#head still feels sensitive but at least i don't have nausea anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years ago

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CSUAVS prt 24 start. Don't worry... the withdrawal will be glossed over as we progress... I mean, I could write like a phoeb worth on an every day scale, but I think scene setting is nicer

Hiding in the dining area of the Telula, Lance stirred at the bowl of porridge in front of him with little interest. If it wasn't for the fact that Keith would find him in heartbeat if he'd hidden in the control room, Lance would have been hiding there instead. As far as he knew Keith was still sleeping off that messed up wine from the previous night. A wine that hadn't at all agreed with his mind. He spent the night dreaming of Keith as he slept in his arms. He'd woken with a moan on his lips, not understanding why his dreams were cut short until he released his pants were plastered to his nether regions. He'd come. He'd come so hard he still felt the pulses through his groin from release. Whimpering softly, his eyes widened as he released Keith was hard. His erection rubbing against his arse as Keith rutted gently against him. Filled with blind panic and nausea, Lance had ran. Barely keeping down the remnants of his dinner as he did. He'd had a wet dream about Keith... he'd come with his mind full of Keith... but without his permission or control over his actions. Breaking down in the bathroom, he'd thrown up until nothing was left. Light headed from withdrawal, the bright light of the bathroom felt like glass being plunged into his eyes. Everything was too loud. The feeling of water against his skin felt like he was being flayed alive as curled up in the corner of the shower, fingernails scratching and clawing at the soft and sensitive insides of his wrists until they turned to deep wounds. Coming to his senses, Lance forced himself from the shower. Too disgusted with himself to pause and straighten himself out in front of the mirror, ashamed and scared of the weak man who'd be staring back at him. He was supposed to be past all of this. Stronger than all of this. It'd happened phoebs ago, his time in captivity barely a drop in the ocean of time. He'd fought so hard to move on. Move past this dirty waste of space he'd been. "Lance, what are you thinking?" The spoon fell from Lance's hand as his head shot up. Sitting across from him, Allura looked as she had at the moment she'd left him, still dressed in her Paladin suit. Pushing his chair back, Lance left his bowl behind "Lance, where are you going?" He couldn't go the bridge. He couldn't go back to Keith. He could barely walk in a straight line "You'd choose to go back to him? Instead of being with me" "You're not real, Allura. You died. You're in my head" Mumbling to himself, Lance kept his head down as he made his way through his ship. He needed something to keep Allura away, but the only place he was going to find that was in the bathroom, despite him not wanting to go back there and be left alone with himself "Oh, Lance. I never could get anything past you. Compared to Lotor you were so simple. So willing to please" "Shut up" "Did I hit nerve? Are you going to cry to Keith? Tell him that you're coo-coo for your dead ex?" The word "coo-coo" had no business coming out of Allura's lips "Shut up!" "Keith won't stay with you. No one wants to stay with you. I didn't want to stay with you, so I died to escape you. You always were the seventh wheel" He knew that Allura was giving voice to his inner fears, but with it coming from her in her voice... tears started to roll down his face "Shut up!" "Oh, big brave Leandro. Crying over a little sex. Don't think I didn't watch you come. I know you did. You screamed and screamed, but you still came. You always liked the attention" Reaching the bathroom, Lance tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to his pills. Opening the cabinet to find it empty, the noise that came out of his mouth could only be described as a howl, when realised the cabinet was completely empty "You can't even put things away properly. No wonder Keith found them. No wonder he took them away from you. You're nothing but an addict" Nearly climbing into the space completely, Lance frantically tried to find something. Some kind of pill. Some broken tablet. A loose vial... but there was nothing there. Keith had said he'd trust him. That he'd be in control of his medications. Keith had lied to him. He needed his pills. He needed them and Keith took them. He knew it. He'd been right all along. Keith had been using him. He'd been laughing at him. Allura was right. He was useless. He was stupid. He was dirty and disgusting. Why Keith stayed he didn't know. Why would he care!? Why would anyone care? He was wrong. He was supposed to be dead. No one wanted him alive. His own mother didn't call him anymore. No. She talked to Keith... and Hunk talked to Keith. Why did no one love him? As he wanted was to be good. Klearo had told him to be good... Why wasn't he good? * Feeling for Lance, Keith groaned at the cold and vacant spot where Lance should have been. Both slightly drunk on the wine from church, he and Lance had fallen into bed together in a tangle of limbs. Lance howling as Keith somehow wound up tickling him. Falling asleep had been easy. Lance giving him permission to spoon around him, mumbling words of thanks as Keith nosed at his neck softly kissing the exposed skin. He'd forgotten how much fun Lance could be when he was drunk, and lacking a filter between his mouth and his brain. Yawning as he forced himself out of bed, Kosmo got up to lick at his leg as he Keith stretched high. Taking a deep breath as he deflated, Keith leaned down to scratch between Kosmo's ears "Hey, boy. You been outside yet?" Whining at him, Keith took that as a no "Go on. I'm going to take a shower and find Lance. He really shouldn't be wandering around like this" It was hard to know what to say to Kosmo. His wolf understood the circumstances and why Keith was spending so much time with Lance, but Keith still felt like he was leaving Kosmo out of everything. Having had him by his side as a puppy, the longest they'd been separated had been a few movements thanks to missions, and each time that happened Kosmo had Krolia to shower him with attention. With Lance being "ill", he wasn't up for being pawed over for cuddles, or coping a random wet nose to the face in the middle of the night. Kosmo wanted love and attention from both of them, and didn't understand why he had to settle for gentle pats or sleeping by their bed when there was space for the three of them. Trying to find any kind of balance was impossible now that Lance was going through withdrawal... meaning Kosmo had to wait, and Keith wasn't comfortable with that "I'm sorry, boy. I haven't been a very good owner lately. I know it seems like I never have time for you, but I do. You're a doofus, but you mean a lot to me. Why don't you go explore around here some more? Maybe you can find some space chickens to chase?" Kosmo cocked his head, tail starting to wag faster "Yes. I'm giving you permission. Just don't attack anyone's pet..." Disappearing mid-sentence, it seemed all was forgiven with his wolf. Even if it weighed heavily on Keith. He probably should also check in with Shiro at least to warn him over Lance's anxieties... and that Lance's team was accompanying them. All of this could wait until after he'd showered and retrieved Lance from the bridge. The stubborn Cuban would more than likely be back up there trying to work everything out on his own while feeling like Quiznak. Hearing the shower running, Keith knocked lightly. When he got no reply, he let himself into the small space to check on Lance. Given they were the only two who used the bathroom, he'd intended to tease Lance over the previous night with the threats of tickles, or if Lance was throwing up, he wanted to be there to hold his hair back and reassure him. Option three of a bleeding Lance hadn't come to mind. Covering in the back corner of the shower, Lance was fully clothed. The bathroom mirror had been shattered beyond repair with pieces lying across the floor telling him no matter what he did, he should expect to get glass in his feet if he tried to get to Lance barefooted. Glancing around the space, he cursed himself over the fact both their towels were in their room. With the smell of blood in the air, he didn't have time to go back and get them. Stripping off his shirt, it offered a small sliver of protection as Keith moved to the shower. Turning the taps off, Lance didn't even notice. A large piece of mirror in his left hand seemed to be where most of the blood was coming from "Lance? Hey..." Reaching out, Lance was unresponsive. Letting Keith take the broken mirror from his hold. The tick it was gone, Lance seemed to come to, shrieking and kicking as he screamed for Allura to leave him alone. Lunging at him, Keith caught Lance with ease, using the momentum to hoist him onto his shoulder and carry him from the shower with him. Being off the shower floor only made Lance more violent. His fingernails scratching up Keith's back as Lance bit him. Hauling Lance back to their room, Keith finally stood him up when the door had closed. The first thing Lance tried to was take a swing at him, the look in his eyes akin to a feral beast. Catching him before he fell, Keith forced Lance back towards the bed "Let me out!" "Lance, it's ok..." "Let me the fuck out!" "Lance, alright. It's Keith" "Let me go! You can't keep me here like this!" Whatever world Lance was in, it wasn't the same one Keith was. He only had a very rudimentary knowledge of withdrawal, and seeing it was so much different to being the one trying to help someone through it "Lance! Hey, look at me. It's Keith!" "I don't fucking care! Let me out! I need my pills!" Pushing hard against him, Keith was glad for his Galra strength. For someone weakened, the strength of force against him was completely unexpected "Lance, hey. Calm down!" "You're killing me! You're trying to kill me! I need my pills!" One moment Lance was struggling, the next he'd burst into tears, was speaking Spanish, and collapsing against Keith. Taking a very long tick to tick over, his brain realised Lance had both wet himself and thrown up on him. If it wasn't for the fact the water he'd found Lance in had been cold, he wouldn't have noticed the warmth against front. Lance was only supposed to be four quintants in to this. Was all of this supposed to be happening so fast? If Lance was like this the whole time, he wouldn't be able to lead his team, nor would be able to leave his room. If Lance snapped and truly perceived anyone on the ship as a threat, they'd end up dead. He didn't know how much of Lance's busted mind was able to recall of the past. All it took was for Lance to see one of his team, not recognise them, and that would be it. Lance would never recover from hurting his team. He'd probably never recover from the shame of wetting himself against Keith, so that would have to be another secret for the half-Galran to keep.

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