#her later looks similar to this feels more danielle than maya

[anon-luv]

Blankets [JungkookxReader] (Pt 1/5)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (Feat. Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung)

Genre: Romance/Angst/Smut BadBoyAU!

Summary: A one night stand turned into various visits. No strings attached, or at least that is what you told yourself every time he walked through the door. His first name was the only thing you knew, besides having memorized every sensitive spot that laid upon his skin.

One night you catch a glimpse of his world. One that you had never had the temptation to roam on your free will. Jungkook though was addicting, and your craving for his touches led you to venture into his life. This new found world offering you a freedom you didn’t know existed. The consequences of your actions instead of taking you a step closer to him, formed a barrier. Jungkook’s sweet touches turned rough with rage, his passionate kisses turned possessive, and his comfortable casual talk went to promises/lies of a forever. 

Rating: M [Language, Strong Scenes, Drug usage, Sexual Scenes](Will add a warning prior if that chapter will contain any smut scenes)

Author’s Note: This was supposed to be a One Shot, but after I started writing it I couldn’t stop. After it got way too long I decided to divide it into 3 sections. I am hoping to finish this in about a week. I almost have it completely finished, just need to edit it. I hope you enjoy it :)

Not 100% edited yet. Might have minor mistakes :)

Feedback is greatly appreciated!

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies.

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

-Still I Rise, Maya Angelou

Those eyes that showed you galaxies that forever were going to be out of reach. Those lips that peppered little glimpses of heaven all over your skin. Those fingers that traced every curve of your body as if you were made of the most fragile glass. Those strands of hair that you held onto with  dear life when he was rocking into you so deep that you were scared to spiral down into an endless abyss if you let go. Those promises of forever and always whispered in between the sheets every night. They were all but a mere figment of your imagination. Now you knew better.

Those eyes were grounding you to the floor not taking you to outer space. Those lips were damning you to hell as you let them set your core ablaze. Those fingers were strangling your neck, stealing your breath away. Those strands of hair were not for support, they were but a loose rope that would let you fall. Those promises were lies. Forever and always did not exist. The only thing real were those blankets, where your sweaty bodies had entangled and connected over and over again.Those blankets were now entangled with last weeks takeout in the deep depths of trash, along with the memories of haunting smiles. At least that is what you liked to tell yourself. That was probably a lie too.

He was beautiful. The mere sight of his strong back, as he cooked eggs in the morning, had instantly captured your heart. You were expecting for him to be gone, like the many one night stands had done before. Seeing him in front of you in nothing but a pair of iron man boxers had shocked you. You were not sure what to say, but as you walked in close enough to see the purple and pink love bites sprinkled across his shoulders, you grew bolder. Your arms encircled his waist causing him to jump slightly.

“You are quite a breathtaking sight to wake up to in the morning” you said with a slightly rough edge to your morning voice. You cleared your throat embarrassed at the tone that it had just emitted.

He chuckled “You are quite an angelic one if I may say so myself, but my hunger won over after 2 hours awaiting for those curly eyelashes to grant me the wish of seeing what laid beneath them”

A blush spread across your cheeks. You knew you were a heavy sleeper. Your friends had teased you countless times about your outstanding ability to sleep throughout even the loudest of noises.

He grasped your waist and hoisted you up onto the counter. His eyes looking into yours as his mouth made a silent path towards yours. When your lips were about to meet, he surprised you by putting a strawberry in his mouth, biting it. Your eyes darted down to his red stained lips, and before you knew it your lips were against his trying to taste the sweet remnants that coated his lips.

The kiss building up in passion only to be broken by the sound of your stomach growling.

He chuckled causing his doe eyes to crinkle making his face look more boyish.

He scooped up a bit of egg from the pan and offered it to you. You opened your mouth and devoured it. You had never been a good cook, and home cooked meals were a rarity. The fact that he had scavenged and found something to make in your fridge had been a miracle.

He passed you a plate and you both ate in silence in the kitchen. The items  diminishing bit by bit from your plate.

“I know this is probably going to make me look like an asshole….but I was wondering…..I’m actually quite curious…” he started stumbling over his words cutely causing a small smile to graze your lips.

“Spit it” you said nudging him playfully. Causing a bunny looking smile to sprout from his lips.

“What is your name??” he said scratching his head with a small tilt of his head.

“(Y/N), and yours Romeo?” you asked while shoving the last bite of eggs off your plate.

“Jungkook” he replied as he took a sip of freshly brewed coffee you are guessing he had prepared.

You took away the coffee mug from his hands and took a sip of the dark bitter liquid.

“Jungkook…pretty hot name….goes well with that bod” you flirted not, aware of the consequences behind the words. If you knew what it would bring in the future would you have taken them back??

You wish you had never asked his name. The sin of moaning his name through the nights with no promise of tomorrow had become a routine. A way of escape for the both of you. His number was not saved on your phone. Your birthday or job occupation were not a matter of importance in his world. Your apartment, the only link established between the both of you.

After the first visit to your apartment, you did not expect his presence to become a constant. A kiss, the only thing exchanged before the door closed behind him.

A week later he was in your entrance, a bruised cheek and a split lip. You let him in without questioning. Unconsciously letting the devil inside your home. Aiding his physical and mental wounds with antibiotic cream, bandages, soft touches, and kisses had become your addiction. He was dangerous.

It had been a year, and till this day the only thing you knew about him was his first name and the way your name  sounded when he moaned it through the night. Phone numbers, emails, and social media were never shared. Anything that occurred outside of the four walls were never brought up.

The line between your relationship was but a mere dotted one, allowing him to wander off and come back whenever necessary.

You did not care, or at least that was what you told yourself.

You went on dates, and  even held a relationships as his surprise visits continued. Jungkook never knew or askes.

The unspoken permission to seek comfort in another bed when he was absent, given through nights without traces of purple kisses marking  your skin. On the contrary, you made sure to leave him a souvenir, that would be fading to yellow awaiting for a new to take its place.

You had a tendency to steer away from large crowds unlike your friends. Their persistent coaxing worked about 20 percent of the time ,and this specific Friday night, their success send them flying out the door with you in a red skintight dress.

30 minutes in and you were already on the tip of your toes trying to sneak out of the crowded hell. How could anyone call this fun??

“(Y/N), have a drink please!” Your friend Danielle screamed hoping you would be able to hear her through the mass of people surrounding you. The bass of the music consuming most of her words, leaving it to your lip reading skills to unravel the message.

You rolled your eyes as you gulped down the bitter shot. Your tongue burning by the unfamiliar liquid, that had only been in your system before in the rare opportunity.

“There, now I am going home” you said as you stood up walking away. Your body with a slight coat of sweat due to the lack of available oxygen surrounding you.

“Don’t do that. The night just started. Don’t be a party shitter” she screamed after you. You were sure Danielle was going to wake up sounding like an 80 year old man tomorrow.

You ignored her words as you pushed yourself against the crowd, who rubbed against one another as if they were magic lamps. Your body feeling the condensation of bodily fluids that presented themselves in the dance floor. Your eyes searching for the nearest exit in desperation.

The red Exit sign was hovering about 10 feet away, when you saw him. His hands were around a petite waist, caressing it like he had done to yours many times while enclosed in the four walls of your apartment. The girl’s similarities to you were mere to none, other than sharing a vagina you were pretty sure she was a whole other world. She stood tall compared to your short frame, a blue bob cut haircut that gave her an exotic appearance, a mouth piercing that you could just assume would be fun tugging at during a kiss, and an endless number of colorful tattoos that were exposed in her crop top and short cut jean shorts. You couldn’t deviate your sight from Jungkook. He looked to be entranced as his body moved along side her to the beat of a generic techno song.

You gulped as an unknown feeling bubbled inside the pit of your stomach, drawing you to the edge of sanity ready to topple you over. To say that you were not expecting to see Jungkook out in the wild was an understatement. Sometimes you even told yourself he was but a figment of your sexual frustruated imagination. To be quite honest, you could barely even recall how you both ended up meeting in the first place. At the time this man before you had been insignificant. You met him at a concert your friends had succeeded in both dragging and intoxicating you to. Other than the first hello out of his mouth, everything else was blacked out, except for the rough sex that first night, that had left you bathing in epson salt and warm water for the next two days. Sex with Jungkook had always been unforgettable. It always left you craving for more as his footsteps made their path to the outside world, not guaranteeing a tomorrow for the both of you.

The punch of the heartache was unexpected, and the air escaping your lungs leaving you like a fish out of the water, nauseating. The outcome of bumping into Jungkook was not something you wanted to acknowledge, but as his eyes landed on you as he coated kisses along the neck of the blue haired girl, you couldn’t deny it. You were jealous. You wanted him to only be yours. You had not applied that to yourself these past few months, as you jumped from bed to bed, when you assumed he wouldn’t be jumping into yours for the night. You were being selfish, and you knew it.

Jungkook gave you a smirk as he turned his partner around allowing her to rub her hands up and down his chest, no longer paying attention to you.

The Exit was long forgotten as your feet courageously worked on their own, stumbling around till you were two feet away from Jungkook. He stopped his movements surprised by your proximity.

“Jungkook, surprise to see you here” you yelled hoping the words would travel adequately enough through the music.

Jungkook shook his head while pointing at his year, and then with a tilt of his head while grabbing the hand of his partner, he guided you both to a less crowded area where five guys, that were similarly dressed like Jungkook, sat cradling beers.

“Hey Guys, This is (Y/N).  A friend of mine.” he said as he pointed at a free chair “Sit down (Y/N), they don’t bite…well that I know of. That is Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Taehyung, and Jimin.” the boys waved at you. “Ok guys, take care of her. We’ll be right back. We are going to go get us and (Y/N) some drinks.”

You were about to speak out rejecting the offer, only to be shut down by Jungkook, before you even opened your mouth “I got you covered. Don’t even try wiggling yourself out of this. Jin, the bartender, is our close friend. No worries”

You nodded surprised. Jungkook knew you. He did and you didn’t know if that was a good thing.

As Jungkook and the still unknown girl walked away, the other five guys stared at you curiously. The awkwardness relieved when one of them spoke up “How the hell did a girl like you end up being friends with Kookie??” Yoongi asked while sipping his beer.

“Umm…well….” you said not quite sure what would be an appropriate answer.

Jimin saved you by jokingly punching Yoongi on the shoulder “ Yoongi, don’t ask it like that. Sorry (y/N), we don’t mean it to sound rude or anything….you are just different from the crowd we hang out with usually…..” he said while his eyes traveled up and down your body. You inspected their style, not really having a hard time noticing what set you apart. You had traced the swirls that decorated Jungkook’s skin countless of times through your shared nights. You had also started your own personal collection of metal band shirts in your drawer, that had become your usual attire on lonely nights.

“Yeah, plus I’m surprised Tabi has not tried ripping your head off. The past 3 years of her being Jungkook’s girl has really affected my girl opportunities. She is just so hostile to anything that comes near her "boy” said Taehyung rolling his eyes playfully while a rectangular grin appeared on his face “You are one brave soul”

You felt yourself grow small at the new found information. Jungkook couldn’t be yours. He had been someone else’s for years now. You played with the hem of your red dress that now seemed so out of place. You did not belong here. You were not this kind of person. You were not sure what had triggered Jungkook’s visitations, but you knew for a fact that the boy your body molded to so perfectly had been a mistake. Not for you. You had been his mistake. It was clear as day as you saw him next to his girlfriend kissing her publicly for all eyes to see. He made sure to mark his territory as he nibbled on her ear and whispered sweet nothings as they waited for the drinks to be prepared.

You needed to get out of here before they made their way back. You stood up shocking the guys.

“Actually, I have to go. Just got a message…a text one. It was nice meeting you” you said rapidly hoping it would suffice as an excuse to escape.

They all said their goodbyes as Yoongi offered to walk you out.

You accepted his offer not wanting to be rude. Thankfully, he knew his way around the area, and it did not even take a minute for the cold air of the outside to hit your skin, as an unconscious shiver made it’s way through your body.

Yoongi walked silently along side you till you made it to your car.

“Thank you” you said shyly.

“You are welcome sweetheart” he said giving you a full on smile. One that you were not expecting, for his demeanor and cold stare did not prepare you for the sweetest gummy smile to erupt from those pink bitten lips.

You smiled at him as you opened your car door. Before you closed the door, he slightly stopped it, causing you to raise an eyebrow curiously his way.

“Hey, I know we don’t know eachother and this is not my place, but Jungkook…..he is not the healthiest or most suitable companionship for someone like you…… None of us in the gang are. This is my business card. If you ever need anything please don’t hesitate to give me a ring” he said handing you a small white business card. Your eyes traveled down to see that he worked in some sort of music studio.

“If you think I should stay away, why give me your phone number??” You asked as you placed the card inside your wallet, not sure if it would be taken out again or thrown to the trash along with receipts.

“Because out of everyone in there…..let’s just say I won’t cause as much damage princess” he replied giving you a smirk goodbye as he walked away.

With a pounding defeated heart you started the engine and made your way back to your safe cocoon.

It had been 2 weeks and the 5th time the knocks of Jungkook slammed against your door in desperation. The temptation of falling into his arms was unbearable. The only thing stopping you from committing another sin amongst your bed covers was the small voice in your head reminding you that he was a stranger. You still knew nothing about the man you had shared countless of nights with. The severity of sharing intimacy with a stranger was brought up by the memories of that one night. You had not been the only one to soothe his pain. On the contrary, you were more disposable than those hello kitty band aids you had placed upon his skin. You were really nothing to him. Now that you had caught a glimpse into his world you knew you were but a prop in his life. One that could be replaced without too much sacrifice. You felt stupid. As much as you had told yourself over and over again that all that there was to your relationship with Jungkook had been sex, you knew otherwise as the ache in your heart amplified with every knock and call of your name you wouldn’t respond to. You were ashamed at how naive you had been by falling into the claws of a man who you barely knew the name of.

Silent tears traveled down your cheek as you heard his footsteps walk away from your door, clearly giving up once again. You continued the task of cleaning out your fridge, which had been crowded with groceries that you unconsciously started buying specifically for Jungkook’s visits. Most of it already expired due to your lack of cooking skills.

You were tired of feeling used. You wanted to retaliate. You wanted to feel free to roam the streets without the fear of bumping into the stranger who held pieces of your heart. A man that only dimmed you worthy of his touches once in a blue moon and in private where no one would witness what you two shared.

Determination surged your veins tainting the little common sense left in your neurons, as you held your phone and dialed the number in the white card that had been waiting patiently in your wallet to be of use.

A deep voice answered the phone making you hesitate for half a second.

“Yoongi, it’s (y/n) speaking. Don’t know if you remember me” you said trying to sound confident in your actions. Your voice betraying you by sounding higher than usual.

“Of course princess. How could I forget such a beautiful contrast to my dull daily life” he said chuckling. You could hear soft music playing in the background. “What can I help you with??”

“I need to get out. Have a change of routine or something. I feel like i need a change of scenery, stuff seems pretty boring around here”

“Are you sure??” Yoongi asked in a deeper tone.

“Yepp” you said over enunciating the P.

You heard Yoongi sigh in the other line “You have no idea what kind of dangerous waters you’re diving into”

“I’m a tough chick, don’t let my stature fool ya” you said trying to hide the nerves that had made themselves present after his warning.

“Ok, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…..What are you doing this weekend???” Yoongi asked caving into your request.

[smallpressdistribution]

7 TITLES LANA DEL REY WOULD LOVE (AND LOVE TO HATE CAUSE SHE’S A GEMINI)

IN THIS WEEK’S SPDCLICKHOLE by Maya Arthur

I am Maya, an intern at SPD this summer from Philly, and I proposed this listicle to my boss, Trisha and surprisingly, she liked this idea!

My first week of interning at SPD, I found it. The book was titled Lana Del Rey: Her Life in 94 Songs About Love, Sex And Death and I found it while searching for another book (which was in a completely different aisle - I promise I got better, SPD). It was her eyes that lured me in and also the complete randomness of the title in the warehouse right in between two experimental poetry books. I immediately became obsessed. 

The author F.A. Mannan goes through every song in her discography from her first EPs to her latest album Honeymoon and analyzes them. He finds comparisons and continuity in songs, he shares factoids, he shares information most pop culture fanatics know about Lana Del Rey, but in a way that feels like it’s brand new material. It’s not particularly fresh, but a whole book dedicated to it is so exciting and surreal. Its existence has blown my mind. It’s simply just a book dedicated to describing Del Rey songs, in short, succinct paragraphs (usually one, sometimes the song grants two). It’s an easy read and since finding it, I have solely been listening to Lana on Spotify, watching her music videos on loop, and reading all the fan blogs. 

I don’t know her, but I’m so proud of her. That’s how quickly obsessed I’ve become. But truly! She has grown so much from her “Born To Die” past - she now has a “Lust for Life.” She put it in a song so it’s gotta be true. I wonder if this new look at life means she’s reading a lot and discovering new books - so I thought up of this listicle to find what SPD books Lana would love and also love to hate (she’s a Gemini so she def hate-reads).

Thank you F.A. Mannan and Eyewear Publishing for igniting my fire. Thank you to my boss for giving me a platform to project a lot.

Here are seven titles Lana Del Rey would love to read (and of course, love to hate read). 

1. Pigeons and Pussy, William Minor, Shearsman Books

Let’s just do a comparison of writing from Pigeons and Pussy and Del Rey’s iconic Cola.

“My pussy tastes like Pepsi Cola

My eyes are wide like cherry pies

I got sweet taste for men who’re older

It’s always been so it’s no surprise”

Cola, Lana Del Rey, 2012

“Pussy is not rooted in the world of prose

it is rooted in the world of pussy. The poetry

of pussy is in the presentation of pussy.”

William Minor, Pigeons and Pussy, 2013

Wow. They go hand and hand. Cola as prose and Pigeons and Pussy as its explanation, as it’s analysis. Pussy is in the presentation of pussy. And that pussy is like Pepsi Cola. I wonder if Lana was using Pepsi Cola as not only a sugary caramel drink, but also like . . . American capitalism. Yeah, let’s go with that. Also, I can imagine Lana liking pigeons. I feel Lana likes the perception of things and people so she would like the notion of pigeons and its stigmas – how they are “rats with wings,” the underbelly of the bird world. Then she’d be like, “But WE created this hierarchy.” We being society, that is.

2. I Am Not Ashamed, Barbara Payton, Spurl Editions

Barbara Payton was one of the biggest stars in Old Hollywood. She had many famous suitors, had starring roles and was living the opulent lifestyle. Her fame grew so quickly and fervently, it seems Barbara couldn’t catch up in a way. Consumed by alcoholism and a heroin addiction, she resorted to prostitution in her later years before her death of heart and liver failure in 1967. I Am Not Ashamed is brash and confessional and simply unashamed – everything Lana wants to be and show to her audience. This title is definitely canon for Lana.  

3. Sex and Death, Ben Tanzer, sunnyoutside

THE PERFECT COMBO FOR LANA. Tanzer’s book is one of paradoxes – fidelity and infidelity, anxiety and confidence, passion and apathy. It makes me wonder – is sex and death symbiotic? Writer Ben Tanzer does not answer that question, but shows that sex seems to always be around death and death seems to follow sex. Maybe they are frenemies, acquaintances, coworkers eating lunch in the same break room, but different tables. Lana Del Rey states she “fucked her way to the top” to achieve more stardom, more attention. I feel like she’d write a complicated song about how sex sometimes leads to death which leads to more life after reading this book on a private jet.

4. I Love You Forever, No Matter, Robert Fitterman, Counterpath Press

A collection of found material about love with lines like “This is me, and this is my story” and “The heart wants what the heart wants.” Lana would love it. How it shows that love and the lines we use to state love are so universal and collective. She’d use a line as a lyric and chuckle when she sings it to a crowd.  She would have to agree - those lines are saccharine and a little corny, but true.

5. Geography of Love and Exile, Susannah Simpson, Cervena Barva Press

Many of Lana Del Rey’s songs explore love, but specifically the intensity of love. In her music, there exists a love so intense for someone that It ends up ostracizing and exiling them. The strong, forceful (Lana would say passionate) want to belong would ultimately produce a reticence from people. Or no matter how much attention and support one receives from others, they are still lonely. Susannah Simpson’s poetry in Geography of Love and Exile is a transitory experience. The journeys of love and belonging are vaguely ended, lost, stolen, cut short, dismissed, et cetera. Similar to Lana Del Rey’s songs of wanting – there usually is an end that is unsatisfactory, but that is the very nature of love. Ahem, that’s what Lana believes anyway.

6. Death and the American Dream, Daniel Cano, Bilingual Review Press

I must state this – Lana Del Rey is problematic. And saying celebrities are problematic tends to instigate a cutting off//doxxing//cleanse from the public, but I feel that Lana Del Rey is a person that would recognize all the vices of our current world and politics, undergo a Katy Perry-esque “white woman woke” stage in her life and would be down to read this book to cleanse herself from her fake chola days. Her short art film Tropico was a bad concept. This title has a great concept! It revolves around the life of Mexican emigrant Pepe Rios, a Spanish-language reporter lurking through an underground Los Angeles to uncover the truth about his best friend’s death. Author Daniel Cano shows that life isn’t a Horatio Alger coming-of-age book (and to be frank, never was).

7. The Fall of America: Poems of These States, 1965-1971, Allen Ginsberg, City Lights Publishers

I had to add Ginsberg. Lana would be too cool for Howl (again, she’s a Gemini). Many of her songs are about the idea of the American Dream. She attempts to subvert, although her lyrics are very literal. And she still posits herself as the Dream, the embodiment, literally she is a National Anthem. Maybe she’s saying that’s the fall of America? We focus on facades and outer appearance more than anything? I’m not sure.

She wouldn’t particularly like the book. She’d probably hate it. It’s more out of an obligation to her aesthetic. Her persona is American self-deprecation in a snazzy cover and this title fits the bill.

All books available here at spdbooks.org.