#holy shit literal Hedgehog Jesus

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

The Thrilling Saga of Connie paying real life money for the Worst Sonic TV Show

Let’s begin with the simple fact that me and my sister, @birdsareblooming​ “Cori”, have both been hyperfixating on Sonic the Hedgehog since last March. During this hyperfixation, I was on Sonic Wiki to copy-paste song lyrics onto my stolen mp3s, and I called my sister in and pointed at the template at the bottom. 

“What is this Sonic Underground thing?” I asked. “It has one shit billion songs.” 

So we clicked on the page to read about it, and each sentence we read was a punch in the gut and this quickly became the funniest thing we’d ever read. Highlights include:

It looks like this:

“Sonic[...] is known to be a prince” 

Sonic has two siblings who actually have good characterization but their names are literally just Sonia and Manic. Like. Sonic split into two names. jesus christ 

Also Sonic and his siblings all share a voice actor. honestly Jaleel White does his best with it but 

“The three siblings possess enchanted medallions that transform not only into musical instruments, but also into weapons.”

“Some fans consider Sonia to be a clone of Amy Rose, minus the attraction Amy feels for Sonic.” YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES

“Manic is the most often captured of the siblings” himbo king 

Knuckles shows up, and for the first, like, two sentences his description is very similar to the game, and then you get immediately pulverized by “He has a pet Dinosaur called Chomps.”

Literally so many sentences on Sonic Wiki are lowkey salty about this show. The page features lines such as “Sonic Underground bears little relation to the often complex Sonic universe (including previous animated series, as well as Sonic comics and games), and shares only three established characters” and “many of the characters in the Freedom Fighter group that were in Sonic the Hedgehog are completely left out (including Tails).”

“The show met with mostly negative reviews.”

*checks air dates* It only lasted two goddamn months

So after seeing this we thought it was the funniest thing and we showed our older sister, @patema-introverted​ “North.” To our surprise, our at the time “knew nothing about this sonic bullshit” sister recognized the show. Turns out she’d seen trailers for it as a child and that was her sole exposure to Sonic canon. 

We were in quarantine at the time, so we ended up finding it on YouTube and binge-watching it all together as a sibling bonding activity. It was just as hilarious as we thought it would be- some stuff was legitimately good, like the sibling dialogue for instance, but good lord were the character designs ugly, the plot all over the place, and pretty much every song, um, not great. Also there was one episode that we skipped because it got, um, I think “stereotypical” is the nicest word I can use here. 

But the point is, we had a jolly good time watching it, and afterwards we binged all the other Sonic shows and bonded as a family. 

After quarantine, North and I go back to college. My roommate gets groceries at Walmart, while I get them elsewhere, so while she and North collect food I wander the DVD aisle to look at the cool movies and also dumpster-dive in the bargain bin for Cats (2019). I am also short as fuck, so the top shelf of movies I cannot see, I can only read the labels. 

So one day I was browsing the DVDs, and glancing over at the labels for the top shelf. I read over the final one before the shelves end. 

And then I stop, do a double take, and have a heart attack, because there is a label that reads “SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74″

I immediately climb the shelf but there aren’t any DVDs atop the shelf. However, the label is still there. I excitedly tell my sister and roommates, freak out with them a bit, and then give myself a mission statement:

I will buy the $4 Sonic Underground DVD from Walmart

I did not want it as a gift, I did not want to find it online. I wanted to walk into a store, pick up the Worst Sonic Show on DVD, walk it straight to the checkout, and in front of the cashier and God, pay for it with my own money. I did not care if it was the whole series or two episodes; I needed to do this for my own serotonin.

We would go to Walmart about once a week. Every time, I would go to the DVD aisle, and go right to the end of the shelves. I would stare at the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74 and empty space above it and wonder who the fuck was buying this other than me. I would occasionally ask employees if they had any copies in storage. I would build a shrine to Manic in my room. Okay, no I didn’t, but only because my RA would have murdered me. 

Christmas break comes, and we have to go home. We have a nice Christmas, and Cori and I infodump at each other about how we would make Sonic Underground a good show (note: we’re both galaxy braining) and also play Bendy and the Ink Machine. Fun times. 

When we finally get back to College, it’s late January- long story short we have a very long winter break. My roommate who gets food at Walmart got food without us the first week cause she showed up first, so we take her out to Walmart the first time in the year of our lord 2021 on January 29. 

I wander the Valentine’s aisle, immediately grabbing a sequin puppy. I go to the DVDs and see Animaniacs Season One, also grab that. 

And then.

There it is.

The Holy Grail. 

Above the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74, is one DVD left. 

Already I am losing my mind. It’s roughly seven hours of episodes- I couldn’t find an episode list, but I think that’s half the show, for $4! And the cover is amazing. 

That’s a png of Sonic from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) with a medallion badly photoshopped over it. The medallion is too small. 

Manic is shoved into the corner. He doesn’t have his medallion at all. 

Sonia isn’t even pictured on the front cover, probably because they realized she was the worst designed of the bunch. I’m not ragging on her though, because she’s still one of the better designed characters of the show. Those background characters make me cry 

So you bet your ass I finally paid my hard-earned $4 for this shit. Upon getting home, I discovered that there was even wilder shit with this DVD than I thought. 

For starters: the bonus features listed are as follows:

Original Concept Art - did not expect that these character designs were the final draft

Storyboard-to-screen - did not expect they bothered to storyboard this 

Music Video Jukebox - that’s cute, they thought we liked the music 

Interviews with original screenwriter & executive producer - I fully expect the only questions to be “why.” 

On the left of this list are screenshots from the show, where people can finally see Sonia, who we Know™ is a girl because she is pink and has hair and also an actual body shape instead of just circles like her brothers. 

But wait... what’s that in the lefthand corner? 

That looks like some kind of robot. But it’s not a robot from Sonic Underground! That didn’t appear once. Why is it here? 

The mystery continues upon opening the DVD case: inside are advertisements for other collections, including other Sonic DVDs: two volumes of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) and the final episodes of Sonic the Hedgehog “SatAM” (1993)

First of all, the first volume of AOSTH has the exact same PNG of Sonic as the Underground Volume 1. Not even trying to hide it. But second... the second volume of AOSTH also has this robot on its cover. 

And THIS ROBOT IS ALSO DECORATING THE THIRD DISC IN THE SET?

So you may be asking, who is this robot? Is it from AOSTH or Underground?

IT’S FROM FUCKING SATAM. The one show that doesn’t have it decorating the DVD covers.

Also, not only is it from SatAM, it only appears in one fucking episode. Not a major character! AND IT HAS A DIFFERENT DESIGN ON THE PROMO ART, WITH HAIR AND FANGS.

Why is it showing up everywhere? What is going on? 

I have not yet had the opportunity to watch this glorious piece of animation, but I am so glad at the confusion I have felt upon receiving it. 

But before I go, I must share with you the best part of this DVD purchase. And it was flipping to the back, scanning the details, and discovering the exact runtime of the episode collection. 

Guys, gals, and enby pals, friends and enemies, Nintendo and Sega, the first Volume of Sonic Underground has a runtime of...

420 MINUTES.

Maybe I’m wrong and this IS the best Sonic show. 

[gilbent]

Okay, so I’m listening to the playlist @sixweekoldhedgehog made me. I’ll reblog with a link to the playlist!

 My verdict:

Track 1. I enjoyed the aesthetic. Very much in line with my lack of taste in music, but the video weirded me out with how much that lady was staring at the camera. Stop looking at me, Madam.

Track 2. This is Initial D music. K-Eurobeat? J-Eurobeat exists so I don’t see why Korea can’t have their own trashy Europop scene. VERY cute lady.

Track 3. Korean Bruno Mars: IT’S LADIEZ NIGHT, SHORTY. FRESH LIKE A B-BOY. I’M A PRETTY BOY YEAH I’M A MACHO MAN. 10/10, made me laugh with second hand embarrassment. Shout out to Korean James Bond who looks like one of the young people at work.

Track 4. Oh this is EXO! So these are the fuckers who made all the Pepero boxes in Dublin sell out on my birthday because their stupid faces were on them. I hate them on sight. Cute little song with all the elements of a fun, campy pop song that I’d like if these weren’t Pepero thieves. 

...They have American football in Korea? Why? 

Track 5. I feel like I recognise the man singing at the beginning of this song, but I don’t know from where. Apparently this was filmed in Sweden! That’s cool. Very 90′s, almost. Bored me a bit, admittedly.

Track 6. Very cute girls.Liked that they had a Grover with them. The romantic tension between the girl drawing the heart on the rollerskate and the girl who owned the skate...

Track 7. A concerning number of this boy band look like they’re into Esports. Blondie’s got those 2018-19 pre-swole Jjonak vibes.

Track 8. I only know of NCT from the recent discourse so this is interesting. Which one of these fuckers is Marxk? Also this song is outright a Eurovision entry. I can imagine Britain sending something like this for 2021.

Track 9. Eyeshadow looks! I like the robot. A nice song, just not to my taste. I like the chorus.

Track 10. Starts like a belter and continues like one. Also there hasn’t been even one non-gorgeous woman in any of these videos. Only critique is that it could be longer. 

Track 11. This man called me a bitch, spat on a child and bought a local school to turn it into luxury apartments. He looks amazing. Song’s a little boring though.

Track 12. This is what the Top 40 sounds like in Ireland and HOLY SHIT A GOAT.

Track 13. I’m a fan of red velvet in cake form so these girls were off to a good start, but this track just sounds like a particularly boring Little Mix or Fifth Harmony song. Sadly generic.

Track 14. Belter. Particularly interesting voice on the girl in the red suit. Deserving of good feedback. Apparently something very sad happened to these girls judging by the comments? My favourite ladies of the night.

Track 15. Makings of a belter. Would be more impressed if they didn’t come after the ladies who came previously. Generic vocals but a good baseline which is very important. Wish I had the big comfy white jumper that one guy was wearing while he was falling around the 2000s pop video white corridor. Apparently these guys keep having shit ideas or something.

Track 16. This looks like a Paco Rabanne ad. Was uncomfortable with his stripping and Captain America hair, but fair play to him for being so proud of his body. HOLD ON HE’S IN A FUCKING SYNTHWAVE ASS CAR WITH ALL THE LIGHTS FLASHING BY. Cut the rest of the video and have him drive the cool car more! 

Track 17. I swear to God this has played in an H&M while I was browsing through the rails. The DHL shirt was an absolute powermove I wasn’t expecting. I’m guessing they sponsored the video or maybe that girl’s dad works there.

Track 18. The world’s cutest cowgirl bankrobbers. A very classic girl group kind of song that makes me think of Gal fashion with all the booty shorts and circle lenses. I feel bad for the girl in the back who the camera never seems to pick up on. Girl group unions NOW.

Track 19. Ironically, a group called SEVENTEEN are track 19. I like when that one guy went ‘rrrrr’. The idea of racing a bunch of Korean idols is something I think could actually work as a TV show. All band fan rivalries would finally get resolved by making them compete in athletics. Also: Jesus there’s a lot of lads in this group. Are there literally 17 of them? Why’d they launch a car with their friend in it?! STOP DANCING YOU COULD HAVE DIED.

Track 20. The final track. Somewhat chill beats to relax and study to. These lads rapping about having a hard knock life when they look like they went to private school, but I don’t know enough about them to dispute that. Hope they make their mothers proud as the song suggests they want to do.

All in all there were a few songs I really liked here! Tracks 1, 10 and 14 are the big winners of the evening. Everyone seemed very good at dancing in particular. Thank you so much for making this for me, Hedgehog!

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “AKA Top Shelf Perverts”

AN:  From this point on and through the finale, the show gets a lot more intense and dark so fair warning.

How the crap did Kilgrave get in her apartment?  The emergency exit?

The most disgusting thing about this entire scene is that he pees in her toilet.  Besides the fact that he went through her case file and snuck into her apartment, he peed in her toilet.  Like no.  That’s just basically marking your territory.  Ugh.

“The lights are off to suggest no one’s here...”  Bwahaha!

RUBEN, RUN!

“Because I [Ruben] love her.”  Ooh shit.

Kilgrave’s freaking face.  He literally becomes a hedgehog.

I’ve been wanting to make this post for a while but whenever you see a guy get jealous over a girl, he puffs up.  I don’t know whether or not there’s actually a nickname for it but it’s there.

Hellboy does it in his first movie, Joker does in “Suicide Squad,” Kilgrave does it here...

*Jessica lands in the trash*  There ya go.  Now you’re a Defender.

Now has Iron Fist landed in the trash during his show?  I don’t think he has.

Malcolm went out for a run!  That’s awesome!

So... much... beer... everywhere...

*Jessica finds Ruben dead in her bed*  The first time I saw this episode, I actually had to pause it and walk away for a good five minutes.  That’s how much that shocked me.

Jessica, no.

This whole episode plot could be resolved if you guys just CALLED THE POLICE like Malcolm suggested!

[Trish and Simpson are going at it] *turns off volume*

*slams hand on table*  Really?

OH MY GOD THEY HAVEN’T REMOVED RUBEN’S BODY?!?!!?

*Malcolm decides to clean up*  THANK JESUS!

Oh my God, Robyn, SHUT UP.

Why does a twenty-something-year-old man play with an Etch-a-Sketch?

I literally cannot stand Robyn’s bullshit in this show.  Oh my God someone hold me back.

Oh hi Wendy...

Pam, what are you wearing?!?!?

Like I said, you have to feel bad for Pam in this situation.

Oh my God, I forgot about Trish’s mom...

This woman deserves nothing.

“People do bad things, Jessie.”  “Doesn’t make the bad shit you did go away.”  Boom.  That’s the show.  Right there.

Malcolm:  Don’t scream.

Trish:  HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO?!?!?

“I’ve got 56 minutes of freedom left.  I’ll take my chances.”  It’s way too bright out to be anywhere near 8 pm.

Opening theme!

[Malcolm takes the cover off Ruben’s face] *does ‘emerging out of water’ gasp*

A cell phone light is not gonna help you see in that river, Jess.

So how long was Jessica in the interrogation room?  She was sopping wet when she came into the police station and now her hair’s totally dry.

“I’m a top shelf pervert.”  Roll credits! *ding*

That’s Mahoney from Daredevil!

OH SHIT THIS SCENE

I DON’T HAVE MY NERF GUN WITH ME SO I CAN FIRE FOAM BULLETS AT MY SCREEN

There’s a picture of Stan Lee in the background

And here he is, in all of his purple glory.  You purple shit.

Maybe it’s just me, but I noticed that whenever Kilgrave is doing something to impress Jessica or to just do something in order to gain her back again, he wears the really obvious purple.  The only time we really see him in the really dark colors, it’s in the next episode, where he’s trying to make her cozy back up to him again. 

No.  More.  Tenth.  Doctor.  Mannerisms.  Please.

[watches entire scene in absolute silence]

ohmygodicanbreatheagain... holy crap...

This really chaotic string section for Kilgrave’s leitmotif reminds me an awful lot of the Joker’s theme in “The Dark Knight”

Aaannd you had to make it weird, Robyn.

Jessica, upon arriving at her house:  Hi, sorry I’m late.  Didn’t wanna come.

*Kilgrave steps out of the house to greet her*  Sweater.  Slacks.  Flipping lounging shoes.

A perversion of domestic bliss in its entirety.  It’s supposed to look really nice and sweet but it’s really not; it’s disgusting.

[sorayahigashikata]

Chapter 62: "No Means No 2: Patriotic Boogaloo"

[nevillelongsbottom]

good jesus i’ve been tagged twice i feel like i’ve made it in life, thanks @gredandforge​ and @holey-george​!! not gonna tag anyone cus... i have no friends i dunno and i’m no good at questions 

Rules: answer the questions then ask 11 of your own!

1. What made your parents name you like that?

Okay, so my birth name is actually different from the one I go by (usually Vaan, which comes from a friend of mine having no idea what my name was for 2 years and calling me that instead, and the spelling comes from the Final Fantasy character), but I was named after a lake in my parents’ favourite holiday country. I haven’t been there since I was a toddler, but it looks nice, so I can’t complain!

2. What is your favourite color? Why? 

I love so many colours that this is really hard to answer, but probably orange. I’m into my warm hues right now. And my hair is orange. 

3. What’s your favourite trait about yourself and why? 

I have no idea, I don’t think about my personality much and I’m a chronic complainer, so that’s not great! I like that I get really excited about seeing cool people on the street, I guess. I saw a guy dressed in head-to-toe patchwork the other day and decided he was so awesome I was going to message about five people to tell them I’d seen him. I also like how happy I am, when I’m not having a stressy meltdown - not sure if anyone would consider me the happiest person, but having been depressed in the past, I feel like I’m ultra happy now.

4. What do you usually think in misty mornings?

‘aw fuck me it’s gonna rain today’  5. What makes you fall in love with people?

Their personality and how they treat other people (and me!). I like people who are nice and cheerful (a nice opposite to my whiny butt) and are sweet to people. I never understand my friends who are all about those good-looking guys who are just giant dickwads. Personality forever.

6. Is it the same thing that makes you fall in love with characters? If not, what makes you fall in love with characters?

Pretty much, yeah! There’s the VERY OCCASIONAL asshole character I like, but usually that’s because they have some sort of redemption or redeeming factor. But it’s always the personality. (It also helps if they have a cute face, but that’s just a bonus.)

7. What kind of shoes do you prefer? 

I feel like you’re probably looking for a type of shoe, but nope, I prefer Doc Martens Pascal boots. Very specifically. I’ve had mine for about a year and I totally reject all my other boots for them. They’re comfy, they look good, and they’re classically punk/skin/alt style!  8. What makes you want to dance or sing? 

Sometimes when I’m in a really good mood, I just want to dance or sing or something. But usually when I’m listening to good music, which is almost always, so I’m permanently in a state of trying to dance discreetly while in public. I’m currently dancing in my chair to From Rusholme with Love. 9. What would you give your life for?

Oliver Wood- nah, just kidding. I have no idea, really. Maybe family members who are younger than me and have a lot more life left ahead of them. Or maybe even older family members. Just family, or people I love in general, probably.

10. Do you prefer the ocean or the sea? In summer or winter?

There’s a difference? Shit. The ocean is probably nicer, and definitely in summer. I live in the UK and even when it’s summer the sea is fucking baltic, so anything that would get me away from our cold-ass sea.  11. What do your favorite flowers remind you of?

I don’t have favourite flowers! I don’t think a lot about flowers. I keep cacti and succulents, my little plant babies (bonus: they’re all named after HP characters, and further bonus: one is named after Oliver Wood and one is named after Marcus Flint, and yes, they sit next to each other). 

1. Have you ever listened to a song on repeat for several days? If so, which one?

I do this literally every time I find a song I really love. Most recently it’s probably Up All Night by Alex Clare, Black Treacle by Arctic Monkeys, or Shakedown by Valerie June. I did once listen to an entire album on repeat for about a month, and that was Art Angels by Grimes, which is the best album I’ve ever heard and deserves a spot on some kind of hall of fame.

(i fucking love grimes u guys) 2. Sword, dagger, or bow?

Bow, so I can keep away from the action.

3. What’s your favorite element? (Meaning fire/water/air/earth, but feel free to include others!!)

Oh, I dunno! I think some people count light as an element, so that one for sure, but from fire/water/air/earth, maybe earth. It seems pretty cool. Plus Toph from The Last Airbender is the bomb.

4. Would you want to go to space?

I shit myself in planes on tiny hour-long flights. I’m gonna say no.

5. Tell me about a dream you had, it doesn’t matter when!

Gonna go for the old classic “what the fuck” dream I had when I was really young: I was rolling along the street like Sonic the bloody Hedgehog, and I got rolled into a giant snail shell, and zipped up into it. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS WAS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. WHY WAS I ROLLING. WHY WAS THERE A SNAIL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. WHY WAS IT HUGE. WHAT THE HELL.

6. Is there an object that has a very strong sentimental value for you? What is it? Feel free to include a picture if you want!

Sooooo many. But I’m going to go for - wait for it - my Docs... For my birthday, I wanted the new Fire Emblem games (Birthright and Conquest), and my mum gave me the choice between those and a pair of Docs. No contest, Fire Emblem (sorry, Docs), so I knew I’d be getting the games for my birthday and I was excited and that was cool.

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND MY MOTHER EMERGES FROM HER ROOM HOLDING A DOC MARTENS BAG AND HOLY SHIT THEY’RE THE DOCS I WANTED, LIMITED EDITION WITH A COOL AS HECK DESIGN AND I JUST 

I WAS SO HAPPY

SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO

No pics on my own feet, but here they are on someone else’s! 

7. Do you have any weird or funny quirks that you like about yourself?

The fact I go from phrases like “cool beans” to “FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING JESUS” in about 2 seconds flat. Also, I sometimes look completely calm, burst out into raging expletives, and then go back to being completely calm. Also giving the finger to inanimate objects is fun, too.

8. Would you rather fly very high or dive very deep?

I’m really scared of heights, but flying high sounds like it’d be really fun and freeing, so that! I’d probably shit about fifteen million bricks, though.

9. What do you think about when you can’t fall asleep?

Nothing in particular, mostly. 

10. What color is your hair? What would you like it to be?

Orange (I’m a Weasley now, guys!). I want it to stay orange! I love it. It’s so much fun! I do also have an undercut, so that’s my natural hair colour, so I have some brown in my hair.

11. Which fictional characters do you look up to?

Anyone who’s ever met me irl knows that I could talk forever about the merits of Neville Longbottom, but I look up to him so much. He worked really hard, even when it seemed like he wouldn’t get any better, and he achieved incredible feats and totally overcame his shortcomings by hard work and rlgjgrjgkrjgrkgjehkltjhneville i love him!!

I also wish I had as much drive for studying as Percy Weasley. I’m more like a Ron Weasley when it comes to studying.