#hes gorgeous and slutty and im gay

[itsdappleagain]

Arguably one of the strongest character building episodes in the entire series, The Daisho Caper is fantastically unique in its motivations, gorgeous scenery and animation, and subversion of expectations. I’m so ready for this unique and spectacular episode. LET’S GET IT GOING!!!!

(and yes. im mega late. working on it. notes under the cut as always!)

I love this infodump section so much. It’s really beautiful and super unique in that it starts the episode and also happens in a flashback (almost everything about this episode is unique?? From singing to a rejected redemption arc there are lots of things in this episode that never happen again

LIL BABY CARMEN

AWWW WAIT CARMEN ASKS IF HE CAN TAKE HER TO JAPAN AND YEARS LATER HE GETS TO. DAD MOMENT

And you can see how shadow-san distances himself from her as she gets older

Sleepy carmen <333

Sleepy EVERYONE

SHADOWLOLADLOWLEHEE HOO

That ironic little “heh” carmen does is so. Yeah i dont know i love it

Man hideo got SUMMONED she put one finger on the glass and he teleported

HOW ABOUT SORRY, CARMEN

Hideo is honestly so perceptive he would kill it in miraculous ladybug /j okay but seriously he’s already noticed what she knows and he even recognizes her when. Literally not even the law enforcement agency dedicated to catching her could at one point

“Dark forces” checks out, seeing as shadow-san basically means mr. shadow

I love when they get bitchy with each other

Also HI the animation is SOO PRETTY THIS EPISODE

More than a feeling by boston. Its by boston you guys do you get it its by boston

Also this karaoke scene SLAPS

Not zack pulling down shadowsan’s clothing. Yas bitch show a little slutty shoulder

THEYRE HAVING SO MUCH FUN <333

Zack and ivy: thank you thank you!!!!

Carmen and Shadowsan: okay well now that theyve shut the fuck up we can continue talking i guess

MAN HE SAID SPIES AND ASSASSINS AND HE’S REMEMBERING DEXTER…SPYING AND ASSASSINATION WAS WHAT HE WAS THERE FOR AND HE HAS TO CONFRONT IT NOW

HE CAN’T REALLY BECOME A SAMURAI IN THE EYES OF HIMSELF AND HIS BROTHER UNTIL HE CONFRONTS THAT PIECE OF HIS PAST AND LEARNS TO GROW FROM IT WITH CARMEN. MAN THIS EPISODE

PAPER STAR <333

Wait dokuso says “i called you here” do senior operatives have some caper perms? Can dokuso contact the faculty and be like HEY can i borrow paper star

Not quite sure what the little maneuver in the air was supposed to help avoid because it did. Nothing

HNNG okay i’ve dumped on jo’s DMs about this shot but its SO pretty

Follows the rule of thirds line, the gorgeous lighting, paper star framed in the moon, the perspective and use of space, the petals blowing in the wind, glowing in the light. ACTUAL LITERAL ART

Rip deleted scene where paper star says “sheep dont fly” the first time ig 

Season two and those slide-under-projectile shots

Carmen and chucking painful building materials at evil gay women this season

Carmen loves that little flip over the shoulder move

Also I LOVE that you can just watch Carmen figure out who Suhara is immediately its cool

whats up with the dirt on his face

SO BEGINS THE VILE FACULTY SAGA honestly such a fun plot point from this season they'll literally try out anyone

GOD the bridge and the cherry blossoms and the water have I mentioned how gorgeous this episode is

there's always more to the story with shadowsan

also mmm i love. i love that carmen isnt quite certain, so she says "suhara" very quietly. she's testing it out, and the look on shadowsan's face is all she needs to figure out that she's right

just another little tiny clue that shadowsan knows more than he lets on about her past. why would he be guilty about simply not knowing where she came from? if his cover story was true, he would if anything be carmen's savior from a terrible death or being picked up by some random people or something. just. god really good.

SHADOWSAN IS SO TALL NEXT TO HER SJDGDHS

god that transition with the cherry blossoms was good

i feel so bad for hideo he didn't deserve shadowsangst

btw i want to see a spinoff with the faculty/shadow-san's school and early crime days

man the confrontation scene is so raw. hideo is shaking, holding that sword, but he is fucking ready to fight his brother about keeping the sword. man its good

appreciate the scenery

that reveal of the shot being a puddle is also so good this episode is literally art

i love rewatching this episode for the little details- the camera always stopping before ivy's face, the swords discreetly disappearing as the cart goes by. you don't even notice the first time

i know they kill people and stuff but the hoodlums are kinda sweet. yess kings sing that karaoke

i wonder if the elvis song was a nod to the elvis episode they wanted to do with shadowsan (duane said they had to scrap it and im SOOO MAD)

ivy and zack must just have full charisma stats bc i dont know how they keep getting away with blending in literally everywhere. maam thats a white bitch in a wig

i love the three of them immediately sweating their balls off when shadowsan grabs the sword

EVEN THE IMPACT FRAMES ARE COOL

btw the tattoos in this episode are cool i wish more non yakuza members had them

that app on carmen's phone is a gaydar

how long was paper star just sitting in the packaging just going "ooghhh yeah im like a fucking jack in the box im gonna scare her so bad ooogh"

i love the kitty fans

not sure what carmen was going to do with the fans anyway seeing as she doesnt know how to use them as a weapons but whatever

oh nevermind she. i guess does

i love howw carmen just like. rides paper star

girlie has to stop strapping shit to her back it does not work

another one of my favorite shots in the show the lighting is sooo beautiful

i also like how carmen is looking down, not trying to shake her off, reaching a hand down- she doesn't want paper star to fall to her death, obviously

i was like damn how did that little fall knock both of them out cold but paper star LANDED ON HER NECK

PARTIES OVER ELVIS IS GONE

i love the very minimal music when dokuso and shadowsan are fighting its cool

get poisoned

i think they reused the shadowsan poisoned groaning sound twice in a row

anyway also a nice shot here

it seriously looks like paper star was just lying there and as soon as she heard carmen get up she was like oh chill nap time is over

that climbing the ladder animation was so slick

so wait. they predicted? that paper star would not only be hidden in the sword room but latch onto carmen's ankle and follow her all the way up to that roof. so they could glue her

kill kill kill

the anime glasses on dokuso are awesome

out of context it looks like carmen just murdered shadowsan in a swordfight

god the empty room. and then you pan down and shadowsan is kneeling. good shit

MAN what a fantastic scene. he does exactly what shadowsan asks him to- does not forgive him, because he does not yet see a reason to. but he allows him to correct that mistake. what . god what a good rejection of a redemption shadowsan HASN'T redeemed himself (fully) yet it just makes sense

mmm when he appears from behind her and her spidey senses go off. its good shit

just that emotion on her face. she's sympathetic that his brother didn't accept him back, but happy that he'll still go with them on their journey.

now, this is the only time we get a voiceover from carmen (other than when she's talking to crackle in the pilot) and its such a stark choice. like the only time we ever really get an inner monologue from carmen that lets us know how she feels about it

everything about this episode is just so fantastic and different! cs thrives when it dives into character motivations...but it just doesn't do that very much. there are so many unique choices in the episode- from the untraditional infodump scene to the music to the gorgeous animation/lighting to the voiceover to the rejected redemption scene to the hints at shadowsan's true past with carmen...i could keep going on and on about it forever, but I won't. you've seen the episode. its just. argh. its so good

okay that's all from me. hopefully I can get the rest of my cs weeklies out sooner rather than later- im almost done with finals!!

[zorosdimples]

im rewatching one piece and zoro is such a slutty slutty man with his little gold earings and tan, old artstyle zoro is a treat 😮‍💨

i miss zoro’s mint hair and tan skin but he’s truly gorgeous in every single arc!!!!! slutty men with lil gay earrings my beloved <333 i’m glad you’re enjoying him so much heheh

[captain-aralias]

Thirsty Thursday - Fic Recs

i haven’t done a thursday rec list for a while and a LOT of incredible fic dropped during december, so this is a small selection of the MANY things i read and enjoyed recently.

firstly - going to re-rec the two fics that were written for me. not out loyalty, just because they’re SO great. 

the kids are alright by @xivz - mature, complete

wayward son accidental marriage ... aftermath. it has flashbacks to some lovely sex and biting, it has awkwardness, it has reconciliation and hopefulness. 

Bonfire Night by @amphipodgirl - teen, complete

simon fake dates baz to get back at penny and agatha who are fake dating to make him stop being rubbish to agatha - but then it’s real! FOR ALL OF THEM. come for the fake dating, stay for the plausible evolution of penny and agatha’s feelings for each other <3 and also simon’s feelings for baz. 

other things not written for me that i particularly loved include...

When the Bells Ring by @phoxphyre​ - complete

surely i already told you repeatedly why you should go and read this fic?? it’s a wonderful life AU. catches simon at the perfect point ON CHRISTMAS, just as he’s about to plunge into trauma mode, and shows him what he’s done and how important he is. the backstory and the depth of the other world is phenomenal. i can’t speak highly enough of it.

Wherefore Art Thou by @mountchristen​ - teen, one chapter from complete

really smart and well done no-magic sixth form AU where baz is the King of Drama and helps engineer a gay Romeo and Juliet. simon gets accidentally cast as the understudy for Romeo to baz’s dismay. the characters are all wonderfully drawn - simon is so snarky and smart, the simon and baz relationship is gorgeous - they’re enemies with benefits, except they’re not. it works amazingly well.

Miniature Fights and Lego Plights by @scone-lover - teen, complete

i love all excuses to return to the HFH universe and i love this fic about our heroes playing with lego of themselves and also standing on it without shoes. 

In Defence of Mistletoe by @gampyre - teen, one chapter from complete

friends to lovers! so rare in this fandom and it works so well!! i love simon eating baz’s leftover takeaway, and also fake relationship, and also just how nice they are to each other while it still being plausible.

To The Watchtower by @im-gettingby - teen, complete

such an amazing AU! private school/dark academia - they’re solving a mystery together about dark deeds at watford, the mystery is really interesting and (to me) unexpected, and again - smart simon for the win.

The Taste of Red by @unseelieseelie - mature, complete

they didn’t get together at Watford, baz is having uncontrollable vampire urges, simon just wants to help him for reasons he doesn’t understand. really good vampire fic - love their relationship evolving at this point, also sexy.

Bound by @sourcherrymagiks​ - explicit, complete

this is ‘your ex lover is dead’ verse, but if you haven’t read all the others a) you should and b) you dont have to, REALLY, to enjoy the mega hotness of simon subbing for baz.  He slouches elegantly into an armchair like a slutty Sherlock Holmes to watch. yes please.

Something Else by @f-ing-ruthless-baz - explicit, incomplete

one of my favourites, soon to be removed from the archive. simon is confused but competitive, the sex is very hot, and there’s silly vampire porn. read it while you can <3

tagging anyone who sees this and wants to rec something - and all of the above, if you’d like :D

[arofili]

For the character ask: all the children of Finarfin

How I feel about this character:

Finrod: charming slutty blond twink with a heart of gold. maybe that’s too much fanon and not enough canon but you can tear that characterization from my cold dead hands tbh. like yes this is King “I Killed A Werewolf With Nothing But My Teeth And The Power Of Love” but he’s also Prince “I Rap Battled With Sauron And Lost” and Lord “I Befriended Men and Dwarves Before It Was Cool”

Angrod: of all his siblings i think he’s the most… Angry Boy. he has a temper, but he’s also married with a kid (I subscribe to the Orodreth Angrodion version of canon). i think he’s the ‘oh my god why can’t any of you be NORMAL’ brother. BOTH his mother name and his father name are derived from the word for ‘iron’ - he’s got an iron personality, very strong-willed and stubborn. i also hc that he’s the only arafinwean who has Earwen’s silver hair.

Aegnor: a hopeless romantic. the dreamiest arafinwion (and that’s including artanis!). very particular about his hair (which is a WILD canon detail that i love sjdfhdk) but also has terrible fashion. his head’s always in the clouds, he’s a daydreamer, but he’s also incredibly loyal and a really good friend. he almost always listens to his heart over his head - and the fact that he and andreth never marry is the One Time he listened to logic over emotion, and that haunts him forever.

Galadriel: almost as much of a genius as Feanor and almost as humble about it, which is to say, not at all. she’s proud and stubborn and full of herself, especially in her youth - she’s also gorgeous and smart and right a lot of the time, which doesn’t help her ego. by the time she’s become Lady of Lothlorien she’s been through a lot and is much more humble and wise, but i think that comes not just from her experiences but also from being married to Celeborn the Wise. i think he balances her out very well tbh. (my favorite Galadriel characterization EVER is from this fic by @nerdanelparmandil, check it out!!)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Finrod: I ship Finrod with anything that moves tbh….. I see him as super super gay, he and Amarie were mutual beards which is why she didn’t follow him to Endore. i am a Known Slut for Finrod/Turgon in particular, they’re kind of endgame for me, but also @raisingcain-onceagain​ has converted me to Finrod/Edrahil!! And while the Nargothrond Disaster Trio are in no way shape or form HEALTHY, i really really enjoy Celegorm/Curufin/Finrod content, that dynamic is delicious. i can also get down on Maedhros/Fingon/Finrod, though not really in a serious way. PLUS Finrod/Beor is very good, as is Finrod/Barahir and Finrod/Beren(/Luthien if we’re feeling spicy), and you KNOW he got busy with some dwarves! I just think he’s very free with his feelings and desires, especially after coming to Beleriand, and he takes full advantage of his freedom and position of authority to get what he wants. (not necessarily in a weird power dynamics way, though he’s into that kind of kinky shit too probably, i mean more in ‘it’s my kingdom i get to make the rules and i say No Homophobia and No Slutshaming’) - and I’m super happy to multiship with Finrod, there are verses where he’s fucking everyone and verses where he’s pining over Turgon and verses where he never even thinks about anyone other than Edrahil and etc etc etc. there’s probably even verses where he and Sauron get up to some funky shit!

Angrod: I don’t have a lot of headcanons about him and Eldalote. She has a Sindarin name, so maybe she came with him to Middle-earth - or maybe not, and he just missed her so much that he wouldn’t shut up about her and so her name was Sindarized to Edhellos. Either way I think they had a very strong relationship that ended in tragedy one way or another. I’ve also seen some fun Angrod/Caranthir enemies-to-lovers stuff, which I can get into, but I think Caranthir is aro so it’s not really my main hc.

Aegnor: i mean how can you NOT ship him and Andreth??? that relationship is just….so tragic and heartbreaking and beautiful. I like the theory that Gil-galad was their child, and he was given to Orodreth to raise because Andreth couldn’t care for an elfling and Aegnor couldn’t publicly claim a son out of wedlock. But also verses where they are just tragically pining after one another are beautiful in their own way. My headcanon is that the thing keeping them apart was less about the war going on and more about Aegnor fearing to lose her - but then he actually dies before her, and Andreth has to live with that pain. (idk if that works out timeline wise but. yeah)

Galadriel: Meladriel is very good and I enjoy that - I’ve also seen some great Galadriel/Luthien and even a Galadriel/Feanor fic I enjoyed. BUT overall i really love that she chose to marry Celeborn, a wise “dark elf” even when she’s completely out of his league - he balances her very well, and I don’t buy depictions of her walking all over him. she cares about him and he’s really good for her!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Finrod: I ship Finrod/Turgon but also WHAT a great friendship they have!! I love that they go adventuring together :) And Finrod, Maedhros, and Fingon are so fun to imagine growing up together! Plus there’s his relationship with his nephew Orodreth, who he clearly adores, and also the fact that he’s still buddies with the Feanorians even after the first kinslaying (at Alqualonde! his home! where his mom is from!) and he’s so excited to meet new people from the Sindar to the Edain to the Dwarves. Finrod’s just EVERYONE’S friend and i appreciate that!!

Angrod: ….what if he and Caranthir used to be really close, like they are similar ages and grew up together, but then Something Happened and they started hating each other later on. that would be Very fun. also, he and Aegnor were lords together over the same land and died together, which implies they were very close - close like Celegorm and Curufin!

Aegnor: Again, he and Angrod were Best Bros which is great. I also think he’s probably beloved by Andreth’s people, he’s just this huge elf man they all kind of adopted and he’s so honored that they love him so much!

Galadriel: Melian!! obviously!! she stayed in Doriath specifically to learn from her, which is super neat. and then Gandalf in the later ages, i love whatever they have going on in the movies especially. i also think she and Celebrimbor had a weird rival-friendship i the second age, they’re both geniuses but from opposite sides of the family feud…except the family feud has killed pretty much everyone BUT them, so they come together to mourn that.

My unpopular opinion about this character

(this turned into more of ‘what are their negative personality traits’ than ‘unpopular opinions’ but whatever…)

Finrod: i’m sure he did his best but….when he was king of nargothrond he was still gallivanting all over the place. orodreth was probably More In Charge from before he was officially king…

Angrod: he’s a grade-A asshole. just a dick. mean as shit and holds grudges forever. really annoying to be around.

Aegnor: a dumbass. always listens to his heart and gets in trouble for it, until the one time he listens to his head and regrets it forever.

Galadriel: would make an EXCELLENT villain. ‘all shall love me and despair’ ? come on yall. if it had been HER versus sauron instead of Finrod (and…considering she was probably friends with Luthien, it very well could have been) i think she may have won, and im just imagining Sauron working for her, and the second and third ages going very differently with her being a Queen who everyone loves until they look back and realize she’s been corrupted and turned evil.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

so i think canon did mostly a good job with them SO some of these are some AUs!!!

Finrod: …if he had managed to convince Celegorm and Curufin to help with the Silmaril quest–the war could have ended before the Nirnaeth, maybe. or at least gone very differently.

Angrod: im gonna physically fight tolkien over giving us practically NOTHING on the wives of various characters - tell me more about Eldalote you coward!!!!

Aegnor: JUST MARRY ANDRETH PLEASE. i’m a slut for interspecies relationships and the fact that this one is male elf/female human is SO good and frankly unprecedented in Tolkien’s works. PLEASE i need more!!!

Galadriel: FUCK that evil!Artanis AU would be REALLY cool and sexy, wouldn’t it?

[inkblccded-moved]

9. why were you drawn to each one of your characters?, 11. is there another muse you’ve been thinking of adding or writing for? who?, 19. for each muse, is there a character you wish had a blog so you could interact with them?

multimuse asks ; accepting 

@luck-crowned​

Jay i can’t believe how long this answer is about to get.

9. why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

Huaisang’s main draw for me was the fact that he isn’t some great cultivator or an amazing fighter? I have a weak spot for tacticians and family disappointments and he’s both so I treasure him.

I originally wasn’t going to pick up Jiang Cheng, but the more I saw of him the harder I fell for him. He’s full of rage and love and emotions, he’s very much like a storm. Also, he loves dogs and that’s super important to me.

I added Song Lan because he’s big, stoic and gay and that's all the reason I need.

Wei Wuxian was a MISTAKE, but now he’s stuck here 

Lan Jingyi was added because hes smol and loud and cute and he’s got that family disappointment energy that i’m super attached to

Ja’far is queen on my blog FOR SO MANY REASONS. His loyalty, his intelligence, his mom-friend energy, his protectiveness, hIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I COULD HONESTLY SCREAM ABOUT JA’FAR FOR HOURS

I added Kouha because i love that tiny, bloodthirsty shithead. He’s so ready to brawl but also he loves his family and friends so much im so weak what an angel

Masrur was purely an impulse add and he doesn’t say much but i love him? I love his pride and his sarcasm and i just,,,, my good red lion,,,,

Titus has that “fuck the rules, I do what I want” energy but he goes from using it to be an absolute shithead to using it to save people and adopt a small child who would have otherwise died from having her life-force siphoned off to power the magic city they live in and you can probably guess from that why I needed him on my blog

Soren is my absolute favorite FE character. My tiny gay dragon. so harsh, so savage, but cares so much about the people he loves. A work of art, truly a masterpiece.

I added Takumi because Tracie added Leo. Takumi drew me to him because he’s just,,,,he’s so many levels of Chaotic Stupid I treasure him, what a fucking idiot.

NILES IS HERE BECAUSE I GUESS I LIKE WRITING THOTS FOR SOME REASON IDK WHY. He has self-esteem issues and that makes him qualify as a muse of mine i guess

Ryoma is here because he’s a dumb spicy lobster boy and I cannot resist him.

Inigo/Laslow is here because again, I guess i just really like writing dumb slutty boys. But that aside I really enjoy his ‘keep smiling, even when life hurts’ mentality? Like? that’s so hhhhh,,,he’s a good boy.

GIEVE. GIEVE. WHERE DO I START WITH GIEVE??? HE”S JUST??? PERFECTION??? HE’S A SLUTTY, BISEXUAL ARCHER BARD WHO SECRETLY CARES MORE THAN HE LETS ON??? HE MEETS LITERALLY ALL OF MY STANDARDS

Soo-Won is here because he’s complex and fascinating and also very very pretty and I just,,, I’m such a sucker for characters that play dumb only to be lowkey super capable. See: Huaisang

Again. Jae-Ha is,,,,everything I could ever desire in a muse,,,,HE”S JUST SO,,,, HHHH,,,,BOY,,,,,IM LOVE,,,

Yotaka is here because i loved the ONE ARC HE WAS IN SO MUCH and also he’s gorgeous and also also, i love picking up minor characters so I can flesh them out.

TAE-JUN,,,, I’M SHAKING,,,, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS THE ONLY REASON I NEED TO GIVE BUT HE’S ALSO SO SOFT AND EMOTIONAL AND THAT FAMILY DISAPPOINTMENT ENERGY GETS ME EVERY TIME YO

Hiryuu is, again, that kind of minor character that I love to love, but honestly I was super drawn to his? Loving nature? Like? what a good, affectionate dragon man,,, I’m crying,,,,

SANZO. Sanzo is a great example of my OTHER perfect muse type. See on one side you’ve got my thotty bard type and then on the other you have my spicy depressed bitch type and GOD. SANZO. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. He cares so more than he lets on, i’m weak. I love the gun monk

Kurogane is here because Kit’s Fai is here but also because I’ve had his muse for ACTUAL DECADES? So, yknow. he lives here. he’s such a good man, so loving and protective and his character development gets me so much hhhhhh

Johann is EVERYTHING TO ME. Minor character again, mom energy again, Loving and Protective again, BUT ALSO ADD TO THAT BEING 100% FLAMBOYANTLY, OPENLY GAY, i’m crying, he’s PERFECT. 

Vanitas is a fucking garbage shithead gremlin and i love and hate him in equal measure. He has been doomed to die since the first fucking chapter and i honestly can’t wait, put him down. (but also don’t, please don’t hurt my baby)

Jin is here because Samurai Champloo is one of my favorite shows ever and Jin has been my boy, like Kurogane, FOR DECADES.

Arslan is here because he is the goodest child ever to live and I needed a good son to balance out all these fucking AWFUL PEOPLE on my blog.

11. is there another muse you’ve been thinking of adding or writing for? who?

I’ve been thinking of adding Narsus from Arslan Senki, but I'm one of the only Arslan Senki roleplayer on tumblr and it brings depression ashgfkl

I’m also tempted by many book characters, including but not limited to Kaladin and Renarin, Elodin from Name of the Wind, and Childermass from Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell.

19. for each muse, is there a character you wish had a blog so you could interact with them?

I’m gonna actually just separate this into source material unless there’s a specific one that a muse wants.

My MDZS muses really aren’t craving anyone in particular but I’m always happy to see more blogs pop up.

Magi muses are pretty happy too, but again, more Magi peeps are never a problem

Soren wants an Ike REALLY BADLY, but that aside my other FE muses are pretty chill.

Gieve would love to have a Farangis, Jaswant and/or Daryun around. Arslan wants a Daryun and an Elam and Narsus, if I add him, also would love to have a Daryun and an Elam around.

Almost all of my AkaYona muses want more Hak in their lives!!!!!!!! Soo-Won would also like to have some of his generals around. He enjoys them. Jae-Ha misses his pirate mom. Yotaka would be really happy to have a Princess Kouren around. Tae-Jun wants Heuk-Chi and/or Kyo-Ga in his life, and Hiryuu would love to have Guen around he would be a very happy dragon king.

Sanzo says he wants no one around but thats a lie, i would kill for him to have ANY of the other Saiyuki boys around tbh

Kurogane would like the rest of his group around.

Johann and Vanitas are just happy with what they have, they don’t need to ask for more

Jin needs his dumb friends pls thank you

AAAAND that’s it!

[not-entirely-sure-buddy-blog]

a whole ass essay on why into the spiderverse is the best

Where to even begin with the Godsend of a film?? The animation? The plot? The characters? (Spoilers)

Here, fellas, is where I will start. The beginning. Because I’m smart (terms and conditions tho).

From the very beginning, the glitchy thing is introduced and I’m very slutty for it. While hey, maybe an epilepsy warning would be nice, it’s some Good Shit. Then we have the number 42 established, which tbh?? Just a lit number. I’m a big fan. And we start, not with our Son Miles, but with the og Peter Parker is Miles’ universe. And boy howdy. The first comic book. Voila, it is gorgeous. Then??? We see our son!!!! There he is!! My boy!!! <3! And he’s just being a dork??? I love him!!!! And it’s so good. So so good. Singing along to this pop song that was written for this film - could b linked to the whole alternate universe thing?? Like hypothetically, if the film were released in Miles’ world, the crowd would b all “oh yea, that’s ol Sunflower by Past Milone”. But here?? It’s like :o lit new songs. But anyway.

Our boy goes to the fancy school and our girl

Our girl

OUR GIRL GWEN knows. She fuckn genius. The whole time she’s like ‘he ain’t a spider yet but!!! He fucking will be’ and holy shit she’s right. Also I love her and her character design makes me gay big uwu energy tbh

Also Og Peter’s death??? HEARTBREAKING. I cried. And Scared of the dark?? Emotional. That whole ass sequence was Emotional.

When we watch Miles being chased by uncle Aaron Prowler, and tbh,??,? Damn son.

ALSO PETER B PARKER!!! Just his whole thing. I love him. He has a whole ass glow up and I am a SUCKER for it.

This has just become erratic now, but fuck it

The fact that the physics laws in each of their comic universes - specifically Spider Ham - still work within the ‘real’ world is honestly iconic, and the anvil, the hammer and Noir’s b+w thing and Penni’s cute ass animation??? ITS JUST GOOD OKAY

AND IT SHOWS MILES CRYING. IT SHOWS JEFF CRYING. IT SHOWS BOYS CRYING AND IT DOESNT MOCK THEM FOR IT. this just in, spiderverse single handedly solves toxic masculinity.

also the women??? R SO GOOD??? Im p sure you’ve all seen the post about how they dont suffer from same face syndrome and I love it so so much.

Doc Ock being a lady is tbh, plot twist of the century. And im very slutty for it.

In conclusion I love this film and it’s wonderful and the animation is so good and the characters r so good and Miles and his dad give me hope for all father/son relationships. Amen.

[the-hairy-masseur]

i did what everyone does when they enter retirement, i decided to live at the gym. i wasnt really retired, but i had received such a huge sum of money from selling my product that the wealth was generating itself. i could finally enjoy some peace-- but i was restless. everywhere i saw those sexy brown boys with their gorgeous muscles, and if i wanted one for a companion, i would have to look like them.

theres nothing scarier for a spiritual man than to have accumulated masses of wealth and have no companion. it was a spiritual crisis. i wanted someone to share my life with, to spoil, to admire, and to practice spirituality with. i wanted to talk until dawn, and wrap them in my arms under the silk sheets of my california king, with shafts of morning blue light on the walls. so, i lived in the gym.

not only did i hire an expensive trainer, but i was taking supplements and dieting perfectly. i used to be a semi-ascetic buddhist, so it wasnt hard for me to deprive myself of good food. most of it made me feel imbalanced, anyway. my mood elevated, my stamina increased, and my body grew and grew, until i sincerely loved it.

i was a thirty seven year old who loved what he saw in the mirror. i would get out the shower and just marvel at my sculpted body and dark wet body hair. i loved my muscles! i had a marvelous set of plump pecs that i could bounce, and i especially enjoyed fondling them and bouncing them beneath my hands. not only were they hairy and juicy, but i had big quarter-sized nipples, that were thick. they used to embarrass me when i was a chub, but now they were sexy and alluring. i wanted them to plucked.

at the gym, i would wear sluttier tank-tops so the big brown boys could see my nips and drool. i did curls and saw them panting on the stairmasters. it was nice to finally be admired. sometimes, in the showers, a sexy brown boy would beckon me to join them. i loved getting handjobs. blowjobs were okay, but a strong hand was what i preferred. i would ask them to massage my body and stroke my muscles and i would get so stiff. i loved being worshipped.

i was happy when i got even bigger. i had wide hairy lats now, so my pecs looked especially spaced and plump now. my legs were always thick, but now they had definition and sexy "moose knuckles" over my kneecaps-- but my favorite thing, was my ass.

whenever i went to the gym, i wore even sluttier shorts now, to tantalize the beefy brown boys. they were tight short shorts that rode high on the thighs, and made my bulge look full and delicious. whenever a brown boy took me to the showers, i asked them to play with my ass, to rub and slide their fingers up and down between my glutes, teasing my hole. it drove me wild and i would cum in their hands, all over the walls.

but unfortunately, i started to get stiff in a non-sexual way. my biceps were impressive now, but i had limited range of motion, and my back felt especially tight in the mornings. however, i still persisted at the gym. the meaty brown boys would stretch and watch me do leg lifts, and invite me to the showers for more handjobs-- but i was losing interest. i was in pain and i wanted to talk, but they just wanted my brown cock and my hairy muscles. this wasnt the worship that i wanted.

i went to the gay baths in my towel, sampling the wet glistening pecs and dripping muscular thighs of the men, but i was unhappy, so i went home alone. everyone there was on drugs, and they werent there to connect with me. i was losing touch with my own spirituality in this world, so i went home to meditate and jerk off. i needed to find my spiritual companion, but i doubted if i would find him in the gym, or at the baths.

the next morning, i woke up with more sharp back pain, and i hobbled to my bathroom. i wanted to be touched and soothed, and worshipped, but i couldnt go to the gym like this. so, i booked myself a massage, and requested a male masseur with strong hands. i arrived to the spa in my slutty outfit: my stringy tanktop and shorts, so my masseur could admire my nipples, and the rest of my body-- but i ended up being the one who was awed into admiration.

stephen was a beefy brown boy with sharp powerful eyes, clean-cut with a full beard, and he was thick in all the right places. he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, but his soft pecs and thick arms were obvious, and he had the best calves that i had ever seen. his gaze was sharp and intense, but they softened into something so soulful when he shook my hand. i felt like he was nurturing me already, and my defenses came down.

i followed him up the spiral staircase, watching his cute butt bounce along with his tight legs. he wasnt fully defined like the gym boys. he still had a bit of a belly and his muscles werent enormous-- but there was something magnetic about his apperance, something psychic. i was drawn to his imperfections, his curves, and his steady eyes. when he took me into our room, his eyes were still soft, but i remembered the sharp intensity of before. i was fascinated.

"alright, bruce. what would you like me to focus on today?"

"well, im having some lower back pain--"

"ok," he nodded, honing his intensity at my back now.

"--but really everywhere. whatever you have time for. i work out a lot."

"i can tell," he smiled. "ill take care of you. i used to work exclusively on athletes and bodybuilders."

i blushed.

"so, how do you like your pressure?" he smiled.

"as hard as you can," i chuckled.

he chuckled too.

"any areas to avoid...?"

when he asked, he made a small gesture with his hands, and they looked strong. i wanted him to worship every inch of me, including my cock. i was getting aroused.

"no. everything is fair game."

"alright," he smiled. "start on your stomach, face in the face cradle, under the blanket, and ill be back in three minutes--"

"um, is it okay if we did without the blanket? i run pretty hot."

what was i saying?

"sure," he smiled, unfazed. "see you in three."

he closed the door and i started peeling off my clothes. my slutty outfit fell to the floor and i couldnt help but touch my nipples and cock. both were erect. i tucked my dick and laid my large legs on the table, felt my chest squish against the bedsheet, and i rested my head into the cradle. the soft music was calming, and i felt my body relax-- but as i relaxed, i became more aroused.

stephen knocked on the door and i shouted that i was ready. he entered, closed the door behind him, and he adjusted the pillow for my feet, lovingly. he made sure i was comfortable, and then he rubbed my shoulders before slowly doing "cat's paw" up and down my back. there were several cracks and the release was heavenly. he was so strong.

he rubbed the cream in my back in rthymic circles, which sent more blood to fill my cock, and he used fists and elbows to break up the tight muscles of my shoulder. he was surgical, effective, and he even put my arm behind my back to drive his elbow beneath my shoulder blade. he held my wrist like a dom and i was his submissive, and it made me even harder. this beefy brown boy was having his way with me, and i felt so cared for. after every strong stroke, he would rub the area gently, almost like an apology. it was the deep work that i needed, plus the loving touch from strong hands that i craved. i was in heaven.

when he moved on from my back, he used fists in my glutes and i couldnt help but moan. stephen didnt stop working, but his fists became more intentional. he was working more lovingly, which made me moan even louder, and i couldnt help but writhe, pushing my ass farther into his fist, and sliding my hidden cock along the table. his fists became more rthymic and merciless, working for my moans, until he was squeezing my glutes with one hand, and running his fingers over my hole.

i was in complete ecstacy.

i totally forgot where i was and started slowly humping the table as stephen massaged my hairy hole. my moans were growls now, and stephen slid a hand under my abs to grip my cock. my moans uncontrollably became more feminine, and i fucked stephen's creamy hand until i came. he was squeezing my hairy glutes as i simmered down, and without a word, he continued his loving massage.

he transferred so much mercy through his hands, and suddenly i didnt want to leave. he massaged my legs and turned me over to massage my pecs. my dick became stiff again, and as stephen squeezed my pecs, he gave me a proper handjob, and i came twice. i was hyper relaxed and seeing stars, and stephen was looking down at me with so much kindness. somehow, something so erotic also felt... spiritual.

he massaged my face and temples gently, and massaged my scalp as if i was his lover. all of his movements were in harmony with the soft music, and as the session ended, i wished i could perserve the feeling.

"you are beautiful," stephen sighed.

"so are you," i smiled. "thank you so much."

"youre welcome, bruce."

he continued to run his hands through my hair.

"how often do you stretch?"

i chuckled. "not often."

"well, a man thats your size needs all the help he can get. you cant do it alone."

"will you help me?"

"i promise...."

to my surprise, tears began to pool in my eyes, and stephen looked down at me tenderly, silent.

"ive been feeling so lost," i confessed.

"thats ok...."

"i dont want to be alone."

"youre not alone."

i smiled with my face and my heart.

"you just have to have faith," stephen continued. "believe that you will find what you need-- even if you dont know what it is. just believe and be patient. it will come."

i wiped my tears and remembered how strong my arms and hands were. i felt like i was still that lonely chub who started this journey, but i was different now. stephen kept lovingly stroking my hair, and we locked eyes for a powerful moment. i felt so safe, so seen, and i knew he wanted to understand me-- so that he could love me. stephen was my companion.

"can i... take you to dinner... sometime this week?"

stephen smiled.

"i would really love that...."