#he's super good at appearing y'know functional. & . NORMAL. but he isnt' LMFAOOOOOO

[bitbrumal]

HEADCANON ¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ █ ▌▌▌kaeya alberich.            morality & social urges / behaviour.

he's socially dysfunctional & channels that through his job so it doesn't ruin his fucking life ( & that of the ppl arnd him who aren't shitbags ). yes, i will expand on that lmao.      personally i don't headcanon him as like. a very kind person. at all. y'know ppl go with the 'hurt ppl are the kindest' with him a lot & i just like... for his stay in mondt to have put on healthy tracks smth that could've gone insanely badly.

i mean it coulda just been him in a ditch somewhere, but i mean... he could've been. so much worse. forever pointing at diluc for basically showing kaeya how to be an angel (lol) & feel good doing it... the merits of kindness, not as a virtue but... to get that love & belonging you want so bad.

i like to go hard on his 'manipulative / secretive' side that way,,, not that he's evil, at all. just. not a person with a lot of inherent sympathy / empathy fuelled by kindness. & he is a sadist, genuinely enjoys putting people through hell---the shit he went through before mondt absolutely put him on an awful track given nature / nurture & psychology,,, i like the spice of a morally apathetic person basically being pavlovian trained into being an Expert at being kind - safely & non-suspiciously: just went through a kind life... & was so desperate FOR kindness due to the SHIT one he'd lived before that he took that & internalised the shit out of it....

...he wants ppl to love him like he loved diluc, so he emulates--

AND I JUST THINK THAT'S SO SWEET IN A FUCKED UP LIL WAY. CUTE AF. U GO U FUNKY LIL ANTISOCIAL ASSHOLE. like he's. sadistic. but he channels it thru his work so he picks the right targets for it... i hc him as having been p fucking mean* as a child ( he still is ) & that's how he learned that.... hurting the ppl u like & who give u all that love & kindness u like SO MUCH... yeah it scratches an itch but also holy fuck.

the cons outweigh the pros... he's not kind bc he's kind but bc he selfishly enjoys what he can have when he is kind to the ppl he likes - or, rather, doesn't let out his worst impulses in their direction.      & yeah he is also a lil bit kind, actually, bc human beings are complex & nuanced & possess everything just in varying degrees... & i like for him to realise much later on that ‘’’mondt’’’ fostered that actual bit of kindness in him & that IS why he is, after all that, actually kind...

but oh, not in general.

bitch could've been a monster & thrived that way ( in an unhealthy thriving sort of way, but still ). but just goes. eh. i like these weird sensitive lil bitches with their silly principles lmao. they're mine. c: i'll kill u if u touch. c:

*mean: his inclination toward weaknesses he spots- & he spots them so, so well -is just to... pick exactly the core of it & then demonstrate it to the person in a way that causes the most havoc. it’s sadistic, but it’s also lonely as fuck---& this is why i say his earliest childhood put him on a dangerous track. his nature + nurture taught him to dig into people as the only way to know them, to feel a connection with them!         & then he was given to diluc, who... uh. y’know. for all crepus’ flaws, did have a... well, he’s in nature & nurture kaeya’s opposite. even inverse, if we take the dark start / light middle + light start / dark middle--- but back on track. diluc gives when he loves. he is just super affectionate & generous & good-hearted -- & that is how kaeya learned that good-hearted people aren’t just sensitive little butt babies ( about the only ways he knows how to touch them- ).

it feels good.

kindness. a heart you can trust to be good not bc you’re useful to them, but bc they ... wouldn’t be able to be okay with themselves if they didn’t honour that. you don’t have to feel like you’re valuable or have inherent worth ( lol what’s that can i eat it ), with a person who loves just because they are a loving person. & kaeya learned that.                       & that’s why he, despite being in a decidedly different book morally speaking ( & how that should surely put them off ), surrounds himself with good people. i don’t mean the knights ( per se ), that’s naive. amber, jean, lisa, rosa, diluc still... the traveller.

being loved by a person who is kind in their love is just so good, & all kaeya personally, selfishly desires, is to be loved in ways that fulfil instead of hurt.

& that, that is why he uses his job to go overboard here or there & go way further from the book than at times needed, & why jean lets him do it too.

because he has to somewhere channel both his nature & his traumatising nurture; can’t just not be that person at the snap of his fingers---& he is still so fucked up socially especially. because my ( & canon? ) kaeya doesn’t really get that fulfilment anymore you see bc he lies to everyone he loves & can’t feel their kind love bc he knows, he knows now they won’t keep giving it. they will turn cruel, too - & not even for the reasons that deserve it.        so he keeps it to himself & does his best to feel like this is enough, he can settle for this. he won’t set his world aflame again just to feel its warmth...

definitely being cruel isn’t the only thing so honest that it makes a bit of him feel full.

anyway sooner or later he’s either going to go completely off the rails or confess, & probably both in that order. good luck, jean! lol.