#hi guys did u know id kill murder maim for boomstie ☝️ that's my rotten soldier

[hella1975]

🫣💌👉👈🥺

BOOMSTIE! i saw this last night and was like 'i fully cannot answer rn bc i have SO much to say and my sister will kill me for tapping away at my laptop so much at 1am' lmao. god. where do i start. you are one of my favourite people in this whole stinking world and you're one of if not my actual best friend (and im not someone who believes in having a best friend so that's a lot). you know things about me that no one else in the world knows. you have brought secrets out of me that i kept to torture myself and you held them gently and said im good in spite of it, kind in spite of it. i dont know what you see in me even now but you have so much love inside you and it seems to never run out, even when you think you have nothing left to give you're still kind. you asked me on the roadtrip 'would it be so terrible to be soft? to live softly?' and i said yes not because i believe it but because it scares me. me, who's the loud, stubborn one of our dynamic, the fighter to your calmness, and yet you are indisputably braver than me. you love people. you try try try even if and when it hurts. you dont let them scare you off. you retreat to lick your wounds and come back with love to spare. it's the trying that makes me adore you, because we both know it isnt perfect. sometimes you try and it doesnt work. sometimes you try and it comes out messy. sometimes you try and the very act of trying shuts you down and overwhelms you. but you pick yourself back up regardless. you are just so fucking determined to be out in this world and be out in it as wholly as you possibly can and that's not always possible but you want it anyway, will fight for it anyway. wounded and unsure you will fight for it and you inspire the fuck out of me because i get hurt one (1) time and immediately shut off and pull back, but not you. i know having your heart on your sleeve has got you hurt and you maybe even resent that side of yourself, but i dont. i resent the people that dont treat you nicely, but i'll never resent that part of you. you listen to me. you talk to me. you make me laugh. you put up with me when i isolate for weeks at a time. you're the first person in my life to treat me consistently and unconditionally gently, without anger or expectation, and ive snapped at you countless times because of it, rejected it, pushed you away, sometimes im even mean in response to your gentleness with the direct intention of getting you to give up on me, and despite every fucking thing you've stuck by me regardless. i cant count how many conversations we've had where you've painstakingly got me to open up and halfway through, hell sometimes even mid-sentence, it gets too much for me and i go 'this is stupid im not talking about this anymore' and i wait for you to get frustrated, impatient - all things you're entitled to. but you don't. every single time, you look at me softly and go 'okay, what are you having for lunch today?' and that's just how you are. you can't not do that for people. you can't not love your friends with every inch of you. you don't take half-measures. your biggest battle and most consistent struggle is your abundance of love and the way it hurts you back. i think that says a lot.