#he's pounded rain into the mattress while finding nemo was playing in the back

[jesusbutbetterrr]

"Anything is a sex song if you make it one."

-Swiss explaining the concept of sex playlists to Phantom

[elizabeth-234]

Five Times She Watched his Final Goodbye

Hi Friends! Here is a new story that I've been working on. For those of you reading my other story The Supplejack I am almost done with the next chapter. I know it's been so long but thank you for sticking with it. This past semester has been tough and I'm just now able to work on them again. Thank you for the patience and support.

This is chapter one of five! 

Read here on AO3

I found a prompt on Tumblr from @tonystarkstan (wanted to give them credit!) that inspired this whole story. Hope you enjoy this one!

Chapter One: Denial

They found the shoes, dusty and jammed into the back of her closet. They were hidden behind some books and candy wrappers she stashed away after Halloween one year. It was a time Morgan barely remembered. A time defined by black clothes and long hours standing with her parents. As with all things in life, it wasn’t permanent. Her black dresses slowly grew shorter on her small limbs until they put them away and her family moved out of the city. There wasn’t a reason to wear the old shoes much anymore and even though the patent straps dug into the tops of her feet, Morgan insisted that her mom didn’t need to buy a new pair for her. Sitting on the couch, her arms wrapped around her mom; she wished not that she had said yes to the offer, but that there was no need for them at all.

Morgan stared at the people scattered around the room. Some of them looked familiar to her, her Uncle Rhodey was here, but others she’d never seen before. Everyone else was in black as well and their smiles were noticeably absent. She shifted herself on the cushions again trying to find a comfortable position, but nothing seemed to help. She shifted again, kicking her legs out in front of her before tucking one underneath the other. Her movement was stopped by a hand gently laid on her knee. Morgan wrapped her hands around the arm and brought it against her face, breathing in the scent familiar since birth. The vanilla scent steadied her pounding heart.

It was something Morgan always had done. Whenever she was feeling anxious or sad, she would find her parents, or something that was theirs, and calm herself. Her small fists tightened around her mom’s hand when she thought about the other day.

Morgan knew she was going to get in trouble when she hid in her dad’s office and locked the babysitter outside, but at the time she didn’t care. His office was safe. There was a wobble in her legs as she made her way to the miniature desk set up for her to work side by side with her dad. It was right next to a larger one fit for her dad and she could remember many afternoons spent the two of them reading or working. Most times they ended all switched around, with her legs dangling off of the larger chair and his cramped up to his chest in the smaller one. But he never complained and instead boasted about his excellent craftsmanship in how her chair could carry his weight. It always sent her giggling and breathless when he would do that. Nothing bad could ever happen in there.

The desk walls surrounded her on either side as she crawled underneath it. Her fear stewed with the dust bunnies on the ground and she waited.  Every possible thought surfaced through her head and the yearning for her parents grew with every second.

When the keypad buzzed she stayed there hidden and curled into herself. Trepidation filled her and congealed in her stomach. What would her punishment be for locking the babysitter out? Morgan could tell it was her mom at the door by the way her shoes swept against the ground. Today the footsteps were not even. Today they rushed forward and hit the side of the desk. Morgan stayed under the desk watching the papers fly from the top of the desk to the floor and finally her mom came into view. She fell onto her knees and Morgan scooted forward into her waiting arms. They clung to each other and Morgan felt her heart racing even though she wasn’t sure why. Her mom’s grip was dug into her skin but Morgan didn’t dare move away. Her head rested on the crook of her mom’s elbow and as she gazed upward she could see the bruises and dirt covering her face. Her eyes were closed and she could feel her mom’s trembling. Morgan buried her head into her chest and concentrated on keeping her close.

They sat there until after Morgan couldn’t feel her knees anymore. It wasn’t until the voice of her babysitter echoed through the room telling them he was leaving that her mom moved again. They stood up, Morgan still in her mom’s arms, and went upstairs. She hid her face in her mom’s neck and held back to comments about being too big to be carried. The hand rubbing her back were enough at the moment. They laid down, side by side, in her small bed. Her mom’s legs were pulled upward and her mom’s eyes shut heavily. Morgan reached up to brush her hand lightly across a scratch running down the side of her face and her eyes blinked open.  

“What happened, Mommy?” Now that her eyes were open Morgan noticed the red veiling around her eyes. It brought out the deep blue tones of them and reminded Morgan of the first time she saw the ocean. It had been sunny all on their drive there. The music had been blasting and her dad had been singing loudly off key while Morgan harmonized until her mom clapped her hands over her ears. She yelled while laughing that they had to stop before her ears fell off. This only prompted them to sing louder. It only started raining once they got to the beach and then with a loud thunderclap, the waves picked up and they had to take shelter in the car. Their family watched quietly as the waves turned dark and crashed into the wet sand, cutting their day short.

“Oh, baby,” Her mom mumbled. There was a slight tremble to her lips and not wanting to see her mom hurting, Morgan wrapped her arms as far as they would go around her mom’s prone body. Morgan’s eyes widened when her mom didn’t reciprocate the gesture but instead she stayed laying there, only her shoulders shaking. Wet splotches soaked into her pajamas.

There were only a handful of times she could remember her mom crying and she didn’t know what to do now. The most recent was when they watched Finding Nemo together. Her mom’s shallow breaths filled the room. Morgan focused on keeping hers inaudible, though she was sure her heart, which to her ears sounded like beating drums, would give her away. Her mom’s eyes opened once again and searched Morgan’s face. Silence filled the room and Morgan knew. She knew that something happened. Something to make her mommy upset and she knew that she didn’t want to know what happened. That whatever had happened would change their lives and Morgan didn’t want that. She clung to her mom tighter than she ever had before and tried to breath in the vanilla scent of her only to find it was distorted. Her mom smelled like ashes.

“Sweetheart, you know the stories Mommy and Daddy told you about Daddy’s old job? How he would try to save the world?” Morgan hesitantly nodded she continued after a pause. “How we told you there were a lot of people missing. A lot of people their families were missing? Well, Daddy found them. He found them, Monkey, and united all the sad families.”

She laid there playing with the edge of her blanket and trying to understand what her mom was saying. It sounded like good news.

“If Daddy saved them why are you so sad Mom?”

Her mom smiled for a moment before it fell away. Morgan felt her hair being tucked behind her ear. It always aggravated her mom how it never stayed in place. No matter how often she brushed it, the strands would fall in her face or up into the air. She secretly loved it because it reminded her of her dad. His hair would also stick up every way when he woke up in the morning. She looked up waiting for an answer.

“In order to save all those people Dad-Tony-had to go away, Monkey.”

“What…what do you mean? Daddy said he would be back.” This time her mom’s hand came up to caress her face but Morgan turned her face away. Heat was filling her cheeks as she laid there.

“He had to leave so that everyone else could be saved”

“No! He said he would be back. He never lies.” Morgan felt tears leaking from her eyes but paid no mind to them. She turned back around and got onto her knees, staring at her mom from above. “Stop lying! It’s not funny. I want my Dad! He said he would be back. He promised….” She fell back and curled on top of the mattress. The soft material offered no comfort. “He said that we would try riding Gerald once he got big enough.”

“I know he did. He didn’t mean to lie. This was important to him, but know he loved you so much.”

Morgan curled deeper into the pillow and stared at the wall unseeing.  Her body felt heavy and weighed into the mattress. Her mom asked if she wanted her to leave and with no answer started to get up, but Morgan reached out and clung to her. She thought she heard a sigh of relief coming from her mom. Morgan moved so she was laid on her. The tears hadn’t stopped coming but Morgan’s eyes were drooping down.

She fisted her hand into her mom’s shirt and whispered the phrase throughout the night. The first time she woke up from a nightmare filled with smoke and darkness, she spoke it aloud, willing it into existence. Her mom stiffened at the words and ran her hands through her hair.

Pepper’s heart constricted at the words every time after that. Her daughter’s whispers because a prayer, a plea to someone Pepper hoped was listening.

“Daddy always comes back. You’ll see Mommy.”

-

The yellow glow filled the room and her dad’s face appeared.

She leaned backward and into her mom. Her dad was always leaving messages around the house. Sometimes they would lead to treasure he hid in the backyard or they might be simple reminders of what was for dinner. Sometimes they were just to tell her he loved her.

Morgan’s heels kicked against the couch as she stared at his face. It was open and unworried as he stared out at the crowd of people in their living room. It was the face who had read her bedtime stories when she woke up from a nightmare or get her popsicles when she wanted something sweet. Her heartbeat picked up again.

He smiled and Morgan glanced up at her mom, wanting to see her expression. He looked so normal that it stung her chest. Her mom didn’t look down. She didn’t smile or change her hard expression. Morgan swallowed and looked back at her dad.

“…happy ending, right? But it doesn't always roll that way.” She played with the hem of her dress and her mom pulled her closer, rubbing a hand up and down her arm. He sounded so normal.

His face became grave and lacked the usual exuberance it normally was lighted with. There was still a small part of her that thought her mom was lying. That all these people were in on the surprise and her dad would pop out of the back room, tricking them all.

“And for better or worse, that's the reality Morgan's going to find a way to grow up in.”

Her lip trembled and she grabbed her mom’s arm again, willing the tears welling to go away. He would be there. He would come back.

“Part of the journey is the end.”

He was wrong. Her mom was wrong. All of these people were wrong. That was the only explanation to this madness. All she wanted to do was stand up and scream, but something besides her mom held her down. Suddenly, she didn’t want to look at her dad anymore. She couldn’t stare at his normal face, hear his normal voice, and know that it wasn’t a trick. That her mom hadn’t been lying.

Morgan looked up and didn’t see her dad. A stranger took his place, someone distant and obscure. She clung to her mom not understanding. The room was silent besides his voice and her racing heart. He stood up before lying again.

“Everything is going to work out exactly the way it's supposed to.”

His lie tore through her heart. Everything was supposed to work out. It was her dad. The man who built her a desk and then let her use his own. He was the one that read to her after nightmares and was going to teach her how to ride Gerald. He was Iron Man. She knew he could do anything.

Her breath stopped when he looked at her. His eyes stared directly into her and she knew he would be okay in the end. His eyes conveyed the understanding between them. He would always be there, no matter what.

“I love you 3000.”

Her arms tightened around her mom and although she prayed her dad would be okay she couldn’t stop the tears from running down her face.

Thank you and let me know what you think!

Taglist: @verdonafrost @ourjourneysideways

Chapter Two: Anger