#he's just very very tired from working on our current case rn. because that shit takes a very long while

[twokantonianlawyers]

rOTOMBLR HELP WHAT DO WHEN PARTNER IS SLEEPILY CLINGING TO YOU LIKE A VENOMOTH HEEELP (GOOD THING) -Ryuunosuke

[izzy-b-hands]

London By Night, Chapter One

The sequel to You Send Me! Freddie and our FtM trans reader finally home in London, with a bit of time to spend before the 1979 European tour begins!

And yes, another Sam Cooke song as the title. I’ve got a theme going now lol. 

NSFW right away in this one, just a moment of it. There’ll be more later, I promise lol.

A note that I did touch on a sore point in my own life, re: alcohol for comfort around family. It’s just a brief short paragraph, but I wanted to note it so it doesn’t come as a triggering surprise for anyone (even writing it made me want a drink, tbh, but I’m trying really hard not to lean on drinking rn for comfort of any kind.) 

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“So?” 

Despite the long, turbulent flight, Freddie was smiling at you. 

“I like it.” 

He laughed, and motioned for you to follow him down the airport halls. “Just from here, you’re certain?” 

You nodded. “It’s...busy. Really busy. Busy enough no one seems to give a shit who we are or what we’re doing. I never got that back at home.” 

“No, certainly not,” Freddie tutted, and you knew he was thinking on how the trip back to your home town had been less than ideal. He’d been recognized more than once, and not always treated kindly as a result. It had made an already not fun trip even harder to deal with, and now it made you all the happier to finally be in London. 

“I am sorry about all that mess,” you sighed as you tried to keep up with Freddie, slipping around crowds of people, ignoring the heads that turned at hearing Freddie’s voice. “They could have at least made Christmas and Boxing Day decent...” 

“Don’t even think on Christmas again; we don’t need to remember that,” Freddie said, reaching back to tug you through a particularly rough thicket of people. “As far as I’m concerned, our memories were fortunately wiped of that day. We know they existed, and that we lived through them, and that’s all we need to know.” 

You nodded. “That’s probably for the best.” 

It had been a shit show, frankly. You grandparents had certainly not been sick to death, only struggling through some difficult colds, and couldn’t figure out why your mother had demanded you home. As fantastic as it had been to know they were fine, it meant the holiday had gone as “usual” for your family, which meant tears, tantrums, complaining, at least one person stomping off mid-way through present-opening, and you working to drink yourself into a stupor to get through it. 

If it hadn’t been for Freddie, you might have drank yourself blind, but thanks to his bright idea of getting away from it all under the guise of ‘showing him about town’, there was some escape. 

“I do want to remember the park,” you said as you followed him to a waiting car. “That was a good few hours, and at least the day we spent in New Orleans was lovely.” 

That had been your last day in the States, and where you had flown out from to London. It hadn’t been nearly long enough, but for a moment of refreshment and happiness, it had been good. 

He smiled. “Those parts we should remember. Everything else, forget it. And if my family asks-” 

“We had a perfectly fine holiday and my family are definitely not the weirdest near-psychopaths you’ve ever met,” you chirped as you tried to arrange yourself and your luggage in the backseat of the car. 

He rolled his eyes as he joined you. “I don’t know about psychopaths...manipulative and self-centered, for sure.” 

“Either way, your parents don’t need to know about that,” you said, and started to lean in for a kiss, then stopped. 

The driver watched you both via the rear view mirror, a scowl on his face. 

“Just a random driver hired,” Freddie whispered, shooting you a glance that read ‘be careful.’ “Not one of our usual employ.” 

You nodded, and sat back in your seat, watching the scenery of the city flash by as the driver sped down the streets. 

“Still like it?” 

“I do,” you replied. “I’ve always wanted to live in a bigger city. I can’t wait to go out and see it, any of it. Even just your garden!” 

“No garden yet, unfortunately,” he sighed. “But soon. I’ve got my eyes on a few nicer places, and now that I have the money-” 

He shrugged. “Why put off living somewhere decent, hm? Not that there’s anything wrong with a flat, I mean, only-” 

“Not everyone wants to live in a flat forever,” you interrupted. “I know I wouldn’t. And how long have you all been struggling to find and afford nicer housing? You deserve it, all of you, to be in something better. You’ve worked hard for it.” 

“You’ll still find the current flat impressive?” 

“As long as it’s yours, yes, I will,” you giggled. “Am I to assume mine is just as good?” 

“Of course,” he said. “With all the room a one bedroom can give you.” 

“In other words...” 

“Don’t have too much stuff, and don’t ever actually look at how ‘big’ it is,” Freddie sighed. “If you can manage that, you can pretend you don’t feel like an insect trapped in a jar.” 

The car pulled up in front of a frankly beautiful building, and you followed Freddie out of it and to one of the doors into it. 

“Now, I should let you know,” Freddie started. “We’re actually still waiting on the current tenants to finish moving out of your place, apparently. I don’t know all what happened, John has more details since wrangling this all went through our office, but in the meantime I thought you could...” 

He stopped, and for a minute you saw one of his other sides, the shy Freddie that hung back at times during parties, happy to stick to you and the rest of the guys and be open and fun with you, but less interested in immediately pulling any spotlight towards him. 

“If you want to, I should say. I mean, I don’t know where else you’d go, and I really should have told you this sooner, and I apologize for not doing that and-” 

“Love?” you interrupted him. “If what you’re trying to say is that I’m staying with you, then I’m thrilled.” 

He grinned. “Good. It’s a bit tight, of course, since it’s usually just me. But it’s a roof over your head, at least.” 

It was small, but it was beautiful. Decorated gorgeously, with various bits and pieces you were sure Freddie had picked up in the market. Despite how little time there would be to spend there before the next tour would start, it felt like a home. 

“Mary is just nearby us as well,” he said. “We’ll have to pay her a visit in the time we’ve got.” 

“It goes fast, doesn’t it?” 

He nodded grimly, taking your luggage from you, only to toss it by his in the bedroom. “We’ve got till...ah, I should check and make sure I’m remembering right. Seventeenth of January, I think?” 

“Think that’s it,” you mumbled, walking back to the bedroom to search your bags for your copy of the upcoming itinerary. 

“You’re the first one I’ve brought in here that hasn’t immediately started snooping around like you own the place,” Freddie was behind you suddenly, and you turned from your bag to look up his long legs. “And the first one I didn’t have to prompt to take off your shoes in the house. I appreciate that.” 

“You know my family some now,” you said. “They don’t let shoes on in the house either. I’m in no rush to pick up wearing them in as a habit either. And this is your room, I’m just crashing here. It would be wrong of me to start...god, just going through your things? What is wrong with people?”

He shrugged. “I’ve asked the ones that did rifle about my wardrobe and closet, but none have ever had a good answer for that.” 

“Well,” you said, and stood up, draping your arms around his shoulders. “I won’t be doing anything of the sort. If I should need to find something, I will be asking you, thank you very much.” 

“Your mother raised such a polite boy,” Freddie sighed. “Shame she isn’t more proud of that.” 

You winced, as the memory of your mother’s cold reception of you and Freddie during your time home came rushing back. “Let’s not think of her anymore. Not now. Not until the next American tour, maybe.” 

“As you wish, my prince,” he said, and grinned at your blush. “I think I’m going to keep calling you that. Look at you!” 

The nickname had come about after a long night in your hometown, trying to be quiet after you’d sneaked into the guest room your mother had insisted Freddie stay in. You had talked long about how the chance to move finally, and with him to London no less, made you feel like a prince in a fairy tale. Finally found by the rest of the kingdom, ready to take your proper place on the throne. Even if, in this case, the throne was merely being able to be with Freddie and continuing to work for Queen. 

“You can’t call me that in front of the guys,” you giggled. “They’ll have a field day with it.” 

“No, I won’t use it in front of them,” Freddie agreed. “But that’s because it’s just for us.” 

“I like that.” 

“As do I,” Freddie said softly. “Now, what if we show you around the place a bit?” 

You frowned slightly. “I mean...I don’t want to be rude, Freddie. But from stepping in, you can see-” 

“You’ve not had a tour of the bed yet,” Freddie interrupted with a cheeky smile. “Or should I make you wait for that? Shall I create more stops on the tour first? Maybe we ought to head out to a pub first, wander around and let you explore. Then, if we have time, we could tour the bed.” 

You pressed yourself against him, and kissed him hard. To make up for the interrupted kiss in the car, for the many kisses you had to hold back while in your home town. 

He kissed you back just as hard, but he let you down gentle onto the bed, and watched you yawn. “You should sleep.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“You say that now, but have you ever traveled out of the States?” 

You shook your head. 

“Your body needs to catch up to the time change,” Freddie said. “So tell you what. We’ll save the in-depth tour for sometime tomorrow. For now, let me give you the quick tour of the bed.” 

You watched as he stripped off his shirt, unbuttoned his trousers and tossed them in a corner of the room once they were off. His eyes followed your hands as you undressed yourself, and you wanted to yell at yourself for being as tired as you had tried to pretend you weren’t. 

“Here,” he murmured, and motioned for you to lay back on the bed. “Rest.” 

Your hands roamed his shoulders, taut and strong, as he moved over you, then against you, his lips at your neck.

And then a yawn. 

“Is my tour guide going to fall asleep on me, literally?” you giggled. 

He pressed his forehead against your shoulder. “Possibly.” 

You moved gently, until you were both laying side by side, hips close, legs intertwined. Your head rested against his shoulder, and you begged your eyes to stay open. 

But it was as if the chance to finally rest, to not be traveling, running, doing, constantly had flipped a switch. There was no fighting it, especially as you listened to the slowing of Freddie’s breath, his arms around you dead weight as he slept. 

You stared down the clock for a bit, just visible on the bedside table when you looked past Freddie, until your eyes shut again. 

[findsomeoneelse]

       This might be a very angsty thing to say but I kind of legit hate my dad. He complains all the time that my brother (who i think probably has depression or something rn) and I don’t help him around the house but 1) when we do he’s a huge asshole, literally calls me retarded all the time bc he’ll verbally tell me like 10 things in a row to do and my ADD ass can’t remember it like that and he often  threatens me as well (and there have been incidents with physical violence between him and me). 2) gives us the most useless and asinine tasks i.e. vacuuming a BRICK PATIO or WASHING ROCKS. 3) will ask us when it’s convenient for HIM, my brother and I are 20 and 21 and have either a job or school and for a while I was doing both. 4) he is NEVER satisfied no matter how much we do. 

        And concerning the physical violence shit I have so much pent up feelings about it. As far as I know he’s never come after my brother like that. He may have hit my mom before but I’m not sure. I just know that once they got into a bad argument or something bc he was being really loud bc of a football game and then suddenly my mom was crying (she doesn’t cry a lot) grabbed us kids and went to our grandma’s. He’s also kicked every dog we’ve ever had, literally drop kicked one through a small tree bc it chewed the blinds and then left him outside to run away while he took off to who knows where to sulk. But my point is he has NEVER treated my brother the way he has treated me and it shows. My brother gets away with avoiding so much work and a fuck-ton of lying. My dad almost never invades his space or commandeers his stuff. I’ve almost failed several big school projects in the past bc he’d randomly decide to punish me or that his stupid yard work was more important and that it was my fault for not accounting for his random chores. 

         I literally keep a bug-out bag in my car and a knife by my bed bc of him. I spent my entire junior and senior years of high school with a stomach ache every single day and horrible insomnia from anxiety bc if he wasn’t threatening me with violence he was talking about kicking me out of the house for no real reason. His response to my worsening mental health was to make jokes or just ignore me when I managed to finally muster up the determination to say something. If my mom hadn’t taken action and helped me get help I’d most likely be dead now. I’m still trying to rebuild my self esteem that he destroyed. Then years after I was on medication (that he was opposed to and mocked, my mom was the only one on top of that) and doing better he had the fucking audacity to ask me about how I was doing. Me being like 16 yrs old I lacked the vocab to say that I feel that he forfeited the right to ask me those things so I just shrugged it off.

          He insults and mocks every friend I have in some way shape or form. He also once told me that some older friends I was extremely close to at the time would eventually get tired of hanging out with an annoying little kid so I should get used to them not being around bc they would leave me. I mean he was right about that, and they were pretty toxic for me but that was really fucked up and I’ll never forget it.

          I finally have a good romantic relationship now, with a boy surprisingly, and he’s so sweet to me. Every time he tells me anything remotely kind I almost fucking cry bc I immediately assume he’s lying or somehow delusional. We had our first sort of disagreement, it wasn’t even that big a deal he had just made a few jokes that had upset me, but I was so terrified to bring it up and was so ready for a fight that when he simply apologized for his behavior and promised to correct it I immediately broke down in tears of relief. I’m so terrified for him to meet my dad bc I don’t want him to belittle and invalidate us, or try and take away all our privacy in a weird attempt at policing my sexuality (he has tried something like this in the past with my brother). I’m also so scared my boyfriend will just assume my dad is a normal nice guy and that I’m crazy, bc my dad is good at appearances. We’re well-off but honestly the only reason my brother and I ever see any of that money is bc of our mom, she handles the finances (and p much everything else around here). 

        That’s another thing I hate is that bc I turned out okay everyone assumes he must be a good parent. I had to work so fucking hard to become who I am now DESPITE him NOT because of him. I had to work so hard to become a kinder person, and learn to motivate, comfort, advocate, take care of myself. I’m an intelligent person (at least i’ve been told I am) bc I work to teach myself, both in school and life. I had to learn all my emotional intelligence and social skills myself. I’m working to make my life good and full of the love I never felt from him and to a slightly lesser extent my mom. I’m still working at it. Which is why I’m just as afraid that he’ll be accepting of my relationship and be “proud” or whatever. Thinking he raised a confident and smart daughter. That he has any right to be a voyeur to my happiness or take any credit for it.  

      I work hard so work through so many issues he caused in me on my own. I work so hard to keep myself from sabotaging my current relationship bc I feel unworthy or like it will just vanish. I still can’t fully grasp that this boy could genuinely like me and feel like I’m worthy of his time and effort bc of how stupid and ugly my dad has made me feel my entire life. I have so many things I want to tell my SO but in the moment feel like I physically cannot get the words out for fear of looking stupid when he finally leaves me. I still have so many walls up with him and I really don’t want to but I can’t get them down bc I’m so fucking scared despite all the evidence he’s given me that he cares about me and just wants to know me. It’s honestly incredible how just having someone like him has changed me for the better. He makes me feel smart and capable, like I can have the life I want. He doesn’t see any of the shit my dad seems to see in me and hate. Like fuck the fact that I only seemed to need one stable and loving relationship in my life to succeed really says something I think. 

       I hate feeling like I can’t talk to my own parents, well mostly my mom, but they really make it impossible. My dad bc you never know what will piss him off or if he even gives a shit and my mom bc she will probably tell him whatever you tell her. I have other adults, my aunt (my mom’s older sister) and uncle (tho he’s a newer addition to the family, they married last year.) but I’m so scared to talk to them in case they slip up and let stuff slip to my parents. My aunt also just doesn’t Get a lot of things like mental illness so she can invalidate ppl and be mean. She does encourage me a lot tho, more than my parents EVER have. 

      My SO doesn’t have much of an idea of my relationship w my family other than it seems strained and we barely talk despite all living together. He sometimes half-jokingly tells me I should spend more time with them or make an effort too, and I don’t tell him that I’m not the one who fucked that up for us. I try not to talk about any of this with him yet, and I honestly don’t know when a good time is or how to go about it. He’s gotten little hints here and there before I change the subject. He has a relatively big family that he regularly spends time with, so I don’t know if he’d understand all this. His dad is a little similar to mine in the sense that he always seems to have weird projects around the house that he drags them into but it doesn’t seem like he’s violent. I honestly don’t know what to say about the physical abuse. I’m so scared of how he’ll react. I’m scared he’ll brush it off, I’m scared he’ll get super concerned or angry for me. I just don’t want it to change how he sees me. People seem to get the impression that I’m confident and that I don’t take shit, and it makes me feel so embarrassed that I let myself be pushed around by my dad.

      If anyone actually reads this post and has suggestions for talking to an SO about this stuff (especially in the case of an abuser being good at manipulation/gas lighting) let me know any suggestions you have. I thought by this point in this rant I’d have some sort of clarity but I don’t really. My dad has been slightly better the last year or so, since we moved to a new house that’s bigger and we’re on opposite sides of it. After one of his worst outbursts (at the beginning of my senior year) I gave him a book about male abuse in an attempt at confrontation but I doubt he read it. He’s been better but I can’t let go of all these feelings. Older people tell me that eventually I’ll forgive him and move on but I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want him to just get away with treating us like garbage. Maybe that makes me petty and childish but I am barely 20 so. It be like that. Might make a separate post about my brother might not. I love him but dudes got issues rn.

[gayneral]

All those flowers, my dude

First of all thank you for asking, this will be longAlso as this took me almsot two weeks already I took the liberty of leaving some queastions out so I wouldn’t take even longerSince this was answered over a longer time span some questions that are aimed at certain days may be slightly outdated (ed what are u wearing today and such)

Alisons: Sexuality?I’m gay my dudes

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?He/Him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?My Birthday is in June

Anemone: Favorite flower?This is gonna sound lame as fuck but I rly like roses, red ones in particular

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?I can’t choose but here are some favorites:

Peaky Blinders, I’ve watched this one so often,,, Cillian Murphy was what got me into it and I stayed for beautiful scenes and atmosphere and the gang drama

Gotham, Let’s be honest, the best thing abt dc are their villains (also suuuuper into Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office, i like these because they are easy, nice and satisfy my need to have something running in the background while I’m at home. (Also insanely sweet in the case of BB9)

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?One I still remember strongly is from two boys kissing “you should all live to meet your future selves”

Also many of the poems by keaton st james deeply resonate with me so check those out (most are religious-ish just in case that’s a no no for you)

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?I gotta be boring and say water

I like hot chocolate and a special kind of peach tea and some soda I drank in brazil but water,, yeah I drink that most,, love hydration

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?I am, right now, at this very moment

Baneberries: Favorite song?I can’t give you an all time favorite so here’s a random favorite I currently like listening to: Sedated by Hozier

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.My family is not very big and actually hasn’t been a family for a very long time. Namely it’s my dad, my sister, my grandparents, my dads wife, her son, our dog and I. I have never experienced family in my youth so sometimes when I’m with them it’s all very odd. And sometimes it’s stressful. But it’s the first time I actually miss family when I’m alone at home, far away. I speak about my father and my grandparents further below but my sister is very sweet and I’m pretty protective of her, she and I get along a lot better now than before which is a common trait as ull see later.

We often take care of things, and are probably the most planning of the family. My dad’s wife is very good to talk to, having a very different perspective from my own and will always offer up advice. Her son is currently in pirperty and more interested in playing fortnite than anything which makes for some explosiveness at home. Our dog is cute and perfect that’s it.

Begonia: Favorite color?I like blue tones, but a dark, rusy kind of red is cool too

Bellflower: Favorite animal?Dogs Dogs Dogs. By far my favorite animal, they fill my heart with joy. Next up, Giraffes, funny big boys

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?Morning I think, I definitely work best early.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?I actually never really had a dream job as a child. Not that I remember at least.

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?While I generally ain’t a big fan, like I’m someone very based on conversations so obviously that’s hard w kids. I am growing more to them. I’m far from wanting one but I think children are special in their.. Like innocence. They are beyond all the bitterness and hatred that we adults have. If only parents would be better lmao

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?I’m afraid of many things. Change for example. And failure. I think that might be because being perfect was important when I grew up and whatever I did it was never enough to my mother especially. Perhaps that has become so deep rooted that I tell myself I can not fail, which makes me very nervous and makes me worry too much.

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.I spend lots of time on building sites and in hardware stores because my grandparents have houses and my parents often would work there too.

Buttercup: Relationship Status?Single

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?God I don’t know, I think it’s probably when I’m with someone I care about and it’s easy and light and fun and I feel comfortable and they tell me that they like being around me, or that I made them happy with something.

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?Nope,wanted to have some but money and shit

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  I have my ears pierced, but it’s the earlobes so the most basic thing

California Poppy: Height?  I insist on 1,70 at least, I will not accept being under that.

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?In a way, yeah

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?My new boots, black pants, winter coat, black jacket, a blue button up and a lord of the rings shirt underneath. Obviously underwear

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?When I was a child for sure

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?A person from school, who’s also in fashion design, but a few years above me that I got to know bc of cosplay.

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?My Ex

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?God idk, I like oldish looking ones, elegant ‘n stuff

Columbine: Are you tired?Nah, actually not rn

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?Sam visiting me in March

Coneflower: Dream job?I’m not sure, definitely something w sewing but idk if I wanna go theater or my own things

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?Yeh

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Very very far

I’d say I’m pretty damn loyal and also give myself up easily even without noticing. If someone has my love and my loyalty they have my everything basically. Would I commit a terrible crime? I don’t know. Would I be real mean to someone or punch them? Yeah, if it’s reasonable w the situation I would (would it be affective? Not sure)

Give myself up? If we’re thinking real dramatic..maybe yeah

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?Gemini

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?Funny or stupid things? MaybeOtherwise honourable stuff, i don’t think so, i don’t view my actions like that.

I mean I survived, that’s pretty cool

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?Above mentioned survival. Which includes making it out of my mother and her boyfriends abusive grip and household. Moving away. Being true to myself. Dragging myself out of the hole I had fallen in for a while. Getting close w my dad and family. Believing more in myself and stopping things that are not good for me. Getting an apprenticeship that I like. Moving forward in life

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?If it’d be my dad I’d sit down with him and ask him why exactly. I have had a relationship before in which I did not see how badly I was treated/ that I basically searched someone like my mother. So I’d listen, perhaps to prevent from making the same mistake again. If it turns out it’s nothing reasonable I think I’d tell him that I will pursue the relationship anyway and ask him to respect that and be as nice as possible to my partner.

If it’d be my mother.. No surprise she doesn’t even like me and honestly I wouldn’t give a shit.

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?Did I say it? Not sure but written it in a letter, it was Sam

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?If my grades speak for themselves it’d be my apprenticeship, or like idk working hard about something I enjoy. I take this very seriously and give it everything I can. I’ve been told I’m good at talking, not sure if that’s true

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?I’m envious. It’s not that far that I am not happy for people, I think i generally have it under control but sometimes it gets the best of me and fills my stomach with nasty emotions.

Also saying stop. I do a lot for people, and I’ve been prone to letting people use and step on me for too long xnot standing up for myself

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?The past month was actually absolutely terrible so not much to find here.Uhm..the bad thing that happened got our family closerI spend Christmas and new years w my familyI got amazing gifts and letters from my friends

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?Stressful. I worked on my semester project and I feel like hardly anything worked

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?I’m moving towards a happy place. But I’m definitely doing a lot better already

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?Finish my apprenticeship, surgery, be able to make my own money so I don’t have to rely on my dad so much (he does enough for me already) and so I can get more distance between my mother and I

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?In no particular order

1. Dogs, god whenever I see a dog I’m happy because they are so cute and loyal,,,,,,,

2. probably everyone and their dog says this but my friends, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. They helped me through terrible times in my life, are a constant source of love and joy to me.

3. my family. Since I didn’t have that for a long time I cherish it even more now that I do. It’s amazing to have a family that supports you behind you. I’m super grateful for everything they’ve done for me

4. the possibility to do the apprenticeship that I want to. it’s not always easy,,,I lack the money lmao but I’m so grateful that I can do this, because it makes me feel like I’m actually worth something in the working,adult world. I’m good at this

5. music. I listen to it so often, I can’t imagine not having music

6. sunshine, there’s something wonderful about going outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, when it’s spring and winter has just gone by and you just have to smile because everything is bright and you’re surrounded by light

7. myself. Listen I dislike myself as much as the next guy but I’m working on appreciating myself and I am insanely proud of myself for coming as far as I have come. I don’t let myself feel it very often but having myself, it’s a good thing. I know my younger self would be very happy knowing that I did all those things for us.

8. something that makes me happy is creating, might it be art, or sewing or writing, anything really. It’s a pain in the ass and frustrating at times but I love looking at something knowing I did this, finishing it. And then looking back at it later and seeing how far I’ve come again

9. playing video games. It’s just fun to lose yourself in a story sometimes.

10. Christmas Markets. I don’t like Christmas itself. But I love the Markets, it’s the atmosphere of it. The food smells amazing and there are all those lights and there are kids with actual shining eyes because they see Christmas so magical and they are in awe by all the lights and honestly I feel the same awe sometimes when I’m on those Markets

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  Hardly anything lmao. Listening to music. Distracting myself with either talking to someone or playing/watching something. Tho that often makes me feel guilty on the long run. What helps if stress is overwhelming me is writing down what it is that is stressing, like making a list and trying to untangle the mess, looking at what I have to do one by one

Hellebore: How do you show affection?Since I’m A  big fan of honesty I usually just say it. I like to tell people when I get some emotion. Like just telling them that I appreciate them. I think it’s nice to just be told that sometimes. Besides that I do things, like I’ll send anon messages or offer help just assisting somehow. Like not always outright having them know it’s me,like affection from afar. And well I’m helpful when I care abt someone especially, like “I can do this for you”

And being super openIt’s not alway clever as experience has shown but to me offering up things about myself means trust means affection in a way. Like giving a part of myself to someone. lmao

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?Making it to this point, I wasn’t in a very good state just a bit ago. But with the help of my friends and family I made it out of it. I have an apprenticeship I enjoy, I have my own flat, I have something to stand up for again. I can appreciate myself some more. I was able to see toxic relationships i was in and get away from them and not let myself be guilted but seeing them for what they are and acknowledging that while I am not a saint it doesn’t mean that I have to accept any treatment. I stood up to my mother, even if just a bit that was a huge step for me.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?I barely had  any of it recently so I can very much put what I want to do. Which would be drawing. I haven’t done that properly in so long and I miss it. Like both sketching stuff on paper but mostly full pictures, sketching, lining and colouring somethin. Having a full art piece at the end. Also Play Games. And talk to my friends. Haven’t had a nice hour long convo with Nina or Charlotte or Sam in ages and I hate that.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?That’d be Charlotte and Nina

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?I would hide away in my room and imagine. Invent stories, characters, anything to distract me from how unhappy I was. I would act them out in my head when I laid in bed so I could sleep.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?I did not treat someone that I care about very well a few years ago, I didn’t give them the honesty they deserve. I was an asshole. Even if we spoke about it, I still feel very bad about it.

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?Indulging. When I have things to do but take a break I always feel super guilty for not doing anything.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?It seems it comes from the Roman name Julianus, and was the name of a pangan Roman Emperor as well as a name of saints. Sometimes meaning youthful which fits because I look like a baby

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.I grew up in a big city in Germany. Very busy City with high buildings and no time. I lived in a flat when I was very young, a room with big windows where I’d sit and look out ot. Then we moved into the house my dad still lives in. Where houses were built in rows and more people knew each other, I’d walk home and pretend to not see them as to not have to speak to them.

Then I moved in a beautiful flat in a more busy part of the city, with a bookstore in the same building and a supermarket right down the street. My hometown is best described in the colour grey. I dont think it very pretty if I’m honest.Still its full of memories and not half as bad

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?Talking about the one in the house. Light peach coloured walls. Small but with big windows to look out of. An old wooden bed in front of one Window, and even older Closet next to the door, already so old that it had been ancient when my dad had been young. A desk in one corner at the other side of the room, above it shelves filled with books, little trinkets on the windowsills. Cabinets filled with paper full of secrets. Posters on the Walls and a round mirror that I hated looking into when I was young.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  God no. I have repressed most of my younger years. My teenage years were filled with confusion and self doubt. I was a mess, I hated myself, not knowing who I was. And then knowing but being shamed for it, hiding away and keeping my head low to survive. Pushing myself to the limits and clinging to the thought that I could escape at age 18

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.My Mother and I are not on good terms. I’ve spend countless of years desperately attempting to please her, hoping for love or anything close to it. I was constantly let down by her. My mother is someone that I fear I’ll never understand, adapting to the men that she is with. Claiming to have reached compassion and selflessness while being the opposite. Acts childish and has never accepted or supported me. Now attempts to lure in my sister whom I fear for as she’s always wanted my mother to love her. I have estranged from her very much and currently I am happy seeing her as less as possible.

Onions: Tell about your dad.  I remember my father as a very autocratic person in my youth. He’d always work and would only be home to cast judgement. We did not get along well, and my mother, like grima wormtongue, had influenced me further into seeing him as a terrible person. Now I see him very differently. In fact I am similar to my father. Hard working, well spoken and crafty. We share a similar humor and I am very thankful for his support over the last year. To me my father is a very good example of how sometimes people can actually change, sometimes second chances will not disappoint you. My father cares very much about our family and I am happy to have gotten close to him again.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.I won’t lose many words about my mother’s parents as there isn’t much to say about them.My mothers father was always sick, more often because he believed he was. The years before he died it had only gotten worse. My Grandmother was never really happy in that relationship, something I believe she handed down to my mother.

My fathers parentsWell, when I was young it was difficult, they aren’t exactly children people, despite trying. I especially had my difficulties with my grandmother, who was work above everything and wanted everything to be perfect.I remember her always fixing my clothing. Countless of instances of her and my dad arguing.

When I got older we had barely any contract until I had my coming out to my dad, who told my grandparents. Much to my surprise and I still respect that so much, they were immediately supportive and accepting, perhaps even more than anyone else from my family.

In the last year we grew closer. They helped me with my flat and would come over to set up a few things. I took them to a restaurant that my grandfather would always talk about whenever we talked, happily.

My grandmother and I had phone calls at least once a week, she was also the most interested in my apprenticeship, always curious, sending me old magazines and ideas she had. As well as button ups and shirts she had bought for me or old ones from my grandfather.She offered me support when we talked, told me they’d do anything they could

When my sister and I were getting clothing for my grandpa, as he was saying with us, I found a book on my grandmother’s bedside table.It was an educational oneIn it was also an article she had cut out of a newspaper, the title saying how the support of the family is the most important thing to lgbt children.

I miss my grandmother

Peony: What was your first job?I worked a summer at my mothers workplace. Cleaning watches and watch straps, replacing small things on the straps

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?We met 2014 on a cosplay convention in the city I grew up in. We met on the first day of that, where we all hung out in a group and then he and Charlotte spend the next day w us as well.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?I bottle it up, focus on something that keeps me busy. Sometimes other people’s pain or doing things for them. Distraction from thoughts really. I’m best when I’m busy

Pink: Where is home?If you’d asked me a couple of months ago my answer would’ve been easy and quick. But now phew, I mean I call my place home as in “I’m going home” and I call my dads place home as in “I was home over the holidays”

But I’m not sure, not really

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?I could go endlessly both about important historical events and tragedies as well as personal mishaps and bad choices. But eventually I actually think this is too big of a question to answer like this. I’m generally better in speech than word when it comes to things like that

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.Steady. As in a job that I like, that provides me with enough money to survive well. Not to worry about everything. Having Dogs, as that I something I always wanted. Living somewhere in the city (always dreamed of a Fachwerk House but yeah…), with the possibility to visit my friends that I am in good contact in. Living with love and happiness. With a connection to my family still as good as now. Perhaps with someone,,,

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?I love the sound of paper, like books, pages turning, things like that. Also soft rain

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?I’m a Class A represser. So it’d probably be many things centered abt my mother.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  I want my semester presentation to go well tomorrow. That’s all I care abt rn

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? It used to be harder in the past but I’ve gotten slightly better at it. I’m still struggling with feeling but it’s a work in progress.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?My Friends and Family, cheesy I know but over the last year I’ve become more set in that. Once more I noticed how much strength those can give you. And also noticed how important they are to me by the way things that happen hurt me

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?7 hours, couldn’t fall asleep at first but that’s usually my minimum of sleep

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?School. I have a timed, strict schedule thanks to that and it forces me to get up until a certain time in the morning. That helps a lot actually

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?I’m still in an apprenticeship but I enjoy it a lot

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?I have a new pair of shoes that are so beautiful I wish I had the look and body and style to wear them day to day. Also got some cool button ups

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.Look at this and you’ll see first hand https://www.pinterest.de/Gayneral/

I’m sorry I’m bad at desctibing my aesthetic. It’s like, historical stuff, museums, snowey Fachwerk, religious themed things, bee themed things, watches…

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?My semester project is due to two and a half weeks and I’m super nervous about finishing it like boooooy

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?Sadly I’ve been super busy recently so I’ve only been able to read a tiny bit in my holidays, Acht Nacht by Sebastian Fitzek

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?Still in school, doing good, and enjoying it

Still having a good relationship w my father, my sister and that whole family

Still good with my friends, hopefully seeing them more often

(maybe in a relationship pls don’t @ me)

Generally happy, not having to worry too much

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Thanks to tumblr I do, and I hate it

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I take my school very seriously. And I have zero tolerance for those in our school that don’t.

[survivor-mountmerapi]

Ep. 12: “This round feels like a season of glee” - Steven

Anastasia

So I did something finally. I flipped on the newbies and sent Madi home. Honestly the only thing I did differently was actually think about the game and numbers. Plus I talked to people and made a really good bond with DeNara. I'm also a little better with Raffy, not that it matters bcs we are somehow getting Raffy outta here I think. I know the next competition is endurance and that's apperantly Raffy's strong suit. So frick. But I know where everything stands for once. I know who is working with who I THINK. So I just need to survive next round and gain the numbers.

Gian

My revenge is coming for being left out of this vote. Idk when and how I'll do it but I will do whatever it takes.

DeNara

Thank goodness I survived this vote! All thanks to Anastasia! I need a brain break, I am so tired now lol

Raffy

An hour before tribal council, Elle decided that she would give me the immunity necklace. The reasoning she told me is that we need a strong 4 votes to cause a tie. Anastasia told DeNara that she would be flipping on Madi and Gian by voting Rachel (which is what that side thought we were doing). Because of this, I wanted to use my SWP since they would have a 4-3 majority. However, Elle believed that we could not trust Anastasia until after tribal. Anastasia could be lying and wanting me to play the SWP (which Madi and Gian happily spread around) so the newbies would have 4-3. Despite this, I wanted to be safe because I was starting to worry that Madi would play her idol on herself. The compromise would be that Elle would give me the immunity necklace which did occur. Finally, the alliance's acting paid off as Madi misplayed the idol which caused her to get voted out. Now, the Faes alliance is the majority alliance. Wig.

I have new worries going into this round. Anastasia really wants to do big moves, so she should want to vote me out now that Madi is gone. My other worry is that Anastasia is much more loyal and is a solid ally for DeNara, not me. This means, if DeNara was so inclined, she could get the numbers to vote me out. DeNara is going to get a lot of power the further we get. It's very interesting to see what the breakdown is. Due to this, I have decided to keep my door open with Gian. Steven agreed that we could potentially work with Gian to hide behind him as a shield. Also, this is kind of an emotional thing because I really do feel close to Gian. I do not know what kind of move I'd do to keep Gian this round. If he wins immunity, then it would be great and I would not have to do any maneuvering. However, in all scenarios except one, I am betraying my allies which is not a good look for me. My idea is to finally get Rachel out this round, so it would keep Gian in the game while keeping my allies good with me.

Raffy

I got on call with Gian earlier today to express a desire to work with him to target Anastasia or DeNara. I was doing a lot of talking during the call which had me worry as he seemed to just be taking in this information without providing any back. This had me skeptical on whether or not he wanted to work with me. My skepticism was correct. According to DeNara, Gian told Anastasia that I want to target her for being a wildcard this round. He used the information I gave him against me. However, thanks to my very good relationship with DeNara, I am now in the know that he does not want to work with me. Bye Gian. Say hi to Madi in jury for me. I might just use my SWP just to be sure. Plus, it forces Anastasia to target Gian instead of me for this round.

Raffy

The current plan is for DeNara to tell Anastasia that she is willing to flip after a bit of reluctance. In actuality, we are just trying to make them think that Gian is the vote. At tribal, we will all vote for Rachel instead in case there is an idol. I am VERY nervous for this tribal. I do not want to be here. According to DeNara, Elle would be the person the newbies vote for if I leave which is perfectly fine with me. I need to survive. I have to get to F6. There's really no guarantee that this plan even works in the first place. And does DeNara even trust me after hearing all that information from Gian's rat mouth? UGH. The paranoia is way too high for my liking.

DeNara

Honestly this game is so tiring, why do I torture myself with this stress? Oh because I love Survivor that's why. Lol. Soooooo Anastasia wants to flip on Raffy, Steven and Elle and take Raffy out of the game because he is a threat. Which means I am in the middle....AGAIN. It is Raffy, Elle, and Steven vs. Gian, Rachel and Anastasia. I want to stay with Raffy, Elle and Steven and take out Rachel this vote and then flip and take Raffy out next vote so I can keep the numbers but I am super super super nervous of Raffy. I caught Raffy in a lie today. I talked to Gian and he said he was on call with Steven and Raffy earlier and that Raffy was throwing my name out because I have a good relationship with Elle, Rachel and Anastasia (which I do). I called Steven and he admitted that the 3 of them did talk, but he said that Raffy was saying Rachel the whole time, not me. BUT when I went on call with Raffy, Steven and Elle I told Raffy that Gian said he went on call with him and he started to make an excuse saying he was at school all day and that wasn't true. THEN Steven said to Raffy that he already told me they were on call so Raffy had to back track..... All the newbies are saying to Raffy that they are voting for me.... so I am scared Raffy is working with the newbies to get me out since I have become such a threat.

Steven says it wouldn't make any sense for Raffy to flip and get me out now, but if they all think I have become a bigger threat than Raffy, he could very well flip and take me out. I really really hope Raffy is being honest about wanting to vote Rachel out or I am super hecked tomorrow. Here is to hoping I am in the game after the next tribal!!!!!!!

Gian

After a very insightful conversation with the VL, I've decided to grab the game by the balls and attempt to get out the kingpin of the game (again) or at least weaken him by taking out one of his minions. I'm being super careful this time about everything. Saying the right things to the right people can cause panic and paranoia and victimizing myself from the last vote--I'm using that to my advantage. Let's hope this pays off. If not, at least I'm leaving with a big swing!

DeNara

My morning of paranoia continues. I don't think Raffy will flip because it would be a stupid move rn, but I do think I need to be careful. This will likely be the last time I can truly play the middle like I have been.

I feel so bad about lying to Anastasia because she did save me, but this is what is best for my game. I also feel bad for Rachel because we have gotten close and I dont want to vote her out. Really I want Gian out next but I have to stick with my alliance.

Rachel

I love the misconceptions of this game. Even if i'm on the outside. That was an excellent play by the returnees. I am so sad to see Madi go! She was with Gian and I since day 1. I can never repay her for using her idol for me. I am just shocked Anastasia flipped too, but I understand her reasoning (even though i thought we we're a solid 4). Hopefully we can make a big move this round and if not, we'll go out trying! I just hope Gian and I are truly not at the bottom. I wish we got Raffy out sooner, but only cause he is such a great player-socially and strategically.

Elle

I'm in class rn lol but here's a convo I just had with Dylan in my Host Chat 10:10 AM VL: The amount of lies I've heard and confirmed they are lies before 9am is absolutely terrifying to me 😅 GUYS THIS IS GONNA BE SO MESSY OMG Dylan, 10:12 AM wild what all is happening 10:14 AM so yesterday, gian went on call with steven and raffy to vote denara out but then on our alliance call, raffy tried to deny any meeting when denara asked, until steven was like "no okay we called, to vote out rachel" and now denara is being a double agent trying to convince the newbies shes gonna vote for raffy in exchange for safety so it seems like maybe the newbies dont actually want denara out and are trying to scare her into siding with them? why raf and steven are lying i dont know Dylan, 10:18 AM spicy [tiktok voice] that’s suspicious...that’s weird re: raffy and steven 10:20 AM mhm?? like it's fine if they're tricking the newbies but why lie to us anyway im perfectly out of the direct loop completely because now ppl think im completely in raffy's pocket but also that me and denara are probs close so im just "she's there." Dylan, 10:22 AM oof not a fun position to be in 10:23 AM nah im fine w it i hate lying lmao this way im mostly just watching it happen while talking to ppl about like, good playlists khjdlsajldj

Anastasia

So I got Denara on board with teaming with the newbies and together we will all take down Raffys trio hopefully. We will most likely target Elle instead of Raffy so we can take out one of his minions. I think the safest option would be to vote Steven because I think nobody would expect that but Gian insists Elle. I think Elle has an idol. Lets just hope she feels safe. ALSO IM SO GLAD IM SAFE but now im just worried for my future because I obviously need numbers to move on.

Elle

D: I don't knowwww whats happening okay so basically it seems like neither side has an idol and is psyching the other out that they do but probability wise at least one person has an idol rn??? So idk ugh :/ what the heck is going on anyway I'm making a playlist and i need new music for it send me a song recc everyone reading this like a month later i promise ill give any song a listen🎶

Raffy

The plan seems to be going well. DeNara has successfully infiltrated the newbie group and is leaking their shit. According to her, the newbies are scared that I have an idol and want to target Elle instead. I would love to push this narrative, but I don't know how. If I can get them to target Elle over me, then this would be great. However, I do believe now that they do not have an idol based on all that DeNara has spilled on their paranoia. It should be a successful 4-3 with Rachel getting the boot. Then, I am guaranteed F5 in this game.

Steven

This round feels like a season of glee where people are just trying to hit plot points with no rhyme or reason

Steven

https://youtu.be/xfJ6x988Dqw

DeNara

I am in the middle and so stressed. Do I vote Rachel or Raffy?!?!?!?! Maybe it is me

DeNara

I am so stressed... oh my gosh! If I get voted out, it was a great move by the others and I will regret not voting Raffy

[purplesurveys]

417

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Never. I’ve never even been in a hospital room for that situation in general. What pattern does the closest tissue box have? I don’t have one in my room. Where did you lose your virginity, if you have? My bedroom. I had to ask Gab for this just now hahaha 

What color car(s) do your parents drive? The main family car is white, another car that’s blue, and the car they got for me is white. What are your views on getting rid of the penny? Can’t relate but we do have little cents that I never have any use for. I wouldn’t mind if they were spiked, but if they were of any importance to idk, the economy or something then I also wouldn’t mind if they were retained.

Which Asian country would you most like to visit? India, Thailand, and Vietnam. Without a shadow of a doubt. Have you ever had a nosebleed? Never. My girlfriend gets all the nosebleeds I never have. How far away do you live from your birthplace? Probably an hour or so, depending on the traffic. Do you have bangs? No. I did when I was younger, but I’m scared to try it out now because my forehead is kind of small and I don’t really need bangs. Are you a good driver? I don’t know about good, but my friends generally prefer to ride with me than JM (the only other dude who drives) since they feel “safer” with me. They also say I have road rage, but at the end of the day they’d rather have me drive them lmaaaooo. Have you ever kissed someone underneath mistletoe? I’ve never even seen a misletoe. I wish I could have that moment though, just once and just to know how it feels. Do you watch the Olympics on the television? I don’t watch the Olympics. Do you have a Tumblr account? I might. Let me think about it. Are your nails painted right now? What color? No, I never have my nails painted. Have you ever played truth or dare? Yeah I’ve been included in those when we’re out drinking, but as as introvert who doesn’t mind being an open book, I exclusively pick truth. How long is your driveway? Not too long. Are there any TV shows you keep up with religiously? Nah I don’t really make an effort to be invested in shows. It takes too much time for me lmao, both in between episodes and in between seasons. When I watch shows I prefer that they’re already done, except in the case of Brooklyn Nine-Nine which I binged on Netflix late last year. What is your favorite iPhone app? I don’t have a ~favorite but the one I most often use is Twitter. Where is your mother right now? She picked up my sister from her dorm so she’s probably somewhere on her way home. Do you know anybody named Carl? I probably do but I’m all blanked out at the moment. Are you more of a night owl or a morning person? I don’t know anymore. At this point I’m tired and cranky both times. What is your favorite song at the moment? Said this in a previous survey but Talk by Khalid!!! Do you have a weak stomach? Yes. I have bad motion sickness, I can’t ride rides/go bungee jumping (basically anything that goes up and down) because my stomach acts up, and it also can’t handle dairy. Have you ever been to a party where people were drinking underage? Not sure about parties but I’ve been out on Friday nights where I was sure the people around me were way too young to be out in drinking places, which I find so wild. My classmates and I were angels when we were their age...but I guess times change lol. How many stores are in the mall closest to you? It’s a small mall so probably just 100-150? Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? I did. My family keeps shit like that secret though so I had no idea until long after she had already passed. How far away is the closest McDonald’s to you? There’s literally one right beside our village (so it should take 30 seconds if I lived at the front), but since I live at the very end, it’s a 5-7 minute drive. Would you ever meet someone in person that you met online? I already have, three times if I remember correctly. They’re all wrestling fans too; this was back when I watched regularly. There was Rafie who was just the sweetest, Jila who screamed with me when we recognized each other, and Javi who we don’t talk about because he was a steaming pile of shit. Gabbie goes to the same school as I do but the universe is naughty and has never let us meet. What was the last film you watched? Two weeks ago. I had to watch a film called Diplomatie for class. Does it snow where you live? Never. That’s intense climate change, for sure lmao. Have you ever been to an art gallery? I love them. When malls would sponsor galleries I’d always drop by. What are your neighbours like? We don’t bother each other so I don’t really know them. There are some loud-ass kids here though. Do you visit your town’s library often? What’s embarrassing is that we don’t have libraries. Or parks. Or enough playgrounds. Or any public place that isn’t a mall. Malls are all we have, because the Philippines is a sad sad place. Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? I’m always the intoxicated person people have to care for D: What flavor was the last ice cream you ate? Chili pepper. It was different, so I tried it out. Can you do a cartwheel? No, but I tried it for ages as a kid because I was envious of those who could do it. Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone? My girlfriend. ^ What did you talk about? We didn’t talk. Just spent the call sleeping. Sometimes I sleep better with her on the line, so I call her. Which website do you spend the most time on? Twitter, then YouTube, then Facebook. What can you smell right now? My mom’s cooking corned beef rn and that’s all I smell. Do you read fanfiction? If so, what fandoms? I used to. I don’t now cos I don’t think anyone makes fanfiction for any of my fandoms anymore. I used to read stories for wrestling pairings, so like AJ/Punk, Stephanie/HHH, etc. What accent is your favorite? Audrey Hepburn’s mixed accent was perfect. How did/will you celebrate your birthday this year? I still have no clue and my birthday is already in two weeks lmao. It falls on Easter Sunday so I doubt people will be free...which makes me sad. I dunno, I’m not very excited for my birthday this year. Are you more introverted or extroverted? INTROVERT. How was the last chicken you ate cooked? They were like chicken poppers and with honey butter seasoning. Surprisingly good for a college canteen meal. Is there anybody you always find yourself thinking about? My girlfriend. But nowadays I really worry more about pending work here and there. What was your last argument about? My BPD flared up last Wednesday (it hasn’t in a while) and Gab didn’t take it too well. Are/were you part of any extracurricular activities in school? We had to–we had clubs in my old school and we were required to be in one every year. I was mostly in table tennis but I also did other stuff like yearbook, media club...I don’t remember the rest because I’ve blocked so many memories from my old school out of my head. In college, I have one org currently but I’m planning to add two more before I graduate. Do you want to get married someday? Yes. What colors are on your country’s national flag? Red, blue, white, yellow. Would you go back to your ex if he/she asked you? I already did three years ago.

[survivortongatapu]

Episode 6 | "All This Is Cracked" - Owen Woityra

I definitely foresee a swap occurring after the Outcast Tribal. With someone coming back into the game, that'll make the cast 16, outside of Outcast Island. That would pit us as an even number, perfect for a swap. Honestly, I just hope that I'm either with Tim or Jordan so that I could easily work with them. Crossing my fingers that I do not get swap-fucked!

Carson is fucking fake, Jay broke my heart i get why he did it but at the same time it just feels betraying, meanwhile carson is just taking to you happily while voting you out! another steffen, it's so hard I am seriously pissed THEY WANTED CHALLENGE THREATS TO STAY so they vote me but WILLOW did worse in the competiton then i did, AND they wanted comp threats going forward but they voted owen out, like what... make up your fucking minds and stop being fucking fake! I swear to fucking god i hate my tribe, whay are they so god awfully fake. I am crying truly but I wasn't blindsided they barely talked to me today... They cut me because they thought i wouldn't be as angry if i got back in, well heres the thing.. I AM!  

Chrissa goes home. Hell ya! Not the best past with that one! Ryan says we have the night off and someone is returning from outcast island. I think we're swapping tomorrow! Ready for a butt fucking from this tribe swap and to get my ass destroyed

fhsjdf okay so first of all I got voted out of the game and I was shook that I got blindsided bc I was sure at least Chrissa would tell me. WELL Chrissa was next and told me she's the one who voted charlotte with me....i'm screaming faksjdh literally andrew carson jay SNAKES ! I wonder if Bryan knew about it but idk. Oh well. I wonder why they voted me out, I guess either they thought I was a threat or they thought I was useless. Probably both Anyways I get to outcast with...adrian and antoine who I voted out and then katie and kaci? I thought I'd be the one to go so I threatened adrian and antoine with my raffle ticket item. i was like im not gonna use this yet hehe but if I get voted out I cant use it and then none of u are coming back !!!! well i thought i was gonna leave especially since i had a pressure cooker and had to vote live on call for the world to hear lmao but it worked out fine bc that girl left anyways. I wanted to you my raffle ticket item but I couldnt do it live on call.... but now THIS ROUND the second most votes is goin in???? but the most vote s ist still leaving.... honestly katie and adrian had a huge fight but I'm pretty sure it was fake bc they didnt have it until the post that said someone was going back in?????? which is a huge yikes. Antoine proposed a plan to get Adrian out with 3 votes (him katie and chrissa) and send Chrissa back in with 2 votes (me and Adrian). I'm real sketched out by this plan because I think like...Antoine, Kaite, and Adrian could still be voting together and vote me out. I'm pretty sure they're going to actually lmao. BUT the one thing that doesnt make sense then is if they're working together, why wouldn't Antoine offer to vote for Chrissa and tell me to vote Adrian? because if they do vote for me it'll be 3-1-1, with me leaving and adrian and chrissa tying for second.....and at that point the person going back would be random. Idk all this is cracked, I think I'm going home tonight but whatever I really don't like playing with the people on outcast anyways they're boring. OwenHere's the thing. If Antoine is lying to me and Katie/Adrian faked the fight, then there's nothing I can do to change their minds and get them to save me. If they're NOT lying to me, then what should be happening is Antoine votes Adrian with Katie, and Adrian votes Chrissa. If Chrissa is voting for Adrian, then that would mean rn it's three Adrian, one Chrissa. I don't really want Chrissa back in the game because I think she would vote for me to go back into the game if I played my power. So I'm going to throw my vote onto Katie and see what happens. If it ties 3-1-1, then Katie or Chrissa will be randomized which one enters and I can pretend that Adrian voted Katie. If they're lying to me anyways, then my vote for Chrissa really does not matter at this tribal council and I'm screwed anyways. Soooo yeah that's fun!

Praying I don't get swap-fucked!

Things didn't exactly went to plan tonight mostly because of Owen who didn't vote for Chrissa like he was suppose to do. I'm glad he's gone to be honest. I was suppose to go home anyway but I wanted Chrissa to be send back and keep my alliance together. Of course, it would have been hard to predict another person was going to leave exile due to a crazy twist. Now, my fate will be based purely on luck and I don't like that. Hopefully I can get back to the game and get my revenge.

Okay WHEW we're swapped, and I'm fucking STOKED because this game is finally starting. I actually could not be happier that I ended up on Katie's tribe. We've got Katie, Jay and Andrew, along with Jordan, Raffy and I from our original tribe. Andrew is one of my best friends in this whole community, and I am going to be putting a lot of my game into his arms, and really let him have it. I want to show him loyalty, but more importantly, I think with the way he's playing, he's going to be targeted long before I am. Jay hosted me once, he's always stanned me, and I like him a lot. Jordan Pines is probably one of 2-3 people who I REALLLYYYYYYYY trusted from my old tribe, so this is a fantastic set up, to give me three people I trust in this game, it's a blessing. We've also got Katie, who is a very strong competitor. She has the second most amount of days recorded in tumblr survivor ever, and she's been around for awhile. I know she's got her hand in a lot of cookie jars, and she's also very close to Jordan, but if she's close to him, hopefully she's going to be close to me. Then we've got Raffy... I've expressed how I want Raffy out for awhile now, and he's a perfect lamb on our tribe. I am probably going to want him out first IF IF IF IF IF our tribe ends up ever losing, because this tribe is fucking strong as fuck, and I'd be surprised if we ever lose. If we lose, I think we could make it Raffy, which buys me at least a round to bond with Jay and Katie a lot more, and just hope that they end up wanting to be with me through this shit show of a tribe, as if our tribe even loses two times. I'm ready for a new beginning and this game to finally pick up. I think we're about to go through a good time :)

Well damn. So tribe swap happened just as expected, just not the way i wanted. Tim is with me yeah, but not on the nukuleka tribe i got an advantage for. And the two people i was choosing between working with, Johnny and Jordan, arent on my tribe either. While we do have the majority 3-2 on this tribe it means I’m now relying on Carson C, a wildcard in my book, not to flip. Unless of course, I decide to flip first. I could hypothetically tell old Nukuleka who we’re voting for in case they have an idol. Which would even the numbers out 8-8, but theres so many people still in the game totem pole management would be a nightmare. Its best to stay under the radar as much as possible, make connections but not shake things up until i’m ready.

[7:23:23 PM] Jay (Alcatraz Host): I think she went for challenge strength [7:23:32 PM] carson: me im just making this quick but.. really bitch?

Okay sooooo like..... 17 of us have to come together to vote someone out? Come again? This is going to be a MESS!! I already know people who don't have loads of great relationships with people on the other tribe (Stephen, Tim, Raffy) are going to try to make the ten of us from our old tribe all vote together and come to a consensus, but if I'm a betting man, LA or Jordan Pines is going to try to do something interesting, so I'm just going to see what they want to do, and hope to go along for the best. UTR is the move for this round. Don't want to make any potential waves like I've done on LOADS of other swap/twisted first round votes #Japan #SorryIsaac #AlsoCrossroads #FuckBranAndRyan So yea. Not tryna be that guy who makes a stand on a first vote on a swapped tribe. I trust the people I'm with, and I think I've got a bit of longevity

Alright so we swapped.. which is, fine, but Bryan and I are in the minority on our new tribe. It certainly isn't ideal. But that's not the only problem currently. We have an issue wherein we have a tribal council with 17 people. 17!! It's some kind of One World bullshit I didn't sign up for. We need an easy vote tonight... where's Regan when you need her?

Fuck Owen! Anyways, the angina this gives me is through the roof. I can barely  handle 10 people on a tribe, how am I going to handle this one world thing? It's just so ugly for no reason. However, I do not think that I am in any danger this tribal council. OG Pangaimotu is sticking together for this, and it seems like we'll be voting Bryan out to replace with someone else. Personally, I do not think this is a bad thing per se. Time to be boring this tribal council!

Tim’s freaking out a bit. He doesn’t want some one from our tribe to go so he’s trying to change peoples minds but that doesn’t really fit in with the “we’re pawns, use us” strategy we had. I may have to blindside him at one point.

I am tired with people always saying "I'll just go with the majority and I don't have a target." Plus, this original tribe thing isn't working out. Everyone has their own agenda and Tim is making me do his dirty work. Ugh. Now I'm going to have an unnecessary target on my back. Hopefully, Rob does not flip and I do not have to deal with him for awhile. To be quite honest, I could not give a flying fuck about any of the other tribes. As long as the person going isn't someone from my tribe, then it's fine.

So there is quite a lot going on in this round so I'll break up my confessional as I go lol.     First, a swap occurred but not any traditional one. Two returnees from redemption island got to pick their own tribes which is coolio! A twist was within that pick though! (The 5 people not picked became their own tribe). The gag is that I wasn't picked asdsfjk. So my tribe is essentially the new outcast island in a sense lol. So on my tribe is Carson C., Stephen, Bryan, Charlotte, and myself. When compared to the other tribes, we seem to be not so hot as far as winning immunity is concerned but you never know! Im feeling iffy about this tribe but im going to try and build connections with the new members I. E Bryan and Charlotte. Im getting along with Carson more which is excellent for my game plus he seems like a genuinely nice person! Stephen and I are already pretty close as well. (UPDATE: I flipped the vote on Adrian at least for now. Raffy did it for me which is perfect because I'm not seen as that much of a threat. It initially wasnt a part of my strategy, I'll admit, but it definetly worked out in my favor.)     Second, The twist that Owen unleashed is definitely a wild one!!! Going to a tribal with 17 people???? Crackdt. So I feel really really good about working with Willow when the time comes but she might be in danger. As of now I have two options, stick with the old pongaimotu for now or flip with Carson and do what needs to be done. Honestly we both had the same idea of flipping but I approached him first, Im thinking about the long run of the game and honestly someone going from my tribe is just not the thing that I want to happen. This game is like a freight train down track and I'm the conductor trying to get it back on track.     Third, I'm going to do a little speculation about the forest. I'm pretty sure the third path unlocked after this round. I just hate that I wasted my time going there at the beginning of the game! I believe that the other half to Stephen's super idol is there but I just have to find my way to it safely. 

So the vote was Bryan, but Tim and Carson decided it was a bad idea and now things have changed to Adrian. This might not be a good thing. Rob was pretty hard against it, and thought Bryan was shady, his sudden “okay” might be him conceding, or he might be planning to backstab us. Also this vote might place a target on Tim and Carson as they were the ones who stirred things up. Another thing that bothers me is how many people were left out of this change. If their absent they might miss the change and vote for Bryan, or theyre just laying low in which case theyre playing smart. Idk what will happen, I hope its Adrian, but as long as its not me im fine. I can always flip if i need to

God I love getting votes for no reason. Not only has Bryan come up to saying that I'm a target (along with himself. Source: Charlotte), but Tim has too! He said that Carson C told him that Andrew was throwing my name out there and it's just super ugly. I don't even have any protection! So now I just have to wait and suffer to see if someone pulls an idol out of their ass and I get replaced because of it. What have I done to deserve this? If anything it should be Jordan if they are looking to eliminate competition threats. 

So it was a great idea last night... Let's vote out someone on the other tribe.... Let's make sure that we keep majority and that we will stay awesome... But noooooo that's too easy. Why would you want to make this game easy.... I'm pretty sure that I have said that same thing but on the other side. Anyway, I have no actually idea whats going to happen tonight but it's going to be raffy or Adrien I think. Who fucking knows with 17 votes. Carson FThis joint tribal sucks so much! Adrian and Katie are back in the game, which is ideal for me. Katie didn't choose me for her tribe, and the NuNukeleka is stacked challenge wise. Adrian chose me for his tribe, so now I'm with Adrian, JD, LA, Willow, and Rob. JD hasn't added me as a contact, LA's barely talked to me, so I guess I'm working with Willow/Rob/Adrian!! There's this "superalliance" for the joint tribal of Johnny/Andrew/Carson/me/Jay/Jordan/Katie/Rob/Willow. I'm gonna work with Rob and Willow from this alliance on my tribe. The alliance seems to be targeting Raffy which is fine with me, as he's a threat and not someone I'd really like to work with. So, I'm bluffing and telling Raffy I haven't heard his name at all. Whatever!! Bryan and Adrian are the other targets and I don't really want to vote either as Adrian's on my tribe, and from what he said (people on Outcast Island were talking bad about me for being 2 faced), I don't want Antoine or Chrissa on my tribe sdkdskj. With Bryan, I have the Nukuleka bond so I trust him and don't want him out. Overall, I haven't been able to have much control over this round, but I'm just forming social relationships through the access to talk to everyone, which is super important. Hopefully Raffy goes, though apparently my name was thrown around, but shut down (according to Johnny). My goal right now is to lay low, and start playing at the swap so I don't get dragged down. Also, I'm gonna start changing how I deal with people being voted out as from what Adrian said, what I'm doing (being fake with people till they leave) isn't working, so I gotta change that, but I don't know how. I'm happy with this super alliance too because I really wanna work with Johnny and Rob. Wish me luck!!

We swap and I love my new tribe. I have Willow and Carson icons. I know I can work with Adrian and JD and LA can go. I'm sad Ant didn't come back but he can do it i believe in him. Then freaking OWEN uses the swapper and it's really annoying, everyone is voting and a person being swapped out for Ant or Chrissa. It can be good but they will be easy targets. My og tribe wanted to stick together and I didn't mind if it was someone I didn't care for, like Bryan. BUt they're trying to switch it to like the ones on my tribe and nu-uh. I'm not having that Raffy. I see you literally name every Nuku except the ones on your new tribe. I want Raffy gone because it's the little things that he does that bothers me. I know he gets really pompous too and controlling. I'm sick of it and I knew others were too. The vote seems to be Raffy. Andrew made a 9 person alliance with pretty much everyone I love? So i'm down and we have majority. But Jay messed up in telling Char and she told Bryan who told Raffy. Bryan is just sketchy and arrogant too. He's like another Raffy. Now I'm worried about an advantage and who would leave if one is used to save Bryan or Raffy. I will kermit.

AND OF COURSE HERE COMES LA AND JORDAN PINES (AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME) SAYING THEY WANT TO TAKE SOMEONE OUT FROM OUR TRIBE!! I'M FUCKING WEAKKKKKKKKKK. LA thinks that Jordan Pines is someone we should look out for, and Jordan thinks that our tribe voting for Bryan or Adrien isn't a great plan, and that we should do something EXCITING since we've been "bored" this whole game, but doesn't really say WHO yet. He just agrees that it shouldn't be someone from our tribe of six. (meanwhile I'm perfectly fine doing nothing and skating by a few rounds not having to actually play the game. Maybe this is why he's ALWAYS coming double digits)....... (jk this is me too FUCK #SelfRoast). So basically, I decided to go to Andrew to talk it out with him. I really wanted to express the people I don't REALLY trust from my original tribe, and to get up to speed with who he does trust (which seems to be fucking everyone except the people who returned from outcast). I told Andrew I got some weird vibes from Rob and Raffy. Andrew said that Rob was chill and a sweetie pie... Maybe the fact that he played in Cutthroat, and came in fourth, threw me off, but fine, I'm okay with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. MEANWHILE I mentioned Raffy as the other person and Andrew seems to burst into hysteria saying how bad he would want Raffy to go at this tribal council, and I'm like WAIT WHAT!? I mean... I don't really trust the man, but I also wanted him to be our first boot on our tribe, and I don't want to take the risk of Chrissa coming in to replace Raffy, if we decided to vote for Raffy, so now I don't really have much time to be online, but I'm trying to make sure that nothing bad happens to Raffy since I'd rather it be ANYONE who just isn't on our tribe.. That's the only thing I wanted to happen from this round, but oh well

Ok so I hate people cuz apparently my name was getting thrown around so fuck people. I don’t know what to do tho there is just too many people. And I’m so tired. Honestly if i go to outcast island I’d probs get voted out as well.

Welp. I'm guess I'm going to get voted for doing nothing

Let's see if I got Tim to rub people the wrong way so he could get voted out instead.

I have no idea whats going on. Johnny comes to me saying everyones voting Raffy. Then goes silent. Bryan says Nukuleka isnt working as a group so I told him to vote Adrian just in case someone does flip. I’ve told Tim and Jordan what Johnny said, Tim seems confident he’s lying. If Bryan is lying and the have an idol, then good, the numbers are different and they know I want to work with them. If Johnnys telling the truth and Raffy goes then fine, I just have to make up some ground. Worst case scenario? They’re targetting me and I’m off to Outcast Island. 17 person tribals is an absolute nightmare

I’m voting Raffy, I can’t risk mine and Johnnys alliance or ruin things with og Nukuleka before they start. Sorry Tim, this time I’m flipping.

From what Carson C is saying, Tim has an idol and is playing it on Raffy. Which is TERRIFYING because they could've lied and voted any of us instead of Adrian. SO, Jordan gets the idea to tell Tim that he's getting votes. Katie volunteers to do it. And if this works I'm gonna be so shook. Katie is an icon. Johnny StocktonOkay. I'm back, and madness has ensued. Jordan Pines made a chat with me, him, Jay, Carson, Carson, Andrew, Katie, Rob and someone else I forget who, but basically saying that we all need to vote for Raffy or Bryan together, and do something exciting that no one would expect, and that the group we had was the exact right amount of people to make a blindside, and not include anyone else. I scroll through the 300 messages in this group chat and I'm like OH WOAH OKAY. Turns out everyone has said that Raffy needs to go, which I emphasized to Jordan, Jay and Andrew quite a few times that someone from our tribe should NOT be going home, which is kinda annoying me, but I'm not going to say anything about it. Andrew and Jordan are both saying "you gotta trust me" and I'm just like whatever. The only thing that annoys me is that we have SUCH a strong tribe, and I get big moves and the fun and thrill of taking out a super strong player, but why the fuck do we have to take out a strong player, who has proven time and time again he's here for putting his all into challenges, and getting us wins!??!?! (which is why our tribe won so many times) Yet NOW people wanna axe him, especially considering 5/9 people in that big alliance are from our tribe, it just doesn't make sense. I just don't want a physically inept Chrissa or Antione on our tribe, but I'm sure they'll be fine, and an easy target if they return from Outcast after Raffy gets sent there, and it seems like that's what's happening considering the vote is in 45 minutes and I have only heard that Adrien is the other vote, and I know, personally, that Raffy is going, but Stephen and Tim are kinda left in the dark on that one, and I trust them both a lot, but I've just gotta go with the group and try to not ruffle any feathers y'know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is what it is. Cya Raffy. You're going too soon

Hopefully, Chrissa is still on Outcast Island so that when I go there, I can already have connections. Then there is the fact that I've basically made Tim ruin his game so hopefully that ends with him shooting himself in the foot. Let's see how things turn out, though. Even if Tim has shot himself in the foot, him coming to Outcast Island would not be a terrible thing for my game as it certainly gives me a majority.

So I might as well record something about the last 48 hours. When I thought the Snakexterminators voted out Owen, we killed whatever bag of tricks he had with him. But no. What he told me when Kaci left Outcast Island was true and I was like- that was too fucking elaborate to be a lie so I want to flush it out. Like lets do that. No. He somehow found out that myself, Katie and Antoine were gonna vote Kaci and it was a 4-1 and he was spared... Flash forward to when Chrissa joins us. The Snakexterminators we wanted to create chaos. So that it was a possible 1-1-1-1-1. Not that dramatic but like lie to Owen's face so that he won't use the power to essentially break our trio on Outcast Island apart and fuck us over. So I decided to "call out" Katie. It worked like a charm, because it ended up being a 2-1-1-1 vote, which was not the planned result but still desirable cause Owen is no longer in the game. 

dk I pressed submit too early lol! Owen left. Its me, Katie, Antoine and Chrissa left and Ryan told us that one of us four with the second highest amount of votes will return to the game! Mind you it is a 1-1-1 tie between myself, Katie and Chrissa and it was also stated that if it tied, random.org was gonna be in play. The luck I needed Episode 2 is now deciding to work, because I get picked by the randomizer. Yay..... So the twist that came with me returning was that I get to pick someone else to return to the game with and we draw new tribes. I pick Katie ofc cause I'm closest to her on Outcast and I pretended to panic cause I only had a minute to decide. 

OMG! Back with Katie and hopefully a new life in this game. I'll play it cool this time and try to go with the flow. Well, while getting my revenge on all of those who voted for me.

Made it through the big tribal! Despite the last minute freak out over Tim having an idol and other Carson throwing serious shade at them, all worked out well and Raffy went 14-3. 14-3!!! I wasn't expecting it to be that good, but good for us. Me/Willow/Rob are the core on NuPangaimotu, and hopefully we can survive until swap and meet back up with the superalliance. I feel bad for other Carson because he's on a tribe with Tim and Stephen and Bryan, who all might vote him or Charlotte out. Adrian and Raffy apparently had some beef and had each other blocked before the game which is PROBABLY why the vote ended up being between them. JD and LA are on the bottom as far as I'm concerned, but I'll keep up appearances with them. The challenge is a Brantsteele Simulator and having to match it. I just spent the last 3 hours doing that and I feel like I'm about to die because I didn't even get a perfect score after all that. 360/410 is pretty good though, and I hope the rest of my tribe does good! Yeah, that's pretty much it. I feel like the strategy on this tribe will be.. relatively stagnant, which is a big change from Nukuleka. Goal right now is to survive and ride the wave to merge or the next swap.

Hey, sorry I didn't make a confessional during the actual round. I had a bad day but I'm here now! We swapped tribes and I got the BEST tribe. Jordan, Katie, Andrew, Raffy, and Johnny. We're strong and shouldn't be losing anything. However, fucking OWEN releases an ugly twist where all 17 people have to vote for one person to replace either Antoine or Chrissa. (Spoiler alert: THANK GOD IT WAS ANTOINE) My basic goal of this vote was to make sure that no original Nukuleka members left this vote. I completely trust every single remaining member of that tribe and if I can help it, I want none of them to leave before the merge. (Bryan's on thin ice though.) For this vote I was added to two alliances. One for my immediate tribe, consisting of Johnny, Jordan, and Andrew. And another alliance for deciding the vote, consisting of my tribe's alliance, plus Carson C., Carson K., Willow, Rob, and Katie. I'm hoping all of us make the merge and I can start really dominating this game. The vote was between Bryan and Raffy, and while both are unfortunate, I was more willing to give up Raffy. So that's what happened. Bryan obviously didn't like  that the vote was Raffy, so he told me that he was gonna try to flip it. So in case of idols and such, I threw out the name of the person I want out the most: Adrian. He voted for me, he played an advantage to vote for me a SECOND TIME, so he needs to go right back to Outcast Island. The time will come :) I feel like I have a lot of power in this game. I really do think I was one of the only people on Nukuleka to have multiple strategic conversations with Charlotte. She's super great and if she trusts me, LA and JD will be more likely to trust me. Obviously I'm not playing for fourth, so I'm not gonna go too far with them, but the safety for the first few merge votes will be crucial. I plan on going to the final two with Carson K. since he is my unrivaled closest ally. I hope all goes well.

So Tim is playing an odd game. He was very obvious what he was up to right before the vote, and it really disappointed me that he chose Raffy over me and the rest of Pangaimotu. What is worse is that he told Raffy about my half of the superidol, and assumed I had told other people. This are unsalvagable with him, and I would like to vote him out next given the chance. However. His strange behaviour might mean he has an idol, and he’d be nuts not to use it if we go to tribal. And tbh I trust Bryan more than Carson C at the moment, so the most likely scenario if we go to tribal is the old Nukuleka tribe members and I vote Carson, while being coy enough that Tim thinks we’re voting him but not obvious enough that he will catch on. Of course this all depends on whether we lose immunity. And with this challenge god knows what will happen next.

Raffy is gone it sucks so much! And plus this challenge is UGLY!! So catch me on outcast island maybe fjsksksks.

Okay, so Raffy's gone and I'm PISSED!! I'm not mad that Raffy is gone entirely, I came to terms with that happening, but what I'm EXTREMELY PISSED with is Stephen and Tim! Not gonna lie.... Johnny made an oopsies and decided that I wanted to be a good ally to Stephen and Tim, and tell them that they might want to change their vote.. Moreso Stephen than Tim since y'know, Stephen and I have a f2 and all, so I didn't really want him to be blindsided and think I didn't trust him AND THEN us not be able to speak to each other since we were being thrown on opposite tribes right after tribal. So right.. I trust Stephen, and I spill it a bit to Tim too, but nothing too major, and then Jordan comes to me, maybe 35 seconds later and he's like "Johnny I don't know what you're doing, but stop." And I'm just like wtf are you talking about, and then he's basically like "Stephen said that you told him that Raffy is going home and now him and Tim are freaking out, because apparently you told Tim too, so wtf" And that's where I lost my mind. I had messages from Stephen and Tim from right before tribal, and I completely ignored them. Those are two people who I knew would be free agents once we hit merge, and I knew i'd want on my side, and they'd be unexpected players, but ffs Stephen and Tim both partially screwed me, because Jordan called me out on exactly what I was doing, and now I'm not in the BEST spot, and I really need Jordan. Also, LUCKILY we didn't get Chrissa (since she's not the BIGGEST fan of me), and we got Antoine, who seems a bit stronger in challenges, at the same time, and he's a bit more like me I think. So now we've got Antione on our tribe, along with Katie, who was ALSO on Outcast Island, and they both made it to the point where they returned to the game, so they must've been working together that whole time, so they're probably close, and now Jordan and I are technically the only people from my old tribe who are in a definitive minority, and I'm NOT happy about it. I hope it doesn't come back to bite us in the butt, but I know I've got Andrew who is going to protect me, and hopefully I can get that relationship going with Jay too, and then if Jordan is still with me, he claims that Katie is going to be 100% with him, which may even scare Andrew and Jay at some point, and may want one of those two out, before they come for me.. idk. I'm just annoyed at this position I'm in. I'm sure I'm going to make it out of this tribe, and to the merge, but I'm just not a happy camper right now, and I'm not trying to get sent to outcast island. I hope this tribe can begin a challenge domination and never let it go. That's my hope at this point. I've got a solid footing, but still a lot of work to do. I wish Stephen the WORST of luck on his new tribe. If he doesn't go home before merge, I'll make SURE he's the first merge boot after being an idiot and taking what I told him and running to Jordan Pines with it (facepalm)

Toeing the line in challenges is hard. I want to do good to seem helpful, but not too good to be a threat. I want to seem like I want to win to not become a target, but I also dont mind losing so I can vote Tim out. Although I have realised something just now writing this. If I send Tim to Outcast Island that puts him and Raffy back together, and when they go to tribal if they have the majority theres a good chance if one or both of them returningto the game. I can’t even comfortably vote Carson C out because he will be betrayed by me and more likely to work with Raffy than the original Nukuleka people. To be honest it would be safer to win immunity untill Raffy and Tim wouldn’t have the majority, and then vote them out. Sigh, this game is nuts yo.

And this is why we shouldn't have voted out Raffy.... Now we're going to tribal council and I want NO part in it. I'm actually fuming with how mad I am. I guess the easy vote is going to be Antoine, but I'm not even sure I want that to happen

WOOO BITCHES LATE UPDATE BUT I SURVIVED THAT UGLY JOINT TRIBAL AND SENT RATFY PACKING!!! Oops. I really wanted to work with him but I heard he was one of the people who threw my name out so he had to gooooo. But yea. I go back to my swapped tribe. We have the icon Charlotte. I feel like I’ll be able to work with her easily. I’ve also been able to have good conversations with Stephen and Tim as well. Carson C is a work in progress. But anyways. We have this brantsteele challenge. It can choke but out of everyone in the games scores I got second so that’s cool. AND O YEA OUR TRIBE GOT SECOND PLACE AND WE GOT IMMUNITY! That’s such a relief tbh cuz I did not need more stress after the joint tribal. So yea. Bryan signing off! 

OMG RYAN SAID HE MADE A MISTAKE! WE MIGHT NOT LOSE BryanNVM RYANS A FUCKING DUMBASS AND DID THE RESULTS WRONG SO WE FUCKING LOST AND NOW WE GOTTA FUCKING VOTE SOMEONE OFF WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Ok so me and Charlotte have devised a plan. So Charlotte was telling me that apparently Stephen and Tim have beef from the joint tribal and that we should try to side with one of them. However Carson c did really bad at the challenge so I suggested to her we get the target on him and then after he is voted out and we end up going to tribal again if we lose, me and Charlotte will have the choice between Tim and Stephen. Woo! We love strategic icons!!

i just singlehandedly won the challenge for my tribe. why can't i just throw a challenge or not do too good because then im gonna be a threat at merge and UGH. like it'll make them indebted to me if they DO see im  a good challenge performer rn but I DONT NEED THAT. i dont know. i feel like throughout this game, i haven't really... been having fun? I feel like I've been kinda stuck up and boring and all strategy based (probably because of the many tribals) so I'm gonna try and do some more stuff like watch shows with people and have a good time because i think that's important in games because otherwise... why am i playing? (other than to WIN of course.) ---- i got a disadvantage in the reward! rip! rob got nothing, but he found a house with an empty chest so something was already found. (Also Carson sent me "tim's idol location" (tim might not even have an idol) during the joint tribal and it was damp and probably at the cave) other than that... i think i said this in my last confessional that it's pretty much smooth sailing for me right now? yeah. work on social bonds with adrian/jd/la (jd/la are.. barely on to talk to) and just ride out me/willow/rob. trying to rock the UTR until merge. hopefully carson and charlotte can get bryan on their side and vote out one of tim/stephen on hufangalupe. 

So we lost because of my stupid orb. Damn. So now I have to decide between voting with Nukuleka and voting for Tim, but risk an idol. Or I could vote Carson and completely betray Pangaimotu. Or I could vote with Tim, try and pull Carson, and vote out Charlotte who did worse in the challenge. Right now I’m leaning towards voting Tim, not just because he betrayed me but because I’m not sure if Carson is also working with Nuku.

I'm sad that Tim's tribe lost immunity, since it could mean he will be joining me in Outcast Island. However, this is a good thing for my life on this island because that means a definite ally will join. Hopefully, I can get Chrissa to join my side as well so we can take out anyone who comes into the island. If Adrian thinks this is his turf, he's wrong. Because I'm making this island my bitch.

As dangerous and stressful as this is its so nice to be on a small tribe. Less votes to manipulate, less variables. I’m trying to mastermind this bitch. It may bring me out of the shadows but i can slip back in hopefully after merge, hide behind whatever alliance bryan and charlotte can bring me.

If I play this right Tim will go home 3-0 after a 2-2-1 split with Carson C. If I playing it really well Carson might not even know I knew about the split and I can still have an option there. That being said I do feel closer to the OG Nuku atm. Carson actually had known me and still left me out of the Raffy vote, so idk what he thinks of me.

Ok so. Me and Charlotte are in an amazing position rn. So I had all three of these guy(stephen, Tim, Carson) messaging me within a 30 minute time period. And I’m like o my lord these boys are bugging. But the main thing is Stephen comes up with this wonderful plan to split the votes between Tim and Carson with me, char and Tim voting Carson and Carson and Stephen voting Tim. Like. First of all. Me and Charlotte don’t have to get it hands dirty and playing hard. Second of all, we get rid of our weakest comp link on our tribe in Carson C. Third of all, Tim will be pissed at Stephen so if we do end up going to tribal those two will be the targets. Lol. I love manipulating men!!

Bryan told Tim he’s voting Carson C, which is annoying. Now Tims voting Carson, who will go home with three. So I’ve asked Charlotte to vote Tim so without and idol Tim still goes home. This is risky though because if they think I’m too controlling they could flip to me :/

So with this round, either Carson or Tim is going to go home. I think from a game perspective it would be better to send Tim out but Bryan really wants to send home Carson. Ya girl don't care as long as it isn't her.

The most hilarious thing to me is how the tables have turned. I foremerly voted in the minorit but am now the swing vote at a tribal where I thought I was a gonner. Either I can vote with Carson and Stephen or Bryan and or Charlotte. Game on. I hope this isnt all one big ruse.

So Stephen wants Carson as of now and honestly I agree but for a different reason. Stephen wants Carson out because he wants to get rid of Nukeleka on outcast island which i think is not a good reason but whatever . I personally want him gone because A. He voted out Raffy. B. Everyone else voted out Raffy. C. The other two are better at challenges and honestly thats all that matters. E. HE TURNED ON RAFFY. ILY RAFFY. F. I'm totally strategic I promise.

OMG WE WON AND THE TRIBE I WANTED TO GO TO TRIBAL IS GOING TO TRIBAL BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A *FUCK* ABOUT ANYONE ON THAT TRIBE (BECAUSE OF LAST PLACE) EXCEPT FOR CARSON WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Prays for Carson

LMAO CYA TIM! Have fun on Outcast! Next up is Stephen!! whew

So plan changed. Tim is getting voted out. I’m sad cuz I liked him. But it’s gonna be a 3-2 vote so if he is safe I can say I saved him.

I meant to post this a while ago but it took a while to upload:

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1yONyIWKuiOlvOTV6S8RvWtuFD_8BfAD0 Since then I’ve talked to Charlotte and she said Carson is lying, but idk who to believe. For now my plan is to try not to go to tribal till I can corroborate Carsons story with people like Andrew and Jordan. When it comes to Bryan I won’t trust him as much as I could have, but I’m not targetting anyone on this tribe atm.

[bwicblog]

AA: fun facts!

AA: no one can drnive and vans do N Ö T float if they fall off the brnidge. AA: like, at A L L. the curntains did tho. >:}

ID: ahahah what.

AA: what, you soak so much yrn eyes fell out??

LC: [ Are YYou still high from last night, AA. ]

LC: [ I hope that's not the case, but I'd rather ask. ]

AA: none of you have any fucking idea of how mind honey wornks and it's, like, sornt of endearning! like talking to a bunch of six sweep olds. AA: six sweep olds w v borning lusii and no telly, bc they'rne locked in theirn hives all night. >:}

AA: dd on wtf yrn whatting, hads.

LC: [ I never indulged mYYself in trYYing it and nor do I have anYY plans of trYYing it in the future, so feel free to enlighten me. ]

ID: sorry for not trying something that would either freak my psi out of do nothing. =:P

AA: dnw, dnw, I formgive you forn being hells lame.

LC: [ Well I'd rather saYY it's not up in mYY alleYY of interests. ]

AA: lmao. AA: say it eight morne times, mb it'll stick. >:}

ID: also what is whatting sip send deets if you want me deets.

ID: unless you're asking why i'm whatting over floating vans and shit.

ID: because that should y'know. explain itself.

AA: let me diagrnam this forn you.

AA: me, innocently drniving, with Lal shrnieking in my flaps. AA: van: bad at changing lanes, orn, like, evernything evern. AA: rnivern, rnight the fuck therne.

AA: rnivern / (brnidge)-(van-rnoad) = rnivern/van.

AA: which does not float.

AA: that help??

ID: woowwww. uh. sorry?

AA: haha, what. no. omg, it's supposed to be funny, dude.

AA: like, it ain't M Y van.

ID: oh. well as long as it isn't yours. =:P

AA: y, exactly. >:}

LC: [ Well that sounds quite eventful. ]

LC: [ So are YYou alright? I hope YYou didn't lose anYY limbs.* ]

AA: just forn rnef, btw, lal scrneams like a pupa.

ID: i am not surprised by this news.

AA: y, y, jfc. wasn't even nearn me. AA: ow we'd totes be telling a diff storny abt someone getting drnagged out of the rnivern and fed theirn rnotating wheel device.

ID: get that half-drowned squeakbeast something to eat and he'll be fiiine.

LC: [ Well... Who is Lal, if I maYY ask. ] LC: [ Are theYY the jadeblood who talks in brackets? The rounded brackets, that is. ]

AA: he's the one w the least stupid quirnk. >:} l

LC: [ I am positive mYY quirk is quite understandable. ] LC: [ Compared to some others I have seen around here. ]

AA: and why I gotta feed him?? AA: if I keep feeding him, he's totes gonna E X P E C T it. and then I'll have two dunpsterns to thrnow fish at. >:{

AA: y, but it's still stupid. soz, do not make the rnules, I only, like, tell 'em.

ID: i mean fiiine don't feed him. if it means i don't get fed.

LC: [ ... Can I raise mYY virtual hand in giving aid to YYou guYYs? ] LC: [ I usuallYY have spare meat that I just tend to put awaYY into storage and I usuallYY trYY to help out others where I can so... ]

AA: hahaha. AA: n. AA: just bought a bag of frnied flowerns, srny2say, ourn rnoadsnack fest is S E T.

ID: i'm busy putting my tent up but hey thanks for the offer.

ID: riding my lusus around this fair is like. totes a thing i can do and look normal.

AA: but did you unbrnaid yrn hairn and put those glitternwings on firnst??

AA: bc I am like, 99% surne that's how you rnly fit in.

LC: [ Ah, gotcha. I am still keeping an eYYe out on this... phenomenon. ProbablYY will for the entire week... ]

ID: ...i mean i could make wings.

ID: but my hair unbraided is just asking it to get all tangled and shit.

AA: no fairn forn you, bluedude?

AA: and then brnush it firnst, duh. AA: orn pourn oil in it. AA: just, like, the entirne bottle.

ID: fuck that. my hair is a hassle down. it's like. ass-length.

LC: [ I am not reallYY fond of big crowds - and those are part of faires. ] LC: [ I prefer more quiet events when it comes to it - and well, given the current on-goings YYou won't reallYY get anYY of that, unless YYou are going for a hive visit. ] LC: [ And mYY neighbourhood has been buzzing even more since this asteroid came to our vision, on top of all of this. ]

SA: Round brackets. did you mean parenthenses, LC.

ID: heyyy prisma. you on your way to the faire?

SA: I am waiting at the station now.

ID: sweeetttt.

AA: omg, yessss.

ID: i need to figure out where pheres is. he better be thankful, i drummed up business for him.

AA: arne you hanging w us, prnisma?? orn did I, like, not buy enough pizza 2 rnaise yrn hrnt lvls?

SA: my... what levels?

SA: am I a dating sim character.

AA: lmfao, he's same place as always. lame ass rnust cirncle.

ID: please sip, he only eats sushi and fancy thin- ahahaha

ID: prisma confirmed for playing sims.

AA: omg, you got the rnef, but not lowbie slang!!

SA: I will come see you all. But right now I am looking forward to lying in my hotel room.

AA: y, you arne. >:}

SA: I play games.

ID: you don't play games in the sims pris, you play god.

SA: Are you talking about convincing WC to visit?

ID: yes! and you.

ID: sip on a scale of 1 to 10 how much of a chance is it that pheres is gonna put me in a stripper outfit.

AA: uhhh.

ID: because apparently that sight will offend pris' sensitivie ganderbulbs.

AA: gimme a pic of you again.

invertedDissident has sent imafairyprincewithabraid.png!

SA: I would rather not see the torso and bare chest of someone i've only known for 24 hours.

LC: [ Oh, uhm, YYes Prisma, YYes. ] LC: [ I assume most of YYou are going to attend the faire? ]

AA: lmfao, totes 8, soz. AA: even w the long hairn. AA: but dnw, I'll give you my coat, dude. >:} save prni's delicate bulbs.

ID: live a little prisma. =:P you're probs gonna see a lot of chests at this place, no shirts is historic.

ID: well fuck, sorry pris. i'm a stripper now.

AA: yrn only a strnippern if yrn taking it off, dude m

AA: dude.*

ID: i have a lil more class than that.

ID: also sip do you really expect me to wear your coat.

ID: that won't fit for shit.

AA: good!! I'm p surne that doesn't match the shop aesthetic. >:}

SA: yes, LC. does that frighten you?

AA: omfg. AA: how do you know until you trny?? I'm like. at least half as wide as you, dude, you ain't exactly swole.

ID: pris ofered me his coat, how tall are you pris.

ID: like half my fronds will be uncovered.

SA: 5'9.

AA: >:{

SA: More in heels.

ID: see pris is closer. i can wear his coat better.

AA: see, he's still shorntern.

SA: I will avert my eyes accordingly at this "historic dress"

ID: by a lot less!

ID: sorry we aren't all daytables sip. =:P

AA: omfg. my coat is bettern, but, like, 'kay, whatevern.

AA: srny we arnen't all S T Ö RN K S. >:}

ID: besides i guess the stripper costume will be nice. it's fucking hot with that fucking fireball in the sky.

SA: storks?

SA: My coat is rather nice despite the heat.

ID: because we're tall.

AA: big birnds! wait, n, let me keep this in theme.

ID: i run hot pris, it's a thing i have to worry about more.

AA: hat holding devicesn

AA: !

SA: ...?

SA: make sure you have water.

ID: i do, don't worry! but yeah i get fucking heat exhaustion or whatever it's called easy.

AA: huh. that a psi thing, too?

ID: since like. too much heat fries your pan and shit.

SA: No, that is a biological trait.

ID: yeah. don't worry, i know i'm a fucking mess.

ID: no pris, i run. hot.

SA: But don't all low bloods?

AA: lmao, prniiiii.

AA: not flatscans. ain't you evern hearnd of burn out?

ID: you'll see pris. i make other rusts seem nippy.

AA: it's sornta fucking liternal. >:}

SA: 😫

SA: I need coffee.

ID: get some then you nerd. unless you can't.

SA: I'm boarding, I'll have to wait for the steward.

SA: Are you not very warm, Sipara?

WA: |>|>| What's the haps dudes!! And gals!! |<|<| WA: |>|>| Í heard there was some faíre and that the world was ending? :D |<|<|

SA: superstition.

ID: there's a fair and definitely a meteor that wants to murder us all.

WA: |>|>| Of course ít ís!! Others just looove freakín out about ít!! |<|<|

SA: You are awfully excited for so early.

ID: some trolls are evening trolls. the fucking monsters.

WA: |>|>| Well thís líght ís rad but could tone down the party a líl |<|<| WA: |>|>| Well that's how Í roll |<|<| WA: |>|>| And you are happy íf you see me excíted ís all Í can say ;D |<|<|

SA: I am not happy seeing you excited. But I am happy you are excited.

SA: ?

AA: eeeh, I'm rnusty wnarm. like, not 'melt a goddamn carnbonatorn' psi warnm. you evern thought abt, like, installing a coolant, hads? AA: .. wait shit arnen't you sparnky too?

SA: it's disgusting.

ID: i ain't installing shit. i'm perfect the way i am. =:P

SA: I see, AA.

WA: |>|>| Haha, ísn't that what everyone loves to call "contradíctory"? |<|<| WA: |>|>| But works! |<|<|

ID: pris is totes sparky.

SA: I am not electrokinetic.

ID: sparkplug is slang for having psi pris.

SA: It isn't contradictory at all.

SA: that's awful.

SA: I dont like being compared to an engine piece.

ID: well that's how a lot of trolls see us. so.

ID: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SA: I am not anymore and i will take issue with anyone who thinks so.

SA: i'm too tired to be this salty.

ID: just don't get huffy when other lowbloods use it. we use it as a. 'hahahah we're all clearly engine pieces to the highbloods aren't we.'

ID: highbloods use it as. 'yeah you're totes going in my ship and there's nothing you can do about it'.

SA: 😦

SA: alright.

SA sends TheMostTiredPsioninTheWorld.png

ID: D:= you okay there bud?

AA: haha, yeah, don't sweat it, brno. I wasn't trnying to yank yrn chain, shit's just the way ppl talk. unless they'rne, like, above yellow, then dd and I'll brneak theirn fangs forn you. >:}

AA: jfc.

ID: also yeah, if they're too cold for psi they're too cold to clal us sparkplugs.

AA: go get some coffee.

LC: [ Well it's good that YYou don't need to deal with that anYYmore Prisma. ] LC: [ ... Can't saYY much other than I hope most others won't just get reduced to such levels. ]

SA: I will keep this in mind, Sipara, Hadean. Don't worry about cracking them. I will do.

SA: I'm alright. I ordered a cappuccino.

ID: well hopefully that helps. lc you got a name?

AA: put sugarn in!! it'll totes help.

AA: ain't lc yern?? orn was that anothern blue. >:?

SA: LC, the reality is more upsetting thinking i am not there and yet i still am.

LC: [ YYes Hadean, it's still YYerman. ]

SA: but i will protect other psions if I can.

SA: yern.

ID: riight i meant wa. sorry, steering a lusus and typing!

LC: [ I guess that works, since... Sipara? Gave me that nickname. ]

AA: lmao, texting and drniving?

AA: shame on fucking you. don'tcha know that shit's illegal? >:}

ID: that's me! my lusus won't just dumbly drive in to a pole or anything stfu. =:P

SA: Is your lusus a draft animal?

ID: uh he's a horned hoofbeast. not really draft but. he looks cool.

ID: one sec i'll take a pic.

invertedDissident has sent mylususiscool.png!

SA: a gemsbok.

SA: we had them near my home city.

AA: .. you should make him a crnown to match yrn fakey fake wings. >:}

ID: don't tell me you ate them pris.

WA: |>|>| So who else ís goíng to thís faír? |<|<| WA: |>|>| Heard ít wíll be more fun and that there wíll be fíghtíng? Í am totally down for that ;D |<|<|

SA: No. They simply roamed.

SA: I am. Are you going to fight Hadean too?

ID: totes fighting! i'm fighting.

SA: I will fight anyone. but it won't be in a ring.

ID: you don't win money outside of the ring pris.

WA: |>|>| Í totally could! Ít's a good practíce ;D |<|<|

SA: oh i don't need the money. I just eant to kick their ass

SA: I'm joking.

WA: |>|>| Haha luckíly Í am good! But Í tend to go to the ríngs when needed |<|<|

AA: omg, prni.

AA: fight me!!

AA: it'll be wicked fun.

SA: Okay.

WA: |>|>| Fíght círcle?? |<|<|

AA: omg omg yesss. AA: only if you pay, WA.

WA: |>|>| Pay for fíghtíng ya? |<|<| WA: |>|>| Maybe Í wíll! >:) |<|<| WA: |>|>| But you guys keep talkíng about fíghtíng and hypíng me up! |<|<|

LC: [ All this talk about fighting. ] LC: [ Just don't break eachother's limbs if YYou are not planning to fight for YYour life. ] LC: [ Which doesn't seem to be the case. ]

SA: 😃 no promises.

LC: [ Well I have nothing else to saYY in that case. ] WA: |>|>| Dude you are not our lusus!! |<|<| WA: |>|>| We can handle ourselves ;D |<|<| LC: [ YYeah well, caution is never a bad thing. ]

ID: sorry i got distracted looking at things.

SA: I was napping.

ID: well nap if you need it dude.

AA: did you get coffee??

SA: Yes, I got cappuccino

AA: >:?

SA: why >:?

AA: idk what that is, dude. is that, like, rneal orn fake coffee?

SA: It's sort of like sweet coffee.

SA: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4f/Cappuccino_at_Lund.jpg

AA: !!! AA: wtf, that's qt.

SA: It's also hazelnutflavored.

AA: that looks way bettern than phern's shit, negl.

ID: does it taste nice? =:?

SA: What do they drink?

SA: Yes, it does. It's very nice, considering it has been raining nonstop in Provenance for a few days.

SA: It's sweet and sort of nutty, but also sharp.

SA: i wish i had a pillow.

SA: How far are you all from Cascara?

WA: |>|>| Ha! Around another níght's travel! |<|<| WA: |>|>| Then Í wíll be present >:) |<|<|

ID: i'm in cascara. eyeing up all these stalls.

AA: like. uhhh.

AA: fourn hourns, p much.

AA: also damn, that doesn't sound bad. and IDK. he just, like, stews beans.

AA: and is like. B'L U H B'L U H, crneam ruins the flavourn. >:}

SA: what a bitter person.