#he's manipulating us? but everything ends up fine if you side with him over orpheus

[ibuprofinator]

this is a long, stupid, rant about the emperor and shit that happens in act 3 of bg3. watch out.

i still don't fucking understand the timeline for balduran founding baldur's gate and him turning into a mindflayer. i think bg3 changed him into an elf from human? but even so, after turning into a mindflayer he should've died ages ago right??

okay, balduran erected the first wall of the city in the mid 1000s DR, so anywhere from 400-600 DR, and then vanished. wiki says it started to be known as baldur's gate in 446 but I haven't verified that by reading the source text. presumably he wasn't turned into a mindflayer RIGHT away after traveling to moonrise. so when the fuck did it happen?

lets, for a moment, take him at his word (since nothing in-game contradicts him here at all, and there isn't even a passive role to see if he's lying) and assume that moonrise towers was already in existence when he turned. lets also assume that the wiki is right in the sense it was built in the mid-1300s. which, eh, I don't think anything in the game says shit confirming its build-date, and there isn't really a ton of external stuff about it. it also feels older than that but I digress. balduran would've heard about the treasure and pursued it (again, taking the emperor's word) before the shadow curse which popped up in the 1390s.

it's unclear as to if he went there before or after ketheric turned to shar, so that puts it anywhere from 1350-1390. which is weird because he implies it was something cool he heard about and presumably was already abandoned. except moonrise was VERY much actively used by a lot of people until the shadow curse...but whatever. regardless, doesn't matter, because he'd be an ANCIENT elf by this point.

lets assume he's, max, 70 when he fucks off after building that wall around grey harbor. lets say he leaves in 450 DR. that puts him at 970 years old AT MINIMUM as of 1350. honestly, no matter what dates and age you choose that's in the ballpark of FR canon it's bad and unrealistic.

cool, sure, lets go with it and assume that he's that old because TECHNICALLY elves can live that long. despite the fact that they're typically community elders and/or weird hermits by that point if they haven't sailed west because their bodies are decrepit and they're not, you know, still adventurers. again, whatever. maybe he hung out in the astral for a few hundred years. no one fucking knows. for all we know he was sucking the cock of eternal youth for an extended period of time before getting bored and going to moonrise.

now, he gets captured and turned into a mindflayer. mindflayers live, on average, up to 125ish years. if he's 970 when he gets turned (which idk that they'd use someone that old for anything but food because that brain has GOT to be juicy and full of cool shit, but again: WHATEVER) in 1350 and was turned the same year, he would be a 142 year old mindflayer by the time of the game. which would be insane. he'd be in the illithid equivalent of hospice and it would be a bit weird for him to spend a bit of time in the astral considering the whole githyanki living there thing.

if we change it so he's turned at the tail end of when he could've been poking around moonrise, 1390, he'd be a 102 year old mindflayer which is old but not "you're on death's door" old. but that'd put his elf self over 1000 making all this even more unlikely. put him in a damn home either way. it makes more sense, imo, for him to have been turned AFTER the shadow curse is in effect but that contradicts the bullshit vision he gives you that isn't disputed anywhere in the game.

and also, WHEN does he escape? is it a short amount of time after he turns? before he turns (which would be insane since after a day or two you are not you anymore and it's too late for an extraction, also he'd be basically inert for the rest of his transformation)?

a lot of larian's timeline assumes that he's a Super Special Guy who, through the power of Sheer Determination and Will, overcame everything in his path, including retaining his entire mind and personality as a mindflayer without the help of netherese magic that altered the tadpole we were infected with in the game.

which, I guess you have to be something of a special guy in order to have a long term romantic relationship with a bronze dragon. so one point for balduran's gay ass, I suppose.

MY PROPOSITION TO FIX THIS CLUSTERFUCK OF DATES AND LARIAN'S WEIRD ATTEMPT AT SHOCKING THE PLAYER WITH A TWIST DURING WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WYLL'S QUEST WHILE ALSO MAKING IT SO HE ISN'T COMPLETELY LYING ABOUT BEING BALDURAN

the illithid colony under moonrise is ancient. like, crazy ancient and has remained intact for an indescribably amount of time. maybe it's had a few different elder brains over the years. doesn't really matter. it's old and there's a lot of history there.

balduran can still be an elf, larian is allowed to still have that change because you know recorded history is kind of muddled anyway. lets say he gets captured and turned in the colony under moonrise way earlier on in the timeline. exact year doesn't matter.

so he's turned, and because he has terminal main character syndrome the sheer force of his will makes the illithid born from his corpse basically him personality and memory wise. mindflayers, historically, hate other mindflayers who keep even small unintentional habits from their hosts life - viewing them as defective. even trying to hide it, he would've been ostracized from the community very early on which is when he would've escape.

lets say, though, that he had a very big impact on the local mindflayer community causing more to leave once they're outside of the elder brain's range and seek him out. small elder-brain-less cult pops up. eventually they eat balduran-illithid's brain and inherit his memories etc, effectively passing along his "spirit". this continues for a good chunk of time, potentially diluting it over time. one of them (maybe even the emperor!) runs into ansur who tries to cure him, and it ends like it does in-game. the emperor then sets up shop in baldur's gate and runs the knights of the shield.

I like this specifically because it kind of ties into what squidlach says at the party as to how she's essentially become a graveyard of memories for people who were terminally ill and is a way for both karlach and all these people to keep living.

MY REAL PROPOSITION TO MAKE THIS ALL MAKE SENSE

the emperor is just lying and thought balduran was cool and wanted to get ansur on his side, and when you ask him about it he just lies to you again because he's embarrassed and thinks being balduran would make you like him

WHAT I WISH THEY DID INSTEAD

the emperor never met ansur pre-game and he's being weird about it in the tunnels because he genuinely thinks it's a waste of time.

balduran turned into a mindflayer ages ago and killed ansur, but it was long enough ago that his mindflayer-self is long dead. and then, being a revenant (WHICH THE GAME NEVER EXPLICITLY SAYS HE IS, BUT IT FITS TO A T) ansur smelled illithid shit and set his whole body to kill immediately.

also if I got dates or lore or whatever wrong and you read all this pls lmk

[crystalrequiem]

The Voice that Urged Orpheus

[Part 4/8(?)] [TRC] Summary: Fai gets lost in thought and Kurogane asks him to share. Mistake. He has no idea what to do with all these feelings. Tags: Kuro/Fai, Canon Universe, Post-Canon, Warnings:  suggestive thoughts (nothing graphic), depression, dealing with trauma, so much fluff, Is it still slow-burn if they’re already in a relationship? because that’s basically what this is.

[Part 1] ... [Part 3]... [Part 5]

Hello again! Warning this chapter for Fai’s head messing with him, I guess.  To think, I thought I’d somehow get through this world in just two chapters.... >_> i figure if we’re lucky we’ve got 1-2 more in Chizeta.  I LIVE for your comments and tags, ya’ll. Thanks so much for all the love!

Caldina had advised they might find lodging with the Academy if Fai didn’t mind hosting a few lectures. He couldn’t tell how Fai felt about the suggestion, but with currency uncertain and little else to go on, it certainly sounded like a good deal. Of course, Kurogane figured they might have trouble given no one in their group could read anything in the local language, and he had no idea what bargaining for living space might entail…. He needn’t have bothered.

The Academy nearly bends over backwards to host their group. The instant someone spots them meandering into the library, they start begging Fai to demonstrate his enchantment on the cloak and everything snowballs from there. Before he knows what’s what, Fai has some sort of visiting scholar position and they’ve been put up in academic housing. The administration kindly arranges for them to take two bedrooms and a central living area—a complete if compact apartment. Honestly, much, much nicer than Kurogane could have hoped when they landed in the desert this morning.

Thick earthen walls cut the heat and will likely insulate against the chill of night. Intricately detailed window screens invite a lattice of rosy light into the room while the sun finishes setting. Soft, pillowy seating spaces and ceilings peppered with tiny glowing baubles he assumes must be magic. No food or place for groceries, but the school keeps a communal eating area and they’ve already discovered that no one has any compunctions about sharing.

Their rag-tag traveling family trails in to their borrowed room, tired by a long day spent touring the grounds and staring at all manner of spell work. Kurogane locks the sturdy, elaborately carved door behind himself as he steps through, feeling surreal and off-balance.

“—and did you see what they were doing with the gravity manipulation? I didn’t completely understand how it works, but it looked like they were making something like the flying carts from piffle!” He has no idea what to do with all this magic, or why he should care, but Syaoran takes to the academy like a duck to water. For as many differences between them, the kid and his double both share the same love of learning… He chatters to everyone who will listen at a mile a minute. They’ve barely scratched the surface of the library and labs today, but ideas seem to fill his every thought.

Something twists painfully in in Kurogane’s chest to watch him so excited—this sort of place is where someone like Syaoran belongs, if he wants. Not an endless, thankless journey through dimensions. The fact that they can come here probably means a lot to the kid, but he wishes they could do more. He wishes the first Syaoran could have made it here to see it. He just—

Needs to stop thinking about it like this. They’re doing what they can. Maybe if they make enough memories here, Mokona can find a way to return someday.

Eventually, Syaoran has to pause his latest stream of thought to yawn, and Fai steps in and suggests they all get some early rest.

“We have even more to do tomorrow, and you have plenty of lectures to look forward to.” The Kid and pork-bun bend to the logic of Fai’s argument with no complaints, already bleary-eyed as they wander away to investigate their own room with a quiet chorus of “good night.” Kurogane watches after them and distantly wonders whether he should have checked the place for traps before letting anyone get comfortable. He’s going too soft.

“Sheesh.” Fai flops bonelessly onto what he can only assume is some sort of lounge, his cloak fluttering as he drops.

“You’re not overdoing it, showing off all those spells, are you?” He tries to cast his worry in the form of a jab, but has a feeling Fai sees right through him when the mage just laughs. Blond hair twines over pale skin as Fai pushes a few whisping strands away from his only slightly burnt face and starts undoing the ribbon there.

“Not hardly. But the heat is a cruel and the days are long.” Something old and sad echoes in the way he looks away, the distant gaze and the slow fall of his arm, ribbon held tight. It’s lingered like a cloud around him since they arrived, ebbing and flowing amidst the excitement of the Academy.

Kurogane pulls his own, still-cool cloak off and tosses it right over his idiot’s head. “Hey!”

“I can hear you thinking too hard from here,” he grouches, sidling across the room to fit himself into the space at the end of the lounge. Fai struggles feebly to free himself from the fabric for all of a second or two before giving up. He stills and curls inward, adopting the cloak as another masking layer.

“Can’t hide anything from you, can I?” Muffled by fabric, his voice sounds more fragile than it should. …Maybe he’s pushing where he shouldn’t.

“Of course not. Aren’t you supposed to be the smart one? You’d think you’d learn better by now.” He tries to lead them back into the game and safer waters, but his lover doesn’t seem interested in following. Kurogane waits a beat for another silly quip, but Fai only grants him a muffled hum of agreement.

His brow furrows, worry multiplying. The longer the silence stretches, the less certain he feels. He tries to be patient, but the light streaming in from the screen begins shifting from sunset red to pale moon white all too quickly. The sounds of the world outside take on a hushed tone. Eventually he can’t take the quiet any more. Kurogane tuts with frustration. Reaching out for the lump of Fai buried in fabric, he pulls his cloak back and tosses it on the floor. The move leaves Fai’s hair a mess of static and fine strands.

“…I was using that,” the mage mumbles, gaze pinned to the ground. Kurogane doesn’t understand how one person can be so frustrating and so easy to love at the same damn time. He leans a little closer—lets his hand rest on Fai’s shoulder blade, tentative.

“Mage…”

“Oh, Alright Kuro-nosy!” The magician laughs even as he extols his annoyance. Beneath Kurogane’s fingers, tension slowly bleeds away until he leans into the touch. “But I warn you, it’s stupid. It hardly even matters. Just—nostalgia? Or—that’s the wrong word.”

It always matters, if it’s you, Kurogane thinks, but can’t bring himself to say. His inner monologue manages to distill that sappy mess down to a simpler, “If it bothers you, it matters,” and the phrase leaves him easily before he can dwell too long. Fai smiles—that old, bittersweet grin. Another fracture ripples through the surface of his heart at the sight.

“It’s so strange, being here, you know? I’ve studied magic before obviously, but—I’ve never seen anywhere like this.

“Free food and community and using magic to help each other—it’s… I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop—for something horrible about this world to come to light just to make it make sense.” Well, he can relate to that. He doesn’t see how it has anything to do with nostalgia though—

“Things have been too easy here,” he agrees. He takes a second look at the delicate window screens, noting how easily they might be kicked in. Do the kids have one in their room? Should they all bunk in the living area to stay in one place? He figured he was just paranoid, but if Fai feels it too— “Should we set up a watch, do you think?”

The mage blinks at him from his side in open confusion before his words fully register. Fai laughs, quiet and fond and at what, Kurogane has no idea but he welcomes the sound.

“Sorry! That’s not what I meant. I’m not explaining it right. This world seems fine, honestly. That’s part of what bothers me.”

“I don’t think I get it.” He frowns, trying to tune his alert instincts back down. Fussing with Fai’s mussed hair helps. He combs through it with his fingers and Fai seems content enough to let him, leaning towards his hand with every pass. Their positions shift until they sit pressed close at the thigh, side by side. Fai’s eyes slip closed and Kurogane watches the tiny shifts in his expression as he decides to try explaining again.

“There was a royal college of magic in Valeria. I can’t remember the specifics or how it worked but I do remember… we used to pretend we would go there and learn one day when we grew up.”

Oh. Nostalgia, he’d said, and Kurogane hadn’t managed to piece it together. He sees it now—the barest corner of what pains Fai, and protective worry stirs in him like a beast pacing at the bars. “Obviously, it never would have happened, but it gave us something to hope for—made us excited about something. We stole books from the library and taught each other whatever we could… Stupid, in the end. It only made things worse for us when the sovereign found out.”

“Fai…”

“Then in Celes, there was a Wizard’s guild, but I learned mostly from Ashura-ou and his library. And that was… good. I thought. But it wasn’t really, was it? I was just fooling myself. What happened… happened. Any memories I made were poisoned by the idea that he only ever meant to use me as a method of suicide, and I just keep thinking—I don’t know.

“This place is too perfect—it’s too… kind.”

Kurogane’s combing stills as he listens. He cradles the back of Fai’s neck instead, palm of his hand pressed to nape, as he tries to put his thoughts back to rights. He’s never been described as overly-empathetic, but the shadow of Fai’s hurt echoes in him all the same, sitting like a stone at the pit of his stomach. He wants more than anything to help ease its burden. He wishes he had some idea of how.

“Sorry. I told you it was stupid.”

“It isn’t,” he insists, but Fai’s self-derision is a stubborn foe. He huffs with frustration—he just wants Fai to know, somehow that this matters… that he matters. “The Manjuu might need one more day to recharge, but we can dodge at the first possibility. If this place bothers you, we can find something else.”

“No, It’s fine. Syaoran loves it here, and I’ll get over it, I’m just…. Memories are…” He casts a hand through the air, fluttering, as if that will describe it. It does, sort of, make a little sense. Kurogane sighs and leans forward far enough to press his brow to Fai’s.

To think. Not so long ago that Fai would never have been able to explain such a thing—wouldn’t have felt comfortable saying a word of it. They’ve built something better—stronger for all they’ve been through together and Kurogane longs to express that. Just—soon. Maybe not now. Not when he knows there’s already a lot going on in the mage’s head.

Fai leans in those last few inches and plies a soft kiss at the corner of Kurogane’s mouth before retreating. He wants to chase the sensation, but the look on Fai’s face stops him. “You, this place… I keep waiting for someone to tell me it’s all been a dream. It’s hard to believe something this nice exists—that I can have it without ruining it.” He can’t tell whether Fai means the world of the Academy, or what they have together. He doesn’t think Fai knows either.

“Hey—” he starts, utterly unsure of how to continue. Fai meets him with shaky breath and a wry smile.

“People like me don’t deserve nice things, Kuro-sama.” The mage says with utter certainty, no trace of doubt in his mind, and it kills Kurogane to hear.  

He wants to be angry—to shout Fai’s ridiculous ideas of his own worth away, but he’s tried that. It won’t do anything in the end. He holds tighter instead, slides his hand just a little higher to cradle Fai’s thick skull. He wants to fix it—prove him wrong—give him worlds and worlds full of beauty just to show him.

You’re wrong, he wants to say, but he knows his idiot won’t listen. “I don’t care what you deserve,” he says instead. They’re close enough that he can feel Fai’s breath when the mage laughs this time, sad and tired.

“I know.”

Somehow those exhausted words in the dark feel like the start of a victory.