#hhnnnnnghhhhhhghghhg i cried

[lgcseojin]

⸻  @lgcakio​

it’s early on the 24th of december, still in the middle of the night. akio isn’t sure if seojin celebrates christmas on the 25th, but since they have a schedule tomorrow, he figures he might as well do it now. he’s been out of sorts these past few days, his cheerful demeanor replaced with a sadness so deep that even the most caring and willing people in his life can’t erase. still, akio has a way to find light even through the darkest times, and focusing on other people seems like an effective way to achieve it. he rolls out of bed, sheets barely messed up because he hasn’t been sleeping. there’s a present on his desk, that he wrapped a few hours ago, after saying goodnight and locking himself in his room.

he also got presents for the other members, but put them all in the common area for them to open when they get up. seojin’s is more special, however, so he wants him to open it on his own rather than in front of everybody else. he sneaks out of his room, tiptoeing as quietly as he can to seojin and yeonwoo’s room. he turns the doorknob which thankfully isn’t locked, and cracks the door open to peek inside. everything is dark, and by the sounds of their peaceful and steady breathing, both men seem to be in deep sleep. perfect. 

he leaves the wrapped present on seojin’s nightstand, which he’ll hopefully see first thing when he wakes up. akio used blue wrapping paper covered in white snowflakes, which still gives off winter vibes without being too christmassy, which akio can’t really handle right now. there’s a card on top of it, which reads the following:

“hyung,

i didn’t get you a material gift for your birthday, but i had to this time. i thought it would look nice in your studio, so even if you don’t use this type, it can serve as decor!

most of all, i wanted to say thank you for everything. for being there for me, for putting up with me, for helping me grow into a better person and a better artist. i’m glad we can share this journey together.

your little brother,

akio.”

the gift is a wooden box containing guitar picks made of the same material. everything is customized to fit seojin’s taste and aesthetics, to the best of akio’s knowledge. he knows the older one likes to guitar and wood carving, which gave him the idea to blend in the two, kind of. he’s not sure if seojin even likes to use wooden picks, doesn’t really known if there’s a difference between them and plastic ones since he’s not a musician himself. but they’re at least very pretty, or so he thinks, so even if not used, they can serve as decoration, as stated in his letter. the box has his stage name on it, “SEN” (with the same carving of the hand holding the guitar). each guitar pick has been personalized as well: the first one with his stage name on it, the second with a sun and moon carving resembling one of seojin’s tattoo, the third with music notes and the fourth with the kanji for ‘music’, 音楽.

Seojin kept a close eye on Akio. It became something of a habit ever since their training brought them closer and closer ( often alone together ) since last year. It took him little deduction to figure out why the younger man glanced from the colorful lights and decorated pine trees that came up when the scent of Christmas was just over the horizon. What brought Seojin quiet smiles turned Akio’s expression dower and the chipper personality into a withdrawn one. He pieced it together quite easily, understood easily, too, when all the information came together in a painful picture. Rather than sorrowful, he felt angry — enraged that the world would do anything to crush the spirit of the person who has been his tether when things felt so alone and uncertain in those months by each other’s side.

But he is not so sure what he has done to deserve someone like Akio, let alone the world. The thought of such runs through his mind when he tears open the gift left for him on his nightstand. His fingers trace over the wooden box, then each individual pick nestled in the smooth grooves. He does not take too much time to ruminate over the present after looking over each detail. He sets it back on his nightstand and stands to rifle through one of his drawers to pull out a box of his own.

The silence of the dorm is cut with the creaking open of Akio’s bedroom door — the one he shared with only himself and the decorations on his wall. He doesn’t call out his name when he sees him sitting on the edge of his bed. Instead, he quietly joins him, listening to the way the mattress shifts beneath their joined weight. 

“Thank you for the present,” a hand finds itself atop Akio’s shoulder. Then, a pregnant pause to allow him to sigh. “Y’know... Wanna know why I started to like this time of year so much?” he does not wait for an answer, nor does he glance over at him yet. His focus remains on the window that peers out of the room. 

“Back at the orphanage, it was always a big deal. We decorated the place, watched movies, went out to play in the snow if the sisters wanted to bother with our muddy shoes that day. At the end of the night on the 11th, exactly two weeks before Christmas, they told us to write down our wish and to pray as hard as we could and Santa would bring us exactly what we wanted. I really thought he was real back then. Every night, I would pray to God, asking for a family, but when it came to Santa, I asked for the stupidest things. A new RC car, as much jjajangmyeon as I could eat... Every time, the things I wanted happened. I felt happy for once each time that time of year. They even told me... the day I got left there was the day before Christmas. So, I thought maybe I’m here to enjoy this time of year and spread it,” he pauses again; this time to laugh at himself. “It’s a stupid reason to like it, probably... but it’s the only good memory I have from that time,” finally, he glances over to Akio, not expecting their eyes to meet. “I want to make good memories for you, too.”

He pries open the small cardboard box, pulling out a painted wooden carving of a bird and placing it in Akio’s hands. Its feathers are painted carefully of teal and gold. “There’s an ancient Greek story about this bird... Alcyone was so despaired by the death of Ceyx that she joined him in the rolling waves. Their display of love was so strong that even cruel Zeus took pity and turned them into Kingfishers so they could be together again forever in peace,” Seojin cups his hand over Akio’s and closes it over the bird. “I want you to live in halcyon days forever, Kurosawa Akio. My little brother. It won’t be hard forever. Promise. Not as long as I’m here.”