#help i sound like a 'im not like other girls' im a 20 year old man...

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

"I'm packing for a trip," I say, "gotta sort out my priorities, limited baggage..."

*proceeds to contemplate how few clothes i can live with in order to pack as many books as possible*

[britneyshakespeare]

you know i don't bring this up as a light anecdote because it involves me being talked about in really perverted ways behind my back. but when i was like 20 i was part of this large group of friends that was mostly a bunch of guys, and a couple of girlfriends. and the energy if you were a girl starting to hang around them was like. "ok, so who are you gonna hook up with/date?" and it didn't last long bc of course when the answer ended up being "well none of you," the patience they had for me evaporated. lol. so i was being talked about among literally every single one of them behind my back in a gigantic group chat, of like literally everyone in the original group chat (including the ppl who never fucking used it, and it was over twelve people) minus a few other ppl they didn't like, decidedly. and eventually one of my GOOD friends (that i am still friends w to this day) told me about it and then there was the whole drama of people not being able to accept consequences for their actions, not owning up to being cowardly bullies, etc... yawn yawn yawn. truly that was some stupid middle school shit from a bunch of immature ppl that i didn't really take to heart. not the guys, anyway. i was honestly very hurt by a couple of girls who partook in it though, that i thought genuinely liked me and who i genuinely liked in return, so that was shocking to me.

but anyway. after this all happened my sister went OFF on this one guy in particular. bc he had been a nuisance before. he was a slimy creep honestly. i used to feel a lot of pity for him bc i thought he was just sad and wanted attention but that was just my 20-year-old nonsense brain way of interpreting it. he was incredibly annoying and would wear girls down, would hop from one girl to another week after week, each one not reciprocating his constant desperate flirting and lovebombing. and there was a joke he participated in about me and my (also queer, female) friend that was particularly crossing a line. so kaily just ripped this guy a new one when he went to try and offer an explanation. like imagine trying to even talk to someone after you just humiliated and bullied their sister... couldn't be me. like i was literally the one being bullied in this instant but i can't imagine the kind of white hot rage i'd be in if someone did that to my sister. you know? so yeah.

at the end of this rant kaily told him "go to hell." you know. like fuck off. go fuck yourself. go to hell. good old indecent words to throw out at someone you loathe, right? i'm literally ONLY bringing this up because i cannot stop thinking, all these years later, about how one of the girls who participated in it, and was the least apologetic about it (in fact weirdly a year later she came back just to taunt me again and tell me how much better her life is without me and how stupid i was for breaking up a 'wonderful' friend group?? yeah that sounds like the behavior of someone who is over it)... i don't remember where but someone told me she talked particularly about that message to that guy and said "kaily told (name) to burn in hell" like. like that whole time she interpreted my sister as like a conservative christian who was calling him a dirty sinner. bc presumably she had never heard the phrase "go to hell" in a non-literal context before, or just never understood it?? like that girl didn't necessarily strike me as incredibly bright or something, in the short time i knew her, but i never would've guessed she could be so dumb...

but for the record that pervert guy yeah he is gonna burn in hell.

[jacaerysw1fe]

wrong : ̗̀➛ Cooper Adams (trap) 🎀

synopsis: cooper is trapped backstage trying to find an exit without having to go through the police questioning. he is trapped, until he finds you. the perfect solution to his problem.

AN: this is my first ever post, and my first ever fanfic, so PLEASE be nice to me lol. I’m not a very good writer but i needed to put out a fic for cooper since there is literally only one other one!!! guys pls start writing for this hot man! okay thank you for reading goodbye!!🖤

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Cooper didn’t know what to do for the first time, he was truly trapped.

the security was checking at every exit even backstage. there was no good way for him to leave undetected from the fbi.

that was until he spotted her. lady ravens sister and assistant manager walking down the hall.

perfect.

“hey you’re lady ravens manager correct?” he asked trying to seem a little concerned

“oh yeah that’s me, can i help you with something? Hi riley, looked like u had fun up on stage” you winked at riley.

“i did i had lots of fun!”

“im glad to hear it! so what was it you needed…?” dragging out the last bit of your sentence to get his name.

“cooper, i just uh wanted to speak to you for a second. privately… please” he said in a low tone looking straight and deep into your eyes.

you assumed he wanted to speak to you about his daughters cancer so you quickly agreed “oh yes of course follow me to this room” you say as you walk quickly to a room down the hall.

once he follows behind u just a foot behind you he closes the door behind him. he glances around the room to look for any exits and sees none. great. it’s just a dressing room.

you lean against the vanity in the room patiently waiting for what he had to say tapping ur nails against the wood. he made you nervous for what ever reason. he had a dark aura surrounding him. cooper was a good looking man in his 40s, tall, dark haired and eyed. while you were about a foot and a few inches shorter than he was, you were only freshly 20 years old. you felt small compared to the man in-front of you.

“i need something from you.”

the eerie silence of the room making his words sound even more dark , than they had sounded coming out of his lips

you swallowed, throat bobbing, spit thick in your throat and mouth. “and what could that be?”

he stepped closer , foot after another, suddenly he was just a hairs length away from you. hands on either side of the vanity. his breath fanning slightly on the lower part of ur face. his dark brown eyes looking closely into yours.

Cooper looked closely at your face. your eyes still had a few specks of innocence, your youthful face that had a blush growing on it. oh how doe eyed you looked, looking up at him. He saw how your breathing starting picking up unconsciously. he was affecting you and he knew it.

he moved even closer to you, his thigh spreading your legs apart just enough to perfectly fit his leg. getting close to your ear he whispers “i need you to get me out of this place, and you know why and who i am so do not act stupid. no police. nobody. i know you are one of the only people they won’t check on the way out. get me out and no one will get hurt.” his hands slowly coming up to your hips as he slowly lifts you onto the vanity.

you let out a small gasp as he lifts you without any effort. he starts to move your hips in a perfect pattern against his thigh. your cunt rubbing just perfectly through your thin shorts onto his leg causing friction. you let out small whimpers at the feeling.

“that’s it good girl” he growls out.

you whimpered at that, burying your flushed face into the crook of his neck. inhaling his cologne. moaning quietly at what your body was feeling. suddenly he stops.

he gripped your hair and pulled your head out of his neck moving your face up close to his. both your lips parted and quick breathing becoming one. and then you surged forward crashing your lips onto his. the tall man groaned into the kiss gripping the inside of your thighs spreading them even farther to fit his own body between them. he could feel the heat coming from your clothed cunt. you were aroused and he knew it.

was this fucked up? yes. did you care? absolutely the fuck not. you needed him and bad. you hands wandered down to the waistband of his jeans. tugging at them.

cooper was so hard and he needed to get into your warmth as fast as he could. so he listened to your silent pleas and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants letting them fall down pulling his boxers down with them.

when you looked down you saw his length and knew it would hurt. but pleasure comes with pain and you knew you could take it so you quickly pulled down your shorts along with your panties.

he got even closer to you staring deep into your eyes as he let his fingers wander to your pussy. his fingers feeling the hot wetness of it dripping down his fingers. he lifted them up as he stared at you and put them in his mouth. moaning at the flavor of you.

you whined chest moving up and down at a rapid pace. with a broken raspy voice. you said “please…i need you”

“is that right my precious girl?” the smirk and arrogance in his voice was loud and clear.

you quickly nod ur head tears forming at the corners of your eyes. you needed him inside of you right now if not u might just die.

finally letting himself go he pushed himself into you. not letting you adjust to the feeling or pain he starting moving at a hard and fast pace. hips snapping up to yours.

you moaned loudly at the feeling of his dick perfectly filling you. eyes rolling into the back of your head. god he felt so good.

quickly gripping your throat so no sound could come out of you. the last thing he needed was for someone to walk in and see him sliding in and out of the assistant manager.

“so so tight baby” he groaned into your hair. taking in the sent of your shiny hair. taking in the sent of you.

tears starting coming out of your eyes at just the feeling of pleasure he was giving you.

you were about to come undone and he knew it too. he felt your cunt gripping his dick even tighter and deeper.

“i’ll let you cum if you help me get out of here sweet girl.” he moved his hand off your throat and placed his hand against your warm cheek. continuing to pound into you. the lewd sounds of his dick slamming into your wet pussy. euphoric.

you look into his eyes and quickly nod. “yes, yes, god yes!” you moan out to him.

“that’s a good girl” he leans down and kisses you deeply, tongue sliding into your mouth, teeth clashing together from the shared passion of you both.

at his words you felt the knot in your stomach coming undone. you were so done for.

“ i- i’m coming” you whimper out to him pussy trying to milk him dry.

“i know that’s it, let go, all for me” and that’s all you needed. you let yourself go. moaning out, chest arched into his.

when you came he let himself come undone, quickly pulling out and letting himself come on your thigh.

both of your breaths heavy and the air around you warm.

he let himself recover for just a second before he pulled his clothes back on. he reached behind you and grabbed a few tissues and wiped up your thigh and your pussy that was dripping your own pleasure.

he helped you get dressed before pressing a kiss to your lips.

“thank you sweetheart”

“of course” your breathed out still in a haze from your orgasm.

you walked out of the room him following behind you as lady raven was just speaking to riley.

you quickly smile at the both of them and then get down to riley’s level. “so riley how would you feel riding in the limo with me and lady raven?”

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

I HOPE U ENJOYED!! LEMME KNOW IF I SHOULD CONTINUE WRITING FOR HIM!! PLS COMMENT AND EVERYTHING🖤🖤🖤

[pearblossomrain]

a rather tired summary of my birthday gp (it's 4am the next day for me so...):

[p.s. i missed last week's because it was at 3am and i had work at like 9am 💀]

• wow this is kind of a terrible home race for perez 😭 it's so bad i genuinely feel sorry for him cos this is just not it at all

• lap one crash oh real racing is so back....no but genuinely did someone curse this gp bc i feel like we've had 10 red flags/crashes already???

• speaking of crashes it's a miracle they got george russell's car ready in time for qualis like that thing was BANGED UP

• being a yuki fan ain't for the weak like wdym top 3 in fp then out in q2 of quali and THEN a dnf?? i swear he's had more dnfs than anybody this season and it's not even his fault?? everybody and their mums crashing into him 😭

• anyways kudos to piastri from making it into the points after starting from hell alongside perez because of, you guessed it, yet Another collision/crash....maybe mexico should have hired a team of religious leaders to bless the track 💀

• the saubers managed p14 and p15 hey those are MY goats!!! (that team is in such a bad state i cheer every time they aren't last and im not even a fan)

• on the topic of goats....haas consistently being in the points was sure as hell not on my bingo but hey i'll take it?? good for them like they're driving a shitbox and a half but pulling that damn thing UP

• enough yapping onto the big issues like that 20s penalty??? that's actually kind of ridiculous like we used to have a 5s penalty for that EXACT thing why is it suddenly 10s and stacked.....fia really are just doing whatever they want i swear

• ferrari. SCUDERIA FERRARI. why did they make charles hold back?? you do that when you're very comfortably ahead and think you can easily hold on to ur positions not when a mclaren ROCKETSHIP is about to chase ur ass down?? girl u could have gotten a 1-2 two weeks in a row!!

• in other news rip to fernando alonso like dnf-ing on ur 400th race start and not even bc of racing but due to ur CAR is mental did somebody sabotage that thing 😭

• the rookies are kind of funny like liam lawson just picking up enemies left right and center omfg i support track terrorism all the time but the middle finger wasn't necessary tbh.....and colapinto oh my god seriously someone get him in a seat for next year he's so funny and delivering like come ON.

• at this point i sound like a college student trying to extend their essay and hit a word count but i genuinely did NOT realize gasly was somehow in the points until the end?? when tf did any of that happen. when did he start p8 am i just blind af??

• also already covered this separately but seeing the 2 mercedes suddenly fight had me yelling at my screen like GUYS WE HAVE BIGGER ENEMIES AHEAD WYDDD we can't have a british civil war!!!! 🤡

tldr; so many red flags and collisions i felt like i was going insane. also i am never staying up for another race again the latest i'm going is midnight and that's it 💀💀 maybe i'm growing old or something but im not built for late night watching help

[starluvsx]

★𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐜

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Proofread:kinda...not rlly

Wordcount:2266

WARNINGS:throw up/emetophobia , panic attack, crying, this takes place before they’re like famous or wtv.also this is very long.

A/N:ntm on the banner idk what happened😭

“Guess where I’m going tonight”I said to the boy I was on the phone with.my best friend Matt.he was playing video games while I got ready.probably not paying much attention to what I was doing but definitely listening.

“Where?” he questioned as his face twisted into one of frustration.most likely because of the game he was playing.

“I’m going to hailys party” I cheekily said.smiling just at the thought of what tonight would be like.

“Isn’t that like all seniors?” he asked, concern lacing his tone.even though we were both the same age he always acted like my older brother.

"uh yea, i'll be fine dont worry.im not gonna like get fucked by a 20 year old or end up passed out in the street.im a responsible person matt."i rambled on

"i know you are but- shit...seniors can be pretty intense sometimes" the boy on the other line explained

"ill be fine dude, ok anyways, what outfit do i wear?" i said while show-casing two outfits that lay on separate hangers.

"im kinda in the middle of something right now"

"i dont care, just look for a second"

"y/n i litterally cant"

"matthew bernard sturniolo turn your fucking head this direction and help me pick out an outift or i swear to God"

"ok ok jeez" he said as he hesitantly turned to face his phone screen. "i don't like either of them"

"oh fuck you" i said as i put my phone onto its back so i could change into one of the outfits.

✧At the party

a large smile was painted on my face as i swayed my hips to the beat of the music. I've never felt more alive.the freshly poured drink splishing and splashing around in the cup i was holding, small droplets finding a home on my wrist. despite this being me being only a junior i was mixing well with the crowd.not feeling awkward or like i didn't belong for a second

a tap on my shoulder stopped my movements abruptly.i turned around to where the feeling came from only to see the girl that i came here with, Serenity. she looked deepyly upset which wasnt usual for the cheerful girl. "hey sese, whats up?" i yelled over the loud music.im not even sure if she could hear me.

"i feel sick" serenity answered. i quickly grabbed her hand and bee-lined it to the bathroom.she had been drinking alot.way more then me.and i was sure that what she mean t by 'i feel sick' was 'im about to throw up' and i want that to be no where else but the toilet.for her dignity and my sanity.

i banged on the door of the first bathroom i came across. "occupied!" someone yelled from the other side, forcing me to practically drag serenity down the crowded hallway to another bathroom.once we made it to the white door i realized there was no point in knocking because i could hear two drunken people going at it as if it were their last night on earth.

panic began to set in at the same pace as reality.no more bathrooms in sight. shit shit shit i mentally cursed to myslef as i looked over at a half folded over serenity. "y/n i think im gonna throw up"the blonde girl stated

i quietly mumbled "no no your not, please don't, not here" but my pleads were to no eval as once the words left my mouth so did all of the drinks serenity had earlier.it was all over me.my shirt and jeans and even my white shoes. i screamed in panic. tears spilling out of my eyes almost automatically.

as my eyes darted all over the place i noticed the bathroom door where the couple once were fucking was now open.i put my hand on serenities back and shoveled her into the bathroom, careful not to touch any of the vomit on my shirt.she dropped to her knees and went head first into the toilet at the sight of it.the sounds making me gag internally.

i slid down the wall behind me and sobbed.not being able to escape the vomit.i pulled my phone out of my back pocket and opened my contacts.i was about to call my mom to pick me up before i looked at the time. '1:48' it read. she was most definitely asleep. the scrolled through my contacts looking for someone that could come pick me up.

'Matty boy' was the name my eyes locked on, not even waiting a second before calling him.the phone rang longer than i would've liked it to as i pressed it up to my ear. please pick up i mentally begged "hey y/n." a sleepy Matt said on the other line.

i wasted no time "Matt please-please come get me"i choked out through cries.

"what?whats going on?are you ok?"he asked.now sounding more alert and awake

"serenity threw up on me and i-i don't know what to do.please just come get me.please Matt"i begged through the phone.tears sprung out my eyes and rolled down my face, leaving marks of dripping mascara to stain my cheeks.

"ok ill be there in a few minutes.wheres serenity now?"Matt asked.i hadn't even noticed her.i looked down from the ceiling i was staring at and locked eyes with her body.

"she's passed out...o-on the bathroom floor"i slowly got out.

"ok y/n listen to me very carfully,i need you to call haily and tell her serenity is in the bathroom passed out and that you need a chnage of clothes okay?do not leave serenity there." the boy on the other line stated very seriously. i mumbled a small 'okay 'before Matt began talking again "ill be there in a few minutes, don't move from the bathroom."he said before hanging up.silence now filling my ears.

✧Some time later

serenity was now gone after being taken to hailys room so she could sober up.i have a change of clothes on, some large sweat pants and a 'the smiths' t-shirt. although my clothes were now in the washer being clean from throw up, i couldn't get the thought out of my head.

this night, my first real party, had gone to shit.i was tried, scared, my makeup was ruined, my back hurt.i just want to go home. then as if my thoughts were read a knock came at the door. "come in"i lightly shouted.

as soon as the door opened and matt was visible i sprung up from my spot on the floor.hugging the boy before either of us could say anything.sobbing into his shoulder. "its okay.its okay.im here."the brunnete boy said into my hair

he held my back as we walked through the sea of people in order to make it to the exit.drunken others staring at us we walked by.i grabbed my coat which had somehow not bee touched the whole night, a dark blue zip up hoodie.i felt goosebumps go up my arms a I put it on.

the cold air hit my face unexpectidely.the winter weather sending shock through my warm body.a smile krept onto my face for an unidentified reason. i brought my arms over my chest and folded them. "why are you smiling?"matt asked while looking over at me.a smile on his face aswell

"i dont know" i answred with a small giggle.once we finally made it to the car i hobbled myself into the front passenger seat.the car was practically silent as he put the key in the ignition and started it.not much being needed to be said.

Once we pulled out of the carefully chosen parking spot I advised Matt to not drive me home seeing as my mom would probably kill me.a small hum of approval being the only noise to come from him.

This silence was soon followed up with an unexpected “thank you”from Matt. “For calling me when you needed to and not being stubborn”he clarified

A vocal response didn’t seem to fit the situation so I simply nodded in acknowledgment. “My parents are actually out on vacation so there’s no harm in you staying the night by the way, went to Maine or something.” He began to speak.I didn’t respond.only looking out the window infront of me.

“So what was it like?your first senior party?”the driving boy asked as he focused on the road infront of us.the street lights and cars illuminating his pale face.

“Well besides being thrown up on and having a whole panic attack it was pretty good.the drinks were alright and a few guys hit on me but besides that it was just alright”I answered his question.

“Not everything you dreamed of?”matt asked teasingly. Shaking my head no in response “Bummer.well now you get to spend the night with me” he continued as we pulled into his driveway.i never realized how close he lived to Haily.

Once we entered the house I was met with Chris sitting at the kitchen table. “Woah what happened to you”Chris asked.looking up from his cereal and phone.

“A party” I weakly answered.

“Oh is that y/n?”Nick asked from the couch as he turned his head around to face me. “Hey baeee, had a rough night?”he greeted and questioned.

“Rough Night is the understatement of the century”I grumbled as I opened their fridge searching for water.

“You went to hailys party right?yea those seniors are crazy.are those your clothes?”Nick rambled on.

“No these are hailys,serenity threw up on me.”I casually answered,shuddering at the remembrance of what happened.I stretched my arm out to grab the advil in their top shelf.

“Oh gross.you sleeping here tonight?”chris chimed in and asked.

“Yea, no point in going home and getting my ass beat.”I exaggerated

“Where you sleepin?”chris asked again

“Not with you, last time you punched me right in the boob, painful as fuck.”I retorted as I swapped the pills and water.

“Dude it was an accident!i was sleeping!”he answered as he threw his hand sup in defense.making me giggle.

“Not taking any chances”

“Well you can’t sleep with me.”Nick stated suddenly

“Why?”

“My bed is fucking lopsided and I have to sleep on the couch till it’s fixed” Nick said

“Just sleep in Chris’ room”

“He fucking attacks me in his sleep!”

“What about Matt?”

“He’s up too late for me, I need my eight hours but I guess this kid only needs 8 minutes” Nick answered my few questions causing me to lightly laugh

“Ok then I guess I’m sleeping in your room Matty boy”I said, turning to the boy who had just been listening to this conversation silently.

“Ok then cmon,I’m going to bed right now”he tiredly said as he walked in the direction of his room.

“I find that hard to believe”Nick shouted from his place in the couch.

I hugged Chris and Nick before following Matt into his room.

Upon opening the door I saw Matt face down on the mattress. “Jeez I didn’t think you were that tired” I joked as I sat down on the bed next to him.the calming blue led lights coloring us and the rest of the room around us.

He turned his head sideways to face me “I’m always tired”he mumbled.I situated my body so I was now laying next to him more comfortably.we then gradually moved ourselves to face each other while laying on our sides.his eyes staring into mine deeply.

"your beautiful" I whispered under my breath. ive always though Matt was attractive.not in a sexual way but the same way I think Alahna is pretty.but tonight was different.the way the blue lights bounced off his face, and how his messy hair rested almost perfectly on his forehead, or maybe it was how his dark, tired, eyes never seemed to look scary or weird on him.nonetheless he looked a way I don't even think I could describe if you put the words out in-front of me.

"your angelic..." I found myself say as my heart was taking action before my brain.i brushed some hair out of his eyes delicately with my fresh painted nails.he didn't respond, only giving me small smile.i caressed the side of his face with the back of my hand.tracing his facial structure.

"I love you" he abruptly said.the three words causing blood to rush to my cheeks rapidly.my heart besting faster almost as if on command

"I'll always love you more"I solemnly said.not exactly wanting to see his reaction to my words i moved in a little closer and closed my eyes.curling up and grabbing the covers.to my surprise though, after a few minutes I could feel his arm sake over my body and pull me closer.my head resting under his chin lightly.

then we fell asleep peacefully.silently hoping that if we were to never to wake up again that we stay together in the next life

[madelineswrld09]

bubblegum and gasoline- bill kaulitz

synopsis- Rumi, a 20 year old russian girl, lives in germany in a highrise apartment in the center of berlin. one night she visits berlin's most famous race track.

warnings- underage drinking, smoking, swearing (will be smut, etc is other parts of story.)

A/N- comment if i should post another part :) this is set during bills 2009-2012 eras you pick

part 1- off to the races

I woke up to the sound of cars swerving through the autobahn. it was about 5 in the afternoon and i had just woken up from a nap. my brunette hair was messy and my bangs were greasy. i still smelled of a cheap perfume from last night's outing. my friend lilya had stayed over, and was sprawled out on the floor of my cold apartment. i tapped on lilya's shoulder in an attempt to wake her. " u up?" i ask. "sure" she woke up and stretched her arms. we both looked sickly and had dark purple circles under our eyes because we were hung over. 

lilya had invited me to go to the racetrack with her boyfriend and some friends. i get a trill out watching the cars speed past me, the whole experience gets me going. 

i reluctantly get up to shower. i enter my bathroom, "jeez" i whisper under my breath. i look like shit. i turn the water on and step into my shower. 

after my shower i dry my hair and put on a beige cargo skirt and a brown leather jacket. lilya helps me put a small braids on each side of my hair. for shoes i lace up my adidas campuses. lilya doesn't even bother to take off her makeup from last night, she just touches it up. she wears a pair of ripped jean shorts, levi 501s to be specific and a leather racing jacket. her blond hair compliments her olive skin. i spray on my cherry perfume and pop a piece of bubblegum in my mouth and in my leather bag i put a lighter, some cigarettes, perfume, my flip phone, and pack of original bubblegum. 

"so what's the racetrack we're going to again? and how are we getting there?" i ask lilya. "well it's called adria international raceway, aka AIR. it's super cool, most famous people and high status nascar drivers go there. my boyfriend matteo and his friends are picking us up in a bit. "sounds good." i say. my hangover is still pretty bad but i can't resist a night out. me and lilya smoke a cigarettes outside my apartment while we wait for matteo to come and get us. it's about 6:00 now, and 90 degrees. matteo speeds onto the side of the rode and we hop in his ferrari. he is accompanied by me and lilya's friends Katelyn, Katrina, francie, Lukas, and adrian. i sit on katrina's lap since it's crowded. 

as we speed through the autobahn, crystal castles blasts on the speakers and my hair is caught in the wind. i soak in this euphoric feeling. we pull into the race track and find a spot on the bleachers close to the racetrack. Matteo has friends that race so we get good spots. i sit on right of Katrina and lilya. 20 minutes has past. over the speaker, the race caller anounces, "willkommen to adria international racetrack. he is calls out all the racers as they line up. 1..2..3.. go! the race caller announces over the loud speaker. i pop the bubblegum in my mouth as i watch the cars speed past me. the wind catches my hair. i smell of gasoline, bubblegum, and cherry. 

a hour has past since the race started. lilya and katrina went off to get some food and talk to the hot racer guys on the side lines. i stay and stand up to flim on my disposable camera. my brunette bangs blow in the wind and i can see my skin start to tan. i blow the bubblegum in my mouth. to my right, a man with black hair and eyeliner stands  beside me. i turn my head, while still blowing my gum. he had a perfect side profile, and smelled of a sultry vanilla and gasoline. "im bill" he says. his eyes on the racetrack. "rumi" i reply. "first time here?" he asks. "first time at AIR." but not my first time at the races. i say. i turn my camera off to stop filming and put it in my bag. he turns his head to look at me. "nice jacket you have on" he complimentes me. "thanks, i like your outfit. i say." his eyes are a dark brown, his skin is pale. he's wearing jeans and a leather jacket. he smiles back at the compliment. "who u here with?" he asks. "some of my friends. i point to matteo, francie, luka and adrian who are passing a bottle of vodka around. my other friends lilya, katrina and katelyn went to get food. 

bills pov

she smells of bubblegum, cherry and gasoline. it attracts me, a feeling of euphoria rises against me as her scent blows in the wind. her brunette hair and wispy bangs flow through the wind. my brother tom and band mates gustav and georg are flirting with the girls over on the far middle of the bleachers. i pull out a cigarette and take a puff. "my brother n band mates are over there" i say. "band mates?" she asks. "yeah, heard of tokio hotel?" 

rumis pov

holy shit. i'm so hungover i didn't even realize i was talking to THE bill kaulitz from tokio hotel. i act calm and try to pretend i don't really know him. "shit, yeah ive heard of you guys, i love your music!" i say trying not to freak out. "thanks, he says warmly blowing out his cigarette smoke. 

lilya, katrina, and katelyn come back. when they see that i'm with bill, they siltenly try not to freak out. "bill, this is lilya, kat, and katelyn, i indrodude them. "yes, we know who you are, kat laughs." bill smiles. "nice to meet you girls." the girls and the rest of my friends stand by me and bill getting drunk off of vodka. "wanna meet my brother tom and my band mates?" bill suggests. "yeah sure!" i reply. we walk on the side line to where they are. i watch bills side profile as he walks. something about him just gets me going. 

[mikuyuuss]

Waaaah~! Thank you for reblogging my ask game, Unni!

Since you're open to answering questions, can I ask 4, 18, and 20 for Akari?

AHHH thanks for the ask as always Erika!!

4. Why did you give them the name they have? Whats the in universe reason for their name?

Im gonna be honest IM BAD AT NAMING THINGS 😭😭 So I happen to choose Akari because it's a common girl's name and it sounds pretty (surely if it's a common name it won't have a weird meaning RIGHT???!!!) At first I was scared bc apparently the "aka" in akari can also mean red which like, Akari's obviously not a red girly 😂

But her name actually ended up having a beautiful meaning to it (Thank God) The "明" in her name stands for "light" or "brilliance" I believe. Coincidentally, I also have "明" in my name too. I believe it's associated with smartness (at least in chinese culture) So I believe Akari was given that name by her parents because she is the light in their life, and they want her to grow up as a brilliant person.

18. Imagine meeting your oc what would you imagine you'd say to them or do with them

It's gonna be SO messy and complicated if she knew that I created her. In all seriousness I don't think Akari would like me at all. Anyways that aside.. If things were a little simpler, I'd love to just hang out with her, play dress up and do cosplays and other fun stuffs. I could give her words of encouragement about the things that I wish I could tell myself too, but in reality I think I will just go :

She can do it because she's fast and I'm as slow as a turtle.

20. Share a random piece of trivia about the creation of your oc (scrapped idea or changes you didnt expect to make)

This is her old design:

Initially, her vibes was a lot darker and edgier, but somehow she got softer and pinker the more I drew her.

Tbh Akari looks way cooler here, but her design feels a little messy. There were many cool ideas but nothing came out of it. In the end she's just kinda there. I originally wasn't gonna ship her with Giyuu bc I was a giyuu x shinobu shipper back then and thought they would be canon XD (I just prefer them as bros now) It doesnt help that I was so busy with school and its the pandemic, so my creative juices were little to none. But one idea that has always stayed is Akari having a good relationship with the girls, especially Mitsuri. After that I forgot about her...

Then I took a year off university, so more time to draw. I was on my way to moving on from kny, until I saw the swordsmith teaser and was like "Okay this show helped me get through pandemic, why not post some art to pay tribute at least." one art became more and suddenly I realized I wanna revisited Akari again bc omg this oc has so much wasted potential I need to fix this 😱 Guess I wont be moving on from kny soon 🤡

I thought about different breathing styles, illusion, star breathing etc. I decided that Akari is a battle seamstress character so I thought of silk breathing bc you know silk but I was like: "ok shes a seamstress who does seamstress powers?? thats it?? she needs something more specific" Eventually I settled for Camellia flowers bc I think its perfect for her in every way.

[not-a-big-slay]

Until it doesn't hurt

kaz brekker x fem!reader

summary:betrayal leaves some wounds behind, but even more questions when you can't figured out from whom it really came from.

warnings: violence, cursing

type: fluff

part: 12/13

previous part: part 11 masterlist

a/n: please, please, PLEASEEUHH im SO SO SORRY! it has been almost a FUCKING YEAR SINCE THE LAST CHAPTER?! HELLO?! WHO TF DO I THINK I AM? i need to keep myself in line cuz this aint normal! i have been hiatus for soo long i need to pull it together. anywayy, its finished finally. its long ahh hell and im gonna be working on another part immediately so it wont be another 50 years dw. dont mind any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language and i have written one half of this in 2023, so i really dont feel like redoing it lol. i dare you if you can recognize where exactly i picked this draft up again. anyway, pleasee enjoy!!

also, sike, its not the last part hehe, there will be part 13 AND an epilogue

taglist (hi yall :'))

@chickencouncilrep

@venomsvl

@happy-nico

@twlegit

@ravenmedows

@blathena

‎

She had lost again.

That would be the third time tonight. Her change was getting thin and she predicted it would take one more game before she had to go kill someone for free again. So much for making a ton of money with this job. The girl watched her opponent spoon the coins from the table with one hand, laughing: "One more game and I'll have to dig up another grave, Y/N." Others laughed, so she wasn't the only one thinking that after all. It was logical, she really had to stop playing with grown men, they wasted away their old nights playing poker at this very table and she had other, young people things to do. It would be wise to get up and leave, no one would judge her for that. They would maybe even cheer her on, finally making a rational decision, no one ever seen that before when it came to her. Yet the thought of doing so was being blocked by a high indestructable wall, one that never goes away and will only be built higher.

If she does leave, she has to go home.

Her mother is probably fast asleep already, it is possible she could go to bed unnoticed and leave early in the morning. This option she used very little as Y/N never wanted to come back there. A year ago, after her mother left her blood soak through the wooden floor, Y/N made promise into her scars that she will never lay eyes on mother again. She successed in that for a year so far, becoming a hitman that was quite infamous in town. But her fame started growing from mockery, as she was really addicted to poker.

Her eyes gazed on Tim, the cemetary worker, the buryer as she liked to call him. He was one of the granpas at this table, but one of the peaceful people in town. He never wanted her to kill, just to help him with his work, although Y/N hated it more than the murders, she didn't like the aftermath of her work. Tim, being satisfied, started organizing the coins on the table. No, she cannot go home tonight.

"So what's it gonna be, kid?" asked the other player, Miyka. Her green eyes stared on Y/N's face, her wrinkles scrunched in excitment. Oh, how she hated all of them. The girl faked thinking about it before tossing dramatically her last money onto the table. "I bet 20." It didn't sound as good when she started that low, but it was all she had left. Intstead of the usual giggle and witty lines and jokes they threw her way before following up on her bad choices, they sighed, almost in dissapointment. It frustrated her, it seemed like they cared what she does instead of what amount of money she holds. It seemed like they cared about her. A wave of fear pushed her like a tsunami at this thought. People that cared ended up hating her, hurting her.

"What!" she snapped. Miyka looked at Lios, her brother, in concern, while Tim silently reorganized his coins. She looked around the table, frown getting deeper and frustration blooming wider. What was wrong with them. "Well, Y/N" Lios began, "We are just kinda...worried about you. That's all." Miyka took the word next- her previous question has been an obvious tease, the girl was dissapointed. "You clearly have nowhere to go, so you are spending your time here which is.... we get it, but." She sighed, trying to find the right words. "It's not good." Tim helped her and smiled at Y/N as if it would calm her. It did not in fact, she felt more and more anxious about their care, anxious situations made her angry. She wondered why she didn't kill them all instead of those free targets, she would never have to pay another debt again, because there would be no poker players left to play and her addiction would dissapear. "So that's it, huh? You ain't gonna play because you are scared I could actually win?" she said in her defense. Nonsense, she knew, but her heart was sweating and she was glad it didn't blow up yet. "We just care, Y/N, that-"

"Care?! Remind me Lios of just how many people I killed for you, then talk about caring for someone's life!" she spat as she stood up. Lios was more than content to her way of paying, she had no idea why he apparently cared when he could have another enemy at his feet if he just played one more game. Miyka tried to calm her down, touching her hand softly only for Y/N to flinch, hard. Her vision began to blur, the floor shook beneath her and sweat poured on her face. It was like the room was on fire, but she was the only one feeling it. Other people at the pub, being entertainted by the game or simply just hanging ot there, looked worried, some even disturbed by her behaviour.

What was happening to her?

She leaned on the table with her palms, the wood trying to ground her as she closed her eyes to not feel theirs. Voices of the players echoed her head as sounds in a cave and they felt distant, but still could make her more nervous with their caring attitude. They soon fell in whispers, driving her insane. Then, she caught one voice that silenced all the muttering, it was clear, quiet yet she felt as if its breath was in her ear. "Why play, when you can take a life for the exact amount of money laying on this table?"

She recognized the voice, it belong to the fourth player, Haltt. His voice was known only in the game. Hearing him say a sentence was unusual and therefore very powerful. It was deep, low, hard. It had authority and respect and it didn't need to ask for it. He had everyone's attention, he controlled the room with only his silent voice.

Y/N's eyes looked into his dark ones, she had to find them in the shadows floating around him, as if he commanded to them as well. "What are you saying?" she asked carefully, not knowing why. Haltt observed the table, his salt-and-pepper- although more salt than pepper- short beard surrounding his mouth as it counted the cash, then let out a little chuckle that brought goosebumps to everyone close to him. "920 Neredi. Being a hitman, a respectful hitman, would make this amount your pocket change." He grabbed the rest of her money she threw on the table and looked over to Tim. The buryer shook his head hesitantly, knowing what Haltt wants to do, but all it took was the man's neutral gaze for Tim to fold. Y/N watched him slowly scooping the money and anger took over. She pinned his hand to the table, not looking away from his face. She could hear people drawing breaths in fear, but she was free from all the anxiety now, she was grounded by his scary presence, she liked it even.

Haltt's head slowly turned to her direction, his eyes creating a straight path to hers, his eyebrows climbing up as he said softly: " You want this?" When she didn't respond, he stood up, took her hand off of his gently, not letting go as his freed hand reached behind his back, pulling out a gun. She observed quickly, it was an older model, it was small and only one bullet fit into it- however she knew a man like Haltt would only ever need one bullet- he then rotated her hand and placed it in her palm. He released her only when she seized it. Y/N let her hand warm the handle before looking up at Haltt again. "Then go make it." he finished his statement and sat back down in the shadows. Y/N checked the inside of the gun and she confirmed her knowledge about it.

She scoffed. "One bullet" Haltt nodded as if he answered to her statement. "That's all you need, I know your skills." his glass clincked when his rings touched it, raising it to his lips. She waited until he drank the remainings of his whiskey, having the suspision he might continue. "You kill the target, you'll get double of this." Her surprise was voiced by everyone around her, gasping and unbelievably whispering. Lios looked at Haltt, telling him he cannot do this. But Haltt only looked at her. "No one here wants you to play. You made them care, something a hitman shouldn't do." She squeezed her free hand into a fist, knowing his eyes are reading her like cards on the table. He leaned in: "Take your reputation back, make them fear you instead." he said quietly and it seemed only she heard it. He retreated back into his seat, letting her simmer in his words.

She knew people stopped perceiving her as a threat, a force to be reckon with, a fearful killer, and started to look at her as a 15 year old that sometimes threw tantrums. People smiled at her, old men laughed at her when they drank beer at the bar, as if she was their granddaughter doing silly things. Once, she was feared, but now she behaved like an old woman trapped inside a teenage body with gambling addiction and alcoholism. Everyone treated her as a kid she never was, but Haltt seemed to remember who she was 6 months ago, to trust her potential, her skills she never lost, but used them to not drown in debts, not to her job. She suddenly became so connected to him, she was hypnotized. The sound of the chatty room blurred again as she explored the gray ocean behind Haltt's eyes. He let her, grinning as he watched her back straighten and her nose breathing in deeply. Then came the question:

"Who is the target?"

Halt's smile stabbed through his cheeks as he answered.

-----------------------------------------------

Inej didn't allow herself a break until she got the that exact building Y/N told her to. She was nervous to say the least. If everything goes right, Pekka Rollins will be dead. It was unbelievable to even think about. The moonlight caressed her back and the salty wind danced around her in excitment. Ketterdam is cheering for them, it will be better off without Rollins. She thought of ways how to carve his heart out, she wanted to make a heart-shaped hole, but it was too complicated making the curves, it would take too long and she didn't want him to die before she was finished. She needed something quick, but symbolic. After all, when the stadwatch will find his body, her work should be admired. Or Deln's work, she hated he will take credit for it, but it's definitely for the best.

Soon, the spider heard two sets of footsteps beneath her. She looked down carefully, confirming it's Y/N. In the dark, she couldn't much see her 'friend', but she could feel the disgust and fear Y/N had from above, suspecting he might not be an actual friend after all. Another secret of hers she wished to uncover after this is over. The way Jesper talked about this girl is riling up an interest in her. She wanted to get to know her better, her fate might not much differ from her own and she would like to hear her story, she would like to see why Kaz seemed to hate her so much. She also hoped Y/N will stay with them after this. For Jesper's sake and maybe for Nina's nerves as she looked worried about her.

As Y/N dissapeared into the alley, Inej grabbed her knife, Sankt Petyr, that she sharpened moments before. The wind picked up and she stood motionlessly at the edge of the building. She watched lightened windows in the Smeet Residence, hoping no one will think about looking outside tonight. The house reminded her of one she encountered at the southern colonies of Novyi Zem. It was in a horrible shape compared to this, but it was a haven for the citizens there, they admired it like people in Ketterdam admire The Exchange. It was luxurious given the state of the land.

Her train of thought stopped before it reached a station, because her ears picked up a subtle voice, then a laugh. The sounds got louder as they slowly approached her. Rollins must be pretty nervous of the meet-up if he talked to himself, or he was not alone. A slight panic rose in Inej's chest and she prepared to make the uninvited dissapear. If Rollins truly had some company, she would have to wait until he saw Y/N to take it out, otherwise he might see her and change his mind. If we won't do it, somebody else will brought out fire in her stomach. The girl was right, if they won't try the lovely dessert of revenge, others might eat it whole with no crumbs left. She suspected Pekka is the main character in many unfinished death threats and planned out vengeances.

The Wraith took a deep breath as her eyes closed, slowing down her rapid heartbeat filled with excitment. When she opened them, the bright windows from the residence, along with the dimmed lights on the streets aluminated two beings walking. One was definitely the leader of one of the most dangerous gangs in Ketterdam.

And so was the other one.

She silently gasped, panicking again, her heartbeat picking up. What the fuck is Kaz doing here? And why was he bent over with Rollins' hand around his neck. Even though they were right across her, Inej was oblivious to their conversation- well, monologue if she was more accurate- because she was way too busy feeling the plan fall apart. This wasn't supposed to happen, Kaz was meant to know nothing and then just cheer and celebrate once they'd be done. Why did he always took matters into his hands?.

When she came back to reality, they were almost in the alleyway. The spider quickly followed them, never taking her eyes off of Kaz's helpless form. Her hands always gently grazed any surface she incountered, her feet always landing on the tips of her toes, her moves inspiring every ballerina in Kerch, yet now her hands were sliding off roughly and she had to bent her knees to make the landing silent. Her fear of her friend manipulated her body and she almost fell over the edge when the sharp turn of the building made an appearance, luckily she awokened from the feeling and stopped herself.

She was above the meeting place now.

On her right was Y/N with the strange man. Y/N was anxiously pacing around, obviously worried as they all were, even the man next to her who stood still as a pole was taking almost unseeable shuttered breaths. When the girl faced her direction, Inej wanted to warn her of the unexpected turn of events, but she wouldn't be seen anyway. As it turned out though, she also wouldn't have the time to catch her attention in time as the target slowly showed up on her left side, Kaz still in his grasp. Up close she could see the knife he held to his neck, already cut into the flesh. The man on her right stopped breathing and tried to hide his widened eyes, Rollins smirked as he saw him, shaking his head in disbelief. But the tension really sparked up when Y/N finally saw them, her eyes instantly digging into Kaz, while his were already screaming at her. Only two words bound them all together as they appeared on every present mind.

Oh fuck.

---------------------------------------------

Silence started perhaps being uncomfortable for Deln, yet Y/N only cared about the boy 5 meters in front of her. He wore blood, a lot of blood. His face showed bruises for every Barrel rat and every drop of blood that fell next to his feet tore a piece of her heart. But the worst thing was his expression, it was no longer hateful, nor angry. His eyes sinked into her and they washed her with almost a relief-like feeling, like he was happy to see her, or maybe upset to see her here, in a dangerous street that will be painted red by more than one person. His gaze was soft, almost pleading her to either run away or get closer to him.

He was worried.

"I told you to come alone if my memory is still serving right." Deln began the conversation, dragging both of their attention to him. He earned a chuckle from Rollins and a response as he squeezed Kaz's neck, straightening him up: "Well, I thought I might get the lovebirds back together, eh?" The knife retreated back to his pocket, revealing a red line on the boy's neck. Y/N allowed herself to let one tear roll down her cheek as an apology to him. Pekka must have kidnapped him, because there was no other explanation on why was he present. Deln was confused, he didn't know Dirtyhands as far as she knew, nor about her time with Hertzoon. "Aw, look at 'em, already pining for each other." Rollins mocked and pushed Kaz off of his hand. Y/N had a hard time keeping it together.

Deln sighed annoyingly and the hitman was glad he kept the plan on track. It was hard to admit he was actually a big help to her. "Whatever, let's talk business shall we? It's cold tonight. Don't wanna be out late." he said offered and Rollins laughed in his face again: "What, gotta read the slaves a goodnight story?" If she wasn't still in shock from Kaz, the plan would skip to the killing part very quickly. "Well, not anymore since you took 'em all away, didn't you." the slaver stated and wiped the smile off of Pekka's face quickly. Y/N had to admit he played the role she made for him perfectly and let the conversation rest in his hands, as she continued to worry silently about the bloodied boy.

The Dime Lions' leader seemed to get upset about Deln's forwardness, he probably thought he could talk his way out of it with his disturbing charm. He put his hands on his hips and shrugged. "It ain't my problem you keep 'em in a dirty warehouse. I offered them a room with a comfortable bed and good money if they were willing to smile. That ain't no crime, lad."

"I'm not interested in your architectural opinion on my slave-keeping. I am upset you stole my property." Y/N was very invested in the conversation she almost forgot her role was against Deln. Her tied hands turned him to her side by the shoulder and pierced him with her eyes. "Don't speak of them like that." she warned and he simpy scoffed her off. It wasn't much, she must admit, but it was enough to voice her stand in this matter. "HA! And what do you think you'll be after we're done here? You will be lucky if I allow you to work in my brothel." the last sentence was a warning, he could be so much cruel to her, like he was in his house. She was present finally, all worry stepped aside to make space for the anger she held and the focus she held earlier tonight sat back down on her mind.

"You won't touch her."

Ready to speak, Y/N was taken aback by his raspy voice with scary undertone. He spoke to her like that, not long ago. It was almost unreal he was defending her. As much as it brought shivers down her body, Rollins was unfazed by the threat. "You can barely stand, boy. What can you possibly do to me." he stated the obvious and continued once he looked her way again. "Besides, she really isn't worthy of your protection." He put one foot in front of the other slowly, walking over to her. She was on alert, if she had the opportunity, she wouldn't wait anymore and strangle him with her tired hands and her desire to dig his grave. He stopped few steps from her and reached into his pocket again, pulling out something else than a knife this time. "Lost this?"

A thin, almost not visible in the dark, black string was held between his fingers. The bracelet she lost. The one Kaz gave her on the last day they saw each other. She lost it in Rollins' office. Her temptation to reach for it was unseen by Y/N as her first instinct was to look at Kaz, who also drowned in the vision of the string. She broke her promise, a childish one, sure, but it destroyed her still. It always served as a reminder of her failure. How she failed to warn him and Jordie, how she wrapped his heart around her finger without knowing it and allowed Hertzoon to shatter it. The girl promised herself to not mess up this promise, at least one thing she could keep. In the end, she lost it too.

How does she deserve to live after destroying all good in her life?

"Yeah, cruel isn't she? Do you really think she cares about you, or anyone for that matter?" he talked to Kaz that was still mesmerized by the sight in Rollins' hand. Deln was silently watching the scene, the situation out of his hands now, the plan off of track. "You don't know anything about her, boy-". " You're wrong." she interrupted him. He turned to her, waiting to elaborate, the string still lifted between his fingers as if he was trying to hypnotize them. "I told him everything." Y/N continued as she silently wished with the last bit of hope he would take the bait. He didn't:

"Everything, eh?" he echoed as he turned his back on her and focused on Kaz fully. As he reached his personal space, his hand streched to him, giving him the bracelet. The boy fixated on it, swaying with the wind due to his trouble standing on the one good leg for this long. Rollins watched him closely, feeling Kaz's hand taking it almost immediately. When his coffee-like eyes reached his snake ones, Pekka uncovered Y/N's lie:

"Do you remember Ms. Hertzoon?"

---------------------------------------------------------

"...You what?"

"Don't you dare be offended, you manipulated her and then left us. You're as bad as I am."

That made them punch her strongly in the stomach. Funny, Rollins wanted to watch her suffer, but was too lazy to torture her himself. They were on this for 2 hours now, or she at least thought so, she couldn't tell if the ringing was only in her ears. Rollins had her sit on a chair and then asked questions. The first were stupid and simple, almost like a small talk: Did she rob him, why is she back, when did she get back, etc. She earned 5 different punches in this round. Then the latter began. They wanted to know what happened after the con trick- as he called it- which resulted in her split lip and first blood drawn. Then another small talk, remembering all their time together and then, the truth. "Where is your mother?" it began and ended in countless of other painful things she couldn't be bothered to remember.

"How." he almost whispered, it was so dramatic that Y/N would laugh if she wasn't wheezing with every breath. "Oh, please. Like you care." she fully expected the hit for that one, though it still hurt like hell. "How!" he ordered her and watched her grow a grin with her painted-red mouth. She could still feel the little gun in her little hand, standing at the foot of her mother's bed. She watched her sleep for a moment before she truly aimed. Haltt was right, it did get back her reputation. He gave her the money and she counted every single coin to make sure it really was doubled. Fortunately, he was an honest man.

"One bullet was all it took."

To say she regretted it would be a lie, the biggest one in history maybe. She second-guessed it on her way home, sure, but she more doubted Haltt's promise than her actions. However, once she really saw her mother's chest rise and fall, nothing was easier than to pull the trigger. If she was a monster in her eyes, she would become one in her memory.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" was the last thing she heard from him, then her ears were filled with ringing and also pain when her nerves couldn't take it anymore. Everything went dark after a while, she was sure she couldn't breath and her eyes zipped themselves tightly, but even though she lost consciousness, she was sure she never stopped smiling while it lasted.

-----------------------------------------------

He always suspected some part of her story was left out, it would be unwise to tell him everything and she was not stupid. While Kaz did predict that something happened with the mother, he didn't expect this. He answered her eyes as they asked for connection and tried to assure them of his unchanged opinion. So what? He also done horrible things, they all have, especially Rollins. Such a hypocrite, that man. When he finished re-telling the story of Y/N's torture, he retreated from the boy's space, fortunately for him, because Kaz would have no hesitation in twisting Pekka's neck. Everything was silent for a while, the wind whispered cold around them as they all studied each other. Kaz looked at the building's roof next to them, seeing only darkness, but feeling her presence. He hoped that whatever Y/N planned to do with Inej would be useful. And what did he know, maybe this situation is going extremely well for them.

"Well, that is truly shocking, but unfortunetely, Y/N's dead mom won't solve this conflict. So let's solve it ourselves, shall we?" The slaver spoke and grabbed the girl next to him by the bicep, dragging her with him closer to Rollins. Kaz took a small, unnecessary step forward as a move to help her. Seeing Deln's hand on her made the water rise around him, he could feel her discomfort and felt it himself. They stopped and he threw the girl in front of him lightly, so she wouldn't fall, but aggressively enough, so she would sway. "Pay me for the slaves and she's yours, as promised." the boy's fist turned white at that, wishing he could hang Deln's organs at the lamppost. "Hmmm" groaned Rollins in thinking. "How much do ya want?"

"3000 kruge."

"Pardon?"

Deln rolled his eyes. "It was 100 slaves you stole from me, every slave is expensive and believe me, I'm giving you a discount right now." Rollins nodded at his explanation. At this point, Kaz thought about getting out of there. He was being ignored and would be forgotten in a while. Rollins couldn't see him, Deln could, but he doubted he would care. However, she could too, and his heart radiated an unfamiliar feeling at the thought of dissapearing without Y/N. If this situation happened with anyone else, he'd be already at the Slat, drinking shots and drowning in silence of his room. Dirtyhands planned the escape, Kaz refused to go through with it. He refused to leave her. "Alright, alright. How about this." Rollins spoke his thoughts. "I'll give you half of what they make me from now on and if you ever wander in the Sweet Shop, you won't have to pay." Deln was silent, but he was clearly concidering it.

"Huh? Sounds good?" Smiling Pekka streched out his hand and waited for a handshake. Every set of eyes watched Deln's movement, from his step closer, closer to Rollins, closer to Y/N, until he squeezed Pekka's hand, reflecting his expression. "That's a deal, then." said the robber. "Deal." said the slaver. Kaz didn't know what that meant and from the girl's face, he could tell the confusion was shared. Although, he truly realized this wasn't part of their plan after Deln quickly reached for Y/N's belt with the same hand that just closed a deal, pulling out a small gun, one that could barely fit a bullet, and aiming it at the hitman. She was frightened, taking steps back, but she didn't got very far when Deln grabbed her by the collar, holding her close to his body.

"Like mother like daughter."

He was instantly on the move, as fast as he could, trying to prevent what was about to happen. The bullet was faster though. Before hearing the gunshot, they heard Deln's scream. Y/N felt to the ground and Kaz was at her side immediately. His eyes panicking, trying to find the wound while his heart sounded the alarms and awakened fear. Not like this. He couldn't lose her like this. He soon found the gunshot and without thinking threw his hands to press it down. They never made contact with it, Rollins' knife already found its way back to his neck, pulling him away from her. "You didn't think I forgot about you, did ya?" he laughed in his ear before Kaz threw his head back, hitting him in the nose. The grip got loose and he turned around, sending his anger and frustration in his fist. Rollins tumbled and he kicked him on the ground, getting him closer to the place he belongs.

Deln moaned in pain and the boy finally saw the reason. Below his bent over form, a puddle of blood formed and in it swam his thumb, right above Sankt Petyr. The corners of his mouth lifted a bit, he couldn't remember how did he survive all this time without Inej watching over him and the crows, it made him grateful she is back for now. His eyes were set to find Y/N again, but he only saw a red trace from where she laid. She must've gotten away. Good girl.

He couldn't follow her steps, because Rollins already got up from the cobblestones, ready to strike. He breathed heavily, supporting the place Kaz kicked him in with his hand. He couldn't understand why Rollins always came back into his life. He tried to avoid him all his time in Ketterdam, yet life always brought them together. Or death, he wasn't sure, maybe they were destined to destroy each other. Pekka Rollins was like a mosquito bite: itching to be noticed and when Kaz does so, he feels a brief satisfaction before the itch comes back and is worse than before. He was also as annoying. It needed to be finished right here and tonight

The boy braced himself and waited on the mosquito's move, straightening himself. Little did he know, the shadow from above already closed in on the man. Kaz watched as she kicked his knee from the back and caught his hair, stopping him from falling fully on the ground again. Sankta Lizabeta could be soon visible above his heart, the tip waiting to be pushed in. Only then, Dirtyhands quietly sighed in relief.

"He still can't do it without ya, huh? Tell me boy, when will you start being a man and do things on your own?" Rollins mocked them as he recognized the face, which currently held the future of his heartbeat. Kaz limped slowly closer, feeling Inej's eyes on him. He lowered his head once he entered Pekka's personal space dangerously deep. "When my brother will get his revenge in hell."

As soon as the menacing words reached Rollins, his lips twitched up at the sight of Sankta Lizabeta slowly painting an imaginery outline of the man's heart, being applauded by his blood-curling scream. Inej wasn't the one for torture, but he could see the bit of joy in her eyes and the relief on her face. She deserved to be the one that would free Ketterdam from this parasite and he let her have it, already searching for the bloody trail Y/N left behind.

His eyes alerted him when they caught it and he began to follow the path, slowly, limping as Deln's whines cheered him on.

------------------------------------------------------

The stars were with her, sometimes changing their position or widening in her eyes as they waited to claim her. Salty waterdrops tapped her tired legs, reminding her of where she sat. She imagined death many times, it wasn't unusual for someone in her profession. She remembered Tim talking about the peace that comes with it, saying it is kind, so it would be easier for the soul to leave the body. For her, it was obvious. Everything would be kinder than life. However, nothing could prepare her for the last moments. Y/N realized that no matter how much you imagine it, it will always surprise you. The knowing that this is the last time she is going to exist in wasn't something her brain could comprehend. Maybe that was the mystery death held, that was the fuel for the fear in others, not understanding until it was too late.

Wind played softly with her hair while it kissed the bruises of her now untied hands, and she tried hard to feel everything at the same time. The clothes touching her skin, the numbness in her feet, her shaky breath as it entered and left her system, but mostly, she tried to memorize the pain in her stomache and the bullet inside her body. It was an intense feeling, so she wanted to feel it as much as possible, before it would fade and with it her heart.

The hitman got hit.

This is how her victims probably felt. She brought this feeling to numerous lives. Her mother felt this way too. Y/N couldn't decide if dying felt good or disgusting, but she could be certain it was lonely. Even if people surrounded her, it wouldn't be better. It was an experience for her soul, no one from the outside could empathize.

She wondered where her grave would lay as the slow footsteps got closer. Y/N heard him limp next to her and it seemed like the stars noticed him too, because they stopped moving once he sat down, as though they only wanted to be seen by her. He was visibly tired, still bleeding from his neck.

Maybe he was feeling the final presence too.

Maybe her starts would take them both.

Silence and the waves crashing made the space between them comfortable, maybe too comfortable for her liking. His breath was disrupting hers as it naturally tried to match the rhythm. The moment became so peaceful, she almost forgot about their history. It felt like nothing happened between them, they were just kids, sitting by the port, watching stars and listening to the ocean. They weren't Dirtyhands and Saskia. They weren't the Bastard of the Barell and Snowflake.

They were Y/N and Kaz. As they were always meant to be.

"Do you believe in faith?"

It felt like yesterday since he asked her that question. Every shared memory of them felt so close to her now, as if time was all messed up. Maybe death was already doing its job. Kaz was taking his time with the answer, breathing heavily, as if the air had to fill his words first before she could hear them.

"Yes...I do."

He exhaled, his low empty voice responding. Her lips lifted into a messy smile, her muscles were losing their power all over her body, but that didn't stop her from reaching into her coat and pulling out a folded, bloodied paper that her fingers swiftly grabbed from her slaver's back pocket before he could shoot her. It was almost bizzare, how a small, easily rippable piece made her revisit the demons of the past. She wondered if Deln wanted this all along. Maybe he wanted Rollins to kill her, so he could make his deal with him. Or maybe it was just faith, wanting to see how far she would go for a false sense of freedom.

"It doesn't mean anything." Y/N stated as she felt Kaz looking at the release paper. "I just needed proof that I'm not under anyone's influence anymore, but..." her eyes followed the ongoing waves. They looked like on a leash, as if someone released them, so they could explode onto the harbor's walls, only to pull them back again shortly after, reminding them they were still being controlled. It seemed torturous, humiliating. It looked like her. "...I will never be free of him."

Y/N couldn't look at the boy, even if his burning gaze could only be extinguished by an eye contact. He was right, she was a monster. She could see it now and she wouldn't hide from this fact. She would accept herself before her heart would stop singing. It was the least she could do with the very limited time, coming to terms with her own self.

The stars started moving again slowly as Kaz spoke: "He can't control you anymore..." His tone showed certainty. Inej had to claim her souvenir of revenge by now, but he still managed to squeeze out a scoff from the hitman. She couldn't believe he allowed himself to be so naïve. Rainbow won't repair the damage done by storm, same as killing Pekka Rollins won't erase his actions and the following conciquences. His influence made her do things beyond his leadership. It scarred her for life, and those scars bled onto others without the possibility to heal. She bled on him too. She killed his brother for fuck's sake.

"The things he caused precedes him." Y/N finally looked at Kaz, his eyes seemed to be glowing in her hallucinating mind. "I can't be changed." She whispered, knowing he would hear every single letter. The moon illuminated him perfectly. His features casted a soft look under its light and Y/N was glad this would be the appearence of him she would take to her grave. She was happy to become one of the stars that would continue to shine on him.

Suddenly, death seemed very pretty.

The girl saw his hand on hers before she could feel it. It was weirdly warm, even though he barely touched her. His eyes demanded her ears' attention as he spoke, slowly, so she could feel the words. "You don't need to be changed."

Her mind was confused. How could he even speak such things?

"I am a killer." she reminded him.

"Not by choice." he argued.

"I killed my own mother and enjoyed it." she was restless in making him hate her.

"Your mother's conciquences of her own actions." he dodged her attempt.

"I killed your brother." was when she knew she would win. It wasn't excusable. Nothing could possibly erase this from Kaz's mind, no apology was enough, she was certain. That was the reason she couldn't understand why Kaz's hand began to hold hers more tightly as his eyes studied the wound in her stomache, covered by her arm that desperately tried to prevent the blood from pouring out, but it became more and more hopeless. "You're dying and not doing anything about it." he aknowleged. Y/N smiled briefly, from pain and also from his slow understanding of her plan.

"I deserve it." she spoke weakly, every word felt heavy on her tongue and she was about to give in to their weight. He only observed her, as her body was slowly losing the ability to move, as her energy was being sipped by the waves below. It suddenly felt a bit scary for her, she was in the process of dying and it strangely ignited the last bit of her will to live.

Kaz did nothing, he only asked: "Why?" She looked at him, her eyes shooting fear. She guessed she would engage with every emotion before turning off. Maybe the nature granted this privilege to every person, so they would get to have the proper goodbye to their body.

"I never done anything good, I only brought pain." her lips responded, making Kaz nod slowly. Y/N gasped softly as the fear intensified. This feeling was unlike any before, like her life was slowly slipping through her body, through the wound. Her arm pressed tightly, as much as she could to slow down the inevitable, but it was too late. "Maybe it's time to change that." Kaz spoke. She wouldn't be able to change her ways if she died, the only thing she would remember about this life was how she made it difficult for everyone else.

Y/N sighed, death was almost touching her, heart was losing its music. She no longer felt the waterdrops on her legs and the stars dimmed their light. "It's too late."

The port beneath her began to sway, as if it would tip over to the ocean anytime. She gripped the concrete edge, slipping her hand from Kaz's to do so, trying to stop it from moving, only for it to sway more. She picked her eyes up at the sky, seeing only her five stars in the black treacle sky, as her body pushed closer to the waves.

Death awaited her.

Like those waves, Y/N was suddenly pulled back by someone's hands, feeling her body lift up from the port, supported in the air. Her form bounced with every other step and another warm breath kept mixing with hers. She imagined those arms were of an angel, bringing her to heaven. Or a devil, bringing her to hell. She gave into its touch nonetheless.

"I know you're not very good at keeping them, but would you promise me one last thing?" a voice asked her, a low and a tired one. One that could only belong to an angel the way it kept her dying heart beating. The girl could only hum, agreeing to the angel's request. The voice sounded serious, threatening almost, but she could hear the worry hidden behind it, as it spoke.

"Don't make me lose you."

---------------------------------------------------

Nina whined, having trouble with breathing as her hands shook from the need to be put down. She saved the Dregs numerous times from a certain death, yet Y/N exceeded her expectations. The heartender tried her very best to wake her heart up, while Jesper and Wylan panicked to pull out the bullet and seize the wound, so no more blood would be lost. What wasn't helpful, though, was Brekker, constantly yelling at them for trying harder. She understood that his anger was powered by the fear for that girl, but that didn't put out the urge to fill his face with more wounds, maybe a broken nose even.

"I swear, Nina. If she dies.." he exclaimed again, not helping the situation in any way.

"It will be on you!" Nina barked at him, frustration clearly visible not only on her tone, but her tired features. Her eyes shot to Jesper and Wylan an apologizing look as she saw their hands bloodied and faces worried. The door swinged open behind her, revealing Inej. Nina felt relief wash over her as she saw her. Kaz would maybe stop being such an asshole in her presence.

"Is she breathing?" Inej asked and immediately moved to Y/N's lying form, putting her cheek above her nose. "Barely." Wylan answered stressfully. Kaz's worry shifted to fear, Nina could sense that, even when her full focus was on the hitman's weak heart. She was barely alive, but the heartender was still surprised it could beat. She was strong and Nina hoped she would continue to fight.

Jesper gasped heavily and looked at her. "The wound's sealed!" he sounded so hopeful and it brought Nina some strenght to see him like this. She had to take quick breaths before tightening her hands in the air one more time, fastening Y/N's heartbeat. Fortunetely, it worked. "She's breathing again!" Inej said with a small smile, causing Kaz to limp closer to see for himself. His own wounds weren't yet treated, but Nina didn't even try to convince him. He had trouble looking after himself when one of them was hurt, she could imagine how much worse it was in this case, where his heartbeat's fire was on the brink of death.

She could feel the heartbeat pick up to a slow pace. It wasn't yet normal, but at least she didn't have to control it now. Nina put her hands down and fell down on an armchair beside her. Everyone in the room fell victims to exhaustion, Nina closed her eyes for a moment, just focusing on her breathing. Wylan was the first to stand up and slowly make his way out of the room with the words she'll be alright, Nina, you did a great job. Jesper followed, squeezing Nina's shoulder and nodding shortly at Kaz, before the door closed after him too.

"You either let me treat your wounds or you will go and get some sleep." she offered to the man, her eyes fixated on Y/N. She was glad he, at least, wrapped his neck in a bandage during this hard time, but he had other quite serious wounds she had to treat sooner or later. Kaz allowed himself to be predictable as he stared at the hitman and then slowly limped out of the room. Before he did though, he surprised her after all.

"Thank you."

Nina's head snapped his way and watched him leave, she didn't expect that. Inej sat next to her on the armrest, following her eyes to the laying girl. "You should rest as well, I know how tired you are." the heartender studied her features with a caring look. Her friend fought the sleep well so far, which she hated to see. "I'm not leaving you alone." the spider said with a decisive eyes connecting with hers. She knew the heartender couldn't sleep herself, as she had to look out for Y/N's heart. Nina flashed a defeated smile. She was grateful for her presence, she missed her a lot, but it would ease her mind if she went to sleep. However, knowing her stubborn mind, she scooted over to the very side, creating a tiny space for Inej to sit, which her friend accepted with a smile.

"Alright then. Tell me how you killed Rollins and DON'T spare any details."

------------------------------------------------

[penaltyboxboxbox]

Us nascarblr warriors are so happy to see u get into nascar🙏🙏🙏 would u perhaps be interested in more ships

thank you thank you i spare you guys here most of my insanity im literally thinking about clyde blaney and bubba like 12 hours a day and spamming oomfs dms with them....but hopefully ill put together more cohesive thoughts and art in the future to share 🫡

im still like sussing out how i feel about the rest of the field........so its hard to get into ships when im not like into all the guys and their lore WITH each other yet.... i do have some opinions though...... joey L makes me feel like the bikers at the salty spittoon and hes dorky little spongebob and im asking him what hes smiling at. whats so funny bud. wipe that look off your face kid. i think denny is a diva and kind of mother hes the only driver whos brat sorry..hes a mean girl bad girl break your boyfriends heart girl. ummmm i remember being viscerally disturbed finding out cbell is a 30 year old man i thought there was no way he was over 20. he reminds me of a plush toy. kyle larson is my enemy. william byron feels almost engineered in a lab to be uncool...and not even in a charming way like clyde just like. so so uncool 😭😭😭 dale jr is an eternal presence and i cant help but love him i did come from an earnhardt household. martin truex jrs name sounds itself like a sponsor and also hes a dilf so ill support it. chastains eyes are looking two different directions and he scares me a little. tyler reddick i adore i hold in my pocket i carry him around like a calico critter.

[loves2spwge]

slides you a 20 dollar bill. gimme your best style fic recs (im new here)

omg! hiii anon. im sorry, im kinda terrible for recs bc i tend to go for more smut kind of fics 🫣. not even a year into sp yet and i still have soooo many fics i want to read!!!!!! but, im just gonna do a quick list for my most favorite style fics 🙇

RATED G

Sleeping Lessons by sleep2thefr33zing

"Hey Stan? Have you thought about seeing a doctor, maybe? Instead of asking your friends to knock you out?" Stan rubs his arm abashedly. It’s not like he doesn’t know he sounds crazy. At this point, he’s desperate. (Or, Kyle is leaving for Harvard and Stan can't sleep)

words: 7,506

Pour my love out, spill it on the ground by sleep2thefr33zing

Recently done with junior year and freshly broken up with Wendy, Stan spends the summer with Kyle.

words: 11,855

RATED T

Digging Two Graves by heelbruiser

Kyle returns home for winter break from his junior year at college, and after some odd years of not speaking, Stan comes over one night and makes a rather strange request for his help in aiding him in revenge. He won't tell him why, and he doesn't particularly care; he's just glad Stan's talking to him again.

words: 10,406

Once, and Only Once by heelbruiser

A very drunk Stan abruptly disturbs Kyle from his sleep to request a late-night ride home.

words: 24,973

You do it to yourself, you do (and that's what really hurts) by sleep2thefr33zing

The night always starts off right. (Or, the way a party with Stan plays out through Kyle's eyes)

words: 5,102

Beauty and the Geek by Godlizza

Kyle, resident nerd, has somehow bagged popular cheerleader Stan as his boyfriend. Aware of their vastly different social statuses, Kyle is determined not to give Stan a reason to dump him, but maybe he should be more worried about just how tall an order dating Stan can be.

words: 7,656 | part of a series

interim by Anonymous

It’s stupid. He’s stupid. He kissed Stan, right in his bedroom after his birthday party, because maybe he wanted to know what it tasted like and maybe he was a little intoxicated and maybe he was afraid that he’d never get the chance again. Maybe he was afraid that if he didn’t do it then, Stan would find out some other way, and then he’d stop talking to him. And that would really be shitty, because they’re not supposed to be away from each other. It doesn’t feel right. The past week has been terrible, few texts from Stan, and maybe he should have thought to make other friends too before he devoted his life to somebody who could ruin it so easily. or: they're in love etc etc

words: 2,829

Friends ̶t̶o̶ and Lovers by Green_Evening

“Hah, okay. Think like this.” Stan gestures vaguely. “Teenage years are like a tutorial… but for real life, ‘n time is running out for you. So here’s me, but not me, hot–girl me, asking you on a practice date.” He watches him for a second, processing the words, then sinks back into bed with a heavy sigh. “It’s too fucking early for this.” Stan kisses him again, gently, tiredly, and there’s no resistance. He snuggles closer. “C'mon. It’ll be soo fun.”

words: 4,464

Science and Art by apollos

The way Stan plays dead is the intersection of science and art, but Kyle's not buying it. High school is over, after all.

words: 16,296 | chapters: 5 | warnings: stan/other, angst with a hopeful ending

RATED M

Seven days of alien summer by applecrumbledore

Stan asked, “What would you say if I told you I got abducted by aliens last night? With Craig, Tweek and Cartman?” Kyle raised his eyebrows. “I’d say that your wet dreams are getting weirdly specific and you should stop telling me about them.”

words: 16,583

Books That Did and Didn't Burn by hollycomb

In high school, Stan's mother thinks his old friend Kyle will be a good influence. Kyle doubts it.

words: 23,301 | chapters: 3

A Lifetime Supply of Crab Wontons by hollycomb

Five times P.F. Chang's has influenced Kyle's emotional development.

words: 4,790

It's Not Your Time by SekritOMG

One morning shortly after his 13th birthday, Stan wakes up in his own future.

words: 64,844 | chapters: 9 | warnings: mentions of infidelity

Stan Mars and The Kyle by Icandigelvis

When pilot Marsh got ready for his shift at the space- and air force facility in Nevada he didn't exactly expect the night to end up with him being the unintentional spokesperson for humanity. Especially when he was trying to communicate with this creature that killed without moving a finger. Fucking Craig and his theory that aliens just looked like DreamWorks guys fishing from the moon. Because really, this alien just looked like a man.

words: 60,521 | chapters: 5

Joyless Street by julads

Suicide in the 21st century.

words: 4,005 | warnings: angst with a hopeful ending

Let It Happen by bloodmage69

If someone were to ask Stan if he was in love with his best friend, he could easily respond with an entire list of reasons as to why that could never happen. However, even if he came up with all of the reasons in the world as to why he shouldn’t be in love with Kyle, that wouldn’t necessarily mean he wasn’t in love with Kyle. It was, of course, much more complicated than that.

words: 57,828 | chapters: 6 | warnings: mentions of a ky/////////mn smooch lolz

We’re Not Really Strangers by haildeleah

Pulling back, Stan stares at him. It lasts for a moment before he bursts out into laughter. “I like that.” “Like what?” Kyle asked, noticing that Stan’s hair had grown longer, a little more unkept. He must’ve freshly shaved today, Kyle smells the citrus of his aftershave. They haven’t been apart for very long, but it felt like an eternity. This was proof that it wasn’t. “How you talk to me like it isn’t the first time we’ve spoken in weeks.” Or: How Stan and Kyle became strangers, and all the ways they realize they could never be.

words: 12,846

RATED E

giving (taking) by kuchi

Kyle somehow always ends up letting Stan lead him into the most amazing sex, even when it's the last thing he'd expect.

words: 2,995 | smut

Feedback by kuchi

A little post-shower playfulness turns out to be an interesting night of firsts for Kyle.

words: 6,010 | chapters: 2 | smut

Light Up by kuchi

Stan is ready to try something new with Kyle.

words: 3,291 | smut | part of a series

Fate Up Against Your Will by SekritOMG

February 14, 2016 // December 24-5, 2015

words: 6,919

Kyle and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by metrophobic

Kyle has the worst luck in the world, and then this asshole won't stop antagonizing him.

words: 11,962 | chapters: 2

I Need Some Space by LozisLaw

Kyle is celestial. Not that kind of gross horror movie alien shit where he lays eggs in people's guts for fertilisation, and not just another way of saying he's goddamn gorgeous. He's kind of a dick. So much of a dick that sometimes Stan thinks he should get surgically dissected by Mephesto to stop those fluttery gut tugs every time those fucking alien eyes stare down at him.

words: 35,704 | chapters: 2

Plain Bread Is Better by Blame Canada (OneHitWondersAnonymous)

Stuck in a life he deigned to lead, Kyle watched each aspect of his life fall to pieces, one by one, cracking beyond recognition. He watched his marriage crumble, his own mind splinter, and his perception of reality warp. Then, that perception became reality, and he was none the wiser. You see, Kyle had himself so thoroughly convinced that something was wrong that he didn't have the capacity to realize that the something that was wrong was maybe, just maybe, himself. Once he saw that self in the mirror, however, in an act of assured self-destruction, he chose to ignore it anyway.

words: 9,308 | warnings: angst with a hopeful ending

Herbert Garrison's Night School for Unwed Fathers by hollycomb

Pregnant and jilted, Henrietta places a vengeful spell on the senior class boys, wanting them to feel her pain. Stan and Kyle are just two of the unwitting victims.

words: 198,135 | chapters: 17 | warnings: mpreg :3

Lessons Learned by Kasen

They’ve been through it all at this point, why bother denying the freakish intimacy of their platonic relationship? They shut themselves in a closet for seven minutes and actually did the deed wherein nothing changed between them (that lasted, anyways); so, what was a few deeds more? No one had to know.

words: 36,862 | chapters: 9

The Truth About Kyle by maxette

Kyle is house sitting while the Marshes are out of town and he decides it's a good idea to masturbate on Stan's bed. Stan comes home early. Oh, and Kyle has a vagina.

words: 6,360 | smut

All To Myself by KirkApologist

Kyle knows about Stan and Craig, and he really shouldn't care... But, he can't help it. Stan belonged to him. A truth that Stan is all too happy to prove.

words: 2,538 | smut | part of a series

Aftermath by Icandigelvis

South Park AU depicting the years the boys grow up, from kindergarten to uni and continuing, with one little addition. It's an omegaverse.

words: 109,498 | chapters: 11 | warnings: A/B/O, mpreg, uhh kyle/others and some stan/others

Small Town Weirdness by fruitloopzed

Summertime, three years after Shelley Marsh’s disappearance. Artist in Residency Kyle Broflovski arrives in the small agricultural town of South Park. Stan Marsh is the rowdy owner of Tegridy Farms. Secrets buried beneath the prairie begin to rise to the surface when infatuation gets the best of them.

words: 67,994 | chapters: 6 | on going!!!!

The Summer of ‘99 by PinkFan_Gurl

Working at a shitty ass gas station isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, especially when all of your friends are making memories off at college, but 19 year old Stan Marsh is determined to make a name for himself. Unfortunately, things don’t go according to plan when two of his band mates suddenly up and quit, leaving him without a drummer and a bassist. Throw the cute redhead that works down at the drive-in into the mix and it’s shaping up to be one unforgettable summer.

words: 32,814 | chapters: 2 | on going!!!

Those Days by hehepoopoo

His idea: “let’s go into that barn and fuck there.” Kyle stares at him, deadpan. “Dude.” Stan grins, “What?” “People could see.” “So?” Kyle stares at him, mouth agape in offense which Stan knows is just for show, catching the way the corners of his lips curl upwards, the ‘yes’ unspoken.  “People could see.” Stan goes to hold him in a way that is too intimate for the public, maybe too romantic, maybe too soft. But Kyle softens completely in his arms, trusting his completely, eyes big and willing. Stan whispers, “what if I want them to.” -- Or: Stan and Kyle fuck in a barn.

words: 3,173 | smut

suspense by stella_lunar

kyle teaches stan about edging

words: 2,627 | smut

Badly Trained by Clayp00L

Kyle hasn’t been showing his pet enough affection after something happened, but he’s finally ready to give him a second chance.

words: 10,739 | chapters: 6 | kind of on going !

I Thought the World of You (I Still Do) by bloodmage69

When they were kids, Kyle had truly thought the world of Stan; he had looked up to him. His best friend had always seemed so goddamned perfect in his eyes. He was a passionate, sensitive, and caring boy who always went out of his way to make Kyle feel like the most important person in the world. But now that he was older, wiser, Kyle could see all the parts of Stan that his child self had turned a blind eye to. His best friend was insecure, cowardly, and selfish. And yet, even as every flaw broke through Kyle’s false reality, he only seemed to fall more in love with Stan.

words: 7,042

The Scenic Route by hollycomb

The boys embark on a six day road trip to California before separating for college. Cartman is a pain in the ass, Kenny has no future, Butters is in crisis, and Kyle doesn't know how he'll say goodbye to Stan.

words: 116,313 | chapters: 8

crucify my cravings by pastanoodles

"Oh, I meant to ask earlier—do you think I could stay over again sometime?" he asks, not quite how he'd imagined it to sound the thousand times he'd rehearsed saying it in his mind. It's close enough. Kyle's eyes widen, even if only for a second. He sucks a breath in and relaxes his expression, and Stan's lips curve upwards. "Oh, sure," Kyle says, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and shutting his locker, perfectly casual, as though he doesn't know what he's implying. Like they're normal friends who'll be doing normal things. Or, in which Stan and Kyle are deeply uncomfortable with the fact that they're gay. They somehow turn this into a kink.

words: 2,473 | smut

Kyle’s Boobs Destroy Society by autumnpark (betaot4)

Or, rather, Kyle's boobs destroy Stan's mind, to put it more accurately.

words: 4,132

Super Best Fiend by ValeryKae (valorikei)

Stan is dumped once again and decides the best way to handle his loneliness is to summon a demon to have sex with and make him feel better. He is not at all prepared for the fiery babe that appears. //// human Stan and demon Kyle!

words: 6,347 | smut

I still hate summer, but it's a little better when I'm with you. by writtenApologies

Kyle is hanging out at Stan's house one afternoon, before he realizes he's gone into a heat. Due to Kyle's past with heats, Stan convinces him (out of good will) to not take his anti-heat medication. One accident leads to the next, and Stan realized he'll have to help his omega best friend with his heat-- even though Stan is an omega, too.

words: 12,283 | chapters: 2

In Conclusion by Kasen

The thing about gay awakenings is that sometimes someone will have one so anti-climatic that they almost feel guilty for how boring of an epiphany it is.

words: 10,910 | part of a series

Something Sweet by Kasen

It was Bebe’s recommendation. Kyle didn’t have much of a sweet tooth after middle school, but pastries were always the exception when he could have them with coffee or tea. He was never one to seek them out, but when you’re out with friends and have nothing better to do but find a place to sit and eat, you couldn’t help but grow tired of visiting the same old sites. For this reason, Kyle lets his friend guide him through the sunny streets of the city and towards the delicious smell of baked goods. OR Kyle Broflovski is dragged by the wrist into a cute café. It's there that he sees a handsome young man working in the kitchen. When their eyes meet, Kyle does what any average person would do. He makes a break for it.

words: 16,557 | chapters: 6

Kink Meme Collection by hollycomb

specifically just for chapters 1, 6, & 14 ! !

kinktober 2k18 by guineaDogs

chapter 22

A Cliché of Fictions by LozisLaw

all of the these tbh but 3 & 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<333333 my favorites

also, this isnt really a style fic. theyre mostly mentioned a few times but this fic made me so???? insane for both creek and style and theres this one line about stanky that literally changed my whole life and like????? idk, after i read this i just let style consume my life

Interlude by PBJellie

Tweek Tweak's mental health is declining. Craig Tucker, his boyfriend, and legal guardian in the eyes of the court, tries his best to hold the pieces together through a particularly rough patch.

words: 72,867 | chapters: 39 | rating: E

[dongpound]

i demand to know more of your oc's (also im trying to catch up on your space au fic its been so long since i last read it)

OH MY GOD IT DIDNT GET EATEN BY TUMBLR

Anon™️ I’m using your ask as like a sticky note of oc ideas specifically Tundra dude there’s SO much I’m so sorry I got into the hyper focus zone

Tundra’s name is actually Alejandra Citlali Osorio-Cruz and through the series she’s just about to turn 16 in season 1 and roughly 19-20 by Season 5 (give or take how the fuck you think time works in 2012 bc I think it takes place over 3-4 years season 5 included)

Tundra came about as a nickname when she was a kid and got super hyper-fixated on professional wrestling and like. She made an entire persona and lore. Alec started using her wrestling name as a silly nickname and it stuck.

Yes I did come up with a stupid cute reason behind the name Tundra bc I can not handle the fact I chose such a BAD oc name for a LION but like I can’t change it NOW!! I MADE HER IN LIKE 2015 SHES TOO OLD TO CHANGE IT

Xever did just think for the longest time Tundra WAS her name. He also just assumed that Alec and Chris adopted a child for fun.

Her bio parents Ixchel and Alejandro were really good friends of Alec and Chris for like. Well over a decade. Ixchel and Alec especially. Ixchel was an actress (like I would say their worlds equivalent of Selma Hayek) and Alejandro worked in music production.

They didn’t have a ton of family they kept in contact with, so Alec and Chris were named Alejandra’s legal guardians if anything happened to them. They sadly died in a plane crash when Tundra was around 1.

This feels like SOOOO edgy and silly to me now but like I literally can’t see Alec and Chris adopting a kid any other way than the guilt of losing their friends pushing them to do it. WHICH SOUNDS BAD. AND LIKE IT IS. However they still love and raise Alejandra as their own, if anything Chris is like. Somewhat distant bc he still has his career but Alec’s like “fuck yeah I get to raise a kid again” and kinda slips from the spotlight. Which is fine by them , they’re like 600 years old they can just have messy fun in the public eye another time

Tundra goes fucking THROUGH IT emotionally through the series. Like goes from would do anything for Chris and Alec (especially Chris who. Again. Was distant and she desperately wanted his approval) to the point where like. She’s yknow. Mutated, to growing resentful of them when Hachi enters the picture (especially when she has to take care of him) to like. Low key betraying the foot and joining the mutanimals in season 3. And then having to deal w Chris being resurrected temporarily in season 5 after a really chill and happy 2 years with her mom and little brother like it’s a LOT.

In season 1 she’s very much a “mean girl” stereotype and slowly evolves into Cool And Gay (but still a little better than you)(she. She gets that from her upbringing.)

Tundra and Karai are seen as like a duo/bffs up until season 2 after the whole “I’m not shredders daughter” thing happens. They grow distant (obviously) until season 4.

So like Alec and Chris are NOT the best parents and like. They did totally just let Tundra take Hachi to live w her and the Mutanimals in season 4. She’d already been in space w him for 6 months and the poor kid really didn’t want to go live in the woods. I have such a specific scene in mind for this and I want to write it out so bad. Anyway tundra basically becomes a teen mom for a little bit. Eldest daughters am I right? *plays class of 2013 by mitski*

Tundra has a modified mini van which she does haul all of her friends who can fit in. Apologies to leatherhead and slash . No she doesn’t have a license

She also has a bike. These two vehicles she did canonically find on the side of the highway and she convinced Donnie and Casey to help her fix them

Tundras in a punk (? Maybe more Pop punk ) band called The Muties (my other characters Jack and Spinstra are in it. also Mondo. Sometimes Raph fills in on drums if Spinstra can’t make it). Tundra and Jack switch off on vocals, she’s usually on bass. They started up in the down time between seasons 4 and 5. They play in Moira’s Menagerie (a mutants only bar and hall) every week on Fridays. Alec comes to nearly all of their shows and also they bring Hachi sometimes when they practice and he’ll play his DS.

Alec will also force their friends (I.e. Apep, Anton, Ivan and Xever) to come watch Tundra w the promise of drinks and she thinks it’s embarrassing every fucking time bc they’re SO LOUD and OBVIOUS and god she could just DIE (but also. Having the support makes her happy)

Alec WILL slam back 3 tequila shots and go on about how talented their daughter is.

Chris got to see her play once. And it was when he was resurrected. And Tundra, frankly, was not thrilled. Another one I wanna write

[bellybiologist]

Gotta Ramble. Advance WAAARS

I'm only about 12 fights into AW2's story, but i gotta gush. BEWARE OF SPOILERS BELOW.

-Screaming Crying and Throwing up cuz everything looks and sounds so GOOD.

-COs have like like 4 song versions (normal, powered version, buying-a-unit version and one you hear on the world map. and 5 if you count the one with extra drums when engaging units). Incredible. We are SPOILED.

-All the animations are CLEAN as fuck and the art style is super cute. The multiple win/lose animations in the battle! Bitches been wanting these back since they got rid of them in AW2! 👏🏽

-My girls (Sami and Sonja) and my boys (Andy and Colin) look so good. HOWEVER. Some of the COs have weird detail choices (though not in a bad way, just that im noticing it!) Like Lash and her SUPER FOREHEAD. (Andy got a huge forehead too)

-Drake is very cute too. he is so ROUND. admittedly, i expecting him to either sound more Pop-eye or Mr. Krabs-like. It was a decision 12 year old Verzi made and i saw no reason to change it. :P

-Speaking of which! Some of the voice work feels a little weird. It's not the best, but im not hating it and its not detracting from the experience.

-Due to said voice work, i realize i've been pronouncing Sonja's name wrong for ~20 years.

-PLAYABLE CLONE ANDY. and he has his OWN ANIMATIONS AND SONGS???? Incredible.

-I think they fixed Sturm's Meteor calculations cuz I tried baiting it like i did in the other games and it didnt work. 😜 (i might not have used enough APCs though, lol)

-Me, playing as Sonja and parking units 2 squares away from the enemy knowing they can't see me cuz they have 1 vision and the AI doesnt cheat: 😈😈😈

-I like how they stayed true to the CO's stats from the respective games, and change them accordingly with the campaign. That said, I *was* hoping they would do some rebalancing! (even if only outside the campaigns, cuz i understand that rebalancing could really fuck with the mission balance/difficulty). CO balance was always such a hot topic in AW forums back in the day, and its wild seeing Hella Broken AW1 Max and AW2 Colin come back just as hella broken as they were. Though that means all the bad is coming back too (Sami, gurl, your AW1 stats! 😭)

-I'm also noticing the changes in the story! Which make sense since they got rid of the player self insert from the 1st game, and the extra details that help things make sense (like Sami explaining Macro land is Not Cosmo Land in the AW2 campaign)

I'm not even done yet and havent even touched the war room and map editor yet, and i am so in love with this remake. I will probably make another ramble post if/when i find more stuff to gush about.

[ask22604]

Darkness returns

A/n : some things to note for this fanfic

1- This is my first fanfic in over 5 years (2 Frank is your distant cousin you are Related 3) Not going for accurate lore here just what'd to writing this for fun.

Warnings: reader gets studded , Not proofread

Oh Ormond, how peaceful you would be if I was not reminded all the time that I'm related to Frank Morrison by my own family and others alike. Oh you're just like your cousin or so I'm told. It was getting late and I’m all the way out in the abandoned ski resort just to be alone from everyone and find that piece of that necklace I found here. If anyone from town found out that I’m here they might say that I’m one of them now, Knock Knock … What in the hell is that knocking and muffled talking? It almost sounds like the talking is getting closer and then not even a minute later I hear “Hey you who are you?.” Oh um my name is Y/n I said to the 3 people in front of me, can I ask your names ?. “ ya that might help. My name is Max. that girl there is Rachel and that boy next to her is my brother John Max said laughing to himself softly.” Nice to meet you guys. If you don’t mind me asking what are doing all the way out here, don't you know the story about this place?. “Will of you must know we came here because of the story we heard in school from some of the other kids. We just what’d to see if the place was real. I don't think we believe that four of the people that hangout here just disappeared into thin air,” Max said, shrugging. Oh so you wouldn’t mind me telling you the urban legend of this place ? “What do you mean by that !? John said as he was getting behind Rachel as if trying to shield himself”. You heard what I said the story of the login the people that hangout here in this very cabin years ago. “Go right ahead and tell the story we got time ”Rachel said before taking a Seat down next me. And then suddenly there was a big crash from one of the many rooms “what the hell was that max exclaimed” “it was just the wind knocking something over I try to” reassure him but i can't shake the feeling that there are several people watching us now. “Hey, are you going to tell the story? Rachel said looking at me” Oh yes um let me start from the beginning.

There were four people who once hung out their names Being Frank, Julie, Susie and Joey they were bullies , vandalis , thefts and even Murders! But you dont what to know about the other stuff. Now you want to hear what happened on the night they went missing. The diary I found here has their story of how they became murderers! It all started the night the gang went missing. Frank dared Joey to vandalize the store that fired him But what the gang didn't know was that someone was there. The janitor was still there and saw Julie so he graded her. The next thing everyone knows is that Frank stabbed him in the back and the others followed suit. They took the body in a car they had and came back here to bury the body and after that they were gone and to this day nobody knows where they are or what happened it’s almost as if they disappeared into thin air. Some people say that their dead others say something took them that night almost like but we will never know for sure.

“Wow, that's the story of the legion !? Max and Rachel said ``looking over at each other”, I looked over to John who was just looking upstairs. Hey john you alright you look a little distracted? I said to him ,Ah im fine . I just thought that I saw something upstairs. That's all it was possibly an animal John said as he smiled at me. I look at the time on my and it says 10:00 pm, hey i think you kids need to start on your guys way back home, It’s getting late and we didn't need more people going missing from here i said laughing a little bit as i got up. “Ya we hear you and who are you calling kids ?! Max said, stopping to look with the others was gone already. I'm calling you kid. I'm like 20 years old and before you ask yes I'm related to Frank. I'm his distant cousin and if that's all the questions you have I got to find something i lost in here i said to max. “Ya you answered all the questions I had, hope you find that thing you lost bye! And Y/n be careful of the fog outside ok? Max said on his way out”. “Ya will do” yelling back when the hell did it become foggy outside!?. I better find that necklace price and fast i dont what to be here anymore. I run up the stairs and I open the door to the first room. I remember putting the piece down two and there it was on the nightside table. I walked over and put in my hoodie pocket and headed down the stairs and right before, got into the main room I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. It must be max and the others playing a bad prank on me. I turn around to tell them off but all I see is a neck tattoo and their mask with a slime on it and blood too. My blood ran cold and then the mask figure said “you would think that you'd be happy to see your cousin that went missing what was his name again frank was it oh wait that me and if i were you i would run”. That’s all he needed to say. I tried to turn around to run but not before feeling a pain in my side. I was stabbed. He turned me back around to reveal 3 more of them. You know who we are so don't act so surprised Julie said to me, Let's go outside now frank we got them our work here is done and with that frank picked me up and put me over his shoulder and went into the fog never to be seen again.

[reanimated-alice]

I posted 91 times in 2022

That's 91 more posts than 2021!

3 posts created (3%)

88 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@niceboyeds

@boss

@billysbabyy

@eddieandbird

I tagged 80 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#alice's reblogs - 53 posts

#why isn't he real - 13 posts

#eddie munson - 9 posts

#i need him like i need air - 7 posts

#so cute - 5 posts

#alice speaks - 4 posts

#billy hargrove - 4 posts

#steve harrington - 4 posts

#stranger things - 4 posts

#niceboyeds - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 50 characters

#i need a steve x billy x reader x eddie now please

My Top Posts in 2022:

#3

im bored. maybe i should finish my steve fic.

@eddiemunsons-girl tell me to finish it.

nicely.

2 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

#2

Hi there! My name is Alice, and I’m 20 years old. I love Joseph Quinn and all things creepy. Ghost, zombies, skeletons, you name it. I do roleplay, if that’s what you’re into, and I do write. I just have trouble with finishing a story. Anyway, feel free to reach out, even just to chat!

4 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

comforts of home | s. h.

A/N: this is the first work i've ever posted on here, so maybe be kind?

Warnings: none? just fluff? anyway, enjoy!

Steve Harrington x gender neutral!reader

♚

Steve had never really felt like he had a home before. Sure, he lived in a house, but there was a difference. His parents were never home enough to make it feel like the house was lived in. A home is meant to be a safe haven and comfort zone, right? Steve's home felt more like a trophy case, meant to be seen and not touched. And he was a trophy inside.

A small noise from you broke him out of the internal monologue he was going through. He looked down at you and smiled, running his fingers through your hair. You were everything to him. Wherever you were, Steve was home. You took away all the stress life had given him.

As you shifted in his lap, Steve couldn't help but remember the times he'd tried to protect you and keep you free of the knowledge of what was happening right under your feet. The Upside Down, the demogorgans, the Russians, all of it. But eventually, (or more specifically, when the disaster at Starcourt happened and Steve had climbed through your window afterward) the truth had to come out.

"Steve Harrington," you'd said as you'd held a wet rag to his face. "If you don't tell me what's actually going on, how you're actually getting hurt, I swear to God, you'll find my window locked from now on."

Despite the pain he'd been in, he'd smiled. God, you were stubborn. And brave. And also completely likely to get what you wanted. So, sighing, he'd told you.

You hadn't turned away from him, or cried, or denied everything he was saying. You'd paled a bit as the words sank in, but other than that, you hadn't said anything, just nodded and listened as you'd cleaned his cuts and scrapes.

"Steve?"

The quiet sound of his name broke him out of his reverie. He looked at his lap to see you rubbing your eyes, obviously just waking up from your nap.

"Hey, sleepy head," he crooned affectionately, running a hand though your hair. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," you replied and yawned. God, you were adorable. "Just missed you."

Steve's heart swelled and he couldn't help but tease you. "I've been here this whole time, goof." He poked your stomach and you hunched over, giggling.

You moved so you were sitting in his lap, your arms around his waist, and buried your face in his neck. He could feel your warm breath against his skin and the flutter of your eyelashes against his pulse as you fell victim to Morpheus once more.

"Yeah but..." you said quietly. "You were too far 'way."

Steve pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and laid it over the both of you.

"Well, I've got you now. And I always will." Steve kissed the side of your face. "I'll never be too far from you. I love you."

"Love you too," you replied in the sweetest, sleepiest voice he'd ever heard.

Steve thought he couldn't possibly love you anymore than he'd loved you then. In your arms, Steve was home.

In your arms, he was safe.

"You're my home," he whispered into your hair as you finally fell back asleep.

116 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[fancy--that]

As a trans man I didnt really start questioning my identity until i was 18-20 years old. I wasn't ashamed of my body weight, i didn't look at myself in the mirror and say "oh i have small titties men will never want me, oh my body isn't conventionally attractive i'll never be a good woman" I didnt say "oh im not like other girls i don't like makeup or pink or shopping" I was never a tomboyish kid, i was quite feminine my whole life. I tried to convince myself I was a lesbian thinking that was why i was feeling the way I did about me feeling wrong. I was also still a feminist. I changed over a period before that, when i wondered why I didn't like having breasts, when i didn't like speaking because of how my voice sounded, when my body was changing in ways i didn't like when i preferred dressing more masculine and i did this for a while but being a masculine woman wasn't the right answer for me either. When I started to transition I found myself, when i chose my name when people called me by my preferred pronouns when i embraced my identity is when everything changed. When I found a group of people who embraced me through every change, through every uncertainty who helped and supported me in every decision I made through every step of the journey to find myself.

We have got to get rid of the narrative that every single trans person was some "poor kid" who was different and got "brainwashed" into thinking they are trans or is some man or woman who is embracing toxic masculinity or stereotypical femininity. And additionally we also have to understand that as a society where a lot of small minded people believe that men HAVE to be masculine and women HAVE to be feminine that trans people especially trans youth may latch onto these ideas for a time to further affirm their identity. There are those who will or won't shave to feel gender euphoria, those who will dress only masculine or feminine to feel gender euphoria, who will change their hairstyles, their mannerisms, to feel gender euphoria. Is it always right? no. Since I don't shave and don't dress feminine and cut my hair short do I believe that this is what all men should do? no. When a trans woman wears makeup and dresses are they saying that is what all women should do? no. but its never a problem when cis men and cis women do the same thing.

"Oh but you can be a bisexual woman!" "Oh but you can be a woman who dresses masculine and doesn't shave!" "Cutting your hair and using a male name doesn't make you a man you can do all of these things as a woman" none of that is the point, the point is that biologically yes i was born a woman but my identity is not a woman. Living as a woman is not the way i can live my life, i experience intense gender dysphoria as a woman, being referred to as a woman, being perceived as a woman. I am not transitioning because of cis men. I am transitioning because of me.

additionally just because you thought you were trans and you aren't doesn't invalidate any other trans persons journey.

So fucking tired of trans backstories. 99% of transwomen’s (men’s) stories and 99% of transmen’s (women’s) stories are the exact same.

MtF (male): Sometimes in my early life I actually didn’t feel like a braindead muscle man and then later on I REALLY started emphasising with girls in porn. I got SUPER deep into forced feminisation probably bc it was the ONLY thing that allowed me to be a sexy girl (and got my d*ck hard) and then I was like what if I could be a hot girl with big mommy milkers irl???

FtM (female): Sometimes in my early life I WASN’T constantly only thinking about dresses and gossip and the colour pink. Also I got kinda uncomfortable thinking about my body compared to what society determines attractive women’s bodies should look like, and my ultimate life goal isn’t to be barefoot and pregnant. Then I was like, what if I could be treated like an actual HUMAN, not just a “girl,” irl???

That’s literally fucking it. And somehow they still don’t realise how ridiculous they are. My year-long stint of identifying as a “transman” fits perfectly into the second category, and it honestly just makes me cringe recalling it.

[edsheerankinnie]

Hey wait im onto something w the fic idea. Just imagine: after Korra a hyper sci-fi world, and a new avatar who does NOT wanna be the avatar so they go into hiding. and their family is in on it. omg maybe give them some siblings too, i dont think we've seen an avatar w siblings yet. Imagine their bending and spirituality, etc is ass. And maybe they're stuck-up and pretentious and worldly and could not give a lesser fuck about the whole avatar thing. and theyre deathly terrified of being found out bc literally why would u wanna be raised in a compound and suffer unimaginable horrors in the name of "keeping balance in the world". The White Lotus has been on the hunt for the new avatar for YEARS after Korra's death. theyre literally HUNTING for them at this point. and idk maybe the world isnt particularly balanced. but maybe benders have somehow been cast into the working class more often than not, yk with all their practical abilities with the elements. they do all of society's dirty work, basically. Maybe throw in some late-stage capitalism while we're at it, why not.

Speaking of late stage capitalism, u remember Kuvira's superweapon? if that isnt a precursor to some devastating *nuclear* weapon idk what is. and also plain old renewable energy. Do spirit vines even count as renewable?? are they more like fossil fuels???

Im getting off track. Different areas of the world are affected to varying degrees with technological advances. More or less, theres like, only a few spiritual places left in the world, those being the air temples and the areas around the spirit portals. Maybe some airbenders break off from traditional airbending tribes in a movement to live a more worldly life. yeah that sounds about right.

Anyways, in my head this new avatar is probably a girl, obviously with the awesome hair and striking green eyes of asami. And shes from Ba Sing Se. all she wishes for is to pursue her education at Republic University and eventually secure a higher-up position at her parents enterprise (or something like that). From the moment she realized she could bend water AND earth her parents told her about the Avatar and the terrifying implications of such a duty ("they'll take you away if they ever find out about this" "remember what happened to Avatar Korra?" etc), and her education only confirmed these fears. Of course, they say/do all this with the best intentions in mind; after all, they don't wanna make their own child suffer or potentially lose her. Oh yeah speaking of education, maybe its more universal and formalized and mandatory, like in real like, like w grades or forms or whatever. Yeah so in short, she grows up into a bratty and materialistic rich girl. lmao if you thought KORRA was bad, just wait till you see this avatar. she is TRULY unlikeable. not a single avatar trait in sight. no conviction to her civic duty, no inherent need to help others, no magical empath abilities, just the standard human emotions and traits and empathy pretty much everyone is predisposed to. she is COMPLETELY out of sorts in the avatar business.

Yeah so and then shes like 20 or something and she doesnt know a lick of bending. Aside from basic earthbending and very very little waterbending, nothing. I was thinking they have standardized bending education for benders and assessments to determine small childrens' bending skills for that reason. and then because of thhat, her parents never sent her to formal bending classes and taught her themselves (maybe they can earthbend, or they know earth benders who wont snitch). But waterbending, she learned that on her own. somethimes, when shes alone and around water, she'll toy with it, just pushing and pulling it; shes not capable of much else. She sometimes wonders what bending other elemnts at their full capacity is like, but she doesnt really care.

Oh yeah adding to the obnoxiousness of this character and her world, they have *phones* and *social media* and *influencers*!!! omg yay !!! I was thinking she either is or is friends with a microinfluencer, so that and her academic and career future are really her only priorities. And so ig she likes vacationing, shopping, blah blah, the kind of things youd expect influencer circles to do.

That all aside, i feel like it would make for a really good plot if for whatever reason she's moved to question her stance on her avoiding her avatar responsibilities. Maybe she fucking hates that Korra has indirectly burdened her of all people with this stupid titanic task, hates Wan for ever coming up with all this. Or does she even know who the hell Wan is? Probably not, actually. But like why couldnt she just kill herself in the avatar state, right?

But yeah anyway, later on she somehow eventually chooses to step into her role as avatar. And then she realizes, shes so goddamn weak. She cant fucking bend anything. she cant even tap into her spirituality, like !! shes so disconnected from it all, like what the hell shes a grown-ass adult and cant bend for shit !! and maybe this causes a rift between her and her family. And then in classic atla style, she has to learn how to bend allll the elements from scratch, just like aang. but because of how much work she also has to do spiritually, unlike aang its sooo hard !! So yeah, just give this girl a bunch of quarter-life crises. thatd be fun. and also figure out how to stop this working-class benders phenomenon. maybe theres sweatshops and she has to get rid of them idk.

Ofc her own gaang is there, idk who its comprised of tho. probably her siblings and then sum1 else like her gf or smth idk

Oh yeah and unlike korra, because of how sheltered she is, shes also really easily shaken up emotionally, by all these i mean. shes such a crier i mean. In fact, after stepping into her avatar role, she goes from selfish basic brat to a massive girlfailure. is it all worth it? Who knows :)

This was fun to write out. i dont think ill ever turn this into a fic tho