#he's such a mess guys he ends up buying nathan drinks for almost a year bc everytime he goes out with them he rants about kotetsu

[kitamars]

a well overdue swap au doodle dump from twitter bless 🙏 as you can see there's a bit of a bias here but who doesn't love an excess of buny

[puckinghell]

Almost | Nathan MacKinnon

Summary: Every time Nate doesn’t tell you he loves you, he almost does. Until the clock suddenly starts ticking, and almost might not be enough. Words: 5.3k Note: I wrote this all at once and I couldn’t be bothered to read it after to make sure it made sense so excuse me if it doesn’t. We’re in the midst of a global crisis, I couldn’t buy potatoes in the supermarket cause it’s empty, and I don’t have my emotional support dumbass hockey boys, so you can imagine the emotional distress I’m under.

---

Nate isn’t very good at flirting.

He knows that, and he’s known that for a long time. Not only because he’s got pretty good self-insight, but also because his teammates have been telling him for years. 

In fact, the first time he went out with Tyson, back when he just came onto the Avs and going out was a big deal to him, Tys shook his head and said: “If you don’t learn how to flirt you’re gonna end up dying alone. With a Cup and enough gold to drown in, but alone.” 

Nate loves Tys to death, but he still thinks about that night sometimes and wants to kick Tys in the shin.

Because as much as he’s bad at flirting, he never really thought it was a problem. Surely one day a girl would come into his life and she’d like him so much she would do the heavy lifting, and he could just kinda cruise along. Or maybe one day, when the right girl would come into his life, it would all be easy, suddenly. 

Except.

He’s pretty sure that you are the right girl. He has been sure about that for the past two years, ever since you became friends. And yet, you’re still friends. Just friends.

Nate thinks he kinda accidentally put himself in the friend zone. At first he thought it was fine if you were just friends, because it would grow into something more naturally. 

But one day Gabe turned to him solemnly and said: “Once she’s put you in the ‘Don’t go there’ part of her brain, you’re not coming out of there, bro.” 

He’d waved Gabe off, but now he’s starting to think Gabe was right. 

Because in the beginning, sometimes, you’d look at him a certain way, or you’d say something, and Nate was certain you meant it in a flirty way. Was sure he saw his own feelings reflected in your eyes. But those times became less and less frequent and now, he can’t remember the last time you looked at him like that. He only knows that you talk to him about dates you go on, like it doesn’t break his heart to think about you with someone else. And you wrap your arms around him so easy and comfortably, like the butterflies in his stomach when you touch him have no right o be there. And you ask to sleep in his bed with him after late movie nights like the thought of it ever being anything more than sleeping has never entered your mind. Nate thinks maybe he’s missed his window, but he also can’t imagine not ending up with you. So he starts his quest of getting you to notice him in a different way.

--

It’s shortly after he made that decision that he’s finding himself in Gabe’s backyard, a bottle of beer in his hand as he stands next to EJ who is grilling steaks on the barbecue. Gabe’s summer barbecue is somewhat of a staple, for the Avs, and if he thought that having a baby would mean Gabe’s parties would come to an end, Nate was wrong. Gabe flutters through the backyard with Linnea on his arm like he’s never done anything else. He switches his own beer bottle with Linnea’s bottle of milk – or whatever she’s drinking – between people he chats to, and before too long he shows up next to Nate and EJ. “Looking good,” Gabe whistles, looking at the grill. “Nate, are you staring at Y/N again?” Nate swirls around to face his captain; he hadn’t even noticed he was staring at you, but perhaps he was, because he knows you’ve been talking to Josty for the past 15 minutes and he’s not entirely happy about the way Josty leaned into you while he laughed at something you said. “It’s too late, bud,” EJ says, his signature toothless grin appearing. “You’ve waited too long and now she’s going to think you mean everything in a friendly way.” “That’s not true!” Nate starts protesting, even though he knows EJ is just trying to rile him up; but he can’t really make his point because you choose that moment to come over to them. “Are you still not done?” you tease EJ, playfully bumping against his shoulder. “I’m hungry, EJ, can you not grill a little faster?” “Grilling is like art,” EJ grumbles, “you can’t rush it.” “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” you answer, your voice filled with fondness. “Ah, there’s Linnea! Can I hold her?” You make grabby hands at the baby and Gabe easily passes her to you, which, honestly, rude. “You never let me hold her!” Nate sputters, and Gabe shrugs. “That’s because Y/N is responsible and you killed the only succulent you had in your house.” “A succulent is not the same as a baby. I could take care of her.” Nate feels extremely offended, even more so when you giggle. “No offense, but if I had to pick someone to take care of Linnea, it would be Y/N, then Colin, then literally anyone else, before it would be you,” says Gabe. “Even Josty?” Nate whines, and at that moment, Mel steps in next to Gabe, putting her hand on his back. “Are we letting Tyson take care of Linnea?” she asks. “Absolutely no way,” Gabe is quick to answer, and you suppose it’s a good thing Josty isn’t here to hear that. “I was just saying I would let Y/N take care of our little girl.” “Oh, would you?” Mel excitedly grasps your shoulder. “Gabe and I haven’t had a date night in like, months! “Sure, I’d love to,” you answer truthfully. You slide your finger into Linnea’s hand, the baby making excited gurgling noises as she clasps down on it. She’s stronger than she looks. “Can I come?” Nate says suddenly. His cheeks are a little tinted, even though it’s not that warm outside anymore. “It could be like, a babysitting date.” “Oh, of course!” you answer. “That’s a perfect idea, Nate! Mel, we should set up a play date for Linnea with my sister’s baby!” You ignore EJ’s cackling laugh and what sounds like a low groan coming from Nate, instead follow Mel to the porch with Linnea in your hands to plan the play date. EJ slings his arm around Nate, grinning a little wickedly as he says: “So close, Nathan. Almost got her.”

Nate elbows him in the stomach loud enough to earn a disapproving tut from Gabe.

--

Nate tells Sid about his plan during their monthly FaceTime session. “Good luck with that, dude,” Sid says, and it doesn’t even sound that condescending, coming from him. “What do you think I should do?” Nate knows asking Sid for advice on flirting is like asking a blind man for advice on how to see, but he’s getting desperate and he really, really doesn’t want to have to ask Tys. He’d never live that one down. “Uh,” Sid answers, and that’s about as much as Nate was expecting from him, anyway. “Maybe ask her out to dinner, or something?” Actually, that’s more than Nate was expecting from Sid, because that’s actually not the worst idea. Sure, you’ve gone out to dinner together many times, but it was always very clearly not a date setting; either the other guys were there, or it was at a MacDonalds – Nate doesn’t like to go to junkfood places, but he supposes if Tys was gonna leave any imprint on him, it would be his love for McFlurry’s – or it was just dinner at his apartment, wearing sweatpants and ordering Chinese while watching some dumb Netflix show. His chance to ask you comes quicker than he thought, because he’s still talking to Sid – about hockey, this time, something Sid does actually have great advice on – when you come barreling into his apartment. Your hair is wet from the rain and you shrug off your rain coat with a wave in his direction. “It’s pouring,” you tell him, “and I walked to work, so.” To anyone else, it would be a bad explanation, but it’s not the first time you’ve showed up at Nate’s apartment like this. You like to walk to work when it’s not too cold but sometimes the weather surprises you and you don’t want to walk back in the rain or the wind. Nate’s apartment is a lot closer to your work than your apartment, so it’s become a habit of yours to go to Nate’s on days like that and just hang out in his apartment until you either fall asleep there or Nate offers to drive you home.    “Is that Y/N?” Sid asks. “Hey, Y/N!” “Hi Sid!” you call back. “Nate, I’m gonna shower.” “Ask her,” Sid says, which is very pushy for Sid, who usually never tells Nate to do anything, instead just says “If I were you, I would consider” and let Nate figure out the underlying message. “Ask me what?” you ask Nate curiously, eyeing him up and down. He’s glaring at Sid as if Sid said something wrong, and when he looks at you, he doesn’t quite catch your eye. “I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me?” Nate asks. It’s a bit of a formal question for something you do at least once a week, but you shrug it off; Nate is a bit weird, sometimes, and you’re used to that. “Sure,” you say. “Let’s order Thai. Get my usual while I’m showering? I’m hungry.” Then you yell: “Bye Sid!” before making your way to the bathroom. Nate lets out a frustrated sigh and Sid sounds sympathetic when he says: “Almost there, dude. Just, next time, if I were you, I’d consider…” Nate is already not listening anymore.

--

Today is the day, Nate has decided. He bought roses, which EJ told him is lame and Gabe told him is great idea, and he cooked pasta, for which he used Sammy’s recipe. He’s not a good cook, but Sammy promised it’s impossible to mess up, and he thinks he did alright. He texted you this morning to ask you to come to his place for dinner. You replied with a sure :) and Nate takes that to be a good sign. He has a plan. When you walk in, he’ll take your coat, instantly changing the routine between you, because he normally stays on the couch when you open the door with your key. He won’t be wearing sweatpants, either, not even if he expects you might be; he’s wearing black jeans and a nice button up, and he’s even done his hair. Well, made an attempt to; it didn’t really work out and now it looks kinda the same as always, but hey, he’s really trying, here. Next, he’ll lead you to the table, which he’ll actually have set up, and at that point, surely you understand something different is happening, because a set up table is so different from his normal paper plates and Netflix. Then he’ll give you the roses and confess his feelings. He’s not really thought that part through too much, because every time he thinks about it he almost throws up. So. He’ll have to wing that. The problem, Nate finds out, with planning everything to perfection, is that when one thing goes wrong, the entire plan has to go out the window. Because half an hour after you were supposed to arrive, he gets a text saying sorry I’m late! Be there in 10 and he knows he’s gonna have to reheat the pasta, which Sammy said was not the point of pasta. But he’s not gonna kick off and cause a scene when you arrive, because he reasons it doesn’t really matter, in the grand scale of things. So he sits on the couch and waits. Finally, the door swings open and Nate jumps to his feet, ready to take your coat from you. Except, you’re not wearing a coat; you’re wearing his old hoodie and for some reason his breath hitches in his throat and suddenly he feels like his feet are nailed to the floor, unable to move. “Hey, sorry I’m late,” you call, basically running further into the apartment. “I came from the gym and let me tell you, I have got great news!” “News?” Nate echoes. You stop right in front of him, your eyes shining and a bright smile on your face. Suddenly, you lift an eyebrow, eyes catching on something. “Nathan MacKinnon, did you do something to your hair?” Before Nate can answer, you shrug and continue. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. Guess what happened at the gym!” “What?” Nate seems to only be able to repeat what you say, so he decides to stick with that. “I got asked on a date!” Nate thinks if he had one wish, he would wish for the floor to open up beneath his feet and for him to sink through the building, all 7 floors below his apartment, and then down into the ground, until he could bury himself in the dirt. “A date?” You’re so hyped you don’t even notice your best friend is simply repeating your words, barely reacting in any other way. “He’s so hot, this guy, Nate! He comes to the gym every Thursday, just like I do, and we never talk but sometimes I catch him looking, and like, I look back, you know? And today he came over and he asked if I wanted to get a drink, but obviously I had plans with you and I would never blow you off, so I said we could do it tomorrow. I have a date tomorrow, Nate!” In your excitement, you reach forward and wrap your arms around Nate, pressing your face into his chest. His heart is beating fast, and you notice that he kinda just remains frozen into place, so you look up at him with a frown. “Nate? You okay?” That seems to shake Nate from his trance, as he literally shakes himself out of it and slowly puts his arms around you. With a happy sigh, you allow yourself to sink into the embrace. “What are we eating, anyway? I’m hungry.” Nate praises any and every God there could possibly be that he decided to leave the door to the dining room closed. “Whatever you want, we can order,” he answers. “I’m just gonna, uh, get changed.” “I thought you looked fancy,” you grin, letting go of him and dropping onto the couch. “What about Italian?” Hours later, Nate throws away the empty pizza boxes and puts the roses in the bin with them, and then he goes to his bedroom to scream into a pillow. He wants to call you, wants to ask you to not go on a date with that guy. But then he thinks about how excited you looked and he doesn’t call. He doesn’t call, but he almost does, and he thinks that’s a pretty good way to describe how his life is going.

--

Nate has truly hit rock bottom, which is why he’s scrolling through his phone until he finds the familiar name. “Dogggg!” Tys yells into the phone, because he can never answer the phone like a normal person. “I’m baking chocolate chip cookies!” And Nate is suddenly a little overwhelmed with how much he misses his best friend. “Baking?” he teases. “What kinda mental breakdown are you going through this time?” “Hey, fuck you,” Tys says, but he sounds mellow and not bothered at all. “What’s up?” And Nate has been planning to ease into this conversation, have a little small talk, maybe talk about Toronto and how the coaching change has been working out for Tys, but Tys is his best friend – apart from you – and suddenly he can’t keep it to himself anymore. “I’m in love with Y/N,” he blurts out, and he hears a clank on the other side of the line that sounds suspiciously like Tyson dropping a spoon. “Well, yeah,” Tys comes back, a little too calmly for Nate’s liking. “But I meant like, what’s up with you that’s new, Dogg.” “I need to do something about it,” Nate says, and that seems to get Tyson’s attention, cause he suddenly sounds a lot more interested when he says: “Oh?”    “Cause like,” Nate starts, and he knows he’s about to start rambling. “Cause I’m so into her, you know, and I have been for so long, but I don’t think she sees me that way? And maybe if I would’ve done something sooner, she would’ve thought of me as an option, and she wouldn’t be going out with that guy right now..” “Wow hold up,” Tyson interrupts. “Wait, she’s got a boyfriend?” “No!” The force with which that word erupts from Nate’s mouth is maybe a little too telling, cause Tyson immediately goes into ‘calm down Nate’ mode. “Hey, hey, it’s just a date or two, right?” he soothes. “It’s totally not serious yet. And you and her, you’ve got history, dude. She loves you! There’s still time!” “What if she doesn’t love me in that way, though?” Nate asks, and he hates how tiny his voice sounds. “Then she’s got no taste, Nate,” Tyson says, awfully genuine. “You’d be an awesome boyfriend. Hell, you’ve basically been her boyfriend, you two act like a couple all the time.” Nate hadn’t thought of it like that. “Cause like, you’re always hanging out together, right?” Tys continues. “And you bring her to all your events as your plus one. She cooks you dinner at least once a week. You pick her up and drop her off when it’s raining and she doesn’t wanna walk. You always get her a Christmas present. She even bakes your favorite cookies when you’ve had a tough game.” He sounds slightly jealous when he says: “Cookies, bro! That’s true love.” And, well, Nate had always thought that was just a friend thing, but when he thinks about it, he doesn’t really treat any of his other friends that way. Has never picked up his phone at 4 am because Sid was calling, never ran a bath for Tys after a long day. Maybe, in a way, he has been acting like your boyfriend. Except. “We don’t kiss and stuff, though.” Tyson laughs. “And stuff. I bet you want the stuff, huh, bro?” “Shut up,” Nate grumbles, but he’s too thankful for Tyson’s input to put much heat behind it. “Brutes, what do I do?” “You need to complete the package, Dogg,” Tys says, sounding confident. “You’re almost her boyfriend. Now go get that kiss and be it for real.”

--

Nate is not usually a big drinker, but this, he needs to be super, super drunk for. “Careful,” Burky says, as he watches Nate slam back another shot. “That’s a lot of alcohol, Nate.” “You gonna call Gabe on me?” Nate says, defiant, and Burky shrugs. “No, but if you need to be carried home, I’ll get Z to do it.” That’s enough for Nate to not order another shot right away. “He’s upset because Y/N is here with a guy.” It’s Comphy who speaks, in a dull tone like he’s talking about the weather. Josty, who is with them too, sits up a little straighter. “She came with a guy?” “Shut up,” Nate all but growls. “I didn’t know when I invited her the invitation would be extended.” He really hadn’t; he’d asked you to come out with the boys after the game because he found out you were bringing the guy – Nate purposely forgets his name every time – and he figured he was running out of time. At least if he kept you out all night you couldn’t go home with the guy, and he might find the courage to tell you how he feels. Except then you’d shown up with the guy in tow, and now he’s wondering if it’s possible to drown himself in tequila. He must’ve looked properly miserable for the guys to crowd around him like they are; Gabe went home because he’s a dad now, but Comph and Josty and Burky are all sitting with him, refusing to have fun now that their assistant captain looks ready to commit a crime, and Z and EJ both keep shooting worried glances his way. Nate really doesn’t care. What he cares about is that you’re with with a guy that’s not him, and you’ve barely paid attention to him. He’s just about drunk enough that that annoyance is starting to become unbearable, and just drunk enough that it seems like a good idea to do something about it. “Nate, no…” Burky starts, when Nate stands up, and Comphy reaches for him, but even drunk Nate is quicker than them and he starts pushing his way through the crowd, to where you’re standing with the guy and laughing at something he’s saying. You feel two strong arms wrap around your waist, the grip almost too tight as you’re pushed flat against a muscular chest. For a second, you freeze, ready to fight, but then you smell familiar cologne and you recognize the arms that are wrapped around you in iron grip. “Nate?” you say. “Everything okay?” Nate hums in your ear but it’s not really words; just a low hum that makes something tingle in the pit of your stomach. If only Tom knew the effect Nate has on you, he probably wouldn’t be here. As it is, Tom’s eyes are wide as he stares at Nate. You did tell him you knew people on the team and that’s why you could get tickets to the Avs game so last minute, but you’d forgone the mention that your “contact” is Nathan MacKinnon; for some reason, you didn’t really want those worlds to mix just yet. Maybe that’s why you’d been keeping your distance from Nate, tonight. Normally, Nate isn’t the kinda guy to come chasing you down, but you can smell the alcohol on his breathe and his words slur a little when he says: “Where have you been?” Your heart starts beating a little faster. “Here,” you say, trying to ignore the dark tone to Nate’s voice. To say you’re confused in an understatement: Nate sounds almost angry, but he’s clinging to you like he’s not ever letting you go, so surely he can’t be angry at you. You wish Tom wasn’t here. If you’d been alone, you would’ve dragged Nate outside and talked to your best friend, figured out what’s bothering him, because it’s clear there’s something and you don’t like knowing that he’s carrying it alone. Nate has a tendency to carry the entire world on his shoulders, on his own, even when there’s so many people who would share the burden with him. “Dude,” Tom says, “you’re Nathan MacKinnon!” You feel Nate tense behind you. You know he doesn’t like to be recognized in public spaces but honestly, Tom didn’t speak loudly, and he’s not making a scene, so you wiggle out of Nate’s hold and put your hand on his arm.

Usually, that calms him down. “Yeah, Tom, this is my friend Nate. Nate, this is Tom.” Nate’s face is schooled into perfect indifference as he shakes the hand Tom holds out to him; the only thing betraying that he’s annoyed is the fact that his other, free, hand is balled into a fist and his knuckles are white. “Good to meet you, man,” Tom says. “That was such a nice goal there in the 2nd, holy shit dude! I’m like, such a big fan of you!” You cringe a little as Nate narrows his eyes. “Thanks,” he says, and he could not sound more bored if he tried. Even Tom shifts on his feet and nervously looks towards the floor. Then Nate’s hand finds its way to your lower back, his thumb dipping under your shirt. You feel like all the blood is rushing through your cheeks, and when Tom frowns, you feel like you could pass out. “Nice to meet you,” Nate says, in a tone that makes it clear he’d rather undergo a colonoscopy than ever speak to Tom again. “But can I borrow my girl for a second?” My girl? “Nate, what the…” you sputter, but you’re already being pushed through the crowd towards the exit, and before you know it you’re standing in a dark alley with your back to the brick wall of the club. Nate is standing close, so close you can feel his breath against your cheek when he exhales. His eyes are big and a bit wild, and you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat as clearly as you can. “Nate…” You mean to ask him what’s going on, but for some reason his name comes out of your mouth in a quiet rush of air, and it seems to do something to Nate, who inhales sharply and drops his head a little, his forehead nearly touching yours. “I hate it,” he mutters, the words soft enough that you can only make them out because it’s just the two of you in the silent outside air. “Hate what?” “Seeing you with him.” Those words hit you like a freight train, and all you manage to bring out is a soft “uhm”. “I can’t watch you with him,” Nate whispers. His hands are against the wall but his chest is pressed up against yours, and slowly but surely, he’s leaning in. And that’s when you realize, oh. Nate is going to kiss you. To your own surprise, that doesn’t shock you. It’s not some big thing that throws the world of its axis, that shakes the ground beneath your feet. It’s just a realization and then a soft, warm feeling of comfort spreading through your body. You want him to kiss you so badly, but it’s not like something is exploding, knowing that he wants it too. Instead, it’s like something finally falls into place.

“Y/N?” a voice goes, and you almost whine out loud. Nate jumps back like he’s been stung. He stares at you with wide eyes, the color drained from his face, and then he turns around and all but runs away. Tom watches him leave, then faces you, and in that moment you know four things absolutely certain. Nate was jealous. You’re never going to go on another date with Tom. Nate almost kissed you. And almost wasn’t enough.

--

Nate wakes up with a banging headache, the taste of dirt in his mouth and 20 missed text messages. Most of the messages are from Tyson, and there’s one from EJ, who is apparently the one that told Tyson about last night in the first place, because his text simply reads: Had to tell Brutes. You need help. Which is probably fair enough. There’s a text from Josty offering support, one from Burky asking if he got home safe, one from Gabe that Nate doesn’t read because he doesn’t want to see Gabe’s disappointed face every time he closes his eyes for the next few days, and then there’s a text from you. We have to talk. Well, fuck. Nate doesn’t have a lot of experience with relationships, but he knows that’s never a good sign. Nate knows that you know him well enough to have figured out that he was drunk last night, so you probably don’t expect him to be up yet. He takes advantage of that time by taking a shower and brushing his teeth at least four times until he can no longer taste the tequila in the back of his throat, making a cup of coffee and having a freak out at his kitchen counter because surely you’re going to tell him to never talk to you again. Not only did he not have the balls to tell you how he feels about you, he also acted like an asshole to a guy you apparently like – although Nate has no clue why, because he seemed boring as hell – and then he nearly kissed you but instead ran away. Not a great track record. It’s nearly noon when he finally gathers up the courage to call you. After all, you’ve given him two years of friendship, so that’s the least he can do. “Hey,” he says softly into the phone when the connection clicks through. “It’s Nate.” “I know,” you answer, and he’s surprised by how light your tone is. “I have caller ID, Nate. Have had it for years.” It throws him off, how normal you sound. There’s nothing in your voice to betray that you’re mad at him, or that you hate him. He almost forgets what he was going to say. Almost, but not quite. “I’m really sorry about last night,” he blurts out. “Do you mind if I come over so we can talk about it?” “Uhm,” you hesitate, and Nate’s heart sinks into the pit of his stomach.    “Actually, I’m almost at your apartment.” “Oh.” Nate had not expected that. “Uhm, okay. I’ll be here, then.” You laugh. “Yeah, I hoped you would be. See you in a bit, Nate.”    It takes you another 6 minutes to arrive; Nate knows it’s exactly 6 because he stares at the hands of the clock while he waits, while simultaneously thinking of all the possible scenarios in which you could break his heart. When you walk into the kitchen, he feels like he’s about to throw up. “You don’t look great,” is the first thing you say to him. “Have you had breakfast? You know hangovers get worse when you don’t eat.” And that’s... Not quite what Nate was expecting. “Yoohoo, Nate?” You wave your hand in front of his pale face, as Nate stares at you and doesn’t speak. “Are you okay?” “You hate me,” Nate blurts out then, and instantly his eyes fix on the floor in shame. “Or, you should.” You frown. “Why? Because you were a jealous dick last night?” Nate’s face turns from white to a bright shade of pink. You smile, walk to Nate who’s sitting on a barstool at the counter, and carefully push open his knees, so you can slide in between his legs. If Nate’s eyes go any wider, you worry they might fall out.   “Last night,” you repeat, “you were jealous. Of Tom.” It’s not a question, but Nate still nods, avoiding your eyes as he does. “And then you were going to kiss me.” Not a question either, and this time Nate doesn’t respond. “Nate,” you say softly, and the warmth in your tone must be what finally gets Nate to look up at you, his eyes locking with yours. “Do you still want to kiss me?” “I do,” Nate says. His voice is a little shaky but he needs to get this out, because he needs you to know this. “I always want to kiss you.” “Why haven’t you?” you ask. The answer is not really an answer, but it means everything anyway. “I almost did,” Nate says. “So many times, Y/N. So many times I almost did.” “Almost, almost,” you repeat, rolling your eyes, and then you slide your hands behind Nate’s neck and kiss him. He almost stumbles, his hands gripping your waist as if he’s afraid he’ll fall right onto the floor if he doesn’t have something to hold onto. But he’s kissing you back right away, his mouth soft yet forceful at the same time. Like he’s never going to stop kissing you. You don’t think you ever want him to.

--

It’s late at night and the streets of Denver are quiet beneath Nate’s apartment.    He’s laying on his back and you’re draped across his chest, naked bodies tangled together under the sheets. He’s not sure if you’re asleep; your breathing is shallow and even, but every now and then your fingers tighten around where they’re wrapped around his arm, and he wonders if you’re dreaming, or simply checking if he’s still there. As if he would ever leave. Nate can’t help himself; he lightly presses his lips against your hair, the ghost of a kiss against your skin. You hum softly. “Nate?” “Yeah,” he whispers. “It’s me.” A lazy giggle escapes your lips. “Thank God it’s not someone else.” The silence returns, but this time it’s heavy with something Nate knows you’re not saying. “What are you thinking about?” he mumbles, tracing circles on the naked skin of your back. Your answer shakes something inside of him. “That I almost didn’t get to have this.” He thinks of all the times he almost said something to you but didn’t, and curses himself for all the time lost. “Almost didn’t, but we did, and that’s what matters, right?” he speaks into the darkness.

You smile.

You know you’re not dreaming, but you almost can’t believe you aren’t.

Almost. 

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It: Part Five

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Nathan (OMC)

Also featured this chapter: Jared Padalecki, Gen Padalecki, Rob Benedict, Briana Buckmaster, Dee Harris, and mentions of Kim Rhodes, Mark Pellegrino, Jason Manns, Richard Speight, Jr.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part five is from Y/N’s POV. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.  Series Playlist: “When You Least Expect It” (Spotify). Two songs linked in this chapter, “Do I Move You” & “Up Cripple Creek” go back directly to this playlist. 

A HUGE shout out to @closetspngirl​ for putting together Jensen’s & the reader’s gorgeous wardrobe for the NYE party. Also for not only being my beta, but helping me write the G-D thing. Your input, suggestions, and overall inspiration has been a game changer.

Chapter Summary: Reeling from a visit with her Ex while home for Christmas, Y/N goes back to Austin to get ready for the Padalecki’s New Year’s Eve party. That event turns everything upside for both Y/N and Jensen.

Chapter Warnings: Language, Talk of Break-Ups, Angst, Fluff, 

WC: You don’t wanna know... Trust me.

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online

Y/N stood at the kitchen counter, her fingers gripping the butcher’s block so hard it was turning her knuckles white. She tried to regulate her breathing, which would help slow the relentless pounding of her heart being fueled by the adrenaline rush of seeing Nathan again after so many years.

“It’s really good to see you,” he started, the tenor of his voice instantly drowning her in memories. The quiver that lived beneath it wasn’t lost on her either. In fact, she relished that he was nervous. Y/N hoped he was scared as hell.

“What do you want, Nathan?” she asked, finally turning to face him.

“Just to talk. To—”

“Bullshit. If you wanted to talk, there are phones for that.”

“You would have taken my call?”

“Probably not,” she shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest.

“See. Figured the drop by was better.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and began to slowly walk around the bungalow. “Wow, the place still looks exactly the same. It's crazy…” he trailed off and snorted a laugh when he gazed at the pictures along the walls. “I actually miss it.”

“What?”

“The bungalow. You. Our life.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and felt the urge to scream at him to go. Her fingers crawled up and once again clutched her charm. “I won’t ask again, Nathan. What do—”

“…I want… yeah, I’m getting there. This isn’t easy, okay?” He sighed dramatically, something he had always done and plopped down onto the couch.

“I couldn’t care less how hard, whatever it is you wanna say, is for you to say. You ran out of sympathy from me when I came home and found every single one of your belongings gone. Hell, even before that. Because of you and your debts that you left me with, I had to borrow ten grand off of Leo. I’m still paying that back!”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m working now and I promise I’ll repay you. I was such a dick for leaving how I did. I was fucked up, babe. I was gambling and drinking and using—I was a mess.”

“I remember,” she sighed, exasperated and tired. She wanted him to go so she could melt back into the happy state she was in just after getting off the phone with Jensen. “So last chance to tell me why you’re here and bringing back those bad memories.”

“They weren’t all bad,” he said with that crooked smile. “We had some good ones.”

“Nathan… if you don’t get to the fucking point, I will call the police and remind them of the restraining order—”

“Ok, ok… I came to try and make amends. I’m twelve stepping my way back to a better life. It’s taken a while, but I’m finally in a good place. I need to apologize for all the terrible things I’ve done. Especially to you. I’ve hurt you—”

“You have,” she interrupted. “Honestly, I don’t know what hurt worse. When you left without a word or when you broke my nose.”

“Y/N—I…” he trailed off again and shrugged pathetically. “I was a horrible person then. I know it’s not an excuse. If I could go back in time and change everything, I would. We’d be married, have kids… we’d have a life together here.”

“Well, thank God you can’t. Look, Nathan, I’m glad you got yourself straight. I am. But my life right now is good, and I wouldn’t want to change a thing.”

“I heard. Got yourself a fancy new job,” he said with a smile, but Y/N knew him well enough that behind that smile was a fit of pure, seething jealousy. It was always there in him; lurking.

“Who spilled the beans?”

“Leo. I ran into him last week when I got back. I asked about you, and he said that you had moved to Austin temporarily for work.”

“Did he?” She reminded herself to thank him for that later. “Well, then you know I’m busy. I’m only home for a couple days—”

“He said a week.”

“Leo was wrong. I’m cutting the trip short. I have an event to go to on New Year’s that I need to get back for.”

“Oh,” he replied. There was a lot packed into that ‘oh’. “Y/N, I know I don’t deserve to ask you for anything. But for a long time, we loved each other. We’ve been together since we were kids. Me, you… Dave. We were a little family, especially after your mom left.”

The mention of her mother and brother turned her stomach.

“If you want to apologize, bringing up my mother and dick of a brother isn’t the way to go.”

“Dave isn’t a bad guy. I know he did some shitty things, but babe, he’s your brother. He loves you.”

Y/N finally moved from where she was frozen in place and slowly walked into the living room. “You still talk to him?”

Nathan nodded. “I do. He misses you, asks about you. A lot.”

“Good. I hope that shit for brains realizes now that I will never talk to him again.”

“I still don’t understand why.”

“You don’t understand... Nathan, you were here for the bullshit they put me through after dad died. That bitch swooped in and took my entire inheritance! If not for Leo buying the bungalow from her, I would have been homeless. Then, to find out later that my so-called loving brother, HELPED HER?!” Y/N was shaking now. The act of dredging up these memories was not exactly how she wanted to spend Christmas morning; especially not after it started so well.

“Babe…” Nathan consoled and rose from the couch to come closer to comfort her.

“STOP CALLING ME BABE!”

Nathan froze in place and swallowed hard. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just came here to try and apologize. For everything I’ve done. I was supposed to be the one person you could trust, who protected you. I’m sorry that I failed you.”

Much to her own surprise, Y/N didn’t cry. She wanted too, but she wouldn’t in front of Nathan. There had been enough tears shed for him over the course of twenty years. Her phone began to buzz from deep within her robe’s pocket. She tried to ignore it, but just before it stopped ringing, she pulled it out and saw Jensen’s name flashing on the screen.

Without hesitation, she answered the call. “Hey,” she greeted and hoped there wasn’t any residual tension in her tone. “Miss me already?”

Nathan’s head picked up, his gaze intense and curious. But he saw the warning look Y/N passed him and forced himself to stay quiet.

“If I did?” Jensen asked playfully. “No, I was calling to tell you that as soon as we hung up, Jared called me to say Merry Christmas and all that. I asked him about the party and his exact words were ‘whatever makes you happy, doesn’t matter so’s long as you’re there’. So there’s your dress code.”

Despite her current mood, she laughed. “Well, that doesn’t help at all.”

“Yeah, I know…” he hesitated for a beat, “are you alright? You don’t sound as chipper as you did twenty minutes ago.”

“Um, yeah. I’m fine,” she lied and tried to put herself together. “Just getting ready for the day, you know.”

“Sure? If you wanna talk, or—I can find a quiet spot and—”

“No, Jay, it's fine. Really. I do gotta run though. Few things I need to wrap up,” she said and hoped he would take it as wrapping last minute gifts for the holiday.

“Ok.” She could tell instantly he didn’t believe her. “Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind. Talk soon?”

“Yeah, definitely. Enjoy your day and if you talk to Jared again, or Robbie, tell them I said Merry Christmas.”

“Will do, bye, Y/N.”

“Bye, Jay.”

She ended the call and kept the phone hovering near her mouth, almost as if she was trying to hide from Nathan.

“Who’s Jay?”

“Jensen. He’s my boss,” she answered then slipped the phone back into her robe.

“Jensen? Some name,” he sneered. “And he calls on Christmas morning? What a pretentious dick.”

“Fuck off, okay? You don’t know him.”

“I do though. He sounds like every rich, asshole Bennie that tears up our beach every summer. Comes down with his crap, his money and thinks he gets whatever he wants—”

“Nathan! You wanna apologize, make amends? Attacking my friend will not help accomplish that.”

“Your friend? I thought he was just your boss.” Realization dawned on him then, and she noticed his body stiffen. “You have a thing for him, don’t you?”

She didn’t expect that and stammered before she could find the words she wanted. “I—no, he’s been a good friend. It's business. That’s all. Besides, you put me through enough. I couldn’t deal with anyone else after you.”

Nathan cast his eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I never intended for you to be hurt so badly. I never wanted for you to hate me.”

“Yeah, well. Your intentions don’t mean shit, Nathan. Look, I should hate you… but I don’t. God only knows why, but I don’t. You’re right, we did have some really great memories. Being friends since we were little kids and all the years we spent together as a couple; it’s not lost on me. Even though you left like a coward after you hit me—”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you… I needed the money and—” he stopped himself from going down that path. “It’s not an excuse. I should never have touched you, especially not at the club. Mama Mia nearly put me in the hospital that night.”

“You deserved it.”

He nodded and let her continue.

“Anyway, all that aside, I’m just in a place where I don’t want to be with anyone, Nathan.” Y/N paused and realized now she was not only lying to him, but to herself. “I appreciate your wanting to make amends. I’m glad the twelve-step thing is working for you, and that you’re here for your mom for Christmas.”

“But?”

“But, nothing. I am honestly glad for you and for your mom. She didn’t need to lose you.”

“What about us?” he asked hesitantly, bringing his bright blue eyes to meet hers. For the briefest moment, she could see what she used to see in them; kindness, compassion, and hope making him look more like the first boy she ever loved.

“Us?” Y/N laughed and sighed all in one breath. “Nathan there is no ‘us’. That ship sailed years ago. But I am glad that you’re getting your life back together.”

His phone pinged from down in his jeans pocket. “That’s probably my mom wondering when I’ll be back. She’s got breakfast waiting.”

“Then you should go.”

“Do you wanna come with? I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

“No, I promised Leo I would be there today.”

“When do you go back to… Austin is it?”

“Yes, Austin. In a few days. I have some work to do while I’m here…”

“So, in other words, you aren’t free on this trip to make any plans with me.”

Y/N nodded. “I’m sorry. Maybe another time.” She once again crossed her arms over her chest. It was a mannerism Nathan knew well; she was putting up her wall, and while he couldn’t blame her, he felt his hopes of any reconciliation being quickly dashed.

“Could I, maybe, call you from time to time?”

She exhaled slowly, expelling the breath through pursed lips. “Nathan…” pausing when she saw the seemingly honest, pleading look in his eyes. “Sure. But, if it becomes obsessive, or intrusive…”

He held up his hands in relent. “I promise, it won’t. I just…” he took a few tentative steps closer to her. As he approached, she took one step back and he stopped; afraid he was scaring her. “I just want to get to know you again. This you. I still love you, Y/N. I know you don’t love me, but at least give me the chance to prove to you that I’ve changed. That I can be the guy you used to love. Or at least the one you used to like.”

His phone pinged again.

“You should go, Nathan. Tell your mom I said Merry Christmas.”

Nathan nodded and went towards the door. “I’m not gonna ask you to wait, but maybe you don’t rule me out completely.”

“Rule you out of what?” she asked.

“Your future.” He lingered for a moment longer, then left and quietly closed the door behind him.   

The daylight hours of New Year’s Eve was packed with errands, including trying to find something appropriate to wear to Jared and Gen’s New Year’s Eve party. Jensen didn’t exactly help with his recon efforts; having the perimeters of “whatever makes you happy” to go by wasn’t much to go on. Finding nothing while in New Jersey, she frantically searched for any shop that was open in downtown Austin on her way home from the airport.

Finally, in the very last shop, she found the perfect one. The moment she laid her eyes on the turquoise colored dress with a lace overlay from the neck to the hem, she fell in love. It was a little fancier than she’d normally go for, but attending this party in one of the most beautiful Country Clubs in Austin seemed like the occasion to do so.

Once all the accessories had been chosen, Y/N rushed back to her townhouse to shower and get ready. As the hot water cascaded down through her hair, she closed her eyes and thought about the last few days back home. She had finally gotten to a place where her life didn’t feel so suffocated, where she could have reconciled her past while looking towards the future. Now she was uncertain if she would be able to ever really move on from Nathan, or if she would always be scared because of the marks he’d left on her heart.

For the next few days, she went on an emotional journey that she knew had to be done, but not one she expected just then. Nathan had been such a big part of her life since she was a kid; he’d been there through some of the worst times to comfort her and support her. It was also true that he was the root cause for a lot of bad times, and though he was the one that made the bad choices, got wrapped up in things he shouldn’t have… wasn’t there a part of him that was still the same boy that held her through the night her mother left, then her brother and again when her father died?

Y/N turned off the shower and wiped away the steam on the mirror. As she watched her reflection in the glass, Jensen’s face floated into her mind’s eye. His beautiful green eyes, full, round lips, the way that he smiled at her made her breath hitch and her skin tingle in ways that felt extraordinary. Mostly, it was how he made her feel calm and in control; like she could accomplish anything she wanted. Yet, whenever she allowed herself moments to daydream about him, and what it would be like to be with him, fear set in and she would pull away.

“You’re a fucking mess,” she accused at her reflection. “Seriously, get your shit together (Y/L/N). You have a gorgeous, generous, amazing man about to pick you up for a fancy party. You got a new dress, new shoes and a wonderful night ahead. Don’t self-sabotage before you even get in the car.”

She gave herself an affirmative nod, tightened the towel around her chest and moved away from the mirror to get finish getting ready. Halfway out of the bathroom she paused and went back to the mirror.

“Also, don’t let Nathan and his bullshit ruin a good night. He’s not here, he won’t be here. It’s just you, Jensen and a hundred of his closest friends. If anything is going to freak you out, it should be that.”

Y/N hung her head dramatically and sighed. No matter how hard she tried not to think about Nathan, he was just there now, living somewhere in the recesses of her mind and slowly inching his way back to the forefront.

Two hours later, when Y/N heard the knock at the first door, she looked over at the stove clock and realized it could only be Jensen. Seven on the dot… Mr. Punctuality. Y/N took a deep, calming breath, nerves quickly igniting as to how things may change if she opened that door. She froze with her hand on the knob.

You should say you’re sick… jet lag? No, stupid, it’s only an hour time difference, jet lag wouldn’t--

He knocked again. Stopping the freight train of doubt that ran on a constant loop, she exhaled slowly and opened the front door.

“Hey!” Jensen greeted upon seeing her. “You ready to…” he trailed off as he noticed how she looked and took a moment to drink her all in. Jensen was dumbfounded, as his eyes glazed over her from how her hair was twisted up off her neck, to the color of the dress and how it hugged her just right, flowing out to a skirt that fell a few inches above her knees. She was wearing heels, and as he admired how her legs looked while wearing them, he realized he’d never seen her in anything but her old sandals.

“Wow… You--you look amazing,” he breathed. “I--that’s not even the right word. You--”

His gaze softened the longer he looked at her; and the more he looked, the more she was becoming affected by his stare.

“Ok, ok. Easy tiger. It’s just a dress,” she laughed but was barely holding it together as she noticed how good he looked, as well. Jensen showed up dressed in a black sport coat and slacks, beneath it, a nicely fitting shirt that complimented his strong and lean figure. The color of which, just happened to be a shade off of matching her dress perfectly.

“Hey, we match!” she smiled, lighting up her whole face. “People are going to think we did that on purpose.”

“Fuck ‘em,” he said, the corners of his mouth pointing down. “Besides, no one in that whole place will even notice me once you walk into the room.”  He waggled his eyebrows and moved aside so she could walk out.

“You’re such a dork,” she teased and rolled her eyes. “Though, I gotta say,” she paused and spun back around for a minute to face him, “you do clean up pretty nice yourself, Hollywood.”

 Heading towards the party venue, Y/N was quiet. She could feel Jensen continuing to steal glances in her direction. He had never been shy before about asking her something when it was on his mind, but now he hesitated. She finally caught his gaze and sighed.

“You want to ask me something, so ask,” she said, startling him with her accuracy.

“Alright… what happened on Christmas?”

Boy, he’s blunt, she thought. She furrowed her brow and tried to play it off like she didn’t know what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”

“C’mon Y/N. I talked to you and you were… you. Twenty minutes later I called back and you were completely different.” Jensen’s eyes flickered back and forth between her and the road. “Then, I don’t hear from you all week. Just seemed like maybe something was wrong.”

Y/N could just brush him off, she thought about it. She didn’t want to get into a big conversation about Nathan solely because it would lead back to their past and she didn’t want to go back to that headspace. She also didn’t think brushing him off was the best idea. Jensen was more than just a colleague now, he was her friend; a friend that she had come to care about very much.

She swallowed nervously, her tongue darting over her polished lips. “I had an unexpected visitor after I hung up with you. Just an old… someone, that I wasn’t expecting to see.”

“Oh,” he replied, his eyes now transfixed on the road ahead. “A recent, old, someone?” he asked, and thankfully she caught his meaning.

“Yes. Sort of. It’s been a few years.”

“Oh,” he said again, this time as more of a sigh of relief. “How did it go?”

“It went. He just wanted to catch up. He was in town visiting his mom and had run into Leo. I guess Leo told him about Austin, and he wanted to say congrats on the new gig.”

“Ah.” Jensen’s gaze drifted to catch her expression. Y/N appeared unaffected, but there was something in her eyes that told him that maybe wasn’t the whole truth. “Exes… huh?” he quipped and tried to get her to smile. “I got one, too.”

“An ex?”

“Yup.”

“Don’t we all?”

Jensen laughed. “I guess.”

“How recent is yours?”

“Last Spring. I got back from a con and came home to an empty house. She was just, gone.”

“Ouch,” Y/N winced, knowing the pain of that feeling. “Did you ever find out why?”

His reaction took her off guard. Jensen smirked, then it faded and his eyes seemed to drift a million miles away. She saw him force the lump in his throat down to a place where it wouldn’t stop him from choking on the words that he tried to say.

“She… uh,” he snorted a laugh, “she met someone else.”

“Oh,” she breathed, waited for a beat, then muttered. “She’s an idiot.”

Jensen’s lips formed a tiny little grin of satisfaction and gave Y/N the hint that he heard her after all.

“Well, I’m sorry your Christmas was ruined by an ex,” he said, turning the subject back to her.

“It wasn’t ruined,” she replied quietly and cast her gaze out of the passenger side window. Her hand went to her neck, to where the necklace had resided since she clasped it around there Christmas morning. “Got to open the best present I ever received while watching the sunrise over the ocean.” Turning her attention back to him, her features softened as she lifted the charm from her neck. “That’s what I’ll remember most from this Christmas.”

The Country Club was far larger than Y/N thought it would be. Even in the shadows of the evening, she could see how beautiful and expansive the grounds and golf courses were. It was lit up in soft whites and golds, and there was a buzz of activity in and around the entrance.

After the valet parked the car, Jensen linked his elbow with hers and escorted her inside. Her nerves were starting to show, barely, but they were there. She’d been to more than enough events like this for Leo’s business, and she’d played the boardwalk stage to a crow of a few hundred people. Somehow, this was more nerve-wracking, and Jensen could feel it radiating off her.

“Hey,” he whispered but kept his eyes focused ahead. “You know this is low-key, right?”

“You mean despite the fact that the party is in Wayne Manor? I swore that was Alfred who parked the car.”

Jensen laughed. “Yes, despite that. These are all just friends, wearing fancier than normal clothes.”

“Your friends. I know them through Skype or email.”

“They’re gonna love you. Alright? Robbie already does. He won’t shut the hell up about meeting you tonight.”

“Says you. I feel like I’m going on an audition and this is my call back for the role of Celebrity Assistant…”

“Hey,” Jensen interrupted and pulled her to a stop. “You know that’s not what you are, right? It’s important to me that you know that.” Using her own words against her made her relax a little. “You’re not my assistant. You work with me. And as for tonight, well darlin’, you are simply my date and easily the most stunning woman in the room.”

His features relaxed, the small bunches of wrinkles deepening around his eyes and the peek-a-boo dimples on the corners of his mouth showing themselves. “Relax, have a drink, dance a little and have a damn good time.”

“I thought we established that me dancing is hazardous to everyone’s health,” she joked, feeling her nerves dissipate a little.

“Hey, it's New Year’s Eve. If you can’t do something new and out of your comfort zone on a night like tonight… then you never will. Besides, I am way worse at dancing than you. I’m more than happy to prove it. After a drink or two, that is.”

Y/N exhaled as steadily as she could and straightened her shoulders back and tightened her linked arm around Jensen’s. She was going to make the most of the night and go in with her head held high; ready to push herself well beyond her limits.

They breached the entryway and stepped into the main room where the Padalecki’s were hosting a jam-packed New Year’s Eve party. Faces were floating by at a rapid pace, some she recognized, some she didn’t. Names were thrown at her, and she smiled at each one, shaking hands with those who offered and returning polite smiles to those she didn’t. It was overwhelming and yet exhilarating, especially when Jensen was introducing her as the Music Director for FBBC’s Hometown Music & Brew Fest. For the first time in her life, she was being looked upon as someone respected; someone who was spending their time trying to make a difference; not slinging drinks, not pushing papers or hustling pool just to make ends meet. What made it even more special, was having him be the one who helped her find this place in the world.

“Well it’s about time!” a woman’s voice squealed over the music piping in through the generously spaced out speakers. As you both spun around, you saw a beautiful, petite woman with long dark brown hair and eyes the color of dark chocolate. “I was starting to think you were going to be late, Jensen. You’re never late!”

“C’ mon Gen, you know better than that,” he laughed and released her arm to embrace Gen and leave a kiss on her cheek. “Where’s the big jerk you married?”

“Oh, mingling, you know him. I’m sure he’s got half the place in hysterics already,” she laughed. When she turned her attention to Y/N, her eyes grew wide and she clapped in excitement. “You must be Y/N! It’s so good to meet you in person! This one doesn’t shut up about you or the festival. I think he may have imploded if you didn’t come on to help.”

“I’m just glad I could contribute something,” Y/N replied. ‘It’s nice to meet you, Gen.”

“Have you met everyone else yet?” she asked excitedly, taking Y/N’s arm much the way Jensen did and led her away into one of the rooms that jettisoned off the ballroom. “I think they’re all hiding away in here.”

She led Y/N in, with Jensen following closing behind. The room Gen lead them into was large enough to fit approximately twenty people comfortably, with a baby grand piano at the center. There were windows along the back wall that overlooked the deserted golf course, but the cream and deep beige draperies were pulled and hid the view from the party goers. In each corner, was a tall, potted decorative tree, with hanging white lights that cast an ambient glow over the room. Scattered throughout the room were overstuffed armchairs and a few leather love seats. A perfect place to sit and listen to someone play on the baby grand while enjoying the view of the grounds.

Y/N searched the handful of faces that were standing around the piano but none were too familiar. The moment Gen spoke, the man at the keys stopped playing. When he stood, Y/N smiled wide, instantly recognizing Robbie as he started walking over to them.

“Hey man!” Rob greeted Jensen excitedly. “Was getting worried about you! Thought you were gonna stand me up.”

“I could never do that to you, Rob. You know I love you too much,” Jensen teased, giving Rob a wink. “But, if I tell you Y/N is here to finally meet you, do you forgive me?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” he grinned and reached out for Y/N’s hand, bringing the back of it to his lips and giving it a barely-there-kiss. “It is a pleasure to finally see your face sans computer screen.”

“It really is,” she said, trying not to giggle at his overindulgent greeting.

Robbie kept her hand and began to move her away from Gen and Jensen. “Here, let me introduce you to the whole gang.”

Jensen just shook his head, his arms open wide and mouthing, “Really?”

Ignoring him, Robbie pulled Y/N around the room and one by one introduced her to people from both the show and the regular con circuit. Y/N’s head spun as she met Jason Manns, Kim Rhodes, Richard Speight, Jr., and Mark Pellegrino among others. It took nearly twenty minutes to make the rounds and by the time Rob had brought Y/N full circle, Gen and Jensen were no longer alone. Jared had just joined the small group, drink in hand and a smile that was more forced than genuine.

Jared leaned closer to Jensen’s ear just as you sidled up next to him. “Hey, I need to talk to you,” he whispered.

Jensen furrowed his brow and snapped his gaze up to catch Jared’s eye. They had a silent exchange, one that could only happen between two people who knew each other explicitly well. When Jensen turned back to Y/N, she waved him off before he could even speak.

“Go, I’m fine. I have Rob to keep me company,” she said, not without a little spunk.

“Hands above the waist, Rob. Remember you’re with a lady, not one of your women of the night,” he warned and gave Y/N’s shoulder a little squeeze before he was whisked off by his best friend.

“I should go check on everything in the kitchen. Will you be alright?” she asked Y/N.

“What am I, chopped liver?” Rob interjected.

Gen shook her head and gave Y/N an apologetic smile. “Welcome to our weird, little family. Please don’t judge us solely on our Robbie.” She patted Rob’s arm lovingly before turning and heading back out through the ballroom.

“She’s one hell of a lady. Throws a damn good party, too. Come on, let’s mingle.” 

Jensen followed Jared down the long clubhouse corridor and down to the double doors that led into the game room. Once inside, Jared shut the door but didn’t bother with turning on the lights.

“What’s up?” Jensen asked. “I barely got in the door, didn’t even get a drink yet.”

“Here, have mine. You’re gonna need it.” Jared held out his glass of bourbon. “I tried to get a hold of you earlier--”

“Why?”

“Because man, Gen invited Dee. She’s coming, and she’s not coming alone.”

Jensen sighed heavily, his head rolled back on his neck and his mouth hung open. “Fuck. Really?”

“Mhm. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I mean, I know they still talk and hang out, but, I didn’t think she was going to invite her.”

Jensen gulped down the rest of the bourbon from the glass, wincing at the burn as it hit his throat. He turned abruptly and headed through the game room to the small bar that was kept there. Rummaging through the bottles, he found a bottle of Jim Beam and refilled the glass.

“Is he here with her?”

Jared nodded. “I don’t know. I just know she’s coming.”

“Does Dee know I’m here?”

Jared shrugged. “Gen and I… we try not to talk about her with each other.”

Jensen considered this and shrugged, too. “I hate that what happened between me and her put you guys at odds.”

“It really didn’t, not until times like this.”

“You know what? It’s fine. Not like I’m here alone, right?”

“Right. About that… You’ll have to introduce me properly when we head back.”

“I will,” he said, and just knowing that Y/N was out there waiting for him, suddenly made the Dee situation seem somewhat tolerable.

“What was that?” Jared asked, looking at him curiously. “What did you just do with your face?”

Jensen scrunched his face in ignorance. “What… face?”

“That face! That face you make when you get all dreamy and shit.”

“Dreamy fa--” Jensen scoffed. He was getting flustered, so he drained his glass. “Shut up.”

“Ha!” Jared laughed and clapped Jensen’s shoulder. “So, you gonna be able to be cool with Dee?”

“As a cucumber,” he promised.

Jensen had disappeared with Jared, Gen had disappeared back into the crowd of people in the ballroom, and Rob had just disappeared. Somewhere in the middle of crossing the big room’s dance floor, Y/N had lost him and when she broke through the sea of people, she didn’t want to go back in. Meandering alone through the party, she felt suddenly out of place and all her earlier nerves settling back in for the long haul.

She wished Jensen would come back from wherever he disappeared too. But as the minutes ticked by, Y/N found herself back in the room with the baby grand. It was completely empty now that the music had stopped; for this, she was suddenly grateful. As she slowly walked along its side, she ever-so-lightly dragged her finger against the ebony lacquer of the lip then followed along the edge and down to the keys.

Y/N hadn’t seen or touched a piano of this caliber for a lot of years. Guitar had been her true love since she was five years old, the piano came later. When she was little, and her mother was still around, she would take her to the most luxurious of all Leo’s hotels up in the wealthy area of Spring Lake. These were the ones with professional piano players in the lobby and a bellhop that came when you rang. Y/N would sit for hours, watching that old man with the sandy blonde hair play the keys like a magician, and pulling some of the most glorious melodies she’d ever heard.

Her mother was a maid back then, cleaning and stealing from most of the rooms upstairs. Leo would find Y/N a lot of times left alone, sitting in the lobby and listening to the piano and felt sorry for her. On her seventh birthday, Leo bought her a small electronic keyboard to practice on. She took to it easily, and by the time she was ten, was recording tracks on the keyboard, they play along with them on guitar.

She exhaled softly as she slid onto the bench and smoothed out her skirt. Just as she hovered her fingers over the keys, and pressed the first few, she was no longer alone in the room.

“Found you! Took me damn long enough…”

Y/N’s head snapped up, to see a beautiful blonde woman, with long, wavy curls approaching her. Her big, dimpled smile lit up the room the second she entered, and Y/N couldn’t stop admiring her.

“I tried to wrangle Robbie before when he was parading you through the room, but that little man is too fast for me!” She sat down on the bench beside Y/N in an exasperated huff. “Woo! I’m beat and it isn’t even midnight yet! I’m Briana, by the way. Briana Buckmaster. You’re, Y/N, right? Working the music side of Brewfest? I’ve heard a lot about you from Robbie.”

“He’s one hell of a cheerleader,” Y/N said. Something was familiar about her, but she couldn’t put her finger on where. “Are you doing work for it as well? You just seem so familiar, but I can’t…” as she trailed off, it hit her why. “You have an album of covers out, right?”

Briana was taken aback, her sweet smile dimpling as it grew. “I do! You’ve heard it?”

“Hell yeah! Back in Jersey, I was a musical director for a burlesque group. Some of the girls were playing it for a routine. It was hot. Your voice is seriously magic.”

“Burlesque? How fucking cool are you? Did we just become best friends?” she roared with a throaty laugh and threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “And here I was just coming over to ask you about Jensen. Had no idea I’d find a fan and a new friend in the mix!”

“You definitely have a fan in me, Briana.”

“Oh please, call me Bri, everyone does. This dress, gorgeous, by the way. And please tell me that Jensen matched you on purpose because I will both love him and tease him for eternity because of it!”

“No! It wasn’t on purpose. But I knew someone would think it was.”

“I guess you two are just on that wavelength, huh?” she wiggled her eyebrows and poked Y/N’s arm with her elbow. “I did see you guys when you walked in together.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm. So, you gotta tell me something,” she said and leaned in a little closer. “How good a kisser is he? Cause, I may be married, but I ain’t dead. And that boy is… mmm mmm!”

“I don’t--I haven’t… We’re not…” Y/N laughed nervously shook her head slightly, trying to shake the embarrassment off and form a complete sentence. “We’re just friends, we work together on the festival. That’s all.”

“Oh, I see,” Bri said and cleared her throat before turning back to Y/N. “You guys are in the denial stage! Ok, I get it.”

“What? No! It’s…” Y/N searched for the right word. Damn this woman is perceptive, she thought before finding the winner. “It’s complicated.” she sighed, surprising herself that she gave any kind of real answer.

Y/N was instantly comfortable with Briana. Her spirit and fiery personality felt familiar, and something she’d been lacking in her life since leaving New Jersey months before. She felt that she could say something like that to this virtual stranger because she felt like Bri wouldn’t be a stranger for much longer.

“Yeah well, complicated can work itself out,” she nudged her shoulder into Y/N playfully, then motioned down towards the keys. “You play?”

“I do,” she replied, relieved Bri moved the subject off of Jensen for the moment.

“What do you like to play?” she asked, but not in the way where one is curious. She asked because she looked like she was scheming.

“Just about anything really. Why?”

Bri slid out off the bench and walked around to stand in the curve of the piano. “You sing, too, right?”

“I do,” Y/N replied and started to play with the keys around middle C. Finding the melody of something soft but familiar. “Robbie tell you that?”

“Nope. Jensen did. Did he tell you that he sings as well?”

Y/N’s fingers froze and her breath caught in her chest. “No… he didn’t.”

Bri’s face light up as she leaned against the piano, letting her hands slide along the edges in each direction. “Oh, he does. And he sings, goooood.”

She forced her fingers to continue playing the song. As she played on, she didn’t realize the song that she’d been playing just then was the same one she had been strumming on the guitar the morning Jensen shared her sunrise.

‘Ooo-ooo-ooo honey, you’re the one that I want...’ Y/N sang silently along to the melody in her head.

“I know this one… I did a stint as Rizzo at the Citadel Theater,” Bri squealed excitedly. “This was a fun one to perform.”

“Pink lady here,” Y/N laughed, and quickly changed up the melody, not wanting that one to get wedged in her head again. After she played it that morning, it stuck with her for days after. But instead of it making her think of the play, now it just reminded her of sitting on the floor with Jensen and talking through the night.

“But I wanted to play Rizzo,” Y/N continued. “She’s clearly the most relatable.”

“We really are kindred spirits! So, new friend…” she brought her arms back to center, and rested her elbows on the piano, cradling her chin in her palms. “Play me something.”

Y/N thought for a moment and began to pick up a melody. Bri’s eyes lit up as she recognized the beginning notes to “Do I Move You.” They exchanged a knowing glance; Y/N knowing this had been one of Bri’s covers, and Bri realizing that Y/N chose it for that reason.

Starting it acapella, Bri sang the first line, “Do I move you?”

Y/N played, finding the groove of the song. It wasn’t hard for her, all she needed was a place to start and she could slide right into it.

“Are you willing? “Do I groove you? Is it thrilling? Do I soothe you? Tell the truth now… Do I move you? Are you loose now? The answer better be…” Bri drew out the last word, soft and sultry and looked to her accompaniment to finish the first verse with her.

“That pleases meeeee….” They sang together.

The song played on, just the two of them at the moment. The party noises were all but a second thought, as these two new friends found an easy rapport with each other through the music. With every few lines, Y/N increased the tempo of the melody, her fingers beginning to move across the keys with speed and accuracy. She was ensconced in playing and vibing with Bri, relishing in the rich grit and tenor of her voice. Both of them solely just going with the song and building it from an intimate conversation to an all-out war cry with the depth, and fullness of Bri’s bravado.

“When I touch ya? Do you quiver? From your head right down to your liver If you like it, let me know it Don’t be psychic or you’ll blow it The answer better be…. Great God Almighty, that pleases meeeee….”

Bri hit the last note in her full voice and a roar of applause ripped through the room. If Bri had seen the people funnel in, Y/N didn’t know; but she hadn’t. Getting so lost in playing freely, not worrying about anything more than feeling the song at that moment, she had no idea that the small music room had filled up with at least twenty different people. Among them, Jensen and Rob, whistling and clapping along with everyone else.

Jensen stood at the opposite end of the piano, holding Y/N’s gaze as the small crowd began rumblings of play more, something else, keep going… the way he watched her made her nervous, yet euphoric. Y/N could feel him beaming with pride, and while she didn’t play with him in mind, it made her feel good to know he got to see her play.

“Hot damn, girls!!” Rob shouted over the crowd. “I knew this was gonna be a good night! You’re amazing!” he ran over and planted a big kiss on Bri’s cheek, then Y/N’s. “I’ll be right back, don’t move!” He was excitable and bouncing all over the place, then finally disappeared back into the crowd.

Y/N took the chance to slide out from behind the piano. Bri grabbed her the minute she was upright and pulled her into a hug.

“That was fucking fantastic!” she squealed and gave Y/N a squeeze. “We have got to hang out and do that again sometime.”

“I am down for that anytime. Your voice… that rasp you have. I’d kill for that.”

“Don’t let her fool you Bri,” Jensen said, rejoining them. “This girl has got some soul when she sings.”

“Oh, I believe it,” she said, “I just can’t wait to hear it.”

“Another time, maybe? Come by my place here in Austin. We can sit around and gig all day if you like. I am happy to spend an afternoon like that.”

Jensen opened his mouth to say something, but Rob’s re-entrance into the room caused some commotion. The moment he walked in with two guitars in hand, the chatter grew again. Rob handed one of the guitars off to Jason and someone else had already slid behind the piano. Stopping at a handful of the guys, including Jensen, he whispered something quick in their ear and went back to stand near the piano.

“Be just a second,” he said as he placed a hand on each of Y/N’s shoulders as he slid around behind her through the people, giving her a gentle squeeze as he did.

The guitars started, piano joined in, and Y/N picked up the first few beats of The Band’s “Up On Cripple Creek”. Bri squeezed in close and tapped her arm.

“I love when they do this song,” she whispered. “Just wait, you’re gonna love it too.”

The moment Jensen’s voice filled the room, Y/N’s mouth fell open at the sound of it; completely in shock with what she was hearing. He sang the first verse, while his friends picked at the guitars and played along on the piano. Jensen kept up with them effortlessly, though his attention was fully on Y/N. From the first line, he locked eyes with her, keeping a grin at bay while he sang his verse. He had a soul and a tone to his voice that tickled the deepest part of her, arousing both the creative and the lustful sides of her. Y/N didn’t know what to expect when Bri told her Jensen could sing, but it certainly wasn’t that.

The song went on, but Jensen just continued to sing along with the chorus, letting each of the other guys take another verse. When it was over, the crowd once again strongly approved of the impromptu performance. Y/N subtly backed her way through the crowd and back out into the corridor to get some air, still reeling from how good Jensen could really since. She saw him shaking hands, making pleasantries and small talk as he made his way towards her.

When he broke through the barrier of people, his arms were outstretched low and he was smiling. “You’ve been holding out on me, Trix. You can play…”

Y/N snorted a laugh. “You can sing!”

Jensen shrugged, not just with his shoulders, but his entire face. “I guess we’ve both been holding out, huh?”

“Looks that way,” she loosely crossed her arms under her breasts and gave him a challenging look. “Feels like maybe we should rectify that.”

Jensen thought about it for a minute, then held out his hand for her to take. “Come on. Let’s get a drink.”

“Good God, yes please…” she sighed and took his hand without hesitation, happily following along beside him as he whisked her through the ballroom.

The next hour or so was spent drinking and eating with people coming and going from the table. Around the third whiskey sour, and multiple helpings of the barbeque pork potato cups, apple brie crostini and mini beef wellingtons, Y/N needed to stand and stretch, allowing the food to settle.

“You alright?” Jensen asked, standing up too, reaching for her elbow to hold her steady.

“Yeah, fine. Just head rush from the booze. Also, this dress wasn’t made for gorging oneself on whiskey and crostinis.”

“Lightweight,” he teased.

“Hey, I don’t live in a brewery, okay? It doesn’t take much to get me--”

“Drunk?”

“Unencumbered,” she corrected.

Jensen leaned closer. “Does this mean I could maybe convince you to dance with me now?” his voice was low and raspy as if it had been denied water for days.

“Let me venture to the ladies’ room first. It is getting close to midnight after all. Then when I get back, we’ll see…” she narrowed her eyes at him.

When he narrowed his eyes back at her, mimicking her expression, she felt her breath begin to get shaky. “Hurry back. Or I’ll tell them to play the Macarena.” Jensen began to do the dance, but subtly, just enough to tease her with.

“Don’t think for a second I wouldn’t whip out my phone and record you doing it,” she warned. “It would be a nice addition to my video collection.”

He stopped cold and stood still. “So, that’s a no, on the Macarena?”

Y/N patted his cheek lightly and let it linger against his stubble for a moment. “Good boy. I’ll be right back.”

She turned to go, and just before she was out of earshot, he called out. “Don’t take too long, or it will be the Chicken Dance!”

Y/N didn’t turn, she just shook her head and kept walking. She didn’t want him to see how much he made her smile.

 Just after drying her hands in the ladies room, Y/N was about to leave and bumped into Bri as she was coming in.

“Oh, hello new friend!”

“Hi Bri, having fun?”

“Yes! I love being with this group. You and Jensen should come over to where Kim and I are sitting. She’s a fucking blast, I think you two would get along fantastically. Just give me a sec, I’ll walk back out with you.”

Bri was quick and within minutes she and Y/N were heading back out towards the ballroom. The music was still playing and people were still dancing and having a blast. The music room was still full of passersby, and a different mix of faces at the piano and playing the guitars and singing. Y/N scanned the area where she had left Jensen, but it was now vacant. She tried to search the rest of the room for him, but there was no sign of him.

“Oh shit,” Bri mumbled, then pulled on Y/N’s lace sleeve. “Looks like you might need to go save your boy, there.”

“What?” she asked, her head whipping around to where Bri was motioning. Just past the bar, she found Jensen, talking animatedly to a petite redhead in a shimmery dark green dress. She was also being over-animated in talking back to Jensen. “Who is that?” she asked, but deep down she already knew.

“That’s Dee. Jensen’s ex-girlfriend. I knew they broke up last year, didn’t realize they still talked.”

Y/N’s stomach dropped and she remembered their very quick conversation about her in the car. “I didn’t either.”

Bri and Y/N watched from a distance until Jensen laughed at something she said. It wasn’t a genuine laugh by any stretch. Glancing pensively at Bri, Y/N bit on her lower lip. She didn’t know if this was a case for her to interfere or simply let the man work out his own business. The longer she watched and saw his body language change to stiffen and defensive, she knew she couldn’t be complacent.

“Maybe I should…” she trailed off and looked to Bri for some kind of sign.

“You probably should.”

Y/N gave her a small, appreciative smile and nod before she began to approach Jensen and his ex. The closer she got, the more of their conversation she could hear, and when she finally was standing beside him, they’d already found an argumentative pit and had fallen in knee deep.

“Well, well. Good to see you still make bad decisions,” Jensen scoffed at Dee, his voice slightly louder and more accusatory as it needed to be.

“Just stop, Jensen,” Dee pleaded. “It’s enough, alright?”

“You knew I was gonna be here. You had to know that. He had to come with you, right?”

“We’re together, Jay. I’m not going to hide that.”

“I wish I could… hide it… from my face,” he muttered.

“Not like you’re here alone,” she retorted and motioned to Y/N.

Jensen finally saw her standing there, and moved closer to her, exchanging his scowl for a grin. “Hey, you’re back.”

“I am. So, whatcha say we go get some air? Uh, Hollywood? I think some fresh air will do you good.”

“I’m good, Y/N. I swear. I got a few things I wanna say--”

“Nope, no, not gonna happen. Say, Happy New Year and let’s go,” she encouraged and tried to pull him away.

“You know who that is, don’t you?” he asked, in what he thought was a whisper, but everyone could hear.

“Yes, I know who it is,” she replied and looked up at Dee with a wan smile in greeting. “Hi, it’s nice to unofficially meet you.”

“Hi,” Dee replied with an apologetic smile.

“Then you know she’s a bit--”

“Don’t,” you warned, cutting him off. “I don’t care who it is, it is not like you to talk to anyone like that.”

“But—"

“Doesn’t matter Jay, you don’t. You’re better than that,” she said, her eyes pleading with him to just follow her out.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this,” Dee started. “I didn’t mean to upset anyone. He just can’t let this all go.” Her tone was genuine but her words were enough to make Y/N turn around and glare at her.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I just mean that--”

“Maybe, if you hadn’t treated him like a piece of shit, he wouldn’t be this way. Maybe, if you had the balls to have had a conversation with the man instead of just walking out, he wouldn’t want to call you a bitch. So, if I were you, lady, I’d scoop up the boy toy over there and move along.”

Dee’s mouth was agape, but then it seemed as if she may fire back some offhand comment or quip. Instead, she turned, linked her elbow with her man’s and walked off to the other side of the room.

She could feel Jensen’s lips by her ear before she actually heard his words. “You’re my hero,” he rasped.

The feeling of his hand on her shoulder only fueled the adrenaline that was coursing through her. The incident didn’t sober her up, but it definitely put a mild damper on the good feeling she had before.

Y/N went up to the bar and asked for two shots of bourbon.

“You wanna talk about what just happened there?” she asked Jensen and watched as he leaned both elbows on the bar, and rubbed his hands over his stubbled cheeks.

Jensen shook his head and finally looked her in the eye. “Nope. Not right now.”

The bartender lined up the shots, and Y/N passed one to him. Without a word they touched glasses and threw them back down their throats. Once the burn wore off, Jensen’s smile returned.

“One more?” he asked.

“You may have to carry me out of here if we do,” she chuckled.

“That would be my pleasure.” Jensen motioned for one more round.

From the corner of her eye, Y/N could see Dee and her companion off on the other side of the room, but continuing to look over in their direction. She didn’t want to spend the rest of the night exchanging accusing glances from across the room.

“Hey, you wanna take a walk? Get out of here for a minute?” she asked Jensen, just as the bartender refilled the shots.

“More than anything,” he said and tossed it back, Y/N doing the same.

Y/N was the one to take his hand this time and led him away from the ballroom.

It was mere minutes to midnight by the time Y/N had pulled Jensen away from the party. He was clearly more than a little buzzed when they stumbled into the elaborate game room and Y/N quietly closed the door behind them, so as not to draw attention to their departure.

She found the light switches on the wall, and turned on a few, illuminating the four corners of the club’s game room. The soft glow of the neon-lighted beer signs gave the space a warm, rich burst of color. In the middle, was a large pool table, made of dark mahogany wood and blue felt. The pockets were made of netted silk twine and gold inlaid etchings around the bumpers. On the far side of the room was a string of videos games with lifeless screens, and foosball table half draped with a soft leather cover.

More pool tables followed that, along with a collection of high top tables and chairs, a small bar that was fully stocked and four dart boards along the wall. One of which was open with all the darts still stuck in the corkboard target.

“Wanna play?” he asked, unbuttoning his jacket and shrugging it off before laying it on the pool table. He walked over to the board and removed the darts before she could answer.

“I gotta tell you, I am no good at darts. So, you best steer clear when it’s my throw,” she warned.

“I can teach you.” His smirk wasn’t even trying to be subtle as he approached her, four darts with red tails in his outstretched hand. “I’ve played a time or two.”

“Oh, I imagine you have. Something tells me you’ve done everything a time or two.”

Jensen stood next to her, leaning against the one pool table where the billiard lamp’s soft lights lit up the midnight blue felt. He rolled his neck to the side where she was and leaned down close enough that she could smell the hint of bourbon on his breath. Normally it wouldn’t be enticing, but on Jensen and in her own partially inebriated state, she let her mind wonder how it would taste off his tongue.

“Not everything,” he rasped, then gave her a wink.

Three minutes to midnight…

Pushing off the mahogany, he took a proper throwing stance and explained how to plant her legs. Y/N chuckled as he swayed a little before launching the dart at the board, striking the edge of it instead of the middle.

“That’s just a warm-up,” he scoffed, waving it off. “Let’s try that again.” He glanced over his shoulder to see her expression before launching a second dart.

Normally this is when she would look away. The more time they spent together, the more she found herself avoiding making eye contact in situations like this. She knew that one day she wouldn’t be able to look away, and unless she’d been reading the signals wrong for the entire span of their partnership, it would end up turning into something else. As much as she may want that, she didn’t know if she was ready for it.

“Ok Trix, your turn,” he said and took her hand, pulling Y/N off the edge of the table and positioning her to face the dart board. He made sure she was holding the dart correctly. “Pinch it here between these two fingers…” he configured her pointer finger and thumb on the dart. Gliding his hands down the length of her arm, she could feel him on her skin through the lace of her sleeve. When he paused at her elbow to bend it back at the right angle, his other hand gingerly touched the outside of her left leg. “Move your leg back, just a little,” he instructed, and as she did, he left his hand there, and despite the fabric of her dress between them, the heat of his hand felt warm and inviting.

Hyper aware of all the sensations her body was experiencing, she could feel herself simply melt back into him. The day’s earlier concerns weren’t gone but being wrapped up in the night as it had gone so far, Y/N pushed it all away to enjoy these quiet, close moments with Jensen. She needed it, and she suspected he did, too.

“Now, pull back your arm,” he continued, “almost like a slingshot. Okay? Then eye up on the board where you wanna aim for.”

She did as he said, closing one eye and targeted the bullseye. “Okay,” she said, biting down on her bottom lip in concentration.

One minute to midnight

The partygoers out in the rest of the clubhouse began to get louder with their anticipation of the stroke of midnight building. Y/N tried to block them out and launched the dart at the board. It wasn’t lost on her that Jensen’s hand was still hovering over her leg, and the other was now resting against her back where the dress she chose was bare of fabric.

The dart hit just off center, and she jumped up, arms raised in the air in triumph.

“Yes!” Jensen cheered and clapped as she danced around victoriously. “See that!”

“Well, the things you can do with a good teacher,” she shrugged.

From beyond the game room doors, they could hear everyone start counting down.

20...

19...

“It’s not too late to go join them,” she said and motioned towards the door.

17…

16…

“Here’s good,” he replied, the smile fading from his lips. He took a few steps towards her, and when he reached out for her hand, she gave it willingly.

14…

13…

12…

“Here’s very good,” she breathed.

Their eyes were locked, as the countdown continued from the other room. Y/N felt what he wanted from her, and despite any of the worries she had, she wanted him; denying that any longer would just be self-inflicted torture. But still… it could hurt.

10…

9…

8..

They were counting it down together. As the numbers dwindled down towards one, Jensen cupped her cheek and let his fingers slide down her jawline and onto her neck. Ever-so-lightly, she could feel his fingertips brush against her hairline at the nape of her neck, sending waves of electricity to course down every vein.

5…

4..

“Happy New Year, Y/N,” he rasped.

“Happy New Year, Jensen.” Her voice was shaking in anticipation of…

2..

1.

His mouth drifted the last couple inches to hers. By the time the rest of the party goers were hootin’ and hollerin’, shooting off poppers and kissing everyone around them, his lips touched against hers for the first time.

Everything faded; the party sounds, the soft hum of the circulating air in the game room, the fireworks going off in random places throughout the city… all either of them could sense was the other. Jensen’s fingers began to press into her neck, encouraging her closer, as her lips opened to accept more of him. A soft moan escaped her, as he walked her back up against the pool table. More than just a New Year’s tradition, this was months in the making and neither of them wanted to pull away.

Jensen’s lips were as soft and luscious as she dreamed they would be. She relished in how they formed against her own, how easily she moved along with them, and how well she fit when pressed against his body. His hand stayed gripped on her neck, while his other ran roughly down the length of her body; coming to rest just about where it had when they were throwing darts. Now, inch by inch he began to lift up the fabric of the skirt, bunching it in his hand until her flesh was exposed to the heat of his hand and the coolness of the air.

Lips parted, and the sensation of his tongue on hers was dangerous. Her head was fuzzy from the alcohol and his touch. Little gasps and moans came from both of them, as the kiss continued to deepen, finding more fuel the longer his hand pawed at her thigh.

His teeth grazed her lip and it was enough of a rush for her to break free of him and slowly roll back at the heat of his touch. Jensen didn’t waste a second and sunk his teeth into her neck while she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, dragging her nails against his skin. He nipped at her and trailed his tongue lightly up towards her ear, then peppering wet, lingering kisses back down towards her collarbone. Waves of goosebumps rippled beneath the lace of her dress and brought on a flush of heat between her legs.

Y/N mewed deeply, which pulled a soft growl from deep within his chest. His fingers continued to creep up her leg as the fabric now fell down around his hand, covering it. He reached the edging of the lingerie she wore beneath it, he brought his fingers to follow the hem around back to the swell of her ass, cupping it gently. Y/N felt him there and slowly raised her head back up, making him do the same.

“Jensen…” she whispered; unsure herself whether it was a plea to stop or to keep going.

Jensen closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers, desperately wanting to kiss her again, but not here. He wanted to be home, his or hers, with no onlookers or distractions. He wanted more… he wanted all of her…

He was about to go in for more when the doors opened behind him, the sound of which made them jump apart like two teenagers getting caught in the dark. She had a moment--it couldn’t have been more than that, though it felt like an eternity--where a very clear voice screamed in her head to run. This was wrong, she was drunk, he was drunk, they were in a public place, and she had no business starting something up with him.

The flood of anxiety-riddled doubts crashed into her and physically caused her to step back from him. She didn’t have time to register the hurt and confusion on his face before Y/N was turning and bolting for the door. Little hot pinpricks of tears stung at the corners of her eyes and by the time she reached the door and saw that it was Bri standing there, she could barely see anything at all.

“What happened?” Bri asked, her brow furrowed in concern when she saw how upset Y/N was. She looked across the room to where Jensen stood, still staring in confusion.

“Nothing… I just… can you please take me home?” Y/N’s voice was small, and her entire demeanor was far different than it had been ten minutes earlier.

“Uh, I--” Bri paused and looked back to Jensen again, who just shrugged. He started walking towards them and Bri just held up her hand to tell him to stop. She gently shook her head, silently asking him to give Y/N space. He stopped but Briana could see he wanted to go to Y/N. “Sure, honey. Let me just get my stuff.”

Bri wrapped an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and left the game room, and left Jensen standing there alone in it. As she walked with her new friend down the corridor, Y/N was aware that running out like that wasn’t the best plan; but she needed to get out. What happened with Jensen wasn’t anything like she expected it to be. It was far more intense and meaningful than she thought it could be. The way he touched her, kissed her… It was a game changer.

“Leaving so soon?” Gen asked as they passed her near the coat check.

Y/N tried to reply, but she was still trying to process what almost happened.

“She’s not feeling good,” Bri covered easily. “And I think stud muffin in there has had one too many to try and drive home. Would you and Jared take care of him? I got this one.”

“Of course! I’ll let him know you got Y/N home,” Gen said with a sad smile. “Hope you feel better!”

“Thanks,” Y/N replied quietly. “It was an amazing party, thank you for inviting me.”

Once the pleasantries were passed, Bri quickly shuffled Y/N to the valet stand and handed him the ticket. While they were waiting for her car to come around, she put an arm around Y/N’s shoulder.

“So, did it just get a whole lot more complicated?” she asked.

Y/N rested her head on Bri’s shoulder and sighed. “That, is the understatement of the New Year, my new friend.”

Everything Tags: @kazosa // @sorenmarie87  // @lefthologramdeer  //  @his-paradox //  @letsby

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[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Nightmares from the past (Nathan Drake headcanons)

A/N: Oh boy, this isn't a happy headcanon at all. If you don't want to read about depressing Nathan with PTSD, don't read this, please. And also, I went on fully rage writing mood and then I realized that I ended up in a complete different headcanons. Well, what should I say? 😂

Also also, inspired by Saturn, released by band Sleeping At Last. And... Shit, they're long as hell.

Ok, so this little love of mine has a lot of demons down the road. Like a serious load of them.

Like a dead mum which he loved.

Like a lousy father who put him and his older brother into an orphanage.

His brother, the person he wanted to always shared everything with, was far gone too, dead inside the walls of the Panamanian prison. (This poor Nate still doesn't know that Sam, that little shit, is alive, ok?)

So it's no wonder he has brutally vivid nightmares after which he just wakes up crying.

This little kid has these nightmares since forever, so he often says that he just managed to learn, how to live with them. Even though he never did. But after Sam's death, it was a way worse.

He watched his brother Sam died for like a hundred times in his dreams, and that pain was just the same every single time. It was more and more soul-wrecking that for the first time.

There was a time when he rather works until he fell into a dreamless sleep or just lay on his bed, don't even bothering to try to fall asleep.

He tried everything. Not drinking coffee? Check. Yoga? Check. Diet based on plants for calming down the body? Check. Tea with lemon balm? Check. Listening to slow ballads or orchestral/piano serenades before sleep? Check. Some sleeping pills? Check. Marijuana? Double check.

Like trust me - he tried every single way to sleep like a normal person.

He even had his sessions with psychiatrist and psychologist - and nothing helped.

That poor baby just every time woke up in the middle of the night, totally sweaty and crying.

So one day he just gave up and let his demons take him down the road. He didn't even try to fight back much.

Nathan looked at that time, around the twenty-fifth year of his life, as a serious mess. He practically couldn't focus on anything, everything was just blurry and too fast for him to catch.

He just like seriously lost a lot of weight at that time, almost unable to eat or even live. These months were seriously tough for him.

He even thought about suicide a few times; he wanted to overdose himself.

But thanks to Victor Sullivan, his Dad figure™ and guardian angel™, he never really got the chance to do that.

So one day he went to a coffee shop because Sully left the town in a hurry and those miserable feelings just hit him all of the sudden.

And the first time he didn't even notice you sitting outside with your nose in a book about astronomy. See? He just couldn't focus on anything.

And you didn't saw him either. You just sat there and with a tender smirk, you read about the moons and stars.

He talked to you on his way back - and not because he noticed how beautiful you are, but because he asked, how much is the time.

So you smiled at him and fondly answered, that it's like three in the afternoon. And actually managed him to start talking with you.

You couldn't see that through his destroyed looks, you thought that he's a junkie at first, but when you two cracked some jokes, you noticed those huge blue puppy eyes with a mix of green in them.

Then you noticed his perfect teeth and attractive smile which always was a huge win-win for you.

He was an overall cutie and he was pretty sweet and funny, but you had a boyfriend at that time and decided not to listen to there callings.

Then he told you his full name.

"I'm Y/N L/N. It's nice to meet you."

"Oh crap, excuse my attitude and manners. My name is Nathan Drake."

"It's ok, big guy. But I do know that name from somewhere, don't I?"

So he went fully in and told you all about Sir Francis Drake, the famous pirate. He got really passionate, so he looked like a living person when he started talking about that pirate. And you were seriously glad that he did.

When you had to go, you told him about your plans, watching the stars that night, and asked him to join you. And he gladly accepted.

So you wrote him your address and phone number into the book you gave him to have a grantee, that he will actually show up later that night

"I need that book back, Nate."

"Yeah, I'll carry it with me. I promise."

So you made it back to your work and worked to the end of the shift, while Nathan sat at the coffee and read that book with a frown.

He never actually looked at the stars with the intention to know them. He just assumed they were there and that they shine and that was all.

So he managed to read the whole book in one evening just because he knew that you'll think he knows something about the stars.

He came a bit late because he was buying you a bottle of wine as thanks for having him and also, that traffic situation on the roads was just crazy.

He couldn't see how gentle features of your face were because he couldn't concentrate that much at that time, but he immediately spotted bruise surrounding part of your lower lip, you had a big bloody crack there. Nathan knew them really well - those bruises you got after being slapped or punched.

He naturally tried to ask about that bruise by his own stumbling way, but you just smiled and said him not to worry, you're ok. I've just fallen, that's all.

And he felt that there's something not adding up and that you, like him, got some own, personal demons who you're fighting with. But he remained silent, just followed you to the rooftop with a frown.

And oh boy, that night was one of the best in his life. He impressed you with some basic knowledge, he knew a lot from your book and he searched online the rest.

Even when he was telling nonsenses he kept that serious face and you didn't tell him anything. You were just quietly smiling at him.

"And why to you watch the stars, Y/N?"

"It's not so easy to say, they just fascinated me since always a when I'm on this rooftop, it's just that feeling inside me, you know?"

"A feeling? Tell me more, please."

"A feeling that universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.

Both of you had a lot of laughs that night, Nate was asking you the basic information about you; like how old you are, where you've been born and so much small details that connected one with another. In exchange, he told you a lot of things about yourself.

You both couldn't believe that it's already midnight when you looked at your phone. Nathan knew he has to leave and he really didn't want to. He knew that as soon as he leaves the rooftop, those demons will try to keep him down again.

You could feel his mood slowly coming down as if he was the man you've met that afternoon again. And you couldn't just let that be.

"Hey, I've got an idea, Nate."

"What idea?"

"Next week I'm planning to watch Polaris Centauri solar system. It's its time of the year. I would love you to come observing it with me, but I don't have the time to search through the materials because of work and so on...”

“Don’t worry about it, I'll do the research.”

“Really? Thank you, Nathan!”

And boy, he couldn't wait for your next meeting. He even told Sully about the meeting you, excitedly inviting to come over - because Sully was an ex-marine who knew stars better than anything else in the world.

So he called you and asked about Sully coming with him, and you were really excited about having such an experienced astronomist with you on the rooftop when you were about to watch something so spectacular.

So they came together on that night, an hour before midnight. You were actually fond of meeting Sully - he was a gentleman with the funniest puns you've ever heard. You got that sexual predator vibe from him, but it must've been too gone history and he basically didn't even try anything.

They immediately noticed a big violet monocle around your eye, which you tried unsuccessfully covered with make-up. The bruise under your lip was still there, just as thick scab covering your lower lip. But both of them remained silent.

Nathan was just smiling at the sight of the two of you arguing about the stars with a lot of laughs, covered in a blanket and drinking that wine he brought you, feeling so damn fine. He didn't even mind that he almost didn't talk at all.

Sully even showed you stars you didn't know about, he was so excited about having someone who was actually curious about the night sky.

They left at two a.m., with Sully promising you to surely come back sometime, thank you for a lovely night, the cake you baked for them and the fine wine you offered them. It was the only Nate bought recently.

Nathan offered you to stop by on the start of May to observe the Pleiades and β Taurus in the Hyades star cluster. You were excited to accept his offer with a smile. He truly worked on his knowledge about the universe.

It was a long time from that night, but he was looking forward to it. Nathan was working on a new treasure hunt beside Chloe Frazer and Sully in the day and watched the stars in the night. He was keeping himself pretty busy all the time and he was pleased by that. He slept at night; he had no dreams nor nightmares.

When that night came, he bought you some takeaway food you told him you like and a bottle of pretty expansive booze. But you didn't come down to open the door for him. He worriedly rang the doorbell.

Your boyfriend, an aggressive asshole, peeked out of the window. He immediately saw red again; Nathan was now looking like a nice guy, he still had really low weight, but his contours were slowly filling back to their original size. He was a handsome lad now; and since your boyfriend was such an asshat, he assumed you have a date.

So he ran down the stairs and before you could stop him, he punched Nathan in the face for a few times. But Nathan wasn't a weak lad so he could keep up with those punches, actually punching your boyfriend into a small ball.

Then Nathan broke back into reality. The food was all over the walk, the bottle was broken into two pieces and a group of people was watching them without breath. You stood there with tears in your eyes, your hands were trembling and you looked between your boyfriend in pain and Nathan, who was slightly damaged, but on his feet.

"Y/N, listen. I've just wanted to do..."

"You've done enough Nathan! Go away!"

"Y/N..."

"Get fucking lost, Nathan!"

You managed to pick your boyfriend from the ground and you carried him to your apartment.

You felt bad for Nate, he was innocent after all. Your boyfriend provoked him, so Nate only reacted on that attack. But you know that your trouble only started.

Your boyfriend was seriously a dumb idiot. He was aggressive, he was beating you for every single bullshit he made up. But you still loved him and believed that you can change him. You couldn't - but you naively thought you can do it.

And Nathan finally understood. He has beaten you every time before your meetings because your boyfriend thought you're cheating on him with Nate. How could he have been so blind?

His demons started to show up again in his nightmares - to the normal circle of his dad beating up Sam protecting him, the orphanage memories, Sam dying and now a new one showed up. It was a scenario, where your boyfriend flipped you into the corner after beating you up, you were crying and shaking. And he couldn't save you.

Nathan stayed low for a few days in his apartment only living on his coffee and a pack of cigarettes, eating only some Chinese noodles.

Sully just invaded into Nathan's apartment, making him wash, have some proper food and put on some clean clothes. He didn't hear from the kid for almost a week and he could worry his ass off.

"What's the deal with you, kid? Frazer texted me like a hundred messages a day."

"Y/N's boyfriend punched me. So I punched him back."

"You've been always such a gentleman, kiddo. And how's that beauty? She good?"

"That's the problem, Sully. She doesn't pick up my calls and she doesn't respond to my messages."

So, Sully, the Das figure™ stepped in.

He managed to contact his friends and made them find the place you work in. And forced him to go see you.

So the next day he was waiting for you in front of your work when your pause started and he even went to see the coffee he met you in. The receptionist them told him, that you didn't come to work that day and you didn't even tell anyone where the hell you were.

You were really important for your colleagues, you were the one who brought everyone together... Well, you used to. She told that in the last few days you felt off, without any joy and that you tried to hide many bruises by make-up.

Nathan felt alarmed immediately, he just knew that something has truly fucked up. Just like in his nightmares, he couldn't breathe and almost vomited at your workplace.

So he immediately took Sully's car and drove to your place. On the way to your flat, he was just worried, but when he got out, he went into full-on rage mode.

NOBODY will lay his hand on HIS friend. Not even her boyfriend.

He straightaway broke into your apartment. He didn't even try to ring your way in, he just broke your doors.

And there you were. For the first time, he saw you in a top and he almost punched a hole into your wall. You had cuts, bruises and even bites all over your arms, your face was swollen and don't make me start about the blood in your hair. And what for? You washed a plate badly. That was all. You were so tired that you didn't even notice your door.

"What are you doing here, Nate?"

"I'm here to save you."

And he finally understood.

The things were far funnier and easier by your side. The demons in his head didn't disappear, but they were quiet around you. You were so kind to him when he looked like a bastard and junkie, you were an honest and nice person who cared far more about the others that you cared about yourself. You were an angel who he had the privilege to meet.

He liked you a lot. And he wanted to be by your side; as a friend or more, he didn't care. But he only cared about your safety.

"Why would save me? I don't need saving."

"I'm saving you because of a feeling I have."

"What feeling are you talking about, Nate?"

"I'm talking about a feeling... I just feel you were made just to be seen by my eyes. And how beautiful it is that you even exist."

And you felt so terrified at the moment. You fell down in tears, hugging yourself tightly. Nobody told you anything that nice in the past few years. Nate came to you, got on his knees and carried you to your bed letting you hug yourself by the blanket.

He packed you your things into a big bag. He took everything you needed, some clothes, your hygiene, just everything he assumed you'll need.

And then, just when you managed to stand up and helped him packing, that asshole came home. He got furious when he found Nathan there.

He tried to beat him Nate again, even broke a glass bottle to hurt Nathan. But even as the first time, Nathan got into his element and his rage truly got off. Your now ex-boyfriend was actually lucky to even survive Nate's rage quit.

So Nate took you home with him. He arranged the couch for himself, while he let you take his bed.

He's just a cute smoll bean.

He would do anything to make comfy: he bakes you pizza in his old oven, he'll run for some lemonade and even watches movies with you. Well, he's constantly making some remarks, but that makes you smile for the first time in last days.

"Oh crap, he'll probably fail a complaint on me, isn't he?"

"Then we can fail a complaint on him. Don't worry, it will be all right."

He was moved by the way you said we. It made him smile and replaying it in his head for hours when he tried to fall asleep.

You lived at his Nathan's place for a few days when a black haired woman came into his place.

You looked at her the same way she looked at you. (My girl Chloe is in the game too, I just love her!)

And you were actually like: oh shit, so I'm living with her man?

You straightaway started to cry like a little girl, because your mind automatically expected you to be punished for your behavior.

But she hugged you comforted you in her arms, telling you not to worry and that everything is OK. She introduced herself as Frazer, Nates kind of a... Coworker.

Later you found out that it's not his gf or anything when Nate managed to get back to his place. It was just his friend and co-worker, but she wasn't blind and saw the looks he gave you. And holy shit - she shipped you like hell.

"Have you banged Y/N? Because she's so fucking hot."

"Frazer stop it. Aren't you a heterosexual?"

"Maybe I am and maybe I'm not. It's my thing whom I'm banging?"

You turned his little hellhole into a normal apartment. Let's be honest, he's an overall messy person. He has a mess in every single aspect of his life. In his head, in his apartment, in his feelings, just every aspect you can name.

Nathan needed to be out of town for a while, so you did a proper cleaning when you weren't at work. And when he came home, you made him a big, proper dinner including soup, main meal, and even dessert. He was mesmerized by your skills; that apartment wasn't clean since he moved in.

"Maybe you were just waiting for a person to make it clean here. You should hire a cleaning lady here, my friend."

"Yeah, maybe I was just waiting for you?"

"Wait, what?"

"What?"

Since that dinner, your bickering and flirting went harder and harder. You managed to make him do some chores like cleaning the toilet and you even discovered that he's an amazing cook.

Both of you slowly managed to make a home from that hellhole where he couldn't even fall asleep.

You choose the colors and repainted the whole place, bought some little details and Nathan even hung you a hammock directed from balcony, so you could listen to these slow serenades with Italian mood he had described against his sleep issues, drink wine and read, watch sunsets or the stars just in front of opened French door. You loved that on hugged Nathan like three times for that.

Nathan loved to see you so relaxed and finally without bites, bruises or monocles.

Both of you slowly calmed down; his nightmares weren't so periodical and he didn't even have them every single time (but he still slept like four hours a day that little baby). You had nightmares but usually didn't wake him up. You just got you a glass of cold water and sat in that hammock, watching the night sky and letting him sleep.

That asshat whom you lived with try to come for you once when you were at work. But he met Nathan in the door of your office (you had agreed to go on lunch on your pause, while he was waiting on Chloe) and oh boy, your ex just got shitted when he saw him.

That man just saw Nathan, turned backward and almost shitted himself.

And you nor Nathan haven't heard of him ever since.

After four months of you living together (yeah, Natey Matey is a total mess) he found out, that there's something more into you.

He liked your voice when he was teasing you about cooking or betting you on tomorrow's chores, or when you read him from a book. He liked the way you played with your lower lip when you thought and that little unintentional frown or face when you were doing some work at home. Then you usually asked him for his opinion.

It wasn't your looks that made him fall for you (not that you weren't pretty), it was your ability to make him forget what happened to him and make him laugh by your, often incorrect jokes, and actually the excitement you had for his work.

Yeah, you made his eyes shine, heart melt and heart spinning because of what a lovely being you were.

Also, Chloe was asking every time she saw him about that banging.

One time he didn't sleep really well.

Like oh boy, he just woke up in the middle of the night with terror in his eyes. Samuel died in front of his eyes again. He was sweaty and felt himself crying.

And then he heard you crying too. And he didn't spend a second waiting, he just stood up and went to see you.

And oh boy, his heart pounded so lovely tune at that sight; even though you were scared and hugging that pillow so damn hard, you were cute.

"Hey, what's the deal?"

"Gee, Nate, have I woken you? I'm so sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry. You need anything? A glass of water, a cup of cocoa?"

"A company of someone would be nice, yeah."

And so he ended up in his own bed next to you just like that. You lied so you faced each other and talked until the morning came. Then you managed him to make you that hot cocoa he promised.

And from that day on, you slept in his bed together, in the friendliest way ever. It kept those demons away and both you felt safe. But he was a really heavy sleeper and he snored so unbelievably loud! At least you knew he's by your side.

It happened one time when a storm took the city by an attack. The bolts of lightning were so close and bright, the thunder shook the whole apartment.

You both laid in that bed, each on his side, and you just couldn't fall asleep.

"Nate?"

"Yeah?"

"You up?"

"Well, now I am. Is there anything wrong?"

You told him you're terrified of storms and he laughed a bit. That started a whole dozen of complaints from your side and before you even ended, he was just laying on top of you with his head on your thorax and one of his hand held you tightly.

"What should I take from this?"

But you didn't want him to pull him off of you, instead you just put your hand over Nathan's shoulders a kept him closer. Your second hand stroke his hair and you tried to listen to one of the serenades on his gramophone, but the thunder shook everything again.

"You should take that I'll protect you from the storm by my own body, Y/N."

"Oh, so it's Nate the knight, right?"

"Nathan Drake: the great knight. That sounds kind of cool."

And before you could stop yourself, you just kissed his forehead. Like wtf, you've done? Are you... Mentally ok???

But Nathan seemed to ignore it; for two seconds. Then he like put all shyness away and just straightaway kissed you on the lips.

And oh boy, it escalated quickly as hell. You were naked before you could say Mississippi and he was roaming on top of your body.

After that night, you both slept tight even though the storm was raging outside, naked and sound in each others' arms.

He finally managed to find the medicine defending him against his worst nightmares.

It was you being safe and sleeping next to him. And oh boy, he did fell in love you after that day.

But that's a story for another headcanons.

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Poetic Tragedy (Chapter 9)

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5)

(Chapter 6)

(Chapter 7)

(Chapter 8)

The next two weeks flew by. The first week had been hard with the girl withdrawing, but the boys juggled their shifts to make sure one of them was always with her, making sure she was never alone. But the end of that week, she was detoxed and much better much to everyone's relief. It had been tense, filled with a lot of shouting, cursing and crying, but now she was back to normal and the boys were thankful, they weren't quite sure how much longer they could have dealt with such an irrational intense female in the loft. By the second week, she had managed to get herself a job. Connor had taken her to the diner and Joan had mentioned one of her waitresses was off on maternity leave, so Connor suggested Maddie for the job. Madeleine was more than surprised when Joan happily accepted the offer, she thought her past would have hindered her and she knew the older woman knew she had been homeless, but at the same time, the woman didn't exactly know about anything else. She was thankful Connor had not disclosed it to her.

So now she was a waitress at a diner, working when the boys did and things seemed almost normal. It only made sense to her then when she offered to the boys to move into the empty apartment next door. She felt bad for encroaching their space for so long, she felt bad for all they had done for her and all they had to put up with when she was going through her withdrawals. They told her she didn't have to, but she did anyway, she would only be next door so it wasn't like it was a huge deal, she would still see them every day. Joan had been kind enough to give her an advance on her paycheck so she could buy at least the basic furniture, like a bed. That was pretty much all she had in there now, but it was all she needed really. The kitchen already had the appliances in, although they were old and not the best, it was better than living on the streets and picking food out of dumpsters.

She felt extremely close to the guys after all they had done for her, after they had refused to give up on her even when she was literally lashing out and hurting them. They had saved her in every sense of the word and she would never have words for how grateful she was to them. They were her best friends. More than that even, she had developed feelings for them over the course of the last two weeks and she wasn't sure if that was some kind of complex because they had helped her or what, but it was there all the same. Not that she would ever tell them that though, it was embarrassing enough that she had tried and failed to seduce them when drunk.

She just finished pulling her hair up into a ponytail when there was a knock at her door, she knew who it was without even looking, it was like clockwork every morning.

“Come in!” She called out, watching as the boys walked in smiling at her. She always told them they could just walk in but they never did. They were no doubt scared they would walk in on her half naked again.

“Ready?” Connor asked, giving her his usual grin. She nodded, grabbing her key before they all left. The boys walked her to work every morning, another thing they didn't need to do, yet they did anyway. She was grateful they did, it made her feel a lot safer. They couldn't walk her home since she finished before them, that was something they hated, but it wasn't something that could be avoided.

“Are ye sure ye’ll be alright tonight Maddie?” Murphy asked, casting her a concerned glance as they walked down the street. The boys had not been to the pub since they had taken her in, staying by her side every chance they got. She couldn't be there due to the temptation and she felt bad she had put a stop to their social life. Rocco had been over a few times bitching at them for never being around anymore. So Maddie put her foot down, telling them to go out and enjoy themselves. The boys were concerned though, they were still wary of leaving her alone for a decent length of time, even though she was fine now and detoxed.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll just relax in bed and read or something. You two deserve to go and have some fun, you don't need to babysit me anymore.” She said softly, giving him a smile. He chewed his lower lip and nodded and she could see he was still unsure about it.

“Well, ye know where we’ll be if ye need us, and we won’t stay out too late either, just in case.” Connor stated as he looked at her seriously. They were like mother hens, clucking over her. She knew why but she wanted them to see she was fine now, they didn't need to keep putting their lives on hold for her.

She was dropped off at work with two great hugs and she went about her day as usual. It wasn't hard work but it wasn't really easy either. It depended on how many people came in. Today was a slow day so she didn't have much to do, she was grateful for slow days like this. When she was done, she said her goodbyes and made her journey home. She couldn't believe how far she had come since the boys took her under their wings, she hoped she would stay on the straight and narrow from now on, she didn’t want to disappoint them. She was almost home when she saw someone she recognised across the street. Her stomach clenched at the sight of her dealer and she lowered her head, picking up her pace. She really didn’t want to face him, not after last time when she bought the drugs from him and never used them. The man had been more than pleased to sell to her since he hadn't seen her in a few years.

“Madeleine!” She cringed inwardly when she heard him call to her but she kept walking, she knew it would be too easy to get home first thought and suddenly he had ran across the street and was in front of her.

“Hey sweet cheeks! Haven't’ seen you around in a little while. Surprised you didn’t come back for more.” He grinned at her, making her uncomfortable. He always made her uncomfortable, mainly because most of the time she couldn't afford the drugs he wanted to give her so he would ‘let her off’ with just sleeping with him for it, he had done that since she was underage.

“I uh...I didn’t use it Nathan. I’m still clean.” She said carefully, trying to walk around him. He stepped with her though so she couldn't pass and it made her nervous. The man was quite unpredictable, although he had never been horrible to her, she had heard numerous stories.

“That's good, I’m glad. I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” His words caught her off guard, last time she saw him he had been whining how she used to be his best customer and his favourite, and now he seemed pleased she wasn’t using. She just blinked at him for a moment not really knowing what to say, finally looking at him. He stepped even closer to her to lower his voice, his eyes darting around like he was scared of people hearing him.

“I want to get clean. I don’t know how to fucking do it, I keep trying and failing. I wanted to know if we could talk, if you could help me.” He whispered, once again shocking her. She felt apprehensive, he made her uncomfortable and she didn't really like him, but at the same time, if the boys had not taken a chance on her, even after she fucked up a few times, she wouldn't be where she was today. She felt some sort of obligation to pay it forward.

“Uh… yeah okay, I can try.” She smiled warily at him, chewing her lower lip. He beamed a grin at her and nodded, still looking around nervously. She knew he was probably afraid of his boss or the others that worked with him getting wind of this, it wasn't something you could easily get out of.

“Fucking awesome! Can we go to mine? Privacy, you know?” He smiled, making her nod. She had been to his place a few times, it wasn't too far. She had no plans of staying too long though, and she certainly wouldn't be having sex with him this time.

The walk to his was quiet, he seemed fidgety and nervous and she started to feel bad for him. She knew it would be harder for him to get clean whilst his boss would be looming over him and she could just see how nervous he was. He breathed a sigh of relief once they made it to his shitty apartment above a convenience store. The place was a mess but she never minded, she was used to the streets. She moved to sit on the beat-up couch as he went into the tiny open kitchen area.

“Want a drink?” He asked as he grabbed two beers out of the fridge. Her face paled and she looked away, trying to will the temptation to go away.

“Just water thanks.” She muttered, making him curse himself.

“Fuck, sorry Madeleine, I didn’t think.” Much to her surprise, he put both beers back and came to the couch with two glasses of water, she was grateful for the effort he was making to not make her uncomfortable, he was like a different man.

She took a few long gulps of the water, it tasted a little weird but she wasn't surprised given the state of the place, the water was probably dodgy.

“So, what is it you want to know?” She asked as she glanced at him. He started telling her how he had been trying to get clean for about a month but every time he did, he would cave, mainly because he was surrounded by it with his job. She was trying to listen, to pay attention, but her head started feeling fuzzy and strange. She blinked at him, trying to clear her head but it was just getting worse. She swayed a little where she sat and she noticed he was just watching her, a sly smirk on his face. She realised then just how naive she had been, he had drugged her. She scrambled to her feet to get away but her legs gave out, making her hit the floor and everything went black.

She felt a sense of euphoria, comfort, and warmth, she felt like she was floating as she tried to stay awake, but it didn't last long before she was back asleep again. When she woke up, it was dark outside, she felt groggy, still sleepy as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. She glanced around, feeling confused about where she was. When her eyes settled on Nathan on his bed, tourniquet around his arm as he lay there high, it all came flooding back to her. She glanced down to her arm in a panic to notice a fresh track mark and she stood up, her head feeling dizzy as tears pricked her eyes. He had roofied her and then injected her, getting her hooked on it once again. She couldn't believe he would do this to her. She had come across a lot of unsavoury people in her life, but to do this to her, it was the worst thing imaginable. She stumbled over to him and kicked him in the side, making him groan a little before laughing in the state he was in.

“Why would you do that?!” She yelled desperately, kneeling down to shake some sense into him. He was too far gone though and she stood up, running a hand through her hair and tugging at it before leaving swiftly. When she got back to her place, she curled up in bed and sobbed. She had tried so fucking hard to stay clean from that poison, it wasn't like drink, it was so much worse. The withdrawals were hell compared to alcohol and she knew she couldn't go through this again. She thought back to the boys, she couldn't tell them, she couldn't put them through this again, knowing just how much worse it would be. They probably wouldn't even believe her, they’d think she did this to herself. Her heart constricted in her chest as she wrapped the blanket around herself.

She heard the elevator and then the boys laughing and talking, clearly drunk. She was glad they had a good time but her heart lurched when her door opened. She kept her eyes closed and tried to act asleep, not wanting to face them when she was like this.

“Think she’s asleep.” She heard Connor mutter, making Murphy giggle a little, she would have smiled if it wasn't for everything that had happened.

“Let’s just wake her up.”  Murphy snorted, she could hear him move further into the apartment but then some shuffling noises.

“Don’t be stupid, she’s got work in the mornin’, leave her be.” Connor chided softly. She listened as Murphy grumbled but complied and they left the loft, leaving her feeling empty and broken. Nothing would be the same now, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28 @divadinag

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveyss 013.

Are you mad at your best friend right now? I guess it depends who that is. I’m not mad at em. I have to get out of the habit of calling Kile my best friend, but he has been my other half for so long. I’m not mad at him.. I just.. I guess I am just so sad wishing he wanted me the way I thought he did.

Do you know anybody with a pet snake? Ugh. Gross yes. I am not close with these kinds of people.

Do you buy your underwear in a pack or seperately? Either way. In a pack is convenient and cheaper, but seldom allows for cute undies. Buying individually is proving to be great for style, but expensive.

Have you ever made fun of anybody and later became their friend? I never really made fun of Nathan, I just would smack him with a plastic baseball bat.

Is the lamp on in the room you're in? Right now only this new little egg shaped lamp that is trying to die.

Do you have a pair of shoes that you can only wear with one or two outfits? Uhhh, maybe like ... no. Actually no, I think most of my shoes are interchangeable. 

Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? I genuinely prefer my drinks cold. I think the only warm drinks I like are hot chocolate or tea.

Did you sleep in past noon today? Woof, no. 

Did your grandma ever tell you about her love life? I have never had a personal conversation with my paternal grandmother, and no longer have an opportunity since she was killed. My maternal grandmother has shared very little because she seems to think being private is like a badge of honor. She was in love once in college, but her parents ruined it and he let go and moved on. She never did. She ended up “settling” for my grandpa -- who was an awesome guy. She just wasn’t really in love, she did it because that’s who her parents wanted.

Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? Yes.

Anything exciting happening in the month of September? It’s my mom’s birthday which should be a national holiday. I can’t afford to spoil her, but hopefully I’ll be able to make it fun somehow.

Who is your last missed call from? I think my sister. I wish I had calls from Kile. It’s good I don’t, cus I would be tempted to answer. But it would be so good to hear his voice on voicemail. Sigh.

When was the last time you ate Frosted Flakes? Oh boy, it’s been a hot minute.

Did you ever NOT want a substitute in a certain class? I was homeschooled. There were no substitutes.

Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? Yes

Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? Did I personally? No, I had no money. But my family did buy a lot.

Do you know any songs that are older than you are? Heck yeah.

Are there framed pictures of you anywhere in your house? Yes. We have like a large gallery wall with a photo of myself. We also framed some graduation photos. 

Compared to other people of your age would you be considered 'NORMAL'? What is normal.

Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? I don’t use an MP3 player anymore. I have plenty of Duff on my spotify lol

Who is worst in your family about calling people back? MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Do you like peanut M&M's? I do, but now I’m madly in love with regular m&m’s. Kile used to send me peanut ones I had so many I could have filled a bathtub with them hahaha.

When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? It’s been a very, very long time.

When was the last time you ate jelly beans? Yuck. Not that long ago we had some for David. I’m not a fan.

When was the last time you had hot chocolate? Around Christmas time.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? In a way. Not someone I’m close to.

What was the last song stuck in your head? I almost always have My Country Tis Of Thee stuck in my head. It literally happens all the time and I have no idea why. Mom thinks it is hilarious and also semi concerning.

Do you enjoy doing math? Not even a little.

Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? Yeah probably. Not many, but I would imagine some.

Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? Probably.

Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? Both. Just depends what strikes my fancy.

Are there any colors you will NOT wear? Pale creamy colors do not do justice to me. 

Do you use scented soap in the shower? Always scented something.

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? Nooooope

Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? Hahaha. I mean I danced last night with the kids. the last time I danced with a male, it was enjoyable.

Do you like convertibles? I do, my sister once rented one for a weekend when I came into town just so we could drive around and be spoiled. It was so awesome. 

Have you ever yelled at the television? Definitely. I just did for this murder story I’m watching.

How many songs on your MP3 player are about sex? On spotify I have plenty, not gonna lie.

Do you like water parks? I love them in theory, but I am repulsed by them in all honesty.

Dark or light colored jeans? Depends on the fit. 

Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? Heckie no.

Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? I’d probably have more luck with this than the computer, but still no.

Would your friends describe you as nerdy? Yes, yes they would.

How many different colors are you wearing right now? four. White/blue, blue, black, mauve. 

Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? I sure have

Are you double-jointed anywhere? Nooope.

What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? Probably like 4 hours. Though, it should be stated that I don’t think I’ve ever played with anyone who genuinely wanted to play the correct way. I would love to try.

Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? Yes but it didn’t look like the stereotypical tornado. I want to see one. It’s wild how things change... back in the day tornadoes were my greatest fear. Crippling fear. No longer that way.

Did you play in the sand box as a kid? I didn’t dislike it. I just didn’t do it all that often. There weren’t any at the parks near me as a child, and my dad would have lost his mind at the mess.

How about on the monkey bars? I always tried and was often OK at it. I just disliked how hot the bar could get or when my hands would slip.

Have you ever made an alarm go off? Oh I sure have.

Have you ever colored your eyebrows? Yup. Naturally, my eyebrows are MEGA white blonde.

Did you ever own a pop-up book? Uhhh Probably one or two as a kid.

Have you ever honked at a biker? I don’t think so?

Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? A muscle relaxer once that my mom gave me that she didn’t need.

Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? I’ve gone one time to a like.. driving range type thing? Never gone official golfing. I’d like to.

Do you use gel in your hair? Maybe 1-5x a year.

Do you own a garden gnome? Definitely not.

Are any of the rooms in your house painted blue? Yes

Do you kick off your shoes as soon as you walk in the door? Typically yes I do, but sometimes we leave them on. Gram has to wear them for stability, mom wears them to protect her feet from cuts, and so I will sometimes.

Have you ever judged a book by its cover? Yes

What is the most effective device at the gym? I couldn’t tell ya. I’m intimidated by the gym.

Can you drive a stick shift? At one point yes I could! I am positive I wouldn’t remember how to now.

Have you ever picked on a substitute teacher? Never had a sub and I would never

How good are you at giving directions? OOOOOOOOOOOOOooo I’m terrible at it. I’m great at doing it in the car, but don’t call me and expect me to be able to tell you directions like “go northeast for 1.2 miles” heck no.

When was the last time you looked out the window nearest you? Probably a half hour ago or so. I checked on the water filling the pool.

Have you ever got dressed with the windows open? Yes. Often I will. Not in the summer though, because I try to keep my room as dark and cool as possible.

Have you ever given a foot massage? yes

Do public restrooms freak you out? It depends on where the bathroom is. Some of them are cleaner than others. I don’t like FREAK out about it, but I don’t enjoy it. I often can wait til I’m home.

Have you ever taken a shower outside? yeah, but I don’t love that.

Have you ever been to a junkyard? I have.

What do you think of Brad Pitt? I don’t really have a big opinion on him.

Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? Yes, if it interests me.

Have you ever used pennies to pay for something that cost over 50 cents? Hahahaha for my siblings, yes. 

If a place makes you pay for delivery - do you still tip the driver? Yes.

Without the aid of a cell phone - do you know your parents numbers by heart? Yeah. 

Can you name 10 former presidents? Trump, obama, bush, bush, reagan, clinton, nixon, roosevelt, jefferson, washington.

Have you ever bought a gift for a teacher? Yes

Is your bedroom carpeted? Not since I was a child. I do have a rug down.

Right now, what color is your tongue? Pink.

When was the last time you had a Tootsie Pop? Last year probably.

If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? I have the phone I love. I have to give it up soon, but I’m dreading that.

Who is your favorite super hero? Uhhhhhhhhhh, I’m not sure. Either batman or superman I guess. I would probably have a clear idea if I watched all the superhero movies.

How about your favorite villain? I dunno, still would need to see the videos.

Do you know anybody who works at a bank? I doooooo.

What do you usually order from your favorite fast food place? Right now my favorite fast food place is Buona Beef. I love their char-grilled avocado pepper jack chicken sandwich on gluten free pita with extra jalapeno. OMG. so good.

Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? Yup. I dooooooooo. 

What perfume/cologne do you wear the most? My favorite is refuge by charlotte russe. 

Can you name all 7 dwarfs? uhhhh, sleepy, dopey, grumpy, ... no. lolol

Does the early bird really catch the worm? In my world, I totally believe this.

[atruththatyoudeny]

Monthly Reads | September 2017

❤ THANK YOU TO ALL WRITERS FOR YOUR HARD WORK AND FOR SHARING YOUR STORIES! ❤ Top 5 + 19 more under the cut:

Don't Want Shelter

by FullOnLarrie | hate to love | enemies to lovers | friends with benefits | fake/pretend relationship | 76k Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago… When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families' old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own. During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other. 

Made in the A.M. Fic Fest

1. Hey Angel: A Few Very Good Mistakes by louisandthealien |  2. Drag Me Down: Outed by MileHighLarry |  3. Perfect by sweariwouldnt | 4. Infinity: The World Still Turns by hrrytomlinson | 5. End of the Day: Just you, Me, and the Moon by InkedwithLove | 6. If I Could Fly: For Your Eyes Only by BriaMaria | 7. Long Way Down: Finding Us in Our Atmosphere by asphodelknox | 8. Never Enough: I’ll Be Your Love Tonight by dinosaursmate |  9. Olivia by haloeverlasting | 10. What a Feeling: Baby I’m Right Here by FallingLikeThis | 11. Love You Goodbye: One Last Time  by dimpled_halo | 12. I Want to Write You a Song by phdmama | 13. History: Things Gone Cold by MediaWhore | 14. Temporary Fix: Let Me Touch You Where Your Heart Aches by rosegoldhl | 15. Walking in the Wind: Anytime You’re Needing Me by Larrymama15 | 16. Wolves: When the Wolves Come Out by Awriterwrites | 17. A.M.: (This Could Be Forever) Right Now by lululawrence I decided to put all of the stories in one post because all of them are so so wonderful and truly reflect a beautiful side of each song on MITAM. You really want to read them all!

Eyes Turned Skyward

by elizamackenzie for HL Summer Exchange 2017 | 17k “I’ve lived most of my life here,” Louis says after a moment, gazing out at the last spectacular rays of sunlight, “And yet still, when I see this,” he lets out a small breath, Harry turning to look at him as he shakes his head, “It all looks too perfect to be real.” Harry looks at the line of Louis’ jaw, seeing the way it tightens as Louis stares out over the landscape. And Harry suddenly wonders what this place might mean to him. How different the city must feel to him than it does to Harry. How this city, that has been alive for more than a thousand years, full of its enchantments and majesty, to Louis, is just home. Or the one where Louis is Harry's charming airbnb host and Italy is the best place for romance

(And Things Will Be) Hard At Times

by lululawrence for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange | mpreg | panick attacks | 34k Louis and Nathan had been talking about marriage and kids and a family for years now, but it had never felt right. If anything, the talking about it had petered out over the past while because they were busy living the lives they had settled into. It wasn’t that they didn’t think they’d ever have kids, just that they weren’t to a point where they were ready for it yet. Well. Ready or not, it was happening. Or the one where Louis and his boyfriend of five years unexpectedly find themselves pregnant and Harry is the paternity photographer that makes everyone think twice.

Turning Page

by purpledaisy for HL Summer Exchange 2017 | famous/non-famous | enemies to friends to lovers | 67k “What’s your name?” “Harry.” He draws the word out slowly, hesitantly - like he’s not sure about it. The guy knots his hands behind his back. “Harry Twist.” “Right,” Niall says, eyes lingering suspiciously on Harry before looking back to Louis. “You wanna buy Harry a drink?” Louis lets his eyes drip back to Harry, to his wide eyes and the way his shoulders curve down. He really is pretty – Louis will be the first one to admit it and the last one to ever say it out loud. Louis almost smirks and his lips twitch as he tilts his head, “Not particularly, no.” - AU: Harry Styles tries to get lost in a place he’s never been. Louis Tomlinson has been perfecting the art of being lost for years. What they don’t expect to find is each other.

I'm Having Your Baby

by MADZJACOBS for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange | mpreg | infidelity | eating disorders | 61k Five years after One Direction took a hiatus, Harry Styles' personal life is a mess. The multi-faceted entertainer's marriage has fallen apart and he can't put his heart on the line again knowing it will just get broken. So he puts his successful career on hold to become a father. He has always wanted children and maybe having a child of his own will take away some of the loneliness and heartbreak. He really believes that. That is until he walks into the clinic to meet the surrogate who is already eight weeks pregnant with his child. A surrogate with his own past to deal with; one they both need to finally face.

Ever Fixed

by delsicle for  HL Fic Fest (2017) | magical realism | divorce | angst | child death | 41k Three years ago, Harry was happily married, successfully heading the largest technology company in the world, and raising his young daughter. After he loses nearly everything in the aftermath of his daughter’s lost battle with a rare brain tumor, it may take three strange and yet very familiar visitors – and a man from the therapy group Harry keeps refusing to go to – to get him back on track.

The People's Playground

by musketrois | historical | gambling | 17k It is 1900 in New York City, and Harry Styles has recently immigrated to America from England. His sister encourages him to take a day off from his life as a factory worker and Harry decides to take a trip to the infamous Coney Island where he literally runs into Louis Tomlinson. It looks like Coney Island will be more than Harry bargained for.

There's something in the water

by curlyfries for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange| mpreg | strangers to lovers | 13k Harry and Louis met when Harry was in the middle of a rough patch after he injured himself during a tennis competition. After a night that Harry can't forget, he's met with a little surprise a couple of months later. It's a bit of a shock, especially considering how he got there, but he's determined to see it through. He's all prepared to do it all alone too, but running into Louis again might change the game. Cue dates, happiness and cuddles, but Harry can't get the fact that he needs to tell Louis out of his mind. He's got his fingers crossed that it all works out.

An Ever Fixed Mark (series)

by My_words_fly_up | 56k Harry Styles lives quite scandalously in the slums of London and never expected to cross paths with a kind, well-bred gentleman like Louis Tomlinson. But once they meet neither will be the same again.

Like A Saturated Sunrise

by onlyhuman for HL Summer Exchange 2015  | 12k Louis doesn't necessarily enjoy gardening. Which makes it all the more annoying that someone has been cutting off flowers as they see fit. Or, alternatively: the one where Louis has a love/hate relationship with his garden and Harry is the most innocent criminal to ever exist.

Can I be him?

by amory | soulmates | 29k Louis is twenty years old and has been waiting for his soulmate and true love to come along since the day he was born. Harry is an eighteen year old youtuber who is skeptical of soulmates and the pressure of being the person someone else has been dreaming of their entire lives. They meet at Playlist Live.

Something Just Like This

by kiwikero for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange| mpreg| superheroes | superpowers | 31k Newspaper intern Harry Styles can't believe his luck when he goes from fetching coffee for his boss to writing about London's own superheroes, One Direction. Even better, he gets to spend time with the unfairly handsome Freefall, also known as Louis Tomlinson. Louis, who is way out of Harry's league and far too busy for a proper relationship—so how on earth is Harry supposed to tell him they're expecting?

Where the lights are beautiful

by twoshipsdrifting for 1D Big Bang: Round Five | a/b/o | accidental bonding | 31k Harry wasn’t wrong about that, not in a general sense. Lots of omegas did seek out rich alphas and betas, hoping or planning to go into heat at the right time. Plenty of omegas saw this as their duty, especially if their families weren’t well off. Worse, Louis couldn’t honestly say he’d never thought about it. If that had been his life, his goal, Louis would feel pretty good about himself now. As it is…Louis feels like shit. .:. .:. .:. Or the accidental bonding a/b/o fic.

King and Lionheart

by stylinsoncity | a/b/o | mpreg | 46k Louis can't remember a time when he didn't hate being an omega. But maybe he just needed Harry to come along and make him his.

Somewhere In Between Who I Used To Be and Who I'll Be Tomorrow

by ShapeOfLou for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange | mpreg | strangers to lovers | infidelity | 27k After landing his dream job of being a TV host, Harry Styles thinks he has it all, a nice job, luxury cars, designer clothes, and a stable relationship with a man he loves. That is, until he makes the drunken mistake of going home with the cute bartender which results in an unexpected pregnancy. With a baby on the way, Harry has to balance his work life with deciding how he wants to spend the rest of his life: with the man he's been with for years or the father of his child.

Back To Seventeen

by crimsontheory for HL Fic Fest (2017) | 26k As a first grade teacher in a small town in Illinois, Harry’s life is pretty simple. He loves his job, is close with his family, and has a best friend he would go to the ends of the earth for. When a new soccer coach starts at the local high school, things start to get a bit more exciting for Harry. Because that coach just happens to be Louis Tomlinson; the guy Harry was unrequitedly in love with in high school. Or the one where Louis moves back to his hometown and Harry realizes he’s still not over his high school crush.

Leap Of Fate

by happilylouie for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange | mpreg | 12k After one too many failed dates, Harry decides he’s had enough. He is going to start a family on his own, everything falls into place as Harry finds the perfect donor. But when Harry realizes who the donor actually is it hits him like a curveball. He wants Louis Tomlinson to be involved in his baby's life, but first he has to figure out a way to date him. Or Radio Show Host Louis Tomlinson is going to be the father of Harry Styles’ baby, the only problem: He has no idea.

Second Time's the Charm

by Chelsea Frew for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange| mpreg | 21k The first time Louis sees the new barista at his favourite coffee shop, he falls head over heels. The first time he takes the barista, Harry, home, they end up making something a little bit more than conversation. Suddenly, it seems to Louis that Harry is keeping secrets. He is. Two life-changing secrets. When Harry lets Louis in on these secrets, Louis needs to decide whether to let them change his life--or not.

I can't use words they don't say enough

by Anonymous for HL Historical Fic Exchange | post-WWII | kid fic | minor character death | physical disability | PTSD | 27k Harry enlists at 16 to fight in World War II, leaving behind his family and the love of his life. When the war ends he finds himself back in the small town he called home. Five years has passed, and nothing is the same. His family has moved away and Louis has a daughter. Can they salvage their relationship, or will the effects of the war be too much? Louis couldn’t believe his eyes, and yet there on the other side of this hunk of wood was Harry Styles, the boy he’d written off as dead years ago.

Manifest Destiny

by Anonymous for HL Historical Fic Exchange | Pony Express | friends with benefits | minor character death | injury | 15k Harry and Louis had fallen into bed together again that night, mouths greedy and hands needy. And now every time Louis stops at Fort Kearney, even if it’s weeks in between, he and Harry spend the night together. The nights are always filled with heat and passion, and it gives Louis something to think on fondly as he rides across the western territories carrying sacks of mail. They’ve never talked about it, and they’ve never kissed. Louis doesn’t know if he wants either of those things to change, but he knows that his presence in Harry’s life is sporadic at best. Probably best to leave things be. Or, Louis is a Pony Express rider and Harry runs a station along the trail.

Keeping You Forever And For Always

by Rearviewdreamer | Kyle XY AU | superhuman | 52k Louis only went poking around in the woods one evening in the name of science and saving the polluted lake that everyone else had long since given up on. He ends up leaving with a lot more than a few toxic water samples when he stumbles upon a belly-buttonless man in the shadows who could possibly be a nudist but is most definitely more than ordinary.

Heart Without A Home

by Snowy38 | homelessness | betrayal | hurt/comfort | 20k Louis is staying at the shelter when a late entry pulls at his conscience and he decides to share his precious bed with the mysterious Harry. The pair somehow find an instant bond but Louis can't help but feel Harry is hiding something... Featuring Zayn as a chef, Perrie as the shelter manager and Liam as a helper- and Louis' best mate.

The love is ours to make (so we should make it)

by lingerielarries | Punk Louis | Flower child Harry | mutual pining | past suicide attempt/self harm | 19k “I’m.. Harry. I nanny? For Ernest and Doris?” Harry responded. “A nanny? How old even are you? You look twelve.” Louis remarked. Something caught Louis’ eye, and a closer look revealed that Harry had a coat of pink nail polish on his fingers. “Nineteen. I’m nineteen.” Harry replied. “Right. Nineteen, wears pink, flower crowns and paints his nails. Who the actual fuck did my mum hire?” or the one where louis takes some time off from life to return home, only to be met with a strange boy in pink and a flowercrown as the nanny of his siblings.

[pen-masta]

It’s a Joyful Life Part 1

A spoof of It’s a Wonderful Life

Castel slumps deeper into the cushions of the couch as he’s slowly coming down from his party high. It’s quiet now seeing that most of the guests have retreated back to their rooms sometime between ten and eleven. He downs a few more gulps of his drink that has gone somewhat lukewarm in his hand as he’s nursed it. He had several within the hours of the party and his head was starting to spin. With a heavy sigh he tilts his head back against the cushions closing his eyes. Although he was against this Christmas Eve party at the beginning he’s kind of happy it happened.

He’s been in a really bad slump for a while now, it started way back in June and he can’t seem to find his way out. Back in June his life was together, back in June his future was clear, back in June he thought he was about to be someone’s husband. Although it’s been almost six months to the day, it still feels like it all just happened yesterday. He was having lunch with Joy and telling her all about how he planned to propose to Martha. He showed her the ring and asked for advice and so on. 

Joy had given him some advice alright, advice he was grateful for but that same advice had started this whole mess. She was happy for him and she made that very clear, but she was concerned something was off with Martha. She had asked how he and Martha were and he explained they had been kind of distant the past few weeks but he knew he was still in love with her. When she asked him--out of curiosity--what Martha did all day when Castel was out at the Home Base of Cubs Industries he couldn’t quite say. Joy had smiled somewhat sadly and suggested before he proposed it’d be best to fix the distance between them. She advised him to go home early and surprise her with some flowers or something and just talk with her a while. Castel thought it was a brilliant idea and left immediately per Joy’s instructions.

When he got home ring in his pocket, flowers in hand he found the house seemingly dead. As he walked around the mansion in search of his soon to be fiancé he noticed her bedroom door was closed. He thought it was odd seeing that Martha had a tendency to leave the doors open when she left a room, leaving Castel to close them behind her. He didn’t remember shutting the door himself or seeing it shut at all this morning for that matter. He innocently thought perhaps she had shut the door behind her, or she was taking a nap, or perhaps hadn’t even woken up yet for the day. Smiling sweetly he had knocked gently on the door before pushing it open.

He wished he had left it closed. The image burned into his brain, stained to his retinas so every time he closed his eyes he saw it. His girlfriend, his soon to be fiancé, his soon to be wife, someone he had spent years dating and years more pinning for. The girl he wanted to give everything to, there in bed...with another man.

He doesn’t remember the guy’s name, nor does he care to. The flowers had dropped from his hand as he stood frozen in shock. It was like time had stood still, all three staring at each other like deer caught in headlights. And then it processed. Shock gave way to anger.

Their fight had been the biggest one they’d ever had. After she had tried to make it seem like it was nothing she turned on him. She blamed him, saying he was a workaholic, a nerd, a boring lame jerk who wouldn’t give her attention. He yelled how she had been the one who was distant, ordering him around, snapping at him, never wanting to be affectionate. What hurt him the most was how they had, had an agreement. When he had shyly opened up her about not wanting to sleep together just yet--explaining that it was just something too intimate to do with just a girl he was dating at the time, she had agreed. She had said she felt the same way and said she was alright waiting.

Not only did she cheat on him, she lied to him.

A lie that she was still using against him, a tool to cut deep into him. She had screamed anything she could think of to hit him low and hit him hard. She had smiled wickedly when she laughed saying how she never even wanted him, she was only into him cause he was rich. How her whole plan was to marry and divorce him to get half of his wealth, that she never once thought he was attractive or cute or funny. How he was nothing but a loser and how there was something wrong with him for him to actually think anyone would love him, especially someone like her. How she never ever wanted to have a life with him, a family, or intimacy.

The pain broke in his chest as tears stung his eyes and he yelled about how that explained why he was never enough for her, how awful she was and how if it weren’t for Joy she would have gotten her plan fulfilled. He had thrown the ring at her, she had slapped him and after several more hurtful words he threw her and her bedmate out of the house. Tears and screams of betrayal filled the night as he tore apart his house before ending up in his cellar. After the anger had faded her words echoed in his brain bringing new tears, doubts, and new levels of self-consciousness. Albert, having the night off, had come back to work the next day finding the young master passed out in the cellar bottles of all kinds of liquors covering the floor.

Upon Albert’s call Joy had rushed over to find her friend drunk, heart broken, and in a deep state of depression. It took a long time for him to start acting like himself again, weeks of him not wanting to do anything but sleep. Not wanting him to be alone in the huge empty house that Martha had pressured him into purchasing, Joy had moved in to keep him company. Very slowly she had been able to get him back onto the path of recovery--starting with managing his overgrown mop of curls and beard, and ending with him finally being out and about with her and his brothers.

Although the pain and scars Martha had left had not fully healed, he was finding interest in having his life back. With Martha gone and Joy in her place he could be himself again. He didn’t need to walk on egg shells when speaking for fear of being made fun of, or told how he was stupid. He wasn’t pressured to starve himself and work out for unhealthy lengths of time keeping up his appearance for the press. He could laugh and joke easily and freely and talk about little things that interested him. And Joy never made fun of any of his little quirks, like running his hand through his hair, clicking his pen, bouncing his knee, writing in his books and so on.

Yeah life was starting to look up again. But everything that goes up must come down…it’s physics.

While he was coming out of his relationship slump Cubs Industries took a hard hit. Amy called him in a frantic haze saying they had lost twenty-five percent of their buyers. In one day, he lost over a million dollars due to a fourth loss of his consumers. Jumping in to action he started making phone call after phone call trying to salvage his clients. He only managed to win back five percent. This major loss a blotch of failure on his name, something he was too weak to cope with.

First Martha, then the loss, and finally to complete his concoction for depression ended with several articles in the press about him. The negative outlook cut him up about his break up, his weight, his lost customers, anything they could. Several stories were made up about him having an affair, losing his mind, letting go, anything to make him out to be the bad guy. His depression was the worse it’s ever been. There were several days he didn’t leave his bed, afraid to do something to make his life worse.

After about two weeks Joy had, had enough and managed to coax him down to the living room to eat his cereal rather than eating in his bed. She hates seeing him so down and out, he doesn’t deserve this. As she was trying to compose a way to lift his spirit she hadn’t been paying attention to what he was watching on the television as he scooped Cheerio’s into his mouth. When she looked up she saw the news anchor bashing Castel reopening the wounds the magazines and Martha had left. Infuriated Joy shut the television off and suggested they’d have a Christmas Eve party, some time with their friends and family to get his mind off of all the negativity. She suggested having it at her family’s cabin to help escape all that was in their reality, they could have a big party, the presents for their nieces and nephews, and have everyone together for the holiday. She wasn’t surprised that Castel was not eager to party and celebrate, but when Joy started party planning and buying decorations he started to light up again.

And now he sits in the dimly lite room of the cabin, listening to the faint music from Joy’s Party Playlist still drifting through the air. He opens his eyes and looks around the room. The party had been huge, his brothers, her sisters, Nathan and Scarlet, Amy and Arnold, Albert and a whole bunch of people Joy invited. His eyes drift to Joy who is bent over the table picking up some discarded plates. He can’t help the dopey grin that pulls at his lips as he watches her. He’s so happy she’s here with him, the one constant controlling variable in his life. He’s really loving living with her, having his best friend by his side through all of this has really helped his mental state. He doesn’t know what he’d do without her.

“Joy just leave it for the morning,” he slurs out getting her attention.

She looks at him and smiles, “I know I just wanted to clean up a little bit beforehand.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he sits up.

“You know you could help me,” she smirks at him.

“I’ll help you,” he smiles and stands up. “I’ll help you by making you a drink.”

She laughs and watches as he stumbles a bit to their makeshift bar. She follows him feeling a bit tipsy herself.

“What would you like malady?” He smiles standing behind the bar

She giggles and sits on the stool across from him, “A Gummy Bear. Shaken not stirred.” She says with her best James Bond accent.

He chuckles and starts to mix the drink, “One Gummy Bear coming right up.”

“Did you have fun tonight Cassie?” She asks

He nods, “Yes I did.”

“Good,” she looks down at her hands. “Are you feeling better?”

He pauses in his mixing and looks up at her. He doesn’t want to lie to her, but at the same time he doesn’t want to tell her all the stuff that’s going on inside of him. The self-loathing, feeling of failure, feeling like a no-good-disappointment. He knows if she knew everything that was happening in his head and his heart she’d lecture him about how he’s nothing of those things and how amazing he is in her eyes and everything to make him feel better. But he just doesn’t want that, not that he wants to continue to feel bad but he doesn’t want to be fed the obligated words she’ll say to make him feel better cause she’s his friend.

So he smiles, “Yes I am Joy.”

She looks up at him needing to see his eyes to believe he’s being truthful. But the liquor in her system makes it difficult to read his eyes, which are sparkling themselves from the alcohol in his system as well.

So she smiles a little and nods, “Good, I’m glad.”

He chuckles and pours her drink into a glass, “One Gummy Bear Miss Bond.”

She giggles and takes a sip of the drink, humming in satisfaction. “Delicious.”

He smiles and leans against the bar watching her. He loves to just watch her in little moments like this, she looks so gorgeous. Her hair all curled even more so than usual, her ugly Christmas sweater hugging her curves, her jingle bell earrings sparkling in the low light. She’s looks just as incredible on the outside as she is on the inside. That’s the other new development he’s been dealing with. Since they were in high school he’s held this deep dark secret, it had faded into the back burners of his mind when he was with Martha but now it’s come back with a strong vengeance.

As the voices of Meghan Trainor and John Legend float through the speakers, Joy sets her drink and turns towards him.

“Come dance with me Cassie,” she says standing up.

He blinks, “Huh?”

“You have hardly danced with me this whole night,” she says putting her hands on her hips. “You own me Mister.”

He smirks and pushes off the bar, “Fine, fine.”

She smiles as he takes her hand in his. She puts her other hand on his shoulder feeling his arm wrap around her waist. Slowly they drift and sway around the balloon covered floor listening to Like I’m Gonna Lose You.

She giggles a little, “Wow I can’t remember the last time we’ve danced together Cassie.”

He smiles down at her, “Prom night.”

She blinks in surprise, “What?”

“Prom night,” he says. “That was the last time we danced together.”

“Oh yeah,” she smiles. “After Kenny stood me up.”

“Roses by MacKenzie Bourg was playing,” he says twirling her.

She laughs, “I’m surprised you remember that.”

He smiles pulling her back in, “It’s one of my favorite memories. I wanted to make sure I’d never forget it.”

She smiles up at him and rests her head on his shoulder, pulling them closer together.

“I must say you’ve gotten so much better since when we were kids,” she comments remember when she had taught him to dance when they were ten. Him nervously stumbling and stepping on her feet as they danced around the family cabin after they had been snowed in. A smile pulls at her lips as the memory plays in her mind.

He chuckles, “I’d hope so.”

They dance in silence for a while as the song drifts out and he brings them to a slow halt. She looks up at him and he smiles running his fingers through his hair.

She smiles and curtsies, “Thank you for the dance good sir.” She says with a southern belle accent.

He laughs and bows, “You’re very welcome malady.” He says with his own southern accent as well.

They both giggle for another moment before Joy sighs and looks around the room.

“I don’t want to clean all this up in the morning,” she pouts.

“I’ll help you,” he offers.

She smiles, “Thanks Cassie but I’d really like to clean some of it up now.”

He shrugs, “Alright let’s clean then.”

She giggles and they both start picking up the paper plates and forgotten red solo cups. Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor starts to play through and he smiles to himself as Joy starts to bounce and sway to the beat. He follows her into the kitchen tossing the trash into the trash can before moving all the food trays into the sink.

“Cassie,” she calls getting his attention.

He turns to see her standing in the doorway, hands behind her back, smiling impishly at him.

“Kiss me.”

He fumbles and drops the tray from his hand unsure if he heard her correctly.

“W-what?” He stutters.

“You heard me,” she smirks and points up.

His eyes lift to the mistletoe that hangs above her head, he remembers when she had hung it there saying it was perfect for couples to steal a kiss. His face is on fire as he stares at the plant, feeling his heart begins to pound. She couldn’t be serious, could she?

“Kiss me,” she repeats.

No, she could.

“Well that’s technically not mistletoe, it’s actually holly.” He swallows hard rubbing his hands on his legs. “You see mistletoe berries are white and holly berries are red. Those berries are red so that’s holly, it’s an easy misconception and— ”

“Caaaaassie,” She whines cutting off his rambling. “Don’t do that nerd thing where you focus on the facts rather than actually doing something. I can’t stand under the mistletoe and be kiss-less.” She pouts and crosses her arms, “Come kiss me you dork.”

“W-well I…” He rubs the back of his neck.

“Or are you not a dork, but rather a chicken?” She smirks narrowing her eyes at him.

He blinks and stops his stammering, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me chicken,” she taunts.

His nervousness is replaced with anger. How dare she come at his pride! He feels offended that she’d even accuse him of being a chicken. He will not let her bruise his ego like this, it’s already been beaten so much he won’t stand for it. He bites his lip as he stares at her. He stands up straight, sets his jaw, and grabs the nearest cup to him. It’s half empty filled with warm spiked punch and it’s not even his, but he doesn’t care. He downs the rest of the liquid and tosses it into the garbage can.

“Fine Joy,” he says and walks towards her.

“Oh chicken found his courage,” she teases as he stands in front of her.

He grits his teeth, “I hate you.”

“No you don’t,” she smirks and he smiles a little.

“No I don’t,” he sighs.

She rolls her eyes, “Are you gonna keep talking or are you gonna kiss me?”

He swallows and puts his hands on her shoulders, he leans in closer to her. He scans her face, her eyes, looking for some kind of sign that she wasn’t alright with this. But all he can see on her glitter dusted face is a challenge, a double-dog dare. She didn’t think he’d actually do this, she was thinking he’s back down. She wants a challenge? Fine!

Fueled by the determination to prove her wrong he slams his lips into hers. He can feel how the force at which he kisses her surprises her. But in an instance the shock wears away and she kisses him back. The first kiss was hard and powerful, but when the first bleeds into a second it’s a much sweeter embrace. A second leads to a third and a fourth and soon he feels her arms wrapping around his neck pulling him closer. His hands slide down to her waist and he can feel his heart rate increasing with every kiss. The blood pounds in his ears as colors burst in his mind, his stomach has exploded into butterflies as this overwhelming sensation floods his body.

A yelp hits the air and when he opens his eyes he finds himself laying on top of her on the couch. He must have walked forward as he pushed back against her, and she must have followed walking back until she ran into the arm of the couch. He looks down at her, her hair splayed out around her head, her eyes wide staring back at him, cheeks red and she’s slightly panting.

He hadn’t meant to do this! This wasn’t his plan, he didn’t mean to do this! He was just supposed to kiss her to get her to shut up and stop calling him chicken, but now…

“Cassie,” she breaths out his name as if it were a blessing and a curse.

His head begins to scream with alarms. He just made out with his best friend, his only friend! He’s ruined their friendship! The one person he could count on in his life, the one good thing left in his life! What’s wrong with him!?

Scrambling to his feet he falls off the couch as everything is on red alert. He has to get out of here, he needs to leave. All he does is mess things up and now because he can’t control his own emotions he’s burned the last bridge he had. He nearly trips over his own feet as he runs towards the door.

“Cassie!” Joy’s voice calls behind him

He grabs his jacket and his keys in one move and rips the door open. He looks back over his shoulder to see her stunned face staring at him over the couch, still trying to process what just happened. And when she does he knows she’ll hate him, there’s only so much his heart can take. He can take the world hating, making fun of him, making him out to be the bad guy. He can take Martha’s words as truth that no one will ever really love him, that there’s something wrong with him. But he can’t take Joy hating and he most certainly doesn’t want to be around for when she realizes she does hate him.

In a broken voice his eyes filling with frustrated tears he says back to her, “I’m sorry.”

And then he takes off to his car, starting the engine and pulling out he sees her standing in the doorway. Her body nothing more than a silhouette as the light shines behind her. He’s sure she’s yelling his name, but he doesn’t stop to respond as he drives off into the night.