#he's super sucky and a major asshole

[tismeandmylife]

so I know this girl, right?

well.

she's been co-parenting for a while now since her husband cheated on her after three kids with some random woman who he's now dating still like four ish years later. anywho the kids stay over there on weekends for the most part and the oldest kid got super pissed off with her dad and the girlfriend and yelled that she was the GROSS WALMART VERSION OF MOM! like damn pop off girly that is one sick burn

[breitzbachbea]

France is so beautiful to hide the ugliness inside. honhonhon It's a pety bitch and we love him

Motherfucker made a deal with the devil for sure ... Though now I am wondering if that is a thing in French culture/folklore, like, do we have some prominent devil deal story over there? Getting sidetracked.

But YES, we love him for being petty! He is capable of both being a genuine romantic and kind soul and also the MOST MASSIVE BITCH EVER who wants to see the world BURN for his entertainment and ego. Love that for him. I mean, look at this poll for my latest AU FrUK subplot. Card-carrying messy bitch who lives for drama.

But I will seriously say that he is not uniquely ugly on the inside, most Hetalia characters (and indeed most characters period) are super sucky in some ways and genuinely cool people in others. I am as francophobic as the next person, but his beauty is not hiding more uglyness than Turkey's or Spain's beauty - or any of the Nordic's or Russia's or China's, depends on who is your type.

I mean, in the AU scenario I linked alone, there are like. At least three major cases of Everyone Sucks Here. Yes, François' prioritizing drama over his best friend's future, bc all the pettyness got her basically fiancé to sleep with someone for blackmail and he is not doing shit to stop HIS future husband from making another friend's life hell for the petty bullshit. But Gavin MacAllister being hellbent on not letting François marry an Englishman that Fran clearly doesn't seem to abhor, seems determined to have a fun marriage with, is also just. Ugly as fuck behaviour-wise. And Arthur trying to make everyone else pay more than hell for bothering him... Honestly, if he hadn't pissed off Gavin and my Irish boys before François based on snobbish reasons, Arthur would be the least of an asshole, because Gavin's being an entitled prick and François is encouraging it. He is not uniquely terrible, really not, so ... not that much beauty required, really. Hima just hates me specifically by making a Frenchman this heavenly handsome.

[justinmoviereviews]

Replacing the Redskins

The Redskins have passed the point of redemption, and are now an unsympathetic dumpster fire I look forward to cheering against from now on. Which begs the question: which team will I root for? Let’s go through all 32, to determine who I like, who I hate, and who I don’t care about. I want one AFC team and one NFC team.

NFC East:

Washington: eat shit and die, you bloodless fucking vampires. Kirk Cousins manages to be both overrated and screwed over by his shittyass management, everyone that comes here either starts to suck or turns into an asshole, or both, we ruin more promising careers than abortion does (hey-ohh!), and our owner is such a Trumpy shithead that he voids all sympathy anyone might have for the team. This team isn’t just bad or hapless, they’re malevolent. They fired their talented GM for reasons that will never be explained. Their horrible stadium doesn’t even have cupholders! How much would that have set you back, Dan? But right, you needed that money so you could cut down more publicly owned trees. Fuck the Redskins.

Philadelphia: Eh. I don’t think I can name five players on this team. And Carson Wentz is too ugly to be a franchise star.

New York Giants: Fuck the Giants.

Dallas: It’s too much of a Benedict Arnold move to start embracing the team that Washington has united against for years, even with all the spite I have for the Redskins—I mean, it’s not the fans’ fault that Dan Snyder lied and screwed people over well enough to become a billionaire—but I love this team. My two favorite types of quarterbacks are weathered veterans with Super Bowl rings or young promising studs who are gearing up to carry their team into the future. Dallas has Dak Prescott, who fits the second mold and gets extra points for being the accidental starter who wildly exceeded expectations. It also has Zeke Elliot, who carried my fantasy team into the postseason last year pretty much on his own, and has this amazing ability to run directly into a scrum of five lineman and then bust out like a little kamikaze Marshawn Lynch. I will secretly root for this team every week, but I’m scared to admit it out loud.

AFC East:

New England: These assholes don’t need any more love from me, and after the Celtics-Wizards series I’m pretty anti-Boston.

New York Jets: Hahahahahaha #bringbackgeno

Buffalo: These guys are underdogs, they’re good enough to be, not relevant, exactly, but able to torpedo any border-line team’s season, they play in a city so weather-beaten as to engender a lot of good vibrations, their fans are hysterical and deal with the freezing cold in hilarious ways, and they hired Rex Ryan, who despite having campaigned for Trump is still one of the NFL’s greatest personalities. I like these guys a lot, but they’re too remote to ever play on TV down here.

Miami: When Ryan Tannehill got hurt in the playoffs and they started that other guy, I got interested for the first time. He’s not bad! If for whatever reason he becomes the starter, I’ll care about this team, otherwise I will continue failing to acknowledge Florida is a state.

NFC North:

Green Bay: Eh, too boring. Rooting for Green Bay is the equivalent of being the guy who only invests in hedge funds with low interest returns.

Chicago: One of my favorite cities, and I’m one of the few people who is actively a Jay Cutler fan (by the way, if he embraces the persona that’s been attributed to him as a commentary guy, he will become football’s Pete Rose and must-see television) but this team sucks too much to start rooting for.

Detroit: Detroit is a city we should as a nation come together to root for, and it’s cool they have a relevant football team. I like these guys too, but not enough to make them my team.

Minnesota: Yeah, I like them, but not enough.

AFC North:

Pittsburgh: My guys. I love Mike Tomlin, I love AB, Le’Veon Bell and that dominant offense, and ignoring Big Ben’s sordid extracurriculars, he fits the mold perfectly of weathered quarterbacks with Super Bowl rings. Watching them phase out their aging quarterback and replace him with someone new will be interesting. This is a likeable dynastic team that will stay relevant for awhile. This is my team.

Baltimore: DC used to pick up the torch for these guys every postseason after the Skins flared out but then our baseball team got good and now the two cities hate each other. Baltimore is easy to like for Skins fans in exodus because their games are always broadcast here. I suspect I will watch a lot of Ravens games this season, and I respect any man confident enough to wear a fu Manchu like my guy Joe Flacco, who also has one of my favorite names in football, but they won’t be my team.

Cincinnati: Somehow I think it would be easier to like this team if Andy Dalton were a little better. I like most of the major city teams, especially from flyover states, but they almost never show Cincy games in DC.

Cleveland: Trust the process. No but seriously, choosing this team is like choosing to be OJ Simpson’s wife.

NFC South:

Atlanta: They lost their genius offensive coordinator to promotion, their aging quarterback overperformed last year, and they’re probably suffering the Super Bowl hangover every losing team inevitably suffers, except it will be compounded by how bad they choked the big game away. My suspicion is this team will come back down to earth this year. Pass.

Carolina: Winning makes everything better, so it’s no surprise that Cam was slightly less charming last year, but I still think he has the best throw in the NFL, and I will always root for him. I like this team a lot, they’re in my top five, but they’re not my NFC team.

Tampa Bay: I went to a Skins game a couple years ago when they played against Tampa (that was the game where Kirk Cousins led the greatest comeback in team history but I was too bitter about RGIII’s seat on the bench to appreciate it) and there were a ton of people wearing Jameis Winston shirts. We should probably come together as a society and agree that wearing jerseys of guys who likely committed rape is a sign of bad priorities. That said, I’m enjoying watching Tampa Bay resurge a little bit, but not enough for them to be my team.

New Orleans: A great American city, an aging quarterback who puts up huge numbers in losing games, this is a team with a ton of problems and years away from a solution. So why are they my NFC team? They just are. This is sports.

AFC South:

Indianapolis: I will have to google the AFC South in order to remember which teams are actually in it, which doesn’t bode well for any of these fuckheads. Pass on this stupid team.

Tennessee: No.

Jacksonville: How dare they sully an animal as awesome as the jaguar with their sucky football.

Houston: This is my other AFC team. I have two. This is based 100% on the fact that I, who watches zero college football, ended up watching the championship game and fell in love with Deshaun Watson. That kid is a stud. He’s an animal. He’s my favorite player now, hands down. I can’t wait to watch him play.

NFC West:

Seattle: I like Seattle a lot, but they’re a few years past their cinematic season where everything clicked into place and they won the Super Bowl. Russell Wilson has been revealed as kind of a weirdo, Marshawn Lynch is gone, and the defense is starting to show some holes. I still pull for these guys, but I don’t love them as much as I did when they beat the shit out of Denver.

Arizona: As someone who lived in Arizona and loved it, and as someone who appreciates guys like Bruce Arians, I’m a fan of this team. Here’s the problem: it’s almost impossible for us on the east coast to see west coast games, especially when the teams aren’t that good, and Arizona isn’t that good.

LA Rams: With all due respect to my father, who is a proud Cal alum, Jared Goff is not any good at football. And I got fucked over in fantasy by their decision to suck so much that even Todd Gurley couldn’t play.

San Francisco: Great city, proud franchise, and whatever happens with Colin Kaepernick at least they had the balls to stand by him and eventually start him last year. But they’re too dysfunctional right now to adopt.

AFC West:

Oakland: It sucks that these guys are headed to Vegas, where their stadium will be populated by…blackjack dealers and cab drivers who have the day off? This will be the future destination for hungover guys on bachelor parties? I actually don’t understand who they’re marketing to, and it’s particularly disappointing given that this team is on such a positive trajectory. Gaining Marshawn Lynch means this team is now appointment viewing, but I can’t reward the opportunism that sent them packing to a city as illogical as Las Vegas.

LA Chargers: I didn’t even like these fuckers when they were in San Diego. Now they’re gonna be the little brother of a team as stupid as the Rams? Fuck outta here.

Kansas City: I love, LOVE, that they just drafted the anti-Alex Smith as their quarterback of the future. This is the safe, decent team that’s too boring to really bandwagon on, but if they’re gonna replace their game manager with a gunslinger, than Andy Reid is just doin’ it right. Bookmark these dudes, we’ll come back in a few years.

Denver: I now hate Peyton Manning. That has to be someone’s fault. I think it’s Denver’s.

Pittsburgh, Houston and New Orleans. See you guys in September.