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lazyjellyfish300 · 1 day ago

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12 𝑫𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑺𝒎𝒖𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔~𝑫𝒂𝒚 𝑺𝒊𝒙

synopsis: you and Emo!Kento Nanami, your best friend whom you've been in love with for years, had a falling out. But, when you're assigned to be his secret santa, you come up with a meaningful gift you can only hope will fix things between you before the semester is over and you lose him for good.

Words: 12.5k 🖤

cw: MINORS DNI, xFEM! READER, x EMO!NANAMI, COLLEGE AU, ANGST, reader has "emo" aesthetics i.e.:eyeliner, wears certain clothing(obv self indulgence) ,jealousy, social anxiety , some pick me behavior, mutual pining, fluff, shyness, SMUT (protected p in v, Kento's a virgin, makeout, dry hump, oral f and m receiving, fingering, breast play, rough at the end, orgasm)

a/n: NGL it's been a struggle bus lately but I'm doing my best to finish this damn Xmas series. TY for your patience 🙂‍↕️ @actuallysaiyan my Emo!Nanami guiding light and inspiration as always. 🔥

12 Days of Smutmas Masterlist 🎁🎄🎅🏽

Dividers by @/saradika-graphics, pics from pinterest

You linger like a stubborn shadow in the corner of the overheated, loud, sweaty, and cramped Christmas college party at some frat you can't remember the name of with a Jack Daniels tapestry hanging on the main wall and a musty concoction of weed, beer, cigarettes, B.O. and too much cologne.

You fiddle nervously with your red solo cup, tracing over your name written in black sharpie for what feels like the millionth time, trying to act nonchalant and like you weren't on the verge of being overstimulated.

Jeez, even the line for the bathroom is a mile long. Guess that's out of the question. Oh God, everybody's staring. Kitchen. Okay, let's try that.

You wandered back to the kitchen, stumbling over your black knockoff Doc Martens, trying to preoccupy yourself with the surgeon general's warning on the discarded Mike's Hard Lemonade box instead.

Normally, you wanted zero parts of these holiday ragers with too many people. But, when you got the memo you were supposed to be Kento Nanami's Secret Santa, you knew there would be no getting out of this one.

Especially since you had so much to say to him after all of the things that happened between you two in the last several weeks, and the looming end of the semester threatened to put even more distance between you. You just needed him to hear you out, to apologize, clear the air, do whatever you could to make him not hate you anymore.

----

You weren't sure what it was, but once you two went to college, it was like Kento got hit with a sex pollen that attracted all these women that seemed to spawn out of nowhere. The awkward, shy, Kento seemed to become the object of everybody's desire.

But how could they not? He was the most handsome man you've ever seen, and you stood by that fact as his beauty only grew with each passing year you knew him. He was intelligent, a natural whiz and gifted in both the jujutsu and non jujutsu worlds. Despite possessing all of these fine qualities, his humbleness never wavered, clueless even at just what a gem of a person he really was.

You had no option but to grin and bear it like a thorn in your side, resisting the urge to give into that unbearable wave of nausea that would hit you like a train when you spied some random girl's name on his Blackberry or when a group of them batted their lashes at him while you guys ate lunch in the food court.

"Hiiii, Ken!" They'd giggle as they'd walk past, making him blush while you stood there like chopped liver.

But, you knew Kento, and you had faith in his ability to snuff out all of this false flattery. Most of these chicks would have been the very same ones who bullied you two all throughout middle and high school and made your lives a living hell. You suspected they were just wanting an easy A, or to get in his pants. Either way, the feeling made you sick to your stomach.

They didn't know that his parents were high school sweethearts. They couldn't list his favorite songs, or animes. They couldn't guess his orders at every konbini you frequented after class(and it changed from chips and an energy drink or a soda to shitty coffee and a sandwich depending on which one you visited). And they certainly never knew how the tops of his ears would turn pink whenever you caught him staring at you while you were finishing a thought.

No, those were things sacred only to you, and nobody else as his girl best friend. Best friend. Just friends. Ugh.

And while you were grateful for it, it made witnessing all this unabashed thirst over Kento all the more torturous.

He wasn't yours.

You had zero business telling him who he could be friends with, or talk to. You definitely didn't want to come off as the crazy fucking jealous girlfriend before you even had the title. Kento was smart, but somehow the fact that you've been in love with him for years was one puzzle he never cracked.

It was so pathetically obvious. How you'd cancel all your plans for him at the drop of a hat. How you intentionally wore your hair in that way he liked after that one time he complimented you. How awkward you acted whenever you accidentally touched him. How you almost never talked about any other guys around him and noticeably avoided those questions because the one you loved was standing right there.

But it all came to a head when you heard rumors that he might be taking someone else to the winter formal. Some popular girl from a well known sorority. She had rich parents, stellar grades, and a banging body too, just to add even more insult to injury.

You wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

And how did you cope? By finally texting Atsuya from the football team that of course you'd love to go out on that date you must have wrote him five rainchecks for by now. Always turning him down and putting him on hold in hopes that your best friend would finally wake up after all these years of loving him from afar.

You regretted it as soon as you said yes like a pit that descended to the bottom of your stomach. You ended up canceling out of guilt and pulling the Aunt Flo card, but it looked like the damage had already been done.

You neglected to remember that Kento spent every weekend tutoring the football team in math. You didn't have to guess that Kento must have caught wind of the gossip in the locker room from Atsuya when he went seemingly radio silent overnight.

When you went to meet him in your usual spot to study at the library on Wednesday mornings, he was a no show, and when you texted him, he didn't respond until hours later:

Sorry, had something come up this morning.

Ken? Is everything alright?

Kento?

You called him at least 7 times, embarrassingly enough, and all of them went to voicemail. Finally, he replied:

I'm really busy with exams. I think it's best if we take time apart to focus on our studies and finish the semester.

Was this about Kusakabe? Because if so I can explain...

Silence.

Kento, please.

And he never responded after that.

You didn't push the issue. You knew Kento didn't like to be bothered when he was upset, but God, having him disappear on you like this as though your two favorite hoodies weren't collecting dust in his dresser drawer cut you deeper than any knife.

How do you get over someone who was never yours to begin with?

It seemed like he was dead set on acting like you never existed, like you never saw him when he had nobody, before he became this big shot in college with all the ladies. Like you didn't support him after he lost Haibara and like you didn't have a thousand inside jokes and a shared language between you in the form of pizza, drawing sharpie on his studded belts and each other's notebooks, 80s anime, and loud music that only comes from knowing somebody for so long.

No, it seemed like that Kento you knew was gone, or he was at least acting like he was. And it was all because of stupid jealousy and a date you never actually went on.

The CD that you had burned just for him and clumsily wrapped in Munchlax wrapping paper was weighing in your pocket. You hoped and prayed that even if this was really going to be goodbye, that at least he wouldn't hate you before he went.

----

"Alright *hic*, everyone gather round, gather round."

99% of the attendees are already sloshed as the participants stumble to form a circle around the room for the gift exchange. You couldn't help but notice Atsuya's arm around a mystery date. Seems he took the rejection rather well.

The frat leader stood on a chair in front, yelling incoherent directions you only caught the tail end of, due to the man across the room you couldn't shift your gaze from.

It was Kento, clad in an MCR Christmas sweater with the sleeves rolled up on his forearms(that seemed a little bulkier than you remember), half drunk bottle of Fat Tire beer in his hand, and that amber gaze scanning the room until it came to a stop directly on you.

A noticeable look of shock broke across your face and you looked down immediately. You were certain he caught you, and out of your peripherals you notice he's not phased in the slightest. He simply raises the beer bottle to his lips again, still eyeing you wordlessly from across the room.

The old Kento would have looked away, but this new Kento (possibly emboldened by the free flowing booze), wasn't backing down from you. The rounds of secret santa reveals dredge on from one after another, most of the participants being too drunk to even stand up.

You've lost track of who has who, but you honestly don't care by this point. Your hands are growing clammy and your leg is bouncing more and more restlessly as it approaches your turn to give your gift to Kento.

But, as Shoko stands up next to you and presents her gift to Utahime, you can't help but notice an unknown girl approach Kento from behind, slipping into the seat next to him. Is this the same one he was supposed to take to the dance? You can't tell. There's been so many girls around him by now, you've honestly lost track.

Attention diverted, he turns to her, and she has the audacity to scoot closer and touch his arm. Your mind feels fuzzy as surely the scene playing out in front of you must be a dream. But you only seem to watch it from an out-of-body lense as you see his lips curl into a smile and lean in a little closer to hear what she's saying, their thighs touching.

She's got different hair than you. A completely different style and aesthetic. Probably smart. Probably far more interesting. An absolute knock out. She's the opposite height, opposite build from you. She's the walking antonym of everything that you are not and the ideal encapsulation of everything you wished you could be. She looks so cookie cutter next to him and the soft way he grinned at her looked like one of the special grins he used to give you.

It's too damn much.

The party continues on without interruption when nobody seems to even care or notice that you left. Kento's CD lands discarded on the chair in the wake of hot tears pouring out of your eyelids and ruining your eyeliner as you bolt out of the door.

-----

It's Christmas break, why in the fuck are there no taxis available right now?

You stand pitifully, thumb raised in the snow on the curb trying to hail a cab. You were in no state to drive and your mind was whirring a million miles per hour. At least the agony of what you just witnessed was being temporarily overshadowed by the mind numbing cold the longer you stood out there.

Your mind replayed again all of the times you thought for certain would be the one that he'd finally tell you he loved you. All of the glances, all of the touches that happened by accident, all of the things he remembered about you and the awkward hugs he used to give.

You guess this whole time you were operating with your blinders on. It took you messing everything up and another girl waltzing into the picture for the rose colored lenses to come off and realize that, like always, your mind was right and listening to your heart gets you absolutely nowhere.

No matter how many deep talks and sleepless nights and unspoken words and tears you exchanged over the course of your friendship with Kento, there would always be somebody better. Perhaps he was only ever meant to be nothing more than a friend until he outgrew you completely and the relationship ran its course. You had fallen to the wayside, and you only had yourself to blame for foolishly believing that he was ever worth leaping for.

-----

"Awww looks like emo girl tapped out!"

Kento jerks his head in the direction you once were, noticing the empty chair and small thin present sitting in its place. The girl next to him is still talking, but her voice fades to echoes as he searches, confused, his eyes darting all over when he realizes you must have left.

Kento looks down, his mind traveling somewhere else as the girl continues with her spiel. He puts two and two together, and feels his heart sink in his chest. In all honesty, he knew damn well what he was doing when Christina,(the girl who was now chatting him up and one of his new study partners), came to sit next to him.

He just wasn't expecting you to leave so suddenly. It was childish, he understands that now. And he realizes those feelings that have lingered beneath the surface for you for all these years can't remained buried for long. Maybe he just wanted you to feel how he felt when you agreed to that date with Atsuya.

It crushed him when he found out, so much so that he left the locker room immediately and went back to his dorm and laid down in silence for hours, listening to all the songs he never had the guts to admit were ones that he'd dedicate to you.

He even scored a 73 on his accounting quiz, something completely out of the ordinary for him. But, like most men, he bottled his feelings and chose to run away from the problem by sending you those cold texts.

Time is of the essence with every second that passes that he's not chasing you down in this snowstorm before you slip away for good.

"Hey, look, Christina? I gotta go. Sorry." He mumbled, nearly tripping over his legs as he got up, grabbed his secret santa present, zipped out of the stuffy dorm, and into the night where you disappeared.

-----

"Finally, Jesus Christ..." You murmured as a cab finally pulled up to the curb. The snowflakes started anew, and, combined with the wind chill, were making you tremble like a leaf.

"Wait!!"

Just as you were beginning to step in the backseat, you turned and saw Kento, running at light speed towards you and nearly slipping on ice. Your heart skipped a beat but you turned towards the taxi driver, giving him your address.

"731015 College Road."

"Wait! Shit, goddamn it!" Kento cursed as he skid to a stop, hand outstretched as he stopped the taxi door from slamming in his face.

"What the hell..."

Kento slid in the seat next to you, mumbling apologies as he almost crushed you with his actions, turning red when he caught his breath and was faced with yours and the taxi driver's expressions that were half flabbergasted, half annoyed.

"Same as her." He nodded, realizing his thigh was touching yours and scooting to give you more room, awkwardly looking at the ground.

The driver hmphed and shook his head, tossing his cigarette out the window as he pulled away, leaving you and Kento with no option but to endure the awkward silence of the painful ride.

The dorms you two live in are about 10 minutes away, but it feels like it's been stretched into an hour.

You can hear the scratchy sound of February Stars by Foo Fighters coming through the radio. At least you have that as a distraction.

"So, it's been a while."

"Has it?" You ask sarcastically, folding your arms and shifting your knees to point in the opposite direction.

"Look, I'm sorry..." Kento starts cautiously.

"For what?" You know exactly what you want an apology for, but your pride wants him to say it first.

"For dipping out on you like that." Kento replies, a bit uncomfortable now that the beer he downed earlier was loosening its grip. "For ignoring your calls and texts without hearing your side and being a bad friend."

"I tried to tell you, Kento. But you wouldn't even give me a chance to explain. I hope you had fun with your new girlfriend."

"... girlfriend?"

"Goodbye, Ken."

"Wait-"

The taxi screeched to a halt that made Kento flop back in his seat when you were already opening the door and practically attempting to jump out of the moving taxi.

"Goddamnit!!" Kento seethed again, then handed an extra $20 to the cab driver before jumping out, cheeks blooming red again. "For the trouble."

The cab driver raised his chin, accepting the $20 and driving off with a shake of his head.

Crazy drunk college kids and their relationship problems.

------

Kento called your name as you speed walked towards your dorm. "Stop! For two seconds, please!"

"For what?" You croak with tear streaked eyes.

"So I can tell you that I never went to winter formal. And there's nothing going on with me and Christina. There's nobody."

"Really?"

Kento huffs. "Seriously? You know me better than that. Do you honestly think I'd go to some nightmare dance?"

"I dunno. I thought I knew you, Ken. You've been acting differently lately." You resume walking again.

"How?" Kento asks, chasing you down.

"Nevermind..." You turn to put your key in the door.

"Hey, you left this." Kento hangs his head slightly as he shows you the CD he's holding, the secret Santa present you were supposed to give him.

You feel yourself freeze. "That..."

"It's got my name on it. Was it from you?"

"I mean, it was..." You go back to trying to unlock your door, the keys slipping through your fingers like butter.

Kento stands in front of you, slightly blocking your way. "You're not gonna unwrap it with me?"

You sniff and wipe a couple of tears with your free hand and avert your eyes.

Kento feels his stomach twist with guilt. How he wanted to reach out and comfort you. But the volatility of the situation leaves him unsure. He thinks for a moment, then breaks the silence.

"Look. I have the new Super Mario Bros if you wanna come over." He offers, lowering his voice as he extends this olive branch. "We can chill and do whatever. Maybe have a jam sesh like old times?"

You paused, evaluating this proposition. "For the Wii?"

"I'm stuck on World 7." He blushes.

You scoff. "Bullshit. You're the one always carrying me in that damn game."

"Okay, okay. I haven't started it, actually." He confesses.

"Wait, you haven't, why not?"

"I dunno, it..." He releases a shaky sigh. "It didn't feel right playing without you."

You take a step back, touched and a little dizzy from this whiplash at this realization that maybe he actually missed you after all.

He waits and the silence weighs heavy between you, his ears turning more pink and his stomach somersaulting more violently with each moment you don't respond.

"Please say something?" Kento pleads.

You do a quick appraisal and realize: what's the use? You couldn't say no to him even if you tried.

"What about curfew?"

"Um, well..." He rubs the back of his neck with his hand, subtle slyness in his tone. "I was sorta thinking that nobody needed to know. My roommate's gone for the holidays and it's just me."

You nodded, understanding, but also quite apprehensive with what this could mean. You weren't sure Kento was off the hook completely, but the part of you that missed him pushed you to say yes. You could sort out all of that later. For now you just missed your best friend.

"Okay. Yeah, I'd like that a lot. Lemme get some clothes from my room really quick? And I'll meet you back out here?"

"Y-yeah! Of course. Do whatever you gotta do." Kento blushed again and gave you one of those grins you so missed, relieved they were back.

—

"Ready." You smile at him a short time later as you come out of your dorm with your duffel bag with all the pins hanging off it you mostly bought and didn't shoplift from Hot Topic back in junior high. He smiles at the sight of you in your black Good Charlotte hoodie. One of his, as a matter of fact.

"That mine?" He asks, moving to the side to allow you to walk next to him in the hallway.

"Yeah, you left it here a while back." You respond sheepishly. "It was cozy to sleep in."

Kento can't ignore the warmth he feels everywhere at your admission.

"Glad it could be of assistance." He looks at you fondly as you approach the entrance to his dorm. "You're gonna wanna put that on."

Your breath halts as he carefully adjusted the collar of your hoodie, pulling the hood over your head, making sure your hair is completely concealed.

Kento pulls you in closer against his body as you two walk in the common area, blessing you with a faint concoction of cigarettes, his cologne, and that laundry detergent of his that smelled so good. You were equal parts relieved and flustered to be so close in his proximity.

Luckily there aren't many students up at this hour. A small group of guys sit in a corner with their beers and smokes, and one or two sit by themselves in various parts of the room trying to cram for last minute finals. They barely notice the imposter that Kento's sneaking in, a dark hoodied figure leaning on his shoulder.

"RIP. Man must have drank too much," they think to themselves before paying you two no more mind.

-----

"Here we go." Kento whispers as you arrive at his doorstep. He fishes his keys from his pocket attached to the friendship bracelet keychain you made for him one summer with his initials: KN. You feel a pleasant flutter of your heart when you recognized it.

You walk in Kento's small apartment which is impressively neat and cozy, with posters of his favorite bands on his wall, bookshelves lined with some of his anime figurines he collected and football jerseys and trophies on the other from his roommate.

The small, knee high Christmas tree you found on clearance together at a department store sits in the corner with a mod poge of ornaments you bought from Goodwill, smiling when you see Gary from SpongeBob, a poké ball, and a mac and cheese ornament hanging side by side.

"Make yourself at home." Kento gestures a little bashfully despite the fact that you've been over here many times, setting your overnight bag on the couch and letting you take off your shoes. "You hungry?"

"Hmm, you know what? I am, actually."

Kento smiles. "What sounds good?"

"Umm...what do you have?"

"Well, let's see." Kento strolls over to the kitchen with you in tow. "We have..." He clicks his tongue as he opens the pantry while you open the fridge door. "Granola bars, stuff for PB&Js. Protein powder."

He laughs when you make a face at him.

"Lemme see..." You take the canister of protein powder from the shelf. "Is this your roommate's?"

"Yeah. He makes shakes with it every morning."

"Blech." You shudder.

"Um, oh, we have Gushers." He pulls down the box. "Damn, there's only one." He offers it to you.

"I'm not gonna eat your last Gusher, Ken!"

"I insist." He chuckles. "C'mon. I already ate the entire box by myself."

"Share with me." You fold your arms, unwilling to budge.

"Fair enough." Kento shrugs and opens the pack for you, letting you choose the first one. You grab a blue one and pop it in your mouth with a grin, relishing the blue raspberry explosion on your tongue.

Kento looks fondly at you, popping a green one in his mouth before looking in the fridge with you. "Unfortunately we only have mostly healthy options besides the Gushers."

"Boringg." You poke your head underneath his arm to take a gander at the sparce options. You spy a bag of shredded cheese and get an idea. "Do you have tortilla chips?"

Kento catches your drift. "Yeah, actually. Nachos?"

"Nachos." You grin.

Soon, the countertop is transformed into a makeshift nachos station as you sprinkle the cheese on a high pile of chips in a bowl big enough for you two to share.

As it melts in the oven, you two take to the couch and get a head start on the new Mario Bros. The new propeller power up takes some getting used to, but you can't help the laughs and guffaws that escape you both as you play together, the never ending curse words streaming from your mouth when you lose the power up to a stray Goomba.

And, like you predicted earlier, although you come close to besting Kento in skill level, he's still standing when you two are battling Bowser Jr. and he carries you across the finish line when the shell hit and killed you at the last minute.

"God..." You drop the remote on the coffee table and he snickers as he looks over at you. "Looks like it's time for a break."

You pause the game and go back in the kitchen where you feast on the homemade nachos. Somehow they taste even better at 11 pm as the gooey cheese melts in your mouth, punctuated by the satisfying crunch of the corn tortilla chips.

Kento enjoys it too. His eyes cautiously steal glances of you popping chips in your mouth so casually in his space. He doesn't dismiss the underlying elephant in the room which is the fact that the hour is late and you're alone with these implications between you that neither have been bold enough to give a voice to thus far.

He needs to figure out a way to broach the topic, but he's drawing a blank.

"I have a confession, Ken."

His mind jumps to fight or flight, but his legs keep him right where he is. He wasn't expecting you to start this mid-nacho, but he guesses better to rip the bandaid off now.

"Yes?"

"...I'm still hungry." You throw him that adorable look that you reserved especially for when you were about to be begging for something.

And he's a willing victim in this cute little trap you laid. That wide glimmer in your pupils could get him to do whatever you wanted.

"Well, what were you thinking of getting?" He cocks his head.

"I'm thinking these nachos have me craving Taco Bell."

And who is he to say anything but yes? Especially since the mention of Taco Bell sets off a resounding grumble in his stomach that even surprises him.

"Alright, deal."

----

The hour is well past when you two should be asleep by now, several cheesy gorditas, Cinnabon bites and nacho fries later washed down with Baja Blast and more booze.

You're underneath a blanket next to him on his bed. The twin size of the mattress leaves you no option but to be right up against him with your thighs and arms touching. The mood has certainly shifted, with both of you scared to be the first to acknowledge it.

"Well..."

You can't help but burst out laughing.

"What?" Kento looks at you incredulously. He can't help but nervously laugh along when your wheeze of laughter ends up being more funny than the persistent awkwardness.

"I...nothing." You shake your head, backing down from opening the can of worms yet again.

Kento sighs. "Well, um. Should we open my present before we pass out?"

Your stomach feels that familiar pit building inside it. All the fast food you just ate certainly isn't helping the case either as it does slow somersaults with the reveal you know is coming. "Yeah, go for it."

Kento can pick up on your discomfort, because in all honesty he feels the same. But there's no time like the present. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't dying to know what you got him either.

He sits up, reaching towards the edge of the bed where the present is sitting. He reads the sticker that says in sharpie:

To: Kento 🖤

From: your secret santa

He wonders if his heartbeat is audible on your end as he earnestly tears the wrapping paper off(after appreciating your choice in wrapping paper as one of his favorite Pokemons) until the CD is all that remains. His eyes widen and he reads aloud the message written on the CD again in sharpie:

I'm sorry Kento. Merry Christmas.

Love was written and signed off with your name right underneath.

"Thank you. Really, I...this means a lot." Kento normally tripped over his words but you really left him speechless this time. Trading music was a religion between you two already, but this gesture of burning a CD for him was one you had never done for him before.

"You're welcome, Ken." You answer in a way you hope is cheerful.

Kento stands up, walking over to his CD player. There's a click and a mechanic whirr disturbing the quiet space as it roars to life. He loads it up then closes the tray, pressing play on Track #1, and turning bright red when the Peavey speaker absolutely blasts the song at full volume unexpectedly, making both of you jump 10 feet in the hair.

"FUCK! SHIT!! Oh, shit..." He mumbles as he cranks the volume control down. "Sorry...Jesus, fuck..."

You can't help but laugh, much more loose now the initial shock was over with and at Kento's adorable scared expression. "You shoulda seen your face just now!"

Kento shakes his head and teases back as he walks back to the bed to sit next to you. "Y-you looked just as ridiculous, y'know."

You giggle. "Sureeeee." You glance at the window. "Ya think your neighbors are gonna snitch on us for playing music too loud at 2 am?"

"Fuck if I know..." Kento sighs, laying his head back against the headboard as he takes his place next to you. "Let's just...listen to the music, alright?"

"Yessir, Kento, sir."

"Don't say that." Kento pokes you playfully with his elbow.

"Why not?" You prod back.

"Makes me sound like I'm old as shit or something..." Kento huffs, but he smiles at you all the same.

You both go back to listening, and he perks up in recognition.

"We the Kings. Alright, not a bad start, not bad at all." He smiles and closes his eyes. You look over at him, at your best friend with his relaxed expression.

The way those long bangs fell backwards over his forehead to showcase those enchanting eyes that could be so elusive, that Adam's apple that bobbed in his throat, the way his humble beauty never left his face no matter what state it was in. And, right now was your favorite, with his head thrown back and his body right next to yours listening to your favorite music in the world, hands dangerously close together on your respective laps.

You look straight ahead again as the song plays. Gradually, the curve of Kento's closed lip smile begins to slowly fade as he catches wind of the lyrics from the song currently playing: Rain Falls Down.

I hear your voice and what we talk about

And I'm trying to say what won't come out

Yeah, I'm trying to fix what's broken now

And I'm wishing that I could take your hand

And set you on some untouched land

Just so you are never sad again

And the world you've known will somehow end

There's a beating to your heart

That I just can't be apart

I can feel the rain fall down on us together

Just wait for the sunshine

Let's wait for the new day

When we can get away

It's me and you held close together

Hold on for the long ride

This won't be easy

Tonight

Hear my voice and know that I am here

I'm always there to wipe away your tears

I lay your hair behind your gentle ear

And tell you there is nothing more to fear

You are the reason I am the best I'll be

So let me stitch your heart so it won't bleed

And I won't rest until you finally breathe

'Cause I still love you more than anything

The song eventually ends and you can't deny there's more tension in the air than before you started. However, Kento wonders if maybe it was just coincidence. After all, what were songs nearly always about at least half the time? Love.

You're staring at your Nightmare Before Christmas socks, too nervous to even look at him, wondering if he's figured it out. But, you catch your breath when the next song starts playing and it doesn't seem to be the case just yet.

Kento wouldn't have guessed you'd put one of his favorite songs by Bright Eyes on the CD, either. Funny enough, this one happens to be one of several songs on that top secret playlist of his that he dreamed of dedicating to you one day. He's only astonished you managed to beat him to it. This time he's listening with you, it hits him like a rock.

And so I thought I'd let you know

Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow

But I realized that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night

Just to meet me in the morning?

And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed

You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said

"This is the first day of my life

I'm glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy"

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery.

Besides, maybe this time is different

I mean, I really think you like me

The song ends and it's quiet for a moment before the next song starts.

"I wasn't expecting that..." Kento uttered quietly. You turned, and he was already looking at you. The third song, All My Heart by Sleeping Sirens begins to play in the background.

There's so many things that I could say

But I'm sure it would come out all wrong

You've got something that I can't explain

Still I'll try and try and let you know

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" You notice his voice is thick, emotion where you weren't expecting it as your own tears well up once again.

"I wanted to. Believe me, I wanted to, Ken. I literally tried to-'

"I mean before..." Kento clarifies, grateful the dim bedroom makes the heat in his face somewhat less visible. "A-all this time, I mean..." He sighs wearily, and makes a shaky inhale, his shoulders begging to be relieved of this burden that he's carried since exactly one week after he first met you in elementary school.

It's spanned years and ebbed and flowed, but it has never left him completely. It was more than just a crush. It may have started out that way, but to label something so special that's endured this long would be doing you the disservice of a century.

You meant so much more than that to him. He'd give you the entire world for the simple fact that in his eyes, you were forever worthy of it.

"We've known each other for ages..." Kento's voice hovers above a whisper and it lingers next to your ear. "I wish you told me."

That first summer we spent's one we'll never forget

Looking for any kind of reason to escape all the mess that

We thought was what made us

Ain't it funny now? We can see

We're who we're meant to be

His voice is much closer to you now, and you're still afraid to fully turn and look up at him directly for fear that you wouldn't be able to hold back once you did.

"What's the point?" Your tears slip past your waterline once again and create trails of hot salt on your cheeks. "You've already outgrown me, Ken. Tonight has been wonderful, but let's not pretend like you haven't been distant lately and a completely different person."

Kento's heart breaks and in defiance, he turns your chin to finally look up at him. He's alarmed to see all the tears running incessantly and he feels it wrench when he realizes he's the cause for them.

"But how?" He asks quietly as he turns his thumbs into tissues to wipe them away. He can't help the thought at the forefront of his mind as he does this: you're still unbelievably stunning this way. Emotions worn boldly on your sleeve: puffy eyes, snotty nose and all.

"I thought you were tired of me. I mean, Atsuya told me you were..."

There's too many times I have to say

I could have been better and stronger for you and me

You always make me feel okay

Those late summers we spent, stay up talking all night

I'd ask "you think we'd ever make it?"

You'd say "I'm sure if it's right"

Ain't it funny to think just how stupid I used to be

Hope you always believe

You still have all of my

You still have all of my heart

It clicks for him all at once and now he wants to kick himself in the shins.

"This is still about Christina and the formal, isn't it?"

You hiccup as you shudder a little bit more as the tears still don't relent. "E-ever since junior year started, Kento. It was just everything. I thought I was losing you with all this attention that you were getting. I thought I was being left behind. You've always been so smart. A-and those girls are all really pretty, smart, and funny..." You hang your head in shame and Kento's heart skips a beat, staring at you in disbelief.

How could you not see that you were pretty, and every bit as smart and funny?

"Even if you didn't feel the same, I didn't want to lose my best friend. But I didn't wanna hold you back either..."

Kento brings you into his chest as he lets you sob into it without saying anything else right away. How painfully obvious the answer was all this time and here he stood with his head proudly in the sand, partly with blind acceptance of all this unsolicited attention that fed his ego, not knowing he was doing it to distract himself from what he's known clearly all along: being utterly in love with you.

"You could never, ever lose me." Kento answers, cupping your face, bringing your gaze back to meet his. "You're not holding me back, either."

You want to look away with embarrassment with how snotty and disgusting you must look right now as you just sobbed and sobbed your eyes out in front of him but he's not deterred, not even in the least as he sooths you with his lulling voice.

"I never went to the dance. I swear on my life. I talked to Christina at the party tonight because I was jealous of you and Atsuya but that was a dick move of me. I'm not ever gonna be stupid enough to put myself in a position to lose you again. I'm not gonna hurt you like that ever again. I swear to you..."

Those tender pools like melted caramel of his travel down to where your lips part softly in surprise with every emotional confession he gives you. These were details he only ever dreamed about. Part of him wonders how he could even be this close to possibly finding out and crossing that line between fantasy and reality to where you'd no longer be just a daydream to him.

"And I don't want anyone else..." He whispers. "It's you I've wanted. It's always been you. It's always ever going to be you. They couldn't come close to you even if they tried." He holds your hands more earnestly as he continues with this fire that was lit underneath him that emboldened him with each sacred truth he unraveled.

"Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me for being the world's biggest dumbass? I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I-"

His train of thought is quickly evaporated under the object of your loving stare, and the dwindling space between your face and his. For a moment he forgets how to breathe, once again marveling at how pure you were, even in the afterglow of your tears.

Especially in the afterglow, when your cheeks shone with the gleam they left behind, leaving the windows to your soul exposed to his. You remind him how to breathe again when that soft swipe of your thumbs over the back of his hand anchors him to this moment with you right before the fall.

There's only one thing left to do and it's like you two move in sync as you lean towards one another and the song continues to blare in the background.

Let them talk and talk and talk

Let them say what they want

We will laugh at the thought they don't know what we've got

The first meeting of your lips began as the most dainty brush. Kento's not sure how hard or soft to kiss you, and so he plays it overly safe, making himself almost as stiff as cardboard as he freezes at the first contact, hands still a clammy mess as they cling to yours.

At first, you were a little thrown off by the reluctance, momentarily worrying if he didn't actually want to kiss after all. You try to reassure him by leaning a little bit closer, using one of your hands to hold the side of his neck.

To your relief, Kento melts in response as though your touch granted him permission. You stay locked like that for a while in your first kiss and a half, lips molded harshly against the other's.

Neither of you want to be the one who ends the kiss, so you hold it for as long as you possibly can until you realize you've been going without oxygen a moment too long and you hastily break apart, softly exhaling against his open mouth, leaving Kento blooming the deepest shade of red he's been all night.

"S-sorry that was kinda..." Kento clears his throat, the shade of red worsening with mortification at how sweaty his hands were. "You're... you're my first, so..."

You smile at him, determined to put him at ease which he felt immediately with tingles blooming in his ribcage as you leaned in and tenderly brushed noses with him.

"It was perfect."

And you meant it. For two awkward college kids who barely found themselves venturing into romantic territory after being friends for so long, that kiss couldn't have gone any other way for you two.

But, you don't want to end your exploration here just yet, and Kento doesn't either. These deserted hours past midnight, the romantic tunes, and the enticing way he looks right now encourages you more and more to press the gas pedal.

"Do you wanna do it again?" He asks and he beams when you say yes. He leans in again, a bit hurriedly but he catches himself as he learned from the last time to slow down a bit. He releases both of your hands and cups your face this time.

You allow him to take the lead, letting him drink his fill of your beautiful face. The flutter of your eyelashes over a pair of irises with a color that made him feel weightless, the arch of your brows, and the hypnotic parting of your lips. You stun him in the rawest way and make him melt where he sits.

Unknown to you, all of those times you did your hair and makeup and wore your best outfits before tonight don't hold a candle to the way you look to him right now. It's because this one was fully intended for him in the sanctity of this moment when you've been your most vulnerable with him, in all of your precious, pure and unfiltered honesty.

And you could not be more beautiful to him than that.

He expresses this by wordlessly bringing his mouth to yours once more, cautious then loving all at once as he allows them to engulf you completely.

Every year that goes by, a year older we are

You'll still be beautiful then, bless your beautiful heart

They'll talk and talk and talk

How crazy is it?

Someone could waste their whole life, helplessly

Just patiently waiting for a love like you and me

This second kiss carried sparks more potent than the first. You become amazed at how quickly he learned as he begins to slowly open his lips against yours, embarking in their first slow dance together as they daintily pucker and press, before they seamlessly pick up a rhythm. You glide your tongue along his bottom lip until he responds with his own, the feeling trickling hotly to your core like lava.

The slick and wet roll of your tongues that map and trail thoroughly inside your mouth and his leaves Kento particularly dizzy, softly panting intermittently between each reunion. The faint taste of sunscreen from his Blistex chapstick mixes well with your raspberry lip gloss. Each little moan he makes is laced with the baritone of his normal speaking voice, the masculinity of it and his growing weakness causes you to move with more urgency, kissing him more passionately.

Kento's not opposed to this invitation one bit and he adjusts his fervor to meet yours, sitting up and pulling you into his lap. This new position unlocks a new level of ferality in your brain. His size quickly gives himself away as you feel his bulge pulse in his skinny jeans where the thin barrier of your leggings allows you a sinful sneak peek. All bets are off now as the walls between you have completely crumbled.

"Kento..."

"Baby, please...holy fuck..."

You grind against him, pausing after every roll of your hips for the friction to linger, chasing that relief for your aching clit that could only be cured by humping his fat cock.

Kento feels his restraint loosen impossibly fast. It felt like he went from never driving to speeding on the interstate. It's a lot all at once, but holy fuck does it feel good.

He allows you to overpower him, laying backwards on the bed with his head on the pillows as he pulls you on top of him.

"I didn't go on that date with Atsuya..." You pant then squeal at the abrupt change in position. "I swear to God, Ken. I didn't, fuck, I couldn't..."

Kento feels himself lighting on fire from this knowledge, seizing your ass cheeks in his hands as he too chases that feeling, that pulsing of your pretty pussy over his cock that he just knew was soaking through the fabric.

"Haa-aah....y-you didn't?" He throws his head back with his jaw dropped open, letting a heady moan escape as you kiss and suck his neck with uncaged vigor, still focusing on thrusting his hips upwards against yours where they magnetize and shove against your clothed cunt with building greed.

"I-I didn't, baby I swear to God..." Wetness builds in the corners of your eyes as he positions you directly over his thigh instead, hands flying to help you tear off your hoodie as he encourages you to ride him.

You lean down and kiss him deeply again, your breasts squishing against him and threatening to spill from your cups as the motion of you riding his thigh causes one of the straps to spill over your shoulder.

"I don't know what I was thinking...just thought about you the whole time. Just wanted you, Ken...I couldn't do it... I promise, I'm so sorry-"

"Aa-aah, fuck...I-I believe you, sweetheart." Kento's eyes clench closed in ecstacy, his hands following the dizzying pattern of your hips as they bumped and churned on his thigh.

"Fuck me I...I..." He pants, a sheen coat of sweat beginning to dot his forehead. "I'm not gonna fuckin last like this, baby, God...."

You show him a little mercy, stalling your hips as you dipped your head down to passionately make out with him again, postponing the tension of the tight coil that was building low in your belly. You both hummed pleasantly as you enjoyed kissing one another deeply again. The softness of the act was a welcome distraction from Kento nearly cumming all at once in his pants, dual wet spots from you both in your underwear and his boxers bearing the proof.

"Can I...be inside you?" He aims his next kiss at your throat, his lips thrumming with the tender melody of your sigh at his question.

"Are you sure, baby?" You greedily roll your hips again and he groans loudly. Clearly, you didn't need much convincing.

"Yeah I'm sure." Your foreheads meet one another and his thumbs skim your cheeks. "I have protection too." He adds before nuzzling against you.

"As long as you're certain you want your first time to be with me..."

"I'm positive." He replies, the reminder from the subtle pressure of you spread out on top of him makes him fight to bite back the desperation in his tone.

"You're the only one I ever wanted to do this with." He confesses, his cheek twitching when a section of your hair tickles his face, fanning a subtle waft of your PINK perfume. He flushes again and massages up the soft sides of your waist as he speaks.

"Just...just bear with me if...if I don't know what I'm doing or just tell me what feels good and I'll do it."

You nod and smile with a wave of anticipation for what's coming, "Of course, Kento. You're completely safe with me. And I trust you too."

Tonight wasn't your first time. You had a few sexual encounters but none of them were anything worth writing home about. There was no question that tonight with Kento was already leaps and bounds better than anything you ever experienced before, and the feelings that ran deeply between you weaved it with an undercurrent that made it even more special than any connection you've made. His pureness, his consideration for you, his sweetness towards you made you want to do anything for him.

"Good, good."

"Well..."

Awkward silence.

"Should we take off our clothes?" He inquires awkwardly.

"Mm, well, we could always keep kissing while we do it. Makes things a little bit more fun if you want to try."

"Yeah, yeah let's try it."

You smile down at him, tucking the stray pieces of your hair out of the way as you resumed locking lips with him again.

Unexpectedly, Kento takes the reins. Before, the kisses were experimental, slow and tender to express your affection. Now, you kissed as though to express your mutual, stirring desire. Kento moved his lips and tongue as if he was trying to devour you, pushing against you as he sat back up and pulled you into his lap again.

You tug on his bottom lip with your teeth and he hisses and responds by grabbing your breasts. When he does, you release his lip and whine into his mouth. He smirks, pleased with this effect he was having on you, feeling more and more brave the longer he stays immersed in this steamy experience with you. His long fingers quickly move to your bra clasp.

"Okay?" He pants, cheeks still dusted with color. The evidence of his exertion from him putting in the work with you leaves you swooning quite a bit as you take in his pretty, blush tinged face.

You nod and the bra clasp comes undone with little resistance. The weight of your soft globes bounces in the most alluring way when they spill from the cups of cloth. Kento groans, completely mesmerized from the first glance, letting his eyes roam and soak you up, moving back to look up at you where you sit perched in his lap, the perfect position for him to worship.

"You're so beautiful..." He whispers. "So, so beautiful...." He brings your breasts together, loving the line that forms down the middle when he squishes them together, and the way your nipples peek between his fingers. It was awfully possessive, viewing them this way, reserved for his eyes and for his touch only.

He wishes to claim them even more and leans in without a second thought, licking your left tit into his mouth. You throw your head back at the same time his eyes his roll back in his skull, starting to ride the outline of his cock through his jeans as he sucks and laps up your breast to his heart's content.

He pulls back a bit, a saliva string that drips around the pointed end of your nipple and continues in a slick trail as he moves to the right. He surprises you and pins you underneath him, mouth still attached to your right tit. You purr at him as you play with his hair while he sucks in your tits, memorizing the way his blonde locks run like silk through your fingers, how your thighs look now that they're spread on either side of his lean waist.

You help him unzip his skinny jeans, peeling them down as he finishes his work on your breasts that now gleam shiny with his spit, bidding both farewell as he hollows his cheeks and sucks his lips abruptly, leaving both nipples in a pointed puckered state from his tongue.

He watches as you slip out of your leggings underneath him, reaching down to help you tug them off, entranced with the soft flesh that dimples and only adds to the supple, divine figure you possess that he's touched himself at night to countless times. You're completely bare to him now besides your panties, kissed in the moonlight with your hair behind you like a halo.

"You're so perfect..." He praises you again, the shadows lining his face that was surely burning under the warmth of your ethereal gaze.

"I don't understand how I'm so lucky."

"I'm the lucky one." You reassure him as your lovely mouth curls into his favorite smile, gazing in his eyes as you go to rub his cock through his boxers. However, your pupils expand in shock when you're met with a heavy package that doesn't even fit in your hand.

Kento blushed as he noticed your reaction to his size, standing off to the side of the bed and stripping down, sliding his boxers hastily down his long legs. His cock is a slight beige that's sweaty, long, and pink at the tip, and it flops out in front of you all of its manly glory.

You feel equal parts aroused and scared. There is absolutely no shortage of size anywhere on his intimate area. Your pupils expand again as you observe how the circumference is almost proportional to its length, to his large set of balls.

His pubes are neatly trimmed, but there's certainly a generous amount that makes up the forest of dark hair, different from the color on his head that bushes around his thick base. It dances up his belly button in a pattern that makes your brain go fuzzy and your clit throb for attention.

Even if he looks like he could split you in half, you can't help how absolutely heavenly he looks in this moment, looking down at you with shyness and anticipation, like he's equally excited for what's about to happen, and that he hopes you like what you see.

"You're absolutely perfect, Kento..." You whisper. Your fingertips find his in the dark, eyes still locked on each other as he entertwines with yours.

"Every inch of you."

"No way, you're the perfect one..." He takes your hands in both his palms, bringing them to his mouth to plant a set of tender kisses on both sets of knuckles before he turns to his dresser to retrieve one of the condoms that he's had forever but never used, elated that it's with you.

"No way." You shake your head and he blows air through his lips. Before he can slide the condom on, you stop him, "Wait..."

Kento's eyes go wide as he watches you crawl seductively towards him, breasts bouncing, beautiful, and bare across his bed and eye level with his staggering length.

"Let me make you feel good. Please?"

Kento's always wanted a blow job. Truth was, he was hoping that he could possibly get his first tonight with you, but he'd never, ever ask in a million years. He felt like that was way too forward, and the last thing he'd want is to make you uncomfortable or make himself look like a selfish guy. He can't help but feel impossibly turned on in this moment, turning to you with a lustful expression.

"R-really?"

"I'd love to." You purr, aiming your gaze innocently through your eyelashes as you softly kiss his bulging tip. "Let me pleasure you, Kento..."

He tilts his head as he looks down on you, fingers cradling the corner of your jaw as you stick out your tongue, swirling it around the pink tip. Kento shudders immediately and you relish his sensitivity to just the careful licks of your tongue, imagining just how responsive he must be when you're taking the full thing in your mouth, or your pussy.

Your tongue laps slowly around the tip, and then the underside of his shaft, goading him slowly until you wrap your mouth around as much of him as he can, until you slowly begin to bob your head.

"Fffuck...." Kento almost loses his footing at where he's standing next to the bed, hands immediately anchoring themselves in your hair as he can't help but chase that fuzzy feeling you're giving him all over, beginning to rhythmically move his hips into each motion of your pretty lips down the veiny length of his cock.

"That-haaah, please, please keep going..."

You smile and coo to let him know you have absolutely no plans of stopping anytime soon.

He's so soft. His taste is nothing unpleasant or particularly delicious, but oddly rousing in his own way. His faint musk from his bush and salt from his skin makes you want to seek more of him so you can taste him properly, until he's dripping down your throat, or between your legs, you're not picky at all by this point. And feeling him throb in your mouth with every soft purr and moan you give him to let him know how good he feels is so fucking sweet.

"Shit...shit..." Kento pulls out of your warmth unexpectedly, panting and wincing as he feels his balls draw tight, aching by this point as he inadvertently edged himself.

"I'm sorry, aaah..." He grunts and takes a deep breath.

"Are you okay, Ken?" You ask, slightly alarmed as you scoot over and allow him to sit down.

"I'm...I'm perfect." He puffs. "Just...just thought I was gonna cum back there, and I didn't want to. Not yet." He blushes. "I'm really sorry about that. I really really liked it."

"No, don't be sorry." You lean your head on his shoulder, the tunes from the CD were still playing. You two take a breather, pausing to listen to some Margot and the Nuclear So and Sos.

"It-hah...it felt really fucking good, just to let you know." Kento interrupts, one of his hands coming to trace over your spine.

"Haha, I'm so glad." You whisper, moving your lips to kiss his cheek, giving his ear a little lick.

Kento exhales tiredly and you smile as you see him twitch and start to go fully erect again. So adorable.

"Are you sleepy?" You ask, beginning to leave more kisses on his cheeks, then jaw which he's started to clench.

"N-No..." Kento sighs as he closes his eyes. "No way. I'm not ever tired for you." He lays you back on the pillows before rolling the condom on his cock. Then, he returns to kissing down your neck and chest until he gingerly lays his chin on your sternum, just below your breasts.

"I'll just go slow? And tell me if it hurts?"

You nod, doing your best to not tense up when you remember his size you have to contend with. But still, you craved him inside of you more than anything. If there was any cause worthy of getting your insides rearranged for, it would be by Kento, every single time.

"Just...uhm, look at me?" Kento orders sheepishly.

You smile, endeared that he's so eager to try and sit in the driver's seat for once.

"Okay." You look up at him, tenderness lining your pupils and the corners of your eyes soften as you look at Kento on top of you.

Kento smiles back down at you, balancing above you on his forearms, flexing a little bit in adorable display, all for you. You giggle, running your hands up and down his biceps which were surprisingly solid.

He always hid his figure underneath his baggy shorts and hoodies, and you can't help but feel so lucky again that he was being so vulnerable with you like this, electricity running in a steady thrum underneath your skin when you feel him start to ease his weight on top of you.

"You're so beautiful..." He murmurs the phrase like it's the only one he knows. Like he wasn't ever meant to speak unless the words were spent acknowledging the true depths of your beauty, lest it go completely wasted.

He kisses you softly again, daintily licking his tongue into your mouth, pumping his cock up and down. While doing so you feel him gently spread you open with one of his knees. He cradles your head, still keeping himself connected to your lips as he teases his cock in circles near your clit.

Kento didn't have experience, but he did watch plenty of porn. He has a pretty good idea of what he needs to do to make sure you're well warmed up. And ultimately for you, and he'd spend into next morning figuring it out if he needs to.

He takes note when he feels you break away from the kiss to pant and press your head back a little further into his pillow, a sign that he's rubbing and stimulating you right where he needs to. He breathes softly, sweet breath tickling your face as his eyes gently flicker and roam over you, every sip of you he drinks threatening to be the drop too many that leaves him intoxicated.

He uses the round squishy tip of his cock to press and rub your pussy, drawing circles and very barely dipping into your dripping entrance that was starting to build and leak a steady pool of juices. He lays his cock flat against your clit, watching his meaty shaft be hugged by both wet folds as it slides up, and down, the ribbed edges of the condom are even more pronounced with Kento's veins to give your puffy clit all the euphoric friction you need.

"Kento..." You mewl out again, and he uses his kiss to swallow your cry before you can get too loud as he moves to guide himself inside you.

Pure warmth with the wettest silk is all he knows as he slowly enters you for the first time. He's being absolutely gripped by you on all sides like an intoxicating vice, feeling you hug and squeeze and pulse with life around him.

"Baby...holy...fuck..." Kento breathes out, sucking in air through his teeth. He's practically delirious from this foreign feeling, fighting with every ounce of strength he has to continue going slow and not give into that primal itch that's aching to be scratched to fuck you senseless into the bed springs.

He thought the blowjob was heaven, however being inside of you was the hidden pot of honey where he realized he needed to be all this time.

You feel his veins, his curve, the consistent way he throbs in response to every time you clench around him. The shaky and breathless effect you're having on him and hearing his gorgeous voice, soft and gentle in your ear is summoning and releasing butterflies in your belly that you never knew existed. However, you'd be lying if you said his size wasn't pushing you to your absolute limits. You're reminded on all fronts that you're full of him every time you move with every inch he feeds you, now about halfway inside. He is the most endowed man you've had sex with by far, and you whine softly from the stretch.

When he hears your whimpers, he pulls out immediately and sits back on his knees, relieving you with his tongue. His flat, warm muscle laps up the nectar oozing underneath your clit and swirls in figure eights in every sensitive spot he can reach. He's hooked on the taste he left from being joined to you temporarily and presses his face into your dripping warmth, soaking his chin.

You arch your back, toes curled, and he utterly groans, locking an arm around each thigh as he slowly drags his nose back and forth, bumping your clit in the process.

----

Time has now slipped away, completely swallowed up by the wintry night and in every single secret, intimate, steamy, filthy, tender thing that's unraveled tonight in Kento's bed.

By some miracle he's held on like a champion until you both are drenched in sweat, although it becomes clear he's at his limit, the condom practically sliding off with the surplus of sweat and precum you conjured up from him. You both heave with exhaust that's made it's way to the fogged windowsill in the confined space and all the time that's been whittled away in this passionate encounter.

He's licked your warm cunt until an ocean is practically pouring out of you, he's sucked both your nipples into his mouth again to the point that they're most certainly branded with love marks and not just his spit. He's wiggled and curled those long fingers of his inside your silky pussy until you snapped like a rubber band at least twice.

Now, he hovers above you again after putting on a fresh condom, harder than a rock and searing with ache. He kisses you and grunts when he feels you deepen it immediately, apparently eager to taste your nectar after it's been inside his mouth. Now, his cock glides into you, warm and snug, filling every inch perfectly like you two were separately divinely crafted to fit each other.

"So good, Kento..." You reward him with that mellifluous way you rasp out his name, and he cradles your head in his hands as though you could break.

And all you can do as you stare at one another, bodies fully engulfed as he gently rocks his hips, is hold each other close and walk that up that staircase to heaven together, years and years of knowing one another already behind you as the seamless foundation you can use as a bridge.

Kento imagines this is as close to what married people must feel like on their honeymoon. As far as he's concerned in this moment, your pussy is the only pussy he'd like to fuck for the rest of his life.

What would wasting even a precious second on someone else do for him? There's no need. The connection that burns between you right now has long exceeded anything physical, leaving carnality and greed long in the dust and burning in the surplus of time between you that you had already spent.

Now, it's something profoundly emotional that all words fall short of conveying, but only in the gentle push and sway of your bodies moving and rippling like wild tides out at sea as one. It's especially meaningful as he hands over every bit of himself to you. The piece and part of his soul that was untouched, now forever claimed by you, and you only, none else.

"I love you." He whispers and kisses you again, those eyes of sweetest honey amber.

"I love you so much..." He begins to move a little faster against you, his declaration leaving his body with searing passion in its wake. "I always have."

"I love you, Kento...with all my heart." You gasp and feel your jaw slacken, the coil in your lower belly tightening with impossible tension with each deafening thrust. He whines a little louder as his cock slips and squelches with silky obscenity.

"Fuck I...I have to...I'm sorry." He mumbles and kisses you hard, as he holds up your legs and folds them to your chest as he begins to thrust into you lewdly in mating press.

"Kento!"

You cry out his name and he swallows it again, taking care that whatever beautiful sound he can wring out of you stays in this heated space you built together, all for his eyes and ears only. His cock fills, stretches, and impossibly stokes at those leftover embers from all the previous fires he ignited inside you tonight.

Now, you both move and grind with freedom, with sweetest absolution from straying past those lines of friendship you both ached and longed to shatter, set free from your cage with the tender profession of your mutual love.

Your skin smacks and sticks, drenched and salty from resistance built from perspiration and arousal. The heat is almost uncomfortable, but it's all forgotten when you look at him and he gazes down at you with those eyes you have seared into your memory. Your pleasure and love is the very forefront of your brain that guides you down this road, a path you're not afraid of so long as he's the one next to you.

"Gonna cum, I'm gonna....FUCK!"

He yanks you into his mouth again, this time using your kiss as an echo chamber to stifle his sounds as he unloads himself. He shudders as the tension rolls off of him and settles into you like cascading dominoes.

He whimpers quietly, still locked inside your kiss as he jerks sharply a few times for good measure despite the barrier of the condom catching all his cum, bringing his thumb back to your clit as he does so as though to demonstrate what he'd do exactly if the barrier were not in place.

You fall off not long after, with a shiver and tremble that dies in a broken cry against his lips.

"That was...."

"Perfect."

He releases all his weight onto you but it doesn't phase you one bit, his pressure and embrace a welcome respite as you weakly glide down from your peaks. After a moment when he collects his breath, he rolls onto his back next to you, keeping his fingers tangled with yours.

"Y-yeah. To be honest I dunno if perfect comes close.." Kento closes his eyes as he feels sleep begin to rouse in his eyelids with the clearing haze.

"More than perfect.....What's a word for that?" You smile, sleep beginning to tinge the sound of your voice as well.

He lets out a huff, then chuckles. "I dunno, babe. You did kind of just reset my brain back there..."

"We'll go with more than perfect, then. How about heaven?"

He nods and exhales, but the smile that curves at his lips is undeniable in his tone. "That sounds about right to me." He turns to you. "You okay?"

"I'm okay, I just." You look out at the window, briefly surveying the sights available to you in the present moment: the flurry of snowflakes in the window, the dip of the mattress where he lays next to you, the shadow of his eyes, the glow that raptures both of your skin.

"Things aren't ever gonna be the same with us, are they?"

"No, I guess not." He scoots closer to you, noses inches away. "But I'm okay with it. Are you?"

"I'm more than okay." You whisper with sincerity. "As long as I have you."

He smiles at your words, not getting over this welcome feeling of being needed by someone, especially you. "Course you do. I'm not letting you go after this."

"I love you so much. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. I love you more."

And the sleep that befell you afterwards could not be more peaceful, wrapped up in the conclusion of your lovemaking and the blissful beginning of a new chapter between you.

You shared sleepy laughs and infinite cuddles the next morning, huddled for warmth and tucked into one of his shirts as you talked over a morning cup of coffee before playing Mario again. You received an awkward note on his door with a noise complaint afterwards, which you giggled and hid your face in your hands, Kento's face a bright red.

Needless to say, you got pretty creative over winter break with finding places to meet and burn off steam, from his place to yours, to the little motel on the edge of town, to the backseat of your shitty pickup truck with fogged windows in the snow.

But one thing you could count on was each other. Love in the purest form of brown eyes waiting for you outside your class door, fingers coming to find their home in the spaces between yours as you walked hand in hand together.

His clear commitment to you made all the outside attention cease when it was obvious he was happy in love with you, his best friend, solidified permanently in that playlist that never did leave his CD player since that night.

It never made you wonder or second guess yourself again. You belonged together, it was as inevitable as the snowflakes that landed in his hair to the crinkle in your nose as he pulls you into his arms and kisses you again.

#jelly's 12 days of smutmas ✼ ｡ﾟ･ྀི𓈒 ݁⋆#from my trees . ˚ 𖧷 ·𓇥 ° . ♡#nanami kento x reader #nanami kento smut #nanami smut #nanami x reader #jjk x reader #jjk smut #smutmas #x female reader #x fem!reader #Spotify #dividers by saradika

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deansbeer · 14 hours ago

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★ SUNSETS, SOMBREROS, & SURPRISES // birthday boy edition.

SYNOPSIS. you surprise dean with a getaway to mexico for his birthday, complete with heartfelt gifts, a sunset stroll, and life-changing news.

-> if i missed a warning, please do let me know !

KARI'S NOTES. happy bday to baby boy <3 he deserves everything in the entire world, and i believe (in my head) he is very much alive + living his best life after giving up hunting because S15 never happened. anyway! i hope u enjoy this, which was just sitting there in my notes all day <333

DEAN WINCHESTER'S birthday had always been a quiet affair—if it was celebrated at all. most years, it was just a beer, maybe a piece of pie if he was lucky, and maybe sam would remember to say something. it wasn't that he didn't appreciate the effort when it happened; it just wasn't something he was used to. birthdays were just days, right? another year older, another year spent fighting the good fight.

but this year, you weren't having it.

you'd been planning this trip for weeks, keeping everything under wraps as best as you could. it wasn't easy; dean had a way of sniffing out surprises, especially when it came to you. but somehow, you managed to keep him in the dark.

so when you told him—casually, over breakfast—that you had booked a trip for the two of you, his fork froze halfway to his mouth.

"a trip?" he repeated, brows furrowing.

you smiled, taking a sip of your coffee. "yep. two weeks, just you and me. no cases, no monsters, no bunker. just… us."

he gave you a suspicious look. "where?"

"mexico," you said, watching his reaction carefully.

dean blinked. "mexico?"

"mexico," you confirmed, grinning.

he set his fork down, leaning back in his chair. "and how exactly are we getting there? because i know baby's not built for that kinda trip."

you tried not to laugh. "we're flying."

his face immediately twisted into a grimace. "oh, hell no."

"dean—"

"nope. not happening. i'm not getting on a plane."

you sighed, reaching across the table to take his hand. "you survived it once, didn't you? besides, this isn't a hunt. it's a vacation. you have me with you the whole time, and i promise, nothing's gonna happen."

he stared at you, his jaw clenching like he was trying to come up with another excuse. but you gave him that look—the one that always made him cave—and he finally sighed, muttering, "fine. but if i die, i'm haunting your ass."

you laughed, squeezing his hand. "deal."

the flight itself was… tense. dean was on edge the entire time, gripping the armrests like the plane was about to fall out of the sky. you spent most of the flight holding his hand, rubbing soothing circles into his palm, and distracting him with small talk. by the time you landed, he seemed a little less tense, but he still muttered something about never doing this again as you grabbed your bags.

but once you stepped outside and felt the warm sun on your face, all of his complaints seemed to melt away. the two of you made your way to the hotel, checked in, and by the time you reached your room, dean was actually beaming.

the room was beautiful—large windows overlooking the ocean, a king-sized bed, and a balcony where you could hear the waves crashing in the distance. it was perfect.

"damn, sweetheart," dean said, dropping his bag and whistling low. "you really went all out, huh?"

"only the best for you, birthday boy," you teased, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind.

he turned in your arms, pulling you close. "you didn't have to do all this."

"i wanted to," you said simply, standing on your tiptoes to kiss him.

the rest of the evening you both spent it enjoying each other. after some steamy sex that left both of you tangled in the sheets, you laid together, the warm breeze from the open balcony door cooling your skin. dean had an arm draped over you, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on your shoulder as you rested your head on his chest.

"this is nice," he murmured, his voice low and content.

"yeah," you agreed, your fingers brushing over the ridges of his abs.

you had two surprises planned for him, but you decided to start with the one you knew he'd love.

the next evening, after a lazy morning spent in bed and a quick swim in the hotel pool, you and dean got ready to head out to a restaurant you'd researched weeks ago.

dean had noticed you staying up late in the bunker, your laptop open and your brow furrowed in concentration. he'd assumed it was for a hunt, maybe some research sam had roped you into. but now, he realized it had all been for this.

as you stepped into the restaurant, dean was immediately greeted by a group of staff who placed a large, brightly decorated sombrero on his head. you'd called ahead, asking if they could do something special for his birthday, and they'd certainly delivered.

he looked ridiculous, but the grin on his face was worth it.

"you planned this too?" he asked, glancing at you as he adjusted the sombrero.

"of course," you said, smiling. "it's your birthday, baby. i wanted it to be special."

the two of you spent the evening laughing, eating some of the best food dean had ever tasted, and him having a few drinks. you even ordered for him in spanish, your fluency leaving him both impressed and—if the look in his eyes was anything to go by—more than a little turned on.

"damn," he said after you helped him pronounce something on the menu. "never thought i'd find spanish sexy, but here we are."

you laughed, shaking your head. "glad i could surprise you."

later, as the two of you walked along the beach, the sun dipping below the horizon in a blaze of orange and pink, dean seemed more relaxed than you'd seen him in years. he was barefoot, his flip-flops dangling from his fingers, and his other hand was firmly clasped in yours.

you wore a long white summer dress, the fabric fluttering in the breeze, and dean couldn't stop stealing glances at you.

"you look beautiful, darlin'," he said softly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

you smiled, your cheeks warming. "you don't look so bad yourself, my love."

when you reached a pair of deck chairs, you both sat down, dean immediately pulling his closer to yours. his hands rested on your thighs, his touch warm and grounding as he stared out at the ocean.

you took the opportunity to pull out the first gift—a small envelope with his name written on the front in your neat cursive.

"what's this?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as you handed it to him.

"open it and find out," you said, grinning.

he carefully tore it open, pulling out the letter and saw tickets inside. his eyes widened as he read the letter, and by the time he got to the tickets, his jaw had dropped.

"no fucking way," he breathed, staring at the words 'Metallica VIP' printed on the tickets.

"yes way," you said, laughing.

"you're serious?" he asked, looking at you like he couldn't believe it.

"dead serious. we're going as soon as we get back."

he was quiet for a moment, his eyes misting over as he looked back at the tickets. then he set them down and pulled you into his arms, kissing you all over your face.

"you're amazing, baby," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

you laughed, brushing a tear from his cheek. "you deserve it, dean. you deserve everything."

he shook his head, his smile soft. "i don't know what i did to deserve you."

you leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "you're you. that's enough."

after a moment, you pulled back, reaching behind you for the second gift.

"there's one more thing," you said, your voice growing a little shaky.

dean frowned slightly, his brows furrowing. "what more could you possibly—"

you held out the pregnancy test, your hands trembling slightly.

"i'm pregnant, baby," you said softly, your eyes searching his face.

for a moment, he just stared at you, his mouth opening and closing like he was trying to find the right words. then a slow smile spread across his face, and he let out a choked laugh.

"you're serious?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

you nodded, tears streaming down your face. "yeah. i'm serious."

he let out a shaky breath, pulling you into his arms and spinning you around. you squealed, clinging to him as he laughed, his joy infectious.

when he finally set you down, he cupped your face in his hands, pressing a kiss to your forehead, your nose, and finally your lips.

"thank you," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "thank you for… everything."

you smiled, resting your forehead against his. "happy birthday, my love."

that night, you celebrated with champagne — he drank one for you and himself — laughter, and the quiet promise of a future filled with love.

SPECIAL TAGS. @figthoughts @titsout4jackles @floralscented @aileenunfiltered @deanswidow @lacydollette @fallbhind @beausling @frosttbitessam @bluestrd @florchids @ultravi0lence14 @starzify @honeyryewhiskey @bluemerakis @deansbite @rafespreciosa @voidsuites . . . ☆

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burningembers91 · 12 hours ago

Text

Knock at the Door - Park Gyeong-Seok x Fem!Reader

Follow up piece to:

Loving You From Afar

The Shape of You

Family Unit

The Artist’s Muse

Breaking Eggs

Synopsis: While celebrating what should be a special occasion, a knock at the door changes everything.

A/N: typed on my phone so there may be errors

It was hot today, the sun beating down on you as you laid out the picnic blanket on the grass. Your blue sundress matched Na-Yeon’s, at the little girls insistence. She loved matching her clothes with you, always making sure you had the same colours on. It made feel grown up, and she’d already firmly decided that when she grew up, she wanted to be just like you. Her crotched strawberry hat had been replaced by a cotton daisy printed one and she sat cross legged on the grass as you set out lunch.

Park Gyeong-Seok couldn’t believe how much his life had changed over the last few months, still couldn’t quite believe that he got to wake up every day and live the dream he’d always wanted. As he slathered extra sun cream on his daughter’s arms and legs, you caught each other’s eyes, smiling. He tactfully tapped his shorts pocket, making sure the ring box was still tucked safely away.

He’d known he wanted to marry you for a while now, and with Na-Yeon’s cancer now stable, he had a little more money to play with. He’d found you the perfect ring, a simple silver band with a single pink zirconia gem set in the middle. It wasn’t anything fancy, but him and Na-Yeon had picked it together, and he hoped you’d realise how special it was. He’d sworn his daughter to secrecy, telling her he was going to ask you to be his wife, and then the three of you could be a proper family. He wasn’t entirely sure she understood completely, but she’d been surprisingly good at the keeping the secret.

“What are you smiling about?” You asked him, settling yourself down on the blanket. Gyeong-Seok had been acting strangely the last few days, a cheesey grin always plastered to his face.

“It’s just a really nice day,” he said, leaning forward to give you a kiss. He was going to wait until after you’d eaten to ask you, but could feel the nerves creeping up on him. He just wanted to hear you say yes.

“In fact,” he said, pulling Na-Yeon onto his lap, “I think Na-Yeon had something she wanted to ask you.”

He looked at his daughter, giving her the nod to say what they’d spent several days practicing.

“Will you marry my daddy?” She asked you, giggling as your jaw dropped.

“What?” You whispered, your hands clapped to your mouth. “Really?”

You’d never imagined this would happen, had never thought he’d be ready to marry again. His ex-wife had left him so heartbroken, and even though you’d never spoken about marriage, you’d always assumed he’d never be ready again.

“Really,” he Gyeong-Seok smiled, pulling the box from his pocket.

“I picked the ring!” Na-Yeon squealed, making sure you knew just how important a job she’d had.

“It’s perfect,” you smiled, tears streaming down your face. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

He slipped the ring on your finger, a perfect fit, and pulled you and his daughter into him.

“You have no idea how happy you make me,” he whispered into your hair, squeezing you into his chest.

You couldn’t stop looking at the ring as you ate lunch, the silver band and gem sparkling in the sun. It was so perfectly you, the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. You stared at it the whole way home, Na-Yeon gripping your hand, mesmerised by the way the light caught the pink stone.

You weren’t sure how you’d pay for a wedding, your finances already tight, but you’d marry Gyeong-Seok at a bus stop if you had to. You didn’t need anything fancy; you only needed him.

You were so blissfully wrapped in up the celebrations, so caught up in the love for your fiancé and his daughter, that you almost didn’t hear the doorbell go. You’d just gotteb Na-Yeon down, a struggle that required both you and Gyeong-Seok. She’d been determined to stay awake and celebrate with you, and very loudly rejected the idea of going to bed. She’d finally fallen asleep, through sheer exhaustion, and the two of you had snuck back into the living to open a bottle of wine.

“Are you expecting anyone?” You asked, pulling two wine glasses down from the shelf.

“No,” Gyeong-Seok shook his head, wondering if maybe your friends had arranged for flowers or something to be sent. News had travelled fast, and you’d already had a slew of phone calls and text messages congratulating you.

“You pour the wine, I’ll grab the door,” you smiled. “I bet the girls from the office have sent something.”

You pulled open the front door to find a woman standing in front of you.

“Can I help you?” You asked. She was a short, petite woman with sharp features and long, black hair. She didn’t return the smile you offered, peering around you into the apartment.

“I want to see my daughter,” she snapped, barely acknowledging you.

“I’m sorry,” you said, “I think you’ve got the wrong house.”

“No, I haven’t. Na-Yeon. I want to see Na-Yeon.”

Your blood ran cold, your hand gripping onto the door so hard your knuckles turned white. Gyeong-Seok couldn’t see the figure at the door, but he could tell by your stance that something wasn’t right.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, coming to stand next to you.

He saw the woman standing before him, the woman who had walked out of his life, leaving their daughter without a mother.

“Mi-Na?” He said, his voice no more than a strangled whisper.

This morning, Park Gyeong-Seok’s life had been perfect. And now, in one single second, it had all come crashing down around him once again.

#squid game #squid game x reader #squid game 2 #squid game fanfic #squid game x you #squid game season 2 #park gyeong seok x you #park gyeong seok x reader #park gyeong seok #lee jin uk

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rainfallflora · 3 days ago

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Who is your favorite bot and why? Really give me the essay too I want to hear it

my favorite bot is ratchet!!! i have so many reasons.

- i love grumbly characters with a soft spot

- in many continuties he often tows the neutral line and just wants peace and progress (in war for cybertron he treats both autobots and decepticons and makes them work together, in tfp he does work with megatron for a bit and it says on the wiki as well he chose the autobots bc he thinks optimus is the best chance for peace) and i always love characters that do their own thing and are complex like that

- he's very well-educated/skilled and wants to help, but at the same time, is overly prideful at times and this is his major flaw

- in most continuities, he's very cautious and logical, and is not against making a less "morally upright" choice if it means the best for those he loves and cybertron (similar to how he tows the line of neutrality - he will make a positive decision, but he's not against not making the MOST humanitarian decision if it means saving resources, ending the war, etc., unlike optimus who will take the strongest morally good position possible regardless of the cost)

- he's so full of angst potential especially with war trauma, general emotional avoidance, etc.

- but also hope! he's been shown to grow to care for humans (like raf) and when he fixes Bee's T-Cog in tfp there's a massive amount of joy and hope there

- i love medic characters (bones was my fave in star trek, for example)

- optiratch is so fun bc they argue like an old married couple

- he isn't afraid to stand up in what he believes in. while he'll go with optimus' decision, he is gonna make sure his opinion and logic are heard

- due to having to work with such a little supply of his normal tools and tech (especially early tfp) he's very much a great improviser and jack of all trades

also:

- i wanna get railed by doc bot and also make him beg :)

#ratchet tfp #ratchet #war for cybertron #optiratch #optimus x ratchet #ratchet x reader #ratchet x optimus #tfp #transformers prime

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concretejunglefm · 2 days ago

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I want to tie a pretty pink ribbon around sub!Noah’s cock.

- @somebodyels3

in the words of you; i want to tie one around his cock and around his wrists.

CW: smut including sub!noah being an overall good boy, edging, orgasm denial, overstimulation with toys (wand), lots of praise, cum feeding and sweet dirty talk.

Names: Good boy, baby boy, pup.

Smut under the cut 🔞 Minors DNI.

Look how pretty he is bound up just for you. How pretty his cock is with a pretty pink ribbon wrapped around it like a gift, all for you. And you'll tell him as much, whisper it against the shell of his ear as you drag your nails slowly down along his tattooed chest, listening to his faint rapid breaths.

He's been such a good boy.

For the past ten minutes Noah has been doing his best to hold on, for you. It's still early in your lessons, you don't expect him to las too long but he's already exceeded previous expectations.

Every now and then you watch the way his stomach quivers, and how he steadies his breathing to hold himself back, while his cock twitches, precum leaking from the tip. It's so red you think he could burst without you even touching him at this point.

"Please."

It's faint, but you hear the word slip between his lips, along side the faint whimpers he's making.

You hum in response. "What is it, pup? You have to speak up, remember to use your words."

You take him beneath his chin, your forefinger and thumb holding his head for him to look at you.

"I-... I want..." He starts, struggling to find his words.

"Yes?" You're giving him as much encouragement as you can, easily sensing the shyness. It's still a process, making him ask and tell you what he wants, most times he nudges or gives you those doe eyes and hopes that you know, but right now you know what he really wants is on the tip of his tongue and it isn't to cum.

"The wa-... the wa..." Noah continues to stutter out between his whimpers.

"The wand?" You finish, delighted by his enthusiasm to return to one of your favorite toys. You reach for it from off the bed, holding it up for him to see and his head nods frantically.

Another 'please' slips from his lips while you turn on the toy and it rumbles to life.

You can barely contain your own excitement as you bring the head of it towards him. The vibration is low, but he's sensitive enough to react the moment you press it lightly against his shaft. He squirms and twitches in place, his cock practically visibly throbbing with the overstimulation you've been providing.

You love to drag it out, switching between a toy and then your hand, long slow strokes providing him that edging he needs until you bring him right to the brink, just to pull him back.

"That's my good boy." You coo, your voice silky soft because he deserves to be treated in a gentle manner when he's nothing short of good for you, an obedient boy who happily plays by your rules. When he isn't being a brat.

The moment you see the precum spilling from his tip once more, you pull the wand away and replace your hand around the shaft, swiping your thumb up and over the tip to gather it before releasing him and reaching up to his mouth.

"Open." You instruct and watch how he follows obediently in his complete dizzying state. He's so easy for you to toy with like this, when he's right on edge and lost in his own pleasure.

Accepting your thumb, you feel the swipe of his tongue against the pad of it, eagerly tasting himself off you.

"You are such a good pup for me." You praise him softly, happily showering him with more as you lean up and kiss him. You can never resist stealing a kiss from him in these moments, because even when he's soft and obedient, you have the overwhelming urge to be soft with him in none dominant ways, just needing to touch and kiss him to feel closer.

When you break away, you look down between you to his cock, watching how he leaks a little more and your brows raise as it slowly spills down along the side of his shaft, just crossing over the threshold of the pink ribbon neatly tied around him.

"Oops." You look back up to him, stroking your fingers back through his hair, feeling the dampness from the sweat against your hand. "I guess this means we're starting over." You inform him and reach for your phone, resetting the timer from 12 minutes, back down to 0.

"Let's see how long you can last this time."

#bad omens fanfiction #bad omens smut #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian x reader #sub!noah sebastian smut #sub!noah sebastian #sub!noah #concretejunglefm #kel's 💕

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linosaurus-ikuklk · 2 days ago

Text

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Bang Chan - I'm Yours, Always.

Summary: After a tiring season of continuous work loads, your best friend Changbin invites you to a 3-days vacation at a beachside villa. But dread follows you until then when you found out that your ex-situationship was coming too.

Genre: Romance

Trope: Ex-situationships (cuz what else would it be?), Second Chance, Fluff, Angst (if your mind wanders on its own about their backstory)

Word Count: 3.2k

Notes: This one is a oneshot because this came up in my head while listening to---obviously, "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz while I was in the middle of preparing myself for second semester. I had the song on repeat for about a week now and I'm not stopping any sooner. This is not 100% proofread too so... heh. This may not be a lot but I hope you like it~!

A week ago, you’ve been praying—begging even—to God to let you have a break from your exhausting, tedious job as an office worker. The job could get very demanding, especially with the loads and loads of paperwork you had to proofread and edit. If you could only crash out, like you would during elementary if you didn’t like the subject, you would’ve done it already. But without a doubt, that would cost you your only job and only source of income.

God is good and your prayers have been answered through the way of your tooth-rottingly sweet best friend, Seo Changbin. He didn’t have to aegyo his way in to convince you, one paragraph message was enough to get you to come with him and your other friends to a retreat at a beachside villa.

“Tell me you’re already done preparing.”

You saw the notification that popped up on your screen, the nickname “Dwaekki” disappearing after a few seconds. You checked and read it with a scoff puffing out of you.

“I think I’m the most excited about this. I’ve already packed two days ago.”

Glancing at your suitcase sized backpack, you smirked, knowing it’s not you who’s going to be carrying that. It was very intentional since all of those boys were getting their muscles ripped, why not give it something to do other than impressing the ladies?

What were you even carrying in that bag? A bunch of clothes? Dang, you have 5 dresses and 3 pairs of bikinis. Not only that, you have a lot of things to enjoy while you’re there. Food, board games, and a thick book you’ve been trying to read for the past year.

“You should see Chan, he’s already in the villa.”

You frowned, immediately typing in a message. Your heart thumping a little harder.

“I thought he’s not coming?”

To say things had been weird between you and Chan lately was an understatement. You’d been close once—the kind of close where he’d text you after a long day just to check in, where he’d look for you in the crowd during a performance and shoot you a small, private smile. But then life got busy. For him, at least. And for you? Well, you’d gotten used to not hearing from him anymore. Mostly.

“Idk what changed his mind.” “We’re outside, you need help with your bag?”

The ride to the villa wasn’t so bad. Aside from your legs being cramped up from all the other baggage the guys decided to bring, you enjoyed singing and playing games with the guys.

But your mind wandered to Chan every now and then. You wanted to be comfortable as much as you can in this vacation and you’re beginning to doubt it when you found out that he’s in too. Are you even going to be able to sit in the same room without hating yourself for staring at him even if you didn’t intend to? How are you even going to react when he’s sitting beside you? Are you going to scurry away and cringe or just sit there like you’re not affected by his mere presence, whatsoever?

Still, when you arrived at the villa and saw him standing by the front door, his hair tousled by the salty breeze, you couldn’t stop the way your stomach flipped. He spotted you instantly, his eyes lighting up with that familiar warmth.

“You came,” he said, stepping forward to grab one of your bags before you could protest. His dimpled smile was every bit as devastating as you remembered. You forced a small smile, your gaze fixed on the ground, only glancing up at him for a mere millisecond, showing him a slight—and unbearably awkward smile of gratitude before following Changbin and Minho inside.

The night came in a few hours and when you finally came out of your room—after giving yourself enough time to focus on just enjoying your vacation—you saw that the boys had already set a campfire in the sand. You joined them by helping Minho and Yongbok with grilling the lamb chops. Seungmin sang in the background as Jisung played his guitar while the others did the finishing touches to the tents they were setting up.

Minho goes inside to get the other foods and Felix goes to get the utensils, leaving you with the responsibility of trying not to burn the precious meat. You were pretty focused, counting down the remaining minute it should stay on that side to cook when suddenly, someone takes the tongs from you. Looking up, you almost kicked the grill down when you saw Chan but seeing that it’s not rational, you only frowned at him before fixing your gaze back down to the lamb chops as he moved them around.

“What are you doing? Minho said that it should stay like that for one more minute,” you said but he only chuckles lightly at you, so light that it plays with the strings of your heart which makes you want to jump at him and straight up beat him for still doing this to you. For fluttering you with the barest minimum.

“It’s been more than a minute,” he turns the lamb chops to their other side to cook, glancing at you with a teasing smile tugging at the corner of his lips. You didn’t do anything to argue and let him do the job, he’s an expert anyway. You wiped your dirty hands on the back of your pants as you backed away quietly. “You cooked these well,” he comments, making you stop from escaping his excruciating presence.

“No, Minho and Felix did most of the job…” you trailed off, glancing inside the house to see if any of the two were coming back. “I just helped with the seasoning.”

Your voice was quiet and had an obvious hint of unease in it, making Chan grit his jaw and just nod without looking. He lets you slip away and make your way to Hyunjin who was decorating the place with fairy lights. But even with the task at hand, his gaze was on you.

Why did he let this happen? After all the things that happened between the both of you—if anything really did happen—why did he let it wear away with time?

Once everything was settled, all of you sat in a circle to eat. It was peaceful at first, just casually praising the chef—Minho and Chan—and remembering the time when Jisung and Yongbok had to cook for them. That was until Changbin brought up the ultimate debate: which is better, the pool or the ocean?

It was a one-on-eight argument, with Minho being the only one to side on the pool while he argued mostly with Hyunjin. “Why would I willingly swim somewhere I can’t see what’s underneath me? Something could just crawl up and—” He shuddered dramatically, cutting himself off.

“So dramatic,” Hyunjin snorted, letting the irony slide past himself, throwing a marshmallow at him. “The ocean is better. You can float and feel at one with nature.”

Minho caught the marshmallow mid-air. “Yeah, until a jellyfish shows up and ‘one with nature’ turns into ‘one with the ER.’” He shoves the treat in his mouth.

The conversation spiraled until Seungmin, who had been quietly observing the chaos, decided to end it. He leaned forward, his face neutral, and delivered his final verdict: “Doesn’t matter. Either way, there’s still a chance you’ll drown and die.”

The silence lasted two full beats before everyone burst out laughing. Even Minho couldn’t keep a straight face, muttering under his breath, “I hate how he’s not wrong.”

And as the laughter kept on erupting while the others added more things to laugh at, your eyes caught Chan’s as they looked at you with the same softness he used to before he became distant and a smile that could bring vibrant colors to your eyes. It made you shudder, your smile faltering as you looked away.

What is he trying to do now? Dimple his way back to you like he did before? He left you hanging on something you thought that was there and it sure did take a lot from you to let go of it. Are you going to fall for the same thing that made you doubt yourself and even others in the end?

That night, while you were trying to sleep inside your tent, it occurred to you that maybe he was just trying to be civil. Maybe you were the one who gave all the wrong meanings to those things before. Maybe you’re just being too rough on him right now. So you decided to treat him with respect, without recoiling from his presence.

The next morning, you woke up before everyone else. You hadn’t planned to—but between the excitement of being here and the not-so-quiet snores coming from Jeongin’s tent, sleep had decided it wasn’t your friend. So, you grabbed a hoodie and wandered outside, where the early sun painted the sky in soft hues of pink and orange.

You made your way outside, the sand tickling the sole of your feet. You weren’t expecting to see anyone else. Which is why your heart nearly leapt out of your chest when you heard the gentle strum of a guitar. And there he was: Bang Chan, sitting cross-legged on the sand, barefoot and completely lost in his own world.

“You’re up early,” he said when he noticed you, his voice carrying that low, soothing tone you’d missed way too much. The slight adrenaline that was rushing through your body finally soothed when you saw how natural he looked. How his face is still slightly puffy from sleep and his hair tousled by the wind.

You let your walls come down just for a bit and let yourself be vulnerable around him in a way that was too subtle for him to feel. “I couldn’t miss this view,” you replied, gesturing vaguely at the ocean. You let your eyes be blessed with his beauty, the pinkish tips of his fingers gently strumming the chords as he looked back at you. You notice he was staring because you’re too busy admiring him, but he was looking at you with the same endearing, sparkling eyes.

How you looked so beautiful with the sun kissing your skin. Your hair was being blown by the wind in directions that make you look like an angel, a blessing sent from heaven. And your eyes, how they stared down at him like they could make him do the most desperate things in the world—only to have them stay like that when you would meet his gaze.

Questions popped in his mind, those that he wondered for the past days. Questions he missed to ask you on a regular basis. How have you been? Are you resting well? Why are you letting yourself drown in too much work?

He grinned, tilting his head. “You mean the sunrise, or…?” You rolled your eyes, but your face heated up anyway. Typical Chan.

He started playing a soft, familiar melody—I’m Yours. And before you knew it, you were humming along, your voice blending with his as you sat a foot away from him. It was effortless, like no time had passed. Like you’d always been meant to find your way back to this moment. Find your way back to him.

And before either of you even knew it, the tangled strings were beginning to unravel. With every stolen glance, the tension melted through the sands and got carried away to the ocean, with each melody you sang, the uneasiness was carried by the wind. You knew you were going to give in and yet the walls still stood at the height of your chest.

Game night was chaos. Of course it was. You should’ve known better when Jeongin grabbed the charades cards with a gleeful smirk, practically vibrating with excitement as he announced the teams. “And for the ultimate duo…” He paused for dramatic effect, his eyes landing squarely on you and Chan. “You two. Obviously.”

Your protests fell on deaf ears. Before you could argue, Hyunjin swooped in, all flair and drama. He clutched his chest like he was auditioning for a period drama, his voice rising in exaggerated passion. “This is fate! Look at their chemistry! The sparks! The magic!”

“Hyunjin, sit down,” you muttered, trying to suppress your growing embarrassment as the rest of the boys howled with laughter.

Chan, standing beside you, chuckled softly, his voice low enough that only you could hear. “Ignore him. He’s just jealous.” The casual warmth in his tone sent a ripple of warmth through your chest, and despite your best efforts, your lips twitched into a reluctant smile, forgetting whatever reason you were uneasy around him before.

The game started, and the chaos only escalated. Chan leaned in close as the two of you deciphered the clues, his shoulder brushing yours in a way that felt natural but electric all the same. You tried to focus, but his laughter was like a song you couldn’t ignore, each note low and warm, wrapping around you like a blanket.

Later that night, the bonfire lit up the shoreline, casting flickering shadows over the sand. The guys’ laughter and chatter filled the air, but your attention kept drifting to Chan, who seemed distracted—his gaze flickering to you every so often, like he was working up the courage to say something.

Eventually, he stood and gestured for you to follow. “Walk with me?”

You nodded, your heart thudding as you left the group behind. The waves lapped gently at your feet as you strolled along the water’s edge, the sound soothing and steady. But Chan’s presence next to you? It makes your heartbeat go crazy and you don’t even know if it’s from nervousness or something in the range of anger. It makes your hands and feet go cold without any particular reason. It was anything but calm.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he said finally, his voice quieter now. “I just… didn’t know how.”

You stopped, turning to face him. “What is it?”

He ran a hand through his curls, looking down at his feet before meeting your eyes. “I know I’ve been distant. I’ve been trying to balance everything—the group, the music… everything. But in doing that, I’ve been ignoring the one thing that matters most to me.”

Your breath caught. Was he…?

“I’ve always known where my heart belongs,” he continued, his voice trembling just slightly. “It’s with you. And I just didn’t know how to say it without scaring you away. But I can’t… I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I’m yours, if you’ll have me.”

For a moment, all you could do was stare at him, his words sinking in like waves crashing against the shore. His gaze at you as soft as the clouds in the skies, like it could sweep you off of your feet. Then, finally, you found your voice.

“You’re an idiot,” you said, your throat tightening with unshed tears.

It wasn’t an illusion, it’s not you assuming things that weren’t actually there. It wasn’t him randomly being fixated on you or anything negative of the sorts.

His eyes widened, panic flashing across his face. “What?”

You stepped closer, close enough to see the vulnerability in his expression. The proximity of it almost kills you from how much you longed for it. How you just wanted to jump into his arms and let him pull you in like you needed to be combined as one. “You’re an idiot for thinking I wouldn’t wait for you. I’ve been yours all along, Chan. And I always will be.”

Relief flooded Chan’s features, followed by a smile so radiant it could’ve outshone the stars. He pulled you into his arms, holding you like you were something precious, something he’d never let go of again. His hand on the back of your neck, keeping your cheek flush against his shoulder, his other hand on your waist that keeps you steady as you stand on your toes.

It doesn’t matter how long you have been distant. It just shows how love can be so strong and get even stronger when two people are far from each other. And the fact that you came back in each other’s embrace proves that your love for each other was as true as you thought it was. Yours and his faith didn’t fail, but you did let fear hold you back.

The next day, the two of you strolled along the beach hand in hand, the world slowly waking around you. Chan’s phone played I’m Yours softly, and before you could protest, he spun you around, pulling you into a slow, lazy dance.

“Chan,” you laughed, glancing around nervously, your hands secured your own balance as you held on to his biceps. “What if the others see?”

“Let them,” he said simply, his eyes sparkling with mischief and something deeper. His strong arms wrapped around your waist as he nestled his nose on the crown of your head, his eyes closing for a brief moment to let the scent of your shampoo to be burned on his mind. “I’m not hiding this anymore. Not hiding us.”

As he pulled you closer—chest to chest, your heart swelled, the tip of your noses brushing against each other. But then a distant voice shouted, “Ayo, Chan, save some of that sweetness for later!” followed by a chorus of howling and teasing laughs.

“Get a room, you two!” Felix shouted from a few yards away, his eyes squinting from the glaring sun and was followed by Hyunjin's dramatic, "Oh, the pain of witnessing such public displays of affection."

You looked over, your face turning a shade of red that could rival the sunset, and saw the other members standing in a small group, all grinning like idiots, giving you both thumbs-up. Changbin was hitting Seungmin as he squealed, Jisung shook Jeongin by his shoulder, and Minho squatted on the ground with the most endearing smile.

"Don’t mind them," Chan whispered with a playful smirk, noticing your embarrassment and making you turn your gaze to him again. "Just look at me." His voice was commanding but in a very gentle way that it would make you obey right away.

Jisung yelled from behind, “I’m not sure if I’m more jealous or grossed out!” He rested his hands on Minho’s shoulder and almost fell over when the older guy stumbled forward.

“See?” Chan said with a grin, “They’re jealous.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, your face still flushed. “Maybe, but they’re definitely loud.”

“I’m sure they’ll get over it,” Chan teased, his arms tightening around you, pulling you impossibly closer.

You laughed, feeling a lightness spread through you. Chan spun you again, and for a moment, it was just the two of you, surrounded by the music and the sound of the waves.

And then, with that familiar spark in his eyes, he leaned in, pressing a kiss to your forehead. The teasing from the others faded into the background, but the warmth from their playful energy lingered.

"This is our fate," he whispered. “I’m yours… as you are mine.”

And as his lips found yours, the rest of the world faded away. It was just you, him, and the unshakable certainty that you were exactly where you were meant to be.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

2 Timothy 1:7

Don't be shy to give me suggestions guysss~ I hope you enjoyed "I'm Yours, Always."! God bless you all!!

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traumadumpwriter · 3 days ago

Text

JJ Maybank X Reader ~ Relapse and a Half

My first OBX fic. I hope y’all like it.

Summary: The Pogues feel betrayed by the readers sudden relapse into hard drugs, but they’re unable to be angry at her for too long as something terrible leaves her needing their support more than ever.

Trigger warning for: drugs (obviously), guns, sexual assault, violence

Part two

Part One:

You'd been on the edge for a while now. The relapse should've been seen from a mile off. Your uncharacteristic quietness, the way you'd get lost in your thoughts, the distant look in your eyes. Everyone could tell that something was up, but even when they questioned you about it you had no real answers to give - uncertain yourself of what was making you feel so withdrawn.

When you'd first moved to OBX with your busy mum, you'd instantly found a group of friends - a really good group of friends - the Pogues. And they'd been quick to suss out that you were hiding things - particularly JJ. You were practically never sober, for starters, and though he wasn't either, you had a way of taking it to the next level. This was fun most of the time, but sometimes it got to a level that was concerning - even to the most problematic Pogue on the island. Whenever he'd pushed you for answers, trying to figure out what exactly you were self medicating for, you got extremely annoyed and so he never really got a straight answer. You couldn't bare to be so vulnerable with anyone - let alone the boy you'd started to develop feelings for - so you remained somewhat of a mystery.

Sure, there had been nights when you'd shared a bed - both of you very drunk. You'd convince yourself that maybe JJ liked you, maybe the sex meant more to him than just sex, but then when he'd continue to treat you like just a friend the morning after, your hopes would be crushed. It’s not like you ever gave him any reason to think that the sex was anything other than casual, but that was because you didn’t want him to be able to reject you. And besides, could he not tell that you wanted more? Kiera could and she wasn’t even in the bedroom.

Then the overdose happened. The Pogue's had suspected that you'd been taking something other than just alcohol for a while. The night that you'd almost died at the Chateau their suspicions became a painful fact. You'd taken a few too many pills - benzodiazepines to be exact - and though you'd known that you were reaching a point of no return, after hearing all about the gorgeous touron that JJ had been obsessed with, you couldn't bring yourself to stop.

That night had been awful for everyone, and you'd ended up tearfully promising that you would get clean after that, unable to bear the hurt on the Pogue's faces. So you'd been almost a year clean now, blossoming into a new person that the Pogue's liked even more than the old you. Yours and JJ's relationship remained just as complicated though - still having the occasional hookup but largely seeming as if you were just friends. Now that you weren't on pills and you could actually fully remember the sex, it hurt even more in the morning after. Still, you continued, desperate to feel wanted even if it was just for a night.

You hadn't realised how much this routine was actually bothering you until in a night similar to the one you'd overdosed on, JJ had been making out with another gorgeous touron.

*Your POV*

I'd watched jealously from across the party, ignoring the sound of Kie in my ear telling me that "I was much prettier than that touron."

I appreciated the sentiment, but I knew it was a lie, and so in a split second decision, I told Kie that I was going to go home. "I'm going to have an early one." I said, knowing it was a lie. "I'll see you tomorrow."

In that split second decision, I'd decided that all of my progress didn't matter if I still felt this worthless. What was the point in being clean if it meant that I wanted to die? JJ's insistence had been one of the things that had motivated me to stay away from the pills, but he hadn't been interested in me for a while now. He hadn't even asked me for a fuck. Had he grown bored of me? Or maybe I had gotten uglier without realising it. Maybe I had put on some weight or he didn't like my haircut. Maybe he’d developed feelings for a different girl - a better girl.

Kie nodded worriedly, clearly not sure whether to believe me or not. I hadn't even directly confessed to her that I liked JJ, she was just the only one in the group who wasn't too stupid to see it.

"Okay. Be safe." She smiled, pulling me into a hug, and though I felt bad, I still hopped on my bike and headed straight to Barry's as soon as the coast was clear.

Kie would be devastated if she'd known where I was actually going. So would John B, and Pope, and maybe even JJ, but they would forgive me quicker than her. At least, I thought that they would.

Blurred memories of the night I'd overdosed filled my mind; the sound of shouting, someone's fingers down my throat, a muffled sob, flashing lights. A shiver of shame ran down my spine as I struggled to push the images from my mind.

The ride to Barry's was short, though it felt like a lifetime as all the things I hated about myself bounced around in my head like a torturous broken record. Of course JJ didn't want to be with me. I wasn't beautiful enough. I wasn't cool enough. I wasn't good enough. I would just continue to be his slutty friend that he could stick it in whenever it was convenient for him, and he didn't even seem to want that anymore. The thought made me even more ashamed, remembering all the times I'd let him fuck me, hoping that he'd found me beautiful, thinking that maybe he liked me, just to realise in the morning that I was easy to him.

Yet I knew, that if he were to approach me in that moment and ask for a fuck, I wouldn't say no. I wanted to be wanted so badly, even if it was just for a fleeting moment, and the feeling was unbearable. It ate me up inside, making my chest tight and my eyes water. I was quick to blink any dampness away from my eyes though, focused instead on the high that I would soon have - the comfortable numbness that it would bring me. My clean streak meant nothing, a stupid concept when compared to the internal anguish I felt. From my low self esteem to my repressed trauma, I had no fight left in the battle to stay clean. Sure, the Pogue's would be upset if they found out, but I wouldn't let them find out. I would keep it low-key, unlike I did before.

When I knocked on Barry's door, I was relieved that he was the one to answer and the house was seemingly empty, meaning I only had to speak to him. His friends were annoying, and though I didn't particularly like Barry, I found him funny sometimes.

"Well shit, Y/N. Been a while." He grinned.

"Yeahh. Well I'm back." I said with a mock smile.

"Come inside."

The transaction had soon been completed; a pot of pills in my hand and some cash in Barry's. I leant back into the sofa and took one immediately, swallowing it down with a beer handed to me by him.

"Bad night?" He questioned with an amused scoff.

"Something like that." I answered. "How about you? Place ain't usually this empty on a Friday."

"Want my own company sometimes. That a crime?"

"No. Just strange is all." I murmured, taking another swig from the beer.

Paired with my already drunkenness, the feeling of the pill was starting to hit - hard and strong - and I felt my body slump comfortably into the sofa. My head felt light whilst the rest of my body felt heavy, creating a strange, cosy sensation. It was a feeling I'd missed.

"Well what happened with you, party princess?" He scoffed, cracking open a beer for himself.

I let out a light chuckle at the question, now feeling as if it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

"Dumb shit."

"You looked pretty upset when I opened the door. Boyfriend troubles?"

I raised my eyebrows in mock offence.

"Why would I have a boyfriend?" I questioned with a laugh "Who'd you hear that from?"

Barry laughed too.

"Cus a girl like you - you're pretty. I'm surprised some Kook hasn't swiped you up."

I snorted at that and rolled my eyes.

"Well thanks I guess."

I thought about having sex with Barry in that moment, just to hear him call me pretty again. But I decided against it, slightly sickened by the idea, and pulled myself off the sofa.

"I should go, see you around?"

"You sure you can ride that thing safely?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine." I chuckled before heading out the door and throwing myself back onto my bike.

The ride home was perilous, and though I did almost crash a few times, my body went into autopilot and I was soon safely in my bed, mind too numb to pick myself apart for the first night in a while.

For the next week I was able to keep the pill-taking to a minimum, only popping two a day at most. I only did it to make the thoughts stop - to bring on the comfortable numbness so that I could actually bare to be awake. So that I could actually bare to be around my friends.

I'd always managed to keep my feelings for JJ locked up and manageable, but for some reason seeing him with that touron had bothered me in ways I hadn't been bothered before. Perhaps it was because she was so gorgeous, or maybe it was how pleased JJ looked to have pulled her. Either way, it just reinforced to me how worthless I was. He brought her up one day at the Chateau and it instantly made me feel hot with annoyance.

"That touron from the other night just texted me, should I go there again?" He said with a proud smirk, looking around the room.

I rolled my eyes and picked up the half smoked blunt from the ashtray, relighting it and sucking on it in hopes that it would make my jealousy fade.

"Didn't you steal like a hundred dollars from her purse?" Pope scoffed, eyes focused on the television. Adventure Time was playing with the volume on low, and both Pope and Kie seemed more interested in it than the conversation that JJ and John B had been having. I'd been drifting lazily between the two, too high to properly contribute to anything, but now JJ had my full attention.

"Yeah. Obviously didn't notice though. Girl had too much cash for her own good." He mused, eyes on his phone screen. "Ooh! And guess what she just sent me."

"Tit pic?" John B asked, a grin crawling onto his lips.

"Tit pic." JJ confirmed, chucking his phone over to John B.

"Nice." He chuckled, looking at the phone before chucking it back to JJ.

"You guys are disgusting." Kie scoffed. "I mean like really JJ? Did that girl send you that picture for you to show your friend? You have no respect for women sometimes."

"I respect women very much, actually Kie. I respect you and Y/N. I respect your mums and Pope's mum. I just don't respect easy, spoiled touron's like her." He said defensively, and I loudly scoffed at that. He didn't respect me.

"What? You think I don't respect women too?" He asked me with furrowed brows, crossing his arms.

He was sat across the room from me; myself, Kie and Pope spread out across the sofa whilst him and John B sat in chairs. I looked him up and down, pleased that there was no lump in my throat to swallow, no butterflies in my stomach to squash and no loving gaze to hide.

“Sure, you really respect women JJ. Whatever you say.”

He looked surprised by that response, probably expecting me to get defensive, then continued on a rant about how he wasn’t misogynistic. Kie argued with him for a little bit, and John B and Pope eventually joined in too. Usually I also would’ve joined, just for the amusement of it all, but no words came to my mind. Instead I just watched, chuckling at the occasional insult being thrown and smoking my blunt.

Two weeks later and I’d upped the dose to at least four pills a day. The thoughts had gotten harder to crush, growing a tolerance. Much to my relief though, none of the Pogue’s seemed to suspect anything.

It was a hot day and we’d decided to go swimming, using the inner ring of a tire as a floaty - which we all fought over.

“I stole the tire, so I should get it!” JJ proclaimed, and though he was right, I wanted the ring.

“Okay well if you’re not a woman hater, prove it by letting me and Kie have the ring!” I grinned.

“Yeah! Prove it!” Kie added, high-fiving me.

JJ groaned and rolled his eyes, but eventually gave in with a slight smirk to me.

“Okay fine - but we’re sharing it!”

I giggled at his childish nature, feeling the butterflies rise up in my stomach that I’d been managing so well to suppress. The second that I realised what I was feeling, I knew that I needed to take another pill.

“I’m gonna go pee. Don’t wait for me.” I said, heading back indoors.

Once I was in the bathroom, I dug through my bag to find the orange pot, irritated when I realised that I didn’t have a lot left. I’d have to go back to Barry’s soon. That was annoying. I swallowed one of the pills with some water from the sink and looked at myself in the mirror before heading back out. I looked tired and unattractive and I sighed at that, thinking of how good the girl that JJ had been dancing with at the boneyard this week looked.

I reached into the fridge and took myself out a beer, cracking it open and downing half of it before stepping out of the kitchen. I didn’t expect to see JJ stood on the porch waiting for me, a slight furrow to his brow. I purposely hadn’t been alone with him in weeks and it sent a pang of anxiety into my chest.

“Starting this early? Haven’t seen you do that in a while. You feeling alright?” He asked, his voice soft.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. You just seem.. different.” He was wording himself carefully, I could tell, which was very out of character for him. What could he possibly want from me?

“I’m just tired.” I said with a huff and tried to walk past him.

He suddenly put his hands on my waist, which was exposed in a bikini, holding me still. At the initial contact, I felt electrified, but I was quickly reminded of what I had missed - and the reasons why. I worried that my flesh felt too squishy under his fingers, that there was too much of it, or that the dip of my waist wasn’t defined enough. Compared to that touron I probably felt like a whale.

“What’s going on Y/N? Are you mad at me?” He asked, his eyes wide with concern, but I couldn’t think about his words - only the crippling self hatred his hand on my waist was making me feel.

I stepped backwards so that he was no longer touching me, something that only seemed to deepen the crease between his eyebrows, and blinked a couple of times before I could speak.

“I’m, uh- I’m going to grab a shirt.”

And with that I paced back inside, finishing the beer and pulling one of John B’s oversized vests over my bikini. The pill hadn’t kicked in yet and I could still see JJ stood waiting on the porch so I decided to go into the bathroom and take another. Then I grabbed another beer from the fridge and downed it, relieved when I felt the relaxing effects kick in almost immediately.

“Why are you downing beer? Since when do you do that?” JJ’s voice from behind me made me jump, his face critical.

“I’m just having a good time.” I smiled at him.

“Really? Because you don’t look like you’re having a good time. You look miserable, Y/N.”

Was it that easy to see through my charade? It irritated me that he cared now when he should’ve cared a couple of weeks ago. Now it was too late.

I huffed and shook my head, managing to walk past him this time undisrupted and lead the way to the water.

“I’m fine. Come on, let’s go.”

He didn’t bother me for the inflatable ring at all. In fact, he didn’t speak to me for hours after that. I wasn’t bothered by it though, the mix of booze and benzos that had finally hit making me entirely unfazed by everything. The comfortable numbness that I craved so badly.

I lay floating in the ring for what felt like hours, my eyes closed as I felt the waves move me freely around. The water was so cold compared to the beaming sun, but the two extremes together made me feel more relaxed than I had been in a while. Maybe I had fallen asleep, I wasn’t too sure, but when someone was suddenly directly next to me, interfering with the natural direction of the waves, I jumped up at their presence.

“What are you thinking about?”

It was Kie, her tone lighthearted though her face was concerned.

“Not much. The sound of the water mostly. You?” I answered truthfully.

“Honestly, right now I’m thinking about you.”

“Why? You into me or something?” I teased, not expecting her tone to change to match her face.

“No Y/N I’m serious. What’s going on with you? You’ve been acting weird ever since that party with the blonde touron.”

Kie was catching on, which was bad. It wouldn’t take her much to figure out what was really happening, so I had to come up with a lie, or maybe not a lie but a distraction.

“Yeah. Okay. I’m sad about JJ… But it doesn’t matter. I’ll get over it.” I confessed, relieved when I saw the stress in Kie’s face relax.

“He’s a total idiot. You can do better than him anyway.” She said with exasperation, stroking my hair.

“No I can’t.” I laughed. “But like I said, it doesn’t matter.”

Kie sighed.

“I wish you weren’t so harsh on yourself. If you could see what other people could see you wouldn’t be.”

I smiled at her, feeling appreciation for the girl buzz through me.

“Love ya Kie.”

She smiled too, but it was weaker than usual.

“Love you too… Now give me the floatie.”

When it got dark some hours later we all piled back into the Chateau and put on a movie, squeezing onto the couch. I sat on the edge and much to my displeasure, JJ sat next to me. That displeasure only lasted a second though before it was washed over by a tidal wave of carelessness, and I was able to relax my body against his like he was anyone - not the most problematic Pogue on the island.

The movie went on for a while until JJ shifted positions, wrapping his arm around me and placing his hand on my leg.

This had been a fairly standard position for us, his fingers creeping up my thigh in the darkness of the room and our friends none the wiser. Now it felt different though, and instead of being excited by it I was annoyed. Was I only good enough to touch in secret? Was he touching me now just because I was there and it was something to do? Could he only bare to touch me when he was drunk? I needed to take another pill.

With a wobble, I flicked JJ’s hands from me and pushed myself up, grabbing my handbag and heading to the bathroom. Pope and Kie had passed out on top of each other and John B was too engrossed in the movie to look up. So when I heard a knock on the bathroom door, I knew who it was before it even opened.

“I didn’t say you could come in. I could’ve been taking a shit.” I teased.

JJ’s stoney face didn’t offer a crack of amusement as he stepped closer to me.

“What’s going on with you? It’s like you can’t stand to be around me. Have I done something?”

“No. Everything is fine.” I answered with a fake smile.

He didn’t buy it, becoming visibly annoyed.

“You’re so full of shit Y/N. Don’t try to play dumb with me right now. I know you’re pissed off about something.”

“Why do I have to be pissed off about something?” I said combatively, crossing my arms.

“Because you’re acting like my touch is gonna make you sick or something and you clearly can’t stand to be around me! Is this because of that tit pic I showed John B? I don’t get it. Are you jealous or something? Or do you just think I’m a sexist pig too?”

“My world doesn’t revolve around you. Have you ever considered that I just stopped giving a shit about what you do?”

I usually felt horrible about lying to my friends, but looking at his beautiful face, thinking of how he didn’t want me, the lie came out easily. He clearly didn’t buy it though.

“Oh really? Is that why you don’t want to fuck anymore? Because you stopped giving a shit about me? Yeah right.” He scoffed and I felt my face start to angrily heat up. “What the fuck is going on? Did someone tell you some bullshit about me? Do you have a boyfriend now or something?”

I scoffed right back at him, widening my eyes in disbelief.

“Would that make you jealous? If I had a boyfriend?”

“Do you or do you not?” He demanded with gritted teeth.

I didn’t answer for a moment, enjoying the stressed expression on his usually uncaring face. Did he really care if I had a boyfriend? Surely not in any way that mattered. Just in some stupid male ego way. I sighed at that and uncrossed my arms as I answered.

“Obviously not. Who would want to be with me? Don’t be stupid, JJ. Now what did you come in here for?”

He looked at me incredulously, as if he couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. I didn’t understand why he seemed so stressed for and it was irritating to me.

“For this conversation, right now! What do you think I came in here for?” He said exasperatedly and I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t know but can you leave? I need to pee.”

“No, I can’t leave until I know what the fuck is going on with you. Jesus! How much have you had to drink?”

Had I been slurring? I couldn’t tell.

“Not enough for this.” I tutted bitterly.

He sucked in his lips and took a deep breath, eyeing me like he was trying to work something out.

“Wait, look at me straight for a second.” He muttered, reaching his hand out to touch my face, angrily repeating himself when I questioned why.

His thumb stroked over my bottom lip and I straightened my back, trying to match his stare but unable to stand completely still. He hadn’t looked at me with such intrigue in a long time, and I was glad I was so high or else I would’ve completely submitted under his blue gaze. His next words instantly shattered any fantasies that could’ve been playing in my head though, instead filling me with unreasonable rage.

“You’re high aren’t you?”

I knew it wasn’t a question. The steely look in JJ’s eyes and his flared nostrils made it abundantly clear that he’d already figured out the answer for himself. But I couldn’t let him think he was right.

“I mean yeah, I’ve smoked a lot today, you have too-”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” He hissed, dropping his hand from my face. “I can’t fucking believe you. This is why you’ve been acting weird. I should’ve known.”

I rolled my eyes and mumbled “You’re overreacting, I’m just drunk” to which he quickly shot back “Oh yeah? Why are your pupils the size of mars then?”

“They’re not.” I felt my footing slip slightly as I lied, and I had to quickly lean against the wall to stop myself from falling.

“And now you’re just lying to my face. Nice one Y/N. How long had you been clean? A year, almost?”

I thought of the hours that he’d spent with me when I’d first gotten sober; looking after me when I was being sick, bringing around food, washing my hair. I’d felt so loved. I’d felt like there was no reason for me to ever pick up a benzo again.

The betrayal in his voice told me that that would never be happening again. With a huff, I picked up my bag from the side and shoved past the blonde, gasping when he grabbed my arm.

“Where are you trying to go now?” He laughed humourlessly.

“Get off me, JJ. I’m going home.”

“What because you’ve been caught out?”

“No. Because you’re being a dick.”

He wouldn’t loosen his grip on my arm despite my desperate pulling and so I started to speak louder, hoping someone would intervene and give me a chance to slip out.

“Get off me!”

“I’m not letting you go.” He said with gritted teeth, tightening his grip. “What have you taken?”

“Get the fuck off me!” I repeated louder, relieved when John B appeared in the doorway.

“What the hell is going on?” He looked between us with a concerned expression and JJ loosened his grip.

“She’s on fucking drugs again, John B.” JJ hissed and though I wanted to argue and try to prove him wrong, I quickly slipped out of the bathroom and paced out of the house, ignoring JJ’s shouts from behind me.

“What the fuck is going on Y/N?”

“Do you just not give a shit about yourself? About your friends?”

“How could you do this? You were clean for so long.”

His words stung, and though I rationally knew he was right, I was too ashamed to feel anything other than anger and embarrassment. The Pogue’s would hate me now, and rightfully so.

I understood why JJ was so annoyed. I’d listened to him seethe about his dad, about how he was an abusive drug addict - but yet, when the blonde came home and he was passed out on the sofa, JJ still always checked if he was breathing. I’d seen the bruises, and met the man who left them, begrudgingly shook his hand and tried to forget what he’d done with them. Was I reminding JJ of that? Was I like his piece of shit father?

In a rush, I picked up my bike and went to get on it but instantly fell over, dropping the bike as I did.

“You’re gonna ride home like this? Seriously?” JJ’s voice came from behind me, loud and aggressive.

I struggled to pick my bike back up, almost falling over it again, and his hands were suddenly on top of mine, holding the handles and stopping me from going. John B was quick behind him.

“Are you really on drugs, Y/N?” John B questioned, eyes wide.

“I’m just drunk.” I hissed, trying to pull the bike out of JJ’s grip.

“Right, she says she’s just drunk, let her go JJ.” John B said harshly but JJ scoffed.

“She’s lying! Look at her! She can’t even walk properly!”

Then he turned to me, his voice suddenly pleading and face full of pain. It caught me off guard and I felt another pang of guilt ripple through my body, tears attempting to escape my eyes but being successfully pushed back by the Xanax.

“What have you taken, Y/N? Please don’t lie to me. I know you’ve taken something.”

I wanted to tell him the truth so bad. The whole truth. I wanted to break down and beg for his forgiveness, to tell him I loved him and that I would get clean again.

But I couldn’t do it.

There was no point.

I’d ruined everything now anyway.

“I’m just drunk. Leave me alone.” I slurred and tried to pull the bike from his grip again.

It didn’t work. I fell backwards onto the ground, landing on my butt with a groan. I laughed at my fall instinctively, forgetting the situation I was in for a second, but when I looked up and saw my friend’s distressed faces my laughing stopped. Even John B looked suspicious now, his eyes snapping from mine to JJ’s. He bent down and pulled me up with ease, though he huffed after he’d done it.

“Y/N, can we look in your bag?”

My heart leapt into my throat and I quickly jumped to defence.

“No way you fucking pervs. Let me go home.”

He turned to JJ with an straight face and both of them exchanged a short look before looking back at me.

That was it. He believed JJ. He knew.

“I’m not letting you ride home. I’ll drive you.”

His voice had been so monotone, so void of any real offering, that it caught me off guard. He was angry. I looked at JJ. He was angry too.

“N-No. I’m fine. I can ride-”

“I’m fucking driving you home, Y/N. Get in the Twinkie.” John B cut me off sharply and I jumped backwards, almost falling again until he caught me.

They both looked so disappointed and I was so ashamed at that point that all I could do was nod, following him silently to the van. JJ said nothing and I didn’t dare look back to see if he was looking, though I felt that I could feel his stare on the back of my head. This was the worst thing that could’ve happened. Why did I have to take it so far? Why did I have to lie to their faces like that?

The short drive back to mine was agonisingly silent, all John B said was “Look after yourself” before I stepped out of the van.

My voice got caught in my throat and all I could force out was “Y-Yeah” before closing the door and stumbling towards my house.

Had I destroyed my friendship with the Pogues? It certainly felt like I had.

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islandofthedollz · 3 days ago

Note

IMAGINE DRUNK JIMMY FUCKING YOU WITH HIS EMPTY BEER BOTTLE ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)

⁠❥TW: Alcohol, beer bottle fucking, drunk

⁠❥ILY thank you for the request I started school today, hopefully it won’t take up to much time I only have 2 classes

❤︎The bottle ❤︎

You been waiting for Jimmy to return home for two hours. You already made dinner set up the table you texted him, but he hasn’t replied to you yet.

So you decide to wait on the couch for him. You end up falling asleep, a couple hours pass, and then you hear the door open and the sound of heavy stumbling footsteps walking. You open your eyes your vision is a bit blurry. We realize it’s your boyfriend he reeks like booze.

“Jimmy are you OK? Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.” You say as your voice is shaky. “Shut up woman” he slurs his words. You try to help him onto the couch his right arm clinging onto his beer bootle.

Jimmy looks at you and the dress you’re wearing hugging your curves in the all the right places accentuating your breast thighs. “I don’t tell you this enough but you’re so hot” he laughs. You give him a Akward smile “I’ll get you some water” as you start to stand up he grabs your hand tightly and pulls you onto his lap.

You feel his hands spreading your legs you try to close them but even in his drunken state he’s still stronger than you. “J-Jimmy we you shouldn’t be doing this not when your like this” you try to reason with him but he ignores you.

You feel him pull up your dress. His hands creasing your clothed pussy. He moves his figures up and down your slit. You bite your lip hoping it would reduce the sound of your moan. Jimmy hears you and perks up feeling your panties get wet by his actions.

Jimmy holds your legs open with one hand and takes a swig of beer. You look at him. He looks you and smiles. He lets go of your leg. Jimmy grabs your chin forcing your mouth open and forces you to drink the beer. The biter taste going down your throat. You feel Jimmy take the bottle away still having some liquid in it. you feel a bit lightheaded but not enough to be buzzed.

Jimmy once again opened up your legs. You looks down with anticipation on what he’s about to do next. You feel and see the beer bottle running up and down your slit. “Ya know I always wanted to fuck with weird objects but your always such a bitch about it always scared and saying no I see the beer is taking efffect your relaxed and don’t have a stick up ur ass”. He grimaced.

He was rubbing the mouth of that glass bottle over your clit, pressing back and forth, the cold, hard glass feeling entirely different from the warm tip of his finger. His eyes glued to yours.

Almost involuntarily you started to close your thighs at the foreign object , shaking my head no. Oh, my God. Oh my God, it felt ... incredible.

You were drawing my knees together when Jimmy’s hand pressed on your inner thigh. "What's wrong, honey? Don't you like it? Look, it's shaped just like a cock just like your used to ." He grinned. You were shaking your head but Jimmy slid that dark glass down your slit and back up. This wasn't right. It shouldn't feel so good. It shouldn't feel so good to be naughty like this, should it?

You reached down and started to push his hand away when he parted your lips and poured the rest of the beer into your hot cunt. His fingers pushing the liquid inside you.

You moaned and like lightening travels, your body reacted. "I'm going to bottle fuck this cunt, baby." Jimmy had that animalistic glare, look on his face. You writhed but shook my head. He rubbed your clit a little but not enough and looked up again, "Yes, baby. You want it." You moaned and my body tightened and shook with arousal, with need.

Jimmy watched your reactions how your body reacted "Look at that baby, your body wants it even if you think you don't."

The intensity on his face just about sent me over. He felt you relax more

Jimmy grinned, "That's a sweet little cunt. A cunt that's going to fuck this beer bottle for me."

Jimmy gripped that tapered bottle low and twisted it, "I'm going to fill that hot cunt all up." Torquing the bottle he slowly pushed it into your wet fuck hole. You quivered as the smooth glass entered.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Look at that." He admired. "Nasty cunt fucking that beer bottle."

You looked down and without warning you started coming, hard and fast my body closing tight over the glass.

"That's it baby. Come hard. Come all over this glass toy." He encouraged me, his voice low and aroused. "Fuck it honey, show me how you like your pussy filled." He slurred.

Your mind was spinning it felt surprisingly good. You never felt this ecstasy before you bucked and bucked, taking as much as you could. Rocking over the bottle that was too long and so wide it was stretching your hole. Jimmy liked that; he liked the girth stretching your pussy. "Fuck that is so hot and nasty baby."

Your breasts were bouncing and you were convulsing unendingly. My body was heaving.

Jimmy continued to swirl the bottle, over your vulva and clit. His hand brushing his cock as it was rock hard again. He lay beside me and he knocked out you smiled, catching your breath, inhaling deeply pulling much needed oxygen into your lungs as your body stilled. I could feel a pulse in your clit, it was remarkable, you had come so hard.

You smiled softly in wonder, made you should do this again.

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echo-riot · 2 days ago

Text

✞⛧ Sevika/Abby/Ellie: Love letters ✞⛧

Warnings: fluff

𝕊𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕜𝕒

Hey Brat,

I don’t know what you want me to say in this. You should know by now that I’m not one for long speeches or anything sappy. But since you’re still here, I guess I’ll give you something to chew on.

You’re mine. That’s the only thing you need to remember. No one else matters. No one else will even get close to you while I’m around. I don’t care if you think it’s possessive or crazy, but you’re not going anywhere. And don’t even try to argue with me about it. You wouldn’t win.

It’s cute how you think you need to take care of me sometimes. You’re not the only one who knows how to survive, but I’ll admit—your little touches, your care, it’s not the worst thing in the world. But don’t go thinking I need you. You’re not my damn therapist, and I’m not your project. But I’ll let you fuss over me anyway, since you seem to enjoy it. I’d kill anyone who made you feel less than adored, so don’t get any bright ideas about being too independent.

You’ve got a good thing going, so don’t fuck it up. I might not say it outright, but I’d burn this whole damn city down before I let anything happen to you. So yeah, maybe I’m a little soft on you. But don’t get any funny ideas. You’re not gonna change me, and you’ll never hear me say anything cheesy, like those damn love words. That’s not me.

But in the quiet moments, when you’re all tangled up with me, I’m not thinking about anyone else. Just you. Keep that in mind next time you get all worried.

So, there. That’s your “love letter,” for whatever the hell that means to you. Take it or leave it.

-Sevika

•|||——————————————————————|||•

𝔸𝕓𝕓𝕪

Hey,

I’m not great with words. Never have been. So, you’ll have to bear with me.

I’m not some romantic, and I don’t do the whole love-letter thing. But I guess I owe you this, if only because you’re the one thing in this messed-up world that’s made sense. You’re the constant, the one person who’s been there even when I didn’t deserve it. I don’t know if you get that, or if you’ll ever really understand how much that means to me.

I’m not good at talking about feelings—hell, I’m not even sure what they are half the time. But I know this: I trust you. I trust you in a way I haven’t trusted anyone in a long time. And yeah, maybe that’s not saying much, but I’m not exactly the type to let people close. You’ve earned your place, and I’m not just letting anyone in. So, don’t take that lightly.

I won’t sugarcoat it—I’ve made my share of mistakes. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make things right, but I’m trying. I’m fighting for something, for us, and I don’t know where that’ll take me, but I know I’ll keep pushing forward as long as you’re by my side. You’re the reason I keep going when it’s easier to quit. You make it worth it.

I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect you to be either. We’re both broken in our own ways, and that’s okay. I just want you to know that, no matter what happens, I’ll fight for you. You mean more to me than I can say.

So, yeah. Maybe not the flowery words you expected. But that’s the truth, and it’s the best I can do.

<3 Abby

•|||——————————————————————|||•

𝔼𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕖

Hey you,

I don’t even know where to start, but I guess that’s pretty typical for me. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what to say, how to say it, and if I even have the guts to send something like this. But here it is, I guess.

I’m not great with words—never really was. I tend to get stuck in my head, and even when I have something I want to say, it comes out… wrong. But I hope you understand that I mean every word, even if it’s clumsy or awkward.

There’s something about you that makes everything feel… right. Even on the days when I’m a mess, when I forget to text back or I zone out for a bit because my head’s too loud—whenever I’m with you, I feel like I can breathe. And I don’t know what I did to deserve that, but I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for you.

You make me want to be better, even if I don’t always show it in the best ways. I know I can be a little weird and I overthink things like a lot, but the truth is, I’m just trying to make sure I don’t mess things up with you. You mean more to me than I’m probably letting on, and sometimes that freaks me out.

I catch myself looking at you sometimes, like I can’t help it, and I know I probably look like an idiot when I get all flustered, but it’s because you’re… I don’t know. You’re just everything to me. It’s hard to explain, but I think you already know.

When I’m with you, I don’t feel like such a loser anymore. I don’t have to be perfect or say the right things or try to impress anyone. You make me feel like I don’t have to be anything other than just… me. And that’s probably the best gift anyone could give me.

So, yeah. I guess I just wanted to tell you that. You mean the world to me, more than you know. And I’m sorry for all the weirdness, the moments when I get quiet or lost in my thoughts. It’s just… I think about you a lot.

I’ll stop before I get all awkward and ruin this, but I hope you understand.

I love you. And I’m so damn lucky to have you.

Love,

Ellie

•|||——————————————————————|||•

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phantomrose96 · 2 hours ago

Note

Hey, there - I recently had to unexpectedly say goodbye to my cat. It's been a few days, and it's been ... yeah.

Can I request some Patches pics? She's adorable and precious, and I love that you have her. It's awesome to see how much you love her, and legitimately every post of yours I see of her makes me smile (also she's cute and I'm living off "Patches reporting")

I hope you have a good day and Patches gives you some snuggles ❤️

(please also give her some extra treats for me?)

I’m sorry to hear about your kitty… That sounds devastating

Yes yes, here are many recent Patches

And I have given Patches extra treats

#I love her… so much #I’m always happy to share her #patches #Hope you’re okay <3

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redfoxwritesstuff · 11 hours ago

Text

A Misdemeanor Of The Heart: Chapter 33 (Human!Alastor x Married!Reader)

CW: Fingering, nudity, consent is sexy

Prev Masterlist AO3 KoFi Show your support by leaving a tip, buy Kit a coffee

“I want to make you feel good,” you whispered, eyes wide and tearful, daring from where he held your wrists, then to his crotch, hardly looking different from it had before and then up to his eyes.

“No,” he said again, “I don’t- You don’t need to do-”

You pulled your wrists from his hands, his grip slack enough to let you do so easily, though he could have kept you in place. Leaning back, you wrapped your arms around yourself, hiding your chest as you curled into yourself.

You had been being a silly girl again.

He didn’t want you like that.

“I’m sorry, I- I thought-” You shook your head, tears spilling from your eyes as you looked everywhere but at him. “It doesn’t matter.”

Your knees shook as you stood, looking for anything you could use to cover yourself instead of standing before him naked. Tears dripped down your face, leaving burning trails of shame on your cheeks. Angerly, you batted them away, not noticing Alastor standing until his hands rested on your forearms and then on either side of your face.

Thumbs caressed your cheeks as he looked into eyes that refused to meet his. “What’s wrong?” he said, “Talk to me. Why are you crying?”

“It’s-” you forced yourself to smile, a bitter laugh you had intended to sound sunny bubbled from your chest. “It’s nothing. I’m just being a silly-”

“Talk to me,” Alastor reiterated, smile nearly wiped from his lips. “I cannot fix it if you do not talk to me.”

“I- It’s silly, I’m just being-”

“I’ll be the judge of that, but if it has you in tears, I doubt it’s truly silly so, stop saying that.”

You braved looking at him, peeking at the warm brown eyes that held nothing but worry. His eyes begged you to trust him, to open up to him, to give him just a little more. “Why don’t you want me?”

The words were so soft that Alastor nearly didn’t hear them. For a moment, he stood there simply looking at you as the impact of what he had done, what it had made you believe, washed over him.

“I do, ma cherie,” Alastor said simply.

“You don’t.” You were nearly weeping again as you shook your head in his hands.

The buzz of the electricity in the lights and the ticking of the wall clock seemed deafeningly loud. The sound seemed to drown out the roar of your pulse in your ears. You hugged your arms around you tighter, trying to shrink away. It was silly to think he would want you in the way a man wants a woman.

“I do,” Alastor insisted, leaning down to be more on your level. “I wouldn’t touch you in these ways if I didn’t.”

It was a lie, he knew that, but it was a lie he felt alright telling. He’d touched many women he couldn’t care less about, simply to see to it he had the right kind of reputation as a man or to manipulate them, to get something from them.

The difference was he didn’t dread touching you. He wanted to touch you. He wanted to hear the sounds you made. It wasn’t the right time for him to examine why touching you wasn’t a chore, why he wanted to.

“Why don’t you want me to-” You didn’t know how to say it without sounding like a harlot. “You’ve felt every part of me and I- I haven’t felt you. You haven’t tried to- to take me.”

“That has nothing to do with-” Alastor’s thumb smoothed over the damp skin under your eye as he tried to calm you.

At some point, he made a mistake, and you were hurting for it. He hoped to protect you, to comfort you, yet you were in tears because he failed to read your needs well enough. He had been selfish, taking his entertainment in pleasing you without considering what he could have been saying with his actions… or lack of action.

“If you don’t want me, that’s fine.” You spoke over him, wet eyes darting to the floor.

“I do,” Alastor pulled your chin up, forcing you to look at him as he spoke. “But Cher, what I do isn’t about me. I’m after your pleasure. I want to see you pleased. I want to bring you pleasure you never thought possible.”

“What about you?” You pressed, “If you do, why don’t you what to be pleased? Why don’t I ever feel-”

“I don’t need to be,” Alastor pulled you into his arms, holding your naked body to his bare chest as he backed you both back to the couch. When he backed up against it, he let his legs fold, pulling you down with him. He sat with you in his lap, keeping your body close to his. You were mildly aware of the slick smeared around your pubic area and thighs, surely smearing into his trousers as he shifted you in his lap.

“What does that mean?” You wiped the tears away, “Can you not?”

“I can,” Alastor was quick to assure you before falling silent. Seconds that felt like hours ticked off, marked by the deafening sound of the clock.

“Then why?” You whispered, too scared to ask if you were not pleasing enough to his eyes. Perhaps there was something wrong with you. There had to be, though he was too kind to say it..

“I don’t…” Alastor paused, head falling back against the couch as he sighed, taking his glasses off and letting the wall across from the couch become fuzzy.

He wanted her; he knew that. He wanted her not as a friend. He wanted her as a wife. He wanted her as a partner. He wanted her as his everything, and so she deserved to know what she was getting by picking him.

“I’m not consumed with the need to seek pleasure,” Alastor settled for saying, eyes straight ahead. “I can. I’m perfectly capable of functioning but I just… don’t. The drive isn’t consuming. I don’t need it.”

“I don’t understand?” you whisper, scared that if you spoke anything closer to normal volume you would shatter this moment of vulnerability.

“I don’t need it. What I need is for you to feel good. Your pleasure consumes me. Seeing to your needs drives me. I am satisfied with that.”

“And that’s why I dont… don’t feel you?”

Alastor shrugged, “I avoid that, when I don’t…” He hesitated, looking for the right word, “need it. It’s distracting.”

Silence ticked on as both of you seemed to wait for the other shoe to drop. “You need my pleasure?” You asked finally.

“Like air to breathe,” Alastor said simply. “It consumes me. Burns through my thoughts. It’s shameful how it haunts me.”

“What if… What if I needed your pleasure?” you braved resting your hand on the center of his torso, feeling his warmth and the muscles bunched under.

“You’ve been doing just fine,” Alastor rested his hand on yours, running both up his chest as he wrapped his fingers around yours.

“Just because I- I am doing that, that thing you make me do, doesn’t mean I’m not wanting more. It feels unbalanced.”

“I don’t need anything,” Alastor kissed the palm of your hand, “All I need to balance it is know you’re pleased and satisfied, that I am giving you something he cannot.”

“What if I’m not?” You tried to will the tears from your eyes, but they still flowed down your cheeks anew. “What if I want more? What if part of me isn’t satisfied?”

“You don’t need to do anything for me.”

“But what if I do?” You turned, facing him better and resting both hands against his chest to brace yourself. “What if I need to please you so I can feel like- like I’m more than I am in this?”

“You wish to?” Alastor asked carefully. “Truly? Not because you feel you have to? Not because you think I’ll leave without it? Not because you’ve been made to believe your worth is based on it?”

“I want to,” you pressed. “I want to know what it’s like to- to do those things with a man who loves me, who cares… with a man I love.”

Alastor was quiet for a moment before pulling you to his chest, nestling you against him. Hot skin burned against you while you waited for what he would say, to see if he would reject you again. He took a slow, deep breath and let it out with a sigh. You waited with your eyes locked on the mark you had left on his neck, scared to push harder and yet terrified of what he would say.

“I want to,” you whispered, slowly running a hand down his chest. “If you’ll let me, if I can?”

Alastor hooked a finger under your chin, pulling you to look at him as he spoke. “The moment you do not want to anymore, you stop. I don’t care if I’ve not… reached completion. It’s for you. For your enjoyment. Do you understand me?”

You nodded but Alastor sat frozen still until you squeaked out a soft word of agreement. As soon as you did, Alastor leaned forward and captured yours in a sweet kiss. His hand ran down your back and you gasped into the kiss. He wasted no time slipping his tongue between your parted lips.

Timid fingers ran along the buckle of his belt as he leaned back, pulling you with him. His hands were so strong as they lifted you, pulling you softly until you were straddling his lap. The smooth fabric of his trowsers under your naked legs, core hovering over him as he tasted you, drinking up the small sighs you let out while his hands roamed your back, holding you.

Bright brown eyes looked back at your still wet eyes as you pulled back, feeling his hand slide down and cup the swell of your ass. Leaning forward, you tried to remember all the ways Alastor had turned you into a gasping mess as you kissed his jaw and down his neck.

Hot, open-mouthed kisses you hoped were not just a pale imitation of what he did. You gasped as his back arched a little, his eyes closed as his head fell back as your lips moved over the surely sore place you had bitten him.

There it was. You felt it. Just a twitch, but it was there as your teeth ghosted over his skin.

Alastor pulled you tighter against him as his hand reached down from behind, running between your legs. Fingers caressed your folds as you kissed his neck, tentatively running teeth over flesh. Growing bolder by the moment, you worked the belt buckle free as you softly bit his neck, just above where you had sunk your teeth in before.

“You don’t have to do that,” Alastor whispered above you.

“Do you not like that?” You whispered back, grasping midway through as his fingers plunged into you from behind, three wide and spreading your opening easily. You rocked back into his hand before you understood what you were doing, sinking his fingers deeper into you.

“I-” Alastor started before changing direction, “It’s not needed,”

“That’s not what I asked,” you whispered, grazing him with your teeth again as you felt the twitch of him.

“I just need a few moments to feel you enjoying yourself,” Alastor said as he worked his fingers in and out, long arms giving him the reach to do so while you were working your mouth on his neck.

Whatever his feelings on you biting him, you knew it got a reaction even if he wouldn’t talk about it. That’s alright, you decided as you moaned in his ear, his other hand caressing your clit from the front. In time, you would learn every way that Alastor liked to be touched.

“You’re so wet,” Alastor whispered, head leaned back and Adam’s apple bobbing. You couldn’t help but kiss it. “You’re dipping.”

Looking down your body and between your legs, you saw he was right. Shame burned through you for a moment, only to be quickly replaced by something else burning as you watched the long, clear glob of slick swaying from your opening. Alastor’s fingers continued working in and out of you as you watched the glob reach his pants.

You hadn’t realized the orgasm was sneaking up on you until it hit. Your arms gave out, and you had little chance but to ride it out, laying on his chest as your legs trembled and twitched, The weight of your body and the force of his hand working in and out of you was all that kept you on your knees though they spread wider, lowering you closer to him.

Your pubic mound grazed him as you twitched, rocking with his hand as waves of pleasure coursed through you. You gripped his trousers as if they would somehow ground you as you cried out against his neck.

There was another twitch, stronger, and something remained as you ground against him. It was happening. He was responding to you. That realization caused you to clench around his fingers, still working in and out of you with lewd squelching sounds as a second orgasm chased the first.

It was too much and god; you craved more. You felt like every part of you was breaking apart with the force of it as you felt him again, becoming firmer under you while you cried out his name. His focus on what he was doing was razor sharp, head to the side to give you room as you writhed in his lap.

Part of you wondered if he was trying to work you to the point of insanity so that you’d not have the energy to please him. Perhaps he was, but you could feel him now and that kept the fire inside you burning. You needed to have him, though you did not know what you were doing in practice.

It terrified you how much you wanted something that you knew caused pain. For him, with him, the pain would be worth it. You wanted to suffer through the pain if it made him feel even a fraction of how good he made you feel. It would be worth the pain.

And what if it didn’t have to hurt? What if being with a man as a woman didn’t have to be painful? What if the pain was something unique to your husband? What if he brought the pain knowingly?

Tears gathered in your eyes as you reached out for something to keep you from floating away. His hands working on your sensitive skin wouldn’t be able to keep you grounded. All you could think of was gripping him with your teeth as he worked you through the high, since your hand wrapped around his arm and the waistband of his pants wasn’t doing enough.

Your mouth opened as you gasped, head pulled back as he continued working his fingers into you. Your body ran from the sensations as you partially laid against his shoulder. The smell of him surrounded you, the soft skin of his neck brushed against your lips as you tried to catch your breath. And then, you acted without a thought, sinking your teeth into his neck, near where you had bitten earlier.

Alastor groaned at the feeling, hips bucking up into you before he caught himself. His hand gripped your hip to hold you steady as the twitch under you became something more solid, something that held promise, though you didn’t understand what of.

“There you go, dear.” Alastor whispered, his voice full of gravel as you let go of him with your teeth. “Are you pleased to have me awake for you? What are you going to do now?”

In truth, you didn’t know what to do next. You wanted him, but being with him was something you didn’t know how to do. He kept letting you lead. You were walking an uncharted path, and it terrified you not to be following his lead, to not have him telling you what to do.

“You’re in control,” Alastor said, grabbing your hand from the waistband of his pants. He guided your hand down between your bodies to where he was straining against his pants. Your slick was warm under your fingers as you wrapped them over his covered shaft. “There it is.”

“I’ve never,” you whispered, looking up at him. “I want to, but-”

“Do you want me to guide you?” He offered, throwing you a life raft.

“Please?” You whimpered, wanting to be so much more for him.

“Alright,” Alastor slipped his fingers from your still fluttering hole and leaned you back. “Unbutton my pants, then unzip them.”

You did as he asked, moving slowly and looking to him for reassurance as you pulled the opening wider. The trail of hair reaching to his naval was rooted far below his waistband, short and neat. With timid touches, you shifted his pants until he sprang free.

For all of your marriage, you had done your best to avoid looking at your husband’s manhood. It had caused and promised pain. It wasn’t something you had touched, but it had touched you plenty of times. The general shape and form of what men carried wasn’t something surprising to you.

Anxiety rolled in your stomach as you came face to face with Alastor, standing tall between your bodies. This would bring you pain. It would hurt you. You would endure the pain if it would please him, if you could return just a fraction of what he did for you.

Alastor was a tall man, though lean. You hadn’t known what to expect since he had been sizable while flaccid. Now that he was harder, he was larger there, too. His tool would have looked cartoonish on a smaller man, but right on him. It twitched under your gaze, as if responding to the way you examined it.

“Did you just wish to see it?” Alastor asked as he watched you.

“No, I-” Your face was so hot it felt like it could light a match.

“Let’s start together then, shall we?”

When you timidly nodded, he took your hand in his. You trusted him. Alastor would not hurt you any more than he must for you to give him the pleasure you wanted. He could guide you. You would suffer through whatever pain that would come, you would weather.

Alastor wrapped your hand around his manhood. Your hand was so small in his that he nearly covered it with his own. It wasn’t the hard steel that you had known to be rammed into you, but you didn’t brave asking why his skin felt so soft under your fingers. You had already pushed him for so much. If you asked anything more of him, it would surely be too much. It was better to not ask questions.

His hand guided yours in caressing the length of his shaft as he spoke. You could feel each vein as he ran your hand over his soft skin, toward the slight mushroom shaped tip. A drop of wetness smeared under your fingers as he guided them over the slit at his tip before he brought your hand back down his shaft. His grip tightened over your hand as he guided your hand on a slow journey up his length again.

“I’m sensitive here, but it’s not likely you’ll hurt me, at least not without trying.”

Each pass of your hand along his length had him twitching and becoming firmer in your hands. He watched, eyes trained on your face as he took his hand away. Reaching up, he caressed your face, urging you to loop up from your task.

He pulled you toward him as your hand worked timidly, but independently, along his length. There was a flush on his cheeks, ever so slight as his lips met yours. To kiss him more soundly, you had to raise up on knees planted on either side of his legs.

Each time your hand worked down his shaft, quickly turning to velvet covered steel in your hand, his tip brushed the inside of your thigh. The head of his cock and part of his shaft smeared in your spilled slick, leaving traces of the moisture gathering at his tip in the process.

It would be so easy to seat him inside you, you realized. You loved Alastor and because of that love, things like this felt good. That was what he had taught you, shown you. It had felt good to have his fingers inside you, to have his tongue inside you. It would surely feel good to have him inside you, too.

You hadn’t realized how close you had come to spearing yourself on him until his lips pulled from yours and his hands gripped your hips tightly, halting your slow sinking before the head of him could do anything more than brush against your lips.

“No,” Alastor’s voice was thick, naked of accent and full of gravel. “No.”

That one word caused you to flinch back from him, shock and fear crossing your face. You had misread. You hadn’t understood. You had thought-

“I’m sorry, I-”

Alastor shushed you with a kiss, leaning up but not letting his grip on your hips weaken. “It isn’t that I do not- that it isn’t something I want with you, if you wanted it. And you clearly do. You’re dripping on me even now.” Your face flushed as you realized he was right. You could feel your slick dripping onto his cock and your hand around it.

“I’m so-”

Alastor cut off your reflexive apology. “It’s not a bad thing. It means you want me. But Cher- I can’t. We can’t. We can do anything and everything but that.”

“Why not?” You struggled to not whine and to hide the hurt from your voice as it felt like a vice was gripping your heart in your chest, threatening to crush it.

“I’ll not have intercourse with you while you’re still married to him. I can’t- I won’t risk my seed taking root and him acting as father to my child.”

“Then we’ll never-”

“Not while you’re married,” Alastor leaned up, kissing you hard as he guided you to sit on his thighs. His cock stood tall and imposing between you, still held in your hand. “What else would you like to do? How else would you like to give me pleasure?”

You were not sure what to say or do. “What do you like?”

“I like whatever you’ll enjoy doing. I am yours to explore, to learn what you like to do with.”

“You had- you used your mouth on.. on me, before.” You whispered, too timid to meet his eyes. “Is there something like that for me to do to you?”

Alastor was silent for a moment before speaking, “If you’d like. Not all find the act enjoyable to perform. Men and women both can use their hands to bring themselves and eachother to completion. And their mouths on eachother to do the same.”

“I want to,” you decided, not sparing a second to think of the logistics of what you were asking to do. All you were focused on was the fact that Alastor had used his mouth on you, bringing you to the height of pleasure that you were only just beginning to learn existed. If he could do that for you, knowing surely what bodily functions happened in that region, surely you could do the same for him.

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