#he's not kicking anyone out... just openly voicing distrust in the state of mind he's in

[habitual-creatures]

Okay okay, we can leave you alone but you should bring her inside first

Bad shit apparently happens when any of us stay outside the house…

Can you help me up Jester?

Or inside it...

But that seems to be because of all of you...

I don't want you all in my house.

[kingfallshistoricallibrary-blog]

Episode Seven: Major Tom to Ground Control

Sammy: And thanks so much to Vernon from Vernon’s Vermin Vestibule for that thorough and intense interview. Ben:

And those slides he brought in. I didn’t need to see that. Sammy:

You and me both, Ben. So, changing gears here, we’re just gonna take a quick pause for the cause. We’ll be right back to take your calls, King Falls. Ben:

So much rhyming. Sammy:

424-279-3858. HFBIII:

Ladies and gentlemen, I am Howard Ford Beauregard III, and I implore you, dare I say demand that you turn off this radio station post haste. King Falls AM used to be a place that you could trust your ears to; wholesome, family-oriented, fair, and balanced. Now it’s ran by dirty lying filth mongerers spreading rumor and dissent throughout our peaceful community. Samuel Stevens and Benjamin Arnold should be proclaimed Public Enemy Number One. In all my years, all my family’s years in our idyllic town, I can’t recall anyone being allowed to disparage our good name so openly and freely until the fertile lands of distrust … Friends, please heed my advice, turn off this impurity. Let me save you from the mire and muck King Falls AM fills you with. Do yourself a favor. Go outside, breathe the fresh mountain air, go read a book. Perhaps an e-book, more so, the e-book King of King Falls by yours truly. Be well, compatriots! End this transmission, Celestia! Sammy:

You gotta be sh[bleep]ng me. Ben:I hate that guy but ads pay the bills, Sammy. Sammy:

We’re not gonna have bills without a show, Ben! Ben:

You don’t think this has anything to do with him coming in the studio a few weeks back, do you? Sammy:

Oh, of course not, whatever could have put that bee in his bonnet?

Ben:

I’m just saying maybe he hated us before we kicked him out of the studio and insinuated he was Lord Vampire. Sammy:

[sigh] Moving forward. Ben:

Board is lit up, Sammy, let’s take some calls. You’re live on King Falls AM Pete:

Samuel Stevens, Benjamin Arnold. Sammy:

Oh this is gonna be good, uh, you’re live. Pete:

You two heathens can kiss my ass and this listener goodbye. Treating Mr Beauregard like that! I will never listen to this filth again!

Ben:

Go watch channel 13 then! We don’t want you to listen! Sammy:

Ben, don’t take it personally. Obviously Beauregard is a... trusted personality in this town, and he’s gonna have some sway with people, but it’s funny we’ve not had one complaint in the two weeks since that crackpot was on the show. Ben:

Power of media man, bringing out all these sheeple. Sammy: Alright, line eight, welcome to King Falls – Pete: Beauregard’s right, this is filth! SAMMY Okay, sir, what exactly is the issue with this show? Pete:

You muckrakers! I don’t recall King Falls being so damn torn apart before you came into town, Sammy! Sammy:

I’m just doing my job, I was hired to fill this time slot with news and information that – Ben:

Who is this? Pete:

None of your damn business, Ben! Ben:

Pete Meyers? Come on, man! Pete:

Nooo. It’s not! Ben:

Yeah, it is. Would you like to explain to everyone why Beauregard’s gardener is calling in? Pete:

Don’t go working your voodoo on me, alright? I’m just stating my opinion. I’m never listening to 660 again. King of King Falls, buy the ebook! Sammy:

Folks we’re open minded here on 660, we listen to you and talk about the things that you care about. I’m sorry if a vocal minority that we’ve offended but – Ben:

Line four, you’re live with Sammy and Ben. Tim:

Is this King Falls AM? Sammy:

You’re live, sir. [feedback] Ben:

Whoa! Uh, the feedback! Uh turn off your radio, sir! Sammy:

Ah, you know, I hate to do this, but that feedback is just too much. Give us a call back and – Tim:

Don’t- don’t hang up, please, don’t hang up! Sammy: Who is this? Tim:

It’s Tim- Tim Jensen? Ben:

TIM! Where are you? Tim:

[feedback] Hello? Ben:

Tim can you hear us? You’re on with Sammy and Ben. Are you okay? Tim:

I’m alive. Please tell my wife that I – Ben:

You’re breaking up, Tim. Uh where, where are you? We’ll come to get you right now – Tim:

I’m okay, please don’t stop – Sammy:

Ben can you call – Ben:

Troy’s on hold. Tim:

They’re- they’re doing so many operations on me. Please help me. Sammy:

Tell us where you are, Tim. We’ll send help immediately. Ben: TIM! Tim: I love my wife, Mary. I miss my kids… King Falls, please help me! [static] Sammy: Tim! Tim, can you hear us? [dial tone] Ben:

He’s gone. Deputy Troy, you’re live. Troy:

I heard him, fellas. Without a shadow of a doubt, that was Tim. Sammy:

You know I don’t know what to make of it, Troy, is there anything you can do? Troy:

Ben texted me all the info he had on the call but. It ain’t making any sense. Has he called since you know, the uh, the disappearance? Sammy:

Not to us. I- you know I just couldn’t make out a lot of what he was saying. Ben:

Lot of interference from something, or… someone. Sammy:

He said Mary, right? Ben:

You think we should? Sammy:

Oh God, no. God. We wouldn’t wanna put that poor lady on the spot with something like this. I mean she’s been through so much already – I mean, that could have been anyone, right? Ben:

That was Tim, Sammy. Troy:

I wish there were something more we could do, boys, but I don’t even know where to start. I was just listening to the show in Rose’s Diner and… I couldn’t believe it. Dollars to donuts that dispatch is gonna be lighting up tonight, boys. I’m gonna go finish my French cruller and make the rounds. I’ll catch you later, boys. [dial tone] Sammy:

Line one, you’re on King Falls AM. Cynthia:

Sammy? Ben? Ben:

You got us, ma'am. Cynthia:

Was that just Tim Jensen on the air? Ben:

We… we believe it was. We- we don’t wanna cause an uproar here

Sammy:

Per usual. Ben:

But we have every reason to believe so. Uh do, do you have any information about Tim? Cynthia:

I do not. I was calling to voice my concerns about him coming back from God knows where. Ben:

Is this Cynthia Higgenbaum? Cynthia:

It’s Mrs. Higgenbaum to you, Ben, and thanks for broadcasting my info all over the tri-state. Sammy:

Cynthia, you say you have some concerns about Tim being found? Why? Cynthia:

Concerns would be putting it mildly. Sammy:

Okay he’s a missing man, Cynthia. He’s been officially gone without a trace for over three months! Cynthia:

Oh don’t give me that official line of horse hockey! We all know good and well he got picked up by the lights off 72. Sammy:

With all due respect – Ben:

He was abducted, Sammy. You know it, I know it, Cynthia knows it. The X Files, this ain’t. They got him. Sammy:

Okay, let’s just hold it together folks Ben:

But for goodness sake, Cynthia, why in the world would you have an issue if we finally found him? Sammy:

You know, I’m just happy to hear that he’s alive. We all should be. Cynthia:

Yeah, yeah he’s alive, hooray and such. But I’m gonna level with you boys. Sammy:

Uh-huh. Cynthia:

I don’t want Tim coming back into this community after gallivanting around the galaxy for three damn months with aliens or what-have-you. Who knows what kind of diseases he’s bringing back? Sammy:

Oh stop it! Cynthia: Martian measles, Pluto pox, who can say? I don’t want my kids around that. Does Obamacare even cover Jupiter jaundice? Doubtful!

Ben: Cynthia, I think bringing Tim home safe and sound is of the utmost importance. Cynthia: You gonna pay my doctor bills? I didn’t think so. Sammy: Cynthia, we are talking about a man. Cynthia:

We are talking about some weird sh[bleep]t Tim is bringing back, by golly. I know Tim. I worked with Tim for a few years, and he’s a nice enough guy. But he’s not nice enough to let his Ground Control to Major Tom ass quarantine my babies at Area 51. Priorities! Ben:

Sammy, Mary Jensen is on line five. Sammy:

I’m sorry, Cynthia, we have to take this. Cynthia:

Oh, good. I’m gonna go check my shelter and inventory my air filters. I suggest doing the same. [Dial tone] Ben: Mary Jensen. Sammy: Hi Mary, this is Sammy and Ben at King Falls AM. Mary: Hi Sammy. Hi Ben. Ben: Mary have you… have you been listening to the broadcast tonight? Mary: I was. That’s why I called. Since Tim’s been gone I-I don’t know which way is up. My sleep has been turned around, the kids… Ben:

I’m sorry, Mary. Mary: I wanna thank you two, Sammy and Ben, for all you’ve done during this ordeal. Sammy: We don’t have to get into that. Mary:

No I think we do. I know that there are people that think that you two shouldn’t be on the air, but since Tim has been gone, you guys at the station have checked on my and the kids at least once a week. You’ve made donations. Ben even took the kids to the library last week so I could have time to myself! Sammy:

You’re a sweetheart, Ben, and to the library no less! Ben: Don’t. Mary: I know you want Tim back in my arms almost as much as I do. Sammy:

Mary, I wish we had more to tell you but you heard exactly what we did. Mary:

I just thank God, whomever is up there, that he’s still alive. He sounded okay right? Didn’t he sound okay? Sammy:

He didn’t sound hurt. Ben:

We appreciate the kind words, but that can’t be what you called for. Mary:

It wasn’t the only reason but um, make no mistake about this: The Jensens stand with you two no matter what. Sammy:

Thank you, Mary. I mean it’s obvious that Tim has reached out to us for a reason. You’ve told us in the past that he absolutely loved listening to Chet’s Jazz Corner and loved King Falls AM in general. Let’s hope he’s listening to you now, Mary. What would you like Tim to know? Mary:

[sniffle]That, um, we’re okay, Tim. Please don’t worry about us. [sniffle] And I- I know he will anyway but, we are okay. We are safe. We are home, but [sniffle] home isn’t home without you. I love you, Tim. [sniffle] I know without a doubt that one day you’ll be back with us. I can’t wait for that day, but I will wait. Please be okay. Please be safe. [sniffle] Sammy:

Our thoughts are with you, Mary, and Tim. Mary:

My- my little one is up. Can she say something, Sammy? Sammy:

Please, of course, by all means. Mary:

Come on, sweetie, Daddy’s listening. Bella:

Daddy? Mary:

He called Mr. Ben and Mr. Sammy tonight. Bella: Daddy! Sammy: He’s listening right now, tell him whatever you’d like. Bella: I love you. Please come home, I don’t want Mommy to cry anymore. Mary: Thank you Sammy, Ben, King Falls. Sammy: If you need anything, you just let us know. Mary:

Yeah, of course. Sorry, bye. Sammy: Tim, if you’re listening, godspeed. Ben: Sorry to interrupt, Sammy, line twelve. Sammy: Good evening, you’re live on King Falls AM. Riley: Please hold the line for Mayor Grisham. Sammy:

Hey, I wanna talk to you! I have got a bone to pick with you! Hello? Riley:

Mayor, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Grisham:

Boys, boys, come on. Are we live? Sammy: Mayor Grisham, you have five seconds before this call self destructs. Grisham:

It’s my understanding that Tim Jensen just reached out to you guys. Ben: Five, four, three, two Grisham: I come in peace, guys. I’m sure you two will get everything you can regarding the call to Sheriff Gundersen’s office. I just want to say thank you for being there for Tim still in his time of need. Sammy: You have my curiosity, Mayor. Ben:

Sammy, my horsesh[bleep]t radar’s off the charts right now. It’s, it’s hitting Seabiscuit levels. Sammy: Did you just bleep yourself? Ben: Yeah, I mean, come on, man. You want fines on top of trouble, too? Grisham: I’ll be as friendly as a penpal, gents. I just wanted to speak to King Falls. That is, if you two will allow me. Ben: Horsesh[bleep]t radar is still solidly at circus pony. I- I don’t know if this is a good idea. Sammy: You know, you’re ridiculous. And generally I would agree, Ben, but this is for Tim. The floor is reluctantly all yours, Mayor. Grisham:

[clears throat] Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen of King Falls and everyone listening to this broadcast, I just want to let you know we are doing all we can to bring Tim back home, safe and sound. We are working day and night to make sure his lovely daughter and his wife get to hug their father and husband again. I want to reiterate that if you have any information about Tim, his disappearance, or subsequently his call tonight for help, please do not take matters into your own hands. Please call the hotline set up at– [theme]

[ophiniaonistecua]

((oh boy))

Liz got comfortable in her room. It was, after all, most inviting with spartan gray walls, a too large steel bed, and the desk that would take several adjustments to fit right. The unscuffed carpet kicked up dust with every step as she moved to investigate teh questionaire. But how could she not wander an eye to the garbage bin, containing nothing less than the intro handbook for KFDP recruits.

‘This’ll be a laugh.’ She thought to herself, plucking it out of the otherwise empty plastic bag. 

“Hello, new KFDP recruit and squaddie!

You’ve joined an organisation that helps promote peace and prosperity between yourselves and the human race by assuring friendly conflict resolution and intervention during more violent saurian conflicts. 

During Gen 0″

‘Gen 0?’ Her mind stumbled over that term. Not the kind of words humans used, despite this book being exactly the kind of drivel a human would lick their lips over.

“During Gen 0, a large upheaval inspired the creation of the KFDP, in return for many of the rights and comforts you have today. While such upheavals certainly have their place and time, peaceful protect is preferred to avoid collateral.”

Her mind wandered off again. Not a lie told, yet it wouldn’t pass any lie detector test. Considering Terry and Lilly seemed to be the kind of upstanding high-society try-hards, it only made sense these books were filled...

Actually, they probably would be propaganda regardless. If not to cut costs, then to simply inspire a sense of harmony. 

She put the book aside. Maybe later she’d get a few laughs. Her mind turned to the sheet. It asked many questions, from allergies to colours, birthdays...

‘Geeze, at least 90% is in the damn file. Is he trying to be nice or see if I’m a good little penlicker?’ Eyes rolling, she penned down snarky, sassy answers. The kind of answers a good teacher would gasp over, slam their hand on the table, and send the offending student right to the principal. 

Truthful, of course. Where’s the fun in making fun of a test if one doesn’t imply to have tried? 

Her seat - following several up and down tweaks - was comfortable enough for her spine. The place was a notch up from prison. ‘I wonder if the book calls it prison. ‘Rehab clinic’ sounds so much nicer on paper.’ A vile sneer adorned her cheeks.

In a sense, the naturally lit room was even more oppressive. It was a space someone could make their own, but so devoid of personality. Like a vacuum sucking out the soul, leaving only the skeleton. She wasn’t equipped to turn it upside down. Going to jail doesn’t involve packing one’s favorite pillows and bed sheets. 

Thinking on the ridiculous got her thinking about the name. What kind of name is Kung Fu Dino Posse? Who got to decide? The fact she never saw them run anything but the abbreviation said enough. And she had a nice reference book.

“The name for the KFDP was agreed upon, after early tests showed underwhelming results of human-made non-lethal weaponry on dinosaurs. Furthermore, the rules of psychology state that situation escalation is to be avoid is at all possible, and developing and openly using more powerful or advanced equipment would only foster distrust. As such, you are the forefront of the friendly smile that can shoot down conflict better than any manmade weapon.”

Her trash can was empty. However, she was unlikely to avoid filling it with generous donations if this book continued to write with the sweetness of a confectioner. 

Steeling her heart, she returned to the stack of papers. Part of her wondered what the limits were. There had to be a limit, right? Eyes drifted as she considered annoying him with a steep request... yet one doesn’t go to prison without learning the virtue of considering the consequences. 

A groan escaped her, as measuring tape went up and around herself. Never had she ever taken her sizes. Buying your own stuff at all times means you never even consider it. If it fits, it fits. For a moment, she wondered if she even knew what units were used on these things. 

The final page sprung out to her. It mentioned a few details on an advance paycheck to help cover personal decorations and stylings.

‘Wait.’

Her brain churned and crackled.

‘I get paid?’

Why didn’t anyone tell her she was getting a paycheck? It was a mystery that baffled her. Probably because it would make people say ‘yes’ too fast? She considered the options. For just long enough to remember the cool things she could buy. 

A quick scan revealed the papers to be boilerplate. Might explain things a bit. The usual codes and numbering said it, after all. And the fresh smell of ink, the reflective humidity. T-Rex came across as someone who lacked planning. Or perhaps he was busy? Then again, he was always on time at the parole hearings.

With her numbers filled in and out, her hands drifted to the bag. She didn’t have much. Some spare apparel, a few personal knickknacks. The room was so spacious she had to restrain herself from optimizing the fen shui. 

As she adorned the stark gray room, it was hard not to reconsider the details she entered for her uniform. It was a big deal. Who even made it? Why not standardize it? Felt like the whole thing was a kiddy-gloved circus. Except with real criminals. She knew the other end well enough.

Maybe it was just the district. Her old district’s KFDP was clearly more built to handle a bomb threat. The uniforms had more padding to them, and were designed to stand out yet blend in. 

She was going to look like a complete idiot, she knew it.

This had been true since the start, as she noticed there was a ruckus outside her room. She pushed her head against the door, listening in. One voice had the ringing sophistication of someone who could be described as stuck up. The other sounded more nasal and energetic.

Liz could work with professionals, stoic roughheads or even a lazy half-worker, but not a bunch of snotty kids. Though T-Rex never said how much younger they were, their voices said enough. Their banter said enough. The bragging said enough.

A few quick pulls and pushes later, she’d changed herself into something less... well T-Rex had a point. Orange did make her look paler than she was. If not that, it didn’t work as well as the few other things she had on her. Darker stuff, grayer stuff. 

It reminded her that she’d never considered how she was going to approach this. Snark to the big man, that was a given. What would she do with the rest? Try to foster comradery to avoid getting left behind under debris? 

Her head flooded with memories of the cold, stoic cool guys. And how completely insufferable they were. It made her feel mature to consider those things. Maybe that’d be her angle? The only who actually understands the situation? Didn’t even have to pretend on that angle.

She flicked the door open and hung herself over the railing. Odds were that she had something to say. But the sight of the others was too much. They looked absolutely ridiculous. 

[fanfic-collection]

Loki x Reader: Honeymooners pt 1

Gonna turn this into a multi chapter thing since it’s getting kinda long. The prompt about reader and Loki going undercover as honeymooners at a fancy honeymoon destination that I said I’d write forever ago but didn’t get around to

(So if you’re going under cover for anything, you’d probably want fake names, but I don’t want to make up fake names and I like using Loki’s name so yea...)

A loud ringing from your nightstand roused you from your deep sleep. Your eyes opened instantly, years of training instantly putting you on alert as you recognize a mission briefing call. "I'm here." You answered.

 "Agent, good, head up to the debriefing room," Mariah Hill's voice came through the speaker, "we have your next assignment."

You nodded, the last traces of sleep leaving you as you remembered she couldn't see. "Should I grab my partner?"

"Not yet, he's getting a debriefing packet but there's classified information we need to go over with you separately."

You raised an eyebrow. Loki, god of mischief, currently tasked with aiding SHIELD for glorified community service and thus your partner on most missions, would be debriefed separately? If you were working together, wouldn't the logical thing be to brief you simultaneously so any ideas the other had or questions could be addressed together? You knew better than to ask questions though, Mariah would just end up repeating her orders. "Understood, I'll be there in ten."

"Hurry, your transport leaves in two hours, everything you need is packed, so this debriefing has to be fast."

You sighed as she hung up, failure to plan on SHIELD's part always warranted an emergency on your part. Hopefully the travel time would be long so you and Loki could fill each other in on anything that had been missed. Still, something about separate briefings disturbed you. No sense in worrying about it now though, time was ticking and you still needed to shower.

Ten minutes later, you were rushing into the briefing room where Mariah sat at a long high-tech table, a TV screen displaying a mountain lodge behind her. "Recognize it?" Mariah asked, looking up as you entered.

You stared at the screen blankly, searching your memory. The lodge seemed familiar in a dreamlike way, but nothing truly stood out.

"Not sure, your history and all, but some little girls grow up planning their dream weddings and honeymoon vacations."

You frowned glancing between her and the screen. "I'd never really thought about it, I guess. Marriage might come some day, but I've had other things to worry about. Maybe friends planned their's..." You trailed off, not sure what she was getting at.

Mariah smiled, "don't worry, it's not a test, just was wondering if you recognized it. That's the location of your mission. 'Lover's Lodge, Honeymoon Resort', honeymoon destination of only the wealthiest and luckiest clients. It's such a destination resort that any who attend have to prove they've been married in the last 48 hours. Officially they prefer 24, but occasionally travel gets interrupted and they felt like expanding the inclusion list. Newlyweds plan their weddings around when there's space available here, very exclusive."

"I'll bet." You crossed your arms, not wholly impressed. Sure it was an interesting place to visit, presumably anyone lucky enough to be an actual guest would enjoy it, but that type of feather in your cap didn't particularly interest you, not when you'd been told of an impending mission and you were very much single. Sure you pined after a guy, but he was millennia out of your league and definitely didn't return the feelings. Plus with your busy work schedule, dating really had taken a back seat to your plans.

"So what's the mission?" You finally prompted.

Mariah blinked, "there's underground seismic activity. Gamma levels are off the charts. We have reason to believe a magical portal of sorts is open in an underground area. The lodge itself exists in a weird jurisdiction and since the portal is believed to be magic in nature, we need your partner to investigate it."

"Loki."

She nodded, "he's uniquely equipped to handle magical enemies and we don't particularly trust him to do anything solo. The god of lies title and history inspires a great deal of understandable distrust."

You shrugged, "fair enough. I trust him though."

"Which makes you uniquely suited to operate as his partner, as well as the other portion of this undercover operation."

You were starting to get a headache, she seemed to be hinting at something without daring to say the actual nature of what she meant. "So we're undercover as work staff?"

Mariah smiled thinly, "I was hoping you might've guessed... no, the owner needs to be investigated to see if he has any part to play in the operation of this portal and the background checks and period of time it would take to sneak you into the workforce would be far too long."

"So?" You prompted, mind not quite working.

"I need you to go undercover as guests. Far more freedom to move around this way."

You swallowed hard, mind reeling. "But guests have to be newlyweds..."

Mariah held up a sheet of paper. Warily, you took it from her, examining it carefully. There in crisp new letters, signed by the state of New York, lay your full name married to Loki Laufeyson. You looked up at her stunned, "what the hell is this?"

"Less than 48 hour old marriage license between you and Loki, thought that was clear. We have wedding pictures as well as several witnesses that can attest the validity of your wedding."

"You married me to Loki without either of us knowing?" No wonder they didn't want Loki in attendance, he was sure to be pissed.

"It's forged, but will fool the admissions there, we snuck a different couple in several weeks ago to make sure. You're going undercover as a newlywed couple, enjoying all the amenities and making sure to close that portal and if necessary, remove the owner from his position, assuming he is involved. Think of it as a working vacation."

"With an ornery god, you do know Loki isn't going to be pleased."

"It's a six hour car trip, you'll have plenty of time to warn him. And it's by limo, refrigerator and bar fully stock, all expenses paid."

"What if I refuse?"

"You'll be out of a job." Mariah glared at you.

Your eyes flashed, "I'm one of your most loyal and successful agents, one refusal and I'm out on the streets?"

Mariah sighed, "no, you'll be heavily reprimanded and demoted, pay cut and put on leave, but please, you're the only one qualified to do this, we need you."

"You need Loki."

"He won't work with anyone else, there's no punishment we can give him, all of it has to be willing. Even threat of returning to prison on Asgard hardly bothers him. Please, he seems to like you."

You grit your teeth, that was the bitter crux of it. That Loki considered you an acquaintance of sorts but would never share your feelings. To have to openly act as though you were madly in love with him, only to return to hiding your feelings would kill you. Worse, Loki would either pretend to go along with it and not see how badly it tore you apart each moment, or he would refuse because ultimately he couldn't even tolerate you as a friend. Nothing of this mission wouldn't end extremely painfully for you. "Fine, but I'm getting another more expensive vacation after this."

"It's practically a vacation already, other than the portal."

"And an obstinate Loki. That's the only way I'm agreeing." You crossed your arms.

"We'll take it up with Fury, no absolute promises, but I'm sure we can manage something."

"Good."

By the time your conversation ended, you were becoming pressed for time. You practically flew out of the room, rushing down the many stairs and out to the waiting limo that Loki sat in, already looking annoyed. His arms were crossed as he glared sullenly out the tinted windows, fingers tapping in time to some unheard beat. "Sorry," you panted, scrambling in beside him. A soft smile touched the corners of his mouth upon seeing you, "got held up with Mariah."

Loki nodded, "for a moment, I was worried they might send a replacement for you."

"Can't get rid of me that easily." You winked, settling in as the car lurched forward.

Loki nodded curtly, that smile once more returning. "I take it there's a reason we were informed separately."

"Oh yea, and you're just going to love it." Sarcasm dripped heavily from your tone and Loki raised his eyebrow curiously. Over the next hour you and Loki shared the various information regarding the specifics of the mission finally coming to the part you dreaded most.

"But all this could just as easily have been told together, why the separation?" Loki mused.

"It's our cover," you sighed heavily, lifting up the marriage certificate. Loki frowned, "I suppose I didn't think we'd spend long there." You shook your head, "part vacation since it's a resort and SHIELD is cheap, and we need to investigate the owner as guests. It's easier than getting us jobs apparently."

Loki squinted at the paper, "we're married?" He looked up at you and blinked.

You popped the cork off the bottle you'd been struggling to open, "only technically," you said taking a long swill. "It's a forgery but best in the business. Sorry to do that to you, only way they could think of apparently."

Loki shrugged, "I could think of worse covers."

You looked at him, mid drink. Slowly you removed the bottle, "really?"

"They could have placed me with a different agent, which would be insufferable."

You laughed, "yea, I guess." Still your heart ached, not sure how to vocalize your feelings.

Loki could see the sadness in your eyes but didn't seem to realize what caused it. "What if we made it into a competition?"

"A competition?" You repeated.

"Whoever appears the better and more in love spouse, the winner."

You winced internally but you knew you loved a good challenge. Almost unwittingly, you heard yourself answer, "you're on, I'm going to kick your ass at this."

"My love, that you could think to hurt me?" Loki placed his hand over his heart in shock.

You scowled, "you didn't say we started yet!"

"Fair enough agent."

"What's the loser have to do?"

"I'm sure I'll think of something." Loki smirked.

Scoffing, you retorted, "yea right, I'm going to win."

The car ride passed uneventfully, you and Loki having plenty of the finer details of the mission to discuss and plan. "So it's in a sort of mountainous area, built on a number of natural hot springs that make for quite the scenic hot tubs."

Loki pursed his lips, "perhaps we might skip the hot tubs?"

You stared at him blankly, "and sauna? I gather?"

Loki nodded, "I don't care for heat much." He trailed off, looking away. You didn't press him, but he had alluded to not tolerating heat in the past, perhaps this was related.

"It's built over an inactive volcano, I believe, dig deep enough and you'll find lava but no worries of eruption in my life time. At least that's what SHIELD's experts seem to think."

"Is that related to the portal?"

"More like a fun fact." You shrugged, "and a tram that can take guests down to the beach, only an hour's ride. Sunbathing could be fun."

Chuckling, Loki reached for his drink, "I'm sure the number of newlyweds enjoying the sunset will be amusing."

"Probably. The tram doesn't stop, every half hour all night. Midnight swims on a clothing optional beach." You swallowed hard, trying not to picture Loki partaking in that.

"They really are encouraging intimacy everywhere, aren't they?" Loki blinked, studying you.

The look he gave you was so intense, you found yourself turning away, if only to hide your blush. "Guess so. At least no one will check on whether or not guests do, right?" You forced a weak laugh.

Loki nodded thoughtfully, "that would be awfully invasive of them."

Sleeping with Loki, or rather sleeping with Loki had only briefly crossed your mind. It would be hard to get around not sharing a bed but two mature adults could handle that surely, but if anyone noticed? That would be the final nail in your coffin to fake sex with Loki just to maintain your cover, or real but wasn't mutually desired.

"Agent?" Loki prompted, pulling your mind back to the present.

"Meeting the owner might be challenging if he's behind the portal." You forced yourself to change the subject. "Though I believe he greets each couple personally during their stay, guess we'll have to meet as many couples as possible to increase our chances of running into him."

Loki sighed, resting his chin on his fist, "wonderful, socializing with mortals."

-

“Oh! Loki!” You paused, “I mean, darling look! We’re here I think!”

Loki straightened up, roused from his bored stupor and followed your pointing finger out the window. For the past half hour, the limo had been winding its way slowly upwards through a forested mountainside and it had at long last shown signs of nearing a massive resort. The picture Mariah had shown you really didn’t do the place justice for its size and splendor, anyone fortunate enough to visit would definitely have to pay a small fortune.

Loki chuckled at your pet name for him, “So we have, congratulations on our first day of marriage.”

You reached for your phone and opened it, noticing a barrage of pictures featuring you and Loki photoshopped into a number of wedding poses. It had been a small, private affair apparently, contrasting notably with the amount that would go towards the honeymoon but it was evidently about the two of you and no one else.

Loki leaned against you, staring down at the pictures. You could feel your cheeks heating in a blush at the close proximity, you had been this close before and managed to hide your feelings, why was it suddenly different? You silently admonished yourself.

“That’s a lovely dress,” Loki murmured, tilting his head to the side. His long hair brushed against your cheek and you fought back a shiver. “Somehow, I think the dress would look better on the actual you, not this model they chose.”

You furrowed your brows, surprised by the sincerity of the compliment. Opening your mouth, you looked up to ask him if he was acting or meant it but Loki’s attention was already back to the sprawling grounds of the resort. Your mouth fell shut and you stayed quiet.

The limo finally rolled to a stop, the door opening as the two of you scrambled out. Loki left first, turning around and offering you his hand to help you, placing a gentle kiss on it before allowing you to straighten up completely out of the car.

You closed your eyes, praying silently for patience, strength to make it through this mission, then slowly opened them and beamed at Loki. The flirtatious giggle came easy to you as you leaned forward and pecked his cheek. Loki stiffened for a moment, before sinking into your touch as though it were the most natural thing ever.

“Do you have the marriage license, love?”

“Right here, sweetie.” You giggled again, waving it for him.

Loki pursed his lips, eyes darkening, clearly not amused by the pet name. If you were going to suffer, dying for this to be real, you might as well punish Loki with cute names. A hotelier approached as the two of you stood there, no time to turn back now.