#hlcn: ezra

[holocene-sims]

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july 4, 2021 11:00 p.m. adam's house

[holocene-sims]

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july 4, 2021 7:00 p.m. adam's house

[ezra] my turn, my turn, my turn! i wanna be tall now!

[grant] come on! welcome to the empire state building.

[wyatt] but i thought you were better, uncle grant. you couldn’t get off the couch by yourself at christm–

[brittany] hey, don’t say things like that! that’s not nice to remind people of.

[grant] i told you i was old.

[ezra] but you don’t have grey hair like dad.

[adam] haha. don't remind me of that either. alright, well, we should get going. we got an uber, even though i don’t think i'll drink.

[grant] have fun! stay out as long as you want!

[adam] okay, love you kids–

[wyatt] bye mom, bye dad, we love you so mu–

[ezra] can we go play games now? skyrim, i wanna play skyr–

[wyatt] no, let’s play–

[grant] we can play multiple games! one at a time. let’s see what’s on offer.

[holocene-sims]

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july 4, 2021 7:30 p.m. adam's house

[wyatt] i'm gonna ask again...

[grant] alright, well, let me put it this way. what i didn’t like was very, very specific to me. it was a me thing and you are totally different than me. we are different people and the time period won’t even remotely be the same for us, so things will have changed. so, the experience i had isn’t going to be the one you would have. it’s not worth talking about because it just doesn’t matter.

[wyatt] boo, that’s not an answer.

[grant] okay, yeah, i hated it. still, i would absolutely, like, with every fiber in my being and all of my heart encourage you to go play college hockey if you’re interested. and yes, at the school i went to, if you’re interested in that school in the future. it’s so far off from now that you shouldn’t worry about it but you know what your dreams are and you should follow them. don’t ever listen to anyone else. do what you want. you know yourself best.

[grant] the only thing i'd say–and this goes for literally everything in life–is that if you do something and think it’s going to be amazing and you find out it’s not, trust yourself enough to leave and change paths. don’t stay with something if you’re not having a good, healthy, or safe time.

[grant] now i'm really going to get off my soapbox. i'm not here to lecture you. boring! gross! i'm supposed to be the fun uncle.

[wyatt] safe? did you get arrested or something? my friend at school has a big brother in college and he's in jail for selling cocaine.

[ezra] HAHAHAHA!

[grant] uhh–

[grant] i don’t know what to say but, uhh, i have never been arrested.

[wyatt] so, you didn't get arrested like papa?

[grant] you know about uncle paddy going to jail?

[ezra] he has his mugshots in his car!

[grant] oh, i forgot about that.

[wyatt] wait, why did you call him–

[grant] uncle paddy?

[wyatt] he’s your dad.

[grant] oh, no, buddy, i'm about to destroy your whole worldview…

[ezra] hey, the dragon is here! geez, the head chopping thing took soooooo long.

[grant] yay, alduin time! RIP to the others, though.

[grant] but, um, buddy, he’s not my dad. and your dad isn’t my brother.

[wyatt] liar!

[grant] i didn’t know you didn’t know!

[wyatt] how’s he not your dad? you wear glasses like him! and you laugh like him!

[ezra] wait, what?

[grant] i guess you’re confused because he calls me his son? and, well, your dad and his siblings and i call each other by, like, sibling-y terminology.

[grant] my mom is your grandfather and aunt bridget’s older sister.

[ezra] no! great-grandma aoife and great-grandpa joseph don’t have another–

[grant] no, no, they do.

[ezra] you're lying! liar liar pants on fire!

[grant] i am telling the honest truth! and i'm sorry to surprise! i really thought you knew.

[ezra] well, uh, you can still be uncle grant because you’re cool. you fly planes and do cool stuff like that, and you’re nice and funny and good at video games.

[grant] aww, i still make the cut? i'm still good enough to be an uncle?

[wyatt] of course! but if you become less funner than uncle alex, then you’re gonna get fired from the uncle job.

[grant] at least i know the terms of the contract!

[grant] but damn, you don’t like alex?

[wyatt] he’s kind of annoying. and he and lilly have a crusty white dog. i'm scared of crusty white dogs. they look evil. they’re gonna eat my limbs in my sleep.

[grant] that’s very oddly specific.

[ezra] i'm scared of sporks.

[grant] sporks?

[ezra] and i don’t like ladders.

[grant] okay, but sporks?

[ezra] it’s a fork but uglier and stupider.

[grant] you know what? valid. you’re not wrong.

[wyatt] i hate clowns, too!

[grant] also valid.

[wyatt] you aren’t scared of anything?

[grant] lithium-ion battery fires.

[wyatt] what?

[ezra] that’s a lot of big words.

[grant] yeah, lithium-ion battery fires, especially on a plane, and people being mean to me. germs, too. can’t forget germs.

[wyatt] if i sneeze into an open hand, would it make you cry?

[grant] yeah, a little bit.

[grant] don’t make me summon the crusty white dogs.

[ezra] summon! summon! summon!

[holocene-sims]

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july 4, 2021 7:30 p.m. adam's house

[wyatt] maybe you’re bored of it and that’s fine! but dad says you were really, really good, like you have trophies and all kinds of stuff like that, and you got on the local news one time because you won the state championship, and, uhhh, you have a friend that plays in the NHL and he was really nice to me that one time...

[grant] hey, buddy, the answer is yes, i promise.

[grant] seriously, it’s not a problem. i'd also be happy to teach you or practice with you. i may not play anymore but that doesn't mean i wouldn't change that for you. i love you guys. you're family. i would literally do anything for you.

[wyatt] dad doesn’t know how to skate at all, so he can't help. and if i go without help, i'm gonna suck. i mean, i can skate and shoot and everything, but i'm not good.

[grant] look, you won’t be bad at it! it’s just a learning curve, but you’re young. kids are like sponges. you absorb skills so much easier at your age. and by the way, listen to me, when you play in games, call me and i'll come to them, too! i'll be so annoying in the stands with your parents. you’re going to wish we weren’t there, that’s how annoying we’ll be.

[wyatt] yeah. i just think it’d be so cool to play in the NHL. i wanna be like, uhhh, gordie howe or steve yzerman! or like your friend!

[grant] i think you should go for it, then! anything is possible if you set your mind to it. and i'd be thrilled to help you get there. just remember us little folks when you hit the big stage.

[wyatt] but mom says education is important and i should do college hockey first.

[grant] i agree with her. i mean, college isn’t everything, and it’s not a requirement, but if you become a pro athlete, you usually, like, are skipping out so much on middle school and high school to get there. that’s what really hurts you. college helps you avoid going out into the world clueless in that case.

[grant] but not to get on my soapbox there.

[wyatt] did you like it at michigan?

[grant] uhh...

[ezra] he didn't!

[grant] why you all want to know so much about me? i'm a just a boring old man who apparently played video games in black and white. surely there’s way more interesting kid-friendly stuff to chat about. like the actual hockey season that just wrapped up a couple months ago? we’re sick of tampa bay winning, right? like i couldn’t stand to watch the finals with them in it.

[wyatt] you hated it.

[grant] you really want to know? why so curious?

[ezra] i'm making the catboy! i'm naming him, uhhhhhh, spongebob. can i name him? pleaseeeeee.

[wyatt] make it spongebob catpants!

[ezra] okay! uhhh, s, um, p...where’s the o…oh, right there.

[ezra] he’s gonna be a magician guy, too. no weapons. only magic. i wanna melt people with lightning.

[grant] oh man, uhhh, mage kinda sucks in skyrim, plus we’re playing khajeet...you know what, we can work with that. excellent choices. i love it. i gotta get you on oblivion, though, if you like magic.

[wyatt] soooo, can i be nosy? mom says i'm nosy. especially when i'm not on my ADHD meds.

[grant] i don’t think you plan to stop asking, do you?

[wyatt] no.

[holocene-sims]

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july 4, 2021 7:15 p.m. adam's house

[wyatt] wait, actually, i changed my mind. i want to play skyrim now, too. we can just play one game.

[ezra] yay!

[grant] okay, okay, perfect. we have an agreement. let’s get a new save going. votes for character race?

[ezra] cat person!

[grant] any disagreements? no? sure, then it’s cat person time.

[ezra] can we get a horse?

[wyatt] cats don’t ride horses.

[grant] i think this one should.

[ezra] uncle grant, what were the first games you played?

[grant] ooh, i don't remember the very first one, but it was stuff like morrowind, knights of the old republic, icewind dale. old, old stuff.

[ezra] did you play them in black and white?

[grant] i'm sorry, what–

[ezra] are you choking? do i have to call the ambulance–

[grant] no, no! i'm fine! i'm not–

[wyatt] you said you were old.

[grant] i'm not that old!

[wyatt] i don’t know what life was like in the eighties.

[grant] oh, my soul is withering. i was not born in the eighties!

[ezra] when were you born?

[grant] 1991.

[wyatt] sooooooo...almost the eighties.

[grant] i'm going to pretend i didn't hear that.

[grant] anyway, while this loads, what have you been doing so far this summer? it’s summer break, you gotta enjoy it.

[ezra] uhhh, we go to our friends’ houses a lot, and since mom doesn’t work at the hospital anymore, we can do a lot more stuff. we’ve been learning to bake with her and she takes us to the park all the time. yesterday we went to the zoo.

[wyatt] we got new bikes, too! our old ones accidentally rusted.

[grant] that’s exciting! you can just ride around in the neighborhood all day again. that’s super fun, especially with each other and your friends. i miss that part of childhood so much.

[grant] okay, it’s loaded, but we need a little tiny ground rule, yeah? let’s talk controller sharing.

[ezra] he hogs stuff all the time!

[grant] hey, everyone does that. we all want to maximize our fun. but it’s not fun for everyone when we do that. it stops being fun for you, too, when your hogging the controller starts a fight you don’t want to be in. it ruins the mood.

[grant] okay, um, time is a really awful way to do it, so how about this? one person per area. somebody does the tutorial, somebody does whiterun, etcetera.

[grant] caveat: you can’t artificially delay your time with smithing or enchanting or something like that. if you want to do that, there’s definitely a patience limit, and as a third party, i think i'll reserve the right to decide when that rule applies.

[wyatt] that’s fair.

[grant] okay, pick a number one through ten.

[ezra] hmm, it’s your birthday number?

[grant] first of all, it can’t be my birthday, and second of all, i picked it randomly. no gaming the system.

[wyatt] well, i say four.

[ezra] uhhh, seven?

[grant] i was thinking eight, so congrats! the honor of starting the game is yours, my good sir.