there were plenty of straight people who watched that show and loved that pairing, even though they weren’t gay and sometimes weren’t women. i know bc i was briefly in that fandom. 

i can tell you exactly why queer ships aren’t popular in this fandom. our endgame ship, the ones the creators have been writing towards since day one, is the lovesquare. marinette and adrien are canonically going to end up together. we’ve known that since the first episode. so, naturally, that’s going to be the most popular pairing. the problem that the ML fandom has is that they’re so so so passionate about this pairing, that any pairing outside of that (or god forbid any pairing that disrupts that), is of no interest to about 80% of fandom. we’re either ignored or ridiculed for that ship. the disparity is also gigantic (there are something like 5 times the lovesquare fics as there are all the other rare pair fics combined or something crazy like that). 

BUT i’m going to still insist that there is fandom homophobia. why? because i don’t see straight rare pairs getting hate and getting questioned and leaving creators victim to death threats. i see that happening with non-straight rare pairs. that has nothing to do with projection, popularity, or seeing yourself in media. that’s 100% a homophobic trend. now, i feel the need to add this just for the sake of transparency and so no one else reading this misunderstands me….

I AM NOT DEMANDING THAT YOU SHIP QUEER SHIPS AND I AM NOT DEMANDING YOU MAKE QUEER SHIPS MORE POPULAR

i really don’t care about popularity right now. yeah it’s annoying and i wish it were different and i wish people would be open to giving ships a chance, but that’s not what i want. i just want people to stop sending my ship hate and stop sending death threats to my friends over fictional characters.