#here's the starscream/kittay fic i keep mentioning and forgetting to post

[sampos-catgirl]

Starlit Dream

Starscream has suffered from nightmares for a very, very long time. One night, he dreams.

divider by @/thecutestgrotto

Megatron haunted him even when they were lightyears apart. The memory of his wrath plagued his recharge cycles every night, bent and broken and left to bleed out until he awoke the next morning.

They got better as time went on. They never stopped, but they happened with less frequency and were far less painful. After three years and a curious new addition to the crew of the Nemesis, it almost seemed as though they had stopped entirely.

The nightmares came back worse than ever the night after his master's return, the pain of fresh injuries turning to spilled energon and ripped wings. Megatron turned and stalked back to the front of the bridge, leaving Starscream struggling to hold himself up on his servos. Knock Out and Breakdown shook their heads and left. Soundwave did not spare him a glance. The Vehicons avoided his gaze.

Something small pressed against his arm. A gentle warmth spread through his frame. The pain faded away.

He awoke to a gentle rumbling and was nearly startled to find the tiny organic resting beside his helm. Upon awakening, she bid him good morning and quietly gave him some space.

The nightmares continued through Megatron's coma and afterward. Some nights were worse than others. Some mornings Kittay would be there beside him when he woke, others she remained in her makeshift berth on the table beside him.

He asked her about it once. Apparently, when the nightmares were at their worst, he would toss and turn fitfully and awaken her. She found that her presence calmed him.

She did it for herself, then, so she would not lose sleep.

Because no one ever did anything for him.

~♡~

Something changed after they left and moved into the remains of the Harbinger. Though the nightmares continued, they were... different now. Megatron would find them. Find her. And he would take her, and Starscream would not be strong enough to stop him.

Strangely, it hurt more than any beating.

That was one reason he entrusted her to the Autobots. The nightmares had instilled a fierce paranoia in him. If Megatron found Starscream, he would find only him. Kittay would be hidden away in the Autobot base, the location of which was unknown to either of them.

And because life is cruel to him in particular, the nightmares worsened.

Megatron's back was turned to him. He studied something in his claws. His helm turned ever so slightly in his direction.

"Ah, there you are, dear Starscream."

Something red dripped to the floor.

"Come for your precious pet, have you?"

He slowly turned to face him.

"You should have kept it on its leash."

CRUNCH-

Starscream shot up, the image of Kittay's broken corpse enough to leave him heaving, fighting to keep what little energon was left in his tanks.

He wanted to call them. He wanted to call them so badly, just to ask if she was okay, if she was alive.

~♡~

He only did so weeks later, after that treacherous Airachnid sicced her Insecticon on him and left him needing repairs. He watched as the Wrecker and the medic emerged from the ground bridge, the situation already painfully familiar.

He did not expect a third figure to come flying through the bridge to wrap her arms around his neck. Relief flooded his system, though he hoped it did not show on his frame or in his voice as he greeted her.

Ratchet barked that she was supposed to stay in the base. Kittay turned to face him and responded that she just couldn't pass up an opportunity to see Starscream again. She pressed her head against his cheek and tightened her hold around his neck as she spoke.

He felt that familiar warmth in his spark again; he knew now what it was. He wanted her to stay with him, he wanted to hold her and keep her and never let anyone else have her. But he knew she was safer with the Autobots and it hurt.

Ratchet finished his repairs and the ground bridge opened to allow them to return. Kittay kept her eyes on Starscream as he slowly stood and prepared to leave for the Harbinger.

Her Phantom Claws shot out and wrapped tightly around his wrist as she dragged him through the ground bridge and into the Autobot base, deaf to the complaints of Ratchet and Bulkhead.

Though Kittay used her Phantom Body to make herself Cybertronian height, it didn't do much for the ensuing argument. She stood tall between Starscream and the Autobots as they argued over him.

"He left me with you because he thought I would be safer! He did it to protect me! Shouldn't that be proof enough that he's changed? You've all known Starscream longer than I have, so tell me: would he have done something like that before?"

Optimus Prime, ever the bleeding spark, stood as the voice of reason (and, perhaps unsurprisingly, the young scout Bumblebee seemed willing to give him a chance as well). He saw something in Kittay's expression that Starscream couldn't at the moment and decided that he would be allowed to stay. He would be watched, of course, but he could stay.

Optimus ordered that the human children be taken home; out of concern for their safety, of course, but perhaps it was also so that Arcee and Bulkhead could not continue with their complaints.

One of the children - Miko, his processor supplied - seemed rather disappointed, over what exactly Starscream wasn't sure. She told Kittay to keep her updated and shot an exaggerated wink as she climbed into Bulkhead's alt mode.

~♡~

He asked her why.

They stood in the spare room the Autobots had given him. He idly wondered if it used to be Cliffjumper's, but decided the Autobots wouldn't have given it to him if it was.

Kittay said it was obvious. It wasn't, so Starscream asked again.

"Because I care about you, Starscream. I didn't want to leave you out in the wilderness to starve, and I didn't want you to end up going back to Megatron to serve as his punching bag again. I... I don't want to see you hurt."

It almost seemed as if she was going to say something else. Perhaps she was.

She was lying, surely. No one cares about him. No one's cared about him in a very long time.

But her hands are so soft and warm against his cold metal, and her eyes are sparkling as she looks up at him - Starscream realizes with a start that she's always looked at him that way.

No, she doesn't care about him. "Care" is not a strong enough word to describe this.

He finds that her lips are soft, too.

~♡~

Kittay sits across from him at a table. She's talking to someone; Starscream can't quite make out the words.

She laughs as the blurry purple figure next to her says something funny. Someone else adds a comment that makes her laugh even harder; Starscream realizes someone blue is sitting next to him.

... Purple? Blue?

Their blurry images begin to sharpen. They look just like him. Of course they do; Skywarp and Thundercracker were his brothers, after all.

Another voice joins the conversation, belonging to someone big and white.

Skyfire.

There they are, all the people who have ever cared about him, sitting around and probably sharing embarrassing stories about him with the way Kittay is hunched over the table with tears in her eyes.

When she finally manages to calm her laughter, her eyes meet his.

Starscream wakes slowly. Neither a dreamless sleep nor a nightmare. It was... odd, but not unpleasant. Welcome, in fact. He couldn't remember the last time he had a dream.

(Ratchet would later comment that Kittay hadn't slept on the couch that night. In Miko's absence, Bumblebee took it upon himself to tease Kittay, even though she couldn't understand him.)